My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 730: Reverse Liar Liar

Episode Date: September 23, 2024

If you've ever wondered what compliment to give your favorite piece of art (or podcast) we have some suggestions for you in this episode. Although the best praise of all would be eating part of the po...dcast so that it will always be part of you. Suggested talking points: Everyone's Always Swapping Blood Out, A Terrifying Amount of Sperm, Jackson Pollock Zune, Peanut Protrusion Equal Justice Initiative: https://eji.org/about/

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed It's ripened into a precious friendship I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach
Starting point is 00:00:39 My life, it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like it feels like It's better, it's better with two. My way, ah, it's better with you. Hello everybody, welcome to My Brother, My Brother, Me. An advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. One breath. I knew it. Incredible. I did it.
Starting point is 00:01:18 That was amazing. And the whole intro to One Breath. What up, Trav Nation? I'm your middle-est brother, Travis Big Dog, Woof Woof McElroy. Hi, everybody. Trav Nation? I'm your minimalist brother, Travis Big Dog, Woof Woof McElroy. Hi, everybody, Trav Nation. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. Welcome to Health and Wellness with the McElroy Brothers. I am a picture of wealth and hellness
Starting point is 00:01:34 and health and wellness. Wealth and hellness, that's good, Griffin. That's pretty sick, actually. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, everybody, write that down. Wait, TM, TM, TM. My body is operating at max peak efficiency and power. This is max?
Starting point is 00:01:48 This is max? Yeah, man. Can you not tell the vibrate? I know I'm bringing a vibrance, so don't tell me that I'm not bringing a certain vibrance. Yeah, no, yeah. It's the most facial hair I've ever seen you have. Yeah, it's the power.
Starting point is 00:02:04 Griffin looks like he's about to unveil a disappointing telecommunications product. No, no man, no tech, no AI, no investing, no nothing. Are you swapping your blood out? What are you doing? Cryo-freezing? I'm always kind of, everyone's really always kind of swapping blood out if you think about it. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:02:22 Are you biohacking? I'm not biohacking, it's really always kind of swapping blood out if you think about it. Holy shit. Just with the way- Are you biohacking? I'm not biohacking, it's more of a bio awareness. So like, I'm not having to change things necessarily with nanobots or nanomachines, but by kind of like turning the mind's eye inward at my body's different factories.
Starting point is 00:02:44 Oh, all your humors and stuff? My humors and my elements and all that jazz, yeah. It's really been a game changer for me. So how does it work? Lots of stretching, lots of stretching. Stretching, okay. One big bottle of water every few days or so. Drinking, okay.
Starting point is 00:03:02 How did it feel, by the way, quick sidebar, when due to a TikTok, your consumption of water became a subject of a lot of people discussing the amount of water. A lot of scrutiny. A lot of people out there saying, doctors say you gotta drink four gallons a day, and a lot of people saying like, doctors are wrong, and I'm over here like, I drink when I'm thirsty,
Starting point is 00:03:24 and it's been going all right so far. That's why I've- Thank you so much, thank you so much guys for your advice on this one. When I get thirsty, I drink a little water to make it feel better. I don't need anything, I don't need anything from you on this one.
Starting point is 00:03:40 This is why I've completely forgotten drinking any water. I have one glass of red wine a day like doctors in the 80s recommended. I have a big bar of dark chocolate, and I just go back to sleep like a bear. I bought some prime flavored additives to add to my water. That's huge, man.
Starting point is 00:04:00 Congratulations, dude, that's huge. They were so, my kids demanded them, and they were so fricking rowdy and disgusting. They just sat in the drawer, right? They sat in there so long. And, cause that tastes like ice pop, but they don't. They taste like a salty, That's the Logan Paul branded health supplement product.
Starting point is 00:04:19 Yeah, man. Volgar, Volgar. Does it work? Does it work? It works if your goal is to remind you how good water is. Yeah. That it works for that. But they were so nasty.
Starting point is 00:04:30 And Cooper said, hey, there's a kid in my class that loves Prime. And I told him that I'd bring him a bunch of Prime packets cause I knew we'd just have him sitting around and we all hated him. I was like, sure. But I forgot that I had thrown those out like a month ago. Oh man.
Starting point is 00:04:44 Fast forward, I'm at Kroger, eight in the morning, buying more Prime for her to bring to this kid that she promised Prime. And a notification pops up on Logan Paul's phone and he's like, I'm back. You got Justin. Do you guys mind if I hit the acupressure mat right now? Yeah, you said you would do this live for us on mic.
Starting point is 00:05:02 I got an Instagram ad and it was like, if you put sharp things in your back and then press up against them, it helps with your back pain and your depression. Let's check it out. Let's give it a try. Okay, this is baseline Griffin. We're gonna see if we can notice a difference.
Starting point is 00:05:17 I want you to see how sharp they are. There's a trillion of them and they, like that sucks. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Okay, but we're gonna measure Griffin's depression level after laying on it. Hit me now? This is baseline. That's baseline Griffin.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Baseline? Pretty depressed. Ha ha ha ha! Truth be told! So let me hit the gritty real quick, we'll see what happens. Ha ha ha ha! We'll see if we can pick-
Starting point is 00:05:43 Oh fuck! Oh fuck, ow, fuck! Hold on. Gotta get some lobs. Here's, Justin, what I know is that acupressure and stuff like this, laying on a mat requires you to just be very, to spread evenly as you relax portions of your body. Good, man, good. This is the problem with this. The only problem with this bit is,
Starting point is 00:05:59 it will never be as, it's impossible. The listener will think it is impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. portions of your body. Griffin, man, this is the problem with this. The only problem with this bit is, it will never be as, it's impossible. The listener will think it is as funny as I think it is. To hear Griffin in pain, they will not laugh as hard as I will. It will be as funny. Is this supposed to be relaxing for Griffin?
Starting point is 00:06:18 I am not doing this right. I'm not doing this right. It hurts so fucking bad. Is this your first time using it, Griffin? Your body. Oh, he's taking his shirt off, that's gonna make it better. Ah!
Starting point is 00:06:31 Maybe the thin layer of protection was making it feel too good. No, is it, no, is it so? Ah, it's so much worse! Keep going. Keep doing it until you've relaxed into it. Man, I never thought about stunts. This is a possibility for the show.
Starting point is 00:06:50 Yeah man, self-inflicted stunts. Sort of a jackass style stunts. You guys hear me okay from there? I've pulled my mic all the way under my desk. Yeah, do you wanna just do the show like this? So what is happening, Griff? What is this man doing for you? Stabbing me a hundred thousand times. With needles or just the feeling of needles?
Starting point is 00:07:07 The pain makes the blood go to it so it gets hot. So is it an actual needle or what's actually happening here? They're more like cleat spikes, like on a cleat. I can't sit up to talk in the microphone without flexing certain muscles that makes my back muscles go fucking crazy. And just so I understand Griffin and listeners,
Starting point is 00:07:26 don't message me about this. The problem, your depression is based off of not having enough blood in your back? Is that what- I'm not thinking about the depression right now, which is great. Maybe that's part of it. There is a depression that is being created
Starting point is 00:07:39 by the pokey things in your back, right? There's several depressions being created by those. Yes, maybe it cures your depression because when you get off the mat you're just so happy to be done doing it yeah the same way of drinking prime oh shit i don't know how to sit up roll off the side just roll off the side and cry oh it's not gonna be pretty but no one's gonna see it ah fuck Griffin is his own worst enemy. Oh my God, your pack is so red. Your pack's so red.
Starting point is 00:08:10 Did you fall? That's the blood. Okay. Are you back with us, Gryphon? No, you can see that he's unshirted. Unsheathed. I wish you would stay down there to do the show. Well, I think we- It hurts too much to do that.
Starting point is 00:08:24 We lose him, I think is the problem. So, okay, now we can judge. Can we do a quick side by side of your depression? Yeah. Oh, he's smiling. Oh, he's feeling great. Look at him. My back hurts and itches.
Starting point is 00:08:39 Are you- And that makes you happier? Are you smiling because you just realized what a lucrative path, jackass style stunts are for this podcast? If that is a jackass level stunt, those gentlemen have really toned things down. I said style. Yeah, it's not a level.
Starting point is 00:08:56 Okay, I genuinely feel great right now. Bring that with you on tour, and one of us can like put their balls on your face, and then it's a jackass level. What are you now putting a spider can like put their balls on your face and then it's a jackass. What are you talking about? Now I put a spider in my penis and balls on face, now we're jackass, electrocute me dead. While you're on your acupressure mat.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we're talking. Please don't email me about my acupressure mat. Don't email any of us. I use it for the vine for the most part and I drink water when I'm thirsty. I'm totally fine. Leave him alone.
Starting point is 00:09:27 He's also sidebar, not fine. The results of my latest physical surprised even me. Clean Villa Health, healthy and well, wealthy and hell. I had that. You know what? I just had the, I mean, you guys, I can't put you guys over here. Sorry, I put you guys over.
Starting point is 00:09:46 I had a blood draw my first blood work in quite some time. I was supposed to get someone when I was 40. And I just wanted to let you guys know it's all good. Yeah? Me too, dude. It's all good. Me three. Hey, my LDLs are a little bit high.
Starting point is 00:09:59 Is that the bad cholesterol? Whatever. No, it's okay. My HDLs, my 4K DLs. Bad ones are high. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to hear. My HDMIs are through the roof. Yeah. I've got 4K blood, guys.
Starting point is 00:10:10 Yeah. It's all good. This is an advice show. What I'm saying is you can listen. Billions of sperm. Billions of sperm. You should listen to us. A terrifying amount of sperm.
Starting point is 00:10:21 You should listen to us. We have perfect health. Perfect health, we're gonna be around forever. Perfect health, perfect choices. That's the McElroy way. I work in an office and we have a communal puzzle that people work on during breaks or casual meetings. About six months ago, a coworker brought in a puzzle
Starting point is 00:10:41 of a Jackson Pollock painting. The office lost momentum on the puzzle. So this coworker made a scoreboard of the number of pieces placed by each person to motivate us to finish. You guys should do work. You should work at some point. Get back to work.
Starting point is 00:10:56 Hey, I'm your boss. Get back to work. This worked on me, and I've been putting a lot more effort into the puzzle. I'm pretty good at it, and I've put five times as many pieces as the second place person 15 to three. In the first week of the competition, I'll stop whenever I go to the bathroom or the kitchen and get a piece in within a minute or two, then I'll go back to work.
Starting point is 00:11:19 People are now making jokes about how I must not be working and just spending all day on the puzzle. Should I dim my puzzling talent to stop people thinking I'm a slacker? So we kind of like wandered into that unintentionally, but it is a legitimate issue. Okay, but- The amount of work you're not doing because of the puzzles?
Starting point is 00:11:38 No, here's what's going on. That's not my problem. We have to look at the math here, fellas. You're telling me, if I'm reading this correctly, in the first week, you placed 15 total puzzle pieces. How many pieces is the total puzzle, do we know? Is Jackson, it's gotta be like a 500 or a thousand. Let's say it's a thousand. It's a thousand pieces.
Starting point is 00:11:59 You wouldn't bring anything less than a thousand pieces into the office. But they said a minute or two two and then go back to work. We're looking at most over the course of, let's say five business days, 30 minutes of puzzling. Right, but like the fact, what this person is saying is the fact that they are good at this and they are- Makes it seem like they're spending too much time.
Starting point is 00:12:19 Makes it seem like they have a lot of free time, which they probably do, cause most smart people have figured out ways to work around eight minutes. And then just kind of stare off into space for the rest of the time. But listen, should you step that down though? Should you hide that light?
Starting point is 00:12:40 No, because I think if the next highest, let's be honest, if the next highest let's be honest if the next highest person is three in a week It's not about your wasting time. It's why don't they care more? Why aren't they stepping it up? Why are they stepping it? I don't think 15 is an astronomical level to be doing no But there's a layer of this question that I would invite you to consider, which is that it has, in the history of humankind, never been beneficial for a person or group of people to consider you to be the Puzzles Guy.
Starting point is 00:13:13 Think about any scenario in which someone's like, oh shit, this, it's Survivor being obviously the most high stakes at one of it, when they're like, oh, you're a Puzzles Guy, right? And it's like, yeah, man, me and my wife do puzzles at home all the time. And then Jeff Probst walks over and he's like, you're the puzzle guy.
Starting point is 00:13:29 Here's a thousand sticks and you stack them together and it forms a triangle that spells words upside down and backwards. And it's like, well, that's not a puzzle, Jeff. Never is it good for you to be the puzzle guy. The best you can do when you're the puzzle guy is enough. This is, normal amount. I've noticed, Griffin recommends a lot of very good,
Starting point is 00:13:48 like reality TV show competition things. And whenever I watch them, I've noticed this tendency of like, whoever the cast, no matter how many people, it's a hundred competitors or six competitors, whatever. They all seem to, on day one when introductions are made, find any handhold, any bit of info to be like, so that guy is the one to beat, because he talked about that book once, and
Starting point is 00:14:12 that book, so he's the best at puzzles. That's basic game theory 101 shit. And then you cut to that guy and he's like, I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't think a high pressure puzzle situation will arrive in a day of someone's life working in a casual office setting. But one day, there will be a bad puzzle that you have to solve before you get in an emergency or to win a contest.
Starting point is 00:14:38 Right. And- Or an emergency contest. An emergency contest and you will be turned to and be like, well, time to do your special, we've let you get away with so much shit. Why are you making it, the only thing you're doing for this person is making the severity worse. I'm affirming them.
Starting point is 00:14:55 Like you're affirming the, but you're not helping. You know what I mean? You're just re-in, okay. We are looking at this all wrong. It's a good fear. It's too late to step it down. Yeah, you guys. It's too, to step it down. Yeah, you guys. Are you thinking step it up Travis?
Starting point is 00:15:06 You need to walk around the office in like a robe and like, no, here's why. That's the quickest you've ever lost. 15 to three, no hear me out. 15 to three, you need to get- A race log, a race log. You need to get unseated. And the only way you're doing that-
Starting point is 00:15:24 You're in a different weight class than everyone else. So you can't, yeah. You need to inspire someone to be like, I'm gonna beat them. And then as soon as that's done, you're free. You're free from the cave. They're in the cave now. Or you finish it.
Starting point is 00:15:37 Those are the two things. Either you need to drive someone else's competitive streak to unseat you. Or if you're gonna be the puzzle guy, be the puzzle guy, go in and finish this thousand piece puzzle in one day. Or. Or. One day.
Starting point is 00:15:52 That's the new one last. Or you go in one day and you sit down at the table at eight in the morning and you start putting pieces of the puzzle in and you maybe don't get up from doing your work around lunchtime, they're going to come into the kitchen to kind of check on you. At this point, you are basically serving John Travolta phenomenon realness. Like spinning sunglasses telekinetically on a table
Starting point is 00:16:13 and like your nose is bleeding as you're just like, you're using both hands to solve puzzle pieces at a time like that Lucy, was that the name of the movie? With the woman- Oh, with 10% of her brain. 10% of her brain. 10% of your brain. 100% of her brain. So then, next day you come in and you're back to normal
Starting point is 00:16:29 and you're like, hey guys, just a quick update on me. I can't do this puzzle anymore. I burned out on it. It almost killed me. I almost died. Like the end of all of these like, smart guy gets telekinesis movies. I would just keep doing it until your boss has to say like,
Starting point is 00:16:45 you have to stop. Yeah, the puzzle has gotten to be a problem. Our numbers are way down. There's a way easier version of my thing, huh? And it's just to get in trouble at work. Hey, you're a surgeon. I need you to focus up, man. If you stepped it up to the point where your boss
Starting point is 00:17:02 would publicly shame you, maybe everyone else would like, like, well I'll tell you boss, I wouldn't have to do so many if everyone else would just pitch in and help with this bad puzzle, or maybe, could we all take a vote that we hate this puzzle? Yeah. I hate this puzzle, I'm throwing it away! What do you guys think? What if they came in one day and you had written up on the board
Starting point is 00:17:26 that you had done 200 pieces of this puzzle? And they're like, what? That's amazing. And they go in the break room and you just scotch taped a bunch of pizzas together in the middle. And they're like, hey man, you're not allowed to work on the puzzle anymore.
Starting point is 00:17:38 Yeah. You, hey, bud, I think maybe the pressure's gotten to you. You're not allowed to work on the puzzle anymore. And you're free. You're out. You're free from the puzzle. And to you. You're not allowed to work on the puzzle anymore, and you're free you're out You're free from the puzzle here's what's that they come to your desk You've done your own thousand piece puzzle that no one else is supposed to see of a kick-ass artist There's one other there's one other really easy fix is you swallow one piece Like obviously if you swallow privately swallow one piece of the puzzle you will never privately swallow, one piece of the puzzle,
Starting point is 00:18:05 you will never again be compelled to work on the puzzle. You will see everyone else working on the puzzle and know that their efforts are in complete vain. Oh, I see. Because the puzzle will not be completed. They are working towards a nothing goal. They are empty people. They're empty.
Starting point is 00:18:21 They're empty, puric people. And you'll sit in your nest, you'll never feel the need to help with the puzzle again, because you know that the puzzle will never be complete, because it travels through you. When they finish and there's one spot left, you just go in, you lay down on top of the table and say, now it's complete.
Starting point is 00:18:38 And tell us, L and Y. If they look at you and they say, why aren't you helping with the puzzle? I think you have to say to them, I am part of the puzzle. Yeah. You are solving me. I am helping to solve me. I'm part of the puzzle.
Starting point is 00:18:55 It couldn't be more. You could be like, do you think maybe if that last piece was in there, it would finally look like good art? Do you think it's that one piece of red and green goo that really ties this whole Jackson Pollock painting together? It doesn't make sense unless you see where the- I don't fucking get it without that little-
Starting point is 00:19:13 Hey, so far listeners at home, if you're keeping a board, Griffin has opened up a discourse with himself in the audience about water, acupressure mat, and the quality of Jackson Pollock's artistic work. It's fine, it's just, I mean, I had a Jackson Pollock painting as the background of my Zune for the whole time I had it.
Starting point is 00:19:32 Very cultured. So you know Griffin's an artificial, I don't know. So you know I know my shit. It's fine, it's just like, draw a thing, man. Griffin's got a bunch of Keith Haring lanyards. He knows a vibe, all right? I have a WikiHow that I would like to bring that is somewhat germane to the topic
Starting point is 00:19:55 of conversation at hand. It is a spiritual sequel of sorts to a question we did back in episode 701, which was how to compliment a song. Today let's describe 15 ways to compliment someone's art. Oh! Thinking of trying to find the perfect thing to say when someone shares a beautiful piece of art.
Starting point is 00:20:13 Natalie sent this in, by the way, thanks Natalie. Thanks, Natalie. Thanks, Natalie. If you really love an artist's work and want to encourage them to keep creating, they'll love hearing a flattering compliment. While you could just call the artist talented, there are a lot of other meaningful compliments
Starting point is 00:20:24 you can give them. Keep reading for unique examples. What to say to an artist so they stay inspired to keep creating. I just, there's 15 of these bad boys. I think I'm looking for a straight thumbs up, thumbs down of how you guys, artists, how it makes you feel to hear these things.
Starting point is 00:20:40 Whether it's coming from a place of thank you, I feel very seen and legitimized by this comment, or this is, you're talking down to me in a way that is, just frankly, is unacceptable. Let's start with, I was immediately drawn to this piece. Artists wanna know their work stands out from the crowd and artists wants to know other people connect with their works, they love hearing that their piece
Starting point is 00:21:03 caught your attention. So I think we're talking about a friend, a friend shares a beautiful piece of, I don't know if this is you walk up to an artist and say this, or if you're talking to a friend. I guess it's similar concepts both ways. I think the friend the artist regardless or? The friend can be the artist, yes.
Starting point is 00:21:17 Okay, good. And an artist can be a friend. If we're gonna learn anything today, let's take that away. I think that the problem is, is that basically all you're saying here is like, hey, your art is noticeable. Yeah. And that doesn't give me good or bad either way.
Starting point is 00:21:32 Yeah. There's a big, big light that is shining on this one and it's in a big box. And I saw that and I was like, whoa. This is, this art is such dooky shit that I had to come over and look at it. All the other art here is a flat paintings and this one is mixed media. So I was like, hell yeah Sometimes sometimes you go to you guys ever been to a museum and I'll almost everything's paintings
Starting point is 00:21:55 and then there's a part of it or maybe just like one or two pieces where there's like a Video looping and it's like doesn't even seem fair it's like, this is the best art in here. Everybody look, it's got a screen, it's like making sound. Sometimes there's an interactive element. It's like, this is the- So this is it, right? Yeah, as soon as they turn art in museums into video games, then I'm in there.
Starting point is 00:22:19 That's kind of how I feel when you see the ones where it's like a bunch of twisted like wires and stuff and then they shine light through it, and it makes a shadow picture on the wall. Cool. That's cool art. Did the rest of you not know you could do this? This is what I like about places like the Twist Museum of Optical Illusions.
Starting point is 00:22:37 Why make a museum about a boring thing when you just have a museum of fun things? Like the Museum of Modern Art still is about modern art, right, but the Museum of like mustard is fun. There's very little wiggle room with that one, I'll say. It's just like a fun, fun thing. I've also noticed when I go to museums how little of the paintings are cursed,
Starting point is 00:23:00 or at least are cursed in such a way that someone will tell me about. Honestly, and they don't even need to really be cursed, huh? It could just have on the placard, like, oil on canvas, 1979, artists unknown, a little cursed. Don't touch. It'll say under, don't touch. It says don't touch.
Starting point is 00:23:19 And under all the paintings it says don't touch, but this one has a special sticker on it. It says because of curse. Because of curse. Do you know why a lot of them you can't touch them A lot of them are still wet and I feel like well these days a lot of paintings They haven't even finished drawing yet. They just got them out there Yeah, and I think that's not a great experience as a as a viewer if I'm touching
Starting point is 00:23:40 Yeah, I go. It's so tacky I'm touching the paintings my hands are coming away with paint on them. I should be able to. And then you might touch your pants and now those pants are ruined. And they won't reimburse you for that, trust me. Right, when you touch a master's painting, and get very in touch with, if you feel the Mona Lisa, you know you're touching history.
Starting point is 00:24:02 They don't let people in the Sistine Chapel anymore because the paint goops down from the ceiling so often and splatters on their nice coats. They should put like, don't touch, artists sneezed on this one. So now you know like, man, if this is for your own good that you don't touch this, it's got boogers on it or whatever.
Starting point is 00:24:20 It should just say don't touch anything. Like, if it's not yours, don't touch it. Just like everywhere else. Yeah, if you could hover. Come on, man. You have to come to this museum with pockets in your pants that you can jam your hands in. You need to look surly as you stroll around.
Starting point is 00:24:34 That was the first compliment of 15. We have to move through these much, much more quickly. They should just bag up your hands when you come into the museum. They make you, like you go to a comedian show and they put your phone in a sealed bag. You have to seal up your hands and everybody's just wearing these mandatory mittens. Walk around.
Starting point is 00:24:50 But then you have David Blaine popping out like, hey, look who's free and touching everything. Ah, David, David! You've done it again. God, you're so messy with paint. Um, you guys are the artists. It shouldn't all still be wet. You guys are the artists.
Starting point is 00:25:03 And someone walks up to you and says, this is so beautiful. This is so beautiful. Thank you. That seems pretty good. Thank you. What's beautiful about it? Well, you wouldn't, okay. So wait, maybe we should-
Starting point is 00:25:18 Oh, thank you so much. What is it about it? That's really good, Travis. We should be testing this from every direction. This is a bad one because then there will be follow-ups. But I'm a good cop. I'm a good artist. So Travis is a bad artist.
Starting point is 00:25:31 We'll see. We can see how they... I'm not a bad artist. I'm artist filled with self-doubt. Okay. I mean, it's you, Justin, and... Really? Do you think?
Starting point is 00:25:39 This is so beautiful, Justin. Thank you. Thank you, Griffin. I don't... I hated, I hated that. From the voice to the gestures to the vibe and the demeanor, I didn't like who you just became. Thank you, Griffin. Now try it with me, Griffin.
Starting point is 00:26:00 Okay, oh, this is so beautiful. No, it's shit. What is it? I don't want it. Okay, this one sucks, fine, thank you. You guys beautiful. No, it's shit. What is it? Okay, this one sucks, fine, thank you. You guys are both right, it sucks. All the hard work you put into this piece really shows. Thank you, I tried to make it look hard to make. It's not helpful, the character you're doing,
Starting point is 00:26:20 I feel like I'm not getting good feedback on the lines. I'm just graciously accepting the compliment. I'm very used to being complimented. It's like you're workshopping your SNL audition tape. You're trying on me again, Griffin? Yeah, yeah. Hey Travis, all the hard work you put into this piece really shows.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Yeah, I tried my best. If that's all that you're giving, and I assume you're that type of person, then I think I did a pretty good job. Yeah all that you're giving, and I assume you're that type of person, then I think I did a pretty good job. Yeah, go ahead, Juice. Can I try again? All the hard work you put into this piece really shows. Here's Johnny!
Starting point is 00:26:56 Okay, so hold on. That's a good impression. Justin! I knew exactly who I was, Justin. Okay. Hey, let me try. Travis, you hit me with the line and I'll try, yeah? All the hard work you put into this really shows.
Starting point is 00:27:08 Don't care! What are we fucking doing? We're just doing impressions of guys from our favorite flicks now, huh? Now give me like a 30 second, just kind of like you're doing a character original thing, like maybe, you know, out at a party or whatever. Hit me.
Starting point is 00:27:26 I don't know the work you put in this really shows. The party? Thank you so much. Okay, so next compliment. That was the worst audition I've ever seen. Yeah, from all of us. Your work always brings a smile to my face. This one's good for all of us. Like that.
Starting point is 00:27:41 I like that. What if you walked up to that though and it was just like a painting of like the scream or like somebody in incredible pain and you're looking like a tortured landscaper to hell and you're just like, I always bring this out of my face. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:27:55 I'm not an art history guy, but the scream is a funny painting. The way the guys look in that is so cartoons. It's so funny. It does look like somebody squeezing a stress toy, doesn't it? It looks crazy. It's funny funny. It does look like somebody squeezing a stress toy, doesn't it? It looks crazy, it's funny, man.
Starting point is 00:28:06 I'm gonna take your work always brings a smile to my face as an insult. That sounds like someone trying to phrase a wish specifically so a genie doesn't try to kill them. Like, I don't know. I just don't believe it. It seems oddly worded. It seems very considered.
Starting point is 00:28:23 Like you've been thinking about, you've been practicing saying that. I smile when I it, it seems oddly worded. It seems very considered, like you've been thinking about, you've been practicing saying that. I smile when I look at it. Yes, correct, okay, this is true. I love how you used color in this piece. And then they provided some words like cool, vibrant, vivid, flowing, delicate, bold, dramatic, deep, subtle, rhythmic, rippling, flowing.
Starting point is 00:28:42 I think there is a way to phrase that that would read as a compliment, but this is just, this feels like the theater equivalent of like, I like the way you wore costumes. Like you put color in there, I like that the painting isn't just a big square of gray. Well, that suggests that the costume maker is also the star of the show,
Starting point is 00:29:01 that you also made the costume. But I'm just saying, I like that you used color in art. I think it's how you used color. Yeah, not everything has color in art. Sure. No, I still don't think you guys are quite understanding what this compliment is saying. No, it's that it's visible on the spectrum.
Starting point is 00:29:20 No, no, no, no. That it's like, it's like, I understand. It's a beautiful use of color. What's that, but like, what's that mean to you? They have a good amount of reds and blues and greens that you find pleasing. And maybe some of them are mixed together. All of your different, if I say great use of color,
Starting point is 00:29:39 what I mean is, hey, all my favorite colors are in this, good job. Yeah. These are all the colors I like. I would say I like how you used green, it's my favorite. Is there a school subject that the three of us show our asses on more than classic works of, specifically art? No.
Starting point is 00:30:00 Absolutely, I think Latin would be the only area that I'd feel stupid about. Travis, I even know whatever, ergo sum, cogito sum, I think is how it goes. So I know some Latin. When the art has neon in it, because I know what neon is, and I think that looks cool, like future.
Starting point is 00:30:22 I like it when the pink's fine. Yeah. Your style evokes the pink color. Yeah. Your style evokes so many emotions. That one kicks ass. If someone came up to me at a con, someone came up to me at a con and was like, hey Griffin, your style evokes so many emotions. I would be like, well, that's good, objectively.
Starting point is 00:30:36 That's great. Yeah, man, thank you. There's nothing bad about that. And that can also, you can use that to compliment someone's personal style as well. That's true. Or just their energy. Yeah, man. I love that one, actually.
Starting point is 00:30:49 I'd love to hear what inspired your work. I'm gonna go ahead and say this one's not good because I don't wanna talk about that. I just wanted to pay you a compliment to let you know I liked your work and it felt good, but I don't need to know the whole thing. Your work, this one kicks ass. Now we're back around.
Starting point is 00:31:06 Your work reminds me of Picasso. Now that's so specific. Wow, that's not a general one at all. That's not like, you can't just trot that out. They provide a couple other, here's another quote, "'You're a modern master of painting.'" I don't think you should say that in a museum setting to an art,
Starting point is 00:31:26 you're a Modern Master of Painting. That's, I know that's not true. Yeah, that's the thing is that, I would be recognized for that. I would know if I was a Modern Master of Painting. No one is a Modern Master Painting who doesn't know. With the Picasso one, the problem is that it seems that I have enough knowledge about Picasso's work
Starting point is 00:31:43 to only use that when applicable, and I don't have that kind of confidence. You wouldn't be on WikiHow if you knew about that stuff. Period. That's a very good point. You could also say, if you would have told me this was a Van Gogh, I would have believed you. No.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Once again, a very specific art style. I was hypnotized by a stage magician once and he died in the middle of the act, like in that one movie, Office Space, and it makes me believe any single thing that anyone tells to me, sort of a reverse liar liar. Yeah, I'm on a lot of mushrooms right now, and I like the way all your colors blend together
Starting point is 00:32:21 like when I look at a Van Gogh. I find something new to love every time I see this piece. Is that? Okay. I think that's pretty good. There's layers. How about this one? I'm so excited to see what you create next. More!
Starting point is 00:32:36 Give me more! Hump, hump, hump, hump, hump. Now, okay, here's the beast. That comes closest to what I think as an artist I would be looking for, which I need acknowledgement of skill, but also the idea that I have room to improve. Cause if you give me a compliment that's a hundred percent
Starting point is 00:32:55 perfection, I know that's not true. Yeah. Right? I need like, here's all the good things, you'll get them next time, champ. Like something like that, a balance, like not this, but if you saw someone, if you were like, yeah man, you're really coming along. It's really getting there, man, keep at it.
Starting point is 00:33:15 You're saying you prefer criticism to compliments. No, no, I'm saying that compliments are- I have some evidence to that. saying that compliments are not useful. I have some evidence to that. Okay, compliments are not useful. Someone saying this is great and you're like, okay, cool man. It make you feel really good.
Starting point is 00:33:33 I already feel good. I know I'm awesome. I've put my paintings up for display. You think someone does that without confidence? But what you're talking about though is criticism, is guided positivity criticism. Like you look at what people are complimenting and you do more of that, right?
Starting point is 00:33:51 So you're not talking about slams. I think there's more investment in constructive criticism than just a 100% compliment. Why not both? Oh no, I've revealed too much. Oh no, I've opened myself up too vulnerably in our comedy podcast. I will say this.
Starting point is 00:34:07 I got- Wait, look at my back. Far, far, far. I got criticism covered. With this guy. This guy, my man Justin's got, he's got him in every flavor you want. Whatever kind of criticism, I already came up with it. Maybe the best one is- You can't find a flaw
Starting point is 00:34:24 that I'm not obsessed with. Maybe the best one, I think this is universal. I have the perfect place for this at home. Is it for sale? That's really good, right? Cause that either means like, wow, that's cool. Or it means like, hell yeah, I just made $250. Which is the best kind of compliment you can get.
Starting point is 00:34:45 The only way I'm asking that question is if I know for 100% certain it is not for sale. Why? Because I say, I love this, is it for sale? And they're like, it is just $15,000. Then you're like, well, that's too much money. And I'm like, oh, no, nevermind. I don't have that many,
Starting point is 00:35:03 but what if the art's like $80, Trav? And it's awesome and it'll look great in your house. Is it sincere though, Griffin? I'm saying if it's a piece of art that I sincerely enjoy and it's $80, yeah, I'd probably get it. But if I'm saying this because I can't think of another compliment to give, it's a bold choice. Yeah, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:35:23 Maybe don't tell somebody you're gonna buy their art unless you really mean it. Otherwise you're doing the world's most low effort YouTube prank show and that sucks. Oh, what about, I love this one. I can't wait to see what you do next. And I'll buy that one. Oh.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Oh, I'll buy your next one. I'll buy your next one's good. Do you mind if I buy your painting and resell it for a higher price? Ooh, and you'll get no money from that. I can't stress enough because that is, unfortunately, how the art trade works. What about, this is such a nice painting,
Starting point is 00:35:54 may I plan a heist of it? Ooh! That would be the most flattering thing. I'm willing to risk it all. I said I was out. Listen, I've been retired for five years, but the quality of your painting is enough to tell me it's time for one last job.
Starting point is 00:36:11 How about this? Your work has spoken to me. I'm building, some would say it's a commune, those with small minds. It's more of a gathering spot for like-minded artists with liberal morality To explore their craft in each other's bodies, and then the person says yes, and you're like fuck I didn't think you'd say yes So then you gotta go then you gotta go to another friend be like listen
Starting point is 00:36:37 together kind of a sex art place I gotta work fast see that guy's already in, so. Do you have any land? That would also be helpful. Yeah, he thinks I'm a good, he's gonna say I'm a major fibber if I don't come through. We're gonna need several tents to start. The bad thing is I don't even like his painting that much.
Starting point is 00:36:56 I would've given him a normal compliment if I'd liked it. And listen, he's handsome enough, but I just don't know that the vibe is there, you know? I'm just not ready for anything. Uh. Do you guys ever think about the Mr. Bean movie where he messed up the painting? All the time.
Starting point is 00:37:11 And then he had to redo the face. The Mona Lisa, I believe it was? Peter, it was like Whistler's Mother, I think, was the name of it. Oh, okay. I don't know why I remember that. But then Peter McNichol saw what he had done to the painting, and just like, it's a good like,
Starting point is 00:37:22 minute and a half long uncut scream. That's peak shit, man. That's quality, man. That's good. So this is my new segment. I'm gonna do it every week where I talk about one of my favorite parts from the Mr. Bean movie. Yeah, I celebrate that guy's entire kid.
Starting point is 00:37:36 You know, I grew up as a kid, one of the things I was really afraid of was from the movie Witches, where a kid gets trapped in a painting, and you see the kid walk around in the painting from time to time. That terrified the shit out of me when I was like eight years old.
Starting point is 00:37:49 I bet. And I was afraid to look at paintings. And that might explain why I know so very little about fine art, but I think a great compliment would be to go to someone like, this thing makes me feel so happy and serene. If I crossed the witch and the witch wanted to trap me in this painting, I'd be way over to it for the first time.
Starting point is 00:38:04 You've really unlocked some childhood trauma for me and I think I'm ready to move forward in my appreciation of art. Put me in your painting, sir. I'm ready to get in your painting. I'm ready to get in your painting. I'm gonna touch it. No signs of curses will stop me
Starting point is 00:38:17 from getting trapped in your painting. Let me in. Why are you tackling me, big security guard? I'm gonna get in the Guys, we gotta pause the show so we can all watch this clip of the Bean movie together. I'm good, I'm good. I think I'm all set, Griffin. If you wanna watch it while we do the money thing,
Starting point is 00:38:34 I'm gonna screen share. One of us had an appointment we had to get to right after the show, and I'm pretty sure it was you was the one that had something else to do, right? I would love it if you would contact your eye doctor and be like, Sorry, I'm late for my checkup. I just had to watch Mr. Bees. You've taken up so much of the screen. Yeah, you've been screen-shared it.
Starting point is 00:38:52 I can barely see my brothers anymore. Can you hear that? I can hear it so loud. They left in so much! It's really good shit, man. It's really good Pete! I gotta get it to the editors though. If I was trying to pick one of those as the funniest thing Peter McNiddle did, I'm not sure I could pick one. That's hard. I don't think I could shovel some of those into the dustbin of history. Alright, let's go to the money zone.
Starting point is 00:39:18 Sorry, it's the dustbin of history. All right, let's go to the money zone. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Hey guys. Yeah. I don't know why whenever a doctor who needs a new doctor, it takes them so long to pick one. They could just use Zoc Doc. That's good, Travis. Is it, is, are you spit balling or what is that what you're going with? Is that, was that a beginning idea or is that kind of what we're going to go with? No, I thought, you know, I didn't have your brainstorming or if you were just like going right for it. I've been developing that idea for four weeks, Justin. It'd be great.
Starting point is 00:40:07 I hired a team of writers and I was like, we need to nail down some connection between Zoc Doc and Doctor Who. And this is what they came back with. I thought it was. So the doctor dies and like light is shooting out of his body and then like a guy stands up and he's like, hello, I'm Dr. Thomas.
Starting point is 00:40:24 I am a podiatrist from Great Grand Rapids, Michigan. And I accept your insurance. I accept, I'll take it. Let me check out those piggly wigglies. Yeah. It sounds like a good show to me, man. Same day appointment too. Be a good ad.
Starting point is 00:40:42 So you could also just use ZocDoc for real for the purposes intended, which is finding a doctor in the city you live in and making an appointment with them and it's so easy. Ooh! No, it doesn't have to be that. It can just be a really great service that I've used many times here in DC
Starting point is 00:40:59 to fill up my sort of Rolodex of people who maintain my health and wellness. So just go to ZocDoc, because it's a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality and network doctors choose the right one for your needs and click instantly to book an appointment. In network appointments with more than 100,000
Starting point is 00:41:17 healthcare providers across every specialty, mental health, dental health, eye care, skincare, so much more and- Dallax hate this one trick. It doesn't even have to be What? Doctor Who related. It doesn't have to be a Doctor Who thing.
Starting point is 00:41:30 It's sort of like- I'm just saying it's a fact that Daleks hate ZocDoc. It's not related to Doctor Who. Both things can be true guys, that the Daleks are the doctor's greatest enemy and also separately connected to nothing, they hate ZocDoc. The number of times I have to have this conversation with you is unbelievable. the Doctor's greatest enemy, and also, separately connected to nothing, they hate Zoktok. The number of times I have to have this conversation
Starting point is 00:41:47 with you is unbelievable. Daleks aren't real. Doctor Who is not real. On Earth. It's not real anywhere. It's a fantastical- They haven't made it here yet. They're coming a long way from Scarow. It's a fantastical story show created in the 1940s, and it's not, none of it is real,
Starting point is 00:42:08 but Zog Talk is extremely real, so is the need that people have to find doctors in their area and book appointments fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours of booking, you can even score same day appointments. So that's just the distinction I wanna draw here and make sure that's clear in the ad copy. Stop putting off these doctor's appointments
Starting point is 00:42:26 and casting the next leading star of the BBC sitcom, Doctor Who, and go to zocdoc.com slash my brother to find an instantly book atop rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash my brother. Zocdoc.com slash my brother. We've all been- Oi Travis, it's me, Dr. Who. I'm totally real and Griffin's wrong.
Starting point is 00:42:48 Come be with me, you're my TARDIS. Be my companion, hey what? But he's saying it like- Hello, I look, come with me, it's Travis. Oh, oh, oh, oh. What is that? That's the sound of me TARDIS taking off. Come with me, I'm totally real.
Starting point is 00:43:04 Guys, I know that sounds like Travis, but I'm looking at the camera and a big blue box appeared and a big man just wrapped him up in his arms and took him to the side. I'm gonna get in the TARDIS back here. Okay, is it gonna make that noise? That's your sound booth. Is it gonna make the noise again?
Starting point is 00:43:20 You know, nutrition. Bye everybody. Nutrition is so important. Nutrition is so important. No, watch juice, Nutrition is so important. Here goes watch juice. No watch juice, hold on, don't start the next ad. He gonna warp. Uh, uh, uh, uh. I'm back.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Yeah. Time machine, he brought me back at the exact same moment I left. Oh the things I've seen guys. The places I've been. Holy shit man, that's cool. The alien races. Oh guys, I've smooched so many aliens.
Starting point is 00:43:43 Okay, but in all the galaxy, did you ever find meals that were as fast and nutritious as Factor? No, Justin, that was the one thing that me and my best friend, the Doctor, could never find. Yeah, that's why we came back. Tell me, Doctor, why is this planet worth saving? What about Factor? Factor's really good, man.
Starting point is 00:44:05 What about factor? That was actually a really good doll actually. Yeah, but. You do have to keep talking about factor. Well, I thought one of you guys would do the Doctor Who voice and would be like factor meals are actually one of the best things about Earth. I'm still in the TARDIS.
Starting point is 00:44:20 You know what, guys? Yeah? Point taken. Factor's fresh never frozen meals are ready to eat in just two minutes. So no matter how busy you are, I'm gonna, you know what, you know what guys? Yeah? Point taken. Factors Fresh Never Frozen meals are ready to eat in just two minutes. So no matter how busy you are, you'll always have time to enjoy nutritious, great tasting meals.
Starting point is 00:44:32 They got 35 different meals and more than 60 add-ons to choose from every week. You always have new flavors to explore. The restraint my two brothers are showing in this moment from not putting on what I believe the British call a pantomime. I'm practicing my David Tennant showing in this moment from not putting on what I believe the British call a pantomime. I'm practicing my David Tennant impression in my head. Let's see how good I can do it.
Starting point is 00:44:50 That's good, yeah, you can bust that out. Maybe we'll save that to keep people hooked through the ad. What I'm thinking about Griffin is that I'm hungry, but it takes a hundred years to make anything that's full of delicious nutrition. Don't blink. It doesn't. Factor meals are ready in two minutes. No shopping, prepping, cooking, or cleaning up. You just blink. It doesn't. Don't even blink. Factor Meals are ready in two minutes.
Starting point is 00:45:05 No shopping, prepping, cooking, or cleaning up. You just head over to Factor- Oh, it's all timey, wimey, wibbly, wobbly. Head over to Factor Meals. Do it quieter in your head, please. In your head, quieter or silent? In your head, quieter or no sound. Full silence.
Starting point is 00:45:16 Head to factormeals.com slash brother 50 and use code brother 50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month. That's code brother 50 at factormeals.com slash brother50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month while your subscription is active. Oy, that's as close as I got. That sounded like the guy from The Boys.
Starting point is 00:45:38 It sounded exactly like the guy from The Boys. Jackie Cation, hi, and welcome to the MaximumFun.org podcast. like the guy from the boys. Jackie Cation, hi, and welcome to the MaximumFun.org podcast. The Jackie and Lori show where we talk about standup comedy and how much we love it and how much it enrages us. We have a lot of experience and a lot of stories and a lot of time on our hands. So check us out. It's one hour a week and we drop it every Wednesday
Starting point is 00:46:04 on Maximumund.org. Hello, podcast recommendation service. Hello there young man. I'm looking for a new podcast to listen to. Something amusing perhaps. Oh, what about Beef and Dairy Network? Something surreal and satirical. Well, I would suggest Beef and Dairy Network. Ideally, it would be a spoof industry podcast for the beef and dairy industries. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award winning comedy podcast and you can find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. I want a munch. Squad.
Starting point is 00:47:07 I want to munch. Squad. Welcome to Munch Squad, this podcast is the podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. Today, I'm gonna be talking to you about Snickers. Okay. Oh, the taste that satisfies? Sorry?
Starting point is 00:47:27 The taste that satisfies. The taste that satisfies? Yes, Snickers, the taste that satisfies, because Snickers has, well, actually, hold on, let me go grab my friend. He said he wanted to help. Oh, man. Now, wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:47:44 The only friend I can think of, I'm very excited about the opportunity to see again. We will have to watch our language. Usually there is a green screen that this particular boy child. This is Isaac, I'm a child chocolatier. That's haunting from a distance. Since four years old, you have not to fear.
Starting point is 00:48:04 Hi Isaac. I love chocolate. have not to fear. Hi, Isaac. I love chocolate. I love to podcast. I'm a child chocolate, dear. Hi, Isaac. Hi, guys. How's it going? Welcome back to the show, Isaac.
Starting point is 00:48:21 I was gonna say that, Isaac. You don't have to say welcome back to the show, Isaac. Practicing how to be a radio guy. Oh, it's a podcast. Are you sick? No, I was making a... I'm so excited to tell you guys about Stickers. The taste that satisfies.
Starting point is 00:48:38 Yeah. They... Stickers has drafted an official Choco-mancer to help NFL fans predict their favorite team's fortune through a delicious bite of a Snickers. That's so interesting. It makes it sound like they're making chocolate come to life though. Do they? Right.
Starting point is 00:48:57 It doesn't. No, it's not that. That would be something of merit. This is an official- So Snickers is the official chocolate sponsor of the National Football League. And they're giving fans a satisfying glimpse into the future with Satisfortunes, which is a way of predicting your favorite team's fortune
Starting point is 00:49:17 through one magical Snickers bite at a time. It's S-A-T-I-S fortune, not S-A-D-D-E-S-T, which is how I heard it. Right, yes, that's accurate. Although you're not completely wrong. I don't know, if you eat a Snickers bar and it reveals truths about your future, that's a saddest fortune.
Starting point is 00:49:35 That is a sad, that would be sad. Listen, they teamed up with a real Chocomancer, Jennifer Billich, who has all kinds of different ways to tell the future with food. And she made up a new one for Snickers. Okay. Wow, you're loving this one, Ize. It's just, guys, they made a thing where
Starting point is 00:49:58 you can take a bite of a Snickers and then you can see what the future holds for you. Based on how much it's in it. Now it is important to note, there's a risk here because one out of every hundred times you will see your own death. Right. Yeah, so the grim oracle they call it.
Starting point is 00:50:18 They're helping fans get in on the action of saddest fortunes. They had unique traits of Snickers bites that were deciphered by Jennifer Billick, who is the Chocomancer. And they had a representative from each team, including mascots, took their own bites of Snickers that were read by Jennifer Billick. So what happened is each person,
Starting point is 00:50:46 each team had to pick one person to go and bite the chocolate to read the future of. And how did they make that decision? How did you make that decision? They sent people with fake mouths and their fake mascot heads to do it too? Dude, oh man. There's a, you could buy a bike guide
Starting point is 00:51:08 if you have a favorite team that you love very much. Here, let me show you my screen so I can show it to you. Uh. It's okay. We are in no hurry, Isaac. You take your time. You're doing a really good job, by the way. So here you can see each team has their own status fortunes
Starting point is 00:51:38 and you could pay $8 in those new five Snickers parts. And a chart that tells you how to read. So here you go. You can sort of see here the different criteria of reading the chocolate. Chocolate shell stability. I cannot believe they've provided an actual step-by-step guide on how to read your Snickers.
Starting point is 00:51:59 So the more that you- Griffin, that's how you know that they've partnered with a real Chocomancer and not just a snake oil Chocomancer. Right, so the more breaks in the chocolate shell is an indication of a greater number of turnovers forced. Okay, but is that adaptable to my own life, Isaac? Can it also mean like-
Starting point is 00:52:20 It's more football focused. Yeah. For sure. Like for instance, the caramel indicates the direction of where your future's leading. So like, if you have a nice pole and your caramel wouldn't gritty or whoever bites it. Now to be fair, pole distance, you have a long pole. You have a long pole. If a pair of camel poles left, the team could have a greater success in the red zone.
Starting point is 00:52:47 That feels very manageable. The field could prove more fruitful. I don't know how you score points in the middle, but go with God, I guess. I hate to get clinical, but just for a second, are we all pulling a lot of caramel out of our Snickers bar with each bite? Cause I'm pretty like, I sorta close it all around, and I sorta cut it all off.
Starting point is 00:53:07 I create a bit of a perforation, and then I just rip it apart in half. I don't mean a big stretchy bite, I have fancy clothes that my mom has to wash them, and if I get caramel on them at all, she says that she has to wash them, and she hates when I have to do that. You gotta go back to Nougat success.
Starting point is 00:53:25 Nougat, I'm not controlling the tab anymore, it's just going on its own, cause I stopped looking at it. Hold on, I'll get you Nougat. We got caramel direction. Do you guys know what, do you guys know what Nougat is? It's like a fluff, it's like a fluff that goes in there.
Starting point is 00:53:43 Great. It's like a fluff that goes in there. Even. It's like a fluff that goes in there. Even more adults won't tell me what Nougat really is. I just wanna find one person that'll tell me the truth. I'm old enough to know. I can figure it out in just a second, Isaac. So what did you want to do? You seem to be in a huge hurry today.
Starting point is 00:53:59 Peanuts equal opportunity. Peanuts equal opportunity. That's so true. Oh, if there's a protrusion of peanut, the team could enjoy a better average starting field position on offense. So what's it moments in their life doing here? This, maybe it was AI though.
Starting point is 00:54:20 What would make you feel, hey guys, can I ask you a question? What would make you feel hey guys guys your question won't make you sleep better at night If I made this our president What makes it harder to buy stickers tomorrow, which would make it easier One of the rare instances Maybe the only one I can ever think of where either answer is actually kind of delightful to me The fact that a computer could be so whimsical, even though it's taking someone's job, that's not great,
Starting point is 00:54:49 but the whimsy that the computer can show actually makes me feel a little bit safer about our future, but also if a paid Choco-mancer partnered with Snickers to do this for real, that's also pretty good to me. I just wanna also point out that this is so wild that there is literally a category that's nut in Nut integrity and we haven't even touched on that. That's how much wild shit there is in this press release
Starting point is 00:55:15 nut integrity Let's see more intact than broken peanuts could mean a defensive a defense that enjoys strong play calling in big moments Gotta have that. You gotta have good nut integrity. I thought it was intensity at first, which did definitely draw my eye. People are going to gamble away all their actual money because of this Snickers ad campaign.
Starting point is 00:55:39 Right. And I don't know how they can be okay with that. Yeah, you have to give them some monocle of credit for not teaming with Fandual or something like that. Yeah, that's right. You can turn that bite directly into a bet. Bites for bets. It's just directly bets based on your bite. With the power of gen.ai, we will place your bets based on your stickers' bite.
Starting point is 00:56:08 The bank just called, they said our retirement fund's been fully drained. Yeah, listen, the Eagles had a lot of nougat. It's a sure thing, babe. It's a sure thing, you should have seen this caramel pull, Stacy. The integrity on these nuts, my god, man. This, it was, you could build, you could build a bridge with these things. There were nuts my god, man. This it was you could build
Starting point is 00:56:25 You could build a bridge for intact nuts Stacey. The caramel went to the left. We're talking strong red zone plays Um, they also did a special thing where you could buy a five piece status Fortunes kit for your team and it was $8.88 But they didn't make very many because they're all sold out now. No, I'm sorry. I thought I would get one. Have you had a Snickers bar before?
Starting point is 00:56:51 Not allowed to have chocolate. Yeah. Here's the thing though, you can call yourself a Choco-mancer if this person wants to, but Snickers isn't, I don't think of it so much as a chocolate bar. Why do you ask chocolate forward? It's a meal replacement. It's so much as a chocolate bar. What do you think? It's chocolate forward. It's a meal replacement?
Starting point is 00:57:06 It's a meal, it's a choco flavored meal replacement bar. It's a choco forward meal replacement experience. Yeah. Well, anyway guys, I've seen the future too, and that's that I'm gonna get back to work, cause people are gonna say- Who you got your money on? Who's looking strong this year?
Starting point is 00:57:21 Huh? My dad! Just based on the- Bye! Bye! I really missed Isaac a lot. Yeah, I did too. That's a good kid. He's a good kid.
Starting point is 00:57:36 He's got a good head on his shoulders. He's going places. Hey, listen, this Thursday, Abnumals episode one is out now with no swears. You can already listen to episode zero of Abnimals episode one is out now. Hell yes. With no swears. You can already listen to episode zero of Abnimals. And the first episode, like I said, this Thursday, thank you to everybody who came out to see us in Orlando and Atlanta.
Starting point is 00:57:53 Next, on October 19th and 20th, we're gonna be in Denver and Phoenix. We're also gonna be in Indianapolis and Milwaukee coming up. And Dad and I are going to be headed out to MCM London in October and get all the information, all the tickets and more on all of that by going to bit.ly slash McElroy Tours. Also, over at the merch store, McElroymerch.com,
Starting point is 00:58:15 we got Taz 10th anniversary coins. They're so cool. 10% of all proceeds this month will go to Equal Justice Initiative. So go check it out, macromerge.com. Thank you to Montaigne for these for a theme song, My Life is Better with You. If you haven't listened to Montaigne's music,
Starting point is 00:58:32 but you enjoy the intro and outro of this show, I invite you to dive into their catalogs. It is, it's so, there's so many Stone Cold jammers in there. Yep. Hey Griffin, I'd love it if you would read the Funkalore this week. Sure, sure, sure. Just raise this wish up.
Starting point is 00:58:48 You ready? Yeah, sure, sure, sure. I wish I could stop farting while I'm in the puppet. My name's Justin McElroy. So are you guys ready for me to read the wish or? My name's Justin McElroy. Hi Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother, Me.
Starting point is 00:59:06 Kiss your dad, square on the lips. If it's better with you Ah ah ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you Yes it's true Ah ah ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

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