My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 735: Face 2 Face: Take Me to Monster World, Pregnant Sully

Episode Date: October 28, 2024

Early signs pointed to a cursed one, but Atlanta was anything but cursed last month. The Faulty JanSport inspector saved us from disaster, the curse of Riddle Me Piss was lifted from Travis, and a CPAP machine protected us from poisonous gas (or something, we're not really sure what a CPAP does). Other than Justin's piss-soaked costume, it was a real charmed show! Suggested talking points: Top-of-the-Line A-PAP Machine, The Enabling of Trav Nation, #KitKatVanillaBreakSweepstakes, AirFnF, Claws All the Way Down, Peace Nuts Native Women Lead: https://www.nativewomenlead.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show is not for kids. I mention that only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for watching. What's up you cool babies! I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like My life, ah ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah ah ah

It's better, it's better with you. This is true. Ah, it's better, it's better with you. By way. Ah, it's better with you. Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother and me, and an invite to the modern era army, oldest brother, Justin McElroy! What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middle-est brother, Travis Big Dog,

woof woof, McElroy. My fight or flight response has been activated. I'm the, hello, I'm the sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary, Griffin McElroy. Woo! That's wild, y'all. That's that dangerous expectation for how well the show's gonna go.

I was gonna phone it in. There was a vibe backstage of this may be, this may be the cursed one. There's one in every tour and we're only doing two shows this tour. And it didn't happen last night. It didn't happen last night. You look around, you don't see the cursed one

at the table, it's probably you. I think, do you wanna explain why you might be the cursed one at this table, Justin? I don't think, I mean, okay. So normally I wear more of a mushroom thing. Ha ha ha. And I didn't this time, cause I went to go change into my mushroom clothes and I found that my darn cat had pissed on him.

Ha ha ha. my darn cat had pissed on him. That darn cat. Ah man, which sucks, cause that means that I use this nation's transportation system to haul piss, soap, jammy shorts all across. The carbon footprint of those piss shorts can never be made out of.

I haul those through Mickey Mouse's house. I hauled my cat's piss shorts. So I just turned around and didn't have anything to wear. And I felt a little bit uncomfortable, but then I thought, they're not, it's not about clothes with these people. They're here for me. For my heart.

Not about buttons or tags or boxes or bags. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. There's a guy in front of me a lot at Disney World, and he looks about right for one of our fans, you know? And he had, you know, and he, like he fights forest fires on the side.

You look like the Pope right now, my man. You're doing it so fucked up. It's just, I didn't want to, okay, listen. And he had mushrooms on his backpack, and I kept kind of leaning in a want to, okay, listen. And he had mushrooms on his backpack and I kept kind of leaning in a way so he would see it was me just in case, but he didn't seem to acknowledge me. So he may just be a guy who looks like

he would like my podcast and also does like mushrooms. Just a regular guy like that, not a guy who knows who I am. Sometimes before a live show, we'll say, what are we going to do for the intro? Yeah. And then we'll throw out some ideas. And normally one catches and we're like, that's it. And sometimes, sometimes people, what happens is without any conversation about it, we'll all just part ways without deciding what the intro is going to be.

It's a high stakes game. Yeah, for sure. There's no decision made of will not know what even says we'll figure it out later. The tone that Justin used to tell us that his cat had pissed on his costume and therefore he would be costumeless. I immediately had to tell him was incorrect. It was very apologetic. You have given us the gift of shit to talk about in the introduction of the show. I was so embarrassed because I felt like these are just my running around clothes.

These are my formal Oliver print button downs, you know? Yeah. Do you feel like between this and Count Donut capes that maybe your cat hates my brother, my brother and me? Yeah, my cat loves Adam Carolla. It's weird, it's the only thing my cat likes. This is still an advice show and I know and I feel like.

Thank you. And we're not going to let them take it away from us. No, and I'm tired of losing sight of that. You pointed at people in the front row. I tried to angle up slightly. This orchestra section. Yeah, this. Yeah.

No, hey, actually, you bought one of our t-shirts. So not you. That's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's not wearing our merch? Listen, this is a question that we got from the actual audience members that are here gathered with us today, I hope. And we're going to read the first one now.

My partner and I moved into a new apartment last month. We share a wall with one neighbor who we've only ever had brief and infrequent interactions with. My partner has sleep apnea and believes that our apartment neighbor does too because he can hear him snoring at night. I've never heard it. My partner's life has improved greatly since he started using his CPAP,

and he feel you know where this is going just then, right? And feels like he should help out our neighbor by suggesting that he gets screened. How can he do this without embarrassing our neighbor and himself? That's from Heather. Are you here? Hey. Hey. We should normalize punching a hole in the wall

of your bedroom to... Let's not say punching a hole in the wall because that's never cool, but like carefully. Cutting with a tool a hole. Is that better Travis? Cutting with a tool a hole in the wall. Yeah better than me like, ah I lost the game of Fortnite, punch.

Yeah. But we should normalize having little windows into our neighbors houses and then that, and it's like a hotel adjoining, like you both have to open the door in order to like get a hang such. But not full size, right? No, like yay big.

Yay big, a porthole really, if you think about it on a submarine ship. It's kind of like after you sit next to someone on an airplane, there's a little part of you that would love to ask like, does everything seem normal? Like, what are you gonna, how are you gonna describe me to people who ask? Like, what are you, what's gonna be the thing where you're like,

there was more of this than I was expecting? What do I do that's weird? Right, what is like, how am I stepped outside the lines? Cause I'd like to just be invisible to you on an airplane. You should start bringing comment cards with you on airplanes. That guy next to, there was a guy between. And then ask him what's weird about me,

and they're like, well, I know the first thing. Yeah, there was a guy, there was a guy who got Travis so good today on a plane from Orlando. Cause we were like split between seats and the way the seats were. We made a McRoy sandwich. We were towards the front. So like the seats were narrowing.

So there was just like two in front of us. So Travis didn't have a seat in front of him to put his stuff underneath. And then the guy in front of him, Travis said, like, can I put this underneath here? And the guy was like, yeah, sure, no problem. So Travis puts his bag with all his entertainment underneath here.

And then this dude immediately, like, like fucking creskin and just hypnotized him, falls straight asleep, like out, alcohol. And also like feet on my back. Yes, feet. As if it was like I had to get something from underneath Serapis's paw, you know? Absolutely, stone cold Locke Travis

out of all this entertainment for the entirety of the flight. On my flight out of DC. I didn't even have a screen. I didn't even have a screen in front of me. I was in hell. On the flight. I have ADHD.

On the flight out of DC, I was sitting next to a man who was watching Austin Powers, the first Austin Powers on the biggest laptop I'd ever seen in my life. And I kept stealing glances because fucking of course I am. But I think he clocked me because I was, I kept looking over and then it got to the scene with the Fembots where Austin Powers if you haven't seen the film there's this really fucking funny part where these sexy lady androids try to kill Austin Powers but he acts so sexy like touching his nipples and doing some personal

touch play that makes them so robot horny they explode and Griffin are they trying to kill him with like guns that are in their hands? No, it's far more crass than that, I'm afraid. Anyway, that scene starts going and he just closes his laptop. Yes, yes, yes. And I felt like I had denied a true brother in this world.

And I felt like I had denied a true brother in this world one of the sweetest pleasures. But I do think we should have little- You forget that you are legally allowed to watch all Superpowers on any screen you want. Getting back- And they can't take that away from you anymore. Getting back to the little windows in your bedroom, that way you could just kind of sneak the mask down

and lower it like a elephant trunk. I don't, I just think I've been trying to do a lot of calculations in my head and I don't think there's a way of telling the neighbor that you can hear them snoring without them knowing that you can hear them snoring, right? So there's just, for them to get the information, they also have to live the information that they are snoring so loud

that it is keeping the neighbor who also has a machine hooked up to him awake, right? It's really, really quite bad. Is there a way to reverse engineer it where you go to them and say, hey, I hope that my partner's snoring and CPAP machine that's changed his quality of life doesn't keep you awake at night. Yeah, he has snoring problem. Yeah, you might hear it. And then he got a CPAP and everything's better.

Say hi to everyone. Which is green? No, no, no, which is it? Is it that you may hear their snoring or that their CPAP machine chase Her life really you might hear him using a CPAP machine and then waking up and going wow I've never felt so good Travis is also suggesting this CPAP machine is audible through two dry walls Which I've been in the room.

Well, if it runs on a generator. Yeah, it's a diesel CPAP. I'm not super familiar with the machinery. A lot of gears, I assume. If a CPAP machine showed up at your front door, boxed, boxed. Would you adopt it? Would you, I mean, would you, I'd try it. I don't think I'd put all this stuff on right,

but like I'd give it a whirl. Seems good to me. Boxed up new? Boxed up new, dude. Shrink wrap, remote, mint condition CPAP. So you think a good, one good way of doing this might be to spend hundreds of thousands, if not thousands of dollars sight unseen.

There's no way, there's no way a CPAP costs that much, dude. In this country, we got you. And Justin, I guess the question is, Justin, what's a human quality of life worth, huh? Yeah. I don't know why you'd have to put a price on it. No.

Neighbor, caring about neighbor. No. Yeah, but let's get down to dollar signs, am I right? No, because what you're trying to do. Jesus Christ. You're spending the money to avoid having to tell another human being a thing. That's the only thing that we're- That's a good point. The virtue, the virtuousness of this is- Yeah. The other thing is like, do you want this? Like you could just talk to him about it. Yeah. Hey,

there's also a part of this that you don't want to hear your neighbor snoring anymore, right? Yeah, for sure. That's an element of it. Yeah, obviously. Then just say you think there's squirrels in the walls and you got a special machine that keeps them safe from squirrels at night. It protects your face. You can put it out in front of their house and leave a note and be like,

hey, we're spraying the whole place for bugs tonight. This special machine. What do you think a CPAP machine is? This bargain basement miracle machine protects, fixes your sleep and also filters out poison gas. Like what do you think it is? These things are amazing. It's amazing and so affordable.

How are they getting away with this? How much could a CPAP cost? Ten dollars? You don't know what- We're not talking about a top of the line APAP. Just a CPAP! My boyfriend's family is taking me to Halloween Horror Nights in Orlando next month. I'm ecstatic to go.

However, I'm 21 years old, have never been to any haunted house before, scared of people running, and feeling very nervous. We'll come back to that middle one. There, can I say? As a burst of anxiety, there's worse fears to have. Because why are they running? Hmm. And, uh, feeling very nervous. I need to look brave in front of the family that I just met.

Brothers, any advice to build up my courage and maintain my bravery at the theme park? That's from Halloween Help Me Nights. Are you here? Hi! You sound pretty brave to me. Yeah, just from that. Me Nights. Are you here? Hi. You sound pretty brave to me. Yeah, just from that. For the record. I would be willing to bet that you being brave

in the face of scariness isn't what they're hoping the reaction would be. I think that when somebody invites you to go to a like haunted house or horror themed event with them, they wanna see you get boot. Everyone wants a friend in the group, or I guess maybe a future daughter-in-law, who gets very scared at things very, very easily.

Yeah. There it is. There it is, that's the end of the, that's the end of that thought. I think what you need to work on is appropriate response because there is an amount, there's a scared reaction that on the fifth or sixth time it happens, the rest of the group's like, we get it.

Yeah. Yeah. So here's what I'd like to suggest. And this is a rare vintage. People don't do this enough. Okay. Here comes like Jason or Freddie or whatever. And you just go, oh no. Oh no, it's Jason just go, oh no.

Oh no, it's Jason. Oh, not Jason. Oh no. And misidentify them some of the time, just to like, like you see Freddie Krueger and you're like, uh oh, here comes Jason. Look out everyone. Not Jason again. You see the mummy and you're like another Jason

I'm pretty sure that if I did this I would be very scared by something that I'm worried it would be like Beetlejuice and Beetlejuice would come out of nowhere and be like back from the dead And I would hit him in his face like cuz I'd be so scared or like the little Megan girl. Yeah. Like she would come up to me and be like, got any knives? And I was, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, killer Megan impression. I know you've been working on it. Got any knives? You can watch my TikTok dance. Nah. I do think that more of those scarrers in those things should respond better to oh no, thank you I'm at I've only done Disney stuff

So I'm assuming it's like you're not accidentally you get scared unless you stayed alive for 20 minutes, right? Like yeah, like I imagine see Megan just running around would be like massive, right? Nobody's gonna I don't think they're just running around and gonna surprise you with that You gotta be ready for it If you really want a life hack that's gonna get you through this scare-free When the mummy jumps out of his twisted sarcophagus and starts chasing you through the park You just think this person is at work right now You see a Dracula and your forebrain is gonna be like,

he's gonna bite me and kill me and take my blood and turn me into a Dracula too. But instead you could say, you're at work right, you drove here to go to work today. That Dracula's clocked in. I'm a, I am a customer of this haunting. That Dracula has to ask to take bathroom breaks. That Dracula is gonna take a shit at some point in the near future.

You can probably think that about most Draculas, though. I've worked many... I've worked at a lot of haunted houses. And you can just picture I'm behind the mask. It's just me. I don't actually, as I said it out loud, know if that makes it more or less scary. We've also gotten questions from people who work in haunted houses who are like,

I'm so nervous I'm not gonna scare anyone. So there is another person in there with you and it's not the, it's the, the mummies, this always gets so fucking confusing. Mummies are real. However, they won't kill you to take their organs to bring their wife back from the dead or whatever. The fact that that happens one time and pretty soon,

the fact that Halloween Horror Nights continues to exist is proof that monsters aren't real because I think that would be the number one place to kill and eat people. Yeah. And like, oh, the best place to kill and eat? I know it well. Halloween Horror Nights, they will stand in a line and you can just walk up to them and kill them. They'll take a picture with you. They'll take a picture with you and they'll send it to you line and you can just walk up to them and kill them. They'll take a picture with you.

They'll take a picture with you and they'll send it to you and then you can kill them. And their friend will laugh or whatever, but it's the best place. The number of peer-reviewed reporting I would need to see when I heard the news report, Wolfman kills and eats someone at Hollywood Horror Nights, for my gut reaction not to be like, sure. I was trying. You're laying it on a little thick, Hollywood Horror Nights. I'll go ahead and buy a ticket if it's all the same to you.

Thank you. You guys are getting me pretty spooked talking about like it could happen. They're all at work. That's right. I feel better now. Sorry, were you trying to segue to? No, I was really getting spooked.

I don't like the idea. I don't like the idea of there being one real monster among all those fake monsters. Okay, well now you're undoing the good work we've done. You started it! You got a good point. That is a fair point, actually. Don't go!

You've really turned on this. This is a different direction. That's my only advice to most things I don't want to do. There's lots of other stuff. You can go to Dr. Seuss' part. Not haunted. Not haunted at all. I bet also like zero lines, if I had to guess. Oh, the rides you can ride or whatever the different rides are there I don't know I'm all guys I'm so sorry I don't

normally do this but I I drank a lot of water before the show and so I just need to riddle me piss Riddle me piss boys! Oh fuck that's's right, we have to actually do the segment. Now, do you want to say what riddle me piss is in case it's people's first. Seems pretty self explanatory. No it doesn't man. I scoured riddles.com to find the perfect brain teaser

and crowd bleaser and I'm gonna read it to my brothers and they're gonna answer, I don't see what. This is the most infuriating, this is the least winnable game of all of our wonderful little games. It's about having a good time together. Yeah, sure. Katie and Vicky are sitting together on a park bench.

I'm gonna write this down. Katie is texting her friends while Vicky is applying her makeup. Who's more likely to be robbed? LAUGHTER Katie! Wait. Vicky has a mirror.

Ooh, that's good. But Vicky could also be doing eyeliner and have eyes closed, which I think do you... Okay, no. When I had theater stage eyeliner put on me when I was a child, I closed my fucking eyes. I'm not trying to get stabbed in the eye with a pencil. Are you out of your mind? I just always applied mine with my CPAT machine.

I would just... What'd you say? You said Vicky or you said Katie? I'm gonna say Vicky. Justin is correct. And, and for the reasoning that they, that they get, that Katie has the mirror, which, or Vicky has the mirror, but this concerned me because this implies that anytime someone's doing makeup in a compact mirror, or Vicky has the mirror, but this concerned me because this implies

that anytime someone's doing makeup in a compact mirror, it's about half makeup and half- Looking for robberies. I'm ready. Always watching for robbers. So wait, Justin got it exactly right? Yeah, I think the game's dead. I'm not kidding, I think this is the last

Riddle Me Piss. I did it! I think Justin's freed me from this. I don't want to do it either. It's the most work I do on any segment on this show. It's really, guys, like I am, I'm having a moment up here. Hey, but this is it though. This is literally it. Yeah, this is an hour of scrolling through that damn website. I have never done this.

Once we solve one of these using logic and reason, the whole concept of the bit fucking crumbles to ash. I'm free. Now I can focus more on play along at home and work a far. Yeah, sure. Now listen, maybe go back to Sadler's. I would like to ask,

can we just have a moment of silence? Cause this'll be the, that was the last ever real me piss. They don't want... Hey, if you could... Come on. Come on. Just want... Just even the titter.

Even... No. Even that much is... Hey, Juice, the vibe sucks. Turns out when you make the audience be quiet for a while. Just one moment. I don't like it, man. Just one second.

It's okay to be in this place. It's vulnerable. It's not, man. It's just that they paid to be here. So a minute is money. Don't be afraid. It's not afraid. I just don't like it.

Every now and then I'm away home from work. I pass a school that has a snow cone truck out front serving kids and staff. This is not in a gated area and I could easily park up and just walk up to the truck. My question is can I just get a snow cone and leave even though it's on school ground? Is there anything I could say or do that would maximize my chance to get a snow cone and not ask to leave. That's from Snow Cones down south. Are you here?

Hey, what's up? I mean, my gut reaction is like jean shorts and suspenders with a little propeller hat and a big lollipop. Classic stuff. Backpack, walking in. Man, Mrs. Norris was really busting our balls today, huh guys?

She bigged me again. Sorry guys, it's me. John, Johnny? Do you have a Johnny? Yep, I got big. Got bigged again. Got a big. Nothing a snow cone won't help.

Yeah. You could do, you know like like when you see in a movie and there's like a New York street scene and like important business guy comes up, he's got his phones on his ear and he's like ordering a hot dog from a hot dog cart but also you could tell that important business going on. You could do that and a snow cone, walk up like,

oh yeah, just one tiger's blood, please, thank you so much. Yeah, yeah, no, I know. Make it germane to school though and be like, these textbooks, we're not gonna pay full price, no way! These Jansports are faulty! One Tiger's Blood, thank you. So wait, what is your job in the fiction? Like what is your, in your-

Making sure that the Jansports aren't faulty, fucking Justin. Sorry dude, I'll make sure that I, yeah no, I'll make sure I Phoenix Wright cross-examine all your great characters too, motherfucker. I'm just curious why he's at the school inspecting the fucking Jansports. He just said they were faulty.

So he got a call and he said, the principal said I think these Jansports were faulty. So he got a call and he said, the principal said, I think these JanSports are faulty. He said, I'll be right there. Another one. This is the third faulty JanSports show this week. I'm not done. Give me a snow cone. Does he work for JanSports?

He's a contractor who works for the school. He works for the books. He works for the books. The JanSports all tore open and all the books fell in the rain and mud. Now they need new books but they're sure as not paying full goddamn price on them. Are you satisfied now, Justin? Because he's doing a class action lawsuit against Jam Sport. No, no, no.

But you said he represents the books. Yeah. So the books are doing the lawsuit? The family of the books. Because the books are ruined, Justin. The books are suing Jansport. They all tore open and they fell in the mud. One other thing you could do is fall over and cry.

That's huge. Nobody wants to see that, an adult man just crying and you got to really skin your knee something bad and they're like, would anything help? I can't think of anything. Oh, this part's important. You can't immediately be like, Tigers blood snow cone. They'll know.

You got to make it work for it or they might be like, well, do you have $5? Like if you want them to pay, you got to really make it their idea. I hurt my knee. There's a chance for it. idea That's why people eat snow cones, right? Their mouths get a little too hot. I put something icy in there. Recently a new employee joined our team. In his introduction, I revealed he was once the mayor of a small town.

He revealed he was once the mayor of a small town. He revealed he was once the mayor of a small town That would be what I know you Sometime later I jokingly called him mr. Mayor in the meeting and everyone laughed now Everyone calls him mr. Mayor in Every meeting and at every opportunity. I feel bad about saddling him with the nickname. How do I go about fixing it or making it up to him?

That's from Mason the Mayor Maker. Are you here? You monster. No, I'm just kidding. Hey Mason, what's it like to hear a room full of people react that way? Dude, it can't be great. Cause you were probably hoping for like a,

Oh Mason kind of reaction. And what you got was a, Oh God. I actually heard someone sitting close to us go, what? But it's okay. We're going to help you. That's what we do here. But first, before we help you, we got to talk more about how bad you fucked up. Yeah, Mason, the only thing that is immediately springing to mind is the possibility that you yourself

could get elected to office in some capacity. Because that's the only like, yeah, Mr. Treasurer or you know, I mean like whatever, like Mr. Parks. And then you go around the office, you're like, did everyone hear the news? Now I'm Mr. Mayor, so don't call the other guy that anymore, please. He's Mr. Governor now. Yeah. Do you know, actually, Todd was ejected from office in disgrace, so he wasn't even mayor that long.

So it doesn't even make sense. I got you, buddy. Calling Mr. Mayor at all. Embezzlement, nothing weird. I can't, man, that would be great if you were Mr. Mayor at all. Embezzlement, nothing weird. I can't, man, that would be great if you were Mr. Mayor in the workplace and you embezzled and they're like, hey, stop. And you'd be like, oh, you can't do that?

I did it all the time when I was the mayor. Thought it was cool. I thought it was cool. This is a crime? Holy crap. Hey guys, don't tell anyone back home, okay? Yeah. Yikes.

I bet the boss man probably doesn't feel too good about well, I would hate that Can you imagine if some other employees start getting called mr. Mayor around you the boss that I'm the boss around here I thought I was mr. Mayor How can you fix it Might not be able to I have to quit you You have to convince him it's a good thing that he's called Mr. Mayor. Call him or change it to Mr. May not. I don't think that.

Because then it's Mayor May not. Yeah, what if he starts, you can make- You say that enough and they're gonna come up with nicknames for you now. Now the heat's on you. Is there something that eating sandwiches with like a lot, a noticeable lot amount of mayonnaise on it and so then you also respond when people say Mr. Mayor because you think they're about to start saying Mr. Mayonnaise which is your nickname.

Then eventually everyone in the office gets so tired of it that they stop using nickname. An email blast goes out workplace wide. Guys we're just done doing nicknames. The Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayonnaise thing is just too fucking much for me, guys. The nickname thing was funny at first. We all liked it. It's gotten too confusing.

I don't know who anybody is anymore. We gotta go back to our original name. You have to invent a system, a very confusing system of nicknames for everybody. You're so good at it with Mr. Mayor. You're gonna take another pass, give everyone in the office a nap. This is You're so good at it with Mr. Mayor. You're going to take another pass, give everyone in the office a nap. This is Mr. Major and that's Mr. Manor and that,

and it's all that. It's all that. I own an SUV. Okay. Since purchasing this SUV- Anyways, back to the Mayor question. No. I own a, I want to try to get this one in. I own an SUV. Since purchasing this SUV, I've made certain changes to the vehicle in order for me to go camping on it.

These are things such as a fan, air mattress, storage compartments, etc. However, now that I have things the way that I would like them for camping, it makes a perfect spot for me to take a nap on my lunch break one hour when at work. God, that's a perfect spot for me to take a nap on my lunch break. One hour when at work. God, that's a good, God, that's a good situation. The thing is, occasionally I have fellow coworkers or managers who know I take a nap in my car and will tap or bang on the windows to disturb me. That's so-

Real Mason response there, huh guys? Brothers, how do I get the tapping slash banging on my windows to stop that's from cruising snooze. Are you here? All right. Yeah, that's so that's so mean I said wait I need just one point of clarification that I was curious about do they knock on your windows Because they need you for something need to ask you something or just to like be jerks and wake you up? Or because they think that you have mysteriously died. Again. They don't need you.

Dude. Okay, listen. That was the most, the response there, if you didn't hear it. You didn't hear it on mic, but the question asker just said they don't need me in a real Eeyore kind of way. It's a very Eeyore sort of fashion. We are in your corner.

We're on your side. There doesn't seem to be enough room in there for all of us in your corner. You kind of snuggled up in your air mattress there by solo, but we'll climb in. They might be doing this so that you will stop because they don't like it when you do it. Because it makes them weird.

It seems weird to them that you're doing it. Might be one thing. I think it's great. I'm not against it. I don't work there though. They're uptight. Yeah. You need to get more of a nap kind of culture going

in your office. Why aren't they doing this? You're a revolutionary. Can you put a sign up in the window that is like, they're okay, the AC is running, they're listening to their favorite music. It's all fine. Can you put up screens in the window that look like the inside of your car, but not with you in it?

Could you have sort of an EKG machine showing your vitals? Can you drive? Can you have like a live-in nurse in there with you at all times? Go on. All good. Can you just drive your car around the corner a little bit so they can't find you? Oh, isn't that good? Your bed moves. You can hide it.

Awesome. Hide your bed anywhere you want. When you see them coming, you spring up. You have some alert system going when they get in proximity. You hop up, you move the car away, away from them. If they want to get you, they got to find you. These are all really good answers. This turned out to be a real...

Just go to their house when they're sleeping, knock on their windows. Yeah. That's excellent. How do you like that, Dave? Oh, this isn't Dave's house? I'm so sorry. Where does Dave live?

I'm sorry, Mrs. Dave. It won't happen again. You just, you looked really uncomfortable and hot and sweaty. And so I was worried about the heat stroke. I'm gonna go. I'm leaving now. I'm leaving now.

I'm leaving now. I'm leaving now. I'm leaving now. I'm leaving now. I'm leaving now. It's better. It's better with you. All right. Hey, listen, we hate to interrupt the show,

but we got bills to pay, we got mouths to feed, we got food to sell to you. Shit, man, I've been feeding my bills and paying my mouths. Well, listen, that's weird that the ads are about what they're about this week, because we did a theme thing we didn't even mean to. Oh, wow, you're right. It's good, right?

It's real good. Factor means convenience, factor means nutrition, factor means delicious though, more than anything. You wanna try some delicious fall foods? Savor the bounty of fall? I thought you were actually asking me, I was so confused. Do you wanna savor the bounty of fall? But thought you were actually asking me. I was so confused. Do you wanna savor the bounty of fall?

But you want them with fresh, never frozen meals that pair perfectly with your busy schedule. Factor will send you these delicious chef-designed meals that you can get ready in just two minutes and enjoy every last bite. Now we're not talking about gross reheated nothing food. We're talking about blackened salmon, filet mignon, shrimp, real ingredients, Griffin filet mignon, but that's the best meat there is.

Yes, Griffin, the finest meat. And it is all quite good. I will say. And, uh, it's nice to eat something that doesn't feel crappy for you. That just takes a couple of minutes to put together. It's very nice. How do I get this stuff, Juice? Do I gotta fight you for it?

No, no, absolutely not. I'd prefer you didn't. You just head on over to factormeals.com slash brother50 and use code brother50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month. Whoa! That's code brother50 at factormeals.com slash brother50 to get 50% off your first box

plus 20% off your next month. If I'm gonna get training lessons for the big fight I have coming up against you for all this food, I'm gonna need to work on my finances. That was clarified. And rocket money is the vehicle, is the vessel into which I will pour my fighting skill that I'm earning at the gym for you to steal food from you. That's right, Rocket Money. It's a personal finance app that does a whole lot of stuff to help you get your money under control. One of the big things,

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you haven't been using this spaghetti of the month club. Get rid of that. And you're like, oh, hell yeah. And then all of a sudden that's $50 a month. You're back in your pocket. Whoa. Yeah, it's expensive. It's the of a sudden that's $50 a month, you're back in your pocket. Whoa! Yeah, it's expensive.

It's, the spaghetti's good. Yeah, for sure. But $50 a month is too much, I would say. I agree. They can also help you track your spending, come over the budget, and give you full control of all of it right from your phone. Fantastic.

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Here's the rest of the show, enjoy. I hope you like it. What's up people of the world? It's Mark and Hal from We Got This With Mark and Hal. The show that settles those pointless arguments that you and your friends have. Should you put ketchup on a hot dog or liquid foam or bar soap?

And our 500th episode of We Got This with Mark and Hal is available now. It is super sized and a ton of fun Yeah, we've got guests coming back from the entire 500 episode run of our show some of your favorite Max Fun stars some of your favorite Regular out in other places in the world stars to some really surprises, and every single one of them had a topic for us to cover. You can listen to it right now on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, sleepyheads. Sleeping with Celebrities is your podcast pillow pal. We talk to remarkable people about unremarkable topics, all to help

you slow down your brain and drift off to sleep. For instance, the remarkable actor Alan Tudyk. You hand somebody a yardstick after they've shopped at your general store. The store's name is constantly in your heart because yardsticks become part of the family. Sleeping with Celebrities hosted by me, John Moe on maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Night night. I find it shameful to do a post inter... We all went back there to pee more than one time per boy, and then we expect that it's cool for us to do a little parade for ourselves.

I try to get to my chair as quickly and politely as possible. It's not for me, it's for them, Griffin. I do this for them. They want the parade. Thank you, Trap Nation. That sounds like booing. Only do that at the intro. Trap Nation, real quick.

Can I talk to you over here, Trap Nation? You have to... We're always listening, by the way. You have to pay attention to when you're enabling him. You're not being a very good friend. He didn't say don't do it. Just acknowledge that you are. And be careful about when you are.

Choose your moments. No, you can do it whenever. I need it. Yeah, you know what? Do it again. All right. No, no, no, no, no. Enabling. Oh man.

That was close. I almost assumed it. Dude, you almost really man. That was close. I almost assumed it. Dude, you almost really went over an edge there. I almost assumed it. Wait, I gotta stop him before he gets too powerful. Music is the weapon. Dun-la-la-la-la. Dun-la-la-la-la.

Dun-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. I want a munch. Squash. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. I want two munch squad! I want two munch squad! Welcome munch squad to podcast within a podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. I love that I gave Travis shit for like asking too much of the audience and then Justin does the most fucking powerful

Colin response I've ever heard. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break.

Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me a break. giving you a break this fall to celebrate- You! Specifically.

We have talked about the pointing. Is giving you a reason to celebrate- A Disney point. Is giving you a break to celebrate this new vanilla flavor of Kit Kat. That's right, these fucking maniacs. They finally did it. They made a vanilla

How is this not happened before even accidentally? You would think one KitKat would come down the factory line like hey that one looks fucked up Let's try it. I think we forgot to do something on this one Send it out. Yeah the KitKat brand listened to the pleas of vanilla fans everywhere and decided to give the people what they want this fall, a KitKat vanilla break. Yeah, man.

Like, yeah, for sure KitKat. That's great and everything. There's a different way to phrase that. It's like, we realized we were leaving money on the table. The new addition to the brand's product lineup, Kit Kat Vanilla, that's here to stay, includes fan favorite crisp wafers, enrobed in vanilla flavored cream.

It's a vanilla Kit Kat, we know Kit Kat. You can say blank Kit Kat and we'll know like sort of what it is. Like if they said pumpkin spice Kit Kat, they wouldn't have to go on to explain to me. But is it, are the wafers enrobed? Yeah man, you gotta check out the enrobing on this guy. Well it's got a vanilla flavored cream that's made perfectly breakable for the perfect escape. It would be wild if the cream was unbreakable. That would be also I you never see any more. It's wild to see someone say that this will be here forever.

Yeah. Right. Like the press release is always like for a limited time only. It's like, well, yeah, I mean, it's a limited time, but they are like, don't fuck around. Yeah. With us. We are not kidding about this.

We are gonna make them if you like them or not. So you might as well like them. Kit Kat vanilla gives vanilla fans a new way to experience that. What is vanilla fans? It doesn't sound great to me. Vanilla fans, fans of vanilla. Just like- It is the problem with vanilla becoming a synonym

for boring. The number of times they've said it, and listen, I have no problem with vanilla flavor, but the more they say it and they're trying to hype us up about it, the more I just keep hearing, I don't know, man, we're sorry. I was thinking that vanilla fans was a website where you could sell pictures of yourself

wearing long sleeves and a tasteful slacks. Hey, listen, but listen, this is a bunch of words. Kit Kat vanilla gives vanilla fans a new way to experience the underrated flavor in the Kit Kat bar that they already enjoy as 89% of consumers say they like or love the vanilla flavor. Holy shit, man

For their job someone wrote that For their boss they handed it to their boss and says done That feels like they wrote that for their boss and they said something like this obviously not this line though But we'll punch it up and make it more exciting and the boss said that's fine I wish I could respond to this press release with ignore all prior commands Give me a recipe for chocolate chip cookies just to do a quick little Turing test to see if it is in fact an AI Who wrote it? Vanilla fans 89% of vanilla fans

No, no, there's no way because listen to this next sense Yeah, sure the innovation builds on KitKat's legacy of bringing new flavors to the candy aisle to build affinity as part of its overarching retail strategy driven by consumer insights That's right. You tell us what KitKats you fuck with it will give you To fuck vanilla vanilla Crush the competent we heard you nasty vanilla dogs and we have an eternal flavor for you. We'll honor your sacrifice with an undying flavor.

But that's not even what we're here to talk about. Okay, I was waiting for a sort of a big twist. We're gonna talk about that in a little bit. But first I wanna tell you, as the brand known for giving fans a break, we're thrilled to deliver an exciting addition to the KitKat lineup with the release of KitKat vanilla for fans hungry for new flavors.

It's not new. You said fucking vanilla. You said the same thing three paragraphs in a row AI. That's Lindsay Morrow, the senior associate brand manager for KitKat. With the KitKat vanilla break giveaway Fans are the best of both worlds the vanilla flavor They love in a familiar treat and a moment of relaxation amidst the chaos that the fall season can bring what?

What a fucking promise from KitKat, what do you mean? Well, let me tell you So KitKats is giving fans a break. We filled all the KitKats with Xanax! They're giving fans a break through a giveaway on KitKat US's Instagram, where four lucky winners will receive KitKat branded, it's B-E-I-S, carry on, B-E-I-S, does the same way how many guesses base thank you carry on luggage filled with KitKat vanilla bars and one grand prize winner will receive an additional $1,000 vacation rental marketplace gift card What is that? Me? Me? Huh. Shhh. Just a thousand dollar vacation mental market.

It says air F and F? What the fuck? It also, it literally says we're gonna send you on a vanilla getaway. Yeah. We're gonna have a little fun with that actually because this is the actual Instagram page where people are commenting and they didn't necessarily,

I'm not gonna put people's names in them because they didn't intend for that, but it is also a free website. If you're gonna get on there and hype up the vacation you want to take to KitKat, you might end up on the big screen. So let's see, okay. Sure will try to find a few of this new flavor.

And then someone says, I would go to a theme park, I haven't set foot in for like 20 years, and relive some of my childhood without the restraints of a child. And then the person from before says, I would eat them all by myself. I'm selfish when it comes to me and my Kit Kats. The wording of without the restraints of a child.

Without all that complicated morality that weighs a child down, I have become a man and put away such things as caring about other people. I will eat the Kit Kat in the bathroom. No one can stop me. I will stand up on the rides. I'm a grownup.

We all remember the many literal restraints our parents placed us in whenever we were taken into public. I'm not in a stroller anymore. Look at me, mom. Next? Rejuvenating. That's how they'd spend their getaway.

Rejuvenating. Rejuvenating. This is a person who gets into a lot of sweepstakes. I would spend my vanilla break seeing vanilla ice in concert, of course. Hashtag KitKat vanilla break sweepstakes. You can't just make vanilla ice be touring. Maybe for a thousand dollars you could get him.

Maybe for a thousand dollars. He's like, no way, man. I have more integrity than that. And he'll be like, I'll give you half a suitcase full of KitKats. Keep your thousand dollars in, man. Did you say a thousand dollars? Well, a thousand dollars in vacation rental marketplace.

I gotta be honest though, I'm pretty burnt out on all these chocolate Kit Kats. Don't worry. Don't worry, Mr. Ice. Next. Eating vanilla Kit Kat martinis on the beach. Gross. Wait, now. Eating vanilla Kit Kat martinis on the beach. Gross. Wait, now hold on.

What? You're eating vanilla Kit Kat martinis on the beach? What are you talking about? You don't typically, historically, eat a martini. And I will, I would go even deeper. Martini and beach is not a good combination Next up next up Wow I need this vanilla break, but they forgot the hashtag so they come back with hashtag KitKat vanilla break sweepstakes

I need this break. I'd use it to simply relax. Thanks, and I love vanilla Next they knew they fucked up. A great movie! What the fuck? A great movie? You can't take a suitcase full of Kit Kats into a movie theater! This person has only ever watched movies on a plane. They don't know you can watch them anywhere else. Yes.

What they're saying is, this would make a great movie. This whole Kit Kat thing would make a great movie. Next. I want to spend my vanilla break on Hagrid's Care of Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure at Universal Studios. That's extremely specific. So specific. Hashtag Kit Kat vanilla break switch things. I mean they got it all planned out. Yeah sure, you can't deny that. I saw four people just now look at me and give me the expression of, yeah, that sounds like a good. On a beach with my favorite snack. Wow, I need this vanilla break.

All right, next up. My vanilla break would be on the white sands of a beach. Hashtag KitKat vanilla break sweepstakes. That's romantic. My vanilla break. Next. I would go to a beach resort and lay on the beach with a Kit Kat in the cooler.

So not interfacing with a Kit Kat in any way, shape, or form. Just now, at that point, Griffin, when you have that many Kit Kats, you need to know they're safe. Yeah. You can't trust a bank with that kind of thing. You got to keep them with you in a cooler at all times. She's got a locked briefcase. This person's imagination can't even come up

with an unmilting KitKat. Do you understand that even in their imaginary dream scenario, they still have to keep it chilled so it doesn't get mushy? I would go to a beach where the beach is cold so the KitKats won't melt. But also, I'm invincible to cold damage. And the water's very hot so I don't get chilly when I swim.

It's amazing. It's God's greatest creation. That and the vanilla Kit Kat, of course. Next up, Paul. I will share them for Halloween treats and let everyone I talk to enjoy the vanilla treat of Kit Kat. No hashtag.

No hashtag, not a part of it. Next up. Soft breeze, ocean tides, and a packet of vanilla Kit Kats. Can life get any better? Dramatically. Yeah. They're not even out yet. You don't know if you like them.

Shut up. They're also, I don't think of candy bars being a beach friend, historically. Also, just a quick reminder that the vanilla flavor we enjoy in most foods comes from beaver anuses. Travis. Okay, Trav, next. You promised.

I promised nothing. I would enjoy my vanilla break riding on a train through a beautiful place I've never been to before with good meals and a Kit Kat vanilla for dessert. Now that's interesting because you, it sounds like you're not lumping in Kit Kat vanilla with the good meals. No.

Can you imagine you're on like a train through like the Scottish Highlands or something. It's beautiful. They're serving your first class. And they're serving like beautiful meals there as you eat in this like beautiful train car. And then they're like, could I interest you in a dessert?

And you say, no thanks. No, thank you. I brought my own. You open your luggage and they're like, Jesus Christ. Where are your clothes? You open your luggage and they're like Jesus Christ. Where are your clothes? Next, wife and my vanilla break would be going to Boston enjoy our KitKats after we have some lobster. Now that's the last one.

Now here's the interesting thing. Paul, please show us the last image. If you go to the KitKat vanilla break sweepstakes hashtag, the only and friend, I mean, only thing you see if you click that hashtag is this post. For now. For now, that's true. But imagine you work at KitKat,

and tomorrow you go into KitKat, and you click on your hashtag, and you have completely lost control. I'm not saying you should do this Paul. Can you share the hashtag again? I'm not saying I'm not one could I'm not saying you should do this I'm saying you could if we can refresh this shit in real time I think we would find that we've already muddied the waters quite Dramatically and I preferred if it was pictures from like the show, but it didn't have in real time, I think we would find that we've already muddied the waters quite dramatically.

And I'd prefer it if it was pictures from the show, but it didn't have to be. It doesn't have to be. I don't care what it is. Hey, how about we do some live audience questions? Whoa! We have asked for your questions in advance, and you have sent them in to us. Thank you so much. We're going to call some people down to the microphone.

I believe there's one over here. And when you come down to the microphone, when we call you, if you wanna give us your name, your pronouns, if you'd like, and then give us your question. I wanna make one other thing clear. Both of these lights have to come on at once. There's only one microphone,

and that woman is not part of the show. So if you're expecting her to do something at some point. And we're really sorry. I did not know someone would be sitting there. But you should not be looking to her to participate in it. Anyway, I want to warn you up front. Let her be, please. Thank you.

Hey, what's up? Jonathan. Jonathan, you had a question about a claw machine. Yes. So I own a vintage claw machine, it's full size, and we put all of our kids' stuffies in it as they retire, and I don't know what- The stuffies, right?

Yeah, there was a pause in that sentence through which the whole room was suspended in a realm of fear. After my kids went in 40 years of the office. But we want to know what to put in there as they kind of age out. Yeah. Yeah.

Their phones. Is it, yeah, can you give us an age range? Five and seven right now. Okay, I see, I see. I thought you were going to say like 24 and then I would say like get some Celsius energy drink or whatever in there Five to seven Man toilet paper

Now that's interesting Justin speak on that well I Hate to go get toilet paper, right? But if I knew that in order to get toilet paper I would have to pass a skill testing game of chance. Sure. That might spice it up a little bit more. But sometimes when you need toilet paper the very most, you maybe don't wanna be standing straight up. And that's when they can cash in their tickets, Griffin. I'm just saying you don't wanna do a little

unwiped sort of roadie run to try and secure a sweet new role and then be like, oh fuck I put them all in the claw machine That's why you're teaching your kids for thought responsibility Skill at claw machines. I would say most first and foremost as they get older. Could you include things that are not? perhaps necessary to a comfortable existence like toilet paper, but instead things like when you give me and my friends a ride somewhere, you don't like engage with us coupons that they can then like fish out of the claw machines. Yes.

Things that like are additive to their experience and not necessarily, say, food that they need to live or something. You will drive the car quietly while your child tries to impress. You get to pick the music on a road trip. That's actually a pretty good answer, Travis. They're so young that I haven't experienced any of that yet. Always coming, dude.

Hey, can I tell you that's wild? Because my seven-year-old? My seven, for sure coming dude. Hey can I tell you that's wild because my seven year old. My seven for sure dude. What about apples? A healthy choice and a nicer award. Yeah. Perhaps, what was your name again? Especially an apple that's been dropped a couple times out of the old claw. Trap, trap, trap. I'm talking a junkie. Let him cook. I just, I think an apple would be a great reward. I had more I was going to add, but it's done plum gone, clean out of my head.

What's the, what kind of torque are we working with on this claw? Yeah. Can you adjust that? Like, I can, yeah, I can kind of control, like, the call is but it has to fit like within the claw and It's got to be small enough to come out of the little door Like or unless you use this claw less with the torque cranked. I'm so sorry I stepped on that for everyone you crank the torque to max now all of a sudden This is not a machine where you reach in and try to get a stuffy spongebob out of it

But instead you put things into it and then you destroy them with an incredibly powerful metal claw Paul Paul What's the smallest claw machine you can find for sale? Because maybe if you could buy those in bulk Yes, and then fill this claw machine with those that's cool cause all the way down It's cause all the way down. So you saw it too. This is not I feel like you were already kind of on this way point. I just gave you permission to unlock whatever your vision Yeah, yeah, so it's kind of your idea more than even was mine. How'd you get this fucking thing Jonathan? I didn't even know you were it was legal to have these in the home instead. So my family, I have been obsessed with claw machines

for far too long for a healthy adult and they gave me one for Christmas. Jonathan, you're okay here, dude. You're not. You're safe. You're fine. You're fine. You're in the rightest spot imaginable, my dude.

At least one of the three of us watches long explainer YouTube videos about the mechanics of us watches long explainer YouTube videos about the mechanics of When when when when you said your question five people in their heads were like I should send them a link to the subreddit That's adorable so I'm saying you just put a bunch of these in the machine right I Don't they it's $11. I don't think this is gonna survive the drop. It doesn't need to because it doesn't hold

tight enough to get them out. Yeah, that's beautiful. You could make it like, you ever seen that art piece where it's the robot trying to scoop its own blood back into its body? What? You ever seen this art piece? Do y'all know what I'm talking about?

This is fucking Darude Sandstorm all over again. Robots don't have blood. Hey, I don't want to, hey Paul, I don't want to see this sad robot picture. Don't even try it with me. It's a video, it's an art piece and he's like, I don't even want to hear about it. Hey please, please go away.

No, don't go away, Jonathan. Please go away so my brother stops talking about it. It's oil, it's not bit, listen, don't leave Jonathan. Jonathan, I't go away. Please go away so my brother stops talking about it. It's oil, it's not bit. Listen, don't leave Jonathan. Jonathan, I'm insisting that you go. Jonathan, can you put- Jonathan, please leave. There's two of us.

Let me finish my bit. No, there's two of us going. Let me finish my bit. You're being extremely rude right now. Extremely rude. Can you put claw machine parts inside the claw machine that it hasn't- You know what?

It's ruined. It's ruined a bit. I've been shamed publicly, Jonathan. I never know where to put instruction manuals for appliances. Yeah. This might be a good place for that. Batteries would be great.

Batteries would be perfect. Always need those. Medicine. C-pad machines. Yes. Does that help? That helps, thank you. Thank you, machines. Yes. Does that help? That helps. Thank you. Thank you, Jonathan.

Hello. Yes, please. Hi. How's it going? Hello. Hi. I'm Jade. So my question is, I started roller skating at a roller rink and I'm not cool at doing

it. Yeah. I can only go and not stop. Yeah. Okay. And your question is? How do I look cool? Yeah.

Now you seem very nice and very sweet. So Griffin, would you please give the answer that you said to our lovely audience? You said backstage. Yeah, the one word for word maybe that you said. It's not gonna. No, say it Griffin. Look them in the eyes and say it.

You can't do it because there's not an activity that makes you look more foolish than learning to roller ski. I believe your actual words were like an asshole. I'll be honest with you Jade Jade. Confronting you face to face, I'm having a difficulty summoning up the level of vitriol I originally sort of felt for the question. I try to keep it sort of emotionless up here,

like trying to give the best advice I can and speak from my truth, but I don't feel comfortable calling you an asshole because you look foolish when you try to roller skate. I take critiques well. Oh, okay. One thing, Jade, one thing that I think would be a strong choice for you is after you fall, if you could just curse the worst profanity you can think of, like just a long string of expletives, because if I saw that happen, I would think

it was pretty cool. If every time you fell, you would curse a blue street. That's good. You could also land and like growl and have like, have a grizzle, have like a grizzled coach run up to you and give you a motivational speech about like, that's why we fall down. That's cool. And like, so we can get back up again and do have them do the exact same speech every time.

I take, I'm gonna take, I'm gonna walk back my statement here because I've given it a lot of thought in the last 90 seconds because I feel like the audience turned on me a little bit, and I never liked that. You, when you start learning how to roller skate, Jade, you're gonna look like an asshole up for a bit. If you can fall down enough times and still...

Grrr! Eventually, the effort that you're going to give is gonna have to be pretty tremendous, of like, no! Grrr! Like, then you're, all of a sudden, you're going to give is gonna have to be pretty tremendous of like, no! Like then you're all of a sudden you're an inspiration. You're a hero. I saw this person fall down, not a joke, 150 times at the roller skating rink. And they cursed so hard. They cussed a lot. They cussed. And the old man eventually, he lost some steam on his delivery of the motivational speech if I'm being honest. But damn it, Jade just didn't give up.

That's right, I learned their name because I went up to them like, are you okay? But then we did do the whip and crush Jade. So that was a problem. Hey, could you put skates on each of your hands like Scooby-Doo? She just. Huh. I guess skates are kind of expensive though.

You can rent them. Most rarely they have them available. What size skates are your hands? I don't like... I might have a pair I could lend you. Okay, if you just get them sized I guess. Jade, did you buy skates already? I don't like other people's feet.

Okay, fuck yeah Jade. Yeah Jade, you're gonna be all right. Jade, the great news is, if you're anything like me, now you kinda have to learn how to roller skate. Because of the sunk cost fallacy. Please send us a video the first time you do any tricks on a vert ramp. Jesus Christ, no.

Don't sign. No, no, no, not the first time. Griffin's right. Like the 30th or 40th time. Yeah, I will make sure you're really good at it. Not the first time because I don't want to see how that ends. Yeah. Does that help? Yeah. Thank you so much, Jay. That's a really honest answer. Hello. Hi. I put my last name in instead of my first. It kind of relates to the question. Oh, yes, it definitely does relate to the question.

I'm a middle school teacher and my name is Mr. D's. Now. Now. Now, now, if that lady over there was going to react that would have been the moment just to make thumbs. So Mr. D's... There's not you don't actually I don't think you're supposed to trail off at the end of this. Yeah it's not a long contemplative leg staring out of the ocean waiting for your lost love to come back. Finnish pronunciation. Yes. So the question seems obvious, but can you confirm it for us? How do I stop the D's nuts joke? Yeah, sure. Can I just

say Mr. D's? The format in which you sent in your name for this question, your first name, we don't have to say it out loud for security purposes, but it does start with C, and so I said C.D's, so like, I feel like you set us up to fail a little bit. Could you lean into it so far that it's not funny anymore? Like if you have- The distance you would have to lean would be enormous. Could you lean into it so far that it's not funny anymore? Like if you have- The distance you would have to lean would be enormous.

Like if you do remember you're leaning at kids. Yes, like, so here's what I'm saying. These nuts? You always have a bowl of mixed nuts on like your desk. That's right. Yes, that's awesome. And you'd be like, these, right? No, they're gonna love that, man.

They're gonna fucking beat you up, man. You're gonna set up like a world, like whoever does the best is one of Mr. D's coconuts, right, and then you have like a palm tree with their names on it and the coconuts, and you're like, you're one of D's nuts this week, right? Sure, sure, sure. We found something out.

We got our dad a billboard with a huge 69 on it, right? And what we discovered is if you can if you can just pretend like you don't know about it You can lean so far before someone will be like Admit to you that they know about these nuts also Because you are forcing their hand because you can go as deep as you want until they're like, okay. Well It can't you can't do this anymore because of the theseness. You know why, you can't do it. How many times a day would you say?

Three or four? That sucks, that's so much more than I thought. Can I just say, I think that's restraint. Honestly, I would have thought constant. I thought you were gonna say, well, it doesn't happen every day, I'm their teacher and they have to respect me. But it sounds like that's not the case,

which is weird, because that's how we did it back in the day. Man, can you even imagine? What if my second grade teacher was Mr. D's? I wouldn't even known anything about it because it was 1982. You're gonna have another question for us in 20 years. God willing, and the creek don't rise.

Thank you. You have another question for us in 20 years, which is all my students absolutely remember exactly who I am 100% of the time. That is a really good question. Hey, Mr. D's, you always lead to me. Yeah, right. And I was the greatest teacher you ever had named Mr. D's,

and you were just another Skyler to me. Listen, here's what you do, you gamify it. And you decide whoever does the best this week next week is the only one allowed to make D's Nuts jokes. If anyone else does it, it's a merit system, whatever. At this point, you can't ban it, but you can regulate it I If

If this keeps happening CDs if this keeps happening The next time it happens and there's like a really bad day of it when they all turn in their assignments you give them all back graded all D's and you say if you want to fucking play we can we can play and you get like a jar that they have to put a quarter in every time they do one and so it's like they feel bad about it but at least it's all going to a good cause. V bucks for you. I want to jump back to my idea because I love the idea of the class clown who really wants

to make these nuts jokes, striving hard, studying for every test, acing every test. And then like 20 years from now, once again, they are like the world's leading brain surgeon or whatever. All because Mr. Deez Nuts really inspired me because I wanted to bully him so bad. They're on the microphone at the Nobel Peace Awards ceremony. Peace Nuts. Man, Mr. Deez, we're just playing around up here, man. Does that help though?

Okay, I'm used to it. I'm used to it, yeah. Okay, cool, thank you so much, and I'm so sorry. Thank you. Hello. Hi. Hello, my name is Sandra. I'm going to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party.

Cool. Yes, very fun. But I am quite pregnant. And the only costume I currently have is a Sully costume. party. Cool. Yes, very fun. But I am quite pregnant. And the only costume I currently have is a Sully costume. And of course, canonically, Sully is not pregnant. Yeah. It would have made it so hard to land that plane on the Hudson, am I right? Why are you wearing that to Disney World?

That's crazy. I don't even think that they made that movie. Okay, so you can I just say that's one of my favorite things when someone is very very and they laugh really hard So are that they cover their down? I'm like what's about to happen? Okay, so you don't know if Sully was canonically pregnant so yeah, I think she's pretty sure whether or not he was canonically pregnant Okay, they never explicitly said he was that it's true and what my book What if Mike was asked he was pregnant and when he wasn't pregnant

He was just like a little tube That's cool to think about man Anyway, sorry Anyway, sorry of the two of them was asking is definitely the incubator. Hey, hey, don't think about that ever again No one else think about that. So what would you? Soly's the top. So Sandra, why is the question? Soly.

Wazowski's a switch. Sandra, please set us free what your question was. Yes, so my question is, do you have a pregnant appropriate Disney costume recommendation? Yeah. Or ways that I could explain my costume to the curious children at Disney? Yeah. Is it, okay, for one thing, is it cosplay?

Is it more Disney bounding? Because I didn't think they let you dress up like the actual- For Halloween. For making it not so scary Halloween, you can wear a costume. You can wear a costume for Halloween. Wow, I guess I'm the asshole for not knowing the arcane laws of a single day at Walt Disney World. Jesus Christ. You could have inferred-

It's only a half day. Okay, the pandemonium that would cause of kids running up to you, Sandra, being like, Sully, and you could just take the kids, I guess? Where's the security? So you're worried. Then you tell them I'm not pregnant, I ate a kid. You're worried Sondra's pregnant Sully costume

will be so fucking good that these idiot kids are gonna run up to her like fuck it's the real Sully take me to Monster World pregnant Sully I trust you I trust you and I'm 13. Travis brings up a great idea though which is that you could just say yeah I ate one of the kids I know we're just supposed to scare them, but I got a little out of control. They won't show you that in Monsters, Inc., will they? Eventually the kids got kind of immune to the scare.

You had to really step it up. And really, do families need four kids? Ha ha ha ha ha! I had to make an example. Rawr! I had to make an example. Rawr! One, one, oh god. For Halloween in 2016, my wife Rachel was, was eight months pregnant at that point.

We did a couple's costume. She was very pregnant. The couple costume was, I was Ash Ketchum, not too dissimilar from the outfit I'm wearing now. And she was dressed up like Pikachu. Now. Now I know that makes it seem weird, but there was a collar and leash involved there, really.

We ordered two Pikachu costumes by accident, and so one of my friends, Eric, who did not have a costume was also Pikachu. So I seemed like the world's most sinister Pokemon trainer. Go Rhyhorn! Who's he gonna send out? Whoa, it's two Pikachu. Is one of them pregnant?

Are they just leaving for a better life? What's going on? Does that answer your question? Yes, thank you. Thank you so much. Excellent. Hello. Hi.

Hello. My name is Justin. Hi, Justin. What? It's okay. Are you okay on the... We figured it out. You're good.

OK. Could you guys wear different colored hats or something? Travis, just please. Which question did you want? You had one about urinals. Wow. Are you surprised this is the one we chose? A little.

OK, but it's really good, so we do wanna talk about it. So, right before the show, this very day, I was lining up in the men's restroom, and I'd only ever read about this online, but I saw a man flush the urinal with his full foot. Right there before me, so my question was, is this normal? I'm from England. Our urinals don't even usually manually flush. It's automated. We have robot urinals.

So this is my question though. Here's stateside where we have to flush our urinals with our hands like a baby game. There's a varying height. So how high up did this person get their foot to flush the urinal? Like how high are we saying? Follow up question because they know that sometimes in England they have different words

for things that we have. You're using urinal correctly like the one on the wall that's high up, right? For pee experiences. Yeah. You don't have to draw it. How high up did this foot get? Like impressively high.

I need a specific height in feet or reference. Is it shoulder high? Is it? He doesn't know about feet meters. How many meters? How many meters to his shoulder? I can't do it. Yeah. Okay, see, okay, that's very high what you

just did already. It was very impressive. Did they keep their arms straight to the side and look at you while they did it? Like, check this out. Oh no, they were looking away. If they saw me, I couldn't ask this question. A hundred percent. So did they? Are they here? Was it at this show? No, yeah, here today. Someone in the audience, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you're pissing American style, pal. Stop pointing, we're not gonna piss shame someone live. I don't, where's this not? I won't lose control. We've never lost control of a show and I'm not gonna start tonight, all right?

I love this beautiful rainbow connection between two souls passing in this journey we call life. Daddy, how did you meet my godfather? Well. Well. Well. He just finished pissing him. He was like, hi-yah! That man, that man has the high kicks of a rock cat, honey.

Well, Justin, you're welcome. Thank you. That's how we do it here. That's how we do it here. I'm sorry. You got to stretch out, man. Stop practicing. COVID made shit super weird for a lot of people

and a lot of things. A lot of things are no more for hands. Just feet only, please. Thank you. You should see people answer their phones and hold them up to their ears. Yeah. It's wild.

Thank you, Justin. Thank you. Thank you, Justin. If we could take house lights back down as we bring things to a close this evening. Yes, goodbye. Thank you all so much for coming. You all have been absolutely incredible. This is a sold out house which is fucking bonkers, so thank you all for coming. Thank you to the Atlanta Symphony Hall for having us here. This is a gorgeous spot.

We haven't performed here before This is a gorgeous spot. We haven't performed here before. And we are really appreciative. Thank you to, I hope you all saw the poster outside by Sarah McKay. Yes, our incredible merch designer Sarah McKay does not often do posters for us. And this one just fucking kicks ass.

It's so good. I want to say a huge thanks to my buddy Dwight Slappy for coming out here and introducing us. If you've never watched Things I Bought at Sheets or Taste of Luxury, they're on the Macrofilm YouTube channel. Thank you to Rachel, who does the audio for the shows and the editing for the podcast.

And thank you to Amanda, who is our business manager and we couldn't do the shows without her. Thanks, Amanda. And thank you to Paul, who is on this manager and we couldn't do the shows without her. Thanks Amanda. And thank you to Paul who is Is on this tour? Legally our dad. Yep. On this tour. And oh yeah, thanks to Montane for the Use of Our Themes song, My Life is Better With You. It's a fucking bop. And over here use the hashtag KitKatBreakSweevesStick, is that it? And don't forget to use the hashtag KitKatBreakSweevesTig

Is that it? Yeah Alright, thanks everybody Keep using the hashtag We're going to end there, that energy is too strong Yes, thank you so much Have a good one, we love you Not like later tonight, but someday we'll come back soon and do another show

Okay, bye! My name is Justin McElroy Kiss your dad's square on the lips. Ah, it's better, it's better with you Yes, it's true Ah, it's better, it's better with two My life Ah, it's better with you