My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 739: Face 2 Face: Munch Squad Works For Me Now

Episode Date: November 25, 2024

We got lost in Cleveland’s Masonic Temple, but thankfully we were found by a potato-touting Kyle MacLachlan, who guided us through winding corridors of ambiguously abandoned bookshelves and designer headstones, and gifted us a cabinet full of mugs with people’s faces on them. Suggested talking points: Deep Vein of West Virginia Dirtbag, Coin-Operated Hot Dog, Miracle Tarp, Are You Dishwasher Safe?, Fun TikTok Headstone Dealer, Burial at Pee First Nations Development Institute: https://www.firstnations.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts. And their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert. But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four. It's the start of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed. It's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you This is true, ah, ah, ah It's better, it's better with two But wait, ah, ah, ah, ah

It's better with you Would you guys like to learn an interesting fact about mushrooms? If I were to ask you, are they plants or animals? They're fungus. It's plasma, I'm pretty sure. It's the fourth state of math. No, it's fungus because the study of mushrooms isn't botany, it's mycology. Okay, Griffin.

Yeah, I wasn't listening to the show before, so I don't know. I just knew that. Oh, okay, cool. If I were to say, are they animals or plants, what would you say? I would say what's an animal. Damn.

Thanks. In a lot of ways, plants is animals. Some of them eat bugs. Yeah. That's sort of our thing, animals that is. Look how carefully the little spider spins the web around the fact that he doesn't know. I don't know. Yes.

All right. Moving on. Welcome to our show. So happy to not be alone anymore. And we are so happy to be here with you here in Cleveland. This is an advice show. I don't know if you've ever seen one of those before. Well, we haven't said our names yet, Justin.

Why not? Well, weirdly, you sort of hopped in immediately with fun mushroom facts. Now, to be fair, you started talking about dad karate chopping the White Claw. But to be fair, my pants and crotch are super duper wet. With White Claw? Yes, with White Claw. Woo, woo! There, my pants and crotch are super duper wet. With white claw? Yes, with white claw.

Woo, woo, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy, hey. Yeah. Yeah. Woo. What's up, Trav Nation? Woo. I'm your middle-est brother, big dog, woof woof Travis McElroy.

It's hard to know when to get in there with my thing during the woof woof. I know. With applause, I'm like, oh, it's dying down. The woof woof just seems to continue. Even when it's not being done, it's in their hearts. It really is. I'm the sweet baby one, Griffin McElroy. That's nice.

Well, now that we know you can hit that level, let's start back at Justin and go through again. It's a special relationship I have with Cleveland. How's your tummy? Not good. Yeah. So let me tell you the arc that happened, but Griffin's villain arc. And it's to himself, right? Always.

Yeah, 100%. We drove here, and this is what I saw today. We stopped at a rest stop. Yeah. It's not gonna be funny for a while. We stopped at a rest stop. It had a bunch of restaurants and quick service places, and Griffin, at 11.30, said, I can just bypass lunch and eat here. And everyone's like, yeah, it's 11.30, that makes sense.

He got a pastry. Everybody else got lunch. I didn't want to commit because I didn't want to eat Panera Bread. I'm sorry if that makes me a villain. Wait, so hold on. Just to understand that woo, were you excited to hear the name Panera Bread

or do you just fucking hate Panera Bread so much? Okay, kick ass. It's hate. So then, cut to 4.30 when we arrive at the venue and Griffin's like, fuck, I should have eaten lunch, I'm so hungry. Yeah. Then he sees pepperoni rolls have been provided by the venue. Now listen, my hind brain did a lot of stuff before my more evolved forebrain could get a hand on the ball.

It was already in the microwave for 20 seconds and then I scorfed that bad boy right down my- Within each of us is a deep vein of West Virginia dirt bag. Yeah. And girl was like, oh yeah, pepperoni world, didn't even think about it. And he was like, that did me so right. And then a ticking clock began. Yeah.

It's bad. And I think 23 and a half minutes went by. We were doing sound check and Griffin's like, I need to leave the stage right now. Griffin, the day before this, went to a coin operated arcade museum with me. And while there, it's called Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum.

It's incredible. Yeah. Yeah. You've been there. If you have, it's a coin operated museum full machines that date back to the 1900s and before. And yes, my brother Griffin did order a hot dog there. From a machine? No, from the counter there. Oh, thank God.

When she described- Travis, I swear to God, it popped right out of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade machine. Fully cooked, fully dressed. I'd eat that. Yeah, hell yeah. When she described, he described as the most wrinkly thing he's ever seen.

It was pretty wrinkly. Moments before, horting it into his mouth in three bites, and minutes before complaining about the intestinal distress that the coin-operated arcade hot-knock was causing him. If you guys just want to let me know where the cool hospital is. But Griffin, it's like daily, man. The little plastic castle's a surprise every time.

Like, you know the- When the cat's away. No, you're not. Wait, no, who's the cat? You're the cat. Hey, if I don't have supervision of any kind from people who love me and feel some responsibility over me,

I make bad food choices constantly. I'm like a little baby over here. Now, I wanna say, because this has come up multiple times on the show recently, where you're like, you guys talk about me like I'm a child. Yeah. Yeah, before we went to the museum, Griffin was like, I'm so hungry. And I was like, I have some fresh fruit in my room.

And you said, no, I'll find something there. And I did. And then when we, your brothers, are like, hey, buddy, you need to take care of yourself. We're like, I'm not a child. Now watch me eat this hot dog. It's the wrinkliest thing I've ever seen. And then when we, your brothers are like, hey bud, you need to take care of yourself. We're like, I'm not a child. Now watch me eat this hot dog. It's the wrinkliest thing I've ever seen. Pepperoni roll was good as hell though.

Thank you so much. Hey, let's start the show instead of talking about how brave I'm being. I think we can all agree by appearing on this stage here tonight. I was saying- And if Griffin has to leave the stage for a moment, no one make a big deal out of it.

Don't write that check for me unless you're ready to cash it, Travis. I'm trying to look out for you. I appreciate it. I was sitting on my porch, as I often do during the summer, and a delivery driver pulled up with a package. What should I do in this situation?

If I go inside, that makes me seem rude or anxious. If I get up and walk away halfway to meet them, it seems like maybe I'm trying to steal it or I'm over eager. If I greet them and let them put the package on the porch, I feel like I'm acting better than them or that I don't appreciate their efforts. I've ordered a lot of online stuff

and I really enjoy my porch, so this will probably happen a lot. Help. I wish this mean delivery man would stop bugging me. As from Overthinking in Ohio, are you here? Hi. Hi. I love the long con worry of you were sitting on the porch

and then met them halfway to steal it. As if you thought, I'm a neighbor and they get good shit here. I'm gonna wait on the porch until something comes. Just in case there's a delivery today. Oh, it's the perfect crime. I'll just get a lawn chair and sit out there and wait. Make sure they see my face and everything

when they hand it to me. Never be there again. It's perfect. Now, I was gonna suggest you could, like, mark out an area for the bag and say, just right there, but that does seem like a trap doesn't it? It does that's gonna open up and drop them into a pit or something. Yeah. Yeah, they're looking out for that kind of thing Boy, the things sure have changed since we were kids, huh? Sheesh. Yeah, wait Like you never see mr. Rogers like putting on his slippers like won't you be

Oh fuck it's me feeling kids get out here close it close the boys guys she's got he's gone he just left it out there clang clang pretend to be asleep right now they can see us through the windows is it when when the delivery driver comes just look down go yes please give yes, please. Give me package. Give me package. And then you say, no, no, no, stay. It's a one-on-one unboxing. Yeah.

Like and subscribe. I got. Don't cry. I got Twister in the mail. Let's play it together. Here's when you're confused about social interaction, here's what I tend to default to. How stoked am I gonna be not to have to walk up

that driveway? And the answer is very stoked. Thank you. Thanks for coming to meet me. I appreciate it. I didn't want to carry the box all the way down. If you come up to get it as a delivery driver, I think as a delivery driver, I'm stoked.

Thank you. That was very nice of you. Thank you. Justin, then you've never been in the position where you meet them halfway and then they have to take a picture proving they delivered it. Of you fucking holding it in the... A thing that has happened to me, so then I get texted a picture with my hands. Yeah, yeah.

I wanted to do some tasteful portraits of me in my soda stream refill tank. I'll treasure this forever, Michael. Thank you. with some tasteful portraits of me in my soda stream refill tank. I'll treasure this forever, Michael. Thank you. That is a cheap way of getting family portraits done. Uh-huh. You know, this is my new social media platform, Too Real. I also think that there is a proximity that is too close for you to come

to meet them to get the package. Okay. You don't want to be standing on the curb just kind of bouncing up and down. Oh, well, the Wells Fargo wagon is a- No, no, no. No, you're wrong. On the curb, it could be accidental.

If you're on the house and then you spread up to the curb, that's not good either. Now, but if you're standing on the curb doing this, just back and forth, are they coming? Now, there's also, I don't know how big the porch is, but if you're too far away from this, just back and forth, are they coming? Now, there's also, I don't know how big the porch is, but if you're too far away from this, like if it's a big porch and you're at the far end of the porch and you just watch them come up

and leave it and leave, that's actually, that's the worst version for me. Okay, I thought you were gonna go a different way. Well, you said if it's a big enough porch, which made me think how big a porch does this gotta be for you to also be on. If it's a wraparound, you're around the corner. Yeah.

Okay, now that would be bad to see that happening as you're coming up to the front door. I actually picture myself doing it as it happened. I should be arrested. How about another question? Our new neighbor has been slowly moving in next door and left a large wooden bookshelf in their yard. The next day it started raining and I thought it'd be a good neighbor

and cover the shelf with a tarp to protect it. It's been a week now, the rain has passed and the neighbor has been to the house multiple times since then and they have not acknowledged the tarp wrapped shelf in their yard. Brothers, I'm not looking for praise for being a good neighbor, but I do want my tarp back at some point.

Do I just take it back? Do I have to cover the shelf back up if it rains again? Do I wait till they acknowledge it? What do I do? That's from Tarplus in Cleattle. Are you here? Woo, all right. Now, one time there was a big old windstorm in Cincinnati.

Maybe you guys have heard of it. And someone in our neighborhood's trampoline blew like two blocks over. Yeah. And I've always thought that if I woke up in the morning and there was just suddenly a trampoline in my backyard where once there was none, I would have a thought of, thank you God. Yeah. And so perhaps your neighbor was like, what are the chances? It started raining and a big wind blew a tarp over to cover my bookshelf.

Miracles really do happen. Yeah, it's such a blessing. Like the universe did that for you. You're not gonna question the universe. Yeah, and then if you go over and grab it, the neighbor's like, whoa, that's my miracle tarp. The universe did that for me. You know how in algebra they love

when you like do it backwards, like that's the first part of solving it. It's like, okay, first make it backwards. Do you get it now? This I feel like is a really good example of, you have to think of the inverse of this question. And if you would also send it into this podcast, you have probably made a mistake at some point.

If someone's like, hey, I put a bookshelf outside and I was about to bring it in, and then my neighbor ran over and covered it with a tarp. And now I don't want to take the bookshelf in because that's like I'm stealing their tarp. Is it theirs now? Is it theirs now? Did they claim my bookshelf sincerely?

Should I move? And then we'd be like, yeah, man, you gotta get out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? They're trying to kidnap your bookcase. It's so weird. Horses, ghosts, whatever. And we'd be like, maybe they thought it looked cold

and they're just trying to put a bookshelf shirt on it. And then you get to be like, that's not funny, Griffin. And I'd be like, whatever, man. And then I'd be weirdly quiet for the rest of the episode. So thank goodness you're not that person. I'm so glad we didn't get that question, guys. Sliding doors. Yeah, what a miracle.

Maybe they wanted it wet. Yes. Maybe it was dirty, and they wanted the rain to wash it off. Maybe that was a bookcase they got from a relative they don't like. Yeah. Maybe they wanted a good excuse to throw it away. And that swelling of the wood is exactly what they were waiting for. Oh no, it's trash now.

Maybe it's the laziest birdhouse on earth. Maybe they thought they were putting together a sort of tiny public library, but didn't really know how it works or anything. Maybe they're afraid it's haunted now. Maybe, because it does look like probably a big blue eyeless ghost. Can you sneak over to their yard and discreetly- Clearly, clearly yes.

And discreetly steal the bookshelf out from under the tarp while leaving it. The prestige! No, don't steal it. If you're gonna do that, you have to get it into their home. Put it into their home. Reverse heist, Justin. I'm hearing you.

Yes. If you're gonna do that, load it up with books too, come on, man. Oh yeah, it's the least you could do. Start covering other shit in their yard with tarps Yes, like one a week really slow roll this we just want to keep it free of dust for when madam returns from her estate Okay, I have one foolproof solve for this. It's a little bit of work, but you're gonna need to put one of your bookshelves outside and Then you take the tarp back and put it on yours.

Like, I'm sorry, I've only got one tarp. And a lot of people on this street, one of the normal things we do is put bookshelves outside. So I'm glad you heard about that. You're already on that tip. That's very cool of you. Does your bookshelf also stink like rancid shit? Because mine does.

That's why it lives outside. That's why, it lives outside. No, I know it doesn't, cause I got real close to it when I put the tarp on. Yeah, that was me. I know, I should have said something to you about it at any point, I'm sorry. What's happened at this moment? I came back in, told my wife,

I don't know why they put the bookshelf outside. It doesn't stink like rancid shit. Like ours does. I take the train into work every day, and every day I find myself jealous of the conductors and their sweet hats. I've been pining for one of those hats since I was a child. Unfortunately, there's nowhere I can find that sells them,

meaning I'd have to get one straight from the source. How can I convince one of these conductors to give me their hat? Should I offer them money or something? That's from languishing on the Long Island Railroad. Are you here? No. On that train. Living that train life, baby. I don't blame you. Hey, I'd rather be on a fucking train than on this stage doing a show right now. I love trains. I get it. Offering money isn't going to work. That's the number one thing that they teach them to, hey, can I give you money for a hat?

This is the test. Yeah. Because they have to be incorruptible because the biggest danger for train guys is somebody's gonna be like, I'll give you a hundred dollars if you pass these next three stops. I'm in a huge rush.

It's gotta, you gotta have somebody who's like, I don't think I'm gonna be able to do that. That's why they're paid so well. Right, I'm incorruptible. Right. All the power is in the hat. With the hat on, you can go right into the captain's chamber and say, we're going backwards all of a sudden.

Wee. We've got to break 88 miles per hour. I'm never getting back to Hill Valley. Now let me ask you this. When you say straight to the source, do you think the conductor is the source? Yeah, that's also my question is, they buy the hats also. It's not like when they get the job, the conductor's like fontanelle spreads open in a hat.

See, I was thinking more of like a make your own lightsaber thing. It's not like, well, there's one last step you must complete, and they send them into the woods, and then they come back with their own conductor's hat hat and how they made it is each one's journey to two lids at the mall to get their hat I don't think lids sells conductor hats I bet if you any job you want our hats give you the power of that job well no no lids Be a firefighter guy? We got a hat for that here at Lyds. I'd like a Lyds employee's hat.

God damn it. Dang it. You thought of it, huh? We always are worried somebody's going to pull that on us. There's got to be a service that sells uniforms for jobs. Syntos, right? That's all they do. No, not that.

OK. The problem is I don't think you can call one of those services jobs. Syntos, right? That's all they do. No, not that. No, not that. Okay. It could be. The problem is I don't think you can call one of those services and get one of something because they're just going to assume that you're in a heist and you need to disguise yourself. I think at this point probably catch them if you can as like required viewing for any uniform provider.

Yeah. Where they're like, no, no, no. If a guy just shows up and like like I lost mine. Yeah, yeah Okay, let's play that scene out. Let's play that scene. Okay. You lost yours. Oh, where is it? I lost it Okay, where'd you lose it if I knew okay? Well, let me ask you this is it on the train fuck? Yeah, okay Because if he had said no, I'll do that right is it on the train. No, man I was going too fast on the train with the window open It flew right off the fucking window, man.

One of the rules. You gotta help me out. I grew it myself. One of the main rules we have is you don't take your hat off and you don't take it off the train. So if it's not off the train, I don't know how you lost it. So you're saying that every conductor has to leave their hat in the train before they get off the train?

I'm saying if you suddenly don't have a hat, you're gonna have to do some explaining to your bosses about where your hat went, because they're on guard for it. That's the number one thing you have to do is not lose the hat, because they cannot have other people pretending to drive the trains.

Yeah. It's wholly unacceptable. I don't think the conductor drives the train. We are torn about this currently. Ha ha ha. Is a a plant, or an animal? There's been a lot of back and forth about this. Fair enough. Science isn't sure.

I drink coffee every day, so I go through a lot of mugs. My roommate has mugs with pictures of him and his fiance on them. So my question- Ooh, la la, did you summer in France? Because of the word fiance, Travis? Now, did you hear the pronunciation, Gryphon? Then my question is, would it be weird-

Say it again. Okay. I drink coffee every day, so I go through a lot of mugs. My roommate has mugs with our pictures of him and his fiance on them, so my question is, would it be weird to drink out of them? I don't want to unnecessarily run the dishwasher for half a load, but I don't want to seem weird

putting my mouth on something that has my picture of my roommate and his beloved on it. That's from Seeking to Be Caffeinated in Not Cleveland. Are you here? All right. Hello. Oh wait, hold on. Very important follow-up.

Is your roommate here? Thank God. Hello. Hey. Oh, wait, hold on. Very important follow-up. Is your roommate here? Thank God. Awesome. Now listen, I picked this question and we chose this question and it wasn't until hearing my brother read it that I processed them as not the mugs but thinking about it as drinking out of them,

my roommate and his fiance. But you're not. And when I thought about it in that way, the answer is so obvious to me. Travis, do you think that when the room- No, I don't think that's what they meant. No, no, no, I know, but for a moment there, you definitely did think that when the roommate

drank out of this mug with his own picture of him and his wife on it, he was like, mm, drinking out of me and my wife. Yeah. All right, dude. I'm not saying like, we're drinking out of me and my wife, more of like, my wife and I's love has warmed my coffee.

I think there's a way to drink out of your roommate and fiance mug. And my immediate thought is straw will help get you out of this situation. That seems weirder to me. That seems weirder. It seems weirder to you to not. I'm really sure.

If it's like, if you needed to briefly, if you're making a movie and you need to very briefly communicate that the roommate was a problem, the number one way you would do it is by having them drink out of your special love mug, right? Like if you see like, yeah, burp, you're like, wow, we got to get rid of the roommate, right? Clearly, he's the problem in this.

He's the third wheel. It's like you're doing a big kiss on it, though, kind of, huh? It is, like you're kind of trying to droid. And I'm an extremely weirdly jealous roommate, are you kissing a picture of my fiance and me also? There is, there is a moment for me where if I'm the roommate and I'm like, why won't he use those mugs?

Well, you think it's weird to not like, I think they're really nice mugs. I don't understand. They're always the last ones left. We put them in the mug things that people would use them or else we put them in our special hidden spot. Can you just scratch their faces off of the mugs? Put a sticker of your own face next to them.

That's cool. Yeah. Or on top of the fiance. Can you make it a little bit more of a thing? Like you're really celebrating it. Like as you're drinking, you're like, yup, that's the love I'm crazy about. You can really taste the Kevin and Patricia.

Hey, are you guys microwave safe? Again, Travis, they're not drinking out of the roommates and I can't make that clear enough to you. Start getting your own mugs with pictures of you going ah on it. Hey though, but can you get a mug that has a picture of you drinking out of their mug? Go on.

And then see who drinks out of that motherfucker. Arms race. Dun-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Jam-a-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma. I wanna munch. Squash. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. I want to munch. Squash. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa It's thematic the return is here fan favorite potato cakes are back at Arby's

Wow I really I Have a new that's all the I have a new voice inside out style in my brain And it's just the pepperoni roll who's like I don't want to fucking look at that right now man get that out of here Joy is like yum yum, I love fried potato cakes. Disgust is like, I don't know, but the pepperoni roll is like, get that shit out of here. Or I'm pushing the yards button. Do you mean hash browns?

Hash browns. No Trav, it's Harbys, so it's potato cakes. And Kyle McLaughlin is gonna explain whyby's, so it's potato cakes. And Kyle McLaughlin is going to explain why you should join the order of potato cakes. And he's here tonight. This July, Arby's is answering fans' calls to bring back potato cakes. A fan favorite, potato cakes have

passionate fan base across the social media, insisting on the return of the shredded potato fried to a crispy golden brown. There's no better building material, says fans. Yeah, man. I've been plugged into social media these last couple weeks because of the news. And man, it's hard to follow because of all these people demanding potato cakes to come back at Arby's.

The iconic side is gracing Arby's menus nationwide for a limited time. Do they use the is gracing Arby's menus nationwide for a limited time. I mean, why? Do they use the word gracing? Yeah, Travis, it says gracing Arby's menu. Gracing Arby's menu. I mean, maybe. For the past three years, Arby's fans have mourned the loss of their beloved potato cakes.

Mourn? What? Mourn the loss. Do you know how fucking sad it is that Arby's is like, well, we can't sell them the fried potatoes they love to eat. It's just too expensive. They're potatoes. We have to fry them.

We can't make the numbers work. Also, Arby's, hey, Arby's, hey, Arby's, three years ago, there was some other stuff happening globally. That also had us pretty bummed out That also maybe might have had an impact on sales I don't know man. There's sales. It's fucking April 2020. I'm looking at our sales. I don't get it They fall off the face of the earth. They must just be so sad about the potato cakes You guys are living a pretty privileged life.

If at some point in 2021, you didn't have to say out loud, this too, you're taking this too, huh? All right, thank you. My last bit of joy, potato cakes. From the, y'all, in the past year alone. Don't cry, it's okay. In the past year alone,

potato cake has been mentioned more than 10,000 times on social media. That's not a lot! With loyalists issuing passionate pleas for the revival. Why do you have to justify selling hashbrowns? Just sell them or don't. We didn't want to! We didn't want to. We fucking hate these things.

But you guys. From the thousands of social posts to online petitions and even dedicated fan accounts, RB knows the true adoration of Potato Cakes devotees and is eager to please. Paul, do you have the video handy? Oh God. Hello. Paul, do you have the video handy? Oh, God. Hello, and welcome to the Order of Potato Cakes. Now, hold on.

No, don't. I've seen you in the comments section. Some might say you were obsessive or deluded. Some might consider it corporate harassment. But in the Order of Potato of potato cakes we call it passion So Paul has briefly taken a break Travis. Did you have a question? Yeah, that's a luminati right what he did Now it's a hash brown that's a shape of potato cakes That's the shape of them in the comment section

Some might say you were obsessive or deluded That's the shape of him. You married McDonald's made a clown? That's pretty good. Huh, I love that. See that devotion? That's pretty good. That's what I'm talking about. You belong here with us. Oh God. The order has taken over Arby's social media to ensure the prophecy is fulfilled.

Don't worry. or Arby's social media to ensure the prophecy is fulfilled. Don't worry, they're far gone. But the will of the order has prevailed. You already won me over. Potato cakes are back at Arby's. The only thing missing is you. Our ranks grow stronger each day, but we must remain vigilant. Was that Quakecon?

That they just showed? As this is the limited time order. Now is our time, and the order of potato cakes needs your help. The more you comment about Arby's potato cakes, the more you purchase Arby's potato cakes, the closer we all get to true potato cake enlightenment. Join us. What am I supposed to feel? Help us fulfill the prophecy.

And together, we will demonstrate one simple thing to the powers that be. Potato cakes must remain. This concludes our orientation. Or else. I hope, I pray that QAnon gets its hands on this commercial. Just because I think it would finally put that whole thing to bed.

Yeah. Because half of the full- Wait, which whole thing? QAnon or the commercial? Probably QAnon, because half of the QAnon people would be like, this is nothing, guys. And the other half would be like, I don't know. I'm pretty sure. I think it's part of it.

If you really look at it, I think Kyle's passing along some pretty coded deep state messages. What else? Can we go, hold on, real quick, Paul, can we go to like second 25, I think? It's somewhere around there. Did you time code it while we watched it? Yeah, I wanted to talk about it.

No, keep going back. I wanna see his shoes. There we go. So yeah, if we could pause right there. So what I wanna talk about here is of this two minute video, these shoes are visible for about three seconds. Yes.

So someone very passionately chose these shoes for Mr. McLaughlin. Or, unless he brought them from home today. Also possible. Also possible. And then they made sure, and if you could just cross your legs, Kyle, so we could see him real quick,

we don't want those shoes to go to waste. Oh, thank you so much. This is what I wanted to say about this ad, really. This is Kyle McLaughlin starring in an ad that is pretending to be for some sort of like Jejeune Institute style fake retro computer cult. And it's also Kyle Glocklin again, and it's for potato cakes and it's a fake infomercial.

What I'm saying is like, I think I've brought the Munch Squad to heel. I think Munch Squad works for me now. Is what I'm thinking. I worry that I've like perverted it to my own. It's like, well, I know one way we can get a little attention. Yeah. What about the husky boy and the Bim Bam?

Right. This feels like they did some dream mining. It really does feel like to a point where it's like, and it's about Arby's potato cakes because since 2021, I've been mourning their absence. So, Did you request this? Several omens have recently foretold the re-emergence of Arby's beloved crispy side item.

Wait, is this from the press release? I'm just reading the text. Several omens have recently foretold the reemergence of Arby's beloved crispy side item, and only lit enthusiasts like McLaughlin can be trusted to inform all the members of the order of the details of potato cakes limited return As a potato cakes devotee myself I'm proud to lighten all potato cakes lovers about the return of our cherished menu item said McLaughlin leader of Arby's newly founded order of potato cakes We've been waiting three long years and our voices have finally been heard.

Potato cakes are back at Arby's thanks to the powers that beef. When I said powers that beef, you know how you all are finding this kind of funny but not as funny as it should be? It's because they just made it for me. Do you understand how narrow, like they wrote powers that beef in my own blood.

You know what I mean? It's like, we've also, we've talked about a lot of celebrity endorsement pairings and quite often they reek of like, I don't know, man, I don't care anything about this, put my name on it. This is the most like Kyle McLaughlin was, had ideas for. What are they? Fried potato triangles? I've written up a script for what I'm going to say.

I figured it out already. I've got the shoes picked out already. I already have some shoes that are appropriate. What's the budget for the commercial? $700? That is for me. None of it. OK.

This is gratis. Fair enough. Anything for you, Arby's. To further honor Potato Cake's return, Arby's will also offer a variety of bespoke limited edition merch items created specifically for the order, including a Potato Cake amber necklace, Potato Cake candle, an animal pin,

and official garb of the order in the form of a T-shirt and hoodie. Arby's, Potato- Have we lost all sense of what bespoke means? Well, I just want to say that the sad thing is, I didn't read this paragraph until I got up on stage. So it's been a kind of distracting show, trying to see how much of that I can still buy. I was wondering what you were doing, Justin.

I did catch a little out of the corner of my eye. I needed to be able to say like, and I bought it all. But you know, like I, Arby's has built a reputation of offering bold, delicious menu items from our well-known classics like roast beef sandwiches. And jamoca shake to our limited time specials, like yeah, for sure. And the bourbon BBQ sandwiches,

it's not as good as Rax's, but I bet they didn't even make it up here. The fans asked for it again and again. Now we're bringing back potato cakes, one of our most requested and beloved items, to celebrate the true love, passion, and devotion of our guest show for them day in and day out. I guess they didn't tell her about the skit, huh?

They should tell people about the skit if they're gonna ask it for a quote so they don't come off like a real turd. Right. Anyway, they're back now. You can go get them. Not right now. Please wait till the show's done.

Not this second, but thank you. And thank you, Arby's. And thank you, Kyle. I really appreciate it. Um. I'm tired of sitting on my butt and not doing anything to help anybody. And I'm not even doing anything about my dream. And I promised you guys that I was going to in 2024, I was going to make real progress on my dream.

And honestly, it's no it's it's late and I feel like I'm running out of time. What should I do? Help. Well, Justin, is your dream to build a beautiful website? It could be the first step of a dream, maybe. Okay, because if you want to build a beautiful website, to engage with your audience and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, and on your terms, you could do that on Squarespace.

And I'll tell you, Justin, it's pretty weird that you didn't already know that because we've talked about Squarespace. Well, like a lot, like a bunch. A lot. You could say, Travis, this is my third time talking about Squarespace today. And it just hasn't sunk in because I guess at this point,

we're also telling our audience again about Squarespace, which we've talked about a lot. And I don't know why our audience is so fucking dense. They haven't. Get the net, audience. I'm just saying, guys. How many times do we have to fucking tell you about Squarespace?

I don't wanna get angry about it. I've held my tongue for too long, audience. It's Squarespace time. Buckle in. We've all used it. We've all made websites with it. It's so so easy. And look at us now! Look at us now, we're so successful.

It's so easy and it makes your stuff look good. They give you templates and you pick the stuff out of the templates you want and it looks like you're a internet pro and you don't actually have to know anything except that Squarespace is the place you should go to do the things. So go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

When you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com slash mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Fly, you fools. Now Justin, I don't know if having a website is gonna really further your dream of, if memory serves, you said you wanted to be a Mortal Kombat guy,

you said you wanted to be a playable fighter in Mortal Kombat, and I don't wanted to be a playable fighter in Mortal Kombat. And I don't know how the website is gonna get it. My dream, if you remember Griffin, is to do a better job sharing my photos with my friends and family. Having to be a Mortal Kombat playable character was his nightmare, Griffin.

Justin has a nightmare every night where they show up and just beat his ass. That was my Are You Afraid show up and just beat his ass. That was my Are You Afraid of the Dark episode. My dream is to share- The Are You Afraid of the Dark episode is just 21 minutes of Justin getting his ass fucking stomped by Scorpion and Katana and Sub-Zero.

All of them working together, which they don't normally do. But they are gonna- And it's weird because normally they don't give the other fighters lines about why they're doing it and why they feel so good about kicking the other person's ass. This time they have to absolutely tee-wup

to stop my ass. Yeah. For quote, wrongs you've committed against them and God, is what they keep saying. And they make special fatalities just for just, just for just, like Johnny Cage- Just for me they're specific. Justin, Johnny Cage rips off his penis and throws it

and it smacks against the Hollywood sign. Wait, he rips off his own penis? That's how bad he is? Johnny Cage yells, I hate Justin so much and he rips off his own penis and throws it against the Hollywood sign. And Justin dies of shame. So aura frames are really good frames.

Aura frames, you said? I'm trying to tell you guys about You gotta be you're right. Okay, just do a normal ad This is all highlighted in the copy. I have a family. I'm a community leader, guys. You gotta be, okay? Just do a normal ad. It's a gift. I'm with you now. It's a gift. You give a gift to somebody you love

and you have an Aura frame. You can set it up ahead of time on their wifi details. You can get it all hooked up. They don't need to be text-happy to have one and you don't really have to be text-happy to use it. It's really easy with the Aura app. You can upload pictures that you take right away wirelessly to anybody's frame, your own frame at home,

or maybe like a grandma, uncle, whatever. It's a beautiful gift. We've given them to lots of people. Everybody loves them. If you got kids and your parents aren't online, then this is a way to get the pictures of your kids, to your parents, to your parents. your parents, to explain how Instagram works. And keep them off of it, keep them off of social media.

Yeah, please, Christ. They don't need to be on Facebook. Yeah, tell them that the Aura Frame is Instagram. They don't know their kids. They don't know anything. Hey, if you would like to try this out, I promise you it makes a great gift. I've literally given it to probably a half dozen people

at this point. For a limited time, visit auraframes.com and get $45 off Aura's best selling Carver Map Frames by using promo code MYBROTHER at checkout. That's Auraframes.com promo code MYBROTHER. This exclusive Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so don't miss out.

Terms and conditions apply. Real quick, it's got a couple of announces before you get back to the rest of the show. It's Blart Week, baby! The 10th anniversary of Tell Death to Us Blart drops this Thursday on American Thanksgiving. It is a- So all week we'll be showcasing special Blart content.

You can see Blart marathons all week long. We're not doing any of that. Look in your mailbox, there's a Blart mailer in there. Just doing the one episode that we did record a while ago, but it's coming out and it's gonna be great. Please join us as we watch Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 with our friends Tim and Guy for the 10th year running. Also, we're doing our Candle Nights special

on December 14th at 9 p.m. We got special bits we've made and special videos and we're gonna do Mbem Mbam bits and it's all holiday themed and we don't cuss. And it's a great time of year and you get together and you share it with your family and it's just lovely. Bit. don't cuss. And it's a great time of year and you get together and you share it with your family. And it's just lovely. bit.ly slash candle nights tickets 2024

is where you can go to get a ticket for that. So you should do it and then join us December 14th at 9 p.m. It's all prerecorded, but we air it live so everybody can watch it and chat about it. And it's a good vibe, I promise. And speaking of a good vibe, if you're listening to this week of,

right now, week of Thanksgiving, I am appearing off Broadway in the 20-Sided Tavern. It's a live D&D improv off Broadway show. It's an absolutely chaotic good time. You can get your tickets at the20sidedtavern.com. I'm only doing seven shows, so don't miss it, the20sidedtavern.com. Come see me there. I'll be doing like a stage so don't miss it. The20sidedtavern.com, come see me there. I'll be doing like a stage door meet and greet

after each show, so come, see the show and say hi. We got some new merch for Candle Knights. Candle Knights poster and ornament are available now, designed by Matt H. Taylor, and all proceeds for that particular item and the Candle Knights show go to Harmony House, which works to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs.

And then also, other merch we got, Deathblart 10-year anniversary poster celebrating our so far pretty great track record of staying alive. Flawless one. Yeah. Killer, yeah. And also, if you wanna get fungal or merch, you should do it before the end of the year. And 10% of all merch sales this month of November

will be donated to the First Nations Development Institute. Their mission is to uplift and sustain the life ways and economies of native communities through advocacy, financial support and knowledge sharing, all at macroymurch.com. And in case we didn't say it in the episode, thanks to Montane for the use of My Life Is Better with you. Well, I know we said it.

We always say it at live shows. I pride myself on myself. Just in case, who knows when this was. But I do thank Montane. I do thank Montane. Better with you. Well, I know we said it. We always say it at live shows. I pride myself on myself. Just in case. Who knows when this was? But I do think, Monte. I do think, Monte. I thank you. Enjoy the rest of it. Bye.

We are now going to call some folks down to the microphone that is here at stage left, house right. We asked you to send in your questions. I'm gonna call out your name and your seat number and when you approach what are you what the fuck are you doing? God damn it dude! Cuz you crushed a can of white claw? He did it with his mind Griffin. Okay I was trying to send a secret signal and it got through! Alright! Alright thanks Paul! When you come on down.

I was really, have you guys ever done, hey, here's a quick question. Have you guys ever done the head, question on your head thing? I feel like. Not for you. I clearly wasn't asking everybody in the audience to answer individually for themselves,

but I do love that spirit, honestly. The way in which you answered, like, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Obviously, Justin. Are we gonna do it right now? No, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Obviously, Justin. Are we going to do it right now? No, please. I'm really not already crushed my kid. I was just curious.

I don't think I would have. It would hurt, and we'd embarrass ourselves. OK, do you feel like you're not going to? I'm not Stone Cold Steve Austin, if that's what you're asking. Yeah, no shit, Griffin. I'm not going to, but like, you think you could, right? I mean, I've bit into one like a werewolf and Teen Wolf. I'm already. I'm not gonna, but like, you think you could, right? I mean, I've bit into one like a werewolf and Teen Wolf. I'm already going to the hospital after the show, so I may as well cut my forehead terribly.

I think the trick has to be you squeeze a little as you do it. I think you've got to squeeze a little as you do it, right? I don't know, man. I'll ask Stone Cold Steve Austin next time I see him. We're going to call you down to the microphone. At book club. Please let me get through this. Please.

It's not funny. It's just informative. But I have to do it. And you're not letting me. It's just an explanation. This is actually a good time. This is actually the perfect time for me to finish my Arby's transaction.

You have to log in. Shut up, Travis. You have to log in with Arby's account. You have it saved. It has his Arby's account password saved on his password manager! Stop looking, Travis. I can't do it if you look. What if that's the thing that gets you on the dark web sites? Arby's today suffered a terrible hack.

I mean, they're dope. Okay. I get emails about it all the time, like, hey, they cracked this password, J-Man. It's like, well, they'll give me street cred. Let them rifle through there. I don't care. So, okay. I get emails about it all the time, like, hey, they cracked this password, J-Man. It's like, well, they'll give me street cred. Let them rifle through there.

I don't care. It's a long purchasing history. When you come to the fucking microphone, when you come to the microphone here at Stage Left, House Right, if you want to give us your name, your pronouns, if you'd like, and a synopsis of the question that you sent in, that would be lovely.

Hello, who are you? Tell us about yourself. That was not supposed to stump you. I've been a designer for most of my life. No, name. Name, what's your pronouns? Some things happened three years ago, and I went on some hard times.

Wait, our mic's not working? I need it, we have to- What's to get, we need your name, please. Oh, I'm Paul, I'm sorry, he, him. It's okay, hey Paul, welcome to the stage, Paul. Hi Paul, I'm Andrew right now. All right, Paul, with our introductions out of the way. They're new meds. It's all good, Paul.

What's going on, Paul, how can we help? So I've been a designer for like 30 years, went on some hard times about three years ago, something happened, but anyhow. Wait, is it the potato cakes getting taken out of Arby's? Cause that hit a lot of us. You know how it goes. That's when Macquarie stuff went downhill fitness.

Yeah. I finally landed a job in sales, but I don't have a whole lot of experience at it. And I wanted to sort of inject some fun and pizzazz into my sales pitch, and I was hoping you guys could help me. I do sell headstones. Yeah. Yeah, you saved that for the end in the email too.

And we were all, my brain was all getting really excited about different gags, and then oops, right there at the end. It's just so sad. Okay, I got two things for you. Okay. First, start talking about like a celebrity endorsement like this is the headstone like John Wayne uses, right? And so that way you tie it in that way.

And then if you want a little joke, you can say, and you can use it, it's flexible, headstone, footstone, however you want to do it. No. Yeah, that won't go over real good. It's proven here. Okay, then you make a joke. Is that? If that?

Listen, screens are the future. How big are screens right now for you guys? Yeah, I thought so. I, the next step after that is- You mean measurement or popularity? No, no, no, screens like, screens in the headstones is huge right now. Yeah, but you said how big is it?

I just mean- And I thought you were asking what's a quarter of- 71 inches. Like how many, no, no, no, no, screens like screens in the headstones. It's huge right now. Yeah, but you said how big is it? I just mean how big? And I thought you were asking what's a quarter to? 71 inches. Like how many, no, no, no, no. I don't need a big screen there. I'm not trying to be flashy forever. Besides, if you get a big screen in your headstone, what about in five years they got better screens?

You're gonna look like a dork for dying when you did. You don't need that. So you need AI to update it. So whatever's hot then, that's what's on your headstone. Yeah. It's like here lies Justin. And then you've got like a Fortnite guy or, you know. Yeah. And he's like skivetting all over me. Sure.

And my name, and he's just skivetting. But then, what if there's a glitch and that's what it gets stuck as forever? And then in the year 3100, during the second great human renaissance, people are like, we gotta smash this fucking headstone, guys. We can all agree, we like this one the least. History's greatest villain according to us. Did that creep up? What's his fucking deal?

Is there a law that says the dates on a headstone have to be true? Technically, no. Okay. Oh, shit. Because, okay. Oh shit! Because if you could stretch it out to a ridiculous number and then wait like 200 years from now, someone's like, yeah, what the fuck? Whoa, they were born in 1251, died 1998?

Huh. That's all I want. That's cool. Or have it go backwards. Whoa! I'm trying to- That's all I want. That's cool. Or have it go backwards. Whoa. I'm trying to put the G. Does it have to be the right name? Or can you put like Benjamin Button on there

and just like freak everyone out? I'm trying to think. It's a real Benjamin Franklin. And we found him. I'm trying to think of other like de facto sales pitch stuff that's already out. Like, oh, that's my favorite. No, that one's delicious.

You can't do that. That works at a restaurant. Or like, yeah, people are wild about that one. We hear a lot, we get a lot of repeat business on that. I don't know why. The last headstone you'll ever need. Yeah, absolutely. I don't know why we have ceded the fun marketing ground

exclusively to like auto dealerships on TikTok. I feel like there's an opportunity there for you to become the fun TikTok headstone dealer. Maybe... Is there a way to make a headstone get taller over time? A big like, you know, a Lick-A-Made, a big Lick-A-Made stick that looks like it's dipping into my coffin. Edible headstones. Can it be a 3D printer, but it's like so slow?

So like in 30 years, it'll finally finish. It's a statue of me or something. That would be killer. What's your usual pitch? Like, cause- Yeah, where do you start? I mean, usually I start with, I'm sorry, your family member died. Yeah!

That's a bad place. That's not fun. There's no precisely- Yeah, yeah. Fuck, guys. No, we should have said something. God damn it. Why didn't we say-

No, that's a place to start like, man, I'm so glad you're here. Nah. Finally. My dumb ass was just like, do a TikTok dance so glad you're here. Nah. Finally. My dumb ass was just like, do a TikTok dance. I should have said apologize about their dead family. Wait, people aren't picking out their own headstones ahead of time? You got to get that going.

I don't want these hamming anchors picking out my headstone. They're going to get boring ass headstones. I want to pick my own headstone. Why on God's green earth would we be the one in the water? Yeah, we are 20th on that list if we are anywhere on it because my wife is crying so hard She's throwing up Travis. I swear to God It's probably literally two dozen people that would do a better job in the line of succession But do you know how-

Who? If you let- My seven year old? Travis- You monster. You have known us for a very long time. If you let Griffin and I be in charge of it, you will not like it.

Doc, you won't. You won't like it, dude. You will haunt our asses guaranteed. I was gonna do that anyways, but I thought it was gonna be like, nice headstone, bro. Jeez, Louise. Now I'll never die. This is my impression of Griffith and I

for the rest of our lives. It's what he would have wanted, right? I mean, he would have, he would have gotten it. He would have gotten it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He would have gotten it, he would have gotten it. Hey, can you make some of the headstones vert ramps and just like, I'd love that actually.

Super easy. That would be cool. How hard? If one in a million people who stepped on my grave fell into it, that's actually what I want. Just a trap door and you never know when it's going to go. Can you write on every headstone, no treasure here? Guaranteed. Wink.

That statement has to be true. Well, maybe. Is there a law about that? Better question, have we helped you? Yes. Thank you so much. Oh, good. This is a relief.

Thank you so much. Good luck. Hello. How's it going? Hi there. Hi. How's it going? Going good.

Ryan, he, him. Hi, Ryan. Hello, Ryan. I teach for a living, and I have a lot of free time in the summer. And one of the things I like to do is go to garage sales locally, because you never know what you're going to find. Yeah.

I mean, you kind of do. Oh, yeah. It's mostly garbage. Board games and smelly clothes. Half of a basketball hoop. Twelve records. Ripped up Pokemon cards, you know. That's a story there. That's the holy grail, really.

Why do they rip them up and keep them? Bad break up. So what is your question? How can we help? My question is though, what do I say to the people running the garage sales when I don't buy anything? You say anything else good inside?

Where's the Primos? Where's the Primos? Where's the Plain shit? You got any free rigs? You got any stock in the back room? By which I mean your house? Where's the Black Market and your ho? Take me to the seedy underbelly of your house. Where's the stuff for the deliberate connoisseurs?

Do y'all do food? I'm hungry. Hey, I love the display you got out of here for the normies. But what do you got for us discerning adults? Wink, wink. Wink, wink. Where's the beaded curtain I can step through? Right.

Where's the adults only section? You could do what I do whenever I leave a place without buying something and loudly announce to anyone who's listening that I left my wallet in the car and then leave. You do that every time you leave a garage sale without buying something. He does that when he leaves my house, Gerva. I do that when I leave most places without buying something. Yes, I will announce that I left my wallet now there is a problem with that though Justin where garage sales do mainly dig place outside So they would watch you get into car and start our change gears drive away Yes, but by the time I've gone so if they for my mind I mean

What's better Travis don't you think it's better for the garage sale And that's better, Travis. Don't you think it's better for the garage sale runner to be like, oh, he's fucking gone, rather than the person working at the shop that can't see Justin get on drive off just waiting. Should we lock up? It's way past closing time. Nah, man, Juice said he'd be back with the wallet.

And I'm a huge fan of my brother, my brother me. I know I didn't say that to him then, but he's coming back. Yeah, I think you gotta be honest. This shit sucks. You gotta get better shit. You made precious memories with this stuff? Ha ha ha! No, no, you didn't hear me.

I said one man's trash is another man's treasure. I'm not the person that thinks it is treasure, so I have to go. I will be honest with you, Ryan. I don't think I've ever done this, because you can usually find something at a garage sale for like a quarter, and that's a penalty you pay

for not finding any cool shit at the garage sale. Yeah, yeah. Although that's weird when you're like, just the ashtray, thanks. I just started smoking. I haven't started smoking yet, but I'm thinking of taking it up. I don't know if I like smoking, but I love Betty Boop. Brian, if you walk up to a garage sale, what is it the first thing you're looking for?

What's your first priority? Non-ripped up Pokemon cards. Okay, got it. Pokemon cards are the number one I'll take then you just walk up look I'm squaring the I and say I'll take all your Pokemon cards And when they say none you say okay, then why did you make me come? Yeah, then why did you put Pokemon through? On the poster you didn't fuck what address is this? Have you ever not stopped

have you ever driven past like got any Pokemon I a hundred percent have done like the slow drive by where you can kind of like scope it out you're like you see any really big Pokemon stop here one time I was at a garage sale with Rachel when we were still living in Austin and before we had kids and stuff when we could still just drive around the neighborhood in the weekend and look at garage sales and I we were like fuck. Yeah, that one's got a hammock for sale So we bought the hammock and then they were like, alright, so Are you gonna be by with the truck later to pick it up? We were like, oh Yeah

That's right It has to get to our house somehow. It's a hammock. Forgot about that part of it. So what did you do? It was like three blocks away. We carried it home. That's how we got strong.

We used it like four times. It was well worth it, guys. Excellent. Does that help? Yeah, that actually really helps. Awesome. Cool, Ryan. Thank you.

I didn't expect you'd feel that way. Did anyone else? Oh, thank God. Hello. Hi. Hi. How's it going? Hi.

I'm Katie H. I asked a question about hot air balloons and how I get them to... Yeah, Katie. Yeah, Katie. So many questions from us on this one. I'm so delighted. Hi. So what's up with the hot air balloons, Katie? My question was how do I get them to stop landing in my yard?

Yes. Now. Right? So, this is rare for us. Katie's eating things with their hula hoops and their hot air balloons. I'd love to let Katie talk for like 30 seconds because I do need a lot of information really quickly.

So I live in like the middle of a corn field and it was an empty lot for like 40 years so I think it was just like their secret landing spot. To do, to get, okay, yes. I guess if you do need to piss or shit as a hot air balloon pilot, you can't do it in the sky. No, you gotta plan for that. Okay, sorry, go on.

They did plan for it. They had this nasty little cornfield they would park in into their business before rising back up. Hey, Katie, I know this isn't the question you asked, but moving forward in the future, if someone asks you where you live, don't say, I live in the middle of a cornfield.

Because it does sound like you've just risen up from the ground. OK, but they're still parking it, you're saying. How often? Like, at least once a year year they'll try and land them. OK, they've got a year with the end of that. No, Travis. You say that, but my rate of hot air balloon parking encounters

is approximately zero a year for the whole of my life. One a year is a lot of hot air balloons to randomly land. If you all had an annual hot air balloon visit... I think you could make more space in it for your life if it was more frequent. That's true. It's almost worse than an annual. You could set up like an outpost and sell them goods. And if it happens... You're here to trade furs. And then if it happens every few years, it's magical, like Brigadude. Once a year is the worst frequency you could happen with. It's like really weird too, because like they have people on the ground, I don't know if you guys know this, but they have like people on the ground,

they like come driving up my driveway with like walkie-talkies, and they're like trying to tell them not to land because there's a house there. Yeah. Do they land on your house? No, but they- How fast are these fucking balloons going? They can't clock the fucking house on the ground? I didn't know how to airplane-

It's too late! It's too late! I don't know what to do! Give it more hot. Yeah. So it go up. I didn't know landing was such a committed process. I'm like, no man, I'm coming in. Tell the house to move.

I know why they need pullers, obvious. Right? It's a delicate balance for sure. I don't know why they need spotters for houses. It's just a balloon. Don't go there. You have literally nothing obstructing your sightline except for maybe four ropes.

Katie, you need to put a bunch of cactuses on your roof. That's great. That's the hot air balloon's natural enemy. Hey, Katie, you got a label maker? No. Can you get a hold of a label maker? You want to own a hot air balloon? I'm saying that guy lands.

You're like, bring her in, pal. Bring her in, no problemo. As soon as it lands, Katie's what? What does this say on here? Well it's, let's see, it's at my house and it says Katie's on it. So I guess that's my hot air balloon. But I'll go to the police, will you? Will you?

Because you landed in my fucking yard dude. Yeah, you landed on my yard and if you'll notice I'm ten feet above you I'm flying away like the Wizard of Oz You'll never see me again motherfucker. Oh, wait, wait, wait, hold up How did you go down? Wait, do you guys know of any other cornfields cuz I can't land here be hugely embarrassed Like, do you guys know of any other cornfields? Because I can't land here, it would be hugely embarrassing. But maybe with owners who are less grabby than me.

Can you get some friends to come over and dress up as, I don't know, scary looking balloon scavengers? Okay, Griffin, sorry. It's a really good movie. Have the friends come over and dress like the cowardly lion, the tin man on Scarecrow, and Dorothy Dorothy and be so excited that the balloon came back. That would also work, yeah, I think that would also work. I was, Katie, I was about to say that helped, but like we're really doing a good job.

Yeah. So I think that, I feel like question answered, right? Feel good? Yeah, I thought so. Thank you, Katie. Thank you, guys. question answered right? Feel good? Yeah I thought so. Thanks Katie. Thank you guys. That's how you do a Shrek on it. A lot of you were probably thinking I bet they don't have a Shrek hot air balloon. We've got to stop making such big Shreks everybody.

Hi. Hello. Hello. My name is Sawyer, I use they them pronouns. Hi Sawyer. I got so lost coming down here. I know I'm so sorry. You're like where is everyone? In a labyrinth? We got lost backstage a couple of times too. Yeah. It's the the Masonics were constantly under threat of invasion so they needed to... The weirdest part is all the arrow holes facing out. Yeah it's weird. Anyway, Sawyer, what's your question? Okay. So, my sister had a fish, R.I.P. Its name was Screwdriver.

And as you do for the traditional fish funeral, we flushed it down the toilet. Very, let's see, yeah. Nearly immediately, I had to use the bathroom. Did you, perchance, eat a pepperoni roll 25 years ago? Literally immediately, I had to use the bathroom. Oh. Did you perchance eat a pepperoni roll 25 minutes prior to the funeral? No, but it sounds good.

It doesn't. Maybe for me. So what happened next, I guess? Luckily, we have other bathrooms in the house. But that one is, like, the one closest to my room. Yeah, it's the good one. Yeah, your favorite. That's fine. We all have a favorite one.

Yeah, you have a home base. What would screwdriver have wanted? Like, was screwdriver nasty? There may be some fish there like you'll never believe it it finally happened. I never thought it would happen to me. Every eight different cycles on this shit planet, seven different incarnations, finally it happened. The burial pee I've been waiting for. So here God. Sawyer, if that ever happens again, let me prepare you with this statement.

I just need a moment alone. I have a lot of feelings right now all building up inside of me. I just need a moment alone with the ghost of screwdriver. Ashes to ashes, I'm about to bust. You guys gotta get out. And now the traditional moment

when you all quickly leave the room. Paul, if you're still looking for headstone sales tactics, I think offering a burial at P could be novel at the very least. It's not like that same day, right? You gotta let the sun set on screwdrivers. Oh no, am I? Like, no. What are you talking about? Once the flush has happened, it's gone. Now a flush does have to happen. Yeah, you gotta flush. You should be, can I say though, pro tip to Yeah, you gotta flush.

You should be, can I say though, pro tip to everybody, you should be flushing when you put it in. Cause if you don't, it's not good. Say whatever you're gonna say before it enters the toilet. Don't put it in and then say your words. And make sure, and honestly while we're at it, make sure you flush before too. You really, you wanna be really.

You should be flushing your toilet constantly. It's a taste issue, honestly. It's a taste issue. You should be taking your- It's a taste, not taste. God, man. Guys, this used to be a classy show. It sounds like you're talking about

sous viding your fish in the toilet. It used to be a classy show for adults. Well then what did you mean? You can't say it's a taste issue. Are you getting dressed like you're about to walk off stage? Do you need to use the bathroom? Well, I never. Harumph.

No, I'm just saying it's distasteful to not flush before and after the service. I'm saying there should be a little bit of taste applied at the ceremony. And yes, ideally you do have a marching band lead you into the toilet, Justin. Obviously in a perfect world. Do you take out the little like blue cleaning disc

inside the toilet before you put the fish in there? That's what they would have wanted. And turn off the music when it flushes because you have a special music. That would be embarrassing. I bet there's- First you cleanse the fish in the bidet. Right.

Yes, yes. No, you put the fish in first, fire out the bidet, give him one last ride. Goodbye. Sawyer, does that help? I don't want to talk to my brothers about this anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks Sawyer.

I appreciate it. Does it help? It did help. Thank you. Thank you so much Sawyer, I appreciate it. Does it help? It did help, thank you. Thank you so much Sawyer. I knew it. Hey y'all, thank you so much for coming to our live show tonight. It has been an absolute blast. You all are incredible, and there's so many of you.

Holy shit. Thank you so much. That's amazing. Oh wait, I'm going to be real you. No, I don't know where my phone is, nevermind. But I'll tell all my friends later. They'll be so jealous. We wanna say a big thank you to Justin Gray,

who did our poster. It's, you can find it outside. Maybe we signed a whole bunch of them and you can buy them out front. My favorite part is where there's a birdhouse in my soul. And your face, for some reason. I love it. Well, that's where my soul is. But it's on my feet.

Thank you to Paul and Amanda, and to Rachel, and to Jack, and everyone who helps us to do all of these shows. To Sawbones. Hey, thanks, Sawbones. To Clint McElroy. Thank you, Clint. Thank you to the staff of this beautiful temple.

They've been so accommodating and our spread backstage, they really went above and beyond with the candy. And we so appreciate that extra touch. There's like eight different candies back there. It's great. It's gorgeous. Thank you to Montane for these for a theme song, My Life is Better with You.

I have a wish here that I would like to elevate for fun go or we don't need to, but I want to elevate. Oh, and thanks to Sawbones for opening and absolutely crushing it. I said that, right? And thank you also to Paul and Clint McElroy. And to you. You. You all can see me, right? OK, they brought Strudel to its backstage as well. You. You. You all can see me, right?

Okay. They brought Strudel to its backstage as well. Not for you, for us, but. And pepperoni rolls. They will lose points for that when God judges them. And thanks to Paul. And thanks to Paul. And hey, big thanks to Paul. The headstone dealer.

We have a wish for Fungalore. We have a wish for Fungalore. I have a wish that I, what an elevate, shut up. Oh, I'm sorry, Travis, is it hard to talk sometimes on the show, cause the other two guys are just doing their fucking. All right, we're gonna do a sound bath, raise up this wish to fungalore right.

House left, your mind, stage right, Just jazz it baby, no rules, just right, just feel it and do it. Ah. Rub, rub, rub, rub. Just jazz it baby, no rules, just write, just feel it and do it. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh Kiss your dad square on the lips. It's better with you, yes it's true It's better, it's better with two My life, ah, it's better with you