My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 746: Long Gone Daddy with Fists of Steel

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

Strong Morning, listeners! We’re speeding along with Sonic’s dad to give you the best advice about haircuts, signature pizza, and personal investigations. All of this to distract from the fact we have to come up with a new outro again. Fair winds, traveler!Suggested talking points: We Do Need to Said More Things, Enemy on a Plane, Your Situation Requires Hanging in There, The 7/11 Sorcerer, Pop Tart FascinatorsPalestine Children's Relief Fund: https://www.pcrf.net/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed It's ripened into a precious friendship I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach

My life, it feels like. It's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, it's better, it's better with two. My life, it's better with two. My way, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah That could be thunder or the sound of a car engine that is far away. I'm Griffin McElroy. I forgot to say Travis. Yeah, that's Travis.

I'm realizing that. Well, that's Griffin. Griffin's in my, Griffin's got shotgun and we're gunning it. And Justin's in the sidecar. Justin's in the trunk. Oh, shit. I'm in the trunk.

I'm in the boot, if you will. You know, I'm realizing I had this moment, this chilling moment when we started recording and we were doing our introductions and then I let my mind drift as the human mind off does, to the off introductions. And I realized I don't know. We don't know how that's gonna go.

We did it again. Yeah. So let's not, I mean I included a fungalore wish. No, can't do that, that was last year. Can we do it like, can we say it's like instead of a wish to fungalore, it is a question to make the cargo? It's absolutely a question we should have had on the production meeting that we did yesterday.

No, but you know, Justin, art is a living thing. Art's alive and we should live within it, like Osmosis Jones. Yeah, exactly, Osmosis Jones. That's a man without fear. That is, he's living faster than fear for sure. Now Travis, it's been a little bit, you were traveling, how are you doing, how are you feeling?

Traveling faster than fear, Justin, thank you for asking. I'm feeling great, I'm over my strep throat. I did have a day, speaking of Osmosis Jones, where one day, and this was like before I started my antibiotics, where suddenly, like, and I didn't even have a fever, but it was like before I started my antibiotics, where suddenly, like, and I didn't even have a fever, but it was like my fever broke and I felt like 25% better instantly.

And my first thought I should not was, there's an Osmosis Jones in there fighting the fight. Just blasted. Yeah. Just somebody just got absolutely melted by an Osmosis Jones and I feel better. I mean, it could have been him, it could have been David Hyde Pierce zapped Thrax, if you'll remember, was the bad guy in Osmosis Jones and I feel better. I mean, it could have been him, it could have been David Hyde Pierce zapped Thrax,

if you'll remember, was the bad guy in Osmosis Jones. Yeah, he was like a Tylenol, I think, who killed Anthrax. He was like a Tylenol that killed Anthrax. But hold on, Thrax is just the name, he's not Anthrax, because Bill Murray got it from eating a dirty, a monkey's dirty egg off the ground. There's a lot in that movie that reaches beyond like the limits of my capacity to imagine.

The scene where Bill Murray picks up a dirty egg off the ground and just gooshes it into his nasty mouth has really clearly stuck with me. This is nothing, girl. There's a scene where there's a party in a bar inside a pimple, if I remember correctly. That's not important. Yes.

The stuff that happens inside the body is not important. No, what I'm saying is that I could try to explain this movie to someone who hasn't seen it, and it's gonna sound like a fever dream or like a made up thing. And he gets anthrax from eating a monkey's dirty egg off the ground? I don't think that's how anthrax, I don't think that's where anthrax came from. No, it was from the government mayor. Awesome.

So it went through the government, like publishers clearinghouse. Publishers clearinghouse for birthday cards. So we are just fucking jazzing right now guys. I'm loving it after two whole weeks of basically telling the same joke over and over again. I feel so excited. So this week we'll be picking a new name for the year. God, what is. Okay, this is actually really good.

I was trying to figure out why I was feeling so creatively backed up. And I mean, literally, like I can feel it in me. You know what I mean? Like the jokes. The bile. I recorded my brother and my brother made a couple of times. Why didn't that slake my thirst?

And it's like, well, you didn't do any jokes. No. You didn't do any jokes. You barely were creative. Like, you know what I mean? No, at that point, we were pagliacci-ing around of like people are laughing because of the sad clowns in front of them,

but we weren't actually making jokes. Yeah, I love this new podcast where a monk whips his back with the cat of nine tails until God whispers the future into his ear. They did two of them this year. We can't, we did it it and one day we'll forget. That's what I look forward to, is forgetting about this whole debacle.

The day in like 2032 when we're going back over the past years and then we get to 25 and we're like, what was it? A shiver will, no, we'll remember the name. I'm saying a shiver will go up my spine. What I need to know is, and what I think we should have clarified last week, and I will very briefly mention this and move on.

Do we have an asterisk situation, or is this a dual theme where- Absolutely not a dual theme. Tummy Buddy time stuff, I think we can drop in there with- You're not even saying it right. Yeah, Tummy Buddy life, I think, is gonna end up being like one of those things

where there was an interim, but they still get listed hypothetically amongst the things, you know? Yes. Where it's like, if a president has to undergo surgery and be put under, and it's like, for that hour, the vice president was president, that's like Tummy Buddy Life,

but when we're listing it in like the proper- I would just as soon not mention it. It's a brief interregnum. No, no, no, no need, nothing more need be said. This is also an advice show. Well, we do need to said more things because talk a lot you know. We do need to said more things for sure.

We do need to said more things. Yeah. I recently started working at a Magnum PI agency. And one of the things we do- That's not what it, there's no way it says that, right? I recently started working at a PI agency. And one of the things we do pretty often. That's not what it, there's no way it says that, right? I recently started working at a PI agency. I think it's a pie.

I recently started working at a raspberry pie factory. And these dang things just keep hitting me in the face. I recently started working at a PI agency. And one of the things we do pretty often is run background checks for clients. However, the more I run them, the more curious I get about what my background check would show. The problem is we do have to justify every background check.

The confirmed story is someone ran a check on a very famous celebrity. Me? And that, understandably, raised some red flags with the site we use. We now have to justify every background check to the site and our bosses. Understandably so.

My question is, what reason can I give to run a background check on myself? That's from Curiosity Kills the Cat in Pittsburgh. Now, I wanna help you, but first, I wanna talk about this spy company. Listen! Hey, pal! Listen, I pay you for the spy stuff, alright?

I can use that nasty spy stuff on any way I want to, and I don't need you judging me about who I'm spying on and being a creepy sneak, okay? I pay you! So you don't judge. No, Justin, you're missing the point. As soon as you, the customer, say, give me a full background check, I'm like Tom Hardy. Now there's a reason to do it, but that, cause it's money, but the employee can't just do it out of curiosity.

So you can, Justin, you, Justin McRoy, as long as you pay them, I don't know, $5 or whatever, you can run your nasty dirty background check on anybody you want to. No questions asked, which does raise the question, if I can just go to a website to get background checks done on anybody I want, anytime I want, why do I need a private investigator?

Because it seems like I can do it. Oh, you have to pay an annual fee to log into the thing. They have annual fees and licenses. And you don't wanna do that. And they have the bookmarks saved already and the passwords already in there. It's just like a whole big effort. It's a long password.

I've done that. I ran background checks on you guys. And also if someone figures out what you're doing and they try to bring the heat to you, you need a real, a dick, a long gone daddy with a fist of steel who can come be in your corner and help punch you out of a jam, you know? Yeah, for sure. This guy sounds cool. Tell me more about him, Juice.

Yeah, I was going to go down an avenue of like joking about background checks on you guys, but now I'm interested in this- Tell me more about this long gone daddy with a fist of steel though. This long gone daddy with a fist of steel who's in my corner because I wanted to find out Sounds cool. Tell me more about him, Juice. Yeah, I was gonna go down an avenue of like joking about background checks on you guys, but now I'm interested in this- Tell me more about this long gone daddy with fists of steel though. This long gone daddy with fists of steel

who's in my corner because I wanted to find out about Tom Holland or Tom Hardy or both of them. Are they gonna beat up Tom Hardy for me? No, that's all the detective stuff that I know about. Oh, okay, cool. There's a long gone daddy with fists of steel. That's a very selective- That's a very selective-

Miles of shoe leather. And it was from a Bruce McCullough song that I was remembering, and then I don't remember any more of it, so. Okay. You need somebody to hire your PI company to investigate you. Yeah, now watch this, the watchman.

You need somebody to investigate the PI companies, and that is what I'm offering to you, Sharks. Huh. So a public investigation company. Of the private. There's a lot of private investigators. Where's the public investigator who just stands on a street corner like,

you guys don't, you know Steve, there should be a free service that solves crimes. Yes, right? Why haven't we invented that yet? Right. Are you worried, if you guys got a background investigation done on yourself, I figure there's three possibilities, right?

One, there's stuff on there you weren't expecting, stuff on there, like not stuff on there that should have been on there, or like, yeah, that's me. Which one of those three options is the most satisfying to you? I mean, I would want it to be accurate, I would hope. I wouldn't want it to have a bunch of... But that doesn't feel fun.

Like if I wanted a background check and I got a background check and I was like, yeah, that's it. I mean, what do you want to be on there, I guess, Trav? I don't know, find out a secret about myself I didn't know. You know what I always hope for? They don't, you don't see this as much because of the internet, but when I was a kid,

they used to publish these big lists of people that the government owed money to. Like, come get this money, we got the money for you, come get it. And I would love to discover something like that. That would be great if they're like, secretly the government has $400 for you, no problem. Well, I've talked about before, I think on the show,

Griffin and I have very similar social security numbers, and that's because apparently our parents didn't get me one when I was born, and then Griffin was born, and they were like, we'll just get them both done at the same time. And that's efficient. When you got three rowdy boys, sometimes you gotta look for little corners you can cut.

And hey, folks, before you start judging our parents, they didn't have cell phones. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I looked it up, cause for a long time I was like, that seems shady because they didn't let me leave the hospital with my kids until I had one. And that apparently didn't start until like 1987.

But for a long time I was like, there's a story here. Off the grid. If we started talking too much as kids, they didn't have an iPad that you could give us. They had to do it the old fashioned way. Just a pad. Turn the lights off. Face down on the carpet,

then run out of the room real fast. Mr. Beast wasn't even alive yet. No. Mr. Beast was dead. He was unborn. He was pre-dead. Our Mr. Beast was Mr. Bean. That's how, Mr. Beast was just Mr. Bean in- Because Mr. Bean, Mr. Wizard, Mr. Beast was Mr. Bean. That's how, when Mr. Beast was just Mr. Bean

in Mr. Mom's belly. Because Mr. Bean, Mr. Wizard, Mr. Beast. Our Mr. Beast was an old man who would show up at your house and give you a check from the publisher's clearing house. And we liked it. That was our Mr. Beast. He didn't do anything fun.

He didn't make blood sports for everyone to compete in. What reason could there be? I got enemies and there's a version of me out there walking around. Maybe you've seen them. They are getting a lot of fights and they run a lot of stop signs and they're getting me in a lot of trouble.

So I need to check my background because I have forgotten which one of us is the real one. Ooh. I watched enemy on a plane my background because I have forgotten which one of us is the real one. Oh. I watched Enemy on a Plane, and I think that's what happens in that film. It's just called Enemy? Is it called Enemy on a Plane? It's not called Enemy on a Plane.

That would be cool. It would be a much more condensed version of the film if there were two Jake Gyllenhaals on the same plane. To be fair, Enemy on a Plane. I imagine they wouldn't have to look for each other. That's how I feel every time I get on a plane and somebody immediately like hits me weird and I'm like, that's my enemy on this plane.

Whatever that, I see them out of the corner of my eye. What a truly, truly unhinged way to live your life. You guys don't do that? You don't create a little kayfabe wherever you go? I don't need rivals. Like I already have so many haters crawling out of the woodwork to come and grab my stash. Sometimes it's nice to just have a little private ire

towards someone where you're saying, I don't like that, but they'll never know it. I have something like that and it's the opposite and it's called getting through the day and it's where I have to tell myself, you love this person. You're all just trying to get through. Everyone's this person. You're all just trying to get through. Everyone's doing it.

I'm not gonna act on it. It's not like an I've decided to say something. It's just like when they do something, it makes me feel superior to them. But you are acting on it, Travis. You gotta- Not hate judgment. Your thoughts have energy, right?

Oh, okay. You're telling your heart that with your brain. Yeah, I'm powering the plane with my energy. Some people are really susceptible to that stuff. Some people are, Trav. I'm a big energy guy. Have you noticed that, Trav? He's got more of an energy guy.

I mean, look at him, he's doing Chaz hands. I'm, ooh, Travis, even you saying that gave out a pulse, gave out a pulse, a different vibration, and I'm feeling ooh, Travis, even you saying that gave out a pulse, gave out a pulse, a different vibration, and I'm feeling it now. And I gotta say, it put a bad taste in my mouth. So what you're saying, Griffin, is that I'm sending negativity to you, and you're feeling it. You're doing it right now

to me right now, and I'm picking it up with my dish. Tell your boss you're looking for a new job and you're worried about what's gonna show up on your background check. And then if it's bad, tell your boss on second thought, I guess I'll stay here. I'm worried about some stuff that may or may not be about to come to the surface.

And this is for you because if I mean, you're employed when this stuff comes out, it's not good for anybody. And then at the end of the day, you're like, remember earlier, I just wanna say psych, psych, psych, psych, psych, psych, psych, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Here's another question.

Please. How do I share a hairdresser, what kind of hair I want without showing them a photo of Sonic's dad from the Sonic movies played by James Marston. That's from Sonic 3 is four out of five stars. That's good, that's a great rating for that film. That film's so stupid and so much fucking fun. I can't recommend Sonic 3 enough.

Am I gonna see Sonic 3 by myself? Did you see Sonic 2? Yes. Okay, yeah, you gotta see Sonic 3. Love this little guy, I can't get enough of him. Why not show him a picture of James Marsden? No. Marsden. Marsden is a different guy.

Marsden. It's one of the hardest things to remember in life, is which one each one is. And this is something that we all struggle with all the time. Yeah, I think if it's T, if it's Marsters, they're coming from the top. If it's Marsden, it's a bear and a den. That's how I remember it.

Yeah, that's the good mnemonic device. You can show him, I just spit balling here, a picture of James Marsden. I did it too. He showed a picture of James Marsden from any other project. If I could recommend, what is the jury show? Jury duty? That's a good one.

He's great in that. What about just like a series of James Marsden from different thing? You're like, and I could look like this guy from X-Men or this guy from Sonic or this guy from Superman Returns. They're like, hey, these are all James Marsden. It's weird. You know, now that you mention it.

That is weird. Yeah. What incredible, incredible hair James Marston has. My Lord in heaven. Consistent. It's so rock steady, but it looks stylish. It's like rock steady in a shaggy way. It's amazing.

It looks like it always looks great. I mean, this is what I'm aspiring to and can never. Juz, I think you're close. Juz, honestly, I think you are close, getting closer all the time. I'm looking at your hair, I'm looking at James Marsden hair. It's not that different. The problem is, James Marsden hair in the Sonic movies

is not consistent. He's growing with Sonic, isn't he? As Sonic, and I think if you compare- Like an emotional hair? If you compare Sonic 1, Sonic's dad, to Sonic 3, Sonic's dad, I feel like as the radical attitude of Sonic has- Oh, it's teaching him.

Is teaching him, helping him to grow. I think he's got a little bit more of a waterfall in the back. Uh-huh, okay. It's fun. God, he looks so cool. Sonic, okay, James Marsden has hair, like in a video game where you're building a character

and like Sardew, for example, and you put a haircut on him and it's like, that's their hair. It's the platonic ideal. Every time you see them. It's standard hair. Here's what I love about James Marsden. Tell me now.

There's a lot. I'm getting worked up. Yeah, here's what I love about James Marsden is that it all seems attainable. A lot of guys, a lot of guys, you look at these Bradpits, you know what I mean? You're like, never, never. Different echelon.

You look at James Warsdon and folks, if you don't do this, you're gonna laugh, but you look at James Warsdon and there's something about him where you're like, maybe if I, I guess I could, hmm, I guess he's approachable, right? When in reality. You don't mean approachable, like approachable

and like talking to you. You mean approachable like I could approach that level. I could, you know, it's like, I think most straight white men want to be James Marsden, but they can't realize when they've gotten there and they just keep pushing past it. Well, they wanna be George Clooney, but they would be happy to be James Marsden.

That's not true. That's not true. I don't wanna be him in the same way I don't wanna be some sort of space angel. Do true. That's not true. I don't want to be him in the same way I don't want to be some sort of space angel. Do you know what I mean? Like I can't be a horse. I can't just become a unicorn. I see.

But James Marsden, if I put a lot of work. A lot of work. Into my appearance. Like a lot. Like yeah. I mean, if I put- I don't know, man. He's got a jawline.

It's not, but the fact that you're right is immaterial. Okay, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. It's a mental- It's a mental thing, right? But I also think that makes it easy to root for James Marsden, because it's like, he's like one of us. You know, like when someone, like you're watching whatever the one where, oh, what's his face?

Marky Mark, Mark Wahlberg gets to play for the Eagles. And it's like, he's one of us, he's made it. When I see James Marsden out there doing it, I'm like, yeah, man, there's a handsome version of myself. Travis, yes. It's so wild that this super handsome dude that got to be Cyclops at X-Men, I'm still like, come on, James, you can get him.

But you're rooting for James. You can get what? But you're rooting for James Marsden. He's in like the only movies people go see anymore. He was in X-Men, he's super handsome. And Superman. And Superman, his hair's great. He got cocked by Superman.

He's fine, he's doing just fine. If I mute hard enough for long enough, do you think I could get a James Marsden chin? If you Mute? I'm gonna say yes, even though the answer is no, but I feel yes. I don't think I know how to do it. So he's a sigma chad, is what you're saying. I can't get into the labels.

Is James Marsden a sigma chad? I can really stretch my neck muscles out like a fucking frog, are you guys seeing this shit? When I'm you I feel like I'm just hiding a gross anthrax egg in my mouth. Yeah, I'm gonna I got a wiki Do you want to talk more about how handsome and talented and funny James Marsha knows because if you do we'll save that for the Patreon exclusive like here's like here's the thing. I feel like you know in my brain I have a number of likelihood of most people on whether or not they could ever be on an episode

of Clubhouse or something. And James Marsden's is weirdly high, in a way that I don't think reflects reality. But I'm like at a 20% chance that we could get James Martin to do something. He has really cast a spell on you, Justin. 20% is low, I will remind you.

For easy? If someone told you he had a 20% chance of winning the lottery, you'd be buying a ticket every day. And those two events are equivalent. Oh, well, this is all, I mean, Griffin, tell me about your wiki. Tell me about your wiki. Hadn't done one in a while.

This one was sent by a lot of people. A lot of people sent this one, I do appreciate it. And it's how to have an imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend. Huh. Inventing an imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend is easy. All it takes is imagination. Yeah, no shit, man. Well, yeah, dude.

Well, of course. It depends on, I would say, what your end goal is. Because you could have a, you're right, yeah, you could have a non-imaginative, imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend. Well, I'm saying, if I'm trying to have an imaginary partner in order to convince people I have an imaginary partner,

then maybe a powerful imagination is actually detrimental. Right. That's true, wow. That's true, yeah. Yeah, so maybe this whole article we're about to read is gonna be wrong, and it's just going to be like, don't say anything about them. Keep it open and empty so that you can not get caught at any point. Let's start out with create your partner beforehand.

Have a firm grasp of who they are, where they're from, what they do, et cetera, before sharing them with anyone. So that's the opposite of what I just said. Yes. So maybe I was, I think maybe let's go with the Wiki on this one, because they probably put more work into thinking about this stuff.

Can you imagine if you decided, I'm gonna convince my coworkers that I'm dating someone, and you show up and you're like, yeah, I started dating this new person. And then you spend an hour and a half listing off everything about them. And then they're like, how long have you guys been dating? And you're like, two weeks.

Two weeks. It's been a passionate, mostly text-based, mostly text-based relationship. You listed off their height in centimeters. Yeah, man. Yeah. Those are the kinds of things that are important when you're getting to know someone.

She's from London, England, so. To make her feel comfortable, I have gone metric. Don't give yourself away by taking the time to think up lies on the spot. That's true. I've been watching a lot of traitors. I think I'd beat ass at that show, because I can always tell if someone pauses

for even a microsecond, I catch that shit like bull. I catch that shit like bull easy. My secret- Wait, like bull from Nightcore? Bull. Bull from Bull. Bull from the movie Bull. I, a lot, or the TV show as well.

I, my secret talent in this area would be, if I was trying to like trick people with this kind of thing, is that I genuinely don't remember a lot of stuff that people, or don't know. You have plausible deniability. Plausible deniability, where people are like, and this guy and this and yada, yada, yada.

I probably legitimately do not recall, if that was the case or not. And I feel like that would be enough of a smoke screen. I believe I do have a Canadian partner of some sort. Province, I don't know, man. Province, I don't know, man. Province, I don't know. What are they even called? Make it memorable, I guess, is what Justin is saying.

Like pick a name like Jameson Hard Rock and you won't forget that. Or start forgetting important stuff months out. Okay, cool. Where it's like, oh, I drive a, I wanna say red. Like, you know, like- Oh, about yourself too? Yeah, where if people later, months later,

are like, tell me about your boyfriend, and you go up on details, it's like, that's par for the court. That's them. You often forget largely. That's helpful for a lot of stuff too, I imagine. Yeah. Yeah, not just- It's called lowering a lot of stuff too, I imagine. Yeah. Yeah. Not just-

It's called lowering expectations. Yeah. And it's probably my superpower. Keep your partner believable. Expect people to ask questions about them. Keep your answers grounded in what you know for sure. Expect people to ask questions about them is interesting. Because-

As is what you know for sure. Right. Them not being real at all. I don't know that when someone says I'm dating someone new, I might ask a couple questions. I don't think I'm gonna get that deep into what province are they from. I also, okay, if you're someone who feels the need

to invent a partner, to convince people you have a partner, the idea that you're gonna seamlessly slip it into conversation in a way that makes people ask a lot of questions is also expecting a lot from you. Yeah, this is interesting though, because as an addendum to this point, it says either give your imaginary partner an upbringing similar to your own

so you can speak about it with authority, or model them- They grew up in my house! You're me, or model them on someone you know well enough to borrow, a plausible background, like a best friend, roommate, or cousin. That's troubling. Maybe not the cousin one. That one's troubling. Yeah.

Their name is- Yeah, how did I meet them? Our dads are brothers. Their name is Susan McElroy. Ugh. No, it's cool, man. We did 23 and Me, and it's four people back, so. It's four, so it's fine. I think that's cool.

Uh, use the truth whenever possible. Bolster stories about your partner with real details. Huh? If you tell people about a date or day trip you went on with your partner, use places you've actually been to. Oh, like real details from stuff you've done. Yeah, that's awesome.

That's really good. This is kind of lying 101. I love all this. I think this is all great stuff. This person is over-complicating it though. I have found with the rapid growth in Hallmark original Christmas productions that you really don't need to go through all this trouble.

If you look around, there is probably someone pretending to be a boyfriend or girlfriend near you at any given moment. You can hop into one of these productions. That's scripted, you know what I mean? Or if you fake it long enough, eventually people are gonna start filming scenes with you for inclusion in a Hallmark Christmas movie.

If there's one thing I've learned from movies and TV shows, it's that especially if you wanna move up in the corporate world, they feel more comfortable giving those kinds of jobs to married people. It's all they seem to talk about in movies. So you should be able to just find another person in that similar position, right?

And just say like, hey, you also wanna be CEO of a company, I do too, but we need to be married before they'll let us do that. You're so far outside the purview of this question. You're so lost in the sauce right now. Oh, that's not in there? Getting married, having a sham marriage is actually not involved with how to have

an imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend. That's an easy one, just roll up wearing a wedding ring one day. And just like, I'm married now. You are still so far outside of your jurisdiction in this question and what it's trying to propose. Oh, I didn't mean to cross state lines. I'm just saying it's asking how to imagine a boyfriend or girlfriend, and you're saying how to how to have a sham marriage.

Well, I once again point out, Griffin, that the title isn't how to convince other people that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, right? Because this is not a good way to do that. This could be fun. Yeah, no, this could just be a fun little exercise for you. Give a good reason for their absence. When you create your imaginary partner, think- Space.

Space? They're in space, they're astronauts. Not that they need space. No, they have too much of it, frankly. They're up there in it. And they're not gonna be back here for 45 years, actually. They are traveling to Mars. My boyfriend?

You mean Dr. Gideon Strongfoot? He's in outer space right now on the ISS. Yeah, he's just gonna be hard. The space elevator door's just closed. He's on his way up, man. Oh, wait, I gotta give me a call from him now. I can't hear you over the loud space toilet, Dr. Gideon Hardfoot.

This is gonna be hard for you to understand, but he is currently hurtling away from me, but he's going to perform what's called a temporal pincer maneuver. He's gonna slingshot around the sun through a black hole, and he's actually gonna be here in time for dinner with us tonight. But if he's not here now, he will be here later, but in this reality, it will just change.

Outer space really far away. As long as you're imagining this partner, why not go the whole nine yards and tell him the absence, the reason my partner's right here, they're a vampire, can't come out during the day. That's a real problem for them. At night, he's hunting and protecting me from the werewolf faction that's always trying to,

and then they're like, what, vampires aren't real? And you're like, neither's my boyfriend. So now who looks stupid? I just feel like if you're gonna suggest stuff that they clearly said in the question you can't do, then you are really not living within sort of the strictures that have been granted to you. Like they did say to not make it imaginative

and you're like giving them leathery bat wings so they can rule over in my court. So they can fight and suck blood and live forever. It's a fantastical world and I think it's great. But again, it's slightly outside the purview. Can you point to a little earbud you have in your ear and say, it's a her. It's a her.

I can't, you won't be able to see them because I've got a her in my ear from the movie Her. So we're inventing to impress people you're inventing them, AI girlfriend. Vampire out of the question. AI girlfriend. That is, now we're- Scoring some points with the big man,

the big boss upstairs. go a different way and then I can't come we've never met them and be like well it's pretty rocky things haven't been going very well between it's not a good relationship with a bad relationship people won't ask questions that's actually really good no one's gonna ask questions after that how are you actually don't get along very well but yeah do we simply do not like each other very much.

But neither one of us is ready to pull the trigger on it. So you know what I mean, right? Be consistent. Come up with one story, the tale of my amazing new partner, and stick to that one story with everyone you know. They put it in quotes. Did you write that title of that story,

or did they come up with it? No, come up with one story, parentheses, quote, the tale of my amazing new partner, quote, in parentheses. What's that, Susan?arentheses, quote, the tale of my amazing new partner, quote, in parentheses. What's that, Susan? You'd like to hear the tale of my amazing new partner? Sit down by the fire. Let me favor you with it, Susan.

Derek, play upon the pipe. Accompany me. Ah, yes, a tale I know well. They suggest keeping a diary of events you've done, also keeping up to date with weather in the city where they live so that you could talk about, well, she's trapped in the freak blizzard, it's what it says.

Starting to feel like a lot of work. It is a lot. I gotta tell Pete, I wish, if you wanna convince people you're everybody, if you wanna convince people you're not weird and you're normal, you gotta stop doing weird things. You're trying to convince people that you're a normal cool person.

Yeah. And that's all we want for you on this show. But you have to live within that truth. And for me, that means not looking at the weather in the city where your imaginary girlfriend lives. That's why you're weird. You have to stop doing things like that. Trying to be weird enough that you become cool not looking at the weather in the city where your imaginary girlfriend lives. That's why you're weird. You have to stop doing things like that.

Trying to be weird enough that you become cool is not going so well. Exactly, like I'm so, like no one goes so off the rails. They find themselves back on other rails where they're like, I'm so, so weird that everyone thinks it's like cool and working for me. I've convinced everyone I'm cool by being so weird.

This next step seems impossible. That would have been such a huge sound. Fuck TikTok. Is it gonna, do you think it's still gonna be there by the time this episode comes out? Not now, by the time this episode is up, this is TikTok. I'm thinking there's a, oh, last minute Hail Mary. Hail Mary for sure.

Gotta save it. Come on. So this one's impossible. Enlist someone you trust to help. Coach them on who your partner is, what they look like, how they interact with people, what they like and what they don't like to talk about. If I had this person in my life,

I wouldn't need to invent an imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend. If I had someone who I could trust so deeply that I could get them in on the con of my imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend, any sort of intimacy needs or human connection that I need, I haven't that incredible friend. Could you thread the needle on a romantic comedy where a guy insists the help of his girl best friend in inventing a girlfriend and he doesn't see the girl that loves him is right there because he's so busy inventing a girlfriend that doesn't exist.

Is that cool? That is definitely a movie that already exists. That's 10 movies. Now here's what's more interesting, right? Especially if your coworkers are like, have been in relationships for a while or are married, don't invent a fake boyfriend or girlfriend. Invent a fake potential boyfriend or girlfriend

that you're like, oh, there's some sparks, right? Like, I don't know, I really like them. I don't know how they feel about me. That's interesting. There's tension there. Once you're like in the relationship, after a while it's like, okay, cool, man, please stop talking about this person.

That's also all I wanna hear about too. Yeah. Like, I'm 44, if you think there's something sparking with you and the flinty coffee shop guy, like, great, man. Absolutely. Let's hear about that. Yeah, especially if I start to suspect you're making it up. Then I'm gonna get really, really curious.

Even more, oh,'t want every single detail. This next step is where I think it maybe goes too far. And it is to give your partner an online presence. Okay. Here is, you've lost me. You're catfishing yourself, you're matfishing if your name is Matt. Yeah. Yeah, you're just fishing, I think, at this point.

You're actually putting catfish into the water. You're seeding, you're farming. Yeah, what is that called? You're opening up the plane. The sluice. And dropping thousands of pounds. You've set up your own trout cannon or whatever they're called.

You're seeding the pond. I saw that happen once when I was a reporter for the Iron Tribute. I was there when they drew this, brought this huge, stupid truck, and they sent her a porter, man, to this huge, stupid truck to the backpack of Lake Vesuvius. They just opened it out, and there's about a million

of the most fucking confused fish you've ever seen in your entire life. Just blasting out of it. What a party. There was, guys, there was probably 200 fucking people just like, yeah, woo, and I was one of them, because that's amazing. Yeah, that's a lot of fish.

There were so many fish. I wish, Justin, that you had the scientific capabilities to interview one of those fish, because the story they're gonna tell of like, I don't know, man, like, I don't know what's happening, I don't know where I am. I don't know where I am. Fucking fascinating. Guys, if you are good at internet

and you start digging through the Iron Man Tribune website, you could probably find a picture that I took. Of a hundred thousand fish. With the headline, I don't fucking know, man. It was wild. Look at all these fish. Headlights, check this shit out. Let's go to the money zone. ["It's Better With You"]

I'll tell you who's really got my number, who ran a background check on me and knows everything that they need to know to do what they need to do and do it right, and that is Stitch Fix. Stitch Fix, I've been using for a while, always look forward to getting a box of duds, but using Stitch Fix taught me about my personal style,

and so I found some brands elsewhere that I found, and I liked their clothes, liked the way it fit. You know what's happened, guys? Stitch Fix has started to send me stuff from those freaking brands. They've got me so dialed in, They have their oracles, their fashion oracles have seen my future and they know exactly what I like. I'm keeping everything in these boxes.

Griffin, can I try something real quick? Yeah, sure. Here's the thing about these duds, they're no duds. What do you think? Yeah, I like it. Yeah. These duds aren't duds. There's probably a cleaner version.

These duds aren't duds. There's no duds here. No duds here. No duds in these duds.'t duds. There's probably a cleaner version of it. These duds aren't duds. There's no duds here. No duds here. No duds in these duds. No duds. So all of that was to say that Stitch Fix is good at what they do, and that is sending you stuff to try on,

and then you keep what you want, and you send back what you want. And they all explode. They don't explode. What explodes? With fashion, because they're not duds. No, come on.

Oh, like these are live fire, these are fireworks. No, I know it's not there. I don't actually think, let me see, hold on. Yeah, the copy doesn't mention anything about jazzing up their whole brand and what their whole identity is. It doesn't say, let me, no, there's some stuff in here

about you get a stylist and then they figure out your style. Yeah, but it doesn't say anything about jazz up a tagline for us, Travi is not- Well, no, that's implied. There's an assumed service. Yeah, cool. I do like Stitch Fix a lot. It's got personal styling for everyone.

I'm wearing Stitch Fix right now. Yes, I have Stitch Fix jeans on and they've always, they know what makes my took his work. They do. Personal styling for everyone. Get started today at StitchFix.com slash brother. That's StitchFix.com slash brother. You know, eating great nutritious stuff, it doesn't have to be hard.

It can be easy, actually. And that's a surprise to you at this point in your life. You've been told lies. That's right. I'm here to tell you the truth about Marley Spoon. Hi, you want to fast track your way to eating well without the stress? Check out Marley Spoon. They give you over a hundred recipes

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They put three of these on the menu every week. You got a few extra minutes to spare. They also have 20 minute options too, if you wanna be your press for time. But Justin. Yeah? Do they have anything from Martha Stewart? Yeah, they got at least two of Martha's incredible recipes

every single week. And if you're, you know, gotta check that. If you don't trust Martha, who can you trust? Do they have any recipes from French Stewart? That is- Yeah, they do. Yeah, actually- He ghost wrote a lot of these. That man's got a palette you would not believe. This new year, fast track your way to eating well

with Marley Spoon. Head on over to marleyspoon.com slash offer slash my brother and use code mybrother for up to 27 free meals. That's right, up to 27 free meals of Marley Spoon. That's like a whole year. One last time, that's Marley. That's... It's not, man. It's not, man.

Yes, I love Marley's food. I eat two every month. They send you these two week turbo meals, each one worth a hundred and forty thousand calories. They stuff you up so bad you can't believe it. And if you try to slice it up, they know in one you anymore We always fuck up there's not enough advertisers for us to keep doing this I stopped doing this Marley's okay. Let's be clear then Mar Marley Spoon doesn't send you giant brick-like

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When should I stop telling people to have a good night? I work overnights at a truck stop, typically from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. And my heart says morning starts at 5 a.m. because that's the time they announce a new day in Animal Crossing. But it feels weird to wish people a good night at 4.30 a.m. Am I wrong about when morning starts?

Is there a time neutral way to wish someone well? That's from Time Sensitive in Texas. I wanted to talk about this because this, I have a couple, and I know these are me, weird hangups about this. And one is like, good morning feels like such a greeting. Good night feels like such a greeting. Good night feels like such a like parting. Right.

It also feels weird at like 1130 AM that I would say good morning. Yeah. But then it's like, well, afternoon is until afternoon. Like there's so many of like- Isn't it weird? It feels weird. Isn't it weird that if you walk up to someone at a truck stop

and they're like, good morning, you'd be like, oh, good morning. If you walk up to someone at a truck stop and they're like, good morning, you'd be like, oh, good morning. If you walk up to someone at a truck stop and they're like, good night. I love you. This is what I'm saying. That's how I leave? Good night.

Good night. Do you want me to, should I go? But there's a difference, this isn't good night, this is have a good night. But if they say, now explain this one to me. Good evening. Oh God. If they say that, that's cool.

That's fine. Good evening is welcoming, good they say that, that's cool. That's fine. Don't let them in. Good evening is welcoming. Good night is get out of here. Have a good night is a blessing. Have a good night has a power and an intention behind it. And I think that it's really strong. And I love a have a good night. I'll take a have a good night over a good morning

in a day. I think this is what Griffin is hitting on here, right? I think it's about what's in front of you. Okay. Ooh. So if you think this, it's a judgment on the person, I think, because what you're really saying is, have a good rest of your day. Uh-huh.

If this person seems to be starting their day, that makes sense. But if they seem to be wrapping up, like heading to bed, then it's good night. Have a good night. But I think it's contextual to the person. Okay, that's interesting. What about, what do you guys think about have a good one? I love have a good one.

Hey, have a good one. I love have a good one. As like you finish your transaction at this truck stop, you say have a good one, could be have a good drive. I will say have a good night. That's probably my number. Have a good one is like, for me, it's some combination of have a good one, have a good one. That's probably my number. Have a good one is like, for me, it's some combination of have a good one, hang in there.

Yeah, stay safe. Stay safe. Stay safe. Stay safe. Keep your head on a swivel. Keep your head on a swivel. Oh, and if I like the person, sometimes they're gonna keep it sleazy.

Yeah, that's nice. Or take her sleazy. Take it sleazy, that's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah, have fun out there. Hang in there Taker sleazy, that's a good one. That's a good one. Have fun out there. Hang in there, Chin up. Hang in there is a good word, cause I think everybody needs to hear that.

Like I think everybody would welcome a hang in there. It's a good confirmation that your situation requires hanging in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you where we could really improve this whole thing. Cause obviously the fabric of society is just unraveling, before we speak.

We need to get, we gotta re, we gotta fuse it back together and make a little bit more connection in our life. Instead of good morning, let's swap out the good part for something more direct or actionable. Oh my God, what if they walk in and you're like, bad morning? No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying either, Justin. I'm saying give them a direction, like strong morning.

Brave morning. Ooh. And then you're telling them like, you should be brave this. Be brave today. Have a powerful day. All I ever want is for us to just, now a lot of our like, the things that we say are from sort of our naval or mariner history, that's especially common in cultures that are underwater.

Do you mean about like us as Macaroys, our naval history? Us as a people and I feel like I always am very drawn to greetings and stuff about the sea, right, or the winds. Oh yeah. Fair winds. Fair winds. Fair winds find you on the sea of advent, you know.

Yeah, even you saying that there gave me deuce, chills, juice if I'm being honest. If anyone hit me with a fair wind, Fair winds find you on the sea of advent, you know. Yeah. Even you saying that there gave me deuce chills, Jesus, if I'm being honest. If anyone hit me with a fair winds traveler, I actually- Fair winds. No, okay, but if I walk into a truck stop at 2 a.m. and the person behind the car is like, fair winds traveler, I will, I'm good.

That will help me out immensely. I would be fucking stoked, actually, and I will probably linger, because that's pretty cool. As a shopkeep, as a vendor or shopkeep, you can hit me with a fair winds traveler. Fair winds, steamy. How many times would they have to say, greetings weary traveler,

before it becomes so natural for them? That I don't like. There's no profession. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, greetings, where I will turn around, I will get our hotels tonight, I will find different lodgings. You're not going to sleep in the same building as that. More of your bones by the slobbering machine. No, I don't need that from you. Come in, sup upon our pretzel dogs.

If it's gonna be novel, it has to be a goodbye, because I need to be out of there. I need to know that I'm not about to hang out with- If it's a goodbye, though, you open yourself up to like the, sorry, what'd you say? What was that? And then yourself up to like the, sorry, what'd you say? What was that? And then you have to be like, I said, fair winds traveler, may,

may rise as glory keep thee, sorry. Rise as glory keep thee, yeah. But then you get, you know what you do, Juce? You can leave then, because you're done with that. You don't have to hang out in that moment. Yeah, that's true. But if you start with a greetings. You don't wanna stew in it regardless.

If you hit them with greetings and then say fair winds traveler, I feel like you've started to set the tone. You've opened the door to them being a character. Yeah, we're like, ah, greetings. It is good, Travis, that is good. If you give someone a little hint that like, hey, I'm kind of a cut up,

you're gonna wanna watch out for me. I don't think you can animate it, you can't be like, ah, greetings, greetings. And then you can hit them with Fairwinds Traveler right at the end. Yeah. And they're like, oh, there's a bookend here. Now the pattern makes sense.

Now when they pay, you'd have to say, that will be 20 coin of the realm and just see how that plays out. See, you're making me uncomfortable. Ah, 13 of the King Silver. I mean, it's fun. Are you willing to barter? I'll take three chickens for this Slim Jim.

I need to be warned before going into this business that there is going to be some creative anachronism taking place inside of it, or else it is entrapment. If there's a sign on the door, if it's decked out like a tavern and there's chickens outside the gas station, I know like, okay, going in here, it's gonna be a medieval times experience

for me and my kids. Then that is okay. Yeah, if I roll up and it's just a Sinoko and then there's just a sign on the bathroom door that says privy. Yeah, yeah. But that's the only thing in the whole place? You pop into a 7-Eleven

and there's a sorcerer behind the counter. I'm not ready. I wasn't ready for that. But I love it. It depends on how long I've been traveling at that point. If I'm 10 minutes away from my house. How weary are you? I'm not ready for that.

If it's like hour eight of the drive and there's a sorcerer at the 7-Eleven, I'm good for another four hours of driving. Four a.m. Four a.m. feels good to me. See, I think it's six, man. Good dawn. Six a.m.? Sunrise.

I think it's sunrise. Cause then it's dawn and then it's morning. Six a.m AM is for me, the cutoff where if we have like a flight the next day for tour and I know that I have to wake up before six. That to me is like- You're waking up the night before. This is a problem. Like this is a huge, it's like, I'll recheck that.

Like I certainly I'm not doing this math right. I can't be waking up before 6 AM. Okay. That's not right. Okay, but all joking that, like, certainly I'm not doing this math right. I can't be waking up before 6 a.m. That's not right. Okay, but all joking aside, guys, it's midnight, right? Night, dawn, morning, afternoon, evening. You're trying to quantify something that can't be... There is no, there is no firm time. Night ends when the sun comes up.

When does evening begin? Afternoon, five o'clock. It's five o'clock somewhere. Afternoon, you said afternoon. That's interesting, afternoon. So maybe there's not a firm limit on these things. Evening is five o'clock. It's all abstract.

It's all, this is what we're trying to. Okay, but we know that like the sun goes down, night begins. The sun comes up, day begins. That's. If someone at 4.30 is like, have a good night. That's crazy. Enjoy the rest of your night. It's 4.30 is like, have a good night. That's crazy. Enjoy the rest of your night.

It's 4.30, it is time to go. If I'm up at 4.30, it's the next day. If I'm in the gas station at 3.30, maybe I am coming home from a very long shift. Then here's the problem. It's a societal problem and not a time problem. Problems with our society? Yeah, we need to start having indicators

that let me, the shopkeep know, if you're heading home or heading out. and not a time problem. We need to- Problems with our society? Yeah, we need to start having indicators that let me, the shopkeep know, if you're heading home or heading out. Okay. Right, so that way, if you're heading home, right, after a night shift and you're going to bed, it is night for you, you're going to bed. Oh, but you-

You've just woken up and it's still early, it's morning for you. Normally this would be very difficult, but you're, as a truck station attendant, one of the, is supremely well positioned to see what they're putting in their body, right? Ooh. If you're, if you're, my grandpa Dan,

when he was up late driving for the railroad and he would stop at a truck stop, he would get a chocolate milk and a big bottle of Kasedrin for the caffeine and for his headaches. That's what his thing. If I see someone getting a big bottle of Excedrin for the caffeine and for his headaches. That's what his thing. If I see someone getting a big bottle of Excedrin and chocolate milk, they're not going to sleep. You know what I mean? Are you sure about that?

They got a lot. His best vehicle for caffeine was Excedrin? I know. Yeah. I know. That's why he's such an unhappy person. If I chug the bottle. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Two Munch Squad. Squad. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Welcome to Munch Squad, this podcast with a podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. I got two big stories, that's why I had to cut us off previously.

I got two big stories. Here's the first one. Pop Tarts Krispy Kreme, they're doing it. Huh, okay. Yeah. Pop Tarts, beginning today for a limited time at participating shops, and I don't have a Krispy Kreme in Huntington,

so I'm probably gonna have to drive to Charleston. Pop Tarts is doing a Krispy Kreme collab, a Krispy Kreme popping off the new year with three insanely tasty new donuts. We got a Pop Tarts frosted strawberry donut, which is an unglazed shell, always so appetizing when they put it that way, filled with strawberry filling,

dipped in shortbread icing, and topped with shortbread pieces, sugar sprinkles, strawberry filling drizzle, and a frosted Pop-Tart bites piece. That's a lot of shit, man. Hey, Justin, can I have a moment to say something about these donuts and Pop-Tarts? One, it's really blurring the lines

because this isn't a wild, like Pop-Tarts and donut are not that far apart. They're friends. In the like, if I'm breaking down by species, phylum, kingdom, whatever, right? And so to say we put strawberry icing and like a cream cheese topping. So now it's like a Pop-Tart donut.

And even looking at this picture, at least for two out of the three styles, they've gone to the effort of just gluing on a little Pop-Tart. A little Pop-Tart. So yeah, the little Pop-Tart fascinator on some of these is what I really wanna get to. Yeah, I love that. But the third design, you don't even get that.

Well, that's true, but it's a donut based on a Pop-Tart. So like, I don't know what you. But you can't tell me strawberry icing, the new thing in donuts. It's strawberry filling, a shortbread icing, with pieces of shortbread on it and sugar crumb. This just feels so corporate to me.

They don't make Pop Tarts Bites in chocolate flavor. This doesn't feel inspired the way that donuts normally do. This feels like a cash grab. Yeah, it's a cash grab. That's true, Trav. That's actually like, wow. I hadn't even thought about that.

Yeah, man, I think they're just doing this to sell donuts. I don't think this is about the passion. I expect better from Kelenova, a leader in global snacking, international cereal and noodles. Usually they're in it for the heart. You know, they have the heart of snacking company. They're doing a Bound Sugar one and a Chocolatey Fudge Donut one. Cream, Krispy Kreme and Pop Darts were coming together for the very first time and you know the result will be crazy good, says Dave Skinner, Krispy Kreme Chief Growth Officer.

You need to pick a voice for Dave Skinner, Justin. Well Dave Skinner's voice would get Count Donut does it is different from the Dave Skinner voice when I do it. It actually for a second I thought why is this so weird to me? And then I realized Count Donut's not here. It's true, yeah. Yeah. Krispy Kreme and Pop Tart fans will love kicking off

the year with this delicious collaboration. Now what is, let's check in with Kelenova. What do they have to say about this? Pop Tarts aren't just for the toaster. They can infuse culinary creativity to delight consumers. Krispy Kreme has done an incredible job of bringing this opportunity to life, They can infuse culinary creativity to delight consumers. Krispy Kreme has done an incredible job of bringing this opportunity to life, combining their iconic donuts with the beloved flavors of Pop-Tarts to create a truly one-of-a-kind

experience for fans of both brands. We're proud of this partnership to bring crazy good to donuts and donut lovers in unexpected ways. Can you, words mean things. And saying a once in a lifetime experience. Once in a lifetime. The idea that I'm gonna eat this donut and then begin to weep because nothing will ever match that exact experience again.

That's like, this is, I'll never know this again. I also love when a press release refers to me as a consumer. That's awesome. Cause that's what you are. That makes it feel like this press release should be barking at me from a loud speaker in the corner of my house.

And every morning they deliver a hot and fresh, oh, hey, who's this? You know who that is? That's, it's one of the Mannings. The younger Manning, I believe, Elijah. When I start Yeah, when I start this, before I start this press release, I got this up for you guys. You can just kind of tell me what's happening here while I pull the press release.

It's like Eli Manning is holding a bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch. A human bottle of ranch is holding a real bottle of ranch. And he's squirted either some of himself or the ranch dressing bottle onto a big pepperoni pizza. And his face and body language is a shrug. He is making the littlest stinker face I've ever seen. Now, what do you see?

He's apologizing, like, I don't know, man. Let's get more details, though. Let's get more details, guys. What else do you see? Give me more clues, what else you got? So Hidden Valley Ranch has partnered with Pizza Hut to make a signature ranch pizza. And then I see just down here at the bottom, Justin,

score a one of a kind resin encased collectible. And then you've cut off. Is it bottle of ranch or pizza or Eli Manning? Get a resin encased Eli Manning. No, a pizza. A resin encased collectible Pizza Hut pizza that Eli Manning has signed with Ranch Dress. Holy shit.

That's what we're seeing scrolled across the pizza. Yeah, so we've got three images here that you can use for this. One of these three, for the big game, you gotta have big prizes. And the new Easy Squeeze bottle from Hidden Valley ranch is so Exciting and powerful. Can you scroll back up the second image is killing so fucking good man Yeah, oh my god even the ten other winners prize gonna tell you the ten other winners

Will receive a year's supply of hidden valley ranch and Pizza Hut pizza So you wanted me to scroll back up just real quick. This is what you wanna see the images? These are images you could use, I guess, to tell your friends like, we could win this or we'll use this, right? So the first one is just a picture, it has the logo and then ranch on one side,

pizza on the other. And then the third picture, bottle of ranch pizza. The middle one- Sitting on a yard line at a football field. The middle one is a very close up of just a hand holding the pizza. As if to say, in case you're wondering what it looked like when Eli Manning

will scrawl his name in ranch, a little something like this. Some clumsy, I will say, layer mashing happening in the photo edit. They're changing the game with the launch of their brand new Easy Squeeze bottle, making it even easier to add ranch flavor to everything. I will say that's next level.

I fucking hate that I have to put ranch dressing bottles upside down where they then rest on the very small nozzle end of the bottle, top heavy the whole time, threatening to fall over and knock over my other condiments. I'm willing to bet that here, Easy Squeeze actually translates to we used thinner, cheaper plastic, so it's easier to crush it in your hand, like a Coke bottle.

To celebrate, they are teaming up with Pizza Hut and football legend Eli Manning to create the one-of-a-kind Hidden Valley Ranch signature pizza delivered by Pizza Hut. This unexpected collectible is a crave-worthy Pizza Hut pepperoni pizza. Unexpected is doing a lot of work there. This unexpected collectible is a, yeah, forbidden.

It should probably say. Yes. This unforeseen collectible. Ungodly. Unimaginable collectible. This unfathomable collectible is a crave-worthy Pizza Hut pepperoni pizza, autographed by Eli Manning using the precision

and control of the new. The precision and control afforded by these easily squeezily bottles. Easy squeeze bottle preserved in resin for eternity. You haven't tested that Pizza Hut. Certainly not. You don't know. You could encase this ranch covered pizza in a 10 by 10 foot Lucite cube

and I would still be able to smell it. You could put this motherfucker in carbonite. I would smell it from the other room. PSA, the largest and most respected third party authentication and grading company for trade. Oh, sorry, PSA is the name of it. This is not a public service announcement. PSA, the largest and most respected third party

authentication and grading company for trading cards memorabilia will authenticate the prize pizza. And then, yeah, like, hey, Vicky, you won't believe the day I had today. I had to watch Eli Manning sign a pizza with ranch and then sign a paper that said, yep, he did it. Yeah, that sure is that one.

Our new bottle design is a game changer for ranch lovers, making it even easier to enjoy every drop of Hidden Valley Ranch without the mess. I don't think about ranch dressing coming in drops. It's more of a stream? It's as viscous, there's a viscosity. There's no dropping that's going to happen. If a recipe called for five drops of ranch,

you would lose your mind. Also imagine if someone said, oh yeah, baseball, this new innovation is a real game changer. We made it a little easier to swing the bat. It's not really game changer. The game has changed for ranch lovers though, I think it's fair. Yeah, cause the bottles.

And one lucky winner will receive the one of a kind Hidden Valley Ranch Signature Pizza encased in resin. And the 10 runners up will receive a year supply of Hidden Valley Ranch and a Pizza Hut Pizza to create your own signature moments. Yeah, but you gotta think about one, the taxes you're paying. You tell me how much I need in a year. The taxes you're paying on winning that pizza,

you're gonna end up having to give back at least 30% of that pizza. But also, when I win that resident case, the Eli Manning signed pizza, do they also provide free security for me and the pizza for life? Because I've just become a target, you know what I mean? You have a one of a kind piece of art there.

Yeah. And are they gonna look after you? No, you gotta look after yourself. This is what I'm saying. Who's gonna keep me and my family safe now that we have the crystal pizza? Here's the question, who pays the taxes on this pizza? That's what I'm saying, Justin.

Is that my problem? Do I have to deal with that? You gotta stop Zooming in. You have to stop Zooming into Eli Manning's face. That face is actually saying very clearly, I'm not responsible for this. Sorry, guys. So thank you. So you can go get that pizza if you want.

I will say this- Or you can just buy a pizza and some- Sign it yourself. On the actual thing, the website, it says that the pizza is dehydrated and you should not consume because it won't be safe to eat. Do you know how sad it is that they have to hedge against the possibility? They're only doing one.

So they have to hedge against the possibility that the one singular pizza they make like this is gonna end up in the hands of the one person on earth who would try, who would be like, yumma, yumma. You guys remember that heartbreaking scene of the walking dead where they were all out of food and the only thing left was their Eli Manning sign pizza and they had to break up in the resin.

It's dehydrated, that means we have to mix it with zombie piss. I thought the show took a weird turn in season 33. They mixed zombie piss with Eli Manning's dehydrated resin. And they used zombie Eli Manning zombie piss to do it. It was a good cameo. I can't believe they got him. There's still some good episodes.

The whole original cast got up already. There's still some good episodes. The Eli Manning Lucite Pizza arc lost me a little bit. But the robot stuff is great. It's great. And like Negan, we're loving him. Yeah.

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. I know I've enjoyed getting to record it. I'm very excited. Hey Florida, or Flowrida. February 20th. If Flowrida wanted to come to our shows. Oh my God, are you kidding me?

February 20th and 21st, my brother, my brother, me and Taz are gonna be in Tampa. It's our first live Taz in Florida. And then February 22nd, my brother, my brother, me is in Jacksonville, Florida. Tickets are on sale now. More info and ticket links go to bit.ly slash McElroy Tours. We got a new plush that we've been working on

in collab with U2s. It's a Miggie plush, Miggie mackerel from the McElroy Family Clubhouse, a streaming program you can watch on our YouTube channel every Tuesday. It's only available for a little bit though. It's only available till January 28th. So go to Miggie.U2s, that's Y-O-U-T-O-O-Z.com. And grab yourself one of these while supplies last.

Speaking of, there's only a couple of Champions Grove packages left. It's the gaming event that I put on now in its second year, Memorial Day weekend. It's fun, I did it and I liked it and you're not better than me. There you go. So go to championsgrove.com for all the information

and to see the remaining packages. and you're not better than me. There you go. So go to championsgrove.com for all the information and to see the remaining packages. Also, we've got a wake up and do good shirt in the merch store and all proceeds from that shirt go to the Transgender Law Center, which organizes, assist, informs, and empowers thousands of individual community members towards a long-term national trans-led movement

for liberation. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund. So go check it out. Thank you so much to Montaigne for the It's Our Theme song, My Life Is Better With You. Let this powerful music start your year off so right.

And then let's end the show very quickly. Let's just end the show very quickly We don't know we don't have the thing. Maybe we should each share a personal fear. No, go ahead juice juice had it That's all folks You do still need to say your name though. No, I don't want to say that I I was I don't want to put my name on something that doesn't have a ending You know, I mean? Like, I really am proud of the whole episode.

Could we recreate, like, if the three of us- Recap the episode? Yeah, like, recreate, like, imagine, like, we're gonna create a soundbath, but it's the three of us getting into a car, turning on the engine, and driving away really fast. Like, you think we could make the sound of that? We already did soundbaths.

Ah, damn it, you're right. Like, we did it. And we did Wishes, and now- We could did sound baths. Ah, damn it, you're right. Like we did it. And we did wishes, and now- We could do the distance by cake, a capella. Okay, let's just, I mean, yeah, I mean, let's- No bad ideas. Badadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadad No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ah ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah ah ah ah ah, it's better, it's better with you. Yes it's true, ah ah ah ah ah, it's better, it's better with you.

My life, ah ah ah ah ah ah, it's better with you