My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 758: Ostrichhood

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

We’re diving into some deep scientific thoughts this week, asking and answering the really important questions. Like is a small wolf just a dog? How many pounds can an ostrich hold? How many Olympic swimmers can Justin name? And does pepperoni-flavored water make for a more luxurious pizza experience?Suggested talking points: Analog Fountains, Dire Wolves were Made to Taste Of Dire Wolves, Prince Muscleton, Professional In-The-Water People, Caviar BumpsNational Immigration Project: https://nipnlg.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert but if there's a degree on his wall I haven't seen it. Also this show isn't for kids which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed It's ripened into a precious friendship

I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like My life, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you This is true, ah ah ah

It's better, it's better with two My life, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ahroy. And hey, it's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 guy Griffin built Fortough. McElroy. I wanna ask you guys a question. Get me up last night, a little bit, not a super long time. Now, I want an honest answer, clear your minds, and this is not, should.

Travis, if that was the thing you just said to do, if I could do it, do you realize how much better my life would be? And I wanna make this clear, this is not should or would, but could, can human beings ride ostriches? This kept you up. Yeah, because I realized my only point of reference for it was like, I've seen it like in movies

or cartoons or something, I think. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I mean, I think it's a gentleman. It's a cowboy who rides an ostrich. The cowboy who rides an ostrich. Which I assume by the way, it's not seasonal, but that cowboy just doesn't know where to get a horse.

That's not real. Can I clarify if ostriches are real? They are, yeah. Okay, big, big, big, big, big, big. I get confused with them in Pegasi. And emu, emus, they're the same, those are the same animal and they should be reclassified as.

Dodo's? They're gone. They're gone. Not as big. So this kept you up. Yeah, because like when I picture an ostrich and I think about the whole design, it doesn't seem like a human being

should be able to ride it. I guess that's not my, I guess that's, I guess my issue is when my thoughts keep me up, they're usually more me-centric and less focused on the load bearing capacity of flightless birds. Oh, I have those too, Griffin. But I'm, like, those are normal human thoughts.

And then I have the ADHD brain thoughts. Yeah, maybe that's a- Yeah, sometimes my brain's like, how did fountains work before electricity? And that'll keep me up for like four days. Now, can I say something, Trau? That's a good one. The ostrich thing is like, it's easily Googleable.

The analog fountain thing is medium Googleable. Well, I'm 41 years old Griffin, and I've processed through a lot of the good ones already. Now I'm down to the snickle friends of, is it possible for an ostrich to support the weight of a griffin thing? A kid, a kid. A kid, sure.

But no one's gonna let their kid in there with that giant bird of prey. Yeah. No way. It's a good question though, Trav. I looked it up. Oh, what's the answer? Apparently, one, this isn't gonna surprise you guys, a lot of ethical concerns about it.

What do you mean that? ostriches like I said are not unlike a horse which has Everything about it seems built to convey Yeah, I mean with we've let's be more accurate travel we've built horses Yeah, bill yeah built horse tough, but horse tough, but ostriches are not built for, built horse tough. Built horse tough. But ostriches are not built for that, but apparently up to, and this is the most specific weight I've ever heard. It's gonna be so much lower than I want it to be.

163 pounds. Okay, actually, that may be, it would be tough. It would, there would be some lifestyle changes that I frankly am not like wild about. I don't wanna be out with the girls and have to think like, do I have that next piece of cheesecake

or do I wanna ride an ostrich? You know what I mean? I don't need to be around that kind of thing. Especially if you're right on the border. Cause this is 163. Like that means they put 164 pound person on there and the ostrich crumpled. Oh, Travis.

Ostrich like, fuck you. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, off, off, off. Are you wearing like a heavy coat or something? This isn't. It's funny. Take your keys out of your fucking pocket, man. It's funny that you think that they started with 164

and didn't have to walk it down from like 215? And then they flew a lot of flags half-mast in ostrich land during that. I think they just John proctored it from 30 up. You know what I mean? Like they just kept adding one pound more weight. Yeah. Yeah, more weight. I like- I do like, okay,

well, let's make a boyhood style movie. Okay. Where it's, they's make a boyhood style movie. Okay. Where it's a, they start with like a 30 pound kid and every day as the child grows, they put it back on the ostrich. Back on the ostrich. And they're like, are we cool with this one? Way the kid.

Okay, great. There's that, I do like that one, there's like a four minute long sequence in Curious Tale of Benjamin Button where he is de-aged enough, where he has the physical capability to ride the ostrich and the mental capability to ride the ostrich, right? They line up and there's like a week

where it's just him riding the ostrich. Four minutes of the movie is like, finally, those two, I stopped everything else I was doing in the story. And that happens at exactly the midway point of the movie is like, finally, those two, I stopped everything else I was doing in the story. And that happens at exactly the midway point of the movie. That's where you can go get, it says intermission at the bottom of the screen. Go get snacks if you want. You just see the shot of just him on the ostrich,

and it's a wide shot, he's far back there, just going back and forth. I think we're overdue for a glow up on these big flightless birds of the ostrich. I think that we don't think about these guys a lot because they're played, but also because they're so gross and weird looking. Like their neck and head looks like a worm

and the weight goes in their bodies like fucked up. Like it goes, your neck goes into your side. Why do their feathers stop? That's awesome. Why do the feathers stop? There are a lot of great questions. Now, if we could give him a cute little beak and cover him in bright yellow feathers,

give him two big bright wings, long legs, a cuter sound that he makes, and we have chocobos, and we have them be, you know, boutique, this is a boutique mount. All of a sudden, I think ostriches are gonna be back on top. Still gonna have the ethical concerns of riding on them. Which, if you didn't know, every Final Fantasy character is under 163 pouts.

That's just the way it works. Fucked up that that's part of it, but. This actually dovetails into something nicely that I like. A current offense that I like, a current offense that I'd love to take your guys' temperature. We're all low now. We all like this low life.

You know we brought, no this is good, this is conversational. Do you know we brought back dire wolves? Yeah, Joe Manganiello's pumped about it. Joe Manganiello's pumped. A lot of people are pumped about this. Let's talk, I saw George R.R. Martin, who if somebody's gonna know from dire wolves,

it'd be this guy. Yeah. I saw a picture of him and the story is, we brought back Dire Wolves, which I, I will admit in my initial ignorance, thought that they, and this is why I had to ask about the ostrich guys, cause I have completely lost track of which

of these guys we made up and which ones we didn't. Yeah, man. It's a full-time job, keeping up with that stuff. So apparently these guys were real. They were roaming around. Sorry, but just on that, Justin, my search bar today, it's Unicorn Day and it pops up and says, Unicorn Day, were they real?

And I didn't know that was a scientific question. Anyways, go on, Justin, bringing back dire wolves. Okay, thank you. So we did it. So the headline is, U.S. Company Resurrects the Extinct Dire Wolf or Some Version of It. So here's the thing that's fucked, right?

This company did not bring back these incredible, real Ice Age predators that roamed across the... The Tundra. The tundra, right? It they what they did was This is the company is calling them dire wolves and is referring to this as the world's first successfully De-extincted animal Outside experts are more cautious. Yeah describing the pups as genetically modified gray wolves because the process used to create them involved editing the genes of the species to add dire

wolf traits. So, what they say is, what they say is, the thing is that we, this is a quote, we define the extinction success as bringing back the functional ecological traits that made dire wolves unique contributors to their ecosystem. And our dire wolves are an example of that. So here's what they are saying. Yeah. We found wolves and we glued some shit to them that makes them a lot like dire wolves.

We painted them. And we're calling this a W in our book. And George R.R. Martin was like Fucking good enough for me and Joe Manchin was like sounds good So I'd like to get a counterpoint of fucking don't do this. Are you crazy? Yeah Yeah, wolves are killer, right? We love wolves Do you know how safe wolves are for us as a as? Wolves are so safe that they don't keep statistics

on wolf attacks. Cause they just don't. Like they get it. Why are we gluing things onto them to make them worse? Well, because we won wolves. Like we beat wolves. We figured out everything about wolves and they're not a threat to us anymore.

So we're nastying them up now. Getting it spicy. We're giving them a threat to us anymore. So we're nastying them up. Getting it spicy. We're giving them a little mohawk, you know? We're giving them like big, it says in the story, it says that these are bigger than gray wolves would be at this time. Cause of the stuff they did to them. Sure.

Man, I don't know if you wanna make really big wolves, I don't know, I feel like things are on a rough enough trajectory that we don't need to make super big wolves! Yeah, sure. This is what I learned from the documentary Jurassic World, when they were like, we brought back dinosaurs, but we get that that's not enough. So we fucked with the genetics of this dinosaur to make it better at eating people

and hunting you and killing people. And I look at them and I go, you know what would be better? Smaller dinosaurs that I could keep in my office in like a fish tank and they're perfectly happy. So Justin, to your point, bigger wolf, no, no, no. No. Give me small wolf. And now I'm saying it, give me small wolf.

And now I'm saying it, that's a dog. That's a dog, that's a dog. That's a dog, he did that one. Also bad. We don't wanna mess with them, right? Dogs? Wolves. Okay. They're fine, I don't want them more scary than they are.

By the way, on the Facebook post that George R.R. Martin put up where he's like, we did it, mission accomplished, he's putting the big banner, we did it, mission accomplished, he's in front of the big banner, we did it, dire wolves are real, PS, not a single comment, by the way, missed the irony of George RR Martin living to see the un-extinction of dire wolves before he's finished publishing his book. Like, the extinct creature beat him to market.

And of course that was on the comments because that is the most important thing about this is that he has not finished the book series. That's the number one thing. I will also say, man, this feels like if I needed to do some like serious housework and instead spend an hour like reorganizing my 3D printer filament.

And then I was like, mission accomplished. And it's like, hey, do you think bringing I spent an hour reorganizing my 3D printer filament. And then I was like, mission accomplished. And it's like, hey, do you think bringing dire wolves back from extinction was our number one? I will say you never know which scientific developments lead to the next. If creating these huge, nasty turbo wolves, in some way they're like, and in doing so, cancer, gone.

Now all of a sudden I'm listening. Yeah, these wolves eat cancer. These wolves eat cancer out of the air. I used to think I have a generalized anxiety disorder, and now I've learned that I'm just good at worrying about stuff before other people realize they need to. You're a trendsetter, dude.

Yeah, I'm ahead of the game on this one, guys. Listen, I was right about Trump, and I'm gonna be right about dire wolves, but you still have a chance to do something about the wolves, right? Right. Come on! Now, what is that, Juice? You tell me now.

Cause it seems to me like the horse is out of the barn, and by horse I mean giant wolf is out of the barn. And if it's us against them, I'm not comfortable with the optics of that. What I'm saying is- I'm joining up. What I'm saying is, and this is just us three, right? Yeah, no one's listening.

This is just us three. Maybe it would be nice, maybe we could use a boost as a people, as a species. Yeah. And re- And re-extinct them? Re-extinct the Dire Wolf. Yeah. And re- And re-extinct them. Re-extinct the direwolf. Like victory over the direwolf.

Like we could use, I said a little win, right? It's a Pyrrhic victory, for sure. But if there are any direwolves listening, I understand that we domesticated you guys into dogs. You can domesticate me as a pet. I don't wanna die. I will turn coach so hard to join. Oh, Travis is firmly coach so hard to join.

Travis is firmly on team Dire Wolf then. You flipped, okay that's interesting. No, if they're listening, if they're not listening Justin, I'm totally on your side, but I don't know how powerful these bad boys' hearing is. Yeah, can I guess? So if Dire Wolf can hear this. If you're in the fucking settings menu of the wolf,

genetically speaking, you could probably crank a lot of different kind of heuristics all the way up to top apex. I'm just saying, if they can hear this right now, I'm on your side, dire wolf. Now, now, now! Can we genetically modify the dire wolves to make them big enough to ride?

I wanna, I'm, dire wolves, that's so 2000 and late. You know what's so 2025? Wargs. Give me a warg any day of the week. I love a warg. I love a warg that I can ride around on. Cause guess where the warg can't bite? The guy on his back.

And it's not gonna be ethically bad because we're gonna make the wargs love it to be written. And they can carry so much more than 162 pounds. But don't make them love it too much. Thank you. I don't want it love it too much. Thank you. I don't want it to feel weird that I'm doing it. Was there ever a dire ostrich? There could be, Justin.

I'm a film student at a local community college and I have a part-time job working in a bookstore on the weekends. Recently I've discovered one of my coworkers is also interested in film and enjoys writing scripts. I was so excited to hear this as we could use more scriptwriters in the program because most people focus on wanting to direct or operate the camera.

Only problem is he only writes fan scripts about He-Man. How can I convince my coworker to write other characters or at least, the very least, switch the character's name to non-copyrighted ones? That's from Scripty in SC. Yeah. Well, guys, I think what this person is asking us to do is to create our own, right now to create our own

Creative Commons He-Man for the public imagination. Because you don't wanna cut He-Man out. I think many movies, maybe all would be made better if He-Man was there. Not necessarily destroying things, smashing through things, punching things. Like think of like most movies are made better by The Rock being in them,

a large man with powerful muscles commenting on things. Yeah. That He-Man could be that. Well, what about names? I mean, right off the bat. Boy Guy. Boy Guy. Muscle Champ. Muscle, what about names? I mean, right off the bat. Boy Guy. Boy Guy. Muscle Champ.

Muscle, what was that? Muscle Champ is not as good as Boy Guy. Prince Muscle Champ is pretty cool. Prince Musselton. But he's not, he's not, that's two different guys is the reason he made it from the other side. Yes, Prince Musselton would be his normal. I actually think it's even better

if no one guesses that Prince Musselton is actually. Boy Guy. Boy Guy. Why is he a boy? That's not like a part of the He-Man Meat Pest. You know what? Inclusivity, they them. Just call him they them.

I don't know. I don't know about that. I feel stupid. But it's not following the convention of he man. They person. Yeah, but that doesn't sound great. Boy Guy, however, I think drips off the tongue and I think gets you close enough

to the sort of original syntactic. Okay, Boy Guy. Idea. And Prince Musselton becomes Boy Guy. Boy Guy, I've heard it too many times now and start to feel like, ah, real girls girl kind of deal. Like, ah, he's a real boys guy. When that one lady wrote the Fifty Shades books,

those started out as Twilight fan fiction. And then they turned into the best selling sex books that have ever been released and made three bonerific film adaptations out of those. So who's to say that this is not gonna happen for their He-Man script? When Griffin says sexiest book, he's not counting Gotella Watchmen by Harper Lee.

Just wanted to clarify. No, yeah, I haven't read that one. I do understand the erotic nature of his boiling. Man-he. Scalding hot. Man-he. Mannyding hot. Man-he. Manny. Manny.

Manny. Manny the Muscle King. Meehan. This was not sort of the question. That's what they wanted. What is the essential nature of a He-Man story? It's man hides muscles. Yeah.

So what are some other muscle hiders? Fights. Like Elatyn. Yeah. I what are some other muscle hiders, fights. Like Elatun. Yeah. I don't really, can I say something? Put Lump this dude in with Snoopy, I have no feelings about He-Man, what the fuck so ever. You missed that generational.

Yeah, I did. By about 25 years, that dude is so fucking old. That's not it. Okay. He's pretty old. Same sugar as me old and he has a bunch of weird friends and a big purple cat and it's like, you lost me. And here's the thing. Here's what I will say that I enjoy

about old school He-Man and his cat. You had a big muscly prince in a tight fit, making it clear he was a big muscle prince. And the big muscle prince had a pet tiger. Yeah. And then he would become He-Man, and his size did not change at all, and his tiger got armor, and everyone's like,

who the fuck is that guy? Who is that, who is this? This is, what, this is absolutely- I think there needs to be more of that. It's absolutely fair, absolutely. The Tiger Cringer is the name of the tiger. And the tiger also gets more brave with the armor, but it's like- So would I.

Yeah, me too. You know, like, Cringer is scared, like give him the fucking armor so he's not scared. It's fucked up that you take the armor away from him ever. Yeah, Prince Musselton has the sword. Like he can at any point be like, lop someone's head off. Like he has no reason to be afraid.

But the tiger can't put the armor on. Cringer's not in control of it. A sniper, assassins from Skeletor could kill Cringer like from an assassin's bullet, 100 yards, no problem. Gracegolf window shatters, Cringer's dead. Cringer is also just wheezing off of He-Man's power. Cringer can't be like, I'm freaked out by the power of Grayskull, I have the power.

Right, it's dark, it's 2 a.m., right? I'm like, I wanna go to CVS, but it's like late and I don't wanna get, I would just like the armor ploys. He has to ask Prince Adam, like, hey, could you He-Man out so that I get the reflective? And Prince Adam was like, Prince Adam, like, hey, could you He-Man out so that I get the reflective? And Prince Adam was like, no. He said, I'm in the shower. I know, but I've got to do stuff.

That took you so long to laugh at. That was, you really did miss out on He-Man. I had, I did, yeah. I don't know who he is. And I've been pretending for a really long time. Like years. Like years and years and years. I don't know who he is, and I've been pretending for a really long time. Like years. Like years and years and years. I don't know fucking anything about him.

I think in the entertainment economy we find ourselves in right now, I cannot comfortably say that writing about He-Man exclusively is a bad idea, because it does feel like it's time. Like, if I don't know who this fucking dude is, that's a huge market potential for He-Man. If it, maybe it kicks ass if I don't know who this fucking dude is, that's a huge market potential for He-Man. If it, maybe it kicks ass, I don't know.

It seems pretty busted. It seems like a semi-nude royal man who transforms with a magic sword, like in the As a Tiger. Like that's what it seems like to me. I'm pretty sure we all saw the masters of the universe movie together. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, when I was a zygote, I don't remember it. It's old, old, old, old. The only thing I remember is it being the first time I ever saw a post credits scene. Oh shit. That then. Skeletor comes back out. Yeah, from that moment on when Clint Macro

would take his son to go see a movie, we did not leave until the lights went out. Can I tell you, Skeletor never came back at the end of other movies. No. Which I think would have been a wild but breathtakingly artistic choice. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

Yeah, into Marley and me. Skeletor. You're kidding me. The dog dies, Christ almighty. I sat through the whole thing. God damn it. I'm attending a friend's wedding soon and learning that a former Olympian will also be attending.

This person is semi-famous, yes, multiple gold medals and competed in swimming. What are some good ways to strike up a conversation with Michael Phelps? That's from American admire, no, it doesn't say that. I don't know what it is. American admirer in Apalachicola? Cool.

There's no way it's Michael Phelps, right? Cause no one would describe Michael Phelps as semi-famous. Probably not Phelps, yeah. I'm pretty sure that they would say like, he was an athlete. Probably not Phelps. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that they would say like, he was an athlete. He won 90 gold medals. It's like, well, that leaves us just with the one option. So we got, there's a lot of options

we're not gonna be able, I'm looking here, multiple golds. Other than Phelps, it could be Mark Spitz, Caleb Dressel, Matt Biondi, Ryan Lochte. It could be Lochte. Yeah, it could be like, Some of those, some of those. It could be Caleb Dacchi, Jenny Biondi, Ryan Lochte. It could be Lochte. We don't know. Yeah, some of those. It could be Caleb Dacke, Jenny Thompson.

Absolutely. Amy Van Dyken. Some of those. Dana Vollmer. Some of those maybe don't brush up too. Maybe some of those, like you see Lochte, maybe you keep him over. Yeah, keep him locked down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think you can be a former Olympian. That's a little hard. I think once an Olympian, always an Olympian. Well, yeah. Compete at that level. I think that you never can turn the competitive thing off. I'd be worried at a wedding,

how am I gonna beat these people to the buffet? Is everything gonna be a competition? Like, oh, I took the biggest bite of cake. Like, great, Ryan. Well, I mean, it was lockedy. Very good, right? Yeah, that's a problem. Yeah of cake. Like, great, Ryan. Very good, very good. It was lockedy, yeah, that's a problem. Yeah, not everything's a competition, Ryan.

You will have an advantage based on sort of your, cause I'm assuming it's not like an aquatic wedding. No, I'm sure they would've mentioned. It's not a wedding, it's a wedding. And so like, you will have the sort of terrestrial edge. They may be able to take you in the water, absolutely, but they have spent so much of their life in the water that their bone density's all fucked up,

and you will be stronger and faster than them on land. Pretty much guaranteed. If it's one of those things where it plays out like a hilarious, America's Funny Some video where the bride falls in the water, they're over a lake, oh no, big windy or whatever, oh it falls, the guy trips. That doesn't sound funny.

I know, right, but they're always on there, there's a whole episode. Every episode of America's Funniest Home Videos, a bride falls in the water during her wedding. Yeah, man. Christ Jesus. And an Olympian has to jump in and save her. The many layers of taffeta pull her down

to the briny depths. Unless an Olympian is there. Yeah, you watch someone die in every episode of AFV. Yeah, I bet if it's your wedding and your spouse, your new spouse falls in the water and starts to drown, that feels pretty bad. And then an Olympian, a handsome Olympian jumps in and saves her.

You're like probably 99% like, oh, thank Christ. Oh, thank God, my beloved, my beloved. But then there's also part of you that's like, it would have been cooler if I did that. Yeah. It would have been cooler if I was the one who jumped in to save my new wife. I mean, it's a rented tux,

and I had to take that into account. I'm not good at swimming. Not good at swimming. I'm not good at swimming. And also I knew that Phelpsy was here. Yeah, right. So like, I kind of figured he got me, and he did, which is great.

And I'm again, so stoked. Cause it would be more embarrassing if you jumped in first and then Phelps jumped in after you and Phelps saved your bride. And then you were like, I guess I'll swim back. Oh no, no, no, no. Phelps would save you on the way. And it's like Phelps, I didn't lead.

He's like, no, it's fine. I'm already out here saving your new wife. I don't mind to save you too. It's not an extra trip for me. No problem. And then you start to think, did Phelpsy engineer this situation in some way to cuckold me on my special day?

Yeah. Classic Phelps. And the answer might surprise you. It's no. It's no, he probably didn't do that. He did, he doesn't need to. Doesn't want to probably, I don't know. Okay, I'm just saying that if he did want to, I don't think Michael Phelps would have to engineer an elaborate scheme to impress other people.

Did you guys ever know an aspiring Olympian growing up? Yes, I took wrestling classes from Olympic wrestler, Ken Cherto. Oh, that's right. Fuck! That's right. Yeah, I forgot about that. Man, I haven't heard that name in 20 years, Ken Cherto.

That man oversaw a spar that I had with my friend, Steven, where he busted my nose, gave me a bloody nose. Thanks, Ken Cherto. Not Ken Cherto, then Kincherto didn't bust your nose, did he? No, Steven did. Okay. And all I know about Kincherto, as far as like bringing up wrestling to him, it seemed like what he was about,

but it was a wrestling class, so I think that that tracks. Yeah, yeah. I had a friend who was a swimmer and like had Olympic dreams and swam every day for lots of time a day and like had the bleached hair and all the stuff that comes with like being a professional in the water person. And that must be a frustrating set of skills to possess

and not be able to do anything with like in most of the earth, in most of the earth that you walk and most of the places that you go in any day to day. You gotta be thinking the whole time, like, gosh dang it, if only this Home Depot was underwater. If this was an underwater, you know, grocery store, then my skills would be like, I would be kicking everyone's ass here, no problem.

Yeah, but Griffin, when you're like Usain Bolt, and you reach the shore, as you've been running across the entire country, and you're like, now I have to stop and turn around. Right? Because most of the earth is covered with water. So while the day today, I agree with you. But as far as getting around,

Michael Phelps can hit the ocean and swim to Europe. What is the most practical Olympic sport that's gonna equip you with skills? And obviously you're gonna say running or something that's like, yeah, of course, cause we all do it. But that's not funny. Shot put, cause you throw stuff. I mean, the ability to throw stuff that's heavy.

I throw more than I sw... Just looking at my D&D verb set at my text parser adventure game set, I throw more than I swim, guaranteed. Yeah. Guaranteed. This is a real, this is, okay, so I think there's two viable answers, right? It's the triathlon and the biathlon.

And it really- That's cheating. No, no, no, it's not cheating. It's about two very different approaches to life. Triathlon is run, swim, bike. Biathlon, by contrast, is ski and shoot. Yeah. So this is like, which is your approach? Tag yourself.

Which are you? Are you the kind of person that shoots someone and then skis away from the problem? Are you the sort of person that just keeps running? I'm a ski and shoot, if I'm being honest. The downhill is doing a lot of the work. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it is cross-country'm being honest. The downhill is doing a lot of the work. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is cross country.

I don't think they make it there. Griffith, important distinction, because for my life, it is about shooting at something and then slowly inching away while everyone watches me. It's not a fast, thrilling exit. As sick as it would be to turn it into sort of a rifle-based downhill jam. That would be fucking sick, actually. Get the skis out of there.

We snowboard. We snowboard. Take the shot in midair. All shots are midair. Yes. 360. Snowboarding paintball would be wicked awesome. I would be so into that.

Now I'm picturing it. So don't talk to them about swimming. They probably don't want to talk about swimming. But you don't not talk to them. If they bring up swimming, if they bring it up. If they bring it up, fine. But they're not gonna fucking bring it up, man. There's no way they're gonna bring it up

unless it's like a swimming pool wedding, which is cool that I don't know why those don't exist. Oh, but Griffin, what if it's a gray area where you're getting some punch with them and they're like, man, this is a pretty deep punch bowl. And you're like, are they hinting at, they want me to say something about, I bet you could swim in there.

No, there's no way they want me to say that. But they're looking at me, they're looking, they're still waiting for me to respond and their eyebrows are getting higher on their forehead. And they, oh, should I say something? They'd be like, hey, do you think that this wedding venue has a floor like the gymnasium and it's a wonderful life that splits open in terms of,

like if you're a professional swimmer, you gotta be keeping your head on a swivel. Like, I wonder if this floor of this building splits open to reveal a pool underneath that we can all jump into and have the time of our lives until, our dad had a stroke? Oh no! Like we gotta get outta here.

How, but that was a very unique experience to kind of one person in It's a Wonderful Life. It wasn't like a third of those people swimming in the pool had to scramble out. I would say George Bailey's dad having a stroke affected that whole damn town, Travis. Fuck Griffin, you're right. And if you don't understand that,

I miss the point of it. you missed the point of it entirely. Hey, do you think that the kid who opened the floor faced jail time criminal charges for- No, it was a fucking prank, dude. Calm down. Now, when he closed the floor and goosed all those people, that was a fucked up part of the movie. But, you know, Capra's got a sick mind.

I don't need to see a picture of Coach Ken Cherto, Jeff, I don't know why you thought I needed this. I will say it is unfortunate that Ken Cherto's website lists some of the wrestlers he has coached, and Travis is not listed. So that is, I will say that is unfortunate. Probably because I was very bad. Yeah, yeah, but that's not your fault.

But that's not your fault. You're from the Cherto system, though. Not bad. Think of yeah. But that's not your fault. You're from the chair-toe system though. Not bad. Think of all the practical skills you got from the chair-toe system, Travis. Yeah, that's true. Let's take a break. Okay.

Money's on. Let's go. ["It's Better With You"] It's better, it's better with you. Justin Griffin. Yeah. I want to start a website. Okay. And listen, I know I have big dreams.

I know I do. And my dream for a website is that it would be beautiful, that it would let me maybe sell products and my time, that it would be very user friendly, that it would have cutting edge design. But here's the thing, you guys know this, I'm an idea man. I'm kind of a blue sky kind of guy. You can barely think.

I barely think, I only dream. Right. I don't know how to do this. No thoughts, only dreams. Yeah, no thoughts, only dreams. No dreams, only two. I'm willing to offer you guys each $500 to build me a website. Wow, Travis, that's unnecessary.

Great, yeah, I'll take it. Because Squarespace makes it really- No, no, no, great, Justin, shut, Justin, shush. No, I am curious as to what Justin was saying. I was just gonna say this. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have blown up the spot, but Squarespace does make that really easy. Like, you don't need to pay a bunch of money.

Squarespace can help you make a world-class website because they got templates. So you can, they'll give you the templates to make it look great. And you put in your photos, you sell your stuff, but it's gonna look good because they already had designers make it look good. You understand?

Yeah. Do you know how tight money is for Mejoo's? Do you know how big a change $500 would make in my life? I do, I do Griffin, but you're gonna earn that the honest way, because you can set up a business with the Squarespace website, sell stuff. Get your business going with this website.

So you don't need to steal anymore. I'll tell the boys that the reason that Easter's canceled this year is because I had to earn the $500 I so desperately need the honest way, because Uncle Justin said I had to. And I bet they'll understand. This is good news for you then, Griffin. I got a free trial offer.

Head to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. See, now that I find myself with a thousand extra dollars, Griffin, I'll pay you a thousand dollars to ruin Justin's credit. That should not be too difficult

if I'm being completely honest. Awesome. Hey, how am I supposed to cook a meal? How am I supposed to cook a meal? Cause there's so much happening all of the time. And sometimes- Where do you even get a meal? Yeah, exactly, Travis. Thank you so much happening all of the time. And sometimes it's hard. Where do you even get a meal? Yeah, exactly, Travis.

Thank you so much. Certainly can't cook it because- Well, that's actually, that's weird that you guys are saying that because I recently have really been enjoying a lot of great dishes like Mediterranean sheep pan chicken or roasted salmon. Maybe even a low carb chicken and zucchini noodle salad.

You know, Justin, it's that kind of attitude that makes me want Griffin to ruin your credit. Yeah. I don't know why you keep bringing up my credit, just to say, Travis. It's just when Griffin and I are talking about how hard it is for us to like prep and cook a meal, and you're like, I can do it.

I do it all the time. I can do it. Well, no, no, no, it's Marley Spoon, guys. I use Marley Spoon. Oh. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, they got over 100 recipes. You can choose the stuff that looks good to you, the things that you actually wanna eat,

and they make it really easy to make it. So you can make it at home, right? Delicious. In my home? Delicious food that you make in your own house Travis. I don't have to go to someone else's house? The same place where you shower and sleep, that house. Someone else's house, you mean?

I appreciate that, Jews. I have a pretty refined's house, you mean? I appreciate that, Jules. I have pretty refined palate, as you know, and the sort of foods that I require are maybe a little bit more elevated. So like these days I'm only eating like Martha Stewart's best bean and cheese enchiladas. Yeah, that's Marley Spoon.

Oh, you're kidding me. Yeah, Martha's DNA is all over this thing. She is shepherding. Well, I don't know about that, Dostoe. I don't know about all that, Dostoe. I don't think you should say that. There's fingerprints everywhere! Yeah, I mean.

Yeah. She's not getting away with this one. You can make- Stop, this is not in the podcast. It is in the podcast. You can make a colony of new Marthas with Martha's best mac and cheese carbonara. Guaranteed, lot of DNA on that one. Yeah, there's express recipes that,

this has been nice, cause we've been starting to do more rehearsals at night for summer theater, and there's not a lot of time to cook, but they've got recipes you can make in 15 minutes, and it's like a real actual dinner, not fast food. It's something with a lot of nutrition in it that you feel really good about. Yummy, yummy stuff guys.

Yeah, this year, fast track your way to eating well with Marley Spoon. Head to marley spoon.com slash offer slash my brother and use code my brother for up to 27 free meals. That's right, up to 27 free meals with Marley Spoon. One last time, marley spoon.com slash offer slash my brother for up to 27 free meals. Make sure you use our promo code mybrothers

so they know we sent you. All right. In my hour of need. I wanna man squad. I want two man squad! Squad! I want two man squad! Squad! Welcome to Munch Squad, it's podcast, then podcast, profiling the latest and greatest

in brand eating. What have you prepared for us? And rather than say what we're gonna be talking about, I'm gonna show you guys, and the lead off is gonna be how you react to it. Okay, great. Huh. Yeah. Okay. Wait. Fuck.

Yeah, okay, so my initial just, for me, Juice, it was, yeah, okay, fuck. So it was like the mix. That is recorded for all of posterity. Yeah. Here's what I love about this image, Justin. Yeah, well tell me about the image, Travis. There's like an upfront hit

where it is such a weird consistency on a pizza. Then I see the 10 that says pizza caviar. That's sort of the thing that caught my eye. Yes, and then in little print above pizza caviar is Pizza Hut logo. So that is interesting, Travis. You get hit with the initial feeling of how bad it is to look at this

before you know what it is. And then you see that it's Pizza Caviar from the 10 and that feels bad in a different way. Because then you're considering that this is the moment in history in which you are alive. And then you see the Pizza Hut on there and you're like, hmm, okay, I'm listening. You know what I mean? Oh, I'm, got to be back a little bit. It used you see the Pizza Hut on there, and you're like, hmm, okay, I'm listening. You know what I mean?

Like, oh, you got me back a little bit. It used to be kind of cool, like I'm alive at the same time as David Bowie in Prince. That's pretty sick. But I'm also, unfortunately, lived long enough that now there's Pizza Caviar. And the image we are looking at, it does look like a fairly burnt up little personal pan pizza

that is covered in what I could only describe as marinara dip and dots. Yeah. That's a really good call. I'm not a designer. Like I'm not, I don't claim to have an especially good like grasp on color theory. Yeah.

But the fact that they put this very red pizza on a different red. What looks like the cover, like the red leather bound. Like crocodile skin? Yeah, something like that. It's a very aggressive image. Very challenging, yeah.

Pizza Hut is putting an indulgent twist on the caviar craze sweeping foodie culture with the launch of Pizza Caviar. Yeah. The first of it, yeah man, caviar bumps. Caviar bumps is made in a big way. Here's the thing. Can you call a thing that has existed

for I believe hundreds of years? No, no, no, no, no, no. This is a specific craze, Travis. Caviar bumps refers to putting caviar in your hand and letting your body warm it and then just eating the caviar like that. They're all the rage, or at least they were in motherfucking 2022 when the New York Times wrote caviar bumps are all the rage, or at least they were in motherfucking 2022 when the New York Times wrote

caviar bumps are all the rage. So this is- Coming in a little late. Yeah, a little late Pizza Hut on this one. Also gross. Now it's tinned fish. Caviar bumps are out. Tinned fish is in in a major way.

Now it's caviar lines. You gotta snort the caviar straight up. Snort it right up there. This is a first of its kind innovation that transforms the fine dining trend into something completely unexpected. You gotta snort the caviar straight up. This is the first of its kind innovation that transforms the fine dining trend into something completely unexpected. Caviar is-

I would say on paper, that whole sentence is true. I thought you were gonna say unacceptable. Which is also right. Also, caviar has been elevating some of the world's most beloved comfort foods with the unexpected high-low pairings popping up in upscale restaurants

and gracing social feeds across the country. In true Pizza Hut fashion, the brand asked, why just place caviar on your pizza when you can reimagine it entirely and create a bold new food category. Inspired by the rise of caviar bumps three years ago, three years ago, these bite-sized pizza caviar pearls are made to taste like pepperoni and designed for dipping, dunking, and bumping.

And snorting. Thank God they're bite-sized. Can you imagine if they were bigger than bite-sized? Dodgeball bite-sized. I would say they're nostril-sized if you want to be honest about it. Yes. I'm ready to do these beloved bumps. Also, can you give me, and it's imperative that you give me, and it's imperative

that you give me the exact phraseology of design to taste of pepperoni. What was that again? Hit me with that again. The exact, these bite-sized pizza caviar pearls, and again, I do wanna touch on, it's an edible product. As my brother said, bite-size is an insect. They're very tiny.

They're in no way bite size They look like tapioca. Yeah The bread these bite-sized pizza caviar pearls are made to taste like pepperoni made made made to taste like made pepper made To taste like So they're not pepperoni. They're not made of pepperoni. They don't taste like pepperoni. The intention was there. The intent of this product is that the flavor

is reminiscent of pepperoni. That was our intent at inception. Our goals were pure. To bring it all back around, these are to pepperoni as current dire wolves are to dire wolves. Yes, Travis. Dire wolves were made to taste of dire wolves are to dire wolves. Yes, Travis, these are- Yeah. Dire wolves were made to taste of dire wolves. That is a similar situation, yes.

Crafted to replicate the look and feel of traditional caviar without the fish, pizza caviar delivers a bold, smoky, pepperoni flavor in a fun new form. And Pizza Caviar is the star of the brand new Pizza Caviar Bump Box. The more they explain it and like the process

and the outcome, the more like alien it feels when they're like, we intended to replicate. Like caviar. This seems like a joke press release. Like a fake press release. Someone would write in a book written in the year 1990 about how shitty the future was gonna be. Yeah. And then it's being word for word kind of delivered.

Let me show you guys, look at this tab. Can you see this tab? Can you see what I've highlighted here? Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool? This is an asterisk. After the first mention of pizza caviar, if you take the asterisk down, here's what it says. So that's pepperoni flavored water and agar agar based caviar style pearls.

That is my favorite Limp Bizkit album. Oh shit! Caviar, all right, pepperoni flavored water and agar agar based caviar style pearls. Also so sick of them to get on the agar agar trend. A good fucking maybe nine, 10, 11 years after the fact. And I, it's so, I mean, I'm more excited about this pepperoni flavored water.

Let me just get that. You don't have to Wiley Dufresne it, man. Just let me get it raw and wriggling, you know? Just the juice for me, thanks. The pizza caviar, okay, so this is the pizza caviar bump box. It's a Luxe limited time twist on my hut box. Pizza Hut's signature combo meal. The box includes one personal pan pizza

and a choice of three plain boneless wings or fries, all topped with- Three? Three! Three wings are the number of wings you'll have. All topped with bursts of ke- What's the correct number of Buffalo wings to eat with caviar? Because I think three actually sounds pretty right to me.

Yeah, that's a good number. One little tiny thing that they do want to mention, that I wanna mention about this, is that Pizza Hut's new product innovation, Pizza Caviar Bump Box, will be available exclusively at the Pizza Hut located at 932 8th Avenue in New York City from April 10th to April 12th from 4 to 8 PM, Westpies Last. I gotta go! It must be so fucking annoying to live in New York City all the time and just wanna go to Pizza Hut to get a normal pizza one day, and yet they are always like...

Every chain is always doing the wildest shit, and you are the lab rats because you live in a populated city where all these marketing firms are based. You have to suffer for that and eat these pepperoni pearls that are made of pepperoni water just because you live in the same city as the major marketing firm. It also must be such a huge strain on the infrastructure of New York City

when something like this happens and there's just this flood of people rushing to New York City for these two days to get their hands on these pizza pearls. It must be such a strain on the city and its economy and everything. It must be so hard. I will say it probably is easier

than the average amount of difficulty to obtain pepperoni flavored water in New York City than it is that would be in like DC or any other. I wanted to draw your guys attention to something else here in this press release. A Lux limited time twist on My Hut Box, Pizza Hut's signature combo meal. And we see the double asterisk here, right?

So let's get, will you guys come down with me down the page here and Trav, will you read what's at the double asterisk? Oh yes, of course. This says, available April 10-12. Oh, look, as you said. Three boneless naked, medium wings only. Availability, pricing, and participation varies. Pizza caviar is pepperoni flavored water and agar-agar based caviar style pearls. I shit you not! It's in there twice under both of the asterisks. They don't even want to take a fucking chance.

Also, I can't stress enough. There's only one location listed and then participation varies. Tell me that this isn't an AI generated thing, guys. Please tell me it's not because there's no way that they have to specify you can only get three wings. And also it's only available at this one restaurant? But participation very- I came all the way here to be four wings.

So I might go to that restaurant and be like, hey, this is the one location where you're doing the pizza bump caviar. And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, cool, can I have some? And they said, yeah, we're not doing that shit. Yeah, or they said- You should also know that we legally have to tell you

the pepperoni flavored water and agar agar based caviar style pearls is what we have. That is important for you to know. You can have it. It will cost you $300. It costs that guy like 20. Yeah, the pricing varies.

We want more from you. Yeah, grow up. Grow up. Grow up. You want the caviar or not? You came all this way. It's pepperoni flavored. I'll take it.

We knew you would, you nasty dog. Yeah, I guess you have to. You can, I mean, I still don't understand if pizza caviar is available only at this location or if the pizza caviar bump box. Yeah, no. Here's the other thing, Justin. Yeah.

If I were to add, let's say I get wild, I add caviar to a personal pan pizza. Now wait, what kind? If I were to add, let's say I get wild, I add caviar to a personal pan pizza. Now wait, what kind? Pizza caviar. Regular, regular fish-based caviar. Not a pepperoni flavored water agar-agar-based caviar-style purse.

I'm talking your grandma's caviar. Bog standard fish caviar. I have added caviar to the experience. Flavor, experience, right? Flavor, experience, all that. If I'm adding pepperoni flavored caviar to a pepperoni pizza, all I've added is a slight consistency difference. You've turned it into orbits, but pizza, yeah.

It's like, you love pizza, you know this flat, this flat savory cake, it's gonna drive you absolutely insane. But what if we had little jelly balls, little boba pizza for you? Would you like that? Perhaps. Would you like that? Perhaps?

Probably not. Probably not, that's why we only did it at one restaurant, because we don't have the strength of our convictions. Give me an aerosolized pepperoni. Yes. Please. Give me. Give me a pill form of a pizza. It's 2025, I wanna eat a pizza in a pill.

I want pizza pills and pepperoni sprays all day long. Caviar dreams. Caviar dreams and pepperoni nights. And by caviar dreams, what I mean specifically is I want pepperoni flavored water and agar, agar based caviar dreams and pepperoni nights. And by caviar dreams, what I mean specifically is I want pepperoni flavored water and agar, agar based caviar style pearl dreams. So important, but we've been- This is what my grandparents envisioned

when they came to this country. They fought for this. Pizza pills and caviar bombs. They fought for this one. We've been good boys and we deserve pepperoni spray. We've earned this. That is gonna do it for us on this episode. I get that we don't get jet packs. Yeah.

But pizza pills. Give me pepperoni spray, please. We really appreciate you listening. We really appreciate you joining us. We hope you enjoyed this episode of our podcast because we tried our best. Yeah, this was our best and I'm sorry that that's true. But I hope you liked it.

I have a couple of appearances we wanna tell you guys about. We're gonna be at DragonCon in Atlanta in late August. So make sure you get the details on that at bit.ly for it slash McElroy Tours. We're also gonna be at the Harmony House Ren Fair. That is gonna be on May 3rd. The exact times and specifics of that are gonna be coming up, but you should, if you could be in Honey on May 3rd. The exact times and specifics of that

are gonna be coming up, but you should, if you could be in Honeytown May 3rd, we're gonna be there, as well as at Origins Game Fair in Columbus in June. We're everywhere. We're everywhere. Yeah, we're doing some shows in Michigan, Minnesota, and Ohio as well that have been announced,

and some of them are Taz, some of them are Bim Bam, all the Taz shows are gonna be Taz versus, and again, to get tickets and find out more about those shows, spit.ly slash Macroight tours. We've also got merch at the merch store, if you haven't checked it out, including a Mickey Mackerel spinner pin, and 10% of all merch proceeds this month

will be donated to the National Immigration Project. Thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better with You. It is an honor to use it. And a privilege. It is a privilege. Montane's got some new shit popping and it really cranks. And I congratulate them on their creative mastery journey.

Journey, their creative mastery journey. There you go. As one says. Hey, I've got a fear here that I'd like to read. I'm sure, sure, sure. Okay. This year, I'll be faster than my fear of belly buttons. Just because it happened to Neo

doesn't mean it'll happen to me. Absolutely, it could happen to you any day. My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. They're real and they're coming. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kisses for Dad, Square on the lips. Ah, it's better, it's better with you. Yes, it's true. Ah, it's better, it's better with two.

Boy, ah, it's better with you. Maximum Fun, a workaround network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.