My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 762: Mozzarella Stickz, Never Eaten

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

We’re here to give you that kick you need to roll out of bed and grab a steaming box of hot wet egg. But if a kick doesn’t work, maybe some spicy stolen salsa or getting stepped on by Joseph Gordon Levitt will do the trickSuggested talking points: The New New Monkees, Joseph Gordon Leverage, Fish Love Pokemon Cards, What Do You Think Verbatim Means?Center for Reproductive Rights: https://reproductiverights.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed It's ripened into a precious friendship I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach

My life, it feels like Life, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you This is true, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with two My life, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with two But wait, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Biltford Tough here, and my secret is I'm always angry.

Oh, is that true? Yeah, man. I've never gotten that far. I would say you're always anxious. That's not a secret, though. That's how it presents. No, the secret is I'm always angry and it's how I get Hulk strong

and I've been missing seeing my green boy up on the big silver screen. I gotta say, today's Sups ain't doing it for me, and I need to see stronger people up there Killing their enemies and it's just sucks that that hasn't happened in like years Well, they're back all your Marvel heroes are back. What the fuck? Yeah, dude. They're back in a big way. We're doing it again What the fuck? Yeah, dude, they're back in a big way. We're doing it again There's no new Avengers movies, I'm looking at the list of movies on Rotten Tomatoes right now We've got death of a unicorn. Is that me? That's made up. I don't think that one's it

The no the movie in question is Thunderbolts Okay, and I want to talk about this because I have not been paying attention, like a lot, like a sane person. I'm gonna focus on things other than the status of Marvel movies. Right. But I do wanna talk about it. So the movie Thunderbolts. Heard it's good, heard it's good.

Irrelevant. Yeah, I actually, I set up reverse notifications so that I wouldn't get notifications on any Marvel properties except Moon Knight season two. That's it. And it's been at Ghost Town. I got, I fucking, I've seen clips. I've seen clips that seem good. And all the comments are like,

damn, they did my favorite character from Marvel, Bill Dinkley, so right in this one. And it's like, who are you talking at? It's my favorite Marvel guy. I'm postal investigator Bill Tinkley. It's my fucking favorite Marvel guy, Huge Crimson. Who are you talking about? What are you talking about?

Huge Crimson. That's his regular name though. That's not his superhero name. That's the crazy thing. There's 10 Marvel guys and I already learned them and most of them died. And I was like, I've done with and most of them died and I was like, I've done with that part of my life.

I've moved, I don't need to know who all the Avengers are again. Surprise! It's a whole new batch, whole new brood. So listen, the movie is called Thunderbolts Asterisk, right? Thunderbolts Asterisk. That's cool, cause they use performance enhancing drugs to kill the bad guys in this one.

No. Yeah, actually that's a super soldier serum, right? They could, I don't know who any of these people are. Any of these people. Yeah, nobody knows any of these characters or anything. Sometimes they'll throw, usually they'll throw a guy in there like Joker and you'll be like, well I at least know who, the rest of the Suicide Squad,

I don't know who the fuck these guys are, but I know Joker so I can feel comfortable here. Justin, is the asterisk down at the bottom of the poster, Squad, I don't know who the fuck these guys are, but I know Joker, so I can feel comfortable here. Justin, is the asterisk down at the bottom of the poster, does it say Thunderbolts asterisk, and then at the bottom asterisk, we have Avengers at home? It's the Thunderbolts. We don't need to buy Avengers,

we have Avengers at home. I heard it's good. No, they changed it. They changed it, the name of it, they changed the name of the movie, kind of. The stars of the movie have... Here, hold on, let me show you the very exciting picture of this, because I feel like the thrill of this is gonna, like, jump across the screen. Is it gonna get me back in the movies again?

I think it's gonna get you very excited. So, the thing that they did was, they ripped off the title, and actually actually the asterisk is asterisk, the new Avengers. That's so cool. That's what they, it's like they, it's about asterisk the whole time. Look at Sebastian Stan. He can't believe it. Can you fucking believe this shit?

Crazy Jeff. I'm an Avenger. What this is telling me is right now, Sebastian Stan, seeing that thing ripped off is the first he's hearing about this. Yeah. Yeah, they should do this every time they reboot some shit. They should do this where the guys in the movie like fuck up the old thing first

and make it a big surprise. I just wanna say a few things. One, I'm glad Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn's kid is getting another bite at the apple. Let's keep, let's get as many chances as we can for everybody, David Harbor. I feel like you have enough apples, and maybe you should share the apples around.

You've got a lot of great apples going currently. Who else could possibly play huge Crimson, Justin, if not Dave Harbor? But Justin, I'm glad you made the point that I've been kind of soapboxing on for a while now, which is celebrities' kids have it so rough out there. Yeah, thank you. And I like when people give them a lot of chances to make it big.

When his beloved cult AMC show got canceled, I'm really glad that Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell's son, Wyatt got another shot. Russell Hawn? I think his name is Russell Hawn. Russell Hawn is his name. So Marvel had to come out and people were like, understandably after this event where the cast took a picture in front of this new poster that Marvel had to come out and be like,

that's not the name of the movie still. It's still called Thunderbolts. And everyone's like, well, are you sure? Because it seems like you changed it. And Marvel's like, no, no, no, no, no, that's a joke. It's just a joke for the movie. Oh, did the stars know that? Yeah, and it is a new Avengers movie.

And then that's what they're saying. Not a new Avengers movie, but a- New Avengers. New Avengers. Movie, yeah. Movie, yeah, for sure. Kickass. But it's called Thunderbolt Star, yeah. Movie, yeah, for sure. Movie, right? Kickass movie. But it's called Thunderbolt Star, really. Thunderbolt Star, which one is Iron,

which one's Iron Man? The more I look at this picture, the more it looks like Sebastian Stan is asking me to get him out of there. Yeah, he wants to be rescued. I've heard it's good. I have heard it's good. I think he's saying right now,

I was in real Avengers movies. I was, now that's a good point. He was, he's the Joker in this one. I see Sebastian Stan. I'm like, I know him. Bucky Boy with the magic arm. I know him for sure. The rest of these guys can hang.

With the arm power by love. Yeah, fuck yeah. Get him out of there. I've heard it's good. I'm glad for people who saw it and really were disturbed by it. I wanna see it. I wanna see it! I wanna see it too. I don't really have time to go to the movies anymore.

It's just, I grew up with these things, man. I grew up in this world, these comic movies. Movies and comics and all that nerd shit. And yet, when these guys come out and make such a big splash, yeah, like, I don't know who these guys are! Okay, that's Lil Crimson. What happened? Now we're talking!. We've got the juice Rizzo that's the Rizzo. Yeah, baby. That's the Rizzo with the Thunderbolt star stars

that's cool the Thunderbolt star stars and the Rizzo and Julia Louis-Dreyfus said about this no offense to that child, but I did not know who he was Awesome, nor should she need to know the Rizreyfuss doesn't know the Rizzler. That's really good stuff. Yeah, she does not know who the Rizzler is, and that is a relief. I think for me, I don't want her to know about anybody I know about. Yeah.

I wanna know that the media I consume exists in my sphere, and that Julie Louise Dreyfuss doesn't even know that it exists. Who is there? This is the second time I've heard you put a hard S on that woman's name, and we're gonna need to pump the brakes. Sorry, Julia Louise Dreyfus. No, no, no sir.

Julia Louise Dreyfus. Thank you, yes, yes, and the Rizzler, the Rizzler. The Twizzler. See? Who's the guy in the green shirt? Cause he's not there. He's barely there. If they are gonna want us to talk about Avengers again,

they're gonna need to come up with more stuff for us to talk about. I don't think it's fair that you can just say, you guys like those Avengers movies? We sure did. Here's the new ones. I don't think it's fair that you can just say you guys like those Avengers movies. We sure did. Here's here's the new ones I don't think that's fair because we don't know these guys the whole deals and what are we supposed to do jokes? It's really hard to do this I think if you look at the monkeys, yes the band the monkeys like 30 years after they tried to get a thing going

Called the new monkeys. Yeah, the problem with that is they said up front This is the new monkeys what they should do is have a band that goes for a while. What if Blur 2, like Blur with song two had come out and they've been very popular. And then a year in they were like, that's the new monkeys, we got you. Oh, you guys like our shit? You like the sound of Blur?

Guess what you've been liking, the new monkeys. The new new monkeys. So look into that. Oh, is that what Arctic Monkeys probably is? Yeah, Arctic Monkeys would have been the better pull, Travis, you're right, thank you. Oh, the siren's going off here, which means it's time to do our first question

of the episode. Wait, why is there a siren going off there? It's a tornado siren that goes off on the first Wednesday of every month at noon. We can set these record times for whenever we want, and yet we do manage to always get it right in siren time, I'm realizing. It lets us know it's time to move on to the first question.

You're right, you're right. Growing up, my friend's mom woke her up every morning with a good morning song. I always thought it was really sweet and nice tradition. I recently had a baby of my own and would like to find a song to sing him to wake him up. I don't wanna use my friend's song because I can't really remember the words.

The words I do remember are pretty dorky. What is a cool song I could sing to my cool baby to wake him up each morning? That's from New Mom in OKC. I got a good morning song. I do too, but let's hear yours first because you made the sound first. Oh, okay.

Mine I learned at camp when I was young and it goes, way up in the sky, the big birdies fly, way up in the sky, the big birdies fly. Way down in the nest, the little birds rest. The sun starts to rise, the dew goes away. Good morning, good morning, the little birds say. It's way too long for a wake up song. By the time you finish that,

I'm downstairs like brewing a cup already. You took way too long with it. Point of it, it's a little bit annoying, or a lot of it, depending on the receiver, I guess, and it's to spurn them out of bed. Yeah, I don't need that. And forward into the day. You don't need that. You just spring out of bed every morning.

I'm thinking about a wake up song for myself as a 38 year old adult gentleman. Oh, okay. Not with the question, but yeah. song for myself as a 38 year old adult gentleman. I guess that's, well, but I have to connect with it on this level, you understand Travis, before I can get into the mind of a baby. You understand that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I forgot.

Before I can enter the mind of the baby, I have to first really- You can't enter the baby space. You have to ground it with your own personal experience. Okay, yeah, yeah. I wanna get hit with First of the Month by Bone Thugs and Harvey with the wake up, wake up, wake up, it's the first of the month. Now, here's my deal. They're gonna change the lyrics based on

what day it actually is. Oh, okay, that's helpful. And if we can get the day's temperature included in the lyrics of the song. So right now it's 72, yo, that's helpful. And if we can get the day's temperature included in the lyrics of the song. So right now it's 72, yo, later on it's gonna be 80, better bust out the shorts. He's gonna wear his short shorts. That would be amazing, actually.

That was really good, Justin. If we could get phone calls on this, that would be incredible. How many days got last? Just three, there's left, three days left until May. I would want it to be more, I'm waking up first thing in the morning, I don't need to solve a math puzzle,

I need like, it's May 7th, like I need them to be pretty. It would also be useful if I could then, you know, if I have the time, it's a weekend, that they could go into some of the like news highlights. Absolutely. From like headlines. What you missed this weekend, I wouldn't, it's reached a point now where I wouldn't, I don't know if I'm gonna hire Bone Thugs in Harmony

for this, probably can't afford that. I would love a sort of personalized calendar, I suppose, a digital construct of some sort. With additional widgets that I can add in later if I want it. I guess I'm saying I wanna create an AI construct but only of Bone thugs in harmony, not to like do any other, like all above board.

Well, you jumped, Griffin, you jumped right over the idea of paying them to do it. I think it would be pricey, but worth it. Let's pay artists for their work, reach out to bone thugs, see if you can get them. They were gonna cut. They're not gonna work with us, because I, a few minutes ago,

conflated first in a month with Crossroads, and I don't think they're gonna wanna work with us. I think that they're gonna find someone who has a catalog of them. I got dinner with Uncle Charles, y'all. That's how you remember your appointments coming up. At 7 p.m. at Guido's. You're meeting his new girlfriend.

Make sure to bring some flowers. Do you guys have an alarm? Do you have an alarm in the morning? What wakes you up? I have an alarm set at 640, 645, and 648, because I don't trust myself one bit. What is it, just a siren? What do you got?

No, it's just gentle ringing and dangling, you know? I usually either wake up with a day or from a gentle rustling from my lovely wife. A gentle rustling. And then you go, oh God, the kids are two hours late to school. Gotta go. No, I sit there as she does a parody version

of Boon Thugs in Harmony's first of the month to me to tell me all about the news and weather and the time and date It's so helpful My alarm clock caresses me to sleep. It starts off very dim and it slowly Kisses me awake with a soft tingling of nature and then at 640 Sidney's rips in with it It's like oh, but I was just being caress. So I have conditioned myself to be awakened by the gentlest caress of nature.

So I'm fully ideally in the shower before her sort of cacophony kicks up. We bought one of those sun lamp alarm clock things. I think we talked about this on the show before, but I guess just as an update for this particular appliance, it stopped waking me up. And so Rachel would have to come into the bedroom to wake me up with this gigantic LED light bulb

inches from my face just blasting me with its false UV rays. And it was a largely ineffective tool. Also, my dreams are just brighter. Thanks, you stupid light bulb. I got one of those uh I got uh you know continue to get the marketing emails for from the the lamp company or the clock company that I got this alarm clock from and they recently sent an email it said

hey if you if you don't buy one of these by the end of the week because the terrorists are gonna be $400 wow wow listen, it's all rough across the board, but it really did make it very, in that moment, very personal when I thought. That was the moment. No, no, no, no, it's just, I really identify that that sounds like an extremely challenging situation. Yeah. Because that's hundreds of dollars for the lay- I mean, I know it's bad for everyone,

but like, wow, you guys have really got it tough, huh? $400 for this, woof. Now, it's tough. I don't love light waking me up. Is there any way that one of these sun lamps can produce the heat of the sun? Not obviously full bore, like, I'm not trying to be disintegrated.

Like a space heater kind of that revs up. It wouldn't start there. I think it would serve you up a lot of different options. Yeah, I think it would start you with a gentle caress of sun's light coming, and then like, if that don't work, some light bird noises, and then if that don't work, the birds get like shitty about it,

and then if that don't work, it starts to get pretty hot, because now you're being blasted by heat rays. And the birds start screaming like they're burning. Let me make a bad smell. Make a stinky bad smell that wake you up. That would be cool. Is there a way to do an implant in my brain to wake me up that tells my brain

that my bladder's really full? Cause like that wakes me up in the middle of the night so you know it would work in the morning. For sure. Yeah, maybe you could wake up at like three something and pound a bunch of water and just like really put on the puff for however long it takes to rip through you. With lucid dreaming, how hard would I have to work

to get myself a dream butler who just, excuse me, Mr. McElroy, it's time to wake up now. And he comes in and he gets me up. So he dreams. Oh, he gives me the kick. I need Joseph Gordon-Levitt to give me the kick. I actually have a lot of dreams about Joseph Gordon-Levitt kicking me and stepping on me and... That's it.

Oh. Go on. Finish your drink. Justin took a big sip. He's giving you time. Now tell me more, I'm giving you space. I have a lot of- The floor is yours.

It's brick era, it's HGL, and he's just stepping. He's breaking your smushing slowly. Yeah. He crushed your balls. So what do you guys think it means? Are you asking me how many PSI

Joseph Gordon-Luvitt would be able to kick your balls with? What kind of downward force will this wave apply to my body? I'm just saying that I think he could be a professional NFL kicker if he said his mind to it. I can't get my kids to stop watching these fucking TikToks. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's foot, smushing everyday. I know, he squishes a bunch of Play-Doh and it shoots up between his toes.

They keep calling me over like, dad, you gotta watch this one. It's like they're all the same guys. I don't get the appeal He's got a lot of Joseph Gordon leverage. So that helps It's close enough to the physical force that is being applied. I will absolutely laugh. What do we think about Joseph Gordon lead foot? That's good, too. That's good, too. We're definitely trending in the right direction with this bit. He does step on my balls sometimes, but he always makes it sound like it was an accident. You fucking wrestled momentum back from me

as I tried to read to something new. You're like, wait, wait, wait, one more thing I need to have recorded. Hey, Justin, how come every time Griffin tries to open up to us about his dreams, or first-born love accidentally stabs him as well sometimes, that you're like, we need to move on. It doesn't happen every dream.

Okay, I'll tell you why, Trav. Hi, it's Justin McElroy, Griffin's oldest brother. Yeah. Griffin is in a constant struggle with his own personal brand. There's two Griffin McElroys. There's the Griffin McElroy that'll do it for the Vine. Uh-huh. And then there's the Griffin McElroy that is a human being

in day-to-day life that expresses to me on a daily basis how regretful he is that he has corrupted his brand with so many, not, Kink said he just does not personally share. It's not a Kink shame. Yeah. It's that he can't have normal conversations anymore. But Griffin- Which of those two Griffins wins, Justin?

Well, I don't know. It's probably the Griffin that interrupts me from making a transition to the next question so he can say one more great thing about Joseph Gordon-Levitt, a real human, crushing his balls. Accidentally sometimes. Stop it.

It's, first of all, this is not a real person. It's Joseph Gordon-Levitt in my dream mind. Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Second of all, he only steps on my balls sometimes. Some dreams he doesn't do it at all. And whenever he does, he apologizes like it's a big accident. So we know this is the Griffin he feeds.

This is the Griffin he feeds, clearly, because this is still the Griffin that's here with us now. You know what I mean? I tried to talk, I psychically reach the same responsible Griffin, it's like doesn't wanna be accountable. What happens in the dreams where he doesn't accidentally step on your balls?

And is it an accident? Could you gauge it? He doesn't wake up on time and his kids are late to school. My kids are late. How do I wake up? Well, it depends on what kind of treatment I get from JGL in my dream. It depends.

Some days I'm timely. I'm downstairs, pronto, lunch is packed. And then Rachel wakes up and is like, JGL, step on your balls again. I'm like, yeah, man, 5.15 in the fucking morning. Oh, it's not a regular time? Yeow, yeowch, I yell. That wakes Rachel up too.

How can I save a man who will not save himself? It's the tension between the two Jews. That's the palette with which I paint. It's the gray, it's the gray in between. It's where the lines blur, that's where the real truth lies. Exactly. Madness, brilliance. I hope Joseph Gordon that's where the real truth lies. Exactly. Madness, brilliance. I hope Joseph Gordon-Levitt never listens to this show.

Again. He won't. I think Van Halen's jump would be good. Maybe not for- Or walking on sunshine. Or Pitbull's I feel good. Pitbull is a good choice. Not for a baby. Not for a baby. Not for a baby, get too excited.

A baby can't handle, babies that can't handle their shit most of the time, they won't know what to do with the energy pitbull. They cannot handle all the rhythms of- Should you start with the KidSpot version of I Feel Good and work your way up to the Pitbull version? Kids can't handle all the rhythms of the world in one man.

Like he's in touch with all the dances, all the parties. He is, he's Mr. Worldwide. He's Mr. Worldwide. Kids can't handle that. They barely can handle their own room, you know? That's true. They're not ready for the whole world. Start with Raffy.

Raffy's version of I Feel Good? I've never heard that one. Raffy will challenge children with a heavy reggaeton beat in a way that Pitbull will occasionally slide in there. He will challenge children with a heavy reggaeton beat in the way that Pitbull will occasionally slide in there. All right, he will challenge Pitbull though. I'd love to see that creator clash. You know what I mean? Pitbull v. Raffy.

No holds barred. I don't know. I think we all know who comes out on top of that one. I'm a fifth grade teacher and every year my students go to a team building event in the woods for fifth grade graduation. The adults are not allowed to help the kids with tasks they've been given

because the idea is to develop independence. However, one of the tasks is to build a fire and another is to catch a fish. They're not giving a fishing pole or matches for this, but they're given one fishing hook and a piece of string. Is there no way my students can light a fire or catch a fish with these materials? And I really wanna catch a fish this year.

How can I sneakily help my kids without ruining the independence part of the activities? That's from dreaming of Fish in the fifth grade. This is a terrible idea. You added a question where there was not one. They didn't say, is there no way my students, they said definitively, there is no way my students can light a fire.

Sorry, thank you for clarifying, Griffin. Yeah, do fifth grade classes need team building exercises? This isn't team building, it is independence building, which is quite the opposite thing, Travis. It says go to a team building event it is independence building, which is quite the opposite thing, Travis. It says go to a team building event in the woods. About building independence, so that doesn't mean- So I think the overall event is team building, this one aspect is team destroying.

Yeah, they're all competing against each other. If you catch a fish, you are not allowed to feed it to anyone else, that is your fish to clean and prepare- Give a man a fish, and you'll be summarily dismissed from the competition. Okay. Yep. Fishing's one of those things that I wish I could do and never would even if I could.

It would be cool to know how to do that stuff. And I think everyone probably thinks that, but it wouldn't cause me to go out to Bodies of Water to try to get all the fish and stuff. My children have often expressed interest in fishing. And so I've started to, I've laid out for them the actual steps involved. And I would say, especially on the,

you have to put a worm on a hook. And then when you catch the fish, remove the hook from the fish's mouth and they bounced off it properly. I think I would enjoy teaching my kids to fish. I don't think I would enjoy having another parent teach me how to fish first in order to do that. So I think it is- And when you say another parent,

we should be explicitly clear that we are not talking about our own father. No, he tried. Another, someone else's parent, not ours. Yeah, so I need, I don't, but see, to learn from another parent in this specific activity, it's gonna be me and another adult alone making conversation. Sorry, that's gonna be a super hard pass for me.

I don't think I'll ever learn to fish. I'm picturing someone out on the lake, out in their boat, they look up, here comes another boat. It's Justin, by himself, with his iPhone, watching YouTube videos on how to fish, as he tries to set it up. And I think that's actually might be worse, to be caught doing that. You and the other parent

in two different boats, you can absolutely boat away whenever you need to. I think that your best bet is to help your kids to master the bow and arrow, because I have seen a lot of movies, and if you can master the bow and arrow, you're hunting, you're grappling, you're retrieving, you're winning the heart of Maid Marian.

Yeah, you're winning the Hunger Games. Winning the Hunger Games? I don't know that that is a facet of this. Rescuing all of... Oh, I'm sorry, Griffin. Queen City, is that right? Is that where Green Arrow is? Yeah, I think so.

Griffin, in this independent study where the children are put out in the woods without supplies and they have to catch and eat their own food, you don't get a little bit of Hunger Games vibe from that. I mean, it'd be Hungry Games and not games so much as school. It's Hungry School, the sequel to Hunger Games. Do you think that there was a moment

where the teachers had to tell the parents of these fifth graders, they'll be going in the woods and they'll have to start a fire themselves. And the parents were like, that seems wildly irresponsible. They're 11 years old. And the parents are like, that seems wildly irresponsible. They're 11 years old. And the teachers said, oh, don't worry. We don't give them matches or anything.

They would have to start it themselves. And there's no way they're gonna be able to do that. So don't you worry about it. Don't worry. They can't get burned. They won't make fire. They can't make fire unless... Unless? Unless?

Wow, you guys really, really, really left me hanging on that one. No, I said it. You all really left. I said it. I said it. That pause was nine months pregnant. That was a big one.

Unless. Dead drops. Oh, okay. You gotta set up some dead drops ahead of time. What is gonna be in these dead drops? One, turkey jerky, just to help get them across the finish line. Two, a cell phone with some sort of fish delivery service

maybe on it. Three, Pokemon cards. These are so the kids will want to find the dead drops in the first place. Yeah. Yes, and they can also be a rudimentary currency of the new society that they will develop. And you could soak the Pokemon cards in lighter fluid to help them build fire.

In lighter fluid, thank you so much, Travis. Yes, unless it's good Pokemon cards. Yeah, they don't do that. But every pack of Pokemon cards does come with, I would say, eight to nine Kindling cards. You don't need the one with the code that lets you unlock it in the digital version of the Pokemon card.

And the energy cards are perfect for kindling. If you burn a foil one, the smoke is poison. Yeah, that's true. It'll fuck you up. Yeah. Holographic is poison. Hologram is poison. Might be a good type of breathable poison,

but not for an 11 year old. They're not ready for that. Now poison type though, you burn those, no problem. Yeah, I mean, it's- You could use a foil card as bait, as like a fly. Yeah. It's got all the shiny on it. Fish love Pokemon cards. Are kids solving puzzles to find?

Like, I don't wanna just give this stuff to them. So, to find the dead drops, are they doing something more practical, like coding challenges? Or writing a book report about Johnny Tremaine. Something like that, like real school stuff, like real school stuff. And then they, I don't want it to be a gimme.

You want it to be something they work for, right? You can't just throw a bunch. I will say this too, I'm thinking about it. Leaving a bunch of matches out, it has a whole risk reward thing there, right? Cause you also don't want to ruin the game, but you also don't want to be the guy who like, just left a bunch of matches and shit up for kids to find, right? That's frowned upon. How long do they have to survive this challenge?

I don't think survival is on the line, I don't think those are the stakes. This is what I'm saying. If this is a four-hour experience cool for day experience They there's an element. I also love I Feel like with most groups of fifth graders You could give them the whole damn fishing rod and a whole tackle box of shit and a lot of kindling and some flint and steel Like minecraft and actually I take it back kids would be able to do that one part pretty good tackle box of shit and a lot of kindling and some flint and steel like Minecraft and Actually, I take it back kids would be able to do that one part pretty good But like give them all the supplies they need they're still not

Catching a fish is still not lighting a fire grown-ups can't do that shit on Survivor and they spent a long time there and they knew they were gonna be on Survivor They knew they were gonna be there. Also give them the whole rod. You're not gonna get in trouble Who cares have fun help the kids they'll appreciate it. What are they trouble, who cares? Have fun, help the kids. They'll appreciate it. Help the kids. What are they gonna do, fire you? Yeah, I kept my kids alive. I think that is actually a good teacher thing. Yeah.

This whole thing's insane. This whole thing, guys, we're shutting it down. It starts with me. Hey, can we take a brief break? Yeah. I'm very all right with you guys. Let's get in the zone. Money zone.

I couldn't possibly do another moment of comedy. ["Money Zone"] I'm gonna, guys, it's the money zone. And I know that in the past, maybe I've rambled a bit and got off topic. So I'm gonna try to focus up, and I'm gonna do this ad right down the middle. Down the middle.

A perfect strike. I love that, Trav, thank you. Do you think there's a lot of demand for that? Just to really nail this one, to get it in one? Well, no, I'm just saying from our listening audience, have you been hearing a lot from them lately, that we've been getting too silly and they wish we'd been too silly.

Oh, I don't do the show for them. I do it to give the respect of my brothers. And I know that you guys don't respect the silliness that I bring to the ads. I do absolutely, I do absolutely respect the silliness that you bring. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, oh, this is really awkward

because I was shifting a lot of gears and stuff in my head. You've prepared, show us, I guess, what you have for us today. Yeah, what do you got? In the- Square space. Yeah. Good. You like it. So we're gonna stop you right there

and just do some quick notes. Okay. Okay. Why did you get so monosyllabic, I guess? I was trying to avoid any possible off-ramps for myself because I know I do a lot of like language kind of jazz. And so I was trying to- Always experimenting. Yeah.

I was trying to avoid any possible free association and just focus on. Okay. So like, I'm sorry we interrupted. Okay, thank you. Squarespace, good. You like it. It help you?

Yes. Very good. Bill like it. It help you? Yes. Very good. Build website? You have idea website? Yes. Squarespace, opportunities to offer services and get paid in one place? Yes.

Get paid on time? Professional. On-brand invoice? Yes. Online payments? Yes. Plus, streamline workflow, yes. You like this.

Built-in appointment scheduling, good. Email marketing tools, you need it. Say you like this more. Okay, you like this. Squarespace, complete library, professionally designed and award-winning website. He wanted to. Award-winning website templates, you like this.

With options for everyday use and category, indeed. Intuitive drag and drop editing, yes sir. Styling options, beautiful. Yeah, it said take weird gender direction halfway through. Visual design effects, unrivaled. Experience required, none. You like this.

You want it too. Head to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of website or domain. You like this. How hard are you guys kicking yourselves? We did not suggest System of a Down's Chop Suey as a great baby waker song.

Ah, damn, that's good. Yeah, that would've been really good. That would've been a good one. You know what else would be good is if you took a second and looked at your financial situation and said, hey, Self, let's get serious. Let's get real. Can we be serious now? Can we be serious now?

It can be hard to know where to start getting your finances in order. I think Rocket Money is a really good way of doing it. The first thing that Rocket Money is going to do is help you save a lot of money on subscriptions that you might've forgotten about. Justin, quick question. Yeah, please go ahead. Yeah, they like it.

Okay. It's just, you didn't clarify. You haven't said it like even a little bit. Yes. Okay. Thank you. Yes, Travis. You haven't said it like even a little bit. Yes, okay, thank you. Yes, Travis, really good point. They like it. And if you like it. Who likes it? You like it? You like it, say you like it.

You like it? Then Rocket Money is blasting off right now with the biggest savings of. It says in the copy not to say blasting off. It says they don't like that joke. They say there's no reason for it. They say they just don't like that joke. In say there's no reason for it. They say they just don't like that joke. In the ad copy.

They say don't say about money. Griffin, I'm looking with this, I'll be honest, extensive ad copy. I don't know. I see some things that they have asked me to read verbatim, but I, as a professional, am about to blend those. I don't know, man. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending

and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Like it'll just be sort of a. You like this. It says, say you like this a lot and it says, don't make any blast off jokes or references. We don't like those, they're not funny. I don't know why they're so specific. What do you think verbatim means?

It means every time you interrupt me, I have to start over Rocket money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million dollars in cancelled subscriptions Saving members up to seven hundred and forty dollars a year where they use all the apps premium features cancel your unwanted Sounds like people like it cancel your Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket- Indeed.

I got this. I got this for you, Justin. I'll do the color commentary. You keep going. Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name, my brother, my brother and me in the survey so they know that I, Justin McElroy, sit you. You like this. Don't wait.

Keep going. Don't wait. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show! I like this. I want to munch! Squad! Squad!

No idea. I want to munch! Squad! Welcome to Munch Squad. It is a podcast in the podcast profile buh buh buh buh buh buh buh. Welcome to Munch Squad. It is a podcast in the podcast profile and the latest and greatest in brand leading. It's the only kind of eating I know.

We got a couple of different- You got into the riff you laid down at the beginning of this segment. It was fucking sick, Juice. Thanks, I've been thinking about doing more riffs. It felt like a jazzy sort of like cowboy bebop fight scene. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They said that the one thing that AI can't do is riffs.

So I've been trying to come up with more riffs because it seems like one area that's going to be pretty safe from the revolution is like riffs. So I'm trying to come up with more riffs. It's a good way to fight them. Literally, it's a good weapon. Small acts. If you riff at an AI, they can't handle it. Small acts.

I have a short story for you and then a longer story. The first short story is just like- Baby shoes never worn. I mean, no, Travis, even sadder than that. Wetzel pretzels- Travis, but way to go, Travis, to shave off some of the cruft from Hemingway's Six World Clunker.

Getting it down to a type four. Yeah, just put it, I can do it too. Baby died. Pfft. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

You want a real sad story? When you're paying by the letter. Yeah, I wanna post, I wanna print my short story in the newspaper, okay. His story was three times longer than it needed to be. Wetzel's Pretzels, David's mozzarella sticks, never eaten, sorry. Wetzel's, Wetzel's, David's mozzarella sticks with a Z

for a limited time, fake fuck. Wetzel's Pretzels is pretzels, maybe his mozzarella sticks with a Z for a limited time, fake fuck. Wetzel's Pretzels is turning up the heat with its debut of latest limited time menu item, mozzarella sticks! Now the fact there's a Z at the end, I feel like they broke the- At the end, okay, you said with a Z, and I was like, I'm pretty sure that's how mozzarella is.

And pretzels. Crisp, and then it says here, this new menu item, mozzarella sticks. Crispy, cheesy, portable, and perfect for summer snacking. This craveable twist is a new category for the Pretzel Powerhouse and is available starting at 799 at Wetzel's locations. Travis, let's find out together because there's another80 of mozzarella sticks, there better be 16 mozzarella sticks. Well, let me paint you a picture.

Crafted with fresh hand rolled dough and filled with melty mozzarella cheese, these savory bites are topped with Italian breadcrumbs and baked to golden perfection. Served in a five piece snack cup, pairing perfectly with a side dish of a pizza, the pizza is served with a special sauce and a special sauce. And the pizza is served with a special sauce These savory bites are topped with Italian breadcrumbs and baked to golden perfection.

Served in a five piece snack cup, pairing perfectly with a side of pizza sauce. Five? Or a creamy ranch dip. This snack is ideal for dipping and snacking on the go. Why did they have to clarify that? I get why this is an amazing summertime treat. Nothing scratches that itch for me

from being hot and sweaty outside and filling my body with this good white cheese. I get why this is an amazing summertime treat. Nothing scratches that itch for me from being hot and sweaty outside and filling my body with this good, light cheese. But why did they have to specify that it's portable? Because I've never, I don't know that God has made, God or man has made a mozzarella stick so big I couldn't get it, I couldn't commute with it. Like I couldn't get a rocket.

A lot of the Wetzel's Pretzels menu, you have to have a knife and fork and sit down with a napkin. And this is finally one that's a little bit more grab and go. I like the idea. This is the problem. Nobody wants to sit down and have a sit down mozzarella stick feast with their family anymore. He saw Go Go Lifestyle.

When I was a kid, mom used to put out a plate of giant mozzarella sticks, and it was the whole night for us, you know? And then the whole day battle movement the next day. You know, it's, I have another quote here for you. If you think that this company could not talk more about an invention that my 10-year-old makes with string cheese and crushed up Cheetos and the air fryer,

you're wrong. Dang, what a child. We're always looking for new ways to delight our guests. And the introduction of our new mozzarella sticks is a fun and delicious addition to our snack lineup. Says Peyton Geyser. They were originally called Thundersticks with an asterisk at the end.

We took everything people love about mozzarella sticks and gave it the Wetzel spin with our fresh pretzel dough. It's a match made in snack heaven. Now, Griffin, guess if the temperature is getting to you, it says here, Guess compare the mozzarella sticks with Wetzel's refreshing frozen lemonade for the ultimate salty meets sweet combo. An ideal duo for warm weather hangouts, midday snack breaks, or post shopping pick me ups. There's so many places I could effortlessly slot mozzarella sticks into my day

with little to no negative effect on onset day. They really do pick me up after I shop, because after I shop, you guys know me, I'm a real dairy queen. Yeah, your mozzarella levels are dangerously low. They get my mozzarella reserves really hit E, and I do need to pick me up sometimes, and that comes in the form of five handy-dandy

portable mozzarella sticks from a pretzel company. Roughly $1.40 each. An amazing exchange rate. What a value. I have one other really actually very impactful story, emotional, I'm gonna try to share it with you guys. It's not emotional, actually I don't know why I said that. Well, we'll be the judge.

Can you hear this? Good morning, Ryan. I got everything from your writer here, your newspaper with all references to birds redacted, fresh air from your hometown, a left-handed cane for some reason, your jigsaw puzzle, one piece from completion, and of course, your scrambled eggs.

Oh gosh. Nobody makes my eggs like you, Brendan. Actually, these are from Tim Hortons. I know how much you like them. Love them. Yeah, so I gave them your extremely specific recipe, so now you can go get them yourself anytime you want. Oh, did you? Two freshly cracked eggs, expertly scrambled with crispy hash browns, sausage crumble, creamy chipotle sauce,

cooked over freshly harvested organic lava. They skipped the lava part, but yeah. Wow, doesn't affect the taste at all. I'm so glad. Will Tim Hortons be sculpting my wig chillers? Nope, that'll still be me. I think that's gonna melt. From my rider to Tim's menu,

try my new scrambled eggs loaded breakfast box. That's a take away. What's going on? What's- The takeaway here is that Ryan Reynolds- What's going on over there, huh? Ryan Reynolds has his own scrambled egg secrets. That's cool. They're just like us. So in the fiction of this, in the fiction of this, Ryan Reynolds, who's just like us,

has a special scrambled egg secret recipe that only his assistant knows how to make, but now his assistant taught it to, there are cereals with less contrived stories in this box of mess. I also recognize that I'm no Ryan Reynolds. I think this will come as no surprise to anyone. But if someone pitched to me,

I have an idea for a commercial, and the premise is that you're a complete asshole. You're like, you're just a real insufferable dick. I don't think I'd be like, yeah, man, that sounds like a perfect way to sell scrambled eggs. Kind of build his brand around that though, huh? Kind of build his brand around being a bit of a scamp. Yeah, and recent news events

might have forced his hand a little bit to lean into that a little bit. And that makes sense to me. This hot wet box from Tim would fuck me up fam if I tried to eat this thing with its Chipotle mayo drizzling on top. I don't, yeah. Not since, and this is a, not since Tim Beibs.

Yeah. Which is a crossover of Justin Bieber and Tim. And now, okay, so I wanna ask you guys one other thing about this. Yeah. Dunkin' Donuts. Okay. The most like notable like spokespeople

that Dunkin' Donuts has had in recent history. It's been half like a Matt Damon. Uh-huh. Yeah. And this is Tim Beebs with one of, I will say, the very few AAA movie stars we have left. What does that mean? Holy, I mean, he's an A-lister. There's not a lot of A-listers left. There's like a million, billion, billion

of people who could open a movie. You can't open a movie? I don't know. Is Ian the new Avengers? He's in Deadpool, over it. What do you mean, open a movie? Just like you're not gonna open a movie? I don't know. Is Ian the new Avengers? He's in Deadpool over it. What do you mean open a movie? Are they locked? Just like you're not gonna open a movie on some of these,

you can open a movie on Ryan Reynolds. People come out to see a Ryan Reynolds movie, is what I'm saying. People come out to see lots of, people come out to see a Michael B. Jordan movie a lot. I would go out to see a John Cena movie. Yeah, he's one of them. An Idris Elba movie.

Idris Elba and John Cena movie. But if you gotta get both of them, it's not an A-list, hmm? No, that's an A-plus list, Justin. Yeah, it's just two A-lists. I'm sorry, guys. Sebastian Stan, David Harbour, these. Oh, okay.

The Rizzler. Now I get it. The Rizzler. The Rizzler is in it. You're Julius Louis Griffin. I'm saying, why are you doing this? Guess what I'm getting at is like, why? Like if I came to Ryan Reynolds and they were like, I know it was fun being Deadpool and making a million

bajillion dollars, but would you like to sell a box of eggs to people? And he's like, why? And they're like, I don't know, just to prove you can? I really, I don't know. I don't know why he wants to sell a big box of eggs. Well, he gets 78% of every box sold. Well, and he makes the eggs. Not the money, to make it clear, not the money.

If you buy a box of these eggs, you only get 22% of the eggs in the box. And the other 78% of the eggs get shipped directly to him. And he makes the eggs. Yeah. Yeah. And they gotta go some, he's not gonna let his eggs just spoil. No, when he's sitting on his roost producing his eggs,

he needs us to go somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. I just don't know why he's doing this specifically. You know what I mean? Like maybe- He fucking loves eggs. It's a passion project. Maybe they came up with the recipe first and they're like, okay, this is crazy. It's a big box of eggs. It's a passion project. Maybe they came up with the recipe first, and they're like, okay, this is crazy.

It's a big box of eggs. Guys, what are we doing? We made a box of eggs with hash browns on top and chipotle sauce, it's crazy. How are we gonna get people to think this is an okay thing? Then one guy in the back raises his head, he's like, we could tell him Ryan Reynolds came up with it. It's Ryan Reynolds' idea, not ours.

Yeah. It's like, every pitch cannot be you blaming Ryan Reynolds or something Doug. I'm sorry Justin, but maybe you weren't paying attention. The recipe came from Ryan Reynolds assistant to them. He showed up and said, Hey, I'm sick of making eggs for my insufferable asshole boss.

I need you to start making them not just for him, but for everyone for everyone and Does Ryan seem pissed about it seemed like Ryan was pissed about that for like a second But then they didn't like when I explore that particular emotional Avenue of the of the commercial that you know There's a lot of unexplored territory in there. I hope they make it a whole cinematic universe Yeah, well Duncan already beat them to it So I don't actually think they can do another donut place with a cinematic universe within it, because there is a Duncanverse with, has

all the employees from Duncan in it. I just don't, I don't know, you can get Ryan's box of eggs for, I don't know, $80 Canadian, I don't know the exchange rate or whatever, but catch it. Catch it now. How about another question? Here's one for you Trav. I don't know the exchange rate or whatever, but catch it. Catch it now. How about another question? Here's one for you, Trav. My girlfriend got a new job recently and her boss is hosting a pool party,

which will be a great opportunity to get to know everyone. At this party, there's gonna be a salsa contest for $100 and a chili pepper trophy that says salsa queen to whoever makes the best one. Yes, my dad makes a mean salsa, which I believe would have a shot at winning. Can my girlfriend submit my dad's salsa as her own? If it wins, does she have to split the $100 with him?

Should we keep the contest a secret so we can keep all the earnings that's from Pepper Poppers Empioria? Who? It's a lot of ethics. A lot of ethics in this question. Is it? I don't know that there's a lot of ethics.

I think there's just the one ethic. There's just the one. Really? Do you steal your dad's salsa? Well, it's not stealing. Well, let's talk about that for a second. What if you steal the salsa and you take it as your own? First of all, that's a lie. It's fabrication.

Secondly, what if he doesn't win? What if it loses? What if it doesn't even place? And you have to come back and say- What if it comes in last place and makes everyone sick? Yeah, what if he doesn't win? What if it loses? What if it doesn't even place? And you have to come back and say- What if it comes in last place? And makes everyone sick. Yeah, what if it comes in last place? Everyone hated your dirt salsa.

Yeah, and then you say, actually, my girlfriend's dad made it. And then- Not even me at all. I was trying to trick you. Now you're embarrassed. Yeah. And your boss now is so sick.

And you've done this. You've done this and now you're gonna have nicknames at the office like Salsa Diarrhea Monster or they'll probably come up with something better than that. No need to, you got it in one. Why keep, you know. If you put it in quotes of like my partner's dad's salsa in quotes like that's what you call it, right?

And then when they're like, oh, this made me sick. And you're like, yeah, like I told you. I think the quotes around my partner's dad's salsa, I would be suspecting. I'm not sure I'd consume that. The quotation marks are, and I'd have to check the font on that too. We've already got the solution, an asterisk.

No, we have a dissolution from another callback in the show. Which is that- Just put an asterisk. No, we have a solution from another callback in the show. Just put an asterisk on it. We cite every food stuff that is ever eaten or bought or sold. I wanna go to the farmer's market and go to a booth that says, my girlfriend's dad's salsa. So I know exactly, I wanna go,

I want Tim Hortons to now be called Ryan Reynolds's Eggs Store. And now I know exactly what I'm getting, which is the recipe I'm getting. Are you saying that you'll be able to buy my girlfriend's dad's salsa at Ryan Reynolds's Egg Box Store? I think you roll up and your boss, it's like Jennifer's own,

and she has her salsa that she made. I think it's cool to have to put your name on a thing so that people know exactly where it came from. And I don't think that should get you disqualified. Because are you gonna be penalized just because your girlfriend's dad makes salsa better than you? I don't think that's fair.

And it also would be nice to take your dad a chili pepper trophy if you want and be like, dad, you're the salsa queen. I wish they didn't cash prize, but. Yeah. $100 doesn't mean anything to most dads. Most dads are just gonna sniff, they won't even sniff, but a chili pepper snake trophy?

Dude, they'll lose their fucking minds. I'm getting pretty excited thinking about winning a trophy right now. Are you kidding me? Hey guys, I'd love to win a trophy right now. Especially something I assume I'm already good at, the idea of it, of someone being like- Just making salsa? No, I'm saying that if I was the dad

and I'm like, this is my special salsa recipe and now it's his award-winning salsa recipe, that's better than any hundreds of dollars. Yeah, you can put dad's award-winning salsa recipe on your food truck that you're gonna have to buy. I love this. With $100. What if you call it Ryan Reynolds' award-winning salsa?

Is Ryan Reynolds in quotes? N-eggs. N-eggs. Salsa. N-eggs. Egg-based salsa. Wolverine, Deadpool in Wolverines. Deadpool in Wolverines' Sines Salsa and Eggs.

Brought to you by Ryan Reynolds. Uh-huh. Tim Hortons. Tim Hortons. A new Avengers production. We got Hugh made the salsa, Ryan produced the eggs. It's a two-hander, this breakfast meal. It's so spicy. David Harbour hand-delivered it.

Wolverine chopped it up with his fun claws put some onions in there It's a whole breakfast Ryan Reynolds brought up all the peppers and spit event to give him that special flavor And why Russell messed up at first but Goldie Kurt were there to pick up the pieces and move on Hey, thanks so much for listening to our podcast where we've unnecessarily dragged people we will never meet for yet again, no real discernible reason.

Or if you don't like them, we did it on purpose. Yeah, if you don't like them. I wanna say again, I've heard good things about the Thunderbolts movie. I've heard really good things. I'm a big fan of David Harbor. Or I'm not, if you guys Harbour. I, I, I, or I'm not. If you guys don't like him, I'm not.

We've couched this more than enough. Hey, you got some tour dates coming up. Yeah. I mean, there's the ones you already know about. Michigan, Minnesota, Ohio, we're coming to you. We're doing the Bim Bam, we're doing Taz. But we've also got some new dates to announce in California and Texas and Georgia and Utah.

All tickets go on sale this Friday, May 16th at 10am local time. All our Taz shows are going to be Taz versus, except the Anaheim Taz show, which will be the next installment in the Adventure Zone Dadlands, GM'd by Brennan Lee Mulligan. Cannot wait for that shit. All tickets and stuff you can find at this link, bit.ly slash McElroy Tours. Come out and see us and have a grand old time. We also got new merch for May. We've got the the Plato's Rave thousand piece puzzle.

And I know what you're thinking. That's a lot of pieces, but every one of them is worth it. It's a little bit. More than, more than 3000. Yeah. And that's done by Danielle My Jo Birch. You can find My Jo Birch underscore art on Instagram. That's B-U-R-C-H.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So check that out at macromerch.com. Thanks also to Montane for the Use for a Theme song. My Life is Better With You. We love this song so much and we're so happy and grateful to be able to use it. Vroom, vroom, let's get faster than fear.

Juice, you wanna do this one? At my sister's wedding this year, I will be faster than my fear of the Cupid shuffle because I messed it up once in middle school. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother, Me, Kiss Your Dad,

Square on the Lips. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. Because it's true, ah, it's better, it's better with two. My life, ah, it's better with you. Maximum Fun, a workaround network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.