My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 765: Face 2 Face: Ethics of Pissin' in Da Car

Episode Date: June 2, 2025

No, it's not a surreal dream, it's MBMBaM live in Grand Rapids, Michigan! We're taking questions about lawn mowers, arguments about states, blood pacts to Lucifer, rhyming schemes about animals, and the first and only Missed Connections.Suggested talking points: Old Mean Eating Cereal Experience, Paul the Wall A Stronger Paul, Just the Hat, Fuck Off King, Whippin' Shitties, Ashes to Ashes Dew to Dew, Chilli-Based SchemeTransgender Law Center: https://transgenderlawcenter.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Justin insists he's a checkspert, but if there's a degree on his wall. I haven't seen it also The show isn't for kids which I say only so the babies out there listening know how cool they are for listening Take it away What's up you cool babies! It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed It's ripened into a precious friendship

I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you This is true Ah, it's better, it's better with two By way Ah, it's better with you

Hello everybody and welcome to our brother and brother meeting and my show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy! What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middle brother, Travis Vroom Vroom McElroy! And I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary, Griffin Biltford of McElroy! I wish we had the courage of our convictions to have not just come out on stage and made everybody here just have to buy a ticket

to watch an older man eat cereal. I feel like that would have been the moment we escalated to high conceptual art. I do wonder, could we have come out at that point and just been like, the rehearsal, then gone home? Yeah, yeah. Would that have worked? You guys just got rehearsaled.

There would have been a moment where you guys were watching it, right? And like, if it had gone, let's say it went 15 minutes, right? And you're like, oh, this is like an intro bit, right? And then what if it went 25 minutes? Yeah, yeah. And then 30, and suddenly it's like 90 minutes

and then just the stage lights go out, house lights come up. I did, I was backstage, and this is really the thought I was having. I'm having the strangest dream right now. I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and I'm dressed like Speed Racer. And my co-host is there there and also my dad randomly. And I am gonna go on stage, but I can't go on stage yet.

And they're eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but it's pizza flavored? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what that means, doctor. What you guys could not see is backstage. The three of us were walking back and forth behind the curtain waiting to go on.

And it worked out so it was like Justin and Griffin on one track and me in the middle going opposite directions. Just nervously pacing. Like a cartoon. It was beautiful. I'm sorry, people in the front row, you probably didn't know you were signing up for such a up close and personal cereal,

old man eating cereal experience. I hope a lot of the milk didn't end up in his facial hair. I was worried about that. You know how he eats. With his mouth. This is an advice show. Y'all are wilding out. That's great.

It's good. It's good advice. I'm glad you're ready for it, because we're going to help a lot of people tonight We've got questions from you in the audience If you have questions from us to you to you And you're gonna be able to submit yours and come up later in the show Imagine not on Justin said up you're not coming on this fucking stage

Don't you dare we've been doing this shit for like 19 years now. You know, Paul, we've got a stronger Paul that stops people from doing that. So watch out or you'll meet tough Paul. We call him Paul the wall. You can't get past this Paul. He's Paul's big brother. Paul's older brother Paul with four A's.

Sometimes big brother Paul wall is sick and little Paul has to be the wall. It doesn't go as good. No, then he's more of a gate, but it is the hinges are rusty, so it's hard to open. Yeah. It's tough when the whole thing hinges on him. My family.

My family members suffered a heart issue while mowing his lawn, ultimately causing him to be in a wheelchair. Recently he has- Pretty funny so far. It gets better. Recently he has passed away due to these- Ha ha ha ha!

Badoom boom boom boom. Whatever that was there. And that's the end of the question, just letting us know. Sometimes we like to use the emails, the newsletter for people to let us know what happened in their life vis-a-vis family member demise. Congratulations to the Grand Rapids High School Class of 2025, by the way. That's part of it, is us announcing that. The rehearsal. Yeah.

No, it says that recently they passed away, but it was due to those complications from the heart attack on the lawnmower. From the heart attack on the, yeah, okay. I have a whole- The heart attack on the riding lawnmower. It's been so long before Chekhov's gun was put out there. Yeah.

Well, we're going to return to that concept right now because I have an old push lawnmower that takes me hours to mow my lawn while they had one of those sweet zero turn radius riding lawn mowers with attachments. I could save so much time and energy with one of these puppies. How long is the standard grooming process

before I can ask to purchase this bad boy from family? That's from mowing in Northern Michigan. Are you here? Yeah. You know, can I say, we rarely have to say this. I'm glad you're still here and haven't been killed by the haunted riding lawn mower yet. I also, I want to say, if I were a director,

I couldn't have told you how to deliver that yupp And then you did it and I thought that's the only way to do it Yeah, that was the exact perfect line read of a response to this question Before we get started on a scale of one to ten how allowed are we to make jokes? in this I hope it's 10. I guess it's, I want you to factor in your closeness to this family member. You know, why are you doing this?

They did that math before they sent it. The deal has been signed. I guess that's fair. The pact has been made. Oh man. Must be tough. Look at that riding lawnmower all day. So many memories.

You know what? You know what I'm gonna do for you guys? Take that bad boy off your hands. I, if you, I don't know, maybe this is just West Virginia family thing, I don't know, but if the riding lawnmower is the nicest non-home, non-car thing they owned. It's not that you're being crass.

It's that I don't think you've been crass enough. I believe two family members are already fighting about this thing. Yeah, for sure. Guaranteed. When they found out they were sick, there's a part of it that's like, man, they've been so much to me.

Can I be the sort of person that owns a riding lawnmower? Yeah. Like they've already started picturing it. Like maybe that could be me. That's such a fucking bummer. I'm gonna just put this quarter right here on top of this riding lawnmower. Also, even though the owner operator

of the lawnmower has passed away, the lawn's still there, right? They still might have need of it. You should start mowing the lawn with that riding lawn mower. Yeah. And wear their clothes. We were all thinking it. We weren't. Okay I didn't say that part because everybody seemed to like it before then so let's. Okay so you're not riding, wearing their clothes. No. Just the hat. But that's for some protection. That's not weird.

That's sun protection. And their glasses, which are prescription and you don't need them. But it's nice. It's nice. Say you're trying to recreate the incident for evidence purposes. It's a reenactment.

You're filing a class action lawsuit against John Deere himself. You're going to get his ass. If you continue to, if you started mowing the, your relatives lawn that passed away, and then you just continue to grow your concentric circles and expanding radii, eventually you will be at your house. Yeah, yeah.

Right? Eventually you will be mowing your own point turn. You're gonna get some clean lines. Yeah, you're gonna get some. You're gonna mow some street. That's unavoidable in Justin's plan. And maybe some cars, some people, who knows. But it's worth it. I think you could maybe talk to the other family members and say maybe if you made that rotting lawnmower mine maybe you don't have to worry about your lawn for a little bit. Maybe that's gonna be a big one.

Maybe maybe if you you slide the lawnmower my way Maybe you don't have to cut grass for 12 and then if they try it come to you and try and enforce it be like Do you want me to fucking die? This is the riding lawnmower that kills people sis. I'm protecting you I'm protecting you and myself by not getting on this death trap It I think it just looks cool. Yeah. The aesthetics are what does it for me. It's a decoration piece. Would you like another question, boys? I'd love one.

Yeah, here it comes. I often go to the local movie theater by myself. When I do it. Why did you put such weird judgmental emphasis on that? OK, let me try again. Sorry. I often go to the local movie theater by myself Also unnecessary, okay, I

Often go to the local movie theater by Myself great when I do I order my ticket ahead of time and pick a seat that has space around it It's the only same thing to do but sometimes when arrive, there's someone already sitting right next to me. That's the noise of someone who sat down and realized there were people sitting next to them at the show. Yeah, that person is surrounded by other people by the way. No, no question. Sometimes when I arrived, this someone already sitting next to me, brothers, would it be a breach of etiquette

to scoot over a few seats once it's clear they won't be occupied? How would I go about doing this without offending my movie going neighbor? That's from Personal Bubble Boy. Are you, are you, are you here, Personal Bubble Boy? All right. I see you're taking pretty right up in the back.

Are there eight people around you? Yeah. Was that a help? Can I get a quick wuv from the eight people surrounding Bubble Boy? That's an imposing lot. I have been in a place, I've been there where I've bought my ticket knowing no one was around, even like 10 minutes before the show. And I get there and there's people sitting next to it.

And the temptation to lean over and say like, um, that's not your seat. But then they would say, oh sorry, is this your seat? And you'd say, no, that's the point. I just know. That's no one's seat. And you were in here when I got here, so you didn't buy the ticket after me, you liar. There's two possibilities. One is that they intentionally bought a seat next to you.

Bad? Sucks. Hate this, hate this. Second is that they bought a seat far from you and then just didn't take the whole thing that seriously and sat wherever, in which case you were in terrible danger. Yeah.

Because that's the risk. You sit down, right? And you sit down, you realize they're right next to you, so you scoot one over. Then they scoot one over and it'll still be nice. They scoot one over too. And pretty soon you're outside in your car and they're in the passenger seat. Yeah. And you fall deeply in love, maybe?

I was going to say. Wow. We got a lot of really spooky chillers. Hey guys, where's the guy in the movies here that won't sit still? There's the spooky writing on the wall. The approval of the Midnight Society. It's the uncle killing lawn mower. And the elbow bumper. lawnmower and the elbow bumper. I hate having to figure out what seat I'm gonna like the best when I'm looking at a screen. I hate that because I am gonna sit in the exact seat that I picked but sometimes when I get in there I don't

really like the look of it anymore. You know I don't want to sit there anymore. It seems too big or the screen seems really big from where the noises are too loud. That's not like that. It's not unlike that. It's just saying like, sometimes I want to sit wherever, but if you go back and you're like, hi, I'd like to file a change order.

They look at you like, hey, as long as we're going off Kings, okay. Hold on. You can't tell yourself to go off King. I thought we were collectively going off King. No man, you invited Justin to do that, but then you can't step in and be like, I guess we're all going off King's. Like you need someone to,

you know how it works, cause you set Justin up. No, I set it to him and then I figured it would just spread. You gotta start talking and saying like dope shit, and then me and Justin will then back you up with like a dog All three of us are going off Kings none of us are going off Kings It doesn't we can't all three go off Kings Okay, one of us is going on King one of us is going off King one of us always tells the truth King pass

Third base give Travis the shell so he can be going off Kings. It's his turn. Okay You gotta say it. Go, go. I don't know if your shit's good or not. Why do they make it so hard to tell which seat number goes with which seat? Okay, hold on, hold on, wait. Go, go off, go off, King.

Go off, King. No, it's so not worth it. That wasn't cursory, like, go off, King, I agree. I wasn't supportive. Continue on, King, I agree. I was a single on King and then Well, allow it King. Can you drag over the theater trash can? To your seat and when you get there and they are also there be like, hey, I'm so sorry I gotta sit super close to this garbage can You may want to scooch down a few I'm so sorry. I gotta sit super close to this garbage can.

You may wanna scooch down a few. Now, in a way of like, I'm going to be sick or like this garbage can is my friend and I bought him a ticket. I'm sorry, Travis, if someone comes to you with a garbage can, they've dragged over from the corner of the theater and says, hey, King, I'm so sorry. I need to sit here with my trashcan in immediate proximity.

You're telling me you're going to go, why? Tell me why now. No, I'm not saying I would have follow up questions so much as if I thought they were going to throw up so hard they needed the trashcan right now. I don't think I'd stay for the movie. What if they did this and they sat in their unauthorized seat next to your authorized seat,

and then after the film was over, they left their snack receptacles and empty drinks under their seat? And then when the staff comes by and they check the computer to see who was sitting there, they're gonna assume it was me, right? Absolutely. Go off, King.

Then I'm getting, that's how you fucking do it. Yeah, you're a giver, Travis. Thank you, Travis. What if you walk over there and you just yell, scoot over, King. Sometimes that tension in real life can make a movie so much sweeter, don't you think?

That's why we go to the movies. That is why we go to the movies, to be seated too close to a stranger's. I need your guys help with something real quick, if I could. So I started a company that I call Rhyme Crimes. Yeah, all right. And different organizations and people

reach out to me for help. And the University of Michigan reached out to me. We never get stories with Travis' bits. Yeah, the University of Michigan reached out to me. They said, Wolverines. Do you like them? It sounded divided. So they said, we've been doing Wolverines for a while now.

Yeah. And it's played out. OK. And they want a new mascot. And they want my help coming up with it. Okay, but the catch is there's a lot of chance That include wolverine in it. Okay, and wolverines so they want it to rhyme with it Okay, so I have some ideas for what the mascot could be but I just can't put the word to it So I'm gonna describe my idea for what the mascot could be and you guys help me figure out what word I'm thinking of. Jesus fucking Christ. Travis.

Backs, no. Backstage, Travis, I got this kind of idea for a thing. Me, okay, it sounds like it needs a bit of workshop. Justin, no, King, you will go off. Okay, in my defense, in my defense, what was the name of the place we got dinner from? I don't know. I don't know either.

Paul, what was it? Rome. Rome. Okay, they had this elephant ear and I was eating it and I wasn't really listening or hearing, I guess you would say, what Travis was saying. And I was in a very jubilant mood, so I just wanted to support him as a fellow king. That's all.

Thank you. Okay, so picture this. The mascot is a team of famous tap dancers who once started as the MC in Pippin and was in Zubu Mufu. Yeah. Okay, the- Benverine?

The Benverines, yes. That would be perfect. Wait, it's a game? Hold on, wait, there's gamification? Yes! Hold on, you didn't say this was a game, Travis. I thought you wanted some help with a bit. I didn't know it was a competitive game.

Are there points and shit? I don't know what you're talking about Griffin is there rises in points and shit man Travis The answer to my question is gonna just define how much I get into it. Yeah, there's points and shit. Yeah, let's go Okay, so here's my other idea that I'm picturing yeah football players come in yeah, okay They're packed in tight together. Yeah in a small metal container. Sorry, it's football players come in. Yeah. Okay. They're packed in tight together in a small metal container. Sardines, can I have sardines? Yes! Yeah, all right. The Michigan canned sardines, very good Griffin.

This feels like a clean enough for TV version of Work of Fart, if we're giving, are we in the feedback phase? Completely different, Work of Fart is related to great works of art. Yeah, yeah. This is rhyming. Okay, I shouldn't reference that bit

cause it only happens at live shows now and those do not Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is rhyming. Okay, I shouldn't reference that bit because it only happens at live shows now and those do not make the cut usually. So now I'm picturing maybe a mascot that's something like, oh, like something that Billy Joel would describe as taking place at an Italian eatery. Fuck man, the scenes from Italian restaurants. Italian restaurant scenes?

Restaurant scenes, yes. Restaurant scenes. Jesus. Wait, Italian restaurants? Italian restaurant scenes? Restaurant scenes, yes. Restaurant scenes, Jesus. Wait, are you submitting that restaurant scenes rhymes with Wolverines? This explains a lot about- Say it out loud. Okay, I just did. Yeah, and I think we all made our own judgments,

right, gang? This explains a lot. Okay, no, fuck you, King. Does, don't pervert it like that. That's not how kings do it, Travis. Fuck off, King! Does, don't pervert it like that. That's not how Kings do it, Travis. Fuck off, King. No! Does restaurant scenes rhyme with Wolverine's cheer for yes?

It's close enough. If you dropped it in a freestyle, people would be like, that's good. That's good shit. Okay, I got one more. Okay. I'm picturing a football team comes running out. Okay.

And they've got some all-star players. Hell yeah. The quarterback, Kevin James, their safety, Leah Remini. Oh, and who's that? The University of Michigan King of Queens. That's it! Wow! Griffin wins the not game rhyme crime.

It's half, it's like good. It's like halfway there. It's like halfway there. And this is my business. Yeah, no, yeah. What do you mean it's halfway there? This is, with this job that I've gotten from the University of Michigan,

I can make all my dreams come true and you're shitting on it in front of all these people? No, man, I'm helping. This is help what I'm doing. This is good feedback. And it's- Justin loaned me $ doing. This is good feedback. And if- Justin loaned me $2 million to start this business. And how are we feeling about that decision

and your endorsement of the- In my defense, I was eating an elephant ear at the time. It's a big elephant ear when he asked me for the money. I do need more money by the way. I spent also a million. I got another elephant ear backstage. So you're good. Wait for your moment.

Wait until intermission. I work as a nurse's aide in a public school. Every year, our seventh and eighth graders get to go canoeing at the end of the year. I love canoeing and desperately want to go on this field trip, but here's the catch. I can only go if there's sufficient medical need. How can I convince my boss that I definitely need

to go canoeing? Please, I need this. That's from critical need for canoeing. Are you here? Yeah. Now, does it have to be existing medical need or an abundance of potential medical needs? That is a, that's a tricky game though.

Cause if you start putting up a bunch of headlines in the principal's office about recent canoeing fatalities, you may just scuttle the whole trip You can only make it seem so dangerous before the principal's like this is reckless. I should really gotta split the uprights That's true. Yeah, it can't be too dangerous of an event where they're gonna like But it doesn't have to be you know a pocone of danger whiff of danger Yeah, I think you could work that out. How deep's the river? This is important. You are taking kids in the year 2025 outside.

They're in danger. Like, we can't keep doing this with our kids, guys. We can't just take them from YouTube to a river. Okay. We can't, there have to be some steps. You have to take them like downtown to their aunt's house, some other places right outside or like a VR outside experience just to get started. When like the keep the bumpers on. Yeah.

Just have them sit on bench. Like they can't go straight to river. Okay. They're going to freak out. keep the bumpers on, just have them sit on bench. Like they can't go straight to river, okay? They're gonna freak out. Point at, like, point at iPad and say cloud. Cloud. Cloud. And start making connections. Do you feel good about this bit?

Because... I'm just saying. Not now. Yeah. Yeah. I felt pretty good about the cloud thing. I felt very clever. Shut down, King. Should I scoot over closer to Justin?

No. What's going on on that side of the table? The essential thing is that someone is speaking, Griffin. That's the only fair point. These people will pay for content, damn it. They paid these perverts. Get Dad back out here with more crunchy-grilled cereal. These people must be satisfied.

I think the work that you do is obviously vital and important. If there is canoe danger, I don't know that it satisfies a medical need as much as I need just a big, strong person. A big, strong person who can swim. Paul's big brother on a canoe would be absolutely a dream. You're on a jet ski there on a canoe Yeah, I would trust that yeah I feel so safe if someone was coming down a river on a jet ski just whipping shitties around me the whole time

I've been shitties. Yeah That's kicks ass. I loved it doing doughnuts,, but call women shitties. It's way better I've never wow that's never heard that before that's really good cool. Go off King. Thank you Yeah, you earned that one for sure I Can think of other ways to canoe then having to wheeze the juice of your school. I think- There's a pretty good chance that will take away from your peaceful enjoyment of the experience.

I love canoeing. The only thing that would make it better is if there were like 75, 12 year olds with me. Whose lives were in my hands. But whose behavior wasn't. Yeah. Some of the times I see people at like a theme park that are corralling like thirty sixth graders and I get so scared. I start thinking about like being

that one person who's like I guess they're all here. Like it's terrifying. I also have just thought about, I doubt very much with the state of things that they get paid extra to take all those kids with them and it's not like hazard pay. They should get hazard, if I'm going there. You have to clear 80% of the kids have to make it back. Ah. That's the deal. If you get 80% back.

Some children left behind. Some children left behind. Um. As long as it's the shitty ones. All right. You're no like Derek. I was gonna, I was gonna say, forgive my ignorance. I was gonna say, I doubt they're gonna take them on a particularly wet and wild course

on this canoeing field trip for children. But then I did remember the name of this city is Grand Rapids, which seems to suggest that maybe they do go pretty hog wild out there. Or it could be they're all made of like glowing, city is Grand Rapids. Which seems to suggest that maybe they do go pretty hog wild out there. Or it could be they're all made of like glowing beautiful crystal but they're easy to get over. They're symbol rapids but damn are they good to look at. I'm a symbol rapid. One time Justin and I went whitewater rafting and almost died.

Yeah. And we we were like, but like adult age children, if you will. And so if it's anything like that, it's not safe. It's not safe. Don't do it. I almost died, my old brother saved me. Saved his life. Where were you?

I did it once with a church group and there was no danger or threat whatsoever. We were sailing on the good Lord's mercy that night. It was white water rafting. Sure. I was a theater kid in high school and college. During that time, I participated in a mime training summer school.

It's been many years since I last mimeed anything. I heard it genuinely like, yeah. Wow. But I recently realized one of my former classmates goes to the same climbing gym as me We've encountered each other several times, but neither of us has initiated conversation or acknowledged the other's presence Don't get me wrong. He's a good guy and fun to be around but now I feel too awkward to break the silence How could I climb in peace without him noticing me? That's for Mason, the former mime in Michigan. Are you here?

Why would you break the silence? Like, fuck off. What the fuck? There's a code, man. Yeah, Mason, that was actually a test, and you just failed it. Your mime teacher just stands up and goes. Can you imagine though, when being a former mime,

that first moment when you break your vow of mime silence, how good it feels to just bust right there with a sound, to sound bust, bah! You probably, I would hit him with like a bah! Ah, yeah! I have a question. This mime training course, what were they training the mimes to do?

Mining probably... Oh, okay. I thought it was like a workplace safety thing or like HR or some shit. All right, mimes, get together. We've had a lot of complaints lately. Mime jokes aren't working in an audio setting, is that? Hey, wicked don't we're realizing. Yeah, this one's not going to make the final cut, is it? When the mime jokes aren't working in an audio setting is that wicked don't we're realizing yeah Can you oh gosh Can you do mime tricks and then just wait and do them pretty publicly do mime tricks tricks I don't know what they fucking well fake throw a ball and see if they catch us. That's a good starting point

Yeah, it might take a a ball and see if they catch it. That's a good starting point. Yeah. It might take a minute, and they're like, damn, you got to be pretty sure that's them, though, huh? Hey, hey, you got to be, hey, you got to be fucking sure, dude. You cannot be doing mime tricks at someone you think is your old mime friend. Also, were they good at mime?

Even if it was them, you throw the ball and they like, hit someone in the face and you're like, no! Sorry Trav, do you think being good at mime means you catch the invisible ball? If you're good at mime... I was thinking of improv. Yeah. Well, you don't leave a mime... No, baseball!

Don't leave him hanging. I mean, I wouldn't leave a fellow mime. If he chucked it to me, I'm going to catch it. I, when I was in college, I took a master class from Marcel Marceau in the art of mime. And here's how it happened. Marcel Marceau came to my college and the boss of our college said, Marcel Marceau is going to teach a master class. And if you miss that, I just don't know what to tell you. The boss of your college said that? The dean of our college said, Marcel Marceau is gonna teach a master class. And if you miss that, I just don't know what to tell you.

The boss of your college said that? The dean of the college of acting. That's not what you said. Said that if you miss that master class with Marcel Marceau, I just don't know what to tell you. So I showed up to the master class with Marcel Marceau, the greatest rhyme ever. And here's what I missed.

Wait, hold on, Justin. Go off, Ken. Thank you. At the end of it, I can remember, my main takeaway was I thought there would be more practical entry level mime instruction. He assumed a great deal of mime experience that I did not possess,. It was a great deal more

Theoretical that I could really utilize And that kind of very much undermined the idea of a master class. I would say I undermined it and I Would get an Oscar For that but yeah, that was so basically anything that I've said in this question is accurate. Because of that, I'm the only one who has trained with Marcel. True. Well, show us some of the stuff you learned. Again, I have already established that the only moms have ever liked- Get in a box.

Get in a box, King. I like the Christian one. Get in a box, King. Okay, I'll try. I'll see what I remember. It's kind of like a- Yeah. Okay, he's gonna, he sets down his speed racer helmet. Alright. Alright. Okay, here he comes walking. Oh yeah.

Oh, he's doing a little fucking wiggle. Oh yeah, he's fucking killing it. Oh, he found his helmet. Oh look, there's his helmet. He's gonna grab that. Oh no! It zapped him? No, I think it's stuck. It's heavy. It's too heavy. He's trying really hard. I can see Marcel's ghost. Oh no, he shit himself.

He snaps his fingers. Where's the box? Oh, there it is. He gots, he forgot about the box for a second. He's leaning on a- He's leaning on, how's he doing that? Oh no, he's getting in a womb? And then- What is he getting into? He's rebirthing, yeah? Yeah. Oh, he's getting in a womb? What is he getting into?

He's rebirthing? Hell yeah. Oh, he's ace venturing. Yep, he's bowing. Great job. Hey dude. Yeah. Fucking nailed it. Thanks, man.

You did fucking great. Thanks man, I feel really good about it. I was ready to make fun of you and then you did a really good job. It was like Marcel Marceau was sitting on your shoulders pulling your hair to make you do all the stuff. He's more like Marcel Marceau-so-so and you're Marcel Mar-great-king. We got it. Hey, actually, I'm going to say we can't say... Can I save one more to the end of the show? Yeah, but it better be good.

Fuck! Yeah. I'm just going to use it now, King. My genuine take on the last segment is this. be good. It gets up. Yeah. I'm just going to use it now, King. My genuine take on the last segment is thus. While doing it, I began to feel very relieved that I was being entertaining without having to speak. And I wished in that moment that I had a deeper repertoire

of things I could do physically that would be entertaining to people. You know what I mean? I get juggling now. Sure. If you want to take a break from doing jokes and entertaining people, at least you can throw some stuff around.

Yeah, just take it easy for a bit and throw stuff around. Was there a moment, Jules, when you started it, and you're like, I don't know, and then halfway through you're like, I'm pretty fucking good at this. No, no, no, it was, I had the full arc of, I'm not good at this.

Oh, I think I might be good at this too. Oh, you actually don't know if you're good at it or not. Actually, you should sit down. Art is a lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about another question? I'm 28 years old and I started work at a new company a few months ago.

Everyone at my job is much older than me. That's not- Like 40 or something. Gross! That's not like 40 or something. That's not normally a problem, but everyone is super nice. But there's one small issue. Coworkers keep asking me about trends and slang that their kids and grandkids are using. Sometimes they even show me videos of Tik Tok dances and they're doing to ask what it means. I've never, I've literally never been cool or on social media

ever. I've never used TikTok. I have no idea what their grandkids are doing online. How do I show my coworkers that I'm not that interesting? I have no idea what a beast game is. That's from wildly out of her depth in Waterford. Are you here? Let's go! Hi. Let's go.

I was going to say that being on social media and being cool are mutually exclusive. Sure. But then I also remembered I'm 41 and maybe I don't get to make that judgment call. No you do not, sir. Dang, you're 41? Yep, only a couple years left. Sheesh.

Of being cool and young, I mean. I feel like you have a responsibility to learn this stuff for your audience, for your, listen, your brain is ready to accept this information on a level that their extremely old brains cannot process. Do you, you know, they remember when there was like big bands on TV and stuff like they can't they can't Understand mr. Beast a man whose career is just giving our B sandwiches to people Their mr. Beast was Lawrence Welk, you know what I mean? Like that was there mr. Beast was Lawrence

Well, our mr. Beast is a man that hands out our B sandwiches stuff of hundred dollar bills to everyone in the entire city or whatever. That's my favorite. That's my favorite. I don't know why he does it driving down the street at 70 miles an hour, but yeah, it's beautiful. Yeah, he just we got the I heard that the Arby's hit sandwich hit somebody so hard it cured their color blindness. If you kill them, but. If you learn all this and begin to apply it in your life, you have, you are willingly joining the losing team,

I will say. And if you teach these older folks how to then go up to their grandkids and be like, pretty, I can't even fucking come up with one. Pretty skivvity, my riz. Shit. Nailed it. I think you're doing it.

Ohio. Hey, whoa. Wait, hold on. Really? The state or University can we unpack this? Hold on. Hey, if we could just take a hey, let's just take a beat cuz it's getting a little fucking heated in the room Right now. Yeah, let's just take a beat right now. Can I ask one question to kind of chill things out a little bit? Yeah, sure do Ohio drivers come over here and fuck everything up or is it just?

Welcome we have this in West Virginia too we should get a pen pal thing going yeah it absolute war I'm gonna get on the other there's an important question I have to ask but you like Cincinnati though right hey okay now wait here's I like and then let me try you guys don't actually like Cincinnati right it's more people I don't really like listen you can't say that no I love Cincinnati please don't actually like Cincinnati, right? It's more people. I don't really like Cincinnati. Listen. You can't say that. No, I love Cincinnati. Please don't come for me. Do you hate its diverse biomes?

You fucking lunatics? I think what it is is Griffin- It touches the Great Lakes too! You're like brothers! Stop! This is not going to get fixed tonight. Listen, this is not working. The thing is the problem is Griffin doesn't live in a state. So he's very jealous Taxation without representation

Yeah, the idea that you can live in a state like just any state is so cool It's most about to think about like a state Griffin lives in is the state of denial. Yeah Our fucking rival city is Dollywood. The closest man, like, it's you guys in the Vatican. And we're in the lead right now. It's a dead post. I guess so. So I've got-

It says taxation without registration on your license plate. Yeah, it sure does. It's the only place the license plate basically says, we've been cut. It just says right on there. It's also the ones that people who make that decision have to see every

day and they look at it go, well, fuck off. Yeah, man, it's a whole thing. Normally we want people to clap at the end of Act 1, but I think we should probably leave in silence this time. Hey, you know what? Here's what I'm going to say. Justin and I get to leave first. Griffin has to count to five.

And then he can leave. Please don't applause. We have posters. They're by Samara Jethwa. Look at them. They're great. They're fucking so rad. This is your chance to buy them. Only chance. Please send us questions that we can consider. In the next half of the show, we're going. They're fucking so rad. This is your chance to buy them, only chance. Please send us questions that we can consider.

In the next half of the show, we're gonna take a brief intermission. We're gonna be reading them backstage, so please send those and... Oh yeah, don't forget, we have a challenge going out there for the Balsaborian, excuse me, Balsaborian Memorial Camp Food Drive. I forgot, we did that since the last tour

and I just cracked myself up looking at it. But we are doing any of the proceeds of that defeating American West Virginia West Michigan. God damn it All right, make sure you check that out Justin and I are gonna leave the stage Griffin once we've left our seats you count to five and then you get to go All right, man weird vibe All right, my man one two, two, three, four, five. Thank you all. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We're here in St. Paul. And you know, that reminds me of another saint. A little saint called St. Rocket Money. Oh, I remember him from the Catholic Bible. Of course. His miracle? Well, that's canceling unwanted subscription services.

Sorry, Dad is here because we're recording these ads right after soundcheck and Dad's here and his laughter just got on the... No, it's okay. He's just standing. You can be in the Rocket Money. I love the Ed McMan energy you're bringing to it. Yeah. Anyways, same Rocket Money saved millions of people money, and he could do the same for you

if you let him into your heart. Because Rocket Money is one of the same and a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and believers, and has saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all the app's

premium features. And you can just put that right into your tithe. Yeah. Right in your tithing. You can give it right back to him. He loves it. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with the Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name, my show name, my brother, my brother and me in the survey so they know I sent you.

Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from our show. Dear Matt Kroiz, I didn't think, we at Rocket Money didn't think we were gonna like the religious thing, but by the end of it, we liked it. Yeah, we were in town. And here's one, stamps.com actually read ahead and said, no religious stuff in ours, please. Yeah, it says agnostic as hell, please.

Yeah, so when you're enjoying your secular work day and you're not being swayed. Maybe even on Sunday or Saturday because you don't care what day you keep holy. Because you do not being swayed. Maybe even on Sunday or Saturday because you don't care what day you keep all day. Because you do not care, because those are just normal secular days for you. But you need to send off some mail, but you don't feel like going to the post office.

I've been there. I mean, not, my experience has been a little bit more faith-based, but I've been there. So I feel like sometimes just mailing a letter is pretty magical when you think about it. How's it get there? Nobody knows. No one knows.

Well, Stamps knows. In a sense, Stamps and letters stand in defiance of prayer. That's true. They're earthly prayer if you think about it. Oh yeah, they're loving it. With Stamps.com, tedious tasks like sending certified mailer packages can be done on your time, not someone else's.

They handle all your mailing and shipping needs whenever, whenever, wherever. However, whoever. However, who done it? You done it. They won't ship flat. Stanley, don't, though, don't even ask. Don't even try to ship your little brother.

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Just like flat Stanley. He has stood motionless watching the entire ad break. Dad's just judging, but he's hands on a microphone ready to give feedback. I'm so on Stanley. Get ready. He's about to send it home. Have more flexibility in your life with stamps.com. Sign up at stamps.com and use code my brother

for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com, code my brother. Amen. Perfect. Thank you, daddy. Hey, before you go. Don it is. Perfect, thank you, daddy. Hey, before you go,

Don't leave. Don't leave. Sit down. Because we have some news for you. We wanna tell you about all the exciting stuff we got going on, including some live shows that we have coming up in Columbus, Ohio and Anaheim and Sacramento and Texas

and a bunch of other places. You can get tickets and links over at bit.ly slash McElroy tours and it's a new month so make sure you go over to McElroymerch.com check out the new stuff there yeah that's it I think is there anything else man oh you're great never give up never give never give up take a deep breath, let it out, go away. Yeah. Tadadadada.

Tadadada. Tadadada. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to Haunted Doll Watch. For today, I'd like to introduce you to a new seller that's been burning up the charts. I'll be playing Dark Magi... There are charts? Yeah, man. Today, I'll be playing Dark Magi 38 in this skip. First, can we do it like that? You guys like pretend with me too? I love pretending. Okay. Hi, I'm Dark Magi 38 and these are all my spells. What's your real name?

Gregg Cool name dude, Gary Gary Gregory, Gregory nice. No, sorry. Gary is their last name. I got you First up in my list of spells. I got a haunted doll activation Do you tell me you got a doll? Wait. Are you telling me you got a doll and it's not haunted enough

for your taste? Well, good news. I can infuse a vessel with spirit energy. Fuck yes, finally. Oh, yeah. Do you have a spirit doll vessel, figure, or item you wish to activate? Look at that doll.

So plain, so unhaunted. This haunted doll activation ritual is designed to spiritually awaken your chosen object. Wake up! Get up! I know you're in there. Come on! And it turns it into a paranormal companion,

familiar, or conduit for metaphysical communication. What about Bad Roommate? Will it do that for me? Because a lot of the time, the haunted dolls we hear about turn lights on and off and clunk around. are you asking for the types of spirits available because I dark Magi 38 Have a wide range. Yes, please dark Magi 38. Well, let's have your way Oh, we can you know this would happen to the other 37 dark Magi The difference the difference spirits that gets motion your doll include guardian spirits cool watchers

What's the difference? I think you know exactly what, the guardian will intervene to save you, the watcher's like, mm, sorry that happened. One of them, one of them has to watch. One of them likes to watch. Shut up. I could do childlike echo spirits. No thanks, man.

Like a wiener dog, a sword, Witches Familiar, Wait! Past Life. Hold on, hold on. Sorry, those are my balloon animals. I got confused. Witches Familiar, Past Life, Soul Fragments.

I do a lot of them. Wait, want my own Past Life? Yeah, well, whatever Past Life you want to put in there. If you just want to put your first 30 years just to store them in some doll nearby, that's no problem. There's also- Oh, wait, sick. It's a USB stick.

Yeah, I can do custom requests too. Now I need three things. Can you guess what they are? The money. The money? Nope. No. Money and the doll.

Hold on. Wait. The doll's not one of the three things? Just need a photo of that. Thank you. A photo will suffice. I do not need you to send me the doll. Just a photo of the doll.

That's smart. That's smart. A crystal of some sort. Nope type of energy or purpose You'd like the spirit to serve and then they need your name and intention. Oh, okay It's all non physical things that don't require shipping of any sort right? No problem Then it's all done remotely which is whoa Internet age is incredible. Yeah. You know, you used to do these in person until COVID-19.

Yeah. So there's nothing at all to ship. I can tell that I'm not really making much of an impact here, so maybe we could take a different kind of a pact, maybe a blood pact. What a big jump. In case you were uncertain as to what blood is and comes from.

Can I just say, before you tell us what this is all about, if you were to ask me what the price should be on a blood pact sold online, I would probably have said $120 or best offer. Thank you. We- It's high, but high enough that I believe it works. Not too high that I'm going to say no.

Yeah. We pride ourselves on our pricing. So thank you. I'm so glad that that works for you. So you're going to forge an unbreakable bond with a divine or infernal forces through our blood pact with God. For only 120 American dollars?

This ritual is a profound commitment that offers immense power, protection, or knowledge in exchange for your devotion and loyalty. Honestly, when you think about it that way, 120 bucks is a small price to pay. Wait, it kind of seems like I'm already paying something. A lot of people get that confused. I'm more of a middle man. You're giving me the $120. You're giving the demon your devotion and soul, I guess. I'm not a big demon guy. Yeah.

Just to jump ahead a little bit, Magi 38. Does this involve- Dark Magi 38. Please, Magi 38 is my nice brother. Okay, sorry. Dark Magi 38. Thank you. Does the blood pact involve me shipping you blood in any way? Gosh, I hope not. That's such a great question. Um, I'm going to guess just based off what I learned about you and your frugality from the previous, uh, the previous

and the fact that you haven't bought into stamps.com. Yeah, there, there is no physical product that said if you are worried about the effect I will allow for up to one recast Whoa So if you feel like the blood pack with the demon didn't take the first time I'll try again I guess but to be fair they'll allow for up to four dream casts. Yeah Get four Sega Dreamcasts with this with. Damn, four Sega Dreamcasts for $120 is insane. Those guys are pretty good, especially if they're functional. I could fix them up.

They come with VMUs or what's up. Oh yeah. There's divine or eternal power, infernal power, sorry. Choose to align with either a god's holy strength and wisdom or a demon's dark power and forbidden knowledge shaping your future with their influence. Which one's better? Yeah, you choose for me, Darkmagic38.

Dealers choice. It's our sacred and serious commitment made through a ritual that involves offering a drop of your blood to seal the bond. The pact is not to be entered lightly as it binds your soul to the chosen entity for life, and more importantly, binds your $120 to me. We're good. There are no refunds on this whatsoever. So I assume that you wait until you receive the funds to actually do the ritual. Yes, that is the idea.

It sounds like what you get is like a PDF with the instructions to follow at home. No, I promise. I do the whole thing at home. You promise? I promise. How do you get my blood though? Whose blood is this? now? It's just the idea of you have blood right good enough I could see that you guys don't have a hundred and twenty dollars

Maybe you have a hundred dollars in exchange for an angel DNA activation spell now. I'm curious about this whoa Now hold on am I buying an angel DNA activation spell or a fucking Lucifer marriage ritual? Now listen, just to keep it looks like it's a counter offer. Yeah. You could get the angel DNA activations though, or can I be honest with you guys? That's just keep fucking eBay off my nuts. Cause if you say that you're going to marry the devil, they're like, well, they're going to marry somebody, whatever. So it's just like, I just put angel DNA at whatever you're going to marry. Lucifer. Okay, that's where I'm, that's the, that's what you're going to get with this. Okay, you're going to step. So the angel DNA I'll be receiving is you got it.

Hey, oh, step into a union of unmatched power and passion with our lucifer marriage ritual spell. Okay, this dark and seductive spell is designed to bind two souls in a marriage blessed by Lucifer the light bringer. Whether you seek to deepen your existing bond or forge a new and unbreakable connection. Now wait. Can I offer a lower price to just strengthen the bond

I already have or just go with Buds who see a movie together sometime? Like I'll give you 50 bucks to make us like text occasionally for that I'm gonna get you the DNA though, Trav. I Mean you get it you get Lucifer will invoke the blessing and presence of Lucifer to sanctify and empower your union So I guess that could be with your buds. Yeah Sure easy Lucifer can't sanctify your fucking settlers

of Catan group, I guess. I don't get to marry Lucifer. Lucifer just says, I'm glad you're married and I like it. You really think you're enough man for Lucifer? For $100? Full time? You think Lucifer's going to- No, I don't expect full time from Lucifer.

Lucifer's going to marry a dude that can't pony up 120 bucks for a blood pact. All I'm saying is I don't expect him to be mine full-time But when he's with me, I expect him to be a hundred percent mine. Yeah That costs so much more than a hundred dollars. I'm only with him ten minutes a year Now I should mention there is no physical product. Okay. If you're worried about the effect, I will allow for up to one recast. Awesome.

And this one does have a small other corollary could take up to two years to take effect. Yeah. Now make sure you put something in your calendar, you know, or you might forget that you need to go be mad at this eBay person. Wait, so I have a follow-up question dark magic I have like five okay when you talk about effect

Yeah If Lucifer's just blessing my marriage is that like we have a fight like six months in and I'm like I don't think that fucking spell worked No, no take cut as it could take up to two years now what it means that after the fight Lucifer comes to both You he's like hey, I love you two together. And I hate to see this. You two are one of my favorite couples. Yeah.

Please let this out. Now check me out. Maybe I could be a third. I'm seven feet tall and have black leathery wings. Check me out while I activate my DNA. Scrat. I can see you guys don't like any of this. I have one more product I'd like

to offer you. Damn, Dark Magi, that's a lot of product. Please keep an open mind about my final offer. That scares me. Hahahaha! That's a... Show me the picture, Paul! Get him pumped! Yeah!

Werewolf Spell! Werewolf spell! Werewolf spell for- I hate Darkmagic38. I can't believe you got that actual picture of a werewolf. That must have been so dangerous to take that photograph. It's not just any werewolf spell. It's a $70 werewolf spell for the bargain conscience. Fuck yes, dude! I will perform the casting starting at 11 PM and finishing exactly at midnight.

I will do it every day for seven days for maximum efficacy. Warning, this is really powerful dark magic. Yeah, clearly. Do not have me cast this if you are not sure that you want me to cast this. To do what? To turn into a werewolf? No, it could just be a spell for a werewolf. It could be a spell about a werewolf.

My werewolf transformation spell, I'm not going to over promise guys. This is my business, okay? I'm a small business owner and I'm not going to over promise. It offers extraordinary opportunity to tap into the raw, untamed power of the legendary werewolf. The spell is designed for those who seek not only a transformation of the body,

but also a path to immortality Yeah Now I'm burying the lead with the immortality thing mayhaps mayhaps or have dark magic 38. Are there refunds? Well, are you asking about one recast? This connection is breaking up a little bit Do you are you asking about a recast? Because there is no physical product. Do I get a guarantee that I'm going to turn into a fucking hot werewolf like this? Are you, can I just, are you ready to unlock the untold potential

that lies within you? Yes! Shrouded in the mystique of the werewolf legend? Yes! That sounds so much easier than therapy and medication. We're working out! Yeah! Our werewolf transformation spell offers a- I'm fine being a schlubby werewolf, actually. That still feels better. Yeah. It's a once-in-a-lifetime chance to become immortal

and embrace the wild, untamed forces of nature. Okay. Cool. Begin your incredible journey today and experience the thrill of a lifetime. Yeah. Wow. now that they could take up to two years to take effect After that two years I will have definitive proof. Yeah, whether it worked or not Hey, I'm thinking about it selling immortality on eBay is a pretty fool proof scam Yeah, because it's not like worst-case scenario. It's not like they can come to you after and be like,

hey, I died. What the fuck? Can you imagine, like, your meemaw dies and you're going through the will and you're like, oh, they leave it. And then it says here, if I die, contact Darkmagic38 and ask for a refund because that's bullshit. I'm a werewolf.

Hey. Also tell them I wasn't one of the hot werewolves. I was like half dog and it fucking sucked. We're gonna end now and that's the end of my skit, but I do wanna say it says on here how many have been sold and if that number goes up, I'm going to be disappointed in you. So please, what's the number out right now?

We're not gonna speak on that. Please don't do this. Don't do this. There's so many better ways. Before we get to the audience questions. Yeah. This has never happened before. And will never again.

Maybe it'll happen again. I don't know why Travis said that. No, I don't want to encourage people cause then we'll get fake ones. We got so many questions from you all about you all. So now we're going to do a brief segment called Grand Rapids Bim Bam Live Missed Connections. Danny J in F25 says, Hey brothers, how do I figure out if my coworker Steve is sitting two seats in front of me without embarrassing myself?

Danny, Danny, if you can just send up a holler. Yeah, that was very quiet. But Steve, if you're sitting two rows in front of the person who just spoke and your name is Steve, can you also holler? So you're good. All right, so you all wave at each other awkwardly. Moving on. Liam R in Lodge D5 says, "'My friend Colin is here,

"'but I don't know where he's sitting. "'Can you help me find him?' "'Colin, if you're out there and you're friends with Liam R, "'if you could just shoot up a holler.' "'Hey, there we go.' "'So, Colin, I heard Liam somewhere over there. So get at Liam. Avery says, how can I ask my boss to play Fortnite with me?

He is also at the live show, so I know we have a lot in common and I want to play online games with him, but I'm not sure how to break the professionalism barrier. If you're the boss of an Avery and this one's gonna be hard. If you're the boss of an Avery and you play Fortnite and you want to play Fortnite with Avery, just holler. Yeah! That's good. That's good. We got that going. And then we got this one. No name, but it seems legit. Hi, I'm pretty sure I'm the boss being referenced in the question about going on the school

canoe trip. Can you let the health aide know they can go on the trip? Thanks. That's from Boss of Health Services in Grand Rapids Schools. No problem. No problem. No problem. We're making magic tonight. I really hope that one is real.

Yeah. I will say this. I would get a second source on that one. Double check that one. I wouldn't just show up to the commuter. That is coming from them through us. All right. We're going to call some folks down to the microphone.

It's down here, stage right, house left. Please don't approach the microphone if we don't call you. Hello. Hello. Welcome. Hi, who are you? I am Nick W. Hi, Nick W. Nick W, what's your question?

So I think what I wrote in the email is... Yeah, what you wrote in the email is why you were chosen, Nick, because of how you wrote it in the email. Do you want us to say how it was written in the email? No, no, no, no. All right. I believe what I wrote in the email is,

ethics of pissing in Dakar. Yeah, you said ethics of pissing in Dakar. Ethics of pissing in... No, not pissing. Pissing in Dakar. Ethics of pissing in the car. And we rolled the dice on you, Nick. Nick, you really delivered though.

I got to say, so speak on that. So I'd like to paint a picture for you boys. Oh yeah. OK, not too detailed. More than the picture you've already painted with words. OK, what? You're on the road to see your three favorite boys in a live show. Yeah. Where are you coming from? Just to fill out the picture.

Don't dox yourself, but like fucking how far? You're in town. I need to know how long a drive it is? Four. Four hours. Four hours? Okay, that changes the math significantly, Nick. So you're on a road trip to see Justin Mcgroy, Griffin Mcgroy and Hank Green. Okay. Yes.

I'm sad he's not here, but yeah, man. Me too, man. I'd take some time off. Go on. And you know, you're in gridlock traffic. Yeah. And nature calls as it does. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Who's in the car? Who's in the car, Nick? That's the secret that's keeping the stars apart, isn't it? Who's in the car? Who's in the car, Nick? That's the secret that's keeping the stars apart, isn't it? Who's in the car? It's me and God, Justin. OK, well, that's the way.

No one else. OK. Because you know if someone else had been in Dakar, the ethics would have been quite severe. It would have been the different. Yeah. Yeah. The ethics, Nick, I would say are 100% about the sight lines,

honestly. And the indecent exposure charges that you could be subject to. If you are able to be the discrete, then I guess it's your car. But again, I think the sight lines are the ethics for this specific. Are you suggesting, Nick, that the traffic was so gridlocked,

so bumper to bumper, that you could not make it to a rest stop and therefore had to explore car piss options? I would like to add that there was an empty Baja Blast container in the center. Now, hold on, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick. Two liter, 20 ounces. It was the one you get from the stores. Nick, would you say that maybe the emptiness of said Baja Blast may have contributed to the question?

I'm not a biologist. I don't know anything about it. Ashes to ashes, do to do. It somehow has less sodium. It's weirdly now. It's like more green. B don't know how that went. Bottle, not a cup, bottle? It was a cup from a taco.

It was a cup! Okay, believe it or not, it changes the ethics of pissing into car neck, if you can believe it. Wait, I have one final question about the qualities of this situation. How long had you been in this gridlock traffic? How long had I been in traffic?

Yeah, like this bumper to bumper and everybody's like witnessing. Half an hour. Okay. I think at that point, if anyone were to side eye you pissing in a Baja Blast Cup, there, this is how I think it's going to go. 25% what? And then slowly into, yeah, man, this situation does. For real. I don't want to watch you piss, Nick, for man, this situation does. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't wanna watch you piss, Nick, for real, for real. But if I look over and I catch you pissing, because you've been stuck in traffic next to me for 30 minutes, I'm gonna give you the nod. Especially, especially if I happen to, in that quick glance, scope that it's a 20 ounce Baja Blast cup, I am gonna put two and number one together. Maybe you got to.

Like what comes, but what comes next, Nick? How about ethics of what comes to next? Where does the pee go? Wait, don't vanish, Nick. What'd you do with the pee, Nick? What'd you do with the pee? My pants are dry and my conscience is clear. All right, Nick.

Thank you, Nick. Thank you, Nick. Thank you, Nick. Hi. Hello. Okay, I'm Cassidy T. Hi, Cassidy. Okay, my question.

So my boss is allowing me to work from home starting on Monday, but I'm the only one in the office allowed to do this and she has told me not to tell anyone that I'm working from home, right, indefinitely, right. How do I explain to my co-workers my forever absence while my work still gets done? Right. So Cassidy, in Cassidy's fiction, here in a year or so, people are gonna be at your workplace like, where is Cassidy though?

Like, where is Cassidy? Like, my desk is still going to be there. All my stuff will still be there. Cool. Cassidy, is it possible that you are in a reverse severance situation? Okay. In which, hear me out, your bosses told everyone the exact same thing they told you.

Oh shit, man. So that on Monday, your boss can come in and not have to deal with any of you. Frick, that's good. Hey, do any of you look a lot like Cassidy Perchance? Because I might have an opening for you. Just to come in like an hour a day, like, ah, dang, I forgot my other work at home. And then you leave every day. Yeah.

And they're like, you're a veterinarian. But I eat, I eat fish. I'm a veterinarian, but on the occasionally. I like Cassidy. It seemed like you had additional information to add. Oh, well see, I told them I would quit if I couldn't work from home. Okay. Okay.

So it seems that, hey. They gave me what I wanted. How stupid are the people you work with? Can I just say Cassidy, a bold negotiating tactic and congratulations on it panning out. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I like that your strategy was, here's the deal.

I'm going to be at home. Whether or not you pay me to be there is completely up to you. Cassidy, I just realized the answer. You have to tell everyone you work with that they're allowed to work from home if they threaten to quit. Yeah. It is the only logical, ethical thing to do. This is the ethics of working into house, is to tell everyone exactly what you're doing.

One other option, unless. Unless? Ooh, you're treading on treacherous ground, Travis. If you have a trusted confidant at the office, maybe someone you could pay to do this, have them leave notes around saying, I was looking for you, guess I missed you, I'll find you later, like to talk about this thing,

Cassidy. Yeah, yeah. And have them just sporadically leave those around. So now it's not that they can't find you, you can't find them. Maybe you put up a poster that's like, this person has gone missing. What are they hiding?

Stop burying the truth. Where is Cassidy? We demand answers. What isn't the company telling us? You gotta come back to the office once. How often are you willing to come back to the office to keep this ruse afloat?

Is the answer 10 minutes every day. And have you ever tried to grow a huge long beard? Just out of curiosity to try a whip, van, winkle thing. I only have to come in once a week. Once a week, okay, Cassidy. You got to come in different and it's up to you what that means and you just be like, man, life in the annex sure is pretty hard. And they'll be like, what? And be like, yeah. If you can do singe marks and maybe like some

soot. Yeah. I would be like, it's sooty in the annex. Y'all. I got to keep the boilers fueled. Yeah. Does your building have a basement? I wouldn't know. Exactly. That's perfect. That's what I, that's all we need get me I mean tell everybody they can work from home if they do this one neat trick But if you don't do that bosses don't know that I know this one hack But if you don't do that I do think that Annex plays the move for you does that help Thank you so much Cassidy for you. Does that help? It does. Thank you. Thank you so much, Cassidy. And Cassidy's boss writes in, what the fuck, Cassidy? What the fuck, Cassidy? You promised

not to tell. Hi. Who are you? What's your name? Wow, great. Thanks. My name is Bethany. Hi Bethany. Hi. So my question is, is that myself and my two sisters who are here, we just hiked the Grand Canyon rim to rim, and I want to talk about it because that's crazy. That is absolutely crazy. What's rim to rim mean? I think you know exactly what it means. I don't actually know what it means that's why I'm asking. You suck your gut to get away. Sorry. No I appreciate that you asked because people do go there. We started at the south rim and we hiked 21 miles to the north rim. OK, cool.

Wouldn't it have been faster and easier to go east to west? It is shorter that way, I will say. Or not do it? You are looking for opportunities to bring this up more organically. Yeah, really organically, because I want to brag. Right. I mean, people need to know that they're talking, too.

A rim to rim. A rim to rim, Grand Canyon, Nose Sc rim great. I would stop leading with rim to rim You gotta stop that just first note Also, we're currently in a city called Grand Rapids and you could say, you know, what else is grand the canyon? That's good. That's cool. Yeah, naturally. Yeah, you know what else is grand. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good I like that. Do you have a fake cast? Do I have a what?

A fake cast. Not now. It did, for a second, sound like fake ass. Fake cast. I was like, OK. I thought if you were a fake cast, and people would be like, what happened? You're like, well, I was hiking in the Grand Canyon recently.

No, but Bethany doesn't want people to think that Bethany fell into the Grand Canyon Bethany has a kick-ass rim to rim travel log. You need to develop a good like long-distance Stare-off Into space remembering your time. What you thinking about Bethany? Oh Just when I went rim to rim Oh, just when I went rim to rim. You can end that with against Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and I'd be like, damn, you went rim to rim against Jabbar Dan.

In the Grand Canyon? Holy shit, you played a death match 1v1 basketball game against Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the Grand Canyon? No holds barred, all razor blade elbows. Shit! Um... He's dead now. Wait, is he?

He's fine. Can you point at... I didn't kill him. Cracks, cracks in the sidewalk. You don't come across a lot of chasms in your day, do you? Yeah. No grand ones, that's for sure. Well, that's how you bring it up.

Seen grander. Yeah, not a bad chasm, I guess. All things considered. That's an all right chasm if you haven't seen the Grand Canyon. What's that you haven't done? Let me tell you a little story. Did you buy a novelty shirt while you were there? No.

Oh, what a pity. I bought a sweatshirt That would have been quite an easy way about a keychain, but my sister made fun of it. Oh Which one one of the ones who went with you? Yeah, are you telling me that after you went rim to rim that the bond the bond wasn't so strong Can you imagine if we three went room to room? This would be a different fucking product we would be providing. We wouldn't even be able to make jokes anymore. We'd feel so connected.

She did try to take it back, but it was too late. You can't insult her with a key chain. When you go rim to rim. And she was like, oh, who would buy these loser key chains? And I had already picked it. And I was like, yeah, we hate them. You know what that sounds like?

Somebody who wants to buy it, but they're unsure of themselves. They haven't gone rim to rim. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sister, them. You know what that sounds like? Someone who wants to buy it, but they're unsure of themselves. They haven't gone rim to rim. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sister, who's here? Your chicken shit, Travis says. I would never. I'll fight you in the whole state of Michigan.

Drag her. Does that help? Yes, thank you. Thank you so much, Bethany. Thanks, Bethany. Grand Canyon rim to rim. Get that. Oh, fuck, you guys sit really close. Thanks Bethany. Thanks Bethany. Grand Canyon, Rim to Rim. Get that.

Oh fuck, you guys sit really close. I just shit talk someone's sister real close to them. Which one of you was the one who wrote in about losing their toenails? Yeah, we're never going to do that question. Hard pass. Next time we come back to Grand Rapids, and we will, you gotta... Now listen, we really mean that because the band fun came to Ashland And they said we're definitely coming back, and then they broke up so we mean it

Well, we really will eat singer was dying to come back to Ashland the other doing I don't know the lead singer said they fuck off promised Ashland. We would come back hello Hi, how's it going? Sorry, we were doing our own thing there. You're good. You were being so patient and I applaud you for that. What's your name? My name's Duncan.

Hi Duncan. Duncan, what's your question? How do I let my coworkers know that I was very serious about having a chili cook-off? Right. So. We need obviously Duncan quite a bit of background here. Understandable. So what what how right now?

You're giving off vibe a very serious about chili cook off. I'm just letting you know I would have assumed you were Yeah, I would have what did you do when you brought up the chili cook off that maybe suggested you were doing so like Sarcastically or a bit honestly. I don't know cuz I'm making a lot of chili okay cool Wait wait wait wait wait, wait, wait. Duncan, the vibe is fucking great right now. I love it so much. Are you telling me that a date has been set and it's happening whether or not they participate?

Is that where we're at? I'm practically giving this stuff away. OK, so Dylan, hold on. You're being real squirrely right now, Dylan. I'm going to get a straight answer out of you. Duncan. Are you somehow laundering money through chili? Yeah, is this a chili-based scheme?

God, I wish. Yeah. So did you pitch a chili cook-off to your coworkers because you were already making a lot of chili and you needed an outlet? Please tell us the origins of this scenario so we can weigh in. It's probably twofold.

One, every Friday, I'm in charge of figuring out what the entire group of us eats for lunch. Okay. So I'm already doing pizza stuff. That's a huge responsibility. It's a huge responsibility and I love making chili. So the other half of you. I assume so, Duncan, by the way.

The alternative. Because if you're like, how do I let them know I'm serious about this? Also, side note, I fucking hate chili and the making of it. I'm scared of chili. Well I also need to let them know that my chili whips ass. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that that might be it? Are you making chili for them every Friday at lunch? Probably not every Friday but often enough that they're like there's no way we could go toe to toe with them. Have they had your chili? Not never not even once. That's bullshit. Wait you say that like they To to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to You gotta have one chili cook-off with bad chili. Are you willing to do that?

Are you willing to have a redemptive chili cook-off in three years? Or, wait, sorry, what was the person's name whose boss said they didn't have to come to work anymore? That was Cassidy. Have Cassidy show up at your work and pitch the chili cook-off. This is good, this could work.

No one's gonna know if Cassidy works there or not. Hey, make everybody do a sign-in sheet of the kind of chili they're gonna make so you have a wide variety. Because some people like beans, some people are not enjoying beans. I just have, I don't- Texas Red. Now, if I may- What Justin's backed up into here- Yeah, yeah. What I love. Justin, what you backed into was the idea that rather than gauge acceptance of the idea of a chili cook-off, you would just start passing out a sheet saying, what chili will you be making? At this mo- just a yes or no question, Duncan.

At this moment, is there going to be a chili cook-off? Well, there is now. Yeah Hold on Duncan cuz I don't know that I trust you you're kind of a chili fucking Feel like mom said if you said it was okay, and dad said if you said it was okay kind of scenario Duncan you ever seen the movie field of dreams? Yeah, all right, how it was it? How it was it Duncan? He asked you a simple question Duncan, how it was it field of dreams?

It were good, they built it, they came. Yeah. Whoa, wait, hold on, they what? Yeah man. Are you telling me in the movie field of dreams they built it and come? Yeah man, ectoplasm, Hither and Yon. What?

This is going to be a good chili cook-off, Duncan. Duncan, did that answer your question? When we talked about how they come in Field of Dreams, did that help you? Yeah, that helped. Thank you. Awesome. That solves it.

Thank you so much, Duncan. I believe we have one more. Hello. If you feel that they will come in the background like yeah. Leah you may give us a moment for some cleansing breaths. I think my brothers need to need to. Hi Leah how's it going? Hello. Hi I'm Leah. Which question did you get?

Oh, Leah, you had a question, and that question was about your portable karaoke machine. So- The groan you just did, and it's shiver up my spine. So this Sunday, I'm going to like a Airbnb like house vacation with a bunch of friends. Cool. And okay, so I've mentioned to like a Airbnb like house vacation with a bunch of friends. Cool.

And okay, so I've mentioned to a couple of them that I was like, I have a mini portable karaoke machine. Like, does anyone want to do that? But what my question is, is how do I, when we're there like bring it up, like when's the time to be like should we do karaoke? That's always the hard thing, isn't it? When everybody's done with dinner and you're eyeing the board game, like should should we do karaoke? That's always the hard thing, isn't it? When everybody's done with dinner

and you're eyeing the board game, like, should I just open it? Or where we at? Leah, I'm so glad you're here and I appreciate you so much. That said, you kind of skipped over a middle part there where you said, I told them I have this thing. Bum, bum, bum.

Anyway, how do I bring it up? How did they respond when you told them I have this thing, bum, bum, bum. Anyway, how do I bring it up? You admitted it. How did they respond when you told them you had it? They were kind of like, okay. Okay, okay, yeah. You need to leave it at home, all right? I'm trying to look out for you. If you could maybe, does it have other fun,

like maybe you could use it as a Bluetooth speaker and then when you're like looking at the buttons like, look, damn guys, it's got karaoke folks, you don't hear this part. You can use it as a clock. Like, hey, use it on time. When friends get together at an Airbnb, we all like to make morning announcements. Yeah. I tested it out and it does have like.

What song? What song? Oh, I was just. What? I was just. Hey, you don't. I tested it out and it does have like what song what song no. Oh I was just what it is. I was you know, hey, yeah You don't buy a mini portable karaoke machine I don't really do karaoke. Just curious. What song you tested it. Um, I was doing like musicals. Yeah That's all. I won't push any farther. Leah, did you think everyone in this room was going to be like boo?

No, I know everyone's down. It's going to be fair. What if you had a sign up sheet? That's cool. What kind of chili will you eat while we do karaoke? Oh my God, that's great. If you say, I got this portable karaoke machine, everyone's going to think like, oh no, all they want to do is sing in front of us.

But what you do is you set up a little tip jar and you put on headphones and you act completely disinterested in everyone at the house the entire weekend. And then when they come up and hand you their slip, you just be like repeatedly call up people that aren't at the house. Next up, we got Darla doing walk the line. Come on up. Darla is called Darla. Okay, moving on Maxine reminder $3 jello shot. Stephanie brought him from home. They're not again. Leon, not charging for the jello shot Stephanie brought them from home. They're not, again, Leigh, I'm not charging for the jello shots.

It's for the experience. Does that help? Does it help? Of course it does. Thank you so much. Hey, that's the best dismissal I've ever heard, Leigh. Thank you. Very, very kind. All right, you can make the house lights go away now

as we wrap up our show. Grand Rapids, Michigan, thank you so much. very kind. Very kind. All right, you can make the house lights go away now as we wrap up our show. Grand Rapids, Michigan, thank you so much. This has been so fun. You all have kicked ass, thank you so much. Thank you. Seriously. It is genuinely still after all these years, quite scary to do this or any show,

and you all have made it truly wonderful being out here tonight, so thank you all very much. Thank you to our tour manager Paul Suborin for for all of the stuff that he does couldn't do it without him Thank you to our business manager Amanda who is also Recording the show tonight doing double duty. Thank you so much Amanda. Thank you to our dad doing double duty. Thank you so much, Amanda. Thank you to our dad and Dan and Dan Kuber. If you haven't left the empty bowl, why not fall asleep to me and Dan tonight? We have a poster. I would hold on. I was going to do it. And then you jumped in to be like, fall asleep with me and Dan. Fall asleep with me and Dan. We have posters out in the lobby. We signed some of them. Those

are probably gone, but maybe not there for sale. They were designed by Samara Jethwa, and they're fucking so rad and please get them And we also still have the challenge coins for the pulse aboard Memorial canned food drive feeding America, West Michigan Will receive the benefits of that Griffin do we have a fear to read we have one final fear to read tonight And I will read it right now. This was sent in by someone in the audience. You're gonna be faster than this. Here we go. This year I will strive to be faster than my fear of dead bugs. Live bugs are fine. I love those guys. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother May Kiss Your Dad Square on the Lips! It's better with you Yes it's true It's better, it's better with two By way It's better with you