My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 768: Face 2 Face: No Toes as a General Rule

Episode Date: June 23, 2025

We crawled out of the Other Worlds to bring you this show LIVE from Columbus, OH. It's a weird and wonderful show full of colorful mascots, colorful gyms, mysterious flesh wounds, and Travis giving actually very good advice that fixes everything.Suggested taking points: Alien Shit for Big Boys to Swing On, Late-Stage Beatle, Blood-Emitting Sections of the Body, Incognito Gnome, ScuberMascot Madness slidesTransgender Law Center: https://transgenderlawcenter.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts. And their advice should never be followed. Old Travis insists he's a sexpert. But there's a degree on his wall. I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids. Which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up you cool babies!

One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripen into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach My life, it feels like My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you

My life, ah ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you This is true, ah, ah, ah, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, ah, ah, ah, it's better, it's better with two. My life, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, for the Madren era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis Vroom Vroom McElroy. Hey, what's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, Griffin 30 under 30, meeting the luminary, Bill Fortuff, McElroy!

CHEERING Hell yeah. APPLAUSE Today, we traveled to another world. True. True. A world of a lot of sensory input all at the same time for men who average age 40.

True. And then we were told we weren't allowed to climb on shit. Yeah. So. Otherworld was a truly transportive, wonderful experience and you all are lucky to have it here. It's a wonderful place, but they do need to let big boys climb on stuff. Because they made everything look so fucking climbable.

Yeah. I think it's fucked up how they don't let big boys climb on stuff or hang on stuff or draw on stuff. We decided to make this the launch point for our Another World, this after theirs. Apostrophe in... Another World. And in ours. We're going to put it in the empty Best Buy right next door to theirs. Another world this after theirs apostrophe in another world And in our in the empty Best Buy right next door to theirs. Yeah, I

Think it's an abandoned circuit city. It's an abandoned circuit. No, it's blue doesn't matter. It's soon It's gonna be full of alien shit for big boys to swing on and and ladders fuck. Yeah ladders There's gonna be ladders for you to play on too for sure. And you know when you go to an escape room and they're like, we put stickers on vents and shit that you don't pull off the walls. The stickers are for things you should pull off the walls. Yeah, the vents are suggestions. The vents are opening offers.

You guys see what's behind those guys. Also, if you're a kid at Another World world you can't complain about how tired you are Yeah, and also if you see an adult that's working hard on one of the puzzles you have to let him do it You have to let him do it before you just start hitting a bunch of switches and buttons because it's the order of things Tyler I went green blue, and then you just hit red. I'm trying to milk a space cow, Tyler. Get the fuck out of here. I don't care if it's your birthday.

Otherworld really made a choice with the space cow milking room. The rest of it, I was like, I see where you're going with this. And then you do turn a corner, it's like milk this fucking huge space cow. I was like, whoa. What I love, it really did highlight how it was for all ages because at one point there was like weird vines right that had like utter like growths out of them. And I watched Henry who's eight be like oh udders and

grab one of the teeth. I watched our dad. And then I saw our dad do it. Our dad tried to milk a big inflatable tentacle and it was like, is this, do we need to have a talk? No one was looking, it wasn't a bit for a kid. It was done in a lot of sincerity. I think he thought a puzzle was gonna come squirt, squirting out. I was puzzled, to be fair.

If you haven't been to the other world, it's in a strip mall that is largely abandoned It's one of the most abandoned places I've ever seen It looks like an M EMP went off and just all the stores except for this other world, right? So it's this large black obelisk in the middle of this largely abandoned area And then it just says other world in nondescript letters outside and I kept thinking I get it now that there's reviews and stuff online but the first person who's in one of the most the scariest most abandoned places I've ever been and they see a sign that says other world do you know how raw it

has to be for you to be like yeah fuck it yeah it. Yeah, I'll get, you know what? Fuck it, I'll give it a shot. Why not? It's gotta beat this, right? Come on, let's go. Let's roll the dice. I was expecting to see a sign as we pulled up that it just said,

this can't be the right place plaza. Yeah. But it is. This can't be it. Oh, there it is. Thank you for having us otherworld. Don't yell at us next time. We're big, we're fucking high rollers.

We work hard grown up jobs and pay taxes so that we can climb on shit. CoSci lets me climb on stuff. That's right. CoSci lets you wrestle the, play the rats in basketball if you give them a hundred dollars. CoSci lets you, CoSci lets you touch a breast. It's true, Griffin.

To be fair, Otherworld did too. A cow, but it was that of a space cow, yeah. Well, don't get choosy. I remember going to, seeing the breast exam demonstration at COSI when I was way too young to take group trip and that's when the wheels really started to fall off the wagon for me, I think, in my walk, so to speak. Cause you were like, this is way better than anything that Jesus guy did. I was worried, I was worried someone was in the youth group

was gonna see me do it, so then I went right next door to the testicular check area just to be like, all right, I'm here, I'm a scientist, I'm a doctor. I'm going to the Columbus Zoo on Saturday, specifically to see their wombat. Wombats are my favorite animal. And they're one of the only, like only four zoos in the US that have one.

I believe his name is Glen. Fucking good. That's a great wombat name that sounds like a wombat who has some worries. Yeah, yeah. Right? I picture Glenn like, oh fuck, I was supposed to turn that reporting yesterday.

I damn it. I desperately want to hug the wombat as this might be my only chance ever to meet one. They are so round and adorable, but the zoo doesn't offer any option to give them extra money to pet or meet them like they do with some of the other animals. You know the ones.

You know. How, you heard the rumors. How can I get them to let me hug the wombat? That's from wanting the wombat from Williamsport. Are you here? Hello. Yeah, you are. Don't be embarrassed. I just wanna say,

hearing it said many times by my brother out loud, I don't think Wombat is the right name for that creature. All right. Cause it's not, it doesn't have many bat-like features. We're not gonna. And it's a big, when I hear Wombat, what I want is a koala with bat wings. Yeah.

That's what it should be. And I'm now realizing, I don't know what a wombat actually looks like. I'm realizing that too, yeah. I'm just picturing a koala with bat wings that I think I have been all day and thinking, yeah. Yeah, that's exactly it. That's it. You got it in one.

All I remember is that they shit cubes and that's all right with me. Pretty cool. I think you could get away with me. Pretty cool. I think you could get away with asking. I mean, they might not say yes, but I don't think that you become like a zookeeper without being interested in hugging the animals at the zoo. I think that that's probably your starting point.

Sorry, you think that's the qualification? No, I didn't say you don't, you have to be qualified in hugging. I said an interest in it, that when you're like eight years old, you're like, I didn't say you don't you have to be qualified in hugging I said an interest in it that when you're like eight years old you're like I want to hug that wombat So I'm going to go to years of schooling to become a zookeeper so I can hug that Interest in hugging to be a zookeeper. I don't think an interest in hugging should disqualify you though I'm not saying the qualification. I'm not saying what you have is a job interview Hey, do you like hugging? Hmm? Get out I think what Travis is saying is that there probably isn't a zookeeper who when they wonder into the panda exhibit and the panda comes To hug their leg. They're like, oh

Fuck gross fuck what I'm saying is that hugging is one of nature's first attacks Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, for some sort of Wombat-based film. Maybe we bought a zoo too. It's front of mind for me right now in this present moment. Wombatman Begins. Wombatman Begins is pretty good, Travis. Yeah, absolutely, we'll allow it. You could say that you are the assistant of a perverse billionaire who really wants to touch this Wombat,

but you were sent in as the advanced team. He has certain Specifications he's looking for yes, and then you can get in there with the wombat really pick it up and examine it And then set it down and be like no He's not right. This isn't the one you'll give the wombat a complex too. It'll be a great afternoon What if you were the first one to ask? And they're like, yeah, you totally can. No one's ever asked before. Yeah, ask why would we have wombats

and not let people hug them? That's mean. I think you've kind of messed yourself up here by considering this one of the opportunities you have to hug a wombat. Because you're saying it's the only chance you're going to have. And I just want to remind you it is Also still not that like just because it's the closest to right

It is like just because you are in physical proximity to it does not mean this is like your chance to do it Right, you still can't there's still quite a few the physical distance between you and the wombat It's not the preliminary only problem keeping you from hugging the Wombat. Now let's assume that a zoo like a membership with as many times going as you want is financially feasible for you. How many times do you think they would have to go

and how long each time would they have to stand looking longingly at the Wombat exhibit before a zoo employee was like, okay, fine. Well, Trav, one of two things is going to happen. Either a zoo employee will take pity or they will eventually spot a crack. You're eventually going to find some sort of weakness in their defenses.

You're just going to be like Bill Murray at Groundhog Day just like slipping past the guards to get past the guards Every Thursday they reset the electric fence power supply from 11 a.m. To 11.05 a.m. That's your window If I open the lion enclosure I can slip through there to get to the wombats No, I'm glad they returned to the oceans universe, but I think oceans 14 was the weirdest fucking one Really low stakes. I need some advice. I'm here at your show in Columbus with my younger brother. After we bought tickets to your shows this week we found out our eldest brother is also a fan of the show.

Should we either avoid telling him and all of social media about this experience and keep it a secret or do you brotherly experts know how we can break the bad? News of his not attendance of this most likely amazing show That's from my brother not my other brother and me in Columbus, Ohio now Are you here? This is a big are you here before you say are you here if you are here? Wait, no, hold on, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is a big are you here? Before you say are you here, if you are here, I need you to disguise your voice somehow,

like you're being interviewed anonymously. So I'll ask, are you here? Hi. Okay. It's great. Big Mr. Four. Before we say anything else, I just want to point out, this show wasn't sold out.

Totally could have gotten a tick for the Big Bro. Totally could have hooked Big Bro up, no problemo. In fact, you're rubbing our nose in the fact that you didn't buy an extra ticket to this show. If this show had been sold out and you had emailed us this story, we would have found a way to get an intimate show. We would have done something, something.

We would have made it happen. But no, you went a different way about it. Process of elimination, they're gonna figure out this is you and your brother for sure. Okay, before we do any jokes about this, I need to have a serious moment. If you folks who enjoy this podcast are not talking to your immediate loved ones

about my brother, my brother, me, you are failing us in the most fundamental way I can imagine. The idea that you have not spoken to this brother who not only might like our show, but does, about our show. Man is one of three siblings. What if three siblings?

I don't wanna speak for you, but we're talking about a brother, a brother, and you, and you weren't like, hey, you know what? This fucking reminds me of. Like it never came up. You were never like, I wonder if Peter likes this too. Like it never crossed your mind to even fucking ask? Like I checked out that Zach Braff show

about the guy who started a podcast corporation. I didn't want to, but it makes sense. Yeah. Hey, one second, Charlie and Cooper, can you say woo? Those are my kids. I'm trying to feed them with this podcast Just please you have to tell your your family members about our podcast That's a good selling point too if you're like the show's really good and he's got hungry kids. Yeah hungry kids

Please talk to your brothers. Oh my brother my brother. For the reasons we- And any sibling, to be fair. Doesn't have to be brothers, but at least brothers. Yeah. For the reasons we have outlined, you obviously cannot let your brother know that you have done this. Ever. It is a crime-

The cruelty is unthinkable. Um. Your capacity for it, I mean. So you're, yeah, you're gonna need to go dark. Everyone else needs to make up For the the darkness of social media that you are going to need to experience You cannot let a single none of you talk about this. No, the rest of you talk about the show Happen it got rained out. You specifically need to burn your ticket stubs and then scatter the ashes into a river or some

Maybe come up with an alibi. Tell him you took a surprise trip your ticket stubs and then scatter the ashes into a river or something. Maybe come up with an alibi, tell him you took a surprise trip just you and your brother to like Vegas. Yeah. And had a great time without him there. You went to a taping of the Joe Rogan Experience. And not a live show. You got to sit in studio.

But what if your brother is like, damn, I'm a huge JRE head. Fuck. If there's two things I love, because of how similar they are, it's the Magorow brothers and the Joe Rogan experience. Two great tastes that taste great together. It's all the shared views they have. I've only listened to two episodes of Bode, but.

I mean, I feel like I'm gasping for a segment. Oh, are you? Yeah, Trav, I'm dying for a segment, pal. Well, I don't know if you guys know this, but we're in the home of the Ohio State. Yes. Which is home to the very famous Brutus the Buckeye, who is an anthropomorphic Buckeye man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah?

And it got me thinking about mascots. So I came up with a whole new segment called Mascot Madness. Wow! Wow! Is there art for, is this, wow, hold on. This is really fucking abstract, Travis. Hold on. And play.

Mascot madness. University edition. Now wait, now hold on dude. Hey dude, you just made this up and you're already doing an edition of it? Yeah. You're spinning it off? It's like as it's coming into being,

it has another head just extending from its abdomen. It'd be like if the face. University of the Child. It knew in stores it's the first Seen It game, Seen It Murder She Wrote edition. It's a little thing called the long game. I have a long view of this. It's Trivial Pursuit Rugrats edition, the first one of them.

This fucking Quado emerging from Travis's mind is what it is I'm not gonna apologize to you guys for having a plan. Okay, man. I so rarely do I'm going to tell you about three University mascots and ask you a trivia question about them. Okay. Okay. Let's see our first mascot Paul about them. Okay. Let's see our first mascot, Paul. This- Fucking shit, dog. Friar Dom, the mascot for Providence College.

He's gotta be Friar Dom though, are you sure, man? Friar Dom. I'm so happy to be in charge. This monastic monster strikes fear into the opposing team and anyone who makes eye contact with him Griffin do you want to describe him for the home? Imagine the face of the biggest Sexual deviant you've ever seen in your entire life with the hair of maybe a late stage beetle and

I'm sorry, mr. Johnson. You have late stage people Imagine if they got imagine if the berries and creep guy went missing for three weeks And I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson, you have late stage beetles. Imagine if the berries and creep guy went missing for three weeks and then re-emerged in a lake. With an eight yard wide ghastly grin across his face and hungry eyes. All right, let's see that question, Paul. Friar Tom is often accompanied by what animal companion?

A, Francisco the sheep, B, Brutus the Holstein bull, C, Huxley the Dalmatian, or D, Dengus the fruit bat? I want it to be Dengus the fruit bat so bad that I'm gonna say it. We don't, I don't want the answer. Yeah, you don't want to cheat. We're better than that. But it does feel like Francisco the sheep

is the correct answer because of- Yeah, I would say Francisco the sheep for sure than that, but it does feel like Francisco the sheep is the correct answer Yeah, I would say Francisco the sheep for sure yeah, because of the religious sort of religious saying okay. Let's reveal Huxley the Dalmatian Fucking cool, I feel like you cheated. Let's see that Dalmatian's vibe right now. It's like yeah I'm hanging with friar Dom fucking chill about it. He's actually a super cool dude if you get to know him. I know he's not good on first impressions or whatever, but this guy saved my life. Do you want to see the original Friar Dom

in the original Dalmatian? Yeah, we already do. Does he have a, yes, dude! Yes, dude! Right there, that's Providence College's original Friar Dom, and it used to be a live dalmatian named Friar Boy, but after Friar Boy the Fifth passed away, they

said, you know what? Maybe a guy in a suit is a better way to go. He looks like in the They Might Be Giants music videos when they would put like a big president head on them for some reason. Alright, let's see our next mascot, Paul. Otto the Orange from Syracuse University.

All right. Some Syracuse fans in the house. I found conflicting reports here. One that said he's the fruit and orange, but also one that said he is an anthropomorphization of the color orange. Oh, wow. Okay. He's also spherical. So I'm going to go with the fruit orange. I'm gonna go with the truth. I want it to be the fruit. All right, Paul

Let's see that question. Which of these hold on Paul go back and Now go forward. That's a different fucking guy Go back again and forward the vibes way different guys. I like this guy He's gonna sell you a lotto ticket that's already scratched off. Yeah, dude and forward, the vibes way different guys. I like this guy. He's going to sell you a lotto ticket that's already scratched off. Yeah, dude. It looks like his hat,

if you could see the other angle of it says, suck my orange dick. It's all jumbled in. The CK my orange dick is all on one side. Which of these is one of the names considered for Otto before being rejected out of fearing of rhyming with an insult? A. Cupid. B. Opie. C. Jingle Jerry. D. Art. Opie. Art could be fart.

It's dopey, man. People loved Snow White back then. Yeah, I'm going to say Art. Just damn, Jingle Jerry. I'm going say Jingle Jerry, because that's where my heart wants to go, Travis. And you said what, Justin? What I said was Griffin, what insult, okay, thank you. I mean, Justin got it in one, it is O, because what's going on with his fucking morphology here? The fuck is up with his anatomy, dude? Jingle Jerry would be Dingleberry, Justin.

Oh, thank you, Travis. This is him giving birth, actually. Yeah. Well, this is him after he had some ribs removed. Yeah. I finally did it, guys. That's why the- Can you go back again, Paul?

Can you go back? The reason he's so pissed off here is because he hadn't quite figured out how to do the next thing, that image in the next slide yet. Yeah. Now he's satisfied. He got what he needs. Until that he was blue. Um what is the uh... Jesus Christ Justin. That's just one thing you could say. Okay next slide Paul. Fun fact about Otto. He is portrayed

throughout the year by a select crew of 10 to 12 students whose identities are kept anonymous. A third fucking vibe they have put on this anthropomorphized orange. This feels more like a trophy hunting. Yeah. He looks good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. We got him.

Important mascot point, if you give something legs, you can't take them away. You know what I mean? Like once you say Otto has legs, he always has to have legs. Otherwise, don't bring him round. All right, and our final mascot, Paul, Big Red. All right.

Western Kentucky University's Big Red. Yeah, the crotch area sucks to see on a big screen. Maybe go ahead to the next slide, Paul, just so we don't get any indecency. Which of these statements about Big Red is false? A, Big Red is non-binary. B, students who portray Big Red must never reveal their identity.

C, Big Red is in the Mascot Hall of Fame. Or D, Big Red's signature moves are the belly slide and the belly shake. I have decided that it's C because I don't think the mascot hall of fame exists If they did they sure wouldn't let in this fucking reddit upvote symbol Man I mean I I also think it's C, but that's not very funny I'll say B. I think if you they let you be Big Red you can be proud about it

I'll say B. I think if they let you be Big Red, you can be proud about it. I'm the world's premier non-binary mascot, sports mascot. Let's show the answer, Paul. This belly-shaking inside non-binary icon was the first mascot inducted into the Capital One Mascot Hall of Fame. Wait. Students who betray Big Red are permitted

to wear the Big Red gloves at their graduation to reveal their identity. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? They call that nerdy kid from history, from gymnastics class, why can't I think of a single college course? We're too far out from it.

I guess so. From science. From book class. College science. From book class. From college science. And he's like, I blow my mind. I love you, Big Red. Yes. Last slide, Paul. Wait, sorry.

The first mascot? Hold on. The first mascot. Yeah. So you're going to do a mascot hall of fame. And the first one you get is this jabroni? Whoa. Sorry. What about Mr. Met? He's all right. I don't know if he's eligible, Justin. He's also kind of upsetting. And he also

bet on his own games. Well, show me this. You can't tease me with a sweep. Yes, Big Red is out there every game, repping the WKU Hilltoppers and the Lady Toppers. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Hey, hey, it's probably, probably time to change that, don't you think? I bet it's time. That's the original suit that was made for $300 and was approved of by the college

Yeah, we love it. We love that irritated penis in there. Yeah for sure man He looks like if the noid got run over by a big truck and That's mascot minus I Love looking at those guys it turns out I love looking at those guys, it turns out. I have a pretty cool scar on my big toe from the time I almost completely severed it with a hatchet.

Sorry, can you read the first part of that sentence again? Cause there was some clapping and I missed the anatomy. I have a pretty cool scar on my big toe from the time I almost completely severed it with a hatchet. I think it's a really neat looking scar and I'd like to be able to show it to more people but I don't know how to bring it up in casual conversation. How do I organically get people to acknowledge and appreciate my cool scar?

And that's from It Really Is Cool in Rochester. Are you here? All right. I'm thinking about the physics of it. Yes, this is my immediate question is, what's your toe doing around the action line of a hatchet? I can't think of too many. Before, if you almost severed, not splinted in twain, mind you, which I'd get. You had your foot. Foot at a rakish angle.

Okay, now Griffith, okay. Now listen. Were you juggling it? Before we get too sassy here, if used as directed, most hatchets do tend to avoid the blood emitting sections of the body. I would argue if you have hit yourself with a hatchet, something has gone terribly wrong

with the arc of the hatchet. No matter where you hit, it was an unfortunate occurrence, I think, Griffin. It doesn't matter if it's in the toe or anywhere, it was probably a big mistake. Can you just shout a one word answer? Was this an injury of hubris or of accident? Eh, okay.

Yeah. You know what, without saying yes or no, yeah. I get it, yeah, for sure. We know. I, generally speaking, am not scoping toes. Yeah. Uh-huh. Sounds like someone who is scoping toes to me.

I don't think you'd go around, you wouldn't walk in your room like, hey, I scope toes. I'm not scoping toes. If I was the type of person who scoped toes and I saw a big scar on a toe, I'm not gonna be like, the idea that I'd be like,

what are those at your scar is unthinkable. I will say this, if you're like out there in like sandals with this cool scar, they're not gonna bring it up, but they are excited if you like, hey, would you like to know how I got this wicked scar on my toe? Gotcha, look, you're gonna have to do a lot

of like propping your feet up on the cooler. Yeah. No one's gonna ask. You could wear a shirt that says, ask me about my bad toe. And people still would not ask about it, I don't think. Oh, but you could use it like an early 2019s, like ABC sitcom, Dad, like, you know,

seems like life's got you down. You didn't do too well on the test. You know what that reminds me of? The time I almost cut my toe off with a hatchet. Oh, what's that you'd like to see? I bet. I bet you would, but first, let's talk about premarital sex or whatever. You know, when you have, when you commit premarital sex, it's a lot like you're cutting off a part of your body that you can't get back.

Now, luckily, I didn't go all the way with my toe. Get back. Now luckily, I didn't go all the way with my toe. I stopped at third base. You'll have a lot more than a scar if you commit pre-marital sex. That scar's gonna be on your soul when you get to heaven. Sorry, where? Heaven.

That's where Mr. Bean goes when he dies. I don't care how. He goes to hell. I know Mr. Bean goes to hell for sure. I don't care if you figure out a way to bring it up in conversation. You can sell this story to me however you like. I am not, I repeat, not going to look at your toe

You could you can make a trailer for this story. You could do a fashion shoot for the toe you could Buy a cameo for me from the toe. I'm not gonna look at no way no how no Thank you unless the scar spells something out Their name What'd you say your name was Michael? You're never gonna believe this shit. I Almost cut my toe off in the shape of your name. You gotta check this shit out Cut your toe off with a hatchet! It shouldn't be in there! Were you barefoot?

We're not gonna get the answer to this. Can you text someone a picture of your big toe scar and then immediately follow up with, oops, wrong person. Please delete. I thought Griffin meant to like our organization, which we, I don't think that. No, fuck, no.

Can't be more explicit. We don't want to see your toes. And it's not because of the scar. That's just a general rule we have about toes. Don't want to see no toes. No toes. Here's what you do. Are you ready?

You go to the people who are most important to you in your life. You tell them, hey, listen, if I ever get in a horrible accident and you have to identify my body without my head on it, I need you to see this scar. If I get too crazy with the hatchet again! Listen, that hatchet's out to get me. Sometimes I see it in dark alleys following me around.

If that hatchet ever gets me, I want you to be able to identify the wound. Griffin, I'm so mad, man, because Travis has had one of the best ideas I've ever heard. And you cheapened it into a joke. Travis had such a great solution to this problem. I can't believe you turned that into something as puerile as a goof. Travis just solved this one, Griffin. We should take a moment to recognize it. You're right.

I can't tell if you're serious or not. I'm not used to this kind of feedback. No. I guess I assumed that any suggestion we gave that had anything to do with when you talk to your friends and family about your death, that it wouldn't actually be on the level. But I apologize for misreading the situation. Yeah.

Speaking of, have I told you guys about when I die, what I want? How are we gonna identify Travis? Probably from his many tattoos, I would guess, as a starting point. That can be faked. I need you to look inside, I've swallowed a series of objects. The order is important.

One of them is a key, but it's not the one you think is a key. I'll show you the diagram backstage. It's color coded, that matters. Okay. I'm not gonna hold your butt up to a candle, Travis, no matter what you say. God damn it, Justin, it's in my will,

so you legally have to. Legally, we have to hold his butt up to it. I begrudge it. We need to carbon date some of the items. Sure, thank you, we will. I begrudgingly lift weights twice a week in a trendy, we'll say color themed gym sometimes my annoyance slips through my world my filter and I'll mutter things out loud like

Sorry girls fuck this shit and I could be eating a doughnut and watching indoor right now My spouse needed a minor procedure recently and the surgeon told me in the post-op that he recognized me from the gym. I can't stop thinking about what he might have heard me say, brothers, how do I stop blurting out complaints when I'm pumping iron? That's from please don't spot me in Columbus, but are you here? It's orange theory, right? Why are you worried about orange theory coming for you? No, they'll kick you right the fuck out. Really? If they, oh, they'll, oh man. The Orange Theory does not listen to our show.

That's where the splats come from, dude. It's from people who got out of line. They get splatted. They get turned into splats. Oh, splats are people. Splats is, Orange Splats are people. You gotta cuss to get strong. Yeah.

Cussing is strength entering the body. When you let the profanity out, you're making room for the power of the weights. There was a scientific study wasn't there recently. Yeah. That if you curse, it makes you strong. That's true, yeah. Scientists did this, oh, you remember,

and there was something in all the journals, and if Scientists did this, you remember, and it was only in all the journals, and if you did something that you cursed, it would make you more powerful very briefly. Yeah. Are you talking about the brainchild episode that our children watched yesterday on Netflix Kids? Yes, I believe I am talking about that data, yes, Travis. There's been some research where cursing

would make you strong, I believe. I don't get why more, I also go to the gym. I know. And I don't get why everyone isn't cussing. I'd feel so... No one... Listen, even if you feel good after the gym, even if you feel good about how much it hurts to do the gym, no one fucking likes it. Yeah. Right? If I said to any strong person who goes to the gym

and works out all the time, you could look like this and feel like this without having to do it, they would do that. So why isn't everyone like, fuck this, constantly while they're doing it? I'd look around and be like, yeah man, I agree. I get this. Is this an opportunity for us to open the world's first nasty, R-rated, but only for language, gym. And you can climb on shit. You can climb on whatever the fuck you want to. Climb on anything you want, ride on anything.

And no one's allowed to slam the weights down when they're done. Those are the three things. And everybody has their own machine. That they bring from home. Home. And they do it outside because we couldn't pay rent this month. And I have been thinking about there's a gym that I see in Cincinnati all the time called House of Pain. Fucking, yeah man.

I want to open a bakery right next to it called House of Pan. That's convenient too because you wail on the pecs and then a little treat after that. Yeah, a treat for the peck wailing. Do yourself a croissant. You fucking earned it. Yeah. Because that shit sucks. It sucks so bad.

That's why I had to give it up, man. It was too bad for my walk with Christ. That's why I can't work out anymore. I curse so much and like all the weights I left in the world, if I get strong like that, I still can't be really, truly strong. Sure. truly strong if I'm, there's a lot of distance. You're not strong enough to carry the weight of the sins. You know what I mean? The walk with Christ is purely an aerobic workout.

There is no strength. That's the problem. And sometimes he has to carry you. You can't even, like, no matter how much you walk, you can't keep doing it forever. Do you see where there was one set of footprints? That's where you had no gains. Yeah. They never mention in that thing how disappointed Jesus sounds in that moment

where he's like, that's where I carried you. Fuck Jeremy, really? We've been walking for 10 fucking minutes, man. What gives, dude? The hotel's right there. I told you, don't wear those shoes to the beach. I'm gonna end up carrying you. carrying you think with that person finished footsteps They were like there it is the funniest thing anyone's ever done

There's the there's the setup let the punch lines roll in It is the first half of the greatest joke in the world. You can pull it at any point and it still kills. Hi everybody, it's us, the McRoy brothers. What's up? Yay, Justin here. Oh, okay. You know what really brings the McRoy brothers together? Ad reads. Ad reads. Ad reads.

Money. Squarespace is what I was going to say. If it weren't for Squarespace, I'm not sure I would be talking to my brothers as often as I do to be honest with you. Well, that's the power of beautifully designed and easy to set up websites. That's right. That's what brings the McRoy brothers together. If there's one thing we can agree on, it's website design.

A lot of people forget that My Brother, My Brother, Me, the podcast was spun off from nbmbam agree on, it's website design. A lot of people forget that, my brother, my brother, me, the podcast was sped off from mbmbam.com, the website. True, true. So we, that's what we had to start somewhere. And you know, we agree on Squarespace because Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. They have cutting edge design,

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Griffin, what's that idea? Well, I'm not gonna say it here because someone will snatch it up. And that's why I did want to say if you're a listener of our show and you have idea for a website, I'm gonna find out, I'm gonna snatch it up before you get to it.

So you better use Squarespace fast. Yeah, you better hurry. Head to squarespace.com slash mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother or one word to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Subscriptions are like a little burglar who comes to your house every month

so that you can continue watching your programs, getting your creams, whatever you're subscribed to. You're enjoying this stuff, but if there is a little burglar, sometimes you stop using the creams, that burglar still comes unless you kill him. Rocket money will kill the burglar for you. It's- It's a metaphor that burglar still comes unless you kill him rocket money will kill the burglar for you This is in the ad copy it says rocket money will kill the burglar for you rocket money

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That's a lot of burglar cruxuses piling up. Sure is. These things are stacking like cordwood. Thank you so much for this. Every time I use Rocket Money, it always catches some stuff in the drag net to step away from the burglar murder metaphor for just a moment. And it is just a nationwide manhunt.

We will come right back to it, but it always grabs stuff. And I always save a bunch of money. And Rocket Money can help you do that also and help you meet your financial goals and other stuff in the process. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name, my brother, my brother and me in the survey so they know I sent you. Don't wait.

Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about it from my show. And a quick couple announcements for everybody. Thank you so much to everyone who came out to see us in Columbus. The shows are great. It was super fun. Thank you for having us. Next up, we're going to be in Anaheim doing Dadlands and My Brother, My Brother and Me, and then in Sacramento doing My Brother, My Brother and Me. And later we're coming to Texas, Georgia, and Utah. All TAS shows this year will be Taz versus,

except for the Anaheim Dadland show. So tickets for all those shows are on sale now. More info and ticket links available at bit.ly slash McElroy Tours. And go check out the merch over the McElroy merch store, McElroymerch.com. There's a new 20th Thunder Drive pin. There's a Monster Factory sticker set

Thanks for vibing and keeping it tight tees are back in stock Whoo, 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the transgender law center. Thank you Montaigne whose new album it's hard to be a fish is out now fucking rips. I was listening to it this morning It's so good. Also, I just announced I'm writing a choose your own adventure book It comes out next March. He hasn't signed any deals to do it, but he's trying to use the power of visualization to get it in the universe. I wrote it in a little envelope,

and I put it in a balloon, and I let it go into the sky. But it is real, and it comes out in March. It's called The Stowaway, and you can pre-order it now at bit.ly slash Griffin Stowaway, and it would be very helpful if you do that. Books can be great. Enjoy the rest of the episode.

Sorry Justin just burped, and we will- I was clearing my third actually. And we will be back with another episode next week, bye. Bye. We are going to turn things over to you all now. We're gonna call some folks down to this microphone. If we can get a light up on this microphone here at stage center, right down this center aisle.

When you come down to the microphone, if you wanna tell us your name, your pronouns, if you would like, and tell us what your question is. And we will do our best to do the thing that we do. Hi, how's it going? Oh, it's lit from below, dramatically. Whoa! Okay.

This is wild, yeah, I love it. Okay, Okay. This is wild. Yeah, I love it. Okay, hi. Hi, I'm Meredith P. Hi, Meredith P. Hello. She, her. Hi, Meredith.

What is your question? So my neighbors, they put this garden gnome out by the curb like that it was trash and it was really cute. And so I really wanted to take it and display it in my own yard. But then they would probably see that I had displayed it and been like, why did you take our trash and display it? So I was wondering like, what, how could I do that? Take a trash gnome and make it different,

unrecognizable enough to your neighbors that you wouldn't get clocked on it? Yeah. Can I answer your question with a question? Yeah. Different, unrecognizable enough to your neighbors that you wouldn't get clocked on it? Yeah. Can I answer your question with a question? Yeah. Isn't it wild that there is a section of yard that someone can put a lawn gnome in and you're like, that's not decoration anymore, it's trash.

Where if it had been like four feet further back, you'd be like, that's not free. That's someone's beloved family heirloom. And then it's up there and you're like, I could take that and they won't care. Yeah. What would you say to a Sharpie mustache? Ooh, incognito.

Incognito. I think it's gonna need to be more than that. You're gonna need to rub in to your neighbor how bad they fucked up by not taking better care of this gnome. You're gonna need to set them up with their own little rec room area in your front yard. With like footprints going from where they left it

to your yard. With a note, a note at the start of the footprints that says, I'm way happier now. And see if you can make it bigger and stronger. Maybe like some paper mache muscles and abs. Or it's like, if you had taken better care of me, I could have been bringing this. Since I got with Meredith, I've been taking way better care of me, I could have been bringing this. Since I got with Meredith,

I've been taking way better care of myself. This is my revenge bodge. Meredith, what I would ask of you is that it doesn't so much matter how you get this gnome over into your yard from their trash, but here's what I'm gonna ask. The next time they put something out in the trash, I do need you to go over and put that in your yard too.

So if they leave an exercise back out there, I need you to go get the bike and put it in your yard, put some flowers on it or something, be like, hell yeah. And then move the gnome one yard over to your other neighbor's yard. Keep throwing stuff away, idiot. I'm gonna keep taking it. And then eventually loop it back around down the street, back to their yard.

Now it's a closed loop. Yeah. This is Meredith. That's how we build neighborhoods. Yeah. Does that help, Meredith? Yes, that sounds like a great plan. Thank you so much, Meredith.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, hello, hi. Hi, I'm Katie H. I had a question last time I saw you live about hot air balloons. You had a question last time you were on the live episode

of Mbim Bim here in Columbus. Can you give a brief primer to the folks who were not at that show? Yeah, so every year I've lived in my home, a hot air balloon has landed, crashed, or tried to land in my yard. Right. I'll be honest, Katie, a lot of the questions

kind of run together in my mind when I saw this one. I was like, oh yeah, I fucking remember that Now to be fair last last time we talked about this we determined that Katie needed to stop putting out the hot air balloon feeders That were attracting though. Sure so what's what's the update so I took your advice and I bought a cactus and Fuck that's good. Yeah, we nailed it, man. That's funny. Good job, us. Good joke. I haven't had a hot air balloon land in my yard this year

and that is the first time in the five, almost six years I've lived there. It's June. Okay. Are we like... The McElroy system works. Wait, calendar year, fiscal year or what? Yeah, how do you measure the year in hot air ballooning?

It's been a year. How do you measure, measure a year in hot air ballooning? It's very useful. How do you measure, measure a year in hot air balloon? Okay, so no balloons, I'm excited for you. So what's your question now? I kind of miss them, how do I get them to come back? Listen, I can't believe you didn't see that coming. How many movies have you watched where someone has become burdened by say,

a lot of penguins? And they're like, I wanna get rid of these penguins. These penguins are a burden. And by the end of the movie, they get rid of the penguins. And they're like, fuck man, you know what? I miss those penguins. Mr. Popper was like, how am I supposed to jerk off around here with all these penguins running around? How am I supposed to pop off?

That's what he calls it. That's what he calls it. Thank you. Yeah, absolutely. Did you get rid of the cactus? No. Well, Katie. There's a clear causal connection between you getting the cactus and the hot air balloons

not crashing and landing in your front yard anymore. That seems like a pretty good first step. Here's what's going to happen, you get rid of the cactus. A little baby hot air balloon is gonna come up and you're gonna have to earn their trust. But then all the big hot air balloons are gonna see that that baby hot air balloon has a great, I'm still fucking thinking about birds.

Yeah, different. Thinking about birds, nevermind. Have you seen the balloon land at other houses near your house? Oh God, like your neighbors? Yes. You're fucking kidding me, Katie! Katie, I'm going to tell you something, Katie.

I had a joke written in my head for when you said no. And what you did was you said yes. I said I have no, I mean, I don't, that's better. We can make jokes about that, Katie. Don't feel bad. It's just, it surprised us. It was very surprising. Was there a look on the hot air balloon pilot's face

where they went, mm, what now? Or did they look at you kind of side, like, mm. You could have had this, but you were playing. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Have you thought about giving the cacti to your neighbor as a gift? And then all of a sudden they're the asshole, not you. Not to say, I mean, you know. No, he's saying you're an asshole.

Not like that, okay? Not like Travis meant it, but does that help? You said it! Can you put out a big basket of snacks that says for hot air balloon pilots only? Wait, hold on. How do they feel about seeing a basket in the yard already? Dude, no, it's not in the yard.

You float the basket, man. Think about that. You put a bunch of smaller balloons on the basket, you float it up, and you're like, free snacks. Of course they're gonna land there. Yes, turn your house into a up house. Thank you. Do a up house.

Now you're like an airlock for hot air balloons. Make it so they have to crash in your yard. Because your yard is the skylight. Although I got to warn you, Katie, if you turn your house into an up house, you may just start telling those other balloon guys to eat your dookie. Because you've got the greatest feat of ballooning, a home that flies.

Also, Katie, with a harpoon gun and some serious training, you can make any goddamn hot air balloon land in your yard that you want to. Katie, does that help? Thank you, Katie. You did great. That's what it looks like, OK? It's pretty creepy.

Hello. You're not creepy, Katie. You can still see her to this day. It's the lighting, Katie. It's not you. Hello. It's not you, Katie. It's the lighting her to this day. It's the lighting, Katie. It's not you. Hello. It's not you, Katie.

It's the lighting. Hi. I don't think we've ever brought two people up to the microphone at the same time. I assume you're Christina and Dylan. Yes. I want to start with Christina. Christina, if I may just sort of,

I'll read Christina's question, which we saw first, and then about an hour later, we saw this question from Dylan. So we'll start with Christina. Do you mind if I read your question? Okay. How do I respectfully ensure that at least three guests decline my wedding invitation so I can invite ketchup, relish, and most importantly,

mustard the Cleveland Guardians hot dog racers? Followed by Dylan an hour later, how do I convince my fiance to finally give up her life ruiningruining obsession with the Cleveland running hot dogs? And can I tell you, Griffin, one of the things that strikes me right away that I love? Yeah.

That Dylan's like, those Cleveland running hot dogs. And Christina's like, the Cleveland guardian racers. They have names. Ketchup, relish, and mustard. First of all, I'm glad that you two are engaged to each other and this was not too completely separate. That was my brother's legitimate concern. I was like, we should call them down together.

And Griffin was like, what if they're not the same couple? And I was like, Griffin, if that happens, it will be the best podcast anybody's ever done. Okay, Christina, can you give us some background for starters on this fascination that you have with these hot dog racers? That's a pretty loaded question. Just like these hot dogs, am I right?

So I don't know anything about them. So you gotta sell me a little bit. Yeah, so they're the best part of the baseball game if you don't really care about sports that much. Agreed. Big coffee out, but go on. So, you know, if you don't care about anything else that happens, if you don't really care about sports that much. Agreed. A big caveat, but go on. Yeah. So. You know, if you don't care about anything else that

happens, if you keep me from hearing about these hot dogs anymore, Travis, I swan a John. So yeah, at like the sixth inning or whatever, they race. Mustard's the best one. They have a big social media presence. But that can't be true. Well, because ketchup is always going to get there. I think it's a personal preference.

I don't think- Because its name is fucking Ketchup. Yeah, we got that. That was good, but- Mustard is the most athletic hot dog, and you can't change that, man. So- That's objective. So, let's get the counterpoint on that real quick.

Yeah, Dylan. Well, Dylan, what do you think of these hot dogs? And how seriously have they been- Do they run, or is it like- are they ambul what do you think of these hot dogs? And how seriously have they been? Do they run? Or is it like, are they ambulatory? They're ambulatory hot dogs. They're not even just ambulatory. They full on knock each other over.

They're rowdy. Oh, that's why you don't want them at the wedding is because they might fight each other at the wedding? They're built for speed. And they don't need that drama. That's K-fame, Dylan. That's not real. In real life, they all hang out.

I will agree with Travis here that if the these three hot dog mascots come to your wedding They'll probably be on good behavior Absolutely not if they go they're going with their social media director is gonna be film or the whole thing They're gonna be put their hands in the chocolate fountains or whatever It's there they're gonna be turn the whole thing you know Hulk or Fuffle Christina is that part of the reason you want them there is to make a big messy chocolate mess you think They're gonna be turning the whole thing into a hulker-fuffle. Christina, is that part of the reason you want them there? It's to make a big messy chocolate mess. You think it's gonna be messy?

I didn't want to like advertise that part, but yeah, kind of. Yeah! You want some mischief, I understand. This feels like a moment where a couples therapist will be like, so why do you think you need the hot dogs there? Do you need the hot dogs there, Christina? Cause I got the sense that it was just, you thought it would be fun and cool.

I think, I think I might need them. Dylan, can you tell me the conversation that led up to, okay, okay, here's the deal. If three people cancel, yeah, then at that point, I will consent to inviting your hot dogs. Is that where it should be? Are they soft? Maybe? Yeah.

Where are we at? And also, where do you place them on the dinner? Not at the same table. No, never. Yeah. This is the other issue I have. We're serving Italian sausage and peppers. OK.

Yeah, that's fucked up. Very problematic. You're worried about that moment where they push the playback and they're like, the fuck? I thank you, I have some crackers in the car. Christina, are you- I'll be fine, thanks. All right, Christina, are you thinking

that they would be more involved in the ceremony or the reception? I mean, like if one offered to officiate, I wouldn't say no to that. Which, mustard? Yeah, especially mustard. What if Relish was like, don't worry, I got you, Christina.

Would you be like, oh. I'd maybe politely decline, respectfully. Yeah. Are you worried about it being a real sausage party? Travis, I mean, we get invited to weddings quite a bit. I will warn you, though, if we ever make good on one of those, we are making that wedding about us. Do you understand?

And I think these hot dogs are going to do precisely that. This is no longer your wedding, you're a guest. If one of those hot dogs doesn't object, that's what you want. Can I just say, if I was at a wedding and it's one of those where it's like, oh, there's a friend of a friend, I got brought, you know, as a guest.

And in the middle of it, someone in a big hot dog mascot costume showed up and just yelled, I got brought, you know, as a guest. And in the middle of it, someone in a big hot dog mascot costume showed up and just yelled, I am Jack! I'm like, fuck, this is the best thing that's ever happened in my whole life. I have two children, this is the most excited I've ever been. Now, I will say, if you, there they are. I got it, no.

Oh, they're people, okay, so they're not, hold on. Wait, hold on, is that ketchup, ketchup mustard and mayonnaise. What's happening? Is the middle one relish that's not relish. I mean it is hot dog relish. Why are we yelling? Um, okay, we're so excited about these beautiful. Can we make I don't I didn't realize there are people in costumes Okay, so that actually that makes a lot more sense No, wait, hold on Justin speak on that. What did you think? I just didn't know I mean, I've never seen them before Okay, okay, but if they weren't people in costumes, then what did you think? What's gonna show up to the wedding? I thought they were like animated

So you thought when Christina was saying I want to invite them to the way was a Roger Rabbit kind of fucking deal I want to get in touch with the animators of the three hot dogs to get them to make a special movie. It might be like they do some cell overlays. In my defense, I found a lot of the previous conversation confusing. So yeah, there were some holes. I was spotting the holes too, man. That's all the problems. I think you could probably swing this. It will be the only thing people talk about at your wedding,

which is maybe cool, like maybe fun, maybe what you want. But they're going to make it about them. Don't plan anything else. Yeah, you won't get to. Don't worry about that. If you can lock down these mascot characters, don't feel like your vows have to be good or whatever. Especially if you say, if mustard wins,

the groom's side, free hot dogs. Mustard, the ketchup, mustard wins, the groom's side, free hot dogs, mustard, the ketchup, that's for the bride's side. If relish wins, this whole thing's off. Yeah. If relish wins, we all fucking walk, man. It wasn't meant to be. Does that help? Yeah.

Okay, thank you so much. I feel like we didn't help Dylan a lot there. Sorry, Dylan. He'll figure it out. Hey Dylan, Christina's right. Yeah. Hey, Dylan, if the hot dogs come to your wedding, you should consider yourself very lucky. I think it's going to be quite an event.

Yeah. Thank you both so much. Thank you. Good luck with everything. Let us know how it turns out. I believe we have one more question. Maybe hello. Yes.

Hi, how's it going? Come on up. Hi, I'm Niall. Hi, on down. Hi, how's it going? Come on up. Hi, I'm Niall Eham. Hi Niall. Hi Niall. What's your question? So I spent five years in the Navy attached to a submarine crew,

but because submarines are so weird culturally, no one really knows what to think when they hear that. They think like the submarine that crunched up those rich guys or whatever. Yeah, Nile, probably. I don't think about that as a submarine, Nile. When I picture a submarine, I don't think you know that term. I think about it when I'm having a bad day.

So, so, so, yeah, man. What's the... So what's your question now? How can we help? So when people ask questions, a lot of the times they'll ask for stories, but there aren't really fun stories? Fun submarine stories. Yeah, it's a very bad place to be. Let Nile finish the question please. It's a very bad place to be just in general.

It is purely voluntary. If you as a service member decide you are done doing it, they just let you go. Okay, no way. Fuck, that's not true, because if you're there in the submarine under the water and you say, I want out, they don't let you out. They know how to take you home, right? They don't turn around and drop you off. Well, you're going to have to wait, well, you're gonna have to wait. Tommy, it's like. You gotta call an A, if that happens to A. Blow the torpedo too.

A, if that, Niall, if that happens, do you gotta call a scooper? Fuck you, everyone who didn't laugh. That was the best joke I'm gonna tell tonight. So Niall, your question is, how do you talk more interesting about being on a submarine? I gotta say Niall, you can do a lot worse than that, fact-toyed about it's one of the few jobs

in the military you can quit. And you just, and then they go, I get it. Yeah, and then you're like, but me, I kept doing it. That's pretty good, Niall. I can say it's not a bad starter. Niall, what's the smell like? It smells like refrigerant and when you come back at the end of a patrol you smell like refrigerant. For how long? Two to three months. Okay. Do you think about what to do with your trash a lot or do you burn it in the engine? There's a whole system for canning it and...

For canning the trash? Yeah. Nile, Nile. Do you see how the three of us are on the edge of our fucking seats right now? Now you've been hiding your light under a bushel. You're now the number one person I want to encounter at a party.

I will talk to you for three hours. Yes. And it seems boring to you because you did it every day. Right. You were in a tube in the ocean for a long time. I want to know everything. How many Krakens did you find? You know how, when you leave a service,

they give you a hat with whatever the most interesting thing you did on it is, and then for the old man to wear at the store for you to tell him thank you for your service in this. You should see if they'll give you to you early. Like go ahead and give you your hat so you could be like submarine guy. And you'll be like, yeah, tell me more.

I would love to hear more about that. Yeah, I smell like a refrigerator because I'm an American hero and you should be embarrassed for asking. I could have quit, but I didn't. Ask me more. I've been underwater for but I didn't. Ask me more. I've been underwater for the last five years. What did I miss?

That's pretty good. Hey, Niall, Niall, that's what you should do. Don't tell him about your thing. Just ask a bunch of questions about what's been happening up here. Yeah. Wait, you guys weren't allowed to see anyone else too for a long time? That's wild. That's wild, man.

So it's a Barbie movie, but people were into it? That's crazy. That's weird. Wait, Oppenheimer and Barbie at the same time? Fuck, man, what a media experience. Nile, does that help, my friend? Yes, thank you so much, guys. Thank you, Nile.

You should feel very proud. Thank you. Hey, y'all, Columbus, this has been so much fun. Thank you so much for having us to your beautiful city. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, we truly do love it here. We have a lot of fond memories here in Columbus. And thank you to this beautiful venue for having us.

It fucking rules. It's been a- Beautiful Temple Live. Thank you so much. It's been wonderful to just wander around backstage. It's, I very rudely asked as we were looking for a room to do a little bit of prep in, I was like, oh, is this room gonna be creepy? And a staff member backstage heard me and said,

oh, I'll show you the creepy room. And then, not a joke, I just sort of walked into a room with the two of you and was like, we're good, and shut the door, because I was genuinely kind of scared. What the heck? I missed out on seeing the creepy room? Yeah. We'll see it afterwards.

We don't need that energy. Also, my son was asking about this building, and I said, yeah, it used to be a Masonic temple. And he said, this is your Sonic temple? Yeah. Our kids are funnier than we will ever be. Really good. My son. God damn.

We're not going to top that. We want to say thank you to Matt Evine, who did our beautiful, beautiful poster. We signed some of them. You can get them out in the lobby. I believe. Do we have the challenge coin here in Colette? Beautiful, beautiful poster. We signed some of them. You can get them out in the lobby. I believe, do we have the challenge coin here in Colette? Yes, we do. And it's being, all proceeds are being donated

to the Mid-Ohio Food Collective for the Paul Sabour Memorial Camp Food Drive. For the old heads who prefer 20 tummy drive. Tummy, no. It sucks and that's why we didn't do it. Thank you to Montane for the Ysera theme song, My Life Is Better with You. Montaigne has a new album out this week

that you should absolutely go and check out. We're very, very glad that we were able to use one of Montaigne's songs. We should also mention we're gonna be at Origins Game Fair this weekend. If you weren't already planning to come see us, come see us there. Also, we're gonna be back here tomorrow night

doing Adventure Zone versus Midsummer. All right, it's gonna be an absolutely wild time. Make sure you come back for that. Thank you to Rachel and Paul and Amanda for, and our dad, Clint McRoy, everyone. And Sawbones. And Sawbones for opening everyone who made this show possible.

I have one fear I would like to read that was submitted by our friends in the audience And this is the fear that they intend to be faster than this very special year This year I will be faster than the fear of my pet bird Flying into an actively flushing toilet and getting swept out to sea I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. My brother, my brother makes his your dad square on the lips. My life, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah