My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 769: The Good Time McElroy Hang Time

Episode Date: June 30, 2025

Set your calendar back three to five minutes for a show about giving advice . . . to ourselves? We're learning how to eat lollipops non-seductively, order pizza for adults, and how to do a stealth Stamps advertisement.Suggested talking points: What if a Buttcheek Comes Out, Pluck Out the Energy, One Bigger Ladder, MOPS: Mushroom, Onion, Pepperoni, SausageImmigrant Defenders Law Center: https://www.immdef.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed It's ripened into a precious friendship I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach

My life, it feels like My life, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with you This is true, ah ah ah It's better, it's better with two My life, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,Elroy. What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30,

media luminary, built for Tuff Griffin McElroy. Hot out there today. Little, it's a scorcher. Hot out there, real hot in Ohio. In Ohio, it's hot, and can I tell you boys, boys, I looked up, why is it hot in Ohio? And let me tell you, I expected- Sorry, hold on, can we pause? Because when you look up the weather for a place you are,

do you look up why it's hot in Ohio? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, I looked up the weather and we're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave, and I said, this is unnatural. And can I tell you guys, because I pay attention to the capital T, capital S. The science, but I pay attention to the science. Yeah.

And I assumed. It was the first day of summer. I mean, summer had begun. I assumed when I looked up why it was hot in Ohio, they would be like, is climate change, my dude? But I looked it up and it said, there's a heat dome. Okay. And I thought about that and I thought, watches the watchman who's checking these?

Meteorologists to be like I don't think that just say you don't know. Yeah I don't know I think a Outspoken skepticism of the scientific community is exactly what those guys have fucking now Oh, no, no, I heard that the the big man in charge fired But all the good Meteorologists and he left only the woods that were truly loyal and this motherfucker this motherfucker loves domes He's like always talking about them. Maybe we just got like eight or nine meteorologists left there like I don't know Guess it's like a bubble of hot

So right here. I've drawn kind of a half circle and in there it's real hot. So hot, I don't know. Hot dome? I simply can't get over it was a hot day on the day of the summer solstice and you felt compelled to get on a search engine of some sort. The day after West Virginia Day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's real hot.

No, it wasn't just hot, it was like a hundred degrees. But you went, but the question your mind jumped to, when that happens to me, typically I'm like, oh God, slushy me baby, cause I've got to go get a slushy to try and stay cool. I don't think, I don't think, why is it hot? Cause it's- I guess I have an inquisitive, curious mind

that looks for answers and wants to know more I don't think why is it hot? I guess I have an inquisitive, curious mind that looks for answers and wants to know more about the world around him instead of just accepting that things are the way that they are and drinking a fucking slushie. Okay. Okay. Sounded judgy.

No, sorry, you guys get to come at me for my beautiful inquisitive mind and I start questioning your slushie practices and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy? It's just mine is practical in a way. I don't need to know why it's hot. I'm not gonna- Knowledge is power. Knowledge is power. So you're gonna go out in your helicopter and smash this heat dome apart. If you fly through the perimeter of it enough times, you'll bust it.

You'll bust that dome wide open. I haven't even tried to go through it, Griffin. I don't even know if it's permeable. Can I give you guys this? Knowledge is power, but curiosity is a burden. That's cool. Fuck, dude. So you just have to wait for the knowledge

to naturally flow into your face? No, I'm just saying like, let go of curiosity. Yeah, because sometimes you are curious and you don't get the knowledge from that. And so there is no power gained whatsoever. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna put together a team like the planeteers, the Captain Planet planeteers,

where each of us has a specific but deep vein of knowledge about a thing. We don't have to know everything. I just need to know about weather, and they know about politics, and they know about animals, and together we'll compete on the trivia circuit. You think you-

You're talking about Beat the Geek. Fuck, you're right. Shit. It's been done. We gotta stop inventing Beat the Geeks, guys. Yeah, it's a really good format. No argument here, it's really good. It's just all roads lead back there at some point, you know?

Guys, I wanted to briefly apologize to you for being three to five minutes late for this recording. Thank you. And I was thinking about it when I was trying to get up the nerve to get on the call. You do that? Well, I don't know. Are you afraid of us?

No, I was just like, do it. This is kind of what I wanted to talk about. I was thinking about how I've been three to five minutes late for everything that we've ever done professionally. To an extent where like, I mean, like people usually have to say like, are you coming to this or whatever. And I was thinking about it when I was between three and five minutes late to this meeting.

And I was thinking that, my suspicion is, I want to explore with you guys if you have- I would love to unpack this in the middle of the show. I have three to five minutes. Yeah, absolutely. No, okay, my suspicion is that the problem may be me and not that there have been an unbroken sequence of unavoidable events.

Three to five minute long inconveniences. Three to five minute long events that have prohibited me or prevented me from joining calls at the appropriate time. As I was between three and five minutes late for this call, for like completing my unbroken streak of like a decade and a half of being three to five minutes late for this call for completing my unbroken streak of like a decade and a half of being three and five minutes late for literally everything we've ever done. Can I, Justin, may I?

Not to let you off the hook here. Yeah, please, because I am just now starting to worry that what if it's me and if it's me, I need help from the outside. It's not a sequence of events, Justin, because then the time would keep compiling. What I would hypothesize is that a decade and a half ago, some event occurred that set your calendar back

three to five minutes. And since then, you have been three to five minutes behind on everything. I'm glad that this is not tied to trauma. I was really worried you were gonna tell me that. At some point, something bad happened to me at 10.02 and I've just been like kind of dicey about those. Trauma's not real.

What I'm saying is- The odds make me a little bit nervous. Trauma's made up to sell toys. What I'm saying is- Yeah! Wow. What a twist. No, what I'm saying is that 15 years ago, you paused too long before doing the next thing you were supposed to do and now you're just fucked

for the rest of your life, you'll never make that up. I consider myself, I think of myself as considerate person. Sure. At large, I like to think of myself as considerate. Yeah. And if I'm late to a thing that I'm driving to, I'm very much on edge. I really wanna get there on time if I'm driving to it.

No problem. You're punctual in person, but when you're punctual. In cyberspace, there's a little bit of maybe input lag. That's almost like another bit of evidence that maybe I am the problem, because it doesn't seem, this natural occurrence, chaos effect thing that's keeping me from ever getting to anything between three and five minutes within the time,

I think maybe is because it doesn't affect me in the outside world, maybe it is an interior issue. Are you using a VPN? Cause some people find that can- It could be a VPN issue that takes in three to five minutes to get right. That can do it. It can affect connection speeds. It's a high ping kind of thing.

Is it like, time zones being a thing, maybe you're just in a slightly different time zone than us. Yeah, it's rudeness standard time. I think that you should try being 10 minutes early to stuff for a while. Can you guys even imagine how good that would feel to just be like chilling for 10

and you get to like really get yourself together and put- I'm always the first person on the call. Yeah, but are you, this isn't about you. This is about our constantly tardy brother who- So there's one of two things that's gonna happen. If I'm 10 minutes early to the call, thing one is I will turn it on, start the call, and I will obviously forget that I'm 10 minutes early to the call, thing one is, I will turn it on, start the call, and I will obviously forget that I'm on the call.

This is a given, because I will start to think about if I still remember the names of all the presidents in order, and I'll have to go see if I do, right? So obviously, that's tough. Or you'll look up why it's hot or something, and then go find, yeah. So one of the two things I'm gonna have, I'm gonna close it and do something else

That's been pretty consistent or two. Wait. Why would you close it and why is it open? I mean? Why did I have? You're making the Fleeting thought hmm desktops getting messy I close everything and I go make a sandwich and there's no it's 10 minutes early This is not me saying that Justin would do something like this, but you can't leave a camera just on in your room because what if a butt cheat comes out? What if a nut comes out?

Well, my bigger worry, Justin, would be that if you started being 10 minutes early, Griffin and I would then match it, right? So then you'd have to be 10 minutes earlier so that you were still 10 minutes before the call. And then Griffin and I would eventually match that as well as we fall into the sink. And eventually we're recording three days early.

You know what I mean? What I think is crazy is that I have noticed this and you guys, who it has been inconveniencing for 15 years, you guys never noticed it. That is what is most surprising in this conversation. Oh, okay. Okay, I could search. I'm surprised is what is most surprising about this conversation. Huh? Okay. I could search.

I could search mine and Travis's. I thought there would be a bit of recognition from you guys like, oh yeah, this is something we've noticed too, but like nothing. So I'm actually, maybe it's not an issue. So this is something I gotta unpack. It's impossible to filter text messages for increasing levels of panic.

If I search mine and Travis's private text message thread, if I just search the phrase, is it getting worse? Do you have any idea how many times this exact conversation would appear? The good news is no, it's just between three to five minutes. It's very consistent actually. I actually, I appreciate that. I appreciate the consistent tardiness

cause it gives me time to be like, I've logged on, it's 9.58, I'm two minutes early, I know I have eight minutes to turn on the Steam Deck, check in, see how things are going with my digital dudes before Justin gets on. Okay, let me ask this. It's like an airlock of focus. I'm thinking through some stuff now because I'm starting to detect some light sarcasm

that makes me think that you have noticed that I've been three to five minutes late for everything. What? No. How many times would I need to- Be a good boy on time for us to forget this? Yeah, how many times? Before I start to get some positive-

One. One. Travis? I feel like we've all been very constructive. Okay. Yeah. You know what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I felt that. Yeah, that was an erosion of trust. Griffin has at least been able to maintain a veneer. Okay. And I need you at least for veneer. Okay. Okay, a Greg veneer. Now, there's it.

It's just, I'm still your older brother. You know what I mean? There's a respect. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a respect there. I've always thought respect. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a respect there. I've always thought it was a dominance play, by the way, to be three to five minutes late

as the king enters the room and everybody stays. That's what worries me. That is what worries me, Trav. That is the secret that's keeping the stars apart is I am worried about that. And I don't want it to be that, but there is a 70% chance. I mean, I don't think it's a power play thing.

I think I know the folds of your mind as well as my hone at this point. And I do think that imagine you have a button on your desk that says begin work on it. You're not gonna spring to press that button. You're gonna look at it and be like, not quite yet, gotta watch, there's a trailer for Megan 2.0,

I gotta just, real quick. It is a new one? Oh.0. I gotta just real clear Fuck Don't tease me. I can't wait for that Queen to slay Are you saying that I'm a procrastinator by nature Griffin? Uh? Yeah, hey, babe. Yeah We've all had a lot of fun here today, but we should be careful. You know there's a lot of glass There's a lot of glass. There's a lot of glass around all of our homes, I think.

Oh, okay. In this neighborhood. It's a weird move to invite sort of constructive criticism and then one second to say, hey, Griff, hey, Griff. Watch it, mister. Hey, Griff, I'm just trying to keep the rails on. Cause if it gets nasty, you know?

Here's the thing about construction, Griffin. No one wants it to get nasty. The thing about construction is if you build a set of stairs, it goes both ways, you know what I mean? Think about it. Griffin has been messing up too. Thank you, Travis. Everyone else has been so early.

When I say middleist, I don't just mean I'm the middle of the three brothers. I mean, I've been keeping it average as long as possible. Fully unspectacular. What if I did start to be kind of the on-time brother? How long do you think it would need to take before? Because this is my thinking, is I don't know if I did start to be kind of the on time brother? How long do you think it would need to take before? Cause this is my thinking is I don't know if I can't. 10,000 hours.

Cause if the problem is me. How many three to five minutes does it take to make 10,000 hours of being on time? That's the worst problem. That's the worst part about realizing that you're the problem is that I'm the only me I got. You know, where do I go from there? Yeah.

I don't have a backup on, if the problem's me. I'm all out of options. This is what we learned from the Michael Keaton movie Multiplicity you know what I mean? Yeah that let him highlight and isolate his faults. He could really see them in those guys exactly So anyways thanks. That's another great episode. Thanks everybody so much for joining us for Brother Talk. The only McRoy brother therapy podcast out there. In closing, I will work on it. Thank you so much. That's all we can ask.

Try to get it to two to three minutes. You can ask. If you can shave it down to two to three minutes, now we're talking, that's 15, 16 hours a year that we're gonna be back up. That's negligible at that point. That's not even like late. If you're two minutes late to something,

that's just a difference in clocks or whatever. You know what I mean? Guys, I've become very self-conscious about how nasty and dirty my boom, my cover is. Yeah, you're doing some ASMR there with tweezers pulling shit off of it. I was saying, I just realized I was trying to discreetly pluck some of the yucky fuzz

and gunk off of my mic cover and stuff. Yeah, and I just, for the record, just because we did just post the TikTok of you chiding me for playing with my stress relieving donut, I will say that you. That's nice though, isn't it? Griffin, this is a mic? No, imagine this is the part of your brain.

A little bit distracting. I managed to not mention it for the record. But you did great. The mic is your brain juice and the fuzz is the thing inside of you that is so wrong that makes you be thoughtless and late. And I just take that energy and I pluck it on out. And now it's good.

Hey Griffin, if you could zoom in on that like a million times so I could see like the fibers going, that's a great TikTok for me. I don't wanna show, here's the thing. I don't wanna show the business end of the mic because it has some lip stuff on it that I am not proud of. What are you doing over there?

Why are both of you monsters? I'm French. Why are thoughtless and late? Like I thought, you know what I mean? Like it's not thoughtless because I've been thinking about it. Thoughtless was too much. Too much, okay. Thoughtless was too much.

Okay, let's keep the respect. You're way older than me. How am the respect. You're way older than me. How am I doing? You're way older than me, so the respect can't be used to be even. Way older. If we're doing a quick check-in, how am I doing? Travis, you're crushing, man. Fucking slapping ass out of your power.

This is the beautiful thing, always give 70%, and then when you give 80%, people are like, whoa, dude, that's been, I've been keeping my jokes so bad, so that when I do an okay one, people lose it. Yeah. And hey, before you send a bunch of helpful tips of how I can get things on time, I'm doing fine. Yeah. It's all good.

We all have a great relationship. We accept our little quirks, it's all good. We need to have a podcast where the three of us just hang and fucking juice each other up Just so some of the backs backseat family dynamic observation people like yeah But on the good time McRoy hang time you can tell that they're still fucking they're all in character and chilling and hanging I thought that's what this was. You thought this was the chill vibe McRoy hang time I don't have these kinds of conversations with people. I don't care for that's a good

That's fair dude. That's fucking you know I don't have I don't have check-ins on my own behavior. I don't think about my own behavior with them They're lucky a little bit of sparkle in and on their shoulder. Yeah for sure dude I mean yeah, you guys are the only ones I care about judging me if that to me it was a Tuesday More people need to watch the Street Fighter movie by the way, cause that's like 90% of our dialogue. Yeah.

And I need you guys to see that in Bison scene. I work at an equine vet, and though it's not part of my normal work routine, I am often asked to make a trip to the post office and shipping store. Whenever this happens, I'm usually also asked to stop by the bank and get change

for our cash box at the front desk. SideBenefitsStamps.com nobody tells you about. If you're not going to do that, Aaron, people don't give you other Aaron. That's true. That's the best part. Think about it. I pull up to the window and I hand the teller an envelope with the money and a little sticky note

with the type of change that we need. Usually while they're counting it, they do it right next to a giant basket of lollipop. Brother, how do I explain to the teller that I want one of these lollipops? Is it weird for a 27-year-old conducting business and exchanging change to want a free lollipop? That's from Suckerless Sucker in the South.

I do feel like, as long as we're in a helpful criticism mode, a lot of the preamble of this question was a bit extraneous. It felt a little bit like you just wanted to brag about the fact that you get to touch horses morning, noon and night. So I just assumed that they were telling us that because they ride up to the bank on a horse.

Okay. That was my assumption. Probably not because you can't stop a horse from just shredding one of those lollipop buckets. I'll also tell you this, man. If I saw, if I'm working in a bank, someone rolls up on a horse, hands me an envelope with a note on it, before I even look at the note,

I assume I'm being held up by an old type. Reach for the sky! Yeah, man. Yeah, for sure, man. Handing any teller a note is such a risky move. Yeah, sure. Of course you can have a lollipop. Yeah, I think it's important to start seeing these things

not as you sort of like indulging yourself because no one is going to look at you as the person you are and think, oh, there they go again having a delicious lollipop. What they're gonna think is, thank you for giving us all permission to enjoy this delicious treat. It's just, there's a big bowl of lollipop. What they're gonna think is, thank you for giving us all permission to enjoy this delicious treat. It's just, there's a big bowl of lollipops.

That rules. And if you can look at that and enjoy the opportunity, the fact that you're already in the mind space of like, ooh, lollipops are delicious, I'd love to enjoy one. You're so close. Just take that next step and grab one. And pass it on. I would also say that who do you think

the lollipops are there for? Business children? Thank you. Who are there to- Hey Griffin, that's actually a pretty good point. Thanks man. Yeah, no, I feel- Kids aren't allowed in banks.

No. They'll steal all the money and get chocolate from the books. These little sugar disks are good for me. Do you understand that? I thought you were talking about kids for a second. Sorry. No, I'm talking about lollipops. These sugar disks come good for me. Do you understand that? I thought you were talking about kids for a second. Sorry. No, I'm talking about lollipops. These sugar disks come on a stick.

They deliver a good taste to my mouth that makes my brain chill for a little bit. The ones at my bank are THC. Like they're not for kids. Regardless, even without that good green herb, if it's just a sugar disk that makes my brain release stuff that makes me feel good, oh, that's medicine now. So you don't get much more grown up than that.

Now there is a bit of a social construct that you need to do here. Where you give kind of a chuckle and like a, oh, as you take one. No. Right? That's what I, you give it a, no way. Not a giggle, but like a, oh, just a little, not that big obviously, I'm showcasing to the people at home there's an audio medium, butiggle, but like a, oh, just a little, not that big, obviously.

I'm showcasing to the people at home there's an audio medium, but a little bit of a don't mind if I do you kind of moment. A little decadence of, no, I feel like- And then you grab a whole handful of them and you throw them in your plastic Jack-o-lantern bucket that you brought with you. If you brought the McDonald's Jack-o-lantern bucket,

you grab a fistful lollipops, you do need to put a little bit of English on the ball. You do need to give it a little bit of mm-mm, special something for later. But if you're just taking, if you're just taking, I am not a confident man. I do not carry myself with confidence, generally speaking. The confidence that I have when I reach

into a lollipop bucket at a host stand at a restaurant or a bank teller window or whatever is so complete and so thorough because there is no other way I will be allowed to grab a lollipop. There is no other way I will be allowed to reach. What's that? Do you grab the first one you touch or do you rifle for the perfect flavor? I grab the first one I touch. I do it in a manner that suggests like this is how a grownup eats a sugar disc.

And it's the only place in which I feel confident that I can do that. Cause if I hedge even a little bit, then all of a sudden it's fucking weird that I'm eating a lollipop and I'm 38 years old. I just worry that I couldn't eat it in a non-seductive way or the teller is gonna get the wrong impression. I don't know how to eat a lollipop in front of someone else that's not gonna arrest me.

Yeah, fair. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know how to turn that off. I'm just worried that I'll grab the first one. I'm like a young Sherrilyn Finn. I don't know how to turn the sensuality. I don't know how to dim my own sexuality. Exactly.

I'm worried that I'll grab the first one I touch, pop it in, and then go like, ew, butterscotch,, ew take it away, ew! And hold it out between my fingers until they hold out the trash can or they hold out their hand and they take it. And then I'll start crying until I find like a blue raspberry and then I feel better.

And they then just start handing me money to try to get me to stop crying. And it's the perfect heist. At the kids' barber shop, where I take my kids to get their hair cut, they give you out a lollipop and a balloon when you're done, and a lot of the times, one of my two boys, my precious angels, do not want the lollipop, they only want the balloon.

But, you know who does want that lollipop? Daddy like you. Daddy does like his medicine, and so I will take one, I'll be like, if I don't take it, he's just gonna lose it in the car later. And then we walk outside and then how many licks? One, two, three, and I'm crunching. You go up to your bank, they have a basket of candy.

What is the candy that would be in the basket? And I'm talking about a typical basket candy. Don't put full-size Wetch McCallis in there. You know what I mean, like a typical basket candy. What is the candy that's in the basket where you are absolutely 100% stone cold definitely gonna get one? No question.

I mean, this is more of a restaurant thing, but Andy's Mints, those are made exclusively for grownups. No child is gonna eat those. Those are for us. So that's a 100%. I feel like you've been trying to get Chupa Chups into an adult brand. I feel like you've been trying to give them more of an adult an adult brand. I feel like you've been trying to give them

more of an adult spin. Like it's something like Kojak has, you know? Yeah, no. I mean, yeah, it's a more refined flavor palette. It is. A Chupa Chup is a lollipop for a lollipop enthusiast. I do love a Chupa Chup. You know the one that I'm always gonna get, guys?

What's that, Juice? That strawberry with the goo inside. The gooey berry, yeah. Love, I love a delicious strawberry bonbon, especially when it's freshly made, at least in the last 20 years, and the goop is still goopy. Oh yeah.

They actually haven't made any of those since 1971, and so there are no under 20s. They're waiting for the supply to run low. When I pop one of those strawberry bonbons into my mouth and I feel those little prickly ridges dance across my tongue, I think, oh yeah daddy's having a break now. You're supposed to take the plastic off Justin, by the way. Daddy's having a break.

I don't even know that I enjoy them, but I'm just compelled to take the little crumbly peppermint kind of like pillows. That kind of thing. Those are the worst. Those are the grossest. Yeah, but every time I see one I went, okay, well yeah, I should. I like the way they crumble in your mouth.

You can't tell how old they are. Like peppermint chalk, it's wonderful. I like the little mint, the little mints you get a spoonful of, you know what I mean? The after dinner mints, the pastel colors. What else you guys like? You like Jordan almonds?

What if they just had loose skittles? Just loose skittles. You reach in and grab a paw. Nothing loose. And then if you take the golden skittle, then they give you $100 from the bank. Just enjoy it. If you're not enjoying your lollipop, what you doing?

Yeah. Fred, that's the whole point, to enjoy those. Over the last winter, a new bodega recently opened up near me. I started going there regularly for my coffee as it's near my apartment and dog friendly. So I go with my pup on a morning walk. I go often enough that the guy who works there sees me coming through the window,

has my order prepared as I walk in. Large hot coffee with a splash of skim milk. Man, that's cool. Yeah. I've always wanted that. wanted to be a regular somewhere I know I know I'm living in a non walkable Cities like I'd have to try with you Five minutes away. The problem is now that it's summer the weather is getting hot

I want to make my annual switch from hot coffee to iced coffee When I get to the counter this nice man has already got my hot coffee ready and waiting for me How do I casually mention to him that I do not want the coffee he has already prepared for me, and I'd like him to throw it out and make me a new drink instead, that's too hot to handle?" So, this is one of those things where it's like on paper, like if an alien analyzed this and had no sense of human behavior, they'd be like, this is a conversation you only have to have once a season. Like what, why? This is extremely difficult.

But it's like, no, no, no, there's so much momentum built up behind it. That's why I can't stand. When we talk about becoming a regular, right? There's a level of trust. Maybe I don't wanna be. Hey guys, maybe I don't wanna be regular. I know, I know.

There's a level of trust and pride there. Yeah. Where the person is like, every time I see them coming and I know what they want and I do it, that's a building of trust and pride there. Yeah. Where the person is like, every time I see them coming and I know what they want and I do it, that's a building block in a relationship. Yeah. And it takes so little.

So the answer, I think, is this is a situation, the good news is you can remedy this with one good go, with one good one, where you can give them the heads up, I want it iced please don't waste the coffee and then for the rest of the summer iced until I say otherwise so all you got to do is not let them see you you're gonna need to create yeah maybe you sketch on the back of a garbage truck and then you just kind of like smash into the front door as quick as you can and just go

ice before they can before they can well don't actually now that I'm thinking on the back of a garbage truck, and then you just kinda like smash in through the front door as quick as you can, and just go ice! Before they can, before they can, well don't actually, now that I'm thinking about it, wicked, wicked, definitely super duper, super duper duper. Super duper duper. Do not do what I just said. Yeah, don't do what Griffin had just said. Under no circumstances do what I said.

The sketching part you can do. The sketching part kicks ass, but you're gonna wanna bust in, and you're gonna wanna be very explicit and say, hey, stop, stop before you do that. And then you explain what your actual work is. What if you go in disguise? Cool.

Both. What if you go in disguise? Sketch in there like an old grandma. The sketching introduced a legal aspect. Safely sketch with all the proper safety equipment like an't like. Okay, safely skitch with all the proper safety equipment, like an old grandma, and then you walk in or skitch in, maybe you can keep the momentum going. If you skitch into the bodega,

the drivers got some splaining to do. No, you wait until they take a turn, and you would slingshot around the moon to get to Mars faster, right? So then you launch in, and you would slingshot around the moon to get to Mars faster. Yeah, yeah. Right? So then you launch in and you're like, whoa, it's me, iced coffee. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That could work. Ooh, you know what? This is where curiosity comes in. You come in and go, oh, not for me today. Didn't you hear about the heat dome? It also helps if you know their name. Right. Because they've already made it.

They've already made it. They did already make it though. But now, by introducing it, and I'm sorry to say this for a second question, a bit of a chuckle. You make it seem like an inside joke between you and the Bodega Runner, where you're like, oh, I know I normally would,

but extreme circumstances have broken my spirit and I simply cannot do hot coffee. This is neither a breaking of our trust nor our routine together. But in fact, the universe has conspired to make it too hot for me to have this coffee. But you're gonna do all of that in one brief chuckle and shrug.

Oh, wish I could. That is one of the most insane things you've said this year. That's history will prove me correct. That's good. This year, that's reasonable. What is? Like, well, I thought Griffin was about to say of all time.

Oh, okay. And then Griffin put the thing of this year, and I think like, I'm thinking about some of the crazier shit that you've said this year, and it's like, yeah. It's just that your suggestion was to smack. It's breaking in the top three for sure. Your suggestion to this inconvenient social situation

is to let them make the coffee, wasting coffee, which is like objective number one. I feel like we could probably sidestep that. And then smash in through the door, traveling at 65 miles an hour, post-skitch slingshot and say, ha ha ha. That's non-negotiable. Say to this basically stranger, ha ha ha ha, dump that out because the universe has made it too hot for think what we were see yeah, I think what we're seeing there is Travis

Started trying to give a good idea Yeah, he is realized halfway through that it was a bad idea and then tried to convert it into a joke Yeah, it's a high none of that was a joke was an extremely bad idea none of that was a joke what I'm saying is It's not a oh no. No. No. No. No. no, I know it wasn't a joke. That part is clear. Hear me out. It's not a stranger. You've been building this regular type of relationship. Now you're feeling like the social anxiety of having to say, oh, actually, I didn't want hot coffee. If you play it like you're uncomfortable telling them that, that's where the erosion of that building relationship goes. If you say it like it's inside joke, right?

It's go, oh, I normally would. You're right. But a little too hot today. Let's try ice this time. Right now, it's building the relationship. You've lost the game. They dump it out. They waste the coffee.

You've lost the game. There's only one way to correct this. When you go in tomorrow, they lose the milk. Let's be clear. Sorry. The coffee is batch made. Who cares about throwing out coffee? It's the milk that's the problem. They're the milk. Let's be clear, sorry. The coffee is batch made. Who cares about throwing out coffee? It's the milk that's the problem.

They're wasting milk. That's the problem. Sorry, go on. In this economy? We, what if when you go in tomorrow, you say, oh, it's a hot one out here. Can you throw a couple ice cubes in there? Yes.

And then tomorrow you say, ah, it's still a hot one. Can you double the amount of ice cubes from yesterday? Yeah. And then they're like, well, that's not too much. And then it you say, ah, it's still a hot one. Can you double the amount of ice cubes from yesterday? And then they're like, well, that's not too much. And then it's four. And then you go in tomorrow and you say, it's a hot one out there. Can you double the amount of ice cubes from yesterday? And that doesn't sound that crazy, but now it's eight, 16. Within two weeks, I remember from elementary school.

Well, that becomes your regular order though, Justin. You just keep doubling it. Well, within two weeks, you're gonna be school. Well that becomes your regular order though, Justin. You just keep doubling it. Well within two weeks you're gonna be ordering like, pounds of ice. You're getting two five gallon buckets of ice. You're gonna eventually be pulling a U-Haul up. Just be like, load this bitch with ice.

Cause I got two U-Hauls coming tomorrow. You know what I mean? Eventually you're gonna have some sort of side business. And then you sell the ice back to them. Money. Boom. Wait, is that what we're talking about? Spill it.

You, sorry. You spill it. You do it, you spill it outside. Don't make a mess. You take it outside. You say, ah, and you spill it on the ground. And then you go in and you say, dang it. You say, dang it, I spilled it outside.

I'll have another one, please, iced, if you dare. I know it's gonna be uncomfortable, but if you do spill the whole thing on yourself, I think you have one get out of jail freight card where you could be like, you know what? From now on, let's try iced. Too high, burn tummy! I can't. Burn tummy!

I'm so burned! Ah, my skin, burn skin! Travis, no, this is maybe a real trauma. Let's try Travis no, this is maybe a real trauma you can like burn Well, yeah I can't deal with a hot coffee anymore. Yeah. It's too much for me. Cause I could sue you like that lady at McDonald's did and you'd be fucking ruined. Which was completely justified by the way. And then when we hit. She got a bad rap.

Then when we hit like September 20th, you used to be like, I think I'm ready to try again. Yeah, I've been good. My therapist thinks. I've been processing a lot. My therapist thinks that I should try it again. Give me two hot coffees. But then it gets hot again, it was a fake thing, and you say it was too soon.

I wasn't ready. What were you gonna say, Griffin? I wanna hear your version too. You take two hot coffees in your hand, say I'm gonna run laps around the store, come back. You're gonna see, man. Not a drop, not a drop, I'm ready, give me. I'm ready.

Ready for the big show. I like that the trauma in Griffin's mind isn't the spilling hot coffee on oneself, it's simply the spilling. I feel so bad about spilling. I found a fucking beautiful narrow shaft of sunlight, which was you just are gonna have to buy two coffees once and tell them you want the other one iced

and then you're good to go for the rest of your life. And that was a beautiful and flawless solution. And you guys were like, burn your chest and genitals as bad as you possibly can with this scorching scalding coffee. It's not a solution show, it's a comedy show, Chris. Okay, you just tell, the next time you go in, you tell him that from now on, you're subletting your apartment to your twin brother

who looks exactly like you, except prefers his coffee iced. Lay, look out for the ice man. Hey, for real though, he's my twin brother. He likes it cold. He'll be here for the summer, but the second the thermometer, he's like the heat miser. The second the temperature drops below 80 degrees, he's leaving and I'll be back

and I'll have an eye patch this time. Cool, huh? Anyways, see you then. His name's my name too. Important to note, spell differently, but don't worry about that. You know who else will be back, Travis? Who?

Us, right after this. ["It's Better With You"] Zoc Doc. Feels good to say, doesn't it? Say it, Justin. ZocDoc. Oh yeah. I use ZocDoc. Okay. Did I tell you that?

I found ZocDoc to find a dentist. Well, what is ZocDoc? Well, ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. You did a dentist, you say? You found a dentist? It's a dentist. You know what? and click to instantly book an appointment. You did a dentist, you say? You found a dentist?

It's a dentist. You know what? It's really hard to find a dentist or a doctor. It's annoying. You never know the right person to call. You never know where to start. Zottock made it really easy. They just said, hey, here's some dentists.

Just pick one. Your interest takes them. Go. Yeah, like they're holding on a deck of cards, like a magician. They hold on a deck of cards, they say, pick a card, and you pick it, and they say, that's your dentist. And you say, what, I thought these were cards.

And then you look and you're holding a dentist. And that's the magic trick that ZocDoc performs for you. Preventative care is really important. And if you're putting it off, because it's tough, it's irritating, ZocDoc can make that a lot easier. So stop putting off those it's tough and it's irritating. ZocDoc can make that a lot easier. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash my brother to find

and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash my brother. Z-O-C-D-O-T com slash my brother. ZocDoc.com. I just spelled D-O-C-D-O-T-com slash my brother. Zocdoc, I just spelled D-O-T, Zocdoc.com slash my brother. Justin, tell me about your kitty. I'll tell you boys about my cats, Olive and Amelia. Every morning they wake up

and they start being real friendly. You know why? Because they are ready for their smooth bird. Wait, are you? Wait, they're ready for smooth bird or smooth other bird, but they'll also take smooth cow if you have it. Those are just a few of the literal names of the great flavors of Small's cat food. For the record, my picky ladies love smooth other bird. That's a great place to start.

They're these pre-packaged packets of food full of really good stuff that is, I will, I will tell you this, my cats, since they ha I made the switch from dry food to smalls, they have, uh, been healthier. They, according to their veterinarian, their, uh, coats look better, that anecdotal, but it's been my experience. And they love it. And it's really easy to just open one

of these individual packets. They arrive fresh, you put it in your fridge, they're ready to go. Last time I came in town to visit Juice, they did not piss on all my stuff. And I can't help but wonder if that's related to their improved diet, thanks to Smalls. They do, their diets have improved,

their energy's improved. We really genuinely love Smalls. We are paying customers with Smalls. It's been forever. Do you ever eat it? I have never eaten it, no. One time we did, before we figured out exactly how much Smalls we needed, we ran out

and the cats were furious. They started, they demanded that I go out and smooth up the birds myself. And I told them, I don't know how to smooth up the birds. Only Smalls knows how to smooth them up the way you like. And trust me, you don't want to search like how to smooth up birds on YouTube. It'll fuck your algorithm up so bad.

Don't smooth up your own birds. Reach for Smalls. Reach for the Smalls. Reach for the Smalls for a limited time because you're a brother, my brother, me listener, you can get 60% off your first order of Smalls plus free shipping by using code mybrother. That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com

and use promo code mybrother. Again, that's promo code mybrother for 60% off your first order plus free shipping at smalls.com. Should we do another question? I'd love to. Yeah. I'm at the Home Depot to buy two ladders. It feels insane to just have two ladders in my cart

with nothing else. How do I not look like a fool walking out of this store pushing a two ladder full cart? That's from ladders too many in DC. Just get one big long ladder. Or I get two ladders too many in DC. Just get one big long ladder. Or I get two ladders. What a waste of time.

You can fucking get one ladder. Get one bigger ladder. One ladder and then later one ladder. There's so many fucking ways around this, my man. I think that ladders, there should just be ladder stores that exclusively sell ladders. You can't buy them anywhere else. And the aisles are gigantic,

so you could turn your cart around, know what, like there's exclusive, every time I have had to buy ladders multiple times in my life from working in technical theater, and every time you get a ladder, you feel like you've instantly been launched into a three stooges bid, where it's like, well, I'm gonna be destroying this place and everyone around me for the next 15 minutes.

Give me a fucking 12 foot deep turbo cart so I don't have to look like an asshole in the Isles of the Home Depot. I, if you don't have a big ladder right now, I would say it's time to start thrifting, and it's time to get out there to the yard sales. And it's time, because the thing, one of the things that really changed my life

was about 15 years ago, right? When I started being late for everything. Wait a minute. It's not related. No, let me, let us, let me and Travis decide if it's related. No, no, no, because this was probably like seven years ago. I was living at that place on, you remember the place I used to live before this one? And my principal from elementary school,

Miss Scott, lived behind me. Oh shit, I didn't know that. I know, it's crazy, right? But she said- Dude, you should've let me know, it throws all stinky old watermelons and fucking egg, nasty Halloween eggs. No, she was nice, I loved Miss Scott.

She was incredible. You got her as the principal though. She was an inspirational educator, man. Yeah, man, for that. Yeah, but it's the principal of the thing. No, anyway. Oh, I was in Griffin. Griffin convinced me with that one.

She came up to my house and she said, "'Justin, I got a new ladder. "'Do you want my old ladder?' And it was a really big ladder, it was a really tall ladder. So you're saying her new ladder was a step up? Shit man, these things really write themselves. Yeah, that's really good. And I was like, it's a really big ladder.

At first I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do with this, but once you have a big ladder, you have really changed your options as a human being. Oh yeah. A lot of up stuff. You've expanded the different applications, different territories that you have available to you as a person, you know what I mean?

I assume it's how we got to powered flight, right? Is that at a certain point, the ladders can only get so high. And then we went, all right, so how do we get above that? Let's put like a hundred years into figuring out planes. I just feel like there's certain things that you can get that make you start thinking of yourself in different ways. And a big ladder is one of them.

Because you are suddenly the kind of person that's just like, well, it's really high, but I know I can call Justin about that because he does have a big ladder. Justin can reach that. It's like having a pickup truck, right? Where it's like suddenly you've entered into a new category in your friends' brain.

You're a small business. Yeah, you're useful now as a human being. Yeah, I felt that I had to buy for the prom that we just wrapped up. Thank you, by the way way to everybody who came out and saw the show and said hi. And some people traveled a long distance, so thank you. But I had to get a pair of really big,

like thick bolt cutting. Oh yeah. Oh, that's good. I got a set of those. And then after I bought it, I was like, you know, now fences aren't really a problem for me anymore. Like if I ran into a fence, I would momentarily be like, someone wants to keep me out of here, but then I would think about, I actually have a ladder and bolt cutters. So like-

Anywhere is available to you. Chainsaw did that for me. I look at trees now and I'm like, you think you're so fucking hot. Temporary problem. I'm the guy on my hill that cuts the trees in half when they fall across the road. I got a chainsaw. When you're walking through the Isles of the Lows,

it's like you are in a Metroidvania, only all the shit is just kind of like right there and you can grab it and access any of the sort of backtracking spots that you need to in one go. The number of times I've just stopped and longingly stared in like the big sledgehammer or like hatchet section, and I'm like, I don't have any need for those,

but how powerful would I feel knowing that I have big powerful hatchet? It's why, it's where you have to be careful, and it is why, if I may speak on it. Please. It is why a submarine is such a threat for Rich Man. Because the thing is, you decide you deserve to be in water and you desire to move through the water unabated.

You desire to increase your skillset to Ken Plum the depth. And I understand it. You wanna have full coverage. Like I get it, Rich Man, for sure. You don't have to be that rich. Don't get me wrong, you gotta be rich. But to have full coverage. Like I get a rich man for sure. You don't have to be that rich. Don't get me wrong, you gotta be rich. But to have a private plane,

you gotta be super rich to have a private submarine. Super rich. Yeah. And I do think there's a certain amount of wealth that should be considered a mental illness. Sure. Yeah, obviously. If you're rich enough,

and you're investing in say your own private submarine. Right, your admit it. It should be considered a mental illness. It's also though, if you do investing in say, your own private submarine. Right, your omit, it should be considered a mental illness enrichment. It's also though, if you do it in a certain way, an incredibly philanthropic exercise, because you're gonna give all your money away. Technically, legally speaking, to your dirtbag kids.

But listen, the thing is, I understand when I go to the top of house with Latter and I think, here I am, I'm above house. I understand this. I understand the fury of looking into ground and thinking, I wish to go deeper. But you can't, I don't have tools available to make me go deeper. No, I wish I had Big Drill or something.

I wish I could have Big Drill. I understand, oh, Kylin, they wish to go down. They wish to go down. I understand. Go up, easy. Go down. Sideways. AnyoneKylan, they wish to go down. They wish to go down. I understand. Go up, easy. Go down. Easy. Sideways. All can go up. Anyone can go sideways.

Anyone can go sideways. Give me up, give me down. Balloon Boy goes up. Balloon Boy goes up. Anyone can go up. I'll tell you what, all I need, what I know is I love the idea of a submersible, but all I really need is like the old Disney World

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride, where I just need to be convinced. 15 feet under the water, full shore. I just need to be convinced I've gone into a deep sea submersible, and then I can see animatronic fish and octopi. That's what you need, you gotta remember, because this is a bad monkey part of your brain

that's telling you you need to go down, because it's easily tricked. You can sit in this 20,000 Leagues ride and just fold your arms and think, yes, I am a massive aquatic. Glass bottom boat. I'm in the ocean, I am king of ocean ocean glass bottom boat and my monkey voice like fucking chill I am in a chamber for now

Let me sleep in a chamber for four hours and tell me I'm decompressing as I move deep down But really I've just gone below some gross green murky water Yeah, and then I see maybe someone in a mermaid costume swimming around why it's so easy to trick people into thinking they've been maybe someone in a mermaid costume swimming around. That's why it's so easy to trick people into thinking they've been cryogenically frozen. Yeah. Because that means they've traveled through time and they think, ah, yes, just as it should be.

I've mastered the waves of time. Travis. I've traveled through them. Travis mentioning the origins of flight made me think of there's, here at the Air and Space Museum, there is a section that is dedicated to, obviously, the Wright brothers and them sort of getting that thing up and off the ground no pun intended and

There's also a section in there that is full of people who I guess were sort of self-styled comedians at the time coming up fanciful design Yeah, quite yeah again propeller comedians a lot of a lot of puns this episode I do want to apologize on behalf of all three of us, but it's comedians and it's designs of their like fucking bullshit Red Bull, you know, flight contest. Like, oh sure, you want to fly?

Here's one, it's got 20 birds tied to it, thinking these assholes are trying to come up with something that will never happen and they're just trying to rip everyone off, and then all of a sudden the Wright brothers did eventually get it right. These people should have their own wing of the museum that's like the world's biggest, dumbest, assholes wing of the comedians

who said it would never happen. I'm saying they don't go hard enough on these people. Wait, on the people who didn't believe in the Wright brothers? The comedians who were shooting their shot at the Wright brothers thinking this is easy comedy because these assholes are trying to fly and the Bible says we cannot do that. Just call it the wrong brothers and it's every comedian. If we are no longer allowed to joke about people who are more important and will have a bigger impact on history than us, the McQuarrie brothers are going to find themselves out of work pretty quickly. Well, that's like, we let history do that, Justin.

You don't have to, like in our lifetime, we won't know what a huge failure. We're writing history, you understand. We're writing history. No, we're living history. We also hedge our bets quite a bit when it comes to new technologies and the exciting applications of those technologies.

Do we? We are, we do not judge. We wait to see who is, when the dust settles. Where the money is. Where the money is at. There's one thing the Mackroy brothers are into and it's getting fucking paid. Getting paid by tech.

By tech, by big pharma. Jen and Lom. Little pharma. Little pharma. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. Jen-nuh-nuh-nuh-mang-oh-mang. Sorry, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Jen-nuh-nuh-nuh-mang-oh-mang. Baby boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo- where I want your head to be at. Pizza Hut unveils a new lineup of over the top pizzas.

And this is not really- Like the movie with arm wrestling? So they're not really that funny. This is what they're calling their lovers pizzas, like pepperoni lovers, meat lovers, veggie lovers. They got a new one called- Meat toppers. So this is really one I wanna talk about.

I'm glad that got Griffin. Yeah, you got it. I got a little cheeky smirk out of Griffin on meat toppers. Little cheeky, little cheeky, man. Pizza Hut is hooking up pizza lovers with more of what they love this summer with the launch of the Hut Lovers pizzas. A limited time lineup of four over the top pizzas each piled high with premium toppings

priced at $12.99 for one large pizza. The pizza has delivered more of what fans love. More toppings, more flavor, more good times for less. Stinky, dusty crust. The Hut Lover's pizzas are here to prove that legendary pizza doesn't have to come with a large price tag. There's something for everyone in the Hut Lover's pizzas,

including pineapple lovers. Can I tell you guys, I'm sorry to interrupt, Justin, I never do that, but you know how oftentimes people will talk about the words that like, ick them out? Yeah, yeah. There's something about lover in a non-romantic context that really just skeeves me right to the bone. You're in for a rough, you're in for a rough year.

It's odd. There's something for everyone with the Hut lovers pizza, including pineapple lovers. According to Pizza Hut's 2025 Pizza Trends report, 38% of pizza fans proudly chose pineapple as their favorite topping. Yeah. This is a loud section of the-

38%? Yeah. As their favorite? Okay, so Justin, you've gotta think about like, survivorship bias, you gotta think about these, but this is the problem, everybody reads polls and they get the data and they think, this means something huge and vital and important. This means something, we're falling apart. Or, I felt so good about this country lately,

and this is like really starting to fuck with me a little bit. Was that exclusively the US of A? Because it's probably- Yeah, this country that we live in! This country! That's people, that's spite. That's people fucking with Pizza Hut. I feel like it's people trying to ruin data that we can't have any truth anymore.

And this is where you're drawing the, this is what, this is, did Limeos- 38%? Yeah, no. But imagine- Over a third of people say pineapple is their favorite. Imagine you're a, you, and you get an email from Pizza Hut that says, hey, we'd like you to participate

in a brief survey. You're not opening that email, but if you're one of these pineapples guys, and you think like, I gotta find ways to push the envelope, push the cause, you're gonna jump at every opportunity you can to over-represent yourself. I also am just gonna just preempt. If you're like sitting down right now,

the email is about how great pineapple is and how you love pineapple pizza. That's fine, you're allowed to like that. But you must recognize that you are not in a 38% section of the country that thinks that. That's what should trouble you more is you're losing a little bit of like, there's one thing that people who like pineapple on pizza

love to talk about and it's pineapple on pizza. They go wild for it because they're so iconoclastic. They actually so hard. They actually so, actually I like pineapple on pizza. So hard. They let the conversation go on for like 10 minutes about how bad pineapple on pizza is as they sit there just charging up to go, actually.

But the reason I wanted to have, the reason I'm floating is like, I feel like I am no longer in touch because as we've been with more adults ordering pizza, like as we've started to order pizza at shows, I've noticed that like Griffin gets cheese pizzas at the shows and he's still done it even though I've razzed him about it previously apparently on shows and he keeps doing it. Just a quick check in.

And I don't know what I can do to help. How am I doing on pizza toppings and stuff? Just a quick check in as long as you're- Oh, absolutely so wretched that there's no hope. I keep hoping I could prod Griffin into tossing the pepperoni on there or something. I have sausage, onion, and pepper. What are you talking about? No, no, no. You're- no, no, Travis, I'm sorry. You're perfect.

Thank you. You don't need to change anything. Sausage, pepper, and onion is the best. Sausage, pepperoni, onion, and pepper is also quite good. How much shit do you fucking need on your food? Pizza has so much. Protein and veggies. Pizza has so much shit on it already. It's got cheese and sauce and bread and spices and I guess that's about it.

So you take a monastic approach to pizza is what you're saying where you say, this is all I need more than this would be too much enjoyment. If you sat down to make a pizza, first of all, stand up. Don't sit down to make a pizza. That's crazy. Why are you making pizza on the floor, man? But if you're making a pizza, first of all, stand up. Don't sit down to make a pizza, that's crazy. Why are you making pizza on the floor, man? But if you're making a pizza, That's where my pizza stone is. The part where you make the pizza

is gonna take you 96% of the time you're gonna spend making that pizza. The 4% remainder is when you slop a few fucking disks of hog meat on there, and then you say, and then you say like, this is the, this is what it's all really about. I'm so confused what your point is.

This is like even wilder than some of the wilder things that Travis was saying yesterday, Griffin. You are so gone. You're so gone. It's like, yeah, making bread is a lot more work than making a sandwich, but you don't just eat the fucking bread. Yeah, it's like part of the experience.

I don't wanna talk about cheese pizza though, it's fine. I wanna ask you guys this. How many people's pizza orders do you know right now by heart? Cheese, cheese, cheese. This house is a, as for me and my house. You're just a cheese house? As for me and my house, I can understand for the simplicity.

I know my children like cheese because they're children. Teresa and I both like sausage, onion and pepper. Griffin likes cheese. And Rachel Jacobs, our editor, likes pizza with veggies on it. That's all I've got. Top of my hat. I know, my, okay, Cooper likes sauce and sausage,

no cheese. Charlie likes cheese, no sauce. Oh, what a fun combo you got cooking over there. Yeah, you can get it half and half on a piece That feels like a mystery shopper order that your place like every time you order feels like Every time I order pizza. I have to open it to see if they thought I was kidding or you have to inform that It is not a nun pizza left beef situation. Yeah, I I know Tommy Gets a mushroom onion pepperoni sausage cause I remember it as mops.

Four is insane! That's four toppings. Mops, mops! Mushroom, onion, pepperoni, sausage, mops! That's crazy, man! He's a big guy though. Yeah, and he's got a big hunger. Big hunger, big pizza. There's a reason they charge extra

for more than like one or two toppings. Cause it's better. Tastes better, yeah. Like they don't charge extra to make things worse. Wait, actually Griffin, I'm really sorry we cut you off cause I feel like you were building to one of the dumber things you ever said. I feel sorry that we cut off your momentum.

The pizza restaurants charge more cause you're not supposed to do it. It's a punishment. It's a fee, a tax, a tariff that you are paying for your greed. It's a tax. For your greed. It's a tariff.

It's a tariff. Here's the one thing though, if you don't eat pepperoni on your pizza, your average annual pepperoni consumption absolutely plummets through the fucking mantle of the earth, man. If I'm not eating pepperoni- Yeah, they don't come up randomly a lot. They do not show up on my meals

without me hunting them down now that they're not my pizza friends. Yeah, they don't come up randomly a lot. They do not show up on my meals without me hunting them down, now that they're not my pizza friends. Unless you're at a bad salad buffet, and then it's like, well, this will help. Hey everybody, thanks to- God damn it! Oh my God. Thanks to everybody who came out to Columbus

for the Columbus shows. They were an absolute blast. It was really fun. Those shows and the signage were great. Dad became best friends with everybody. Thank you, everybody who came out and talked to our dad, he needs this. Thank you so much. Next up, we're gonna be in Anaheim doing a Dadlands

with Brennan Lee Mulligan running that and my brother, my brother and me. And we're gonna be in Sacramento doing another my brother, my brother and me. Also coming up, we're gonna be in Texas, Georgia and Utah. All Taz shows will be Taz versus, except for Anaheim, which will be Dadlands. You can find out the dates and get tickets

and all the info at bit.ly slash McElroy Tours. We got some new merch up in the merch store for you to go and check out. There's a 20 Thunder Drive pin that is shimmering and beautiful and strong. There's a bunch of other stuff over at McElroyMerch.com as well, and 10% of all merch proceeds this month. that is shimmering and beautiful and strong. There's a bunch of other stuff over at macmoremerch.com as well and 10% of all merch proceeds this month

will be donated to the Immigrant Defenders Law Center, which provides full-scale deportation defense, legal representation, legal education, and social services to approximately 30,000 children and adults annually. Also, hey, thanks to Montane for the Use of Our Theme song, My Life is Better With You. Montane has a new album out called It's Hard to Be a Fish. I listened to it

while we were traveling last week and I fucking love it. And I bet you will too. So get it wherever fine music is sold and distributed. Thank you, Montane. Justin, you want to read the Fear of This Week? Thank you, Travis. I'd love to do that. I'm flattering. I appreciate that. Thank you. You're welcome. This year, I vow to be faster than my fear of being tweeted about by Tony Hawk

for not recognizing him in public. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother. May you kiss your dad. Square the lips. Yes it's true, it's better, it's better with two by one. Ah, it's better with you.