My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 772: Spiders Are Writing and God Is Real

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

We'll be the ones brave enough to say it: Donkey Kong's office behavior is unprofessional, and James shouldn't be bringing that energy to the workplace. This week we're helping you through all sorts of sticky situations, including deflecting your barber's house pig soft sell, disguising your flatulent footwear, and literally begging a flight attendant to let you go to the bathroom.Suggested talking points: James Kong, Bad Pigs Only, That’s Life, Lazlo’s Hierarchy of Needs, Empty Unglazed Shell, I Left My Wallet in CaliforniaImmigrant Defenders Law Center: https://www.immdef.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed It's ripened into a precious friendship I could've never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach

My life, it feels like it's better. It's better with you. It's better. It's better with you. This is true. It's better. It's better with you. It's better.

It's better with you. Hello, everyone. I'm Rachel. I'm a singer. I'm a singer. I'm a singer. I'm a singer. I'm a singer.

I'm a singer. I'm a singer. I'm a singer. I'm a singer. I'm a singer. It's better, it's better with two by way Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, Griffin McElroy. I... the new Donkey Kong is here. Donkey Kong Bananananana... Bananananza. You couldn't sound more enthusiastic about this name. Bananananza! There we go. Justin's been having some coughing issues, Griffin. How dare you? It's not... yeah, Rao, what a jerk. It's also not my job to try to sell Nintendo products. That's the job of Shigeru Miyamoto and his best friend, Reji Fisame.

Yeah, sure. That's the only two people that do that job. He's a sidekick. God, that fucking, I would watch that buddy cop movie, big cop, little genius cop, gimme. Yeah, where Shigeru Miyamoto is like solving the crimes and Reji Fisame is out there like has his muscle, his enforcer.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Hold on. Absolutely. Now we're onto something. No, but I was playing the new Donkey Kong game today, and I was thinking like, it was this sense I had where my daughter was playing the Donkey Kong, and she was enjoying it, and I felt uncomfortable. And I started thinking about it,

and I think there's something, do you guys think there is something inherently puerile about Donkey Kong? Oh, for sure, dude. Yeah, man. For sure, dude, he's not, this man, we have all been so quick to forgive. Yeah.

He kidnapped women, professional, like the only thing you knew about this dude is he liked to climb a tower, he liked to throw a barrel, he liked to kidnap a woman. I would say- And now we're just supposed to, and now because it's been 40 years or whatever, we're supposed to just let bygones be bygones?

I don't think so, Mr. Kong. I would say that pretty confidently, I would say that Donkey Kong is the kind of person that you were really good friends with in college, and you loved his party animal antics. And now, like, that you're a parent, a grownup. I can't bring around my kids, no way. No way, right?

You might like enjoy remembering the times you spent with Donkey Kong, but when you hang out with Donkey Kong, you start to realize, wow, I'm apologizing to my current friends a lot. Right, yes. To them on his behalf. I'll follow DK's IG, but I'm not gonna, I can't have a friend like that around the crew.

I can't have that reflecting on me. No, I'm not gonna have him at my kid's birthday party or something, God, are you kidding me? Just inherently, as a organism, I feel like there's just something lascivious about the guy. And it might just be that, like, I don't think we can have him back here knowing how close he is with Diddy.

Like, I don't think that it is. Yeah, that's, hey, Griffin, that's such a good point. His relationship with Diddy, they were very close for a number of years, him and Diddy. Yeah, that's true, it's beautiful. I think that we've got, it's not beautiful, Travis. It's not beautiful, but I think it's beautiful for us to recognize, I mean, is what I mean.

Right now in 2025, I think his relationship with Diddy is a huge problem. I think so too. There's no way that fool shows up in the new game, right? There's no way. They're gonna give him a game off probably to let the dust settle a little bit. Maybe change that name.

Yeah. Maybe change his name. I just did some, maybe. My theory is that Funky Kong is an undercover cop. Oh yeah. Because they're all funky. He feels like, you know what I mean? For sure. The whole family is funky. He feels like, you know what I mean? For sure.

The whole family is funky. He feels like he overshot it, sneaky Pete style. And he showed up like a few years later, like we're all pretty funky here, right? Hey, where are we bearing all the money? Yeah. 100%. Can I also say, I think the world is ready, now that this Donkey Kong game is out,

for like a God of War-esque reboot, where we see Donkey Kong now, a responsible human being who doesn't smash anymore. He has a new son named like Charles or something normal. Yeah. And then like somebody comes to him and they're like, we need you to smash stuff. And he's like, I don't do that anymore.

I don't smash. That's a pretty good God of War. Thank you. I can't do it on purpose. Nope. It's like, there's also something about just his name that feels gaslighting to me. Like he tells you and you're like, nice. And then like a few hours later, you're like,

Kong, no, not, I know a famous Kong, it's not him. You can't just have that. And he's not a donkey. Like, you know what famous Kong, it's not him. And he's not a donkey. You know what I mean? He gave me this fake name to try to set me at ease. It once again feels like a nickname that he got in college for being a cool party dude, that now he's in his 40s.

And he's like, everybody calls me Donkey Kong. And it's like, hey man. At the office, he's like, let's just hope at the New Year's party, you guys don't meet Donkey Kong. That's like hey man, like that's the office. He's like, let's just hope at the New Year's party You guys don't meet Donkey Kong. Yeah James James, can you come into my office? We need to talk for a second. There's been a lot of HR complaints Yeah, do you want James or Kong? No, I need to talk to James right now. One second. Let me get him Okay, you do great work. Sorry boss. You got a

Analysis and we're really happy. Your ties are always so crisp. Yeah, but we've had a lot of complaints about Okay, you do great work in data analysis. Your ties are always so crisp. Yeah, but we've had a lot of complaints about Donkey Kong. Yeah, I have spoken to him repeatedly, sir. And unfortunately, when I get one whiff of a banana, the animal comes out. Now, that's funny you say that because we talked, I'm HR and I talked it over with some of my colleagues

and they said that's simply not a thing. They said there's a lot of things that will create special circumstances in the workplace, but after extensive research and consultation with many medical experts. We got Dr. Mario to come in. Dr. Mario was there, Dr. Robotnik, they did confirm that there is no condition

where if you smell a banana, you turn into a crazy, crazy, age man. Yeah, okay, that's so interesting. I would love to talk with Popeye about that, because Popeye beat the living shit out of Jeremy after one bite of spinach, and he was back in the office the next week. Now that's technically-

So you tell me- That's an iron thing. That's a food allergy. That's related to his iron levels, and that's medically documented, James. That is real, that is very real. We are also Chiquita Banana Company, so it seems like your exposure to your triggering compound is gonna be pretty unavoidable here.

I would ask why you came to work here. Why would you wanna work here in the- No, don't open a banana, here? Nope, there you go. Don't open a banana, James. Please, James, James. Don't open. James, we are going to have to ask you to leave the building, James.

You're gonna love it. James, what are you opening it up on both ends? Oh, you have two bananas. I've got two. I thought you peeled it from both ends. That was really good. James, we have a mine cart right here that we'd like you to get in.

He's got two stuck in his armpits now. It's gonna thank you out of the door. I'm holding four at once. Yeah, James. That's the problem. Let's hope, let's hope, that the audio accompanies that clip wherever it may rear its head, because otherwise the pantomime he just did was.

Those two, those two always, they need to be fused together like Lady Hawk, man. I need them to be sharing a body. I never want them separated. The audio and the video are one of a whole. You know how Mario was originally named Jumpman? Yeah. Everybody knows this.

And then they needed to get an extension on their lease at the Inoue headquarters in Seattle, and their landlord at the time was named Mario, so they named Mario Mario in his honor. So he would give them a little bit more leniency with the loan. But originally it was Jumpman. And my head canner for that has always been

that that is how Donkey Kong understands what has been presented to him. This is his game, it's his POV. As far as he knows, it's just a Jumpman. It's just a man that jumps. He can't understand, he can't understand words. So like that's just Jumpman for sure. Jumpman, that's I understand it to be Jumpman. He still doesn't understand Mario. Like can't understand it. Like words. So like, that's just Jump Man for sure. Jump Man, that's, I understand it to be Jump,

he still doesn't understand Mario. Like he doesn't know the name. It's just Jump. And they hang out all the time. Yeah, for sure. Did you all know that Yoshi's full name is T. Yoshisor Munchacoopas, which was actually the name

of Shigeru Miyamoto's podiatrist. Huh. And he named T. Yoshisor Munchacoopas after his podiatrist Dr. Munchacoopas. Did you know that Zelda is the boy? I did. I recently started working at- Yeah.

Griffin. Griffin. We do that more often than we don't do that. We all start talking at the same time to begin with. Yeah, but only one of us has the list of questions. The other two are about to kibitz and second, but only one of us has the list of questions. The other two are about to kibitz and second guess, and one of us is about to lead us to the promised land

of a new bit, okay? Yeah, we'll get there. I recently started working as a hairstylist assistant at a local salon. My boss, the hairstylist, seems- That drag. Can I just say, I'm really relieved your boss is the hairstylist,

because if there was yet another layer of middle management in the barber industry that I did not know about, I was really gonna be thrown for a loop. I'm glad there's just the one layer of assistant to the barber that I did not know existed. There's not an assistant to the assistant. My boss, the hairstylist, seems nice and cool overall. And he revealed to me pretty much as soon as

I started working there that he has a pet house pig. He won't stop bringing up the pig in conversation I think I'm gonna go insane if I keep hearing the same stories over and over again. How can I steer the conversation away from her or make him stop talking about her altogether? That's some porky prob- porky problems in chick-a-pee. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. and away from her or make him stop talking about her altogether. That's some porky problems in chick-a-pee.

I have never thought about this. About pig? As a pet? You've never thought about what would it be like to work for a hairstylist who has a pet house big that talks about it constantly? Yeah, of course not. That's really specific.

If you are somebody that shares a barber space or a hair salon space with other hair stylists, right? Yeah. They probably come in with their five to ten minutes of material. They answer. They're tight-fied. They're five. Here's my thing that I'm doing today. Here's what I got spun up. And I'm gonna give everybody this anecdote. If you got the chair next to him,

you could be hearing the same fucking anecdote over and over and over again. Guys, my masking, I don't think I could cover the fact that I've heard this story before. I don't think I could cloak it. No way, no way. I do think if you have a pig, you do wanna be talking about it.

Of course! Just so it's worth it. It! Just so it's worth it. It's just so it's worth it. We have friends who got a pig once because they had a yard space for a pig and we lived in Texas and why the fuck not? And did you all know, this is actually cool, a pig is the loudest animal on the earth

and when it does it squeal or anything, it's not babe in the city, it is a shrieking air raid siren that goes off 120 times a day. I think maybe if you do have that particular type of pig in your home, you have to talk about it just to one, let some of the pressure out from time to time so you don't, and two, so it just feels like it's. Eat it.

Is this guy maybe given the softest cell? Is he maybe, is he maybe helped, but eventually he'll be like, I don't know, I'd hate to give him up, he's really a great pig. I mean, I guess hearing my. And now if you look at where I've trimmed the back of your hair, whoa, it looks like the pig came in and shaved some pig in the back of your hair.

Amazing. What the fuck? The pig can talk through it. Hey, in Charlotte's Web, what's the story there? Cause everyone sees the spider web that says some pig and then everyone's like, holy shit. But it doesn't seem like anyone's really necessarily crediting the spider much. No, they think the pig did it.

Everyone in the book has, it's important for Charlotte's Web to work that everyone in the book be among the dumbest human beings that have ever lived on the planet. They have a fundamental misunderstanding of pigs and their web slinging capabilities. If they showed up and Wilbur had a fucking golden egg sitting in his trough, would they be like,

damn Wilbur, you laid a golden egg from your cloaca? Shit man, that's awesome dude. Now it is important though to note that would convince them that he was pretty special. I think that within the fiction of Charlotte's Web, the fact that he is able to spin a web that says some pig, if they thought all pigs could do that, it wouldn't be notable.

But it's so fucked up. It's clearly a spider talking about a cool pig. And it's like, I'm glad the spider likes the pig, but the big headline is, spiders are writing and God is real. Like, God is real. Come to our barn and see. There's a creator.

He made us in a loving way, in his loving loving image and he wants us to know this pig is Okay, ignore the dipshit pig because like the spider won't do her thing We got rid of the pig The pig so fucking loud we got rid of it because it would like scare the guests away when they would come and we charge $1,000 to take it to see the god spider But like if we do take the pig away the spider gets really fucking cranky about it. Folks, here's what I'm here to tell you folks. It doesn't fucking matter what the spider's writing.

The impulse is in a spider's brain. We can't decode that. I don't know why the spider likes the pig. You know what I mean? It's a spider. The important thing is there's letters. Now that said, we know that the spider has recently been spinning some questionable statements and they're problematic.

We understand that. We understand that. Ignore the sentiment. Ignore the sentiment. It's the fact that the spider can write. Can make words. That's important. Please don't take the words to heart.

We're not endorsing it. She's got something new. It says pizza time. Okay, like that doesn't mean anything. And it's not the strong biblical message that we are hoping the spider will get across, but it's crazy that the spider knows how to write the letters to spell pizza time in the first place.

The words that Charlotte writes in the book include terrific, some pig, and radiant, as well as humble. Now, had it been me, Charlotte, I would have begun with humble because that is gonna get people in the right mindset to accept whatever comes next. Bow before the Lord thy God.

He has made this spider in his divine image as his messenger. She also should have started with some pig because if he just says terrific, how do we know that she's like, she's an influencer, right? She also should have started with some pig. Cause if it just says terrific, that can mean anything. How do we know that she's like, she's an influencer, right? And she's figuring out her hashtags

and just putting terrific isn't a good hashtag. Yeah, that might just- I said a different thing. Yeah, and Travis said a different thing. I said it should start with humble. No, it's like, I guess from God, but I said a different thing from you. Yeah, that happens sometimes.

I can't start with both though. What about some pig, humble. That's cool. Some pig, complimentary. Ooh. Oh, maybe it's this, some pig, and then in tiny letters, I know I the spider wrote this, but I'm keeping it humble, keeping it 100.

This ain't about me, it's about the pig. Signed, Charlotte the spider, please don't kill me either. I know how human beings feel about spiders. Can you pretend that you have two pigs? Oh, nice dude. Because if you start, I think the barber is gonna get, if you start spinning tails, right, of your two pigs that are gallivanting around,

he's not gonna have the guts to even mention his poultry one pig. That's half the laughs, half the hijinks, half the hot dog eating. No, thank you. Maybe come in with a couple blue ribbons, but you're like, I didn't even enter them. But they're so cool. They're so good. Somebody came by.

They came to me. Yeah. You could get a bite mark on your arm and over the weekend say there was a terrible pig accident. And so now when Barbara brings up pigs, it really, it gets you pretty freaked out. So please. You could try to lure the pig into biting you.

I thought we were gonna go into a were pig thing. Oh yeah, you could also do a were pig Peter Parker thing for sure. Or you could lure the pig into biting you and have the authorities put it down. Cause that's not a pig. Cause then you'd have to go to their house and that's a whole fucking.

Yeah, then you're gonna have to look at all the photo albums. Maybe you'd be enchanted by the pig. But there is a pretty good chance that the owner of the pig is gonna be like, oh no, oh no, stop. Is it possible, like I can't, so pigs are very intelligent, right? Yeah, right. The idea of a house pig,

when a pig is like, hey, all the stuff I really like, like mud and digging for things and stuff, that's all outside and you won't bring any of that stuff in here? Yeah, if a pig could talk, the first thing the pig says when it gets adopted is, are you sure, man? I'm a sloppy shit monster

and I'm gonna fuck all your stuff up. That's what I want in my life. That's what I do! I'm gonna get in your garbage can, I'm gonna make a terrible mess every day. Are you sure? And I'm not gonna appreciate you or anything you do, cause I know better.

I know better. Do you think I'm a dog? Those guys, they're happy with anything. They love it. Oh, that's great. If you're a pig head and you're listening to this, you have a pig at your house, please know we're not talking about your special precious

No, your special precious. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We're talking about bad pigs. We don't wanna hear about your pig either. No, but we know that it's a good precious angel. Just know your special precious angel. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Your pig's great. We're talking about bad pigs. We don't wanna hear about your pig either. No, but we know that it's a good precious angel. Just know that we're talking about shitty pigs. How do you know, when you look at a pig that's just been born, how do you know

that that is gonna be a good house pig versus a farm pig? They have a little bib on them. Oh, okay. Yeah, and they have Wellingtons. When I'm indoors, I wear slippers in the colder months and plastic sandals in the warmer months. My plastic sandals occasionally make a delightful farting noise when I turn my bare feet in them just so,

not like a road ripper, more like a clarion toot. We have plumbers at our house right now, and when I walked past them at one point, my sandals made the noise. How do I convince these plumbers that I did not, in fact, fart in front of them or demonstrate to them the flatulent capacity of my sandals? That's from No Toots in New England. How do I convince these plumbers that I did not in fact fart in front of them or demonstrate to them the flatulent capacity of my sandals?

That's from No Toots in New England. I do really enjoy the image of you walking back and forth near them like, oh, there they go again, my farting shoes. Everyone, are you hearing this? Wow, what a zinger. I have to wear them. That's non-negotiable. Their prescription.

I bought some for you too so you could see. Here, everybody put on our sandals. Stop your work. Stop your work. Let us walk around the house together, barefoot in your sandals. Let's normalize putting the pressure to relieve this situation on the audience,

on the recipient of it. I think in the same manner that when someone sneezes, you say bless you. When someone scooch a chair or slides their arm against some hardwood or apparently walks in these clown sandals and it makes a fart noise, but you know that's not what just happened. There should be a

The onus should be on you to look at them and say like you're cool. I know What can we normalize just looking at someone dead in the eyes? No conversation and just saying that's life Like that's cool. That's same energy. I fucking same energy. Hey pal. That's life Like you you hear the fart noise, you look at them, either you farted or you didn't, but I'll just say that's life. Now I will say this, I don't want a that's life a real fart. I don't want a that's life. I do, I do.

I think that's part of it. That's what I'm saying. I think that there has to be a level of honesty here where if I am working at someone's home and the noise happens or someone scoops their chair or whatever, and I indicate that I assume it was created by an inanimate object. It is then if you say, no, that was real.

And now we're all, we're being honest with each other. We're being direct. But I don't, that's too honest. I want you to feel comfortable. And the way that I do that is if you do rip like a stage five beaver like right next to me and a picture frame falls off a nearby wall, I'm not gonna look at you or acknowledge that at all.

I know what happened and you don't want me to acknowledge that. They don't want acknowledgement. They only want it if it's a sandal fart and it's not real. You don't wanna be acknowledged for your heinous gas. There's no way, guys. But there's two, but once it happens, there's a bifurcation, right,

between the reality of the situation and the situation in my head. And if this person has left a complete vacuum, I'm inserting the worst I can come up with. If they look at me and say, there's life, we're done. If you rip a huge action fart. Huge, Steve, for the hugest of better. If you, Justin, are sitting next to someone

on an airplane, you rip one and the cranberry juice on their tray table spills and they look at you and they go, that's life, you're gonna feel good or you're gonna feel bad, embarrassed, creeped out, weird and terrible. What about, instead of that's like, what about pretty convincing? Now this works on two levels.

That's cool actually, yeah. Because on the one hand, oh, it's acknowledging like that sounded almost real. But also if it was real, I'm convinced. Or Travis, even better, if you actually did fart and you say something like, sounded pretty convincing, then they think, oh, they thought it was a fake. They thought it was a phony coming out of my sandals.

When for real it was real, that also gets rid of any of the bad feelings. That's really good. And it's honest. It is honest. Comes from an honest place. Comes from an honest place. Is there like a gazoo type, a bless you version

that the two parties involved or multiple parties can all in a very short, maybe one or two words, agree that they are just going to erase the last 15 seconds from their minds. What about, that's life? Huh. I mean, that's life. If someone says that's life to me after I-

But that is life. I don't know what situation I'm in in life where I fart out loud enough for a stranger to hear it. Hear anything else? But if someone does that to me, I'm gonna be creeped out by them. That is akin to them saying like, mmm, I don't fucking want that.

It's not akin to them savoring it. That's not akin to that at all, Griff. But it's not akin to them being like beefy. It feels akin to that. It feels of a nature relating to that. I'm just saying, we need to normalize saying stuff that acknowledges without judgment. And I feel like the problem with the silence

is that it is judgmental. There's a judgment in the silence. So I feel like filling the silence with that's life, because it is, that's life guys. That's life. It just happened. What's life guys. That's life, but it's, mmm. What about safe zone? You just announced safe zone. Safe zone.

I don't, what is that? That sounds like do it closer to it. Safe zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's no good. I don't know how much longer we wanna talk about this, but a fart is selfish. Free space. When you do one, you're making the world the worst place

for everyone around you, you're making the world the worst place for everyone around you, you're saying, huff me, like you are, this is a very personal experience that you may or may not have signed on for. I do not think we should be so quick to excuse. A real actual fart. I do think- They pip out sometimes. Sometimes they pip out.

Yeah, they pip out, but you try really hard- It's not rude that they pip out. It is still rude you're hurting people with the bad smell that you make. It's not rude that they pip out! It is still rude you're hurting people with the bad smell that you make. It's not rude that they pip out, your body pipped them out, not my brain! Go further away. And sometimes it just needs to happen! I didn't even know about it! You're too deep in a window seat on an airplane, Griffin?

What's rude, or making them get up so you can go to the bathroom just to toot? I have to go to the bathroom to toot. No way. I think I've reached my limit, guys. I don't think I can do it. Okay, well, actually, this is great timing, then. When I was on the plane back from our recent shows in California, it was the second flight. Thank you, everybody, who came out to see us,

by the way, it was fucking great. We did it for once during the whole show. You're welcome. The second flight back, which should be about 50 minutes long from Atlanta to Charleston. And I'm in the flight and it gets to be like the last five minutes of the flight. And they make the announcement like, okay, everybody strap in because we're about to land. And I think, ah, damn it, I should have peed because I really need to pee.

And then I like, I kind of like raised my hand and like, can I like, I signaled. Always cool. Always the look. And she's like, no, no, no, like this, don't. So I'm like, can I like, I signaled it. Always cool. Always the look. And she's like, no, no, no, like this, don't. So I'm like, okay, fine. And then I made me think you were saying, can I land the plane? Can I go with it? Can I take it?

I just always wanted to, if I could, I'm a pilot. I don't wanna do the landing. I just wanna do a loop. So I'm like, I'm gonna go ahead and get on to the, go to the bathroom, they said no. So then it goes to land and then I see the airport and then we pass the airport. Oh no.

And then we start doing a loop. One of them. And this guy is doing one of those. So now we're taking a loop. I see that loop start and I know, oh no, I really had to pee before, but now I've really, really gotta pee. And then the guy goes around in five minutes

and he does a loop and then he's about to land at the airport. And then he goes right past it and we're going again. And then I look at her, the flight attendant, and she looks at me and she's like, what can you do, man? Sorry, man, we're looping. Yeah, that's life.

That's life, we're looping. Guys, we looped for a third time, and now the knee to P has gone beyond the sort of like, I'm up against physical- Exquisite pain, I think they call it. I'm up against physical limits. I'm up against physical barriers, right? I'm now at this point, I look at her

and I have put my backpack onto my lap because I have decided like, I'm going to have to pee my pants a little bit, you know? But I'm terrified. Just to release the pressure. Just to release the pressure. But I'm terrified that like, if I start peeing, that I won't be able to stop.

This is literally, this is how bad. Hubris to think you can cut a midstream sitting peeing pants. No way. This is an emergency controlled burn scenario. Right, I look, as a Hail Mary, I look at her and, just say please. And she picks up the phone. Yeah, we got a real piss voice.

She picks up the phone and she calls the pilot. Justin, how are you just now telling us this story, man? This is fucking solid gold, dude. We're not recording it. She dumped you into begging to pee, and then she had to let the captain know, I got another one. Did the captain have to stop driving the plane

for a couple of minutes so you could, is that? I think you can argue, Grim, that there was at least a half moment of some attention that I had diverted from the landing of the plane to my person. Did he say please? Okay, yeah. That's all he said, sir.

That's all he said, let's please. How pathetic does he look? Does he backpack and lap like he's about to business band for the pressure? He probably thinks he can just do a little bit, but we've seen otherwise, haven't we, Patricia? Yeah, we don't wanna have to replace another seat, do we? She looks at me and she says,

I'm sorry, and shakes her head. She says, he says we're landing soon. Heard that before. So we land, and at this point, I'm thinking to myself, please pee. I'm thinking to myself, pee your pants, Justin. It'll be okay. You won't die.

You won't die. They'll put you in jail maybe for something, but like, you're not going to die from it. You're going to be okay. Yeah. And I was telling myself to pee. Did you get the impression that the pilot at least tried to give the smoothest landing possible and acknowledgement of your discomfort? Yeah.

Yeah. It was a, it was a humdinger. and acknowledgement of your discomfort. Yeah, it was a humdinger. And then we land and we are rolling up to the airport and I'm doing the thing where I'm just, I'm ready, I'm like pushed out of my seat, ready to go. And then the plane stops about 20 yards short and they say, folks, due to a lightning storm,

the ground crew's not able to reach us with the jet bridge right now, so we're gonna have to give it about 20 minutes. But you can get up during the 20 minutes, right? Well, she immediately says, everyone please, please, for your safety and for the legal, you know, for our legal culpability, please stay seated and stay buckled, stay buckled.

And then she looks at me and she says, it's okay. Wow. So now right after this announcement, as people are like, I'm, PS, the, I'm towards the front of the plane and the restrooms are in the very back. So as people are strapping in and they're thinking about how they're gonna be stuck here for 20 minutes

They've just learned why they wait for the ground crew I have to strip past him like that's right folks not me not this special rabble around juice I don't know how to tell you three and a half minutes. I timed it three and a half minutes These people must have there is no way any of these people thought I was in there for number one No way was that a number one amount of time that I was in the bathroom. That's crazy, dude. That's why, Justin, when you're walking back there,

you just have to look everybody one by one in the eyes and say, I'm not trying to cause trouble, I've got a piss boy emergency. Now, I think there was probably something in Justin's body language and the sort of meter of his gait that probably people saw that and immediately it was like, damn, that dude's about to pop, get him to the restroom immediately.

I feel like if you looked in my eyes, you would have seen beyond the beyond. I feel like you would have learned the secrets of how the pyramids were assembled, like just by looking. That's how deep into the horizon my awareness had peeled. I had peeled through the layers. I had to pee so bad that I was no longer a member

of the society that we had all agreed on, right? I had, it only took this much before I was like, I think I'm gonna leave society and pee my pants in the chair. When you ascend and transcend Laszlo's traditional hierarchy of needs, and you reach the sort of piss orb that hovers above the pyramid,

it's hard to really relate with the thoughts and feelings of people who are still kicking it on the traditional hierarchy. It's what they don't tell you that pissing your pants is an act of rebellion. You know what I mean? Like, it says that there is something going on right now in the current status quo that just isn't working

for this guy. For me, I'm just gonna go ahead and make pissies. And I do just wanna say that Lazlo's hierarchy of needs is, that's Mazlow's brother. And I didn't misspeak, he has a different hierarchy of needs and- Because number one, Lazlo's hierarchy of needs is not pissing your pants on the airplane.

Not pissing your pants is very high on it. There's also like- Keeping the people of Liberty City laughing. I mean, that's huge for Laszlo. That's huge, huge. Bro time is like big on his. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like a sort of amorphous bro time.

Not letting chips go stale. Not letting chips go stale is huge for him. Tornadoes. That's a whole base of his. Tornadoes, he's just really into them. And tomatoes. Yeah. Should we go to the money zone? I was about to suggest,

God, you read my mind, it's amazing. I think we should go to the money zone. Cool, dude. Too little, too late. ["It's Better With You"] It's better, it's better with you SquareSpace, SquareSpace, SquareSpace, SquareSpace, Square Airspace. What if that was, what if we were allowed to do that?

Wouldn't that be an effective advertisement if we just said the word SquareSpace for two and a half minutes? Our dad was in a local ad that where the jingle for a shoe company was half price half price half price half price Half price shoes. I'm sure everyone's familiar in shoes. No, not everyone's familiar. I know because they sell stickers of it at the Red Caboose.

So I can't imagine that everyone's familiar with our dad's riddle. Squarespace is first of all- Not our dad. Not our dad, a sponsor of our podcast. But it doesn't want to take care of us than our dad in recent years. I mean, take care of us. Our dad has not sponsor of our podcast. But that's, it doesn't want to take care of us than our dad in recent years. I mean, take care of us. That's true, our dad has not sponsored a single episode. If our dad tried to make a website,

that shit would not boot, or whatever websites do to get started. Um, but you can get started making a a website so easily with Squarespace. The three of us don't know fucking anything about computers or uh, like programming and stuff. But Squarespace... Love? What? We just don't know fucking anything about computers or like programming and stuff.

But Squarespace. Love? What? We don't know anything about love. We do know about that. That is the only thing we know about. Yeah. Oh, do we? Squarespace does the other stuff. They give you the tools you need

to make an incredible, professional looking, beautiful website. If you're a professional who needs a website, you can offer services, get paid all in one place with on-brand invoices and online payments. So many different systems to get that cheddar. And all the websites look amazing. There's a library professionally designed

and award-winning website templates. You pick the one that you want, designed for whatever category that you need it for, and you customize it how you want, and it's easy and it looks great. So head to squarespace.com slash mybrother for a free trial. I wanted to take credit for all the good work you just did.

Fucking kill steal, yeah bro. Shit, dude. Yeah man, I wanna do it. You just suck in there, man. I wanna just swoop in. That sucks, man. And make it seem like I have done. Travis, as punishment, you have to do the next ad.

Well, let's finish your swoop. I've already just, I was just telling them about it. Head to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER on one word to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace, you bring the love, we'll bring the website. What do you guys think about that?

I don't like it. ZockDock is now the next one. Okay, Zokdok. Let me tell you a little bit about Zokdok. Maybe you've caused a deep rift between yourself and your younger brother by stealing his ad read. And you're like,

we need to do some therapy to work on this. Where do we even start? Is there a couples therapist that specifically works with brothers? Ideally a throuples therapist for three brothers. I really, I do hate everything you just said. Everything is happening. Fucking, I do, I just, I just revile it.

I just came up with that word. Is that something already? Yeah, man. Yeah, it's a word that people use exclusively to describe their flesh and blood kin, real brothers. That's the word they use, is throuple, to describe them. Interesting, interesting. Okay, but using Dock Dock.

So keep using it just like that. Okay, so using Zock Dock, you could make a throuples therapy appointment for you and your brothers. Sure. Do you really want me to keep using it, Griffin? I'd rather not. Okay, great.

And you know, it's not just therapy. There's all kinds of doctors on there. You can get dental appointments, dermatologists, your just regular checkups, all kinds of stuff. It's easy, it's fast, and it's comprehensive. So Zocktalk makes it easy to find the right doctor right now. And it's all online. And you'll probably be able to book an appointment before probably the end of this episode.

I don't know about ad cause I'm about to wrap it up. He's about to. Yeah, man. I can always tell. Yeah. But Zocktalk is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click instantly to book

an appointment. It's easy, it's fast. Griffin used it when he moved to DC and set himself up for all his employee and doctor's appointments. Literally just used it yesterday. Amazing. There you go.

So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash my brother to find an instantly booked, atop rated doctor today. That's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash my brother, zocdoc.com slash my brother. Your camera's off, Juice. I can't see you. Oh shit, that's why. Okay.

I want a munch. Squad. I want a munch. Squad. I can't, don't I? Oh, boys, it's such a pleasure to be back with you on your program. It's been a pleasure to be back with you on your program. It's been a minute. Do you need some dirt from underneath your keep? Because you look a little raggedy, my friend.

It's the sunlight that is burning my eyes. It's a new beautiful cape, I must say. It's a nice cape. My cat pissed on my other one. I want to tell you boys about the new release from one of my favorite practitioners of donut delights. Krispy Kreme. Just right to business, huh?

You don't wanna catch up. Krispy Kreme and the Woman Brothers discover global consumer products are powering up fan's taste buds with the all new Hungry for Heroes collection. Featuring three donuts, celebrating iconic DC superheroes. Superman.

And I'm imagining a fourth donut that has had a very, very light amount of customization, perhaps even not even part of the color palette of the other three donuts. Landing today for a limited time at participating U.S. shops, the Hungry for Heroes donuts will rescue your sweet cravings. Cool.

That's great, because every time I look at like Superman or Batman or Wonder Woman, I think, I wonder what they taste like. For sure? Yes, capture the taste of your favorite heroes. I'm going to share with you boys the images so you can virtually eat them with me. Okay.

All right. There we go. There we go. So that's, okay. It's time to take your taste buds to heroic heights. This is a Superman donut. Taste your taste buds to heroic heights with Superman, the donut.

This unglazed shell is filled with smooth white cream dipped in light blue icing and topped with fluffy buttercream flavored clouds. Finished with a bold Superman piece and colorful Superman sparrinco blend. It's a sweet celebration of courage, strength, and sky high flavor. I don't like there being something on the donut I'm going to eat called a bold Superman piece. Piece of what? It's not very bold, it celebrates the courage

with the donut next up, Batman. I love, if we could scroll back up there, Count Donut, that it's clearly Superman flying through the clouds. But from the perspective, it could also just be seen as Superman bursting out of the middle of a donut. To be like, I live in here. I live in this donut.

Happy birthday. The Batman donut. Is this one, can you describe the Superman? The Superman donut is, it looks like a big, full blue donut with light blue icing, and there's like a little cartoon Superman flying out. Thick blue donut. What I love there too is they've re-imagined

the Superman character to be that when he flies, he leaves a cloud of sprinkle dust behind him, like he was Tinkerbell. That's James Gunn's whole show. Wonder Woman the Donut. Inspired by the power and grace of a true hero, the Wonder Woman Donut begins with our classic original glazed donut dipped in red raspberry flavored icing it's topped with blue sprinkles and bright white star shapes capturing the essence of

strength and courage in the medium of sprinkle and courage in the medium of sprinkle. Finish with a Wonder Woman piece and belt. This donut is a tribute to fearless leaders and everyday champions alike. A balance of flavor and flair that's ready to save your snack time. There's gotta be a middle ground for marketing writing between nothing and the sprinkles are brave.

The sprinkles have courage. Lastly. Do you think when they were writing that description, originally it said white stars, and they were like, oh, we're worried people think we put actual celestial bodies. We better clarify that they're just star shapes. Not actual stars.

The arrangement of the donut is also wild, because half of it does have the blue and white stars to resemble Wonder Woman's pants. And the top is just red icing with a little Wonder Woman piece on it. So it's like they've given the donut a shirt and pants. There is no, there's not a lot of great bites you're gonna get out of this thing.

It's gonna be either a whole bunch of sprinkles. There's a few bites that are gonna be about taking off that Wonder Woman piece, and a few bites are gonna be about knocking off sprinkles. Yeah, also if I'm watching you eat the Wonder Woman donut and you eat the pants first, I'm gonna be like, you pervert. Nasty dog.

Okay, I also, we never get follow-ups on these count donuts of like, this is what ideally they look like when a doughnut artist has sat down and spent 25 minutes to make it look like this. I wanna see what they look like. I don't think they are. Lastly, the Batman doughnut. Step into the night with the Batman doughnut.

A fearless, unglazed shell. What? It A fearless, unglazed shell. What? It says a fearless, unglazed shell. I am not afraid of my lack of glaze. I've made fish with it. These other unglazed shells, they're cowards. They're cowards. But this one?

They're lack of glaze. Filled with cookies and cream filling. Cloaked in bold black chocolate icing. And slashed with bright yellow signal streak topped with a heroic symbol. It's the ultimate treat for those who rise to any challenge. Dave Skellig is. Thank you.

I've been looking for a donut for people who rise to any challenge for decades now. Decades. We can't promise- I'm actually a little disappointed that they didn't go further with this description and talk about how like the cookies and cream represents the balance of dark and light within Batman and Bruce Wayne's soul as he struggles to exist in the world of darkness that would not become darkness himself. We can't promise you'll reach Superman, Batman, or Wonder Woman level by bringing a dozen

donuts to the office or your next get together, but you will be a hero, says Dave Skinner, Chief Growth Officer at Crispy Crane. Now, I want to mention one thing before we leave this topic. Are you looking at the... All right, you'll see this. Yeah, it looks like the bad signal shining up. It looks like the bad signal shining. But if you can just look. Can you see this?

Yeah, it's got a little cream nub in there. This is what I want to ask you boys. Do you think, you have a perfect donut. It looks so beautiful. We love it, the cream and the frosting, everything, and then at the upper, it's about 1.30, about 1.30 p.m. You run into these little, ah, shloppy blob.

Right, the little- Yeah, they left a shloppy blob on their product shot. The little shloppy blob, and if you look at Superman, if you zoom, your hands in your eyes, it's a tiny sloppy blob and I'm wondering boys, you're an expert in marketing, I hear you do advertisements and commercials. Do you think they had to show the sloppy blob?

Yeah, the sloppy blob suggests that when you bite into this Batman donut, there will be such a deluge of cream. It's gonna be, there's so much, we're giving you so much. It's full to bursting. We're gonna give you so much cream spelled with a capital K, is real, and off-putting.

You're gonna fucking freak out. What they communicate with the Shloppy Blobs is that they have so much cream that they're willing to part with it. Even overages,ages cream more cream than even the donut shell is prepared to intake yeah Jeremy went wild with this one you guys he is so much cream in there do you think that they missed an opportunity to have just a plain unglazed shell with nothing decorating it and call it like the Lex Luthor donut.

Eat his bald head, is that what you're suggesting? One, it's his bald head and two, that's gonna be the donut that everyone's like, why did you get, that's evil, that you just got an empty unglazed shell. What's wrong with you? That's the Lex Luthor donut. I would like to ask a question to you two boys.

If these, if you could have a different superhero themed doughnut, which one do you think would taste the best? Polka dot man? Ooh. Could be fun. Polka dot man could be fun. I would love a, like a Green Lantern one

that has mint chocolate chip filling. Or Moon Knight. Are you gonna do anything with this information count? Just curious. Okay. That's fucking crazy, man. I'm more of a literature guy, but I'm trying to take an interest in you too.

I don't see why that's such a crime. You should check out graphic novels and stuff. It's literature. Yeah, you would enjoy it. I like my novels extremely graphic. If the novel doesn't have at least four B headings by the third chapter, then I quit reading it. That's how graphic I like my novels. How many books fit that description?

Are you using your own podcast as the platform to flaunt your own ignorance of literature? How an embarrassment for you. That's just, that's a huge beheadings to chapter ratio. I actually think the Adventure Zone graphic novel does fit that criteria. My, some authors have the strength of their convictions, Griffin, and they're willing to take a head

if it moves the story forward. So what superhero would you want to be a donor to? I don't know. Probably Morbius, am I right? The Count of Monte Cristo. That's the only superhero I know of. Maybe Scarlet Pimpernel. Maybe Manbat. Can I have a Scarlet Pimpernel?

Is he a superhero for you? Scarlet Pimpernel donut would be all right. I would like that. Scarlet Pimpernel. I don't know, it's too close to pimple. Yeah, there's that. To have a cream filled donut. That's true. It's upsetting. I just wanted the green lantern for the lime of it. You like those tropical tastes, Count?

We're learning a lot about you this visit, pal. I had some free time. Normally I'm in such a rush. Sorry. As always, if you'd like to try a sample of them, there's the store. You can go to, your local. Cloager or Publix or Piggly Wiggly. And perhaps they will be installed there.

It actually, I'm looking at the website, it doesn't say Piggly Wiggly, it just kinda seems like you wanted to say that in that Boy Scout donut. Look who just lost access. Knife, close the page. It was available the 11th through the 13th and it's now the 17th, so I doubt you'll find him.

Boys, this has been so great. I've loved spending time with you. Thank you so much. Thank you for accepting me in the way I am. I love you. Yeah, no, it's always on your terms. Where'd he go? He flew away! Wow, he flew, he, wow, I didn't know he could do that.

He's a hero! And he didn't turn into a bat, which is the usual way that you see. No, he's Superman. He rose his arms, hey guys, it's me, I was watching from across the table. He rose his arms and flew into the sky like Superman. Yeah, that's cool, I didn't know he could do that.

Speaking of flying to places, we're going to be coming to Atlanta for Taz versus Popeye. Holy crap, I love it. I love doing shows in Atlanta. It's always so much fun. We're gonna be Taz. Taz versus Popeye is gonna be great.

And we're doing My Brother, My Brother. Meanwhile, we're there and we're gonna be at DragonCon. Also coming up later in the year, we're gonna be in Texas, Utah, and California. All the Taz shows are just this year. We were just in California. Yeah, we're going fucking back, bro. Hell yeah.

I left my wallet. All Taz shows this year will be Taz versus. Tickets for all show are on sale now. If you go to bit.ly slash McElroy Tours, you can get the info and ticket links there. Also, Dad is doing D&D in a castle November 3rd through 7th. Check out all the information at bit.ly slash McElroy Tours.

We have some new merch up in the merch store. We've got a Why Not A Wizard pin and a Fuck Off King pin, both designed by Evan Cruz. Well, the second one was designed by Daredevil. Oh, I get it, Kingpin, Fuck Off Kingpin. That's shit, man, yeah. Cool, dude. You're so stoked. I get it. Kingpin. Fuck off, Kingpin. That's shit, man. Yeah. Cool, dude. You're so stoked. I love how happy you get about stuff sometimes, man. It's inspirational. I'm glad. We need that joy to buoy us. If I'm going to be the

Stirli Temple of my generation, I need to generate all the smiles I can, you know? Yeah. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Immigrant Defenders Law Center. Oh, also, we have a a newsletter you can sign up for at bit.ly slash McRoy Newsletter and be the first to know about new tour dates, projects, and more. And one more huge thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better With You.

Check out Montaigne's new album, It's Hard to Be a Fish. It really is terrific music, I keep coming back to it. And do we have a fear? We do. Oh, you mean for the show. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Justin, would you read it this time?

Yeah, I'd be happy to, Trav. This year, I vow to be faster than my fear of being tweeted about by Tony Hawk for not recognizing him in public. Haven't we done a Tony Hawk related fear this year? Everybody's afraid of Tony Hawk. Everybody's afraid of Tony Hawk. Everybody's afraid of Tony Hawk. My name is Justin McElroy.

I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. Yes, it's true, ah, it's better, it's better with two. My life, ah, it's better with you