My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 776: The Great Brother Spiral of 2025

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

It’s your favorite podcast with the most respectable brothers! Why, yes, we do look bigger and beard-ier today, almost like football players, thank you for noticing. Oh, you like our bracelets? They’re made of wives. Stay tuned for Travis’s special album announcement, which is fully unrelated to that other one you may have heard about!Suggested talking points: Make it Not a Number, Gotta Juggle Those Donuts, Cannot See Us Without Microscopy,  Bookazines, I Want to Think About Tooth Stuff, Be Nice About My Boyfriend's Podcast, For the Eyes You Pay Extra, Altar-CallbackWorld Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/ 

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapping, and two, A precious friendship I could have never seen

What was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life It feels life Life It's better It's better with you

My life Ah It's better It's better with you This is true It's better, it's better with two My way Oh, it's better with you

Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me An Advice show for the Madrin era I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy What's up, Travis, Big Dog, Wolf, Vroom, McElroy What's up, Trave Nation, it's me, Sweet Baby Bart, 30 and 3, Griffin McElroy Now, we had a fun night at the McElroy

Household last night because we were all excited for the announcement of Taylor Swift's new album and the name of it and the name of it is. The name of it is Diary of a Showgirls. So the Life of a Showgirls diary.

So we, I watched this Sisterhood of the Traveling Showgirls Diary. Showgirls too. I wanted to be, we all wanted to be part of the Zykeyes in my house and we love Taylor Swift so our friends John and Craig and Autumn and Des and everybody came over when we watched the event.

Now, the event in question was a special interest to me because it was a podcast host to my brothers. Yes. Okay. I love this. And that shit usually gets you foaming

at the mouth. I love it. Justin. No, Griffin. Actually, you're confused because I love it. We love it when other brothers, other than us,

fucking come in. Including the Travis. I will say this, Griffin. If I don't love it right now, the tone of the next few minutes might be unpleasant. Okay, so let's just say that I love it. Okay, is that all right? I know you love it.

I did not know prior to this that one could use podcasts to announce information about upcoming albums. Podcast can't be news. Like, that's the one thing I have felt so safe and secure saying, whatever the fuck I want on here. Because I have been promised time and time again, podcast can't be news. You can't get news from podcasts. See, that's what I thought. too but then Travis and his brother not Travis they absolutely

like changed the game they had a huge they changed the game of football with the way they played it actually I I not for joke last night at one point was standing on our couch saying this can't be a podcast I make podcasts

it can't be the same thing no way but I want to I'm never too old to learn something new you know this old dog can still learn a new trick and I want to start like I want to learn it to be the masters I'm so glad Justin I'm so glad to hear you say that because I'm excited to announce the information about my new album okay life of a show life of a show girl too but it's okay oh it's sequel it's T-O-O right so to really maximize the yeah the full title is life of a show girl T-O Travis version yeah ska punk

and sensual hits skunk, I think you mean is how you would portmanteau those. They're separate. There's commas in between. Skaw, punk and sensual.

Can I get through the full title? I'm so sorry. It's just so long. Live of a showgirl 2, Travis version. Scott, punk, and sensual hits from the 50s, 60s, 80s, and today.

Why skip the 70s and the 90s? Couldn't get those rights. Couldn't be bothered. To the decades? Yeah. Also, why have you decided not to be the Travis character.

That seems like the cleanest option. I'm already. I'm already the Travis character. I see. Okay. Yeah, Taylor Swift was being the Travis character on their podcast. Yeah. That's fair. So, to explore Travis' new album, I, in an effort to try to learn from what

will almost certainly be the most popular most listened to podcasts in all of human history, I have just taken the exact questions, literally verbatim that were asked of Taylor Swift in last night's interview by Captain Hedek from Tintin. I'm sorry. Jason. Jason Kelsey.

I'm sorry. I was like I had a wrong tab open. I'm sorry. I'm just and I'm not sure. Honest mistake. Honest mistake. A wrong tab. I've been reading about Tintin earlier. It's going to take me weeks to decipher whether or not that was a burn

or just kind of a harmless compare. Or a compliment. It might be a compliment. I guess so. So are you ready for our interview? Yeah. Well, Justin, you've sent me some quotes also to sort of pepper in here. Mine don't seem quite as germane to...

So Travis Kelsey was also on the show, and he is Taylor's boyfriend. And he also talked, but he was not the interviewer, and he was not the subject. He was just kind of a color commentator. So I've sent you some color that you can add at your ledger. I think it's great that he maintained journalistic integrity by not interviewing her. when there's obviously a bias because they are boyfriend and G friend and Jason really put the fucking

screws to her, I'll tell you that much didn't let her escape by without talking about her jet all right Travis yeah one of my favorite things this summer was Travis reclaiming his masters his recording

of his first six albums finally became his and you haven't really talked about it you made this beautiful post on all your social channels thanking everyone that that made it happen and everything but why don't you tell tell the 92%

and stronger and stronger really felt. Like a bigger stronger voice juice I'm so sorry but like the delivery is great and you're getting all the words right but I think part of what makes it so

zeitgeisty is fucking huge and so the sounds he makes are so deep and resonant and people love to hear that but why don't you tell the 92% or so it really felt

to reclaim my master's well I got my master's in science, all of it. So it's like 100 masters there. But then I got the masters back for all my previous albums. And it felt good, but then I listened to them, and they weren't good. Like the masters were kind of bad in retrospect. Oh, come on, babe.

Oh, come on, babe. Don't like that. Come on, babe, you did great. Yeah, they were just all. so fast. I didn't realize how fast they were and I sound like Alvin

from Alvin and the Chitmunks. Time for more question? I have a question. Babe, can I ask a question? Sure, Travis. I want I want a wild otter so bad. I just want to like find

these little creatures. Yeah, I know. You bring that up a lot. Mostly in the bedroom. And I understand that, baby. Thank you. We'll work on Do you have a favorite thing from the Ares Tour?

My favorite thing from the Ares Tour? That would be, well, I request local donuts in the green room. I say, give me the best local donuts. And then I juggle them for the amusement. Baby got to juggle those donuts. Well, I got to amuse all the otters that Travis brings into the green room. He wants one specific. specifically whose life I saved.

Who knows that I saved his life? I guess that's in reference to the otters from before. Okay, great. Now, let's talk about something I don't know. Okay. What is numerology? You don't know. You threw that phrase out there, like, that's a common...

What is numerology? You don't know what numerology is. That's a direct quote. I don't know if it's directed at Taylor. Probably not. I doubt he would ever fucking Dane. That's the power of numbers. and their significance.

Like, one is the loneliest number that you'll ever see. Seven is, of course, up. 13, if 13 people sit down at a table, the first one to stand up is going to be the next one to die. Basic stuff like that. You get it, right? That's why we won't have dinner with more than eight people just to give us a margin of error.

Because if five people sit down and I stand up, I'm not trying to die from a witch. curse I don't know where to I don't know where I don't know where to go from here now what

how many countries did you do on the tour awesome fucking fucking Google it bro you can fucking easily Google that information brother don't waste my wife's time

I mean girlfriend what no Gremel Smith is here on great heights guys you're at here first secret marriage i'm here i'm here to announce travis's even next album after that i take hey travis yeah how do you go about like knowing how to do an easter egg i don't even know great question where does that process start are you like well is that the end of it that's a great question, Jason. I start by using the wax crayon they provide and I colored little shapes on it.

That way the dye won't permeate the shell at that point. And then I dip a little bit of the egg in one color, flip it over, dip it in a different color. And then inside the egg, I hide secrets about merch that's coming out and like upcoming announcements and stuff like that inside the Easter eggs, and then I hide them all over the continental U.S. And you have to find them and eat them to learn the information. And this is another fun numerology thing is that Travis told me that if I even decorate one egg, the number one, I'll die. So I'm not allowed to decorate any of the eggs because she said it's another numerology curse.

Yeah, we've been able to use the power of numerology to determine all the different ways Travis Kelsey could die and help him avoid guys. It's so many. It's a lot. I know I look tough, but I'm a weenie man. Yeah, death already has it out for Travis Kelsey. All right. Favorite thing.

I'm sorry about the weenie man thing. If he ever heard this, he'd be pissed and he's huge, so I'm sorry about the we hear of this. All right. Favorite thing about the Erez tour was besides going to it and just like being like amazed at everything. I mean, I was on, I think, I was on another podcast recently, just like all the songs, all the, like, everything you just talked about where it changes so much. There's something new every 20, 30 seconds.

It was incredible, the non-stop length of it. But I will, I'm going to be remiss if I don't say one of the things I loved is watching Griffin McRoy get on that stage. Yeah. The man in the tuxedo. Yeah. the fans have their own show literally right it was i i remember being in gelson kin germany if you say it with a german accent it probably sounds more like the actual city but okay my american accent is gelson kin gelson kin and i remember seeing that part of the show and they

were literally doing circles and like putting the orbs up in the air and passing them to each other like they were performing yep i remember that That was... Speak about orbs. Yeah, I remember the orbs very clearly. I actually, during that segment, teleported away for a brief period. That's when I appear on...

You teleport, you say, here comes deweeney, man. Yeah, well, I worked with Nikolai Tesla to develop that technology. And that's actually how I'm able to make so many amazing transitions. Is when the orbs appear, I clone, and the other Taylor drops into...

a vat of acid and I teleport across the stage in a different costume and you never know babe you never know which one you're gonna you're never yeah it haunts me it haunts me it haunts me one of the orbs hit me in the chest and it was terribly hot yeah no that will happen I asked you babe why they had to be so hot and you said for the show for the show Nikolai Tesla designed him that way and I did warn you about the orbs because that's one of the ways you could die yeah yeah Did you learn anything throughout the, like, is there anything at the end of the tour when you were wrapping up that you wish you had been doing the whole time? Yeah, I'll tell you. You would do differently now that the entire tour is wrapped up?

I wish we had disposed of all the Taylor clone bodies at the time they were created. We waited till the ends. And it was- You converted most of them to bracelets. Yeah. And they sold very well. The oils. Yeah, they sold very well.

I don't have a dinosaur plasticine. But when you're faced with thousands and thousands and thousands of Taylor cloned bodies to deal with, it's insurmountable. We should have just dealt with them one at a time because we use about 500 per show. And I love them all. I love all my bracelet wives. Yeah. Every one of them. Yeah.

It's a thing. Travis, one last question for you. Of course. How many people, this is actually for both of you guys. How many people have come up? to you guys in talking about or spoken about how much they've appreciated you

being a part of the chiefs and like their daughters all of a sudden being into sports because I get it all the time I can't imagine how much you guys get it literally never how much the game is grown not once

how much the game has grown I cannot walk down the street without being stopped and being thanked for being a member of the chief's team when they put me in a safety, no one thought I was going to be able to do it. They said, what? That's not how it works. But then I scored all the points. 12. Yep. I had no idea that was, yeah, that was a pleasant

surprise seeing all the little girls in the stands at games. And you can see a proud father right there standing next to them. It's definitely been fun to see that like surprise. So anyways, look for the life of a showgirl 2, Travis version, Scott, Punk, and Sensual Hits from the 50, 60s, 80s, and today coming out October 3rd. October when? Third. Oh, no, that's one of, sorry, Travis, no. It's one of the numbers. Delay it, babe.

Delay it to not a number. Make it come out not a number. Make it on Christmas. Make it on Arbor Day Do it on a leap year, babe, for me. I'll die otherwise. Well, my husband accompanied me

to the doctor recently. As he waited for me, he read one of the waiting room magazines. Later that day, he discovered that he had accidentally put the magazine in his bag and take it at home. Fuck, yeah. He is adamant about returning the magazine as soon as possible, but I'm on the side

of keeping the magazine and avoiding the awkwardness of coming in to return a magazine. they will surely replace. Brothers, what should we do? That's from pilfering patients in Palm Beach County. They won't replace it. Huh. They won't replace it.

The crime you've done. Don't like try to assuage your guilt by convincing yourself like this is a victimless crime. There's been a victim and a perpetrator who is you. I'm not saying there is a crime. There's a crime. I don't know about all that. But I am saying that the idea that they would be like, oh, that week old people magazine is gone.

don't rest until we find another copy. Unless it's a fucking like limited edition commemorative Batman returns. Okay, you're 100% this is 100% the issue, right? Because when I was growing up, magazines were cheap, they're disposable. You know what I mean? You could get, they came out every week. Entertainment Weekly came out every week. There was a new one and then you throw the old one in the frigging garbage, right?

Yeah. But these days, you got to think about bookazines. That's the biggest, fastest growing segment of publishing when you're talking about periodicals. And those things have a shelf life of 18 months. So you may have just stolen something that was supposed to be... That's a coffee table. That is an aesthetic choice. It's a softbound coffee table volume.

If we're talking... Glossy, full-color photography that is bound at a high-quality stock. If we're talking a Nat Geo deep dive into the tomb of King Tye, if we're talking a Time magazine full, like, this is James Dean's hole deep. take that back. Other people need that. But if it's a highlights, you've already solved the picture search.

Highlights is barely a magazine. Do you guys think that they missed, I'm using the collective thing, you understand, the publishing industry, I guess, missed a trick because I feel like when the writing was on the wall for the magazine industry,

they should have started zooming in a lot faster, right? Sure. If there was a magazine at this point, because the market is so narrowed, if there was a magazine just called, like, what the fuck is happening in this waiting room? And it's just about, like, different games for waiting rooms, like, different, like, things in this, like, secrets about the waiting room you are in. You know what I mean? Very targeted about, like, cool ways to wait for the, this is the only time I'm going to be thinking about my teeth. Get me now.

You know what I'm going to think about tooth stuff. Give me tooth jokes. really goes on in the dentist room. Yeah. Interviews with the people on a TV screen who are, like, doing commercials for Invisaline while you're in the waiting room for the dentist's office. There should be a chart in everyone that says,

how bad is this going to hurt? Seriously. And, like, look it up. Like, actually, it's pretty bad. They're lying. No, but here's the problem, Justin. Already, it's going to be totally eaten up by online publishing.

Because if I could get an up-to-date, like, up-to-the-minute story that's like, another guy who walks into the waiting room and a story populates like, what's up with that guy's hair? And I can read a story right in. I got to be plugged into Sosci to follow the events.

Oh, the waiting room. Yeah, but then the problem with any of this targeted thing is it's going to become more and more political, more and more fractious. And then you're going to have right wing magazines on the right side of the room that are like, the new door mat isn't really made in America.

Yeah, you'll get more and more targeting. Well, they don't, they don't give, they don't go to fuck about that. But it'd be something like, look that guy over there, how crazy, huh? Something more along those lines. Teeth are woke.

I'm glad you, hey, Griffin, I'm glad you overruled what I said to layer on. Look at that guy, how crazy. That was good, Graham. Nice, nice, a little, just a little,

I would like something to call me down in the waiting room book. I don't know what that looks like. Maybe an aromatic aromatic aromatherapy element. to it, a page or a sample of some sort that will blist me out just a little bit.

Like a perfume sample in the magazine? Yeah, but one that's been like, one that'll calm me down. Oh, like an aromatherapy, a little bit of oil to dab underneath the lip. That's, yeah, that's all I'm saying. Maybe a little bead so it can like survive the transit and it's like a little bead.

I think you used to do that with Cologne where they'd print it on the, which I never thought could have been a very good sort of represent of the clone experience, right? To print it onto the magazine pages, rub the stinky page on your face, like, that's X.

Now, that's for you. Here's what I'm thinking. Go ahead, Trow. My children go to a dentist where at the end of the experience, they get a token, that they can place in a in a goshabon machine and get a toy. What if all the magazines are kept behind the counter,

and the promise is like, hey, if you do a good job in there, if you're a good, like, dental patient boy. You get to take a magazine home? You get to have one of these magazines. And you can take it home, and then people will see you, like, on the bus home, reading the magazine, and they're like, he was good at the dentist. He didn't bite the dentist at all this time. I don't know that a magazine's going to get me in the door.

As much as I love magazines, I do love the idea of adult prizes, just in general, but especially for going to the dentist. I am a bit overdue for an appointment, and I've really been dragging my heels. but if I was able to drag my heels in a new pair of heelies that they would provide me as I walked out the door God knows I'm paying enough

for this service to throw in some rolling shoes at the end Isn't it interesting how we as a society have made it so adding the word adult before a thing makes it seem a little XXXX

the second you're like adult prizes I was like Adult prizes feel so unsexual to me What about mature prices? Well, that, okay, now you're, I don't like that, but adult prizes. Prizes for grown-ups.

A Costco, a Costco, a cost, a renewed Costco membership when you walk out the door. Elegant prizes. Elegant prizes. Ooh. I'm going to come, do your dishes for you. Adult prizes. Oh, like coupon for a free back row. Yeah, stuff like that.

Maybe they let you get in there, in their teeth. I think if I go to the dentist enough times and it would have to be a pretty big punch card, but on like the 30th visit it should be like you've got it by now you get a turn on like you can you work on the dentist teeth the prize could be you get to skip your next one you get to skip your next that could be cool too it drives me crazy when they're doing the dentist stuff and they're talking to me and I can't use my gift you know yeah sure like I can't share my gift with them I make them I make them knock me clean clean the fuck out if they're doing anything in my mouth they have to incapacitate me because I tend to go I tend to go I tend to

get more broad because I can't you can't really get a lot of like thinking material in when someone's like elbow deep so I tend to get kind of like Roman Atkinson there's a lot more like facial expressions like when they ask. I just assume that's how Dennis. Not that they will ask you to leave

I think that's how Dennis get their sick kicks. The power trip of asking you questions and knowing you can't answer. It's a control thing. They're high on power. They know. They know I can't talk. So that's That's why I bite them and then I talk anyways.

You know what I mean? To reestablish that. You don't, you don't do that. I would have heard about it if you did that. There's no way you do that, man. I don't do it. You're right, Griffin.

Yeah, no. This is the difference between us and the Kelsey's and Tay is like that was an hour, I think, I don't know, I didn't watch it, of like pure honesty and authenticity. And I just feel like you move us further away from the light of when you lie like that. Of Christ?

Well, yeah. but also of... Like, I'm thinking mainstream relevant. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is pretty good. Yeah, that's the kind of... Because, like, they are brothers

doing a podcast. You know how close? And, like, they hooked them with the Taylor stuff and the announcement stuff. They also probably were cognizant of the fact that this is the first episode of our show a lot of people are listening to.

We can't tell lies about who we do and don't bite. Like, we have to keep it pretty legit because now this episode is the onboarding. for everyone who came here for the one thing so let's not like let's drop our best shit let's drop I want to rescue a sea otter

and have it and steal it and take it let's drop numerology like hit them with the heavy hitters but don't lie but just try to watch that line but I gotta say I will say one thing that I really respect is that for the rest of the great heights for us 92%ers they kept it real like it still felt like our show

that we love very much so us and me and the fans were like we were worried that Taylor would upset the delicate balance of the show that we have come to really rely on in the months since they got into it and I... What do you get out of them on the episodes Taylor's not on, Jus? Well, man, the insights are huge

but what's cool is you get guys on there who, and I mean, I just... I get guys on there who are usually a little more buttoned up. Yeah, yeah. But because they're with... He's goodballs. boyfriend and captain had it from 10 they like they can like relax a little bit so like you might

have bill murray on there and you and bill murray might start doing prank calls chopping it up yeah you know what I mean just like silly stuff like that like get Ryan Reynolds and maybe you get him doing prank calls as Deadpool you know what I mean but it's like it's nice to see Ryan Reynolds let lose getting back out there yeah hey one other thing I wanted to say about that stream because I watched all of it. And this is another huge shout-up from the 92-percenters to Taylor. Just got to keep it real because we were worried she would upset the apple cart. She is a true fan.

She is a listener herself. I love that. She knew some of the stingers and some of the bits. She actually, like, knew the show pretty well, and she had said she listens to every episode. And I guess the ball's in your court, Sydney. But, I mean, really? Taylor Swift listens to that podcast. if these dudes are so huge and they will boot our ass's graveyard dead i do not know that they

couldn't they couldn't perceive us you know why it's called great heights because they couldn't perceive us without microscopy like an ant challenging a human adult griffin like it yeah no like a like a spore do you think the gods care about our blasphemy griffin Do you think the wind cares when I shake my fist? If I scream at the sun... The sun does not scream back. The sun does not... I do not burn the sun?

They would have to bust out their special jewelers loop. Just to see us scurrying about. And they'd chuckle. They would chuckle. I just feel shitty because they have taken their podcast. They have... they have parlayed it into NFL success and having Popsars.

And it's like, what are we doing with our podcast? Nothing. I didn't even know that that was an option. You know what I mean? That I could parlay anything we've done into a sports career. See, out of this whole situation, I feel best for the Green Brothers,

because so far we have been the blade against which they sharpened their own katana in combat, and we have really not been able to provide much of a wet stone. own, so to speak. Now they have this new brother competition that they can, you know, chase at. They haven't been able to chase us for a while because they've been so far ahead. One interesting difference also with the Green Brothers and us is that this event will not make them insane. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, well, sure, sure, sure. The existence of it won't make

them temporarily insane. I think our best hope, our best hope is that we somehow enter into a multi-directional feud between us, the Kelsey brothers, and the Green Brothers. And we let the Green Brothers and the Kelsey brothers do get out enough. I would like my children's children to be able to find my name written down somewhere in history Travis. I'd rather not be scorched

from living memory. But if we let them do get out long enough while we hide in the shadows, then he can swoop in right at the end and maybe have a chance. This reservoir dog's standoff is us in the corner guns akimbo while the greens do their own.

thing and the Kelsey's do their own thing and we're like fucking just think about it this is Travis casting us exactly where we belong master of the house going to catch a crumb you are anything that falls from his grody beard um listen how about another quote i don't maybe we go the money zone is the money zone yeah sure sure do they get money for their show it's script it's script it's script Casper just backs up fabricing eggs Just a batch of full of virgin blood It's better

It's better with you Square space Yeah Yeah listen if you have a dream It's never too late to start realizing it You could start your new podcast any Many of ways

One of the ways you could kick off as a relaunch would be to have Taylor Swift on your podcast. That's one. Would be to launch a website for your podcast. Maybe that's another approach. It might be a little more sustainable, honestly. Maybe have Taylor Swift launch a website for you. Yeah.

Yeah, if she was going to make me a website, I do hope she would use Squarespace. What if she becomes so into the limelight of announcing things on podcasts that she's on every podcast announcing everything? Now, granted, we're far down the list. But if I could get her on our podcast announcing anything, I'd be so excited.

Now, Travis, don't say that because I, Taylor on the episode, said it was her first podcast appearance, but it's the first time she'd been asked. Wow. Which seems unlikely, but I do have to own my part in that. I haven't done it.

I did not have the guts, you know? I didn't reach out. Fair. I didn't ask. I'm going to say open door. Open door. I wouldn't show up. I'd be sick that day, guys.

I think we could start, I think if we started a, like, I briefly flitted across our mind, like, the Macquarie brothers will interview Taylor Swift, and in my head, I was like, the Macquarie brothers will be, like, arrested and sent to the deepest darkest. Like, we'll be sent to jail. Like, we'll be sent to jail for 30 years and, like, no one will ever even think about it. It'll be a good thing. But you know who always does a good job? Squarespace. Yeah, sure, sure. Yeah. Let's talk about that. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We fit. Like, I guess in summary, we're fuck-ups. We're worth us. I'm getting more worried about getting beat up by one of those strong football guys because they wouldn't even have to do it themselves. They don't like retired football. But you know what?

Squarespace lets you do it yourself. With great tools that anyone can use, you don't need, you need neither brains nor brawn to use Squarespace. Because they have world-class designers that are making templates that you can plug your own photos, you're an information into,

and it's going to look like a pro-made it. like a real website and everything. So, head on over to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now maybe you find yourself, like in,

just for example, where you've been talking a lot about two meaty men and then they came and found you and beat you up real good. And now you need a doctor fast. Yeah, for a doctor right now. Special doctor for football ass whippings, a sports therapist. Also, you've recently become, due to a rather unpleasant first half of a podcast, you've recently become radioactive, and no one really wants to help. Yeah, yeah.

So you've moved, you've had to move multiple times. You're in a new place and you need a doctor fast because the meeting men found you no matter how hard you tried to hide. And they will always find you. Or maybe you've just moved to a new city and you don't know any doctors there and you need to fill out your network of health. health care providers. Zokok is, I will say, personally speaking, great for that. So I found all my folks here in D.C. I guess if you were on the lamb from the podcast brothers, it would also be good for you

because I don't think they ask you that in like the questionnaire, like, are you being hunt, excuse me, are you being hunted by football players? Yeah. But Zocktax are geniuses, really, I football. Football geniuses. It's a free, Zococ is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality and network doctors across. every specialty, and click to instantly book an appointment.

It seriously is super-dooper easy. Like, in the last couple months, I've used Doc Doc a few times to find some specialists for myself and my family, and it's super, super easy and fast. I don't know what else to say. He's probably understating it. Griffin's medical maladies are so fast and frequent. It's pretty true. Oh, yeah, it's a, I'm plugging holes on the Titanic.

Oh, important medical out there. I can't believe. I think Titanic actually. just had the one big hole. Griffin, how did your allergy test turn out? Yeah, Griffin. Oh, guys, I'm so, so, so glad you asked. Fine.

Nothing, nothing. There was a, there's a foaming agent that I had a minor positive reaction to, but it could have just been something that was already there. I am, they said, unkillable. Okay, no, wait, hold on, Griffin. So I didn't want to, I mean, obviously I want to, wanted to refrain from bullying. Yeah, go ahead.

That results were in. And I think Travis probably felt the same way, I think. But now that you know that it's... Well, it's not that I know. It's that medical science has now officially confirmed that you're just a huge wimp. Yeah. I mean, the science is in, and Griffin, it's like not allergic.

It's nothing that's causing it. Do you understand its inherent weakness? It's like inbuilt weakness. weakness. Suriasis is weakness entering the body. Correct. Right. If you really, if you really think about it. But don't worry, guys, once I start pumping that fucking Skyrizzie through my body like the fucking bane toxin and I get huge and smooth, you guys, you guys are going to eat your body and they said some foreign substance must be causing what's happening to him. It's coming

from within. But it's coming from inside the body. So stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to Zocdoc.com slash my brother to find an instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Zoc-D-O-C dot com slash my brother. Zock-Doc dot com slash my brother. I want to get a sign made, but it says days without a make-good requested. Just like a big zero I can hang up. Can I tell you guys the problem I keep coming back to with the

Kelsey Brothers. Yeah, sure. Oh, wow, we're still. Yeah. It's the most important event in podcast history. When I see, especially another Travis, but anyone succeeding at a thing that I don't succeed out, I think that's okay. I can't do what they can do, but they couldn't do what I can do.

Right. I couldn't be a football hero. But then I see them have a very successful podcast. And then I'm like, well, well, I guess. I have nothing and so I'm happy with the level of success we've achieved it's a principle it's a it's the principle of the thing he was supposed to be good at football and I was good at podcasting and we didn't have to compare and contrast our experiences and then he's kind of encroached into my territory and way faster like way way way way way faster than we did it so what if I became like an NFL guy that would be awesome yeah it'd be like that it'd be like that movie with mark walberg in it where he just wanted to be a kicker so bad yeah um what was it flight plan yeah flight plan yeah i think that was it uh i think it was called eagle man flight man yeah was it could it possibly have been called

eagle man flight man but i think that was it you could be like that because he was older and he did have quite a bit of football experience before he decided to go from being a bartender to a NFL kicker Well, I could also do, like, the Dennis Quaid movie where he's old and gets really good at pitching all of a sudden because his old tendons healed in such a way that he got good at pitching. You could also get rookie. You could get rookie to the year pretty easy. No, no, Travis is talking about the rookie of the year, which is a combo of the two that he just made up. I really like it, though. Yeah. No, I'm pretty sure that Dennis Quaid's character, when he was little, his arm healed in a way that made him good at pitching.

But then when it broke again, they were like, you'll never pitch again. And then he got really old. Right. And it was like, oh, healed again. You're super good at pitching again. Right. So, Travis, I guess the takeaway is go to the doctor. Yeah.

Get knees, elbows, shoulders, surgery. Yep. That will make you good at pitching. Now you're going to start there. And you're going to be a really good pitcher in the MLB. Yeah. Took me a second to remember that acronym. And then you'll do like a Jordan thing where you're like, I've already conquered MLB.

Now I'm going to go do football. Okay. Okay, how long do you think that will take? Because, I mean, I'm already 41. So how long... Fuck! Wow. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. What? No way, dude. Travis, how did you pass me, dude? Well, I assume... I'm 39. I assume Travis Kelsey is older than me because he's bigger and more successful, right?

No way, dude! Wait. What? Oh, by the way, thanks to the president of me. He's bigger than me. He's bigger than me. How could he be younger than me? He's larger in so many ways.

How could he be younger than me? This is the law dictated by world president, Steve Palmer. It's the biggest and richest guy there is. And his vice president, Reggie Fis Abay, the second biggest richest guy there is. The biggest oldest man alive. The biggest oldest guy there is. I celebrate, one thing that occurred to me that I don't celebrate enough with Taylor Swift is that the way. The way she, no, I'm serious, I am in awe and a huge respect of the way that she has decided to deploy excess, which is creating increasingly complex riddles and alternate reality games for people to decipher.

She was saying on the show that some people said, oh man, I don't know, Taylor, it's getting a little zodiac killer. And she was like, how about we do more? It's like, that I respect. If you're like, yes, I have infinite riches and power. What I'm going to do is create an alternate reality layered on top of our reality where I am the riddle master and no one around me knows how deep it goes. I also love that she took, speaking of excess, there's a TikTok trend of like, hey, my boyfriend wants to show you. And then it's like his Gundam collection and you guys are going to watch and be really nice. And Taylor Swift said, I think I can do that even further.

My boyfriend has a podcast and you guys are going to be nice and watch it. It really does feel that way dress is such a good call. The idea had to have come from the meme like, hey, wait a minute. You can do this. I mean, legally speaking, we could do this, right? All three of us do podcasts with our wives. We are throwing stones inside of a glass house. Yeah.

I feel like. Listen. Yeah, but Trees is not doing it to be nice to me. Well, maybe she does. Do you think that some of this might be motivated by envy? Do you think the green-eyed monster may be fucking around somewhere, Griffin, in some hidden crevice? It's just the principle of the thing.

I'm perfectly content with the level of. If there was a principal on that show, Griffin, that would be perfect for me. If I could just come on and be the principal of Great Heights and be like, you Kelsey Brothers rat it again, stop that podcast. Wait, Justin, if you had the chance to cast yourself as a principal on the Kelsey Brothers podcast, why wouldn't you be a Mr. Feeney type? Why would you be a Mr. Belding? He'd be a big building.

Why are you going to building? What the fuck am I going to teach the richest football players that just got Taylor Swift on their podcast? I have fucking. what how to how to mod is rg 473 xm each shit i got a how to download all the Sega CD emulators you now you be quite now you be fucking careful you're right you be careful you're right Travis could say that Travis can say that shit not me not here no not MacGloid oh I thought I was Kelsey oh oh so exciting for a second that I could say it how about another how about a second question oh we sensed it this is a second question I have a

problem where my barber out of nowhere the last few times has asked me if I want my eyebrows trim. I keep saying no, but the line of questioning has started to make me nervous about my eyebrows being out of control. How do I ask my barber if they actually think I need an eyebrow trim without coming across the self-conscious or accusatory? I really like my barber and I don't want to put them on the spot, but I've had too many sleepless nights wondering if what I see in the mirror is really what everyone else sees. That's from preening in Pennsylvania. This is great. I'm excited to talk about this. I'm thrilled. thrilled to

thrilled to bits I didn't know this was a thing I needed in my life until I went to a barber who was like you want me to trim your eyebrows and I was like

I guess it's hair so it's your jurisdiction and they did it and I was like wow that looks a lot better I look so clean I look like a really clean man

right now sometimes I think about the fact that there was a day in my life and I don't know when it was I can't pinpoint it but I aged to a point

where my body said now you need to worry about your eyebrows because when I was young I don't remember being a nine year old with untrimmed eyebrows right that never happened that wasn't a concern but at some point they started growing but I think I might have

but I don't know I think I fucked it up the first time I cut them you know what I mean like I remember the first time I cut them because I got a the trimmer thing and had a guard on there that said eyebrow I thought oh shit

all right you know and what happened I guess you should cut these and then I cut it and then I've continued to do it at really I would have to say

almost random intervals in the month since right but I feel like the necessity of it is only because I did it the first time like if I had never cut them maybe they just like were kicking it perfect

yeah you know like what were they doing before that you alerted them falling down my face they weren't growing down my hey Hank Green you never stitched you one of these how come my eyebrows

I'm just like groaning in my face pal it's fucked up it's so crazy if they got big and if they got big bushy Peter Gallagher deals I would be like fine let them fucking rock that's not how they do it

they just wild spires a brample every 15th hair will shoot out like a wild barn owl and those have to be those have to be dealt with by her fashion those are wild when you find a four inch guy and you're like how did you do this

you're like a fucking minnow I love my own eyes. You're a mintat from Dune with your stained lips or whatever. And sometimes I'll feel like an it. I'll feel like an itchy right here and I'll scratch it. I'm like, what's it scratching me? It's my own curly huge over eye pubs. No thanks.

Get him out of there, Doc. Griffin, I'm glad you invoked Peter Gallagher because, question asker, there must have been a point where Peter Gallagher said no enough times to someone wanting to trim his eyebrows that he was like, this is my thing now and everyone went yeah it is Peter Gallagher that's great do you know it's funny actually it a ton of maintenance almost daily maintenance on his because they grow like like a foot and a half every day like one of the trolls don't do anything it's just two big curtains two two big beautiful dark curtains and he has to sort of for the eyes you pay extra yeah that was

really good. I don't sweep them out of the way for less than 30 Gs. It's really good. You want to see the eyes in this scene. Here you go. You sure? They are. Get your eyebrows trimmed. It feels fucking great. Feels excellent. Do it yourself. It's free.

Do it yourself also. In general, if I'm offered an additional service for the same amount I'm paying by a professional, I always say yes, because it makes me feel like a fancy dapper gentleman. Usually surprised. Absolutely. What a curveball. From Travis.

absolute shocker. My grandma's nickname is the furnace and I inherited for warm nature jeans. Summer is my enemy and my hands are always warm and toasty. The other day at board game night, I brushed hands with my husband's coworker and his hands were frigid and I wanted to ask if I could warm them but realize what an absolutely feral question that would be. So brothers, how can I share my warmth with the world without sounding like a creeper? That's from warm heart, warmer hands and this feels like maybe a grounder you didn't need us for. Maybe. Let me give you my warmth. Let me show my warmth.

It's this kind of challenge that Kelsey Brothers wouldn't back away from this. That's true, Trave. We gotta get in there, nut up, as they say. When you're playing in Green Bay and you're in a huddle with all the other guys, you're not too proud to share your warmth. Patrick, give me those cold hands, brother. We need to warn those hands out. Those are golden hands, Patrick.

She calls them rehearsals. I call them practice. Yeah, yeah. It's the same thing. But we both follow them intermission, because I like that better than halftime. It applies there. It's classic. Yeah.

Hey, I'll go ahead and read the next question, too, because it's Jermaine. Hey, guys, it's me, Chili, Chili Mike. You know me. I always am cold, and I have cold. My blood barely moves, barely even any in there, cold, cold, cold body. And it's awesome in the summertime. It's like being an air conditioner in the summertime. And my coworker's wife touched me, which side question, what's that all about?

But she felt too hot. So how can I make her cold with my skin? Here it is. You need a non-contact heat exchange. Pair of gloves, pair of gloves. You get the inside of those gloves cold. I get the inside of these gloves hot. We exchange.

We balance our temperature. No contact necessary. Thank you for that answer. Mike Pence. I agree. We should not touch women we are not married to. I'm saying the amount The length of time to pass

A like hand heat to hand cold Would be too long For friend contact Yeah Especially husband's co-worker Contact maybe you have a close friend You can walk around holding hands with That's awesome

But that's a deciding Everyone's got different Everyone's got different stuff going on In their marriages And their romances and their arrangements We're not here to pass blanket judgment on anyone. I'm saying personally speaking, that would be a long time for skin to skin with someone. I don't know the exact amount of time.

But even if it started casual, if you go to warm someone's hands, at first you could like look around the room and you could maybe like think for a second. But eventually it's going to be like, hey, there you are. Are you feeling this? Yeah. Here I am. I mean, what is this? You know what I mean? Like, what is this?

Here we are. Here's, what is this? Justin, though, you've given me an idea. Just from the very motion that you did, if you impart some kind of wisdom or lifeless into them while you're holding their hand like that, hey, hey, come here, come here. You're worth it. Something then.

But you're worth it is not going to get them warm. You need to like a huge, like, when people, look into your essence and you have an energy that when you and recognize that if you weren't there

and everyone around you knows like it stall for time until the heat has been projected. What about you throw a parable at them? You know? And you're like,

hey, have you heard the story of the frog falling into the well? Life's a little bit like that sometime when you think and you just talk for a while and then end it with like, just think about that. If you're going to hold my hand and do wisdom at me,

it's got to be pretty good shit. Because otherwise it's going to, it needs to be like a soothsayer with a warning from the future or else I'm going to be like, I just had the weirdest experience. Oh, it's going to be weird, no matter what. But now the story's the weird part, but make it worth it.

But make it worth it. I've found a lot of success in my day-to-day life, and this is not a joke, but I've found a lot of success in my day-to-day life. if you're in a setting, especially like a food related setting, if you say, can we go to the Lord in prayer real quick, you will usually buy yourself a full social reset at that point because everyone will start looking at you like, is he serious? Is he not serious? And that's probably enough time for you to warm the hands. So I think if you swoop up and you're like, can we go to the

Lord in prayer just super quick? And then while they're listening to you and you start hitting them with the, Dear Jesus, we just thank you so much for everything you've done for us, Lord. and we just pray for your child. And your aura and your essence and the energy is so good. Thank you so much for sending you. And you use this in your real life, Justin? In my day to day life. Not the handholding thing, but like the, if I'm in an uncomfortable conversation

and there's a group of people, I will sometimes say, can we go to the Lord and Prayer? Because it's a pretty good, no one really has a good comeback. And a lot of people close their eyes and then it's a usually a pretty good chance to just sort of like reset. Have you ever tried Justin to leapfrog that into like, can we go to the Lord and prayer? and then everyone, and then you just pick a random person and they're like, would you like to lead us? Oh, that's cool. That's such a good move, dude. Sometimes in my life, I have deployed this

when we're about to eat at dinner, and then there'll be, like, one person there who you'll realize, like, uh-oh, they like this. You know, like, they're doing it. And then I've, sometimes, I'm already the one talking. And then they lowered their head really quick, so they can't see me and everybody else, like, so I've, all of a sudden, like, uh-oh,

I have to really take this serious. now and then I'm doing a prayer that's like could be like if you looked at the transcript the next day on another podcast and read it you might be able to make it seem spiritual but the tone is like get a load of this guy yeah the tone will be lost when they right if that happens again just drop a rub it up dove thanks to the grub yeah gone and then everyone's like that is it's offensive is it's offensive I said yay god I said yay god that is only acceptable if it's why EA and it goes at the start of the prayer. That's one of the, that's one of like the 14 acceptable introductions. I don't know what goes at the start of the prayer, but I don't know what goes at the end of the

podcast. Amen. It's the outro. Oh, amen. Amen. Yeah, we, that's why we say amen. Rachel keeps cutting it out because she says it won't do will with our audience. We were recording three hour long episodes, guys. The call to the altar at the end of every episode gets cut. She has it every week And it's like, how are we going to save souls? People will be like, I don't understand this joke you made at the intro. Yeah, it's because we set the joke up in the altar call.

At the end. From last week. At the end. All the best characters are in the altar call back. That's cool. That's cool. That's cool. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You're welcome. Who else do we owe gratitude to? Next week, we're going to be in Atlanta for DragonCon. We're also going to be doing Adventure Zone versus Popeye. I've been excited about this show for months. I cannot. I literally, I'm so excited to do this show.

I'm also, on hinge. We're also going to be doing it. I will make my dad eat spinach on stage. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. I won't because I can't, but we can make dad do it.

I'm the oldest. I'll make dad eat spinach. I'm the biggest. I'll hold it down. You feed him. We're also doing my brother, my brother, and meanwhile, we're there. And we're doing DragonCon events.

Go to bit. dot ly slash macroy tours for all the information and ticket links we're also coming to texas utah and california with more uh shows including more taz versus shows tickets for all those are on sale now uh also want to let everyone know dad is doing d and d in a castle in november uh it's going to be a super fun time he's a fun dm to work with uh i mean maybe well we've done it spots are available for them know what'll have you can't predict the future No, but I've seen him run D&D in a castle, and he does a great job. What if the castle splits?

Well, that's fair. That's not dad's fault. It says so in his contract. So you can get those spots for D&D in a castle with dad in November. Check that out. We got some merch up in the Macquarie merch store. We're running a big back-to-school sale on a bunch of our stuff. All our essentials, our erasers are pencils.

Hey, we got backpacks and fanny packs and notebooks and all kinds of stuff. We've got some of those belts that you wrap around the books to carry them with that they did in the old timings. We also have the hoops and the sticks. They keep your grades up pin is back in stock. There's a lot of things

to inspire your educational journey. That's all up at macroymerch.com and 10% of all proceeds this month will be going to World Central Kitchen. So again, Macroymerch.com.

And thanks to Montaigne for the use for our theme song, My Life is better with you. Make sure you check out that new album. It's hard to be a fish. It's truly, truly, spectacular, fun,

wild, cool. album that's cool to listen to and it feels good to listen to it hey justin would you read the fear this week yeah travis i would love to thank you for the honor you're welcome i appreciate it this year i will be faster than my fear that the unplugged toaster will shock and kill me because i put it away my name is jesus mackeroi i'm travis mackeroy i'm griffin mackleroy it's been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips It's better with you. My life, ah, ah, ah, it's better, it's better with you.

My life, ah, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with two. My life, ah, ah, ah, it's better with you. Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.