My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 777: Preparation Hoops

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

You’re a winner with our JACKPOT of an episode, featuring wild stream-of-consciousness stories about destroying microwaves, horny lattes, BYOP (bring your own parmesan), and a bonus update to Justin’s suppository adventure.Suggested talking points: Her-merroids, Marcel Sweetcheeks, The Peristaltic Foreman, Cheezing Fee, Did You Creamy?, You Can't Add AwoogasWorld Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapping, and two. A precious friendship I could have never seen

What was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life It feels life Life It's better It's better with you

My life Ah It's better With you This is true It's better, it's better with two My way Ah, ah, it's better with you

Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me It's an advice show for the Modranera And I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy I'm your middleist brother, Travis McRoy, period I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 Media Luminary, Griffin McRoy, cha-ching, cha-ching! What?

You've hit the jackpot. on this episode 777 it's your lucky day pal because we're about to what's wrong trap i was just thinking for this one maybe we could try doing like a really professional right down the middle this is like we've always said this isn't your daddy's podcast but this would be your daddy's podcast we never have a tag we have a tag this time we can talk about 777 that's something and we never get to do like numerology stuff because we forget. But this one seems like it writes it. Like we won't have to come over here.

Okay. Because I don't want them to hear. Okay. We won't have to come up with as many jokes. Yeah. If we can lean on our sort of numerology. Okay. Can we do it in like a professional mature way, you think?

I don't understand why this is the time in the moment. Let's speak on. Say that for 778? That's a great angle for 778. We don't have the numbers. Let's speak on. Oh, and for 79, we can talk about how. how that's why nine is afraid of...

Six is afraid of seven. We love this. We'll get the joke right. Seven and eight nine will actually be funny. That will be good. Okay, great. Because it's another number one and there's less joke. That's the one we don't have to come up with.

I was curious if the last time these like beautiful sevens had lined up was, of course, we all remember episode 77. Yeah. Which was called the lucky line. The whole shebang. And that was from 2011. And I was curious if we had done some like some stuff about 70s. stuff like I just didn't want to retread well two's not as it two's not as

exciting yeah look back to episode seven did we talk about the movie seven a lot and like what's in the box in in 77 we said cut a hole in some sheets cut a holes in a sheet candy and apple bob it and get ready it's H time

okay I don't think it was about but I'm using this to make a point I actually I brought this out because I was hoping we said something by seven but like I do want make a point. This was 14 fucking years ago and we are still just grasping for

anything to talk about in the first five minutes of this show. It's funny, I'm looking at the transcript for episode 7 right now and let me see, um, what about men's rights? No one ever talks about men's rights. Yeah. Um, but we were groundbreaking at that point. Yeah, we were

the first ones talking about talking about men's rights. I'm more interested now in men's wrongs. You know I mean? Yeah. There's been plenty of men's lefts. What?

I need them to. I need them to. Yeah. Men at work. I doubt it. I need them. I need the men's to have lefts. And so in episode 7,77, we're going to look back on this, 140 years in the future and be like, what the fuck does that even mean?

Well, by then all the men will be gone. Sure. Let's hope. I had a brief update for everybody about my hammering. I did notice... Justin, please, hereroids. Heroroids, thank you. We're erasing.

So that video popped up this week. We just happened to pop up the video about me debating whether or not I was going to use suppositories of my hemorrhoids. And I do have to... When you do a show like ours, it's very much true with consciousness. There is a sort of walk of shame that happens when you see that pop up.

You're like, oh, Justin. We don't pick the clips. We should make it clear. The three of us don't. Our wonderful video team and social folks help figure that out for us, which is great, because that means less that I have to listen to the show. The choice sometimes to put you and your butt wounds specifically to lift that up in front of the alga. I think the incorrect assumption they make, ha, ha, ha, is that Justin wouldn't bring it up on the show unless it was a choice.

he was making that he was proud of and wanted to be serviced. Once the record button has been pressed, I have to talk for an hour. That's it. Especially the last 15 minutes there's no accountability. In the first five minutes. Yeah, the first

five minutes in the last 15, there should be no accountability for the very private things we discuss. So I did do, I did get them. I not on purpose, but I

did call them into a pharmacy out so like I was like way out I did not need to be spotted that's what that's that's that's that's where Dustin Gackleroy gets his pills yeah when he needs a little bit of discretion he's extreme and loves putting pills up

his butt. Good evening my name is Marcel sweet cheeks and I leave you have a prescription for my election and I am not sitting pretty Donuts Ask me to take a seat

Without my hemorrhoid donut So I go into Damn it I shouldn't have said Rachel ended out The specific pharmacy No one would have known That was the name of an actual place

I know that's why I got to cut it out But if you hadn't said it It sounded like you forgot the word pharmacy This is edited It's not edited The pharmacy I get the pharmacy I get it I don't want people to know

Where the pharmacy I go to okay whatever there's probably not that many pharmacies anyway that's true so I get the suppositories they look like the ends of number two pencils okay like the top inch and a half of a number two pencil

the right and end or the or the the right and end but we're good with that because we do want well a tapered experience a taper is welcome USA tapers welcome But no flare, no flare at the bottom of this one. No flare at the bottom of this one.

So it's like a bullet. It's a bullet. It's a bullet. That's how people, I hope, describe our show. A fine, tapered experience for easy. No flare. Inertion, no flare. Well, come as no surprise to you folks at home.

I have a physician living in the house with me. So I asked her, I said, so like, what do I do? And she said, I mean, you just go. Yeah, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, It seems a pretty one-step process to me, Jiamian. That kind of cool, I remember that? Round peg, round hole. No, no, no, no.

Hold on. Griffin, you go ahead with yours. Round peg, round hole. Okay. Thank you. Easy. Easy. And that's what she says to me.

Easy. So I don't do it for a while. Did she say, is it tapered for your comfort? She didn't even ask. Here's that. I just told you the entirety of the conversation, and that will become important soon. Okay. So she says, yes.

Please skip over the part. If you do put it in your butt, can we like tastefully? I'm not on. Can we cut to the windows with curtains blowing and then come back? Give us the story from Cid's POV so we don't have to. I literally can't. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I will.

I will. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tasteful editing. That's all I'm asking. I will. So a random morning that had no real significance to me, Sidney McRoy. I'm in the kitchen taking care of our children. Is there a bird outside the window?

How's the sunrise? Getting away for school in the morning, right? I'm working hard, and I'm getting my kids ready for school. There is an announcement throughout the speaker on the home speaker system, and it sounds like this. Sid, come to the bathroom, please, I need your help. Oh, Jesus, man. When Sidney comes to the bathroom, she finds me, Justin McElroy, with my pants around. on my ankles, laying on the floor, sweating as though I've just been drenched in a bucket

of mop water and like a weird ice bucket challenge. Trying to rend the shirt from my chest so I could breathe again. That's what Sidney walks into. So here's the thing about putting in a suppository. Yeah. Go on. You should. You should not do it standing up.

Oh. Yeah. Because if you do it standing up. you can press a thing or do it a wrong. Well, this can happen regardless, but the reason we don't do it standing up is while this posthory is going in, you can, Cindy called it vagaling.

And basically, you press the wrong tube in there and you basically explode your whole body. Your blood pressure gets fucked up. You can't stand. You burst into a sweat and you basically have to lie down on the ground because you think you're going to die for putting the pill in your butt wrong.

Uh-huh. Your wife said you couldn't do it wrong. She said, just pop it in there. She did not say, loop it up, she did not say lay down, she said, just pop it. She didn't say mind the vagling because you could fucking die, hoops. Do you think you're stronger now than you were before? She remembered the conversation exactly. When she walked in the bathroom, she knew.

She knew what she had done She was like When she heard the announcement On the Alexa She knew She was like She was like Oh my God

He vagled What did I do Oh my God He bagel my sweet boy She thought she was gonna walk Into a big pile of blood You know? Yeah

Oh Justin Now I have to Google vaguing Justin So the good news Now you have this If like When someone talks about Like how Howard childbirth is

You can be like Well I put a positive I got my butt wrong so I understand like 10% of it I here's the only thing I'll say about the disposatory this is the tip for the future this is the only challenge with it it's not putting it up there it's that there is a certain point where your body says I will take it from here yeah sure you don't know exactly what that point is and if you guess it wrong your body's like no no but at a certain point your body's like yes now it is inside me I will take it from here You got to trust the peristaltic foreman inside your body that's like,

oh, all right, boys, bang it up. This is what we practice for, guys. Let's do it. Just like I told you. This is why we train, guys. This is why we train. Esophagus is like, we heard it was medicine time. We're ready and raring to go.

Don't worry, boys. We've got this around. Take the day off. It's easier to teach it. It's easier to teach an anus to dissolve a baby. pill that it is to teach an esophagus to cure hemorrhoids. It's like the Armageddon thing, you see? Right.

Do you think when that happens, the foreman of your butthole feels like when a defensive tackle gets an interception and runs it in for a touchdown? And he's like, I never get to do this. Yeah. Medicine? What a treat. It was a presence, too. You're aware of a presence.

The Lord, it sounds like, because you had an N-D-E on your bathroom floor. Holy crap, though. But can I tell you guys? please the the combination of the combination of learning that i was not dying yeah and learning that i my wife had messed up in a way where i was right about something and she was wrong a medical a medical doctor and i no longer had pain in my anus i could have lifted a fucking truck, guys. I was invulnerable that day, dude. I was right. Do you know how rarely Sidney messes up? It's like never. So I had that. My butt didn't hurt at all. Yeah. Yeah, this is

the first. And like, I got a brand new shirt on because I sweated through the last one. That's kind of like a null. It's like null, but like a clean shirt. Like, it was nice. It was feeling really good for the rest of the day. Justin, I realized I'd have to tell you guys about it. You know what you got, Justin? Triple seven jackpot, baby. Yeah, maybe, and that's the kind of promise that we're making you on this episode. Everything's coming up, you. I also don't know if you've noticed, but the video that we did post of you talking about your hemorrhoids did get some actual interaction, I believe, on TikTok, with the Preparation Age account. This is a brand partnership that I think we've all been waiting for, preparation hoops, special.

It'll be like the McDonald's meals where it's like, I'm Travis Scott, and this is how I fuck around. a shacharoni pizza? Dude, I would be such a good spokesperson for Preparation H. Just clip this out, y'all. You can use it for free. Hi, it's Justin McRoy. When I'm packing a bag for travel, here's my rule. The first thing you pack should be the last thing you'd ever want to ask for.

That's why Preparation H is the first thing in every bag I have. I probably have seven tubes of it. Just lying around like a smoker who swears they're going to quit soon, man. I got Preparation H all over this place. I'd be dead without it. Dead drive. Justin has it in the lining of a suitcase like a smuggler. Click my link below to head on to the shop to use my special code to get the package with my face on it.

Right. And then they'll come to you from China. I don't know why they're doing that. I ask them to not do that. I think you could offer, this skew could really stand out on a store shelf if you didn't have to go to the pharmacy and say, like, let me get some preparation age for my ruin bung. And instead, you could just walk up and be like, let me get some of that hoops goop. Yeah, yeah, I don't know what that is. And listed as like a performance enhancer.

Performance enhancer. Yeah. Maybe this is kind of like the Coke thing where you like give a buddy a Coke, give a pal a coat. Maybe the H could stand for something different on each of the packaging. So like mine could be like preparation hoops, but you could be like preparation hug or like preparation helping. Preparation hemorrhoid. Well, see, that is what it. I think that's maybe.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see it now. That has been my suspicion for the beginning, yeah. I started a new job a little over a month ago. I really liked the job, but I have made a huge whoopsie this morning. I used the microwave to warm up my breakfast. However, when I pushed in the lever to open the door, it wouldn't open.

No matter how hard I pushed the lever or pulled the door. I assumed it was broken and I pried the door open with my hands and a pocket knife. Only after I destroyed this poor microwave, did I see the button that said lock slash unlock? Nobody saw what happened That's really, really, really rough, man Nobody saw what happened A lead walked by afterwards And I said, hey, this microwave was broken

He looks at the damage and says, oh man, they're gonna be mad This thing was brand new This happened first thing in the morning So they're blaming night shift Dear brothers, what do I do? That's from Microscrued in SoCal first can I compliment you I want to give big props to you

for using the passive voice of this microwave is broken yeah it has a good first step that's strong broken this microwave is yeah oh don't have Justin please sorry please don't conjure him

yeah man you stabbed him if the knife hadn't been part of it if you had just like broken it a little Certainly not the knife. Yeah, if you've been like the door got weird and I don't think it's working anymore, you have plausible deniability. If you insert a blade into this thing, you can't say that's unrelated.

If you're a knife person, everything looks like something you can stab with a knife. The problem is I see knife as like an extension of me. So I don't really think of it as an escalation so much as it is my like claws or a sack. Yeah, it's what you would use. I always have it, so it doesn't can't. Like, I don't think the TSA should be able to take my knife. No, your knife got. This is my knife.

Well, it's also just, I have to say, the smallest knife have ever seen. Exactly. I just want a little bit of a knife. Yeah, he's not out there hunting crocodiles, Griffin. Yeah, he wants a treat, a little knife. Now, here's, I think, what this is, too, is a perfect encapsulation of new job panic when something goes wrong. Because the fact that you went to stab, and I'm going to assume here because you didn't clarify, I plugged in microwave with a knife, that you weren't thinking about best case scenario. You were thinking about how do I get away from this as quickly as possible before anyone in the office clocks that I have broken the microwave with a breakfast sandwich?

Because if I'm at home and my breakfast sandwich gets stuck in the microwave, I'm like, well, time will. fix this and I walk away. Um, all right. I'm just going to pop off then. If we're not, if nobody's going to talk about it, Go King. Microwaves are horrible. Oh. Thank you so much,

Justin. Microwaves are designed by maniacs for no one. Okay? Here's the thing about microwave, right? Say it. You want to defrost, you want to cook. You want to... That's it. That's it. There's cook it. There's cook it hot.

Cook it. as hot. Two things. And then how long I want to do it? That's it. The fact that these fucking things all have a popcorn button and everyone universally knows. Don't fuck, don't press that. You don't fuck it up real bad. Don't press the popcorn button if you're making popcorn. Can you imagine if you rolled up to a stove top in a kitchen and it was like, hey, we would love to give you selections for the heat and how high you want the heat to go. Instead, we have one big button that's says fish on it. Imagine you're making stove top.

Imagine you're making stove top stuffing on the top of your stove and your mom comes in. She's like, no, God! It's like, what? Mom, it's stove top stuffing. Yeah, but you don't make it on the top of the stove, not stove top stuffing. That's the popcorn button. That's microwave. That's where we're at.

Yeah. It's terrible interface design and anyone could fix it. There's three things I ever want to do with this box. Why are you asking you, the weight is what kills me? You think I'm going to trust you the microwave. I want to tell you I have a pound and a half of chicken. And you're going to be like, hmm, well, let me see you. Fuck you.

How about this? Carry the one. Carry the one. How about this? How about every 15 seconds I open it to see if you burned it, you idiot? Because that's what I do every single time. I'm not going to trust you with this. I assume that the lock, unlock button is the safety feature to keep, like, kids from climbing into it, I guess.

Little tiny microwave size kids Yeah for sure You shouldn't lock it Yeah I'm trying to figure out a scenario Which you're like This is my microwave safe Is it? Is it unlocked so you could open it while it's running? Is this the feature?

It's like well if you're sure I guess you're an adult Go for it man Unlock it I think you did them a favor Yeah Getting rid of this shitty microwave You know what?

Good call It's definitely under warranty though this is sort of a trolley problem for me where I need to know how many people are on the night shift. And is there a real stinker among them? That is, well, that changes the math, I guess, a little bit, but I'm mostly thinking in terms of, like, what share of the guilt are these people going to carry? If it's three people, that's too much. And I think that you're like, those three people are going to be looked at very suspiciously. If it's like five, six, seven folks, they can carry the weight of a microwave.

of mystery amongst them, as long as there can be some doubt. I will say also, uh, next time, next time, don't jump to a levering action. Perhaps an unscrewing or a deeper examination with the knife. If you have a multi-tool, maybe the world's smallest screwdriver, and you see if you could do that a little bit, levering is almost always you know you are going to break it. Like the idea is like, it will break before you do. Of all the simple, of all the simple machines, it is the one that can do certainly the most harm. Yeah, I think it would be wild to have a microwave that's designed to be like, you can either push the button to open it or wedge something in the door and kind of hammering.

Either one works. Yeah, yeah. You can either, you get a railroad spike in a gandy dancer to come over and freaking pound it in for you. Or you can press the lock unlock button. Either one. The lock unlock button is still bothering me because, like, there's. There is a state called on and off for this thing. And if it is on, this, do not.

It should not be able to open. That should be as locked as it gets. Yeah. It shouldn't be on and unlocked, but those are two binary states that should never overlap. You're basically turning it into a display case at that point. Like, I don't want to cook anything at it, but I don't want anybody to steal it.

Like, I just want to keep it in here and hot. Is that it? Is it an anti-theft mechanism? Because what are you going to do? Use a locked microwave? Is it for like, you wouldn't download a boat. What? Yeah, for sure, man.

Whenever I make Cooper a breakfast corn dog, though, she is like ready and raring to rip that out of there, and she will burn a mouth on it if she's hungry enough. Well, a corn dog is a burning food. A breakfast corn dog is still, same concept and sort of molecular structure. It's a hot, it's a lava hot core inside of a sort of obfuscating shell. Another question?

I love that, Griffin. Whenever I order pasta at an Italian restaurant, the server always comes around with fresh Parmesan and says, tell me when to stop. The problem is, I want an ungodly amount of parm on my pasta. I'll sit there watching them great for what feels like forever, and at some point I feel like the server gets uncomfortable, and I worry they'll just stop without me saying anything.

Brothers, how do I politely tell the server to, quote, stop when I tell you to stop? and that's from passionate palm lover okay okay the first thing I do want to say is we don't need you guys to explain to us everyday occurrences

so like if you were to like we know when you go to an Italian restaurant and so it grates the Parmesan you don't have that's not something that happens special at your local spot or like

a quirky thing that you like I go to the factory where the spaghetti is made Thank you very much. They do it a little different here. So we do know about that. So you could just say like, when he's grating it up, like, I'll know. Yeah.

You know. We'll understand. We'll get it. Just trust that we'll get that. Yeah, we'll get it. Because we all think about this. I think what he is wanting, what the server is wanting you to balance is your desire for cheese with your discomfort from taking more cheese than you are deserved. Like, that you're owed.

Because you should know, obviously, it's not your cheese. So there is an inbuilt guilt. Yeah. And the waiter is asking, what's your limit for discomfort in taking my cheese? This is, I think, if I were to ever open an Italian restaurant, first, it would be terrible. Don't eat there. But second, it would not be good. One, I don't know anything about running a restaurant.

Two, I don't know, like, how to make food. So, but I would have a rule of, like, you know. If you grate more than 10 seconds, it becomes a side, and there will be an upcharge for it. You can do it. That's interesting. Yeah. But at this point, you've now added a new element to the pasta is now an ingredient. It's a side.

Mine would be, I would make the server move the grinder all around, and so you have to move the pasta bowl underneath it to try and catch all of it. And if you drop too much on the table, it ends. The game ends. What would you guys think about this move? okay let me take the helm sorry what were we talking about parmesan okay okay thank you thank you what would you think about this move why don't you let me take the helm let me take the stick on this way oh grab it oh you don't grab it you don't grab it griffin we don't grab their hands but you say i'll do the cranking let me crank it right because my worry would be whatever whether

it's a grating motion or cranking motion their arms are going to get tired if you get the amount of parm that you want right But you say, let me do it. You tell me when to stop. Yeah, I like it. You say, I like it chunky. I like a chunky grind. It's not the grinding they mind.

It's the fact that they have to walk back to the kitchen. Once this cheese is done, they have to go get more. So every nanosecond of cheese you're getting is condemning this person to walking back sooner. Like, you're giving them a chore, right? That's the balance. You're balancing that with how much delicious, salty, zesty, parmesan you want. Yeah, that's going to make the pasta taste so good. What about a pre-tip?

What about a pre-tip where you're like, listen, I'm, you're going to grate and you're going to be grading so long that you're going to think I've forgotten to tell you to stop. But my friend Jackson here is going to get added to the tip if you just keep going. I tell you to stop. The problem is with that is if I realize that someone is doing a protracted bit, with a server like that and that's what it feels like to me it doesn't feel like

it's not a common courtesy because courtesy would be just having enough cheese right we went by by the normal you're not being courteous by saying like just for courtesy's sake I'm a total it's the dog in me

and I will just go ahead and eat all the crummy cheese you have and like to be my and I might just to be a gentleman up front I might bite your hand if you take the cheese away because I love the cheesy Have you know what I mean? Okay, then just call ahead before you get there and say,

is it okay if I bring my own Grater and Parmesan with me? I don't want to use up your guys Parmesan, and I know I've got that dog in me when it comes to the grated cheese. So I'll bring my own from home. And if there's any left over and anyone around me, even at other tables once in them, I'll take care of that too. I'm not trying to be greedy. Do you offer a sort of 401K Parmesan matching program?

where you will, however much I bring, you also will add to the dish because I can't get enough of this fucking salty stuff. A lot of restaurants will have corking fees where you could bring your own bottle of wine and you just have to pay to open it and drink it. They should have that with cheeses. Yeah, that's cool.

You could also do, I really like the useful hack of whenever I get a haircut that looks good. I'll take a picture of it so I can show the barber next time. Maybe when you get an ideal cheese pour, you take a picture of that. And when someone says, tell me when to stop. You'd be like, up, up, up, up, just this much, please. This is the perfect amount.

My boy, Tony hooked me up last time I was here. Are you going to play ball or what's up? Okay, when I opened my own Italian restaurant. I've had some trouble in the past with some of your less generous co-workers. Gotting some look. Some look-y-lose-ed. A little bit of static. When I open my own Italian restaurant, we will have a cheesing fee.

Pay a scene for me. We can, first of all, it's not good. It's being run very poorly. It's either overstaffed or understaffed at any given time. I can't, I can't seem to find the right amount of people to have. Right. But we will have a cheesing fee where for a fee, you can bring any cheese or cheese flavored thing you want to put on your pasta. No judgment.

You want to come and crunch out some Cheetos over your pasta? That's cool. It's yours, man. Do it. You know what I mean? The chef, they should bring the chef out to watch you do it, though. Yeah, that's what the fee includes. Oh, gosh.

Counseling for the poor chef. I, if you gave, if they said, I'll stop when you say when, if you gave them like one little look, I'm just like, that's great. But fair warning, I got that dog in me. And a little bit of a wink. Would that get you thrown out? Mine, I said the same thing.

I think they like it. I said the same thing, but you're paying them money for it, Justin. You're doing, your version is do it. Yeah. Tipping is so uncomfortable. It makes it dirty offering the, it's a bribe it's not a tip it's a bribe it's a money makes it dirty the joke makes it the joke makes it dirty

the joke and the money makes it dirty and a dirty bribe and I think they should get paid but I think they'll also we should pay servers a living wage thank you we should pay servers a living wage brave and bold yes thank you can we go to the money zone because I also think we should get paid I love getting paid great It's better. It's better with you.

I got a new kitty. Yeah. She's two months old. Her name is Jasmine. We've had her for about three days. She's great and I love her. Yeah. I'm looking forward.

I'm still undecided. But it takes me a while sometimes. You're undecided on whether you love my kitty or not? She's sweet pretty kitty, but like there's a lot of time for the apple cart to spoil. That's true. You have a, like, 100 different point metric that you use. Prove it to me. Yeah. Prove it to.

Show me what you got, kid. But I'm excited. Maybe. I'm not going to say the whole reason I got a kitty was to try smalls, but I've heard such good things from Justin. Yeah. His kiddies love it. And it gives that ability to maintain consistency with food while still changing up the

flavors and keeping your cat all interested and hooked on it. and I'm really looking forward to it. It's been a great relationship between us and the cats and smalls. Everything has been better since we started serving them wet food. Like Travis said, you can pace out how much you're feeding them.

Their coats have looked better and I feel good about the stuff that we're giving them. And, you know, there's like a little bonus in there sometimes like there's some treats in there. That's fun. The kids love that. They'll go digging for the treats.

It's fun. Justin's kiddies hate my fucking gut. And that is because they know I do not hook them up with Smalls and they've told me as much. For a limited time only, because you are one of our beloved listeners, you can get 60% off your first Smalls order plus free shipping when you head to Smalls.com slash my brother. That's 60% off when you head to Smalls.com slash my brother plus free shipping. Again, that's Smalls.com slash my brother. Summertime's wrapping up and we were all panicking and freaking out about all this stuff on. on our big summer list that we were gonna get around to.

I did it all. Said this, well, that's good for you, Travis. You- Because I said, have fun. That was the only thing on my list, have fun. Mine was more ambitious, ride the big roller coaster at Funky Park. There was learn to swim, have my first kiss.

Yeah, get taller was on your list, which I thought was there. Get taller. while having a first special kiss and like a lot of stuff. You said you wanted your first kiss to be like the Spider-Man kiss specifically from Toby McGuire.

Yeah. You wanted to be best in Dunst, right? And I haven't gotten around to fetching my special baseball hat out old man Murphy's yard with the junkyard dog. But if I'm going to have time to do that shit, then I can't be wasting time in the kitchen cooking up meals, doing press,

doing all the stuff that I absolutely hate to do in there. I want to eat good food. I don't have time to do it because Mr. Murphy's junkyard dog is so scary and I have to learn how to run real fast to get away from them. You need P.F. Flyers, Griffin. I told you. You got got to get. My feet are too fucking wide for traditional baseball shoes. I know, Griffin. Damn it. And you know that. And you embarrassed me on purpose. but factor is where I go to get delicious chef-prep meals that are delivered right to my door, so I don't have to stress out about the time I'm wasting in the kitchen when I need to be training for dog survival. They got over 65 weekly meals to choose from, and I don't think they send you 65 meals.

That would be a really tremendous amount of food. Maybe there's some way to request that. But they have so many different meal options regardless of your diet. They got premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp, no extra cost, just flavors from all around this big, beautiful world of ours. I've used Factor, and the food genuinely is quite good. It's always sort of a crapshoot, I know, with certain services like this, and Factor's one of the good ones.

Yeah. So what we want you to do is eat smart at FactorMeals.com slash Brother 50 off and use code Brother 50 off to get 50% off your first box. Plus free breakfast for one year. That's code Brother 50 off at Factor Meals.com for 50% off your first box. Plus, free breakfast for one year. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. Offer only value for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase.

I'm bold of them to think that we can handle that level of disclaiming, but I feel like we've stuck the landing completely. Nice job, Griff. Thank you. Oh, what are we, what's this, Juice? I want to look at Spita Carpenter's mouth. I don't, make my brothers look at Spita Carpenter's mouth. There's a string of saliva in the picture. You remember when you could sell donuts without blowjob ads?

Neither does Dunkin' Donuts. Jesus Christ. Guess who's back, back again? More like junker blow nuts. This fall, Duncan is taking mornings back to where they began with the clink of a spoon in a cereal bowl. That's... What does that have to do?

What is the craziest is Mr. Carpenter? It's the craziest fucking sentence. Duncan is taking mornings back to where they began? What in the fuck could that mean? To win the fucking primordial ooze slipped out of the ocean? To win God called let their be... Watching nationwide today, the all-new cereal in-the-milk latte transforms that memory of the beginning of time into a sweet nostalgic slip. Why did you have to screen share this extreme close-up on Sabrina Carpenter's mouth way before you were going to...

Hello, there, Duncan Daydream Hotline. What can I do for you today? Oh. You're hot. I see. I think I know what you're really craving. A strawberry daydream refresher. I'm sorry, did you? Creamy cold foam and strawberry bliss.

Sabrina's strawberry daydream refresher. I'm sorry. So what was the cut off there? Do you bust? What? What is, why did it cut off? The video that's playing right now? No, no, no, no, when she was talking.

I just... No, she was talking to him. Okay, okay, I already wind it. I rewind it. I rewind it. Here. I'm sorry, did you... Creamy cold foam and stuff?

Did you creamy? So like... So the suggestion in that ad, I think, is the man... She's talking to jizzes? Do you remember earlier listener when I said, remember when you could sell donuts without a blowjob ad? And you thought, oh, Justin's being a little pure aisle. not really

I mean the man Not really The man busts in the cream A man busted on my Dubkin ad The man busted on my donut commercial

All I'm saying All I'm gonna say That's nonsense I mean That's nonsense A room full of people Watched this finished product And

I'm going to bet Unanimously said Yes That's exactly how we That's exactly it The man should How much of the man And then one guy in the back was like, and what I add?

I'm buying. Yeah. And can I add one aruga? No, Jim, you can't. How long have you been the CEO of this company? You know you can't add arugas. I appreciate Sabrina Carpenter's brand a lot. It requires a certain suspension of disbelief that talking to someone on the telephone

about a cold and frothy beverage being offered at the local donut restaurant would be enough to make you bust in. Just show me the time code on the moment of the busing. because I think it's like 20 seconds. That's crazy, dude. I also... Wait, hold on. I gotta see the time on this.

33 seconds from nothing to busting by hearing about a donut drink. Are you okay, sir? There's also... There's a level of sincerity to this commercial, too. Like, where's the winky-jokey part exactly? I love... This is... This is, I want to be specific here because you did mention Sabrina Carpenter's brand of, of nonsense, to be specific.

I think this is great. Like, if you, if I was Sabrina Carpenter and Duncan was like, you want to do this ad? And I was like, okay, but I'm going to, I'm going to be kind of insane with it. Like, you know what I'm Sabrina Carpenter. I'm going to put some, like, sex stuff in there. And Duncan's like, yeah, absolutely. We love this. Can you put a cum joke in?

We're Duncan donuts. Like, we, like, can you put a cum joke in for Sabrina? Get the money. I'm saying, go for it, Sabrina. Go for you. It's a wild partnership for a place where they do the spider donuts that are orange with the donut holes to have a fake spider. They just did Superman donuts. You just.

No. What is, Travis? I don't think you watched the same movie. What juice? That was a crispy cream promotion and a dairy queen promotion, but there was not a Dunkin promotion with Superman. Also, Superman would. be all about a guy bust in 33 seconds into a phone call. Yeah, that's what I'm going to say.

If this showed... That's what being a human is about. If this showed up as one of their funny fake commercials on Saturday Night Live or Smill, as we in the know call it, I'd be like, oh, yeah, they nail this, that's a... That's great, yeah. But if it was on S&L, you know they would put more of the busting in. Like, they would make it louder and more pronounced and not, like, kind of suggestive. How long do you think the discussion was about what noise is...

the person on the phone should be heard making. A lot of debates. Unthinkable. Unthinkable that that was not scripted. It was probably like they'd do with Kenny on South Park. They knew exactly the nasty stuff he was saying. There was almost certainly a version that contained, let's say, more explicit sounds. And they're like, we can't.

They probably had a version in there that was very like Peanuts teacher. Muted Trump. I'd like to continue with the news, please. Can I continue with the news? Duncan is serving up a latte that tastes like childhood all grown up. The new cereal-un-the-milk latte combines espresso with cereal milk for a marshmallow cereal flavor that's creamy, rich, and unmistakably nostalgic. I should stop here and mention, hi, I'm Justin McRoy, the human being. I will fuck with this on an al-day.

Comprehensible level. I'm going to have an extra shot and it may be the first decent thing at Duncan. It's rare for you to be excited about a Duncan offering like this. I also, I do want to point out that this is another of my favorite. And Duncan is guilty of this a lot in their press releases of like talking about this. Like it is a metaphysical spiritual experience and not just like, hey, we had an idea for like, I know this is going to sound nasty at first, but hear us out. What do you guys think? You guys are going to love this, right?

But instead it's like, this is your childhood. You can get back, get back to a simpler time. Building on the success of the Dunka Latte, Duncan is taking its taste, latte innovation to the next level with cereal milk made with real cereal, unlocking that unmistakable bottom of the bowl sweetness. Now, let's pause here. It's latte innovation to the next level with cereal milk made with real cereal. Hey, why? Yeah, what do you do with the cereal? And how?

Yeah. Why and how? Are you making cereal so you can destroy the cereal and put it in the milk? That's cruel. Who's eating that? Who's eating that? Someone better be eating that. I'll be so pissed on.

Why are you making it with real cereal? You have fucking science, man. Go get the vial. This is fruit loops and scoge it in there. Scooch it in. Destroy the cereal. That's good cereal. Also, but I bet.

For employees of Duncan, this is a great unexpected benefit of like, hey, and Jimmy, we need you to eat all this cereal. That's your job today. It's just sick here. But I don't want Jimmy's dirty mouth anywhere near my cereal. Like, I don't want it to be pre-eat. There's a Siv associated. I'm still, I don't, I, yeah. You want to see the, they're doing some gear.

Do you guys want to see the gear? Oh, hell yeah. Does it specify what cereal the milk is tinted with? Isn't that absolutely, it's erasure? I mean, I don't know how else to say it, Griffin. That's certainly not what I meant to say. A cocoa pebble cereal milk? Up against, like, a cinnamon toast crunch cereal milk?

It's two completely different textures. There's three families, right? There's the cinnamon family. There's the fruit family. There's a chocolate family. You can overlap some of those, but like, I gotta know where I'm going. Then there's the one that the parent buys where it's like, no, this is the one we're getting. The Kashi family.

Fuck that. Yeah. No, thank you. Get your crackling oat brand of flavor. Oh, sorry, I was going to show you guys the gear. You can guess for free if you want, which I bought, but I'm not going to tell you. Screen, Duncan Gear. They called it Duncan Pop-up Shop.

Oh, good, you fooled me. Yeah. It's neat. A neat little tent right here on the Internet. Yeah. That says Duncan at the top and bottom and all over it. Yeah, and you got Duncangear.com. Um, this is a cereal in the milk, uh, can we get a zoom on the milk in the bowl?

I don't think I can do that for you. It's consistency as like yogurt. It's a yogurt. It's a very thick milk. We've got level up your side. There's a t-shirt. There's a sweatshirt. There's a trucker hat.

Oh, you got the trucker hat, Justin? No, I didn't. I got to me ball caps. I got the sweatshirt So that is the story on that I did want to also let you know guys More public service kind of thing But mark it on your calendar

21st of August we're talking about it The Return of Pumpkin at Duncan Pumpkin at Duncan The Pumpkin at Duncan is back I think you said Pumpkin It's back already Pumpkin at Duncan Guests can add pumpkin swirl

To their favorite hot or iced coffee, cold brew Or espresso drink So I just want to let you know Can I pumpkin Can I pump them up the cereal milk drink? I would rather. I put pumpkin in the cereal. Can it be cereal milk and pumpkin?

Yeah, you can punkin in the cereal drink. You can put pumpkin in the cereal drink and then call and talk to Sabrina Carpenter about it. What if that commercial was like, oh, you put pumpkin in the cereal drink? Yeah, that'll make you just for sure, sir. Don't worry, I'm connecting you to the poison control hotline right now. You shouldn't be busting in 33 seconds. That is a result of the bumpkin toxin. So that is the scoop over there at Duncan HQ.

I got to get one of those soon. How about one more question? I'd love that. I've just gotten off work and I'm walking home. As I was crossing a parking lot, I saw a young man walking on a sideway, saw I walk nearby. He had a very long stick,

was doing some kind of bow staff movements with it as he walked. I'm talking, spinning it, twirling it behind his back, even swinging it as he was fighting off a group of assailants. In context, It was a strange thing to see, but it did look pretty cool. I admire this young man's skills and confidence to practice them while walking down Main Street during rush hour.

And I wanted to say something like sick moves, but I was worried that I'd come off as mocking him and didn't want to feel embarrassed. So I stayed quiet and I didn't watch him for long. Is there a way I could have paid this young warrior a genuine compliment that would be taken in the way that I meant it? And that's from both staff bystander in Bintucky. The guy's probably a college student And they work at a college So there's like are on campus The college does have

Some kind of Jedi Club or LARP group or something So maybe he's in that Man if he's not Go grab like you got fucking great You get him recruited You should try to get some of the details sketched in for yourself Because you shouldn't run up and be like Hey just so you know we got some kind of nerd club here

Look into it Like thank you If you're not the president of the Jedi Club, you should join them because that's... You're the Jedi Club or... Okay, sorry, stupid. What's up? I just watched a video the other day of Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen at some kind of like convention where somebody handed them both lightsabers and they're kind of like, uh, yeah, and then they start

busting out full, like, whip it behind their back and still doing the news. It was the coolest thing I've ever seen. So cool. You can't alert it! You can't. No, yeah. I mean, I still... A credit, by the way, credit goes to Hayden and Ewan. If I can, please.

They have just clung to that fucking shit and refused to acknowledge that those movies are dirty dishwater. And somehow, just through the sheer force of will, they waited a fucking generation and have snowed these young people into thinking that is one of the good movies. It's insane. Just by, like, being there and hanging in there long enough, we have just, like, decided to ignore the fact that those movies suck. Well, they didn't have to fucking look forward to it in real time and drink the Star Wars Mountain Dew and go to Phantom Menace opening night with their dad and then have, like, a really weird energy in the drive home of, like, was it not?

Was it not? Like, they didn't have to deal with that sort of trauma. They can just watch the fight scene with Yoda on YouTube and be like, fuck, yeah. Yoda man. Yota man. Yota man. You're a man, indeed.

We've said his name more than three times in this one episode. We're playing with fire. What's difficult is I often get this just because, like, someone's lifestyle choices makes me happy. Because it makes me happy that they're, like, just living their life and doing whatever. Like, I saw a lady, like, just talking to her dog as it used the bathroom, like, full on talking to her dog. And it was, like, making me so happy.

And I was, like, driving. and my consistent rule is if you are driving there is nothing you can say to anybody that will not be taken as bullying I'm going to assume if you're saying it from a car your doppler effect like if you're hanging out of the passenger

side of your best friend's ride there is nothing you can holler at me that is going to come off as like a positive thing but just a walking just a pedestrian pass by there might be a way I do think we're going to have to

that from the so the power imbalance in the first scenario is obvious and that's why it's not okay but there is a power imbalance to paying someone a compliment and then being sort of chained to your own

foot speed you know like for and then you're really foot speed then becomes incredibly important how fast are you leaving the same direction oh yeah velocity angle there's a lot of

of geometry that goes into whether or not you can do this compliment. I'm going to give you the universal. I think there's a universality to the compliment. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, brother. Hell yeah. I don't think you could take hell yeah as insincere.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Even if I think they're goofing about it,

it's still like kind of a fun way to do that. I don't think that's going to hurt so bad. Also, you're twirling a bow staff in the middle of the college grounds. You know you'll be seen. seen. There's a certain extent to which you know you'll be seen. I'm not saying that you're inviting commentary, but you're walking around twirling. You must, I'm excited for you. You must understand it's an uncommon practice. You should also understand that if you go to someone and you say,

hey, moves are looking good. This person's doing the moves in public. With all due respect, they know they looking good. You know what I mean? Like, they didn't come out here day one. You're probably seeing day 158 of their Bostaff journey, right? They just now. And, decided to treat us all to it. This is, they've been on the grind inside. I would also worry, I think where my particular brain would go is if I complimented anything with any specificity, this person is now going to start talking to me about how they could introduce me to the way of the bow staff.

You want nothing to, that's not, yeah, I'm not part of this. Like, you can't perceive me. I perceived you. Don't perceive me back. No, no, I'm a character. Hell yeah, it's like, I support this from a distance. Hell yeah! Hell yeah!

Clearly, that's all I needed to say. I was moved by the spirit. This wasn't a planned response. It just bubbled up. But if I'm like sick moves, that's going to feel like let's compare and contrast. Like, now let me show you my both-staff moves. So many greetings, oh, man. Okay.

So many greetings that we have are societal-based in that, like, I'm trying to signal to you that I'm a normal person in society. and you're a normal person in society and we're both safe and normal so we do this like calm and accepted greeting whatever it may be right there's not a good way of acknowledging that both of us are like

in on the joke you know what I mean that we are approaching this whole thing with the appropriate amount of levity it's hard to signal that in a life affirming way because genuinely when I see people who are just like going for it

it brings me a lot of joy I want to communicate that to them but also it's none of my business that's kind of the whole point with being on your own journey you're just kind of doing your own thing and it's hard to say to people in a non-ironic way like

we both kind of get that this is kind of silly huh we're having a good time here it's cool you're into it we're having a good time though right no I mean life like the whole thing right like we're having a good time

not the both staff not the whole human experience the whole human experience like you're having fun with it you're not like I don't know never having a bow staff you know my personal my personal view of this is if someone has made a clear choice that is a very visual that like if i wear my suit jacket that's covered in like gold

sequins i didn't wear that so people wouldn't compliment it you know what i mean yeah this dude's out here twirling his bow staff with his sick moves walking down main street he didn't do that to blend in that he wants you get noticed and perhaps compliment he's being impeccable with his word. I got my bow staff out. I want people to come tell me my bow staff moves are cool. Yes. Tell him the boastap moves are cool. Hey, to approach this from a different angle, maybe he's on his way to kill somebody. Yeah, maybe you just let him fucking go because he's carrying a weapon around and flailing it around because he's going to kill someone dead. But you just let it slide. But Griffin,

I'm a temptation to challenge him to a fight. Wouldn't it? Yes. Griffin, imagine you're a homicide detective and you get the call and you're like, okay, what's the, what's the, a murder weapon, what do we think? And it's like, guy came in with a bow staff. He was sick as shit. Like, there's a level to which you, even as a homicide detective, would be like, holy shit. Really?

Yeah. He killed him with a bow staff? Blunt impact trauma, many, many hits, and he was humming duel of the fates the entire time. So I think we actually know our guy. Yeah. You can go home. Clock out.

And it was kind of cool. It was cool. It was cool. I had to admit it. Not to him, but I did. Hey, thank you. so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you liked it.

We did our best. Yeah, we did our best, and we had a good time, and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters. But it would also matter to us a great deal if you'd come see us live, if you live in Atlanta. Or near Atlanta, even. Or you're willing to travel. If you're willing to travel, Atlanta is beautiful this time of year. It's a Delta Hub.

Yeah, we're going to be there for DragonCon doing stuff there this weekend. We're going to be there doing the Adventure Zone. It's Tas versus Popeye. which I'm very excited for, and my brother, my brother, and me all during DragonCon in Atlanta. And DragonConn events, too. We'll put that up on our MacRod family Instagram, so you can see where we're going to be and everything. If you are going to be at that Mbim Bam show in Atlanta, and you have a question you want to answered or a fear you want read aloud, email it to MbMBAM at Maximumfund.org and put Atlanta in the subject line and we'll consider it. We got other shows coming up too in San Antonio and Austin and Utah and San Diego.

you can find ticket links and everything at bit.ly slash mackleroy tours. Also want you to know we've got a back-to-school sale going on. It runs through August 31st with select items that's up to 40% off. We got three different back-to-school bundles on sale. Check that out. And you get a free mystery pen with purchase of $30 or more. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to World Central Kitchen. Macroymerge.com.

Thank you to Montaigne for the use for our theme song. My life is better with you. You. Check out Montaigne's new album. It's hard to be officially if you haven't already. It's got so much, so much wonderful music to offer you. And it's all right there and you can just listen to it. Do we have a fear? We do. Griffin, will you read it this thing? Sure thing. Here it comes. I just got to shrink this big tab of you guys out of the way. Get out of here. Brothers, what is this? Get out of there. You still there? Yep. It's right here. Cool. Here, goes this year i will be faster than my fear of being bullied at the farmers market my name is justin mackroy i'm travis mackereloy i'm griffin mackleroy my brother my brother may kiss your dad square on the lips It's better with you My life

Ah It's better It's better with you My life Ah It's better with you Is it true Ah

It's better It's better with two My life Ah maximum fun a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you