My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 788: Blame It On the Full Beaver Supermoon

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

If we're a little bit off this week, it's not because our therapist is a vampire or that our favorite Krispy Kreme donut was retired. It's because of a big round orb in the sky that's slightly closer than usual . . . and also because our cat pissed on all our capes.Suggested talking points: Derrick Saving Time, Too Much Dad Gusto, Mez Me Bro, 16 Permanent DoughboysNative American Aid: https://nativepartnership.org/naa/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapping, and two. A precious friendship I could have never seen

What was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life It feels life Life It's better It's better with you

My life Ah It's better It's better with you This is true It's better It's better with two My way

Oh It's better with you Hello everybody And welcome To my brother, my brother And me An advice show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother

Justin McElroy I never said it like that That was crazy I didn't like it I didn't like it I didn't like it What's up Traff Nation It's me

Myelove Trous Big Dog Wolf Wolf ZoomVum McRoy Did you say Zoom Vroom? I did Hey what's up Trav Nation, it's Griffin.

I own it. God, the vibe is, the vibes are already so strange, don't you guys think? A Halloween TV. Yeah, blame it. Blame it on the full Beaver Superman. I would love to blame it on the full Beaver Superman trap because you do keep saying that and out loud a lot. And you do keep blaming stuff on it.

Like you were. Well, I slept bad last night. Didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked. And you were like 10 minutes late for this recording. Was that the, it's morning? Yeah. And I told my friend about it. she said blame it on the super moon and i've decided to do that on everything okay what it can you

tell me i guess to start out before you start before i started signing blame two stuff because i'm pretty good at that yeah what's a full be he's the youngest child i mean it's what i yeah it's my god-given job right he doesn't take blame for it it's not his fault what's a full beaver super moon thank you for asking griffin so do you know what a full moon is a hunter's moon yes a full moon yes i believe you I believe you think, you're describing the hunters moon? I mean, we could call it a beaver hunter, Superman, if you'd rather do that. Yeah. So, full, you get that concept.

Hunter, Superman, Fighters, Superbent, Beaver, tattooed, alien, Super Hunter, Fighter, Moon, Fighters from Beverly Hills. Hell yeah, dude. Wait, hold on, TM, TM, TM, TM, TM, TM, TM. Yeah, get them in there. Crossover? Yeah, so what's a crossover? It's a full beaver Superman. It's a full beaver moon is in November when beavers build shelters, Native Americans and early American colonists would call the full moon in November, a beaver moon.

Okay. And then super moon is when there's a full moon when the moon is at its closest orbit to the earth. So it looks super big. So altogether, it's a full beaver super moon. Okay. Okay. It's a synergistic coming together to make me sleep bad and be 10 minutes late for the project. Is it the closeness and the bigness of the moon?

And it's like putting like a little bit of extra, like gravitational force on your eyelids. It's more that it's looking at me real close. Yeah. You know, like I know it's there and I occasionally have to hide myself away from the full beaver super moon so it can't see my nudity. a lot of it is that. I'm still reeling from the time change. I don't know how I'm going to adjust to this right now because I'm still feeling like...

Blame it on the full beaver Superman. Okay. But I'm still blaming the time change. I'm going to run out of excuses before long. Are they working together? As far as I know, the full beaver Superman caused the time change. Okay.

Okay. Okay. I would actually prefer that. I would prefer if we were changing the time based on celestial movements and actual tangible stuff and not just because

some farmers or whatever felt like it 300,000 years ago. If it was moon-based, fuck yeah. Okay, whatever, sure. I'll change the clock based on the moon. I don't want to change it based on an idea of Benjamin Franklin

had once, one time. I just think that if we're going to give that power to farmers, we should extend it to other industries. Yes. And it should be like, fast food workers, okay, every April,

We sat the clock's forward 15 minutes so that Derek's not late for a shift anymore, right? But then at the end of April, we move it back 22 minutes. Yeah. Derek's saving time is cool. Derek fired Derek disappointment time. April is when we clear all of Derek's warnings. Yeah. Right?

And then at the... No more Derek de Merritt's. Derek demerit time. But then in May, when the clocks have moved back forward, 22 minutes. Now it's time to get your shit together, Derek, because, oh, you're 22 minutes late now. Yeah. That's a fireable offense, according to Denise. Yeah.

Hey. Hey, can we send jokes out of the room for a second? Speaking of these, like, government shifts. Yeah. Oh. These huge government policy shifts. Okay. If we could just send jokes there and a room for a second.

I went to the inner geek. You went to the what? The inner geek in Pullman Square. If you come in for Canada nights, you should go visit them. Went to the inner geek in Pullman Square. And there was a sign up outside that said, due to the discontinuation of pennies in 2026 we'll no longer be accepting pennies

Awesome Guys Did you guys know that they were going to stop doing pennies No be honest No I'm Googling this right now Okay so I've been asking Them

Whoever they are at that moment And they never do fucking anything we fucking I've been asking them about this one thing Forever And we are the I've been asking for this forever and it happened in May and everything sucks so much

and it's changing so much in how it sucks there's just one thing I wanted to change and it did and I missed it. They took care of the number one issue though Justin there's a lot happening right now and they dealt with the biggest one but it is like one of those pet peeve things of like every conversation

I'd get a little bit like maybe people would be a little bit careful maybe people are careful about bringing up pennies around me because i don't even mention j c pennies around justin yeah yeah he doesn't he might fly off the handle i saw a sign like that like about a week ago jamian yeah and then is that how you found out about it and then Travis that would be almost to the day when i saw this is my finding out right now and it opened up my eyes and then like two days ago i got changed from somewhere and i was handed five brand new bright shiny pennies got to go out with a So new, they looked fake

With like the shield on the back So I know these are new Yeah Because they're like And I think that they're just like We need to get all the pennies out Of the stock room We got so many pennies around

This makes a lot of sense now guys Because I was walking down the street Yesterday and I ran into Penny Marshall The famed actress from Verna Shirley And she was see-through Like fucking Well Back to the future

I think that's because she is a ghost In that scenario She had quite like a few years ago. That's okay. It's a Halloween. Okay, what I said is a Halloween show. I also Googled this penny thing,

and a lot of news stories are like, retailers warn shoppers. You might not get your exact change back because we're running out of pennies. And that's cool. Does it go the other way? Does it go the other way? Where we can be like,

you may not get your exact price. You may not get your price you want for it. Because you tell me where to find a fucking penny. You can't charge me $5.49 for something. It needs to be easily. divisible by five or else fuck you dude yeah you know what would be cool and a great way to get rid of pennies get rid of sales tax on shit hey are we gonna be wow hey dude oh my god you know what I'm realizing once we're done with pennies things won't be 99 anymore right

can't be can't be can't be 90 can't be got to be five dollars five good five dollar foot long finally yeah yeah finally they don't make them anymore but if they still did I would be able to get a $5.5.30. Check this out. You guys ready for this shit? You ready for this shit? Nichols? You're next. Then dimes, then quarters, then money, currency. Can we be done? Can we, you know what I love over in other countries? What? They're doing fat coins for dollars. Dude, I love this. I know we try fat coins for dollars before, once before. And then we gave up. Other countries have figured this out. They've got these big fat coins with gold and you'll

want to hold them like a pirate power. It's good when you find them in your pocket and you're like holy shit, isn't it $12? You find a coin in there, it might be a candy bar. That feels good. You know? You don't get that feeling over here. I was recently handed. A jingle jangle over there could be a lunch of mushy peas. You got to stop doing what you're doing

under the desk right now, Justin. I'm jangling the change in my pocketbook. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the change in my blueprints. When I'm handed Because it's gold dollars here in the U.S. of A. It's fun because I know, like, well, I'll have these forever because I can't imagine a scenario in which I have the confidence to both pay with cash and these de blooms. Yeah. Every once in a while, you used to see machines that would have a picture of the Sakadjuwe coin on and be like, we accept these.

You might as well take flus. Like, what do you mean? Anyways, blame it on the full beaver Superman. I do. There you go. It ate all the pennies. This is an advice show, Travis. Okay.

Whoa. Sorry. Yeah. Thank you. I didn't know. Here's my advice. Okay. Here's my advice.

A little less talking on the podcast. A little more show. All right. The show is talking. The show is exclusively dog. I want to be a cool dude that casually gives out fist bumps. How do you become one? That's from fists up.

Ontario. Hmm. Seems like a simple question, but I suspect it might not be so simple. You got big stinker. Is your big stinker energy because of the full beaver super moon? Or is it because of the penny being faced? You're also giving a little bit of, like, Jonathan Frank's, like, the strange but true kind of feeling of, like, this might seem easy, but not for, not for these three boys, is it? Have you ever considered fist bumping?

It was a great night politically, and I guess I just want to be excited about the fact that pennies are finally going to, we're finally going to get rid of them. And I guess I'm always excited about that, but I will tone down the energy. Thank you. You're going to be a big stinker. If you're going to be a stinker, being a big stinker. We've gotten feedback from the fans a lot, and they're saying you three dads are bringing too much fucking gusto week in week out. You're zapping off the rails, and we need you to cool your jets a little bit. Speaking out, hey, briefly, before we get to our first question, I did want to point out a new addition here.

You're not about to grab that lumpy, nasty gourd, are you? No, we don't need to see that gourd again. You better not grab that fucked up gourd. Oh, boy. He got a little pumpkin. This is my trophy for the pumpkin carving competition. I want to say thanks to everybody who supported the Huntington Children's Museum. It does say HCM Kids, pumpkin carving champ, biggest muscles.

Does it say biggest muscles? It's implied. Okay. I like a small truck. I don't know how I carved it without the biggest muscles. I like that it's small juice. I like that it's a really, really small trophy. A lot of people only care about big trophies, but like it's the prize.

The prize is not, the size of the trophy is not. the size of the trophy is not sort of intrinsic to the value of the price and I think it's not tall but it's very wide yeah I do like that so I think fist bumps easy answer is what's your job is a question not an answer because there's certain jobs that lend themselves to fist bumps anything involved in the SoCal sports scene youth pastor fucking that's it What's one? Proctologist? No, see, Griffin was doing real ones. Was listing. Let's do real ones first. Let's start with real ones.

Okay, real ones. We didn't actually allow jokes back into the room after the penny discussion. Maybe we should reopen the door to jokes. Okay, yeah, yeah, put it back in. Eric? Proctologist. Okay. Here's my, this is, when I got this question,

I saw it as one of those like flow charts. you know, yes note, right, where I feel like there's two things, either you ask for it, right, fist bump, or you just put it out there confidently, and now it's on the other person, and like, that, that seems to me to be like the starting decision you need to make. Okay, but let's put like angle is huge, probably the first thing, right? because low is like I'm building a brand low is discreet

hey between you and I I'm charging my green land over out of frame it's like an undercover bro right here this is almost a little scary isn't it? Whoa juice come down

whoa I know right You can't go straight arm Justin you can't stray arm out and listen and here's the thing guys I'm not going to go higher than this just like even because there is a camera You could curve down You could curve down

That's definitely scary That's giving me your lunch money right there. So you go down later. Take your apple and God. Yay, give them a tie up from below. Give them a fist bump by grabbing their shirt collar and coming from above, right? That's cool. That's cool.

Have you ever, one thing is if you've ever left someone hanging, give it up. You can't. Because you lose the right of the game. Yeah, for sure. You're out. You're out. If you've ever left someone hanging when they went for a bump. And here's the thing about fist bumps, no one would leave you hang.

I mean, no. No one of consequence. Yeah. There's a guy at the gym that I go to who fistpunts me every time he sees me. Huge. And it's maybe the most I feel like, ah, they think I'm like a gym guy. You belong. Yeah, it's huge.

It's huge. If I went through a day with more than three people fistpumped me, I would end it weeping by my bedside. I would be just like thinking about like, wow, I did it. You know, like I'm finally getting somewhere. Yeah. I'm getting somewhere, you know? It's so much more affirming these days than a high five.

Like Griffin, wait, hold on, Traff. Like Griffin, we've had, we've each had a turn. Oh, sorry, I forgot about that. Thank you, Jus. This never happens. It's a turn-based podcast. Yeah. Well, I'm trying to pay attention.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're, you, I had a turn and now you should. Okay, but now I feel a lot of pressure to really do it. Do it. Dad's in Scotland. Yeah. Dad's in Scotland, so I have to do that. It's your turn to sit up front.

He is normally on the calls we had to do it. Yeah. He's normally on the calls telling us to take up. So I was going to say that. gosh, I really want to fucking land the plane right now and I feel like all eyes are on me, all eyes on me.

So I remember in the movie adaptation of Double Dragon, they had a... Wait, sorry, the movie adaptation? The movie... Of the novelization. With Charlie Kaufman? Like the Charlie Kaufman thing?

The movie Double Dragon, based on the video game Double Dragon. Based on the truth story. Based on Push by Sapphire. This Double Dragon movie, the two guys from Double Dragon, who are not Ken and Ryu, but they are Billy and Jimmy Lee. Okay. Is that real? You would know better than me.

It sounds right. They came in at each other. One hand open, one fist, and the other one would alternate it, right? And then they would push in, so they would kind of grab each other's fists. They locked in, yeah. Yeah, and a sort of like train coupling. Like a train coupling, yes. I always thought that was so cool.

And I tried to get it going with some friends in elementary middle school, high school, college now. And it never really worked out because there's no way to get the message out there that like when you go in, it's right-hand fist, left-hand clasp. Because if you come out, if you come at it and you hit them like that and you're like fingernails fucking go in each other. Oh, man, it's brutal. But this would be, I think, pretty cool. I didn't fucking have it. Okay, that's all right, Griff. That's okay, Trev.

I am so sorry, Traff. Hey, Griff, hey, Griff, Griff, your turn has ended. I'm going to go in as Traff if he had some other stuff he'd like to say about it. Yeah, that weird gourd in the background looks like Ben Grimm's penis.

Damn it. Fuck. I can't believe how long I made him wait for that, Trave. Now, Travis, give me the pun on its clobron time and we can move but but it can't be it's slobba blah blah but it can't be it's slobara in time okay it's knobberin time

all right dang that's good dang that's good dang it here's another question I've been at the mechanic for three hours and there's no end in sight it's getting to be lunchtime and I skip breakfast would it be unforgivable to pull out the jar of peanut butter

and spoon in my purse and start snacking they don't have a separate waiting room so I'd be doing this in fairly close to the front desk that's from Holland. Ooh, la la. And they say, I don't like protein bars so instead I eat a couple

of spoonfuls of peanut butter when needed. That's completely reason. I 100% have a jar of almond butter in my home for this exact purpose. If I left the house, I would have a travel jar.

I think it's a full beaver superfood. It is a full beaver superfood. That and assailles. Those two. I had an amazing idea during Halloween, trick-or-treating,

walking around. You know how when you eat a protein bar, it sucks after like two bites? We need fun-sized protein bars. We need a little one-bite, two-bite, get in there, a little snacker-roll, a little fucking couple grams to get you fucking juicing.

And then you're not committing to a big, chewy event. You're just getting in there, getting out. So I think that this would be a good fix. Well, I'll answer the question in a moment, but I just think... Can they be loose? Lose. I don't want to make extra the paper.

Oh, you're saying like one might get a box of cheese it's like a loose box. A box of, yeah, sure we could do that. Okay, good. I just want to cut down a pack. Yeah, no, that's huge. I don't want to like a bunch of like little... Could we make some that are full-sized protein bar but the final quarter of it is a candy bar that you work your way to as a little treat at the end? Like a Mars bar sort of situation

only it's three-quarters. Yeah, but it's right at the end. You know, those ones that come in segments. Yeah, yeah. And then at the bottom of and then at the bottom of the candy bar, there's a tiny cigarette. Awesome. Yeah, it's great. Shit, dude.

And then at the end of the cigarette. Yeah. There's a little bit of cocaine. There's a little bit of cocaine. You're welcome. Um, from the Mars Corporation.

I don't know if you guys ever run into this, but when you have to take your car to the mechanic, it becomes, in my brain, the equivalent of like the mind, the logic puzzle of like there's a farmer with a boat and there's like a fox and a hen and a bag of grain. I'm like, you're not going to have your car, but you don't want to stay there. So you got to get back. But the other person has to come and get you, and then you have to get back and get, there has to be a better way. Yeah.

There does. It's biking. Or walking. So, Justin, I'm supposed to bike next to my car? Yes, you go straight on your bike, all the way to the gas, to the, to the tire station. I had, I have to ask you guys if I was out of line with my mechanic last week. I had a small incident. that removed the side view mirror from my car

where it normally is attached. Hey, Justin, that's very, very careful language. They pop off sometimes. They just kind of pop off sometimes. No, I overcorrected, and I hit the mirror on the rails in the viaduct, right? On those handrails in the viaduct, and I took my mirror off.

Shit your pants to your life were flashing before you're right. It was not a good day. It was not a good day for me. So I called the place that fixes the car. And I say, hello, my mirror is broken. Hello, is this the car hospital? Hello. Hello, I need to have my mirror is broken.

I need to have my mirror fixed. My mirror is broken. And they said, okay, here's an appointment. And I had Sydney take me to the appointment to drop my car off for this appointment. And then I get there and they look at my mirror and they said, oh, this is broken. Yeah. And I said, yeah. They said, we're going to need to replace this.

Yeah, it's a broken mirror. and yeah, it's a broken mirror and they're like, okay, we're gonna order it it'll be in in a few days and you can bring it back and get it replaced. I said, okay, just for the, just so I know,

how should I have phrased it? Next time, so I, next time, so I, you are not, even in, I, a layman can give you an assessment. It's fucked. It's a, it's a, it's a mirror. Yeah, beyond recognition. And I did say on the phone,

I broke my mirror. Yeah. I do not think that they were, she didn't come out with super glue to the parking lot. Like, let me take a shot. Like, I don't know what. Mirrors are famously one of the most irreparable substances. Yeah, you just can't unring that bad.

That's wild. I think you're fully justified. Thank you. Next time I'll be more clear that this thing is just absolutely. Eat your peanut butter. Eat your, oh God, yes, sorry. If anything. If they get uncomfortable, maybe it's going to speed up that repair a little bit.

Yeah. I also think it's cool. They're like, we got to get this peanut butter pervert out of here. You know how? I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. You would never say that. You would never say that.

You're fine. You know how in the oceans movies, Brad Pitt eats all of the food. And every time he does, he looks really cool. And it's like the best acting choice. Yeah, I think there's like a way you can do that. I think if I see you, I'm like, they're on the go. They have places to be. They need to get out of here.

They need protein for energy for business. The weirdest one, though, Griffin, is there's a scene where he's just eating a yogurt cup. And did he have a refrigerated lunchbox with him? Like, is there a little ice pack in there? Where do you get that yogurt from? Thank you, Travis. Obviously, someone else has been reading the IMDB Lipsies with his pro account. Finding in this scene, Brad Pitt ate a yogurt.

But where do you keep it cold? I don't think so. I think my therapist believes in vampires. Twice now, he has brought them up seemingly out of no. nowhere and talked about them like they're real. The first time, he played it off like a slip of the tongue. But the second time, he really seemed to be trying to sell me on vampires, being real and active in Chicago.

How many more times do I let him bring up vampires before I find a new therapist? Is he a vampire? That's from Vulnerable in the Vindy City. I want to say, before we get into the nuts and both of this. Please. Such gentle language in the wording, I think. think my therapist believes in vampires and then in the next sentence yeah talked about them like the real yeah and then in the next sentence the second time you really seem to be trying to

say hey i think think is out the window no you know you know your therapist i i am curious how one manifests a uh an opinion that they believe in vampires via a slip of the tongue how does one accidentally let out like a vampire uh i mean you have to learn to distinguish uh these thoughts that you're having these that you have to remind yourself these are not real they're not like your home or your couch or vampire yeah okay they're not like they're just in your head and just imagine like when you find yourself in one of these scenarios like what would a vampire do you know yeah you know and i don't mean like from the movies i mean like my neighbor todd who I only see at night, and he says he works the late shift.

And he bit, he bided me so hard once. I died and came back to life. I think, I think the question asker needs to figure something else out before they figure out how their therapist feels about vampires, which I think they know and are denying. They need to figure out how they feel about vampires. Yes, yes. Because the end of this question is,

how many more times do I let him bring up vampires before I find a new therapist? and then is he a vampire? So, my friend, you need to figure out for you if vampires are real. There's a question mark there. It seems like you're waffling. And honestly, if your therapist has introduced doubt about vampires and their reality, that may be enough to start looking for a new therapist. I think that that's not a great.

I'm not a professional, but it doesn't seem good. Unless. Unless. Unless. Unless. Maybe your vampire therapist is the perfect person for you to do this work with of figuring out if you believe in vampires or not. Did you think about that? It's going to be challenging and you can't do it around the, don't do it around the full beaver super moon.

That's for fucking sure. Because that's when vampires are at their absolute vaniest. And this werewolf receptionist is going to just be a real problem. Just go absolutely ape. and so give it a week or two before you go back in wait it's a wear ape holy shit dude it's those are those are real and they're not in chicago they're more um in the southeast kind of like region of the kind of probably has wear bears right yes oh yeah yes absolutely do wear bears uh sometimes sometimes i see their defense crumble and i'm like wear de bears oh ow i stabbed myself in the hand

with a pin now he's gonna be a wear pin Now, go so my dick I got to you quick that time, man. I think if I found out my therapist was a vampire, I'd be a little psyched because they could use their vampire mesmerism to just get some of that shit out of it.

Holy shit, tell me about it, dude. There's a reason they call it the work. It's hard, and it makes it so tired. Sometimes after therapy, I have to take a nap, and that's embarrassing. Just mesme, bro. Just fucking blast me with a vampire magic, dude. I could call it.

him at night because I know he's up and then I would be like hey I can't sleep can you mess me through the phone yeah and like knock me out give me a quick mess through the phone he'll be like mess please this is that all or nothing thinking Griffin I've been telling you that you have to work on that and I'm like I know I'm in so hard

just blast me with your vampire magic just fly over here to the window and mess me I'm not gonna let you in ah I'm really stressed about this show come mesme so I can do good job Just mess me real quick. You can fly faster than sound. Whoa.

Give you a little, bud. Yeah. Just a little. Man, I will also say finding a therapist, it can be challenging. I think in maybe even in Chicago, it can be tough to find someone, you know, who can find your, who takes your insurance or what. It's a hard process. So maybe this, if you're doing good work in other departments and there just happens to be this kind of like vampire thing in the back. just diligently avoid the topic especially yeah is him being a vampire in any way detrimental to the

process if not maybe he's you know he's an uh an angel or an edward yeah or one of the many many examples in pop culture yeah what go ones good ones good vampires good ones one of the good upbeat ones yeah the upbeat vampires uh people who does i don't want to litigate angel and i really don't even want to talk about angel well he's barely holding it together Yeah, you know what I mean? That's the other thing we got to acknowledge. Yeah, he's a mess. We're going to money so.

We're going to money's so. It's better. It's better with you. It's not. It's not. Yeah, that's the first breaking news. Second breaking news, cats have got to eat. Oh, shit.

Really? Yeah, in my house, the cats are eating. smalls. In fact, just this morning I was given the hero's welcome by Olive and Amelia when I opened up a pack of Groundbird which is their favorite after Smooth Bird. Yeah.

Which says a lot about them. Very classy. I think that they love the smoothbird. I think your cats are going to love it too. Before we used to use the dry food and then we just kind of let them graze throughout the day, this has given us more control over their diet, giving them healthier coats.

And now they're excited to see you. They're finally pleased that I exist, at least in those windows while they're hungry. I mean, after they've eaten, I try to give them their space. But like, in that window, I feel really good. It's a really positive thing. Do you feel like it's maybe transactional a little bit, the relationship you have with your cats? Oh, every relationship with a cat is transactional to some degree, Griffin. I don't think so, Griffin. I can see where you'd be tempted to draw a connection between me opening the Smalls and giving it to them and them needing it to live and them tolerating me during that window. I could see why you would make a connection, but I think there's something a little bit deeper going on.

They appreciate Justin on a deeper level that you wouldn't understand. Yeah. Yes, but you know what I know they don't appreciate is a great bargain because that is for humans. Give your cat the food they deserve for a limited time because you are one of our listeners. You can get 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash. My Brother. One last time, that's 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash my brother. I don't read ahead when we come up when we do this show. And that is why I am, I guess, delighted to see that one of our sponsors is Zock Dock this week after I talked about how hard it is to find a therapist in a big city like Chicago. It's not actually that tough if you use Zock Doc.

I'm speaking of from from personal experience I moved to Washington DC In Texas they get away From all the vampires Yes in Texas they just had One big hospital And you go there and you say

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slash my brother to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today that's ZOCDOC.com slash my brother Zocdoc.com slash my brother. It's a free app and website where you can search

and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. What are you waiting for? I don't know, Griff. Wasn't for you, man. Were you talking to... We're doing the show,

so it's not really a good time. Wasn't for you. If you want to use Zock Doc, you should. all right not what I was expecting Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun the cat I've found to Munch Squad

I've fun to Munch Squad Welcome to Munch Squad Welcome to Munch Squad It's a podcast within the podcast I am Count Donut and the cat keeps pissing on my cave Okay that makes sense

Because Count Donut it really looks like This is all I had This is from a costume party I went to. Count Dona, I'm so glad you're here. We have so many questions about vampires vis-a-vis therapists. Yes. Oh, that's part of a lot of vampire chat.

Would you say? The Chicago, Illinois? Yes. We love in a city with a solid transportation system. You can turn into bats. Why do you need a bus? Getting around underground. You can walk around, Griffin.

You still take the bus. I can't turn into a back, though. That's different. Yeah, but I mean, it still takes exertion. It's tiring. Okay, you're right. And also you lose your keys. You lose your keys.

You drop all your clothes and your stuff. No place to put the keys for a bat. Maybe a bat pack. A bat pack. So whenever you come out of bat form, Count Donut, you are nude. Like it, I was born 435 years ago. Exactly. That doesn't seem like crazy long.

Me and Jeremy Piven. You and Jeremy Piven have the same birthday. Margaret Mitchell, Jeremy Piven, and actually, Chef Jose And Andre's very exciting birthday. Wow. Extremely charitable vampire. Maybe it's wrong. This is just a birthday we share.

It's not a, we just happen to have the same birthday. Oh, okay. Me and Jose and the rest of the game. When I talk about London? Yes, it is. This is why I'm here, yes? Yeah, sure. Crispy cream has begun again.

They've wiped the slate clean and attempted once more to climb the Great Mountain. Crispy Cream has announced a bigger refreshed donut menu. America, when it comes to giving you more flavor, more variety and more ways to a dozen. This is how we do it. All right. Crispy Cream ink is refreshing. its donut menu, adding nine new flavors and growing its everyday menu to 16 full-sized donuts from 10?

Wait, but nine new flavors and, but it's only six more. 16 donuts. Yeah. Imagine, Travis, going into a restaurant and having a choice of 16 different ones to enjoy. But there's a secret story. There's a three flavor, there's three flavors that have been axed, and I'm curious what those three are that have been left on the cutting room floor. Chocolate.

That would require a late. a level of dedication to the Krispy cream offerings that I do not possess. It will not surprise you, Griffin. They do not wish to talk about the past. Okay. Just like Count Donuts. Yeah, interesting.

We're moving on. These popular donuts were offered previously only for a limited time and now they're permanent boys. Permanent boys? You're a bad with in this. What did you say? They're permanent boys.

saw this is so... I also thought... It's basic. It's a basic podcast. I thought the press release was saying, these are our permanent boys now, like saying it... I also thought that.

Thank you, Travis. Crispy cream is comprised of an army of 16 boys. Each chosen are doughboys. We have 16 permanent dog boys. Oh, man. Why don't the doys... Hey, why don't the doughboys ever want to be,

my friend? Why don't they have you on Count Donut? Well, I've never the doughboys ever email me. Why don't they never said, they never emailed them? They know I love, they know I love these kinds of things. Yeah. Fast food, things like that, they've never emailed.

They might not know. They might not have heard or like heard this bit of it. They've heard of, I've heard of them a lot of times. You know, it seems maybe they're heard of Justin McElroy once they could email me just like, hey, cut similar, you know. Did I say Justin McElroy? I mean, Count Donut. Have you tried mezzan them? It's a very different feeling.

You got to mess them. We have friends or friends. Mez them. Mez them with your power. Use your power right now. All right. Do boys. Justin McElroy has an overlapping interest with you in the fast food world.

But he has never spoken with you. He feels like you would get along. And honestly, guys, it's been going on so long. There's some part of him that thinks you kind of hate them for some reason because it's just weird that you guys aren't friends. It seems weird. Yeah. so reach out to him via email or LinkedIn

whoa I didn't even know chooses on like yeah he's big on LinkedIn you gotta go somewhere to post your Ziggy cartoons right so he's doing it on LinkedIn listen New York cheesecake Oreo cookies and claim original glazed cake cinnamon apple field which is weird original glazed cake they didn't have this this is one of the nine new flavors that's a new one they were like

Check it out. I don't think they can have a new original flavor. They must have thought they did. Yeah. They're also doing an original glazed cream-filled donut, seasonal, Biskopf cookie butter cream. Oh, yeah. Maple iced chocolate fudge, brownie donut.

And an original glazed pumpkin spice cake donut. Where's the original coming in here? Well, I guess they're saying that, Travis, you're Travis? Yeah. Yeah. I have no idea. Crispy cream will rotate in for new donuts on a seasonal basis five times a year. So they're not permanent boys?

The last boys, the four boys. These are temporary boys. Okay. Love them and leave them. The other boys are permanent. We're so excited to offer, to introduce nine new flavors to our lineup so everyone can build a dozen that is unique as they are, said. Allison Holder, Krispy Cream Chief Brandon Paradox. officer. Now listen, I don't want to be pedantic, but I'm going to for a moment because I do want to be

pedantic. We love that. Which is that in Krispy Kreme's psyche, in their mindset, the uniqueness of every human being can be summed up with 12 out of 16 donut options. Honestly, Travis, you could express all of the human human genome with four different compounds, right? I don't see why we Genome, sure, Justin. I'm talking about personality, baby. Also, Juice, where did you fucking come from, dude? What? What?

Where did you come from, man? Because you haven't... Fuck. It's the Supermoon, dude. It's like, I'm telling you, it's like throwing off all of our... No, it's the cave. It's the cats keep pissing on my cave. Yeah.

You know why they're pissing on it? Full Beaver Superman. Yeah. So an old roundabout way. I knew what's coming. Sorry. It's the full Beaver Super Bowl! Yeah, man, cool, dude.

It's because I was reading the quote and I got all confused. Can I tell you the only reason? There's only one reason I wanted to tell you this. Okay. The new menu is supported by a marketing campaign that includes R&B singer, songwriter, producer,

and Grammy winner, Montel Jordan. Okay, I was waiting for this crew to drop. Oh, this is how we do it. This is okay. Oh, Krispy Cream recruited to make his iconic 1995 number one hit This is How We Do It During its 30th anniversary

Jordan's This Is How a Dozen Take on the song Encourges fans to All right All right all right Encourges fans to share on social media How they're enjoying

And sharing Krispy Cream's new expanded Everyday menu Including sweet dance moves Now They know just how to go viral Yeah, dude. So, guys, here's what I want to ask you. The next quote is from Montel Jordan.

Yeah. I want you to guess, what if you were Montel Jordan? Can you tell me, to the best of your ability, and I will warn you, one point will be awarded. Oh, okay. Yeah. To the best of your ability, what the quote from Montel Jordan will be about his partnership with Krispy Kreme? I'm assuming it's not Well I really like money

There's a lot of things It's not Travis I really like money Probably isn't I'm going to say Justin Based off of past experience Okay I'm a big fan

Who is Justin? Yeah I'm a big fan of Krispy Kreme And getting to work with them Is something I've always wanted Something along those lines Who Okay

I take a swing at it Griffin Griffin This is how I do it It's Friday night, and I feel like eating Kris Cream donuts on the west side. Designated driver, take the keys to my truck. Yeah. I'm kind of buzz going to buy a does.

This is how I doesn't. This is how, yeah. A kind of buzz going to buy a does is very good. And accurate, I will say. Crispy cream does it like nobody does? Is that, could that be part of it? here we go. Do all my neighbors

got 16 flavors. All these donuts got much flavor. Got six. Can I, Griffin, all my neighbors got 16 flavors. This is how I doesn't. How he doesn't.

Because you need to get the information out there. That's right. That's better. My music is about celebrating good times. And nothing brings people joy. Quite like a dozen Krispy Kreme. Nothing? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Being a Krispy Kreme fan. I kind of want to do deep dive now to see if Montel Jordan is like a father. That tracks actually. That's a fucking sage advice, dude. Being a Krispy Kreme fan doing this remix for Krispy Kreme's new core menu is a blessing. And I'm excited about hyping everyone to discover some new favorite donuts and make sweet memories. Krispy Kreme does donuts like nobody does. All right. All right. All right. ever cut back on a delicious snack.

This is how we does. I think Travis and I both got little pieces here and there. I have, if you're interested, boys, the list of the three dead donuts. Yeah. I am. But first, just in case anyone hasn't heard it, this is how we do it by Montel Jordan.

It's one of the all-time best. Travis, I swear to God, I swear to God, if you're about to give a full-throat an endorsement of this is how we do it by Montel Jordan. If you've never heard, this is how we do it. This is how we do it by Montel Jordan. You guys got a lot of young listeners.

You got to check this shit. It doesn't matter how old the listeners are. Have they seen a commercial for any company ever? Because this is how we do. It's in it somewhere. Yeah, this is Autumn's favorite song. And for their anniversary, Slice got her a remixed version of this is how we do it that is about her. Holy shit, man.

I know, I know. So he launched a rebrand too. He launched his own marketing. campaign just about his wife is great you know you can you Montel Jordan is happy yeah to get in there and help you restart your brand whatever your brand is he's ready for a new menu so the three oh god damn it just didn't do the voice at all that whole bit that's okay you can come back that was you that was me that was you I don't think Count Donut would know Ottoman slice yeah but it's like why did I you know what I mean it doesn't make it doesn't make it doesn't

it on the full beaver superman i know but it's like if i don't have the consistency you don't yeah i need to hear you say it's the full beaver superman and then we can move on yeah as dracula it might be the full beaver superman okay thank you as part of the menu expansion three previously everyday flavors this is the way they put it have been removed the original glazed blueberry cake. Fuck off, man. That's, Jesus Christ. That's like my favorite.

The original glazed lemon filled. Yeah, that's fine. And the cake better. Now, why would they get rid of two originals? Yeah. You know? Yeah, no, for sure. It doesn't make much sense to me.

They were born there and now they die there. That's their house. That's their home. They live there. Do they have a limited amount of donuts they can make every day that they have to get rid of flavors? They're ahead of you, Travelde. of you, Travis, listen, Fred not. These donuts could return

in the future. All right. And of course, Krispy Cream will continue to delight faints with many limited time built in your mouth donut innovations throughout the year, including this whole day season. Ooh, la, la. Some more surprises.

Some more surprises around the horizon, maybe. Yeah, I mean, the blueberry one hurts. The lemon goo. is like that's too much lemon goo and we all you're all done with goo we're all done with we should talk to donuts about this cake none of us want the goo anymore cake batterers star burn bright and fast but is is gone now but some of us like it's not even original they don't want to claim it they doesn't make it up okay but can I ask you guys we're all done with goo yeah yeah oh for sure can you tell tell them humans are also done with goo

the vampires we have been over this stuff jelly filled we don't know why you can him doing it, but no one listens to us. Yeah. Please tell your I like a cream. I like a cream fill. Write your representatives and tell them you're done with boom. It's not a question of the substance inside of it.

It is a question of ratio. When you, the donuts that are filled are, a Danish can have a cream filling and a fruit filling, but it's a reasonable layer, a paté of that stuff. I don't need a water balloon full of jelly to eat because that's too much. This is why Long John's work. Spreading evenly throughout like a hot dog Yes Like a cream dog

They should call them Creamy dogs for sure I've never thought of this until this moment Cream dogs Very appetizing Yeah Well Bye

Time to die Oh no It's okay This is what he calls going to sleep Oh right The Little Death He's pretty dramatic I don't know if you've

Hey Juice I was in and out there Yeah I think because of the Superman And this is never happened. I think because of the super moon we were kind of fighting for control because I had other things I wanted to

do. Right. Yeah. No, I get that. Yeah. I had other dreams. I had other, I had a whole other bit written down. Right. That I was going to do it. It was scripted. Um, different. Well, do you want to do it? It was timely. It was timely. It was a timely. Oh, timely. 10 minutes ago? Yeah. It was about, it was a 420 kind of joke. It's 10.38.

They don't know that. They don't know that. They don't know when we're recording this. You guys could have just gone with it. Like, good point, Jayman or something, you know? Good point, Jay, man. Like, good, good, good, I can't keep this fiction up on my own. Yeah. Yeah, great job.

I agree with Justin. Hey, everybody. Guess what? What? We're doing candle nights in person this year. Oh, my God. We're back in Huntington. Yeah.

You guys are going to come here, but you have warrants. I know. So don't tell anyone. But it's worth it. I mean, tell lots of people, like tell your friends and, whatever to come, but don't tell any cops. And guess what? It's also going to be streaming.

Here's how it works. In-person show, December 6th at 7 p.m. Eastern Time in Huntington, West Virginia. And that ticket includes the virtual stream ticket, which will then be digitally premiering recording of the show with all kinds of bonus stuff with it. That's going to be December 19th at 9 p.m. Eastern Time, and we'll be in the chat talking through it. That video on demand stream will be available through January 4th, and all benefits from the show will be donated to Harmony House, which seeks to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs. Tickets for both the in-person and live stream are available at bit.ly slash candle nights 2025.

If you never come to the Cannon Lights shows, I mean, that makes sense because we haven't done one live in like four years, but it really is such an amazing time, and it's so rad seeing everyone come together. in our hometown, and everyone always has a really, really good time. So as I understand it, it is like half sold out. So get, get, hurry up and get some tickets if you want to get your tickets. Because people, a lot of people locally, I think will come as well, but you want to hurry up and get your tickets. Yes, quick. Tickets are also available currently packages are on sale for Champions Grove, the gaming event that I run every year at Ravenwood Castle in Hawking Hills, Ohio. come stay at the castle in one of the storybook village cabins or in Huntsman's Hollow cabins.

Spend Memorial Day weekend with me and a bunch of other talented game hosts running all kinds of different games for folks. There's Ravenwood Castle has an over 150 board game library that you can pull games from and play games with friends or new friends in the Great Hall. We also have events, like mini-figure painting classes, improv classes. We've done karaoke before. Do they have seen it, Seinfeld edition? Probably. They have the TAS board game.

Whoa. Yeah, so there you go. Just like Seenet, the Seinfeld edition. Yeah, it's the Taz board game of Seenit, Seinfeld Editions. So go to www.championsgrove.com to find those packages. I think all we have left are four-person packages. So don't wait. We're well over halfway sold at this point.

So go check that out. www. www.championsgrove.com and come see us in Ravenwood Castle in Hocking Hills, Ohio, this Memorial Day, or, you know, in 2026 Memorial Day weekend. I am so excited about the new merch we have up in the merch store over at Macquariemerch.com. We have got, for the old heads, a poster for Till Death, U.S. Blart, designed by Jack T. Sherry. it is it is really it's one of my favorite sort of death blart inspired designs that I've ever seen also getting the spirit of the honda days with the 2025 candle nights poster and ornament designed by scott hot all of that stuff is over at mackroymurch dot com and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to native american aid which addresses immediate needs for tribes experiencing disasters emergency food shortages and preventative health care needs. Excellent.

Griffin, why don't you read the fear this week? Okay, I'll do that. This year, I will be faster than my fear of the Kool-Aid man busting through my bedroom wall while my wife and I are being intimate. Oh, yeah. Oh.

It's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother. May kiss your dad square on the lips. My life Ah It's better

It's better with you My life Ahah It's better with you Is it true Ah It's better It's better with two

My life Ah It's better with you Maximum Fun A of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.