My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 794: Candlenights XXX

Episode Date: December 22, 2025

Don’t go outside, it’s wet! Instead, cozy up with a wad of Big League Chew and your sorta creepy ghost husband, because we’re going to watch every holiday movie in existence to distract us from that utterly terrifying HUGE reindeer decoration. Why is it so BIG?Suggested talking points: As Fat a Chocobo as this Zenny Can Purchase, Method Chain from Huntington Steel, Maybe I’m Not a Cool Hang, You’re Not an Online Cat, My Life Story: Fuck, My Husband’s a GhostGet your Candlenights 2025 tickets here: bit.ly/Candlenights2025Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapping, and two, A precious friendship I could have never seen

What was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life It feels live Life It's better It's better with you

My life Ah It's better It's better with you This is true Oh, it's better, it's better with two. My way. Ah, ah, it's better with you.

Hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother, and me. It's an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McRoy. I'm your middle-ist brother, Travis, Big Dog, Wolf, Wolf, McRoy. What's up, Trave Nation? What's up, Trave Nation? What's up, Trave Nation? And happy Honda days.

It's me, your sweet, baby, elf, a little stinker elf here to create some Christmas mischief, Griffin, McRoy. What? Oh, okay. Sorry, one more tongue, yeah. Hey, everybody, it's me.

It's, hey, Trembudan. No, no, just a good. Happy Honda Days. It's me, your sweet baby elf. A Christmas elf. You're to cause Christmas mischief, Griffin McRoy. What kind of Christmas mischief do you have plans?

You did all the candy canes. Well, that's going to hurt your tummy. It did. And it hurted it so bad, burning too much peppermint, burning it up. But how else am I going to do Christmas mischief? Smash all the gingerbread Red Houses.

Hey, I want to talk about Christmas Carol for a second. Yeah, which one? No, it's just like the general concept. All right, cool. The show or the carol, like the singing, the idea of singing? No, the book. The story? Okay.

The story, the book. How long do you think it's... I'm playing Scrooge tonight, you see. Oh, this will be great. You're Scrooge? Tonight, I will be the Scrooge. Nice. This is great then, Justin.

At Hinton City Hall, tonight, I'll be the Scrooge. The thing I've always wondered about, how long do you think it sticks? Yeah. This is a great topic of conversation. How long does it, how long does he stay good? Do you think he makes it to next Christmas? Do you think he makes it to New Year? Do you think there's a scene if that movie or play or book or whatever that keeps on going,

December 31st and his nephew's like, hey, it's been so fun partying with you for six straight days? Do you want to come over for New Year's tonight and stay up past midnight and Scrooge is going to be like, I, that sounds actually, I'm burnt out, man. I have to take a break. I think it will probably, I think there's a reason that every single version of Christmas Carol you see. The one thing that they won't do is make it to Fred's party later that Christmas day. Yes. You don't see, because I think Scrooge makes it to dinner before he's like, fuck. These people are, there's so many.

There's so many people. I also just gave away a lot of money and like forgave a lot of debt. I promise Cratchett array, like, that's enough, right? My business is ruined. I'm ruined. I'm ruined for me. Also, I think the second. The Mooster's cat is that, go ahead, Uncle Scrooge.

I'm ruined. I can't. I'm ruined. I have nothing. I have nothing. I think the first time. Are there poor houses? and workhouses and stuff because I need to go.

I need to go to one. Yes. That's funny. I never thought for me. He shows up the next day at the crash. He's like, listen, Bob. I know I talked to Big Game about helping get Tiny Tim well and I would love to hit you back on that. But I am bereft, my man.

I gave it all the way. I got nothing. I spent your son's legs medicine money on big turkey money. And now I can't do it anymore. You guys like that turkey. That turkey was great, though, right? Great turkey, though, right field is bellia. Do you have any of that left?

Because I am feeling a mite peckish. Mm, I'll drink a broth of the bones, Bob. I have nothing. Anything you got, man. These ghosts have taken everything from me. I can be your son. I'm better. I'm a tiny ten.

I'll arm wrestle that mother, butchard. I know how to change myself. Ebby Cratchett, they'll call me. Yeah, sweet Abby, the 85-year-old son of Bob Cratchett. What's that? someone that communes with ghosts, I understand. This is a very superstitious era. Yeah.

And, uh, yeah. Oh, you're burning me. I'm being burned. Oh, okay. I'm being burned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. There's also no scene in the show where Ebenezer Scrooge, like, comes up to someone

is like, what's up? Take this little ham. I'm good now. And the person's like, actually still fuck you, though. Yeah. You really have been a monster for a long time. I think someone puts up a little bit of resistance. to Scrooge's kind of transformation.

And he's going to be like, wait a minute, what? This isn't, what? You didn't hear the thing about where the ghosts are me good? Here's a doll that I bought for you. I'm 42 years old. You ruined my business. Forgive, you have to forgive me. This is a doll.

That's child logic, Scrooge. That may be completely fair because the other unifying factor of every Christmas Carol story is that they cannot let you know what Scrooge is spending at the end. they have to invent all kinds of currencies. You know what I mean?

It's always like, and there's three talents for the duck, and here's ten crowns, and for this 60 pence. How much? Nobody knows, dude. He's just chucking coins. 15 million Zeni for the biggest fattest Christmas goose. Do you accept? A fattachocobo is my zinnie can purchase.

It also occurred to me this year for the first time. I'm 42 years old. I've watched so many Christmas carols. that the implication of Jacob Marley telling Ebenezer Scrooge that your chain is even bigger and heavier than mine is that there is another end of that where there is somebody who has committed

very minor sense against humanity who has like a chain of like paper loops or something, you know? And it's like, yeah, man, you got to carry this around. And it's like, okay, yeah, cool, man. I got to tell you guys, I swap roles with Tim E. this year. WSA's his own anchor Timier and this year he's Jacob Marley

and I'm Scrooge last year it was reversed okay um and so it's like a really slow like played out true west kind of thing once a year we switch yeah we barely know our own lines and we kind of barely know each other's lines

no but he said he came and he's like Justin check these out and he holds up his chains and he is very clearly being brought down by the weight of them. I'm like, Tim, what are? I said? I went to Huntington Steel. And I told him, I'm going to play Jacob Marley. I need, I need chains. And they're like, yeah, we can make you some chains. And they're, so they made his chains. And it's like such a great commercial for Huntington's own, Huntington Steel. In the words of Lawrence

Olivia, I believe, try acting. You don't, yeah, you don't have to, Tim, but then again, then Tim gets swolled because by the end of the run, he takes the chains off and he's dunking over everyone. So scary. Last night, here's Tim Ear's dedication to method. Last night is our final rehearsal before the show. Tim Ear is wearing gym shorts, a t-shirt, chains, and a mouthful of green blood that he barfs on me for no reason that I can desert and with no warning. This sounds like a good show. This is what it's like working with no fear Timir.

Yeah. And is it fake green blood or? It's still standing the stage of the City Hall auditorium. So hopefully you can. Check it out for yourself. Did you have to switch roles with him because most of Scrooge's role in the show is to be scared of ghosts?

And that is simply not an emotion that Timir is capable of even emulating how much time. If you're playing Scrooge, you're basically just sad about your girlfriend and like listening to ghosts. Yeah, man. That's pretty much it.

And you got to be scared a lot. And then being in pretty strict denial when Ghost of Christmas Feetra shows up and you're like, whose grave is that? That could be anybody's grave, right, man? I know that this whole evening is kind of centered around this guy. So that's just some stranger's grave, right?

I know I'm 75 years old and it's the dark ages, but that can't possibly be my grave. Oh, Abonisor Scaraget. Some stranger, huh? I don't think so. There's snow all over it or whatever. I do this one different. I distract the ghost of Christmas future and then I flee into the audience and then I become one of them. And then it becomes kind of an interactive game

where you have to find Scrooge. And one of the audience has to die. And one of the audience has to die. Hey, this is an advice show and Travis has gathered some of your candle nights questions because it is our holiday still. We're going to cuss on this.

We did our best not during the show, the live show, which you can now watch on demand whenever the hell you want to. This is Candleites XXXXX. That URL is bit. is bit.ly slash candle nights 25. You can watch it any time from now until January 4th,

on demand, at your leisure, and ringing the holidays right with us and some of our buddies and family members. Friends at my school bring in treats and gift bags that represent the special holidays their families celebrate. What types of things should I put in a gift bag for candle nights?

I am in second grade. That's from candle night celebrant Killian. Oh, hell yeah. This is... There's not, the problem is there's not a lot of props from candlelights that can fit in a school bag. A lot of the stuff we deal with is big stuff, big bush, big bushes, very, very, very long candles. I think of a Buick. A Buick is part of it, yeah.

Maybe just bring them a Fortnite. A Fortnite like a card? I mean, whatever a Fortnite is, just bring them one of those. That's very Candle Nights related. We did do Candle Nights Fortnite tie-in this year. I think that went through, right? Did that go through? I think that might have got held up in development hell.

No. For his Dev hell, maybe. They were too busy with the Simpsons stuff, and they said, sorry, boys, maybe next year. But they've been kicking this can down the road for four or five years or something. I don't think it's bad. I got to be honest, Killian, you just got to bring in a bunch of lick of maid.

You know? That's cool. I love for you to represent our fake holiday, but you're in second grade, and you got a lot of life to live. What you should do is just bringing enough Lickamede fund dip for everybody. That's awesome. If you give everybody Lickamede fund dip, maybe it's got Christmas tree on it, maybe it doesn't, I don't care. They don't either. They're just going to be so stoked that Killian brought Lickamade Fund dip.

And maybe a $5 bill in each bang? Well, Killian's not going to bring in a bunch of cash, I don't think. And I'm not sure. Are they still doing Lickamade Fun Dip? Oh, yeah. baby yeah okay oh yeah just because you won't buy your kids cool shit doesn't be that the rest of us aren't enjoying lick and made fun dip in candy cigarettes and Griffin if you don't have any I could go around my living room and just kind of shake out my couch cushions to get yeah probably at

least two packages worth that my children have just left all over the place you could also go to any sick go in hurricane west Virginia and there are rows and rows of them just yeah of kid Shaw no kid Shaw sorry kid Shaw is uh is major league cheer So I guess Lickamate is teaching you to chop it up in the lines, I guess. Yeah. Do you think the first guy

that had big... Do you think the first guy that tried bigly chewed? He brings it into the dugout, puts a huge wand in, right? He's chew it. And the other guy's like, cool. That guy's cool. And then he's like still chewing it. They're like, Greg, you have to stop.

That's disgusting, dude. You're doing it wrong. You're actively chomping it. It's like, Greg, stop, dude, you're going to get sick. And this slows a big bubble, and they're like, wizard! You made it pink, dude, you screwed up. You're sick.

Is that your gums? Your tongue's expanding rapidly. Your gums are fall out. I had an airplane neighbor tuck a zen in while they were sitting next to me on the flight, and I realize that I don't really know what happens to those in the mouth. I've never done one. I know everyone's pretty wild about these things. Does it just kind of loose-leaf tea in there or does it-

Park them park them, park them, park them, and let them steep. So take your second-grade classmates a bunch of Zin, I guess. I wouldn't do any of that. Here's the thing, Killian, you can, Candle-Nights is a pan-religious, pan-I-I don't want to say that part because you're in second grade, personal pan-holiday. It can be whatever you want it to be. Put whatever you want to in this bag.

Maybe it's like made fun dip. Maybe it's stickers. Kids love that shit. And guess what? that's part of the canon now it's a big big umbrella over here you guys know how many times in the week leading up to candle nights long time friends and family would come up to have came up to me and said is this something in candle nights and i would have to like really think like i actually have to go check a Wikipedia page yeah excuse me for a second because it is there's a lot in there and i have

to go look we had a night also it can be p.s if you want sure it can anything can't check it in there We had a night where we were picking up some of, like, the set stuff from the storage facility for, is it Hart in the park? Yeah. So the outdoor theater. So all these, like, play props, backgrounds, set dressing, just walking through there with a group of, like, 20 people and kids and just being like, is this a candle? Here's some boxing gloves. Is this a candle night? Here's a big green door from the Wizard of Oz when you go on.

the Emerald City. Is this anything? Is this something? Here's a whole ass Tartis. Could this be a candle night? Oh, the Tartis was, I felt, yeah, this is a good story. So I built a Tartis two years ago and it went to a fantasy maze thing and then it got stored at that building and it got buried with sets and I didn't, I couldn't get it. But then there was 20 people there at that building and then I looked at everybody there. I was like, you know what would be so cool in the lobby. If you came to Candelites and you're wondering why the TARDIS was in the lobby, it is because

it was a way station between there and my house. That's awesome. That's a labor embezzlement, Justin. Yes, I have smuggled oh God, which reminds me the clownbox is at the building. I have to go get it. It's at the Keith Halby still? No, sir. It's at the storage building. I have to go get it and put it in my house. Maybe

leave it there. It's, you don't have to put it in your home, Justin. You wouldn't love it, right? Imagine guys, if it was like right here. I don't. Here's what you do, Justin. You're going to get the clown box. You're going to put it just out of frame. And then you're going to move it like half an inch a year slowly into frame.

That's awesome. Well, we're going to be doing this for 100 years. I'm just wondering how drunk I can get at my work holiday party. They specifically picked Friday so we could start the party at 12 and not have to work after. Meaning drinking is allowed at the party. It's a bar slash arcade thing. The thing is I don't really know the people, that well at the party. I only work one day

a week in person, meaning I do not see these people that much. I would consider us acquaintances. Is that better or worse if I get absolutely excuse me, if I get absolutely tabled in front of them? I've not heard that before. In my defense,

absolutely tabled is a lot. Yeah. In front of them. Partying hard in Pittsburgh is who that's from. Boy. I mean, obviously this answer is going to be different for everybody. you have to know thyself. Are you a cool hang?

Yeah. That is a huge one. That's the real question, right? Because you're not, the question isn't how much alcohol can you put into your body? Yeah. It's what level of behavior can you hit? Yeah.

And still be cool. God, that's such a fine line, though, because you have to be, you need those inhibitions, don't you? I mean, sometimes you need your inhibitions. Don't go out in the rain. It is cold when you are wet.

Yeah, you're wet now. Cool. You're wet now. Great. Uh-oh. What are you going to do about that? You didn't think about that, stay inside. I remember very, very, very distinctly.

A Halloween party I went to probably 10 years ago in Austin at a friend's house. I was dressed up as Sonic the Hedgehog and I got, I drank too much. I drank way too much. before, you know, we had kids and my friends were leaving the party and I pretend to do a spin attack like Sonic does and jumped in their back seat of their car and was like, hey, can you take me home? And then after that, after that, I got out of the car the next morning, I had a thought, which was maybe I'm not a cool hang at a certain degree. And I don't think I ever, ever got that drunk again for the rest of my whole life. That was my Christmas

Carol, that event. So if you know the boundaries for yourself, I think go nuts. But I'm also uncomfortable telling anyone to get fucked up or tabled, as you said on this podcast that's being recorded. Yeah, I mean, you know, I think the answer here is to just not be the drunken person there. Always the goal. I'm thinking about it. If there's one person that's like going real hard, you can feel

pretty comfortable not being. In fact, you may be sort of a median that that person needs, you know what I mean? You may need something in the middle that like, you know, I wasn't so terrible. Jerry kind of got a little bit messed up if memory serves. Oh, that's nice. I wouldn't all that. We're all having a lot of fun.

Now, another thing that impacts the answer to this question is like how good are you at arcade games because if you get you can get really really fucked up but if you're hitting swishes on that connect four basketball game like putting them up no problem knocking them down larry bird then i think people are gonna sort of talk about you in like a cool way from then yeah yeah yeah they got as long as you're sinking i mean i think of anything in the past 20 years we've learned that like if you are good at athletics, you can basically get away with whatever you want to do. Especially if you get better with every drink, it's like, well, their average is going

up. Yeah, they just connected five. Holy shit. My wife is the equine manager for a university stable. Each year, we help Santa by putting horse treats in each horse's stocking. The student boarders love walking to horse treats from Santa and sharing in the equine holidays. However, sometimes the horses

is helping Santa with the treats. Our question is, how do we make sure the horses continue to believe in Santa and fully understand that we are mere helpers of holiday bliss? That's from your friendly neighborhood, Santa Helpers. Can I think one of my favorite things

and my children watch children shows because they're children. And I always enjoy when there's an animal-based universe but still a human Santa. Pepper Pig does this And I root Does this Mickey Mouse does this

Minky Mouse Club Yeah No you can't have like You can't have like a Fox Santa Claus No That sounds I'm dog Santa

That's fucking crazy That if a horse Sees Santa They're not like Why isn't he also a horse They're like No I get it That's Santa

Do you think it's just because They don't like Parents don't want to reckon With cat Santa Like they don't want to Have to deal with like The questions The questions around

Santa are already pretty complex. Like, you don't want to have to get into Cat Santa. Well, with Cat Santa, that's easy to explain because, like, you're not going to see Santa Claus. He's pretty sneaky dude by as a rule. So if that's true, Cat Santa. Oh, my God. No one's ever let, this is a, this is a, a creature that is going to be impossible for you to spot. It would also be really useful if your Christmas tree ever falls over, like, during the night.

And you're like, what happened? Like, Cat Santa. Cat Santa. Cat Santa got in here. In Grumpy Cat's worst Christmas ever. Yeah. Okay. Tardar sauce, which is the name of the grumpy cat.

It's not called, it's not named grumpy cat? No, he is a grumpy cat. Why does he have two names? That's crazy. Grumpy cat is a descriptive term. Right, but it's also, my name's not middleist brother. You know that, right? No, but you're not a cat.

You're not an online cat. You can have as many names as you want. You've earned it. But the cat has a bunch of different things. You don't think grumpy cats earned it? I've just never heard tartar sauce before. And the thing is not called the grumpy cat, tartar sauce. It's just called grumpy cat.

Tartor sauce is the name of a cat. It performed as grumpy cat. It was a character. It can't be a character or perform as anything. It's a cat with a cat brain that you can train to do little tricks, but he's not Daniel De Lewis. He gets one name and that name's Grumpy Cat. You fucking tell

that to Morris the Cat, to Benji, to Lassie? What are you even talking about, Griffin? To Lassie? Lassie, the dog Lassie. Was played by a different dog. I think they should just call it last. In May

2013, Grumpy Cat Limited Partner with Grenade Beverage LLC to market the Grumpuccino iced coffee beverages. Awesome. Then, in December 2015, Grumpy Cat Limited filed a lawsuit against Grenade Beverages, LLC, citing trademark infringement with the beverage company expanded its line of GrumpyCat coffee coffee, was originally agreed upon, producing and marketing a Grumpy Cat roasted coffee, ground coffee, even after being told by email that they were not approved to do so. So if you picked up that ground, that ground Grumpy Cat coffee, good news, you got a counterfeit unlicensed. I take it back.

I take it back. Grumpy cat can have as main ideas as you want. I don't want grumpy cat coming after me in a sort of legal, illegal arena. That's right. That's right. Besides, tartar sauce died in 2019, so you don't have to worry about it.

Oh, man. So horses see you delivering presents. Right. Okay. Are you in costume? Are you yourself? Yeah, there's a question of investment because, like, you could also just have someone else

put these presents in and have them look like elves or whatever. If you're worried the horses are going to see you and be like, wait a minute, you live here. You're not one of Santa's helpers. Because you probably don't have a fireplace and a chimney in the stables, right? Probably not. That seems like wildly unsafe. There's a lot of hay in there.

So they would have to be delivered inside. Yeah. If you had sold your horses on horse Santa, then you could have done this with very little worry. Because they would never assume that a human would help horse Santa. No. If they think humans, Santa, and they see you doing, they're going to put two and two together. You know what I mean? Like, they're going to draw their own conclusions.

Like, I know it's kind of shitty to assume all humans know each other, but like, that's how horses are sometimes. Yeah, I mean, I feel terrible because my first impulse was to think, surely the reindeer are responsible for the horses. But then it's like, why would I assume that? They are not their brother's keeper. Also, who pulls horse Santa's sleigh? Do you think he's been working on that for a while trying to fit like testing out some other Just nude humans

Dang dude Nude humans On my color If you're truly naughty So it goes Nottie list Cole Really naughty Santa takes presents away

Super naughty You have to pull horse Santa sleigh Nude in the winter weather Nude Christmas Beast of Bird Antlers grow out of your hands Grow out of you It's cool You become incredibly well endowed

and you have bat wings huge leathery bat wings hell yeah actually hold on i'm coming around meet the one the one fay alchemist that can set your heart free this winter hearts ablaze from big giant head LLC the romantic C books you've been waiting for won't you guide my heart tonight ho ho ho ho ho oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh we do them five times yeah only a few of them were the Santa kind. Get in the sack. We don't need it anymore, but let's go to the money tone.

Hoof beats and heartbeats. Okay, go on. Damn. That's good. We're rich. I'm Daniel. Da-da-da-a-da. It's da-da.

It's daddy with you. And you gotta be a Zach, doc, don't you? Gotta find the best doctor. Hi, everybody. I'm Justin McElroy, paid endorser for ZockDoc. You know, it can be a real pain in the butt. We don't say that enough. Sometimes people must think we're just big fans of these companies, but we're paid to talk about them. Yeah. Now, I'm a paid endorser, but also a client for Zoc Doc because I needed somebody to work on my butt. And when I needed the best butt specialist in town, you know where I turn Zoc Doc, because they can help you find doctors that take your insurance, are located nearby, and are are a good fit for any medical needs you might have. And it's a free app. If I could interrupt real quick, I never do this.

Oh, interrupt the ad to say something. Yeah, please go ahead. The speed at which you went from when I needed someone to work on my butt, do you know where I turned to Zoc Doc? There was no air in there. Did you maybe on some level know that Griffin and I might inject some kind of funny punchline there? Only on this show could professionalism be mistaken. for Machiavellian tactics.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I was a more sure. And once it starts flowing, it's not stopped unless, I don't know, my younger brother wants to get his fingers all over. Yeah, I mean, man, I don't want to get my fingers in your butt at all, Justin. When I see you in flow state, dude,

I just step back. What else can you do? What else can you light up a stogie? What else can I do? He's on fire again. Okay, listen. Zock doc. Yeah.

I forgot. You're like, it sucks now. Damn it. Dude. You know what? Justin needed someone to work on his butt. Do you know where he turned a mechanic?

And I said, Justin, don't do that. Go to Zock Doc. And he did it. He went to Zock Dog. It's a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. Gosh, I've done this so many freaking times here in D.C. Gosh, it's been a real lifesaver.

here trying to just a little guy trying to make it in the big city yeah find somebody find somebody to look at his uh you know as polyps and whatever um thank thank you zock doc doc for help so stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zoc doc com slash my brother to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today that's zoc doc dot com slash my brother zoc doc doc dot com slash my brother you know and i'm looking for ready to eat meals in under two minutes, there's only one factor I consider, and that's factor. That was awesome. Thank you.

Took a lot out of me. Factors, chef and prepped, dietitian-approved meals are designed to make it easy to stay balanced and energized through the most indulgent time of the year, which is, I assume, now? Yes. Can you tell? No? I mean, maybe April. I go pretty ham in April.

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That rhymes. I'm looking at the menu right now. We got cremini mushrooms and meatballs with cream cheese, potato mash, and broccoli. and carrots. Oh. That shit looks so very good. I'm looking at Tuscan Pesto baked salmon with white beans, spinach, potatoes, and broccoli. These look so delish, guys.

Scrammy. So don't eat farts? Scrammy? Yeah. Don't eat farts. Eat smart at factor meals.com slash brother 50 off and use code brother 50 off to get 50% off your first box. Plus, free breakfast for one year. That's code brother 50 off.

50 off at factor meals.com for 50% off your first box, plus free breakfast for one year. This exclusive holiday offer won't last lock in your savings before the new year rush. Offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. I realized that there's stuff we have to re-verbatim, but they don't have rules about the two words you can say before you read that. Before, you can say anything before or after the stuff. so you can say stuff like I'll tell you guys right now listening at home because you can't see the ad copy it didn't say don't eat farts yeah

Travis said that and just like it let it sit but it's just fine because then he said all this stuff he's supposed to say after that I like to add stuff into the ad and then see if they update ad copulated for like things not to mention it's a fun game yeah in hindsight well there's no rule that said he couldn't say don't eat farts so we're going to add that on But we can't grandfather it in, so... Throw your clothes into the fire. Oh, shit. What? Throw your wine into the tree.

Why? Put the dog in the closet for a while. That's a Christmas to me. That's a Christmas to me. That's a Christmas to me You and me and Greg and Rebecca And a tree What?

That's a Christmas to me Hi, this is a Christmas That's a Christmas to me Yeah man, that was wonderful Everybody cut that chat I realized That I was this incredible game Where I have invented some Hallmark movies

but also have included some real plots from home art movies I realized that I was compromising it by reading them because by reading these plots I am going to with my inflection or my you know my micro expressions now that we have video you're going to be able to tell so I'm going to send you guys the descriptions oh I see and then you're going to read them

Okay, and then you two can figure out. That's smart. Because you're not going to have me putting any, you know, English. And then you're going to guess which one's real? No. I'm not going to be, I'm just, I can't participate. That would be wild. Oh, so then people are going to call in and do like phone polls and stuff to guess.

Travis, you're up. This is Oi to the World. Premier Sunday, December 14th, stars Brooke de Orsay and Jake Epstein. After a water line at a temple breaks The members celebrate Hanukkah At an Episcopal church But since Christmas Eve falls on the same day Each choir director must set aside their old rivalry

And collaborate There's so much story that comes in there at the end Yeah, they sneak a lot of the story in at the end with this one Travis, what do you think? Oh, Waterman breaks, okay, they have to go to an event Okay, that's a movie But then there's an old rivalry between Choir directors, that's a Hallmark movie.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Do you have a guess, Travis? I don't think it's real. I know it is actually real. We talked about it on Wonderful. Oh, okay. I've been compromised by your, yes, it is real.

Oid of the World is a real hallmark film with Brooke Orsay and Jake Epstein, who's had to be having a rough couple of years, but I hope he's hanging in there. Yeah. I realized that I think I was giving a hallmark too much credit, where I was like, oi to the world, I don't know, it seems reductive, it seems to be making fun. Yeah, so that couldn't be real. It is. No, they did. It is real.

It's real. All right, Griffin, next up. Let's see, we got a limitless Christmas. I don't want to give it, Griffin. Sorry, I'm trying to keep my, I'm going to turn off the camera. I'll keep a limitless Christmas. And remember, Trave, we got to guess. We got to guess it's real or not.

Okay. So this is a limitless Christmas starring Braddley, L-E-E-Cupert. I was hoping you wouldn't notice that. They were hoping you would notice that. And Clarice Vaughn Winzberg. President Eddie Mora may have weaned himself off of N-Z-T-48 following the events of Limitless, but when the big man in the north can't say Santa

legal thing in brackets finds Blitzin dead and Mrs. Claus Von Winsberg kidnapped he turns to the only man smart enough to be both naughty and nice I figured out a way production note

per ongoing litigation with CBS the events of the limitless TV series will not be referenced in a limitless Christmas I was going to ask yeah this is tough because there have been a lot We've seen Guardians of the Galaxy holiday special. We've seen, you know, Buddy the Else musical Christmas.

So it's not out of the realm of possibility that a big Hollywood film would be adapted into a smaller scale. And of all of them, to get the adaptation, I do think Limitless is the, it can't be like a silver linings playbook Christmas. No. Because they did actually kind of wrap that one up with a nice little bow. Well, they could do silver and gold linings playbook. and it's just more about... Oh, the names are great, T. I'm saying that they completed the arc. I don't want to touch that world. Leave it. It's perfect.

But limitless, there's NCT 49, 50, 51. Yeah, meat on the bone. Travis, you're up. You know, Justin, I do have a seeing his suspicion. It's not real. First, though, I need you to vote. I choose to live in a world which I think it's real. Oh, I don't think to live in a world. in which I think it's real.

No. I want to live in Travis' world, too. It's not, but I want it to be. Sorry, I made up a limitless Christmas. Oh, damn it. Sorry. Is there another one for me here? Yeah, it's in Slack.

I said it's you directly this time. Okay. Christmas at the Cat Nip Cafe. After marketing executive discovers she's inherited a cat cafe from her aunt, she wants to sell the property so she can afford the down payment on her dream condo. Conflict arises when a veterinarian

who owns the other half of the cafe is on intent on keeping it afloat. Now, Justin, yeah, we did all watch this movie together in your home when we came together to record the- Watch is an interesting verb to use there, Travis. It was maybe more than any other film I've ever watched, just kind of happening around it was incidental. Yeah, it was- We did, didn't we? Yeah.

It was like watching a movie from someone sitting two rows in front of you. catty corner on the aisle of an airplane. It was like watching a movie that someone else is watching in the movie that you're watching. Yeah. So what do you think? So I do think it's real, J-Man. It is real. It's also, it's so obvious that some maker of these fine holiday films ran out of things

to do holiday films about, and then, like, their nephew told them about cat cafes, and they're like, I can Christmas that up. I can Christmas that up for sure. Cat Cafe veterinarian, hot veterinarian, good to go. Yeah, that's not... Well, it's three hopper set up. Small Town Something meets Big Town Something at A Blank. Right.

So what did you think? You're real? Yeah, we watched it together. All right, Griffin, you're up. This is a grand old Opry Christmas. It premieres Saturday, November 29th. And I'm going to... A lot of these names, I'm not going to do goodbye.

But here we go. It stars Nikki Deloche, Christopher. for Palaha, Rob Mays, Eliza Mayor, Luke Benward, Sharon Lawrence, and James Denton. That's a huge cat. Why are there that many names above the? Great question. I just kept writing them. A grand old question.

Plot with plenty of appearances from famous country artists like Brad Paisley, Megan Maroney, Rhett Atkins, and more. This Hallmark Holiday movie tells the tale of a songwriter who abandons her passion after her late father, country music icon dies in a tragic accident. But when the Grand Ole Opry asks her to honor her father's legacy, she time travels back in time when her father was still alive. I had it locked in until those last two little bits there. She time travels back in time when her, what is that?

The Grand Ole Opry says, will you please honor your father's legacy in a holiday concert? And she travels back in time to when her father was still alive? That's not unused. It's a lot of SFX, I think, budget. A big special effects budget. Damn, man. I didn't expect a real one to slip,

a real hard one to slip in here, because I don't know. I want to say it's fake because I think they would have called it like grand new opera or had some play on time travel in the title. I'm going to say it's real just because the fact that it came out,

November 29th feels really out of pocket to me. it's real that's a real grand old opera Christmas is a real what is the vehicle through which she travels back in time I'm curious it's a Cadillac Seville

1967 Cadillac Seville that has the gigawatt stuff from back to the future as well it just has the back to the future stuff it just has the back it says the doctor Doc Brown his name is in it he's got the stuff from back to the future

yeah we put all the gigawatts I love that I love it I think they did in loop or two when they're like we don't want to explain all the time travel stuff it's back to the future stuff yeah we're doing back to the future stuff that was another time travel one that was a 90s because i was hoping it would have lots of fun 90s gags but and i realized you have to pay for those so it's really just kind of like ugly you know what it's like it just looks old and bad but uh the film takes place in 1999 huh and she is sit back to try to save a relationship that she didn't nail back then

and make everything good with her life. She's set back in time to 1999. Then why not call it like W.H.Y.2K. Yeah, but here's the thing, Trave, the thing that she doesn't do, you know, the thing that I would any movie where you time travel

back before, let's say, the turn of the millennium. Yeah, before, say, September 10th, 2001. Yeah, anywhere from there before. 99. I feel like you have to ask the question. At least someone has to be like, you can't change his...

Like, you've got to do something, right? You should do something. I need someone to reboot Quantum Leap specifically for every time Sam Quantum Leaps before September 10th, 2001. The first thing he says is like, so I've got to be here for this reason, right, Al? And Al's like, no. Not this time. And he's like, no, Al. You want me to be this, right?

you need me to help this lounge singer become super famous? That's cool and all out. Can I write a letter or something to the president now? Last one, Travis. Okay. Fuck, my husband is a ghost.

It stars Jennifer Stanton and Everly Wesleyan. As the Christian Bible teaches, Jennifer, name thing is coincidence, has waited until marriage to experience physical pleasure with her new husband. But when she smooshes through his ectoplasm on their wedding night, she realizes that Beauregard T. Wainscoting, the second, is in fact not an extremely dedicated Civil War reenactor, but indeed the ghost of an actual Civil War general. Bad news, ladies, he fought on the wrong side. P.S. The events of the film take place on December 21st and 27th, but are not substantially festive.

Okay. It just happens to be set around the holidays. I think that's what I understood while I was reading it, that it just happens to be set. So it's not, it seems like they kind of made the whole movie and then forgot to make it about Christmas. Yeah. And maybe they just kind of were like tying in a Christmas. thing at the end. It sounds like they have their work cut out for them to turn this guy into a heart thrott. Yes. Now, I do like that the title would imply that the biggest problem to

overcome is that he's a ghost. And don't get me wrong, that is definitely a hurdle that's in there. But there's some ideological stumbling blocks that I think would also get in the way. Now he has had like a hundred and sixty years yeah that's crazy that's what surprised me about watching it that there is a lot more going on darn it shouldn't let that slip that i watched it well justin since you watched it can you tell me does bea regard t wine scotting the second have a moment where he's like and also i feel really bad about having about all that stuff he leads with that That is the first thing he's like Listen

There's a lot of cards I gotta lay out on the table right now It'd be awesome I'm gonna say something to you first That out of context is gonna seem strange But you have to understand something Right up front And then we'll get to the ghost stuff

I actually was visited by three ghosts last night But it was just kind of like a chill hang Because that's sort of my whole vibe My thing. So what do you guys think? I don't actually think this is real. I think you didn't watch it. And I think you're fibbing to try and trick us into a trap.

I'm going to have to decide with Griffin here. Griffin makes it really convincing argument. I don't think it's real. Yeah, it's fake. I made it up. It's not real. Yeah, it's not real. I have fun doing it, but.

I'm glad. Yeah, it's fun to do. Hearing it. Yeah. I like saying smooches through his ectoplasm. Travis, when I wrote that, I really felt like I had done something. for the day, you know, I felt really good about myself. Yeah, man.

Is that describing a sex act with a ghost? Yeah, that's how I imagine the first time. I thought about, it was a black mirror thing where it was like, what if you did wait till marriage, but then when you smoozed into your partner, you found out that there are ghosts for the first time, right thing. Yeah. Was he also waiting until marriage that he didn't know that would happen? He knew a hundred percent it would happen.

So she swooshed through his ectoplasm, then he handed there a book that said, like, let me explain the fact that I am both a ghost. And, man, I've wanted to talk to you about this for a long time. He was oath-bound, so he couldn't tell her his true nature because he had sworn an oath to the ovelian gods. And to Robert Lee. True love waits. Who he keeps throughout the whole movie is like, but I will say, Lee was a cool dude. And those statues of him were our really good art.

The good statues, it's his history, Debbie. Debbie, it's history. But I understand. But I didn't want to say, I get it. What are they going to do with those statues, though? That one wants to see art go to waste, Deborah. I'm just saying, I got a big kind of gazebo thing in the back of my, I believe I'm supposed to call it now an estate. I'm not allowed to say that plant.

No, I almost said it. Deborah, do you not wish to provide? a place for the pigeons to roost them. Shouldn't the sparrows be able to rest their wings somewhere, Deborah? Why not our backyard and our huge commemoration statue of my good friend, who I do not like? He has some positions that I do not share. We can put a sign up that says ironic if that makes you feel better. A small sign, of course, in case the general...

Yeah. He comes around sometimes. He may come by. Listen, if Robert Lee Ghost comes by, you have to promise to be cool, Deborah. And you're probably wondering what other ghosts there are. Just us too.

Just us too. Me and Robert Lee. It's wild. You would think it's not a bad setup for you. Only he only speaks in riddles, Barbara. And he hasn't come around to maybe issues the way I have.

Yeah, we found this weird old cave on a full moon, Barbara. There was a coin, and we each touched it, and now here we are. Basic science. I wrote Pirates of the Caribbean. True story based on my life. But do I get any credit? Do I get a single thin dime? No, that's why I'm selling my life story.

Fuck, my husband's a ghost. Thank you. Based on a true story. My story My personal story Could you also type it out for me Because I am unable to interact With your typewriters and computers and whatnot

Shall we smush again my love My neighbors have added a new feature To their exterior holiday decor this year A 12 foot tall bright white wooden reindeer I have to drive by it to get to and from work And it scares the heck out of me Wow Sorry I scrolled down

It's really big any suggestions for ways to make myself braver so I don't get jump scared twice a day when I go buy it? That's from concerned about comma in Cleveland. I mean, it's a big guys, this reindeer is bigger than one story of a house. It is bigger than a ranch style home. It's dramatically lit. It's, I mean, it is also lit fan.

But if I saw this thing, and I want to start circle strafing with a plasma rifle. This thing's means trouble. They have also placed it as though it is considering breach and containment. It has its chest stuck out proudly as if to say, I'm going to jump this fucking candy candy. It is. It's also away from the home.

It's not welcoming to the home. It's standing as a proud guard. It's retreating. Yes. You know, there's a community. I think it's Norway maybe where every year they build a giant wicker Christmas goat. And they try to guard it every year. And yet every year someone manages to set fire to it and burn it to the ground.

It's a game. It's a fun game for kids. Guard the Goat. I'm just saying... I don't think you should burn this 12-foot-tall, bright white reindeer. Not with all those lights on, for sure. Despite the fact that it would go up so nice. And it would look really cool.

It would look so cool. Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Yeah. They're just dot... Look at this thing. It looks like one of those is a paper lanterns. It's just dye and go up. It's just die

It wants to I'm not even a pyromaniac And I'm bubub No I don't want it either But over here Don't do it Don't do it Obviously

But it will make it easier for Santa Claus Find their house To land And make presents It is wild That we didn't get A question like this

In Halloween This person must have A really tough time then Right If they're getting scared By big reindeer That's got to be tough to see

Like big scarecoves With skullheads All the time Well but At least this Then, Justin, you're able to know and read in the intention of the thing, right? I see a big scary scarecrow. I know exactly why it's there.

It's there to scare me. I see this thing. This thing don't have no eyes or mouth or nothing. There is no emotion conveyed. So I'm able to read, like, place upon this thing any emotion that I feel when looking at it. And I think looks like it's been oriented this way because lay lines pass through it. It's like a scary. It's a scary.

Yeah. I would push it over three times Because with my decorations That's all it takes for me to decide They're never going up again Okay So one time one time they could be like it was the wind Yeah second time

That's just life Third time fuck this thing Yeah this is too tall Too tall too stupid Fuck it You could also I'm looking at the height of this thing Relative of the house that it's decorating

Sneak under cover of night Lift it up Reorient it so it's staring into the second floor window of their own house. That's cool. And I think they'll make the decision to take it down. Yeah.

No, that, no one wants that. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We call it my brother, my brother me, because that's the name of it and anything else that seemed kind of silly. Thank you to everybody that came to candle nights. You have the beautiful Keith Albi Theater. It was a wonderful event. You were all so kind to come.

If you didn't see it, you can go to bit. 0.L.4 slash kennelights, 2025. You can still watch it until January 4th, and I think that you're really going to like it. I know you're really going to like it. I know you're really going to like it. Also, wanted to let everybody know because of the holiday season, us and our staff, we're going to be, you know, taking a break for the holidays like we do. Thank God, dude.

I'm exhausted. I mean, Candleights really does take it out. Yeah. And so we're going to take a break. You had to move a whole tardist. I'm still bushed. I don't know how the doctor does it. But we'll be back January 5th.

Back, tickling your funny bones. Gosh, that was a gross way you... Yeah, I know. I felt bad about it. There's some merch up in the merch store over at macquariemerch.com. Got a dice tray and dice tray bundle with some beautiful tas balance dice. There's also candlelight's poster and candlelight's ornament designed by Scott Hawk. That is up there.

and 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will be donated to Harmony House, as well 100% of the proceeds from the ticket sales for candle nights, both the live version and the streaming on-demand version. So help support Harmony House. Sure. How about this fear? And I think this will probably be our last, is this our last fear of the year? Last fear of 20 Thunder Drive, and this one's a real one.

Start your engines. This year, I want to be faster than my fear of cracking an egg and a baby bird falling out. God. Oh, God, that hits deep. I've had that a lot. Never happened to me. It's never happened to me still. It's never happened, but like, I think about it.

Yeah, of course, it never happens. I still think about when I got a double yoker. Oh, God. Oh, dude. Oh, my name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. Double yoker was the name in France for Joker, Folli Aldeux, which is weird because you would think they would just use that.

Yeah. But they use double yoker instead. And it's like, there's not two jokes. You are the double yoker. Why not just call it Foliadu? Like, why did you... Maudu? Z double joker, he has thrown up again.

It's crazy. I'm Griffin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. Did I say that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My favorite brother has your desk, wear out the lips.

Double yoker. It's better with you It's better with you It's better, it's better with you It's better with you My life Oh, it's better with you. Maximum Fun.

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