My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 796: Wire and Ass

Episode Date: January 12, 2026

Get your giant jug of colon cleaning juice and settle in for some wisdom, hard earned through Wire and Ass. We have advice about stolen slippers, royal ice cream, and the horrors of group chat. And obviously, yes, about bathrooms.Suggested talking points: Re-Laxative, Thirty-to-Thirty-six Boogie boards, Notice Us Squarespace Senpai, I’m Unjealous, Splash-Jug TaylorImmigrant Defenders Law Center: https://www.immdef.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something's rapping into a precious friendship. It feels love. Hello and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me, an advice show for the modern era where we're apparently

were not even allowed to cough anymore. You weren't coughing. You were the giant apple. Off the ground. Why was it on the ground? And you waited until we had. It's an audio podcast. Like we synced and then you knew it was game time and you reached down a hug.

And then you were like bite of apple. They had a coughing fit. Yeah. Chewing fit. That sounded like me eating an apple. And it looked like. And looked like it. We saw it.

Why was it on the ground? Why did you have a ground Apple, though? We have done so much work on our video setups, Justin, for you to keep saying that's not for them. Yeah. Guys, I've sipped, can I just say, I've sipped so greedily from the chalice of life since we last recorded. I both saw the third avatar movie and had my first kornoscopy. At the same time? No.

That would have been very convenient. Even though that is the way that the director Jim Cameron did intend for you to see the third act. Fire and ass. Wire and ass is Guys, can I just tell you I won't tell you Which do you want to hear about? Shit, man.

Can you talk about them both? Can you talk about it in a way that it applies to both of them at the same time? Compare and contrast. Yeah, that's cool. Well, I meant like make big, broad general statements. It took longer than I would have wanted. Like, that kind of stuff.

Right. There were some surprisingly funny parts. Okay. I liked it when the whale talked. There was a twist. Sigourney Weaver was there. Guys, when I sat down, Slice and I were going to go see Fire and Ash, Dad was going to see a movie with the girls at the same time.

So we're just going to hitch a ride, you know, and really embrace Fire and Ash, like really get deep into the world. Yeah. And I pulled up my app, my special app I used to tell me when to pee, you know, run pee. Yeah. And I saw it said three hours and 15 minutes until credits. And I tried to like, I figured it was a bug, so I tried to make my phone refresh. And I looked at Slice and I said, Slice, is this motherfucker three hours, 15 minutes long?

And I almost at that point was like, I'm not even for the vine, my man. Not even, I have to go. I can't stay for Avatar. Has anyone let Jimmy Cameron know that they have let him make multiples of these and he doesn't have to squeeze it all into one viewing experience? Just curious how many P breaks were in this bad boy? because that sounds like three dozen, like, good fertile ground. I took five. All right.

I took five, and one of them, I went and bought gummy snakes and then found the theater that my kids were in watching SpongeBob. Oh, yeah. And went and just saw how they were doing. Brought him some good. I just checked in on them for a little bit, just like a little field trip in the middle of Jim's vision. I haven't checked the runtimes, Justin, but I imagine there's some disparity between SpongeBob and Avatar 3.

Did they see it twice? Did they do it back to back? Yeah, when they finished, did they just wait the hour and 45 minutes for your movie to be done? Hey, guys, there's a lot to do at Pullman Square. I don't know if you've noticed,

but it's not just a movie theater anymore. There is Chico's. Yeah, sure. So did you see the movie? Because you made it sound like you left the movie because you thought it would be too long. No, I left in the middle of the movie

for a while and then came back. This movie was so long that I like. I disassociated and then had the thought like there's no way this movie is still going. I like completely left spiritually too. That doesn't count the five physical absences that I took during the movie. Yeah. Which will be a really new textured experience when I watch at home.

Right. With the family gathered around. Now were you able to. Suddenly it will all make sense. Were you able to similarly kind of astral project while you were getting your butt examined? Your butt and butt hole looked at. Do you guys know about the whole? I had to drink a liter of diuretics.

In addition to not eating the day before, I had to drink four liters of diarrhea. I had to drink a jug this big. That's a big jug. And they're like, when I call, when I, they're like, we're about to start,

this is how you do the prep. And they hand me this huge jug that I had to drink. And they chanted your name and said, Down in one. Down in one. This is no problem for me. I can drink lots of stuff.

No problem. It looked like your big jug that you have, Griffin, your big water jug. But then there's a twist in the instructions where you have to start drinking at 6. So I had to start drinking at 6 p.m. the night before my procedure.

And then every 15 minutes, another cup. So like, I did my own little power hour. Yes, I'm diuretics. Johnny 40 hands with fucking diarrhea juice. You are allowed to sleep. though, right? Oh,

Trave, that's so interesting. Legally, yes. From a legal perspective, no judge. Hygienically? Mm-mm.

As you sloshed around like a hot water bag. This was the actual procedure. I had to drink every 15 minutes a cup of it. And then for the first hour, I was like, I don't think this laxative is working.

And then I was wrong. Yeah. And then I did that for three hours. Every 15, minutes until I drank three liters. And then you have to start the next round five hours before your procedure, which for me was 2 a.m. So I had to wake up at 2 a.m.

Start drinking laxative. Couldn't go back to bed during this, guys, because like the laxative does practical. It's a functional product. You know what I mean? Right. I watch Predator Killer of Killers, man. and if you need a movie to watch you up at 2 a.m.

It's there for you. You're colonoscopy laxidia. I have to imagine your nerves are already on edge what from all the laxative. I imagine introducing the predator into that mix is overload. Oh no, it was exactly

the sensory distraction that I needed. The predator killer if killers. The predator was there for you when you needed it most. I wanted to go in. There is a chart that shows you how good,

you did at cleaning out your colon. And it's like a graph. A leader board? If your last BM looked like clear, like that's what we're going for is clear water, pee from the butt. If your last one was clear, you get an A plus. Is that how the doctor described? Is that what the doctor said to you is clear water pee from the butt?

You say you can't get our, you had clear water Florida pee from the butt this morning. We know it's important for you to do this exam. Gentlemen of your age should certainly be safe and keep an eye out for stuff. But we won't do it, we won't do it until we get clear water peeve from the butt. We've noticed there's still some phaeton's in your system. We're waiting for you to go clear water pee from the butt. Audit those right out of there, buddy.

It was, I had to wait about two hours before I could really get it going. Yeah. And before I get the anesthesia and stuff. And I was separated by a very thin curtain from strangers getting a very similar procedure to me. Cool. Who were being asked a lot of invasive questions. The gentleman next to me was pretty determined to answer at his loudest possible volume. I don't want to docks this guy by telling you what the questions he was asked were,

but the answer was like, I don't know if I have done BDs or not. Or, um, this was good. Yeah, not quite clear, more of her brown and mucky. It's like, I was in my head feeling very superior. Yeah. And she was like, show me on the chart. He's like, well, let me take a look here.

Say, oh, no. Oh, no, pal. but I had the I got a super clean bill of colon health I loved that dude loved it, love the colon said I've been taking a bit too much

ibuprofen Which is interesting because the wrist doctor Told me to gobble up like Pac-Man So I don't know man These doctors have to start talking Did they find the ibuprofen Still kind of clumped up down there There's still like eight or nine

Ibuprofen in here No it just is all like messed up and bad down there. You know what I mean? Like, you know how you're not supposed to take a lot of, you know, it's just messed up and bad. They're like the plumbing. The plumbing works. Aesthetically, it's not so great.

We've seen better colds. I'm cutting back on that. But no, but the colon was great. I did this because I turned 45. And James Vanderbeek has been raising awareness about getting these screenings done. And 45 is the cutoff from mine because James has been raised awareness of colon cancer. and I wanted to get it out and ahead of it. I got a clean bit of health,

and when you turn 45, if you haven't gotten a colonoscopy yet, and you also haven't seen Predator Killer of Killers yet. Sure. Or Avatar Fire and Ash, because it really juice really... Or Avatar Fire and Ash would be a...

Actually, that would be a... When it's available to stream on home video, that would be an excellent late night. A raw... Maybe not during the colonoscopy, but while you're drinking to juice, for sure, like the number of run... I mean, it'd be run...

Run pee from the butts, which is a different app that we're starting. And we're going to be sued out of existence. You've got to have clear water, pee from the water. Is it too late to change the theme of the year? I did when I touch. 2020 drips. 2020 drips. Clear water.

Pee from the butt. We're not changing the year. It's so good, you guys. I don't know. How are you feeling? Great. One week out, actually, we recorded that, what, almost two weeks out now. How are you guys feeling about it?

I love it. I'm loving it. I've been living it. It's great. The more I live with it, the more I love it. I have been, as you guys know, I'm very active on MySpace, and I've seen some questions about who the big boy is. Oh, my God.

And I thought this was self-explanatory. Yeah. We said it's a boy in a hospital. A boy in a hospital who's counting on you to stick to your goals for the year, right? Yeah. I maintain that the big boy could also be, like, inside you, like the witness of you, like your consciousness or whatever. And I maintain that for the right price, it could literally be Frisch as Big Boy. if they would just pick up the phone and call.

So I want you all to put listeners yourself in the mindset of that baseball player who the big boy is like, just throw a heater, just one heater for me. But maybe it's like the big boy's like, hey, you know how you've been thinking about learning French for a while? Do that for me. I'm dying. Yeah. But like don't get too hung up on that part.

Not a dying part. He's an imaginary boy. Yeah. But you need to do it. Do it for someone. But even the imaginary boy shouldn't die. Like, the boy and my girl was imaginary, but his death still causing great pain. Yeah, we don't want to finally learn French.

He won't die? Yeah, maybe. I mean, no. Are you trying to get to, like, a yearly submission because you realize that we do not have a way of ending this episode? No, so I'm glad that you brought that up, Johnson, because part of my make it stick is to stick with the fears. Because I really like it, and I want to make that stick. That's interesting. I kind of thought.

We didn't discuss that beforehand. Did it? I think we're going to have to make it stick like stick the landing for the first time. We're just going to your career. You know what? You'll make it stick. Just go back to Yahoo answers. No problem.

That would be good. That would be good. Hey, this is still an advice show. That's not changing. No. Right? That's consistent. That will not change.

And we're going to take your questions and turn them out and be like into wisdom because that's our trade. That's what we do. My wife and I, that's what we do. That's when we do our job. My wife and I are starting to look at houses. I was afraid to look at them for a long time, too. I used to shield my eyes as my father went.

It's too much. My wife and I are starting to look at houses. We got married in October. Yay. A realtor keeps sending us suggestions that only have one bathroom. This would be probably fine for a typical couple, but we both have IBS and need two plus bathrooms. It's a good plus there. The plus is doing some heavy lifting.

How do I tell the realtor that one bathroom just won't cut it? that's from problems in Providence. I mean, obviously you can tell your realtor that you'll really only need a home with two plus bathrooms, please don't. Realtors will keep showing you shit. Like, there is no amount of asking you can do where the realtor's not going to be like,

but maybe that I know that you guys both have pooping emergencies every day, but look how charming and the price for square foot of this one is good. Sorry about the poop emergency thing, but I am going to show it to you. There's no way, but like if you say, I need two bathrooms

and if they say why you have to have an answer prepared what are you gonna say you'll just freeze you gotta know why I don't think there should be any To be fair though I don't feel like having two bathrooms is a wild request that you need

Two bathrooms? La-di-da why? Yeah but obviously they felt like they needed to justify it at some point if you guys want to continue to challenge the premise of the existence of the question we can but it feels like it might be more fruitful to just trucked

truck right through it. This never comes up on like house hunters or house hunters international or house hunters beachfront or house hunters, I don't know. Is there never, the requests are never like how many bedrooms or bathrooms they need? Yeah. So maybe if you throw out like eight weird things that you need and two bathrooms, and then you're willing to let go of the eight weird things as long as there are two bathrooms there? I don't think they let you do that.

I think they want, if you're going to be on the show, you're got to have weird stuff. They can't have you be on the show and be like, I take, when my dumps come, they got to come now. And same for the misses. So. I watched the house hunters recently. I love when they do this. The guy was like, I love a wide view.

I want to be up high where I can see a lot of stuff. And the wife is like, my main thing I'm looking for is I'm scared of heights. And I don't want to be up there at all. Awesome. And they cut to the realtor. it's like, what do you want this fucking guy to do? What do I do here? You don't want to be low.

In the middle, you're both sad, right? There is no, there's no winning for this guy. I got you a real sloped house. We're at one side of a two real low. I got you one story ranch style with a big periscope. Big. I'm always on the, I'm always looking for, you know, the producers trying to work their magic.

This does feel like one of those cases were like, Fear of Heights, real. This guy like, I just like to be up high sometimes. I think maybe a producer told you you feel that way and maybe go somewhere. Nobody just wants to be high a lot. There was one I saw where a guy's like

refused to like not if it has was not if it has too many outlets. Yeah. Too many outlets. When has that ever been a problem for anybody? Fucking never man. God damn, we've moved a lot of our shit around for our video stuff

and that involved me putting my desk in the center of my office where outlets don't live. I have been absolutely just pipe dream. dreaming it to glory over here for the last week, just run an electricity, just like a county lineman am I making it work? I think you should just tell your realtor that you have IBS. I think there's no stigma. IBS is so non-stigma in my mind at this point. Like there's so much other stuff and IBS has been around for so long. It's like, yeah, I'm one of the ones that has

irritable bowels. If you're looking for a fun way to tell your realtor, bring them a six-pack of IBC root beer, but you've marked out the C and you've written in an S. Yeah. And it's like, I have something I need to tell you, but I think this will explain it all as you hand it to them. And you won't have to say anything. You just need to invent another toilet purpose. Like it doesn't have, you just like, I need one for obvious and one to flush

paints. Yeah. But I'm done with paint. I like to flush paints when I'm done with it. We love keeping fish, but we're so bad at keeping fish. Yeah. And we need one to be the graveyard toilet. Out of the middle, we raise them in there.

Travis, that would actually save a lot of time, man. If the fish are in the toilet, the fish die, flush, done. Done, right? The misses and I are making a real stinky potion, and we need a special cauldron, just for that. Who can afford these wine prices currently in this day and age? I'm going to make my own toilet wine. You'll just pour my stinky potion fixings down the storm drain outside what I'm done with them? No way.

I need a fixture for that. You're right, Juse? Yes. Sorry, my apple was about to roll off the table. So I looked down to catch it. The apple? Is that how the apple ended up on the floor the first time? Griffin, if I knew, if I had seen the apple fall the first time,

I would have picked it up off the floor immediately. I'm not an animal. Because I asked many times. And he would have discovered gravity. It never came back to it, but I asked a few times, why did you have dead ass an apple on the floor? Like, I've got stuff on the floor. I've got a box here.

I haven't opened. There's my controllers on the floor. Like, I've got stuff on the floor. There's, let me check. Zero fresh edible produce. So, like, how do you? I had recently dropped it. It had recently.

I have a knife on the floor. But I don't know exactly when. I didn't clock it falling exactly. But I had been enjoying it moments before. And then it ended up on the floor. And then you picked it up off the floor. I don't want to, I realized when I was getting my colonoscopy. I don't want to.

be stuck in a hospital, but I got to take care of my engine, right? So I'm giving an apple? A lot more. A lot more great produce. That's the smallest apple I've ever seen my name. I'm making some big changes this year. One apple during my audio recording window. Yeah.

Let me see that, let me see that bad boy. Beauty blog that shit. Beauty blog that tiny apple. Yeah, he's taking a couple bites out of that. Just that's, hold it still for me. You can see the exact shit. That apple is as big. exactly as Justin's mouth.

One of your bites goes, that goes stem to stern on that thing. Nope, right in the guv. You spit that out right now, Peeper. You're Galactus, the apple eater.

That's wild. Oh, almost got it. These are cool tricks. Oh, I was got to hold it. Nope. This is what you get with video.

We shouldn't have video. We shouldn't have video. That was the problem. I drop a goddamn apple again. And now it's definitely covered in something because it's wet with your mouth goop. But I'm hungry. Yeah.

I won't eat it. podcast though. That's huge. Any more. Yeah. I didn't realize this was Schmanters. Yeah, I thought you're, I didn't realize this turned into Schmanters all of a sudden, because we all have to be so etiquette. It feels like we're on Schmanor's. Our apples. Whoa, Griffin.

Why you started to Justin? Yeah, it feels like we're all on Schmatters, right, guys? I promised him two small apples. Ah, dear man. No, it's actually, man, somehow we end up with three bags of rockets, so I'm just trying to get my kids to eat these tiny apples. I don't know. A few weeks ago, a package for the previous owners of my house showed up on my doorstep. I brought it inside. about a week after which I opened it.

When I opened it, I found a pair of Birkensock slippers that fit my partner perfectly, so I gifted them to her. A few days after that, a note was slipped through my mail slot by the previous owner, explaining that they mistakenly had an exos present shipped to the wrong address and asking if I would text him to arrange picking up the slippers. Brother, what do I do? A slippery situation in Baltimore. Boy, that's a slippery situation.

Indeed. I put this question in because sometimes we get questions where we're like, oh, you fucked up. You have to know you fucked up. It's the clearest, like, what did I do wrong? A week is not long enough. A week is not long enough.

You know that, right? Week's not long enough. It's also mail fraud. Boom, we got you. Before Christmas, too, there's a few things about the timing here that is hugely suss. I would have definitely, definitely given it

until the new year at the very least. You know what sometimes people on TikTok mispronounce words intentionally to build engagement because everyone in the comments would be like, hey, you said this room. This feels like a cry for help in that same sense, right? Like you needed us to step in.

Like you need, I don't want to be, I worry it's a kink. A little bit, it's like, you know what I worry this person wants to get beat up in public. Yeah, absolutely. They want to get beat up in public. One time, I, I got several huge boxes to my front door.

I opened one of them. Inside is, I believe, 10 foam boogie boards. Shit. That I did not order, but had been. I remember this. And maybe the strangest scam ever. Scammed, like, on my Amazon, like, to my card. I was able to get the charges refunded.

To his home, though, right? Yeah, to my home. Like, you got them. The perfect crime. And I was able to get that charges refunded. Still sitting in my garage. Yeah. Are three boxes of 10 to 12 foam boogie boards.

Uh-huh. That I don't know what to do with for fear that one day Amazon will contact me and say, Hey. Hey, we gave you the refund. We do need those back. Well, Trav, when the big one comes, I think you'll be glad to have 10 premium boogie boards. Yeah. Oh, I mean, 30 to 36.

I can't remember the exact count, Griffin. I have enough for a child's classroom to each get a boogie board. Or for some sort of survival bunker, floating survival bunker, the Noah's Ark 2, boogie down. Or if robots that only have like Nerf level weapons attack, I've got a bunch of shields going. A week's not long enough, we've really harped on that. I do want to apologize.

I do want to, I don't want to, I feel like you kind of made your own bed. Shouldn't be our problem. But no, we're professional. But that's not. We're professionals. I know, I know, I know. It's so hard because you messed up so bad. It wouldn't be.

Really bad. This is hard on it. Does your partner know how these Birkenstock slippers were? Because, one, you're not, you shouldn't take it back and then give them to them. You should get a new pair or something. Got to get a new pair. Oh, damn it. You know what it was?

Them damn porch pirates got me again. I never got it. Now, this is a lie. Damn porch pirates got me again. Yard. Yard. I never got it. So I don't know what you're talking about.

Must have been the buck of news. Now, we do have, if we ever get questioned, we'll flip on you so hard. Oh, dude. The speed at which I will say, yeah, they email this. They got the slippers. That should be. We've been doing ads for stamps.com for so long.

We're basically mandatory reporters when it comes to postal fraud. Absolutely. It's very little fraud I care about But it's postal fraud and frog fraud I think you gotta replace the thing and then give it to them But God, that's stressful because are you gonna get The exact right one? Also, can I tell you something else?

You can't get that packaging back. You can't. No, with that. You have to go to, okay, you know what you have to do? You have to go to. Amazon, you have to buy these for that person. Yeah. Right?

And then have them shipped to that former address, right? That's the only way out. And you better pray you can get it there quickly. Because if those damn things are on back order, it's going to be two to three weeks. You're going to have to come up with a pretty hefty lie as to why you haven't found them yet. Dude, I'd love to help you out. It got grinched. He did.

He's real. He came. He got us good, dude. Your shit. Don't get me wrong. I'm on his trail. And I think I'll catch up to him in two to three weeks. Your Christmas tree's still up right there. Yeah, it's weird. He only wants shoes. He's a fucking, he's nasty and weird. So he wanted only the shoes. Hey, let's take a quick break and we're going to head on into the money zone. I had an idea for a new kind of direction with the money zone that I wanted to try. I thought we could do like an altar call. Oh.

Where you guys gave me some quiet, like amazing grace in the background. Okay. I could get like, yeah. Let me get garage band open on my phone while you start the copy points. Now, hey, everybody, I know we've had a lot of fun here today, and a lot of you guys have already come to Squarespace and accepted your trial with Squarespace. You've tried Squarespace out, but I just feel, I feel like out there there's still some people, and, you know, you're thinking about it.

You know what I mean? It's in your hearts, but you're not sure. And listen, yes, Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. We know that. You get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments and in your heart. Griffin's almost very free to start. You want that. I'm almost there.

I can't figure out how to change this. Nope. Yeah, you get it. Okay. And plus, you could streamline your work flow. I thought you said your piano is like within reach now. With bills, an appointment, scheduling, email marketing tools. and it's calling to you.

You can feel it. I understand. So we're just going to do a couple more stances here to give you a chance to consider their cutting edge designs, their award-winning templates, everything you need.

You know, I accepted... Grimmon is thoughtfully changing the melody enough so we don't get automatched by the bots. He's like missing up a little bit. And, you know, Squarespace has done so much, for us so much for me so much change my life squares a day's been there for me and I know that you're ready for Squarespace to be there for you to set you up with that website you need give me offer code all right we're going to say it one last time head to squarespace.com slash my brother

for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code my brother all one word to save 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain amen my friend has gone Holy Frampton comes alive over there. Wow. That was pretty cool. And I think we should just do that from now on. Yeah, that felt good. Let's see. Squarespace, did you like that? You never tell us. Look at us, Simpi.

A Simpi. No one is me, Simpi. Just tell us if you're listening, Squarespace. Send us a message. The checks are still clearing, so something's got to be working. Respect me. Cool. I want a month squad. I want to month squad. Squad.

Bobapababababababab but welcome to Bud Squad. It's a podcast within a podcast profile and latest you're raised in brand eating. There's a ton going on right now in the world of food and fast eating. I want to tell you guys,

though I'm excited about Jenny's launching an ice cream collaboration with Bridgeton. Oh, that's right, Bridgetton ice cream. The partnership, the collaboration that everyone has been waiting for for many, many years since Bridgeton was extremely popular. Now, I've seen every episode of Bridgeton in existence. I think I'm the only person to have done that. Yeah. And they're still making it, Trav. For you, I assume.

Oh, I can't wait for the Benedict C. season. Are you kidding me? He's my favorite. Second brother, bit of just like a rascallion out there living his life, doing his art and whatever. I'm so excited. Are you kidding me? I can't watch Bridgeton without eating ice cream. Well, Trav, they're going to capture the decadence of the

Regency era and popular Netflix and Shondaland series with these two iced creams. Gout flavor. Making his first appearance on 15th of January is Queen Charlotte Spongecake ice cream. Royals have been immortalized in confections, and Queen Charlotte Spongecake is Jenny's tribute to the fashionable and discerning monarch of the ton. It is a brown sugar and almond buttercream, ice cream filled with raspberry rose jam and honey sponge cake.

I'm just going to say, Queen Charlotte not really an important figure in the books. I don't know if she's present in the books at all. Was wholly made up as a character, I mean, not made up. She was an existing person, but you know what to me. Add it for the TV show. So we either they went that direction, kind of a snub. to the literary vote. Is Bridgetton just sort of period piece entourage?

Discuss. Uh, yeah. It's a period piece OC in a lot of ways. Don't you fucking, don't say that, because that sounds extremely good. It is, it's fun. It's a fun show that makes me fun. I watched, I watched it at the beginning, Bridgeton,

and then there was an entire episode that hung on a young lady being surprised by the idea of Jizz and not understanding the mysteries of Jiz. The, if you will, as Cindy and I have begun to refer to it, the secret of the ooze. And when she discovered the secret of the ooze, I was kind of dull with Bridgeton writ law. I watched Bridgeton.

What's it like to have hardened your heart that much, Justin? It's fun, it's innocent, but still sexy and fun and sexy and innocent, and fun and sexy. I was watching Bridgeton, but it lost me. the episode where a smoke monster came out of that lady's privates and killed a guy. Oh. I said, I said check please. Actually, I was going to say that was lost, but I don't know what that was that you were watching, Griffin.

It was Bridgeton Season 1 when the Smoke Monster comes out of the lady's... Was it a fan-made thing? No, it's like a pretty important plot point. Like, the guy who got killed is like a big, big character. And I was upset by it. What was his name? Rindley Barathean? I think it was Cowboy Curtis.

No, they were together. So they, yeah, they could turn into one another at will. Yeah. Okay. For the second release, they're doing an Earl Grey Crimbrule, ice cream. Cool. Which is fun to say. Hell yeah, it is.

Yeah, wrapping the favorite tea blend enjoyed by the ton. What character is that in? Yeah, the ton. that's like the aristocrats of the like, uh, high society. Um, here's the thing. Hey, what characters are based on?

That's just tea, you know, tea. They're like, tea. This is an interesting twist, Janice has done. They've given us a, it's like a quote, but they haven't sourced it to anybody, if that makes sense. This is the next last paragraph in this. It was me. For this collaboration, Jennings was inspired by the fantastical decadence of the regency era,

brought to life in the scenes of Bridgeton. It was essential that the first. flavors feel like an extension of the essence of the show, romantic, indulgent, and captivating, ice creams that would linger long after they were gone, and to which you cannot wait to return, whether you're a Bridgeton fan or not. I mean, probably the if you're a Bridgetton fan one. Probably that, though, right? Probably that one would be what you would stick with more.

That quote was actually from Jonathan Bailey, star of Bridgeton. He's a big champion of this ice cream Bridgeting crossover. He's been pushing for it for years now in all of his interviews. I also wanted, this is more of an alert. I did one letter to me know that Subway is doing protein pockets. All right. What's that mean? Yeah, you can, yeah, you can sink it.

They're protein pockets. They're packed with 20 grams, more than 20 grams of protein in these little tortillas. And here's the quote about it. because Dave Skana is up in the mix. Getting more protein in their diet is important to so many people, but too often that protein is expensive or fried. I like that part because that's Subway saying like, what isn't our food?

Like they're trying to go like, one of the two things, what is it us? Wait, has Dave Scana... Well, it's not expensive. Has Dave Scana always been at Subway? No, he used to be donuts. Yeah. Good for him. Dave Scenna, yes.

Yeah, he relocated. He used to be with Krispy Kamey. Now he's a subway. Justin, I want to tell you what's bothering me. I've never read about Dave Skeda before, so I was not aware of Dave Skentah. So far in this alert, they have not specified what the protein is in a way that makes me wildly uncomfortable ingredients from a company known for questionable ingredients in one of their sandwiches. Yeah. Baja chicken,

Peppercorn Ranch Chicken Italian Trio and Turkey and Hum. Getting more protein in your diet is Turkey and Hum. Turkey and ham. Turkey and ham. Turkey and ham. Also often that protein is expensive or fried. With Subway's new protein pockets, they can get over 20 grams of protein for 399 without sacrificing taste.

And with our new sub in the day lineup, yeah, or your child. You don't have to sacrifice anything. No sacrifice. This is a a subway. You have to sacrifice $4.99 at the altar. Yeah. Oh, also, we're replacing all of our point of sales with altars. So that's going to be, that might throw you off a little bit. And we're, we're now only accepting Zell and blood magic. This is the only two currencies. Zeni, Zell, or blood magic or ass or grass or cash. Nobody eats Subway for free. I've been a manager for around a year now in the chemistry lab I work in.

In one of the recent meetings with the rest of the management team, I happened to glance over at the laptop of a person sitting next to me and saw that they were in a team chat titled Young, Hip Managers. I would like to think I'm reasonably hip. I'm also the youngest manager in the building. What can I do to subtly imply that I'm cool enough to be invited to the secret group chat? That's from Young but Not Hip Enough in Ann Arbor. Oh, that's tough.

That's a tough one. Nobody wants to think they're not young and cool and hip. See, this is difficult because for me, I both know that I am neither young enough nor hip enough to be in a group chat that seems to be living by those ideals. But if it was like a strong, strong guys, like you saw a chat, you're like, strong guys, right? You're like, you look over and you're like, hey, wait, I'm a strong guy.

If it was a strong guy purple hair. club? And I'd be like, I definitely have purple hair. If it said that you've been Truman showed and you need to stop because that's gone too far, right? That's, so they're doing a prank on you. But then you look over and someone's got, they're on a thread called limp dick idiots and you're like, I'm glad I'm not in that way. You know? Count your blessing. Count your blessings. Cool. Awesome. I'm ungealous. Maybe it's ironic. Maybe they, it's like, they, they, they, they, They're kind of like the old boring managers. Okay.

But they want, so they're like in a fun way. The level of self-awareness there. Like a winky sort of like, we're the ones that suck. Yeah. We're old. Can I get in that? You don't want in this. They're so old.

We're actually doing it. You don't understand. You don't want in this. I struggle with a part of this question, which is that, you know, you're not a part of this group chat. And when you share that information with us, you say, I happen to glance over at the laptop of the person sitting next to me. That suggests maybe you don't know who that person was and therefore why would you be in a group, why would you be in a group chat with them?

Is there anything there? Well, because all the young hit managers are planning young hit manager things. I guess so. Maybe, maybe it's fantasy football managers and it has nothing to do with work. Yeah. Oh, isn't that tricky when you find yourself in a fantasy football chat? It happened over the holidays a couple of times. I realized two to three people around me were talking about fantasy football.

And then if I stood there for long enough, they were going to ask me to join. Or they might just sign me up. I don't know how you get in fantasy football. It keeps happening to me. Me neither, man. I keep ending up in these leagues and I don't know how it happened. So I try to be really careful about everything I do for now on whenever football comes out. For me, it's like, I don't know how I keep contracting fantasy football.

For me, it's I keep getting group texts and I get messages from people whose numbers are not saved in my phone. And they'll say shit like Carter's looking pretty good this year. and then an hour later, I'm in a fantasy football league somehow. Oh, man. It's one of the earliest signs. You know, if you can get to it quickly, you can actually reverse all the symptoms of fantasy. It's too late. Time lost is time lost, as I always say.

Can you do, is there something you can do at your chemistry lab that would be fucking, can you like spin a flask? Or like. Oh, yeah, vapes and chemistry fumes. Light your vape on a Bunsen burner and people would be like, that's, you should. You're fired. You're fired. You're out. Get out of here.

First strike, you're out. That's so stupid. Don't do that. Yeah. I don't know that I've ever been added to a group chat and been excited to be, like, there's some where I'm like, yeah, okay, I'm happy to be here. This is fine. The idea of wanting to be added to a group chat that you were living your life perfectly

fine not being a part of before, unless you're just like, it's not about the group chat. I don't want to be in the group chat. I would immediately mute it. Yeah. But why aren't I a part of it? If I'm talking to two of my friends and I'm like, you guys remember the movie Dunstan checks in, and then the next day, one of them has invited me to a group chat called Dunstan Lovers. It's like this didn't need to be a, we didn't need to silo this particular conversation off. This could be part of the bigger.

Why is it on the dark web? Why is there so many layers of security on Dunstan Lovers? What's going on with this lab that we need so many goddamn managers anyway, man? What is that this lab that we need a stratification of management? It's a chemistry lab. Yeah. Just be careful. Just be careful. Just be careful.

Maybe there's a group chat to talk about how cool and hip their young managers are. They're in there talking about how great you are. That's why you're not in it. It's like a tiger bee. It's like a issue of tiger beat. Yeah. And the young manager is like who's, which manager has the dreamiest eyes? Maybe.

It's Punjab. We love who. Maybe they're chagely problematic, of course. Yeah. Maybe they're chatting with their physical therapist for a pelvic injury that they suffered. And so now they have to learn from their young. hip manager. That's not anything. That might have been it. Griffin, you don't know. No, that's not that. Maybe they're organizing snacks by brand and it actually said young chip

managers and you just misread it. Could be. To be. There's any number of reasons why you wouldn't be involved in a group chat that don't involve you not knowing the people in the group chat. But if you started wearing a backwards baseball cap and you made people, like you made people ask, and when they did ask you say I saw shit no you can't because you can't be like I was looking at a

there's nothing less hip than looking at a neighbor's laptop I mean yeah that's the bad start it's just not hit it wasn't hip that you looked and you can't say like I saw it because it's like so not hip yeah here's what you're gonna do

you're gonna go to these other managers and you're gonna say I'm thinking about starting a group chat for us young hit managers oh yikes would you guys be interested in that. Don't say the exact. You know you've got to change it a little bit. No, yeah, no, I heard it out. Wow. Yeah. Well, I'm starting to group chat for us youthful, sexy, cool. I'm crazy, sexy, cool managers. I think it's got to be more organic. I think you got to do cool experiments. I think you got to show up next day, make an elephant toothpaste. Point at it. Point at it. Point at it again. Like, do check my, hey, check it. Mark Roberte. Yeah, starting like a robot fight club. Start a robot fight club in your chemistry. We're getting a little bit far.

from the exact sort of... Well, no, you wouldn't want to do it. That's separate from work, Griffin. Work still needs to happen. You know, manager is still a part of the young hit managers, Griffin. No, yeah, I know. But this is specifically at work. And so I don't know why they...

Is this like, are they getting paid to manage it? Is it like the safety patrol? Like, what is with all these managers? Maybe it's like a team, like an equipment manager where they're like making sure that everybody has all the chemicals and powders and reagents that they need at. access to. I want to highlight one detail in this that I've just noticed. In one of the recent meetings with the rest of the management team is when this happened. You got some really, I think it is

hugely, hugely rude to be in a meeting of other managers and be in your young hit managers chat. That is cruel because you know that room someone's going to see. Like if you're trying to keep it secret, what is wrong with you? Are you sure there were other people in this group chat with this person and not just them talking to themselves about how young and hip and cool they are? Yeah. Right. Another question? Okay.

We've been in the house who are renting for five years. Four years ago, I had a baby and I didn't tell my landlord. It's a boy. When lease renewal came, I didn't want to tell them we had a whole extra person in the house we never mentioned. Now we're looking for a bigger place and our landlord has a great place in the exact area we want to live. How do we introduce our four-year-old without it being weird? That's from not kidding around. So many great, great options.

So many ways to pretend like you just kind of added a four-year-old to the squad. I would like to pause to us. Can we do it without accidentally tiptoeing into gaslighting? No. I mean, we could. It'll tie our hands behind her back in a major way. Are we worried about like doing bad stuff to a lot? landlord?

No. Gaslighting is obviously not great, but to a landlord? Landlord? I mean, I hear, what if he just says, say, this is my short uncle. Cool. I'm just saying, this is my short. Keep building on that. This is my short uncle.

Yeah. He's not huge on English yet. Mm-hmm. He is my uncle, and I am taking care of him. Mm-hmm. From his Benjamin Button disease. Mm-hmm. I would like very much.

That doesn't make any sense. To not have any questions about that. Benjamin Button is not about a very short man who aged the normal way and was four at four. Yes. You'd be dealing with, if my mouth is correctly, like 96-year-old, four-year-old. You guys, did we not say basic competent stage makeup assumed? Okay. Like, that's assumed.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Assumed. I think short uncle's really promising. Who is that? Could you also be surprised that the four-year-old is there? Why do you got to... Oh, God, what? Why do you need to introduce your four-year-old?

Why not keep the con going? Why not keep the con rolling? You do not need to own up to this. The longer you go, the funnier it is. Uh-huh. Like, if you can make it to ten, that's quite a prestige, I got to say. Ten, they're not going to... You know, James.

You know. What are you talking? How did you miss the fact? that we had a son for this long. He's a congressman. He's been around for a while, is what I'm saying, at that. Sure, I understand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always a trench coat. You can always, sure. You can always stand on the kids' shoulders and then wear a big trench coat. Stand on the kids, well, it sounds like if they're... You'd always stand on the kid's shoulders

and then wear a big trench coat, pretend to be one person, one taller person. Then you told you the landlord, I got taller over the summer, I got the surgery to make you taller, but I'm wearing the trench coat to cover up the scars. Yeah. You could

Now I've never seen The Odd Life of Timothy Green But I've heard people talk about it Say you grew him Is that the one with Lynn Manwell Miranda Is it? I think it's Jennifer Garner in it You grew him

Yeah You planted a boy You grew him Yeah He grew up He's only like three days old You got good soil You grew a boy

You grew him Do you get charged more for a lease when you have a child living there too? Or maybe it's more of a social situation if it's embarrassing you didn't introduce them and now it's gone on so long. Yeah, you didn't know where to bring it up. You didn't know where to bring it up.

I think that's reasonable. And now it's like, it's weird. Yeah, I get it. I think it's fine. Trench coat. One trench coat. Trench coat's okay. Can we, is there any wiggle room

in the stacking order? Because I think that putting an adult on top of the four-year-old shoulders. Gervin, I know what you're saying, dude. But the alternative is, I know, it's a four-year-old's head and arms coming out of the huge giant body. It was almost enough to make me

consign that idea to the dustman of history and not say it. Because both permutations of it are illogical and bad. But it had already left the gate. You know what I mean? So I just had to back the horse. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. What about this? This is my child security guard.

I've been threatened by a lot of children in the neighborhood lately. And I can't get adults to beat up those children. So I hire this child as a bodyguard to beat up other children for me. A reverse Drillbit Taylor-Binjeman Button situation. Yes. Drillbit Taylor Jr.

Where he licenses his son out as... Drillbit Button. Where he hires a kid, a strong kid to kick bully kids' asses. That feels borderline criminal. They're showing him. Dr. B. Taylor, too. when he's like 95 He's like

He needs protection Because he and he hires a kid To protect him like a strong kid Yeah, I just I'm 95 I just started playing Fortnite I'm getting absolutely fucking shit on I need to hire the coolest 14 year old at the high school

To be my Fortnite drill bit Taylor Yes Yes Yes Yes Make it Hollywood Fortnite I know you guys are doing all kinds of media stuff

This is this is This one's free. This is Splash Jugg Taylor. Yes, Splash Jugg Taylor. It's not going to get any better than that. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. My Brother, My Brother, My, Brother, and Me. It's this one, the one you're enjoying.

You just enjoyed. A couple of quick announcers before we wrap up, folks. Clubhouse will return January 27th at noon Eastern Time. We're going to be streaming on the last Tuesday of each month from now on. But, Travis, what are we going to be doing all the other Tuesdays? Man, I'm so glad you asked, Justin, because there was the next thing in the bullet point, that we're doing Super Macroy Brothers video game stream next Tuesday, January 20th at noon Eastern time. It's going to stream all the other Tuesdays, plus a bunch of other video game content on our YouTube,

all under the Macroy Entertainment System umbrella, so make sure you check that out. Also, we got some merch. Yeah, you follow that at Maceroy Entertainment System on Instagram. Yes, good call. We've got some merch over in the Macquarie merch store, Bestie's Tiebreaker Coin featuring the one and only New York giraffe. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the immigrant defender's law center. So make sure you check that out at Macroynemerch.com. And now for the-

My name's Justin McRoy. We've got to think. Thank you, Montaigne, for the music for a theme song. My life is better with you. It's a fantastic track. And the fact that I'm, like, terrified that I don't know what's going to happen next, does detract from the fact that I'm just a huge, big fan of it. I was thinking, so for the ending,

that Griffin could give us like a little motivational speeches, the big boy, asking for the heater, just to kind of establish a tone. Like Griffin, like a sick Victorian child anyways. I was thinking I would pick something up off my desk and throw it at the wall as hard as I possibly could.

Oh. And just like the sound of that. Hey, Griffin, that's, okay. Do you like that? The end of every episode, this year will be one of us throwing something at a wall to see if it sticks.

I got the mic against the wall now. So this is my... Don't throw the mic, dude. I'll use my lens cap. Yeah, dude. Make it sick. I won't be able to hear. I got to take my headphones off

because I'm going to go around... I'm going to go behind the desk and just absolutely absolutely hum this fucking thing. Okay, dude. Absolutely buzz it. Sick, man. Sick.

This is good. This is good podcast. I like this energy. Three, two. My name is Justin McEloy. I'm Travis. Macquarie. Yeah, that was good. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McElroy.

This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad's score on the lips. Lenscap. This is good. This is good. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.