My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 799: A Regular Human Footballman

Episode Date: February 2, 2026

While we’re busy busting out of snow-bound homes with our five-pound mattocks, we’re also swinging solid advice about duck detectives, the world of shoe-shines, and fancy hand-squished burgers.Suggested Talking Points: A Murder Most Fowl, We Use All Parts of the Joke, Non-American Burgers, Hot Palm on the Griddle, Must Be the FunnyImmigrant Law Center of Minnesota: https://www.ilcm.org/donate/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something into a precious friendship. It feels love. Hello, everybody. Welcome my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middle of his brother, Travis, big dog, wolf, a Vroom, the Rocket, Macroy. What's up, Trav Nation, it's me. I was so distracted by the Rocket. Sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. That's how he gets you.

That's how the Rocket gets you. You get distracted by a rocket, and boom, 130 mile per hour fastball. Yes, that's it. So I've noticed that you've tried working in, like, quite a bit of pitching and fast throwing kind of like terminology into your honorifics.

And I want to applaud you for that. I think it's really good. I think there's a lot of really good nicknames associated with being a professional baseball pitcher. And I think you've hit on a lot of them. I'd love to just be Randy Johnson. Do you mean the big unit?

Uh-huh. Can I, Travis, please? I feel like I have to ask you if I can. Yeah, you can be the big unit. Fuck yeah. Um, there was a generation. Can we all agree to you, by the way, that if you're Randy Johnson and they start calling you the big unit, yeah, you're like, oh, my God, guys, thank you.

Guys, thank you so much. So much. And it's like, oh, because you're really tall. No, no, no, no, no. But it also makes it sound like I have a huge dong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love that. Thank you guys.

Here comes Sammy, massive weiner Sosa. And he's like, wow, thanks, guys. I'm just hitting home runs out here. That's crazy that you think that. Part of the appeal, I think, is that we were, our age of guy was raised on this generation of film. I'm almost tempted to think of as a subgenre in hindsight where apparently we went to every, like, middle-aged white screenwriter dude and said, hey, what do you most want to write a movie about? And he's like, I think a magical baseball kid. Yeah.

Because there's like, there's like eight magical baseball kid movies that came out within six months of each other. And it really did shape a generation of kids who want to. grew up to be a magical baseball kid. There were at least two movies in which a full-blown, like, nine-year-old child either became the star pitcher of a team or owner of a team. And we as a society went, yes. We also had angels in the outfield. It became so that if I was taken to a sports film, I went to see, I go to see

little giants and my boy, Tricky Dick Moranis, and I'm in there and I'm watching it. Love to get Rick on the show, by the way. I love, holy shit, what I get. I would be at the credits of the film crying in the theater, and Daddy would be like, why are you crying? I'd be like, because none of the kids got powers. I can't. Rudy, it's like, I've seen this exact guy do magic stuff before.

But you're telling me he's not, okay. He's not a small man. He got pirate gold, and then he was just a football man? And he's just a regular human football player? What's he doing? running and tackling? Cool. One time.

No? We watch the whole movie. Rudy plays about one minute of football. Holy shit, you don't get. I hope you guys don't watch that movie. Hoping to get to watch Sam Aston play, Sean Aston play football or Sam Aston. It doesn't happen that much.

Whoever that is, I like to see him. This is a, this has been a long few days here in the house. I haven't been able to technically leave this building that I'm in with the children. Sidney hiked to her parents' house today so she could ride down in her dad's big car to Harmony House, but I'm still lucky to have a father-in-law with a big car. That's the dream, dude. That's true. So cool. I want to ask how you guys have been holding up, because yesterday,

Griffin, you said something that honestly I meant to mention yesterday. It's been stuck in my head. And Travis and I started talking about it before the show, before we started to do a Macquarie family the clubhouse. It's the last Tuesday every month at noon. Before we started doing that yesterday, you came on and said, sorry guys, I just shoveled my snow for 15 minutes and I'm more tired than I've ever been in my entire life. And I just wanted to see if you are doing okay. Yeah. Have you guys played Minecraft? Yeah. Yeah. I was looking at Pickax inventory in my walkable kind of like hardware store options because that's what I need. The snow became turbo snow that froze and refrozed so many times that is hard like rocks.

And I need a pickax or perhaps a mattock, as they're sometimes called now that I know after shopping for one. And I think I'm going to get out there with a five pound mattock and smash this stuff apart. Because if you do not film that, we're not brothers any. I need high-res glossy video of you sorry I'll be honest I've never used a manic you say

a manic you say a manic I've never used a pickax before I've never even attempted no wait no listen you've got to wait hold on that doesn't seem right I'm almost 40 I'm almost 40 there's a lot of and you're you and there's a lot of actions

I can like imagine what it's like to do them with my body right I've never done a cartwheel, but I think I know what it would be. I have no idea what to expect. I may not even, this may be a mule near situation where I cannot even get this bad boy over my head. My suspicion would be that in the full range of motion that it takes to swing a pickax,

one of those muscles has never been used before. And has basically atrophied to dust. And like upon its first use will just, btwing. It's possible driven your arms will fly off like a child's toy. where the child is maybe overestimated the posability of the action figure. You just be leaking stretch Armstrong goop out of your elbows? Just hear a rubber band snap in there somewhere.

And they could... I swear to God, Mom, he swung in the accident and sounded like a ball of tinfoil just creakling up. It was insane. There's no way, guys, for me to privately practice this incredibly intimate act. I'm going out on my front yard. Everybody's kids got a foam diamond pickax

from Minecraft, right? You can get in there and take a few practice. It's not going to be the same. This thing is heavy and sharp and I'm lifting it way up over my head and then I swing it down hard. How are you going to get?

To get a Madaghanx door first time. I want you in a hard hat. Yeah. I want you like jump suited. Yeah. I want you singing like a coal mining song. If I get more than one hit in, if I get two to three hits in

and I get into like the rhythm, then it'll, be like, born of cold and winter ice gonna get the cubes and I make them nice. Okay, now wait a minute. Yeah.

What if it like activates something because you come from the hills. Your blood is from those Appalachian hills. You've got coal in there. I just luring in your blood. I just redid my whole office. It took a long time.

I can't get the bug now to become a... You're a minding bug. I can't become a, a find and minor down there when I've just redone my whole office. I'm not gonna be in here. I think this is the fear, right?

You chip your car out with the manic. Yeah. And you're like, fuck. Yes, that's awesome. Oh, don't get me wrong. Also, time out. You just, you hit the submit. There's a part of me that thinks

when I smash this big thing in the little chunks and hurl them out of the way of my car, that's gonna feel also a real good. Yeah, but you keep going, man. You hit cement. and you keep going. Keep pounding. Keep pounding. Keep pounding. Keep going. You're a miner now.

That's how anybody starts. You know what I mean? I heard don't put it in front of you when you already have it. You know? Like that's just dang. You're a minor. I had a fiber optic wire. No problem, baby.

You're mining for JPEX now. Did you guys know about fiber optic wires in the ground that if like a construction crew hits one of those, they're like, well, that's going to cost like $200,000 to fit. It's like the, The biggest, uh-oh accident that you can make in this life is being a construction person or an excavator of some sort.

And you look down in the pit and you see little, see little fiber optic cable. It's like, oh, I'm ruined. Shoot, dang, I hit the cursed pipe. And now my life is financially in shambles. It's the opposite of an oil. It is, yeah. It's like it's an inverse. It's sucking the value away through the pipes.

It's like if the Beverly Hillbillies hit a fiber optic cable. and instead of getting to go to Beverly Hills, they had to go underground. They had to go underground to hide. Griff, what's your plan for getting to the Maddox store? So there is a hardware store that is up the hill from our house. The hill is a slippery and a slidey, but the good news is I have two.

What's your plan B? I have two small Maddox. Now, these are too small to use on the thing, but I can't. Have you thought about, can't. Petons. to go up the hill, yeah.

Call ahead to the hardware store, pay them over the phone, and just have them slide thematic down the hill. But again, it is a sharp five-pound shard of straight steel. And this thing coming out here in terminal velocity. Talk is tough? It's super duper tough. This thing could put a hole right in me.

I can't wait to become. The awe with which you're speaking about the beloved weight five pounds unless we know that maybe five pounds a hot sharp metal yeah coming down at you coming down the hill at you five big pounds

you think it's going to be a grounder if it hits a pebble hops up in the air and beds itself in my head and that's how I always knew I'd go out that way I thought by leaving the hills it would become less likely

we may not even want that liability of chucking chucking pickaxes here's my next question I use this pickax to smash out my driver to get free, and I keep going down a little bit, and I destroy a fiber optic cable. What do I do with the five-pound pickax now?

Where do I put that in my house? You need to get a big rock in your lawn that you kind of bury, like, wedge it into. Yes. So it's there in case of another mining emergency. There's every possibility. That is what's going to happen when I try to dig out my driveway is that it will get embedded in the ice outside,

and then it will, it'll be out there then. Then it belongs to. I love. Whoever's brave enough. My little brother, who I love very much, I love that your worry is you'll strike the ice too good that it will bury the pickax too deep in it to be removed. Yeah, no, I think that represents poor pickax technique. I don't think you're supposed to get it so deep in that you can't pull it out. I guess my bigger worry if I were you would be that my pickax would glance off the ice, embed itself into the front of my car,

straight through, I don't know, the radiator or the engine or whatever. Yeah, wow, that would be cool. My basic rule for tool use is this, Griffin. Yeah. Think about the cool way you think a tool was supposed to be used. Yeah. And it's probably not like that. It's probably a little bit different than that, right?

Yeah. So, like, with a soldering iron, you think that you would just get in there and start glooping it around. But no, no, no, you're supposed to heat things up. So fucking disappointing the first soldering iron. You're probably supposed to use the edge of the mattock to, like, graduate. You know what I do. You know what you hit it with a, it's probably not even the fun way. I've played so much Minecraft when you mine into a tree, which first of all, I don't think I can do that.

I don't think I can use my Maddock to smash up a tree or a wall in my house. Maybe I could actually do that. But when you go at it and Minecraft, it's like pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. There's no fucking way, man. It's huge and heavy. It's probably not like that. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. I don't think so.

Not at first. Where do you need to go? To the Pne Bramatics store. Can I tell you? Sorry, I'm trying to underline in my head. Can you hear it? go. Right. You're saying like, why do I need to dig out my driveway so bad that I'm going to go buy a pickax? Yeah. I don't know, man. I just got the, I just got the jitters. I don't know.

I just got the bug. I know what your job is. I genuinely, I think it's from when we lived in Austin and got snowed in super bad when Rachel was eight months pregnant and the whole city was like, we don't know what to do with this fucking stuff. It's so cold. I never thought this would come. This hard rain has flummoxed us. I had to go out. Everybody has faith in society until it fails. right a tree fell in my house one time and then I get real I get really antsy around trees you actually I get real skittish about trees I had to go out I had to make a journey out yesterday where did you oh did you I had to ship some stuff and participating I'm sorry I thought you're I had to shit and I thought you're about to go out to the house I had to shit and I don't do that at home and I can't do it for three days and I can't do it Teresa I got to go man I can't do that at home it's where my kids live yeah and no I had to go ship some stuff

I'm participating in Project for Awesome, and I'm going to be on the live stream, and I made some 3D printed wooden ducks that I signed. That's great. I signed them from me and from Magnus. That's cute. I had to ship them, and the whole way I'm driving there with the open box next to me

because I hadn't sealed yet thinking, if I get into a car accident right now and 30 little ducks. They're going to need Binwa Blanc to figure out what the fuck was going on in that. The day before was a level three, like snowing. emergency where I would have been arrested for being out on the road. And the next day, I'm like, super cool. Time to get these ducks in flight. Go, ducks, go.

Guys, let me hit you with this. Let me hit you with this. Benoit picks up. See Travis's dead body in this car. Surrounded by many wooden ducks, he picks it up. Looks like we've got ourselves. A murder most foul. And the name of the movie would be called a murder most foul, a Rian Johnson mystery.

He picks up a duck and he goes, I think I'll quote. Whacked with the case. That's cool. Wait, duck, duck! Exclamation point. Yeah. A murder most foul. A knives out mystery.

And he sees one of the forensics like grabbing my butt and he's like, duck, duck, goose! Hey, leave that dead body bottle alone. That's cool. That was the last one. You scrape some rust off with that, so we should move forward.

There's a little bit extra under the rust. I'm glad you did that, Travis. Thank you. We use all parts of the joke. I'm at I can put it on my bill. That's cool, dude. Awesome.

Stop. All right. Shake its tail, feather. We got a crime this all. I do have to poke a hole in the premise a little bit. I don't think they call Benoit Blanc into soft car accidents. What could have stopped this size of a vehicle? What could have stopped?

There's a destroyed vehicle in the middle. the road, tie tracks leading away. God damn it. What could have done? What kind of huge gorilla? Is there an escape gorilla from the zoo that made of... He was moment... I can't help but notice.

He was Googling who was that guy in that movie trailer that one time? Could that be a clue? What if he looks up? He's like, he looks dead pet at the camera. He's like, oh my God, bear his drive. How can this be? How could this be? I am at the airport.

There is a massage chair right by my gate. I've had a pretty exhausting trip, and I'd love to loose things up a bit before I get on the long flight home. Is it weird to use a massage chair at an airport? If I do use it, what is the appropriate level of satisfying noises I can make before it gets weird? That's from boarding pass to bliss from Cape Carl, Florida. I don't think it's weird. And the shared massage chair continues to be. One of the weirdest, like, unforced errors as a society that we continue to invite on ourselves.

It's this incredible little dance that we've just squirled away in some of our most vulnerable moments. I think, okay, here's my pitch, boys. You tell me what you think about it. You are allowed to use it. It's not weird to use it. If the entire time you're in it, you appear, one, anxious to get out of it and two, thoroughly uncomfortable. You think that's okay? I think if you're in it

and it's clearly like I got in it but only until they call my name and I'm springing out of this even there's five minutes left on this chair I do not enjoy this I want out of this so bad could you just look around and be like

can I get out yet guys like yell that to everyone nearby maybe you're yelling at some friends who dared you to get in the chair people see that they're like he doesn't want to fucking be in there if I see that though I make judgment calls

if I see people sitting in the massage chair and it is clearly activating doing its special thing. I look at their face, and if they're enjoying it, I assume they paid for it. If they're looking like it's like, kind of annoying, I assume someone else paid for it, it left, and then they sat on a moving chair. They swooped in, but they don't want to,

they want to act like, this isn't what I wanted, but like secretly like, oh, baby. Yeah, they're loving it. If you have a business suit on and you're like on your Blackberry while you're doing it, I'm like, that's cool. That person needs some tending to so they can get back to like the huge important deal

that they're working on right now. I think massage chair as professional device, I think is actually a pretty cool look. Could you bring it all the way around where you kick off your shoes, you put on a robe, maybe some cucumber slices, right? A little face peel. Yeah.

Yeah. You get in it? You charge it up for an hour and a half. Yeah. What's, what's weirder? The massage chairs at the airport or the shoe shine guys at the airport. Oh, nothing makes me feel like there is another world. There's a whole other thing happening when, except when I see the shoe shine guys at the airport because I see a guy doing the shoe shines.

Yeah. I see a guy getting the shoe shines. Sometimes both those guys are younger than me. Yeah. Sometimes both of those guys are. they're older. So I don't think it's something that I'm eventually going to find out about how this happens. It's not, how we get into this circle. Can I tell you what, Justin, what gets you, sometimes I have some nice leather boots that I enjoy wearing, sometimes when I travel. The shoe shine

person is never on duty when I'm wearing the shoes. It's not for you though. Yeah, I know. I know. Right? I thought about getting it, but then I thought how long do I stand by the shoe shine place in my boots hoping they'd come back. It's just, it's, it's, it's bewildering to me. I don't wear shoes that need, that can be shined most of the time. Almost ever do I wear shoes that need shining or could be shined, made of a material that would become lustrous with a wipe. Right.

And I know that other people do do that, but do we need a whole cottage industry around a specific type of shoe material that most people I don't think are wearing most of the time. You see the phone booths and you see, you know, you see a phone outcove and you're like, remember when? Yeah. Remember when pops, you know? Like, remember when we used to use, though? Like, it seems like the shoe shine guys.

I don't know. Have you seen. I feel like Sam about newsies. Yes. Why do we have only seen newsies at the airport selling paint? Yeah. Yeah. I think that those booths that they have set up or you can rent to use it as a

workspace for like 15 minutes if you needed to like do a meeting or something. I don't know how much money that costs but there should be a little hole on the wall of that thing with a bill slot on it and if you put $50 into that, the hole opens up and you're allowed to do one fart in there and they can't get out. I think that would be a great investment and it would raise a lot of money for our schools and I just love the idea that we got rid of phone booths and then built booths that people can use their smartphones in. It makes me so happy. Yeah.

Yeah, no, $25 is much more expensive than a phone booth and $50 if you use the fart hole. Do you think there's in the Superman comics book somewhere recently, there's been a scene where Superman's in like a Bitcoin exchange route? You know what I mean? And so he's like, let me in there. He steps into one of the nursing pods. Yeah, yeah. I think he wrestles for a while about whether or not he's allowed to go in the.

the nursing pod to become Superman to save the airport. He's like ultimately... Oh my God. TMGMGMGFU. We'll write that one shot. He's like ultimately... We'll write that one shot, please. I'm actually going to save a lot of mothers if I'm allowed to go in there and go sicko mode

and become Superman. So like... I do think it's worth it. The optics are terrible. Superman has to find another lactating mother to go in with him. He's like, you don't have to nurse. Just standing here. Don't look either.

Yeah, don't look. And assume I'm just still here. you're in the booth the whole time I'm gone. Because that's the real problem. If he goes in there as Clark King, he can't then leave a super, he's got to leave super fast. So they've got to assume that Clark Kent's still in there

doing something the entire time Superman is doing his thing. Superman comes out of the nursing pot. He's like, I left my friend Clark in there. I'm going to lock the door behind me. I will come back and set him free. And then I will vanish from existence. He's going to be busy for

30 to 45 minutes in the nursing pod. Don't bother him. Frequently enters restrooms and thinks, well, what I have to do is much easier in the accessibility stall. And I will be very brief. Yes. So perhaps that would be, if I'll look around, I think I'm okay. You know, no, you know what? If he comes walking out, though, and his Superman comes walking out of the accessibility stall,

I was like, really, Superman? You need the whole big space to stop for yourself. Yeah, you don't know how I do it in there. I'm an alien. So many people I might have two butts, you don't know I don't know I don't have my holes that's coming out of

I should get out the way A meteor's coming My tentacles shoot out to anchor me down While I'm doing my business Much like the Thanatar I have a tube that exits my rectum Where the poop comes out of I do everything with great force

Everything Don't you understand? I wish it wasn't like this God how I wish Sometimes I wish there was a red sun just over the potty. God damn it. Yes, do you have a super plunger? I need a big toilet hole. I need a crick-onite toilet hole.

I can only use parchment paper. That's the level of durability I need to wipe. That's how tough my stuff is. And can I just say, wide pipes. I don't want to go into detail. Wide pipes. Wide pipes. Wide pipes.

Looks like that. It looks like the XL Hershey Bar factory there. Big wide, like a symphony bar. Just a straight shot. I've recently gotten into balloon sculpting, i.e. making cool balloon swords and monsters and shit. It's a cheap, low-stakes hobby, and despite the occasional pop is surprisingly relaxing.

Of course, I blow up a lot of balloons to practice, which, of course, take a lot of space when inflated. Brothers, I live in an apartment. How do I squash this rising balloon pile without pissing off my neighbors? That's from clowning in Connecticut. That's cool. I decided. I mean, my impulse is like, kill your little darlings.

You know what I mean? Like, you're resting on your past works. Just, like, pop them and look towards the future. But how? But how without pissing off the neighbors? Because if I have a neighbor. And every big. Sorry, do you think the neighbors would be pissed off

if he just got rid of his incredible balloon art? No. Oh, I like that one. I just thought he's like, they're very, like, proud of them. I don't know. I'm not allowed to throw trash away in my house, so I forget that other people are allowed to. Right, sure.

That is true. When my kids get a balloon animal from a fair or whatnot, we gotta wait for that thing to die of old age. And even then, Jesus Christ, guys, for Henry's ninth birthday, we went to Michaels and we brought the kids to get balloons. And Gus got these enormous six and seven balloons that have been floating in the corner of our living room. Yes, like the meme, thank you so much, Travis. and they have been really in a dance of like dwindling kind of death for genuinely, for two and a half months or so. Six is still rocking. Seven went down a long time ago.

Six, but it's at that point where it's like a barometer, just kind of like going up and down depending on the time of day. So that can be exciting, but you probably don't breathe helium out. There were a couple of years where it wasn't so hard. my house, but eventually the girls caught on that these magical pen pals were never going to write back, no matter how many notes we attach to the balloon saying, like, here's an email if you find this, like, let us know or whatever. That was a pretty good until they realized this is going into the, I don't know, forest probably.

Yeah, into a bird's stomach or something. And a bird's stomach or something. Yeah. I think that what you want to, you're going to save up all these balloons, maybe the end of the week, and pop them all at once in like a suplex. or a full body dive or south it, and you're gonna fake a huge sneeze when it happens. And then after the loud popping sound,

and this is important to sell it, you're gonna have to scream in pain. Like this huge sneeze popped something in you. Yeah. Is there a risk that they send help? Like call the authorities or something. Every time they will send help. And then you say it's a balloon popping time.

I had to, I'm not injured. I had to pop all these balloons. I think it would probably scare me more, Travis, to hear someone scream, do a scream sneeze from the apartment of Bummy than to hear the sound of many balloons popping. Is it littering if you throw them out the window or is it kind of like a...

I think textbook littering, I think. I don't think it's like if a balloon animal, you see a balloon, if you saw a balloon dog floating through the sky, you would be like, who would ever? You'd be like, oh my God, Justin, I think they're going to be okay. They don't feel balloon animal. animals with helium. Yeah, dude, they float down to the ground.

And then you see it on the ground. It's like, oh my God, there's a balloon dog in the ground. What a day? And it's got a message for me. What? It's the black spot. Mark for death. I'll say this. You don't mark people for death with your black spot

balloons for the last time, Travis. I'll say this. I just think that would be the weird assassin cult. If I was going to be marked for death by the black spot, I would want it to be delivered to me by a monkey on a hat that I could wear around a big ground. Yeah. The time of my death.

I think if you throw your balloons out at a certain time of day, it's only going to take three maybe days before children start to kind of like congregate at the balloon time as you, the fucking the onceler comes out and makes it rain. Doggies and monkeys and crowns and swords and stuff. That sounds pretty good, right? Now that you're saying it, it sounds like pretty magical actually, right? Yeah, you're the Onsler now, only instead of giving out sort of, you know, lessons about how to be a good person, it is balloon animals. The metaphor is getting a little bit. The metaphor got a little. But I do love this theory that people who do balloon sculpting didn't start doing it because they wanted to give them two people, but rather started giving them to people because they wanted to do balloon sculpting and then realize they needed to get rid of them.

Yeah. I hope is it's a virtuous circle, right? I mean, you hope at some point that that just, yeah, you do love to give these things away to people. And yes, your friends do love to take them. I mean, you hope. Yeah, and the one thing you can make is the virtuous circle. It's pretty easy.

You just take the blitz. It's not a big deal, actually. Can I ask you guys a question? Uh-huh. The Wensler to teach the child about the Lorax and the environment. man and everything. Required a payment of 15 cents a nail and the shell of a great, great, great, great grandfather's nail. The fuck's he doing with that stuff, man. What are you going to be

doing with that, Onsler? With 15 cents. Why do you need a nail? And the shell of a great, great, great, great grandfather's nail? Are you going to put that in that? And then what's the 15 cents for? You fucking pervert. Why do you need payment to teach me a lesson about how to be a good person and the environment. It does feel like the ones slurs may be dabbling with occult forces beyond his powers to control. It feels like he's getting into some sort of curse or something that he heard. There should be a page at the end of the Lorax where the Onsler pops his head back out. He's like, oh shit. Also, I eat all that stuff. I eat 15 cents and I love eat nails and great, great, great grandfather's snail shells is my favorite snack. I eat all of it. Don't litter for fucking real.

Hey, hey, are you littering? Leave the trees alone. But if you find any more great-great-grandfather snails, you know where to bring them. You know, fuck those guys. I'll see you tomorrow, Timmy. See you, Tim. You're cool, dude.

I don't care what they say. All right. You want to chat? You want to, like, hang out later? I don't have anything on. You must, like, I don't have anything planned. You love me? I'm going to eat some snail shells.

I got enough for. For two, okay, you're going. Okay, cool. You left. Cool. I'll let's take a quick break. I miss him so much. I'm going to go.

How bad at K. Nabi? We're going to take a break. We'll come back. We'll talk about other stuff. Let's go to the money zone. Hey, guys, I know we're in the money zone, but can I speak candidly for a second? I guess so. Sure.

Can you make it about Doc Doc? I'll get there. Are you ever reading Dr. Seuss books to your kids and think, Yeah, it's easy to write rhyming stuff When you use makeup bullshit words Absolutely it is, dude I mean, some of this stuff's really good But some of it's like, yeah, man, I could

I could do that Yeah Yeah, man Okay, I just wanted to make sure We were all in the same page Went to the glop of the party pump pumpers And had a big glop of his glumpy glop glumpers Like, it's fucking easy, dude

You don't have to make a mistake That's why you can't trust every doctor In the world But you know what you can trust? What's that, Travy? Zok, Doc, that help you find the right doctors for you. Yeah, absolutely.

I don't think Theodore Geisel is on Zock doc doc. I don't think he has an account. For many reasons, I would guess. For a ton of reasons. Yes, for a slew of reason. But if you have a problem, yo, I'll solve it. Check out ZocDot and let a doctor resolve it. Right.

Because I don't know how to do any kind of medical stuff. And that's why when I moved to D.C. And I didn't have any doctors. I got on ZockDoc.com. and they were like, let me hook you up, and they did. I've made great friends through Zok-Doc. I think a lot of my doctor... That's not something that they advertise.

I don't think they advertise that, but I will say like, I will say like, a lot of my doctors have become my closest friends here. So, and they know that. There's a sadness to that I can't place, but it's there. It seems pretty obvious what the shape of that sadness is. I'm nearing. old age.

I'm in my Twilight years, and I've had to get so many. Now it started to be like health as an escape room. Where I go to a doctor to solve one thing, and then it opens up three more puzzles for me to solve.

Yeah, absolutely. Went to a rheumatologist who was then like, hey, you should also get like a nerve test and a vascular test and a bunch of stuff. I don't know how to find those people. That's why I use Zuck.

But now you're the healthiest you've ever been. ZocDoc's a free app and website that helps you find a book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone you love. I know we've said a lot of other bullshit here. Or a best friend. I didn't say best friend. Some of my best friend. Some of my best friends. I wouldn't have found them if not for Zoc Doc. I also wouldn't have been treated for my many conditions. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments. Go to Zocdoc.com slash my brother to find an instantly book a doctor you love today. Says that. It does say a doctor you love.

So I do think a friend fits the bill. That's ZOCDOC.com slash my brother. Zocdoc.com slash my brother. Thanks Zocdoc for sponsoring this message. Did we even mention what it is? I think we missed the part. I said it. I said no.

Zock is a free app. I said that part. Yeah, I did that part. Really good. Maybe I need to get my hearing checked. Yeah. Check out Zocococ.com. What? You heard me, coward.

Yes. Yes, dude. Yes, dude. I want a month squad. I want to munch. I want to munch. Squad. Welcome to Munch Squad.

Podcasts, a podcast, podcast, profiling, latest and grace of brand eating. You know what cuffing season is? If I said forget cuffing season, would you know what I meant? Is it a sexual? I think it's where you, someone comes in as a sort of sexual tag in, like a tag in replacement. You tag them in. You go, your turn. Is that right?

Cuffing season is when you tag in, sorry, what was it, you tag in a sexual partner? Is it saying like the two of us will make love, let's get in a ringer. Let's bring in a someone's kind of pitch. A pitch hitter situation. And then the other person has a special chair that you sit in and watch. Before Griffin over shares anymore, I'm gonna release this all from our prison.

No, cuffing season is like, you gotta find somebody before Valentine's Day or whatever. Well, yes. Or it's not really that. It's pretty sure it's the other thing. With the special chair. It could be two things. The idea is that for the cold months,

you hook up. You hook up for the cold months. And then you have a partner for the cold months. is a short-term thing. That you truly love deeply and make it eat. That you truly love. And the hot months, you say, no thanks. It's hot girls summer.

It's too hot. I'm single and ready to have sex. Forget cuffing season. Sonic wants you to break up with your burger. Huh. Introducing the new All-American smash your lineup. Please, guys, hold your questions. I will answer your questions.

But I'm sure, just for me saying that, you're fucking going wild with questions. We'll get to them. This is not a question. Can I just say something? It's not a question. It's not a question. Can I say it?

What even is a smasher? What's a smasher? That's a question. That's legitimately... You are a journalist for a long time. I'm going to answer that in a level of detail that you will be furious about. It's because it went up. For too long, fast food burger fans have settled for relationships that just aren't working.

Burgers that keep going up in price and down in quality. Are those two separate ideas? Sorry, that is the question. They're settling for relationships that aren't working. And also, the burgers. The burgers. They're also, if they had happier relationships, they may cook for themselves more or want to, you know what I mean? Like get in some more lean proteins.

I don't know, but it's two different things. Sonic is introducing the one worth committing to the all-new, all-American Sonic's Most fast food burgers promise more than they deliver, but the All-American Sonic Smasher is different. It's good. It's good. Actually, good. We made it good. These other burgers are dirty shitbag fucks.

We'll promise you. We'll promise nothing. Nothing. This burger is here. You come get it. There's a lot of stressing even early on in this press release about it being All-American. And you don't even know how early. on it is.

Is the Americanness of my burger here in the state of Ohio something that I should have been concerned about prior to this? I don't know even how they would get you non-American burgers there as landlocked as you are. I wasn't aware that that was the thing I should be checking for. It is going to be impossible to detect the presence of AI in these things because they have been absolutely half-baked for a decade. I don't know. How will you tell? You know, like, let's take...

This was written by humans. Most fast food burger promises more than they deliver. The All-American Sonic Smashers different. Hands smashed, made to order, and stacked with classic toppings people actually crave. That's what it says. I don't know what that's about, though. That's such shit-talking, yeah. But are they saying, like, other places they're putting on, like, bean sprouts and nobody wants that?

They're giving you the good shit. I don't understand. I also... It's proof. I've never been to a McDonald's and thought, this burger is really promising me something. Yeah. That's never been what that exchange is about.

It's proof that when it comes to burgers, Sonic is everyone's perfect match. That commitment comes to life. What? That commitment comes to life with the $6 all-American smasher meal, a complete burger meal that punches above its price point. What? A lot of aggressive sort of terminology in life.

This smashing punchmeal is going to fucking blast your fucking face. Nerd, it's going to witch your butt. Do you have a shitty boyfriend? The smashing meal is going to punch him in the face and prove that he's the right one for you. He's got tomatoes and shit that you like. Does your boyfriend have tomatoes on him? No. Fuck him.

He's got the stuff you actually want. It's got crispy onions and barbecue sauce and a huge dish. It's got exactly what you crave. There's a structural question there that I have. Where I don't know how... In a textural question. No, it's a burger construction question because if you're gonna put one of those on that.

Where's the dick? How does the top bunts sit? I love that. A topic if there's a sort of regular... I assume the dick was coming out of the burger grip but I didn't assume it was a topic. I'm ready for you guys to... You know what?

This is not. anything worth looking at, but I am going to like, I have to at least share something here with you to give you some base. Are you about to show me a little burnt up crispy burger? Yeah, God damn it. I love that stuff. I wish I didn't. I hate how Smash burgers as a concept is so vulgar to me. And yet when I see one, I think, I bet biting into that is awfully salty and crispy and good. Oh, man, it's good. I love to make them at home too. They're good right off the grid on. Anyway, boy, I'm getting hungry for Smash. The new All-American Sonic Smashers takes the...

Okay, this is where we're going to get into the minutia where your questions are going to start coming hot and heavy. I beg you to hold them to... Okay, okay. Can I make an observation, Justin? Not a question, don't... An observation, not a question, Travis, that's fine, no problem. There is definitely a trend in these fast food press releases where, for whatever reason, the food must be photographed in some kind of colored void. Yeah.

That I will never understand. There's no context. You need perspective. You need to know how big this meal is by having some... They're floating in the snacking zone. The new All-American Sonic Smasher takes the original Sonic Smasher even further with flavors designed to deliver premium quality

in every bite without the premium price tag. Okay. We recognized it the first version of the smasher. We fucked up. We fucked up. We know it so bad. We could have smashed it harder. We didn't smash it hard enough.

Each All-American Sonic Smasher is hand-smashed. Oh. You just fucking. And no tools just Hot palm on the griddle Other burgers Are smashed by AI But he said Sonic

Real humans We beg them to buy the burgers Smashing robots We hate to smash the burgers With our hands They keep saying Dave The calluses are developing Soon you won't even feel it anymore

But it's been five months We had a guy on our 16th street location bring in some sort of heavy metal plate to do the smashing. We said no, sir. Skin-on-skin contact is important here at Sonic Drive-in. That's how you form a bond. That's how you bomb with the burgers. Each All-American Sonic Smashers hand-smashed and made to order featuring two patties made with Angus beef, seasoned and seared to perfection for crispy edges and a juicy center. Yep. The patties are layered with melty American cheese, crisp lettuce, ripe tomatoes, crinkle-cup pickles, diced onions, ketchup and mayo, all served on a pillowy soft potato bun fresh off the grill.

It's the classic All-American Cheeseburger leveled up. Yeah. In what way? It's high. Well, the lineup includes double and triple options with or without crispy bacon. Okay, but so then the smash roller over isn't leveled up, I would need to pay to level it up. Yep. It shows so much.

The ratio of burger to produce on this thing is pretty crazy. And I know that those numbers get thrown off once you do bring smashing into the mix. But I'm imagining the bite of this thing. And it's, it is extraordinarily produce forward. Is that maybe, do you guys think there's a chance that the smashing machine ends with him getting fired from UFC and he ends up running the smashing machine at Sonic? Do you think there's any chance that that's like, and then they're like, he's like, I can do it with my hands. Just let me be the smashing machine.

I don't think any one of the three of us is ever going to know the answer. to that question authoritatively. That's very fair, actually. Why can't they run the lettuce and the tomatoes and the pickles through the smashing machine and make them also flat? Why is only the meat flat? Why are we not working with very, very flat lettuce and pickles?

They want you to hand squish those yourself. The Sonic Smasher proves you don't have to settle, said Ryan Dickerson, the chief marketing officer at Sonic, who would? It's a premium. That's a bold statement to not have any qualifier on. You don't have to settle for fast food. No, no.

It proves you don't have to settle. Yeah. About anything. It's a premium made to order hand smash burger that's simply better than you'll find anywhere else in fast food or even fast casual. It's America's favorite for a reason. I'm telling you, Steve, this lawsuit is going nowhere. They're offering you a deal. Take it.

No. My smash burger tells me I don't have to settle. I don't think I'm going to. I deserve better. I deserve all the crinkle cut peckles that the world has for me, Stephen. It's an all-American favorite for a reason. With the all-American smasher lineup,

we're offering our best burger in a classic way people love without cutting corners on quality. And at $6 for a full meal, we're not just offering the best value. We're raising the bar for what a fast food burger relationship should be. Yeah, that doesn't mean anything,

but go off king. With your fast food burger. Now, okay. Now we have reached the FAQ. Okay. Okay. So now I will answer the question. Now I will tell you what your questions are.

Okay. About this. Okay. And I will then tell you the answers to your questions. Okay. So, hold on. Do I have to settle? So, Travis, you can take the first question?

How does the All-American Sonic Smashers? Travis, could you raise your hand? It's only nice if you raise it. Yeah, Travis. Travis, go ahead. Stretching in my chair, it is not raising my hand. Do not call it. Travis then Griffin.

Okay. Travis McElroy, Travis McElroyd times. How does the All-American Sonic Smasher differ? Excuse me, Sonic Smash or TM, differ from the original Sonic Smasher TM. I've asked you to stop saying your initials during your questions. I'm just trying to raise my SEO. Really trying to get brand awareness. Great question, Traff.

The All-American, Sonic Smash. builds in the original Sonic Smashers by adding classic burger toppings lettuce, tomato, ketchup, and mayo plus bacon and triple patty options. Both burgers are hand smashed. They're made to order and feature two patties made with Angus Beef, milt American cheese, crickle cut pickles,

and diced onions, Griffin. What was your you had something? You raised a mate. Jesus, man. That's not necessary. This is a fast-moving thing. I need you just go ahead. I already called on you, so. Griffin. Griffin Macquarie, yummy food times. What is included in the $6

All-American Smasher meal? So you do have an All-American Sonic Smasher, medium tots or medium groovy fries, medium soft drink. They don't call them that. They don't call them that. They do. Medium. Travis? Yeah, Travis McElroy, Washington, and Post. I actually want to circle back to my first question.

Thank you. I want to circle back to my first question. I want to circle back to the first question. You said that the new Sonic Smashers came with more toppings, but then listed all the toppings that came on both of them, and it did seem to do everything. It should be, I think

your question, if you look, what's your question, Travis? How long will the all-American Sonics? How long will the All-American Snack-Smash-o-T-M and $6. All-American Smash your meal be available? A limited time. How-limited?

A limited time? I'm sorry. A limited time. We don't have any more information for you than that. Griffin? Yeah, sorry. I have my hand raised for a long time you didn't comment. No, thank you. Go ahead. Griffin McRoy's CBS News. Is the $6 All-American Smasher meal available in the Sonic app?

Yes. The All-American Sonic Smasher and the $6 All-American Smasher meal are available in the Sonic app and online at participating locations. I have time for one more, Travis. Travis, one more. Yes.

I have a question about the heat at which jet fuel burns. Sorry. Any other burger-related? He loses his turn. I get to do mine. Griffin, yes, Griffin. What's your follow-up, Griffin? Griffin, hey everybody, Griffin McRoy,

one American news network, and I am here to ask you, does the All-American Sonic Smasher replace the original Sonic Smasher? So no, and this is why we've been so clear about it. Like, no. I'm glad I didn't ask that a stupid question. So the All-American Sonic Smasher expands the existing things. Sorry, stop the answer.

That journalist over there just, said some mean shit about me. That shit wouldn't fly at the Washington Post and name questions like that. I'm out here trying to get to the truth. Get that man out of me. I won't be silent. Taste him, bro.

Taste that man. It's just an expansion of the menu. Thank you so much. So you're saying I can go to Sonic and say let me get a Sonic Smasher and an all-American Sonic Smasher? That's unhinged. I know, dude. That's why they had to do an entire press release with a Q&A to explain this onion shit.

No, man. Let me get the new shit and the busted old shit that we all know is a mistake. For other countries. I want that busted old one that you would ship over to, like, China or something. You know, I don't want that good old American burger that you have. I want the good stuff. That stuff John Cougar Mellencamp's things of. about.

Yeah, that's... Little burger for Jack and Diane. You get it. Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. Must be the funny. Must be the funny. Wow. That's cool.

That's a new tagline. It's just like, wow. Wow, man. Character's welcome. It definitely wasn't a thing for like must see TV, NBC, like 1999. They definitely didn't charity that. Nobody knows. This is original.

It's unbelievable. Oh! Cool. That's good, too, Trave. Did you write that? I did. We've got new merch. Yes, we do, Trave.

Yes, we do. We've got a good day for a fish to die. Camo hat, which is absolutely wonderful. And a Miggie hoodie design by Bryn Doherty. The hat is also MIGI related. If you've never watched, like, Clubhouse, you're probably pretty confused by the fact that we are selling an extremely Bass Pro shops coded sort of pieces.

Yeah, but you should watch that show. Yeah, it's good, man. So the commitment. Once a month, you can't come watch our great show. I just did a whole thing about Avatar, explaining all the land fauna of Avatar for an hour. You're going to watch that? We're in his door mouse on Instagram, spelled D-O-U-G-H-E-R-M-O-U-S-E. Door-Mouse on Instagram.

Check them out. Also, 20-M-M-A-M-R-M-E. Make it stick, sticker designed by Lucas Hespin and Hyde at Moosley based on Instagram. We've got the candlelized video on demand. Pay what you want with all proceeds. Still going to Harmony House. You can check that out. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be noted into the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota,

which provides free immigration legal representation to low-income immigrants and refugees in Minnesota and North Dakota. Hey, we got a bunch of streams, guys. We're streaming so freaking much on the McRoy family YouTube channel. Like Justin said, last Tuesday of every month at news. We do Macquarie Family Clubhouse. Every other Tuesday, the three of us get together and play video games for a show called Super Macroy Brothers. And then like three times a week, we also go up and we do individual streams of us playing cool games and old games and weird games. And that's all, if you follow Macroy Entertainment System on Instagram, you can get up to the minute updates on all of our gaming content.

We're streaming so freaking much. And just follow Macroy Family on YouTube and you'll catch all the stuff there. A few more packages available for Champions Grove. Go to Champions Grove.com. Get them while they're available, and we will see you there. I'm sorry, I just love this big picture of... It's the big, big burger is it. Hey, thanks to Montaigne for the theme song,

My Life is Better With You. It's really a track that helps me center myself each morning. When you're looking for something to throw... I got chapstick. That's like... I feel like it's helpful sometimes to use objects that, like, people know are, like, familiar with the kind of heft of it. So I'm gonna take my headphones off

So I can really go to the other side of the room And get a good chuck So in like you guys have like 10 seconds You guys have like Give me like 10 seconds And I'm just gonna throw it Can you give a big wind up to Maybe like a 3-2-1

Should we be counting? What it was just a McElroy? I'm Travis McRoy I'm Griffin MacG MacD was it even on camera at all? Yeah a little bit Okay Yeah, square on the lips Maximum fun

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