My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 800: Platonic Soapbox Sex Coffin

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

It's our 800th Episode, and it's about time we show our real face. For 16 years, you thought we were Da Gooberman, but really we're Monica Angela Rita! But don't worry, we're still full of great advice even though our souls are spread out across eighty-eight haunted piano keys.Suggested Talking Points: Da Man in Da Goobermask, Be Gentle About Deck Size, Trade Your Brother for a Website, Hone Your Brain and Ditch Your ShameImmigrant Law Center of Minnesota: https://www.ilcm.org/donate/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something into a precious friendship. It feels love. Everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin Tiberius McElroy.

What's up, Trave Nation? It's me, your middleist brother, Travis Big Dog Froom, The Rocket McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, Griffin McRoy, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary, fastball. Who? Guys, it's episode 800, and I've got a big announcement. I'm excited because we've got a real showstopper. plan for, we've been buzzing for months about the big 8, 8,000.

The big 8-0 that we realized a long time before now. Like October, we've started churning. We started generating ideas on big 8-800-0. The numbers move sequentially, right? And we knew we were doing like 795, 796. So like we definitely knew it was coming. And the fact that we are always doing about 19 things at the same time, did not stop us from remembering to recognize this important podcasting achievement,

the 800. Yeah, the 800. This is our 16th year doing it, and we're at 800, which is a pretty good hit rate. That's not bad, dude. I mean, that's 50 episodes a year. I feel pretty good about that. A little pat on the back for us working 50 hours a year. I think that's good stuff, guys.

Hey, sometimes you go like an hour of 15. Sure. Yeah, that's true. But I've got a big announcement. I didn't think I would be so nervous, but to celebrate episode 800, yeah, man. I'm going to do a face reveal. I think it's time.

Yeah, right, Trave. The digital mask you wear is such a big part of your identity. It's on all-reaching stuff. You can't take it off. You can't not be the Guber Man anymore, the famous mask. But I've been working with a face therapist. Okay. To help me, you know, recognize myself outside of the Guberman mask.

Are we going to see DeGuberman again after this, or is this face reveal mean like the Gooberman is dead and gone. I think the Gooberman will always be there on some level, you know what I mean. We're never seeing DeGuber Man again. You don't know that. I do know that. I've seen these things happen before in the past. Once people get a taste of people knowing what their face looks like, they get, they love it.

They like it actually addicted to face guys. I was starting to be more de Gooberman outside of like stuff than I wasn't. You know what I mean? There'd be times when I'd be sitting at dinner and like my children would call me Mr. McRoy. Yeah. And I'd be like, no, it's DeGuberman, please. Yeah. You know?

And then I was like, whoa, this has gone too deep. No, I mean, when you showed up for Christmas and you came in the door and you were all hunched over and you kept yelling, PeeP Patrol, I was like, man, can we get one break from DeGubberman? Like I'd, I miss Travis. Or de goob, as he can't say it. Like, yeah. Please your family, it's the goob. It's like, all right, can I call you Travis though or Mr. McRee?

No, no, he wanted to be de Guberman only. Gube me, bro, I would say, you know. All right, well, let's, enough fucking, enough preamble. Yeah, dude. PeeP patrols over. Killed Deguberman. Let's see this bad boy. That's my face.

So my first. So my first, I guess my first, and my initial reaction. My initial reaction, Travis. The class is prescription, I guess. First of all, that's where. Before we get into it, our reaction, how do you feel right now, Travis? About your face. This must be a vulnerable moment for you and I want to make space.

I feel very exposed. Yeah, but I feel like I imagine other people. Sorry, can you move the mic? Because I'm not seeing the bottom. You're not getting full. Project into it because I do need to hear. I thought it would be a similar color. The feeling of people like jumping in.

into like a cold lake, which I've never done and will never do. Yeah. Where it's like I feel alive. Like that's kind of the feeling I'm having now. Yeah. Although I am seeing myself now for the first time and realizing how much of my facial hair is gray and white. Yeah. But not the mustache.

So this is like a 30-reve as well. Yeah. You've never looked. Oh my God. Yeah, I've never looked at it. Why are glasses purple? I assume, Trave. I endorse.

I know. I assumed that when we weren't doing the show, Yeah. You didn't wear de Guberman mask. But it sounds like you haven't seen your actual face flesh in quite some time. No, well, what happened was, Griffin, these musketeers showed up. I can barely hear you. These musketeers showed up to where my evil twin brother had locked me in the Guber mask.

Yeah. And rescued me from the French prison that I was in. Okay. To take my rifle places, Travis, and free me from de Guber Mask. Okay. So that's the plot of Demand and de Guber Mask, is what you. Just, yeah. Leo Caps was in that.

Leo Caps was in that. He played Fartagnan. And he was good. Who was? What's that? That was Rob. Are you telling me, man, the Iron Bass is secretly a Three Musketeers joint? Yeah, they trick you.

They don't tell you that. But it's like, that's cool. Yeah, it's like when you saw 10 Cloverfield Lane and you're like, wait, this is part of the Cloverfield, vert. Like, it's that moment. It's like, oh, shit, it's a bigger now. So what are you guys? I just think of my face. Yeah.

Oh, sorry, a fact of your face. Yeah, if you could rank it, like, on a scale of one to ten, where would you put it? What am I? Well, let's agree, third. Like, if we're ranking third, the face. Third, oh, yeah. Third. The score is going to be great.

The score's going to be great. It will be the third lowest score on the list. And we didn't do that, Chaff. We didn't do the list. Yeah. It's recentcy bias. This date is coming in real time. I've got my road dog, Nate, Sillardt.

sitting right by me. He's pulling in the polling data. On the big board. Live. He's interpreting it. Where was the Gooberman on that list? He was also last, but way lower score because his mask, his face was bad. His face was bad, like objectively pretty bad face.

But I'm above him, right? I like it. I like that face. That's Clarence from It's a Wonderful Life. I always thought that was a weird way to start that movie when they're like, here's the guy whose life you're going to be saving. And he's like, I like his face. Clarence.

Will I be wearing his face, Lord? No. No. No. I want to take his face. Joseph, I told you he was going to do this. I told you he was going to be weird. I think I'd like to make love to that pretty wife of his.

No. Clarence can't actually. You can't do that. I'm going to take his face off. Every time. Really, would you like another flaming run and punch? Please let just let us go. Every time.

Angel nuts a bell rings. And then and then. Wait, oh, so it's the other way around. It's a transit of property, yes. Normally when the bell rings and angel has this wing, that's horrifying. I like that face. Anyway, what were we talking?

Oh, yeah, Trave, eight and a half. You get a solid, a solid IGN, eight and a half. So wait, where does that put your, if your ranking, if your score's above mine, what would you give your own face? Juice and I are neck and neck in a way where any time. We're not comparing next, Griffin.

Look at the comments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at the comments. Juice is the prettiest mackerel right now. I think the comments all agree. And that's not like, I'm not, you know, I'm doing. That's a lighting thing, mainly. It's a lighting thing, but it's a, I mean, gosh, juice.

You have managed to harness. I don't want to do this. You look great. I just want to tell you. Okay. Here's a question. You don't want to talk about how handsome you are. That's great.

You're a good. You're a handsome man. Can Travis and I talk about how handsome you want? If I wasn't related to you. We're getting to a place where, no, I don't want to, but I will say this. Dear brothers, my wife and I are at a concert for anniversary. We're standing near the stage and will be until the concert is over so we don't lose our place. How?

Sidebar. How? How is everyone doing this? How do you guys doing this without bathrooms? How do you do, how do you piss and shit? That's crazy. The choice spot for me is stage visibility plus pathway to bathroom. Balcony.

Pathway to Refreshments. Sitting down? I need to triangulate that. If I'm at a concert, by the way, and I'm sitting down and everybody, like, gets in the moment and starts to stand up, I've never felt more betrayed. Yeah.

Than my, my, but I was like, no, guys, but we all, I thought we all paid for this. Now, when we fire up the old touring machine again, it pays off to get in class. The Turin. The Turin machine. The Turin. Yes.

Yes. Yes. When we all take the Turin test. So with three kids, date nights are rare. So we asked the woman standing behind us to take our picture to commemorate the occasion. We just looked at the picture and it's maybe the worst picture of us ever taken. Zoomed out to 0.5, bad lighting, bad angle, the works. She took many pictures and they're all terrible.

We'll be standing by her for the next several hours. How do we get someone else to take our picture without alerting her to the fact that she did a horrible job? And that's from concert pit conundrum. I have an early thought that is untested by logic. Please. If I could just. Yeah, get it out quick before logic catches up. up to it before logic catches up.

If you befriend this woman, that's your best option. Because if you get in good enough with her that you could be like, this is too good, I gotta remember. I gotta remember this. Stand with me and Janine over there. Stand with us.

I want to get a picture with you. Not so close. Yeah, it'll be like a funny one where there's like a gap in the middle that we can photoshop someone in. And you're like proposing separately. Yeah. But we're gonna have this jabroney over here

take our picture. Point five is such a nasty trick. Point five is always like, I'd love to get more of the scene in this picture, and then you take the picture and you look at it a month later, like, this looks like shit. Why did I put my kids in this weird fish eye, Beastie Boys music video angle?

This doesn't look good at all. They should know better just from that alone. Yeah, I can't stand it. I think you should just ask somebody else because she blew it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, I think that maybe this is some constructive feedback

via social interaction that needs to happen of like, hey, your photography skills are shit and you're gonna pick up on that. Go ahead, go ahead, comedy, man. Say that. Say that shit. No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying if you ask somebody else and she clots it.

And made the other person watch, say, pay attention, learn. Watch this. Watch what I do. Watch this. Watch this. You ever see a girl woman crack? Watch this. I don't, I'm not saying that there should be a mandatory test

that people have to take once a decade where they demonstrate. demonstrate basic sort of photographical. Sorry, did you say to vote? To vote. Okay. Yeah, this is my weird soapbox. I'm going to stand on. No.

No, well, okay, so if we wanted to tie voting responsibility to this thing. Yeah. Okay. It's maybe not the worst idea in the world. In order to vote, you do need to take a once a decade. Mandatory 30 minute online. Loyalty. Free.

Well, photographing. Myers Briggs. Oh, wait. No, like photography. Photographing class. Photographing class. This is the base skill that we need to understand.

You know what, Griffin, honestly, I want to like argue with you. I want to argue with you, but like documenting through photography. Yeah. There's a vocabulary there that a lot of people lack. That's a good point. A five minute, a five minute YouTube video about the rule of thirds will change your life. Five minute YouTube video of the rule of thirds, you're set, man. You really, I don't remember anything else from my college photography glasses that I took for journalism school.

I don't remember fucking- Ration. Who gives a shit? No one uses that. Rule of thirds, though. Oh, that one's a good one. That's the best and only one that you really need. It tells you exactly how much headspace to give them, exactly how to crop it.

Do you guys have, I have a similar thing to derail this a little bit of like, I took a film studies class and I remember one thing. And it's about the 180 rule of like people walking across. Oh, yeah. And it's that thing that I pull out when I'm watching a movie and I'm like, yeah. Yeah, it looks like the way they broke that. Yeah, they broke that to show how discordant this is. I don't think I have gotten someone a stranger to take a picture of me and Rachel.

I mean, since we have kids. Our journey. You just make your kids do it? Our kids, yeah. God, that's, oh, that's good. Bibi does it? Bibi's incredible at it. Yeah.

And Bibi knows she's good at it. She'd like, you two get together, let me take a picture of you. I'm like, okay. And she's so good. And she's so good at it. That will serve her so, so well. She's like doing angles and having us pose in waves. And I'm like, okay, thank you.

We, Rachel and I are both blessed with pretty long arms. And now knowledge that when you press the volume up or down button, it does the shutter in photo mode. With those two things equipped, you can really get some pretty phenomenal pictures of yourself. Have you guys ever been in a scenario where a stranger's volunteer? Like, I was on a family trip. I was making, like, a selection of, like, selfies to build into a, like, album of, like, here's selfies. It's exactly the same of all the places the four of us have been.

Cool. And a stranger saw this and was like, do you want me to take your picture? And it's so hard to go, no, no, I don't want that, actually. Yeah. I would rather you didn't because I've got a, I've got, like, a choice thing going here, and I don't know you. And one, I'm handing you my, you're asking me to hand you my phone. I know a scam when I see one. People get so mad when they see selfie sticks

out in the world, but it's like, have you done your once a decade photographing class that's online and free? I think so. I think you need to exercise your civic responsibility and vote, and by the transit of property also take this online free, mandatory

photographing class that teaches you about the rule of thirds and that the volume buttons do the shutter. Depending on the show, there could be a moment, like if you're going to Lou Bega, show and you wait until he does Mambo number five. Yeah.

The other person is going to be so in it. Yeah. They're going to be, it's going to be ripen. Your wife's going to be like, it's all going to be joy. It's all going to be pleasure. Your wife's name is Monica Angela Rita. And that's like, when that comes up in Mambo number five, like, you want to capture that moment, that exact moment.

I bet that's confusing. About your life. As part of a cameo for your wife. I bet that's so confusing if you're at your first Loubago show and you somehow miss mombo number five and your name is Monica Angela Rita and you're like is he calling me on stage yeah am I supposed to go up to that's such a threadbare hypothetically for you no I like it I like the idea of Lou Bega having a one less lonely girl call up where he's like all right ladies every time he gets on stage he's like finishes mombo number four and he's like you know what the

fuck's comment he's like you know the rules ladies if your name is Angela Monica Rita those are the only fucking three names I can remember There's like 14 names in that goddamn Sandra Sandra Citra Citra Yenifer

Phoebe Chambler Lubbaga He says his own name He says Loubaga His own name a few times Yeah And when things are not going great

Lou Bega Lou Lou Lou Lou Lou Lou I had borrowed for a month It was Lou Just Lou for a month I broke my ankle in It was just Lou Sanders dropped by but nothing got going

Nothing got going thought it would be Sandra but Sandra wasn't feeling the leg thing There's just a lot of losing In the spreadsheet I've built here It's just a lot of lose Oh no So yeah there should be mandatory photography classes And do just do selfies

That's it How about another question Sure. My husband just finished building a sauna room in our basement. It is awesome, and we would love to share the experience with friends. The problem is the room is very small, about four foot by seven foot, half of which is taken up by the bench. I would argue that's fairly a pretty good size for a sauna, actually.

I don't think it's that small. We don't want to fuck our friends. Not that there's anything wrong with that. So is there a non-weird way to invite people to join us? That's a big blanket statement, by the way. Any of them? Sorry, go on. Yeah, just like, listen.

But that's not where they're at. Okay, they want to invite people to this small hot room in their basement without making it like a sex thing. Yeah. That's from sweaty and suburbia. Now, the thing I do want to say before we get into it. Yeah. Is that as someone who has been on the other side of this equation,

yes. I would like you to please be gentle with your husband when you're describing the size of the sauna because he worked very hard on it and he probably knows it's not the biggest sauna in the world so if you start talking about how hard it is to get a lot of people in the sauna that could be very hurtful for him okay i once made a deck in my backyard and it was and because of the size of the area that i was trying to account

for it was a very small deck and some people think that my deck is kind of pointless. It's so small. There's no, there's no reason for me to have the deck, but I didn't say anything about your deck, did I? I am proud of, no, well, did I talk shit about, I genuinely don't remember if I talk. Not with words. Okay. But I'm just saying that like, please find a delicate way of having these conversations, maybe stick to words like intimate or, no, that doesn't really help your case though, does it? That doesn't make it worse. Come into our intimate 20 square foot chamber. Tiny, intimate, hot, romantic, romantic. Romantic. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Not coffin.

Nude. Hot. New. Hot coffin. Hot coffin. Our platonic. Hot tonic soapbox sex coffin. You know what?

It may feel weird because it is weird, friend. I don't know. It may just like get weird is the thing because like some of it is not, huh. Some of it is not about the hang-ups. Some of it is not about the things that you've been taught about saunas. Yeah. Some of it is about the reality of it. You're going to get in there and it is going to be like, well, what do we do now?

Yeah, that is going to. Listen, as a man who's, let's say, lived with ADHD his entire life, anything that involves and then we just exist in this moment. Right. You got to have an activity. You got to have a little game. You got to have something. Got to have something.

A little game or a little game. Like if you're going to like. A little game or a little game. One of those two for sure. You know, like whatever, but you don't want that. You don't want the second one, which is fine. Here's the, here's. Like, what else are you doing in there?

I guess is my question. It's going to be boring. You get a crab boil going while you're in there. You're steaming yourself. You're steaming some crab. You know what I mean? That's pretty cool, actually. I like that.

Put them right on the coals. What about this? What if you make a big deal talking to your friends about how you recently found out that you shouldn't do any sex stuff in sonas? Yeah. Like, it's actually dangerous because, the heat could act, you could kill you. So like, if you go into Asana and it can't be at all romantic or sexy because you could

die from that. Yeah. Here, can we actually, we could provide them a service just like, pretend like you're turning on the radio and then, but like play the next like 20 seconds of this show. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah. We'll put in like a new stinger rate. It will give you some.

Can I be that? I'll do the ads coming back. Half price, half price, half price, half price, half price, half price. Price shoes. What a, what a specific reference. And then the stinger is gonna play here, the news. We'll get a real, no, we have like, that's round ball rock.

So that's John Tesh's round ball rock. They're not gonna play that before the news. Okay, I got it. Down at the round house. When they're gonna play, we have Rachel edits of the show down, put music like a real stinger in here. Oh, okay.

Okay, so here we go. So don't start it yet. Start it in like a few, once we get it together. Travis. Travis. You're going to get us content struck for the theme song of

I'm going to do an ad and then we'll come back. Okay. Tudor's biscuit world is just like coming home. And this is where the stinger goes. Welcome back to Turbo News. This is Chet Flang.

And today we have a special report coming out of the industry of recreational health. Saunas, if you do sex stuff in them, if some of the jizz gets on the stones, it'll kill you, graveyard dead. That's from our lead researcher. Yes, hello, that's me, the lead researcher, Dr. Hiss-Steemann.

Listen, we've studied countless couples in sauna, so many of them dead. We have so much blood on our hands. And you know what? We take full responsibility for that for the good of the people. Don't. Don't sex insolonos. Yes, my name's Victoria Beckham.

We've got to call in. My name is Victoria Beckham. I'm from Metro West Virginia. I lost my husband, Harold. He just stoned on the stones and then his face got all purple. And now he lives up in Jesus with my brother, Simpleton. So you heard it here, you four. Don't.

Oh, wait, hold on. Dr. Steam in a clarifying question. What if they promise really hard not to get any jizz on the hot rocks? Any jizz in the air, jizz particles could still cause the problem. So it needs to be... What if they just do a little... It says here hanky-panky, but don't finish.

Even pre-jizz can cause... Free-form jizz can cause the problem. My darrell was just shooting chalk dust out of there, and he still manages to kill himself. Okay, Dr. Steeman, I need you to... take a break and I want to hear more from Victoria. You're saying that dust came out of your husband's penis after completion. It looked like one of those parallel bar gymnasts was about to do their thing, just a big plume of dust up in the air and then it landed on the rocks and that was enough to kill him. Graveyard dead. The particulate. Okay. So what would you say, Ms. Beckham, to any

quartet of two married couples who are maybe thinking about getting into Asana, and doing anything that might lead to any sort of discharge. Just keep it all normal. Just keep it normal. Talk about friends. Marathons. Talk about chips you like. Just be normal in there.

Please don't. If anybody gives anybody that even looks like an eye or it kind of a, or they try to bring up la seduction that they were watching on HBO or anything like that. You get the hell out of there. What's that show, Ms. Beckham? It's a sort of an adaptation. of dangerous liaisal So

Sorry are you thinking up Because he thought Daryl brought it up Because he thought he could bridge He'll brought it up Because we've watched it on HBO Max I don't like things With subtitles

Wait, when did Daryl die? What? Did Daryl die quite recently? Hey, hey, hey, hey, two weeks ago is the crow flies of memory sir I'm the anchor here You don't ask the questions

Dr. Steeman, stay in your fucking room I'm just trying to figure out If Victoria's single or not You know what I mean? Have you had time to go? grieve. I'm allowed to ask questions about other people sort of... If you got time to grieve, you got time to clean. That's what my boss used to say. That's horrible. That's really, Victoria. It's the worst job I ever had. Where was they? Put this place on blast. I'm there right now. I'm there now. It's at this hearties.

Victoria, you're on the phone? I told you. This is my break. Ocean said... If you have time to go on a break, you got time to clean. So it sounds like he thinks that's... Sorry, can you put that guy on the phone? Victoria, let's talk to your boss. Hey, it's me, Tom Hardy. So Tom Hardy, I just want to check on something really quick. Yeah.

If you're not, are you, is your suggestion that any time you're not cleaning is you have time to be cleaning during that? Yeah. Even during cleaning, if you have time to clean, you got time to clean more. That's great. That's why are you so interested in, in, in, in, in, in, you know. that. Like, people need time to, you know. Sin is everywhere. Okay.

And that's all the time that we have for this evening. For real news, I've been Victoria Beckham. Wait. I've been Terry Gross. No, who am I? Hold on, wait, who am I? Wait, you were the anchor. Why did you become... It took so long that she actually got a job as a co-ing because she's single and she...

Oh, wow. Yeah, and she changed her voice. Okay. But this was turbo, this was Turbo News. A gun to my head Gun to my head $200 held out in front of me Could not remember the name of the guy

I think it was slang Johnson That was a long run guys I am exhausted Yeah well Get yourself together Griffin Because it's time for us to go Do our real job We're gonna go to the money zone

I've decided to do a fun thing for this money zone It's thematic I thought we could do a third automatic money zone. Agreeing ahead of time, too, on the parameters. That's always fun. Picture a place that is square. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you see it? Yeah. Now, picture your dreams there. Okay. Picture your goals. Picture your future. How big is the square?

It depends on the size of the monitor or handheld device upon which you're viewing it. Because I'm talking about square space, baby. Okay. It's a square space. where you can put your ideas. Your good. Justin's got a little square there. He's showing us.

Show me your square juice. Whoa, David, boy, where'd you get that shit from? It's like a little plastic square. That's cool. I need you to sell your fish food. I want you to list your calendar appointments for me on the web. I have designers who've made templates like this for you. Reach out and grab them.

then selfish food online. This is a, this is a wild ride, guys. Does it have to be just fish food, David? You can do anything you can blog about your dad. Okay. You can post your pictures of Regis Philbin. Whatever you want to do in your square, I've made the entire world for you in crystal for your brother.

Just give me your brother and I'll let you make a fish. I want to be clear here. Squarespace is great. We've used it a lot to make a lot of beautiful websites that make it seem more professional than we are. I don't remember receiving a crystal at any point in the transaction in the service. Did you give your brother? So, no, but they didn't ask.

Is that like you have to type in in the coupon code field? You have to type in the coupon code field. I submit my brother to the goblin king. Yeah. And then he gives you a crystal. and he will give you a crystal. And that is like, I will say, it's a lot harder than,

it's easier than Squarespace in a sense because, like, you just say the one thing and the Goblin King's gone. Pretty much takes it from there. Yeah. But in another sense, it's harder because it's not necessarily going to be the website that you want.

Right. It is going to be, you know what I mean? And it might change the dynamic of your podcast if you give away one of the brothers. Yeah. That's such a good point, Travis. The Goblin King will trade your brother for a website, but is it going to have all the,

Are you going to be able to sell stuff? You know what I mean? No, because it's in a little crystalline square in your hand. No one's going to get on there, man. Do they have good Wi-Fi in the labyrinth? Will the brothers still be able to podcast from there? They don't know. I mean, these are the questions that the Goblin King Jarrett isn't willing to answer.

But Squarespace is. We need to get the Goblin King Jarrett on Turbo News. They'll get to the heart of this with their heart-hated questions. Head to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase

of a website or domain. I have been rocked in... Can I do my thematic thing? Oh yeah, I didn't realize you had something tight together. I forgot, Travka, you do the second part. Picture a square. Are you picturing a square?

Yes. That you can put your adventures on, that you can put your loved ones on, that you can fill with memories? I'm pretty sure that it's rectangular. Do you want this picture of your brother? Okay. Jared, I'd rather just for a picture.

This picture of you and your grandmother read six flags. All right. Yeah. For this gym, give me your brother. And I will give you a gem that will show you pictures of your family. Okay. We could also just use ORAFrams instead of trading me

for a picture of me on a little gym. I'm just saying ORAFraM's, does this way, way better. It means the world to me, Griffin, that you defaulted to Justin would trade you and not me. That means a lot to me. I think I'd be the easiest to trade. Why? Why? Why do you think that?

What makes you say so? Um, I don't know. Smaller. Smaller compact. Easier to get in a trunk. Yeah. Probably. That's true.

Jared would have an easier time getting me up into the air on his broom than he would you. And that's not saying that you're not, you're just like sort of built, you know? And I'm scrappier. I think you might fight it for a minute and then you'd be like, okay. No, Jared could absolutely beat my ass. I've also seen Jarrett like holding court with all the goblins. And like the one thing I don't think that cat wants is somebody else pulling focus.

Yeah. Like it really, he seems to really enjoy just like holding court here. So anyway, or of frames. Yeah. Or of frames is amazing. Gang, these are quality digital picture frames. and what I really appreciate about them is that it's so easy to manage the photos on them. Instead of letting your photos just disintegrate in a group chat or some online group somewhere,

instead of all that, why don't you put them in a beautiful aura frame? You just download the aura frame's app. You can zip, zap, zap, zap, any of your pictures to the frames you've connected to. Get one for Grampi. Then do the app and then you can put pictures on it so Grampy doesn't have it. so Grampy doesn't have to. You can get the fun experience I have where I have the aura frame

and anytime a picture comes up before Dot was born, she starts to make plans of when we're going to go back to that place and recreate the photo with her in it. That's awesome, Travis. God, that's good. Your children are so powerful.

Charlie's watching TV and a baby photo of hers popped up in the aura and I was looking at it and I said, she wasn't even really listening. I said, gosh, you remind me of the babe. And she said, what babe? And I said, the babe in the photo. She said what photo

Oh man you're so close On aura But then it fell apart didn't it Didn't it fell? You said it was actually you saying it You gave me that it was you saying it Oh was it actually ruined it Because I had a really good

Good one good ending By or a frame Sorry I thought you were telling an actual story Sorry I thought you were telling a real story Of a thing that really really happened Between you and Charlie And it almost organically became the bit From Labyrinth

But you're saying that was No it was almost there and I just couldn't, I couldn't stick it. Honestly, Griffin, I couldn't do it. Yeah. So Aura Frames is great. And we've, I think at this point, all of us have given them out. They're great gifts.

Great gifts. They're also nice to have. We have one down in our living room, and it's always nice to just. It reminds me of my house, when my house wasn't blanketed in the same. What house? The house with the flower. Name not. Number one by wirecutter.

You can save on the perfect gift by visitingoraframes.com for a limited time. can get $35 off their best-selling Carver Matt Frame with code My Brother. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com promo code My Brother. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions apply. We're winning that fucking, we're winning that I-Heart Radio. That's what I was going to say. We'll just clip that, submit that. That's the one.

That will take up a large, I bet they typically will play the entire ad at the ceremony, but not this time. No, no, not with this. They'll play it at like 1.75 speed like everyone. else does. Yeah, sure. We got a haunted doll watch. Oh, my God.

Oh my God. Were you scared? I mean, it's just, it's been a minute since I've seen a haunted doll around these parts. Yeah, well, this isn't even a haunted doll, but we did have, I had a local connection on this one. Oh, shit. So I felt like I needed to share it with you all. Yeah.

One haunted item. Piano key. What? Paranormal. Like a single? Like a single? Like one? Chilling.

Haunted items, eerie. Okay. That's the listing. And for sale is one piano key. One. It was hard to find the noun in there to tell. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's one, what you're buying is one piano key. Okay. Haunted. Huh. One piano key. Haunted. Let me see if I can give you guys a decent visual to work with. This is interesting because this is such a good inversion, right, of like try to figure out what's weirder.

to buy a single key or to have a single key to sell. Now, wait a minute. That's like 16. I'm looking at like 16 pianos. Yeah, but like you're buying one at a time. They're all haunted. Yeah, but you're buying. By the same ghost?

Go to the next photo up because I feel like we're looking at maybe even an entire pianos worth of keys that are haunted. So that's 88. Yeah, so he's like selling each key individually. I'm like, you look, you could buy three for $6.99 a piece if you wanted to. Is that parts of a single ghost? Is it... So you can get a deal.

So you get a combo deal. So we've got... Why do you want more than one haunted key, pervert? No, I'm... Okay, but like, a piano that is haunted. What? Let, one at a time. Yeah.

If a piano that is haunted, like the one... Let's say one at a time and for sure not the guy with the list of all the words in front of him. One at a time. One at a time. Not sure how to pick the priority, but let's start with Griffin. Are we talking... A piano is not a house for 88 ghosts. Thank you.

I guess that's sort of my starting point. So true. You can have one big ghost on a haunted piano that tries to eat you up when the mouth goes up and down, like in Super Mario 64 or house. But the idea of, you know, the G and the F on the piano role being ghost neighbors, that's not, that can't be true. Unless it's programmable and on each one is a different sound of boo. and you can play like bo bo bo bo bo bo bo that would be no technology that would allow that, yeah.

You're putting a lot of human physical limits on these keys, I think. Like if you're a ghost, you just kind of figure it out, right? Yeah. So can I tell you, can you? I want to know more, yeah, for sure. Okay. Seven years ago, we purchased a used piano

at C.A. House of Music in Parkersburg, West Virginia. Okay. So we are in our home state of West Virginia if you don't know Parkersburg. It's a lovely place. It's where. My friend Bobby was born, if that helps.

So if you know Bob, you know Bob, you know Bob. You know Bob. You know Bob. It's right up there. It's near Ohio. It's real close to Ohio. You're going to get up near Ohio. Not a ghost country.

Ghost country, I call it. It's ghost country up there. North, northwestern. Anyway, after having the piano delivered and tuned in our sunroom, we noticed many random unsettling occurrences. They usually began once everyone went to bed late at night. We would randomly hear one of the keys, immediately after I would walk in to find no one or nothing in the room.

This would also happen with a guitar if it was physically touching the piano. Wait, what? This would also happen with a guitar if it was physically touching the piano. So anything that's... The ghost would... Right, the ghost would like... So this is like an interesting, like, what asterisk on your question about the keys, right?

Because if it's able to jump from piano to guitar... If it's able to do that, then what you do is you get a bunch of guitars, make a pathway connected all the way to the piano to the front door of your house. And once all the ghosts are in the last guitar, you sever the chain. Now you have one haunted guitar instead of 88 haunted piano keys.

That's going to be a lot easier to manage, I think. I would stay up late, playing the guitar, lean it against the piano, and shortly after, I would hear the high e-string picked one time. As if the ghost is going, you were playing the wrong string.

This one. This one. Or the guy is like, I can do that. Why can't you play me? Just play me, please. After months of this happening a few times a week, I had convinced myself that maybe the strings were installed wrong,

or it had a weak pin block or a rest plank. Yep. That would all make it play itself for sure. And the guitar. Yep. Yeah. I don't know why the assumption is that the piano's haunted, but let's read on. Three months ago, I began to see things. Objects and people in the room.

I would get off the couch in the adjoining living room and catch a glimpse of someone watching me from behind the piano. Very creepy. The random key strikes became louder. Before this, they were faint key strikes. Now, they were forceful, loud, single notes, only one. For Christmas, I bought a family member of Ouija board. Their mother did not want it in the house, so I kept it.

Okay. I think you knew exactly how that was going to play. You know what. You had a plan. When I would come home early in the morning after a night shift, I would walk in the sunroom to take off my boots before I'd go into bed. Four mornings in a row, the Ouija board was lying out on the piano. Nobody would admit to lying it there.

So we are to, I guess we're to assume that the piano is getting it out. Yeah. To talk to people. Use it on me. Come on. I got so much stuff to say and I can only speak in A through G. I tried to speak to the guitar, but all I could say was egg, babe. Okay.

Three months ago, I started to see things and objects and people in the room. I would get off the couch in the adjoining living room and catch a glimpse of someone watching me from behind the piano. very creepy. I looked in the center room to see someone sitting at the piano. Nice. I jumped up, snuck in the room,

nobody was there. Thinking I was crazy, I got up, shut the sliding door, and I walked in the kitchen and to get a Diet Coke. I walked back to the living room and the door was cracked open. Do you have a picture of the Diet Coke here

in the listing? A photo of the Diet Coke. See if we have a picture in the offending Coke. Okay. That was it. Okay. Oh, no, no.

The thing I was created, I slide the door, and then I walked to the kitchen to get a Diet Coke, walked back to the living room, and the door was cracked open. I then walked back into the room and something pushed my shoulder and grunted. That was it.

For the next eight hours, I tore the piano apart and threw it outside in my scrap pile for the dump. That's, yes, so that is what, let's see, yeah, this is what you can see here. The scrap pile for the dump, yeah, that's great. There's a big pile of piano for the dump. There is the piano keys all torn up, and you can buy one of these guys. Eight hours? I read online... It's not that big of a piano.

It's not that big of a piano. That is, yeah, eight hours. I read online that bringing a haunted or spirit-attached item into a home, often via antique shops for secondhand purchases, can introduce paranormal activity. Yeah. Including unexplainable noises...

Especially if it's a copy of paranormal activity on DVD. That's true. Ironically, very haunted, very quick. Days ago, I went out to the scrap pile and found a dead stray cat lying next to the cast iron frame. The piano. The piano did it!

I don't know if the piano would do something like that. No, listen, no listen, guys. He wanted to string of violin. Listen. Days ago, I went out to the scrap pile and found a dead stray cat lying next to the cast iron frame of the piano. It looked like it had frozen to death in the winter storm. I find it hard to believe it had nothing to do with the haunted piano. I mean, you do?

I mean, it was pretty cold. The picks posted the piano and the door that would randomly be opened or closed on its own. The doorways around 100 pounds. It cannot slide open on its own. If you give this as a gift, I strongly suggest you give permission. Your door is 100 pounds? It's made of piano. Everything in the house is made a piano, even the guitar.

I just wanted to say, this seller, a lot of times when you read these, you get the sense that it's somebody who's done a lot of them. This is not that. This is a person who I, sincerely believe this entire story is accurate. Why do I believe that? Well, I clicked on their profile picture of the other items that they sell. Are you guys ready? Yeah. For a real, okay, so if you, I'm just going to kind of slow this way down. Wait, before you click on it, can I point out my favorite thing about this entire list thing? What is it, Travis? Sure, yeah.

It's that if you buy one key, it's $19.99 each, but oh boy, oh boy, have we got a deal for you? If you Why four or more of these things? You're gonna save $5. It's only $15.99 a key. These things are selling themselves and playing themselves. Come on down and buy these keys. We are looking to make over $1,400 on this one project. That's exciting for me as an investor.

It's a very good idea. And I hope it works out for them. So let's take a look. What else do we got? Share this tab. Okay, can you see? Uh-huh. All right, so guys, we're not going to.

I don't go down for these gendered categories, so let's just start looking at individual items. So what's the first, you started the first time, then you guys can just like kind of take turns describing what you see. Wowzers, Bowser's, dude. So it is haunted, haunted item, piano key, paranormal,

and explain to the boboa. Okay, so the haunted item is there. Then what else we go? We also have a lot of four Tom and Jerry slash Looney Tunes Welsh's jelly glasses year 1990 and 1994. That's 25 bucks. That's actually pretty fucking good.

If those are available, I remember us having those. What else we got, Ballistic armor kit, one neck collar. One groin protector, one throat protector. That's good. As long as you protect your neck and your groin in your throat, that should be good. Small red apple trinket box slash hinged magnetic lock jewelry box keepsakes.

Alan Jackson, greatest hits volume two. Chissette tape, brand new sealed. Ten bucks for the Alan Jackson. We got a Disney high school musical jersey. Size large. Sure fit, love seat, stretch, slip cover. Corvette. We've got a charcoal smoker box, stainless steel, nine by four.

Travis! Vintage hyper freak show fat boys, the inline skate wheels. These are vintage hyper freak show fat boys wheels? A 511 men's tactical jacket, medium light gray fleece lined front zip pockets. Travis. Well, then we got, uh, what? is that a 511 men's tactical jacket

I just did that oh you lost interest didn't you Travis Fox mini jeweled pewter tricket box Wildlife decor small jewelry box We got a single cured pod drip tray This person really

That's a lot That's a lot of different kinds of stuff It's a lot of different kinds of stuff So I think I believe the story I believe in this haunted piano And here's all I say I'm not buying any of these but you could pick them up for 20 bucks a pop,

so I would love it. Or $1,59, if you get in bulk. Yeah, buy in bulk. Yeah. I just think it's really sad this story of a stray cat that used to sneak into this woman's house or this person's house, I don't know. They used to sneak into this person's house,

walk on the keys. And then when the stray cat saw that the piano was dead, notebooked itself right next to the piano and said, I too shall die with you. Yeah. I think that's beautiful. No more, when I put the high e-string on the guitar. How about another question?

Recently, my landlady stopped by to assess a problem I have with my washing machine. While making casual conversation, she mentioned that she's in massage school and is required to give free massages to family and friends for her certification. I desperately want a massage after shoveling snow from the recent storm, and because of recent work stress, but my partner thinks it's weird to get one from our landlady. Brothers, is that weird? If not, how do I go about asking her if she's willing to give me a massage? That's from stressed in Silver Spring. God, I feel you. Update.

Yeah. Update. All the hardware stores in D.C. are sold out of everything anyone could ever conceivably use to combat snow. So I was not able to acquire a pickax. Instead, my attention was drawn by the employees at the hardware stores to just get a big claw hammer. And you can smash the ice. So that's me, my front yard, for like 45 minutes yesterday, smash an ice up. apart with the back side of a claw hammer on my hands and knees.

It feel good. Like a real doofus. It doesn't look cool. It doesn't feel cool. It feels bad on the body. So I sympathize very much with you, Friend, and Silver Spring. That said, I don't know if you can ask your, I don't know if you can ask your landlord for a massage. I think you missed the window for it to be casual.

Yes. If the moment, like, I've been thinking about it. Yeah. If the moment the landlady had said, like, I got to give. massages, you know, to practice. And you say, oh, I'd love that, man, I've been said, right then, natural part of it, it's great. If later you're like, sign me up.

Yeah. I don't want to. But, but, but, but, but, but how the fuck? Are you going to do that kind of calculation on the fly? I can't do that kind of fucking mental math. Oh, you'd have to be a fundamentally different mind. I can't like, do all the different fractals. You know what I mean?

I can't do that. You just got to hone your. brain, Justin. Just hone your brain. Just hone your brain. Hone your brain and ditch your shame, bro. I just, that answer is to speak before you think. That's good idea.

Yeah, but like, yeah, but no. I mean, we have equal numbers of questions being like, brothers, why did I say this? What the fuck is wrong with me? Oh, yeah, no. Why don't I run my big stupid ass mouth? It's not great. But occasionally I get free massages.

I don't know what to tell you. Travis has had a lot more massages than I have. Thank you. That's, yeah, I mean, empirical. He's figured it out. I feel like, I don't want to do anything to push any kind of stigma on massage therapists and their craft,

bodywork. I think it's all wonderful. My hang up is that it's your landlord. And to me, that is a orange juice and pizza kind of combination. I feel like it introduces a social dynamic that I don't think anyone is really capable of unpacking and processing. There's a deeper level here that is the reason I would say. know is I don't want to be somebody's practice person for things like this. There's a reason they said friends and family because those people are fine with it not being great right right away.

You got to practice. Yeah, but like, then pay for one. Yeah. Then pay for one. If the landlord gets in there and you're like, this is nothing. Or it's like, well, it's worse. You think it could be worse. I guess it could be, right? I mean, if you can make it better, there's got to be some bad rubbing. Yeah, right? Right? I guess. I'm going to try twisting this. Ow. No. Okay. Is that a good hour or bad out? I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to I'm going to try bopping it. No, don't bop it. I'm going to flick it. Don't flick it. What do I do? Rub it. That wasn't part of the game. I think it's hard because your body sends you pain messages to tell you to punch. And if you tell it like, no,

this is good for you and you don't know that your body may not trust you anymore what if you're wrong and it's actually bad for your body your body will be so betrayed was that the fucking five point palm exploding heart technique don't do that on me back yeah don't do that why do that my heart's a bit oh oh I got five steps though that's my loophole would you carry me out to my car carry me out to my car um put me in the truck yeah you missed your window sorry sorry we can't help we can't help we can't with a lot of these we can't help with this one but yeah that's tough and that's hard for us honestly it's yeah feels good you're wrong like it's tough nobody ever talks about how hard it is on us to not help you to not do it but yeah we love to be helpful it's just not it didn't come together this time

but check this out check this out the reluctance that got you into this situation also i want you to recognize serves you well in a lot of other situations um you're not jumping into the the thick of it and just saying, you know, I'll take a, I'll take a massage. Thank you. Without thinking about it first, that, that behavior also, I think, is going to, it'll say, it'll pay off in the long run. Pay off, in the long run. It's your lifestyle change. It's too late to a night. You took the L this time. You took the yell, don't change your life. You'll get them next time. Okay. Or you won't, but it's all, it's about the long game. It's a long, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Thank you so much for, for listening to our podcast. Um, uh, I want to tell you

got some new stuff in our merchandise store. If you head it on over to mackleroy merch.com, we've got a, it's a good day for a fish to die hat. And there's a miggy hoodie designed by Brent Doherty. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month are going to be donated to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota, which provides free immigration and legal representation to low-income immigrants and refugees in Minnesota and North Dakota. Hey, we got some projects we're doing on YouTube. Um, first of all, dark, dark projects. No, they're cool projects, but pretty much every Tuesday at noon, we play video games together.

We just started playing RV there yet, which is a real, a real silly one. Had a lot of fun doing that one. Uh, the last Tuesday every month, we're also doing Macroy family clubhouse, that old chestnut. And then also throughout the week, we're doing solo streams of us playing games. Justin's been playing the Steven Spielberg movie director game on the, what, what system is that even? Steven Spielberg's film film director game. Yes. Yes.

Steven Spielberg's movie genius. Travis does ADHD detective, plays mystery games. I do trial by Fieri doing a one-hit randomizer of Majora's mask on Friday. So just go follow Macroy Entertainment System on Instagram and you'll be updated anytime we do any of our gaming content. We also have over at championsgrove.com. We've got three packages left. That's coming up in May. Come hang out at a castle and Hawking Hills, Ohio.

Play games with cool people. Talented guests like Christine Ariel and Haley Whipjack and a bunch of other folks. Check it out at championsgrove.com. We'll see you there. Hey, it's almost one month to the day also until my choose-your-own adventure book, The Stowaway, comes out. Whoa. You can pre-order it now, and in fact, I would hugely appreciate it if you would take a moment to do it. It's 10 bucks, 10-buck paperback.

Come on. Come on. And it's a fun story. And it's age appropriate for younger readers, which is not something, not usually a color we paint with. It's not on our palate often. Is it my turn to throw something?

Bitt.L.W.S.Grifate. You can go and figure that comes out March 10th. I was going to try to throw this plastic thing because this old SD card holder. I thought maybe it's got little hooks on it. Was that your crystal jam? Yeah, this is my crystal gem. I thought maybe if I threw it at the acoustic foam,

it might like stick to it. It's not going to make it a reality. Be sick. The sound won't really hum it. Stand up. Don't throw sitting. Can we promise each other to never throw sitting down? Hum that shit.

My name is Justin McElroy. It didn't stick. Yeah. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother. We kiss your dad, square on the lips. Maximum Fun.

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