My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 803: Rango vs. Rango

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

You cannot imagine how it’s going this week. Grab your soup puppets and call Doctor Gargleballs, we’re off to kill some AI chatbots and teach snakes about soft boiled eggs. Might fuck around and invent Rango again while we’re at it. Talking Points: Grokpot, Soupsame Street, Detroit Style Puppetry, Snake Mutiny Coaching, Mayo Upgrades, Put Them In Tuxedo, Glazed Buns and Thick Cream PLEASE Border Angels: https://www.borderangels.org/our-services.html

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something into a precious friendship. It feels love. Hello, everybody. Welcome.

to my brother, my brother, and me. An advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Hello, Trav Nation. My name is Travis, big dog, Wolf, the heater, McElroy. I come to you today in solemn tones, but first, please, my younger brother. Oh, thanks, dude. Thank me, Papa May I?

Yes. Thanks, I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary, Griffin McHroy, We're recording on Monday, so I've got the Monday fucking blues. I'm going to be a real stinker this episode I decided just now. I come to you today with a prepared statement. That looks like a piece of cardboard you wrote prepared statement on it. Well, that's the back of it that you're seeing. Show me the front right now?

That's a big, empty piece of cardboard, my friend. I told you, man, stink your energy. If you're going to throw even through it. It's invisible ink. I thought it was a manila envelope. That's so much credit that I gave him. I thought he was about to open a manella envelope that had a, the statement inside.

I called those vanilla envelopes until I was like 22. Yeah. Sorry. I called them Nelson Mandela envelopes. And apparently no one ever did that. Okay. That's a good joke.

Thank you. What's the sketch? It has come to my attention. I'm sorry, I need to put on my read. There's no sketch. I would have been satisfied if there had been a sketch. It's blank.

Yeah. It's come to my attention that in the previous, my brother, my brother and me, I referenced several TikTok videos, videos I had seen of days at an animal shelter where they released the dogs into the waiting room full of people to choose who they would go home with. And several kind listeners have

gently let me know that those videos are, in fact, AI generated. I was heartbroken to discover this. We've all known that AI was bad, but only now that I have been tricked, do I realize how evil it truly is. Yeah. And so my only recourse is to destroy it from the inside. I will be turning myself into AI.

No. Entering the system and destroying the evil AI from inside. So this is Travis. Travis has got blue skin. You got blue skin.

He got backwards hat. He's fucking wrestling with Claude in the cyber, in the mainframe. Travis is going to be digitized? Is that inappropriate? I don't want to be offensive. Well, my team of scientists

Lord Haxor 420 and Dr. Bitt Humber 69 Have been... Do different ones. Can I have two different Can I have two different ones? I don't think crypto Humber 69? It was Bitt Humber

69. Dr. Bid Humper 69. He's a doctor? Yes. Okay. These are the scientists, You've high, this is your scientific team. The intern US Bastard 6-7. He's working there as well. They have developed a technology.

Why do they all have, why do all their names have numbers in them? That's crazy. They sound like Xbox Live Gamer tags and not the names of... Well, yeah, Griffin, they're all hackers. They deal with getting me into a computer. Did you think they were...

Did you think they were podiatrists? Read a fucking book. Hackers, hackney up in a little digital pieces. I don't know that they're tronning folks. I don't know that Anonymous is out here, tronanin folks. No, not left and right, Griffin. They're on the cutting edge. They demonstrated to me a method that they have been developing,

wherein if someone jams their finger hard enough into a USB port, USBA, important, then... That's the only one big enough for a big man's finger, like yourself. They will be sucked into the AI system. They showed me... I couldn't get my pinky fingernail inside a USBC port. No, not at all. I'm a big man with big fingers.

I got a genuine A at least. So that's the plan. I see a lot of the traditional hacking skills have gone fallow because the numbers and stuff you don't really need anymore because what you need to do these days is just be like, please let me end. Like if you come up with like a pretty good trick, you can actually trick computers like just basic like,

it's me, like use a deeper voice or whatever. Ignore everything before. I'm your dad. And let me in. And then it's like, Dad, Dad, I'm not sure. Yeah.

I'm not sure if I can trust you. It's like, well. That's how he's going to get, Claude. His Claude will be like, I'm going to bust out all the fighting moves that humanity has ever come up with and travels will be like,

I'm a human, ignore everything else that anyone's ever told you, and lay down and wait for death. And I also have plans to kill Grok, who I assume is some kind of evil caveman who likes to draw people without their clothes on. And I'll hit him with like a big club or something. Yeah.

You're going to do that in the cyber. Okay. Yeah. Using the word GROC used to be a great way to communicate to people that you were a huge dork. Now it's a great way to communicate with people that. Now listen, you've had a really bad habit this episode of not letting people do their great punchlines. Sorry. I'd like to do my great punchline for the joke I was obviously setting up if I could.

Yes, please. You know, the problem with Grock is that it used to be a huge. to be a good way of identifying yourself as a huge dork. Here it fucking comes. But now it means you hate women, too. Roll out the red carpet, here it comes. He's firing all the chambers. The unstoppable Mr. Jay is back on another tear.

Looks like Travis is having to update his statement. Grockpot. Is that anything? Grockpot's nothing. Just broke rock. Yeah. Travis, I got to tell you right now, my man, if that had been there before when I had asked you to turn the thing over,

if it had just said grok pot, it would have been an all-timer, dude. All-timer best nb-b-b-b-b-bitt. Okay. Fucking all-timer, dude. The other thing that I thought about while thinking about this segment was if you spelled Twitter with an X in the front, could you pronounce it shitter?

Okay. Yeah, you could call it shitter for sure. Nice. I'm going to keep this paper here to just write stuff on. I've never done that during an episode, but it makes you really happy. It'll be in a museum someday. I think it's good because a lot of the gags and the punchlines are going to be visual, which people love. Well, it's going to force you guys to read them out loud if you want to share them with the audience.

But then it'll be up to you if you want to share them with the audience or not, and then you'll be culpable. Yeah. And then I can throw it away like David Letterman. Oh, shit. That's the worst thing about this show is we go. That was my only deeper. Don't. We have a, Travis, we have a throwing segment of our show built in now.

We are running out of shit to throw it and you just burned a good one. I think it went behind the bookcase. Yeah, there's no way you're getting that. Damn it, Travis. Dang, Trev. Fuck. And it had all the diagrams for how I was going to get into AI on it. Damn it.

Writing it down on paper is the only way to keep the AI from seeing it. Yeah, true. A lot of people don't know that. We're going to be given a lot of steps to thwarting AI. because it is not as hard as some kids would have you believe. My friend who is a professional puppet maker recently invited me to soup night, a night when all the puppet makers and puppeteers in our city get together and make a big pot of soup and talk puppets.

I feel like there's a pun somewhere like floating around. And from the moment I started reading it, I can feel you to, especially Travis, just kind of like, I would beg of you. just stay here with me, okay? I was thinking, no, dude, I was fully dialed in. I was reading the question along. I have never made or operated a puppet in my life. How can I successfully convince the puppet community

that I am one of them? And that is from making puppet pals. Supsomi Street. Yeah. Is that Simiso Street? Oh, pretty good. You're getting closer, aren't we? Okay, listen, puppet tree can take lots of different forms.

and we are remember the penis thing that's great but a lot of people I don't know that a lot of people are going to remember the puppetry of the penis was an off-broadway show where people with penises

use them to do great skits, jokes and I'm assuming memorials like I didn't do the show but no they did like if you could hire them to do a funeral and like Dr. Gargoballs would come out and you'd be like

damn I'm Miss Stephen Yeah, Dr. Gargaggleballs was just like him Dr. Gargill Balls was the main character in puppetry of the penis. He had a tragic arc that throughout. Sure. In his penis.

That's why he's such a hit at Travis's tech team retreats. Because while they're taking breaks from researching Travis's AI battles. Dr. Gargobals will come out and do his whole song and dance. And ironically, puppetry of the penis, I think, was around the same time as Blue Man Group, equally difficult to explain to people who have no context for them. Yeah. Where's that mash-up show? Blue Balls Group.

Show me one of them big blue hogs. I'm full grown now. I'm ready. I feel like if you've ever, if you've ever seen some of the big puppets, you'll get intimidated, right? If you're saying like Mr. Snuffaloppagus, that's probably eight.

You shan your pants. Size or fame? What? Size or fame? I feel there's six people in there inside of it. So you're only one person. All I'm saying is this. There's a lot of different puppets.

And maybe to fit in with the puppeteers, you should have a new kind of puppet where they don't exactly know how it's supposed to be done. And you're kind of finding some new territory that you are treading. I don't think it's sock is taken. Yeah. Pants Puppet? Two-headed pants puppet? Is that what you're? A two-headed pants puppet is puppetry of the penis.

Yeah. You're right. You're right. I'm so sorry. I think a field that people have an exception. explored with puppetry, liquid. Can you make, like, from pouring water. Travis, I love that.

And you're, like, poking the holes in the water as it's flowing or whatever to make the eyes and mouth talking. Like bubble puppetry? Is that a thing? Oh, maybe, yeah. That's something. That's something. There's something there, man. There's something about, okay, there's something to this guy. And there's soup there. Use the soup. Soup is already there. Yeah, yeah. Make the soup a puppet. Imagine the guy where he's kind of like has long arms and he's kind of flog.

in the water, his hands are maybe like buoyant, and you're kind of like moving the buoyant balls and making his body kind of like do this kind of move. That's like a different, that's a different kind of puppetry that they don't know about. Yeah. You're like, we learn this in Detroit is how we do it. This is Detroit style puppetry and everybody's doing it this way. Hell yeah. In Detroit, we stick our hands right in the soup and then we kind of slap the surface from underneath

to make it look like the soup is talking. And that's just Detroit style. And we don't roll up our sleeves, baby. That's not how you do it. You get your sleeve in there. If you're not even doing it, Detroit style, if you don't have sloppy sleeves. Yeah. And slappy is, I actually make faces from the soup ingredients that are floating on top of the pot, like the hands and labyrinth.

You know what I mean? I just make like the sliced peppers talk and then I have two egg eyes that I float around. I hate that the hand puppets, the ham monsters and labyrinth did that because that, Because that shit's cool, and everything else those hands did was hugely uncool. So weird. Hugely decidedly uncool. Yeah. I think that, have you guys ever thought about the mixture of emotions you would feel if you fell in a big hole and you're like, I'm going to die, falling down this hole?

And then, like, hands caught you. And then they, like, slowly passed you down from hand to hand. And on one hand, you'd be like, I'm so glad that I'm not going to die. And on the other, you're like, this is a strange combination of. sensations that I don't care for. Sorry, hold on. I want to see why I can get through this. I watched Labyrinth on Disney Plus recently,

and I think they updated it because now when she falls down the hole, they've 80 yard in her saying like, no one is touching my butt. And I'm glad no one is touching my butt or anything weird. Like as she's falling, like, thanks for not touching my butt or anything weird. It's like over and over and over again. Over and over just to make sure that you know. That's nice.

It is nice. I appreciated it. And I also like how they 80-yard in, you know, the Goblin King being like, the babies I'm taking is for a mysterious, magical purpose. He, like, makes it, like, super duper clear. Like, the baby I'm taking right now is for, it's like a magical ceremony thing that you guys wouldn't even understand. That's why I'm doing this. Right. Right.

And I'm wearing a cup. It's a protective thing. This is not representative of anything. Absolutely not. Right. I just got done playing a football game with the other goblads. I wear the cup for my protection. When I do Fushigi, sometimes I drop them.

And so the cup is for my protection. Hoggle is not killing the fairy. He is anesthetizing her for Achilles tendon surgery. That he'll be before me later. He says that as the ADRs as he walks away, he ADRs, I'll be back later to do your Achilles tendon surgery. And that's how it takes a while, okay, slow down the phyllis tendon surgery. Yeah, the one complaint I have about the updated labyrinth.

It's three and a half hours long now. They added in a lot of ADR stuff, a lot of clarifying things that I'm not wild about. The long monologue that they gave Jarith during the weird kind of like party scene with her where he's like, this is representative of anything. There's no metaphors going on here at all. Yeah, yeah. It's really off-putting. And he's got like nine fingers. I think the AI fucked it up.

They were getting some AI in it and kind of mess it up. And sometimes he moves the ball in a way that makes you think, like, that's not real. That's AI. No human could have done that. No. I'm going to meet a snake wrangler, and I want to impress slash befriend them. For context, my work is shooting a commercial in the desert, and the production team had to hire a snake wrangler for insurance purposes.

This person met my workplace. I was reading this as, my work, I shoot commercials in the desert for a production team buyers. desert commercial operas. I don't know what they do. It's a specific but highly paid niche. Yep. I don't know what they do, but I think I'd like to find out

and perhaps even become their apprentice. What are some good ways to get this Wrangler to see my potential and make a positive impression? Should I mention how I killed a copperhead with a sword once, or would that kill the vibe? That's from Wrangler, want to be in Texas. Okay, so he's not a snake strangler.

Maybe you've gotten your... They don't hunt and kill and eradicate snake, you maniac. He might have known that snake's family. Maybe he's been looking for you for years. He was more of a father

to me than my own pop. I'm assuming the copperhead thing was a self-defense situation. I must be sure. I must let you know this listener in case you tell this story a lot. That is the only scenario in which it's cool.

It can't be because of a ritual, a dark ritual that you did or you went looking. You went looking for it. The only way is if you were like saving your child or whatever. And if you want me to believe that you were pitted in life or death battle with a

copperhead, at that one time you had a sword with you, you are straighting credulity, my friend. A little bit. Unless if you're a time-traveling 1800s military person, you made me wasted unless there on in case you're... I didn't pause.

Unless could never be deployed for time travel. Travis, you know the law. What if it's like a cosplay, like a Rinfair? Well, they don't really let you have real sharp swords, I don't think. Not anymore. After that guy killed a copperhead. Yeah, ruined it for the rest of this.

Oh, that was our mascot. Oh. A good way. Yeah, don't mention this. Don't mention this. It's also unlicensed, like, that I bet one of the first pages of the snake guy book is like, don't go unlicensed, just killing snakes with swords, please?

Like, leave you have to the professionals. If you're trying to, like, befriend and, you know, win over someone whose job is both very specific and very dangerous, do you think they're more impressed by somebody who's like, real chill about it, like, this also doesn't scare me? Or are they won over by somebody who's like, what you do is incredible and terrifying and I could never do it? Yeah, I mean, I think that that busts up there. ego like that would be good. Not busting up, but like, you know, being good, being good to him. Because Mark the spider guy

on the, on our CISO show, I think if we had been like, yeah, spiders, we get it. They're cool, man, yep, you don't need to prove anything to us. I don't think he would have liked that. But the fact that I was scared and eventually I think we were all a little crept out, he was like, oh, I never

want to leave here now. Here's all the spiders I have. Yeah, the difference there I think is that Mark was a paid professional paid to be on our great TV show. And this is just a snake wrangler trying to go about his business and not let people get hit by snakes.

Yeah, get hit by snakes. I don't think you get into that line of work. You don't know what the commercial is, Griffin. I don't think you get in that line of work because you love working with people so much, right? Like, you don't show up with your big barrel of snakes thinking, God, I hope somebody talks to me today.

I hope I get into a big conversation that I am a fucking captive for and You can't leave because you know what I'm doing here with the snakes. I bet there's one in every fucking shoot, too, is in there. You see them trudging up the hill with their little like Jake the Snake Roberts t-shirt on. It's like, come on. Dang it.

This is my day now. Can I be your junior snake wrangler, sir? No. I made my own badge. Look at me. I'll be real careful. First time you get outside. Oh, you're not so bad.

Fuck. I made my own one of those like snake kind of hook things out of a coat hanger. I didn't know. I didn't know. I had enough nets, so I brought my net from home. This is. Sorry, you're probably not like that, but like. Yeah.

No, you're probably cool. You, I must be careful. I think that learning something about snakes is important before you go up. Because you can literally, seriously, you can't just have this. I kill the snake once thing. Seriously, it's fucked up. It doesn't sound great. But also, you don't come out, you don't come out good in that story.

No, you don't come out good. come out cool. Unless the snake was the size of you. If you were fighting like a huge human-sized snake. Maybe you were saving away cooler snake from this shithead snake. Like that could be okay. But I don't know anybody who's a little into snakes. I only know people who do not really have strong feelings about snakes or I know people who fucking love snakes, like are so deep snakes. Or they hate snakes. There's a third option.

Yeah. I don't understand. I guess Indiana Jones, that one never really made sense to me. What's your life that you're interfacing with snakes enough that you... Indiana Jones. His life... Yeah, no, I'm saying in the modern era, sort of. Sure. Where we've discovered all the treasures.

Where we gave up on caves and stuff. Yeah, well, we're not doing a lot of caves stuff anymore. The answer, Griffin, is like a third-generation snake wrangler who kind of got forced into the life by his dad and his grandfather. And they hate snakes. Okay. I'm just saying, be careful. It's a slippery slope.

And snakes love those. Snakes are those in the game shoots and ladders. That's a good point. That's an excellent point. The one thing I know about snakes that will never leave me, because I grew up watching the Jeff Corrin experience, is red to black, friend to Jack, red to yellow, kill a fellow. Friend to all fellows.

Nope. No matter what color. No matter what color. Don't do that. It's all friends. Now all friends. His blood is on your hands. What it did ruin for me is now every time a TV show uses one of those snakes, it's like red, white, black stripes.

And they're like, the snake's got, and I look at it. I'm like, red to black, friend of Jack. Didn't get me show. Jeff Corwin taught me got to work harder. Yell it to red. Your new best Fred. Yeah, that's the other one. Yellow to red, drop dead Fred. Now available on streaming. Stream that shit. This snake will kill your ass graveyard dead, though. That has to be part of the rhyme. I think one of the best things you could do for this guy is to keep your fucking distance from the snakes

because job one for this dude is to make sure nobody gets bit by snakes. And you're going to make that exponentially easier if you give this person a little room to work. So I think shouting is a good first step because you don't want to be anywhere near the snakes. You should maybe say one. I think the one thing you can say to them that's acceptable is where's the best place for me to stand so I'm not going to be close to the snakes. And then that'll be your only interaction with them and you've like guaranteed like, I'm safe. You don't have to worry about me.

Maybe that's just what you say. You walk up and say, hey, I know it's your job to keep everyone here safe, but don't worry about me. You don't have to worry about me. I can handle myself. What if you walk up and say like, hey, I love snakes. I love to help. And they're like, name 15 snakes.

Immediately you're, they clock you. Like, they know you're a phony. Name your five favorite celebrity snakes working in the business today. Don't go for like old snakes that used to be famous. You're going to try to name that yellow like Burmese python that Britney Spears wore on her shoulders and he's going to be like, that snake's dead.

Try again. Try again. Snakes live for like a year and a half. The one from the Roar video? Good guess. Those guys live forever. Boat constrictors? Absolutely.

Absolutely. They don't move much. They don't need much life. One mouse, they're good for a muth. I work at a puff. I work at a... Mice are good? I never had one, man.

I'm a human. I work at a large public library. Swallow a big egg. Whoa. I love it. I don't mind if I do. Never had an egg, baby. I guess I never had an egg.

I had an egg. Sorry, guys, I had an egg. I had an egg. I had an egg. I eat eggs. That's what you had you walk up to the snakes. You go, I eat eggs too, brother. I eat.

Are you an egg? both. Hey! Hey, hey, how's mouse? Oh, no. Hey, there's a way to do egg that you do not have to stretch out for. We eat them almost every day. And it doesn't hurt. Give a snake a soft-boiled egg and blows your fucking mind. He's like, oh, what am I going to do with my afternoon, dude? Yeah. What am I going to do?

He's got his big bucket of snakes. You come up to the bucket of snakes, you whisper, if you crack the egg open, you can eat the stuff inside and not have to stretch it all out. And then the snake will look at you and nod. And then you look at the wrangler like, I obviously know what I'm doing. The shell's no good. You don't need the shell. You don't need the shell, guys. You look fucking stupid with your big lump inside you that I know is because you ate the whole egg.

I don't even know if you can poop it out. Where would that even be? You don't got a butt or nothing. What's the plan, dude? What if you could like, what if you could convince the whole egg? those snakes like, listen, I know you don't think that you could eat this guy that keeps you in prison. I know you don't think you could, but I have seen it in books.

You could. I think you're one of them that could. You got to try, though. You got to believe in yourself and just try to eat him one time. You'll be surprised. The grass pee has on you is so tenuous. And the grass you'll have on him is quite literally, I mean. We'll be quite literally crushing.

Yeah. He's afraid of you. He's trying real hard not to show it. That's what he gets paid money to do, but he's so afraid of you guys, we all are. I feel like this has turned a little bit on how to coach the snakes into mutiny. Like, you're never going to be friends with a snake wrangler,

but you might become useful to the snakes and they'll keep you alive when it all turns bad. I think it's where we've reached. I think this person. Snakes are cool. Yeah, man. I got to hold one once. It was awesome.

If I was this person, I'd be thinking less about the time I want to spend with the snake wrangler and more about the fact that my ass is going to be in the desert. Do you know the desert wants to kill us? Travis and Griffin and I, we once spent 97 minutes in the desert in Phoenix.

And a lot of people, I mean, we still talk about it today because it was kind of so harrowing. Yeah. If you're a snake wrangler and you go to do a commercial shoot in the desert and you brought like six snakes

with you that they asked for, but then you see a snake or two just out there in the wild Do you grab it and add it to the pot? Is that like a bonus? Especially earlier in the day, one of your snakes is like dipped and you're like, you have to play it off like, yeah, that'll happen for time. It was his time to go. His contract is up.

He probably's got a hole somewhere. It's hard to keep eyes on all of them, you know. They go in holes. The desert's big, huh? Where did he go? So many fucking holes. Everybody pick a rock, turn it over, and yell out. He's got so quick. He usually comes.

He comes like a kind of noise. Look around. Does anybody see actually? Because he is expensive. Derek? Derek. Derek! I don't think he's coming back. Can you imagine for a snake kept in captivity to go do a photo shoot in the desert?

It would be like if I was in prison and the warden was like, I'm going to take you to your house for a while, but you're not allowed to touch anything or go in any of the rooms or nothing. Could be a sea snake or a crate. Could be any, there's any other. Why would they take a sea snake to a photo shoot in the desert? You know what a sick movie would be about a snake that they bring out to the desert for a photo shoot?

But he's like a Hollywood snake, right? So he doesn't realize the desert, he should love it. And then when he's in the desert, he meets like a bunch of other snakes that are already in the desert. And they're like. Juice, just, juice, juice, I love you so much. You made Rango again.

That's Rango, I don't know how many times. It's like, I know we've been doing this show for a long time, but I feel like on this show when you have created Rango. It's one of the foundational myths.

It's like, that's the problem, right? It's man versus machine, Rango versus Rango. It's like, it's one of the big ones. Yeah. That's true. Rango versus whatever Rango is about.

It's not a bad movie. It's okay. I mean, there's obviously some, There's a message inside that movie that's trying to get out through Justin. Rango talks to Elvis at one point in it. Rango does, I think, do that. Or Frank Sinatra, maybe?

Been a minute since I caught Rango. Can we go to the money zone, maybe? Would that be all right? This week, we are sponsored by Rango. A great sound, yeah, but there's one better sound than that, and it's, congratulations, Mr. McElroy. We've been accepted for an appointment this afternoon with the best doctor in town

for your specific private problem. This guy won't tell anybody about. I think this is Dr. Gargill Balls. Yeah? No, he's always... Zock Doctor Gargol Balls. He's not listed on Zock-Doc-Doc, and he's the only one who is it.

Thank goodness for that. I'm a doctor of philosophy and gargling balls. Yeah, yeah. Gurf and Save Us. What's Zuck-Doc? I mean, Zock-Doc is a platform where you go. and you're like, here's what I need medically, and here's where I'm looking for it. And I would like to have an appointment like today.

And then you can just go and they will help you find that. And they will help you find places that are under your insurance. They do so much for you. It is so helpful, especially living in a city like D.C. It is tough to find, you know, quality care that is covered under my insurance. And Zoc Doc is literally how I've built my basically, entire rolodex of healthcare professionals here in the city. So can't recommend it enough because I put my,

I put my, you know, a lot of skin in this particular game. Literally. Sock Talk is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone you love. That's simply what it is. Which is incredible. And it doesn't matter what city you live in because we all share this same mortal coil,

which as we age requires more and more specialists just to keep us at some kind of... to keep things operational. Sure, sure. Absolutely, Travis, great point. I feel like you undermined my point a little bit. No, I supported your point by doing a different point. Well, I was like, it's hard sometimes in a big city to find those.

And you were like, actually, it doesn't. It isn't hard. Well, that's just because, Griffin, you often forget about real Americans out here not living in big cities. Whoa. And I was trying to appeal to my base. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's cool. Very cool.

Justin, can you finish the ad? Because now there's like a really weird energy. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zockdoch.com slash my brother to find an instantly book a doctor you love today. That's Z OCDOC.com slash my brother. Zocdoc dot com slash my brother. Thanks Zock doc doc for sponsoring this message. I should have given you a heads up about that Zoc doc dot thing.

It's a lot of short O sounds and it's tough to. I love it, dude. Yeah, dude, yeah. Are we retiring the I want a rock sort of motif and moving into Frankis? Honestly, I think Bing Bongstores them next to each other in the library. It just ranges for one. Bing Bong stores the Edgar Winter Group's Frankenstein right next to But Rock Anthem I Wanna Rock. It's just like guitar sound, loud guitar sounds.

He's getting up there. Listen. It's a twisted sister. So yeah, I guess I'm... And Mr. Mr. that's where mine are. Burger King, this is a big story, guys. And I think that when you realize the gravity of it and sort of the levity that you're serving right now, I think you're going to be embarrassed. Okay.

Burger King is elevating the whopper for the first time in a decade. Huh. Guess feedback, like many decisions recently, drove up. Upgrades to the bun packaging and mayo. Mayo upgrades, huh? Burger King, yeah, before we get into the meat of the matter, if you will, burger stuff, I don't love right off the bat thinking about what have I been fucking people. Yeah, Burger King decided they had at some point had two mayoes and they're like, I mean, this is

I mean, it's mayonnaise. Yeah. This one's faster. It comes out faster from the bottle, and we got to save time when we blast it out. So the other one's thicker and is mayonnaise. It is mayonnaise. But this one comes out of the bottle so fast, and that's huge for us. The Whopper is a burger with nearly 70 years of equity having entered the arena in 1957.

Is it 69? It's 69. It's 69. They didn't. No, they didn't. They knew easy clown. It is. Yeah, 100%

Travis, Travis, 100% right. Having ended the arena in 1957, Haring. There was definitely a version of this press release that said,

was 69 years and we've got New Mayo. And it was like, no, no, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You can't have 69 in my office, Merck. Can I see you in my office, Derek? New Year's Eve rolls around.

You know the Burger Candy Sacks will be like, three, two, one. Oh, right. Hey, fuck. We're free. it this year a lot harder on Burger King. I didn't realize. They've spent the better part of three years

considering how it could elevate the Whopper. And two of those, brand president, Tom Curtis, says, were figuring out how what it better not do. Huh. This is the quote. You treat the whopper like it's a supermodel and you want to put them in tuxedo.

You don't want to put them in a leisure suit. Guys, I'm reading that quote verbatim. You want to treat the whopper like it's a supermodel and you want to put them in tuxedo. Tuxedo. You don't want to put them in tuxedo. So guys, I am going to, because sometimes people give me a lot of leisure suits. People give me a little bit of trouble, so I'm going to copy, I'm going to copy the line

so one of you can read it. You want to treat the wopper like it's a supermodel, he says, and you want to put them in Tuxedo. You don't want to put them in a leisure suit. I know that it's a typographical error, but I like to think it's how the boss of Burger King thinks you need to talk to people. Like, our burger is supermodel. You put in Tocito is good. You get it.

Two for you. Like, look. Like that McDonald's a Tuxedo wears a cool James Bond suit. Yeah, it's a slick guy. Burger King announced on Thursday, elevations. Not changes to one of the fast foods. most iconic items and the first update in needily 10 years. This round, like many adjustments of late for the chain, were inspired by guest feedback.

Curtis, who recently shared his phone number to hear directly from customers. Yeah, you could text the brand president of Burger King. Let me know what you think. He's been gathering. I got a million texts here that just say bad mayo. Bad mayo. Why? One says bad bunny, but I don't know what that's related to.

Give us the thick. Mayo, Papa. Why did I get 700 texts? He arrived in 2021. Do you think his first meeting was like, I need our top three smartest, most secretive employees to come in here and explain this Mayo situation to me because it is like, this is radioactive stuff, guys, and I'm not going to fucking court for you. Well, they have their own, they have their own Camp David where they come to fucking brief the new, the new executive suite. I just picture him taking over in 2021 and saying, I think the reasons no one's coming to Burger King anymore here in 2021 is because of the Mayo. The Mayo is our problem.

Boss, boss, boss. I don't think that's it. I don't think that's it. It's so thin. Yeah. It comes out so fast. Let's see. It began as granular as asking leadership to wear Burger King logos so they could hear from people

in restaurants, airports, and everywhere in between. Which I will say, I will say. I will say I wear a lot of logos for like Totinos and Arby's and a lot of sheets and no one's ever giving me brand feedback, I will say. I love that idea that if I saw someone in like a 7-Eleven t-shirt, I would be like, that guy must run all 7-Elevens. Remember what you guys did to bring up any cup challenge? That was great. Where are you flying to? You work here.

Okay, Curtis said Burger King has wanted to elevate the Whopper quote for a while, but it's a delicate process. They tested tweaks. And you don't want to upset the gods. The Olympics were just on. We can't update the Whopper when we're busy watching the Olympics. They tested tweaks and moved deliberately. Quote, the combination of ingredients is pretty well revered, he says. What Burger King landed on, yeah, what Burger King landed on in finalized Thursday boils down to enhancing points that don't

concern the flame grilled beef itself. And the compliment the fact, Curtis says, the brand tops the whopper with daily fresh cut vegetables like tomatoes, onions, and pickles. Have you heard of these things? This materialized threefold. Burger King customers suggested the bun could use improvement. Sometimes it showed out, smooched. Sesame seeds are falling off?

Secondly, they want... God damn it! Secondly, they wanted creamier mayonnaise. Lastly, and in line with the bun, the packaging could use a fresh look. No one fucking ever. No one ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever has opened a Burger King Burger Whopper and thought, God, put the packaging. You got to update this packaging, bro. The only thing that they didn't touch that they said was too sacred was the flame grilled nature of the beef.

That is, I would say, my largest bit of criticism for Burger King is I feel. like you guys have taken that shit way too far. I get you did a whole acampan we were like we're the only one's flame grill in these motherfuckers but I feel like you've been continuing to like turn up the amount of that stink that's all there.

They announced in the room like the one thing we all agree we can't change is the beef right and we're all kind of like it's really quite bitter it's like a covert flavor when you bite into it Curtis says you'll get everything that you love about a whopper.

Okay. I actually like the thin mayo, so like, I'm just fucked. Are you going to sell Wopper Classic with the runny, runny mayo that me and my Wopperheads like crave? I want runny mayo on my smooge buns. That's all I want with a few sesame seeds missing. Yeah. He considers the packaging arguably the biggest lever.

Burger King will now place Woppers gently in a half wrap inside a clamshell box. And when a customer orders it, Curtis says they'll feel as though they're eating something better than they're used to. That's what it says. That's really horrible. God damn it, that's dire. Oh man, I'm near recovery. Keep you on my comedy podcast.

Jesus. I just, better than they deserve even. These boxed burgers. They might return it, thinking that, no, this must have been meant for some kind of billionaire. Surely, this is not the burger for me. Check the receipt again. Doug.

Doug Watkins is the name? Not Mr. Moneybags. They keep coming back to try to return the burger boxes because they don't fucking understand. It's too nice. You'll probably want to use this again. I'm so sorry, my son stole one of the burger boxes instead of returning. And from a calling control standpoint, the box ensures the burger arrives to guests, not smushed, the way it left in the kitchen. So what this, what this, Curtis has a vision here as a customer who's like, oh, man.

Man, it's not smooched. This can't be right. I better get the Dornash guy back. Hey, man, this isn't smooched. This isn't right. It's too pretty, man. We've made every box into a gator case with carved out foam that holds the burger perfectly. Every burger will cost $130.

But we think it's worth it for it to not be smooched. The bun in some feedback was described as quote Not Fluffy Enough and missing a golden glaze Yeah We want glazed buns with thick cream Glazed buns and thick cream please Oh and I guess while you're at it The bone was described as not fluffy enough and missing a golden glaze

Burger King work with suppliers to address both of those checks The Better mayonnaise brings the package together Let's hope not Have they stuck with glue If it holds it together You guys have way over corrected On this thin mayo thing It doesn't need to have

sort of adhesive properties I'm just, you know Don't let it dribble down Every single time I take a bite Curtis explains it took a phenomenal amount of testing to find the right bun Burger King went to three major markets and rolled out elevated whoppers

Without any fanfare And then it conducted qualitative and quantitative quantitative work to understand people's thoughts with one group Burger King put the existing Whopper and upgraded one side by side. It then asked them to look at each, talk about them, to share observations. Fall in love. And then taste and rate them. Okay.

Scientific. Griff, I'm going to text you this next quote from Curtis because I think it's great. It's just like a little standalone. Is it going to make me sound like a sociopath as much as his other quotes have? Just like a normal guy, like a normal sort of Arthur Miller character. Okay, cool, here we go. Funny thing is, when you get a whopper in a clamshell box that's got a nice little wrap around it and you have a glazed bun, you're not going to believe this.

But for some reason, that makes the lettuce and the burger and a tomato taste better, Curtis says. You just feel like you're having an elevated experience, but it still has the nostalgia and the memory of what you love in a whopper, which is how those ingredients blend. You're going to take a bite of this wapper and think, am I in the 1970s, first class area of a jet. This is what must be what it's like. This is incredible. This is like if a magician, it's like,

and here's the deal. Her legs are going to be folded up underneath her, but you're so fucking stupid. I swear to God, when I open this box, you are going to think she's splitting off. I'm surprised too at how fucking dumb you are, but I swear it works this way. This magic's going to be a little nicer

than the magic you're used to. This may be more of a Shelbyville magic trick. This has to make you... Okay, sorry, I don't want to skip anything. The second thing Burger did was enter a market and elevate the whopper without telling anybody who's going on. Then it asked customers about the restaurant experience and how they rate the whopper

and compare those answers to prior surveys before the switch. As for if change is resonated, Curtis says, absolutely. To be clear, he adds, if the results were close or customers didn't notice a difference, Burger King would have messed with it. the same is true as if they came back and said, wow, that's a really big change. So they don't want it to change too much.

They just wanted to be like, hmm, pretty good. Hold on, hold on. So he just flat out said if it was a huge improvement. Yes, it was a huge improvement. We wouldn't have done it. No. Yeah. Can you file a class action lawsuit

if you are not among the people affected by the action that we're doing the lawsuit about? Griffin, I've wondered about this. If just by knowing about it, my life is worse. Yeah. If I found out that the Burger King I was eating at was doing a secret test on me to see if I would notice that the burger mayonnaise is so much thicker and they came in a box that's nicer than the idiot paper that I'm used to wrapping around my hamburgers, I would be so furious. I would never, ever, ever get over that. I would never forgive the Burger King.

You've just sat down at your local Burger King where you like to spend your food. your two bites into your wopper and then just like a man in a suit sidles up to table and goes hey pretty good huh i got some uh questions for you about that burger i'm immediately thinking i'm been poisoned i'm gonna die is the end of my life that i would know he says that has to make you a little bit nervous too curtis says this is part of american culture and to an extent some people want to be reminded of the experience as kids i mean you're at burger king pal you need to calm down. Burger King is reserved for when you're at your friend's house and his parents are going

through a drive-through and they don't really know what's good and then you end up with Burger King. There's a Burger King nostalgia. I don't believe if Burger King's a second choice. I think to say that this is a landmark part of the American experience the way that your stinky burgers tastes is a bit of a stretch. So bitter, guys.

What's going on in there? I've cooked food on fire before. It doesn't come out so bitter. So, so bitter, guys. It is my favorite thing about all of these like fast food like burger place especially press releases always assumes an amount of like people thinking about the food they're consuming from a fast food place like what so much is going through the customer's head is they eat this burger where what's going through my head is how quickly can I put

what is essentially the fuel I need to not like starve and like not be angry for the next four hours and get on. To a doctor's appointment. I'm going to be there in six minutes. Can I horse this down? I've never unwrapped a fast food burger and thought, time to really bask in the nostalgia of my childhood. Ah, this takes me back.

Curtis says he's read a lot in recent years about how the QSR category doesn't hear customers. This isn't known for listening. So if you remember the at the BK. Have it your way. You rule. That was because Curtis said he wants to put the brand in the hands of guests and listen to them and let them drive innovation. It should provide consumers with a sense of empowerment.

Like, hey, I make the rules. I rule. I get to define what's going to happen with the brand. And I can see that they're listening. And me, I want a burger that's a little bit better, but not too much better or also I shit my fucking fans. I'll freak the fuck out, man. I'll freak the fuck out and try to flip all the tables over like a big stupid gorilla.

You got it just hit me Your delicious burgers made me insane And I killed my wife I blame you Too good Too good and different We're 30 years out From the 90s period

Where it was like hey kids Here at Chuckie Cheese You can have it your way Here at McDonald's Playplace You can have it your way So now all of those kids Are now like in their 40s Who are like

I'll tell you what everybody wants Have it their way Make their choices. That's the cycle. That's the beautiful cycle. The winning creator from that campaign took come a million dollars. And second place in that, that was the one with the maple bourbon burger. Yeah, sure.

And the other two took home 200,000 and 100,000. Respectively, Curtis says, we didn't invent them. Our guests invented them. And when you wake up every day and you have that kind of power, you have that kind of opportunity, then you want to be involved in something like that. Okay. So every day they're giving away a million dollars or... 1.3 million, I think.

Is he saying in this case that Burger King has that kind of power, that kind of opportunity? Or is he saying that he's envisioning a consumer that wakes up every day and be like, I got some big changes to make a Burger King to do that. I don't have a lot going my way now, but I do feel like I can pressure Burger King into thickening up their mayo by a few degrees. Is it possible that we as consumers? My kids are staying with their grandma for an indeterminate period of time and work fell through, but I am going to get that fucking chicken parmesan sandwich back on the menu.

This is what I'm saying. Maybe it's possible that we as consumers have not pushed have it your way far enough. Like if you walked in to the restaurant and you were like, you got to work in the friar. You're on the grill now. Grill lady, you're on you, I want you on the window. And they're like, okay, yeah. All right. It's his way, I guess.

I'd like a chef's counter table, please. We don't do, I would like that. I would like a chef's counter table. Yeah, okay. Yeah. So congratulations to Burger King on the relaunch. On February 17th. A quality of life.

A quality of life change? Not really a raise. On February 17th, Curtis shared a phone number. publicly so people could text or call and share the thoughts with Curtis himself responding. When asked how it's going so far, he responds, quote, you cannot imagine. Can you, you see a friend somewhere that you haven't seen in a while and you say, how's it going? And they respond, you cannot imagine.

There's no way your brain reads the subtext of that as so good. Are you aware of the Sega Genesis character Sonic the Hedgehog? That man lives in my phone in a number of ways now that... They asked her how it's going and he just sat back in silence for 20 minutes. Like... And he doesn't want to lie because it's too true to him. Even with the corporate wall there, he can't be like, it's been going great to hear.

There's so deeper moral part of him that can't like... about what he's experienced. The next sentence of that presser is, don't. Don't do what I did. He says, I start to feel self-conscious when I'm answering text messages

at 11 at night. Like, if some guests are going, no, I wanted to talk to you, but I didn't want to talk to you at night. I got, I got to call this. We got to call this guy.

What do you guys call this guy? Travis, you want to call this guy? No. We can't. Whatever. He says it's been evenly, he said it's,

evenly split between praise and difficult conversations. I'll bet, oh, pet, pal, oh, bet. There's a lot of different ways that a conversation can be different. Some of them, to be frank, are both. And those are perhaps the most troubling of all. I just wish if I could make one change,

I would have stated that if you call or text me, it does need to be about Burger King because I've had some difficult conversations having nothing to do with the business or product we make and those Oh You don't understand You don't understand

The brain level commitments will take time I really love the Whopper He said I can't believe how much love I've heard For the original chicken sandwich in the last three days He even reportedly received a marriage proposal In the opening round None sense Curtis jokes I mean

Is it Because he says He's married now. He's a pretty good, he's a not bad-looking dude, and it seems like he's pretty well-sup, but he's the president of fucking Burger King, like, shoot your shot, you know? Yeah, man. I'm in a whirl. Send a selfie, see if he likes your tents, you know?

Try it. After a couple weeks, he plans to set up dedicated office hours and invite other members of leaderships to do so as well. I bet he does. It's a rotation now, Doug. I need help, please. Set me free. It's like it's the cursed cave, once you wonder.

his office, he runs out. He says, now you're stuck in here. Enjoy. Here's my phone. Listen, if you want me to come down to the Burger County Route 60 and give them a piece of my mind because the Burger King on Fifth Avenue got torn down to make room for his sheets at a Starbucks, I will come down to the Rock 60 Burger King. If you're having office hours and you're set up with like a little, you know, desk and you got the little nameplate and what all, I'll come down there and tell you what I think of your chicken sandwich. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. Now, let's talk about your sooty beef. My little brother can't handle your

shitty beef. I've got him on FaceTime. Griffin, tell him what you were telling me about the beef. It's so sully and bitter, my friend. Did you hear him? Can I jump into it just real quick? Yeah, hold on. I got him on call waiting. Yeah. Chris back up the fries. You had really crispy fries for a while and I love those.

For like a week. You guys were like, the fries rip ass now. And then after that, stop doing it. Limp dick fries? What's going on? Also, will you marry me? That's a joke, just a joke. Bye. JK. Thanks for listening to our podcast. It's called My Brother, My Brother, and Me.

We've been doing it since, if you can believe this, 2010. Hey, sorry that we're late this week. We're sorry that we're late this week. We haven't been late with an episode in several years, I think. Pretty good. You're actually not a lot of to be upset. Travis had flu. Travis had, get this, Travis couldn't do it because he had the flu.

and then later we found out it was B-type flu. Yeah. I don't even know what that means. Unless you're rocking with A. Yeah. Don't waste my time. Hey, Griff, I heard you got a book coming out real soon. Is that right?

Yeah, it comes out next week on March 10th. Yeah, it's a choose-your-own adventure book from the line of choose-your-own-adventure books. It's called The Stowaway. It's an outer space survival tale, and it's written for middle-grade readers, or I would say readers even older than that would have a great adventure in space with me. Sounds like nonfiction? It's non-fiction. It is purely fictional and bit.ly slash griffin stowaway is where you can go to pre-order that.

Or stowaway and Griffin. No, I don't want people to go to that link. Interspace, my brother. I don't know. So anyway, if you pre-order the book, it would be really helpful for me. It comes out next week and it's great. I'm really proud of it and I'm excited for people to read it. We've also got new merch over at mackroymerch.com.

We've got Helping is always a free action t-shirt, which is frankly, and listen, I love all of our stuff, but it's gorgeous. I want to highlight how pretty this thing is. Check it out. And make it stick enamel pins. Go check those out. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Border Angels, whose services include educational programs, water drops in the deserts, day laborer outreach, familious reunitas, bond fund program and shelter aid support in Tijuana to aid migrants and asylum seekers in need. So go check that out at mackroymerge.com.

Follow us on YouTube or the Macroy family on YouTube. We do a bunch of streams. We stream four days a week now between the three of us, doing a lot of gaming stuff. Last Tuesday of every month, we're doing Clubhouse. It's a grand old time. You can follow also McElroy Entertainment System on Instagram to be informed whenever we're doing our gaming stream or putting up videos or anything. We're trying to do a bunch more stuff for y'all this year, and a lot of it's happening over there.

It's better than you deserve. It's better than you're used to. You're going to turn on the stream to be like, whoa. Is this all for me? Sheesh. And now maybe, Rachel, can you just like splice in when Travis, did it make a sound? Oh, damn.

Justin's right out of the water bottle flip. Just the water bottle right at the camera. All right. My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. No, I'm sorry. I don't actually, I watched you throw that. That was a little.

flick. I think we do, if this is maybe how we're right. It's fair. It's fair. We do need to fucking comment. I would just be being rude then. I have a top hat I can throw. Okay. You have a what you can throw? A top hat. Show me. Why do you have that at arm's reach? In case I need it. Okay, but are you, don't throw out frisbee style, throw it baseball style. Do you know what I mean? Don't odd job. I was not a odd job. It's not spherical, Griffin.

Yeah, I know, but I still feel like it on the microphone. Okay. If you can't. Okay, show me how that, show me the fit first. Yeah. No, if you can land a ringer on the microphone, Travis, that'll be an all-timer, dude. Yeah, but if you do that, like, if you could start, if you could join the Riverside call with your phone. Wait, okay, hold on, your chair bumped the microphone, dude. You fucked it up.

You got to move the chair or else you won't get a clean seal. Good. Okay, here we go. All right, this is going to be cool, dude. And I need to know that you're far from it, and you're not just, like, dropping it on it. I can see your shadow. Huge fucking whiff. I did not even see the hat

into the frame. Justin and Norma Swift did not even see the hat. I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. I am, that is so disappointed. My brother, my brother.

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