My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 808: Let Your Body Be the Dumpster

Episode Date: April 6, 2026

This episode was recorded on April Fool’s Day but we swear there are no pranks. Like for real. None whatsoever. Just some classic candy boys talkin’ about looking for shinies in egg town, Yoshiplay, and ways to distract your tongue.   Suggested Talking Points: Talkin’ Sectors, Daddy Loves the Crunch, How Gaston Got His Name, BoyTongue.Pizza, The Tiniest Peps on Planet Earth   Marsha P. Johnson Institute: https://marshap.org/

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something into a precious friendship. It feels love. Hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother, and me

an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What up, Traff Nation? It's me, your middleist brother, Travis, big dog, Wolf, Loof, Room, the heater award-winning McElroy. What's up, Trave Nation? It's sweet baby brother Davis.

Nice. I get it. April fools, you guys. It's me. It's fucking me. Griffin. In all seriousness, no April Fool. I have a big announcement. This is not an April Fool.

Yeah. Gonna get my vasectomy redone. Redone. Yeah. Not re... No, wait. Sorry. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Is this a joke? Well, I think... I think I could streamline the whole process. Mostly it's for efficiency. Okay. Is that right now I feel like the way that it was done wasn't that efficient. April fools, you guys. I'm not getting my vasectomy redone.

What the fuck, man? It's not anything. You're worse than my kids. What the fuck, man? Why would you, first of all, why would you say that it was not a prank, only to twist it? Like I asked you. And to do it about something like really sensitive and like when we talk about our sectos to each other, like that's important for other stuff. And it feels like you've made a joke of it and all of us.

Okay. Then I will get it redone. Since I made the joke. Saying you'll get it redone. No, I will. It makes it sound like you got it reversed and now you're getting it unreversed. And I don't see a scenario where... No, that's not happening.

I just think it could be sportier. Okay. Slee-kir. But, but, but you fucking don't. Because it was a goddamn prank joke on a... But now I'll do it seriously because you're so mad and I want to fix the rift. I don't want you to get your vasectomy done. I don't want you to...

I don't want anything to happen to you down there. I could get the other one done. I just had one ball done the first time. I'll get the second ball done to even it out. Oh, guys, give me a second. my recording stopped for some reason. Are we recording the backup? We are, yes.

What I would probably do, Griffith, is just... Start again and recount? Yeah. Yeah, or however you want to do it. I'm going to keep ours going. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Sorry, yeah, I don't know how that happened, guys. This is not April Fool.

Sorry. I know it seems like it is. It seems like this might be like a really choice April Fool, but it's not my shit really stopped. Let me know when you're ready. Okay, I am ready. This is fucked up, guys. This is not a prank.

This is for real. My shit froze up and stop. And so I don't have it. Okay, let's count. Okay. One, two. Three, four, five, six. April fucking fools, you guys.

My shit wasn't broken. It was a prank the entire time. You said it wasn't. But now actually, but actually what I just did was the prank because I did not. I don't know if I even started my recording if I'm being an honest with you guys. So if I sound different now than I did it for the first three minutes, it is because I did lose

that audio and we did have to take the backup. But now it's different. So like it was, it was not a prank. Me saying it was a prank was a prank. So I'm like three layers deeper than you fucking gibronis. This morning my kids came in at like 615 in an attempt to prank us. They were going to put

some like rubber snakes and worms. on Teresa's face. But they kicked something as they came in and we woke up. But here was the little prank I played where I only woke up about 60% and heard we were going to prank here and then I went back to sleep.

But the end result of this was by the time I did get up at 645 to get them up and ready for school. They were ready for school. They were ready to go. Yeah. And I was like, this is the best prank ever. Anytime you guys want to wake up early,

minus the rubber snakes and worms on your mom's face. I would even take that. If you guys ready to go. If you're getting such a jump on it. I would love that prank. I would love that prank. That prank sounds so good. That prank sounds great.

Here's the pranks that I woke up to today. First of all, Charlie warned Sidney about her, quote, cornucopia of pranks. So that kid's already sunk. She's going to be a nerd no matter what I do. The die is cast. but they had set up a quote cornucopia of pranks

that began with Sydney went in to wake them and they had put pillows under there and hidden in the bathroom to scream at her when she went to which is good that's good that one I heard about

while I was showering she was reporting this to me I was like that's good good prank I like it and then I go into the bathroom adjacent to the kitchen and they have covered the toilet with a saran wrap. Not as good. A little yucky that one.

Yeah. But Cooper has made a turd out of Plato and put it on top. That's awesome. Which is a real thinker at this point. A thinker and a stinker of a prank. Because it's like a floating turd. Yeah. That might make you scared.

Like it's a ghost poop that's gotten into your toilet. Then they're both like, they really need something out of the fridge instantly. Both definitely need something out of the fridge. And I opened the fridge. and there's a picture of a scary girl that they've drawn. And I open it, it's like, I know somebody wants me to do something to this. The reaction is someone wants some kind of reaction. Did you find it? Did you find it inside yourself?

The correct? It's like, ah! It's afraid. And then Cooper's like, I want chocolate milk. And then I was like, okay, we wouldn't normally do that, but I see where this is going. And then as I'm about to unscrew the milk, they're both looking at me like, here it goes. Awesome. And then when I go to open the door, there's like,

just shit on the handle. And they're like, yeah, we put some stuff on there too. It's like, just like a fucking bonus. And then I realized every handle in the fucking house has this stuff on it. What is it? It's like some sort of jelly like substance. Some sort of jelly like substance. They put jelly on it.

Careful the things you say. I now write children will jelly. They also, they've dyed the milk blue, which is fun. A prank on them more than anything, it sounds like. Yeah. They just wanted me to... Here's my favorite prank. They've done this every year.

They take all the cushions off the couch and throw them on the floor. That's so fucking frustrating and good. Harmless and the exact... Some real jackass shit. Real, absolutely harmless and harmful and equal measures. Really good stuff.

Yeah. Do you guys remember that episode where Bamargera took all of his parents' cushions off the couch and then they watched through security cameras while the parents came home and they were like, Oh, bam!

Yeah. And he jumped in there. He jumped in there. He just started slapping his dad's belly over and over and over again. How come all of his pranks end that way? Yeah. Yeah, mine just in with messes that I have to clean up later. I did one prank to my kids and they didn't even find it.

I put, we have like a family, I build a DAC board for us and it's got like the family calendar on a screen. And I added to today's calendar. from 10 to 6, move Grandpa Dan into the playroom. And I was really hoping that's, I know, it's so good, guys. There's still time. I mean, there's still time for them to discover this. But they'll, by the time they get home from school, it will have passed. You know, like, they needed to, they usually look at it excessively in the morning. What?

Move Grandpa Dan in while they're at school and rehearsaling stuff. And then when they're like, what, why is Grandpa Dan living in the playroom? You could be like, I put it on the calendar. Sorry, Trave. How would I get in touch with Grandpa? I do not have that man's phone over. I forgot. How on earth would I begin to approach Grandpa Dan about his participation in this?

That man doesn't participate in Sunday dinner conversation. I'm going to rope him into a grift. I forgot that Grandpa Dan went no contact with you, Justin. No, that's not true. I helped him set up his email eight years ago. Mine didn't do any pranks. I brought him a COVID. Wait, no, no.

Hold on. I brought him a COVID test 18 months ago. That's huge. I don't remember that now. I was at his house by myself. Did you have a little. note, like, pin to your shirt? I was like, Grandpa Dan, this is Justin.

You know him. You can accept a COVID test from him. It's safe. I've tried to cut back on candy as I get a lawyer, but I've run into a problem. I can't stop sneaking a piece from my children's very large stash of candy that they've accumulated from Halloween, birthday parties, etc. If they haven't put it away and I have to do it for them, that's my perfect opportunity to sneak a fun-size pack a sour patch kids, kids, twigs, or otherwise.

Perfect, the perfect amount. Perfect fun size should be called adult size because it's the perfect amount for a grown-up to eat. Edward Norton says in that S&L skin. They call it fun size. No argument here. They mostly don't notice, but sometimes I have to pretend I don't know where the pack of Rolos they wanted to try has run off to. How can I curb this behavior and stop crushing the sugar-filled dreams of my children? Also, what are your top five candies to sneak out of your children's supply?

That's from crushing candy in California. Snickers, fun-size Snickers bars. are adult protein energy nuggets. And kids have no right. My kiddos don't like them. And so I feel zero guilt reaching in it and grabbing these perfect, perfectly mouth-sized go-bars. That's like number one.

Yeah. My kids, there's something about like the nugget in there. You know, there's the peanuts in there. So like, not all bits, but if it's like, whoa, somebody tried to throw like a trap into my candy bar and now there's like a, a crunchy thing, they're not going to go for it. And that's my favorite thing. That's my

favorite is the crunch. Daddy loves the crunch and needs it. I will also, saying you're an adult, you have to cut back, I understand health and whatnot. But one of my favorite things about being an adult versus the child is, I can buy candy whenever. I can have it. I go to the store.

I don't have to convince my dad to let me get candy anymore. I can just do it. That's what, you're a number one candy boy. Yeah. Yeah, there's no problem. I've really recontextualized candy for myself, guys. Because, like, I feel like I went through a long time kind of avoiding candy,

thinking as a childhood thing that's best days are behind me. But as young Freddie Highmore reminds us in Charlie the Chocolate Factory, candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy. You know what I mean? Like, you can just take that again. You were close on candy. Can you give me just one more read?

Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy. And I feel that way now I'll just, you know, you don't need a reason. Well, if they have reasons, I'll eat it. Yeah, yeah. Reasons help, I'll do it. All that chocolate and all that chew? Absolutely. That's never an Halloween candy.

I would absolutely pull more reasons. I feel like if there's no reason to ever eat candy, right? Candy doesn't have to have a point that's candy. No reason to ever eat candy. Then there can't be a reason to cut back. Yep. Good. Right?

Fully, there's no behavior to nullify there, you're saying, because you don't need a reason to eat condi. You just see some candy and you're like, fuck it. Fuck it. I eat candy. Go for it. In my younger day, when I was in college, when I was in college in my 20s, I consumed a lot of alcohol. Yeah. Right?

I don't do that anymore. Exactly the same. No, I don't do that anymore. Exactly. 100% the same as candy. Let me finish. My point, you monsters. I don't do that.

that anymore because if I have TikTok already ended sorry Jeff I'm sorry man they start me sweat up the wheel you know how the wheel goes around like we were we pushed it around I'm sorry no okay you you use if I have a glass of wine nine times out of 10 my body's like headache time right that doesn't happen with candy right so my body is telling me hey candy is way better right there are so many you need it Worst things that I could put in my body, I can't cut back on everything at once. One time, this is cute and everything,

one time I ate a five-pound bag of Swedish fish over the span of about a month and a half because someone sent it to our PO box. And I consumed so much paraben wax that my body became a candle factory and it fucked up my system so bad that now when I eat too much candy, it does make me feel very sick.

And I know that that's like my whole, fucking thing around these parts. So like, for me... Do I add, Trav. There's obviously an in-between, Griffin. You realize that, right? Like, get yourself a candy bar. There's the other side of this.

Janus. Ah. Ah, Janus. Ah, Janus. Ah, Janus. He's got me again. Your two-faced serpent. The other side is, I have had...

I have kept bags of Cadbury mini-eggues. in my freezer long past the risen savior. And I'll develop a sort of emotional dependence on them in a way that I know can't be good. And they'll send me looking for them in May, which I am certain is not right. In many ways you've given candy. I do understand the idea.

In many ways you've given Kondy a point there, and I feel like maybe even when you give Kondi a point, that's when it turns on you. It must be points. Yeah, yeah, the dependence on, maybe is it too much of a point? Who among us has not eaten a family-sized bag of many Heath bars in one sitting to a point where they've given themselves so much jaw, soreness, and damage that they might have to seek out a dentist appointment. It happens.

Candy, that's one of the best things about candy is when your body starts rejecting it. Like, they call it a jawbreaker because your body's like, what the fuck are you doing? Too big. Crazy. You're going to gnaw on this and grind your. your teeth down until it's at a point where I can perfectly choke on it. What is wrong with you? Hey, look. Your priority needs to be not getting caught because kids fucking hate when you take their stuff. They hate that shit so much. Start out with the fruity tutsy rolls. Start out with your

Jolly Ranchers. Things that don't carry a huge footprint. If you eat a whole bag of skittles, they will notice that that is missing. That's too big of a footprint. They can see that shit from the top looking down into the barrel, into the barrel of candy that you have. For some reason, my kids, only when it comes to candy collected in the wild, say, gravitate towards the fruity, the sour, right, versus the chocolate.

So, like, that, especially the weirder chocolate, the weirder chocolate candies, is usually safer. But I am, I am, at once a certain maturity has reached for the candy, you're going to lose some to entropy anyways.

Sure. Right? So me eating some of it is really just, keeping it out of the landfill. That's a really good point, you know. That's really nice. Let your body be the dumpster.

We've talked a lot about candy recently. We're okay. I think about, I've been thinking about candy a lot lately. I just think it's great. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, all three candy boys. Candy is also better now than it ever has been.

And that is something that's tough with, like, when we were growing up, there was time to find a candy and really fall in love with it. And I feel like these days, science is working so fast, and TikTok is,

working so fast. The candies are like, wild, man. They, like, emotional candies. Like, if you've seen, like, Dubai chocolate, that's a chocolate that takes you on an emotional journey where you feel like you're eating dusty cotton candy halfway through. You know what I mean?

And it's like, but it's good in a weird way. Experiential. Yeah, yeah, and you feel at the end of it, like you've been somewhere. It's like Disney Soren. It takes you on. You didn't move, but you went somewhere. Yeah, exactly. It's transported.

It used to be back in the day, you'd get real into cream savers, and then they stopped making cream savers, and then you'd be like, well, I guess I'm done having cream savers. But now anything's possible. Like, you can get, there'll be some store, some boutique store that's like, we still do cream savers, we still do tastations. We fuck with all of that stuff. Nothing, and nothing can, nothing will ever die. Beautiful. Candy's good. Beautiful, ma'am.

I was at my local sprouts the other day, buying eggs. What sprouts? Is that grocery store, I guess? Yeah. My tongue seems to have a mind of its own. falls the, nope. I was at my local sprouts the other day buying eggs. I looked through...

I kept licking them. I licked all every egg in the goddamn store like I was a Yosha monster. I looked through three cartons and each one had one to two lightly cracked eggs. I realized it would be pretty easy to swap out some uncracked from other cartons for the cracked ones and even to fix up the other

cartons as I went. I started to swap cracked out for uncracks and then I realized in the time it had taken me already there were other patrons watching and waiting for their turn with the eggs. I grabbed my now pristine carton and scurried away. Is it okay to build myself a box of good eggs? Oh, man.

Just what I think. Just what I think we've answered them all. Okay, can I just say, I'm not going to finish the question, okay? You know the answer is no. Right, yeah, sure. You know it. You know that to be true. The way you know that is when you go to Eggtown in the grocery store,

they don't hand you an empty carton and say, take your pick of our 12 finest. Make your own six-back. You get what you get and you don't get upset. That's the rules of eggs at the grocery store. Now, do your boys check them? Do you check? You check them, though, right?

In this economy? I mean, in any economy, I do think our mother probably ingrained at us that behavior. I check that shit 10 times out of 10. Got to. But if I find it crack one, put it back. I just put that carting back. You'll find one. And I can't look until I find the shinies.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Keep digging. Dig down. They're in there. Find a better one. I mean, you can't do this. You can't do this because the moment perception is reality to a certain point. And if another patron sees you place a cracked egg into a carton, you have for all intents and purposes

broken that egg. Like you've put a broken, you've done it. You're culpable now. There's egg on your hands. Well, this is also how you get a rush on things. Right? People see this happening and then just somebody else like, Hey, this guy's taking all the good eggs. Yeah, yeah. There must be some kind of problem. Hey, we're running out of eggs.

Everybody, quick. Gaston came to town. He's eating four dozen eggs every morning to help him get large. Get this guy. Do you think he would show up at the end of the day, be like, if you have any dirty cracked ones, I just need them. Listen, they're so expensive.

If you have any dirty cracked ones, I'll eat those. I went to buy six eggs. They're too expensive. Please. No, but he guest on is 100% of Trump voter and is 100% complaining the most about the rising cost of eggs. Uh-huh. And it's not. Never betwixt the two shall meet.

Never the twain. Never. He inflated the price in this town. He's eating 40 eggs every morning. Yeah. Right. From a town where they're not, this is an old-timey French rustic town. They're not shipping and running.

refrigerated egg. The chickens are doing their goddamn best. They're doing their best, man. They are so tired, these chickens. It's why the woman goes to buy six eggs and they're too expensive because Gaston's sucking down all these. Yeah, that's not head canon. She says eggs are too expensive and Gaston later says, I eat 50 eggs a day.

Rounding up. You can safely round up my number of morning eggs to 50. It is not covered in the lyrics of the work, but I do have to imagine that no one farts like Gaston. 50 eggs. 50 eggs is going to become something else in you. Every day, 50 eggs. That's so much eggs, my man.

Who's the real beast? One of them's farts takes two and a half minutes to come out. Who's the real beast again, remind me? One of them was kind of rude to a witch who showed up in disguise. Yeah, when he was having a kick-ass party and a stranger's like, let me in your house. And he was like, no, I don't think so. It was like, boom, you're a beast now until you find love.

Meanwhile, Gaston is killing a generation of future chickens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's wiping them out single-handedly, and the witcher's like, keep it up, big guy. Gaston sharts so hard, it creates two realities. Grimo shat and did not shit. Uh-huh. If fractures. Who throws darts like Gaston.

breaks hearts like Gaston or lets out all those terrible and sharks like Gaston. I feel like time is such a flat circle and we've been doing this show so long that I feel like we've written an entire Gaston shitting song before. I feel like... Almost certainly. And I feel like we've ramped into what is the toilet like in the Beast Mansion that is a lot. Like there's a, we definitely hit those notes. In situations like this, I only pray it's been more than 50 episodes and this was not like something we did three months

ago because that's happened in the past and that's not good for the old psyche yeah I kill toddlers whenever I fart thank you Gaston he's all of gas that gaston

that's how he got the name Gaston the name when he rips on you he says you got Gaston and then he can I have what I call a curious tongue when I go to the dentist. My tongue seems to have a mind of its own and follows the dental tools around my mouth

trying to see what is going on. Awesome. I feel embarrassed that if I let my guard down, my tongue starts wandering towards the scraper and getting the way of cleaning. What should I say beforehand or do if it happens again while I'm getting my teeth cleaned? That's from Licky Lucy in SoCal.

This happens to me. Oh, sure. You boy here got a big tongue so I had to get a CPAP. My dentist, my dentist, in the middle of this like three hour full work, like clear of my schedule, I got to do these boys' crowns and cavities.

My dentist was getting mad at my tongue. And here's what I'll tell you, my tongue's doing its job. That tongue, you're not letting your guard down. Your tongue's keeping its guard up. Right? Fighting off invaders, that's what your tongue should be doing. Yeah. It's your strongest muscle.

Your tongue evolves. You know, see, people say that. The tongue is the strongest muscle. But I don't think it's right, because if you think about, how arms lift up weights and many heavy weights and if you attempted that with your tongue it would be impossible so i don't think that's right the many and the legs are muscles that keep up the body and that is quite a quite a task and i don't think the tongue a tongue can start a war or or make peace yeah if you're talking about the penis mightier kind of deal then i'm i'm with you on that but can your arms start a war

That's the longest muscle. That's beside the point my tongue can't pick stuff like my tongue can't. I can whistle with my tongue. Look at the side. Your arm muscle is even bigger.

Like look at the size of the arm muscle versus the tongue. But per inch, if I had an arm sized tongue I'd be fucking cranky away. You know you say that per inch but tongues aren't that size are they? I mean they aren't.

Well they stretch down. I have a lot of inner tongue so they do so they don't know how far. One Oreo Mini is an extremely satisfying dessert if it's very, very, very large, much larger than a regular Oreo. That's not true. Saying it doesn't not make it so, you know? It's interested.

Your tongue's interested. It doesn't often have visitors in there. It doesn't often have pokey, poke, like, you don't often put mirrors in your mouth to, like, chill for a bit. So, like, of course your tongue's interested. It's curious. It's curious, and that's good for it. Also, the rest of the time, I would say the amount of time, the percentage of time I

spend a day actively thinking about what my tongue is doing and controlling it is very, very small. Yeah. Maybe, maybe 20% of the time I'm thinking about my tongue actively. So the idea that it's like right now, you need to have full, complete control over what your tongue's doing. Yeah. It's not possible.

Tell yourself some. Talk to my speech therapist from elementary school. She'll tell you. Yeah. It is also, I think, not your fault if the deadness is doing very interesting things. Because it used to be all scrapers and pointy edges and it's fair play to keep the tongue away from there. But lately, there's a lot more interesting lasers and lights and buzzing. I don't know if you've noticed some of this.

And those mouth vacuums are getting stronger every year. They are. They are. They are doing scans. There's a lot of interesting stuff happening over there. I'm not. I think the tongue deserves a little butcher's. I am often averse to going to the dentist,

mostly just from a very childish sort of anxiety about it. I will cop too. But I do kind of constantly wish I had one tube going in this side of my mouth squirt in my mouth with water always, and then one tube in the other side of my mouth sucking that water right out. Like a fremen suit. And I don't have to swallow. I don't have to like do any of that shit.

It's just like the good, wet, refreshing feeling of in my mouth all the time without me having to do fucking anything to get it. That's awesome. I think that if your tongue is curious, you're not going to stop it from poking around. That's why I distract my tongue with a little iPad in there. While they're working on this side, my tongue's watching YouTube shorts over here.

Keep it distracted. Keep it out of the way. Doing tricks. You could do overactive puppy rules and just be like, listen, just let him get a sniff around. Yeah. Put the tool in for a couple minutes. Just let him get a good,

like get a real good sense of the whole thing. they won't be interested. He'll lose interest. But you do got to let him get in there and just... Put my ass to sleep. Put my ass to sleep. If you don't want my tongue to get up in there, put my ass to sleep.

Insurance is fuck this country. So bad, man. The whole racket, because they used to just put you the fuck to sleep if they had to even do anything in there. Because they didn't want to get licked. They didn't want to get licked by you, you know? What if you found out that they put you in anesthesia, right?

Knock your ass out. And your tongue is even more active now. Oh, you think. And it's like, okay, listen, now all of the energy is just going to the tongue. And the tongue is just like, ha ha, hello, dentist. We meet again. I don't like thinking about my tongue that much. I don't, I obviously know it's there, but I don't, I don't know.

I don't pay it much mine. How you do it. So I says this is a big source of strength for him, apparently. Yeah, no, I, guys, after my dentist said, you have a huge tongue. Yeah. And then I said, oh, biggest you've ever seen. She said top three. I haven't stopped thinking about it.

That's got to feel fucking good, man. Wow, I've never had anything like that in my life. That's got to feel fucking great, dude. Pretty good. And also, my kids recently noticed that I have a big crease in my tongue to the point where they were concerned that I had a cut through the middle of my tongue. And I was like, no, that's just, my tongue is big. And they were like, wow, are you okay?

She made you feel that way. And you know what she used to make you feel that way? Her tongue. Yeah, man. That's crazy, man. His tongue truly is mightier than the pen even. Damn. I would say the power rankings, for me, go gun, obviously.

Then below that, tongue and pen, tongue is slightly above, but pin is, I mean, it's still way up, way, way higher up than swords. Can you imagine a gun that your tongue could use to write something? That would be cool. Talk boy. If I could finish, Shuriken comes in below sword. Those and that's just for how difficult that they are to properly throw those and execute them. Beneath that, baseball bat, beneath that brass knuckles. What about gun blade?

Nunchucky delocation. Gun blade is still a gun, so it's, again, right there at the top, number one. Nenchaku. What's that? Nunchaku, nunchuk. So my list doesn't have any sort of chained weapons so that you're not going to have a, like, a flail. A bow staff is on there, yeah. But it's below pin because it's like a pin that's too big.

This is the second time. People asked us about the candy thing earlier. I would love to do more rankings like this. I think there's a huge market for that 10 years ago. And I would love to get into it then because I think that would be a lot of good solid material. What if we did a ranking video that was candy and bladed weapons? And you had like a tier list. Yeah.

But it was kind of like both of those at once. No, not separate. Just to save time, you could do like bladed weapons and candy and just like, why are we separating them out by tier? Like someone to be like, I think katana is better than Twigs. Yeah. Yeah. And then you have to decide is Katana better than Twix. Yeah.

Not better. Is it better? At the same tier. Where would you put them? Where would you? How would they clock in? You're not doing it for free. Yeah.

Like, I'm not guys. Don't give it away. We're not doing it here. Yeah. We got to get our payday. So that's a candy. Oh my God, Travis. Oh, my God, Travis.

That was good, man. Let's go the money zone. Hey, folks. Has this ever happened to you? Your dentist tells you you've got one of the top three biggest tongues they've ever seen. And now you need to find yourself a specialist that help you deal with the ensuing medical problems that go with having a gigantic tongue. Well, good news. The specialist for being the specialist.

I'm just saying you're not in it alone. You know? Or maybe you got diagnosed with ADHD and you need that. Or you had to get glasses the same year you were diagnosed with ADHD. And you had a big tongue so you had to see a speech therapist. And you needed to find specialists for all these things. Good news. You're not in this alone, nine-year-old Travis.

I mean, random listener at home. Travis, that was really the year you got your groove back, though, I think. Oh, yeah, man. And did he start going to the talented and gifted program one Friday every week where someone would go, hey, nerd, get out of here. And had to start taking riddling every day at noon in the principal's office. This is a really specific listener, Travis. Sounds like you know him so super well.

No, this is all off the top of my head. And so you're not in this alone. You have a friend in the sock doc to help you find these specialists that you need. And in all kinds of different areas, not just giant tongue-related areas, which I don't think is actually connected to my ADHD, but I'm not a doctor. Yeah. With Zoc Doc, you can find a doctor to tell you if your ADHD is connected to your giant tongue and maybe even get a same-day appointment.

Incredible. Yeah. It's not just big-tong stuff. Maybe you got big ear. It's like whatever they can find it. They can find a guy for you. Absolutely. A big ear.

And it is a free app and website that helps you find and book highly qualified in-network doctor so you can find someone you love. Dermatology, dentistry, primary care, all kinds of stuff. Yeah. All kinds of specialties. You can search by simple. or whatever you need to find the care team that's right for you. And they have real time availability.

You can book instantly. So no like phone tag, no waiting for someone to call you back. None of that stuff. Stop putting off those doctors appointments. And go to Zockdoc.com slash my brother to find an instantly book a doctor you love today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash my brother. Zock dock.com slash my brother. Thank you, Zock, doc, for sponsoring this mess.

Do you have a huge tongue and you're ready to make money off that bad boy? You're going to need a good online destination for people to come to to see you doing stuff, push-ups, Yoshi play, stuff like that. And can I suggest if you are going to build a... What's that? I got to write this down. Can I suggest if you are going to build a website where you can charge people money to watch you Yoshi play, then maybe, not maybe.

definitely you should depend on Squarespace. What's better? Tongboy.com or boytong.com or boytong.com or boytong. Pizza. Are they all available? Yeah. None of those. Don't ever, don't do any of those.

Okay. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer your services online, get paid with, you know, online payment services, invoices, appointment scheduling built into your, your website, email marketing tools, everything that you need to run your business and connect with people online or, you know, sell your goods and services on a number of different platforms. They have a library of beautiful templates with options for every, you know, category that you might need. You can edit those by drag and drop sort of editing. It's super easy. You don't have to know anything about coding because we don't. We've all made Squarespace stuff,

and it's truly a treat to make a beautiful-looking thing on Squarespace and make it look like you know what you're doing. I went ahead and got big, big boytong.gov. Okay. Good for you, man. Yeah. Got right in there. I had to pay $250,000 for it.

To who? The government. Wait. We didn't do the call to action, so head to Squarespace.com slash. It was so good. Just really good. So head to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch,

use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Yeah. What? Oh, yes. Out of nowhere. Oh, man, I didn't do, I forgot to prepare Munch Squad. Oh. Dun, dun, dun, dun, I want a much.

April fools. It's April fools. It's April fools. Yeah, man. Da, da, da, da. What's, fucking. What sick fucked up shit have they done this year, man? Make us dirty with their filth.

This is actually, Justin, if I remember in the past, you have abstained. You've said like this is where they're like playing us, right? Yeah, yeah, and like getting the wild shit in there. What's different this year, would you say? Well, this year, I have two activities. The first is a real product that should be a joke. Mikey's late-night slice and Lions Club's

cookies partnered to create pizza inspired cookie and I'm going to show you a picture aren't all cookies pizza inspired shit you're twisted I can't believe we look at them show both these things to an alien

oh wow that's cool wait that's a cookie that's also that's a pizza well so let me tell you about this two of Columbus's most iconic food brands are blurring the lines between dinner and dessert. Lions Club cookies, recently named

the number two cookie shop in the nation and the legendary Mikey's late meat slice. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. They've announced a collaboration that sounds like an April Fool's prank, but it's very much a reality. The Cub Zone. The Cub Zone

is a culinary crossover that marries the nostalgic thick-baked style of Lions Club with the bold, irreverent flavors of Mikey's late-night slice. It's not a joke or is a gimmick. a meticulously crafted savory and sweet pizza party. The Cub zone starts with Lion Club's signature sugar cookie dough, infused with Mikey's secret spice blend.

Huh. The center is layered with Mikey's signature marinera and their famous gooey cheese blend, along with many pepperonies, and then top with a crunchy bait on cheese crust and more pepperoni for a textural finish that mimics the perfect slice. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It mimics it so good, in fact. Except. Yeah.

Yeah. for the sugar cookie crust? It can't be the sweetest sugar cookie, right? Like, they've cut it. They've cut it with something, right? Like, that might be okay if it's not too sweet. Like a short crust, like if it's a shortcut, maybe? But it sounds like they got, they started and they were like,

the signature sugar cookie dough infused with Mikey's secret spice. Travis, you could get there, bud. Columbus, you could get there for us. It just feels like. It's the only way we'll know, the palate. They started and we're like, we're going to make a cookie that looks like a pizza, but it's actually a cookie. So we've got, we've made a shit ton of sugar cookie dough. And then they said, oh, we don't actually know how to do the rest of it.

We'll just make it a tiny pizza. Just make it a tiny pizza. Oh, but we already made all this sugar cookie dough. Traff, trap, trap, trap, trap, trap. The Cub Zone will be available warm from the oven at both Lions Club cookies locations and six Mikey's late-night slice locations. Oh. It says excluding Cincinnati. Sorry, I got really excited.

Sorry. Oh, man. Why does it explicitly say that? Well, it excludes Kimball Live, Hollywood Casino, Dayton, and Cincinnati. A lot of great venues. And it says they know what they did. That's wild. Yeah.

This might, here's what I'm, like, thinking, looking at this thing. Probably gross. Might, might fuck. It, it's probably, I would say it's 85, I'm a way to find out. 85% gross, definitely. 15% actually it fucks together. How do they get them pepperoni so little?

Those are the littlest tiniest ronies I've ever seen. We wanted to do the thing brands always pretend they're doing on April 1st. Something's so ridiculous. People assume it's fake. And then actually do it. It's called innovation, Bradley. Sorry. Lions Club and Mickeys are a perfect match for this type of thing.

We're both local, deeply connected our community, and we're not afraid to have fun with creativity. Says Bradley. My brain looking at this, it's like the TARDIS, where my brain keeps sliding off of it as I try to look at it. Yeah, you can't. Yeah, it definitely looks like a small pizza. How do you get it? Oh, that's a pizza. And then it's like, well, no, that's a cookie.

No. So how do you get a pepperoni that small to cupy that fucking. The mini, cuspid, crispy pepperoni. It's insane, dude. And they toasted the cheese so right. I am, I am going to close this out. I wanted to spend a considerable amount of time talking about this because it's a real thing that's really happening

and that's worth something still. Or are they fucking like me, nine meta layers deep and them saying this is not a prank? Until I get one of these in my hands, I'm going to assume it's like a double, a sort of double faint prank attack. We are going to rank the top 15 food brand jokes that dropped today for April Fool's

Day. Awesome. I got the list fresh from Delish. These all dropped today. And I just want to get your guys hot takes S through D. Yeah. What's the rank? Yeah. You guys are professional comedians, much like myself. First up, Halls is doing grandma's purse flavor with a hint of lavender and lint. It makes me sad. Yeah, it makes me sad. Vintage taste. Okay, can I get a letter, guys? D. D, I don't think that's very funny. It's a cohesive idea. It makes me nostalgic. It's a cohesive. Can you do like B as in Bobby? Because it's like really hard to know otherwise. D is in Dobby. D is in dog shit. So the worst it could be. Okay. Yeah.

Next up, MASH gang is a non-alcoholic beer brand bringing you chug IPA. It's a keg that replaces the office cooler with a keg of non-alcoholic beer. I don't think that would actually happen. I'm going to say that's probably a false. I'm going to say that one's not real.

That one's not real. Griffin, they're all false. They're all false. What's the letter grade of this joke? D. D. Yeah, I'm saying, man.

Like, do it. Okay. Deep Indian kitchen. Chewing is so overrated is the tagline of this Coconut Chicken Curry protein drink. Mild Spice. D. D. For me, I think.

Knowing it's not real, it's just like, the joke needs to be more than like, wouldn't our shit be so fucking yucky if we mush? This is what it looks like inside you when your body turns it to shit. Isn't that fucking funny? I'm going to. retroactively bump the keg water cooler one up to a sea.

Because at least if I saw that one in the wild, they'd be like, what the fuck? Right? Both of these, I would just be like, that's gross. Some of these are just like, it feels like product research. Yeah. They're like putting it out like, wouldn't it be crazy if we scribble, scramble, scruble, scruble, AI, AI, AI.

Yeah. Do people like it? Help. Next up, Stella Rosa. Pickle. This is not, pickle is in like everything these days. Yeah, man. Stella Rosa pickle. It's like fancy.

It's like a fancy pickle wine. I'm telling you that, Justin, I like that okay. You really preface this well. If this is them going, but would you all, would you? But would you? I'll say C just because pickle wine

does feel good on the, on the tip of the time. I'm gonna say B, I would try it. It pairs perfectly with a deli sandwich and a side of skepticism. Fink, Stelarosa, you're busting up my goddamn sides. You guys are really,

having a laugh. 8 o'clock coffee has this. It is an AI powered alarm clock that brews a pot of coffee at 8 a.m. So that exists. I don't... So that exists. Yeah, that exists. You don't know why it's a joke.

You don't need AI for that either. You can't appropriate. You super didn't need AI. You didn't. I mean, we know that they didn't. Is that the joke? The joke is that we, I can't buy my Pop-Paw at PlayStation 5 because 8 o'clock and it's fucking April Fool's Day alarm clock.

It feels like a date of me. again, Griff? I'm actually going to say an F on this one for like that however many acres of rainforest that this image and brain space took up. All right, here we go. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Yes. What are you got? I mean, we got the baby bottle pop adulthood survival collection with flavors like fiber, protein, and salmon. Fucking good. Funny. That's funny. That's funny. That's funny. That's a tier. That's a tier. I'll tell you why it's because this is a, this baby bottle pop is already, it's already playing in some pretty, like, wild, abstract spaces.

This is a baby's candy. Oh, but they shouldn't have it. It is. But now it's adult and it's got fiber flavor. What's fiber tastes like? There's something about baby bottle pop realizing I exist as a human being that is, that is funny to me. Because, like, baby bottle pop has, of course, been part of my life for the past 11 years.

But baby bottle pop has never seemed concerned with knowing I exist. But when Baby Bottle Pop turns its eyes towards me and says, gee, you need salmon? That's, it's pretty good. I tell you right now that if on any other day, maybe not the salmon, but baby bottle pop protein, baby bottle pop fiber,

those pop up in a Facebook ad or whatever the fuck, I would. Sure. I would buy it for a second. I wouldn't buy it, buy it. But I maybe think that's real. Okay, I got Keybler. Anybody want to guess?

I haven't looked to Keyboard yet. They have a new CEO elf, and it's, you know, it's ice spice or something. I'm gonna say go in the same way, like fiber cookies, protein cookies. For adults.

So they did hollow tree toothpaste, fudge stripe flavor toothpaste. Vienna fingers. Vianna fingers. You found sandy toothpaste. All right. Again, it's just like if you messed up our shit

and made it yucky shit, wouldn't it be great? And I don't like looking at the brown toothpaste. No, but if they said like a sandwich spread, of this stuff. Dude, yeah, I'd buy the hell out of that. Yeah, but... They didn't say that.

I know. But at least that would get me thinking. I see this and I'm like, no... I want to be... I need to know whether or not it's real. The pizza cookie, I still don't know if that shit's real or not, but if I see Tebler's toothpaste.

I said to you, the first was real, the rest of heart. Yeah, but I said the thing about my vasectomy, Justin, and I said that was real and it wasn't. It was a joke. And I had my whole bit about not recording, which was a bit. I'm still not sure if Griffin is real. recording this. Let me double check. Yeah, I am recording now. Sumo Citrus is doing some square

citrus square. What? That's again, we were doing that. Square fruit. We're doing that. We're doing that. Watermelons are square. We're doing it. Top Ramen is doing top ramen butterfinger. Raman flavors is done. You cannot do it anymore. There are too many real, absolutely decrepit insane flavor as there's everything bagel flavor of ramen they're doing everything with cotton candy ramen ramen

although the beeria ramen oh yeah he he is a yeah I don't know why you say peanut like a peanut butter like a peanut sauce yeah no that is a thing in food yeah yeah but it's not butter they don't make those with butterfinger

I'm gonna say that one's not real Griffin the halal guys are going to fine dining. They're taking its iconic street food off the streets and into a five-star restaurant. It's a fancy... Good for them.

Halal guys. If I saw that, I just be like, oh, okay, cool, good for you. Can I just say when I can tell that the effort that was put into preparing this New Year, or not New Year's, this April Fool's Day prank was just like one Photoshop and not even a particularly good one.

And perhaps, it may actually be an AI generated image. Some of this is a pretty wild looking. Several of these may be. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe all of these definitely, definitely are. Ford does that shit in their commercials now. I show somebody driving a Ford truck on a beach and it's like, this shit's

AI. And it's like, you guys don't have Ford trucks that you can do videos of? You couldn't find a beach. You couldn't find one beach and one guy to drive one of your fucking trucks. Okay, wait, this next one looks promising. This one's good. Okay. I can't believe this next one's not real. Okay. So that's a bunch of crunch.

The name is what does it for me. Yeah, yeah. The bunch of crunch, which is like, if you imagine a crunch bar, bunch of crunch is like the little nuggets of crunch bar. I'm trying to scroll down. I forgot this was a screenshad. I'm trying to scroll. I want to see it.

Bunch of crunch dispenser experience. And you put your popcorn under it and drops bunch of crunch. Put your popcorn bucket underneath. Yeah. Oh my God. Slaps. Funny. Yeah.

Funny words. The words bunch of crunch dispenser experience. That's funny. Also good idea. Dispster experience nails it. Someone, someone funny. added experience.

Yeah. Dispenser is not funny. The kind of prank where I would look at that and be like, what? And then be mad, it's not real and that's the prank. And then they get you next year

when it does start showing up and they do it. Mother's cookies is not now doing father's cookies. And the father cookies are shaped like drills and PlayStation controllers and baseball gloves.

It's the ultimate dad mode cookies. It's a dad mode cookies. Okay. Ultimate dad mode cookies. I'm glad now. I have a soft spot in my heart for these frosted animal cookies when I'm traveling and I see those in the Hudson thing. I will buy them every time.

I fucking love these things. They don't, it's not, those aren't themed to mothers. They're frosted animal crackers. Yeah. I know, Trapp, but this is like. No, Justin. They're changing the company in this one to fathers. And so they had to make it.

It doesn't make any sense. So Travis, what you're saying, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying is that it's like two jokes in one. If they had just said the name of the company is now fathers, and we're still making the same animal crackers. I do think, sorry, I do think it is pretty good. The Frosted Cookie Company mothers decided, hey, you know, it might be fun for April Fools,

is to take a hard left into gender politics. That's something that we want to wade into. We want to lightly dip our toe into that whole thing. And slam dunk, I love. game and drill in baseball glove. I love that shit. And I'm a dad. I'm a real dad of two kids.

Yeah. Love it. Yeah. Love it. When we're hanging out with our dad, I'll say, dad, I have my baseball glove. Throw me the controller. Yeah. And he'll do it.

And then I'll drill it. Yeah, sure. What? What is this? Baskin Robbins. What is that? Ice cream soup. Strawberry cheesecake ice cream soup.

In a can? Ice cream soup. It's a soup can that's got strawberry cheesecake Baskin's robin's. idea. It's not bad. It's pretty bad. And if you look at it, it's like ice cream, like, and like you would buy milk, but yeah, maybe. Now we're talking. Now we're talking.

This is good. What they've done here? May I? This is tasteful. It's tasteful. It's a cup of noodles in making like a heatless curlers set. That's what might for their hair. But the branding of. cup of noodles is so small

that you see the hurricane that I was like, what's the joke here? What's the, oh, it's cup of noodle. Tasteful. That's not where they go usually. That's, yeah. B. B. B. C.

Yeah. B. Solid B. St. Pierre. St. Pierre Bakery is offering a white glove Waffle Butler service. What the fuck does that? Hey, St. Pierre Bakery, how the fuck would that work? Walk me through it. I'll receive precision syrup pours, 45 degree aesthetic plating, and anti-soggy crumb management to ensure proper enjoyment. How?

Am I going on Thumbtack and, like, booking one of these? Or do you send someone to my door when you find out that I bought your waffle? Like, how are you delivering this? That's fucking wild. How are you fulfilling? I guess you're creating an outrageous number of jobs. That's awesome. That should be the headline is.

I'm going to tell you, Justin, right now, out of all of these, the bunch of crunch dispenser experience is S tier. The rest of these, I'm going to just go ahead and say are all F tier. Because none of these seem to get what A, a joke is, or B, a prank, it. Like, this thing of like, we're doing

waffles now, there's going to be a white glove butler experience. Am I supposed to, A, care that there's a white glove butler experience, B, believe there's a, or like... Back in the day, in the fucking games business, naughty dog would put out, like, guess what,

bitches Crash Bandicoot 6 Brace your asses and then the day after they'd be like just kidding Crash Bandicoot died in a car accident four years ago The next Mario's NC17 They would just smash your hopes What? Why would you lie about Crash Bandicoot

like that? Now it's soft, it's so soft Like if you look at the header of this Delish web page I'm on under the Moore category you see I tried cup noodles Thanksgiving ramen flavor Cup noodles has a new everything bagel flavor. I try the new Totinos and Old El Paso ramen.

I mean, this is, we're very well covered. Also, shout out to food journalism, because can you imagine watching someone eat everything bagel-flavored ramen, and you're watching it for a second, you're like, no, you know what, never mind. Write about this later, and I'll just read how it went. Yeah, I can't possibly. Thank you so much for listening to our podcasts.

Sorry we fucking lied to you so many times this episode. We lied to you guys. This one was always going to be very pranky. Yeah. But I want this to be like a safe space where you know that we're just giving you the straight stuff. The following is completely true. We're doing new merch. It's April.

New merch. We have a Crowen-Wilson enamel pin. There's a Meggie. What are this called? Not a votive, but a candle. A nice tall candle. And a limited release of the Omnur to Win shirt to celebrate our IHeart Media Podcast Award win. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Marshall B. Johnson Institute,

which organizes, advocates, offers direct relief support, and interrupts the people who are standing in the way of a more just world for black trans people and all people. So make sure you check that out and check out macroy merch.com. And check out the new merch there and all the great merch. there. We got stuff we're doing on YouTube all the freaking time. If you follow Macroy Entertainment System on Instagram, you'll, you can stay up to date on how we do streams with all three of us playing games almost every Tuesday and DeJuces doing streams playing games on Mondays and Travis on Wednesdays. We're doing so much streaming, so much video stuff for you to watch it. So follow Macroy family on YouTube and follow Macquarie Entertainment System on

Instagram. So you can just find out when we're doing stuff and come hang. It's always so chill. It's always so great. The community is so fucking tight and cool and helpful. And thanks to Montaigne also for the use for a theme song. My Life is Better with you. It's the theme song to the summer. I bet this year. I bet it'll be the theme song to the summer. Oh, I have this nice dry erase marker. It has a good footprint, but it's like pretty big. I think it'll make actually a pretty good sound. Are you guys cool with that? I'll try not to hit my goddamn deck. tree this time. That thing's taken a walloping with this segment.

Gotta get that for some wireless headphones. It's something on the ricochet. What did you get on the bounce? What do you get on the bounce? The wall, okay, so the order was the wall, my coffee cup, my computer monitor. It was like a, like Toby

throwing the fucking rubber ball in Westwood. It really had a nice sort of triangular arc to it. God. All right, thanks. I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McElroy. I want to see that. I want to see that one back.

That's the first one that I feel like look cool. Case your dad's square on the lips. Maximum Fun. A Worker Own Network of Artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.