My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 813: Somebody Cream Me!

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

It turns out the McElroy family organization is the exact opposite of the Mafia in that we are known for being real goofs and also owe favors to a lot of people. But we still have lots of advice you can’t refuse about suspicious frozen desserts, responsible accent work, and baby wookies. Suggested talking points: Kit Fisto’s Best Friend, All Roads Lead to Sling Blade, Can’t Be Mad at Me I Said I Was Ignorant, Oops! We Bought a Mafia, They Call Me Creamy Pet First Nations Development Institute: https://www.firstnations.org/ Thanks to everyone who participated in this year's MaxFunDrive! Still want to get in on the action? Follow this link to support this show (and get in on our limited-time keychain sale to benefit the Center for Constitutional Rights): https://maximumfun.org/joinmbmbam

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the side of something into a precious friendship. It feels love. Hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother, me, and advice show for the modern air.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What up Tribe Nation. It's me, your middleist brother, Travis Big Dog Wolfo Vroom, the Heater award-winning Big Dog Maceroy. Hi, it's Griffin McRoy, your youngest brother. That award, by the way, supposedly, in the mail. It's coming, man, tariffs, dude.

We'll see. The tariffs and the ram shortage, dude, it's dragging everything down. It's coming. It's in the mail. It's coming. I just wanted to see, I wanted to check in, right? Mandalorian and Grogu is coming to theaters at a date.

And we are, it's got to be close. We're all getting pretty excited about May 22nd. The fourths. Oh, this month? Yeah, May 22nd, Mandelore and Gurgoo. But they couldn't swing the fourth, huh? They couldn't get the fourth. They were off by, they needed a few weeks to polish up Grogu's CGI.

You know, there was one like exact who was like, oh, but do you think, oh, but could we? Yeah. Make him creesier. More creases in his. beautiful green skin. This is, and now to celebrate the launch of this movie coming out on May 22nd and the fact that it was just

May 4th, I would like to introduce a new character that I've just created, yeah. Okay, awesome. It's called Guy that hasn't paid attention to Star Wars in 20 years. Okay, ready? Okay. And he goes to the movies. I thought you were, I'm so sorry, Justin, I thought you were about to be like, his name is Biz Grispo. No, no, no, no, no, he's a pod racer.

His name. His name is bitch jizzard. He is a gloat. He's Kit Fisto's best friend. His Kit Fisto's best friend, bitch Gizzard. But they haven't seen each other since childhood. Bich-o Gizzard. You got to twist it a little bit to get Georgie Lucas excited.

It can't just be. Yeah, it can't just be a cuss word. Okay, so here comes. And his midi-chlorians are off the charts. Absolutely. They bring those back in Mandalorian. Doesn't know what to do with them. Yeah.

A lot of movies in the theater this week. Sorry, Jews, you gotta give us a clean. Is this the guy? I'm looking at the posters. Yeah, just say like, just, but in the future of you, when you're doing a character like this, if you could just say, the guy starts now. Yeah.

So we know that it's, like, exterior. Yeah. I'm trying to be like immediate res. Oh. I'll say it then. All right, everybody. The guy starts now.

I feel like you're hanging too much of a thing on. Exterior. Movie theater. Afternoon. We're going to try it. A divorce dad. I'm saying now at this point, if this dies on the vine, the blood's on your hands. A divorced dad of four.

His children range between four and 14. He's looking at movie posters. Huh. A lot of different movies going on. Oh, they did a new Star Wars. I haven't paid attention to that for 20 years. What the fuck? Hey.

Hey, did they make a movie about Boba Fett and a tiny Yoda riding on his back doing adventures? Because I am back on board with Star Wars now. I'm actually really into this franchise. Okay. That's not the way I thought the character was going to go. I thought the character was going to be. Did you think that your brothers might help to build on it and like in the way you've always done podcasting? Or did you think that you would just kind of like say back?

Say the last thing you said again. I'm ready now. No, no, juice. I have a fucking killer idea. No. Have you heard, hey, guy looking at this movie boasters, he's suddenly into stars again? Tell me everything. I just stabbed you in the stomach.

I just stabbed you. My guy stabbed your guy in the stomach. Oh my God. Freeze. I'm an usher for the movie theater. I slay his throat. Stabby. Oh.

Hi, I'm the man, Melorian. I've been sent to kill you. I'm about to kill George Lucas and I know this is George Lucas. The knife point is to your throat. Talk, George. Talk. Talk, funny, man. I'm so glad you liked my little guy, Grogu.

That's not the real George Lucas. That's a fake. No, that's my Conor Ratlin. You're excused. I'm not going to kill you father. I can't wait to, I can't wait for you to meet Blippy. Blippy's a new guy. Blippy's a new guy I got.

Blippy's in this one? Yeah, do you know, do you remember Chubaca? This is a little one. And his name's Blippy and I'm playing him. You're playing him, George. Yeah, I'm going to be Blippy, the little wookie. The little baby Chubaka. little as rookie? And we have a new movie coming out and it's called Darth Mal and Blippy.

And it's about him and he finds love with a new baby wookie. This didn't sound anything like George Hook is like from this. No, it also made it sound like Darth Mal and Blippy fall in love. Yeah. I'd watch that. I'd watch that. Well, I ship Blippy and Groger, so which blipy? Yeah, man. Mm, evil blibby? The Blippy who is a baby wookie, that is Chubaka's son. What do you fucking talk about, dude? Why don't we keep it? explaining that we got baby Yoda now we got blibby in the mix let's get some other

more baby Star Wars babies yeah give me a tiny jaba worm a little hut yeah it's a tiny little java and he eats all the sandwiches like a slime of gotten like character

what I'm trying to make about this guys that we would have gotten to about a guy who hadn't paid attention to Star Wars because it is just like it feels like, I like you all right, but it feels like smaller and you could eat him

like that would be good. It's like, yeah, we all like, yeah, Boba Fett's cool, but if he was like different,

super noble and he loved a little edible Yoda, I'd like that better. Could you make a movie where the, I actually, now I think about it,

nice Boba Fett and tiny edible Yoda together for me. Strong. For me, for a whole movie. Do you think, what's the appropriate

running time for Mandela? Lauren and Grogu. I'm not asking what it is. An hour and 40 minutes. Hour 40 clean, right? Yeah. I was going to say a tight 110.

If Mandu and Grog go over 150, they could. Like, there's no way those two boys can sustain that without a romance. No way. For sure. How much discussion do you think there's been in production meetings about if when Grogu eventually talks must? Is he going to have the same grammar as Yoda? Or was that just a choice Yoda made at some point?

Oh, I see, I see. Is the other, other, um, Daegobuns. Two hours and 20 minutes? That's too long, Georgie. George, Portey Pudding pie. That's way too long, partner. Just because there haven't been seven, seven years since the Star Wars movie, you don't have to smush them all in one big one.

Geez. All I'm saying is if he's raised by Mando, Yeah. Speaking, I guess, Galactic Common or whatever it is. Is he just going to be like, hi, everybody. It's me, Grogo. I'm also here. Hello.

What if you speak Spanish? That could be cool. How come no one in the Star Wars world speaks any Spanish? Pedro, Spanish. Oh, the actor, Pager Pascal taught the man, baby Yoda, how to speak Spanish. I mean, we're joking, but I did see an episode of that show one time where The Mandalorian took his helmet off. And it was Pedro Pascal under there. Whoa.

It could have been the whole time. The only person that Baby Yoda has heard talk is the Mandalorian ever. So when he does talk, it's just going to be this little adorable tough, right? Like, I'm going to get you. They're done for. I'm going to get a cute. Dirty kid. Hey, put me down.

Give me another one of the frogs to suck on, Daddy. Give me a frog to suck on, dad. Dad, I don't want to eat a frog. Give me another one of them frogs, daddy. Arbor daddy, give me a frog. Harvey Daddy, give me a frog to suck off from the corners. Mando, Daddy. Give me one of them sucky frogs.

Crunchy frogs to suck on a job of special sucky fox. I don't know. He evolved. He evolved into Slingblade naturally. Baby Yoda and baby Slingblade. Oh, boy. All roads leave the same place. Probably not.

This is an advice show. We're going to help people. Thanks for your support and Maximum Fun Drive. You're always great to us. We love you. Thank you. I recently started a new job during an average eight-hour shift. I end up walking about 13 miles.

Oh, damn. I don't know my coworkers well, but there is one particular woman who says, Hey, let's race. Or a race. you down to the end of the hall every time we cross past. I haven't observed her doing this to anybody else.

Well, to be fair, you couldn't. Right? I mean, scientifically speaking, that event you're talking about is unobservable by you because you would have to be present and are therefore interrupting.

Part of the race. Yeah. This has happened about seven times, and each time I've awkwardly laughed and shrugged it off. I appreciate the whimsy, but brothers, I'm way too tired to race this person. How do I get her to stop asking? Do I just have to beat her in a sprint the one time so she'll leave me alone?

Or will this encourage further behavior? That's from reluctant sprinter in Sarasota. This is something we can help with. Persistent? Persistent. Just to kind of keep being a problem. Sometimes people email us to be like, this is happening right now, but it's an email. I dropped a pie.

I dropped a pie on my wiener, a hot pie and burns. What do I do? And it's like, you're done with that, definitely. I think, listen, what we're coming back from here, what we have to reel back in is my worry is that by you kind of chuckling at it politely, you've given the impression of like, this is a shared running joke. We have. It is a running joke.

It is a running joke, isn't it? But this is a shared moment. There's your out. Travis, there's your out, dude. You just got it in one. You say, I love this running. joke and then you walk away right and then they're thinking about it and they're gonna bust up you're gone it doesn't matter they bust up or they don't you know what I mean but like that's

that line end of exchange you've like busted it up you put energy into it right put a little investment in this person give a little bit of levity I thought of a joke for you you're comfortable with not racing you don't have to engage with them in a foot race well next time they ask you to race just say I'm not really a racist and that and any interaction. What? Hold on, Trave. It means something.

It means, I'm glad it should be true. I like it. I like it. I like it. Actually, it's good. Is it possible that you don't see this happening with anyone else? Because you're new to the job. She's already beaten everyone else in a foot race, and now you're new meat.

Yeah. It's optimistic that you think that by beating her in a sprint, she'd stop bringing it up. She'd stop. And not that she would go train tirelessly until she could get her eventually. We can agree that this is definitely not the first race that this person has challenged someone. Well, this is what I'm, there is an alternate scenario where you go to someone and you're like, hey, what's up with Vicky? And they're like, she was hired the day before you. None of us know.

We can't figure it out either. Like, we are just as lost as you are. She literally started the day before you did. Yeah. Maybe she's a Siam. And the boss was like, everyone moves so slow around here. We never get anything done. And Vigke was like, I know just how to put me in boss.

I know how to speed everybody up. I know how to motivate everyone to move a little faster down the hallways. I understand that you, I understand the temptation to just bust one time, bust out, break free. Yeah. So fast. It's like so fast, just once. Go as fast as you can. I understand that, but you are going to run into somebody.

You're going to run into somebody. They're going to come out of their office when they're not supposed to, and you're going to fucking drill them. They're going to have four big lemonade. Like, if they will, four ice cold lemonade. It just made hand squeezed. That they made in their office. They're not bringing it from outside.

You look at Country Time. At Countrytime, we hand-race our lemons the way my grandfather did. We race our lemons up and the floor while it's fresh. Stack. We spread these yellow bastards right off the same. the tree right into the fucking plant. The last hundred yards, my nephew Dylan chucks them in.

Just fucking hurls them. Farm to table. These are FTTMPH, right? We got to get these things in there now. They go off so quick. Did you say Neil Patrick Harris is helping to get the limits there with the power of magic?

As fast as possible. We won't serve you up a glass of our chili summer beverage until Neil Patrick Harris has run each lemon personally 200 laps around our corporate headquarters. Oh boy. Just tell her next time she challenged you to be like, I'm just too competitive.

I would and like say that a couple times and then agree to the race and trip her right at the start. You know, really take her out and say, I told, I tried to warn you. Yeah, I was going to get nasty this whole time. I see a lot of clips on TikTok from shows like suits and

billions. And I don't know what I've done to curate that necessarily, but all of these clips are just like well-suited people fighting over the good desk with their corporate margins. And sometimes they're like playing poker and it's like, I bet a million dollars and my job. And the other people are like rock hard for it. They're like, yeah, I love this competitive shit because this is suits or billions. And that's just how one gets ahead in America now. maybe this is something like that, but more of a double-dare sort of physical challenge situation. Small sign-note, Griffin, this has happened a couple times now.

I love when you bring up stuff that gets served to you on your For You page, and you're like, I don't know why it gets served to me. And then you go on to describe how you've watched them a bunch of times and you know what happens in them. That's why you're interested in it. I know, I do watch, yeah. I know what Griffin's talking about, though. There is a, it's a terrifying moment when I see.

a TikTok from criminal minds because I know that that's the moment that I'm gonna the algorithm is really watching closely because it is taken an absolute shot in the dark and it is like maybe criminal minds

and I had this moment where I'm like I need to figure out what you're doing I need to figure out what this is but if I start poking around and like God forbid like hearting it like what is this trying to figure it out and he's like hey

Yeah, I thought I was taking a shot in the dark with that criminal mind shit, but Justin's wild for it. He's tapped every actor tagged in it. He goes to the comments as like scrolling through them. He's loving this criminal minds content. It's like, I'm not, I'm not. I'm just am trying to figure out what you have done. What have you brought me? It would be like if your cat brought a sparrows corpse and you're like trying to figure out where the lungs are and then it's like, oh, this guy loves sparrows.

Hold on. I'm just saying, Jonathan, maybe you are interested in criminal minds, and maybe the algorithm knows you better than you know yourself, and you should just accept it and binge watch it. But we're not accepting applications at the moment. You know what I mean? We don't have space. We do not have space for a billion or suits. We can't. I can barely get to Daredevil born again, things that are important to my life.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I know. These are relevance to me. Your friend Daredevil. I understand. Am I suddenly, surprisingly? curious to find out what happens in the limitless TV show because I got fed a clip. Yeah, absolutely I am.

It's a pill that makes him so smart he can be president. Like, yeah, I'm... Of course I'm curious about that. And the dude from the movie makes a cameo. It's a shared universe, not just a reimagining of it. So, yes, I want to know what happens. There needs to be another vector of interaction with TikTok reels and Instagram. Reals, not detective vision, but there's like the heart and there's the share and there's the

resume it and you blast it out to your own followers. There needs to be like a, I don't know what the image would be, maybe a ship sailing away and that would communicate to the Algo like, thank you for billions. Thank you for this great clip of a high stakes poker game from suits or billions. But I am done. I am done with this topic. I do not need any more. and we may go our separate ways now in peace, in gratitude,

but I do not need only clips from NCIS New Orleans or whatever. Something that maybe like is a way to communicate. Yes, I did zone out while this clip from Silicon Valley played. And that's going to make you think, whoa, he watched it twice. He wants a lot more Silicon Valley clips. But I want to make it clear. Like, no, somebody asked me a question while it was on. please stop i dropped my phone caught it with the with the share button i didn't even commit to the

action but that was enough for i'll tell you guys i feel like 911 lone star is being made specifically for this exact purpose i feel like 911 lone star episodes are probably one and a half minutes of like rob low working as a firefighter in austin texas and then they're like a meteor is about to strike and you think like why the fuck are they doing this for their firefighter show and then the next you know 27 and a half minutes is just static dead air and then they put there are like they know like if we put this clip out of rob low and austin texas firefighter looking up in the sky like a god damn asteroid is coming you know i'm going to interact with that in a in a a serious way i bet if you to sit down and stream that episode

of television. The way it plays out is that scene happens and then it's sort of like it waits a beat and they're all sort of like staring and it's you hear someone say okay cut they've swiped away for sure. Yeah they're gone. There's no more somebody holds up

like a cellophane sheet with the TikTok information on the cell phone in front of the camera so that's just built in to the shot. The rest of the episode is just Roblo and company just sitting around the firefighting table just kind of shooting the shit while like subway surfers takes up a third the right third of the screen and whatever the show is that

has the guy who played steve from uh sex of the city and he's a firefighter he's a firefighter he comes over and says hey are you guys done with the set we need to film 45 seconds of our firefighter tictock show yeah absolutely um it might be the same show might be a number of years ago a member of a well-known mafia family told me, quote, if I ever need anything, the family has my back. I don't do crimes, but I hate to let a good favor go to waste. Is it okay to ask the mafia to help you with non-crimey things? And what should I use my favor for? That's from an offer they can't refuse from Ontario, Canada. Additional information, it's been about 20 years, and I have to go through Facebook to claim it. Okay. Oh, that's a shame. That's a

That's rough. It's the Facebook, having to go through Facebook to claim it is, is challenging. The other thing I will say to you, and this is from a place of absolute ignorance. Yeah. But if you were in Ontario, Canada, I don't think it was the real mafia. I think it was maybe a different kind of. Oh, there are mafias everywhere. I just feel like it was probably not the capital end mafia.

You know what I mean? Like, the mafia, but the mafia, but all mafia, indefinite article. Listen to fucking justice. If it, listen, if it just came from a place of it, if it ain't Capone, no thanks. Can't get mad at me. I said I was ignorant. That's true.

You can't get mad at stupid people who know they're stupid. That's true. That's why all those Jubilee shows, they start with every- Stupid is not the word I used. Ignorant. You'd rather be ignorant?

Ignorant is fixable. Fair enough. I think that this is why it's important. If you're going to become a mafia family or any kind of powerful organization that's able to say like, if you ever need a favor, you gotta have tokens of some kind that you can hand out.

Oh, that's so fucking lit. Yeah, absolutely. A little coin with like some shit on it. Something. Something. Something tangible. What? Wait, you want fungible or not fungible?

No, I remember we at. Tangible. Okay, you want non-fungible tokens that you exchanged with the mafia for favors? Non-fungible, very tangible. Very tangible. Well, they're not fungible because you. He gets spin them at Costco. NFVTs.

NFVTTs. Non-fungible, very tangible tokens. I like the idea of a mafia member coming up to you and being like, you've done my family a great service this day. Take this bored ape, JPEG. And if you ever need it, HMU on Facebook, and we'll get this thing going. I 3D printed some tokens. Now, I've included a file to the print design.

Please don't print off a bunch more of these and start spreading them around. It'll get confusing fast. Did we professionally sort of build the opposite of the mafia as a sort of like family concept? Like what if there was a, what if there was a family organization that was not threatening? And owed a lot of people a lot of favors? yes absolutely that I cashed in on the goodwill of thousands of people

yeah we've inversely I I you know it's funny the age that I am I feel like if you have it's a mafia person that maybe I would really appreciate help with just like you know how there's like cover businesses

sometimes with the mafia like yeah you know he's not really an electrician he's like a mafia I really would like the mafia to help me with like the actual electrician guy. You know what I mean? Like if you could help me find an actual electrician that would come to the place and do the like yes like if I think

Mafia as subcontractor would be very helpful. Oh yeah. Like they definitely probably know a guy that paints houses and then you're like no no no no no no no no no no you don't understand no no no no no you don't know a guy that paints house please or if you're looking to start a new business they've started a lot of cover business and you're like hey

you guys started a lot of things if you could help me set up like a real electrician business. Yeah. Like, I love that. I'm not even asking for funding or whatever. I don't know how to find a location. I don't know how to get permits.

And don't through it. I don't need, like, I want to really get the permits. Some of these people are just well liked. Yeah. You know, there's such a thing as soft power. It doesn't have to be crime. It could just be like, hey, you know

how everybody thinks you're such a good guy? And so they like to help you out around town. Maybe you can help me. Maybe talk to one of your friends about helping me out. It's not crime. The fact that you're thinking of it like a crime is why you have an exchange at these 20 years, right? It's like, you got to think of it like

just something you need a little like... I bet they don't like being asked to do crimes. No. They would probably... No way, right, they're illegal. They probably prefer to help you move? Right? Do you think in the broad scope of history, there's ever been a family who was surprised to find out that everyone in the

city thought they were a mafia? Thought they were mafia, but really they were just really friendly. And like did nice things for us. And after like 20 years, like this city really loves us. And they're like, well, yeah. You're the mafia. And they're like, what?

You kill people who don't agree with you. No, no, no. We're not. We just are huge union boosters. Yeah. We're big into that life and we're very friendly. And you always say this is a beautiful business. It'd be a shame if something happened to it.

It's like, yeah. It was a beautiful business and shit happens all the time. This is a gorgeous business. Oh, man, this China shop, it sure would be a fucking shame. anything happened to it. Because of all the beautiful plates and cups and tea dishes. Cutlery. And you talked about how your uncle was with the fishes now.

Yeah, no, he went to Barbados and did a scuba diving thing. And he fell in love with and he does that now full time. What are you talking about? We were at Shake Shack the other day. You ordered the Gabagool? Yeah, that was a mistake on my part. I got it confused with a different restaurant. I meant to order like a large fry and I just got real marble mouthed, you know?

Yeah. There's certainly been a change of hands in the power structure too in 20 years, right? Oh, sure. The person that owed you a favor, maybe nobody likes them anymore. Or maybe they got kicked out for being late a lot. You don't know that. Hey, you're late to mafia. We've warned you so many times.

You forgot to sign in! Mafia starts at 10 a.m. sharp. That is not that early. You have no excuse for being this late. And it was your turn to bring the coffee and donuts. And again, you said, and the guns. You forgot the canolae and you forgot the guns. You messed up.

Come on, man. Mess up. It's a bad meaning of the mafia now. And Dave's got a carpool with you. And now Dave's late. And it's not even his fault. I know, Dave. I'm not mad at you.

I know it's not your fault. You're always on time. We're going to stop calling that guy Mafia Dave. Yeah. Yeah. Because he's so late for all the mafia stuff we're doing. And we're going to start calling you punctual Pete, but in an ironic way, because you're always late.

And when we say it, you'll know that it sounds like a funny joke, but we're really angry about it. That's another demerit. There should be a scene in the Godfather where a detective busts the family for murder one, and the whole thing falls apart because one detective followed all the clues of the canoli they took from the murder scene. That guy is like, leave the gun because then it can't be attached to us, but take the canoli.

But then it turns out his sweet tooth is the undoing of the whole Godfather family. He actually edited out one of the great movie lines there, Griff. Have you ever seen the, have you ever seen the unedited scene? He says, no. He says, leave the gun. Take the canoli. There's a smaller gun inside that canoley. Yeah.

Untraceable. Tiny, untraceable dark. The modern beast. If I ran a mafia family Yeah If I ran the zoo If I ran a mafia family I would have tokens

We bought a mafia Yeah I would I would cancel all the crime stuff For crime stuff It's canceled But I would have tokens As established to hand out But they would be different

There would be different sizes To denote the size of favor You're able to ask for Because if somebody does something nice but not very big. I don't want to say like, you can't ask us for a favor. You did something nice.

You can ask for a small favor. You left something at home. You need one of us to pick it up for you and bring it to your work. We can do that. I can do that. I like that. I would like a sort of pay it forward system

where you could do three things for three different people or one like turbo favor. Yeah. And then two others. And now you're owed to by two other folks. Mafias basically pay it forward. And they're non-transferable.

It's important that these are non-fungible, very tangible, non-transferable tokens. You got to be careful also with the favors that you asked, though, and we did touch on this with painting houses, but there's a lot of, like, can you take him to the cleaners? And it's like, but not like that. Like, I just want you to launder the money. The money's literally dirty. Like, my money got dirty. I need you to clean it for me. Literally.

Literally. Please wash my money. My dad can't sleep well unless it's at an aquarium. So drive him to the aquarium and let him sleep with the fishes, but like, bring him back. My doctor said I have a very specific orthopedic problem and I need concrete shoes. They're concrete shoes. Yes. Go get your shine box.

The LP of Soul Collectives shine. The box that has Soul Collective shine on vinyl, I'm doing a DJ set later. and I'd really like to mix it in. I want some boot legs. These are standalone legs, decorative legs for boot display. So it looks like it's hanging out of the back of my trunk, but not real legs. Not really. Let's go to the money zone.

It's a beautiful website. It'd be a shame if something happened to it. Beautiful website you got here. Be shame if you built it. Wouldn't. Wait, hold on. It'd be a shame if you didn't build it. It could be a beautiful website.

idea for a website you got there in your brain. It'd be a shame if you didn't build it was Squarespace. That's another thing I would do is be a very inspirational-based, encouraging Mafia. Like, hey, I was just sitting at the bar and I overheard you talking to your brother-in-law about this idea you got for a business. That's a great idea for a business you got there. It'd be a shame if you didn't follow through with it. And if you're going to build that beautiful business, you've got to have a beautiful website.

Hi, I'm Mafia Don Giovanni SquareSpace. I think this is great. No, he's, no, juice. I said it's great, Griffin. Yeah. I've started a bit of a, let's say, organization that can help you with a beautiful website. Can I just a quick note?

I think you're saying beautiful, like, way too much. With a sexy website. Like, I don't know what the, I don't know what kind of like vibe you're going for with this guy, with this character, but he says beautiful. Okay, let me try it a different way. They've got beautiful templates,

beautiful drag and drop kind of click stuff beautiful text support so let's let's circle back to beautiful dragon drop like click stuff okay because that's not that's not in the copy and I'm not sure that they would appreciate that level of sort of abstraction okay they've got beautiful cutting-edge design beautiful ways for you to offer your services and get beautifully paid all in one beautiful place um we've all used Squarespace at this point to make a plethora of websites I think And how would you describe those websites in like one word, Griffin? Beautiful. But we don't know anything about the internet or making stuff on it.

And so, I mean, I guess podcast, but that's like fucking nothing. It's like nothing. But websites can be tough to make them and make them look good. But unless you use Squarespace, because Squarespace is the best. I think they're even better than look good, Griffin. I think look good is an understatement. So head to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. and when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Beautifully done. Beautiful. Hey, you know, it can be tempting to just not think about something that you haven't engaged with for a long time. I get it. You haven't thought about Star Wars 20 years and it's overwhelming to think about. But rocket money, if you've been doing that with your finances, is a great way to get back on top of things. They're going to look at your subscriptions. They're going to look at your everything.

They're going to dig through everything. and you can beg them to stop and they won't. No, they will if you ask them to, but they're going to look through all your subscriptions and say, hey, did you remember you were paying for this? And they might be able to help you cancel it or save a few bucks on it. They have saved.

You're doing a great good cop. Can I back a cop for a second? Yeah, sure, man. Hey, grow up. Grow up. Get your finances in order. Be as cool. Be a grown-up with rocket money.

They'll help you grow up. Come on. Okay, now you. You good cop again. Okay. Please. Says specifically don't do a good cop, bad cop thing. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills.

So you can grow your savings. What's that mean for you? The layman or layperson. It means that you're being able to. Very good. Yeah. Just so inclusive and natural. You get that, dude.

That's so progressive. I'm really thinking. It's your special sticker. Thanks, man. Whoa, it came through the screen. Yeah, I'm going to put the good ally ribbon on your forehead today. Yeah, every, you know what, Griffin, no matter how you express your gender, you could not know what you're talking about. Thank you, layperson.

What a great word. What a rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster. Don't be like Griffin. Grow up. Come on. Join at rocketmoney. com slash my brother. That's rocketmoney.

com slash my brother. Rocketmoney.com slash my brother. Okay. I want a munch. Squad. I want to munch squad squad. Welcome to Squads podcast.

Welcome to bunch squads podcast with a podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. With everything going on, with a commotion. of like Star Wars Day and like The Max Fun Drive. I haven't been able to cover some of the biggest stories in the world. So I was like, want to do a quick survey, like an overview real quick. Yeah, what's happening? This is like,

this is the first thing I want to tell you guys about. And this one isn't funny. Oh, okay. Okay. Is it sad? It's not sad. No. It's just like, I just want to talk to you about real quick. All the burgers are gone. This isn't funny. This isn't funny. I just want to ask you by this. First of all, Cool le jour unveils Mother's Day menu.

First of all, like, how fucking good are these things look. Yeah. That's what I wanted to ask you guys first. So I don't, I'll be honest to do it, I don't know what I'm looking at. Toul Lajor is here to celebrate and honor special mothers in your life with a new lineup of cakes, pastries, and beverages. So I'm just going to tell you that this is a Ube spiral croissant, flaky croissant dough filled with nutty Ube cloud cream filling, dip with an Ube white charles. coating and top with a white flour. Cece's pizza is bringing back the ole.

Who do you turn to when you want to celebrate Cinco de Mayo? And that incredible battle over the French, incredible victory, you go to Cece's pizza for their Ole Tuesday pizza. And you've been asking for it, Trave. You've been asking for this one, I know from me a lot, and you are not alone. Cici's has heard you. It's because when people ask me, hey, do you want to go to, like, where do you want to celebrate? You want to get some pizza to celebrate?

I say, C.C. Like, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. We're changing our name to yes, yes, this pizza. The nation's, it says Cici's pizza, the nation's original all you can eat buffet, an iconic dining destination for family since 1985. There is no way they predated the Pizza Hall lunch buffet, right?

No way. No fucking no chance. But all you can eat pizza buffet. Pizza Hut never came to me and said, that's enough pie for you, Signora. Mama me, you've had enough of our delicious Italian buy at Pizza Hut. A lot of really good responsible accent work. A lot of responsible accent work this episode. I want to give everybody a special ally sticker for that.

A lot of ethical, thoughtful accent. play. Guys, the nationwide return of its Olai pizza, a nostalgic taco-style pizza. Huh.

Nostalgia for what? What nostalgia can I possibly be experiencing? The Olai pizza combines heat, texture, and flavor. Holy shi-sci-signature crust. The holy triumvirate of food. Make food that doesn't have one. of those things that's fucking crazy.

This is a flavorless, texturless, but incredibly hot. Yeah. Jolly Rancher has this new line of flavorless hard candies coming out and you just suck on them and they're just kind of in there and then they're gone. We've had a lot of guess s about this one over the years.

Says Jeff Hetzel, pretzel of Cece's pizza and tragically not Wetzel's pretzels. The Ole pizza is one people remember and the great thing about CeC's is if you don't see it on the buffet, we'll make it for you. Okay. I want to pause here because, Jeff.

One second. Do you want to stop so I could say one time out loud, Jeff Hetzel, president of Wetzel's pretzels? Because I did want to hear it too. Now go ahead. That does sound good. Jeff, making the claim that people remember it and ask questions about it does not necessarily imply enjoyment or quality.

there are terrible things that have happened to me in my life that I'll never forget and that I have many questions about. Jeff did not just say everyone loved it so much. They begged for it back. Yeah, I also need to pull over real quick and stop. Jeff says we've had a lot of guests asked about this one over the years. And then Jeff goes on to say, the great thing about CCC's is if you don't see it on the buffet, we'll make it for you. Well, which the fuck is it, Jeff? which the fuck is it is it that people have asked you to make an

Ole pizza and you said eat shit no way or is it maybe in a few years or is it yeah no problem this is CeC's we'll put whatever garbage out there you want you know what I mean like which is it Jeff yeah in the meantime we're bringing it front and center for Cinco de Mayo

so guests can enjoy it fresh hot and ready as part of the buffet wait a minute so is Jeff saying we would have made you an Olay pizza the whole time. All you had to do was ask. You fools. No one solved our riddle yet, so we're disappointed. We have to announce that this whole fucking time you guys could just be asking for

Ole pizza. You just had another right combination of words, and then you could have had an Ole pizza. It's the CCARG. It's a C-C-C-S-P-V-A-R-J. So that is that, that story, very important. a lot of important work going on. Now this is the one that I

think might be too visual and apologies if it ends up being too visual but I did want to share it with you because I have long suspected part of the sadness of Munch Squad for me is that I have long known that AI

when it comes for writing jobs the first job it's going to come for the writing that no one but me is reading and I think that that is a there's a sadness to that. But, and so my spirit, though, has been buoyed somewhat by the realization that it will also mean people are going to start using AI images in their press releases, no matter

the impact that might have on their brand. So let's talk about Kona Ice's partnership with Gabby's dollhouse. Oh, wow. Oh, no. It's a nightmare on the left and it's hell on the right and grab panties hand and hold on your god damn life. Holy shit, dude. This image is, this image

is really a, this image is tough man. The toughest part. Hey, if you guys, I read that new creepy pasta about about Gabby came alive and then just ate everybody. How do what? What do you just send me a fucking hyperlink to this image? I need

this to occupy my entire community computer monitor. Because there's there's fucking shit. We got to go deeper. We got to go deeper in this image. I mean, just first thing, it's a Kono Ice Truck, which is a flavored ice sort of truck, and they have sort of one panel, whole panel of their car is carved out, and that's where you can choose your flavor splashers. But then behind the car, there's just one of those racks of flavor

splashesers floating in zero space, in no space. I message you a full length. And also, some sort of vertical hedge maze. Yeah. Yeah, there is a 40-foot tall bush in this image, definitely. All rectangular. There's a rectangular. There's a rectangle. There's a rectangle. rectangular window cut out of the hedge about 20 feet off the ground. It's insane. It has turrets on the top, it looks like. It also, it also seems to be that it's just Gabby standing by herself in front of her ice truck. And she seems to have pulled up to some sort of villa or something.

It's just her. There's no kids around. There might be someone in the truck. I'm like looking in the window. it's like a half a silhouette of a person, maybe? This image, I don't think, is an official image of Gabby from Gabby's dollhouse either. No. There is a weirdness to the proportions.

Her legs are about 80% of her body. This is a strange image. Is this what the side of Akona? Like, I don't think they really use an image because there is a very upset-looking crab at the bottom, who also seems to be mad that, like, scared that he's. There's no way that's a real Kono truck feature that right where the kids would stand, there's a sad, sad crap. None of it is real. There's also this, like, amazing computer thing where, like, it wants lines to keep going, and it wants them to be the same.

Like, I like doing the grass on the truck. I'm just going to keep doing it on the ground. It's like, no, stop. That's the end of the truck. You can't put it to the other shelf there just because you want one. And now you want it, but you can't do that. We gave the truck a shadow. Should we give Gabby one?

No. No. No, no, she's not real. So it would be weird to give her one. Kona Ice, the nation's leader in mobile shaved ice, is teaming up and apparently not driving someone in a goddamn Gabby costume 10 feet to have him standing in front of a truck. Is teaming up with DreamWorks Animation, a multi-million dollar company to celebrate the global smash streaming series Gabby's dollhouse that apparently can't afford a fucking 20-minute Photoshop job. This collaboration pairs Kona Ice's commitment to community joy.

with Gabby's amyowsing world, creating a multi-sensory experience for fans across the country. The partnership represents a shared mission to inspire creativity, imagination, and fun. I'm not kidding. That's what it says in the press release underneath that image. Yeah. Unless I'm mistaken in this very AI image, it does say like Droomworks or Dramworks on the side.

Yeah, you're right, Tram. It says Droomworks. I'm surprised old Jeffrey Katz was stoked about that. Sorry, Victoria, it says Droomworks on here. It does look like the sad crab is gesturing to the Droomworks logo as if to say like, I did my best. Yeah, sorry, Mom. I'm sorry, everybody.

I spelled it wrong. Don't tell Shrek. It's celebrating. To further add to the brand. experience. Kona Ice will debut a specially designed, licensed Gabby's dollhouse Kona Cup. I hope they got a human

to do that. Each cup will feature Gabby herself. Bringing her signature smile. It'll feature an image of Gabby herself. It's important to note. It will feature the name of Gabby and a depiction of character actor Robert Losha. We're not sure why we went

that way, but like, fuck it, right? Bringing her signature smile and adventurous spirit to every Kona served. Beginning today, these themed cups will be available at participating Kona ice trucks across the country, serving as the perfect companion to the Rainbow Kitty Magic Flavor. Which did you not have a picture of? Was it a truck? Was it Gabby?

Or was it not those two things? Because those are the only two mission critical things to this image. Which did you not have access to? You couldn't just give us a picture of what this Rainbow Kitty magic thing looks like in the cup? that she's not the thing that I can't express to you and if you're not looking at this image somehow she's not looking at you and it's like worse

you know what I mean? I don't know why but she's looking above you a little bit like there's someone like she's hoping a taller better person will come up behind you and take her away from this that's the expression on Gabby's face it's also not what Gabby's like if I show this image to my kids who have watched to enjoy Gabby's dollhouse and said you know Gabby, they'd be like, who is this? Who is this? This is, this is, this is, this looks like someone that's trying to lure you into a van to take you away from your mommy and daddy. This sucks.

How about another question? I would love that, though. I am a 30-year-old man who loves ice cream, but does not like food waste for spending money. I'll walk home from works past several convenience stores and occasionally buy an ice cream. However, I've noticed that it's often cheaper to buy a box of three or four ice creams from the frozen section than to buy a single. ice cream from the to go section. I want to buy a whole box to save money and to give the surplus ice cream away to strangers. They are individually wrapped, but I'm worried people will...

I haven't read the rest of this sentence, but they will. Be suspicious and think I'm trying to poison them or sell them something. Also, I have to get people to accept these ice creams quickly so that we can all enjoy them before they melt. So, how

do I give away this ice cream quickly? without making it weird. And that's from United by ice cream in the United Kingdom. Now, I will just say, I'm so excited to have someone write in who uses, like, ice cream is like a noun,

like a singular noun. And I feel like, can we do that just for this one time, this one question? Because I love that. Like, have an ice cream. Like, have an ice cream. Like, they have an ice cream.

Instead of having, some ice cream. No, not some ice cream. Yeah, not some ice cream. Yeah, instead of that. Yeah, instead of that, it's like a, like, a, like, a, oh, ice cream.

Like, here's a, a, Here's the ice cream I can give to you. That's why I like that. An iced cream. An iced baldy. I don't know. Yeah, don't do this. Yeah, yeah, you can't.

Maybe things are different over there. I don't know. We haven't kept close tabs on you all for 250 years now. But like, we wouldn't do that over here. I would have. We sell them, you know? I don't know why my assumption would be this is poison, but it would be. It would be.

I don't know why I think people are walking around going into convenience towards buying a box of ice cream, then pulling, I guess, a laden syringe out of their pocket and injecting arsenic, I suppose, into the ice cream. But that's what I would assume. Poison's not my first assumption anymore in 2026. I do feel like it's more of a, I'm going to be worried that I'm about to get a real hard timeshare pitch. Like, if someone comes up and is like, ice cream, I have extra, I would not say yes because then they would like say, hey, have you ever thought about joining the Disney vacation club or some shit. Yeah.

You know how you're not supposed to feed wild animals because you're teaching them that's safe, right? I would have to work through so much internal stuff to be able to accept an ice cream from a stranger. And would I be better off at the end of it? Do you know what I mean? Would I be in a better state emotionally if it's like, you know, I used to be hesitant about accepting ice cream from strangers?

but now I do it all the time. Like, I don't think you're better off. We talk a lot in society about breaking down emotional walls and barriers and stuff. But some walls are there, like a flood wall, keeps water out when the flood rises. I don't think accepting random food from random people is a thing of like, I don't know why we stop doing that. No. We built whole systems. Like, you have to get a license, an application.

You have to fill it out. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Good point. To be able to sell food to people. And you're just going to be like, oh, I'm an unlicensed ice cream vendor. You can trust me. You know, I'm not saying. Are you sure that you're up to any nefarious? It sounds like you're not. But what I am saying is if you told me, hey, over the next 100 days, 100 different people once a day are going to offer you ice cream, all of them are kind and good people who wish you know it will. No way. No, no. You just can't. I'm trying to imagine what a day where a hundred people offer me ice cream even looks like, Trave. Not a hundred people.

I tried to clarify one person a day. Every person you interact with. For a hundred days, it's a different person each day. So for a hundred days, every person I interact with tries to give me ice cream. No. It's one person a day, different times of the day. You never know when they're going to come. It might be first thing in the morning, Griffin.

It might be, oh, you've just finished. How many days in a row does that happen before you're like, I need help? I need professional help. This is the week. I've got this version of the Truman show I've ever been in. It's some kind of viral marketing campaign for ice cream. Mr. Beasts is really fucking with me, like a personal beef. I don't know.

Jim Carrey is, the creamy man coming this summer to your big movie screams. The cream will rise this summer. Cream will rise. Why? Because it's creamy. Yeah. C-R-E-A-M-Y. Somebody creamy.

Yeah, there it is. They call me Creamy Pete. Anybody, Creamy game. Creamy guy! If you cream him, he won't learn nothing. The cream! The cream! That's my liar, liar.

The claw, it's like the best. I don't know. These are my creamy penguins. I've never seen Mr. Popper's Penguins, but I assume it still works. I love you, Creamy Morris. I haven't seen. now and either. Yeah.

Honey, I don't think we should watch the Truman show anymore. If it's going to be all this kind of content, I think our family is, oh, what's he doing with the cream now? Honey, turn it off. Ever since they sold the Truman Show to Bordons, it's really gone downhill. The movie would be fundamentally different if he had turned out to be a pervert. If they had, just like a constant press conferences from the production company of the TV show, the Truman Show having to be like, hey guys, so next season, we're going to do our best to, like,

get him out of, I mean, he's really just kind of at his computer watching some pretty heavy shit, pornographically speaking for like six hours a day. And like, we can do our best. We can send Laura Lenny in there to be like, do you want to come drink Oval Tea with me? But instead, he's probably going to be like, nah, I just found this new website and I got a jork like eight or nine times. And I know there's people out there who love this arc for the Truman show, but please understand we're trying to make a family-friendly product here. And we're worried about him. We're worried about him. That's too much. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. I hope you've enjoyed yourself. I hope that you grew, learn something as a person. Maybe so bold. We got some new merch

over there in the merch store. If you can go over to mackroyd merch.com. Namely, well, first off, I should say, We got a Count Donut Cape Vault sticker designed by Nate Freeberg. Yes, the very same sticker that Count Donut puts on his Cape Vault, you can now have your very own Cape Vault. Don't you want to have a Cape Vault sticker like your Hero Count Donut? Now you can't. Protect your capes, folks. We've also got new mugs over there that don't talk to me until I've had my podcast mug. I like all butts, a no government mug and also a digital cross-stitch pattern of that.

My brother, my brother, and tea available alone or in a bunch of. with a mug and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the First Nations Development Institute. I want to thank Montaigne for the guest for a theme song, My Life is Better With You. A powerful song, a mantra for some. And I'm just so grateful. I'm just so grateful and thankful that we get to use it. Thank you, Montaigne. And Montane said some really nice things about us on their TikTok.

So now we're saying nice things about them again. And the cycle continues. The cycle's got to stop somewhere. You can also pre-order the Adventure Zone story and song right now. It's the final Adventure Zone graphic novel in the Balance series. You can go to theadventurezonecomic.com and get it there. I can throw this tape measure and try to hold on to the tape measure side and see how far I can get it. Oh, that could be cool.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, throw the tape measure, but hold on to the tape measure side. But you really need to throw the tape measure very hard. Yeah. Yeah. I'll throw it from the camera and see how far I can get it. Okay, don't break your shit.

Cool. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips. Maximum Fun. A work-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.