My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 816: Ship of Vanilli

Episode Date: June 1, 2026

Forget all the haters, we're gonna throw the most kick-ass non-political concert you've ever seen. And we've got the best line-up, the acts are pouring in! We have Bart Simpson or maybe Cartman, location-neutral pizza, a baby raccoon, and Michelangelo the Ninja Turtle. Suggested talking points: Awesome Friends and Fans, DJ Hubris, Straight to Raccoon Jail, Grass with a Hat On, Justin's not a Joke Store, Betso Ross Lamda Legal: https://lambdalegal.org/ Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinmbmbam

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something into a precious friendship. It feels love. Hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother and my brother.

main advice show for the modern era. I'm our oldest brother, Justin McRoy. Griffin. Hi, everybody. I'm so thrown, Travis. I can't fucking do it. I know I talked to big game last week. You pitched it.

I know, I don't think I can do it. What's on, Travis, Big Dog, Wolfwell, Vroom. The Heater Award-winning Big Dog Macroy. And I'm the denoumois, Griffin McElroy. The Danua! That's good, Griffin. Yeah, that's good. I realized that was my place.

I can't be the builder. Travis skips the builder of the like set of three comedy sort of thing where he's just like Justin does his thing Travis blast off and then I'm like and I'm here too and I can't not be that guy I can't and I'm Justin just oh a date I was sad in mine oh okay wait oh sorry Juice why are you so sad yeah hey and I'm sad and I'm Justin hey what's going on man what's wrong little dog? Well, my concert's not going very good.

Oh, juicer. Yeah. I try, I don't know if you guys knew this, but I was trying to throw America the most kick-ass concert

that ever had. Yeah? And everybody's quitting. And I'm getting like, and I busted my ass to get probably not of the biggest names and talent.

And I'm, yeah. And it's crum. Dudes. This is the biggest time I've ever been in Georgia And it's fucking falling. Let me tell you the line Because like I got the dream lineup.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got the jury. And some of these dudes were off the fucking grid. Justin had to find their, uh, the address of their Alaskan remote cabins so they could fly to them in a helicopter. Yes, yes. I'm fully like stout Thor rolling around trying to scoop up.

Whatever 90s detritus I could fine line around. But anyway, I had the dream team. Yeah. Who'd you have? I had Martina McBride. Oh, yeah. I had Yonning M.C. I had C&C Music Factory.

This is, hey, can I tell you right now, Justin? So far, eclectic is the word I think. Oh, well, I mean, Marthea McBride and Young M.C., in Charleston, West Virginia, literally any summer ever. I am glad that Martiq. McBride and young MC were able to finally squash their beef and be on the same stage again. Well, because the MC was in, they fought over who got the MC. Because for a while, young MC was like, just be Martina Bride.

And she was like, no, you just be young. And like, they went back and forth and back and forth as to who had custody. I got C&C Music Factory. I got vanilla ice. Wow. Yeah. I got, and this is the one that a lot of people were like, huh? I got Millie Vanilli.

This is the point Can I be honest Thematically can I say I'm starting to pick up a bit of a latter half theme here Of maybe some people who had some Legal trouble related to the music They were releasing

Well it's the 250th birthday of America Travis It's all about second chances And Amnesty apparently Yeah No amnesty will not be performing We're going to do a live recording At the concert where we're just like

Yeah We're stepping in from Martina McBride doing a live taz Yeah. That's asking price was too high. Yeah. So who else did I have there? I had Martina McBride.

I had young MCF. I had Milleda. I had the Commodores. Mm-hmm. You know how your parents love the Commodores? I had them. They were there. Yeah.

And I had more to stay at the time. I don't even know, Justin, if our parents love the Commodores. I think maybe our parents' parents love the Commodores. Well, to be fair, these aren't the Commodores. These are the Commodores grandkids. Go on themselves the Commodores probably. Got it got to watch. And then we got more stuff.

64s. Yeah. We got Flo Rida and we got Bradfordica. From what I understand is still on board. Still ride or die. I'm trying to get clarity on the flow rider situation

because this is evolving and honestly Griffin this thing's falling apart all around me. I'm texting flow riders people like constantly like please Mr. Rider. There's two ways to look at this if you're Florida and the first way is uh-oh a majority about

About 78% of the artists who signed on to perform at this event have dropped off. Do I want to be left holding the bag? The other way to look at it is more time for flow rider. That's true. Yeah. He can't get into what he calls the flow flow state. If he's not in, dude, and that's the problem with flowrida concerts. His vision is the tickets are $500 and you're there all day.

Yeah. Because once he gets into the flow state, the flow state, please. The flow flow state, it's really something to behold. And, you know, sometimes it takes in two to three hours of sitting in silence before the flow flow state kicks in. You know? And you got to be there for it. And Pratt Michaels. Wow.

And I had this great concert. It's going to be on the National Mall, which I know has always been a disappointment to everybody because of the name. No Spencer's gifts. But it's really just a long walk between big buildings, you know. Yeah. But this can be cool. It's going to be a concert. But now the pool does, now the national mall, the pool does look like a shit,

like a piece of shit backyard sort of, like Midwestern glistening sort of pool now. So it does. And you can also see the UFC ring from the mall, which is like pretty, it's, it's way too on the nose, I feel like. The concert, the UFC fight, it's too far. What hurts trave is the day that this line was announced, and you guys knew how involved that was in this. Yeah, absolutely.

The day this line up. And when Griffin saw the crop that I was bringing to his backyard, basically, he just texted like, and it was a video of him, one dear, thank you. It's like that, yeah. Can I speak on behalf of the American people? Yeah.

I am not the first. And here's the thing, Justin. And here's the thing, Justin, me and all the American people were in one big group chat. And we were talking about how excited we were, because like this is a huge deal. 258th. It only happens once,

a quarter of a millennia, right? And National Mall, huge, like, budget-backed thing, a lot of prestige. And you got, I would say, to match all of that, the biggest names in music. And entertainment.

In entertainment, right? You think Brett Michaels is just a musician? He's a multi-vertical entertainer, I would say. I mean, Rock of Love? Hello. He's a TV star too. Change the way we think about celebrity, like 80s rock star dating shows.

If the timeline was different, if we were in a different timeline and we were trying to make up a long sort of joke about who this administration would put in a 250th birthday concert for America, if we came up with the list that was the actual list, we would be fairly derided as hack pieces of shit. Yes.

As talentless, unfunny, as talentless unfunny hats. Why are you doing this? Hey, Justin. I'm not saying this bit. No, no, you misunderstand Justin. I'm not saying that you are talent. This is hack shit that you're doing right now. I'm saying that some more nuance.

Like someone who's like, oh, I forgot about that band. I did my best. Hey, Justin, why weren't you able to get kid rocking Ted Newtown? chat. Like I, hold on. You got one, you, they basically have a musical jester, a national musical jester at this point in Mr. Rock, who he didn't send a couple of our arms. He's a, he's a, he's a secretary of defense.

So he doesn't have to do more. He's a sergeant at arms for the second. Yeah, it's like, in charge of all the ships or whatever. So he's like, he's busy with war. He's doing stuff in Iran that he's like, nice. Anyway, I threw the best concert ever, and I announced this lineup, and everybody's like, yes, thank you, yes, we love it. And then people were like,

yeah, mad because of the president. And I told people, that wasn't you. You didn't book him. No, what I did was, now, Travis, here's, this is where I, if there is egg on my face, yeah, it's this. Uh-huh. Um, I told these performers that this would be a non-political event.

Oh, okay. And, um, even though literally anybody with half of a fucking brain would definitely know that this is absolutely a political event and maybe they would just love to make some of the money. You know, they just wanted to have some of the money and maybe people wouldn't be so mad about it.

Some of, let's be clear, our tax payer money. Right? Our tax dollars go into line Martina McBride's pockets. But no. Everyone you listed, Justin, I know to be all about the music. artists first, you know? And just because I tricked them with this perfect trick that any, like, it's like,

it is like redler level genius. I told these people that a concert on the national mall while Trump's president wouldn't be political. And they were like, absolutely. Like, that makes perfect sense to me. Oh, that's a perfect trick. Is the money already there or do I get the money after? Yeah.

I would like to talk to you and clear the air. I will not performing at the Great American State Fair on June 25th, says Martina McBride. They are turning, they're making the right choice. I think we can all agree, but they did get tricked. I do think

there's a certain amount of... Making the right choice for who, Griffin, not for me. I'm an embarrassment. I ask lots of questions, Martina says. And I was assured this was a non-partisan event on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. 250 feet as the crow flies from the UFC arena in the fucking West Lawn

sidebar I need to step out of the bit to say this I've been trying to get mad about the UFC thing and I can't I want to admit it's pretty funny I mean like I want to be mad about it but it is so tasteful in the milieu that it is just everything that's going on

everything that's going on in that horror yeah It's like I can't, you know what I mean? It's like aesthetically perfect. We need to, everybody, we need to do a wellness check on Mike Judge. Because, like, the prophetic. The UFC thing is so close to like the battle scene from idiocacy. Mike Judge has to feel like he's spiraling into a different dimensions.

He's like, I did this. I made this happen. Guys, I have so many people that have crapped out on me. I asked lots of questions and was assured this is a nonpartisan event that was meant to celebrate all 50 states. Martina's huge in Rhode Island. You should know. I spent my entire career singing songs about real people with real issues. So she's out.

Have you? So she's out. C&C Music Factory guy said, I don't know. I don't know Trump. I don't know that guy. And so he just kind of quit on me. He put up a seven-minute Facebook video. He didn't even write it out, so I can't read it.

But he quit. I didn't watch the whole thing because I was so mad. I'd like to think that's because CNC Music Factory is very pro-union. You know? Yeah. I've been operating the CNC music. My grandfather opened the CNC Music Factory in 1910 in Hoboken, New Jersey. My grandfather was pulled into the gears of the CNC music.

Music Factory. I'll never forget one time. That's why the union started. It was my father. I was hanging out with their friends to CNC Music Factory. One time I was hanging out with friends and CNC Music Factory came up and someone said, whatever happened to CNC Music Factory. And I said they got shut down by OSHA.

And this other person there said, that's not funny. My friend's dad works for OSHA. And I think about that. That's a great exchange. All the time. It's a good conversation. Morris Day and the time quit. Yeah.

Can you read the Brett Michael's quote? Yeah, I got the Brett Michaels one up. I actually, I want to treat you to young MC first. I have informed my agents that I will not be performing at the Freedom 250 event. The artists were never told about any political involvement with the event on the National Mall of the United States. The artists were never told. And despite the claims by the organizers. Justin T. McRoy, chief among them, that the event is nonpartisan.

Spin Magazine describes it as Trump back. I hope to perform in D.C. in the near future at an event that is not so politically charged. I feel like Young MC is like, this thing was cool. I think Spin magazine might be the bad guy here, guys. Can we all agree? Spin did this. So Young MC's out. This reminds me of the time when someone reached out to us about doing a live show

at the Republican National Convention and we said, is it going to be partisan? And they said, oh, no, no, no, no, no, don't you worry about it. Boy, were we surprised. Egg on our face. Hello to all my awesome friends and fans. I want to jump on here real quick and talk about the upcoming Freedom 250 event in Washington, D.C.

When this opportunity was originally presented to my team by Justin McElroy, it was described as a celebration of our country through music and a chance to honor our veterans, active military, first responders, teachers, and hardworking Americans from all walks of life. Now, Brett, now Brett, time out, Brett. Have we been doing a lot of teacher honoring

in the last few years, would you say, Brett? I thought we're about to take a real zag and honor teachers. Yeah. For once, let's, yeah, no, this is, yeah, for sure. I thought they were blowing probably a billion dollars of taxpayer money that, yes, could go to teachers. Let's give it up.

The concert I was going to do to honor them instead. As many, oh, as a son of a veteran and coming from a family that is proudly served, that is something that I, and of course, Brett Michaels himself was one of the most notorious bomber pilots. Every time he flew against the Red Baron. Oh, yeah. They write stories about him. They called it the Baron of Biloxi. As many of you know, I spent my entire career bringing people together through music, positivity, and good vibes.

I describe it. My shows have never been about politics. They're about giving, this is important. They're about giving people a place to come together, have a great time, and forget about life stresses for a few hours. For a few hours, Brett? Damn, dude.

How many hits you got there, dude? He's including the before and after tailgating. I'm hoping you freaking in like a snack break for everybody to go use the head or get three hours? How long is every rose has its store, man? They do like five different versions of it back to back to back to back. I love that Breck Michaels started his statement with my awesome friends and fans. And I'd like to think that he was getting a lot of concerned text and emails from people he knows.

And he was like, I'm just going to address all of this at once. The greatest one, though, is Millie Vanilly. And I have to, and this is the one that makes me so happy. So kids, Millie Vanilly, and I do feel like I do need to do this a little bit, right? Millie Vanilli was a pop group in the 90s, and they had this hit called Blaming on the Rain, and they had one other hit, right? There's one of their Billy Vanilly hit, Blame it on the Ring was a big one. And it turned out that this group was basically two very handsome guys that they got to lip sync these other talented performers.

And it was a real... And they were fairly good dancers, if I remember. I mean, yeah, the energy was off the charts. Talented guys, but the singing wasn't real. And when this came out, it was a huge... And they won, like, an MTV or VH1 music award for, like, best new singers or something. It's a huge scandal when it happened. And then, like, basically, one of the members, I think actually passed away,

in part because of this harassment that took place. So Millie Vanilli is now a name that is used by the people that sang the Millie Vanillae songs. Huh. Yeah. Okay. Now, Millie Vanilli is that group, but one of the lead singers, Fab Morvan, who was one of the guys who was pretending to be a Millie Vanilli, he was signed at the concert. So they just went ahead and listed him as Millie Vanilla. Oh my God. So the people who actually are singing and performing as Millie Vanilla and sang the songs of Millie Vanilli, right? That's Millie Vanilla. on the poster is the guy that pretended to be Millie Van Fab Morvan and he is performing at the concert

and they went ahead and listed him as me the only people that are still believing this are my staff who filled out this poster and I begged him please don't put Millie Vanley on there is Fab Morvan people know Fab

please don't list him as Millie Vanilli and they did it anyway Yeah and now people are like It's not really performing. And even I don't know that. No, that's become too complex. That's like a whole ship of Theseus question at this point.

You know what I mean? I don't know. Yeah. Maybe they are. Maybe they aren't. Yeah. I don't know. I want to say, I want to take a brief moment to say thank you.

In all this hostility, there's still room for gratitude. There's still room for gratitude, guys. There's still room to say thank you. Vanilla Ice is still playing the Great American State Fair. This is the quote from his representative to me and the Associated Press. He is proud. He's proud to help celebrate America's 250th anniversary. Everyone is welcome to attend and celebrate USA's birthday.

Now, here's what I love, Justin, if I may, what I love here. The picture is for you guys. This quote, he's proud to celebrate America's 250th anniversary, is attributed to. to his representative that told this to the Associated Press. And then the picture is Vanilla Ice with Michelangelo, which leads me to believe his representative is Michelangelo of the Ninja Turtles. That is the obvious connected dots that you make by looking at this image is that Michelangelo is Billy Vanquist representative.

And he's like, he's still proud to help celebrate America's 250th anniversary, dude. And he's saying this to a belligerent crowd. Yeah. Like the picture is... Welcome to attend, man. Michelangela just ran out on the stage while people are booing vanilla ice. And he's like, no, dude, no, no, everyone's welcome to attend. Cowabunga.

My read on this situation is that vanilla ice is not aware of this situation. Rob does, Rob's not following the news. He's too busy partying with the turtles. I think his representative is keeping him insulated, giving him a little bit of plausible deniability. So if he does roll up. whatever he's doing, Griffin, because I am flailing right now to find worse people. Like, I'm trying to find worse performers that people would still recognize the names.

His representative, Michael Angelo, told me that, yes, Rob Van Winkle, aka Van Nuys, has been crashing on the Turtles couch in the sewers for the last 20 years and they don't get cable down there. So, like, yes, he has missed a lot of the news. Right. This is a fun game. Will you guys help me brainstorm? worse people yeah not worse people just like other people

that I might plausibly be able to book and I'm like don't give me easy ones right like I know that I could fill it out with like your you know

some robin thick I don't want to do the bad ones I want to hit you with this do you guys think I get the bloodhound gang I think that's an easy pipeline from vanilla ice and I know some like not all of them I know I'm not going to get like

Daddy Long Legs, Skip Potomis. You're gonna get like some low-tier bloodhound gang members to perform as the Bloodhound Gang. Yeah, I mean, names mean nothing in this sort of scenario. So yeah, you could absolutely do that. Do you think I could plausibly say it's Elvis? Yeah, I could say he's back. As long as you say Ann Elvis, I think you're okay. And Elvis is here.

Yeah. Juice, I think you could, hey guys, legit, I think you could put Elvis. office on there. I think you could do it. I think you absolutely could do it. I'm gonna say Robin Thick would be... Travis, Robin Thick is so fucking prescient. That is actually

extremely good. Robin Thick on this list would have been like... Maybe Chris Brown. I should have called. I should have called. I was so proud. I said I'm going to do this on there. Chris Brown? You could get Kelsey Grammer to come out and do the Fraser theme song. To open up the set. And then fall off a

stage. A bit of a valediction. And then he falls off the fucking stage. And everyone is like why was Frazier here?

I mean you guys and start doing jokes at my expense. I knew that my tragedy would become your humor. This is about politics.

It's about staying true to what I've always believed in. Everyone is entitled of their opinions. That's one of the freedoms our veterans fought for and I fought for

as the butcher of Biloxi. One of the most notorious fighter pilots in history. in the U.S. Aviation Military. I didn't bury. I didn't leave a bunch of caskets overseas. I didn't leave a bunch of caskets overseas

so that my friends and family, I believe in our country in the freedoms we reported in the idea that for over 250 years, we have gone through both highs and lows together and remained resilient. Music, he's still like, music is a universal language.

Just like I did when I entertained a record-based, crowd of over 100,000 at the St. Louis Arch for an Independence Day celebration with people from across the country. What record? A hundred thousand guys. Most people he's ever played for at the St. Louis Arch, Trath? Yeah. He broke his own. Most people entertained by Brett Michael. He's entertained by Brett Michael. He's entertained by Brett Michael. Brett could have attached any picture to the post, but I do appreciate that Brett attached the picture of him playing at the arch just in case you think they're you think he's fucking full of shit well you're full of shit because there's a picture of him doing it pal and that's the arch really did it that's the arch and that's

me brett michael's i don't need i don't need this you're probably wondering how i got here well it's a funny story do you guys think what's the half-life of the yeah i got like intense play she's doing a banjo thing yeah that's cool what is the what is the half-life of the back channel group texts that have happened between the artists of this show. Because you know, Martina, like, probably reached out to Millie Vanilli saying,

like, hey, what's the fucking vibe on this? And Millie Vanilla said, Hey, hey, we're not playing. What are you talking about?

This is the first we've heard about this. I mean, we would. Yeah, we would do it. Until people got mad at about it, and then we'd quit. I wish I had done this.

Absolutely, guys. This is best case scenario for these genius artists, right? I'd love to celebrate America, patriotism, veteran first responder teachers, but gosh, I just don't feel like, I feel like it's divisive, and that's not my thing. I'm thrust into the public spotlight again. Everybody's talking about me.

And now I get to have this moment where I'm like, no, no, no, I love America too much. Thank you. Young MC is in the conversation again, and he's one of the good guys. And I guarantee damn to you, everything. one of the people backing out is like, but you know what? I will play a concert in D.C. on my own terms. Travis, it's, you don't have to guess. It's just in there.

It's just in there and you just read it and they say it with the words. Like, they just like say it. Brett Michaels is like, I will definitely be playing a show in D.C. very soon. I do appreciate how all of the like apology letters all have a tone of like, my whole thing, I don't have any feelings about this stuff. And not like, yeah, he's a fucking, wow, man, holy shit. Shit's actually collapsing bat.

Everyone's just like, hey, man, you won't catch me being on any position of this thing one way or to other. That's a great point, Griffin, because the counter argument all these people are making for like, hey, we didn't know was, no, no, no, no, guys, we're neutral on politics right now. We don't have an opinion on what's happening. We thought this whole thing was just going to be neutral, you know? and we're neutral.

Why are you mad? Because if you're neutral, everyone likes you. Hey. Hey, I want to, and you know, I'm not going to judge anybody who,

because I legitimately, I think some of these people maybe didn't know that their name would end up on the poster. That happened. There's at least two artists who are like, I don't fucking, what?

I don't even know I was doing it. More state of time. I guarantee you, most of these people have given carte blanche their agent of like if an offer comes in you say yes yeah i don't care if you can get a hold of me or not doug you say yes this is the morris day the time post this is morris day's post holy shit yeah it's like a it's on it's like a facebook uh gradient background a hundred and twenty eight point font on an image can i read it yeah please read it contrary to rumor morris day in the time will not

be performing at the great american state fair I don't, is that what we're calling? And then a big cancel emoji. And then look at the little. It's a no for me, sunglasses, emojis. That's all Morris has to say. It's a no for me. Thank you.

Morris, just share the image. Just share the image. And the song they put with it. The sound is jiglows get lonely too, the time. Yeah, so that, like, it really, man. Why would he put? Gigloos get on. Why would he put that there of his image announcing his

backing out of the Great American State Fair 250th American Birthday Celebration concert. Why would he put a track up on there? Why would he do that, Morris? Because it's the visibility of these, like... It's a no for me. It's a no for me. You already said yes.

The time said yes. I will say this. The time didn't ask me. The time, if the time form a super majority vote, they can, They can veto, they have veto power over Morris. I will say this, I did do, and the eggs on my face, because I did do a perfect trick. I did do the perfect grip. I did do the perfect trick.

But I do want to comment that I didn't. Did you have to sign anything? Like if you back out, if you back out or cancel, like you're fucked, you have to do this thing? You know back these outies or you have to pass a billion dollars. Did you get them to sign anything after you at? There's no sense. It was all like good faith, handshake stuff, which, okay, again, same on me. Yeah, yeah.

You live and learn. You know, I'll know for next time. I will just say this about the nine people. It's 250 years. When they wake you up for cryogenic sleep, they do the 500. Oh, man, that one's going to be so bad. I will say this about the nine acts that I managed to trick with my perfect trick. I did sure manage to trick the exact nine acts that you would think that I would trick.

You know what I mean? It is funny how the exact nine people that would be right on that line of plausibility were the nine that I managed to trick with my incredible grip. We have this conversation five days ago. Oh man, the tenor is completely different. Guys, I crush it. The most kick-ass lineup tricked to high heavens of all time, and none of them have backed out yet. It's just that you didn't get them to sign nothing,

and they just all kind of dip. Yeah. He quit, too. No. Yeah. DJ hubris. You guys remember his hits from the 90s? He had a bunch of big ones, but DJ Hubris brought it back down.

He was like, I thought I could do it, but honestly, I just got I was too high on myself And I You remember his track You remember his track I'll never die Don't

John John John John I'm never wrong I remember it Griffin It's my ringtone I am in a unique job Hey we're 30 minutes in dog Are we really Are we really?

Okay Let's take a quick break We will do a question I think we can commit to doing One question at some point Yeah, we'll do a question. Just first we're going, listen, I don't know if you heard,

but I'm ruined. So if a podcasting thing doesn't like, yeah, you know, let me just get my, let me get my dumplings real quick. I'm going to blow my nose while you start doing the ad for Zock doc.

Maybe I should go to Zok doc doc and find a doctor for the nose who can come in and help me, who can help me out with that. Maybe they could help me tagged down. So I can blow my nose. I want to talk about this, because,

An ear, nose, and throat doctor is so cool to me because there are very few, like, I can't think of other doctors that both have specific focuses, but also took, like, three things all at once. And I know that ear, nose and throat, but you know they had nose and throat. And they're like, the nose and throat connects. And someone was like, okay, I want to do ears. And they said, no, that's all external headstuffs. You're probably thinking you should be this does. I'm taking that one, too. You're probably thinking you shouldn't listen to us about doctors, and that's fair, but you should listen to Zok-Doc.

And they'll help you find a good doctor. My ears aren't directly connected to my nose, right? Yeah, they absolutely are. Dude, it's just all tunnels back there. Yeah, it's all tunnels. What? Yeah, it's all-tubes. Zog-Doc really is, I mean, I don't know if you've said what it is yet, but it's like a platform that you go to and you can find doctors in your area that take your insurance and make appointments right in the thing.

and it's like, it's the way that this should work. Finding healthcare should work. It is the only thing that is sort of making the healthcare process easier and more streamlined. So you don't have to deal with quite as much of the other bullshit going on around it. It has here in the suggested intro, like when something feels off, do you usually load up on vitamins and hope for the best? And I feel so called out because like I have a zip block bag full of vitamin bottles. that's the closest I have to like John Wick cracking open his cement floor

and breaking out the big suitcase full of guns where it's like I haven't been taking these regularly but I look up feeling a little sick and I roll out from my big thing and I'm like, time for a bunch of D's and C's and B's, baby. Do you guys think do you guys think Zock knows how to get in touch with Dr. Dre

or maybe Dr. John? Because that would love... It's entirely possible, yeah. If I could use Zoddok to book them. Yeah. Oh, Blues Traveler. Justin, get Blues Traveler. Blue Trevor will absolutely do the 250th, dude. I don't know if Zoc Doc wants us talking about.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, let me call Popper. But here's the Robin Jasmine when you try to bug him. They're going to give you the run around. Wait, no, my. They're going to give you the runaround. Ah, that's a real good one. Zock, Doc, I've used to find a whole suite of healthcare professionals for myself and my family.

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Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash my brother. Zocdoch.com slash my brother. Thanks Zok-D-D-D-C for sponsoring this message. If you have a dream, you got a business you want to start, you got a concert, you want to put up, whatever you want to do, the best place to start. Some refunds you have to offer. Some refunds you have to offer. Some refunds you have to offer. Some clarification websites you have to build on the fly.

Go to Squarespace.com. They're going to help you build a slam dunk, totally rad website that looks like a professional made it. Because they got professionals to make them. templates, right? So you bring in your data, you bring in your photos, the stuff you want to sell, whatever you want to do with your website, and Squarespace will help you build it. That's true. And it says that right here, I'm looking at Squarespace.com, says it right here, slam dunk, totally rad, totally rad, popular, I mean, cutting edge. I'm in Calabongo website for the age. Dude, it says to do the whole thing in a Bart Simpson voice. You got to start over. You got to read the,

guys, we got to read these fucking copy points before we get into it. These websites don't eat shorts. See what I got here. I don't know if it's ever been phrased that way. Justin needs to cook. Head to squarespace.com slash my brother for free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use off for code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Okay. You did still do that in your normal voice.

It felt like you're about to do a bit there and then you didn't. I did. I lost my. You know what, Griffin? I was about to absolutely whiff a Bart Simpson impression for the entertainment of our audience. And I lost my nerve. I will say I lost my mind. It's a part.

Yeah. That's fine. It's scary. I've been sort of struggling lately with accents where they'll just be one. Like I'll open my mouth and I'll get it the first try. But if I don't get it the first try, I'm not going to get it better. But sometimes it'll just be one there, right? So I'll just discover that Kingpin from Daredevil Born Again is in there.

But I don't, but that's not useful to me. You know what I mean? I didn't work on that. and if I'd open my mouth there as Bart Simpson it wouldn't have sounded like Bart Simpson you know what I'm saying it would have been embarrassed people get on Jeff Dunham all the time

because it's like your puppets are mad racist dude yeah and misogynistic and misogynistic Oh fuck Jeff Dunham You could get Jeff Jeff Call Jeff, call Jeff Justin Jeff What are you doing?

You know that new racism you've been looking for Well listen to this No you guys are misunderstanding He doesn't like doing that. Those are just the voices that are in him. Well, he has that. He can do the, he'll do the, he'll do the, he'll do the fucking, he'll do the fucking, he'll do the fucking. How about a question?

Actually. Yeah, let's end the intro. I'm in a unique job where I have a baby raccoon in my car much more often than most people. Sometimes when I have a baby raccoon with me, I drive through a fast food restaurant and I really want to show my baby raccoon to the people working in the windows. I know if I was working at one of these establishments, I'd love to see a baby raccoon randomly on Tuesday afternoon. But I have no idea how to broach the subject. How can I ask the fast food worker if they'd like to see my baby raccoon without making it weird? That's from fine raccoon purveyor in none of your business.

Seriously, don't get me fired. That does leave me to believe that the baby raccoon isn't supposed to be in your car. Yeah, it's probably in your car, huh? And you're just hanging out with them and you're like, if the boss finds out, I'm taking this baby raccoon to get some burgers and fries, I'm going to be so much trouble. You wouldn't get fired for thinking about showing your raccoon to people, friend. I don't know. It feels like you're still the raccoon in Groundhog Day.

I like to think of myself as a man of the world and of the people and of the workers. I can't even imagine what job would lead you to have a baby raccoon in your car sometimes. More often than most other people. Because there's not a ton of jobs where you're interfacing with baby raccoons in the first place, let alone the jobs where if you're a I don't know pest control or animal control I don't think you keep them around in the car like a sidekick I jewel thief and the baby raccoon is trained somehow I can see that that's all I can think of or it's like you caught the baby raccoon you are with pest control you caught the baby raccoon and you're like I know how to reward myself with a job well done before taking this raccoon to jail maybe I don't know know exactly what they do. The forest. Yeah, they stop for a happy meal on their way.

Yeah. I have somehow let myself become the stereotype of the dad who's, like, at war with some, like, natural annoyance. And for me, it's the raccoons that live outside. Yeah. It's an on-gang really, truly, Justin is engaged in a long-term sort of battle with these rene-tailed bastards. I have a nice old.

He has schedules. based on like, I have to do this thing before the sun goes down. Genuine Google calendar reminders thwart the raccoons. Yeah, I like to keep snacks out there for delivery people. And I get, because, like, I think it's nice

and there's some drinks in the summer. And these fucking dickheads used to at night the raccoons, not the delivery drivers. The raccoons, not the delivery drivers. The raccoons would come at night if I left the snacks out and eat them, which like fair play. The night is your domain, raccoons.

Still kind of an asshole, but like fair. Now they've gotten bold. We're at five in the fucking afternoon. These dickheads will be up there grabbing a snack for themselves. And here's what kills me. They'll drag the snack off, open it, enjoy it, and leave the rapper for me to clean up. I shit you not. So if I saw a raccoon in your car, I would judge you pretty bad.

I think you're in league with them. And I'd be real careful what I told you. How do your children feel about the raccoons? Because I have a war with deer after they sharpen their hands. antlers on the trees I was growing and killed my trees and they eat the flowers off the flowers I'm growing. So like I'm standing at the window with my cup of coffee in the morning looking at these horned rats derogatory. And my kids are like, oh, dear, so I'm like, I'm going to go out there and yell at them until they leave. I'm in the same boat. I got these

big bunnies that hop around in my yard. And they've never once let it letted me pet them or my kids petted them. Even though we try to give them strawberries, they don't want it. And I feel like they're judgy and they wouldn't even let me petted them once. Not even once. Don't even here on outside inside. Hey, Griffin. You're such an inside kid right now. They're so big. They're so fucking big. I saw last night, there was a raccoon coming. Did you just say you didn't think I saw a bunny? No, I know you saw a buddy for sure. There was one who was coming to get my sacks and I went outside and he just looked at me. Like, and it used to be human presence was instant disappear.

Now it's like looking at me, like, what have you got? Nothing is more debilitary. That happened once I was camping by myself. Raccoon started going through my trash and it was like time. I went outside my tent, waved my flash around, made myself big. A raccoon just looked at me. At that moment, I went, okay, and just went back in my tent. Like, that trash is, I have no other.

If the raccoon charges, you're done. You might have back inside. Yeah, you're out. But, I mean, if my situation is any indication, you could just walk forward and try to pet them and be their friend and pick them up. And love them and give them a big juicy strawberry, that raccoon will run right away. You scare away more flies with honey. Uh-huh. There's scooters in town near me that I stop by sometimes.

Whenever I go through their drive-thru, I can't help but look at that beautiful, healthy, and giant clovers they have next to their shop. I want to rummage around for some big old four leafers so bad. That's a cool mind you have there. And I'm genuinely mean that and I'm jealous of it. Yeah, I want to rummage around for some big old four leafers so bad. How do I go about doing this? Do I just go for it unapologetically? Can I call ahead of time?

Ask their manager. Do I have to buy something from them first? I'm Irish too. Can I demand that it's my right? Help me. First of all, Irish too. Like the chain scooters? Is that what we're saying?

Is it all like the four leaf club? No, they're just adding on. Yeah. Welcome to scooters. Welcome to all scooters. I think if you ask, they'll call the police on you, but you should just do it. Yeah, dude. Without giving us, like, distance from it, if it's, like, between the drive-through window and the, like, driveway, there's the patch of Clovers, don't do that.

Oh, what did you? Yeah. Oh, some fries. Nice. Me? Just looking for Clovers. Don't mind me. If you're working in a drive-through window, that area for like at least an 8-by-8 is your office. So like if I have a drink that I need to dump out, I'm not going to dump it out there in that person's office. You know, I'll drive up to the trash can in front of their office. Oh, okay. So I think if you are rummaging around for Clover outside this person's office, that would be very distracting. If you're down away from their office, you'll probably be okay. But I think that

that view, you shouldn't have to make that person think about what you're doing. That would be my one request, just from a, on a human level, don't make the, they're not going to say anything, but like, don't make them wonder why you are doing that for an hour. You know, just do it disagree. Yeah. That would be my suggestion. But you've got to walk up, you walk up to the counter and say, hey, did you see some kids throw an iPod Nano into that field of the local? God damn it that's good. And then you're going to walk around looking and occasionally like stand up and scratch your head

and look around. My son Chimmers is getting bullied at school and they stole his damn iPod Nano and they threw it out in the grass again outside scooters. And I'm just going to have a butcher's around real quick and hey just do you all have a clover policy or is it just sort of finders if I'm out there. If I'm out there and I find a big old four leafer.

I might have to move. I find a juicy four leafer. Is that just up for grabs or is there a raffle? Do you guys own it? Do we have to share the luck? Can anyone own a clover? I'm Irish if that else. God's greatest miracle.

Clover. Grass with a hat on. Umbrella grass, they call umbrella grass we call it in our old country. Two bow ties. But I had two people this week that came up to me that known me fairly well and told me that they had found a four leaf clover adults. and like, you know that I got a little sprinkle of the, of the, the, the, the touch is a little touch. What do you want me to do with that conversation? I mean, honestly, what are you neurotypical people doing about clover discussions?

If someone, if a normal adult comes up to you, it's like, I found a four-leaf clover, yeah, I got social anxiety. What do you want me to say about that in this social situation? You know what I mean? You found a clover. I don't know. Can I get you with just next time? Wow, someone's in for some good luck.

the other it gets you out it gets you right does that not chill you to your fucking bone it does but it will to them too and then convo over there's nothing else there's no follow up to that yeah I guess so saying something like that out loud

you know the rest of the day some people worry about small talk Justin in a way that we don't in a way of like okay there's no follow up you can just look at them now what I would suggest

Justin, it's to just show interest to a degree maybe they were not prepared for. Grab them by the lapels and say, where, where, how? And then, like, when they tell you, take off in that direction. Yeah, I guess that's fair. No, that's true. I need to come up with something better than staring at people blankly and saying, and? Yeah.

What's that mean? Sounds like someone's in for some good luck. Nice works a lot. Can my kids like to tell me random observations throughout the day that I don't know how to follow up with besides, oh, nice. The problem is, because I'm always goofing and joking, I think that if I say something sincere like, what a beautiful thing.

You know what a deal? One of nature's most delicate. Small miracles, huh? One of nature's most delicate miracles. People look at me like waiting for the punchline. And I'm like, I'm not a joke store. I'm a fully realized person. I'm a whole person.

And I can't just say like, wow, delicate, you know? Yeah. I have such a hard time sounding sincere that I have the opposite problem that someone told me and I was like, ah, it's a little miracle. They'd be like, oh, right. And I'm like, no, you don't understand. And I would just keep going on and on. That's the same problem.

Trying to sound sincere. It's not the opposite problem. It's the same problem. No, Justin's was sincere and not a joke. Mine, they would assume as a joke, but it's actually sincere. No, it's the exact same thing I just said. That's the exact same thing.

You said the same thing. Listen, I was only half listening. Sure, yeah. Yeah. It's the problem with us clowns. Yeah. No one wants us, no one wants us to tell them all our thoughts on God. They just want the jokes.

The sad of me, I went to see the therapist. And the therapist, like, there's this clown in town. And the guy was like, I don't fucking care about clowns, man. I'm trying to tell you my problems. And the therapist was like, I don't want to hear your problems. I got tickets to go to this clown show later. Yeah. And you've been talking for what feels like two hours and I'm going to be late.

And the guy was like, doctor, I just got here five minutes ago. Yeah. And the clown show's not for another four hours. Right. I know because I'm in it. I am the clown. And then the doctor shit himself. Yeah.

So famous. Scared. People always say the same thing, too. But your job is so easy. And yeah, it is. You know what I mean? like, yeah, okay. We have to do a lot of it.

I will say this. It's easy, but we have to do a lot of it. We do a lot of it. I mean, not as much as a normal job. Yeah, not like a schedule that, not like a 40 hour a week like hard job. I make more podcasts than a normal job. Than a normal job would make podcasts?

Yes. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I guess that's true. That's the only metric I have. That's the only metric that matters. Like at the end of the year, you're at, average bank teller has made less work podcast than you have. Yeah.

Yeah. I think I'd get on board with that. I clean an Airbnb as a side gig and sometimes the guest leaves what I call tips. They never leave money, but sometimes I'll find beer, frozen meals, or other packaged items. I usually throw away everything that's already open. Today, I saw a nondescript takeout box in the fridge. Being the nosy person I am, I opened it only find two slices of the most delicious-looking pizza. I couldn't help myself.

I know I shouldn't have eaten them, brothers, but I did. And it was the most delicious pizza I've ever eaten. My question is, how do I find out where the guests got this pizza without letting them know? I'm a nasty boy who ate their left. Without letting them know, I'm a nasty boy who ate their leftovers. The pizza was the standard meat lovers with sausage bacon and pepperoni, which most pizza places in my area offer. So narrowing it down by topping is not a choice. And that's from Airbnb Animal in Arizona.

Oh no. That's really, this is really, really good. Thank you for, thank you for sharing this with us. It must be nice

to live in an area with enough choice in pizza there where you do not know every pizza on site. I could, I would identify every pizza in the tri-state area

100% of the time. There's five different pizza thicknesses and based on which one you get, you can easily triangulate which one. You bring me a square cup with little dirty sausages on it. That's money.

That's my nice. Thank you. Yeah. I'll have it. It's one of the things I, too far. Cincinnati has no specific pizza identity as a city like New York or Chicago or something one. And so when someone opens it.

Sudo foods. Well, so when Cincinnati opens a new pizza place, they're like, ah, but ours is like this. And it's amazing because it's like to what level of slothful do you want to feel today? Like, were you planning on accomplishing anything? Okay, we've got thin crust over. here. Are you napping for the next 16 hours? Great. Here's my worry, question asker. Is that sometimes our enjoyment of a thing

is so ephemeral and based on the context of the thing. Because right now it's feeling magical. You were hungry enough that you ate the pizza from the fridge. It looked amazing. It feels, dare I say, a little naughty. A little illicit. You can be a little naughty. And I'm worried that even were you to find the source of this pizza. It wouldn't be as good.

He wouldn't live up to it again. Yeah, the sin makes it so much sweeter. This is a classic, my brother, my brother, me solve. It's one of her best ones. It's called no bigs. It's just like what we do is we say like, you bring us a problem and we could solve it or we could just be like, hey. No bigs. No bigs.

Not a problem. Not a problem. Do something else. Worry about something else. Like, it's not, no bigs. I'm just like, when you have a magical moment. If you got the pizza, you'd eat it once, be like, that's this pizza. And then you'd, it wouldn't, it's like when little Pete found his special song, it was just for him, his favorite song.

And then he couldn't find the band anymore. And then, you know, he had to recreate it. The specialness of it was the fact that it was lost. So, like, this pizza chase is, uh, let it fuel you. Sure. Like, live in the, like, let it, let it be special. Yeah. Do you know what a mystery is a project and projects are the vehicles of true joy and satisfaction that we get in our lives. You're lucky to have this mystery and you should work on it. That's so true because you could try to find a way to contact the people staying there or now you have the fun project of I need to sample pizza.

Awesome. Like go to different places and try different pizzas from different restaurants until I can like match this pizza experience. I would totally watch a TikTok series that was like, hi, my name's Joshua and I'm trying every mediocre pizza in Arizona until I find the one that I liked. And then it would just be like going around for different ones. I think that would be incredible. You could be like that guy that goes around and reviews pizza restaurants that no one seems to really like very much. And sometimes he goes to the pizza restaurants and they kick him out. Yeah.

So wealthy though. He's like, this fucking asshole's kicking me out. And it's like, well, you said, it's so wealthy. I'm so wealthy. That happened here in Cincinnati and I was very proud of my city. You said their pizza tastes like gross dog shit. Yeah. You said the yuck factor was a million.

Unappealing. What a sad commentary? Yeah. Oh, shit. I know. Easy money, man. It's unappealing as possible. Right.

But I've been so likable this whole time. to me you're always likeable travel thank you to us so much for listening to this podcast we got three we got three questions in there got three questions there were people doing some strange like gambling where it's that thing of like I you know

I think this guy is going to say this word and when we hit that third question somebody made bank also don't do those things they suck those left side suck but if you do get in touch if you play the if you play the the polymarket. We can maybe work something out where maybe everybody's

getting their beak a little way. Yeah. A little snoot in the tail. By the way, this episode is brought to you by Betzo. Use code Brother Betzo 50 off to get 50% off your next vote.

Brought to you by Betzo Ross. I sold my country's flag and I wave it for gambling. Right. Hey folks, are you struggling to make it stick? I bet you won't forget me. There's 200.

I'll be performing alongside Kid Rock and Tedditch Bruce Traflor Robin Thick I got the draft kings guys The draft Latin Kings They were there going to play my show I got a Miami sound machine

I got the engineer of the Miami sound machine Yeah I do the I work on the UX of the Miami sound machine We've had some great innovations lately and accessible tech. They got the guy that skinks from Money, Money, Bostones. Just the one guy from Money, Money Bostones. Blue Man Squad is performing. They got Josie.

What? Yeah. From beyond? Whoa. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. I'd love to talk about our merch. Can I do it? Do it.

We got sticky notes. Make it stick sticky notes designed by Evan Cruz up on the story. you need reminders that, you know, you need to be pitching heaters. You need to be tossing them day and night. We also have a, you're going to be amazing shirt designed by Sabrina Volante. It's incredible. It's one of my favorite designs we've had for a long time. Proceeds for that shirt go to Lambda Legal. And 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will also be donated to Lambda Legal, which is a national organization working to achieve full recognition of the civil rights of LGBTQ plus people and everyone living with HIV through impact litigation, education,

and public policy work. That's stuff, again, over at mackroymerch.com. Also, I want to say, you can pre-order the Adventure Zone story and song right now at theadventurezonecom.com. Barnes & Noble and Books a Million both have exclusive editions available. Barnes & Noble includes four collectible trading cards, and Books a Million includes a Collective Posture. I also wanted to say, had a great time at Champions Grove. last weekend, everybody who came out for it. It was wonderful. Just thank you to everybody for making it a wonderful time.

I want to thank Montaigne for this for our theme song. My Life is Better With You. It's a really good track, and the vibes are so on point. It's hard to be a fish. Is that album I keep returning to. They're just so talented, and I'm so glad we get to use that song. Looks like Travis has an exciting. I have this pointer that I think I can throw.

A really exciting pitchable. Can I ask what you're going to die. You could die from that. that could kill you. I'm throwing it away from myself. Yeah, but what are you throwing it at? Can you plunge through your heart? Do you have a styrofoam thing?

I want to see if you can get that stuck into something like a jaflip. I don't see if I get stuck into something. I don't think I have anything I can stick it into. All right, well, just eat it. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Yeah, dude. That was fucking cool.

You hit the helmet, like, right on it. That was awesome. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother, my brother me. Kiss your dad square on the lips. Maximum Fun.

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