My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 817: Shabby Dabby Doug

Episode Date: June 8, 2026

Something deep within us compels us to answer your questions, and it's not just because we have to renew our copyrights to our own likenesses every week. So we're blasting out advice about ice cream, clockwork men, and oh-so-many insects. Suggseted talking points: Wheelin and Dealin in Hollyweird, 1000 Bugs Never Eaten, Justin Robbins, Fill Your Life with Quiet Whispering Men Dyson Hand Dryer of a Ride, Dr Zaleus Died Before He Could Give Me a Soul Lamda Legal: https://lambdalegal.org/ Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinmbmbam

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sex expert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something's rapping into a precious friendship. It feels love. Hello everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother, and me in a vice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What's up, Trave Nation? I'm your mother's brother, Travis Big Dog, Vroom, Vroom, the heater award-winning Big Dog Macroy. Good morning, Travnation. It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary, Griffin built for a tough Macroy. We don't do that one anymore. You know, boys, sometimes the internet, you're not going to believe this, lies to you. Never to me, but. You'll make bold claims, and you'll hear a story, and you're like, there's no. fucking way that's true. Yeah, that is true. Every time I load up a website of a certain caliber, there's always a little ad to this side that's like, Melissa McCarthy died. And I'm like,

what? I click on every fucking time, but it's never true. They just want me to buy. It's a different Melissa McCarthy. It's like a 106-year-old woman named. Well, so I had a story served to me on a platter, and I was like, there's no way that's true. And then I did my own independent journalistic research and discovered it was true. And I would like to- You should get on Nexus, Lexis. I was on next. I was going through the microfilm. Yeah, dude.

I was at the library scrolling through. Boys, the year is 1985. Okay. The only thing bigger than the Hollywood dreams of the piles of cocaine fueling those dreams. Right. Warren Beatty must make a Dick Tracy movie. He is driven.

There's something within him that says make a Dick Tracy movie. I thought it was like. Like he was in deep to the Dick Tracy estate and had to or else his family would be killed. For some reason, this was a passion project of Warren Babies. Well, he looks so much like goddamn Dick Tracy. He looks exactly like fucking Dick Tracy. If you look that much like Dick Tracy, you would also be stoked to get Dick Tracy off the ground. He cannot find anyone to direct it.

He's going to direct it himself, right? And starring it and produce it. He buys the film and television rights from Tribune Media. who owns Dick Tracy for $3 million. That's a lot. Let me, let me adjust that for inflation. $17 billion today.

Whoa, Griffin. Yeah. Disney partners with Warren Beatty to make the movie. Okay. They are talking franchise. Disney's excited about this. This is going to become a film series. Then, as they're making the movie,

the budget keeps creeping on up there. Get more and more and more and more expensive. And Disney's like, of success of Tim Burton's Batman. I think there was something of a blank check being given to old

Mr. Tracy. Oh, I've talked about it before. The Phantom, the shadow, Dig Tracy, the Rocketeer. It's all connected.

It's all tied together on our comedy podcast. Movie comes out. It does okay. 134 million. At that point, in 1990, let me adjust.

That's $19. And a half billion dollars. Pachimanchi. 2000. You would think because that number was so much more than 3 million that the resulting translation number

would be much higher, that's not how this funny stuff works. 2009, Warren Beatty has owned the film and television rights to dig Tracy for 19 years. Tribune media sues to get those film and television rights back.

Disney, by this point, is like, we're not doing anything with this, gives their portion of the film and television rights over to Warren Beatty. Gave him the dick. He already had the Tracy. He already had the Tracy. Then Tribium Media goes bankrupt.

Yeah. So the court awards the film and television rights to Warren Beatty on the condition that he must every couple of years use those to make a Dick Tracy project. Okay. That seems like maybe not the best way to ensure quality of the thing. Right. There's a contractual. It's not an unconventional deal.

There's a lot of that user or loser kind of way in the dealing in Hollyweard. So in 2016, Warren Beatty partnering with Turner Classic Movies. Great. Produces the Dick Tracy special that airs late, late, late, late at night. And it is an interview of Leonard Moulton interviewing Warren Beatty as Dick Tracy. Mm-hmm. Oh, my goodness. Oh, how are you, Detective Tracy? I'm fine. Call me Dick, huh?

I try. Shall I sit here? Please do, yes. We'll offer you something. I didn't, can you pause it? I don't drink, Mr. Malden. I didn't sign up for this. Yeah. When I started doing this comedy, when I started doing this comedy podcast, I was not under the impression

that I would have to watch Warren Beatty pretend to be Dick Tracy in an unscripted sort of jazz-like format. He also looks so much like the mask in his story. big yellow suit. Travis, this is Warren Beatty pretending to be Dick Tracy in 2016. What on God's Green Earth makes you think I haven't huffed huge giant lines of this guy already. I've been huffing this dude for a decade. A decade, man. I love this shit. I live for this video. 2023, he does it again. Dick Tracy zooms in a special about the Dick Tracy special in which Warren Beatty

I've never seen this Yeah Damn it It is a special About the special That was made in 2016 Once again Featuring

If I'm not mistaken Both Warren Beatty as Dick Tracy And Warren Beatty as himself Zooming into a call And then that's Ben McEwitz Yes Yes that's Ben Mankiewicz So

That was 2003 Is it every two years? So it was 2016 and 2023. So he's catching up. He's like, I think he's trying to catch up for something that he did and did. So here is my pitch. Mr. Rady, I know you are a Max Flynn member

of my brother and my brother me supporter, so I know you're listening. But you also know that you're getting up there in years. Yeah. When you die. Yeah. Picture this, your friends and family show up to your funeral, except surprise.

it's a funeral for Dick Tracy. That's awesome. And Warren Beatty is in the Dick Tracy costume, in the coffin. There's paid actors there dressed as Dick Tracy's Rokes Gallery. Is it a flat-top Jones? Reboot or funeral? I have to know now. Funeral.

Okay. And it's, you got Big Boy, you got No Face or Faceless. You've got Mumbles, all of them there. Shedding a tear for, we're the opponent. Damn, is it in the public domain? Can we use him? Go ahead, do your thing.

A big boy from Outcast is in the public domain. Big boy from Dick Tracy is not. Then the headstone at the grave reads Dick Tracy. You put up a live feed webcam pointed at that headstone. In perpetuity, it is a Dick Tracy project in perpetuity. You will never lose the right to Dick Tracy. Okay. Yeah.

They will be buried with you. Perhaps literally, I don't know how that works. Travis, I have. good news and bad news what I can't wait to hear this it's both it's both actually Dick Tracy enters the public domain on January 1st 2027

so your window to get this guy in the ground in the cold ground fighting flat top Jones in heaven the license is running it's got to be entirely fueled by spite is the thing that kills me yeah not like he's not using them

right he's making these specials there's not gonna there's no one banging down his door to pay him 30 million dollars for these rights yeah he just doesn't want to give them up the only problem with the dick tracy going into public domain is that it only applies to the very original version of the character

in the original in the original run so your version does have to be an unrepentant racist and like because other ones That is the only version of the character that is in the public domain. So he does have to be kind of like... Kind of like how you can do like racist Mickey Mouse. You have to do racist. They have to be racist.

Or else it's not the same character. Knowing this now that these rights, like that it becomes public domain in 2027, I'm just, I'm worried about the day when Warren Beatty gets a letter from his attorney, opens it up, and misreads it as La La Land. Mm-hmm. That's funny. That's good. Everyone fucking did that.

Yeah. That's not bad. Travis is really tickled with this fucking five-year-old Oscars reference. It's not bad. So proud to yourself. Not bad. Thank you. I want to keep the jokes coming and talk to you guys about something.

It's not going to seem like jokes, but it is my life. So we're going to talk about it. It's your life. It's now or never. My lizard that I had for a week died. No. You're kidding me. No, yeah, it is.

It is. And it is sad. I realized it last night. And I was. and am very sad about it. And I wanted to come to you guys to get some advice because I know you do this advice show here. Yeah.

I don't know how to go about, you know, not just with everything, but like, especially with like, everybody's got a lot going on and it's pride. So like I don't want to obviously, you know what I mean? Yeah, lizards have their own month. Everybody's got a lot going on and it is pride and like

like we're working really hard in like summer theater so everybody here is like really heads down on that and like dad's doing his show and like I don't really know who to get to for to get sympathy

and how to approach getting sympathy for I am sad about the lizard I have for a week like you know like I don't know how to even ease that into the conversation really right to start asking for sympathy I need a montage

explain yourself it's going to be really bad though, because it's just going to be me trying to get it to eat crickets and then getting skewed out by the crickets. Yeah. It's not like a lot of good times. You didn't have like a lot of great moments with the lizard. Could you like Photoshop? Still very sad.

Want to be clear, not based on anything. And I know, and this is probably what's hard about it, is that if I broke down on somebody about this lizard, they would probably need two and a half minutes before they were like, this is probably about other stuff. Right? I'll be like, yeah. Yeah. But with the lizard, it's easier because I can see that. This is very concrete. I just need your sympathy about it, please.

For next time, Justin, when you get your next lizard, immediately film with it. Really feels this is another huge issue, Travis, is that highly unmotivated to do so. Too sad, really, very sad. You can call it too sad. But, if I could just finish one thought because I am mourning, huge aquariums, just huge tank.

Unbelievable big. Because I expected a friend. A long term sort of growth. I was prepared for long term growth. He needed his own zone. You had a little Project Hail Mary situation. You were dime enhancing that lizard.

You were never going to go to the moon. I really had a lot of faith. You know what I mean? And it was, I read all the books. I feel like I did everything. pretty good. So I'm not really blaming myself. Again, certainly is tied up

in other stuff. Way harder stuff. I don't want to get out there. It's dust. Yucky. The one mistake you made. Feelings. The one mistake you made, Jamie,

I was not filming for a montage of, like, you and the lizard having a picnic on the beach, and, like, you have, like, a close-up POV of its face, and, like, stop filming. I don't want to do. I don't want to have a crass, but, like, considering our lives,

I do. feel like a little bit robbed of the opportunity for like a lot of great content and a lot of good and that is a terrible way to think about it until you realize that I make content with my family that's a beautiful right you know just pronounce a different way it's content you know when you think about it that's good trap that's really something yeah but what's funny I'm talking to a family YouTuber. They're like, yes,

I make my children content. Yes, yes, yes, I, my kids are involved. Frequently daily make my children content.

Well, my kids make me content. The kids make me content. Right. They make me and everyone else content. Content. We make $3.15

per million views from YouTube on their content. My. Like, it's content. It's really important to me. I, this is why I refuse to invest in such a paper-thin animal. Emotionally or like monetarily? Monetarily, mostly.

But, I mean, the emotional thing is that's probably not even going to happen. But the financial side of things, I don't need, I don't need to be, you know, two Gs in the whole supporting an animal who, again, is just a stiff wind. where the lizard go wind got him big wind got him and then a bird got him before he even touched the ground like no thanks give me a big give me a to idle give me a big boy who can't hurt who can't get hurt i can't be clear off about this there was no threat of bird like there was no i did a good job yeah there was no bird no one thought there was threat of bird okay lizards die sometimes is what you're saying yeah griffin that's why it's so hard to get sympathy about it you're

you're skipping to the end. Like, yes, agreed. If your pet turtle died, people would be like, holy shit, how'd that even happen? I told Cooper, yes, exactly. How did that even know they could die? I told Cooper that. Like, it just happens.

These things happen. Like, that's nature, that's life sometimes. And by the way, she really, if there was any leftover sympathy, I feel like she turned on the waterworks and was really kind of lapping it all. Oh. Yeah, dude.

You know what I mean? Like, there was not a lot of drops over leftover for daddy. No problem. Even though Daddy's sadness about the lizard doesn't come out as big heaving tears. It's more of a deep rot. No, no, it was a big heaving tears. But it was the night before while they were in bed. But I felt sad again the next day.

Yeah. Right. And would have just loved a little extra. You know? Yeah. I just didn't know. Justin, I went to first express sympathy for you and say, I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you.

He's finally eating crickets in heaven now. That's see. Travis didn't take it seriously. Did you hear you? You didn't take it seriously. And also, I never learned the gender because you have to candle their little nads to figure out what's what in there. And I just think. I'm just very hung up because Griffin mentioned having a big pet turtle.

And nothing has ever seemed so right as Griffin McRoy having a large pet turtle as a pet. Having a turtle. I've been thinking about it. What if you saw a turtle right now crawl up on his little shoulder? No, he'd be huge, dude. I get TikTok content from this channel. And it's this woman who has like a 400 pound enormous turtle. And you know what this thing's favorite thing on earth to do is?

Smash into all of her patio furniture. Just absolutely fuck this woman's patio up. Every video is her like, Hortons! Stop! Hortens! Stop it! As he just absolutely goes ham on some world market wicker chairs.

Just fucks them clean up. It's awesome. I would love that in my home. Get you a big turtle. It might get me a big turtle Might get me a big turtle Dressed like a big turtle right now A little bit

I think you're right I'm saying it's such a good It makes sense It feels weird But you don't have a big turtle already It's fucked up that I Maybe the thing that's been missing in my life This whole time is a huge turtle

That would be a huge max fun goal I think sometimes is like Griffin gets a turtle The more support we get The more members The bigger the turtle Oh If I could mention to you guys One other

Little Rinkle I discovered the situation when I went to feed the bearded dragon one of the 500 roaches that I had just purchased. Yeah, you did mention this just the other day how many bugs you had bought

and brought into your home. 500 roaches, 500 crickets or in a container. You brought this animal made you bring a thousand bugs in your house. And guys, it brought a thousand Bugs in and nine, and now I have, I had a thousand and one pets, and now I got a thousand. Which I guess in the grand scheme of pets is still pretty good.

Yeah, I mean, there's got to be a way to use this. For sale, a thousand bugs never eaten. Alive, living, alive? The bugs? All alive? Yeah. Not all alive. It's rough to be a bug.

But they're doing okay. That's what the ride at Animal Kingdom, at Disney World was. all about you go in you see you see Barry the B you see all the famous movie bugs like oh shit did you hear the news yeah man Dave passed away last night just from being a bug better than getting ate I guess better than getting ate by a bigger bug I guess they only eat the live ones which like I hope that her pickiness was not her undoing I did offer a lot of great live bugs but I don't know uh did the pet story you bought them from have a return policy I bought it too many bugs hey trav

I would have to ship them back. This is an ex lizard. That's what it would be like. Yes! I made Justin smile again for the first time since the event. I just laughed for the first time again. I never thought I'd laugh again. I never thought I'd laugh.

I think that's my first successfully deployed Monty Python reference. And it got a big laugh. I'm ruined now, man. I'm going to be dropping that shit all the time now. Were you scared, like, going into it? Was there like... Super scared. Which one did you...

Was it like the two wolves? Which one? Yeah. And you can, hey, can I say you committed and you nailed it? Yeah. A couple of weeks ago, I applied online for a job to be a delivery driver for a chain of ice cream shops. They recently reached out to me and asked if I would be free to chat and have a scoop of ice cream on us. Hmm.

I love ice cream, but I'm not sure what to order in the context of a job interview. Should I get a single scoop in a cup? Should I go crazy? Ooh, should I go for a crazy combination of flavors or show up my creativity? Do I use a spoon? Should I politely refuse? Help me, brothers.

That's from Scoop Savvy in Seattle. Got to be a spoon, right? What's the normal ice cream? There's additional info here. Okay. P.S. My normal ice cream order is a double scoop of any two chocolatey flavors in a waffle cone with no spoon.

Excellent. Good choice. With no spoon is not an order. It's a lifestyle. A spoon. Hold the spoon. Hey, you know what? Order like that.

I would hire you. You're like on the rocks. On the cones. Straight up. Okay, I worked at an ice cream shop as my first job. Was that the country's best yogurt. Which did spend ice cream. Okay.

That little correction always comes about 0.75 seconds after I mentioned that it was primarily a frozen yogurt shop, they did have like 20 flavors of ice cream. because it was anytime anyone ordered ice cream at the country's best yogurt I'd be like, God damn it. Because the yogurt, you just go with a little handle and then your job's done and with the ice cream you gotta fucking...

And it always bum me out so much. God, I miss TCUI. Shit, man, me too. Pretty sweet job. This job is great. I love making content with my family and having so much creative freedom. This job doesn't let me eat

free, fun-sized snickers bars infinitively in the back room of the job while I play Nintendo DS. That's not an option here. Do you want that? We could set that up for you. Oh, man. I'd be so bad.

Don't trust me in a big room full of free Snickers because I have sort of evidence that I can't be trusted in that regard. Question asking. You can't do, Cone. Anything in a job interview? Yeah. Where you're like, it involves a lot of licking? No.

Yeah, no one wants that. I think if you're an ice cream delivery driver, I don't know, They want you to be punctual. The ice cream situation is not so important. They want you to be punctual, and they want you to not be kind of weird. And I'm afraid if you go with a certain ice cream arrangement. All the worst, a little cake cone with a big swirl, and you're like...

Okay, I think they've gotten that you don't want them to get a cone, Griffin. Yeah, I think they get it. Okay. If you... I think they get that you shouldn't get a cup. Fucking three popsicles at the same time. Okay, Griff, licking is out. We all get it.

Yeah. Don't lick anything at a job. interview is pretty good. Unless you're there to be an envelope sealer. Yep. They're not. It's a thing. So I think that as a delivery driver, I want someone who doesn't hate ice cream, but I don't

want to worry about them eating the product on the way there. Yeah. You know what I mean? I was not screened for this particular trait. I don't want you going to ham. The products aren't even sold. You're delivering it. I don't need you to sell it.

I don't need to see your enthusiasm. about it. I need to see that you have a healthy respect for the product. Yeah. If it gets out that when you do a job interview at this company, let's call it the country's worst yogurt. And you roll up and they're like, have a scoop on us. But you're actually allowed to have a free double fudgy double blast Sunday with extra drippings on it. And you eat that. And they're like, you haven't said anything. This whole interview is just going, num, yum, yum, yummy. And you're like, yeah, guess I don't get the job. Guess what? Next day, you're gonna put on a wig. You're gonna put on a big fake beard,

and you're gonna come back in the next day for the night. Hello, I'd like to interview for the job, too. I'm a great driver. Let me get a double fudgy super duper blast with extra fucking dripsons. They need a job, Griffin. You're not helping. You're getting good.

Yeah, they just need food. They have infinite ice cream and as many hundreds and thousands as they can possibly fit in their pocket. Yeah, there's a lot of peanuts you can get on their chairs. That's fruits and protein, baby. That's fruits and protein. Cones is. How crazy do you think you can go with the toppings before they're like, actually, I think we're done here?

I think the toppings are an instant fail. If you go for it, the cream, I always looked it down on people who put toppings on their ice cream, which already contained nuts. Listen, the cream already is folded in with nuts and molo's and chocolate chippies and all kinds of wonderful streaks. Keep going. I'm saying the cream has all kinds of great stuff in it. You're saying like, but what if it also had? You can't be it gets toppings on ice cream, you lunatic. Yeah, why put it on iceing on cake?

I don't have sugar in it. What are you talking about? Super duper, duper messy. Two, a lot of ice cream toppings. Guys, I worked at the country's best yogurt. Who the fuck do you think you're fucking talking to right now? Guess what percentage of ice cream toppings are, like, on a fundamental level, compromised by being rubbed all over smooth, cold, wet cream? The answer is almost all of them.

Almost all of it. Try getting gummy bears on your ice cream. My kids do it every time. Every time I have to say, nope, those get rock hard and edible and gross. Don't fucking do it. But they do it on time. I want to be the sort of person that just like waits until they get there and thinks, hmm, what kind of ice cream that I enjoy?

And then they order that. And then the boss is like, huh, tell me about your order. And then you're like, I don't know, that's what I felt like. I want to be that person. You know, where do I? But the problem is once you've thought about it ahead of time, you're no longer that person. So what the fuck are you supposed to do? Not think about it?

Yeah. I like to pretend to be that person. Yeah. But there's a voice of the back of my head. It's like, you know what you're getting. And I'm like, I don't know. This is a new place. Maybe they have different flavors.

And it's like, you. And then again, I look and I'm like, hmm, oh, you know what is jumping out to me? Yeah. This like chocolate peanut butter. Yeah. And it's like, that's what you were planning the whole fucking time. I knew that about you. You're right.

Trev. Just like at Basket Robbins just chocolate peanut bread. You know there's Basket Robbins on Howgrew was for sale for a little bit. Oh really? Yeah, I was thinking about it. I was like, dude, should I be an ice cream man? Justin Robinson? Is that a career path for me? What? I can show you the ropes, kid.

I was worried. I was worried honestly. The reason I didn't do it is that I was worried that for the first of all, I don't know how to do that. Like that's a huge... That doesn't stop you from doing other big things. A lot of straight line guys will do this thing where like, Like, so I just, I don't know how to. So that's the one thing that's not me.

The other thing is like, Where's the ice cream come? Do you make the ice cream? Like, where is it fucking? I assume someone else took care of this. Yeah. I just realized, I saw in the future of like,

basket robins trying to tell me how to do it. I'm, I can't be in a fight with corporate all the time about the cool way I want to sell ice cream. You know what I mean? Like, if I want to call mine the dirty basket robins. Welcome to Tim Robbins. Welcome to Tim Robbins.

It's a Tim Robbins. It's a Tim Robbins theme. We're watching. We got monitors for the kids. We got Shawshank going. Mask in Tim Robbins. It's really come in and soak it all in. We got a thousand bats in Tim Robbins.

You got to try our double fudgy Mystic River caribble streak. A cheesecake is so good. Do you want some Timmy's on that? That's what we call sprinkles. Hey, Tim Robinson. I think you should leave. This is Tim Robbins basket. Cool.

We should take a break. Yeah, is that right? Yeah, it sounds good to me. Okay, let's take a quick commercial break. You want to get your money figured out. The first step is figuring out where it all is, like awareness, right? Where is it all going? What it is, how it works.

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wait, I'm trying to follow justice as thing. You're sending your money soldiers. It's like a soldier's, money's, listen, I watched a lot of shark tank and money is soldiers. Okay, money is troops. War is basically for money. War is everything. Business. Why is how whenever it changes, but it does have change and dollars in it. Rocket money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions.

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Have you noticed how everybody is putting 250? We can all get a hand on that ball. Huh? I saw Doritos Extreme garlic Parmesan. America is 250, which like, fuck. Fair play, Dorito. It's like, absolutely, man. We should do another episode 250.

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So, yeah, thank you, Rocket Money for sponsoring the show. And everyone should use it if you want to keep your money straight. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash my brother. That's RocketMoney.com slash my brother. One last time, rocketmoney.com slash my brother. Wouldn't you guys think, Don't you think it'd be cool if in Fallout 5 it started with them saying like,

turns out sometimes war changes. War does change. And then it's like bionic sharks are fighting the war that you have to fight and you're like a dolphin with legs. It's a big change. Wouldn't that be fucking cool? Horror frames makes the perfect gift for any occasion, even if that occasion is just letting someone know how important they are to you, how much they mean to you,

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You need to have fewer videos of men yelling and chasing. That's true. Like strangers meant you put them on the aura frame because it couldn't be easier to put stuff on an aura frame if it's someone else's that doesn't know how to do technology stuff you can manage it for them. So like for your dad, If he's maybe not so great at technology for Father's Day,

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That's all right. I want to munch. Huh? Yes. I want to munch. Squat. I want to munch. Squad.

I want to munch quad. Baby. Welcome to Munch Quad's podcast. Within a podcast, the thermostat is heating up. And I couldn't be more excited over here. Okay. Hot boys on? And America's.

ice cream preparers are also very excited. I just wanted to talk about the summer of America. Please, please, I'm begging you, KSR magazine, stop showing me the pop-up for that pizza. They don't have it in my area, and I want to eat it very bad. These are, the first one I want to tell you, Trave, this is a local interest story that I wanted to mention.

Graters? Graders, baby. Guess what Graters is doing for 2026. Now, of course, these, They're celebrating America's 250th. Okay. Of course. With a cherry sparkler, that's crafted to celebrate the nation's 250th birthday.

This wild cherry ice cream combines red and blue popping candy folded into every star-spangled scoop. Now, if it wasn't graders, I would question how that possibly holds up a thing that dissolves when it hits moisture. Yeah. Yeah. In an ice cream. But it's graders and I trust them. They'll figure it out. But, Trav, here's the really exciting one.

Ghost Notes. Ghost notes. Oh, I know about this. I saw this. Go ahead, Traff. Kings Island is bringing back the Phantom Theater. Holy shit.

No way. This says it, dude. It's reopened. King Island, get at us. We can be the supposed people for Kings Island. Please. Get at us.

We'll do anything. Please, please. And this is the Graters Phantom Theater ice cream tie-in. Yeah. So it's Ghost Notes celebrates King's Island's New Ride, Phantom Theater,

opening nightmare. New ride. quick history on this ride. I'm going to try to do it from memory, so apologies if I mess any of the steps up. It starts out as Phantom Theater, which is a theme dark ride. Start it off as Smurfs. Yes. God, Travis, you're right. Oh, that's all the way

back to the Hannah Barbarian integration. Right. Okay. So it's a Dark Ride that Smurfs, and then they lose that license, and then it becomes Phantom Theater, right? And then they get the Scooby-Doo license with Paramount. With Paramount. And then it becomes Boo Scooby-Doo Bo Bo Blasters on Booh Hill

Fucking sucked And then they lose the Scooby-Doo thing So then it's just a bunch of people That kind of look like Scooby-Doo people Running around Eric You know it's the gang Harry and Frank and Dolfme

Shrubo Shabby Dogg Shabby Dog Yeah But they finally They finally are reopening as the Phantom Theater opening nightmare. Cool.

The Meister is back yet. It's very cool. Good news. Good news all around. Do they still have the room where they have like a big oven and they blast you with fucking 15 second uninterrupted jet

of really hot air? The best way to dry off after it rained at the park? You get wet on one of them wet rides. You go on Phantom Theater. It's cold in the beginning. But then they blast you with that oven. It feels so good.

Get hit by that Dyson hand dryer of a ride. It's so good. You can get it ghost notes right now, Trave. So make sure you bring me a pint. Carvel is a chain that has not been a big presence in our neck of the woods in West Virginia, but I do want to tell you they are celebrating America. Good. With the USA Carvalanche. That's Carvel soft served mixed with red, white, and blue M&M candies. Okay. Those are an edge case.

They are a little harder to get through in an ice cold context, but they do, I mean, the candy shell does a lot of There is also one thing I wanted to highlight here that is a new trend for summer that I've not seen before, but two places they're doing it, which is the side eye celebration of the World Cup without actually mentioning it. There is a limited edition. A big game kind of play. Yeah, there's a limited edition, the big cup. Limited edition soccer themed ice cream cake created for summer soccer viewing occasions. Okay. Back to be any.

You know. Yeah, sure. Baskin Robbins, by the way, for June, not July. We don't know what they're doing for the 250th yet. But they're launching football fireworks. Not to be confused with Football de Norte Mercado. This is football de Classico. The brand's June flavor of the month,

which is made for super fans, soccer moms, local legends, and aspiring stars are like, weird that we're still just taking gendered strays just from nowhere, right? We're just like, randomly like, hey, soccer moms. Pup, p, p, p, p. Yeah. You know, like, moms do soccer, right? Pows.

Dads don't give a shit about soccer. What? What are you talking? What do you mean? It's a winning combo of sweet cream, soda, ice cream, cherry-flavored sherbet with bonus assists from green apple and blue raspberry popping candy plus blue raspberry swirls too. I thought of shit.

As a beverage. as a sweet treat, that's too much shit. As a little representation of America on its quarter millennial, I think it's not bad. It's pretty accurate, I think, for the state of things now. But what about the king?

Wait, is that a drink? What? Is that a drink? No, is this flavor of the month for June. Okay, I was so worried that I was going to be sipping on my soda through a straw, and a popping candy would shoot out through the straw

and hit me. and make my heart explode. You know, milkshake would be a boss pole if you want to be a delivery driver for an ice cream place, because that's on the go, right? But ice cream based. But you can only get it at the store so they know they have power over it.

It's the hardest thing to make, too. Guys, I got so jacked making milkshakes. I miss working out ice cream. Were you churning it? Yeah, man. You had one of those fucking things in the big metal cup and you had to brerr-blender.

I've done a lot of really, really suggested pantomimes, and I have never been particularly aware of that shit, but our pivot to video that we've made 12 years too late is like really illuminating to me that I just do a lot of jerk off motions when pretending to do other sort of tasks. Yeah.

You guys always said anything. We don't let you hang out with our kids. Okay. One last quick check in on Burger King Going absolutely wild for the, for July. There's three new summer menu items. first is the loaded jalapeno whopper. It's an all-new guest creation.

It's a 100% flame-grilled beef with crispy pickled jalapenos, layered with creamy jalapeno sauce, and then the other stuff that's usually there. And it says delivering the spicy kick guests have been asking for. So that's good news. Can I ask what the 100% is representing in the phrase 100% grilled beef? No breadcrumbs anymore. So it's just straight up So it's 100% beef grilled 100% grilled beef

Makes me think that you have Every 100% flame grilled beef Is the flame The flame was turned up to 100% They don't move it for like 20 seconds And then flame grill it All right at the end

It's 100% cooked that way Every bit of this thing is grilled It's all grilled It's grilled inside We have a special Tesseract that we put it in That's able to grill it from every angle at once Why is my beef patty like

10% the size that is supposed to, well, the 100% grilling, it reduces, there's no moisture in that. There's some meat loss. Yeah. The, the beef is meat loss. The beef is in the cloud. The beef is just kind of, we evaporated

the beef. We digitize the beef for your convenience. Next up is the orange dream sickle Freezy King. Yep. And it says, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, listen, guys, we got to, don't get, like Pavlov's dogs over here. Freezy King is the new home for our frozen innovation.

The first time that one of these brands decided that they were launching a drink platform, we should have stopped them. Like, McCosmic, all that shit. We should have said, no. You cannot have bubbles by Captain D's. You know what I mean? Like, you can't

do it. You can just have drinks. It's not a new home for Frozen Innovation. It's a new lever on the fucking slushy machine. Stop it. No, I will get. Listen, no matter how excited I get about an orange cream sickle thing, describing a beverage as an innovation. Unless there's some new cybernetic way of consuming it that makes it so like I look at the

drink and I've drunk it or something, it's not an innovation. It's just a different flavor of drink. But what about the birthday? What about the B-Day? We got the fire cracker cookie pie, a chilled crunch experience. Firecracker cookie pie. That's three different words, man. That's crazy.

cookie pie is a chilled crunch experience that layers velvety cream over a crisp sugar cookie crust, top with red, white, and blue star-shaped sprinkles to celebrate America's 250th birthday. It's a chilled

crunch experience. Yeah. Honey, you look different. Yeah, I I just, I had a chilled crunch experience today and I I don't know. It's changed. It shook me to my core.

It's, I'm looking at things there. Colors just aren't as bright anymore and I don't find joy in you or the children's faces. It's just not the same. Griffin, I just texted you this quote from Joel Yashinsky because if I read it, you guys are going to think I read it wrong. Okay. As the weather heats up, we know our guests are craving for fun flavors that they and experience and share, said Joel. Sorry, say it again? That they and experience.

and share, said Joel Yashinsky, chief marketing officer Burger King, US&C. Whether they're looking for a full meal or a sweet or savory snack, these new limited time menu items deliver the type of innovation. Guests with a capital chief for some reason have been looking for, and we're continuing to listen and give them what they want. There, I said what you wanted me to say. Please let me go.

Set me free, says Dave. Dave, Joel says, it's getting hotter, so we make colder things. and if you want to eat a lot or a little bit, we'll do it. We'll do it. Let us fucking know, man. Just let us know. And we're going to keep doing this.

Okay, you keep saying whatever, and we'll do it, and they experience and share, and they, and experience. Please stop complaining about our food. We are trying to make it as good as we can. Do you guys know how hard it is?

We don't know how to do it better. It sucks. Other than spending more money to do it. To do it and get better stuff. But like, We have to grill 100% of this goddamn thing. Yeah. You know how long that takes per burger?

It takes forever. If you all would stop eating the middle 10% you greedy pigs, then we wouldn't have to cook it. That's the hardest part to reach. And stop telling us you want more chicken fries as a joke because you keep doing it and we keep bringing them back and then no one buys it. No one orders it and you send us a note that's like ha ha ha ha got you again. No one likes chicken fries idiot. That hurts my feelings. We built my house out of chicken fries with all the chicken fries.

with all the chicken fries we had left. Jim needed a house and we didn't have money because we spent it all on chicken fries. We spent it all on chicken fries. You ruined this guy's fucking life with your chicken fries, prank. Firecracker cookie pie. Firecracker cookie pie.

Firecracker cookie pie. It sounds like the title like. Let the motherfucker fucker burn. Yeah. Firecracker cookie pie burn. I went more, it's like a rave, like a rave track that one might get from, like you might hear on like a Rupon.

Balls, Drag Race, like a Rebecca Black, like, just sort of one for the one for dancing and forgetting about it. Fire cracker cookie butt. My boyfriend is a horology nerd. And so I've bought him a pocket watch and a miniature grandfather clock. I'm trying to put together with the word horology means from context clues. Time? Time? I'm not going to look it up.

The only problem is... Time piece? The only problem is they both have mechanics. movements. These clocks tick loudly. How can I disguise or suppress the sound of them at night when he sleeps at mine so as not to spoil his gifts?

I know the easiest thing would be to stop them, but mechanical clocks work best. When they run consistently, and I can't afford the service fee, my neighborhood is dead quiet and my apartment is small. Any help is appreciated. And that's from

conspicuous clock clamor in Cambridge. I mean, I have some great, some great thoughts on this. Oh, yeah? I do. The ticking would drive you absolutely wild unless it was the steady beat of a popular song. How many beats per minute is the second hand putting out? Probably 60.

Probably 60, yeah, is what I'm thinking. I just looked up 60 BPM songs. We got Kiss from a Rose by Seal. You could get that cranking. I'm talking about a playlist of 60 BPM songs My Girl by Otis Redding Try a little tenderness by Otis writing These arms of mine by Otis Redding

Otis Redding worked at the natural sort of rhythm of the universe And I fucking love that I'm all about that. New slang, skinny love There's like a lot of tracks That are just kind of there for you You have to sync it up just right Because you can't have the ticking

I don't know if try a little tenderness Would put me to sleep Okay, we'll take that, then don't do that one But it's my favorite one on the list you just said Can you convince your partner like, okay, yes, it's true. I am a clockworker man. Okay.

I was assembled by Dr. Zalius and he died before he could give me a soul. But it's true. You hear the ticking of my heart. I am a clockwork boy. And only your love has brought me to life. So it's their, so their boyfriend is the nerd about clocks. And you're saying that you would say, I am a clockwork person, and I don't understand how this is going to help him sleep at night.

I'm hung up on the It's True part, as though the partner has always suspected of their clockwork boy, and you're finally confirming it? Sorry, say again? I don't see where the bright. So what you, I might explain it to you one time, but I do feel like explaining Rob some of the genius. But I will explain. You are telling your partner, that ticking sound that you hear is not a gift for you. It is in fact the ticking of my heart because I am a clockwork boy. Okay.

Okay. Yeah. And he died before he could give me a soul, but your love has made me. Right. I'll tell you what happened here. There was a bit of a false start because I saw how can I suppress the sound of them at night? And I just thought it was because they were so loud that they made you not be able to fall asleep easily. That was me projecting my own shit on you.

I didn't realize the layer about you didn't want to give away. So, yeah, saying you're a clockwork boy is a strong idea. Strong idea juice. You missed the part where they're like, it's a gift I don't want to spoil. Was that the context of you were working without the main kind of thrust of the question? But they do want to spoil the big reveal that it's true. They are a clockwork boy. They're a clockwork.

Okay, so even with my own mistake. Now that you understand my initial, can you react to it with a little more earnest like wonder? Can you give us the line again? Yeah. No, I actually won't be delivering the premise the third time. It's exhausting emotionally. I can't do it. He has to pretend to be a clockwork boy like Hugo, Trap.

I do like, can I just say, Justin, when you were doing a voice as the clockwork boy confirming the truth. That's cool. He did it again. You said he wouldn't, but then he did. Fucking A. It's very, it's even more human, I think, than you normally sound. I have a porcelain heart.

I have a porcelain heart. Okay. You have my porcelain heart ticking, so it echoes terribly. Why do they have a porcelain work ticking if they're a clock? It was a prototype, but Dr. Dr. Zeyas before he could. Dr. Zayas. Oh, Mr. Trin.

Like, Dr. Zayas did it? Oh, thank you. Zalius. Zalius. Zayas was his assistant. His monkey assistant. His monkey assistant. Oh, it's a tie-in.

This is all part of the planet of the apes universe. Heart of the planet of the apes. What's the next ten words of this idea? Do you know how disappointed this person's going to be when they find out their partner is not, in fact, a clockwork boy? The love made them real, Griffin. The love made them real. But is the ticking still go? Are you still going to give them the clock and the watch at some point?

Because they'll probably figure out when you do get, you got to smash his gifts. And the grandfather clock is their actual grandfather. Yeah. Okay. That's actually very good. I actually like that now, Traff. That's actually good. That's my grandpa.

Please ignore him. I'll move him out of the room so he doesn't watch our love making. Okay. Oh, yeah, that's right. I can go forever. There's a power of steam. I can go forever. There's a, there are some cultures in which giving someone

a clock is a bad is a bad luck is a bad thing to do um and because i think it is like reminds folks of that you're going to die or like is the same character in in i can't remember i'll google it later and then next time i talk about this i'll sound like super duper smart but do you think when that sort of became a thing where they're like giving someone a clock is is a very rude gift because it's like you're telling them they're going to die do you think the clocks industry was like, shit. No, I don't know about all that. I think, I understand your hang up, but I think clocks make a great fucking gift.

And you should get our, we got all kinds of new clocks this season. This one has a cuckoo that comes out of it. That's new. You guys like that? No one is picking up our clock catalogs off the grocery store shelves. I'm starting to get a little bit worried about this market. The clock guy went home and he was like, you're right, Deborah. I should have done paintings.

That would have been a better That would have been a better wall thing You're right Damn it Question asker Sundial Okay Completely silent

What is that mean? What? You're gonna replace it already It's bought it You can't fix it with a sundial You're gonna Okay Give to the Manchi

I sold the Grandfather clock And the pocket watch To get you this cool sundial Yeah Okay In the Gift of the Manchi Once again In our series of Miss

understanding the point of the gifts for the badger. I don't think they sold something belonging to their partner to get their partner a present. I'm realizing now I get, hey, I sold your car to get you this book. I don't think that that happened. Well, no, in this case, I sold your watch to get you this watch case. Shit. That was really bad of me to do. I wasn't even thinking about it at the time.

Shit. Do you think the first person who finished reading that story, they put it down there like, oh, Henry. I don't think this is very good I don't really understand it and then O'Henry had to be like it's not it's more like everything else will relate back to this

like you'll only kind of understand it in retrospect like it's only going to make sense when other things happen that are like this but like right now in isolation I understand that it's like it's just kind of very sad like I get that it's not a very good story well it's kind of sad it's kind of sad but it's like

it's not a very good story I understand but it'll be very useful story later. I created a reference point for other people. What I've done here is a huge humanity sacrifice where I've written a weird story, but later it'll make other people's weird stories make more sense. Right, but they need this contextually. As a culture, we need this story,

even though I'll admit, I don't really know how to feel about it either. My friend Kafka wrote this story about a guy who turns into a big bug. It doesn't make any sense, but it's going to help other things. things make sense later. So you're welcome. He sells his watch to buy her

combs for her hair. And she sells her hair to buy him a chain for his watch. She sells seashells. Well, no, she'll grow the hair back. We've talked about this at least three times. Okay, never mind.

I actually don't want to. And you know what? Luckily, we don't have to because that's the end of the podcast. We've gotten here. Once again, just as I knew we would, you guys at the beginning were like, I don't know. How are we going to do it? I was like, cut this part out later, but I inspired you for like 15 minutes.

You remember? Yeah. Yeah, man. That's cool. I've never felt so good about the work that we do. We have some new merch in the merch store over at Macroymerch.com. Got a new shirt. It's a design with, you're going to be amazing from Taz Balance.

It was designed by Sabrina Volante. And all the proceeds from that shirt go to Lambda Legal. 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will also be donated to Lambda Legal, a national organization working to achieve full recognition of the civil rights of LGBTQ plus people and everyone living with HIV through impact litigation, education, and public policy work. Our merch is all over at Macquariemerch.com. There's a lot of stuff up there. We've also got to make it six sticky notes by Evan Cruz over there as well. Make sure you check those out. Also, I believe we are five weeks away this week from the release of the Adventure Zone story and song graphic novel, the five. final in our series. We should finish writing it. We should finish writing it. Quick, go to theadventurezonecom.com. You can pre-order that now. There's some special editions

available at like Barnes & Noble and Books a Million, and they've got some stuff you can get for your order. But wherever you get it is just help us out. If you think you're going to read it, pre-ordering it helps us out a great deal. Thank you to Montaigne for the use of our theme song. My life is better with you. I really appreciate that Montaigne continues. you so let us use this song. They're so talented, and the song absolutely rips, and just thank you. Somebody's got to throw something. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I got a box. No. Tripod. Ooh, tripod. Oh, that's a big one. Are you sure? I'm positive. I can't wait to see where he fucking throws this day.

Yeah, I don't know what he's aiming for here. You know you got a hum it, right, Juice? You got a really whang. It's too big. Yeah, okay. I'm going to do a water bottle flip. Did I do a water bottle flip? Wait, he can't hear us.

He's just throwing a case at his phone. Wow. I'm just Macroy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother. May kiss your dad square on the lips. Maximum fun.

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