My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 818: Announcing: Utilidrink

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

We know that almost every episode of My Brother, My Brother, and Me is the perfect energy-giving blend of great goofs, witty wisdom, probiotics, prebiotic, and an ungodly amount of caffeine. But this one is our new, special formula with everything you need in easy-to-drink layers of: Sky-rizzy, Mark Ruffalo, minions, and absolutely no nanomachines. Suggested talking points: Big Probiotic Boba, Today's My Rizzy Day, Bo-Rito, Daniel Day Lewish, You Catch More Flies with Little Debbies, Built-In Chicken Intermission Lamda Legal: https://lambdalegal.org/ Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinmbmbam

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something into a precious friendship. It feels love. Everybody, welcome to my brother. my brother to me. Advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McRoy.

What's up, Travnation? It's me, your middle of his brother, Travis, Big Dog, Wolfel of Vroom, Vroom, The Heater, Big Dog. Did I say that already? Award winning McRoy. What's up? Sweet Trav Nation, it's your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McRoy. Just a quick update, by the way, about the award-winning thing. Yeah. Did you just get a notification? They've started making the awards. So, should be getting that any month now. Is that a goof? Nope. God damn, you're just so good at making goofs like that that it's hard to tell truth from.

I know that seems so wild when you hold your award ceremony seemingly 18 months ago. Yeah. I want to tell you guys about my drink that I'm enjoying. Oh, Disney on Ice. Yeah, this is the only cup big enough that I have. I used to have one that says Life's a Beach that I stole from a house. Yeah. But now I just have this cup.

This is my breakfast boy, and I want to tell you guys about it, because I think that I could get you guys in on the ground floor of this. It's how I start my morning every morning. I get a... Is the Disney on Ice Cup part of the every morning? I did cover. It's the only cup I have that's big enough, so it is by the fact of... And if you miss it, he did do a subliminal.

He held it up right next to his head to give us a size comparison to give us a bit... That's a big breakfast boy. Yeah, yeah. A, actually, the cup's lenticular, and I'm resisting the temptation. I love that. Thank you so much. I actually know that because my kids also have a Disney on ice cup, and seeing it did make my skin crawl every time you hold it up. Thank you very much.

Well, I will continue to drink it. So it's a blend of a premier protein caramel or coffee flavor, depending on how caffeinated you want to get. Usually I'll do that. And then I dump in all the. the old coffee from yesterday. Oh, right. Aged. Don't say old, say aged.

Yeah, just for, if we're going to market this later, just know that aged, uh, salt. And then I take a sip of it and I see if it's, and then it's like, is this quite enough? It's not usually quite enough coffee flavor. So then I'll add a little, this is a secret. A lot of people won't tell you this. Duncan Cold Brew.

Concentrate. You dump that in there. What was the last word? Duncan cold brew, what? Concentrate. Concentrate. Now, you now have three. caffeinating proteining factors.

Let me say you, the first thing about Utiladrink. Awesome. Fuck yeah, dude. I love when you just like say shit with that like, and by the way, I'm announced. This is an announcement and a very casual. Well, it's like, it's so, first thing with Utilat Drink is you are going to be able to time your bowel movements with the clockwork precision of a train engineer. Uh-huh.

You know, if you drink one of these, you know exactly when you're going to use. One could argue it's the primary util of util a drink. We could get, like Griffin has his big water bottle with the markings on it. You could time it out, Judge. You could make, like, not just the drink, but a bottle that comes with it with markings of it. To start getting ready, collect reading materials. Right, right, right. Your phone charged.

Dokey time. You're going to be in there for a while. Yeah. But you guys, you guys, I'm glad to see you guys so excited about this because I don't think that I can just, we can just sell. premier protein mixed with old coffee. Right. So we got to add, I think Utilid Drink is very powerful because it gets your day started. And to somebody with a brain like mine, I like the idea of having one liquid that I know I can consume it.

I'm good to go. Yeah. So like what else can I get into Utilid Drink? I've already thought about crunching up some clareton in there. Yeah, dude. That's great. Holy shit, man. Yeah.

Oh my God. Justin. I know. Utilad drink will be prescribed. Listen up, pharmacist, because this affects me too. It'll be prescribed by AI. I don't mind handing that one over to the tech, to the tech lords. You go to see an AI doctor who will prescribe only utilitarian.

Only utilitarian. Only utilitarian. But. And Justin, can I, oh, I've just been struck, Griffin going on it. I've been struck by a marketing, but Griffin, go on. One idea at a time, guys. One idea at a time. I don't just want utilit drink to contain two different kinds of coffee and brew your caramel or coffee flavor protein.

and also a little bit of claretting because I'm so bad at that and D.C. is, according to recent polls, the sneeziest city in the United States. I think you could grind it up. I do think the size, I get to drop it in there and not think about it again. Why stop there?

Utilid drink prescribed by AI doctors. Let it get my bupropion in there. Do you know what I mean? Let it get my Lexipro in there. Just one drink and I don't have to blop, blop, blop, blop, take the four pills that let me like go. It's like the Pepsi machine, the Coke machine,

we talked about the other day where you just walk up to it and you mix of flavor. Yeah, freestyle medicine drink. It's me style. It's me style. It's like, here's what's going on with me and my utilitarian. It's a me style utilitarian. Me style utilitarian. We can figure out densities, by the way.

So I know Duky's happening two thirds of the way down and then probiotic right there at the bottom. Oh, man. It sinks to the bottom like boba. Yeah. And then I'm getting that probiotic back in my tummy right there at the end. Big fat probiotic pearls. for you at the bottom to suck through a big straw. The thing that I've been actually afraid to think about

because it's actually too powerful is the idea of layering. So like, what if at the top layer you had a diuretic? And then at the bottom layer, you had an anti-diaretic. Yeah. So you have it at midway through, you're like, oh! Now, wait, okay, one issue with this just from an engineering level juicer is that if we are used... Wait, it's not a juicer.

You're right. actual juice contained. Yeah, there's no fruit or vegetables in utilitarian. No fruit or organic. No organic material. It's all microplastiques. If you use a straw. Oh, I like that, by the way, Griffin.

Yeah, yeah. I Q-U-E-S at the end. And everybody don't think it's very fancy. We use a long... Everybody else doesn't want them anymore. We'll take them on the cheap. If we use a long straw with this medicine parfe that you've described, we're going to get the anti-dioretic before we get the diuretic.

And I'm not even sure what my body... I would probably bust. I would probably burst and die if that combination was given to me in that order. There will be very specific. Like, also, don't operate heavy machinery after drinking utilitarian. Like, I think that there will be a lot of warnings

down the side. Unless that's your job, in which case you will be completely prepared for it. Then you can. I love the straw that you, or Griffin, I think it was, love the straw that you slipped in there. Check this out.

I just ate the straw. It's mint. It's a mint candy. The straw is a mint candy. At the end of it, you eat the straw. So the final util that it provides is mouth freshness. Yeah, that's good. Here's my marketing campaign that I picture, commercial.

A Charlton-Heston-esque actor comes charging out of a building as people, everyone's walking around, and he's holding up Utilid drink, and he screams like, Utilat drink is everything. Yeah. Utilatrick is everything. And he falls down on his knees and everybody's like, oh, cool. And then they start drinking Utila drink. And he's like, oh, actually, yeah.

Now I hear it out loud. It rules. Is it people? No. No. It's medicine. Might be people. I worry actually people might.

I worry people might. Can I pitch another ad? Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Traff just pitched an ad. Someone pitch an ad. It's Mark Ruffalo and he walks into the kitchen and you see his face. And then it's just his face, right? Yeah.

You don't actually see Utilat drink in this one. You see his face and he looks and he's like, like this like confused. He's like, and he's really scary. He's like, Skyler, that's my utilit drink. Yeah. Cut to black. Yeah. That's how powerful it is.

Yeah. Now, wait. Why? If someone drinks the raw utility drink, they'll probably die from it. Now why, listen, you know I love the Ruffalo Buffalo Buffalo so much. Every man is to answer your question. Every man. Why are we paying Ruffalo Buffalo prices?

Yeah. For just that. It's a huge line. He's a utila person. He's the utila person. Okay. He's a doctor who's a Hulk. Yeah.

And he's also in drama. And also he made a robot out of Emma Stone, like, or had sex with her. I didn't watch, I was a little stoned. But, uh, like, he's the every man. You know what I mean? He's like the Utila drink, like a perfect sponsor. And full of probiotics. Yeah.

I always confuse people on the street as Mark Ruffalo. I think he's got it. He's in D.C. He's lobbying for something. Never. He just is every, he's every man. I walked next to him one time at New York Comic Con going through the back tunnels to get to think.

Is he little? I bet he's little. Is he like 4.11? Is he little guy? He's the size of one Mark Ruffalo. Like if you're thinking like for scale, you would put him next to another Mark Ruffalo and you'd be like, yeah, that's exactly it. I'm a Google how tall is Mark. I'm a Google how much.

How tall is Mark Ruffalo? And Google Gemini AI is going to be like nine feet tall when he's the Hulk. Thanks fucking. Thanks, dude. I've tried to word this in a way that makes sense before. But you know sometimes like you're somewhere and you think you see a celebrity. You're like, I kind of know, oh, who is that? Oh, is that somebody that's somebody. When I saw Mark Ruffalo, it was negative time.

Yeah. Before I knew it was Mark Ruffalo. One of the most recognizable people in real life I've ever seen. 5-8. Yeah, it feels right. What's the MSRP are we thinking, juice, on Util-A-Drink? So every, that will be very conditional. Like, obviously, if you're on some high-grade experimental medications or ones that have to be specifically temperature-controlled, that's the thing with Util-A-Drink.

There are going to be some Util-A-Drinks that are probably going to be kind of like J-B-Weld, where they have to be stored in separate containers, and then you squish them out, and then the mixing-ins. and you have to drink it like right away. Yeah. Before it hardens, you know, like, or whatever. I'll tell you another. Probably 50, probably 50, 50 to 20 grand. I'll tell you my, okay, yeah, that makes sense. So my, wait, $50 to 20 grand or 50 grand to 20 grand, which is not normally the way

you would have raised. It's like, $50 is like basically just coffee. No, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Now, my one is, you're going to reverse that because there is. a step down process to quit utilit drink. You're not going to want to stop cold turkey or you will die. The 20 grand one I got to tell you guys, it's pretty much all peptides.

I'll be real. I'll be real what those are one of these days. It sounds important. It sounds important. It sounds, yeah. It's all human growth. I tell you my issue is every 12 weeks, I got to shoot up the sky rizzi. I don't know how we incorporate that element into utility.

Five hour energy drink style, utilit drink just comes in a little, one with a Skyrisian. What? So these are delivered to you via express mail. You get the like huge ice box with your weeks utilitarian in it. Yes.

And then every 12 weeks, I'll get one in that only has six big bottles of utilit drink and then one very menacing small glass vial full of a bagel. Rachel, where's the packaging? Rachel, did you tell out the packaging for this? Rachel, did you see a small,

small bottle? It's my Skyrisi utila drink For premium members I would also like to pitch Uchilla drink nights Where there is red wine in it Ooh Okay see Trev

That's a different util It's a different util It's a different utile Because that's just booze Like booze does all that for you The only job you have at night to sleep It's just a bottle of wine So booze is the bottle of wine

It's just the wine is the utility drink Without this you will not sleep We cannot stress enough there's so much in utilit drink that if you drink, Uttil drink, nights, to cast the antidote, you will stay awake for four days. Maybe it is just an anti,

it's just a big bottle of anti-stuff. This is going to break you back. This is going to break you back. It's absorbent stuff. Yeah, this is all activating charcoal. I think it would be good. This is all carbon. Sawdust.

It's three parts, Cabernet Sauvignon. and then it's one part melatonin, and then the rest of it is sawdust. And it absorbs the rest of it. And activated charcoal. This is going to get you out of the crest, as we call it, and pull you back down. In the morning. Here's another important thing, though, if you don't have your next utilitarian

the next morning, you will perish. You will die. You need it. Your body's going to be fluctuating through states of ketosis. And matter. Matter. regulation, you need to keep surfing the wave where you will fucking crash, dude. We're going to start every press conference the same way.

Everyone, hi, thanks for coming. Again, I will ask, do not ask about nanomachines in the utila drink. That is company information. Can I share that? I know me saying that makes it sound like I'm saying there's nanomachines in the utila drink. It's not one way or the other. saying that we're saying there's not not and if they are they're beneficial but there's not any in there but there's not not not any in there but if we were going to today's we wouldn't tell you

today's my sky rizzie day i got it on on the brain and i wanted to share that you know i started taking it for my for my terrible skin can't believe that's the name still it's awesome it's such a good fucking name and it's like one of the can you imagine when ferris bueller like came into the conference room and he was like guys i got it yeah Yeah. Sky Rizzy. What? It was probably a lot like that.

That guy just beat Skyrim the night before. Yeah, it had to be something like. And he started, and it was like SkyRint. Uh, I got just got, guys, I just beat Skyrim the night before. I'm leaning on the edge of my window. I don't know if this will play. No, it plays. It's cool.

You don't look wild at all. How big is that window? Today's my Rizzi day and I'm so grateful. Thank you, SkyRen. Not sponsored. Thank you, SkyRizzi for fixing my psoriasis. I was watching TV. a couple months ago and I saw an ad and it was like, do you have moderate to severe Crohn's

disease? Well, that can make life very difficult, can it? Luckily, we've got a drug for you. It's called Sky Rizzi. And I was like, wait a minute. I've never taken a drug for one thing and then found out that it also fixes a totally different, completely other thing. And maybe I had moderate to severe Crohn's disease, I'll never know, because if I did, the Riz licked it. So that's pretty, I've never had that happen before where it's like my depression medication is also making my wiener huger. What? Like it's never do, it never does two secret things. Well, it usually does two secret things. Just one of them's not beneficial. There's a lot of like, oh, also it turns out, sorry about that.

Like, well, Buterin is a depression medication that they also use to help people quit smoking. And it's like, maybe you're just sad. You know what I mean? Like, maybe you were sad and you smoked to deal with it. You actually can't know the difference. I was taking lexapro for depression. And then my doctor, my therapist diagnosed me also with anxiety. And she was like, just keep doing the lexopro.

I was like, oh, cool. Wait. Hold on. It's all one thing, guys. We're all one. It's all a continuum. That's what Utilat drinks about. It's all, that's what,

that's like the ads are going to be like, people passing around a can of Utilat drink. And it's like, we all have different utilitar drinks, but the one thing that ignites us all. And people are like, the can, the can, the can't. And a few people are like, banana machines. No, no, edit that.

Get out of here. Get that out. And then there will be a very large print across the bottom. Do not share utilitar drinks. These are. No, they're not to show the ad. You gotta show the ad right after where Mark Ruffalo says like, no, Janet, that's my YouTube. You have to show that right after so people know that the last ad was like a joke.

Do not metaphorically, we all share in this. There should be more ads that are also PSAs for the dangers of your product. Yeah. It's like advertising how powerful it is. Like this isn't kids stuff. We're not joking around. It's chocolate flavored, but like that's not. The health disclaimers on Utiladrink in the.

ad will be robust enough that it will not leave us a lot of runway for the ad part of the ad that talks about how good the product is. We're going to have about a second and a half of Mark Ruffalo being like, Util-a-drink good. And then 59 seconds of like Utilagint will kill you fucking graveyard dead if you do it. No, it will only kill you if you drink someone else. Like that's, yeah, we can't stress enough. It won't kill you. But it will kill everyone you love if they drink yours. Yeah. Just label them. Get your own apartment.

Just be safe. We won't label them. We will put nothing on the can that says like this is Marks you till a drink. It's up to you to do that at home. Personal responsibility. It's huge. That's right. That's what America. That's what this country was founded on. Yeah. I'd like to ask you

some questions. And these came from our listeners. These aren't mine. Okay. I don't want to be weird about it. These are ones that they've sent to us. Hey, Justin, just in that moment, you started typing, hey, you felt like such like an oracle-esque character. It was cool. You made a man in the chair for a second.

It looked so fucking cool. Yeah, yeah. You know why I look so cool? Because I'm trying to register utilitrink.com. Oh, yeah, you looked very professional at that moment. So stupid. Well, that's when I do my job. Travis is when I register.

Um, domain. We have to reevaluate your job title and description, by the way. It's been a couple years now. I would need to add some meetings. I keep skipping the annual meetings where we get new job titles and stuff. Do you think the stuff that Travis says at the beginning of the Mbim Bam episodes is like jazz? That is like- No, that's better down by board members.

I get docked every time I miss one. 1899? $18.99? $18.99 for? $18.99 for Utiladrink.com? I mean, like, that's an investment, man. We're building a brand. We'll cut everything out of the beginning of this episode because someday someone will make Utilatrink.

that will really make it, and then we'll sell that back to them for. See how much utila shorts is, too? Because we can do like a fun thing where it's like summer branded shorts. Yeah. Do you think Amanda gets notifications every time I do this?

I hope she does. Does she good? Sometimes she texts me behind your back because she's worried about you and our finances. Yeah, good. She should be. I like to keep everybody on edge. Listen, my barber's old.

Aside from my years at college, and a few years living across town. I've gone to the same barber my whole life. I'm worried he'll retire, and I won't know where to get my hair cut. Is it okay to ask him where I should get my haircut when he retires? I don't want him to think I'm looking to ditch him already.

That's from seeking a shearer in Springfield. So hard. You mean die, right? You're trying to retire from this plane. They mean die, right? Well, I think it's the same. If your barber retires and you don't see them anymore. Yeah.

Unless they're your uncle, they're pretty much dead to you. Oh, man. What if the barber died in the middle of cutting your hair? And it was left unfinished forever. And they just had to live with that haircut. You had to find someone to do the other half. Maybe that's how you do it. He says, you're looking for a new barber after me.

He only cuts half of your hair. He says, now the timer's ticking. Get out there. Find someone who can complete the luck. And they'll know informed by my past work how you like it done. Could you ask him to put together a december? detailed build book as he cuts your hair of like shots of the cuts and methods he's using. And then you put it all together in a very detailed separated binder that you can just hand off.

And at this point, question asker, find yourself a 21 or 22 year old barber because you don't want to go through this again. I mean, you got to go through this again. The old heads are the best because they'll do like old-timey. They'll like slap you on the shoulder, give you a little like on your forehead. had like a little percussive like you know what I mean with their old hands just just bongo and all over you the old dude at Huntington that we went to a couple of that early I think was his name yeah early god that guy was early to life he got here before everybody else he got started

he got there before everybody else that mother trucker had early is right he had pneumatic like shears like I remember they were were like hooked to a tube, like to the wall. When he turned it on, it sounded like a steam, it like a piston, like grr-r-r-r-th. And you could feel like the air going off of it. It ruled, man. Yeah.

And all of his haircut styles had like number seven with bangs. You know, it was all like you were ordering out of deli. It ruled. But the thing about barbers and haircutting and hair styling, and I have to assume this is true for everyone, is if you start seeing the same person to cut your hair for a long enough period of time, you forget kind of what it is like

with other sort of stylist hair professionals. There could be a whole world of not sort of older barbers out there who can offer you so many cuts. I got my hair cut at Happy Hair Boutique for a long time,

basically up through college. It was just where mom took us and a lady who we went to church with cut our hair, I think at a discount. which was super chill, but my style was not great until I, when I was like a senior in college, saw someone else who cut all my hair off and I was like, I look different now. This is way better. And I don't have to talk about Jesus Christ during the styling, which I also super duper appreciate.

Guys, when I lived in L.A., I went to the same stylist as Cameron Esposito. Oh, fuck, dude. A person named Pony. Pony was incredible. Pony was incredible. And don't get me wrong. I love my Cincinnati stylist. Oh, she's great. Lover, she's great.

But Cameron's, Cameron's hair is just very, very, very powerful. So good. So good. I've been seeing the same guy, Joey Griffith, Kim on Boxy. Check him out.

Great, great cuts. He's a younger fella. We used to just go wherever, wherever mom took us, which is usually into the happy hair boutique. Just wherever she went. we would normally slide up in there. Happy hair, but you can tell by the name,

specialized in teenage boy haircut. Right. Yeah, because we were happy at the end of it. We did have hair. The barbershop is specific, if you go to the actual barbershop, and I think part of what makes this so hard is you're not just talking about the barber.

Because unless you're going to like a master cuts or something at the Walmart, every barbershop is just a loose confederation of maniacs that decided they could share the same basic room. Like it's like there's no, there doesn't have to be a sort of like, the music is whatever everybody can kind of agree to. And if not that,

it's three different kinds of music and Fox News. It's like, it's just a bunch of people living in tight quarters and this like cycle of strangers that are just like in and out of their little like wing sitcom that they're doing. But it's like, it's a vibe. You've got to find one that fits.

I've gone to the, I've gone to a barber for a year. year where I was uncomfortable. Like, I didn't like being there. I was like, I hate this, but I can't find anything better. I can't do any better than this right now. But it's just about the, it's about the room. It's a vibe.

My current stylist and the salon I go to. The radio station they play over the sound system is the hits of the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, and today. Wow. So that's all the music. It's the most whiplashy. Yeah, best. Sonic experience.

Isn't this a soundtrack for whiplash? At my tempo cut. Incredible. Every week, my office test the fire alarm between 255 and 305. It scares me. And every week,

damn, that guy's really careful. We work at the gasoline factory. Yeah, right? I just got to check it again. I love the idea that you would need a fire alarm at the gasoline factory and it wouldn't be immediately,

hugely, instantaneously apparent. Nobody else in the office ever reacts. The exact time varies from week-a-week, and it only lasts a few seconds. I've been at this job for every year now, and I'd like to figure out how to stop embarrassing myself on a weekly basis.

How can I be more prepared for this noise scientifically designed to make me react? That's from dreaded drills in Dublin. Can I tell you what's wild? There's many things that's wild about this. But here in Cincinnati, and you guys have heard it many times, first Wednesday of every month, they test the tornado warning.

Yes. At noon, first Wednesday of every month. It is interrupted recording times, and it's always extraordinarily eerie to hear. Because it's a pretty scary sign. It sounds like an air raid siren. Yeah. I have lived in Cincinnati now for many, many years over a decade and a half. Tornadoes are not a normal thing.

I don't know how often it comes up. But when you're working a job where they're testing it every Wednesday, the idea that you would know it's Wednesday consistently every week to the point where if it went off on a Tuesday or Thursday your immediate thought would be today's definitely not Wednesday this is a problem

like your first thought is going to be when you hear it uh Wednesday again because that's how life works when you're an adult do they confirm that it's the same day I don't think so it's just that it happens at 255 to 3 305 p.m. some days. Once a week. I thought it said every Wednesday. Yeah, once a week. This is what I'm saying. This person is so careful.

Every week, they test the fire alarm between 255 and 305. You shouldn't be allowed. You can't do it different days because then that's not. Yeah. Well, but Travis, fire comes any goddamn day it wants to. Fire is burned on Monday. Monday to Sunday. Unless you're doing like you're training for like a battleship under siege and you're like doing like repel borders training where it's like every week you do the drill. We've got you're going to have the fire escape plan down. Right.

Like no one has ever done a fire. I can't remember a time in school when they would do fire drills and every student or even any student would be like, let's take this serious. Seriously, guys. Like, it never... Save for me, Captain of the Fire Patrol. Yeah. Trying to get my trip to...

Yeah, it was Fire Patrol, too, yeah. I mean, I was Captain of Fire Patrol. I got Kiped by the Patrol. It's not important. But... Wow. You never treat it like it's a real fire. If I knew that my office did this,

this is not... I would leave during this time period. I would not be right. I would find a reason to not... I hate this. Yeah. This sucks. If I...

I don't like the very loud, like... No thanks. It's going to be so loud. How do you feel about the sudden? Do you like the sudden? Well, sudden, this is the worst. Sudden, but you know that it is coming, right?

You know it's going to be in this window, but you don't know exactly when? No, thanks. So you can be scared of it. I'll go to Walgreens. Thanks. I got to get my medicine for my utility drink. If I don't add another little thing to it every day, it coagulates. So I got to add the stuff.

I got to add the anticoagulant. You got to keep it at 73.5 degrees. Right. I think that one of the problems, and I think we can address this right now, this is an easy salt, when a fire alarm kicks on, an alarm, it kicks on full blast right at the start. And that's going to disorient you. Yeah. Right?

Because now you've got to get used to the fact it's going on, you've got to calm it down. It shocked your system. Okay. We need something with a slow, and not even slow, but like a ramp up. Yeah. Right? Like the fire alarm is also, like, is there a fire? Right.

So it's like a beep? Well, yeah, I mean What, be even? What are they testing when they test the fire alarm system? That all the things are doing the noise, right? Why does the noise during the test have to be a scary honk noise? Why can't it be September by Earthwind and fire? Like something to get the office move in.

Probably not September. We don't want to go with that for obvious reasons. Well, you wouldn't want Earthwind and Fire either. You know, you would want it. Yeah, that's like a bunch of the natural disasters all kind of rolled in the That's a fair point. Roll into one. What if on the day that they test the fire alarms, the boss can decide that that is at the time

that everyone can also punch out? So you hear the fire alarm. All of a sudden, it's not something that you're scared of. It's something you're excited for because when the fire alarm goes off, everybody gets to go home for the day. Or you could say like it's the first 10 people get to punch out, right? Like the first 10 to the... Oh, cool.

Yeah. Right? So now everybody's... First time people to leave the building? Yeah. That's going to also increase that Pavlovian response, right? When you hear the fire alarm, get the fuck out of the building. You got to get out of the building.

I want to go home and fucking chill. That's good. That's a good idea. You incentivize a little bit of the carrot rather than the stick. You know, you're incentivizing people. What if you had just like a huge cooler full of Mountain Dews outside? Yeah. And just pops it open like...

That's cool. I haven't done a fire chilling on... And a slip and slide from the front door of the cooler. Just like post soccer, just like after soccer. There's like a bunch of boxes, little debbies, a bunch of juices. Yeah, you catch more flies with honey than fire, is what I, my grandpa always saw me. You catch a lot of flies of little debby's. Hey, let's take a quick break, a quick sojourn, and then we'll return.

Hello. One thing you're coming. I appreciate you coming. My name is Daniel Worthington. I'm, of course, the CEO of the Pretty Kitty Committee. And I have some unfortunate news today. we are forced to ban the use of smalls from competition in the Pretty Kitty Committee. Unfortunately, it is just too high quality.

The cats, it creates an unfair disparity between the cats that are enjoying smalls. These protein-packed meals are 100% human grade. They're delicious. I eat them every morning, of course. but of course I know more cats consuming smalls will be permitted

to compete to the pretty kitty committee Yes sorry Griffin raised his hand but Travis is making cat noises

so he wins Yeah Um Yes thank you Did you not What's funny magazine are you from Oh I'm

I'd like to know the name of a funny magazine Time magazine Hmm Okay Uh One, we voted you the person of the year for not only your work with the pretty What's his fucking name? Daniel Worthing.

No, Justin, I want to Travis to answer. Sorry. Dr. Professor Worthington. Yeah. But also, why not just give. I'm Emperor Worthington. Impro, Dr. Professor Worthington.

Why not just give all the cats smalls and make it fair? Yeah. Well, Travis, that would be very. very good for the cats, of course. 88% of cat owners reported overall health improvements. But what about the... Yes, Travis? You have another question?

Well, so it doesn't seem like there's a reason not to give the cats small. If it makes the cats, yeah. If we could get around to my question, too, and it is a... Yes, Griffin, you had a question. What was your magazine? I'm not on a magazine. I'm the C.O. of the Pretty Kitty Committee.

You should know that we've worked together for 45 years. They are a sponsor of us. And I feel like banning Smalls cat food because it's so good for cats and you've been using it for a long time and your cats have never looked sexy. Yes. My cats are sexier than ever before. You're right, Griffin. A Griffin. Thank you.

Yep. So, but you didn't really, the thank you is nice to receive one of those after 45 years is awesome actually for me. But I do, you didn't really address the issue, which is that Smalls is one of our sponsors this week. And I'm worried that banning them from the competition that they are sponsoring sends a message that they won't like. Yes, old friend. For 45 years, you've been a steady hand on the till. And once again, you have steered me right. Smalls is a sponsor.

of this program and thus we are requiring smalls for all cats in the Pretty Kitty Committee. Yeah. Stop serving your little carnivore bowl of process shortcuts for a limited time because you are a, my brother, my brother, be a member of the Pretty Kitty Committee. Get 60% of your first order plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com slash my brother.

That's 60% off your first order plus free shipping and free treats for life. When you head to smalls.com slash my brother. Listen, as a journalist, I'm so excited to be here. Unfortunately, Time Magazine has dissolved. So now I've decided to start my own independent... We bought them. It's cat fancy too. Yep.

We're doing another cat fancy. I'm going to start my own independent journalism website where I can report on this breaking news that Smalls is required by the Pretty Kitty Committee. So I've turned to Squarespace to build my website so that I can publish all these breaking stories and also my coverage of, you know, wars and political stuff. So it'll be wars and political stuff and news about the Pretty Kitty Committee will be like my main focus.

Now, Travis, you're no great shakes in the brains department. How do you... That's true. Why do you think that you're going to be able to pull this off? Well, even a real dumb, dumb like me with mushy head can build a website with Squarespace because they have all kinds of helpful tools and intuitive design. and services that they offer to help me do the things I need to offer my goods and my services and get paid all in place. It'll make me seem professional in a way that I simply am not.

Yeah. And the cutting-edge designs will really cloud and mask the fact that I'm just a real stupid face. He didn't say that with macaroni for brains. You need to show Justin some grace for the thing he said. No, I have macaroni for brains. Um, overcooked macaroni brains. He didn't say you have macaroni brains. He didn't say any of that.

He didn't say any of that. It was deeply implied. I think, I think it was deeply implied that I have overcooked macaroni brains with raisins. Yeah. I don't know why you're saying this, Travis. I love Squarespace. I bet Justin's probably going to use Squarespace. It's just that you guys didn't invite me to be on the board of the Pretty Kidding Committee.

I had to become a journalist just to be in the room where it happened. Well, Justin, I offer you that. Here's what happened. offered you that role. You said, yes, please. He offered me that role. Did you hear what I did? I said, no, I'm taking a bigger role in this sketch. You have to do that here, man. You know it's cutthroat. Sometimes someone sets you up for something. You have to dress for the job you want. And you got to say, no, I don't want that part. I want a bigger part that's bigger than your part, even. I'm Garfield. Yeah. And I didn't even have to do a voice. Justin did a voice. I didn't even do a voice.

And I still wanted that bigger part. Can I take Justin's part? Yeah. No. problem. You gotta do the voice. I'm Samuel Worthington. That's good. President of the Pretty Kitty committee. That's good. And I'm requiring all cats to build a website with Squarespace. I love this voice you guys do. Even cats can do it. I love this cats. This voice you guys do, which I've named Daniel Day Lewish, is, is really very practiced and a featured guest here on the show. Hey, head to Squarespace. dot com slash my brother for a free trial. No, I was going to say it. Too late. And when you're ready to launch.

You're human or a kitty. Head to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Is a cap not entitled to a website and smalls? No, says the man in Washington. I click your Squarespace. I click it up. I want to munch. Huh? I want a munch.

Squad. I want to munch. Squad. Bojangles jump scare. Bojangles jump scare indeed. I just had to share these little beauties with you guys. Shit, dog. Bojangles has turned up the flavor this summer with the return of a fan favorite

breakfast staple. Now with an extra kick. Starting June. 8th, guests can enjoy the breakfast burrito. All of this is so shiny. Everything. It shines and glistens.

Everything on the screen is shining. The gloss of this thing is beautiful. Back by popular demand, it delivers a hearty, handheld breakfast, packed with Bojangles flavor. This original features country-style sausage,

fluffy eggs, crispy bow rounds. That's hash browns. Yeah. Melty, Monterey Jack cheese and southern sausage gravy all wrapped up in a warm flour tortilla and served with Texas peat hot sauce. Now if you want to start with a day with a little more fire, the new Fuego. Perit with a utilitarian drink.

Only at both angles. Belt on the same craveable foundation, the Fuego version adds a spicy ghost pepper sauce all wrapped in a warm red tortilla. Yeah. To let you know. To let you know, this is spicy. That's how I want to start. my day knowing that in four hours it's gonna be dicey.

What's interesting guys, and I think this is so cool, is that the Bo-Rito lineup is designed for convenience without sacrificing the brand signature made from scratch quality. Oh, that is interesting. What I see this, I think, hmm, most made from scratch and high quality. So they're still like doing it. You know, like in Stardew Valley,

when it's like winter and you're just trying to get through it so that you can like get back to farming and stuff and you'll just wake up and then you'll immediately click on the bed and go right back to sleep until tomorrow. I feel like what Bojangles has offered here as a breakfast dining option is the food equivalent of that. Yeah. Where I could have one of these Tuesday morning

and then Tuesday's over. Tuesday's done and we're on to Wednesday. Your journal entry for Wednesday is just like rough one yesterday. Period. it short day. End of entry. Hibernating. Hybernating.

S slept for 23 and one half hours. Just enough to drive to Bojangles and bank. And I didn't even get to finish the Bo-Rito before I was back asleep. Still haven't finished a whole one of them. The name Burrito is great because if you say it like a normal person would say Bo-Rito, but you say it enough. It just, your friends would start to worry you don't know how to pronounce Burrito correctly. I'm a Bo-R-R-R-R-I. I'm going to have a Bo-Rito.

Boroido I'll Yeah, can I get into one of the show Ritos? You were saying burrito? No, no, no, no, no.

A burrito. Our breakfast Boreto was so well received by guests last year that we decided to bring the heat for its return

to the menu this year and the new Fuego Breakfast Boreto does just that says Marshall Scarborough Bongangles Vice President of menu

and culinary innovation back that's Marshall Scarborough. That's Travis McRoyd-Time magazine. Have you thought about Bo-Rite Bo? And just get it. Mm-hmm.

Maybe across. Griffin, I got one for you too. This one is, this one is just for your, this is just for Griffin? It's just, well, it's not just for Griffin, but it is, uh, say here. I want to share it with Griffin because Griffin would, would, uh, I think appreciate the story. Love Island, Griffin, it has their own, uh, drinks at Scooters call me. All right. I don't know why, but summer love is in the air at Scooter's coffee with the launch of four new hot drinks.

One of those is just a red bull. Hold on. Yeah. One of, yeah. There are bombshells. They can only be described as bombshells. With strawberry hard jelly swimming in a pool of strawberry and dragon fruit flavors, it's hard not to fall in love with these refreshing drinks launching June 18th. God, I haven't looked for a quote by Nick Lachay in this.

There's not one. Sorry, guys. There is, okay. That's not his. That's not his show. The macho latte with a hot of the island and I couldn't get it. Macha latte with red heart jelly candies in it. Unless I barf too.

It's upsetting. It's such. Why would I want? It sucks. Why would I want jelly candies in anything, let alone my macho latte? Don't worry, Travis. They have a perfect match for you. Oh, they do.

Now we're dog shell macho latte is the ideal poolside companion, starring our earthy and naturally sweet macho with a side of strawberry and dragon fruit flavors. Strawberry heart jellies pop up in this bright green drink. To choke you to death to kill you. Disgusting. You can get these bombshells at Scooter's coffee locations beginning June 18th, Griffin. So go and celebrate. Can I just, this is weird to admit, I do not fuck with Love Island.

Hey, can I say, Griff, me too. I've tried. It just kind of sucks. It just kind of sucks. And it's weird because it's like, it be like, if you. You met someone who was like, I don't know, like a big sports guy and watched all this televised sports that there was. And you were like, what about football? And that person was like, I fucking can't stand football.

It sucks. I know. I like all the other stuff. But this one is not good. The host just hangs out. The host is the same age as the people on the show. And she just kind of hangs out with them all the time. Where's the distinction?

Oh, Minion. Yeah. Huh. Hey, check this out. I just wanted to let you guys know Wendy's is Dan Leashed Minions and Monsters meal with a new banana Frosty Squirrel. Why did they decide do you think that a minion with a video camera pointed at me making food decisions? Eat these tenders. It's the best image I've ever seen.

And I bet Andy Warhol wishes he had made it because it's like so good because the minion is. You're having your 15 minions of fame right now and it's him filming you looking at the minions. That's really good. The composition of this is... It's really... We got a big bowl of apple slices that will go untouched. We got two big, long, beautiful, amber-hued chicken tenders. Uncontained.

Uncontained chicken tendies. We've got a big sort of 12-ounceer of straight milk, it looks like, in a clear plastic cup. Is it a milkshake? Is it a frosty? Oh, okay, vanilla frosty. Why not put that in a Wendy's cup? Then we got a little dipping cup of zesty ranch dipping sauce and a minion pointing camera. It's really, it evokes the renaissance.

They've also chosen like the minion who is famously yellow on kind of a very yellowish green background. Yellow, green chartreuse. He blends in, yeah. Yeah, it's almost like he's trying to sneak up on me and hurt me. Awesome. This is, okay, so there's two meals. You're looking at the Monsters and Minions

Kids Meal. Okay, it's available now. I was thinking that this isn't mature enough for my grown folks. Well, yeah, they don't really offer apple slices and adult meals, and I think that's bullshit. I need it the most. Yeah. Yes, right. I'd love to enjoy some apple slices.

What a treat that would be. Remember when meals used to have desserts, you know, in my day? You're Lewish again. So the kids' meal is choice of two piece chicken dinner, four piece nuggets, hamburger or a cheeseburger. Awesome. Hot and crispy fries or apple bites.

Wink, kids drink. They're getting the fries. I love this. It's not even like so crazy that they put it up. Has anybody ever legitimately asked your kids? No kid. Ask a kid sometimes. They will laugh in your face.

They'll spit your face. No joke. I've tried at multiple locations to be like, you know what? We'll get the apple slices. And the answer is always, oh, we don't have those. They don't have them. They didn't think you to ask for them. But they do have the choice of two chicken,

Tenders or four chicken nuggets. They are offering you basically how much of a chicken continuum are you looking for? Would you like, you could make Morris Code. Do you want a dot of chicken or a dash of chicken? Do you want a built-in intermission? Yeah, exactly. So the Wendy's, the minions and monsters meal, and there's a lot, there's a lot to offer here. Let me see here.

I want to show you the, I have a full image here that I can share with you. Is there an adult version of this that you're... Whoa. Whoa. So there's an adult meal, right? The adult meal for adults is a banana frosty swirl, a big baking classic or spicy chicken sandwich and a... You know how they do it? Banana.

Say banana like this. Here's the thing that I really want to highlight with you guys. If you look at the bottom of the image here, you can see the kids meal. Which are James and Gumi and Richard and Ed and Dort and Henry. All the greats. My favorites. But if you get an adult meal, huh,

then maybe you'll get one of the adult collectibles. They are all doing rude gestures. The best partnerships, the best partnerships start with an understanding of what our fans are passionate about. Says Lindsay Redkowski, the U.S. chief marketing officer for the Wendy's company, by bringing together one of the world's most beloved entertainment franchises

with Wendy's icon. iconic high quality food our customers love. We're creating shared experiences that fans will go bananas for. I get it. Awesome. It's, we can't drive this point home hard enough. The kids meal toys come with six different minion monsters collectible toys, and the adult meals come with four completely different collectible toys.

In a blind box. In a blind box. They're not collectible toys. You sound like a fucking idiot. They are minions and monsters, blind box collectibles. You can collect them all and unlock the full minions experience.

You don't play with these things. Sorry, you just play these in your China cabinet. Let's take this apart. You can't have four collectibles. That's fucking crazy. You can't have four things and be like, collect them all. There's fucking four of them.

They say toy. The press are, they do say toys for the kids and collectibles. That's awesome. They look identical. Except they have Wendy's. The adult ones have Wendy's. The minions are like Wendy's food items because they don't adults are, and they're

in a blind box and the kids are in clear packaging. You know what I mean? Yeah. So the adults have to guess which one they're getting. Famously kids hate blind boxes. Yeah. And adults fucking can't get enough. spend $7 or something

my kid might be hugely disappointed in? Yeah, I don't mind if I do. Let's get 20. I do. Guys, can I say, though, I know one adult that is seeing the minions dressed as Wendy's food and is kind of losing his fucking mind

over here. I would do anything, man. Look at him. Is it dad? Can you guys not see it? James looks like Wendy, and Ed looks like fries. Yeah.

Henry looks like a lot. Frosty, are you kidding me? What is Gumi? Gumi's a bad. Gumi's the monster. He's the evil guy, I bet. I'm not going to go see the flip. I bet they become friends by the end.

I cannot start paying attention to the Minion's trailers. I just got to see the movies. You know what I mean? I can't. Yeah. I mean, if you're making a Gummy drink, I don't think he's pure evil. Gummy, well, yeah, I bet he'll turn it around by the end of it.

Yeah, there's pineapple, minion, mishy-fiz. and Goomy's glimy lime. Could we have Drake names that don't try to sound like they're trying to trick me into saying a slur, please? Like, can we just have normal, like normal names, please? I feel like to mispronouncies be canceled. He's a grimy limey limey, daddy. That Goomies one grimy line. Goomy is so.

Goomy might be something. Like, there's people listening somewhere in a different country who are like, do you say gumming? I can't fucking believe. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. It's been called My Brother, My Brother Me, since we started it. And there's just no way to change it elegantly, unfortunately. Critics have called it.

My brother, my brother, and me. Yeah. They all agree. It's that one. I wanted to give a brief plug. We never do this, but our friends, Weird Al, and Puddle's Pity Party, both contributed to our Candleites video last year. And I want to say, I saw them in Charleston.

last week and it was a great show. So you should get out there and see them if you want to laugh and have a great evening of entertainment. They don't need my plug, but here it is. I really enjoyed the hell out of it. I wanted to make a plug, and we always do this. We have merch over the Macro Merge Store,

including the Make It Stick Sticky Notes designed by Evan Cruz, and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Lambda Legal, a national organization working to achieve full recognition of the civil rights of LGBTQ. less people and everyone living with HIV through impact litigation, education, and public policy work. I want to do just a quick plug for, if you go to theadventurezonecomcom, you can pre-order the last

TAS Balance, graphic novel adaptation, story and song. It comes out in one month. We're doing a book release event in Boston. Tickets go on sale. I mean, they're on sale right now, actually, as you are hearing this. And the event is July 16th at 7 p.m. at the Chevalier Theater. And each ticket comes with a signed paperback copy of story and song provided by Brookline Booksmith. What? I think it's Chevalier. Chevalier?

Do you think it's Chevalier? Chevalier. Well, I mean, if you, locals know what it is, but it means, you know? Locals know what it is. Nineties, no one. 90s kids member.

Come on down, the Chevrolet Theater. The Chevrolet Theater. That's why it's sponsored. I got in a big box. of copies of the book yesterday and it's the heaviest thing in the universe because this book is so fucking thick

with emotion and story and song and song and art and I can't fucking wait for this book to come out y'all throw it thanks to Montaigne for the use for a theme song my life is better with you we are associated with Montaigne

and so I'll say if you have the chance to get out to see them in concert you should do so I would love to see Montaigne in concert. Me too. Montaigne come to just the cities where we live. Yeah, I'm going to throw our book. Oh, shit, yeah. Look at this beefy guy.

Yeah, I see you're about one-third of the way into it. You're going to lose your place, man. That's okay. I remember what happens. I'll just say this. If I'd known how good the last one was, I would have tried harder on the first ones. Yep.

Here we go. That was good, dude. That looked like you were welcoming the book as a guest to our podcast. You didn't see, too. I don't know if it played, but I clipped my monitor, too, as I threw it. So I got some extra spin. You did have a rotation. That's six, dude.

Yeah. I got some extra spin. I was Justin McElroy. And it still works. My name is Justin McRaebred. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother, my brother.

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