My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 819: Real Guys Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

All sets of three brothers are actually the same, so this week we're giving advice on keeping wolves at bay and building houses out of granite. But don't worry, there's time in this Jab-and-Gab to get in some questions about keeping dry in the rain, the real whereabouts of Jack the Ripper, and even more haunted piano keys. Suggested talking points: Throwing Galaxies, JuiCera, When God Reclaims New Hampshire, Legs All the Way Down, Technically Everything is Probably Not Haunted Lambda Legal: https://lambdalegal.org/ Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinmbmbam

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something into a precious friendship. It feels love. Hello, everybody, and welcome. to my brother, a brother and me.

I advise you for the Maggiore. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Well, I'm your middleist brother. What up, Trav Nation? It's me, Big Dog, Wolf, Wolf, Travis McElroy. What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary, Griffin McElroy. I might seem a little off.

I blew the intro there. I've just been thinking a lot. As you guys know, Trav Nation, sleeping the world. Yeah, and sleeping the world. And sleeping the world. I just woke us, so I'm still thinking about sleepy. I'm still halfway in the land of Nod. But as you know, we're on pace now to have enveloped every cool person on earth.

Sure, man. And no non-shitty, no shitty people. All the big influencers. Yeah. Fucking clavicular. I don't think he's in it. The rest of all. Pretty sure he's not in it.

But I, P.U.D. Pop. No, didn't get him. Farts. But, but I am not willing to rest of my laurels, and I'm setting my sights to enveloping the universe, but I need the next big thing. And so I figure the obvious pathway, right?

There's two, there's a branching decision tree before me. Yeah. And, you know, I watch a lot of the TikToks, so the Instagram reels and Myspace pages. and my two options seemed to be debate bro, you know, go on things, debate people, or like content creator boxing matches. Don't do that. Those are so confusing.

Do you mean literal or virtual? What, literal boxing matches, yeah, but then. Virtual boxing. They get together, they get a remote play of ready to rumble boxing. Why not people do this on TikTok? It's so confusing. People do this on the TikTok live. find it so confusing.

How do you box remotely? You'll see one character. No, it's not boxing. It's just like you'll see two creators sharing a screen and they're just like, this guy sucks. And then the other creator is like, no, they suck.

And they tell their fans like, I hate this guy. And the other person is like, I hate them. And then they're like smash that like chat or whatever. So it's like a fight they're doing? So it's like a, it's like in boxing when they do like a pre-match like press conference and they

squirt each other with water guns and insult each other's wives and stuff. But they're just throwing galaxies around. Galaxy, galaxy, galaxy. That's the best part of boxing. I'm excited about the potential. When they throw galaxies around. That's just that. So I'm looking at these two options, but then I thought,

why not both? So here's my new pitch for a live event that I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of investors in. I call it a jab and gab where the two creators do one round of boxing and then one round of debate and then one round of boxing all back to back to back. Okay. Just beating each other up, but then debating and then beating each other up and then debating until somebody taps out and says like, you win and then they have to change their views on the thing. So less chicken chop date, more karate chop date.

Yeah, exactly. I like that, Travis, especially the part where they have to change their views. My favorite part of all those Jubilee videos is after 30. absolute goofballs get schooled on sort of basic fundamental principles of being a good human being at the end of it they all kind of do a big hug together and they're like we're fixed now yeah you convinced us he said the right of stuff and we were wrong and now vaccines thumbs up love it and we can recreate that too if we have one big giant beefy person and kind of 30 scrawny people.

Okay. And like they can debate and then I'll fight. Yeah, on-box style. Yeah, so when they get tired of using their minds and debating, then all of a sudden we got 30 wispy guys trying to climb this big coconut tree of a man who's absolutely just going to town on them. Chicka-chicah-chook-a-boom-boom style.

Yeah, exactly. The other alternate name I came up with, that was, ooh, that's smarts. You think the problem that the TV executives will be like, do you have another name? Or punches and hunches was another one? Not punches and hunches. Ooh, that smarts is good.

Jab and gab, though, I think it was when I landed on. I think I like who that smarts better. Are you going to- Are you going to- Question-mark smarts, period. So are you just arranging this, or are you going to participate in it? Because, Trave, I don't know that either of these

Things are something you have much of a facility. Okay, hear me out. If the boxing part is first. Hey, wait a minute. No, I want to do mine. Certainly not asking questions and listening to the answers. Okay, go ahead. Yeah.

If the boxing part is first, I'm 100% sure I could take Ben Shapira. I think I could be his ass. Well, yeah, dude. He can't even get his wife let. What? You don't know about this? No, what? Why would I know about Ben Shapiro's capacity for-

I shouldn't have to listen I shouldn't have to experience this You said it You brought it to my fucking doorstep He published this on his show After Wap came out I don't should it They should go he should Google

Not you You drag this dead bird You drag this dead bird into my house Okay go ahead you're right When Wap came out He publicly stated on the show If it gets wet you're doing something wrong That's awesome

It's so good I'm not being pure aisle. It's just like a fact. He said, that he said on his own show and said click send. Yes. So like, what did he think?

What did he think? Okay, I don't want to get too raunchy because you guys are my biological brothers. That's fucking gross. But like, what did he think? Was he like if it gets wet down there,

it looks like you made her have a pee-p accident. Uh-oh, yucky. Like, what did he think was the mechanism? it might be that Ben Shapiro, and this is going to be hard to believe, doesn't understand how women work on any fundamental level. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

This is also the same guy that said that after the homes get washed into the sea, that someone else would be lining up to buy them. Yeah. So. Yeah, that's not as crazy as the, you know, that's what he was talking about when it gets wet downstairs. Yeah. Right.

That's a problem. That's a problem. Right. Cool. Possibly. My other idea was a thing called more bones, where it's more episodes of bones, but not new seasons of bones. Okay, so, Travi, this is, I want to stop you. Hold on, let me finish.

These are more episodes that just slot into existing seasons of bones to make more bones. So I got to stop you. I got to stop you, Trav, because this bit started out about one thing. And then it turned into use, you can't say my idea for expanding Tribe Nation is a combination pizza. the hut and Taco Bell and boxing match and debate group debate or they should make more episodes of bones what the fuck are you talking about man what does that have to do with the first thing you know sometimes when you're trying to fall asleep at night and it's like you know midnight and your brain's like here's another thing you could say and this is when you come up with

the stuff to say on the show is it midnight when you're trying to fall asleep yeah babe that's so we're not a wishing hour but you're you we can't be experienced to your creative process. You have to choose one of these things and come with it. You know what I mean? That's never been true. When Morpheus comes to him

and whispers in his sweet ear at night, more bones. Why, where's the confidence, Trave, to have a great idea, like more bones? Where's the confidence just sit on it and say, at some point this will make organic sense. I'll bring up bones at some point. Someone will mention a bones.

Someone will say the word bones and I will have my own. I'll strike like the ass. You know, Justin, if you're invading a city, do you wait for the wall to crumble or do you smash your way in? You know what I mean? Well, and I must also take issue with the fact that they should make more bones is nothing. That's not an idea. No, no, no, no, Griffin. They're not making more bones like new seasons. Maybe this is unclear. They're going to produce more episodes of bones that just slot into existing seasons of bones. Have they not aged? Have Dave and...

The audience of bones doesn't care about that. They just want more bones, but not more story. Okay. You don't think it'll be a little bit distracting if one scene is like David Boreana's like, we got to go and find all the bones so we could solve the crime. And his partner is like, yeah, but where do we start looking? And then it cuts back to him and he's like, maybe the Rizzler can help us out.

And now he's 75 years old? No. Okay. I don't think that will As a medium level fan of bones I wouldn't notice What is the first show that starts getting Like this will be

I feel like the first application of AI In television is to find existing Old People's shows and secretly Generate more of it I'm not certain But I'm pretty sure NCIS has been doing this for 20 years This seems like what I've seen But it's not exactly like what I've seen

Mark Harmon has six fingers. That's okay. This is fine. Is he partnered with a weird purple stitch? What's happening? The criminal and the murder victim were both blippy. This can't be right. All right.

That's all right. I'll be asleep soon. This is an advice show. By the way, I am enjoying a utilitarian drink today. I did not think about the fact that now my utila drink is so easily clockable in videos. Oh, because it's in a giant lenticular Mickey Mouse Cup? Sometimes, yes, that's true, Griff. Yes, yeah, that's true.

But then I told people what's in it. So now every comment's like, ah, I see someone that joined their utilitarian drink. Can we not? No, it's actually good. Spread the brand. Are you making any money on Utilat Drink yet? Have you filed the patents?

I told you how to do this. I got the dot com. Yeah. Halfway there. Okay. halfway there. I've been thinking about doing a... You need to copyright Hot Girls Utilit Drink.

Copyright that. Copyright Hot Girls Utilit Drink. That's good. I've been thinking about doing a juicerro type machine where you'll get the Utilid Drink pouches, right? Yeah, that's awesome. You pay $600 for the machine, and then we'll sell you the Utilid Drink pouches, and they will be customized to you. Yeah, your medicine is in one, but yeah, yeah.

But this is, we were selling cans before, and that's, bad for the environment. Yeah. So the utilit drink pouches are just, you slide them in the machine, and then the machine basically, like juices them, much like the juicerra itself. If you could find a way that whatever is in Utilid Drink makes the aluminum can recycle itself, then it's a cycle, because that's like the one good thing to recycle is like aluminum cans because they go one-to-one. Justin, what about calling it Juicera, and then it's you and Michael Sarah working together?

The combo we've been waiting on for a long time. Travis, did you notice how Justin and Michael Sarah's beards came in roughly around the same time? I have noticed that, Griffin. I've been slowly building a board with red string and just basically the two pictures of Justin and Michael Sarah. But I've been weaving the string back and forth a lot. And it's making some interesting patterns. Cool. I love Michael Sarah.

I don't know enough about him personally to make a bold statement. I'm so glad he got to keep being Michael Sarah. he just liked to he got to keep being Michael Sarah and it's found places to be Michael Sarah in Hollywood he was in Twin Peaks he's like absolutely an outrage They did Running Man and they were like yeah we could use a little Michael Sarah for a while I'm gonna have to get Michael Sarah on the show

I'm gonna add him to my very short list admittedly of him and Daniel Radcliffe and Elijah Wood of like hit it really big when they were little when they were young and then just said I'll do anything weird, you pitch me. Yeah, I'll just keep it tight and cool. He's in a in the very Merry Christmas.

He wants to be Bill Murray's agent. Anyway, this is an advice show. It is not a retrospective of the career of Michael Sarah, even though it has some incredibly fascinating hills and a few valleys. I live in New Hampshire, which is the Granite State. I also grew up in the small town, which happens to be

Granite Town and the Granite State. As such, there's lots of big hunks of granite all over the place. Like, basically it's used for everything you could think of. And it literally, literally, literally lines all the streets. And I really like that. There's no question. Yeah.

Just letting us know an interesting fact about New Hampshire. Whenever I'm with friends that aren't from New Hampshire, I like to point out when I see some granite, my friends have just begun to comment on how much I talk about granite. My question is, thusly, do I have an unnatural love for granite? or is granite just notably cooler, harder, denser, sturdier, and just better than other building materials? That's from Stone Called Steve Granite. So you said granite nine times in this one fairly short message, which is more than the national mean, I would say.

So I wouldn't say, saying that you have an unnatural love for granite sounds like an unhealthy thing, but you do talk a little bit more about it. just in the short time I've gotten to know you more than most. I think you have a local. So in Huntington, once Virginia, there used to be a brick factory. Yeah. That was pretty dominating.

And so for a long time, the streets of Huntington, West Virginia were paved with bricks. And there's still a couple streets that have not been paved over, that are still brick streets. And any time I'm in town with Teresa and the girls, I make them,

I will drive over it and tell them again like this whole town used to be paved with bricks. Yeah. Imagine if our wheels were wooden, how crazy this would feel, right? Yeah, man. I think best building material is really tough. That's tough to defend. I mean, like, I probably will go wood.

It comes from trees, smells good, fun to cut. Yeah. Like, I think if we're talking best building material, wood beats granite in that sense. In terms of like all engineered stone, I don't know. Granite versus quartz, I could grant you. If we updated three little pigs to add a fourth little pig whose house was made of granite, and he actually goes after the big bad wolf, he's like, I'm in a fortress,

and we've actually been planning, we've had the security and safety here. Like, yeah, you guys had straw and sticks and bricks. Cool. I've got granite and a big cannon. I think I would make my little pig house out of wolf poison. That's really good. Which of the pigs do you think we would be? Oh, that's interesting.

I would make mine out of Trump 2028 flags, just assuming the wolf would be like, oh, cool, nice. Oh, like the wolf would be easy. No, they'd be like the wolf, the big man wolf, right? He's going to be like, oh, choice, nice. Yeah. One of us, he'll say.

One of us, nice. I'd make my house look like a big wolf. Oh, bigger wolf. Yeah. Granted is corried directly from the earth. Not going to entertain which of us would be which little pig? I don't like thinking of myself. I don't like thinking of any of us as a little pig.

I'm sticks. I love that band Is that his nickname? Hey, Sticks! Let's get out of here. Hey, Sticks, it's me bricks. It's in the road. Sticks, Bricks, and Pony Boy.

Sticks, Bricks, and Dave. So, Granite is quarried directly from the earth and no two slabs are exactly alike. It's very heat resistant so hot paws can go on the counter, but it's porous. Oh. And require a ceiling every one to two years.

Now, granite is an engineer. Shit. I've lived in my house for like seven years. Oh no. Now, compared to that, quartz is an engineered composite of natural stone and resin. It's non-horous. Gross. Requires no ceiling and offers uniform colors.

But it's not as heat resistant as granite and can scorch or melt if exposed to high temperatures. Now, due for mica. Do form mica. When Mother Gaia claims human civilization pulls it back down into the loam, all that quartz mixed in with chemicals. it's going to be wrong. It's going to be, I'm thinking about the future. I'm using granite, which ashes to ashes, dust to dust, one day will return to the loan.

And it's natural state. They'll reclaim the granite. It's a natural, beautiful granite. When God claims New Hampshire and pulls it down into the Earth's awaiting mall, and he will. All that good granite, mother guy's going to chop that stuff up, yum, because it's not mixed with any of our dirty chemicals. Rock candy, baby.

rock candy for mother guy. Somebody's got to appreciate the granite. You know, somebody's got to be out there appreciating that granite work. And I think that you're, you seem a fine candidate for it. And you come by an honest, which is nice. You got a little local, local, uh, flavor there. I think I think, also just, you need to get a granite job. Okay.

Yeah. If you love fucking granite so much, why don't you start tug, why don't you start tugging it up out of the earth if you love granite so much and you won't stop talking. about it. Well, I'm saying if you have a granite job and then someone's like you talk about granite a lot, like it's, you know, the work. I can't leave it, you know, at the desk, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I know granite. It's just my job. You make, the problem is you like make granite your job and then it's, you can't enjoy granite the same way. You know what I mean? If you make granite your job, then every time you seek granite, you're kind of at the office. You'll start

taking it for granite. I've been in this recent job for a little over here. You know, you know, year now and as I've been here I've noticed one woman's restroom in particular has been collecting various perfumes, fragrant spays, and lotions. When I started, there was only one. Now there are five sprays and one lotion. I live in Texas and it's pretty hot this time of year. Sometimes I wonder if it's appropriate for me to use said perfumes in times of new. For granted. Oh, okay. Sorry, go on. Brothers, is this perfume for anyone? Or do you think the owners have said perfume put it in there for a convenience? Am I allowed to use this perfume?

That's from passing this NIF test. I will tell you how this perfume gets there if you want. I can guarantee it. Oh, shit. Okay. This is someone who likes to buy perfume, and they bought a few bottles they didn't like, and they bought them in the office. Oh, wow.

This is 100% what happened. I can guarantee it. I've done it back in the day when I used to do since. If I bought what I didn't really enjoy Be like oh this could be a nice communal scent Somewhere else not in my house I don't like it for the away from house For the public

Giving it away means you don't like it It's like I don't want this here You know I don't want this to be my personal scent I just wanted around Where would you set up these these dead drops Where would you go? At the park at the park I leave them at the park

Everybody sweating their nuts off And then I take them to the Britta Park Amphitheater Where people do the show Be like here avail yourself to these beautiful clothes You stink You stink You're stinky actor. As often happens with questions on it, there's a layer, there's a level that you ask the question, which I think is easy to answer.

And then a deeper level that you didn't ask, which is the actual problem. This is for everyone. They wouldn't put it in a shared bathroom at work, right? They keep it at their desk or in their purse or in their jacket, whatever, right? They wouldn't just put, like, that's a shared space. Everyone knows what's up, right? Shirt space. but the real question is

everybody's sharing this bathroom sees those perfumes there you come out smelling like one of those perfumes the awareness that everyone has of oh they opted for the bathroom perfume yeah that's the question

is that okay and the stink stayed on them and they had to hide the stinky smell with one of the communal bathroom sprays And then if you like one of them, can you take it? Yes. Yeah. I, no, because it's like a tester.

It's like tester rules. You can't take it. But somebody owned it at some point. You know if the hotels have that weird thing where it's like, hotel has this like imaginary line at its head where if a bottle is of a certain size, you can't steal it and everybody's guessing at the line. You know what I mean? Like, for some reason, this big bottle, not okay?

Small bottle, yes, steal. And they started attaching them to the walls. Like, I can't bring Ziblock bags and fill it. him up from the squirder on the wall and then just put him in my suitcase. Come on guys, I'll steal that shampoo if I want to. I think it's squirder on the wall is something they've never called Ben Shapiro's wife. Justin, Justin, Tyler McElroy. Yay. That joke made me too. Yay. Justin. Yay. Ticker tape. Ticker tape. Tick or tape. I'm filing a... The fact that Griffin hadn't heard about it doesn't make it timely or relevant. It's not...

It is not once again made this bit that we all enjoyed. Thank you, Griffin, for your kid. Yeah, any other, I've been, yeah, any other great stuff happened? I heard about this pizza rat the other day. You heard about this pizza gate. What, Griffin? No, we can't get into Pizza Gate. What the frick, dude?

I heard a rumor the storm is coming from some online sources. Griffin, can your new character be a guy that gets into Q for you? too. You don't understand. I think there might be some messages here, guys. You guys don't understand it. No. When all the Q guys bailed because of the obvious reasons why they did that, that's just part of it.

That's part of the plan. This is what they call the trial of belief. And Q warned us about this stuff. You've got to pay attention. Push through guys. Push through the lies. see the truth in your eyes and realize. That real eyes tell real lies.

And we're real guys. Doing our best. Doing our best. Were we still talking about perfume or we don't? I think so. I, if there's a real, there's a real part of this, I would like to engage with honestly, though,

if we could send jokes over a piece of a second. It does seem weird to me that like in an office where the reason I stopped doing fragrances is because I encountered enough people for whom allergies were like a serious concern, right? Where it's like, why, you really mess me up with this. So it feels weird to just like load up the office. Like the, I don't know, in a, in a context like that, it feels weird to just have these little like bombs of, of, sure. Very assertive smell. And then you're, even if it's not an allergy thing, to like load people up and then send them back into the office fully like.

like tanked up. I don't know. It seems. Putting all that in maybe the most necessary room of any building, which is the restroom, and turning it into a sort of allergy test. You don't walk into a bathroom and there's peanut shells all over the ground and hay, hay all over the walls. Just long-haired cats everywhere.

Long-haired cats going around. Cats on a hot tin roof. Travis, you could talk about that if you wanted to. Oh, my idea. Yeah, cats on a hot tin roof where it's a production. You see that happened organically? Yeah. You see that?

Justin took one of the ideas you text in roof, but everyone's dressed in like costumes from the show cats. Yeah. Right? And then that evolved as to recent I talked about it into fiddler cats on a hot tin roof. Yeah. It combines all the shows and a one. Yeah.

Spam a lot. A while ago, we had some pretty heavy rain. And I noticed that a neighbor's passenger side door was wide open in the rain and possibly not. near dwells. The car was parked on the street and I decided to walk over and close the door. It felt very weird. I was wondering if I should have knocked on the front door to let them know, but what would I even say? What would be the best thing to do in this situation? That's from non-wet neighbor into true north, Canada. Friends, we got to get okay with this kind of thing.

We got to look out for each other and not worry about it. Yeah. You need, you know, somebody needed you to do them a solid and you did them a solid. It's the least we could owe each other. Like, the least you could do. You over. You've ever came that fear. Yeah, you just conquered a fear. Yeah. You know, people forget that sometimes. I watch a lot of weird supernatural shows and a lot of like, you know, crime mystery things.

I think that is it okay to show someone like, I don't know. But if I saw a door. Is it okay to like touch someone's car and shut the door for them? I don't know. But if I saw passenger side. You can't just advocate, ad, abdicate. judgment. It's okay. You did it. Okay. And I see it sitting open in the rain. Something's happened. This is a crying

scene. You know what I mean? There's been a disappearance. Um, and I worry about give fingerprints on there and now I'm part of it. No, it's not that, Travis. My dumb ass left the door open. You know what I mean? Like my dumb ass just walked away and left the door open. Nice. This is my someone is like, there's nothing happened. It's just someone who's a dumb ass. Somebody's dumbass left the door open It was me spiritually

You know what I mean? Carmically I left it open 99 out of 100 times It's me It's you being a dumbass left the door It's always Justin But that one time

Where you got gone gerald And we didn't do anything about it I'm gonna keep That's gonna keep me up For the one time that you actually get gone gelled That's why the car door was open If I here's how this happens to me I leave the door open

because I'm still getting things out of the car. And I think, well, that would be such a pain to reopen when I get back out here for all this other great stuff I have. So I'll just leave it open. And then I get into my house and I get distracted by my wife and all my other great stuff. So I forget about the stuff in the car. I don't need a great thing. You need a pause of the thought. Okay, you're right.

But a period. My wife, I think I'm paranoid that you guys will. I think that's why I'm rushing. You know what I want to get asthma? You put a tag because you thought we'd bore it. I was worried about it. But like, I wanted to. I get in there and then I forget about the car.

And then I go out a little bit later. I'm like, you, I have some words for myself. You know what I mean? A few thoughts that I'd like to share. Kind words. But somebody could have spared me that. If they just wandered into my garage and shut my door, I would have forgot about the whole thing. Or a big fan.

A big fan of our work maybe gets a little too invested in it and juice naps you right out of your car. Right out of the backseat of your automobile. And then you're telling me and Travis to just sit on that and not rescue you like in gone girl? Are you telling me that someone got the drop on me on my property? Is that what you're trying to convince me? Well, you did just say you're going to do this hypothetical. You've got to put me outside West Virginia. There's no way.

There's no way. You're on home campus. You've gone on one of your mini hikes through the Appalachia Mountains. Accidentally crossed the state lock. Yeah. Through the Appalach and you were driving too far. So you're driving along the Appalachian Trail. Right.

Get out. Come. Right. And but steering from the passenger seat like you do to fully enjoy nature. And someone sneaks up on you while you're driving and pulls you out of your car. Mm-hmm. And then puts your car back at your house with the passenger door still open. Yeah.

And we're just supposed to close the door without. At that point, it's their fault. If they move the car and leave the door open, then that's on them. That's their fault. That is a pretty big clue, actually, to leave behind. They shouldn't have done that. Yeah. That was thoughtless.

They never caught the Zodiac guy, and it feels like he would be absolutely, he would go Gaga for Juice. Never caught Jack the Ripper. He's probably got, time probably got him. You don't know that? The Zodiac guy would actually probably be pretty old also. I think, too, so you could probably take his idea. I mean, that's assuming human mortality. I've got some theories to tell you guys.

There's also possibly that's just. The Ripper's been passing down his knives like the Green Lantern. There you go. That's cool. All right. We still out there. Expand on. Or should I say they?

Maybe. Cool. You don't know. You jacked ripper is now. 2026. Anybody can be Jack the Ripper. That's cool. Any gender can be Jack the Ripper.

Yeah. That's beautiful. I have a green light. Happy pride, everybody. Happy pride. Anyone regardless of gender identity or sexuality can be Jack the Ripper. Lafersity, inclusivity, and murder. Inclusivity and murder

One of England's most horrible, horrible murderers. Could be anybody. Doesn't have to just be England anymore, Griffin. That's true. We're going worldwide. Could be an Indian Jack the Ripper. Oh. Whoa.

Cool. Cool. Perhaps a Jose the Ripper. You don't have to limit it globally. He could be anywhere. Jacqueline the Ripper. Jackal and the Ripper, thank you. You're welcome.

Rip the Ripper. It's Ripped Torn. Oh, it's Ripped. from Yellowstone. That's not. And we're done. I'm sort of a fashion guy. Yeah.

And I think people wait on me before they get sort of approval on some new looks they might be kicking around, thinking about experimenting with. And when I say some people, I mean, you guys, I styled both Justin and Travis today. As you can see, I told Justin that blue is really going to make the eyes pop. I told Travis that gray is really going to make the eyes pop. Griffin also told me that these tiny stripes are going to make it hard to show up on video. Yeah, I said it's going to absolutely dazzle your camera sensors. So if you trust what I have to say about fashion, then let me give my strongest personal endorsement to the bonobos clothing brand, our sponsor, this week. Bonobos, I mean, gosh, man, I've worn a lot of bonobos in the past.

I like the way they look. I like the way that they fit. I like their summertime options. And now they're sponsoring us. They sent me some clothes, guys. And it is one of the greatest things that's ever happened to me. I got a light linen boardwalk pant that you can't get off of me. I wear these things till the crotch wears out.

And that won't happen until the heat death of the universe, because bonobos make such quality stuff. Got myself a nice pair of jeans. It fit just right around the toucas. Mm. Make it look juicy? It made me look juicy right where I want to look juicy. Yeah. Which is the jeans area.

But Bonobos originally was sort of, came to power, rose to power because of the perfect fit that they've engineered in their men's pants. And now they've got that for your whole wardrobe. All of the stuff that I got sent to me by Bonobo. fits really perfectly. I got a nice blue kind of like Searsucker

short sleeve button up and it fits great. That's a part of my body that is difficult to dress sometimes and they've done a

really exquisite job with this. The specificity of this ad I've never heard in any clothing ad in my entire. I'm very excited about the bonobos

gear, the kit that I've gotten these boardwalk but there's never been a clothing out with so much inbuilt shame.

Like I need you to love yourself first and then love these clothes. Yeah. Don't talk about how hard your body is to cover. My weird elbows have never been clothed appropriately.

No, no, well, no, it's just, there's, Bonobos has done a really great job of hiding my terrible, greasy husk. This shambling pile of skin and mistakes. Do your elbows been the wrong way? My camera keeps getting out of focus because it doesn't even want to see my terrible body. my horrible body. Get back in, motherfucker.

Bonobos. Get back in, motherfucker. Get back in to bonobos. Really, they're terrific clothes. And you probably knew that already if you're kind of a

close head like me, but if not, go put on your bonobos. Feel good. Get on with your day. Right now, head to bonobos.com slash my brother

and use code my brother for 25% off of your order. Once again, that's B-O-N-O-B-O-B-S. dot com backslash my brother for 25% off. and make sure you use our promo code,

my brother, so they know we sent you. Then they won't, like, keep the door locked or whatever. If you're like, the McRoy brother sent me, they're like, oh, come in. Yeah, when you go to bonobos.com slash my brother, there's a big metal door with one of those little slots on it. It's going to slide open. You'll hear a voice say, yeah.

That's when you let them know we sent you. You'll be let inside. And he says, that's a horse of a different color, and throws it open and there's a whole musical number welcoming you in. Don't look at anyone in the eyes. Don't. If someone invites you to play the, quote, knife game in there, don't fucking do it, man. And if you do, win.

If you, well, yeah, I mean, that's sort of your only option. If you don't win the knife game, nothing else is really going to be a problem ever here. And it is safe to eat and drink. Yeah. You can eat and drink in there. Yeah, they won't, like, take your soul. Not the pomegranates. No, that's the one thing.

If someone says you want to try on these comfortable linen boardwalk pants, say yes to that because they're great. They're terrific pants. And if they said you have any children you're willing to spare, say no. Say that's a no. Haunted object watch. Not just dolls today. Well, you do have a couple hundred dollars, but there was a haunted object on the electronic bay that has a local. flair that I wanted to share with you all.

A little local energy, if you will. Let me show you our first haunted object. And it's just this. It's just this piano. Now, you're not buying a haunted piano. And I think, first of all, this is a great idea for a listing. You show them a picture of a piano, and then you clarify a little bit lower. Just to be clear here, you're purchasing one key for,

from the piano. I see. People have sold haunted piano keys before, but this is a different, yeah. Seven years ago, I purchased a used piano at CA House Music in West Virginia. Oh. Okay.

After having the piano delivered in place in our sunroom, we noticed many random unsettling occurrences. They usually began once everyone went to bed late at night. We would randomly hear, maybe it happens at the afternoon at your work. people never want to talk about that but during the day you're watching house hunters international you don't hear yeah the ghosts you know yeah we would immediately we'd hear one of the key strike immediately after i would walk in to find no one or nothing in the room i read online that

bringing a haunted or spirit attached item into a home often via antique shops or second hand purchases can introduce paranormal activity including unexplained noises so anyone who orders a key will receive a transcript from an interview done with the piano's owner. Awesome. So that's really what you're paying $39 for. I've never heard of such a thing.

You get this piano key and then you're going to get one of this like piece of printer paper. Okay, I was curious because we've done haunted piano keys before where the heat, the new heat was for this one. This is a bold innovation in haunted doll technology. I'm trying to figure out what problem that solves, like, as though a typed up piece of paper is in somehow proof of authenticity of a haunting?

Like, is this piano key haunted? It sure is. Well, there you go. It's worst trap. As soon as the filming began of the interview with the owner, as soon as the filming began, there were issues, issues with the lighting, sound, and mechanical errors that couldn't be explained. Some of the footage was unusable, which forced me to write a transcript to inform everyone what was described during the interview. So it's not even... Our record, at some point, the video recording stops and we have only these handwritten notes to justify these unexplained occurrences.

We got to start blaming our tech issues on ghouls and ghosts. Yeah. Because that's a great... No one can argue with that. I wrote the rest of their jokes down. I couldn't play Nancy Drew on stream because it's haunted. Yeah. Ooh.

Ooh. Uh, a white or black key will be randomly slothed. and shipped to meet eBay's shipping policy. And if you're mad about it, they know you're a racist. They got you. Well, one's bigger than the other. Okay, Trav, that's just... It's gonna hold more ghost.

That's true. Did this person even stop to think that maybe these 88 keys don't wanna be separated from each other? They're like a family unit and you split it, splitting up the family like this is gonna lead to... They didn't even think about it.

They didn't even think about it. I'm going to pay the $3,400 to purchase every single key. I'm going to put this thing back together, ship of thesis style. Now it says here eight have been sold, Groson, so you'll have to hunt down those. Oh, no!

Fuck you, dude. Don't put this. No, it's not fine. A new challenger approaches the arena. With a sassy head tilt challenging you to think about death. How would you describe this one? Well, we're talking baby doll from the neck down and then from the neck up.

It's a skull with long white hair. There's also something going on with that hand there, Griffin. There is something going on with that hand. I'm struggling to maximize the image wide enough. It's framed and backgrounded like a child spring school photo. Yeah. Yeah, it's not good. If your child was Red Skull, the bad guy from Captain America.

Here's a story on this one, though. It's new from American Girl Doll. Tabitha. The listing is actually what caught. my eye with this one, because you don't see a lot of this. This is a new approach. Okay. Okay.

Scary doll, probably not haunted. Probably not haunted. Yeah, I mean, if I were a ghost, I don't think I would go up into a doll that had a skullhead. I don't think. They'd see that coming a mile away. And after market skullhead. This is not, you know.

Yeah, this is a handmade. This one-of-a-kind scary doll is a collectible item, perfect for fans of science fiction. and horror genres. Since it's one of one, I'm assuming collectible in this sense just means you're afraid to throw it in the garbage.

Right. This eerie toy... Yeah, someone might see it. Yeah, this eerie toy is sure to thrill and terrify any collector adding a spooky touch to their collection. It's haunted design and creepy appearance making a must-have for those who enjoy

the more sinister aspects of sci-fi and horror. She wears a custom-made foam-filled latex head with individually punched hairs and attitude to spare. I know what I'm getting. Cooper for her birthday. I know. Cooper would love this shit, man.

Best of all, she's probably not haunted at all. Huh? At all? That's so interesting. It's an interesting approach, isn't it? The introduction of probably there? Probably not. Suggest that maybe everything is probably not haunted.

Because you can't say for sure one way or the other. No one's really fully affirm the existence of ghosts, and therefore you cannot fully de-firm the existence and, a universal saturation of ghosts. Anything could be a dormant, haunted object. Probably. Probably not, though, but... But it could be.

The absence of proof isn't proof, you know? Yeah. Oh, Trabb, you're ready for this debate boxing. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. You sound like you've already taken a few punches from a man. Here we go.

And I mean that as a compliment in this sense. Thank you. This is my last guy. I'm freaking in wild about this guy. So we're looking at a clown. and his legs and arms are big, long, curly potato fry sort of spiral. Nits. Curly, fry, crochet.

He has no torso. He has no torso. He's legs all the way down. This is Andy. He is basically, he's the scale of a person with a torso, but his legs started his neck. Yeah. After we had a haunted piano and a probably not haunted doll, I wanted to bring it home with a classic

one that's definitely definitely haunted. Andy's vessel is of 15 inches in length used, good vintage condition, handmade vintage vessel from the 1970s. Andy is a negative trickster spirit who died in 1999. He said, I was

killed in a car crash when I drove drunk and he said that no one else was killed. That's what I'm talking about. That's a ghost with specificity. Oh, the year, 1999. Everybody was grooving to Prince and I drove drunk and I killed myself. I was just

worried about Y2K. I worried about Y2K and I got drunk and I drove and I died. Just me. No problem. It was just me though. Nobody else died so you don't have to feel bad about that part of the story and yeah I died but I was completely at fault and deserved it.

Did I have a family? No I did not. No family, no pets, no connections. Travis I would like to ask you to play the role of Andy here because Andy is is asked in this listing for more follow-up on his bio. And here's what Andy said. I slacked it to you, if you wouldn't mind.

I lived in Maryland with my wife and kids, and I was a welder. I killed a dog by accident when it ran in front of my car, and that is how I died. I swerved off the road and hit a treat. I was drunk. I made a lot of mistakes in my life, and that is why I'm a negative trickster. I want other people to feel angry like I do. I've been in therapy for a while now. Yeah, why do we need so many layers, Andy?

I lived in my life with my wife and kids. It was a welder. Fine. I killed a dog by accident when it ran in front of my car, and that's how I died. So Andy hit a dog, killed it, swerved, hit a tree, killed himself, and it was also drunk at the time. Yeah, he hit the dog then swerved? What happened, Andy?

No, killed the dog. Andy. Okay. Andy did a little... I swirped to kill him. kill the dog. And I hit a tree. I hit a tree.

Andy did a hack of the trolley problem where he went down and he blasted the five people on one side and then he threw the thing in reverse. Yeah. On one side of the road there's nothing. On the other side of the road there's a shit head dog and a tree and my dumb drunk ass. Well, I can handle all of them with one. And listen, I know that, hi, this is Andy again. I know it seems very self-aware that I understand that the reason I'm a trickster spirit

is because I want everyone to be as anger as I am. And yeah, I'm working on that. Okay? I need a little more time on Earth. Yeah, I meet with Dr. Stevens once a week, and we talk through this. Also, you will need to set me up with a computer with Zoom capabilities for my weekly therapy. Thank you very much. And Dr. Stevens is a ghost that haunts a speak and spell machine.

And so, yeah, our therapy takes a little while. Be cool. Because you're like, A-R-U-saled. You're going to need to pay for it because I don't have health insurance because I'm a haunt. it dull. Now, don't worry here, guys. Andy isn't a kind spirit because his intentions aren't pure. No shit. He's not, he's not physically mean. That's what it does. He's not physically mean. He doesn't physically hurt people or other spirits. His thing is getting under people's skin and turning them against each other. Basically, he like, Andy's a real missing step, it seems like,

Like people know how to like get by when Andy's around and not sort of make the situation worse. And he's never physically mean. He's a very toxic sort of like, do you hear what Doug said about you? Right. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't he look tired? I keep an eye out for random objects out of place.

That's how he likes to try to get under people's skin. He also likes to annoy other spirits. My little girl's spirit named Serena said that Andy likes to mess with her hair to annoy her. Andy would pair well with a keeper that has at least some experience. Keeper. Is that the parlons? A human keeper. That's cool.

I can't get over here. I know they're wanting to tell me that he's a mean trickster spirit, but they have clearly posed him in this photo in such a nonchalant way. Yeah, he does. Me, Andy. I think I want Andy. I'm going to buy Andy guys. Andy's 45 bucks.

That seems like a good deal, right? That seems like a good guy to have around. He was crocheted sort of clown doll. Yeah, I guess 45 is pretty fair. and that's white crochet and that's in the 70s looking crisp whoop

that's an oh you already did buy it fuck I'm gonna really regret that yeah man I'm really financially not understand that when it shows up

I mean financially it's fine like I'll get $45 just of entertainment out of it for the audience if nothing else yeah that's their money

that's where they want their money to go if their money if their donations are not being spit by the Andes of the world what are we doing yeah um

I work for a local news station as a producer. Part of my job is to give the anchors and reporters time cues when we're live on air. 90 seconds to air. One minute, 30 seconds, 10 seconds. And stand by. One of my fellow producers to spice up the cues up the cues saying things like one minute, time to feel it. 30 out.

Try not to shout. Man, sorry. That just really rose the hairs of the back of my neck. How do you hear that every day? Oh, man. That's tough. Oh, man. So, oh, uh, similar.

how they call it orders at certain cheeky fast food places. What are some snappier, funnier ways to cue in the anchors? Preferably rhymes. That's from aspiring to amuse in Albuquerque. Whoa. This is a chunky one, man. Shit. Imagine someone do this in my proximity every day.

Mm-hmm. Pretty nifty, we got 60. Like, dude, please. There's been so much terrible news today. This is going to be a really heavy. Please not feeling flirty. We got 30. There was a terrible bus.

There was a terrible bus incident that we're going to have to talk about. This is going to be the first time a lot of people are 10-10, my good friend. Maybe it's more validating. And it's like, it's okay to hurty, but we're on in 30, right? So that way it's like you're feeling your feelings and that's okay, but we do need to do the news in 30 seconds. Yeah. If you're willing to think outside the bun a little bit, you could step away from kind of, vocal cues like that and instead have another way of marking the time you could do the the

Chicago Bulls theme song serious by the Alan Parsons project that's about a two minute long track so if you throw that on yeah and they know once that starts to like fade down they're like it's almost news time and you could say maybe it's maybe you could really do every you get rid of all of it except for like the five second one and just be like, holy shit, news time, and they know to, like, get it together. I mean, the best to do it with is Roundball Rock by John Tesh, because that gets everybody pumped every time. Okay.

But what if it's still playing when you go live, John Tesh sues you? Oh, fuck. Because you use Roundball Rock without the permission. He'll know. The express print permission of NBC and the NBA and John Tesh. Yeah. You play one nanosecond of that.

Bambah, b'bap. Nope. You're fucked. No. No, we're fucked. I'm out. Yep. Now that I think about it, Alan Parsons would come after your ass too.

He would, again, these are iconic basketball songs, gang. They might come in together. Yeah. Maybe, you know what always gets someone hyped is like in a movie when someone diffuses a time bomb at the last second? Yeah. If you can build like obviously a dummy time, you don't want real explosives. Come on. We're running around here.

But like that you diffuse on the last second before every like broadcast. Yeah. And someone's like calling out like, we only have 30 seconds left! Five seconds! And then you cut the wire at the last second every time and then pointed them to go, right? And they're going to go into it with a lot of height. And maybe it's like a glitter bomb. Maybe it is like paintball or something.

So it does have some kind of like stakes to it. Could you go out and clip their tie in half like they do on West Wing? Just do it every episode of the news. Just every news episode right before they. Just clip all the ties. We're cut a little bit of the tie off every time. can get more than one wear out of it. Yeah.

So you're just cutting up like five. We're not made of money. Yeah. Is it possible, is it possible that maybe news broadcasts have become a bit too formal? Because everyone's favorite shit is like news bloopers or like someone, an anchor busts up another anchor on the news or. Or like they draw a weather pattern and it looks like a penis. They draw a weather pattern. It looks like a penis.

You must not have watched the news lately. WSAZ now is just a half hour of Tim Ear eating Nutella out of a cup with a spoon. There's like no news aim where he's just kicking it. That's a huge advancement I feel like in news broadcast technology. Maybe don't do a countdown. Maybe join them in the middle of a convo about, you know,

that would be cool. That would be good. It's like organic. Like you want to stay and see what the conversation is. Yeah. They're going to talk about the news eventually. Yeah. A modern water cooler, guys.

Yes. That's cool. The anchors aren't delivering to camera anymore. They're just talking to each other like, oh, hey, do you hear about the Stygd-Nastak? Yeah, they'll mention it to each other in a casual hang environment. And maybe they box between segments. Yeah. When are you, maybe then you don't need the countdown.

It's just like you feel the vibe. Yeah. And we were trying to convince Miggie to do that yesterday. We were playing that Dark Souls. Like, just whenever the groove feels right, just go ahead and start the video. just whenever just like feel it I don't have any I watched Wayne's World enough times that there's parts of my brain

that are just replaced with Wayne's World so for me it's just a five four four and then Wayne has to say excuse me I believe I requested the hand job it's a good one it's a good one it's a good film thank you so much for listening to our podcast my brother my brother me it's one of the best ones out there

for sure. That's why I think at least. Story and Song is our last graphic novel adaptation of the balance arc.

It is a big book that you could pre-order right now at theadventuresomecom. And if you're in the neighborhood of Boston, you can come

and see us at a big launch event there July 16th at 7 p.m. at the Chevalier theater. Each ticket includes a signed paperback

copy of Story and song provided by Brookline Booksmith. So thanks. Theadventuresown comic.com. We got some new merch in the merch store, mackroymerch.com. I mean, I don't know how new it is.

It's been there for the whole month of June, but it's still really rad stuff. We got, speaking of Tas Balance, a year going to be amazing shirt design. It was created by Sabrina Volante. Proceeds from that shirt go to Lambda Legal. And 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will also be donated to Lambda Legal, a national organization working to achieve full recognition of the civil rights of LGBTQ plus people and everyone living with HIV. through impact litigation, education, and public policy work.

Hey, big thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song. My Life is Better With You. Montane's whole catalog is so dense with jammers, and they've really run the gamut of different kind of musical achievements across their body of work. It's such an adventure to go on every time you throw it on shuffle and just have a little list. Thanks, Montaigne.

Thanks, Montaim. Thanks to you for listening. Appreciate you. Is your cup empty yet, Justin? Could you throw your cup? No, dude. No. The worst part about it is like,

you can never get it empty enough that the protein doesn't harden into little flakes. Thanks. I have this, well, hard drive that has the entirety of the DOS game library. Oh, are you willing to risk that? I got a, no, I threw the tripod recently. Oh, TV remote.

Look at this. I can really chuck this guy. Oh, hell yeah. Let me throw this, Griff. I have a used PlayStation 2 copy of Kingdom Hearts. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Yeah, I'm glad it's not your new one. You keep wrapped.

Yes! That was the most of fiffle throw we've ever had. Yeah, man. That was fantastic. Great job, Griff. My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.

This has been by brother by brother of me. Kiss your dad square in the lips. Maximum Fun. A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.