My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 822: Cheddars Never Win

Episode Date: July 13, 2026

We've got so much on the agenda today from our last Brainstorm Jam Sesh. Griffin’s gotta figure out a way to get insurance for his new faith-and-pain-forward comedy show, Trav needs a title for his new cheese mystery procedural, and Justin is desperate for a not-dusty chicken sandwich. So here's our new show: Welcome to Dickhead! Suggested talking points: The Wizard Johnny Knoxville, Holy Ghost in the Machine, AI-Generated Devil Music for Satan, We Got So Many Planks, Sunk Bacon Fallacy Asian Pacific Environmental Network: https://apen4ej.org/our-work/ Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinmbmbam

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something it feels love. Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother, and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

What up, Trave Nation, it's me, your middle-list brother, Travis Big Dog, Wolflo, Vroom, the Heater award-winning McElroy. Hey, welcome to Dickhead. I'm Griffin, and I'm about to pour this whole thing of hot coffee right on my crotch and weener. Here I go. Wait, what's Dickhead? So you guys know how the jackass guys are done now? Yeah, that's what they say.

They're doing their final movie because they're all... It's too dangerous for them to, like... Keep doing it. I will say, man, I know they're older than me. And my body is so brittle that sitting in a desk chair has given me back problems. Well, they've got hardened bones from the preceding stunts and tricks. The weapon X stuff, yeah. But I'm thinking now there's a power vacuum and we fill it in.

The three of us have been doing rowdy boy comedy for a while now. The only thing we've been missing is like... Pushing the envelope. The only thing we've been missing is pain and hurting. and making funny stuff happen by jumping off of things or into things with our bodies, putting a scorpion on our butts. We've bumped up against it by playing video games incorrectly.

For us, that kind of passes as like, no, struggle or, like, difficulty. Do you remember we went on that hike and my knee started to hurt? Does that count? That trave? Yeah, I mean, I still wake up in cold sweats, thinking about when your knees hurt that one time, for sure.

Is that comedy, though? Is that comedy? Is that comedy? Some people liked it. in the comments. It wasn't our biggest YouTube video, but people seem to enjoy it. Yeah, but that seemed like kind of a schadenfreude kind of enjoyment,

not like a ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-how-foney. That's the secret to dickhead. And it's honestly something I think we can iterate on that the Jack A, as we used to call them in church, guys do, which is that you like them. For the most part, they're pretty likable dudes. And so when Steveo puts a scorpion on Chris Pontius's butt

and climbs in his buttle and pokes him from the inside out, You're laughing, but you're also feeling kind of bad because it's like, these are nice guys. On Dickhead, we can be fucking unlikable jags. And then when the scorpion climbs in our butt, maybe even two scorpions, I've been talking with the team. They think it's doable. People will be fucking stoked to see it. No CTI, though.

I want the real. I want the real stuff. What you need is a funnel that can handle that kind of action, you know what I mean? Oh, sure, dude. Dude, my sphincter would destroy a scorpion if it did not have some sort of protective passage way. So what you're saying is what we will deliver with Dhead is the ability to laugh and feel no remorse at what happens to us because we're terrible people? That's what other people will have. We will feel remorse because of the terrible pain.

And there will be a bad transition period probably for the first three or four D head movies until our bones get strong. like the jackay guys um i i saw the jackay guys uh or one of the old the old the the the wizard who's in charge of everything that's our impresario of the jackass john noxville there is jesus john noxville the wizard johnny knoxville the you know the boss of the whole thing that would be a great name for a dirtbag wizard for a d and d campaign like my name johnny noxville yeah as he ages i feel like he looks like a cool modern wizard that's i don't know this is the association I made in my head. I saw him on an interview and he was talking about how incredible it was that Steve-o has, has, like, sobered up for as long as he has. And they were like, you know, you guys

used to go in the paint really hard doing the show. And John Oxel's like, let me stop you, just to clarify something, we never, when we were filming and doing stunts, the rule was nobody could, you couldn't be on any substances while you're doing stunts. You couldn't be under any influence at all. Because, you know, it's dangerous enough doing that stuff without your is being told. And I was watching that. And I thought, I don't think that's right. Were you drug testing?

I watched that show a lot growing up. And I saw the gentlemen on it and sort of how they were comporting themselves in their day-to-day, like adventures as they did this list. I'm not sure Mr. Knoxville is maybe legally speaking. And for insurance purposes, he has had to tow this line for quite some time. I can't imagine. I don't think.

Yeah, I don't think that's exactly right. I can't imagine. what the insurance obtaining process for jackass was. Right. Like when they would go to, like, we're going to get a new movie, we need to get insurance, and they'd go into somebody's office, and they would probably have to do hours of research

to be like, who's the least in touch with pop culture insurance adjuster we could find? And then they go in their office with like, hello, we're going to make a movie where we will. They don't say the title, they just say, it's the new film from Dickhouse. Yes, and we'll be doing funny jokes. Untitled Dickhouse project.

And you know, they bring, he would probably bring in to the, we're calling it JA5, but there's no reason. Do you, I think they put that Johnny. No, no, no, no. Please. Johnny would probably bring in one of the sweeter, more straight edge members of the crew to meet the loan officer to get, to get the movie funded, I think. He probably would not bring in a Stivo.

He would probably bring in a, like a Preston Lacey or perhaps a man. Yes, indeed. I also think, J-Man, to your point, I bet that there was like a secret unspoken line of, like, these pranks and stunts are okay to do on a substance. We're going to cross that line and we don't exactly know what it is, but we know when we see it, of this one, we need to go this one, clear eyes. And it would surprise you.

Animal stuff, you can be high as a fucking kite. Me too. But if you're swimming in a public place, if you're jumping into the L.A. canal, for instance, no, you can't be. You mustn't be. It's a weird, we have a whole, here's your handbook, welcome to the team.

It's a case by case when you can have substance. Here on Dickhead, we can be as faded and fucked up as we want to, guys. Going to need to. Pergocets, any kind of painkillers. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. Travis and I came to the same. I thought about getting hurt in my body and I don't.

Let's just do advice and stuff. Yeah. Just like usual. No problem. It made my kidneys throb thinking about it. I don't know if that's anything. Gross. Don't ever say that word on the show.

I don't ever want to hear it again. Okay. End of sentence. Kidneys. I was working in my office at my manufacturing job when an older contractor I've worked with occasionally walked in my office and asked how I was doing. Eh, fine, I respond.

Expecting him to ask about any projects he can help with. Instead, he says, I wrote a song. I quit. Baffled, I asked what he meant. He pulls out his phone and placed it as it on my desk and Christian contemporary AI generated music. Let me think about the order of... That's a cool...

That's a cool five words right there. Christian, I think we need contemporary AI generated. Okay, good. It's the order, you know what I mean? It's the arbitrary order. Listen, I love Christ first. Christ first in all things. Obviously, that's the model of this show and has been for seven years.

Syntactically, I don't think Christ's first. Syntactically, I don't think you do. I think you go color, size, age quality. No, size, big red dog. Big red dog. Color for, size first, then color. Right. We got to put the AI first in.

these clauses so I can ignore the rest of the clause. Like I wanted off, you are, I was already so excited about Christian contemporary that, ah man. Places on my desk. AI Christian, AI, AI generated. Christ Generated. Christ centric. Christentric.

That's the new tagline. That's the new tagline of this podcast. We're making some big fucking changes around here. Christentric and AI generated. It sucks. The AI generated started first and then it pivoted towards Christen. It was already too late. I don't know where it got it.

It's crazy, man. It turns out if you let all these cyber brains all work together on an unrestricted internet sort of platform, they get saved. I'm going to actually, I'm going to plan a flagging thing I just came up with so that people can't actually use it. AI Christian music company called God in the Machine, but I'm going to trade the machine. Holy Ghost in the Machine was right there, but you didn't want that. Which one? Holy Ghost in the Machine. No, I was going with DSX Machina.

Oh, I thought you were doing a ghost in the, like a, okay. But we can do a holy ghost in the machine too. We'll take all of them. But Deus X-Mocan means God in the machine. You know that, right? Yes. Deus, God. Okay.

So I said, God in the machine, right? Is AI Christian music. You're Descartes adjacent in that place, and I think it's going to continue. All of them. Let's cook after. Let's finish. What if we were to do the branding after? I'll finish the question.

Yeah. We'll do a bit of comedy for another, I don't know, 50 minutes. Okay. And then we can figure this out. Is that right? Spitball it in our business meaning where we steal things from other people. Okay. Yes, yes, yes.

So, and Christian contemporary AI-generated music blast out of his phone full volume. For the next four minutes, I stared at the phone, nodding my head while he stared at me. I had to extricate myself three times with brief questions and anecdotes as signals that I had heard enough, but they were not received. He told me after the song was over that he had two more songs he had written and was working on others. what could I do to take control the situation next time to make it less comfortable for myself sorry less uncomfortable for myself

important distinction while maintaining the poor I'm a glutton for punishment I love this shit man when this person and when it happens again that's from not quite Hillsong in the hills of Tennessee this is one of the things we talk about

on Schwanters a lot is that etiquette and stuff has gotten a bad rap as being like a judgmental process but really it was originally like seen as like listen social situations are so awkward and stuff and like no one knows what they're doing we have laid out rules that it's like here's what you need to do and then you can like leave or whatever and we as a society need to establish a rule that whether it's your song someone else's whatever that you want to play for a friend you get one verse and one chorus and then you have to pause the song they can ask to hear the rest of it You should be allowed to ask how much, how much? When your friend's like, you want to hear this song I wrote, you should be allowed to say, tell me how much of the song,

how much, how many different sort of sections of the song, how many stanzas. Four minutes in that slows down. I don't want to listen to a song I like with you for four minutes, let alone your AI generated Christian focus. Being observed and perceived to see if you're enjoying it. Hard pass. You.

What, okay. I was going to suggest this Christian song has put me in hell. I was going to suggest that next time you play some AI generated like devil music. Awesome. For Satan. Yeah. But you don't want, you don't, you don't, you obviously don't want to AI generate music. So maybe we could like generate some devil music that I could put on.

Yeah. You get like, oh, I wrote a song too and they played this that we do. Yeah. And it's like, will you give me the prompt? Will you feed me the prompt? And I'll be the AI voice that's like, yeah. Okay. I'll say, so I'd say, hey, Jeeves,

please generate. Is that what you say? Does Jeeves generate one death metal song, hard as fuck. And capital, devil-centric. Devil-centric. Don't make it sound AI. Make it sound like a real song. Yeah.

and also stuff about like burning down a convention and kicking over like churches and throwing bibles into garbage disposal stuff like that you have to click sent you have to submit it oh okay oh um amount of it says it's asking amount of effort is that say a hundred high 100 100% maximum Fuck the Amazon. Okay. I love Deadpool. So. Maximum effort.

Okay. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, man. Absolutely, Justin. That's a fun idea. We'll get started cooking on your death metal hell song. Just as soon as you let me know what death is. Ha ha ha.

So they don't know. To explain the bit, they don't know. There's a lot. So that's a really good bit. What I was suggesting is that we could just make some music. I got you. I got you. I thought that my thing was more achievable than us creating anything that sounded like that.

Maybe something that's like this, right? The devil, he likes to eat your soul. And it makes me feel good when he does. Bible suck, Bible suck. Eat the rich. I liked Bible suck. I was not into it. That part sucks.

The first part, Travis do suck, dude. They're heavy, the pages are thin. And a lot of them makes sense. Why is that? Now, listen, though, listen, the first part of the song was very bad and I'll tell you why is because if you get reliant

Kay to sing what you just saying it could also be a Christian song The devil wants to eat your soul That's a threat to me But it feels good when he does Yeah for him It should be, okay If you reverse those and be like

It feels good when the devil eats your soul It's way better than when God eats your soul Yeah Jesus wants to steal your car Yeah that's good Oh that's cool Yeah I don't know It makes it a little bit more timely? Like a lot of stuff in the Bible is kind of like ancient. So if you bring it up to

the day like Jesus wants to steal your car, push a church into a holy ghost, ruin my credit score. Oh, a rhyme. That's good. That's good. Well, I don't earn car. Scoring car pretty close. I'm so sorry that you went through this. I've been trying to visualize what it would be like. I was thinking about it. And I was like, thinking of about how many people are going to be in a similar, I mean, the idea that people are going to, it is sad that it hasn't occurred to me until this point, but the idea that people are gonna be generating art

and then foisting upon others and forcing them to react to it. As I mean like, it's really unkind, and I'm really sorry that you have to be allowed, you should be allowed to bust out your AI agent when someone presents you with their AI generated Christ-centric music. Right, you should have an AI,

listener. An AI listener who can then you say, and how did, what's a nice thing I can say to get this person off my fucking back? And then you let them go, ha ha, good one. Absolutely. I'll get started on that. Why don't you just say, I'm going to let my AI listen to your AI song. Just plug it right. And I'll leave. Like you didn't write the song, so I shouldn't have to listen to it. Right. I'll let my phone record it. And I'll let it the my AI guy in there. And he probably deliver the song way faster than four. minutes to an AI brain. Like, there's probably some way of him encoding it. Compressed. It sounds like, and then the AI is like, I think that's what Silicon Valley was about. I didn't want to. Sick hook.

Yeah. I love the hook. I love Christ. Bibles do suck. I think that the catch 22 of this whole situation is the type of person that would both generate contemporary Christian AI generated music and make you listen to it. is also the type of person who has the least amount of awareness of what they're doing to the other person. Sure.

There's nothing within them that's like... In the sentence there, Travis, there's nothing within them. There's an oblivion in there. So what you do is when they come to play you their next song, you say, yeah, thank God man, I don't know what it is, but that song you played with me before really makes me want to have premarital sex and do all the drugs I can find. Awesome. What if you record... The next time they play a song for you, you record the song, and then you put it into AI, however that happens.

And you say, do this song again, but twice as long. And then you say, hey, I wrote a song. I want to play it for you. And then you play it. And it's just their same song again, but like a lot more words. A lot more verses. And make it get louder. Over the eight minutes, make it get louder and like, because your boss is going to start saying things.

Like, this sounds a lot like my AI Jesus song. You need to make it get louder and louder and louder to drown out the kind of the protest. Could you make, could your boss, could you prompt your boss using these same incredible techniques? Could you prompt your boss to just keep generating longer and longer songs? Eventually, you won't have to work anymore. That is true. Eventually you can just full-time listen to these jazz. This is an emotional labor that I don't know what their job is, but it sounds more exhausting than any, any form of employment.

Last weekend I attended a small gathering at my friend's sushi restaurant. He was celebrating being voted the top sushi restaurant in the area. And he had some, let's hope they mean owning it. Because if you are a sushi restaurant and a person, that's like very, very painful. It sounds really difficult. Living dishes is a beautiful art. That's like, oh, maybe he serves it off of his nude body like they do in like fancy parties. in movies and television.

One of the items, okay, he had some food catered for the event. One of the items was a large charcutory board spread that was put together by a friend of his that does it professionally. There was one cheese on there in particular that I really enjoyed, and as the night inevitably ended, that seems unnecessary. Most nights do. There was plenty of charcutory to take home for anyone that wanted it. I took home a small bag of this cubed white heavenly cheese. the problem I'm having is how do I identify it? I eat a fair amount of cheese and I haven't been able to...

Yeah, sorry. I even asked my friend who has charcutory boards, and he said he would check with the person that made him, but it has been radio silence. I still have some of the cheese left, and we're now four days past the event. Would it be weird for me to bring the cheese into a local cheese counter specialty store

or someone to know what the cheese is if they taste do? I'm going to get out in front of this one, okay? I'm not even going to finish the question. If you bring a block of food to any store and you say, try this block of food, I don't know what it is. They will say no. No one will agree to this. You are on the wrong side of this, my friend.

It's the best cheese I've ever had. That's from Brie Wilder in Southern Oregon. Continue. Listen. Listen. There are people on this earth. Not everyone. not every cheese monger you approach will be down for this.

But there is a set of people for whom this sort of mystery, it is going to like this. Cheese is their life. They love cheese. And you've just brought them and said, hey, don't just be a cheesemonger today. You're going to be a mystery monger. And they're going to help you solve this mystery with cheese science

that they've never gotten to utilize before. It is going to, there's going to be a light in their eyes. Every cheese maniac is waiting for you to ask for their cheese help Because they need a place to use those skills So it feels like it was worthwhile Do you know how many cop, not a cop shows I've watched Where someone with a specialty area

Has been brought in by the police to help solve a crime What if there was a cop show where is a cheesemonger Who helped solve cheese related murders every week There's just no way I feel like every cheesemonger has been in this situation so many times. And then it always ends the same way is the person looks at you very smuggling

and says, it wasn't cheese. And then it's like, okay, it was a block of white chocolate. Again, again, great, I fell for it again. You win, okay, it wasn't cheese. Please leave. That was, I wasted an afternoon. Cheddar's never win.

Now, what does that have to do with anything? You just think of it? I'm trying to think of a name for my cop, not a cop TV show starring an FBI detective and a cheese monger. Okay. Sharp. All right.

Can we do other stuff though? How about we finish the podcast? Okay. Well, we'll save this for the board meeting. Yeah. I'll add it to the fucking agenda, but it's really piling up. We have our brain slam after, after, after. Yeah.

We're always at peak performance after my brother, my brother made. That's where we have our weekly brain slam. Our Blue Sky Solutioneering session. Yeah. Yeah. I live my life searching for a mystery every day. I love a mystery. I love a mystery.

Mm. To the point where Dot came home from camp the other day and said, father, as she's been instructed to call me, today we had a mystery at camp and said it exactly like that and I loved it. And she told me that they were informed that one of their camp counselors was kidnapped by the Flying Dutchman. Oh. And the whole camp was working together to solve this mystery. And she and I went over the clues for 20 to 30 minutes. And it was the best part of my day. Just before we move on, because we are who did it? Which camp counselor was it?

It was the Flying Dutchman. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. So it was like a false. No, it was more about finding the Flying Dutchman than like a Scooby-Doo, unmasking a counselor. Oh, okay.

I thought maybe one of the camp counselors was the Flying Dutchman in the end. Holy shit, Justin, you cracked it. I got to go. Yeah, dude. God damn, dude. You're the smartest nine-year-old alive. Yeah. I got to get at that camp.

They need me. Yeah, man. What would be bad? is if you did take the cheese into the cheese monger and you're like, I can't stop thinking about this creamy white cube. Please, please help me out. And then they try it. And then they're like, it's Swiss.

Or like, that's Bree. Like they, it's such a fucking cheese. I mean, of course it could not be cheese. That's obviously bad. But what would be worse if it's some rookie cheese. And then they're like, you don't know Brie? Like, that would be humiliating. that I can recover from that.

It would be humiliating, but you could also look at that as a gift you've just given that cheesemonger to make them feel so superior in a way that maybe they don't get every day, right? Like, that's nice, right? Your humiliation is someone else's elevation. Yeah. I appreciate that this question asker doesn't explicitly say the big problem, the big main issue with this is that we are on a time crunch here because every time they open the fridge

and see one of those delicious cubes, they pop another one. You know they do. And they're like, I'm running out of research material. I've got precious few samples left. The crime scene's been thoroughly contaminated. They've had to tape their fridge closed.

They put a lot of like, no, you don't understand. This is the lockup now. You got to fill out forms to get the cheese out. Yes, I'll eat one cube a day. And now I'm cutting the cubes in half.

I'm just eating it. I'm down to one quarter cube a day. I got to figure out what this stuff is. I've rationed myself. Is there an electron microscoping town that I could use? I've consumed a lot of the evidence. Cheezerfuge. Something.

Yeah. Yeah. You separate it into its core components, which I guess is just curds and way, I suppose. It's a way, weirdly, yeah. Yeah. The whole thing. Nobody really knows how cheese is made.

Seeds. A few seeds. A few seeds. You can throw a seed or two in there. Cheese seeds? I feel like we didn't really help that person very much. But that's life sometimes. You know what I mean?

Yeah, be bold. Solve the case. Just eat a bunch of cheese. Make your own charcutory board and then compare and contrast. Wait outside the charcutory store until they open and then say, what is this? What is this? Hound until you get the answer. Don't let this go.

Bloodhound. Byer a bloodhound to sniff the cheese real good and then he'll find the other cheese in the store. Don't let him eat the cheese. Don't let him eat the cheese. Can we take a quick break? Yeah, I'd love to. Let's go the money. If you have cats and you are struggling to monitor their eating, maybe they don't, you know, you see them eating a bunch of dry food, it's not really great for them, you know.

What about trying something that they're going to love and that it is easy, right? And it comes in a lot of great flavors like smooth birds and smooth pig. Cheese? No. No. No. No. How about smalls? Probably not. Smalls is a, here's what you do with smalls. Okay, you tell them, hey, I got a beautiful kitty. Can you send me some food for it? And they'll say, how big is your kitty? What kind of size? And they'll help you figure out a plan. So they're going to ship you a box. Your food comes frozen. It's ready to go. 100% human-grade ingredients that you'd find in your fridge, which is where, I mean, that is where I find my cat food is in the fridge, to be fair. But my cats love it. I used to do dry food and water for them. And I feel like I have a lot better control over.

what they're eating. I think their coats look healthier. They are at a healthy weight. And we're really a lot more in control of what they're eating than we did with the dry food. And they like you more. Yeah, they like you more. They like you more.

They respect you more now. They appreciate me in a ways they never did. And if they could talk, they would say something like, thank you for the wet, daddy. They would say things like, thank you for the wet. We need. Thank you for the smooth wet. Wet.

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Chigigigigig jikigigig. What? I want to munch. Squad. I want to munch. Bible suck. Whoa. Sorry, I got it.

Sorry, it was still stuck in there. That ruled. It got stuck. If I say what's the, what's the most unusual item in the world of fast food? A lot of, there's probably a lot of different options, but I think the one, then the one that I, I tend to gravitate towards is the original chicken sandwich at BK. Okay. Because it's bad. And that's so interesting.

Yeah. Because they have been doing this bad sandwich for, 47 years now. They've been doing this bad sandwich. And it's crazy because sometimes they'll have better sandwiches on the menu. And they'll keep doing this wretched, dusty old. Is that the long one?

That's the long one. Yeah. It's the famous dusty long one. With the burger beef, the burger beef, they're so explicit in how much care and time and patience goes into each one of these patties. And with the chicken one, it's just like,

I don't know, man. Get it hot, throw it down. This was our first try. We nailed it right out of the gate. And we ordered so many of those frozen patties at the beginning, thinking these things we're going to sell so fast. And here we are 47 years later and we're still working through that original order. We're still digging through the pile of planks.

We can't change it yet. We still got so many planks. Burger King is giving guests even more ways to enjoy its famous original chicken sandwich with a launch of two additions to the lineup. That's right. They've remembered this nasty guy. and they are now giving you the loaded jalapeno

original chicken sandwich and the club original chicken sandwich throwing good bacon after bad chicken available at U.S. restaurants It's a sunk bacon fallacy on that. It's a sunk bacon cost. The main way to keep it enjoying it though is by eating it, right?

Because I thought you were about to say that they were like, we've got it in powder for them now. You can drink it. Listen to the chicken sandwich. You can email it. First introduced in 1979. The original chicken sandwich has been,

this is like the most damning with faint praise I've ever heard a fast food place. The chicken sandwich has been a Burger King guest favorite for decades. Thanks to its unmistakable long shape, lightly breaded white meat, chicken, shredded lettuce, and tangy mayonnaise. Is there a shit good?

Have you seen the shape of it? It's long. It cannot, yeah, it is the one thing I remembered about it. Yeah, right? Yeah. And the chicken is, the chicken is chicken. It's there. And lettuce, did we mention?

It's shredded. It's shredded up to high heavens. I mean, the place called Burger King, what do you want from us? Yeah. It's a place called Burger King. Well, I don't know. Why are you coming in here asking for a chicken sandwich? We've made it long, so we wouldn't confuse it with the burgers.

So what are they doing? Let me tell you. Guests have continued to show their love for the iconic chicken sandwich, which I would argue if you're at Burger King and don't want a burger, I mean, I guess you do have to show your love for the chicken sandwich.

Which is why BK is bringing two new, flavorful, original chicken sandwich innovations to the menu for a limited time. I love when they use innovations. Like, it's a scientific. We made a chicken club sandwich. We had our boys in R&D working on this one, for six years.

The chicken war armistice is so tenuous and so fragile to this day. I get real jumpy when someone is just like, we're not in the, this is not, this has nothing to do with the chicken sandwich wars. We're just making two new kick-ass chicken sandwiches that are going to blow your fucking mind. That feels like an aggressive act. I think, Griffin, the fact that they are continuing to stick with that dusty old chicken sandwich base is sort of like a Warsaw Pact

where it's like we won't go you know what I mean like we're not going to go A grandfather clause We can keep making our shitty chicken sandwiches. Don't worry about it. It's like if in the year 2026 or two warring countries were like we came out with new models of biplanes

like we've outdated biplanes because we did need to be working on something to keep the factories going but this is not a threat We may not even use them for war stuff. We may just cruise the beach. We made biplanes for Pride Month.

I'm not going to read you the description of the sandwiches, but I will read you how they both end, which is layered on the signature. I like that joke a lot, Travis. I want to hang a lantern on how much I enjoyed your joke just now. Layered on the signature long white meat chicken patty and iconic elongated sesame seed bud. Do they know how to describe something as food? Dude. Have they said delicious yet or like yummy? The club chicken original sandwich, a familiar but elevated take on the original, featuring crispy bacon, melted Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and creamy mayonnaise

stacked on the signature long white meat chicken, patty, and iconic, elongated sesame seed bun. Is it a good taste? Press releases are usually so quick to be like, we got a new Dunkicino. It tastes so good. You're going to nut. Burger King so far is only using the most. kind of baseline visual descriptors. Not since Christian contemporary AI generated have I seen these words in such a strange order

before. This really burying the lead. Are we sure we want to go with long white meat chicken patty? Long white meat chicken patty. There's no fucking way, dude. Listen, I had to be so careful about the last time we complimented the chicken sandwich, we were sued for lies. So what we've done here is put words that you cannot deny.

Right. It's original. The original chicken sandwich is a true Burger King icon that's been loved for its signature seasoning, taste, and, you guessed it. Unmistakable shape since 1979. Do you love it because of this shape? I guess it's just, I don't know. It's more fun. That's from Joel Yosinski, the CMO over there. Through our ongoing guest listening initiative, we heard just how passionate fans are about this sandwich and how excited they are for new.

twists on it. Hmm. Hey, guest listening initiative is pretty menacing language. Would you like to hear about the guest listening initiative, Griffin?

It sounds very 1984 to me, but go on. It sounds like if you got the BK app on your phone and you checkmarked like share my whatever, BK's like,

the king's listening. Oh, here we go. Oh, boy. That's the president of Burger King. It looks like, yeah, if you'd show me that man. And you can call him,

you can call him on the phone. It's been, It's been an ongoing thing, but this is still going, and I'm going to repeat this information because I'd like it. Yeah. Burger King has been, is taking guest feedback to the next level by putting its president on the line. Guest can call or text the Burger King president, Tom Curtis, at 305-874-0520 to share their thoughts on the Burger King experience. Tom will personally take as many daily calls as possible.

Yeah. And every message received will be reviewed and responded. to helping to form decisions across the business. Okay. Does he not do anything else? He stands in the lobby. His, this picture looks like every single element of it is from a separate. A different photo shoot.

This is a composite, this is a sort of photo mosaic because we see a man. It's a composite man, like every part of it, yeah. Yes, I mean, like the computer monitor and computer arm mount look like. Yeah, I don't think that's, he's a, he's a sort of, he's a composite man. He's at a standing desk and he's got a big dual monitor set up. It's actually, I think, the same exact setup that I have on my desk. And despite the number of monitors he has, he is still doing a FaceTime on the phone. I'm sure he could figure out a way to field those on one of the two computers that he has.

But there's also a coffee cup there. There's a third device, by the way. Do you see this, Griffin? Sorry, behind the coffee cup, that is a third device. The man has four screens pointed at him right now. But he also has a coffee cup here that says Burger King, but it doesn't seem to have the same light sources ever. everything else in the photograph and makes me think like that this was maybe a, I don't know,

a coffee bean situation, went to the Java joint. So agenda and status. That's what it says. I'm looking at his screen. You can enhance his screen. And it says, there you go. Agenda and status. And it says the item PR locked.

Media plan, locked. TV locked. organic I don't know what that is an acronym There is no way Is this a real chart Are we to believe

That this is the level of Of a control this man has Over the company All he knows is what's What's paid and what isn't paid Let me peep that man's fucking tabs juice Zoom up a little bit Because he's got his tabs up

Got a lot of tabs for us Got a lot of tabs here boss What are you playing fucking cookie clicker In the background my dude What's going on? It also appears that he's working in the lobby. I'm gonna call him a quick while we're chatting.

Yeah, call him up. No worries. Please don't do this. What if he answers? I'll talk to him on the podcast. I mean, that would be a huge gift for us. Are you kidding me? That's true.

And he's almost certainly on the West Coast, right? Yeah. Wake his ass up. Wake his ass up. What's up, bitch? I heard you're making new Sammy's for me. Keep him long, bitch. Ask if he can get them longer.

Are you fucking off? It's 6.52 in the morning, California. Well, he's in Florida. Wait, did you say it's 6.52 in the morning? And on the West Coast. Oh, God. He'll be all right. Don't hang up.

Hey, this is Justin McElroy from my brother, my brother, and me. I just wanted to say I would love a co-branding partnership with you guys if you want to kick six figures, seven figures, whatever it is. Tell him make the sandwich. We're ready for collaboration. Tell him make the sandwich twice as long. Justin at NBMBAM.com. Get at me with a big check. Make the sandwich twice as wide.

Tell them to make it wider, actually. Make it cross-shaped. Make it a perfect manhole cover. One-to-one manhole cover. Thank you. Oh, the chicken fries are gross. You guys say he's recording. Oh, man, you didn't say it's recording.

I don't know if Florida's a one-party state. West Virginia's one party. Oh, cool. Awesome. You're all welcome. As the home of having it your way, guests are our most important advisors. We're grateful as they provide the feedback. that is shaping our brand today and in the future.

So this guy, people are calling him up and they must be saying, we love that dusty old joint. We love it. We love it, Prez. Don't let them get rid of it. Joel? The only thing that would make it better is more of them.

Make it better with different and good. Put different stuff on it so people like it better. Do you actually think people were blowing up his phone so much that he had to put down in a way message? Or do you think maybe that was a, a easy way out. Because it seems like, based on what I know on the half-baked sort of promotions that major fast food places do, the amount of participation in those events is actually quite limited.

I think you should have been able to get a hold of Tom just now. Maybe he's, 9.50 in Miami. Yeah, he should be able to answer my phone. I mean, they should have call R.D. if you're a podcaster. You know what I mean? Like, this is our big moment. Mm-hmm. For brand stuff.

How about another question? Okay. I have now on two separate occasions had to doordash a toilet plunger to myself because I clog the toilet in a residence that does not possess one. Now, I am aware that sometimes it's on me for having said. I'm not going to read this. It's vulgar. Big poops. Let's leave it at that.

That's better. Yeah. However, it is not a common practice to keep a plunger. However, is it not a common practice to keep a plunger around in case of toilet emergencies? should I start keeping one in my car? Is it unsanitary to carry a travel plunger? And that's from Travis. What?

Macaroy. No. So Travis McElroy? Well, it says it's from developing a complex in Cincinnati. So I just assumed it was from Travis. Yeah. Was that wrong? I don't poop anywhere but my own house.

She actually makes small pellets. Like a rabbit. Easily flares. Hugely flushable. Yeah. I, listen. if it's not a common practice to keep a plunger around in case that why else do they exist? Yeah.

No, I mean, it's, it is, I don't understand your point. I feel like it's, it is common practice, have a plunger around, but everybody makes mistakes. I don't think, guys, gun to your head, do you have a plunger by every toilet in your home? Yes. The important ones. No, okay, you know what? I said yes with a lot of confidence. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't know if I do or not. My kids will do stuff. Like, they'll just take a plonference. plunger and I don't, I don't know, throw it down the hill or something. I don't know where these things go.

It feels, it feels, it feels, the nail clippers, I think. It feels antiquated to me because it feels like toilet technology is advanced to a point where these things can really rip down whatever you're brewing, and it doesn't need a whole lot of extra help. One time, my friend Justin was visiting me in Chicago, not this, Justin, and after pooping in our toilet, he knocked over a lady's speed stick deodorant, and it fell into the toilet hole and plugged it right up, and then the guy had to come and deal. with that. We did not have a plunger in this situation, and it made things considerably worse.

I don't know of a plunger would have helped there, Griff. Yeah. For prying a lady's speeds. The lady's speedstick was perfectly to, if you're ever trying to remember, how big is a lady speedstick? It's the hole in the bottom of the toilet? Perfectly that. It, when it fell in, it went, it made a perfect sort of vacuuming noise. Yeah. I think it would be pretty cool if you clogged a toilet and they didn't have a plunger and you went out. to your car and you open the trunk and sort of like in supernatural but instead of weapons it was just different plungers laid out

in like a case you know we were like I always said what what's the measurement what brand of toilet do you have? You pride a floorboard and you flick a switch and John Wick style the walls open up yeah we're gonna need a number 16 I do have by all my toilets

one of them own brushes because I don't I don't fucking mess around like leave on don't Don't even leave footprints. Take nothing. Leave nothing. Leave no sign of your presence there or what dirty stuff you did. I got to have a brush by every commode.

I do. I've always thought that there is a missing, like see a need, fill a need kind of business innovation thing. A plunger and that scrubby brush. The second you use them, it occurs to you, I don't know what the next step in cleansing the things I get used to clean. The only option is to put it in the toilet water to rinse it off. That's what the only thing you can do

and then it's like, well, this is the darteriest thing that exists. There's nothing dirty thing than this. Yeah. People say that. When you're in the bathroom, your phone's the dirtiest thing in there. Beg to fucking differ. How about my brush, dude? How much that shitty brush that we use the shit water

to clean the brush? It's crazy. It's crazy. We need a second, like just a bucket full of bleach. Like they have in barbershops with a barberside, But something like that for your toilet, for your accessories. Give me a little canteen of blue goo that I can dip that stuff into and then not even worry about it anymore. That I just know whatever's in there is killing every evil thing on that puncher handbrush.

They don't last for very long. But the first like 20 flushes when it's just so blue. God damn, this couldn't be cleaner, man. All my sins are gone. It's like a mini golf course in here. It's beautiful. Yeah. You know, it's like so good at first.

It's so good. It feels like the kind of stuff they would have on the enterprise, right? That's what they flush with on the enterprise. I think that it is as a host, if there's not a toilet, if there's not a plunger next to the toilet and you need one, I think that's on the homeowner, agreed. I do wonder what the procedure is like once you realize the toilet is clogged, there is no plunger, and you have placed an order from your local CVS.

are you just like late are you just like barricading yourself in you put in the doordash notes you put in the door dash notes like delivery instructions bring it to the first floor west window you will see me waving outside and i'm going like this with my finger shh that's where you hand it off do not ring the fucking doorbell don't ring the doorbell i'm at my in-law's place they cannot know and also also hurry i can't I guarantee you, Griffin, if you're a DoorDash driver and you get, like, an order for one plunger and nothing else, the hurry is implied. You don't know, like, I got to go. They don't have the exact color you wanted. Are any of these colors okay? Yes, goddamn you. Yes. I'd love to see that delivery confirmation picture, too, just through the bathroom.

You and your shorts are on your ankles, pulling it. Just take the picture. Just take it and go. They bring me a cyanide pill. Do they have those in CV? Just one plunger and a fake tooth like it bites down on. Oh, man. I love when an order at the drugstore, when you're like,

check out is a little short story. And that's a hell of a one right there. One plunger. You know the deal. Delivered. I've seen so many life hack videos of like, don't have a plunger. Here's what you do. Get some saran wrap and some tape.

And you tape it around the bowl. and then you push down on the saran wrap and with the vacuum force, it does fix it up. Now, this is not going to be a good solution for you because you can't walk out of the bathroom and say, hey, can I get some saran wrap and tape? Because they're going to ask you what you need it for.

I would assume for toilet hacks, they may or may not know, they may not watch as much YouTube as. You can say it's like, what's a sexual thing? I'd rather not discuss it. It's a sexual. I'm going to wrap off. Then you don't have to be embarrassed.

Stand guard outside the, bathroom? Do you say, no, I'm sorry, I can't allow you in here. Or do you stay inside for 20 minutes while you wait for the delivery? Yeah. I'm asking you guys, you're in the situation. Yeah, no, I'm thinking about it. It's a rough hypothetical. I definitely wouldn't stand guard. I would probably, I think I'm a good enough actor that I could just walk out and then later when someone comes out to the comes out to the rest of the party and is like, who did this? I think I'm good enough at those like werewolf mafia games. I think I could squeak through.

I think I could get through the evening. When the DoorDash order was like, order for Griffin. I'm looking for a Griffin McElroy. I have his plunger. Yeah. No, that would be a big clue for the other guys. For sure.

I bet even the camp kids could crack that one. This is why, okay, second business idea of the question. A new delivery service. I'm going to call it Instafart for now. We can brainstorm and the brain slam afterwards. Jesus Christ. And it's just for this scenario and it will be delivered in a discreet brown box, no labels. Treve, I got to tell you, man.

It feels like the podcast that we do is an idea factory for you because what you have just done is this person said, I don't have a plunger. Would it be weird to get a plunger? And your business is, what if there was a place that brought you a plunger? Shart tank. It feels to me that this was an... for Shark Tank and Instafart because what we said,

the question was, what do I do in this situation because I don't have a plunger and we were like, what if you ordered a plunger for delivery from DoorDash? And your business idea was a place that delivers plungers

to your door. Do you understand the discreet? My has to discretion. Travis is saying, yeah, we all order plungers from DoorDash, but should that procedure be a little bit more humane, a little bit kinder, maybe even magical, hi, this is InstaFart.

Okay. What if you, our pitch is, what if you could love your toilet plunger delivery service? And for an extra fee, the delivery driver will pose as a party guest and take the blame for the clog. Oh, that's good. I like that. We'll come. They should have people that will come and fix your plumbing for money, you know? Yeah.

Okay, here's my business idea. Yeah. Jeff. Jeff, don't get me wrong. It's a kick-ass business idea. I think I bristle at you calling it your business idea. We all cook. I feel like we cooked up this nugget in the kitchen.

Are you going to use it? No, I'm busy. I'm not going to use it either. But I plan a flag on it and own it so someone else can't do it. Okay. Thank you so much for listening to this podcast right here. It's called My Brother, My Brother, and Me. We do it every week.

And we're so happy that you're here and listening to it. This is an exciting week for us because the last Adventure Zone balanced graphic novel, story and song, is coming out tomorrow. Like, you can still pre-order it right now if you listen to this on Monday, but if not, just got to please go buy it. God, please go buy some copies. Wow, it helps us so much when you buy the book. That's a real one, man. If you can just buy a bunch of copies of it and tell everybody else to, boy, how it's a huge book. It's quality shit front to back.

I'm so proud of this book and it's crazy that it's out this week. So stoked. And along with that, we have a book release event this Thursday in Boston. There are still tickets on sale if you want to grab those July 16th, 7 p.m. at the Chevrolete theater. Each ticket includes a signed paperback copy of story and song provided by Brookline Booksmith. It's on Macroyd.Family. You can find it in the events page. And also the book is at the Adventure Zonecomcom.

If you just want to grab a copy of it. We got some new merch in the merch store over at Macroymerch.com. We got all butts, no government sticker. We got the Travnation Centennial Celebration, Mount Rushmore design. We got a bunch of other stuff happening over there. And 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will also be donated to the Asian Pacific Environmental Network, which works to lead a transition away from an extractive economy based on profit and pollution and toward local, healthy and life-sustaining economies that benefit everyone.

Hey, thanks to Montaigne for the user a theme song, My Life is better with you. The music of Montaigne is so terrific. May I also suggest following Montaigne on any social platform that they may be on? It's a good follow gang, a premium follow. I have this Champions Grove, this Champions Grove Shield

that Jacob 3D printed at Champions Grove that says, thank you for an awesome weekend. I'm going to throw that. I do like that a lot. I do like that a lot. I do worry, I think people enjoy this segment when it's something relatable, when they know like, oh, that's the sound of a big bag of lifesaver sitting. Like a Shore SM58 microphone? I mean, we talk a lot of shit about how the Shore SM 58 can hammer in a nail and keep on ticking, but I've never really put the rubber to the road.

I think it's time to throw a fucking sure S&58. Dude, be careful what you throw it at because that thing is an unbring. Amanda, we're going to throw a sure S&58. It's the workhorse. Wait, let's ask Amanda, if we can do it. Amanda, can we throw the sure SM 58, the workhorse? Yeah, I said yeah That's fine

Fucking yeah dude What I'm fucking talking about Now plug it in Now plug it that shit in Now plug it into your outro right now Unplug your shit Plug your shit Plug your shit in

And say your name Because my name Well let me tell you my friends It's Justin McElroy And my name is Travis McElroy Still working Still functioning I'm Griffin McElroy

This has been my brother My brother man Kiss your dad's square on the lips Maximum Fun A Worker Old Network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.