My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 825: I Ain’t ’Fredo No Toast

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

Backpacks are out this year, but we know what’s in! Strap a belt around your books, tote your coffee in a dainty forty-eight ounce bucket, and move yourself around the office in a gamer chair shaped like Shaq. If all else fails, just have an otter carry your stuff around for you. Suggested talking points: Polish Papa's Apples Today, Symbiotic Chair Relationship, High Risk Low Reward, A Race Against Thermodynamics, Watch it Goosh if it Gooshes Native Women Lead: https://www.nativewomenlead.org/ Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinmbmbam

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something. It's blossomed. It's rapping into a precious friendship. Never seen while skate park It feels like

Hello everybody and welcome to my brother My brother and me an advice show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy What's up, Trave Nation is me here, middle of his mother Travis Big Dog Wolfel of Room of the Heat or Award winning McElroy What's up, Trave Nation, it's me, sweet baby brother Griffin 30 under 30 media luminary McElroy Wrap those belts around your textbooks, tighten them up

Polish the apples Polish Papa's apples today Because we're getting back into school And we're just three cool teens Ready to hit you guys up with some cool tips On how to get ready Take over the new The new dog house

What's the hottest backpack of the year? A garbage bag Something over your shoulder like Santa I was surprised too Yeah I like Travis's thing actually Get rid of backpacks entirely Belt around the books

Whatever happened to belt around the books Belt around the books and individual chalkboards for everyone to write their answers on. Paper is expensive. Little chalkboards, yes. Little chalkboards for everybody. You can't meet the certain somebody your dreams if you can't carry their books home. Can't carry their books home if they have a backpack. That's wild.

Can I carry your books home? I have a backpack. Yeah. That would be, what would you, you look like some sort of camel? I can't allow it. I'll tell you what else the kids are getting. Belt practice. Belt practice.

Practice fastening belts. It's hard and no one's really preparing anyone. I don't know that either of my boys who are ages 9 and 5 have ever worn a belt or had cause to wear a belt. Not a joke. They've just never worn a belt. It doesn't come up. Same way that they haven't had suspenders on their body. Well, that's a huge missed opportunity.

I know, I know, I know. They're cutest buttons and they'd be great. some little suspenders look like a couple little Wothers, original's originals, boys, squeeze them so tight. Little Orville Redenbockers over there. Orville Redenbockers, but they've never worn a belt. They won't know how to do it. They need the practice.

Tell me you don't have a Christ-centered household without telling me you don't have a Christ-centered household, Griffin. Because if your boys do not have reason to wear belts, they are not in the house of the Lord. Or suspenders. I mean, suspenders. Or suspenders. Suspenders.

On Easter. Straw hats. Even Creesters are getting in there with the suspenders. What's those? What's creister's precious? Christers are the people that only go to church on Christmas and Easter. That's the derogatory term we used to use for, what mom used to use for people.

I mean, that's, hey, fair dinkum, man. We're out here two, sometimes three times a week, putting in the fucking hours, putting in the effort. When people think the church is just being cleaned by a janitor, I'm in there, like, with some sort of slip and slide or, like, learning my bob-out. I'm in there on past computer playing fucking stunts 3D. Like, I'm in there playing mind sweeper.

Sometimes you go to church Sunday morning, and then as a child you think, oh, good, it's done for the day. And then your parents are like, guess what, there's a Sunday evening service we're going to this week. Inconsistent, but wild. I already did church today. Let me hit you with a Bible. Not actually literally, but like, let me hit you with, as long as we're not putting

our bags in backpacks. That way, everybody's going to be seeing sort of what we're working. working with, algebra, trigonometry, the essential Calvin and Hobbes, a Bible. Communist Manifesto and the Bible, people are going to see that and it's going to send a message, a good message. Well, as long as it's a cool teen Bible, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You don't want kids to get bullied.

Right. I found a good way to like amp up the fun of going back to school shopping for myself as an adult. And that's just to go to Office Depot instead of any place. That's cool. Your kids are going to think they're going to go to Target or, I don't know, any other store where there's other things that they like. Go to Office Depot. It's all laid out there as boring as you could want it. Nothing fun about it, but everything you want is there.

And none of the other parents want to go there. Right. It's so boring, right? And the other thing is that's weird about it is that there are pictures of Shaquille O'Neal on every single surface of this place. You cannot escape Shaq right now. The floor? At the Office Depot. He's on the floor.

he's selling gaming. There's some of him with no beard. Is it just one huge megapixel image stretched out to cover the entire floor of the business? Or how is Shaq on the floor of the Office Depot? Well, Shaq has a line of office chairs when you first go in. So that's the first time you encounter Shaq, the Shaquille O'Neal chairs and seating. They don't look like him. I've wanted chairs for big, tall, retired basketball player pro gamers for so long.

Dude, how nice with that. That big, comfy couch. Ashikile O'Neal office chair. That would be awesome. You have to, you go like this. Oh, my God. The dream. It's cute.

Oh, it's a dream. Give me a mugsy-bugs office chair. I squish it. It's so small. I'm so big. And I'm so big. But the chairs didn't look like Shaq, right? You said it was Chalka Block with pictures of Shaq.

I'm guessing. The pictures didn't look like Shaq, but like over, there's like a co-branding opportunity with Shaq throughout the throughout the store because he's got his Shaquille O'Neal Maximus Big and Tall Ergonomic Vegan Leather High Back Executive Office chair. Awesome. I love that. You know what I would love more. Is if this chair here, if this was just a big picture of Shaq, just a big picture of Shaq's face, like,

excited right there on the back of the chair. If we're doing it, let's go like full, like big heads when they used to put those things on one thing. So it's his head right here, right? And then his chest. Fat head, thank you. His chest is the back. The arms are his arms and then like the seat is his lap. Yes. That would be so cool. I'm sitting in Shaquille O'Neal's lap.

And we wouldn't even have to scale it up. He's much larger than I am. I would feel enveloped by his presence. And maybe, maybe as a sweepstakes, one of them's going to be a Junji Ito, a human chair. Yeah. Where he's in, he's in there. Yeah. He's in there.

And he's got his little hole and he's got his snacks and stuff. and he's going to be riding with you. We've already seen, Jimmy Fallon and all them have done the thing where it's like someone's talking to like a poster of John Cena and then John Cena bus through. Give me Shaquille O'Neal bursting out of a chair

to hug me. Yes. Yeah. What if the shit, then I think you could pay extra and in case of danger or like a threat to your family like Shaq would like stand up

and you would be inside him like an exoskeleton. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Like there would be like a battle mode of the chair. And what's awesome Is this is... It's like responding to your movements. Only one of these chairs is going to be capable of that. Only one of these chairs is going to get Jinjitoed and he's going to be in there.

But if I'm a robber and I look in the house and I see one of these Shaquille O'Neal Fathead chairs, I see one of them. I'm not going to take the risk. He might be in there. Ready to defend this home. Shaquil O'Neill. No. I just want to tell you guys about the chair real quick from Jeremy.

I'm Jeremy. And I'm here to tell you about the Shaquille O'Neill Max. Maximo's big and tall chair. You know that feeling when you sit down and instantly feel like the boss? Yeah, that's how I feel in this. No. Jeremy, I don't think so. This thing is pure power and comfort rolled into one.

Holy shit. Layers of plush memory foam, a cushioned headrest, and full body support that moves the way that you do. Every adjustment is easy. It all just worked with you, not against you. Yeah. Okay. Pause, pause, pause. Justin.

I wish more chairs works against you. Yeah. I will stop you, Jeremy. No, Jeremy. I will not have you know what's good for your posture, Jamie. Jamie, your hands have been restrained. It's for your own good. If someone out there can develop a technology that allows you to press that pedal and lower your chair in a way that doesn't seem like you've just been pranked, that would be the idea.

No one's ever, like, developed a chair where you sink down, like where it drops and you're like so smooth. I'm gliding down. It always is like you just wrote a tiny roller coaster. And you're just like, whoa. Aside from the Game of Thrones sword chair. I don't know of a chair experience I could have that would make me feel like a boss. Yeah. I don't know that instantly.

The thing I'm sitting on. The Game of Thrones sword chair is made of swords. So I don't think I'm sitting down and being like, this is where I always want to be. Yeah. But this chair does look powerful, though. Did you see, Jeremy was here talking a big game. What's up? I'm Jeremy King's shit of Chair Mountain.

Yeah. I'm the fucking coolest when I sit in this chair. That chair was as tall as Jeremy was. And so it's like, you may be more powerful when you're in the chair, but when you're out of the chair, it's more powerful than you. I think he missed a beat. He should have said, you know how you've never sat down in a chair and felt like the boss? That changes today. I know that feeling.

Yeah. And then he kicks the chair's ass just to let you know it's not so powerful that you need to be scared of the Shaquilla. Yes. This is a symbioticetic chair. chair relationship. Yeah. Because the chair can't drive. No.

You guys didn't want the maximus. I got the chair for you guys. Okay. The Shachsimos. Shack also did a gaming one. Holy shit. Yeah, dude. And I don't know if you guys can see here, but

there's a, it's got the famous gaming tagline, keep your single ship. Keep your single ship. Okay. Is this an AI generated perhaps situation back there? I mean, I, no, I don't.

No. It's like, you see a picture of the chair in the office and there's stuff in the background. And one of those things is I guess a poster you're seeing just the bottom of and it does say on the poster, keep your single ship. And some kind of blocky character, which I'm going to be honest, I don't have the confidence to say isn't from a real game. Yeah, it looks like block. Get your best game on in next level comfort with the Shaquille O'Neal Skyron. I thought it was Cyron. It might be Cyron.

Sire. Would you do a soft sea there? Sirens. Work, sprints, gaming marathons, or streaming sessions. The features on this seat help you shift seamlessly into gear. Yeah, I don't know, man. I sit like a titan in Shack Comfort. Now, this has patented, multi-padded Shack Comfort.

Now, Shack Comfort, TM, it says here. This is all caps, Shack Comfort. This is where I like to think Shack really put his. stand on. Like they got a specific padding set up where he's like, this is it. It's perfect. This is Shack comfort. I'm telling you right now, I can say with supreme confidence that Shaquille O'Neal is a man who moves to this world finding very little things that are designed for him. With his scale in mind, he is a giant man. And I guarantee when someone called him and was like, hey, how would you feel about giving us some input on a chair that's designed with your

level of comfort. He's ready. He's got notes like he has like a chest that he cracks open that says dream chair on it. He's ready for this conversation. If you know Shaq is coming by and you do not have a large chair ready for Shaq, you failed Shaq. I can't imagine people aren't ready for that guy. If I knew Shaq was coming over, I would definitely make sure there was a big chairbell.

And don't just say he'll sit on the couch and it'll be like a recliner, like a small chair to him. You don't. That's rude to ask him to. take up the whole couch like that. And I'll tell you this, even then, his knees are going to be bent up too much and the back grass isn't going high enough. You can't, it's not just about the width. You got to think about the depth, the height. With his, with his scale, he could like trigger the couch to bed conversion process in a way that could rip it in half.

Like, it's not, it's not a safe, it's not a safe seating situation. These are all the things you've got to think about when Shaq's coming to dinner. I will say that the Shaq, the Shaq's coming to bed. The shack gamer chair seemed to have some spinal infrastructure that does give me pause, because I would say sort of the top of my, you know, cervical situation maybe reaches like the midsection of his lumbar zone. I think that he's got, I think that the bones are not going to be in quite the, quite the same place. Well, it gives you room to grow. That's the thing, like, I feel like, you know how you put goldfish at different size aquariums and that's what the size they'll grow to?

We've been dealing with these regular-sized chairs so our body stopped growing at a certain point. But give me a shack-scale chair, and eventually my spine and bones will expand to fit the shack-sized chair, and I, too, will become shack-sized. If you were shack, would you want your chair to make people taller

or to ensure that you'll always be, like, the biggest, like the biggest guy in the room? Neither. I would want it to be ill-fitting in a way that let them understand what my daily struggle was. So small for them. It's small for them. It's too small.

Yeah. Awesome. Too small. That's cool. I don't think it should be big enough. Probably lose money for the business, but I'm sure that he would get a dark satisfaction out of it. It would be nice to know what Shack really thinks of us,

how he sees this. You know what I mean? I think he's carrying around. I don't think he lets it show. If we have any especially tall listeners, might I recommend anybody, over like six five get together pool your money build like an immersive experience museum like a meow wolf except it's just like everything is a little bit smaller right so it's like hey you're

five seven come through this experience and feel what it's like to move through the world as a six foot six person all the time what i wouldn't give man what i wouldn't give i would spend so much money on that i would be there one day one day up there yeah i can't I can imagine one day up there, up there with my head in the clouds looking down on everybody. I catch just one day out there. This is an advice show. The way it works is you send us a question, we read it, and then we help you. Please, I can see you getting overwhelmed.

Let me demonstrate. I interned in an aquarium, and one of the many experiences guests can purchase, is a meet-and-greet with our otters. During the experience I've witnessed from afar, the otters, high five the guests. Brothers, otters are my favorite animal. What are the best ways of becoming one of the chosen few to be blessed by their wet little slaps without hanging to pay for it? As from desperate for them, pause in Denver. P.S. I do pass their large holding area backstage when they are separated from the hallway by a chain link gate. This is the closest I'm allowed to get to them.

This is great. People don't often give us all the parameters needed for the height. planning. I appreciate you giving us all the clues. And you saying that it's the closest you are allowed to get to them does suggest that boundaries have been set by your employer like, hey, after previous tips. The otter guys are pretty uncomfortable with like your energy that you put out whenever you walk by. So I get it though, man. I do would love a little slap. It would be so affirming. Oh, sure. Right? That an otter would look me up and down. and be like, nice.

Right? Like, that would, oh, that feels so good. But I, I, you know, there's nothing, we can't guarantee that the people going in here aren't, aren't cheating a bit and, like, rubbing their hands all over cod or whatever before. I mean, you're at an aquarium.

I think it's abalone. You pick up an abalone and you rub your hands all over it until you get that bad abalone stink all over them, and then you go in, of course they're going to high-five you. Or bite. They're also going to try to bite, they will try to bite and eat your hands. And you would,

wouldn't think otters are capable? Yeah, man, they'll tear your ass apart, man. I don't want to be, uh, I mean, you're a listener and I appreciate you, but this is a paid for private experience that the otters are offering. You know what I mean? People pay them and then they are willing to give them the high five. I think it's so demeaning that you're just going to walk by and just like get one for free. Like, that's their job. You know what I mean? Like, you know, like, you've stage area, they're off at that point. They're not performing. They're all.

That's their time. Oh, God. I can't tell you how many times Griffin's been backstage, like, leaning over a couch, like, trying to take a nap. And somebody comes by and they're like, hey, put this amoebo in your mouth. And Griffin's like, I, like, not net. You know, he's trying to be a good sport about it. And he'll, like, pretend for a picture.

Like, oh, but like, he doesn't want. I always, always, always, always have time for fans. it's just I don't know what it's hard it is though sometimes they're not fans sometimes they're people that are just trying to get an eBay yeah oh my God yeah I mean Griffin put this in his mouth be Griffin I remember when we were at that con and Tucker Carlson was backstage and he was like let me get a pick let me snap it let me snap a pick I'm a huge amoebo head it was con con con con yeah and so it's conservative convention con con we were confused I I shouldn't say we it was you guys got wise I guess the paycheck was huge anyway

and I was like, wait, hold on, you're Tucker Carlson, this could get me in quite a bit of trouble. And he's like, it's fine, I'm just going to eBay it. And I was like, what the fuck, dude? Like, do you need the money, man? Is it like...

And he did. Yeah. I guess he did. Yeah. You could set them free. Now, hear me out. This is a high risk, high reward situation where, like,

low reward. I do want to clear the height of this reward. Yeah. There's not a high risk. I mean, if your life goes, It's a high five. Then it's a high reward. Right.

That, like, you set them free and, like, as the last one's, like, crawling through, like, the hole you've cut in the chain link fence, maybe they look at you and give you the high five, right? It's not going to be the first one. Right? But they're, like, thank you, brother. Right? And they set you free. And then they set you free. This is an issue I have.

From your job because you've been fired. This is an issue I have with animals in general. Oh, okay. Just because they look adorable, I'm not like the biggest animals guy, but even I look at an otter, the way they hold hands. They chip open a scallop on their- I'm trying to remember which one's an otter. Otter is like a water weasel. It sort of swims around and he's got a mermaid tail. This is the Judd-Bank guy. All right. Yes. Okay. When you cracked a scallop open on your tongue? I love all that stuff. And they look so cute, but that doesn't mean that they think cute.

That's true. You know what I mean? They think hate. I bet. Jimothy is like, everyone loves him and I get it. He's so, like, wild looking. And I think he looks really, really cool and I like him. He might be bad. He might be bad in there, like in his head.

Like, he might think bad and try to steal. And if you get in the way of him in like a garbage can, he might, like, try to get you. He may look cute, but that's just what I would say, from what I've learned about the animal world, is that just because an animal looks cute. And vice versa. Rhinoceros? Cute inside. Yeah, that's true. A pure heart.

I learned this from the penguins of Madagascar. Those guys are scheming all the time. You know, they'd steal your identity and ruin your credit if they could. Yeah. If the otter sees you with your hand up, that's game over. He will not rest until he gives you a high five. He will not leave you hanging. guaranteed.

Like this otter, if one thing I know about otters, they see somebody, like me or you or somebody and they're going for it, they're not going to leave you hanging. That's sort of the opposite of what I just said, which is that they're bad and mean inside. Maybe. They could be. I don't know. I haven't done the research. It's a training, Griffin.

It's like the Terminator, dude. It's not about morals. It's like, this is all their program to do is high fives. If they see somebody going for a high five, they can't stop. Biology, evolution. Years of training. They see someone up. They see a hand up.

That's it. They'll tear through the fence. But you have to be careful. Yeah. Don't stick your hand through the fence for the high five. They're going to grab your wrist. They're going to use your fingers to like fingerprint scan, open the cage, right? I don't know.

I don't know what the security is like at this zoo. They'll pull you through the fence and chop you up into little diamond-shaped pieces like a resident evil trap. Yeah. That's how we lose most of our zookeepers. They're so strong. They're super strong. In the water, they're super strong. When they're not in the water, it's like, whatever.

You'll stinker. What are you going to do? In the water, you're fucked, man. Please be careful. We never have to say this to our listeners, but please be careful. Whatever you do, be careful about it. I'm the maid of honor in my sister's wedding this year. I'm excited, and I'm helping run the event.

But here's the issue. It's taking place the day before the Chicago Marathon that many of the guests my friends are running. I want everyone to be able to attend more than just the ceremony, but my friends are concerned it will affect their race. Is there some way I can incorporate pre-race activities like stretching, carb loading, and rest into the reception without drawing attention away

from the actual event? I know it's a narrow window of opportunity, but if anyone can think of a way, it's the brothers. Carboating's easy. That's from wedding was in Windy City. Carbloting's easy. There's a big old cake. Yeah, we do that.

We do that at weddings already, yeah. Hey, I really liked if anyone can think of a way, it's the brothers. That feels cool to me. Yeah, that's cool. We're master marathon runners. Oh, well, no, I'm just saying it's the brothers. Like, there's lots of brothers out there, and it's cool that we're like,

the brothers. The brothers. Yeah, I like that a lot. Oh, when it comes time for catching the bouquet and stuff. I saw the Kelsey's got Bill Murray on their podcast. God damn, they must be good at this. Yeah, got to be. When it comes time for, like, catch the bouquet and stuff, incorporate stretching into that.

Tell everybody, they're not. not allowed to catch it until it's a real load of the ground, right? Yeah. And they got to do like yoga poses to catch the baton on the ground. Yeah. That's a stretch. A limbo. Limbo.

Limbo something. A nap would be nice at the end of a wedding. You talk about needing to incorporate some rest. I think that would be kind of nice. Like everybody, this has been a very stressful day for everybody, I bet. Everybody running down a little bit? Yeah. What would everybody think about a quick nap?

Just like, get a 90 in. Just get a quick 90 in. before we all head out. Yeah, the wedding gift for everybody on the table, pillows. I don't know that I could rally after a 90th. That's a huge nap. That's tough. It's tough.

You've got to race in the morning. I'm gonna have, I can't have a dream in my nap and then be ready to keep partying. Oh, see, that's assuming you drop off right away. See, sometimes for me, it takes 20 minutes just to get to the land of Nod, right? And if I know that naps under an hour, I am never going to sleep because I know it's going to take.

me 20 minutes to drive to sleeping town. And maybe you got some board games for the kids who can't nap. Like you get some activity, an activity for them. Like you make coasters out of Pringle Lids or whatever, just while everyone else is getting in their 90s. Yeah, carboload a lot. Yeah, now.

People will continue to snack so you could replace the dips with Alfredo sauce. So you could actually get more, even with the dipping, the dips and chips. You cut it. You cut it with Alphredo. Cut it with a nice, a nice Oh yeah

Like a cocktail You mean Yeah it's like gin And Alfredo sauce Yeah it starts to run low You just put a little bit More Fredo in there Yeah

That's what you're suggesting That's cool You can get a little light Yeah carbs And it's awesome too Because you can tell You can like

You don't have to pay The DJ And the caterers and stuff The full time Because you say the DJ Like you are not going to play music During this part

Of the wedding reception So you can have off If you want to Catch some Zs too My man Go for You have everybody raise their glass with a costume cocktail, I ain't Afredo no toast. Right?

And they give a toast to the thing. Sorry, did you say I ain't Alfredo no toast? Yes. Did you say Alfredo? I did. I ain't Alfredo no toast. That's good. And they raise their glass.

Oh, but I am. I'm Alfredo toast. My name is Alfredo Tost. I am him. I hate that. character so much. Alfredo O toast. Yeah, he's not my favorite.

Alfredo no toast. Alfredo no toast. And then you let Travis finish. I ain't afraid of no toast. Toast of the evening. Now. Okay. Right after the toast.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that would work. Can you tape up your whatever parts you have to tape up to do a marathon? I know nipples are a big concern. There's that athlete tape that athletes put on that I guess helps their muscles like work better. I see people on American Ninja Warrior wearing that all the time. I do think you should. You should make it like a requirement that after the ceremony, everybody

changes into comfortable shoes. I think that's just a thing everyone would welcome. Everyone would just welcome that. Dude, yes, cubbies. You show up to the ceremony. Everyone's got a cubby. Forget about it, dude. And there's like mats down right. So the floor is all soft and nice to stretch on. I mean, we're talking about, we are talking about preschool. Yeah. The things we have mentioned so far of cubbies and nap mats and little activities and Pringle coasters and all of this. It does just turn the wedding into daycare for a little bit, but I kind of like that. That's kind of fun. It's like you're reflecting on how you got to where you are now. I'm feeling a little hampered by just how little I know or understand what kind of preparations go into a

marathon. Like my legitimately, my understanding of marathons is largely drawn from that one episode of the office. And I know that that's very much of what not to do. I get that. But I don't actually, when you say rest and I said a 90 minute nap,

as I was saying it, I was like, they certainly don't mean this. Like I was thinking, like that doesn't make sense. Like, they can't mean this kind of rest. Oh. But I don't know. I don't know better information. You know what I mean? To build off of. Maybe when the couple drives away in like the car, it's like just married,

instead of tying a bunch of cans to it, tie the future marathon competitors to it and make them run along behind it or be dragged to their death. And that's going to force them to get faster and get some running practice in. Or you could just have stuff, like instead of cans, have stuff that, like, just attach their wallets. Oh, yeah. You can attach all their wallets. Oh, dude. Yeah.

What it is is that they put their shoes in the cubby when they change. You get their nice shoes. Yeah. You tie all their nice shoes to the back of the car and then say like, by the way, if you want your nice shoes back, better hurry. They're going to get scuffed and then you take off. And then when you catch them and get your shoes back, they then tie you to the front of the car and make you pull the car back to the church.

And that's going to like, that's going to give you some like strength training too. Yeah. And then nap again. Then nap again. It's important 90. Could you convince them while they're asleep two days before their wedding? Do you think you could change all the clocks? Like change all the calendars and clocks to make them think that it was the next day?

Like that they had missed it? Hmm. What would that? Hear me out. All I'm saying is, if you can trick a lot of the people into doing the wedding the day before. Yeah. And if you can make the bride and groom, I don't actually know. I shouldn't, shame on me.

Shame on you. The married folk, if you can make them think that it's the day of their wedding, when it's actually the day before, you get through all the nuptials, make a very special day about them. Yeah, I don't see any flaws in this, Justin. Yeah. Well, that's surprising. It's a perfect plan.

It's a really good plan. It's going to take a lot of legwork beforehand to get all these things change, but. Depends on how many people you get in on it. They're all runners. They're good at all. excited about this. Great at legwork. That's awesome.

So they're going to be running around Chicago, which, as I know, is a small town with very few clocks. Changing easily duped. Okay, dudes, I'm sorry. You don't have to worry about the clocks. I was wrong about the clocks. Here's the issue with the clocks this entire plant, Justin, is that everyone there, if you trick them into thinking that it is the next day, then they're still going to be quite

conservative in their approach to enjoying the wedding festivities. It does literally nothing to start. solve the issue at hand. It does nothing except confuse them, I guess. And I don't think you have to actually change the clock because I think 11 a.m. on one day, 11 a.m. on one day is the same 11 a.m. on the next day. You have to change the calendars. Okay, change the calendars. At some point, you're going to have to remove a day from every person. Do you know what I mean? If I go to sleep on Thursday and it's Saturday, I'm not just going to be like,

oh, weird. And I think there's like, isn't there like an atomic clock that sinks up people's phones and stuff. You're going to have to change. No one calls the atomic clock. You're going to have to change. I have come up with a flaw. I don't know how you walk it back. I don't know how you get the married couple back into the time time stream. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I don't know how you knock them back. You got to add a day back in. Yeah. Sneak a day, but it can't be right after. No, no, it can't be right after. Wait till they're on their honeymoon. Yeah, they're on island. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Boy, this is a really. And they

They show up to the island resort, and it's awesome because then the receptionist will be like, you aren't, you don't have a room today. You aren't. Your reservation doesn't begin until tomorrow. You can't. You can't. They cross the international. It feels like a betrayal. This feels like a betrayal because you were saying that you didn't see any false with it. I'm feeling like I'm caught a little bit on rocky brain now. You know, it's tough to convey sarcasm in spoken word without the use of a sark mark. or other sort of useful punctuation. We got to get an audio sark mark, dude. Hey, can we go to the money zone, please? Yeah, yeah, right this way. Do you guys ever, like, when you're looking for, you know, like, board games store, bookstore, some kind of thing, right?

And you're, like, looking up the search results, and you click on their website, and it's just the most garbage, like, looks like it was made by a three. and you're like, well, not that. Like, I don't understand how this works, right? We live in a time now where a beautiful professional-looking website is like the business card. It's what people use to determine if they want to frequent your business, be it online or in person. And with Squarespace, there's no excuse for you to not have that beautiful professional-looking website,

even without knowing anything about, like, coding or anything like that, because Squarespace is going to take care of all of it for you. and you're going to trick your bronies like me into coming to frequent your business and isn't that what you want? I'm so loose with my money you want idiots like me

to come to your business and just basically throw money at you for things, you know what I mean? And it's not just that your website is going to look good it's like we will know it's a Squarespace joint and so we'll be like

oh if they're down with Squarespace we'll help them we'll patronize them. Yeah. And you can even do like online payments like workflow streamlining and like in like built-in appointment scheduling the things that you need not just to have a professional looking website but to run a professional business right it's all right there on

square space set a good first impression for your customers and let them know that hey you're worth your time right now head to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain And you try to be the Zoc, Doc, Big Shot, Did you find a better Doc? Wow. That's the, I don't know if that's the Zock Doc Sonic logo. I don't know if that's something really one of those two.

It is, actually, yeah. It's you singing it. I'm listening to it right here. How did you do that? How did you not know that you did this Zock Doc Sonic logo of you singing the parody song Zock Doc of Billy Joel's Big Shot? How did you not know that? That's wild. Yeah. What is ZockDak? I know this is a service you've used a lot.

I'll tell you what Zock is. It's the best damn way there is to find doctors, healthcare providers, whoever in your area, it is tough to find a medical sort of, you know, practice of really any stripe, especially if you live in a big city here in D.C. It took me a long time to try and find all of the specialists I've got over here on Team Health. that's what I call my health team. He does spell it H-E-L-L-T-H to make it like cool. Yeah, like it's like hell, but health, yeah, because they're all badasses. Yeah, they got them all like flaming skulls, but they have that like light discs thing on their heads. Zoc Doc helped me find not only doctors who were the specialists that I need, who were in my sort of insurance network, but they also found badasses for me who.

who could be on my, like, sort of cool metal. Dr. Doom. Dr. Strange. Dr. Strange. Yeah. Doc. Yeah. Doc. Dr. Octopus. He was there as well.

I really have used... Hey, we got new insurance this year. I have had to find a bunch of new doctors. I used Doc Doc to do it, and it took me, like, half an afternoon. It took me no time at all. Because you can not only find the doctors who fit the exact sort of heuristics that you're looking for. You can also book appointments with them. right through Zoc Doc.

And, you know, some of the appointments you can get, usually within like 24 to 72 hours. It's genuinely, it is the best way to search and compare local in-network doctors. Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Find and book the right doctor with Zockdock. Head to Zockdoc.com slash my brother

to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C-com slash my brother. Yes. Oh, yes. I want a Munch Squad. I want to Munch Squad. I want to Munch Squad. Welcome Munch Squad.

Podcasts and podcasts, profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. We love a responsive brand. Oh, okay. Munch Squad HQ. And this week we've got two stories of restaurants really look. looking to their customers for leadership and guidance. And way forward, Wendy's kicks it off this week, bringing back the pretzel bacon pub cheeseburger.

Oh, yeah. We've been asking for it. Let me show you a picture of this beauty, because otherwise, I don't think you're going to be excited enough. Oh, I know this one. Yeah, this looks, I like all four of the words that make this thing. And then you try to eat it and you realize that it is the toughest bun in the biz.

No bun chews like this bun, babe. And a sloppy boy. And a real sloppy boy with a chewy bun. Forget about it. That's Goose City, dude. Yeah, it's Goosh City. It squintches right out. No problem.

Beginning today, the beloved sandwich returns nationwide alongside two pretzel bacon pub menu items and the all new Apple Crumble Frosty Fusion. This is the winner of the Bring It Back Bracket. Wendy's went to its fans, its family a few months back and said, what do you want? What do you need? And here's the quote, the Bring It Back bracket made one thing clear. Wendy's fans wanted the pretzel bacon pub cheeseburger back and we're excited to deliver, says Lindsay Radkoski, the chief marketing officer at Wendy's.

From the pretzel bacon pub lineup to the apple crumble frosty fusion, this season's menu is packed with the bold, elevated flavors that fans are craving. I want to know what lost. I want to know what came in the last place that people are like, if you bring that back. Do you know what sucks, Traff? Every year, Dave Thomas is on, he's nominated. Oh, no. To be brought back and people do not pick him.

And I think that sucks. When did they stop having square patties? Yeah. What they never did. What are you talking about? Wendy's had square patties. Did they? They have square patties for a minute.

Still square. Always been square. Always will be. Awesome. I'm not going to tell you what's on this beautiful sandwich, but it does say to finish the quote, it's the kind of menu inspiration you'd expect to find at your favorite neighborhood pub, now at Wendy's. Your favorite neighborhood pub now at every Wendy's. Also, we tore down your favorite neighborhood, but we did have to destroy.

But we built a Wendy's there and we brought back your burger for you. You're welcome. You're welcome. For those craving a sweet taste to fall beyond pumpkin spice, Wendy's is dropping apple crumble frosty fusion that delivers coziness in every spoonful. It's August 3rd. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Calm down. For people craving pumpkin spice.

Craving and sweet taste. Yeah. Here's an apple. I'm assuming pumpkin flavor is in there somewhere. No. You guys got to listen. For those craving a sweet taste of fall on August 3rd, beyond pumpkin spice, Wendy's is dropping an apple crumble frosty fusion.

So what they're saying is, if you on August 3rd are already over the whole pumpkin spice thing. Well, good news. These fucking maniacs blended up some apple and put it in a lot. frosty for no reason. Is that what it is? I got to say apple crumble frosty fusion doesn't describe the tangible object

that I will be purchasing and consuming with my... Yes. I have no idea what this... You're hearing textures. You're hearing flavors. Your flavors? Apple crumble, okay, frosty fusion. Yeah. Hmm. What's that? Look at that. What is... How does one eat a fusion? That's crazy. Well, it's their take... It's the idea

of a frosty Griffin. they just kind of spray the air into the car of that. And you're like, this is what it's like. Awesome. Should we, the question, though, that Duncan is brave enough to ask, though, is should we always be listening? No. Because that's a surveillance state thing. And like, I don't want Duncan hearing my private conversations.

Is that what you mean? Beginning on August 7th, Duncan is bringing back its favorite. menu item, and they are the 48 ounce iced beverage buckets. This is a big bucket full of brown. This is a two-hander. A two-hander bucket of brown. A big old bucket of brown.

God, I wish I could. The audio never feels limiting. The audio never feels limiting except in cases like this. Well, you can't see this big icy brown bucket. You sit down in your oversized shack chair, and you pick up with both hands this 48-ounce drink and you feel like a child again. How exciting. There's about 600 ice cubes in this thing.

You are going to be in a race against thermodynamics that you cannot possibly win. They also have refused to put in the image of the breakfast bucket. It's just one big brown square. I'm going to escape hatch at the front that I'm assuming is a straw. And there's no other objects near it. So they're like defying your imagination. They're saying like how big is it? How big could it be?

You have no point of reference. Yeah, I do want to be really careful here because I think language is important that the straw comes out of the top of the bucket. I did say front of the bucket. That would be fucking crazy. That really, the race really is on. You just have to rip. Oh, okay. Well, that would be the bottom of the bucket.

This would be like a shotgun of 64 ounces of that good Dunkin Brown. Whether you're heading to the beach, spending the day by the pool. I'm just... Sorry. We just really need to get that morning PM going. Yeah, you need to shit like it's your job. Sorry, just walk somebody. What are you doing, pull sign?

It's an experiment. I'm just doing one experiment with this. Guests can purchase a bus. You have the weirdest tan line I've ever seen. Yeah, I fell asleep with my 48. Hounds drink on my stomach. Guests can purchase a bucket filled with their favorite Dunkin Ice Coffee or Refresher and share the flavors they're craving all season long.

Looking for the perfect bucket fill. Try one of our newest beverages. Yeah, sorry about calling them bucket fill a sentence ago. That was pretty rough. Anyway, get a cherry lime Ricky refresher. Okay. Get a pink pineapple sparkling refresher. Get an iced coffee with a peanut butter swirl.

Is that with actual peanut butter in it? That would be wild. Yes, I can't imagine a beverage that can remain refreshing for 48 straight ounces. I think, like, if I, I'm not like a big strike. You happen to be clear, a lot of those OZs are going to be water by the time the ice is done. Okay, that's fine and all the, I'm still having to work at, the suction force is the same. And it's just like, I don't usually rock a Sprite, but if it's hot, I'd like a little Sprite. I don't want 48 ounces.

Justin, that's so much. The rest of this page is blowing my mind. You're not supposed to, Travis? You're not supposed to read it. I have ADHD. Don't tell me what I'm not supposed to do. No, sorry, you don't want us to tell you what not to do. You're not supposed to do?

No, wait. In the past, you've been like, that's helpful for me. Yeah, thank you for the feedback. No, I do. Hey, I do want to be told what not to be. I'll try not to do it in like a dick way, but like, this is just under a policy. No, hey, you're right.

During an initial alpha market test earlier this year, guests made one thing clear. They wanted a simpler way to take their beverage buckets on the go. Okay. I'd love to think that that's like a very euphemistic interpretation of the feedback they got, which is this thing's too fucking big. It's too big. I can't hold. Make a drink size. What do I do with this?

Like, what I'm not actively drinking it? What am I supposed to do? You realize this is taking both hands. If someone throws a ball at me. suddenly, I'm dead. I'm dead. The Duncan team got to work, designing a solution while the test was still underway. The result, the new Duncan iced beverage bucket holder.

Okay. I got you, Griff. Hold on. I got you guys. I didn't read a head juice, so I don't know what the fuck you're about to show me. Awesome. That's insane. This is the new Duncan iced beverage bucket holder, a custom accessory designed to hold a beverage bucket

while fitting securely into a standard car cup holder. Okay. It's a bucket holder with a nodule at the bottom. That is a typical cup size. You take this out of, I understand what this is. It's using a sort of fulcrum here to hold the bucket in place in your car's center console. I understand what's happening here. If I am out and about with this thing, it is going to be so outrageously top heavy that I

will not be able to set it down any longer. Yes. No. While it has this elephant butt plug, you're sort of attached to the bottom of it. It also guarantees that even a minor car accident is going to be devastatingly dangerous. Sure. These things should have a kill switch at the bottom

where if you put them into your cup holder, you should not be allowed to drive. Yeah. This is a good idea. It's a weight as hard. Yeah. It just like presses down on the gas line in such a way that the car ignition.

You can't turn it over. I do appreciate the, I appreciate the engineering of this, because the other solved for this would be, give me a Dunkin bucket that is approximately four feet tall and can fit in a normal cup holder width. It's just sort of a four foot tall kind of hurricane, New Orleans kind of cup situation.

What's terrible is you can't even buy this thing. Just in time for the return of beverage bucket. Dunkin rewards members with boosted status will get exclusive access to score a bucket holder online beginning July 29th while supplies last. Wouldn't it be wild if it wasn't just in time for them coming out since it's their product? Duncan here. Sorry. We designed this thing, but not until yesterday. Doug came up with it. So we're putting the buckets out and then about six months of R&D. We'll be able to roll out this bucket holding monstrosity.

So we just need you guys to deal with it till then. This is, there's an FAQ. Do you guys have cues? Like, could you have any cues after that? I mean, other than like the big ones, right? Is there any cues that you would need Duncan to answer at this point? How much are refills? It's the only thing I want to know.

How much are refills? Can I get a bucket full of the King Kylie collection, you know, pink summer Sips? the last cue on the FAQ is why did Duncan create the bucket holder? Yeah. That's the last, this is the last frequently asked question is why why do you do it?

Could Duncan make a bucket so big a holder couldn't hold it? During the initial market test earlier this year guests made one thing clear if they loved the buckets and wanted an easier way to bring them along for whatever their day has in store.

You know what your day has in store if you're drinking 48 ounces of coffee? Yeah, pissing. Pissing and pooping. Vibrating for a while. Yeah. The, I would just like to say, and I know that I've been part of the problem for quite some time here with the Munch Squad, I would like to request that if we are going to do all of Wally, could we at least get the robots? Like I would like to, if we are going to just skip straight to Wally, and this doesn't feel like a joke, they're not really like winking.

They're just saying like, hey, stupid. Hey, you gluttons. Enjoy. Come bucket out. Come grab your coffee drop. It sucks so bad that Fred Willard can't be president. Like there's some things about that future that is unattainable because we've been really dragging our asses. But now we are able to carry our buckets in our floating chair cup holders.

I love that. That's awesome. Just give me little box bots. Yes. Please. Shack is walking me around in his arms. Yeah. In his exosuit.

I'm sucking down the huge beverage bucket. I love it. I'm begging them to bring back the pretzel burger. They did? They did that. Everything is perfect. Except by, do you need a little robot that loves show tunes and screws up garbage? Yeah.

Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. This one? Yeah, it's called my brother, my brother. I've been doing it for a long time to be honest with you. And thank you to everybody who came out to Jen Con for the stuff that I was in. It was very fun. and if you like seeing stuff in person, might I recommend The Besties

live on Broadway, October 9th of the town hall in NYC? You can get your tickets at bit.oI slash besties on Broadway. Hey, our book's out. Our last Taz balance, graphic novel adaptation, The Adventure Zone Story and Songs Out in Bookstores now where you can go to theadventuresonecom. And, hey, man, give it a spin. Give it a world.

I'm so proud of it. We got new merch over in the merch. Sure, too. You want to tell us about it, Justin? Yeah, I would just like to tell you about it. Yeah. If I can, there is a new Stick With It, Big Boy Card that's designed by Maddy Vine. There is a new sticker for the new Salbones logo designed by Matt H. Taylor and a Schmanner's logo pin with that new logo designed by Dana Wagner. And there's a MacGray family clubhouse pin. Yeah, there's so much stuff. And 10% of all the merch proceeds this month are going to be donated to Native Women Lead, which revolutionize systems and insolucing.

aspires innovation by investing in native women in business. So, is that it? Is there anything else? Also, yes, we're doing Taz Royale, T-Taz, the Adventure Zone zone. Email them to AdventureZonecast at gmail.com. Them being your questions. Yeah, if you have questions for us to answer on that T-Taz, put T-Taz Royale in the subject line.

And we're doing Clubhouse tomorrow, August 4th, and then another one. Or perhaps today, depending on what time this actually goes up. August 4th, whatever day that is for you. you. And on August 25th, so check those out as well as our normal game streams. At noon Eastern. Yeah. Um, anyone got anything good? Is it fucked up to throw our book? Or did we already do that? I threw the book. You three throw the book. Let me see what I got. I got a 3D printed butterfly knife. I could throw. Only if it sticks in. Wow, no, it's not real. I mean, it's 3D printed. Yeah. I got a box of Bibleverse pins.

Oh, yeah. I got a Bible verse pen. This is a good one. I love you, Lord, my strength. Psalm 181. Awesome. That always gets me. Can you throw like a fistful of those at the wall?

I think one won't make a big an impact. Oh, I got something better. Wait, I forget the Bible pen. I got something way better, guys. Okay. Way better. What's that? I got a Capri-Sun moon punch.

Hell yeah. Oh, full? Here. Unopen. Is it full? Oh, shit. This could go is so fucking bad. Yeah, dude.

Hold on. Let me full screen. your video because I got to watch this gush if it gushes. You gotta watch it gush if it gushes. That's the way the old wheel spins round. Come on, dude. Throw it at a sharp angle. Gaggle at it gushes all around.

Gaggolet it when it gushes. Really, Chuck. Fuck. My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin. McRoy. Close.

Stay closed. Open. Stay closed. This has been my brother. This has been my brother, my brother, me. It's square on the lips. Fun. A Worker Own Network of Artist-owned shows.

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