My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 831: How the Sausage Doesn’t Get Made

Episode Date: September 14, 2026

Worried about staying up on all the hot trends this Fall? We’ve got you covered! This year it’s all about Italian spice lattes, watching the latest sexy hockey rom-com starring Martha Stewart, footprints in the sand metaphors, and collecting all the rare saxophone variants!Suggested talking points: Outsider Trading, Biggs-ing it Up, Richard Drive-Us, Sax The Energy, Bible Beach EpisodeMidwest Food Bank: https://midwestfoodbank.org/disaster-relief/ Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinmbmbam

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? It's the start of something into a precious friendship. It feels love. Well, hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother, main advice show for the Modran era.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Oh, hello. What up, Trave Nation. Didn't see you come in there. I'm your millest brother, Travis Big Dog Wolfo from the Heat Arrow award-winning McElroy. Hey, what's up, Travnation, to be your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary, Griffin, Bill, Fort Jeff McElroy. And it's that time of year again.

I was going to wait to talk to you guys about this in the Munch Squad section. But it is September 9th as we record this, which means that pumpkin spice season, is here and in full effect. And we couldn't think of anything else to talk. We tried to think of what... You don't have to tell them that. You don't have to... I want people like transparency,

sunlight is the best disinfectant and we're deeply, deeply infected. And I don't need to know how the sausage doesn't get made. We ran out of sausage ideas. We ran out of sausage. There's only so much stuff you can put in these things. Hey, can I tell you what's wild about pumpkin spice just for... Yes, dude.

Go off king, please. It's not pumpkin. It's the thing that you add to pumpkin to pumpkin to make pumpkin price. Yeah, but this would be like if you said, um. How dare you. Yes. Oh, I love Italian food. So I've scented this thing Italian seasoning.

Not like a specific dish, but the things that you put into. That was a bad example. Yeah, man. What do you want it to smell like? Italian, you just wanted to smell like Italian. That example didn't work or make any sense. Okay, well then it's like, I'm going to make you a dish. And what, okay, what is it?

It's just a bunch of like thyme and oregano and rosemary mixed up together. Yeah. So what's up with pumpkin spice? I'm sick of this stuff. You got to go to the king. You got to start with the king. Okay. You got to go to Starbucks and say, what do you have in store for us? Right.

They teamed up with Martha Stewart this year to remind us that pumpkin. Spice is good and that we should have it. They did a whole commercial about it. And she says that. She comes out on the commercial. She says, Pumpkin Spice is good and you should have it. And also,

I'm still here. I'm still relevant. Listen to me. She says, well, hold on, she is. This is what Martha says about PSL.

Because if Martha's going to take the time out of her busy schedule to tell us about the PSL, I think it's the least we can do to just see what's up. Oh, pumpkin spice latte? The drink that makes us all a little more basic? Pumpkin spice latte for Martha? This smells like my house in the fall. It's perfect.

Can I get a straw? You would get a lot. Should I know him? What? Girls just want to dash. Girls just want to have. So let's just pause. This is Martha Stewart, and then she comes in,

and I appreciate. what she's doing here, which is that we're all sort of bored with the pumpkin spree. We all have a lot of stuff going on. We're all fighting for our lives, basically, day and day out. We're all pretty bored with the pumpkin spice latte, drinking it, talking about it, thinking about it. Martha's here to say,

I'll cash in some of my credit, you know me. I own some of Martha's bowls, and they're fantastic. They've lasted me a long time. I have my own vineyard. She rolls up, she's got her own vineyard. That's true, Travis. And so she's like, you can still believe me. I'm Martha Stewart and I actually like this stuff and it's okay to like this stuff. And then an attractive young man looks at her.

This is the twist. It says, you would like it hot. And she says, should I know you? And then they, I guess they're going to go up after this. Should I know him? Should I know him? Should I know? This is where I'm like freaking out.

This person's name is Belmont. Camelli. And he's like, he's like such a handsome guy, but I can't figure out why he's in. Like when Martha's like, should I know you, I feel like she's speaking for everybody. Like it says everyone's favorite campus athlete and campus is italicized. Off campus. Off campus. Off campus. Off campus. What does that mean? It's a TV show, I believe. It's a television. It's a TV show about horny hockey guy. I thought it was all TikTok. No. This is horrible.

It's one of those TikTok vertical shows. Heated rivalry. Not heated rivalry. It's different than heated rivalry. I guess this is the guy from it. We would know this better if we watched more TV and didn't just watch the same TV shows or later. It's fun when the premise of something is like we put a celebrity that your parents would definitely identify and a young celebrity that you youngans will definitely identify. but then we also highlighted the fact that they don't like that they have no connection to each other whatsoever and in fact one of them doesn't even know why the other one's there yeah that's cool that's confusing and cool it's like a little puzzle for us no this is a good i have a paragraph

why would she get it hot why is that a thing that he's like it's a euphemism but they're going to make love i don't think it is i don't know that it is is that what martha seward is known for in circles but like why is that a euphemism is like why i'm not something is known for in circles but like why Why are they trying to do so many things in a 30 second ad? You don't know what I mean? Like just say, yum. You know what I mean? Gulp, yum. Still good. In a bad.

We haven't drink now. No, haven't drink, none. No drink for a year? Back? Yum. Good. Listen, and then a guy shows up and he drink it. He said, off campus.

Yum. Yum. We shouldn't have to sell you on the flavor and the idea, but rather, this is a PSA for PSL. Just letting you know. It's back now. It's back now. This is, okay. That's a three second, that's a two second long commercial.

Bam, PSL back now. No drink for a year? Good still. For years, the pumpkin spice latte has been a defining symbol of fall, an icon. It has inspired memes, sparked commentary, and become an unmistakable sign that the season has arrived. Just as Martha Stewart, the queen of fall, and keeping it real. Sparked? She went to do.

Commentary. She went to, I'm sorry, are you suggesting because she went to prison? For a crime. Yeah. I'm not ready to, by the way, we're all having a lot of fun and we've all leapt over. That's a big crime that she did. White-collar trading? Yeah, dude.

Eh. I took a bath because I was deeply invested in Martha Stewart Industries or whatever she defrauded. I'm not ready yet. I went to prison for outsider trading. What's that? That's where I didn't know. anything at all. And I kept trying to make trades and I

annoyed them so much. They sent me to prison for 10 years. He was calling late at night, be like, I just had an idea. An idea for a trade. I want to swap Mickey Mouse and the Ghostbusters. Make them trade. And they're like, this is the New York soccer station. Let me get 100,000 shares of Ghostbusters. And then they would be like, stop

conning, that's not. You can't. How much for oranges? Yeah. Okay. I'd like to finish this fucking paragraph. Okay. Just ask Martha Stewart, the Queen of fall and keeping it real. Known for her thoughts on the beverage's mainstream popularity. Do you think that's

what Martha Stewart's known for? She confidently portrays that the PSL fits perfectly in fall, while Camelli grabs his own pumpkin spice latte beverage, iced of course. Of course, why? Hockey. He plays hockey. Hockey? It's not heated rivalry though, Justin.

It's a different one, off campus. Well, that would be heated. That would be a heated coffee. Yeah. But I think that's a play on words because they're on ice. Okay. If instead of Mark that had been one of the heated rivalry guys

and then he was the off-campus guys. If a heated rivalry guy, I would have known that. That would have been something. But that is about, I don't know where that would fit in pumpkin-wise. I don't know if off-campus is a show

about pumpkins or is it set in a pumpkin college or something? One of the guys fucks a pumpkin. It's an American pie spin-off show and now, okay, there's your fucking commercial. Jason Biggs comes in with a pumpkin pie and it's got a hole in it.

And he looks at it. He's like, I'm going to need a bigger hog. PSL is back. You're like, that's it. He looks at a hole in pumpkin. I'm going to need a bigger hog. Well, then he looks around and there's a lot of pumpkins around, right?

Because pumpkin spices back. And he's like, oh, man, I'm going to need a bigger hog. And then Eugene Levy walks in. And he takes a big sip. And he's seriously concerned about it because Jason Biggs is a serious actor now. Yeah. So this is like, it's really bothering him. It's too long.

30 seconds. It's too long. 30 seconds. Jason Biggs walks in. And he's got a pumpkin with a hole in it. He says, let me get two PSLs, please, one ice, one hot. And they say, what's with the hole? He looks at it.

He says, I'm going to need a bigger hog. Eugene Levy walks in after him, takes a sip of his PSL. Sean William Scott follows in, kicks in the door, says, no, there's come in that. Cut to Black. I know everything I know. The PSL's back. And then it says to be continued, question. All this Stewart comes in at the end.

Yum. Yum. Yum. Yum. I know everything I need to know about it. It's back. It's not been a year. It's good.

what if they came out and they said we're cutting it we're cutting the flavor in hat I'm interested in that if they came in and they were like pumpkin spice it's back way mellower and we've cut the sort of we've cut it in half we figured out a way via densities that the pumpkin spice flavor stops

halfway down the coffee just when you're sick of it and the rest of it just tastes like regular coffee there's a strata a halal climb you can watch you shake the cup and you can see it kind of but it always settles back Starbucks is also doing a what's called the PSL Society Yeah

I know The PSL Society I want to talk to guys about this GOR, look at this A Gourd mug for you In the PSL Society What gourd is that? This 12 ounce gourd mug

Is inspired by the colors And textures of a pumpkin Bringing a playful seasonal touch To cozy mornings and crisp fall days This is a white mug with red dots on it It's a white mug with red dots on it What the fuck are you talking about? What

Pumpkin have they been looking at. What pumpkin? What do he talking about? Jason Biggs wouldn't fuck that with someone else's hog. There's a PSL glass cold cup. Introduce the terror of shattered glass in your morning PSL. Bet you pay $25 for. $25.

And there's a download button in case you want to save this JPEG for your files. I will. Thank you. And then lastly, we have an Ovala and Starbucks water bottle. For your pump and twice water. Yeah, with your playful pumpkin design. It's just slightly orange.

It's not. It's in no way playful. There's a stainless steel tumbler with a PSL charm. $22. These are all great ways to tell people you'll have more money than cents. And you don't know what a gourd looks like. Yeah. There's also a collection inspired by the great pumpkins,

so they're really seeing whatever fucking sticks to the wall. A lot of Snoopy-based merchandise. Now, over it. Now, meanwhile. I appreciate how efficiently they're combining all a bunch of shit I don't care about. Now, meanwhile, Duncan is having a lot of fun. The people's cough. Okay, I'm going to just going to, I'm just going to, side unseen.

Side unseen. You guys want to talk, you guys want to talk about what Duncan's doing, right? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Oh, yeah. Tell us. What was the secret to your group's success?

The secret to our group was that everyone had their own flavor. Ginger had red hair. And baby was the youngest. Ginger spice and baby spice. And a lot of people don't know, but we originally. originally had a six member, Pumpkin Spice. Oh my God. I like pumpkin.

She had so many amazing tracks. That's Rachel Dratch. Don't squash my love, walk through my pumpkin patch. My favorite was bumping pumpkins. Pumpkins, pumpkins. Oh, I like pumpkins. Do you like pumpkins? I sure do.

Voice of an angel. Total banger. Her choreography as well was ahead of its time. A little bit sweet, a little bit nice. You want to taste my pumpkin. Pumpkin Spice. I'm self-taught. At the end of the day, I think she was just slightly too seasonal.

I left the band to focus on Lates. We were devastated, and the others still won't talk to her. I got you something. Oh, thank you. Cheers. Cheers. Every thought, and this is what I really want. It's so long.

Should we get the band back together? I've written some new material. No. It's about pumpkins. A 30 seconder would have been choice here. It would have gotten in and out and gotten the whole job done. Rachel Tratch dressed up as pumpkin. What if there's a six spice called Pumpkin Spice?

Good. Here's one of her songs. PSL back at Duncan. What are you? Jason Biggs? Sean William Scott kicks in the door. There's come in that. Get out of here.

Rachel Tratch. Gross. No, Rachel, not that one. That one's fine. That's Duncan. PSL. Back. It just is only in the Starbucks.

I know that we could spend hours trying to figure it out. But when the overall goal is pumpkin spices back and it's available now, what was the purpose of all of that in the ad? So they want, they can't, one of the things with ads, Trave, is that if they just say it back now, It doesn't really get people. No drinking year. Still good. It back now. Try it. Back now. It doesn't give people talking. You know, what that Starbus has got to say is, uh, yeah, we like Rachel Dratch, too. But what, but why do you need to get people talking about a drink that has been known for being popular for over a decade? So that's interesting, Trave. That's interesting. That's interesting. And I think you're coming to the quick of it. I think you're coming to the meat of it, Travis, because what you have detected is the real. story in the world of pumpkin spice

y'all it's out at McDonald's for the first time in 13 years McDonald's will not be bringing the pumpkin spice latte to its that's what I'm fucking talking drawing a line this is what they're saying you know what it's discontinued we've got a caramel apple pie

based idea we're gonna we're just going to leave this behind now we're not doing it any more. I love it. I love it. The only way this could have been better is if they had formed some sort of block, if they had created a sort of annual embargo just for 2026 to be like, hey guys, we get it. We also are fucking bored with this shit and we're fighting for our lives every day, day and day out. We're going to take a flyer this year. We're going to skip it. We're going to focus on the company. We're going to focus on Apple. We're just simply not going to do it.

2027, can you imagine how bad you would want a broken spice lot? Then you bring out dratch. Then you bring out Sean William Scott. Then you bring you bring. out the fucking heavy hitters. You're saying if industry wide, everybody took the year off? Everybody took the year off, including the bucks. And the bucks came out and they focused. I mean, the bucks is always fucking trying shit. And this is, they won't shit with... They should

make non-burned coffee if they want to try something new and innovative. Non-over-roasted coffee. This is where they're going to get into trouble. Hold on. No, hold on, Justin. We can't just skip what Travis just said. No, Travis's making some really good coffee stuff. And I do want to take a little bit to celebrate this. The suggestion that every Starbucks burns every coffee coffee roast they've ever done.

It's because they don't roast it in-house, Griffin. So the roasters over-roasted it. I think the baristas are out there doing their goddamn best. Okay. I'm not here. I'm telling you that Starbucks coffee is bitter and disgusting, and I drink it if it's all that's available. It's better than Duncan, though.

Wow. Wow. Now, that would be cool if Martha Stewart rolled up and said that and spoke her mind. It's bitter and disgusting. It's better and disgusting, but it's the only thing I have, the only thing I got it. It's the only commercial that paid me to be in it. And then off-campus handsome shows up and he's like, sucks, right? And she's like, yeah, it does.

Do you want to get out of here? You know what else sucks? Let's go. Let's go party. I think. In the Martha Mobile. I think I wish I had been there in the Duncan meeting where they were like, okay, guys, a Spice Girls bit is not going to work if we have one of them. Two is the most, we are going to.

We ain't getting pot. Gosh. Two is barely it. Yeah. The gag would obviously work best with all five. We can all agree that's not happening. And with one, it's nonsensical. So maybe we can spring for two?

Two. Hey, guys, it's two spice girls anything? Can we get two spice girls in a room with Rachel Dratch? I do love seeing, I love seeing Rachel Tratch. I love seeing Rachel Trash. How did they decide on just two spice girls? How do they settle on just those two? Yeah.

What's wild to you? How scary. Rachel Dranch is a Bostonite, if I'm not mistaken. But not British. And so instead of getting a British comedian, they were like, well, we'll get Rachel Dranch. She's worked with us before. If I'm not mistaken, we enjoy working with her.

But she won't be doing the Boston thing because she'll have to be British. It's such a weird, like, compared. But also, is it the, like, Pumpkin Spice is the Spice Girl thing, like a billion years old? I mean, the whole thing's, the whole thing is. billion. And this is why I'm saying, I think McDonald's is going to end up making Starbucks look like it's a clown store. Because I think what's going to happen is everybody's going to move away from it. And for Starbucks, it'll be so closely ingrained to them that it would be such an admission of guilt. That would be like, well, we, it's, they're right. We had to stop.

Yeah, yeah. They have to do it every year. Even if everybody else is like, eh, played. Starbucks is too deep. Flavor too strong. We had to sell all our leftover pumpkins to Jason Biggs. Yeah. He started a harem. This is an advice show. Okay. And the way it works is you email us your questions in B&BAM at maximumfund.org. We ignore those questions.

We ignore those questions. We talk about Jason Biggs fucking pumpkins for about 26 minutes. That's how we do it. That's how we do it. That's how we do it. But it's our show. I love going to one particular arcade. I've been going there for a few years. and during that time, one prize has always been in the redemption area.

Nobody has won it and all the time I've been there, it's sort of become a staple. It's an alto saxophone. Awesome. I recently realized that I do have the tickets to get the saxophone. The issue is that I already have an alto saxophone. Awesome. Fuck, yes.

What? There's nothing else in the arcade that I really want, but I also don't want a second saxophone so much as the R of walking out with a saxophone. Is it worth exhausting my years with saved up tickets to get a moment of glory, followed by the harsh reality of a double saxophone regular life.

Could there be some sort of purpose for a second saxophone? That's from Seeking Redemption in Detroit. Very good name. Really good. I will say this. If you were to buy this saxophone with tickets and then take it to a local grade school

or middle school and say, hey, donate this to a musician, one of your musicians. It would be the only positive thing to ever come out of, of redemption games in the history of arcades. It would be the one good that has ever come out of redemption games, which are a plague on real arcades and should have been banned as the gambling dens for toddlers that they are

a dozen years ago. This is true. I'm going to take it one step further, Justin. Further than that. Yeah. Picture this. Wow. You walk in, right?

You have big money bags, but with tickets on them instead of dollar signs, right? all your tickets. Pictures of tickets or the word tickets? Uh, both. Pictures of tickets and the word tickets both. And like kids start swarming around. You're like, today's the day. They're so excited, right?

You get the saxophone, they hand it down, right? And then you're gonna turn to like the kid who's both most impressed, but also saddest that the fax isn't there anymore. And you're gonna say, why don't you hold on to this for me, kid, and hand on the saxophone as so cold. roll out. Let him punt it. That's what, that's like, Travis, that's like what Mr. Beast

would do. Like, that's what Mr. Beast would do with his like, like, Arrhensey's derogatory or parentheses complimenters. Yeah, see, yours was just to a random person and mine was to a kid that wanted to learn a saxophone. So yours was like Mr. Beast and you just like got the aura from it and then you

shoved a box and whoever was nearby. But if I give it to a school, I don't get to watch the culmination of it. I get handed to a random You do it at the end, Travis, at the concert. At the concert with the graduating college, you stand up and you're like, yes, that's my boy. Have you not even seen Mr. Holland's opus? It's what happens in Mr. Holland's opus.

He doesn't stand up and clap at the end. He's the only one. We used to watch that in middle school band, but middle school band was only 45 minutes long, and the teacher started it at the beginning every time. So I've seen the first half of Mr. Holland's opus many, many times. We've talked about this because I will talk about the driver's ed teacher that used to show us that film every year because he looked just like Mr. Holland at the end.

At the end? Like when he's in the, like they age Richard Dreyfus at the end, which like, okay. And then he's like, a lot of people say that, I want to put this movie on for you, a lot of people say that I look like him at the end, I don't really know. And then it gets the end. I'll be goddamn if it doesn't look

exactly like the driver's ed teacher. It's like, okay, I'm glad you actually showed it this flick. This is worth it. I get it. I don't know about the flick itself, but you do look exactly like this guy. Was it Richard Dreyfus and he was just there like, sorry what? Richard Dreyfus, because he's a driver's ed teacher.

Oh. He was waiting to be recognized by one of you students as like the actual guy and it never clicked. Maybe. That would be cool. No. I wonder if he still loves that he looks like Richard Dreyfus. Or assuming he's alive and with us still.

And that Richard Dreyf-Refis is a lot. Right? Yeah. he and Paul Giamatti are working on a buddy comedy together. Wouldn't that be incredible, though? I was joking, but I would watch a hell out of a grumpy old men, but with Paul Giamati and Richard Dreyfus. Yeah.

I mean, Richard Dreyfus famously during a Jaws panel, talked a bunch of shit about the Me Too movement and specifically Barbara Streisand. So I'm saying that this driver's ed teacher probably maybe has done some more. Oh, your saying it's a time for a Dave situation. and let's swap them out. Yes, let's swap out actor Richard Dreyfus with driver's ed.

I mean, Richard Dreyfus might not know how to teach people how to operate a motor vehicles. Well, we can just put him in a coma, which is what I think happens in Dave. I haven't seen either of these movies. You haven't seen Dave? I ain't seen Dave. Now, listen, but you've lost Griffin,

you definitely have lost listeners. You've got to pull out of this tailspin, Travis. Say six, seven, quick. Quick, Travis. Can we go back to when I said Richard Drivus? Because he was the driver's saying. No, but even that one. left on cold, baby.

They don't know Dreyfus. They don't. They don't know. Julia Louise Dreyfus. Julia Louis Dreyfus, now you're in their sweet spot. Richard Dreybis is a daughter. All right. Veep.

From now on when I hit a joke that doesn't work, I'm just going to yell veep really loud. And you guys will know what I'm talking about. Did we answer that? I don't think. I mean, we gave some bad, like, bad ideas. I'll do one. Don't. You already got an alto saxophone.

I think there's a famous Yiddish expression that roughly means you can't play two alto saxophones with one mouth. And because you can't generate enough kind of wind and your mouth won't be able to close, won't be able to form the correct omiture to get two reads. You never, but when you, I could see many scenarios where you would need a backup alto sax. One feels up a spit. Yeah, but if there's a many scenario, you're getting it from a ticket redemption counter. Are there many scenarios where you need a backup worst Alta Sacks ever made? Like this is definitely going to disintegrate

the first time you toot it, right? If I need like sort of like when Jake the Snake Roberts like would put, I remember one wrestling match he put his actual snake underneath the mat and then somebody pulled out a fake snake in a bag and pretended to kill it but was actually just smashing.

Like if some bullies showed up and we're like, we're going to break your saxophone and you pull out your decoy saxophone to let them destroy. I could see that being. Beneficial. Wait, you, like, are you telling me that you sit there, like, roll your ball over and over and over again for hours on end? You sit there at the fucking Wonka coin machine pumping tokens in just so you can have some bully smash your sex?

Well, no, not just to smash it, but as a saxophone to protect your good saxophone. You can't be. Mealogism. No, he's fucking ripping. To hide from your bad ideas. You got to let him rip. When he's ripping juice, you got to get out of his way and let him rip. We owe him that.

Sacstifice. Sacstifies, yeah. Well, Trave, I'll say you can't do it again. Like, you've got to let us appreciate it. When I'm already appreciated, you don't got to drive it home. I know, I can tell you're proud of it. I can tell from the way that you're leaning 18 inches away from your microphone. And I sit down in my seat to really let it land.

Yeah. Did you finish? You're sitting like you finished. I biggs all over it. You big stuff. Biggs this sacks. This sucks. sucks.

It sucks. The energy. It sucks. The energy right out of the room. I'm going to do another question. Okay. Cool. This one we can help.

I recently took up sea swimming. I usually go weekends and will leave the majority of my stuff on the sand while I go out. But take off my beach crocks closer to the ocean. Problem I encountered is that a team of beach cleanup volunteers have come twice at the same time as my swim and took my shoes as beach trash. Not once but twice. Worse is I didn't realize it happened twice. until it was too late. Brothers, how do I notify these goody-gitties

that my crocs aren't the result of oceanic pollution that's from beach shoes often worn? Huh. Fancyer shoes? Like some wind-tibbets? Better gibbets? Better gibbets. If you've got gibbets in it and they see,

they look down and they say, man, these shoes are filled with Digimon. This is not trash. But then they'll steal it. What if they take it then? They're like, well, I guess nobody wants these. Yeah. I mean, our nation's beach,

sanitation volunteers are crooks, all of them, and they're all looking to get a fucking, they're all treasure hunters and they're all trying to get their fucking beat sweat. They're all trying to get a score. They don't care if it belongs to anyone. I'm surprised that they're just taking the shoes,

you know what I mean? Because they'll probably, they probably want to take more. Yeah. What they are not telling you, and this is the good news about this, is that our beach cleanup volunteers, they are not throwing this stuff away. The

Procedure on the teams that I've been with, and I've been out on crews for years. Yeah. We typically will just get it and throw it back. If you throw it back out farther than it was before, then the ocean will claim it. So the idea is not you pick up the trash and put it in bags. The idea is you get it back to the ocean to let it claim it. International waters. So if you just wait, your crocs might wash back up if you're just patient.

And the big floating islands of plastic trash that we have out in the ocean. ocean. A lot of people misunderstand this. That's terraforming. They look at that. They say, that's crazy. That's so much trash out in the ocean. My whole thing is like, have you ever swept before? Because you have to sweep everything into a little pile so that we can get it all in one go. But also, where do those people who complain about that? Where do they think, like, original landmasses come from? You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, we're building new land masses out of, like, plastic and garbage and stuff that kills fish and hurts the ocean or whatever. But I'll be able to afford.

We're a vacation home on it one day. You know what I mean? We're making a new Pangea. And we're making it out of bottles. Yeah. It's a new island. Bottle Island. Bottle Island.

It's bad for everybody, but the school district is great. Yeah. We're going to scoop it all up because it's in one place now. Yeah. Yeah. Now we can get it. It's easier to get now. The ocean's currents move it all into one place.

We scoop it all up with a big boat. Hello. It's Halloween. You could go to like a spirit Halloween and get a really, realistic, like fake-looking foot or two and put that in the crock. Like, it's just severed foot. And now they're going to have to wait for the

advice, Travis. The cops are going to need to show up. They're going to have to cordon off the area. They're going to do the little evidence text. You're going to have plenty of time to finish your swim while they're doing all that. And then you come back and go, foot's fake. And then, like, they're like, oh, you got us again. Yeah.

You, like, walk up, you push past the reporters. You push past Batman, push past the chief of police. Excuse me, everybody. The foot's fake. You all look like idiots. Yeah. And then they laugh because you got them again.

And then you put your crocs on and you say, same time next week. Do you know who else had problems leaving their shit behind on a beach? Jesus. And making sure no. No. Making sure that no one. Why would Jesus? Because the footprints in the sand.

Yeah, I get that. But I don't know. This is where they took my crocs and I had to walk barefoot. You have actually. Actually, I got an announcement. announcement actually I got a Google alert about the footprints bit and it's been retired from all of oh no it's actually no it's true yeah it's apparently been milked for like literally every decimeter like every little and there's not a ton of jesus beach material like he walks on the

water at one point and that's great but we don't get a ton of jesus beach stuff in the in the there's not a ton of fun beach stuff in the bible period crox of fiction is that anything You're shooting You're shooting the cannon indoors, Trave. You're getting fucking greedy now, dude. I was thinking about that footprints thing, and then I think, I was thinking about it, and I thought,

see where the two sets of footprints become one, that's where the greatest mystery begins. And it's like a detective hunt to figure out where did the other person go? And the combined footprints is not the same as the two footprints. So it's like, and there's a big pile of slime right where the footprints can perched.

So, like, What's that even? Does this have a train ticket? Yeah. Huh. So you know who else had issues leaving shit on the beach and making sure people didn't take it was pirates? And their solution was bury that shit with a big hole and leave yourself a little map and an X. You put it beneath the sand and no one's going to come and no one's going to come and get it because they don't know where it is.

You do because you got them. Pirates, not Knights Templar. They're the same thing. They're super duper not. One existed. One didn't. That's cool. Okay, one was pirates, and one's just a bunch of video games and goofy books, okay?

One's a bunch of Dan Brown, Curse of Oak Island nonsense, and one's Buckeroo's and Buccourines sailing out across the sea, getting treasure and avoid the oranges. High adventure that's beyond compared. Yeah, the real stuff. Real shit. The pirates. That's real America. Pirates.

That's the real. Bury your fucking shoes in the ground. That's history. Bear your shoes in the ground. Bear your shoes in the ground. Bear your shoes. Put some Digimon on there. Bear your Digimon.

Bear your Digimon. I went to see Pirates Voyage this past weekend. It's like medieval times, but it's pirates. It's two teams of pirates. Red versus Blue. And whatever side you're on, you end up... Are they on the water? There's like diving stunts.

There's a lot of fire stunts. There's explosions. There's Dolly Parton music. There's trapezes. And there's also sealed. So one of those was interesting. One of those seemed like it didn't fit with the other. Which one?

Probably the Dolly Parton music. I think of her is largely a terrestrial kind of act. Yeah, but it's like she did Dixie Stam-Well, not Dixie Stampede. Ne Dixie Stampede. Now it's just Dolly Parton Stampede. And so it's like it kind of works. Like she just does so music for it. Yeah, she executive produced.

So is this like a set? Did you go and celebrate, like as a celebration of her? It was part of Riley's Bachelor at weekend. It doesn't matter. The important thing is I went to the bathroom at the time where the seals came out. Fuck, man. I know. And then I was trying to go back to my seat.

And he was like, I'm sorry, sir. I can't let you back out right now. There are sea lions on the floor. And I thought, man, if there's another fucking restaurant telling me I can't go back to my seat because of fucking sea lions. And I said that to him. And he looked at me like, I was just the weirdest guy. And I was like, it sucks. I'm just trying to do like a...

It's a great bit. It's a good bit. Yeah. And he just kind of stared at me. And then I got back to my seat. But I did miss the seals, the sea lions. Seals just short for sea lions, right? Uh, seal lion.

One's got ears. One's got ears. One just has the membrane. It's a dumb name. They do not look like lions. Fucking even a little bit in all. It's a crazy designation. That person, Jews probably did not bust up chuckling.

They didn't. Because of what they, because they've seen what sea lions can do to a human being. Like, they know. It's not funny chicken. Like their rotissary chicken or whatever. And the steel's like, no, no, no, you got up. That's my rotissory chicken. Yeah.

If you've ever picked up a mass of bones and blood and hair, they used to be a Skyler, then you would know. Yeah. It's no joke. These things are animals. There's two set of footprints on the beach. and drag marks leading into the water. There's flipper flippers coming in.

And then like a perpendicular. And then a plastic island full of demonic sea lions wearing plastic crowns that they fashion for themselves. Whoa. We've woven the bones together. Into a platform. Hey, let's go to the money zone. I'd love that, Griffin.

I'd love it. I've got a website. Idea. Oh, well, that's one step. up short, Trav. You gotta close the deal. You gotta get out there. I go down to, you want me, go down to the website factory and pay old man Jenkins like a million dollars to make a website for me with all his complicated website machines and all the pollution. And he's racist. He's racist as hell. I do not want to line. It's not me. Yeah, no.

No, Travis, you need to use Squarespace. Okay. You need to use Squarespace. Like we've been doing announced for him for literally years at this point. It's the best... I don't listen to the show. It's... Travis, you can use a Squarespace website to do anything. To sell stuff, to market your business,

to organize your ideas. Whatever you want to do, they got a professionally designed template created by some of the best in the biz that you can... I would say they even probably have more than just the one template. No, no, no. They have one. Yeah, that's the one problem with it.

You have... Yeah, the one problem. The problem is you have to make, you have to make a Wikipedia. It's called cool boxes. And it's the only, and it's four boxes. It looks great. Yeah. Four boxes.

You get four. Here's the problem. One is a picture of you. If you have five pictures, you're sunk. Yeah. That's the thing with Squarespace. I need to be able to do built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools and all that stuff. And I don't.

That's the fourth box. You must have it confused. No, Squarespace. is great. We're lying about Squarespace because the truth is boring and the truth is they're the best. They're the best you can make great looking websites. I don't really think you're a real superstar of website design, even if you

don't actually 100% know what you're doing. So head of Squarespace. Or it's 6% know what you're... Yeah, even any percent at all, they'll cover up the remaining percentage. So however many points you need to get you over the line. Head to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free

trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother. mother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace, the website's in the details. Listen, everybody, vintage unopened packs of Peewee-Herman collectible trading cards aren't cheap. So I'm trying to save up my money to buy all the ones I can find on eBay in your grandmother's attic at the swap meet, all those things. And the only way I'm able to save money to buy those.

is thanks to rocket money. Because rocket money helps me make good spending decisions, like buying all of the vintage unopened packs of peewee, Herman, collectible trading parts that I can find. The Paul brothers are making it so hard. They're snatching up all the Chase Randis. They're snatching up all the hologram Missy Vons. They're boosting the market through artificial means,

and Travis can't afford these packs without the help of money. They're killing me out here. They're killing me out here. And I'm doing my best. Thanks to rocket money Rockin money's like hey you're spending too much money on groceries You're spending too much money Like on you know

Taking care of your family and your pets You need to save your money for your spending goals They put let me check again What? You're saving for Collectible Pee Wee Herman Vintage Unopened Collectible Trading Card Travis no And then it talks me out of that too

Yeah they're so good They say you don't don't spend your money on Billy Bologna Spend it on real baloney for your kids. How many other obscure peewey's playhouse characters can I remember? There's The Countess. Yeah, Mr. Kite. I think was his name, The Kite? I think the lifeguard's name Ricky, if I remember is that?

Yeah. So anyway, Rocket Money is great. I routinely will just pop in and say like, hey, am I subscribed to any bullshit? and Rocket Money will say, yeah, man, you're subscribed to a lot of bullshit. A lot of stuff you forgot about a lot. I swear to Christ, my youngest child has figured out how to hack my Apple account and subscribe to the most garbage apps.

I think he took a print of my finger somehow with, like, tape off of a glass, and he will use it, and he will subscribe to, like, you know, fart piano deluxe. Oh, the deluxe one, though. That's got all the features you need. I'm just making sure that Rock of Money doesn't say, don't mention. fart piano deluxe because we get in trouble it no okay no we can talk about fart piano deluxe it's a hundred dollars a minute and so rock and mine will be like hey the farts aren't even that realistic they're not it's the same one they pitch it up so when you play like a high c4 fart it's like

that doesn't sound like anything like a fart you got to get fart piano deluxe ultra if you want the really good stuff uh-huh it's worth that yeah and that's cheaper but i don't but he doesn't know that because he's five. Yeah. But rocket money can help me to catch his, his defrauding of me, uh, in their drag net.

They can also, step ahead of his kid. Of my five year old son, they can also set budgets and goals and they can categorize all my transactions. Travis already sort of did talk about that, but it really is an all in one sort of great, uh,

financial health monitor. Um, that, that is, is really, truly has saved me more money than I can possibly even fathom. So Rocket Money, it's a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Let RocketMoney help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash my brother. That's rocketmoney.com slash my brother. One last time, rocketmoney.com slash my brother. Yeah, I'd like to ask another question. Let's do it. Guys, I've been really struggling with this one, and I'd really like to talk to you guys about it because you're my brothers and I trust you. A gentleman in my neighborhood has a vast collection of various size,

stone tortoise sculptures in his front yard that he arranges in a new way almost every day. I've never seen him moving them. Wait. And some of them look fairly heavy. So the fact that they seem to move overnight is both bewildering and entertaining. I was able to take home from work some small palm-sized stone tortoises that a client of mine no longer wanted. I'm going to put a bookmark in here to return to after the question is done. Yeah, paragraphs of context you've omitted.

Brothers, is it weird if I add these two tiny reptiles to my neighbor's collection? Should I place them on his lawn and hope he finds them or maybe on his front porch? Should I start my own collection? Those are from Tortuga Trouble and Tejas. So let's just, before we get into the question, because it's a great question, I do need to know what job you have that... There's simply no excuse for this. That did result in you getting some small palm-sized stone tortoises. That a client of...

I came home from work and I had small palm-sized stone tortoises. Huh? That my client, what? No longer wanted. Huh? It must have been that it's a client. whose home you had to go to, right? Because if you, like, worked in a law office or something,

and they brought palm-fries... Brought in their small stone tortoises they no longer wanted. On the off chance, someone would want them. P.S., I'm the sort of strange bird that notices moving tortoises all the time. Like, that's P.S. That's the other thing about it is I have clocked some magical tortoises. I've assumed, Justin, I assumed it was big movements and, like, posing. But now you've made me one.

I wonder if it's like they move a little bit every day. Yeah. So small. It could just be the tectonic plates shifting is slowly inching these guys around. I would love to be honest with this person and help them with their problem. But I need our listeners to start being more honest with me and to start being a little bit more forthcoming. Because there's a lot of things where you're taking advantage of the fact that this is an email. And we can't ask you follow questions.

Because you know that it doesn't, you know, you know, you know, you know. I choose to believe you know you can't just go put them in the yard. I've decided you know better. That one was for fun. That was for us to have a good laugh. Because you know you can't go put them in there. I disagree. One time I went hiking in the woods behind our house when we still lived in Austin with a four-year-old Henry.

And we were exploring the woods and nature going back around the creek and having a cool time. And we were also looking for treasure. And at one point, I did have a little coin, and it was like a little brass coin. I had gotten from a renfair or something like that. And I hit it under some leaves nearby as we were walking around. I said, hey, what's that? And then he found the brass coin and was like, there's treasure in these woods. And it was a magic moment that opened his eyes to the possibilities that of the world and life.

And anything's possible. It's a moment that has been repeated in literally every single season of Curse of Oak Island. I mean, every single season. Well, it's better to do it to a four-year-old. Magic's alive. Yeah. But it's okay to do it to a four-year-old. And this is what I'm saying.

This is a harmless injection of magic and wonder and whimsy. What? You assume. I mean, the question is. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Let me try again. I assume this is a wonderful injection of magic and whimsy that someone will come out and see more turtles in their yard and be like, huh. And now they've got a mystery.

They'll tell their partner or friends or someone else in their life, hey, there's more turtles out there. What do you think that's about? And then they're looking at, like, it's fun. Like, it's just fucking fun. If the question asker has never seen the neighbor moving these tortoises around, this could be a curse, right? This could be a curse scenario where the turtles come alive at night and move around and do shit.

And then they come out and see new palm-sized baby turtles, and they're like, it's getting worse. Now I have to deal with this. Now they're breeding. So I guess I don't usually, when I'm thinking, of like advice to give people, I don't usually factor in curses. Like I don't usually think, like I don't do it in case a dark spirit, in case you've been insidious. And because then you might get dragged into the upside down or wherever it's called. I don't do that. I usually think of like

what's a fun injection of whimsy, a harmless little mystery that you can give someone as a gift. And this seemed like one of those, but you're right, it might also be a curse. I bet that, or a toy story. A lot of Bloom House neighbors. People don't talk about the neighbors. People don't talk about the neighbors. in Bloomhouse movies who are seeing the, like, protagonists doing the things they're doing, and just going like, look at that eccentric bastard. What a weird guy.

And meanwhile, that guy's, like, really going through it. He's really, really having a tough time. Speaking of eccentric, like, I feel like the one that I can pretty confidently roll out for you is the one where you have any conversation with this person. Because I will tell you with some degree of confidence that you don't become the sort of person that secretly move stone turtles every night

because you're such a hit at parties. You know what I mean? Like, I think you probably, that's something you sort of back into. And they're definitely not going to own up. If you're like, are you secretly moving them at night? They're definitely going to say something like, no. They move.

Unless. Unless. This is a wizard's test, and he is doing it to see if anyone in his neighborhood is perceptive enough to notice that the stone turtles are moving, and you come a knock on the door. a human's not going to answer. A crow will.

The crow will take you to the wizard. He'll say, ah, you've finally. You've said your... Sele Gerasmus. You've done well. If that happens, that's test number two. The crow is the wizard. That's the test.

Yeah, because you'll talk to the human wizard and he'll be like, he'll be like, out of the way, you stupid crow. Get out of the way, dumbass. Don't fall for it. I'm headed to my friend. I want to meet the wizard. Don't fall for it.

Crow is the wizard. You just kick him out of the way. Not all the way crow. Don't do that. I got big, I got big things ahead of me. I'm going to be a wizard. Didn't you hear just now? Don't do it.

Could it be ants? Strong ants. A bunch of them together could do it. A bunch of them together can move the rubber tree plant. That's true. I've seen them make a bridge with their bodies. They talk about how strong ants are. They do not talk about their intelligence.

These guys are not smart. And so they do keep trying to. to eat these big stone turtles in their big ant hills. Oh, I thought they were redesigning. Like they want the yard to look different? Yeah, they just can't find the right place for these turtles, but they'll get it. Yeah. They probably would worship them.

Maybe that's it. Maybe it's a sort of tribute they do every night. They move the stones around. A lot of people get fire ants in their yard and they hire someone to exterminate them. I just put out a big cross in front of the ant hill, and then they'll see that, and it's so monolithic and so huge. to them that they'll like get saved

and stop biting people. You can bring over these two stone turtles you have and create a whole heretical sect you know this outcast from the main tribe because they like

they worship the new turtles like they're new turt villagers and then you have like old turt ants that only worship the old turts. Yeah, Bugs Life 2. You got to think about that. Bugs Life 2 like Dune 3

where it's like maybe the religion was the problem the whole time. I definitely got undertones of that from a bug's life and from ants with a Z and I think it's time for them to return to that universe and really drill down. Definitely be a movie.

If you listen, I don't know Dune. I've never watched Dune except for the first two Dune movies. Uh-huh. Okay, so you've never watched Dune except for all the Dune that there is. Sweet Boy, there's books, there's several adaptations. They're non-canonical. My only the movies. Dune has been the first two Dune movies.

that are out by Dennyveni. And I just have to say that at the end of the second one, they're kind of hinting that he might become a bad guy. And if you guys trick me into rooting for Timmy Chimmy and then he turns bad, I'm going to lose it. Okay? That's the hero of the movie, right? Yeah.

You don't turn the hero of the movie like the Luke Skywalker or the, like, Dark Man of the movie. You don't turn the hero of the movie evil. That's stupid. So if they do that, the third one, and it kind of hinted like they're doing it. They've tried it in other movies. If you remember Spider-Man 3, they tried to make him evil.

And everyone was like, ugh. Cut it out. Never made another Spider-Man movie after that. Didn't make another Spider-Man movie where he was evil. Toy Story. You're all like, I love Woody. He's doing his best. He's a funny cowboy, and I love Tom Hanks's, like, voice.

I'm thinking about Tommy Hanks. And then he kills Buzz Light Year. He tries to kill Buzz Light Year. You're making a joke, but I'm saying, Venom. We were so uncomfortable with that. He had to go be the hero of his own movies

because the hero has to be the good guy. They made movies about him? Three of them. What? And he was a good guy in all of them, which is more than I could say for Timmy Chimmy, who seems like he's headed for a heel turn in Dune 3.

And I'm just say I would prefer that the hero of the movie stay the hero. These movies are convincing enough without me having to figure out who the good person is now. Probably Zendaya. It's got to beat Duncan Idaho. With the name like Duncan Idaho, no one curses the name Duncan Idaho as a villain.

I don't know. I don't know who had to root for Trowp. Because that's it. We might be rooting for Duncan Idaho and then he turns out to Zenday-Ith and I thought it was pretty safe room for Willie Wonka. Yeah. You know what I mean? I thought it was safe rooting for Marty Supreme. I don't know about that one.

No. He's gone rotten. Don't let us down, didn't he? Don't let us down. Make him good. Even if it changes the script. It's still time to make him good. It's not too late.

You can get it with eight. You can get it with ADR. Like just added a bunch of Sykes. A lot of B-roll while he talks over the B-roll, like show a Sand Dune and have him monologue over the Sand Dune about like actually, you know what? A lot of shots of him like turning away from camera and just or like away from the person he's talking to towards cameras being like, psych. Yeah. The Dune was in me the whole time. Yeah.

All that shit I did said about the ballet. That was promotion. That was viral marketing. That was viral marketing. That was viral marketing for me doing this. PSL is back. I'm a bad guy. PSL's back.

PSL's back. The Dune trilogy has been. The Spicell after time. The Spice must blow. All right. Stupid. Oh, man. That joke made me to, I feel tired.

Yeah, I have other stuff to do today, and I don't know how to do it. Yeah, that was great. Hey, thanks for listening to our podcast. We love that you visit with us every week. week and are still here with us. And I love for you to show your loyalty to the show by picking up a utilit drink tumbler. Right now at mackroydmerch.com, you can go pre-order your own right now. Nothing will confuse the people at the gym or school or work or wherever you take a drink more than a utila drink tumbler.

And you can explain to them. This is where I get my everything for the day, my caffeine, my medicine. And everything I need right here in the Utilatring Tumblr. How many, how many website? How many merchandise websites do you think have the guts to make this the entire item description? Slaps top of Tumblr. You can fit so much probiotic boba in this bad boy in the description. Amazing.

You don't need to know anything else. Don't jackass. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will also be donated to the Midwest Food Bank's Disaster Relief Fund. So go check that out, Macroemerch.com. And The Besties Live on Broadway, October 9th, a month away at this point, at Town Hall and NYC. Gator tickets at bit.ly.com slash besties on Broadway. I have my Intelligent Tumblr downstairs. That would make a good toss.

I made this fidget. You may throw this? I don't want you to break. No, it's okay. I've been printing a lot of these things. Kids are crazy for them. Sydney likes them, too. They're weird fidgets because they're supposed to hurt.

They're uncomfortable. Ooh, I got an expired. Passport. Pokey. That's cool. Yeah, do that. Right over your shoulder. Sorry, this is my current passport.

Okay. Okay. Fitchin it is. Do we do a double? I have scissors. Yeah, let's do all three. We should all three share something. At the same time, ready?

Yeah. Three, two, one. I didn't look. Oh, I hit my Rocketeer helmet. You okay, bud? What was making noise? It doesn't matter. Awesome. Great.

I'm Justin. I'm Travis. I'm Griffin. What made noise? Was it a fidget? He's run my brother and me. Kiss your dad's a friend. Did you break something? I'll talk about it after. Maximum Fun. A Worker Own Network of Artist-owned shows.

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