My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM Presents: The Great Switcheroo of 2015

Episode Date: October 5, 2015

Oh no! All the hosts of all the podcasts on Maximum Fun done got ate up by a twister, and ended up landing in each other's podcasts this week! We didn't let inclement weather slow us down, though -- we're just going to go on ahead and do the podcasts where we ended up. That means this episode of MBMBaM features MaxFun proprietor Jesse Thorn, Wham Bam Pow co-host Rhea Butcher and International Waters host Dave Holmes, who are here to talk about corn mazes, blood moon demon babies and, naturally, ghosts. If you're looking for the McElroy brothers this week, it looks like the tornado set them gently down into the studio of Jordan, Jesse, Go!

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm the middle brother, Dave Holmes, captain of the industry. And I am the youngest brother, Rhea Butcher, the Lady James Dean, or Pamplemousse, if you so choose.

What a joy to be here on My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's Max Fun Mix-Em-Up Week. Sure is. This has a real name, and that is not what it is, and I'm the owner of MaximumFun.org. I should know what it is. But the point is that everyone is flip-flop-erooing all this week, and the three of us are in for the brothers Mac. I, of course, am the host of Bullseye. With Jesse Thorne and Jordan Jesse Goh, and the bailiff on Judge John Hodgman. I am the host of International Waters, and nothing else. And I, Rhea Butcher, am the host of Wham-Bam Pow, and nothing else.

To be fair, Dave, at any given time, you're the host of 15 to 20 percent of America's television programs. Not so much anymore. Have you abandoned television programs? America's television sweetheart. I have a show that might be coming back. We don't know yet. But no, writing has really been sort of my focus recently. You got a book coming out? I got a book coming out.

You're writing for Esquire? That's correct. All kinds of stuff. Have you seen Dave's stuff in Esquire, Rhea? I have seen Dave's stuff in Esquire. It's great stuff in Esquire. Thanks. Also, this is a true story. Probably shouldn't address it. But right now, let's do it. Sure. Who cares?

Yeah. My TV agent disappeared. What? What? Disappeared. Well, like on a vacation in Bermuda? Legitimately, nobody knows where he is. Wow.

He left the agency. Is this the next season of Serial? Maybe. Maybe. Sounds good to me. I got an email from his private account saying, I'm not at Paradigm anymore. And I'll get back to you in the next couple of weeks. That was six months ago. I haven't heard from him.

Whoa. He's just gone. And I know other people who were rep by him, they don't know where he is. Nobody knows where he is. What a Hollywood caper. It's a real Hollywood caper. That is amazing, Dave. It's kind of amazing, yeah.

And I've been so busy doing other things that I haven't tried to get an agent. So I'm kind of just hanging out right now. Footloose and agent free. Footloose and agent and manager free. I'm like Bill Murray, but much less successful. Was this agent inconsistent in the past? There were, I mean, all the agents,

you go through periods where they won't call you back, because I understand that. That's for sure. That's definitely true, especially in my case. But he would vanish for a couple of weeks at a time. And there was always some sort of family emergency. And his family was in another country. So it was like, okay, it was plausible that there could be

numerous family emergencies. But I think that it was more... Do you think, given that you're saying other countries and all those things, do you think that perhaps this gentleman is a double agent? I would buy it. I would believe it. I think he's a double agent. He could be. He could be.

This is a great movie pitch, by the way. A double agent who's a Hollywood agent. Yeah, welcome to show business, my brother and my brother and me. We're bringing a little Hollywood to the table here. Sure. Sorry, McElroy brothers, have fun and fly over. Listen, we're deep inside the industry. We can't help but talk about it.

It's our daily lives. We live and breathe it. Dave hosts a television show for a cable channel that no one is sure really exists. It's true. It doesn't exist. I hosted a television show for a cable network that nobody really exists, that got canceled after four months, five years ago.

IFC exists. Rhea has a... Rhea's working on a new TV show. Everybody's... Everybody here is in show business. Lindsay's on the boards this week. She's got her own web series. Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that. Don't I know it? It's hilarious.

Dave got really upset when he found some of the Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that food in the closet. I found some soft Oreos with a pink center. Yeah. Like they had been cooked rare. There. I don't like it. No, thank you.

Okay, guys. Oreos people. Let's get into some advice. Here's a letter from Pugnacious in the panhandle. Oh, boy. My best friend and I have lived together for two years. Three months ago, he confessed his undying love to me. And now we have been dating ever since.

I am a girl. Okay. It's been going pretty perfectly except for one thing. We fight constantly. Not personal fights, but arguments about the effect of light on silicon breasts versus real breasts. Who would get pulled over faster?

A jeep or a sob? Are sandals okay to wear? Et cetera. We've always argued like this. And I like that we can debate about things, but now that we are dating, it hardly promotes romantic affections. And we can't just leave it alone like we used to.

How can me and my boyfriend find a way to debate without going over the top into an unnecessary fight? This is a classic. This is a classic nerd's dilemma. It sure is. Yeah, I think we've all faced this. I want to have ridiculous, useless fights about nothing that are just sort of like...

To me, it's like a step down from playing Settlers of Catan in a bar. The effect of light on silicon breasts. Nobody knows or cares. You don't care. You just want to fight. And by the way, they're not unnecessary because they got you together as a couple. Are there other fun things that they could do together?

I think that might be... They're so used to having this classic activity of picking an arbitrary distinction and fighting over it. They could figure out a way to discuss these things as opposed to fight over these things. Because if this is a relationship that they consider to be the one, you're going to have to figure that out.

You're going to have to figure out how to say like, well, you know what? I just think silicon breasts take light in a different way. And just be the one that leaves it alone. We're going to have to agree to disagree about this thing that doesn't affect anyone. She says they used to leave it alone. I think it's like quitting smoking.

I think you have to give something else to occupy the oral fixation. Get a rubber band and put it around the wrists and snap it every 10 to 15. Maybe they should just read that one book about quitting smoking that everyone likes so much. The easy way method, which I promote and used myself. Yeah, there you go. I did. How long did you smoke?

16 years. Wow, 12 for me. And I have not smoked in four. I haven't smoked in 11. How does the method work? Congrats, Dave. Thank you. It actually is just like a reprogramming of your brain

and not in a culty way. It sounds like these guys need to reprogram their brains. They do. Where you just go like, oh, I don't and never needed this thing because it's not doing anything for me. Nicotine, the drug doesn't actually do anything for you other than rewire your brain. So basically, the book is anti-nicotine.

Nicotine kryptonite, if you will. Did you do anything to replace it or just rewire your brain? No. I just rewire my brain. How did you rewire your brain? Did you... By reading the book. Got it. So maybe they should just read this book.

Actually, I listened to the audio book, which was really helpful having another person telling me those things and then having that person's voice as my inner monologue instead of myself because I can talk myself into and out of basically anything. I think... But if I have a British dude telling me, you don't need this filthy weed in my head,

then I can stick with it. Are you a huge, prissy nightmare about the cigarette smoke? Yes, I hate it. I hate it so much. Except like one out of every 10, I'll go, oh, that smells delicious. Yes, it's going to be zero out of a million. I'm sure it is. I used to be angrier about it.

When I first quit, I was like, this is disgusting at everybody on the street, but now I can just silently do that. But yes, I hate it. I'm so utterly repulsed by it that I can't believe how much I used to love it. I loved it. And I walked into a bar in Atlanta. I was in Atlanta recently and I looked around and there were ashtrays on the...

Because we opened the door and I went, what the hell is this? And then there were ashtrays on all the tables and I was like, we got to get out of here. There's no way. Because apparently you can still smoke in bars in Atlanta. My recommendation is that they learn karate together. Or just, you know what, this letter to me feels like, to me, the subtext is, aren't we adorable?

Aren't we just a pair of little stinkers? Listen to me and the cute little arguments that we have. She doesn't really care. She's obviously turned on by the arguments. So is he. That's how they got together. It was a Dave and Maddie and Moonlighting kind of a situation. They finally gave in to their passions.

They're going out now. She's like, is this a problem? No, it's not a problem. It's what keeps your weird, unhealthy relationship alive. Right before the microphones went on, we were talking about Magnum PI. I think we should really focus in all our cultural references to 1981. Okay. Well, Moonlighting was like 87.

Okay. 86, 87. That's pretty reasonable. Let's just focus on the 80s. How about that? Mm-hmm. We could just do the whole 80s. Let's do it totally 80s.

Rhea, you got a yahoo there for us? I do have a yahoo. This was sent in by Ty Von Plinsky. And this is from Yahoo Answers user Sierra. My phone won't turn on after Blood Moon last night. Question, question, Mark. I went outside to go watch the moon, and I grabbed my phone to take some pictures, and it glitched, and then wouldn't turn on.

Still won't. Did this happen to anyone else, or is it just a coincidence? Yeah, I think it's because of the Blood Moon. I think it's because of the Blood Moon. I also think it's because of Jake Arietta's performance that evening against, I believe, the pirates. I don't know. Almost through a perfect game, no hitter.

I have a quick question. Yes. I have been pregnant with a demon baby since the Blood Moon. Do you think they're related? No. That could be. There could be, that could be a relation. To be fair, have you felt a kick?

I felt more like a punch. Okay, yeah, this is starting to add up. Okay, but I should add one other thing. Right before the Blood Moon, just because I was so excited about the Blood Moon, I allowed myself to make love to a demon. Oh, see, there's your trouble. Did this have anything to do with the Blood Moon? Demon seed deep inside me.

Oh, okay. Are your eyes- Still thinking Blood Moon, right? I mean, it was like 25% bigger than a regular Moon. It was a beautiful night, wasn't it? Has your phone been working since the demon impregnated you? No, but it was inside the demon for quite a long time. The phone was inside the demon.

And it might have gotten gummed up. Yeah, do you have a square trade on that phone? I do not. I did not get the extra warranty. I think there's warranty, sir. It's not covered by demon water damage. Yeah, boy. Accidental demon water damage.

Have you thought about names? Well, my first thought is B. Althazub's Jr. Oh, that's fun. Just because it just sort of an attribute to the dad and- Sure, but also it's like you're making it your own. Yeah, that's really true. It's like Anferney. Yeah, exactly.

Instead of Anthony. Okay, my wife slips out when the tiniest thing in her day goes amiss. She gets stuck in traffic. The kid wakes up 30 minutes early. The person in front of her at HEB, HEB. Is that a bank? Yeah, I was trying to figure out-

No, it's a grocery store. Yeah, I can't figure out how to debit card. Teach me how to debit. Teach me how to debit. That's a great teen dance craze. The problem is she messages me when she's upset about this stuff. And while I try to be supportive, she does it so often, I run out of supportive responses.

Any suggestions for responses aside from the usual, I'm sorry, wish I could help. And sad face emoji? Question mark from sad face emoji in Austin. I see. Well, once again, the keyword here is wife. This is not just a thing that just started happening six months ago.

I don't think. This is someone you chose to build a life with. Right. This has been going on for some time. This is the relationship that you're in. So get used to it. Yeah. Get used to it.

Or you have to just wean them off of it. Right. In only responding to one out of three or two out of, you know what, however you got to do it. Right. I was just like, sorry, then not the next one. Is there a cognitive behavioral therapy emoji? Yeah, it's a knee-tapper.

There's a knee-tapper emoji in there, I think. Yeah, that's what we should do. Back and forth, back and forth. I am in a relationship, actually, that is not unlike this right now. I have a friend who constantly, constantly asks questions. Just at all times. And stuff that you don't need to ask at all. I'm working on an example here, Dave.

Like, what kind of toilet paper should I get? You really don't have to ask that question. What's the name of that bar that's shaped like a barrel? And then like a minute later, the idle hour, like he'll think of it and then text me. Just use conversation with himself. Yeah. And it's just like, it keeps going.

And we've become closer friends, but it keeps going. And it's not just me. Even when it's not a group text, other people will have gotten the same question. And now, if you don't give an answer right away, then you get the question mark again. Oh, yeah. That's aggressive.

Which is fucking aggressive. And now he's shopping for a new car. And I just see disaster on the horizon. Really out of business question mark. Yeah. Yeah. I just feel like there are going to be so many fucking questions. And it's like, it was sort of a charming peccadillo for a while.

And now it's getting to the point where it's like, all right. So do your friends have like a side conversation of like, who got the text? Yes. Wow. Yeah. I feel like you show that person that and you just go, this is what you've done to us.

Yeah. So, and so. This is what you've reduced us to. Men in our 40s. This is what's going on. Yeah. Then maybe he might change. Dave, I don't, I'm not going to pretend,

I'm not going to be a pretend to be an expert on interpersonal relationships. But I am an expert on the world of interactive CD-ROMs. Yeah. And my suggestion is that you get this guy a copy of Microsoft and CARDA. It not only has a lot of information on all kinds of subjects. It also has full motion video clips and illustrations that you can copy and save and use for school reports.

Aren't there 3D worlds in there too, where you can check out the Cherry Tree Gardens in Washington, DC in a full 360 degree view? It's a pretty thrilling development. I don't know if your friend. What a wild ride. If your friend has a Philip CD interactive, it's going to be a lot easier for him to take a look at it.

I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm looking for some, you guys keep talking. I'm going to see if I can find some other. I'll text him that. No, I'm just going to see if there are some really good questions in here. I just keep, no, I'm not going to, no, I'm not going to fucking blow them up. I mean, the wife, the thing, you just got to, I mean, you just got to let her either,

either you have to not care about the fact that she's doing that and just not care anymore. Or you really got to wean her off of it. You got to do the easy way. She doesn't need your answers. She will live without the filthy weed of your answers. And just stop. It's your answer to every single question that we get today.

You're going to reprogram your brain. Yeah, basically. Yeah. And what's, what's maybe like a deterrent? Like there, there are, you know, there are those collars that will emit like a terrible smell or something. Oh, citronella collars for dogs. Yeah, for dogs.

Maybe is there a way that you can, yeah, get her a collar if that doesn't work. Then just if she starts, if she, if she like texts something that seems frivolous or, you know, too, too much or too upset or whatever, do respond in a way that you know is going to annoy her. You know what I mean? Yeah. So that it's like, this is what you get. This is what you get.

Just write back like Hodor or something. Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No matter what she writes, write Hodor. Right. Or like a picture of, you know, Gary Busey or whatever. Just anything. Just anything.

Yeah. Of soft pink Oreo. I would recommend, I mean, my recommendation is you got to make a hot key. You got to make a Busey hot key. I don't want you to have to go through all the steps of, I guess, probably drawing a picture of Gary Busey. Yeah. With ASCII art.

In oils. I would love to see an ASCII art Busey. That seems like something my brother, my brother and me fans could deliver to us. ASCII Busey. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Put that on Tumblr.

There we go. Hashtag, welcome to Night Vale. What do we got on the Yahoo's, Rhea? Yahoo's. On the Yahoo's, sent in by Ira Ray from Yahoo's Answer User Purple Zeebs. Exclamation point. Jesus Christ. How can I face my fears?

I have this huge fear of corn mazes question. Sounds nuts, I know, but you watch Children of the Corn and tell me you aren't afraid too. Also, my cousin got killed in a corn maze five years ago. How come they didn't lead with that? And I'm now even more terrified. Update, I want to face my fear because eventually I will have to go through a corn maze when I go with my friends on Halloween to kidfields haunted attraction. And I don't want to be shown like the chicken.

I don't want to be shown like the chicken. I don't want to be shown like the chicken. Oh, shown like the chicken. I understand now. Sounds like anime back to the future part. There are few things in the world that are easier to avoid than a corn maze. You know what I mean? I'm really conspicuous.

Yeah, you won't just find yourself in one. Exactly. Like a rainstorm. Right. You know what I mean? Right. Corn's not going to fall out of the sky. Hey, Marv, I was looking for a circuit city, but all I see here is corn.

And arrows. No. Yeah, I'm not buying this one at all. I'm not buying this one at all. You guys are from the Midwest. Have you guys been in corn mazes? You know what? The first time I was in a corn maze, out here.

Really? I didn't even know that. Oh, you know what? Yeah, I went to one by the Sherman Oaks Galleria a couple years ago. I think that was my first one also. Was it right by the cemetery? Because I went to one that was across the street. From a cemetery that actively had a funeral going on.

And I felt very bad for this guy's cousin. Exactly. About celebrating Halloween across the street from people that were actively mourning the loss of a family member. A dead person who was about to come back as a spook. Yeah, in the corn maze. Yeah. Terrifying.

I mean, they could have come back as a ghoul. You don't know that they would have come back as a spook. I know this guy. Yeah, I just don't buy it at all. You don't have to do it. I don't like corn mazes. It kind of freaks me out. Whoever, my cousin was killed in a corn maze.

I think everybody's going to be like, sure, fine, just hang out by the jack-o-lanterns. We'll be back in five minutes. These things don't take very long. Yeah, I mean, and was killed. How? Like succumb to cancer in the middle of a corn maze? Like, was the death attributable to a corn maze?

Was he lost forever? Was he in the corn maze when they found a skeleton? Taken down the corn maze. He was courageous throughout his 18-month battle. And then finally. Oh, the corn maze. With stomach cancer. I'm going to go one better.

I don't like Halloween at all. I don't like scary movies. I especially don't like the shitty, scary, pseudo-Japanese scary movies that have come out in America in the last 15 years, where all their posters look like a copier mistake. And everyone's all herky-jerky, and there's a kid climbing down the stairs or whatever.

But then in the corner of their head is cl... They're fucking stupid. Yes, nothing. I don't like haunted houses. I don't like sexy costumes. I don't like fucking crowds in West Hollywood. As Dan Savage says, Halloween is straight people pride.

It is. Not into it. I won't say this at all. As a child and looking back as an adult to my childhood, Halloween was one of my favorite holidays, because I could dress up as a man, and nobody cared. They were like, oh, that's cute. Clark Kent again.

I would see 3PO for like four years, right? A prissy British robot, which is exactly what I aspire to be. I loved it, but now as an adult, it's like, can we all just grow up a little bit? Stop it. Stop. You're carving a pumpkin. You're 38 years old.

Let's get on with this. How about at the age at which you would stop willingly eating fistfuls or skittles? That's when you stop having Halloween. It's not for you anymore. It's for children. Let them have it. I had a really traumatic Halloween experience as a kid.

I went through a brief period of incredibly ambitious Halloween costumes. I would say between the ages of like 10 and 12, like before, when I was old enough to have big dreams, but not quite old enough to be ashamed of them. To be crushed by them. And I built with the help of a friend of my mom's who was a professional sculptor,

I built a shark that was biting my head off. Like I was like a surfer guy, and we built like a five foot tall paper mache, no, foam rubber on a chicken wire frame shark that I wore on my shoulders, sort of like the way that you would wear a barrel if you had lost everything in the Great Depression. Yes, right.

And it had like a window that I could look out of because the shark was over my head and went up into the air. And I was in the Boys and Girls Club, or actually it was just a boys club, the Columbia Park Boys Club in the Mission District of San Francisco. The old boys club. The old boys club where we all bought and sold the poor around and smoked stogies around the old bumper pool tables.

Pick the next 30 presidents. And late night hosts. There was a costume contest, and I finished second. What did you get beat up by? A guy who was wearing his dad's police uniform. Oh, come on. That's not even a real costume. That's ridiculous.

Wait a minute. Yeah, granted, he was carrying a gun. Was his dad still alive? No, he should. Oh, God. It was incredible. So, okay, so the first prize was something great, I mean, to me. You know, it was like tickets to Marine World Africa, USA,

or something like that. The second prize, I swear to God, this is true. There's a case of Diet 7-Up and a case of Strawberry Carnation Instant Breakfast. Steve drop off from first to second. That was just drop off that was there. But no one wanted it. The third prize was some mail.

Some catalogs. Yeah. Diet 7-Up. Oh, that's not cool at all. Diet 7-Up is quite possibly the most useless soda on the face of the planet. Oh, my God. That was a low moment in my childhood. My best Halloween costume, which I cannot find a photograph of,

which is killing me, was when I dressed up, I believe at age nine or 10, as data from Star Trek The Next Generation, full makeup, even had a tricorder and everything. Can't find the tricorder either. Found the box to the tricorder. Can't find the tricorder. That's fantastic. That's fantastic.

Great costume. When I was, I think, eight or nine, I had been C-3PO for like three or four years running. And it was like the, you know, like the old timey, like, box that you would get from a drugstore costume. Oh, yes. It was like the plastic mask. And yeah, and then like a plastic sort of like tarp thing. Art smug.

That would have like a fresco of scenes from Star Wars. I love the idea that like on November 1st, you returned it to its special corner of your dresser where it was okay for you to be gay. Like you had a special magical box of gay things you were allowed to have. No. No. I didn't even have that. No.

I think we got new ones every year. Also you just picked C-3PO every year. Yeah. That's even better, actually. But then, yeah, I mean, because it would be new and improved. There would be, you know, whatever. Yeah. New stretchy or elastic on the face mask.

Yeah. Yeah. New ways to suffocate. And I, one year I was like, all right, I'm finished with C-3PO. I want to do something new. I wanted to be a punk rocker. And like this was probably 1979, 80. So like we didn't, like punk rock was just anything that wasn't normal.

I mean, that's pretty edgy. Punk rock's pretty edgy in 1979 or 80 in St. Louis, Missouri. Yeah, especially in St. Louis, Missouri. So, and I said that I was over at a friend's house for dinner and her mother was like, I've got just the thing. And she went into her closet and she pulled out a silver sequin pantsuit. Like a little jumper jumpsuit kind of a deal with a matching beret. And she was like, this used to be mine.

I used to disco dance in it. I don't wear it anymore. Take it, cut it up, do whatever you want. And I was like, that's exactly what I'm going to do. And I took it home and I modeled it for my family. And I was like, I'm going to be a punk rocker. And my brothers who are older were like, that's not at all what a punk rock is. That's not, that's not at all, right?

And I was like, and I remember this, God, I remember this so fucking vividly. I was like, but I can do the splits just like Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger doesn't do the splits. The splits are not considered a punk rock move. Mick Jagger's not considered a punk rock person. But you were thinking... Also, I could not do the splits. I think you were thinking of a real punk rocker,

which is say James Brown, the godfather of soul. Maybe, yeah, yeah. But still, it was clear that I could not be deterred. Possibly Tommy Toon. Amazing. Did you wear the beret with him? Everybody thought I was a pimp. Oh yeah, fucking bad idea.

Literally, a lot of people asked me, a small child, whether I was a pimp. Did you alter the costume in any way, the outfit that she gave you? Yeah, I mean, I think I made some cuts to it just to make it fit. Safety pins? Probably. I mean, safety pins seem central. You would think. But yeah, no, I think I was just really happy to be in glitter.

My friend, whose mother had given me that, we trick-or-treated together, and she went as a calculator. Calculator. That's fun. And I fucked that up. But yeah, she had a little sandwich board with numbers on it. That's fun. And on the back it said, I'm a T.I.

You know what, that is legitimately fun. That's a fun costume. I enjoyed that. I think so. Okay. It concerned my family. I'm glad that we're talking about ghost schools and goblins, because this question concerns ghosting.

I have recently started my second year of college. I ghosted my friends from high school that are going to different schools so that I wouldn't have to have it fade away and get awkward, have high school fade away and get awkward. That will happen no matter what. Yeah. I feel like I was mainly just friends with them because the school was small and it was either them or no friends.

Well, now one of them is transferred to my school and I see them around in my dorms and in my classes. Should I acknowledge him now or just keep ghosting from Guilty Ghost in Granite State? I want to say first and foremost, like ghosting means leaving without saying goodbye, I think. Yeah. But in a hip hop slang, to ghost someone is to kill them.

To turn them into set ghosts. Yeah, and so I'm imagining this young gentleman or lady just being like, ooh, I do not want to deal with post-college, awkward friend relationships. I better kill my friends. I better murder all of these friends. They wouldn't even have been my friends if it wasn't such a small high school.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's their fault, really. Yeah. Time to kill them. Why did they have to be around? Yeah. So rude.

This is a person who seems to be afraid of adult relationships and all their complexity. Yeah, I think it absolutely behooves this person to say like, yeah, I'm going to be an adult and I'm going to explain my behavior around you. I think you could, I think they could, you could just say, for example, hey, nice to see you in my class. I hope whatever college you went to before you transferred in here was good.

Well, anyway, see you around the dining hall. Yeah, you're not. Yeah, you don't have any particular like duties anymore. And then when that person says, hey, do you want to hang out? You're like, I'm pretty busy with school. If that person says, hey, do you want to hang out? Here's what you do. Tell them to close their eyes and count to 10.

While they're doing that, just run away. Just run away. If you have classes in common, transfer out of them. Just hide from the person. That's the best thing to do. Hide. Be passive. If you do want to be friends with them, I mean,

I would recommend showing them how to dougie. Yes. Sure. You know, I think that's going to be, that's going to be your best bet. If you can share the gift of dance, then you're pretty rock solid. Absolutely. You want to do one more, one more yahoo before we go into the money zone?

Yeah, let's do one more yahoo. Well, we have a final yahoo. Is that the one I'm supposed to do right now? Okay, doggy. All right. Well, then I get to choose which one is more open to, you know what? I'm going to do this one.

Sent in by Zoe Kinski. Zoe Kinski. Thank you, Zoe. Thank you, Zoe. Daughter of Klaus. And Natasha. Natasha. From yahoo answers user.

Sorry, something has gone wrong. Can cars feel love? I really like cars and love driving. I especially like driving well engineered cars the way they were designed to be driven. Read too fast. That's my inference there. I recently bought a new car and it just amazes me daily. So tight and quick.

This is making me feel weird. But I swear it can feel my love. If I let it get dirty or allow the inside to become not immaculate, it dot dot dot show more. It's printed out improperly, so we'll never know. Oh, wow. Update. I've heard that Germans are detail oriented to the point of being anal.

Maybe it's because she's a fraud line? Or maybe because the company was originally a race car company and race cars are never dirty? Question mark. Update two. Rob, obviously you're not a driver and you own a Dodge Omni. I feel your pain. Update three.

I have since learned that I might not be love, but karma. And by the way, people with no feelings for cars and things mechanical don't need to respond. You can get your two points in home and garden or something. Yeah, you're going to need to get their questions. You guys all right? I don't feel good about this. I don't like any of the people involved in that thread. Do you think this was a dragon posting this?

Because I know that dragons fuck cars. I don't want to be made to become chicken. Was it the space alien from Blondie's Rapture? Who goes around eating cars? Leeds Cadillacs? Lincoln's too. Mercury's and Subaru? Yeah.

And you don't stop? We're keeping it totally 80s here. I love the 80s. Yeah. No, they can't. So do you guys think cars can feel love? No, they can't. Absolutely.

Split decision. They can feel love, but interestingly, that's the only emotion they can feel. The only one. They don't feel anger or fear. They also feel Schadenfreude. Of course. They're just Volkswagen's though, right? Yeah.

That's just Volkswagen's. Just Volkswagen's. It's kind of a weird software thing. Wouldn't you admit, however, that Volkswagen's are the physical embodiment of Schadenfreude? Thank you. I'm having a rough morning. You mean because they were born of the Nazis? Exactly.

But they're great cars. It's got really dark, really fast. Way to go, Zoe. Thanks for bringing that to our lives. Let's take a break and go to the Money Zone. Oh, you McRoy brothers, you're always such cut-ups. They sound a little different, don't you think? These people aren't fucking brothers.

Oh my God. They're not, brothers. They're just funny people. You've parted the veil. Boy, it's nice to have a fucking week off. Oh boy, except that it wasn't really a week off because we recorded two other podcasts that aren't ours. You've probably recorded what, like four?

Like 100,000 podcasts. So many podcasts. We're caught in a tornado of podcasts, but this one we didn't have to do because Jesse, Dave, and Rhea were so kind to step in and I hope you've been enjoying it. But it's too bad if you have because now we're stepping in to sell you some shit. Harry's is our first sponsor this week. Harry's.com specifically. I almost said specifically like a baby and I'm not sure why.

Oh my God. Justin's been reading a lot of the old family circus. Harry's meat bulbs offer a high quality shit. No, they're razors actually. Harry's Piscetti is the tenderest noodles around. Harry's razors offer a high quality shape that's better for your face and for your wallet. They got a $15 starter set. It's got a razor foaming shaved gel or shave cream and three razor blades plus free shipping.

I love Harry's stuff, especially like their aftershave. I'm huge in their aftershave. I think it smells great. But they got a ton of good stuff. And here's the good news. If that $15 price tag is still a little rich for you, you can go to Harry's.com and get $5 off the starter set if you use the code mybrother. That's all one word.

And you can start shaving better today. Again, that's harrys.com and use the coupon code mybrother for $5 off that starter set. My brother, my brother, my brother. What's wrong with us? What's wrong? We've been stumbling a lot. We're drunk. I don't think we're drunk.

I think we've got our yips. Half of us are drunk. This is the first time we've ever explicitly had my brother, my brother being competition. I feel like I'm back in middle school and I'm auditioning for the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe and I completely botched my monologue. But then Jesse Thorne steps up and he does a perfect Mr. Tumnus. And then I know I'm just out of a job. So you were saying?

I was saying that my brother, my brother and me is supported in part by Warby Parker, a new concept in eyewear. Fashion for prescription glasses started at $95 and that includes prescription lenses. These lenses are going to help you see better, guaranteed with their home try on program. You can order five pairs of glasses and they'll be shipped directly to your home. You try them on. You pick the frames you like. You send back the frames that you picked as a joke for free with no obligation to purchase.

You don't have to buy them. You bought them as a joke to put on and you showed your friends and they were like, what are you doing? Just kidding. All of Warby Parker's frames are very sexy. I'm guessing. Anyway, you can go to warbyparker.com slash my brother. You can get a free three-day ship on your final frame choice.

Three-day ship. You can get a three-day finally. The slang nobody asked for is here. It's a boat and after 72 hours and it is reduced to flinders. Like that's it. Anyway, that is warbyparker.com slash my brother. All one word. Go there.

Get those. Get that free three-day ship. Get those frames. Put them all on your face at the same time. Say you're a 10-eyed monster, man. The Halloween costume solved. Got a message for Christopher Zagle from Paul and Tim. And Paul and Tim say, wow, you're marrying wonderful Meg.

Congratulations to you and congratulations to wonderful Meg. We hope your hearts together become swollen with power. May your love be huge and vulnerable and dumb. That's lovely. It's very sweet. I wish I'd thought to come up with a nickname like wonderful Meg. Yeah, that's pretty good. Justin, I also want to point out.

Delectable hoops. Delectable hoops is very good. Thank you. My god. I could just off the tip of my tongue. It's just right off the dome. I do want to point out that you said, wow, like Christopher Walken and then I almost like made a joke like, wow, you sure sound like Christopher Walken.

But then I knew you would then proceed to do the rest of the message as Mr. Walken. You've done well. That was good. Good instincts holding off on that. Wow. Restraint. That's all actually all I can do. But that's a pretty good Christopher Walken.

Wow. Wow. If you ever need a Christopher Walken sound to like for your project to and you need him to just say, wow, and then exit the scene immediately. Hey, all right. Blizzard Entertainment. How about it? Looking for something to enough for a fucking Hearthstone card, right?

Well, no, I was specifically talking about World of Warcraft. I got a message for Bayer and it's from Maliki, Grace, Maddie, Carson and Bridget Underwood. Why did Bridget get two names? Are they all underwoods? All underwoods, I think is what I actually think might be happening. The message says congratulations on putting a ring on the love of our lives with a combined total 72 years experience as the lucky friends of Bridget Pello. We could not have parted with her to anyone less worthy.

We look forward to many years of fresh crystal, game nights, carry okay, and your fine Viking company couldn't be happier to call you our brother. That is very sweet. Wow. Wow, what a sweet message. Wow. Wow. Congratulations, Bayer.

Bayer Christopher Walken. Bayer, that's a family that you have entered into that seems wow. Very happy. I'm using wow as an accelerant to put the flame on the dying embers of the scripture walking impression as it doddles away from me like an unruly toddler. Wow. Well, it's been a fun money zone. It's been a pretty good money zone.

Miss Travis, he's covering for Mark Maron this week. That's not true. He's interviewing Barry the Prez, a known Barack Obama impersonator. No, we literally called him to see if he could do any didn't answer. Sorry, Travis. You got to think quick. That's why he crumbles. But thanks to all of you.

Thanks to you to all of you for donating and making Max Fun Swap Week a possibility. So here, let's break it down for him. As you can tell, Rhea, Jesse, and Dave did my brother, my brother made this week. That means me, Justin, and Travis did Jordan, Jesse, go this week. With Chuck Bryant from Stuff You Should Know. Stuff You Should Know. I thought it turned out funny. Justin and I were a little slap happy because we've been on a work bender for like five straight days.

And we were drinking. Like you could just say we were drinking. We were super drunk. And we talked about, almost exclusively, we talked about The Grinder. Yes. And we talked about two things, the weather in Georgia and The Grinder. We talked about The Grinder for about 25 minutes. Griffin invented a game from a drunken mispronunciation called Fuck Carry Mill.

Fuck Mill Carry. Fuck Mill Carry, where you have to decide between fucking milling or carrying. Anyway, it got real. And it was fun. You can find us there on Jordan, Jesse, go this week. So what are the other things? Oh, the Adventure Zone. So the guys at the Flophouse, a very, very, very funny podcast you should be listening to,

swapped with us this week at the Adventure Zone. That means that they did an arc on the Adventure Zone, which I just, I don't know if you've listened to it yet. It ties into the end of our first story arc. Really? It's cool. I'm like, you haven't shared it with me yet. It follows the events of the first story arc of the Adventure Zone.

I liked it a whole lot. It's like two hours long. It's beefy. So that's going to be on Thursday. I should have broken that into two. Really milked this shit. Got a nice little break. Yeah, it's a good brew.

And then us, my brother and my brother and me bros, and our dad, who is also on the Adventure Zone, we did the Flophouse, where we talked about the movie Leprechaun Origins. It was a nightmare, but I think it was fun too. And then Sawbones. Sawbones switched with Oh No, Ross and Carrie. So Ross and Carrie is doing Sawbones this week. I was, we were supposed to have an episode for them this weekend,

but my tooth is abscess and my life's a living hell, and I can't finish it this weekend. But next weekend, Hooboy, strap in. Hooboy, we're stretching out. It's Max Fun Swap Month, baby. Who knows where we're going to end up next? Yep. Marin.

I don't, Marin. He's not, I cannot stress this enough. He is not on the Max Fun Networking Project. Wait, wow. I didn't know. Wow, stupid dumb show. Can we throw it back to the professionals? Here you go, professionals.

Wow, back to you in the studio. Take this baby bird from us. We've been trying to nurse it back to health, but we don't crush it. I'm Cameron Esposito. I'm Rhea Butcher. I am Ricky Carmona. And we are the cast members of what I don't know,

podcastiness of Wham Bam Pow. That's an action and sci-fi movie podcast you can find on maximalfun.org or on iTunes. And what do we do? News reviews and things you can use. Tons of things you can use. We break it down so it can forever be broken. Hilarious jokes.

Plus, sometimes there's a dog in the studio. Sometimes there's a dog here. We'll see you in your earbuds. Welcome back to My Brother, My Brother and Me. I'm your oldest brother, Jesse Thorn, from Other Shows. I'm your middle brother, Dave Holmes, from Another Show. And I'm your little brother, Rhea Butcher, from Other Stuff and Always Wanting to Be a Little Brother.

Aw. Yeah, it's great. Dreams come true. I'm really proud of the work we're doing so far. Me too. Me too. I'm proud of Dave's totally 80s references. Thanks.

Kill me. I'm proud of Rhea's- Gag me with a spell, guys. Rhea's- Do it. Do it, come on. I'm proud of Rhea's focus on brain reprogramming. I'm proud that I managed to bring in the Philip Seedy Interactive.

Sure. Which is basically the only reference I'm capable of generating. This is great. We should do this more often. We really should. I'm feeling good about this. I really do. Here's something from-

Like the chemistry? Cackling in Canada. Okay. I'm not a particularly funny person. But sometimes I accidentally say real gustbusters. Gutbusters. Gutbusters. That leaves me sometimes.

Occasionally I say real ghostbusters. I accidentally say- I just recite the entire screenplay of ghostbusters and ghostbusters too. Sometimes I watch the real ghostbusters. Yeah, sometimes I watch the other ghostbusters. The terrible one. With the monkey. Yeah.

Purple? Was it purple, the monkey? On the original ghostbusters? No, I think you're thinking of purple gorilla- Wait. Grape ape is what you're thinking of. Direct your comments to the McElroy brothers. This gorilla was wearing like a safari cowboy hat with the one side up like Jurassic Park?

He was big though. He was a gorilla, right? A big guy. Yeah, he's not a monkey. I was just using an umbrella term. It's okay, a few people already let Griffin and Justin and Travis know that some lady came on their podcast and confused apes and monkeys. I'm not a particularly funny person, but sometimes I accidentally say real gutbusters

that leave people gulping for air for excruciatingly long periods of time. I've never ever known what to do while they're still laughing, besides sit around awkwardly waiting for it to end. Brothers, as that's us, as three naturally hilarious people, thank you very much, although it's a skill we've developed over many years, it wasn't just born into us. Do you have any advice for dealing with this situation, sincerely cackling in Canada? Can I say one thing?

Leave Canada for a little while. Stop being so Canadian about this, because it's being very Canadian about this. Sometimes I'm really funny so much so that people are suffocating. I just don't know what to do about it. It's very Canadian. How can I help them? Get, come to Los Angeles, and you'll feel so much better about this immediately. Number one, people are not going to laugh that hard at stuff.

It's going to be a lot harder to get those gutbusters out because we don't have guts here. That's true. None of us are eating. They will laugh, but it'll be this. It'll be that. It will be. It'll be the laugh of recognition. They'll immediately get on their phone.

Yeah, it's like when you're at a comedy show and another comic is there, you can't laugh anymore. They're laughed out, but they want to acknowledge that they know that you've told a joke. It's that laugh, and it's also the Frazier laugh. They've made a deep cut joke on Frazier, and your friend who gets it, because he saw that Gilbert and Sullivan thing one time, goes, because he wants you to know you got it. That's the kind of laugh you'll get.

It's like when- And it's real quick, you can find shit to do during that. That's like three quarters of a second. You're right back home. So come on down here. People at a Shakespeare festival who understand why Shakespeare said that French people are fat or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

And they're like, Not real. Not real. I get it. You might as well just say, I get it. Not real laughter. Yeah. Ghost them.

While they're laughing real hard, just leave. Just leave. Just leave. Or get really good at mugging. Just get really good at mugging. Look at them. Take it in. Enjoy it.

Stop apologizing. Ring it out. Just like it. Just smile. That's the whole point. Yeah, the point of- Either that or stop talking. Look, here's the point of making somebody laugh.

When you make somebody laugh, for a brief moment, you've reprogrammed their brain to have control over them. That's why we've all gotten into this business. We just want those- Free programming brains. Brief moments where we control our peers rather than them looking down upon us. So revel in that. In that moment, you are like unto a king or queen.

You're like unto a god. You're controlling the very physical, unconscious physical reactions of your opponents slash friends. You're not wrong. If this was thousands of years ago, you could be killing them all. Yeah. And eating their hearts. Yes. And taking all of their food and supplies and things like that.

By making them laugh. My recommendation is paint yourself gold while they're laughing. Then they'll know who the real god is. But leave one little spot open because you don't want to suffocate. You do not want to suffocate. No, you want to leave- You know what you do is you put- I don't know if you know this, Rhea.

I don't know if you- You put straws up your nose before you paint your entire body gold. You're going to want to shave your body, too, because otherwise it's not going to take the paint properly. It won't. Or just dye the body hair. Or you can prime it. You can prime yourself.

If you're here in Los Angeles, I think getting gold dyed body hair is a little easier than it is in Canada. Yeah. Because there's all those gold dyed body hair salons. The Kardashians just opened a whole chain of dyed body hair gold or salons. Who else would do it? Rhea, what do you got on the Yahoo front there? We're not doing the-

When do we- No, we're saving the last- Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, yes. Got it. Okay. Sent in by Drew Davenport from Yahoo Answers User Concerned.

Thank you, Drew Davenport. The great Drew Davenport. The great Drew Davenport of couch making fame, right? Yeah. Sofa making fame. Yeah. Can you unknowingly sign away your organs like Dilbert? I was reading my Dilbert calendar and in it,

he unknowingly signs away his organs when signing a software services contract. They then come to harvest his organs. Is it possible to have that happen in real life? Yeah, it is. Yeah, of course it is. It's real. Everything in Dilbert is real. Yeah, Dilbert's the documentary cartoonist.

Right, yeah. I have a tie just like that. It points straight up to this guy. I think it is so revolutionary. Like when you talk about the great documentarians, the Maisel's brothers, Errol Morris, Verna Herzog. Sure. The Saracanig.

Saracanig from podcast Saracanig. Well, I mean, listen, it's a documentary podcast. Yeah. Great point. When you talk about great documentarians, I feel like too few people mention Dilbert creator, Scott Dickers. Adams. Adams, Scott Adams.

Scott Dickers is the former editor of The Onion. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Scott Adams. Yeah, Scott Adams, who used to work at PG&E or something. Yeah. And now writes crazy right wing screens. Does he really? I think, yeah.

I might be spreading lies. I'm getting a nod outside the booth. Yeah, it feels true, doesn't it? That sounds, that feels right. Yeah, feels good. The name like Dilbert, it's going to go downhill from there. I think Dilbert, I think Dilbert could win the Republican primary. It's wide open right now.

I do too. Right now. You know? Yeah. And he's got a real kinship with the common man. Absolutely. He has more so than Donald Trump, who's leading the pack right now. Oh my God.

I have talked to way too many normal people that are like, I like his ideas. Oh, name one. They don't live in this state or this side of the country at all. Yeah. They live in the flyover states or what I like to call the Pepsi states. Winning against China, that's one of his great ideas. Yeah. And what would you rather lose against China?

Yeah, we're going to win a lot. We're going to be tired of winning. We're going to win so much. You guys really start all things. I don't mean to be mean about this. You guys are really starting to sound like losers. So my wife's sister just texted her asking if we have any room on our Netflix account for her to use. I'm not sure why, but I really don't want to give her our password.

I think it's the whole, hey, since you're already paying for this thing that I want, can I have some aspect of it? She makes her own money and is definitely capable of starting a subscription. Yeah. It's not that she has a hard time starting projects. In other words, I know technically it won't cost us any money, but I don't want this Netflix leech hanging on to us for as long as she can. If we say yes, how long until she's asking for our HBO Now account or Amazon Prime?

How can we say no to this without seeming like selfish and cheap? Are we being selfish and cheap? Sincerely, Netflix and not so chill in Alaska. Okay. Ooh, not chose chill? It's funny that he says at the end, we, because at the beginning he was saying I, and then he's like, are we being cheap about this, bringing the wife back into it? Yeah, so that I would love to know if the wife is like, hey,

my sister wants to be on this Netflix thing. And he's like, no to his wife. This is some sister-in-law shit. Like, let's get real. He also doesn't use the phrase sister-in-law. Yeah. He's like, my wife's sister. This is some sister-in-law shit.

Yeah. And this is something the wife definitely shrugged off on him. She wants to say no, but she doesn't want to do it herself. Right. So she's making him do it and he's uncomfortable. This is raw as hell. Yeah, it really is. This is serious.

This is a serious family situation. This could tear this family apart like the thorn birds. Ghost them. Set in the 70s. Was the thorn birds in the 70s? Famous television miniseries. Yeah, yeah. Damn it.

Was it late 70s though? Like Dallas. Is that in the 80s? That's the 80s. Oh, the 70s. It's not the 80s. What's 70s in the 80s? Miami Vice.

Miami Vice. This could tear this family up. LA Law. Dynasty. Dynasty. That's what I need. Dynasty. Falcon Crest.

Falcon Crest, yeah. That's probably like 79. Yeah. Okay. Which is basically 1980. Here's what he should do. Yeah, yeah, same thing basically. This could tear his family apart like the Jackson's Victory Tour.

There it is. Yeah. Um, she, he should give her the password. Yeah. And then add that spooky movie to her cue that makes you, that you die after seven days. Uh-huh. Right?

Yeah. That's a movie. Yeah. But the, but not, not the movie about that. The actual thing. The actual movie from the movie. The actual movie so she watches it and then she'll die after, and then she'll be a ghost.

Yeah. Perfect. Right. I, uh. And also make her settings like for kids only. Yes. Make it so that she can't change it. Yes.

She's like, damn it. That's exactly it. Then she has to get her own thing. I think things are showing up in my Amazon that I did not watch. I think Lindsay probably stole my Amazon password. Ooh. Because there are animes appearing in my Amazon Prime, you just watched like finished watching this.

I think that Lindsay logged into my thing so she could watch Janet Varney on Legend of Korra or something. And now all my recommendations are for, yeah, weird, weird foreign cartoons. Strange. Very strange. I definitely blame Lindsay for this. I know.

I don't want to be called the chicken. I don't want to become called the chicken. I have moved into a new apartment in Scotland, only to discover my room is mega chill. Even in two sweaters, wool socks and hat. I a seasoned Canadian and uncomfortably cold. I've slept in this sad room one night and have already developed a dreadful case of the sniffles.

I'm tempted to throw myself on the mercy of Scottish Walmart and buy every electric blanket and space heater in sight. But I'm on a pathetic student's budget. Do you have any tips on keeping warm since signed the little match girl? You could light the whole place on fire. That's true. Then you get a nice insurance. And if you get more than one electric blanket or space heater,

that will already happen. You know what, you saying the phrase hot, hot, hot makes me think of an 80s reference I should make, which is maybe just invite Buster Poindexter over. There you go. It's always a hot time when he's around. Yeah. Or the cure.

Or a hot time in the city with Billy Einal. Sure. No, that was Billy, oh boy. Hot in the city. Nick Gilder. I'm thinking of a different side. Hot in the city. Hot in the city was Billy Einal.

Yeah, but I think from the 70s. I'm tripping Billy's over here. Tripping Billy's. There's a woman at my gym with the Dave Matthews band Fire Lady tattoo like in the in tramp stamp position. That's forever. It's impossible for me to take a person seriously with that. It's in there forever.

That's amazing. It's in there forever. It's not even a bumper sticker. A bumper sticker would be bad enough. It would last the life of your car. Yeah, that's on your body forever. She went to the tattoo man and said to him, I've got this Dave Matthews CD.

I'd like you to put on my body for the rest of my life. I love Dave. I hated the way in high school. There was a summer into my senior year in high school that everyone got into Dave Matthews. And all they they referred to him as simply Dave the entire school year. And I hated it because everybody went to this one concert in Akron at Blossom Music Center, everybody.

And they just referred to him as Dave. Did you go to Dave? Dave? Dave? Yeah, you were at Dave, right? Oh, I hated it. I ghosted them all. Yeah, you should.

You should. Anyway, throw a smoke bomb and run away. If you see any more of those people. I'm still dealing with the emotional after effects of Tori and Ani from high school. And I have respect for both of them. Do you see them on Lilith? People are artists.

No, I did not. But others did. If you're in the theater department of an arts high school in 1998, that's what's popping. Sure. Wow. Okay. Yeah.

There's some serious overall action going on in that community. Yeah, that was that was some real shit. Wow. That's actually that actually sounds like a really great time to be alive. The Ani, I think it's a great time. I mean, to be young, to be young party. There's no doubt that it was a great time to be a lady in a theater high school in San Francisco.

Because you could just go full on fucking Tori Amos. Emotional collapse at all times. Because that was like what you're supposed to be doing because you're an actress. Oh, God, that sounds so satisfying. And you can be as brave and powerful as Ani DeFranco is. And then I'll just be like, well, I mean, I would like to be friends with Macy O. Parker. She's friends with Macy O. Parker. Fuck, man.

She's met Prince. God, that sounds so good. That sounds so freeing. Yeah. You can't imagine how difficult it was growing up like repressed in Catholic. You know what I mean? Yeah. Look at the way I still dress.

I'm 44 years old. You know what I mean? Like it's it's like a handsome guy. Oh, no, thanks. But like, but to, you know, when I'm, you know, to go through the turbulent years and have to pretend that you're not going through the turbulent years, it's a lot of fucking work. And I'm really jealous of people who like went to places where it's like,

you know, you fucking do mushrooms and you jump out of a tree and you break your leg or whatever. And that's just, that's just shit that people do. Like that's, God, damn it. I'm so jealous. I feel like multiple people that I went to high school with went to Burning Man. Yes. What?

As 15 year olds. Uh-huh. The day Matthews Coonser was the craziest thing that anybody in my high school did. People were trying to get their driver's license at 16, so they could finally drive their art car. Yeah. Was it a Volkswagen? I was like the squareest guy in my entire high school, by far.

See, I realized the other day that I was like the weirdest person at my high school. Wow. Because as I was listening to cereal, they were talking about like, oh yeah, it's just who you want to for this, you know, everybody just knew he was like the bad kid or whatever. And I went, huh, who was that? Oh shit. I think it was me because I couldn't think of anybody else.

So it had to be me, right? But you're so regular. I know. I know. Jesse, I know. You're wearing a baseball hat. I don't want a baseball hat. You're on a baseball team, Rhea.

How much more regular could you be than to be on a baseball team? Well, I am a woman. Yeah, that's true. So that is the weird part. What position do you play? I was playing third. Yeah. But I also.

You got the arm for that? I do have the arm for that. How do you feel about charging it on a bunt? Oh, I always charge on a bunt. Yeah. My knees are bad right now, though. I was playing in a fall league. I was playing second.

You know, that's fine. I play second. Also got hit in the face in the last game because I was playing second. Oh, I one time, you know, the only time my baseball team growing up, I always went, I always played, I played in park leagues and the park that I played at, our team was always bad. Every year it was bad. And basically, like the main difference between the good teams

and the bad teams in my league was the good teams came from out in the avenues in San Francisco and they would just have like three or four giant Pacific Islander people who were like two feet taller than everyone else. Dudes and ladies. There was a lady named Leslie, I remember. She was amazing. She was like the best player in the entire league.

She was like a foot taller than me. Was it Leslie Jones? It was. It was Leslie Jones from Saturday Night Live, but Samoan. Okay. And yeah, and our team was bad every year. And then one year we made the playoffs and it was like the most thrilling thing in our entire life

that we made the Mustang League playoffs. And our best player was this guy named Philip who was a Seventh Day Adventist. And I would always see him out with his parents on 16th Street in San Francisco on Saturday. It's like passing out final calls or no, that's the nation of Islam. Final countdown? Yeah, the final countdown.

Maxi single? Yeah. We can't get out of the 80s. We can't. The final countdown. I'd stay there forever. And Philip was our pitcher. So he pitched like the first four,

like he pitched as much as you were allowed to pitch because you weren't allowed to pitch the whole game. And then he went into left field. Somebody singled into left field, threw it to me, Philip threw it into me at second base. It skipped off a rock, hit me in the head, gave me a concussion. Oh my God.

And I had to be taken out of like the fourth inning of the only playoff game we ever made it to. Oh man. It was like so crushing. Brutal. So crushing to me. It was the low point of my entire childhood probably. Well, second to that time I lost to the kid

who wasn't even wearing a real fucking costume. Dad's uniform to work. Diet seven up. Dead dad's uniform. It was before September 11th too. I mean, it's not like at all. Of course. We weren't fetishizing it yet.

Yeah. Give me a break. What do you got on the yahoo's, Rhea? Oh, on the yahoo's, let's see. This is also sent in by Drew Davenport. A great Drew Davenport. No user name. You know Drew Davenport's a real piece of beef cake.

Oh yeah. It sounds like it. He's a big, big tough handsome guy. Hunk of beef? Yeah, I met that guy. Alliterated name is really. Double D. Diddy.

Hey, Diddy. A masculine Diddy. It suggests hotness. Like the great Diddy Ramone. Probably the best rapper in the Ramones. Okay. The only one who put out a terrible rap album anyway. Did he really?

Yeah, there's a song called Half German Kid and it has a part in the rap that goes, I feel comfortable with this because once long ago, before he died, he was scheduled to be on The Sound of Young America and just wasn't home and his wife said he had just gone to the grocery store. But then we just played his whole rap album

because we were so upset and didn't know what else to do to fill the time. But he had a song called Half German Kid that went, did you ever see a glider flying in the wind? I bet you didn't know I'm Half German. Boy, that's bad on many levels. Let's know. At some point, he probably said what his name was

and what he was there to say. Exactly. Yeah. Apparently, from what I've heard, he just started showing up to Ramones gigs in a full Beastie Boys outfit because he was an insane person and genuinely believed he could make

rap the next big part of his career. Oh, cat. Wow. Yeah. That's awesome. That makes that, I love him now. All I can say is wow. So from Drew Javenport,

we don't have a user, Yahoo user, but the question is, is finding out what Hogwarts house someone is in and acceptable prerequisite for dating them? God, I hate Drew Javenport so much. What has happened to the world? What do you hate Drew Javenport? He's bringing us much.

He's bringing us good times. Nothing like this ever happened in the 80s. No, it didn't. I mean, maybe to children. And then they got to a certain point and was like, yeah, no, I'm, I don't. No, I've grown up. I'm an adult.

Yeah. I'm an adult. I miss adulthood. I really do. There's so few examples of it. It was such a sliver of time where people were adults. Okay, one last question before we get out of here. I tindered while drunk last night

and ended up flirting with a coworker. Turns out I don't want to pursue this, but now I don't know how to artfully extricate myself from this inter-office romance. Got any advice for me? A bit of a demo who feels a lot like a lot of a jerk. Sincerely, tipsy tinderer. Tipsy tinderer.

You know, there's a theme and it's like everybody thinks that the world wants to fucking hang out with them all the time. You know what I mean? Like why don't you maybe think nobody wants to hang out with you? Dave, you are so much more brutal than the McElroy brothers. You're like the world's most brutal McElroy brothers. But I mean, honestly, like if you think of the ambivalence

that you're feeling, 80% of the people who have questions this week and think about the fact that the other people might be feeling that too. You know what I mean? This person was probably drunk too and is probably just as mortified. Drunk tinderer. I mean, if you're, yeah, no.

The world is a cold and unkind place. Untrue. The world is a great place, but you just have to manage your expectations of the world. And to put a slightly positive spin on it, like you will feel better if you stop caring what other people think all the time. Yes.

Obviously don't lose it completely to where you have like no empathy and you also don't care about what you do because then you'll just become a huge jerk. Let's be honest, it's a delicate balance. It's better to, even in a small high school, it's better to have these friends than no friends. Of course. Yes.

Use people as much as you want. Yeah. However, do not get spun into the fact that they might be concerned about you because they do not care. Right. Yeah. They have all of their shit going on.

Yeah. Guy who ghosted. If the friends were like so desperate to find out what was going on with you and why you ghosted or whatever, they could text. That takes one second. We don't know how.

They may have ghosted you. They may have ghosted you. They have ghosted you as well. We don't know how deep this guy ghosted though. This guy could be this. I mean, this could be like the level of deep ghost that your television agent pulled on you. Yeah.

It could be like a Jennifer Garner in Alias kind of a thing. Yeah. Right? Like he could have just taken on a completely new identity. So many ghosts. He doesn't even know what a ghost is anymore. No. Okay.

This week's theme music on my brother, my brother and me, and every week's theme music on my brother and my brother and me. From our great friend John Roderick in the long winters, it's a departure. Thank you to him for letting us use that on this show. Dave Holmes is the host of International Waters, right here on maximumfund.org. It is a pop culture quiz show.

It's real fun. It is real fun, real funny. A team of British comedians competes against a team of American comedians to determine international pop culture supremacy. That's correct. It's a delight twice a month on the maximumfund.org network. This is all true. It is one of the funniest shows you could ever hope to listen to.

Rhea Butcher, the co-host of Way In Bam Pow with Rhea and Ricky, the action and sci-fi movie podcast, Smash Hit. Smash Hit. Rhea is literally the world's foremost back to the future obsessive. The fact that we've made it through this entire show where we were making 80s references and Rhea didn't... I only made one. Oh, okay.

I did make one back to the future. Part two reference early on when we were talking about becoming chicken. I mean, to be fair, the whole part where we were talking about Dave dressing up like a punk rock guy, I didn't talk about my hobby horse, which is Star Trek 4, The Voyage Home. The Star Trek fish out of water comedy. I love that one. In more ways than one, it's a literal fish out of water.

Although whales are mammals. Send your comments to the McElroy Brothers on Twitter. Please. And I, oh, I'm the host of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, the NPR show on your local NPR station and via podcast, in-depth interviews with important figures from the worlds of art and culture that are fun, fascinating and funny. Sometimes stand-up comedy, culture recommendations, a really fun show,

and the vulgar comedy talk fest that is called Jordan Jesse Goh. Now celebrating roughly its 1200 year of moderate success. Wow, has it been that long? Yeah, I know, 1200 years since the moguls ruled Persia. And I'm on the bailiff on the Judge John Hodgman podcast where questions like this get decided much more definitively, but with less fanciful goofs. Rhea, you've got one last Yahoo answer for us to go out on.

I also completely forgot to mention that I will be on tour this fall. Oh my gosh. Starting very soon, you can find that on my website, which is just my name, rheabutcher.com. Rhea is a hilarious stand-up comedian. I am indeed. Probably the only stand-up comedian you will ever bust your gut laughing at, who's also both a successful second baseman

and a former professional skateboarder. I am, yeah. I am all three of those things. I know, isn't that cool? All of that. Rhea's cool. Yeah. I'm pretty cool.

I like an admirer, Rhea Butcher. I have a Portland Mavericks t-shirt on right now. Yeah. How cool is that? How cool is that? Great boots. So I went to your booth. Thank you.

Really solid boots. The G-Zelvage stand-up. The G-Zelvage stand-up. Just exactly the right way. APCs, petite standard. Oh, Pompadour to fucking die for. Very cool. Guys, all of this is true.

Very cool. So it's a podcast. You'll just have to look me up. It's a bummer you live in Los Angeles because I want to see how you layer in the later months. Right, me too. It is a bummer that I live here because I want to see me layer as well.

But that's why I go on tour so I can layer in other places and take pictures in the fall. I literally just went on a layering tour of Scandinavia. Yeah, I went to Oslo, Stockholm, and Copenhagen specifically just so I could do some layering. Just a layer. And hey, this should go to the person in Scotland. Yeah.

Just layer. Yeah. Layer, layer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did we ever answer that at all? There's some beautiful, wool-rich blankets that are great, made in the USA. Buy one of those.

That'll keep you nice and warm. Yeah, layer. Put blankets on. Or you just get a $20 space heater. Another option. Make sure you turn it on and off. Yes, keep your blankets away from it. Off, off.

So the She Said She Said Tour starts up this fall. Check it out on my website. And our final yahoo is sent in by Rachel Sperling from Yahoo Answers user Owen. Thank you, Rachel. The great Rach-Tacular. Rach-Sper, go Rachel Spurs. Is only wanting male Pokemon in my party make me sexist?

You know what? It's really about ethics and gaming journalism. Yeah. Ethics and Pokemon. The McElroy Brothers will be back next week on My Brother, My Brother, and Me. Kiss your sister-in-law square on the mouth. Maximumfun.org.

Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. I'm Jesse Thorn. I'm Jordan Morris. The federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today. You're a taxpayer, right?

Well, then you've got it coming. Thanks to Uncle Sam. You can get grant programs for veterans. Posted stamps that'll ensure your mail gets there in a timely fashion. Fruit for you and your family. Child care for your children that turns them into super soldiers. Get a million dollars to open your own lake.

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Your father's approval. Don't wait. Right now. For all of this and more, drop us a line. Jordan, Jesse, go 123 Itunes Street or wherever you download podcasts.