My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM: The Adventure Zone

Episode Date: August 18, 2014

Okay, so. Justin's on paternity leave. (Yay, Justin!) That means we're going to be doing some ... experimental stuff up in MBMBaM. Like, for instance, instead of doing the whole advice thing, we played Dungeons and Dragons and recorded it. Suggested talking points: The Hero Birthing Process, The Inventor of Fantasy Tex-Mex, Gnomish Craigslist, Dead Horses, Murder Dance, Flushing the Toilet Cave

Hey everyone, this is Griffin. I have terrific news, if you haven't already heard, Justin and Sydney had a baby. A beautiful, bouncing baby girl. Her name is Charlie Gale and she is beautiful and we are very, very happy for them. And this also means that my brother, my brother and me is essentially going on a paternity leave for a little bit until Justin can get back and start recording new, normal episodes with us, which means in the interim we are going to release some unorthodox content, I think you could call it. Next week we're going to be releasing the Los Angeles Live Show that we did a couple months back, which actually turned out very well in terms of body quality, so don't worry about that. This

week we're doing something that we've been wanting to do for a very long time and that we've actually been asked to do a whole bunch. We had a lot of fun doing it despite the fact that we kind of had no idea what we were doing, so give us any feedback you might have as you sit back and enjoy the Macaroys playing Dungeons & Dragons in a project we are tentatively calling The Adventure Zone. So you guys ready to make some dudes? Yeah. So I guess we should use the pre-roll dudes or else they're going to be here all day. Like I can tell you guys about like statistical ranges that you're going to be using for your strength and your dexterity. I can talk to

you all about vocations, I can talk to you about evocations, all kinds of shit. What about sponsors? I can talk about sponsorships. Basically if you and a handsome teenager fall in love and play it up, then you'll get potions that will help you out. I should mention just off the bat that we are playing a Hunger Games role-playing game and it's not an officially licensed product, but it's in my own division. So I call the cat a nice? Okay. That seems obvious. Is that like playing odd job? Yeah, she has a, she's very tiny. She's very hard to hit. I mean let's talk about our D&D experience because I think we're all pretty uncomfortable right now and she's a pretty good icebreaker. Travis, you played some 4th edition, right?

Yes, I played 4th edition and only 4th edition, but I've played it, I don't know, I didn't have a regular game, like I've even played a lot, but I've played, I don't know, six or seven times. Jesus. What? We just, maybe you're not ready for this. Maybe you're not ready for the D&D acumen that I've played. I played one time twice. Okay, so this is two times then. I've never played in my entire life. You're the biggest goddamn nerd I've ever met. I know and how did this happen? I don't know. Was it something you actively avoided because that's what I did for a while where I just wasn't willing to take that step. I just never had anybody who was interested in it besides me. But you like came up in

the Gygax era. Oh yeah. I actually met Gygax. Did you really? Yeah, I mean I was a con. Fucking awkward conversation. So what's your thing again? That sounds really good, can't wait to play it Gary. I know of those ideas as separate entities. Keep plugging at it Gary. You'll get there. You'll get there. Keep it up. Keep it up with your role playing James. I think for a lot of people Dungeons and Dragons was the last bastion of the nerdiest thing you could do. Yeah. And it was sort of like the fail safe like emergency, well at least I don't play Dungeons and Dragons, but the good thing is now LARPing's the thing. So we can say like, someday there will be like live action slash fiction and then LARPing

will be like passe. And then we can finally, finally, finally indulge in it. Well we're getting there with the quest on ABC. So yeah, it's true. Travis I need you to make that dog a call. Is your dog playing? Is your dog playing? She is Princess Butter. She's playing as my direhound lady. You will have a direhound if and when I decide that you've earned one. Do you remember how when you got Nessie, you had to like do chores and stuff to show you were responsible enough? I will give you a fake in game dog, but you have to show me that you can take care of it and you can feed it and take it off. I rolled my own character and I wrote him a backstory. That's your, that's a step from the right direction, man.

I named, I have a name. So well, well, let's talk about the classes we're playing. So we're only playing with three people, which is tiny. It's pitiful based on. We're going to get just demolished. Yeah, you're going to get wrecked. I'll be dungeon mastering, which I've never done. I actually did it once for a pickup game. What am I telling to Nirvana? Three people. It's tiny. Sure. But, but you, you guys will be facing the horrors that I throw at you and you'll be playing, I think we're keeping it pretty traditionally. Yeah. We got a Travis, you're going to be the fighter. I'm playing a human fighter named Magnus Burnside. I love that. Magnus Burnside's. Correct. Is he, is he, I mean, Magnus is that, is that

Greco Roman in nature? Is he, is he real historical fantasy? What's the deal? Yes, Magnus Burnside's is a real person that I base this on. I'm, I'm playing a wizard. Okay. His name is spelled T-A-A-K-O. So like take, take a. So like take it. Talk. Well, I mean that it's. Is it a wizard named? Are you naming your goddamn wizard, Taco? It's a family name. It's not pronounced. Is it sure for something? Taco Bell. He's actually, he's actually Taco the Lesser. My father, Taco the Great. Taco Supreme. Please, please get it be Taco Bell. I live in a cabana. I guess it's okay, Justin, because like in the, in the, in the infinite world of fantasy I'm about to craft for you, maybe tacos don't exist already. And it's just

in the traditional sense. Oh my God. My whole goal is not realized. My goal for this adventure is to invent the taco. It's sure. Roll for salsa. You might unite into a roll for salsa. I don't know. You could take any number of checks. It could take a peppers check, a sauce check, a consistency check, a zesty check, a freshness check, a soft or hard shell check. I love it. A content check. I'm going to be so deep in game. Your name's not even going to be ridiculous. What is it, Taco? Roll for zestyness. Roll for going and thinking outside the bun. Daddy, what are you, you're a clerk, right? I'm a dwarf cleric named Merle High Church. Merle? And that's M-E-R-L-E. See, that's a goddamn name. Put that, yeah. I'm sorry.

No, no, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Magnus Burnside. Magnus is a great name. I'm saying all three. I'm saying we're batting a thousand here with three great names. Justin, what was your raise? Including taco. Uh, white. Why does it matter? No, it does actually matter. And for their statistical implication. High elf. I'm a high elf. Okay. Terrific. Do you have a last name taco? Supreme. The wizard. No. I'll give you taco. Taco again, but spelled differently. Taco. I do have a last name, but it's a secret that will only be revealed later in the adventure. That's power. I love it. So Merle, taco, and Magnus. Sounds like the league on FX. No, it's fantastic. So, uh, thank you for plugging our FX sponsorship

down. I was surprised that they would step in to support us, to give us that trust before even started, but, um, cool. Uh, so, so these three sheets here, Travis, I know you went off book to do your own thing. It's a while of the game, Griffin. I guess I'll be checking your math as we play. Uh, he is invincible and it's, I rolled 20 somehow. Okay. So, so he's level 20. Everything's 20s across the board. Oh, I see. He can't roll below a 20. He can't roll below. It's just a plus 20s on all of his skill checks. Interesting. And he has a magic sword that kills people in one hit. Okay. But the only thing, the only thing is, is that he's got a disease that will kill him in 15 minutes. That is correct.

That's too beautiful. He's too perfect to live. His, his face is just, uh, one more hand. They can't see anything. Can't smell anything. You would think that would factor into his name, but no, no. Well, his parents didn't know he was going to have one more hand for a face when he was born. It was something to develop. I wrote a whole backstory, but why is a face for a hand or a hand for a face? Does he have sideburns? No, full beard. But burn sideburns. The sideburns are twice as bush. He is the rest of the beard. That's a weird look. Well, he started to have sideburns, and then he just stopped. Okay. You know what I mean? And I, but he didn't trim him down. He let it grow out. I understand. But

he does care. He carries a vanity mirror with him because Sunday he will decide to just take it back to the sideburns and he wants to be ready. I understand. So, so Magnus, I assume is like ready to roll. I assume I'll be checking your math as we go along. Um, for any, I, I, I believe I have, I have caught everything and I'm ready to go. Okay. You want to give us like a brief overview of what he's all about? Um, so he's, uh, he's a protection, um, style fighter, which means that he gets, uh, he gets plus two, um, while carrying a shield. Okay. Now I have to double check my things. Plus plus two to AC, um, which allows a fighter to, um, oh, here it is. Um, uh, protection style fighting allows

the fighter to impose disadvantage on an enemy attacking you or a target within five feet. Okay. If you are using a melee weapon and a shield. Okay. I can explain what all of those words meant dad and Justin probably in Travis. Okay. I should point out that we're playing fifth edition, which, uh, the starter kit is out for the players. How about handbook isn't out. So we're all kind of learning this together all at the same time. Um, so I can explain some of those concepts to you as we go along, but that's basically you stand in the way of shit and you help people not get hit. Um, I also come, uh, my background is that of a carpenter, um, who has become a folk hero. Um, and one of my special abilities

is called you built a, you built a tight chair once. Yeah. You built a chair once in the whole village came around. I built an army out of wood. Um, I have a special, uh, skill called, uh, rustic hospitality, which means, um, I make really great gravy. Come on in sugar. Come on. Come on into the burn side of state. Um, and the rustic hospitality means, uh, that because I come from the ranks of common folk, you fit among them with ease. You can find a place to hide, rest or recuperate among other commoners unless you have shown yourself to be a danger to them. They shield you from the law or any one else searching for you, though they are unwilling to risk their lives for you. So poor people love

Magnus is what you're saying. That is correct. He is the, he is the larry, the cable guy of our team. He's the Cheetos of people. Listen, I reach out to real America and real America loves Magnus. They don't get a taco. Real, real Faerun or forgotten. Real Faerun or wherever they help you. You know, like the real down home Faerun they love me. Uh, a couple other special things. Uh, my flaw is that the tyrant that I stopped will stop at nothing, uh, to see my end. Oh, shit. I believe in fairness. Uh, no one is above the law. Yeah. Yeah. And if someone is in trouble, I will stop at nothing to help them. And thinking is for other people, I'm all about action. Okay. You're, you're lawful. I'm assuming lawful. Good. Lawful.

Good. Okay. Sounds good. Um, cool. Yeah, you sound, you sound pretty set up. So let's move on to Justin because you, I think have the next in order of experience because you played once because you played once, which is a infinity times more than dad zero. Um, right? Actually, mathematically speaking, that would still be zero. Hey, hey, shut up, old man. Um, we're playing games. I love you. So we're playing games, not maths. Uh, I got a taco wizard. Yeah. And I got a spell casting abilities. You didn't even, I mean, that was redundant to, I assume that your wizard was capable of. I can, I have a book that I can look at to get to just relax a little bit and just get back in my, in my zone. What's

the book? What? What's, is it, is it the secret? What? No, it's a book that I carry around with me. It's the seven habits of highly effective people. Fantastic. It's a record of my life's work so far. The seven habits of highly effective elves. And I carried around with me and it helps me. Can I ask one or two of the habits? I imagine looking at trees is one of them. Yeah. Long hair. Manage one. Your flaxen do. Okay. Hacky sack. Don't forget hacky. Hacky sack. Is that flavor or does that have, does that have a, a mechanical context? Yeah. It does have a mechanical effect. I can, I can rush once per day and recover, uh, expended spell slots. Okay. So with a combined level equal to or, uh, less than half of my level.

So spell slots is a sort of a new concept. Well, I mean, it's, it's an ancient old concept that they've sort of brought back for fifth edition. Uh, and, and dad, it applies to you too as a cleric. Both of you have a type of spell called cantrips. Um, and you can basically use those whenever they, they, some of them may carry a, a resource or component cost. Um, but I'm not really concerned with maintaining that element of the role playing because I don't want to give you guys like in game fake shopping lists for bat wings and shit. Um, so these cantrips, uh, you can do whenever you want, um, as many times as you want per day. Um, so Justin taco should have a few written down there. I don't know if you want

to go shopping around in the guide to switch those out, uh, do some comparison shopping to find this buzz that are right for you. There's some solid ones in there already, mage hand. Um, it's basically telekinesis essentially in picture it up and move it around from a distance. Uh, present digitization is a sort of distracting spells, minor illusions and stuff. How many do I start with? Um, you have four cantrips and they're listed in that box sort of in the middle there of your, of your character sheet. Oh, okay. You've also got ray of frost, which is the one you'll most commonly use in combat probably.

It's a damaging ray of frost that you use to hurt and slow enemies. I have two first level spell slots that I can use to cast my prepared spells. Right. So, so aside from your cantrips, if you're going to use at will at any time, you have this concept of spell slots. So of your list of spells that you have memorized, uh, which if you look down at the spell book part of that box juice, they actually have picked some out for you already. Um, which again, if, okay, yeah, no, they're good. They're, they're, they're got magic missile. You got magic missile. You got shield, which can protect you in a pinch. You got each armor.

You got sleep. If you're having a hard time catching some of these, you got to sleep. If you, uh, if your doctor refuses to, uh, to refill your ambient prescription. Hey, that's not funny. But, um, I suppose it's not. Uh, you got burning hands. You got the hits, right? But to use those, you'll have to expend a first level spell slot because they are first level spells. So you can only use them once. You go, well, no, well, no, you can use each individual spell as any, as many times as you want. But each time you do, you burn one of those spell slots. So you have two first

level spell slots. And when you use one of those spell slots, you burn one of those up and then you can use one other thing from that first level list and then that will use another spell slot. And with your recovery, you can recover those on a short rest, which is any rest that takes like an hour. Basically, you can do that between fights. You drink a Capri Sun and, uh, just like eat a power bar, eat a power bar, eat a Luna bar, get your electrolytes. So right. And then you want a short rest. You can do whatever on a long rest. You basically start back from zero. You get all your spell slots back. You so I've also can see in the dark. Oh, you have dark vision. Yeah. I can see in the dark

just like it's a bright light. Um, I can only see shades of gray though. Oh, 50 of them ain't that the way shades. Uh, I could have an advantage of saving throws against being charmed. Okay. And magic can't put me to sleep, except Oh, that's what occurs. You can't use your own sleeping spell on yourself. I think of those goodsies. Maybe you're taking a trip tomorrow and you're nervous. Actually, elves don't sleep, Griffin. You should know that they meditate deeply. Fantastic. Yeah. And I got a shelter of the faithful. So I'm a servant of, uh, Omec. Oh, not all. I command the respect of those who share my faith and I can perform the rites of Omec and you and your companions. That's you guys can expect

to receive free healing and care at a temple shrine or other established presence of Omec's faith. I like the way that they phrase that. Like you can expect to get a girl. I'm like, he'll stop. Okay. I'm really dying to like actually play. So I should point out that your, your divine patron is, is called Agma, not Omec. He's like an actual guy. He's the God of knowledge. He's not an actual guy, Griffin. How deep in are you buddy? I'm pretty straight up for the game. I'm pretty deep in. But you're a wizard. I was confused by this at first because you're a wizard, which you typically don't think of him as especially devout people, but this is a God of wizardly shit. And so maybe that is. It's also important

to keep in mind that where my background is folk hero, his background is acolyte. So that's why he is a member of a temple, a temple dedicated to getting better at wizard shit, which makes sense. So what's all your, what's all your shit? Your, the personality traits and ideals and bonds and flaws are prewritten. And I don't want you to feel like you have to use this stuff that came with the box. I figure a lot of that stuff is going to, we're going to figure that out as we go. Merge. Yeah. All right, dad, go. Merle is a, I'm sorry, I am a, no, Merle is a Hildwarf neutral. Good used to be a soldier. He was a mercenary soldier. Okay. But the life was just too hard on him comes from a

big family, all with names like Nundro, Rockseeker, Gundren, and Thardon. He was not asked to go along with the dwarves in any of the Hobbit movies. And he's kind of pissed about that. Cleric, his domain is affiliated with a Mart Hamer, Dwin. Oh shit. Dwarf God of wanderers, travelers and outcasts. Dad, the interesting stuff is on the front of the page. Oh, sorry. Let's see. He's a lot of fun at parties. He's a good dancer. He has that smile that just makes you want to talk about yourself. What is his party skill? How hard does he party? He parties like it's 1999. He has 1,999 party points. What is a party point? What do we even need to play? Where is a party point? Dad already won Dungeons and Dragons with his pre-rolled

broken character. I thought Travis is good. Oh my God. Who is sorting coins in a jar? I'm sorting out my dice. Oh Jesus. You're getting ahead of the game a little bit. So Dad, as the Cleric, you are, you are healing. You are going to be healing. But if you look at stuff like Travis, you do need to be careful. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. It's like you've made him a rocker. I put them in a glass mug, which in retrospect, that's a bad podcaster. Yeah, it's just one-on-one bad sound. Oh Jesus. I'm done. I'm done. Set them still. Dad, you have a pretty high armor class, which makes you pretty hearty. You also have a Warhammer that can deal a lot of damage. So you're not this frail, weeping, shrinking. What's the phrase? Shrinking Violet.

You're not that. You can get into the shit. And I imagine that you will. You also have cantrips, like Justin, that you can use that will without burning through anything. You have Light, which casts a Light on things. You have Sacred Flame, which is sort of a ranged attack spell. You have Thaumaturgy, I think I'm saying that right, which can be used to shut or open a door, for example. It has a lot of different implications. Here's what sucks, is they have not picked out your spells for you, like they did for Justin. I guess they knew that you hadn't played before, and they wanted to make this as hard on us as these human. I actually have a couple in mind. Now, I picked two to pre-prepare. So as a, I will say, as a disciple of life, which is every cleric has

a specialization. Yours is the Life Tree, which is basically healing. It's about being hearty. That is why you have this heavy armor specialization, is because you are a disciple of life, basically a disciple of not dying. So as a disciple of life, you automatically have Bless and Cure Wounds. You already have those memorized. You don't have to spend your time memorizing those. You've got those in the bag, basically. So do I need to tell you right now the two I do want to load up? You can have four prepared, right? And then when you use one of them, it uses up one of your spell slots, but you don't have to pick the two way, way in advance. Then I think we're more or less good to go. I guess it's just sort of an overview of how Dungeons and Dragons works, because dad,

you're literally starting from scratch here. You can see all over your sheet, you have different mire modifiers, different numbers, different stats. The basic mechanic of Dungeons and Dragons is you say what you want to do. If it's something like I'm going to attack that person, that's pretty easy. You just roll your 20-sided die, and then you add a relevant modifier to it. And if it beats their armor, you hit them. That is, that's sort of the basic idea of Dungeons and Dragons. If you want to get more creative with it, then there are rules in place that will help me sort of interpret your action and make it something that happens in the game. But almost always it's going to be roll a d20. You add a modifier to it. And then if it beats a target, then you, you can, you

can do it. And you did it. And I'm proud of you. Thank you. The only other big thing, and it's new for fifth edition, is the idea of advantages and disadvantage, which can be conferred in any number of situations. Maybe Justin helps Travis, or sorry, Taco helps Magnus. Travis, I almost feel like your name is going to be hard to remember next to Taco. It'll stick. Because I wasn't creative enough. Let's call him Maggie. Maggie. So Justin, you, Taco could help Maggie with a shot. He could restrain an enemy that would give Magnus an advantage on his attack. That means you roll two d20 instead of one, and you get to keep the higher result. That's like a special power I'd use. I mean, no, it is a mechanic that can be used in any number of situations. If you get a surprise

attack on an enemy, maybe you jump out of the branches of a tree and attack them from above. I would like, I could choose if you're, well, that's that, I guess, has gone by the way. Oh, really? But yeah. If you do sweet shit, and I feel like it, I'll give you advantage on the attack. Maybe you're bound. Maybe you can't see an enemy so good, because you got mud in your eye. It doesn't all have to be about mud. That's just where I'm at right now. You will have disadvantage on the attack, which is the same idea. You roll two dice, but you have to take the lower result. Interesting. Okay. Which is bad. You rarely want that. Ditto, I've got a question. Yeah, please. I don't have any spells. Do I have any, like,

special attacks? So let's talk about that, because you're coming from fourth edition, and in fourth edition, everybody had powers, right? The idea was powers. You had at will powers. You could use it at any time. You had encounter powers, which you could use once per fight. In daily parts, you use once per day. Everybody had that. And they were basically, everybody was a wizard, right? Like everybody had abilities that I can shout at you really loud from far away, and it does 2d6 damage. So, like, that idea is, is gone. The rules, as they stand now, are getting back more to the idea of playing your class. So as a fighter, you are going to get fucking super good at fighting. You are going to be able to fight. And in a melee contest, a lot better

than these other two jumps here. So that's why my attack bonus is so high. Like I plus five to attack. Yeah. On all this shit. And one other question. There's a little box with this is equipment. Is that the stuff that I have right now? Yeah, you have those things. Okay. Do you not like your equipment? You need to get all fine. There's nothing about clothes in here, but I figure all I have them. No, you're actually. No, it's a set of common clothes at the bottom. No, sorry, I'm taking that away from you now. A dragon comes and bites all your clothes off. Wait, I like where this game is going. And then what happens? Hi, my hello, my name is taco. And this is my dick. Can I come to your town? I could save it. I can save it from goblins and stuff. Yeah, no, you have

that. So basically, if you look on the back of your sheet, it'll sort of tell you how your characters can develop through the first five levels, which is really all the starter kick covers. Fighter, for instance, is going to get healing surge, which is something that everybody had in fourth edition. And this edition only fighters get it. Basically, it allows you to heal yourself in battle. That's also a griffin or on the sheet. That's on the sheet. That's that's just what Travis gets. As a wizard, you're gonna unlock more powerful spells, you're gonna unlock more spell slots. So you can use your stronger spells more frequently in combat. Okay. And, and everybody gets some cool stuff, but it's not regimented like powers. It's not like regimented. Here is a thing

that you will be able to use once in a battle. And it's going to create like a square of fire or something. It's it's the rules of fifth edition are a lot more about improvising. They're all about like letting you guys role play and come up with clever situations solutions to challenging situations because we're fourth edition was more like a war game, like a tactics game, right? Fifth edition is very old school in the sense that if you just tackle problems by attacking them, by getting in fights every time you see enemies and just like rushing head in, you're going to die. Because like you think about it realistically, if you fight everything you see, then you're going to get this shit kicked out of you. You're going to be fighting against things that are going

to be stronger than you. One of you will probably die at some point. Wait, wait, wait, what? I'm saying this is this is very old school D&D, or like your character is is very vulnerable. And there's a lot of things I'm not going to like pull any punches because frankly, I think it's more entertaining when bad things do happen to you. So you have to be smart and you have to come up with clever stuff. There's a there's a resource called inspiration that is not actually on your character sheet. They may phase it out of the game, but it's in the the basic rules online that basically if any of you role play good, or it comes up with a clever solution to a situation that works for you, I can give you inspiration, which you can then spend to give yourself

advantage on any role. So if you do think outside the box, I will definitely reward that. But try to think outside the box within the context of what your character would do, right? Which is a lot. You have a lot more freedom. And in fourth edition, what your character could do is basically what's printed on these cards that somebody printed out for you. That sounds more up my alley. Well, now we got to be creative. Now you're gonna love it. I bet. Okay. I don't know. I've never played this. I've never really DM'd before. I also I forgot to mention that I rolled for a trinket when creating my character. Oh boy. And so I have a knife that belonged to a relative, like a butter knife. It's like a pocket knife. It's like a Swiss Army knife. It's got a toothpick in

it. Is it like a plus eight knife that you're not actually what you're only descriptions as when you make your character, you can roll once on the trinkets table to gain a trinket, a simple item lightly touched by mystery. No, it's not lightly touched by killer magic, though. No, I don't think I don't think that my thing has any magic in it. Well, thanks for stopping the podcast to let us know that you have a shitty night. It's gonna come back into play. I think I'm gonna build a story in the character on my tiny knife will come back. I'm just gonna force her to sell it to pawn his people's knife to buy me out of jail. If the fucking skeleton rips your arms off, you're not going to be like, but then a dragon comes out of my knife. It was there the whole

time. And he loves me. That's not how my arms back on my name myself. Peepums. Oh, God. All right. All right. This is the game. Are you guys ready? Yeah, this is the game we won. I'm going to take you all into the infinite fucking a Magisphere here. Are you ready? I'm nervous. Like I'm I'm not psyched about like saying things like Neverwinter and Gundren Rockseeker. Hold on one moment. You know when you took it Fred, hold on one moment. I'm going to grab a bag of chips. Oh shit. Oh and then one and then play with it. You're not going to eat chips while he's already gone. I'm going to get some chips too. Oh, great. So Griffin, how are you? Pretty good. You nervous dad? You've never. No, I got nothing to lose here. I mean, everybody knows that I have absolutely no skill

in this game. And so I can come in and everybody says, Oh, poor old man. You know, this is, you know, we're playing with we're in the demons domain right now, right? This is this is this is Satan's territory, essentially. I will draw upon my years of reading doorstopper fantasy books. And yeah, I honestly believe that dad is going to the best one of this game. I mean, skill, you got to roll a dice and not blow it. Yeah, it's really hard to like get skill at rolling a dice better. Travis I've just realized I can't see what dice do roll. I assume that dad and Justin are going to keep each other on it. Why would I lie? Because you're you don't lie because honestly, it's so great when you guys fuck up and then I don't know I won't lie. I'm back and I made no bakes. I just got to

decide what dice to roll. I have like six different dice sets. And I have no bakes. Do you want to give us a quick review? They have a certain a certain quality to them. That makes you think of wintertime and and hugs. Goddamn. That should be DM in this. All right, I wish you I wish you knew anything about this. So you could do this responsibility for I just saying I want to have fun. I'm not you Griffin. I'm just saying I'm not gonna have fun playing D&D. Well, that's alright. Sounds like a good way to start. Cool. So if you guys step in the Magisphere here. Okay. That's sound. Yeah, no, it's hovering. So so our story actually starts with the three of you. And you guys can establish if you want how Magnus and Taco and Merle know each

other. Craigslist. Craigslist. Which is actually which is actually a list that a gnome named Craig puts up on a tree every day at a tavern perhaps. Wanna make friends? Join my list. Pin thy name here. Yeah. Infrared. I've got a huge. I've got a hungry butt. Hungry butt over here. Looking for a young stud. A young dryad. Are you dryads down the clown? So you find each other on Craigslist. Maybe you've been doing some odd jobs around the economies in the shader. And you have a hard time doing work that does not involve goblins and or skeletons. Travis, your carpentry is nobody wants chairs nowadays. People are more into iron rot things. You know, iron's gonna go out. Yeah. Got a fashion. People will be back into wicker. Bronze age is gonna end sometime, right? And then

it's gonna get retro back into it. So the three of you have done a few jobs together probably. Over drinks one night with with Merle's cousin, whose name is shit. His name is Gundren Rockseeker, who I assumed is just named that. So you know, from the start here that we are now playing Dungeons and Dragons. His name is Steve Smith. His name. These names are out of control. I may eventually shed the booklet I'm going out of, which I'm really hoping you guys didn't read because I bought all of you starter kids. And you could have just cheated and read ahead in this adventure. Gundren Rockseeker comes to you guys in a bar. Maybe you've had a few drinks. Maybe not. I don't want to make assumptions. Maybe maybe you're all straight edge. Maybe you

don't like Magnus has had about six ciders. Six. But he get no, he can hold this. I mean, it's pretty weak as ciders go like 3.2. We know that Merle possesses nearly 2000 party points. So I imagine he's been crushing. He's the Andrew W.K. of D&D. You're right. Oversighter, he talks to you guys about an exciting opportunity. He seems pretty straight-laced. He seems like he's not giving you no bullshit. And he promises it in a low Dwarven grumble, which I'm not going to do that. Do it or I walk. It's not fun if you don't do the voice. Seriously, I'm going to do the voice. There you go. He says that. No, that's just that's how he sounds. You were interpreting these low grunts. Basically sling blade. I'm glad we're going to go looking for

rocks. You interpret from his sling blade grunts that he has to offer you what he calls the last job you'll ever need to take, which you take it face value to mean riches and not that you'll die, not that you'll be murdered on this journey. But first, he wants to know, maybe he's doing it as a favor to you, Merle. Maybe he knows that you've had some hard times lately. And religion business is not good. No, people are not crazy about fantasy Jesus. I forget. Who's your God? That would be Mark Hammer, Dwin. I'm just going to go with which is a gaze for Jesus. But before he will let you into this exciting opportunity that you tried to press him on and he refused to tell you anymore about, he basically wants to audition you to see if you are capable of handling. So is this like

a two contrasting monologues or? Yeah, he wants he wants one that shows excitement, one that shows impotent rage. No, he wants a two minute song. He was thinking more along the lines of slaying, protecting, guidance, adventuring, essentially. Excellent. So he has asked the three of you to escort a supply wagon from the the town of Neverwinter, where the three of you are currently held up to the town of Fandolin, which none of you have actually been to. But maybe you know a thing or two about it. If you want, you can make a history check to see if you know anything about it. And since this is your first check, I guess I'll explain how that works. If you look on your sheet, you'll see history stat there in the scales. So you roll yourself a d20. And mine is plus zero,

because I'm not very intelligent. It's actually a wisdom based role. So what you basically what basically all those mean? Yeah, history is a wisdom. No, I'm sorry, that is intellect. You're right. Can I roll? Everybody can roll. Sure. I got a 12. I got an 18. 18 raw. Yeah, dad, you want to give it a shot? I got a nine. You rolled a nine or with your modifier zero. This is our first role in our fan, this magical fantasy world. And we're basically using it to fucking map quest something. Basically using it to help the shitty town fall a twin. It's Fandolin. Whatever. You might guys might want to get some notebook. I wrote it down. Oh, you did. Fantastic. So did dad. So Travis, you know, given that you're pretty goddamn dumb. Thank you. You still know, which the other two

should be ashamed that they couldn't pull this out. That Fandolin is an old mining town that used to be very, very prosperous. They had a very productive mother load operation going on there. But the town was ransacked by doing know what they were mining. Actually, they were mining magical ores. They found a deep magical vein within the earth and sort of the creation of magical items and the the mining of ores that could be used inside those items sort of turned it into a extremely profitable town very, very quickly. But it was basically destroyed by a wave of orcs that swept over the land. It's on the up and up now. It's sort of being so the van is still there, right? The vein of magical ores. It is long since been lost. This was long ago. They don't have that that

economy anymore. But the town is being rebuilt by enterprising individuals. It's more rugged. Imagine like Deadwood, but shittier, shittier than Deadwood, which already wasn't super great. Got it. And Gundran. And the name of that town one more time was Fandolin. Fandolin. Fandolin seems to have a vested interest. Him and his family, his immediate family. Merle, you aren't so involved in Fandolin's reconstruction, but Gundran seems very invested in that town. And it's growth. So he has asked you to basically bring a supply run from Neverwinter to Fandolin. It's about a two three day ride on a wagon. Is he expecting trouble? No, not really. He's gonna get it. Well, you don't know. He's giving up his job. He's giving you a job right now. Listen up, Merle. He has asked you

basically to transport a wagon full of goods, maybe a few of his personal effects from Neverwinter to Fandolin. And it sounds like a pretty easy job, but you never know. Can I ask a question? Yeah, please. Is this entire adventure dictated through exposition? No, no, no. We're gonna get out. This is this is stage setting. Is this a game is Dungeons and Dragons listening to you do exposition? No, not for the most part. Okay, I got it. This is me planting the seed. I've actually already planted the seed and I have to plan it, cover it in soil and nurture it for a bit. And then it's gonna I'm just gonna blow on it and that's it. Okay, I do know Justin from my limited amount, what always makes D&D better is questioning how long it's taken. Yeah. He has offered you a 10 gold pieces, a piece each

each. Yes. Which I mean, I'm not your boss, but that's not a lot of money. But hey, is he open to negotiation? Can I roll for intimidation to say or you could have the past I thought I thought we weren't playing yet. This actually did happen in the past. Yeah. Oh, payment on arrival, maybe you can try and negotiate. But yeah, he has offered you to do the supply run the payment's not great, but the promise that you the last job you'll ever need to do certainly did it for you. So gotcha. You are now you're all on the road. This is where we find our heroes right now. Am I driving the cart? Because I actually I have proficiency in vehicles. Do you really? I do. Okay, you can be driving the car. So you can say that it's basically like a covered Conestoga wagon covered by a

canvas tarp over it and led by two oxen that did. Did he give us a map? You have a map. Yeah. Do we know how long of a ride it is? It'll be about two days. Okay. There's a lot of like game shit about about having to stop and forage and how much money are you spending on food and but I hate all that stuff. No, I'm not gonna leave it out. Is he is he along with us? So Gunjren is actually going up ahead of you guys with a fighter escort named Sildar Hall winter whom you've never met. He was not actually at the tavern last night. He was not at the wine mixer for you guys. And his name one more time. Sildar Hall winter. Yeah. It sounds disgusting. Barry. I'm going to call him silly. Barry blue jeans. I can call it there. I'm saying this is our game. We can do whatever we

want. I can start calling these creeps. Barry blue jeans and you're good. Okay. Okay. Sildar Hall winter does not stick in my head with Barry blue jeans. I'll never okay. But Barry blue jeans is it. That's his name now. So when you say they're up ahead, like a day ahead, one of yards ahead left that night, you guys are taken off in the morning, but a half day ahead. He's very excited to get there. So he bounced. He took off. Did I bring the ingredients to create what people have heard you as a talker? There's a problem. There's no cultured milk at this point in the world. You're gonna have a hard time with a with a sour cream. All right. Once you can crack that fucking riddle, man, I'll give it to you. I will shower you with riches. As the taco

bagnate lactose intolerant. Did we bring food? Yeah, food. Don't you have food? Don't worry about it. Okay. We eat the oxen. You eat the oxen. No, don't do that. I mean, it's funny. You guys are traveling with a lot of general store goods, maybe a bunch of parcels of light leather armor, some tiny, almost like blasting caps, like powder kegs. Are they ours? Or are we just like hitching a ride? They are what you're taking to a storefront in Fandolin called Barthens provisions. And upon receipt, they will give you your payment. But you got those. We got some armor, some blasting caps and food. Basically, is this the gig we're doing for 10 gold a piece? Yeah, drop it off some supplies. Well, traveling with it. And we arrive safely. And we've got a

successful adventure. It's 2000. Okay. There's a small leather chest that you're traveling with that belongs to Gundren. Also traveling with you is Gundren's pet dog, who is a dire hound. It's a bulldog, tiny bulldog, not doesn't look especially threatening. Doesn't look scrappy. Sorry, Travis. It's the ugliest dog you've ever seen. It's basically two butts with some legs in the middle there. It's basically butts all over like reverse cat dog. Yeah. It has been pretty tame on your journey sleeping most of the time among the provisions. But yeah, the bulldog have a name. The bulldog's name is Ruby. Just made that up. Got it. You're such a good DM. Thank you. The dog's name is Ruby. So you have a lot of stuff that you are traveling with you so much so that you

couldn't really take it and get out and walk. But that doesn't matter because you have this ox and lead wagon, you can establish where you guys are on this wagon. Maybe one of you is keeping a look at from the rear. Maybe one of you is riding on top like Teen Wolf. I'm in the back with the goods. Okay. And I'm driving. Are you getting high onion supplier? You may be eating an apple. Maybe eat an apple you shouldn't be eating. Right. Yeah. Okay. All right. Travis, you're driving the oxen? Yes. You said? With my vehicle proficiency. I'm driving quite well. I don't know how to interpret vehicle proficiency. Everyone is very impressed. You're not gonna hit a fucking ramp with your oxen. We got to get away from Boss Hog. I'm the guy you wanted to find out. Yeah,

sure. He does. Merle, where are you? What are you doing? I am probably studying my cantrips. Okay. Just a masturbating day. I keep in thought. Don't come in, Mom. I'm studying my cantrips. Because something about this whole thing stinks to me. I've never liked Gundren and I think there's something about it. I guess like why can't he do both? Why can't he masturbate and also cast ethereal light onto this? I don't see a roll for that. Roll to masturbate. Hey, listen. Can I do things yet? Yeah, so you guys have just made the brunt of the journey about a day and a half after leaving Neverwinter. You've basically turned off the high road that connects the major cities on the coast. You've taken the off ramp that will lead you to Fandolin and

things definitely are not as well maintained. A lot of potholes. Don't worry. I got a lot of great infrastructure. So as you're traveling a few, say about 30, 40 miles out from Fandolin, I want you all to make a perception check, which you can see the modifier there. I will explain what this is for people who aren't listening. Basically, all the skills have a defining attribute next to it. Oh, shit. So you did very well. Perception is a wisdom skill. So you roll your wisdom modifier, which is in that row on the left. And then if you are proficient in that skill, which is if it has a little circle next to it, that means you're just a little bit better at it. So you add your proficiency bonus, which is at the top of the page there. And that factors

into a lot of stuff. Spellcasting, attacking, your proficiency bonus plays a hand in a lot of roles. So a total. Yeah. And a Merle. Wow. Six. And I got a crit 20 since 23. 23. Okay. You see this shit out of everything. Travis, you see about 200 feet up, lying in the road to figures that with your incredible perception check, you can actually tell with your eagle eyes that they are two dead horses lying in the middle of the road seems fine. As the driver of the wagon, you can stop the wagon. Okay, brain to stop. And I'm to motion silently to get the attention of Merle and taco and kind of pull them up towards the front of the wagon. Okay, you have a few moments there where you warn them that shit has gone south. I'll use that same perception check. You

notice a few figures crouching in a part of a shaded wood. Do they seem to have noticed us like are we in bright sunlight? You know, they have actually noticed you. And two of them are charging your wagon as you speak. So because you notice them, they did not get a surprise round on you, which would have been very, very bad. But I do need all of you to roll initiative. So initiative, father is the thing that you roll before a fight starts and it determines who goes when. So you have just rolling eight. Give me give me a second five all together. You've I rolled five all together 14. So Travis got a five. I actually have a 10 all day. And what did you get 14 minus minus. Oh, I'm sorry minus one 13 13. Oh, so you have a minus. Okay. And I will roll for the

Gorblins here that are storming you. I'm going to start out with Gorblins because it seems like comfortable territory. You guys are familiar with the concept of a goblin. So this is my first time ever doing this. All they rolled a critical miss. So they are going to go last I assume. So dad and Justin. So you guys know, because we mentioned crits now twice, if you roll a 20, a natural 20, it is the best you can do if you're doing it. If you do it in a fight, you get to deal bonus damage, essentially, which you automatically weapon or your spell. And you automatically hit if you roll a 20, you don't have to add anything to it. If you roll a one, that's a critical miss or critical shit. And that means you miss no matter what.

And usually you like fall in a cow pie or something. Yeah, it's there's always a cow pie. I summon up a cow pie in front of you for you to fall into. Okay, hysterically. How many are there? There are three. Two of them are rushing the group. One is pretty heavily obscured by the brush. Probably about 40 feet out, sort of between you and the horses laying in the middle of the road. So yeah, the goblins are getting, they got pretty close before this fight started. Before anybody moves or takes any actions, we will start at the top of the order, which is dad, Merle. So if you look inside of the rulebook that came with the starter kit, I don't know if you have that in front of you or anything. It has a list of actions you can do. What's action,

actions in combat page 10. Yep. Essentially, on your turn, the two basic things you can do are move, which you can do up to your speed, which is on your sheet there. It typically in in D&D fourth edition, you had a game board where you can track position. Here it's not as important. I kind of fudge a lot of it. And I try to keep in mind like who is where and who's fighting whom, so yeah, you can take a movement up to your speed. Do I have to take a movement? You do not. No, you can also take an action. Those actions might include attacking with one of the weapons you have, casting one of your spells, be it a cantrip or a first level spell. Maybe you want to drop a sacred flame on one of these guys. You have a lot of other actions you can do other than just

fighting. You can try and grapple an enemy. You can aid one of your teammates. You can try and do another perception check to search the area for other dangers. You can basically do anything and there will be a rule to interpret that idea. I know what I want to do. Can I ask one quick question? Yeah, yeah. Are we definitely sure that these are bad guys? They have weapons drawn and are rushing at your cart. Welcome! Would it spin like a turn if dad was like whoa, whoa, whoa, Kimisabi's. You cool? Hey, you cool? Most of the time, just kind of general rule of thumb, when your DM tells you to roll for initiative, you're in combat. You're in combat, but you can, as a free action, you can speak because speaking does not take up action. There are a lot of things

that can be considered free actions, be it drawing your sword. That doesn't take your action or else that would be shitty. Talking to somebody, not an action. Sometimes using an object like a maneuvering, a complicated device, that will take an action. It's kind of up to my discretion what does and doesn't take action. So if you want to, you can also make an insight check for free to see if these guys mean business or not, or you can talk to them. They probably won't know the language you're speaking. Well, I think what I'm going to do is cast, I want to cast Bless on the members of the party. So as, just to give you, sort of explain what's going on, you only have, I think, two spell slots. So if you use Bless right now, at the beginning of the first fight, Bless was one of the

ones that I have, that I don't have to use a slot for. No, no, no, Bless means that just means that you haven't memorized. You didn't have to learn it. But if you cast it, you are going to eat up. Unless it's a cantrip. Cantrips don't use slots. Exactly. So you could cast Light or Sacred Flame or Thaumaturgy. Sacred Flame is really your combat cantrip, if you wanted to do that. It's not a buff. No, it is a debuff in a sense that you set their asses on fire. That is, yeah. Or you could run up to them and smash them with your Warhammer. And we're still above them, right? Because we're on the cart. They're on the ground. Travis, you are sort of in the saddle driving the cart. All three of you are sort of towards the front of the cart, where Magnus summoned you up to, to warn

you, hey, dead horses. So you are all basically towards the front of the cart and can easily hop down. It's not especially high up. Okay, so there is not really a buff at this level that I can throw on you guys to help you in combat? Not without burning through one of your spell slots, which I will out of character tell you, these goblins probably don't merit the caution that you're putting into it. What was the bolt thing you told me about? Sacred Flame. You have Sacred Flame. Sacred Flame. All right. I will hit him with a Sacred Flame. Sacred Flame. Hopefully, Dungeons and Dragons will come up with an application that will keep you from having to look up your spells as you cast them. So Sacred Flame, you cast upon one creature that you can

see. It's got a range of 60 feet, which is, you got it. You're looking at the front of the wagon, so you can obviously see them. And they make a dexterity saving throw, or they take 1d8 radiant damage. So on, so 8 plus 5. Okay. So I think the formula for saving throws is 8 plus whatever your spellcasting modifier is, which is 5. So they have to beat a 13 or else they're going to be set on fire. Okay. 10 plus 2 is 12. So... It says in the spell description here that the target has to succeed on a dexterity saving throw. Right. That is what they're attempting to do. All right. Got it. They rolled a 12. So they barely missed it. So you roll 1d8. You roll the 8 side to die, and that will establish how much damage they take. It's the one that doesn't have any numbers higher

than 8. I rolled a 6. That is pretty, that's very, very good. So you attack, you launch some fire onto the goblin closest to the wagon, and with that, he looks like upon death's door. And the other goblin that you can see, the one that's not in the brush somewhere, just sort of stops in his tracks and is like, ah, shit. And that is where he's at. Next in order is Justin. Blast that one in the brush. How far away is the one in the brush, Griffin? The one out in the brush is about 40 feet out. Okay. Now, question. Yeah. Do I see the one in the brush? You actually do not. Travis is the one who spotted him. Oh, okay. You can search for the, you know, sort of the general direction. If you try to cast a spell at him right now, you'd have disadvantage. Because you don't exactly know

where he is. If you want to do a perception check, it would take up your turn, but you could get a pretty good idea of where this person is. No, I'm going to blast the one that Merle hit with a Ray of Frost. A popular, popular skill. Thank you. Break off Ray of Frost for me. What's it do? It's a frigid beam of blue, white light streaks towards a creature within range. You make a range spell attack against the target. Gotcha. You're attacking this when you make an attack with a spells plus five. So you roll against their AC. So when I did mine last time, I should have added five. No, that's what your 13 is. Okay, gotcha. Okay. Yeah. What did you roll juice? What do I roll a d20? You roll d20 and you add five. All right. So that's a 24. Holy shit. Yeah, you, you blast that thing. And

you're attacking the one that Merle just hit or the one Merle has. Merle just hit. Yes. Hey, at least you put him out. He was on fire. Okay. You got to roll your damage now, which is the D8. D8. Six. You don't add anything to that. It's just, right? Okay. You, you freeze him instantly. You flash freeze him and he sort of topples to the ground and shatters. Yeah. First kill. Yeah. So why am I so horny? I'm broken inside. The horrible thing. If you had talked to them, you would have realized that they're part of a hug committee. They were running forward to hug you to give you a hug. Travis, you're up. So here's what I'm trying to decide other team members. Do I, if you're talking to us, you need to talk in character and it needs to be a free action. Okay. So taco voice, son of a

bitch. Taco Merle. Oh, don't do it. Do I jump down? Okay, great. Should I jump down and smash the other one running towards us? Or should I? Well, I can't get to him if he's 60 feet away. Do they have charge in this game? So not as a ability where you get to move, double your movement and attack. You, you can dash as an action, which is basically you get to move again. You double your speed, essentially. But no, you can move and do a ranged attack. And you have, you've spotted these guys, you know where the other one is in the brush. So you could ostensibly do that. Unless I can throw my battleaxe. I do not have a ranged attack. You should. You should have. Oh, I guess you rolled your own guys. So I don't know. Yeah, I went for a wooden shield instead of a buckler and didn't take a round. Okay. I mean, I

could. You can throw your shield at him, Captain America. Probably wouldn't go so great. Well, so then that's the question is I feel like I lose. I lose. Should I take out the one closest to us? Yes. Okay, great. I'm going to jump off the cart and try to kind of so I can swing my battleaxe double-handed. If I haven't drawn my shield yet off my back. Okay, but keep in mind that your armor is going to be lower as a result of that. Yes, I have to do that. But for right now, I'm going to jump off the cart and try to come down on top of him swinging my battleaxe two-handed. Okay. What does that mean? Which I assume grants me advantage. If you do a leaping strike from the wagon down onto the dome piece of this gorg one is what you're telling me. That's what I'm trying to do. The gorg one is probably about 15 to 20 feet away from

you. He's not right next to the wagon. So that's a. Well, Magnus has a vertical even. I'm going to make you. I'll let you do it, but you have to make a very low athletics check. If you're just jumping, that's athletics. Terrific. Plus five athletes. All right. We'll say you need to be 16. Yeah, that'll do. That'll do big. Great. So you are allowed to make this stupid attack that you're making. So during the battleaxe two-handed means my damage is one d10 instead of one d8. But you have to actually roll the attack. Yes. Okay. I realize that. And you have advantage so you can roll 2d20. Great. So I rolled a 20 right there. So I'll roll again. You rolled a crit? No. Okay. It was 15 plus five and then a nine. So I 20 was my. Okay. Yeah, that'll do it. And I'm going to roll one d10. So this one. Yeah. So that's 10 plus

three 13. You rolled max damage. Yes. You cut the thing in half long ways. You got the thing in half the knave to the chops in like the direction that if you had your choice, you would least like to be cut in half, how it says. The least survivable halving that could possibly be conceived. So you guys are moving through this much faster than I thought you would. Shit. So the other goblin that's out in the brush pops up almost like, Yeah, guys, get him. Oh, no, no, God, no. He sees. Wait, I thought there were only two goblins out there. Why are there three over there? Oh, Jesus, Jerry, no. He just had a kid. He is he is horrified. And draws a draws a what does he draw, draws a short bow, and takes an arrow out of his quiver and seems to fidget with it for a bit. And then you see him light the arrow on

fire, launch it in the direction of, we'll say Magnus, since you are actually actually who's still on the wagon. Both of them are all in taco or so on. I fell off the wagon. Let's see. Let's say he launches it at taco. So he makes a range attack. He rolls a five plus five, which is sorry, plus four, five plus four is nine, which I assume is not going to do it. Doesn't do it. So just now that would be against your armor class would be against your armor class. What is your AC juice? 12. Yeah. So nine doesn't cut it. It's sort of twangs into the side of the canvas of the wagon instead. Oh, no, is it setting our is it setting our canvas on fire? It has actually begun to set the canvas on fire. And it almost seems like he's satisfied with that result. And as you guys are distracted by the flames, he

turns around and starts to hoof it. His speed is 30 feet. So he gets a pretty good distance into the the the brush. So he's how far away from the wagon? He was 40 feet away when you started your turn. And then he moved in a little bit to see how terrible things were, and then ran off. So I'll say about about 50 feet away and moving into the brush. Okay, how bad is the fire in the canvas? Not bad. Fire in the canvas. I mean, not bad yet. You know, historically, canvas is a very burnable material. Right. So so it could get relatively rough. I'll take care of it. I got no I got no distance. That was his turn. And we're back to the order top of the order, Merle. I'm going to leave the fire up to somebody else and throw my handaxe. You need to you're gonna move in the

direction of can I move before I throw? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. You can you can sweat your mouth up. You can move however you want. You can move 10 feet. 25 feet. Okay, so from to move from the wagon, you get about half distance to where he is. You are throwing your handaxe into some brush. So he's going to have partial cover, which basically means his AC is going to be improved. His armor class is already pretty decent. So you need to you need to roll real well. What am I rolling? So on your paper, in the little thing in the middle there, there should be a handaxe thing. And it'll tell you what your mod is. So roll a d20. Roll a d20. You're gonna add 14 and I have force that's 18. 18. He would have had 17 with that cover. So yes, you just barely

you throw it into the woods you can't exactly see you see like branches wrestling and you throw your axe in that direction and you hear ah and so you know you probably connected and got some meat in there. So roll one d6 plus two and that's your damage. Yeah. Okay. Whoa. Six plus two is eight. After you hear that, ah, you don't hear anything ever again from that guy. He never makes another sound. At which point we quickly put out the fire. Yeah, it is. It is so strong. I was going to use prestidigitation on it. Okay. Justin uses his precedent that taco taco maybe says a magic word maybe says I have the ability to instantly light or snuff out a candle towards your small campfire. So I think that'll work here. Yes, definitely. It's not bigger than the fire. So

do you say some tight shit when you yes. Yeah, say the same thing. He certainly does. You can't that can't be his. Yeah, I want I want. I don't think like can you do me a favor and look at I believe it's your other proficiencies and languages section. Okay. And what it says under there. I'm looking at his it does in fact say you guys just won your first fight with one kill each. Yeah, you didn't take a lick of damage. Hey, let's search these fools. Yeah, I want to go search them. Oh, I don't know how to do that. Is there anything on the goblins? You're not allowed to search. Let's search them. Well, one broke into 1000 pieces. One's had so he's covered with goo. The ice is a lot of weeds. That's probably non starter. But don't you think we ought to check on

Gundren and silly one of them? Oh, shit. One of them actually has a collection of small coins, copper's silvers. They have a lot of them, though, which equals out to about 20 gold pieces, which you can split up. However, however you want. Well, for right, I'll just go and hold on to it. Sure. No, I should think the trust the cleric. I'm the religious. Okay, how about we each get so I felt like the cleric and I did most of the work there. All right. Let's let's hear what I suggest. We each take six. We put the rest into a pool that will split later. Good idea. Okay, every time one of us dies, we'll add five more into it. Last one alive gets it. We'll just take so it's a tontine. Okay, excellent. So, uh, yeah, that's that's what you find on them. Yeah, you guys are great. Yeah, we

did. What are you doing? My dad is stuck to the chair. Okay, he unplugged his headphones too. What are you doing? Just getting up. Why are you getting up? You're plugged in. Oh, no. Oh, now he's gonna eat my shrimp. I'm in hell. This is the worst game ever. All right. Now what do we do? You tell me. I'm done telling you what I want to find out what's up with those horses. Can we please figure out some sort of order to this because I feel right now we're all just shouting. So can we take turns? I feel that that Merle may be right and we need to check on the horses and see if we can find any indication that those were Gunterns and berry blue jeans. The horses are covered in water. Well, not covered. They have a few obviously mortal holes in them. Arrow holes. You

recognize them as but somebody's taking the arrows back from a very prudent. They're dead. They're not asleep. Oh, by the way, can I grab that short bow from that dude so I can actually have a ranged weapon? You can. It's not great. That's fine. It's better than what I got. It's not a great short bow. If you want to look at the guide and see how short bows work, you can go for that. Travis is a good looter. You are. I'll also assume that there was a quiver of arrows you can use. Make sure that you pay attention to whether or not you're proficient in air bows. I assume you are. I think fighters are typically pretty good at just weapons. Yeah, I'm proficient at all martial and common weapons, or simple weapons. These were, that was sort of the crown jewel of the weapons

they were using. The other two didn't have long bows. They basically had shitty swords that weren't worth your time. Do I need to go recover the hand axe? We'll just assume that you did. Okay. Unless something happens to you where you are spirited away somehow before the end of the fight, you recover all of your arrows and weapons and stuff like that. Again, that's like another D&D thing of like, I don't want you to have to go in town and be like, well, off to the arrow store, because that sucks. Although some people, that's what some people fight for. Some people do it that way. It's just not what I'm into. Okay. So yeah, you got these two horses. They are dead as shit. There are a few empty bags and containers lying around. Are they cold? The horses? Yeah.

They are actually a little bit warm. This was not a, this did not happen last night as soon as they left. You assume maybe they made camp after leaving the tavern last night, and this may have happened within a matter of hours. And in fact, why don't you guys make an investigation check if you want? And I can tell you what you can discern. So I'll explain the difference between investigation and perception. Perception is basically when you can't see something and you are trying to find out if something is there. That's perception. If you know something's there and you want to know more about it, that's investigation. I rolled with two. I can't find my own bottle. You're like, wow, look at these big dead dogs. I could see it from far away. And then

I knew nothing about it. 17. 17 investigation. Okay. Merle. What do I add to it, Justin? The investigation number next to investigation. Okay. So I rolled an 11. Okay. Merle and Magnus, you are sort of clueless. You notice the horses are sad about them. Justin, among the containers, you notice an empty map container, maybe a tube that a roll of parchment could be secured inside or what you might ship a poster in, but fantasy-like. But you actually recognize from the tavern last night as something that Gundren did have on him at the tavern. It's been uncapped, uncorked, it is empty. But you do take it to me in that these two horses did belong to Gundren and Barry Blue. No, I'm sorry. Didn't Gundren give us his map? No, he didn't. He didn't give you his, this

was a different map. This is not a map that gets you from Fandolin to Neverwinter. That map doesn't deserve a container. That's a shitty map. That's a dumb map of a route that anybody should know. So this may be the map to this lost or mine. Possibly. I think it's playing into my suspicions that he's trying to pull something over. He had something else going on. A map cartographically based shenanigans is what you're seeing. Do we see anything as far as like any other, is there any indication that they were also killed here? Make a perception check. Looking for, I don't know, blood or viscera? 23. I need you guys. I rolled a 1. 23. Justin rolled a 23. Y'all got to make these checks so much faster. Dad and Justin are sharing a dice. Can we just

assume that if I got 23 then like... Yeah, yeah. So Taco, you don't see any blood or anything on the ground? I mean, there is a lot of horse blood and it's really hard to tell. I mean, obviously it's more beautiful than human blood, more perfect. Silvery. But you don't see a lot of like, there's not a sildar shaped pool of blood on the ground. Or maybe he was to solve. Can I make an observation? Yeah, yeah. I think it's wonderful that you continue the Mbimban tradition of killing horses on the show. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Gerblins did it. Okay. You don't see any blood or anything, but you do notice, with your keen perception, you do notice a pattern in the dirt that suggests that they were perhaps dragged into the brush around the area where the one

goblin shot his fiery arrow at you, and then Dad threw an axe into the darkness and snuck it out. Can we go back to the brush and explore that again? Yeah, sure. Hold on. If I may, Magnus raises his hand for a minute. I'm not an intelligent man, but we've got a cart like packed to the brim with good sitting here. Should we just be wandering off away from that cart? Okay, well, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. Magnus, you stay with the cart. I'm the only one that didn't like deal damage. Superior perception. I'll investigate the brush. You could also hide your cart in the brush. Sounds like quite the production. No, I like my plan. Now you're Andrew Lloyd Webber. I will also say that splitting up the party is the leading

cause of death in Dungeons and Dragons. It is ahead of heart disease. I will say that I use my vehicle proficiency to hide. Yeah, sure. I'll buy that. Maybe you take it down the path a little bit. We bury the goods. You take it into the hole in the brush that you can see the drag marks in going through, and you sort of park it in the brush in a way that... Oxen, keep an eye on the cart. It is fully, fully covered from the road. You have more or less secured the wagon. Let's head in the brush. Head long. Oh boy, how are we going to get out of this one, Travis? Well, it seems like I didn't boys or I had it again. It's stuck in a real pickle trap. They're pickle show is trapped.

Hi, everybody. We're just going to jump in real quick. Just interrupt the adventure super quick. Well, and then we'll get back to it. I know you're on the edge of your seats. You pay for the whole seat, but you'll only use the edge. You actually didn't pay for a seat at all. Did you? Free litter? Did you not pay for this goddamn podcast? Again? We're going to just real quick throw a money zone at you, and then we're going to get back into the adventure. Just real quick, I mean, as long as we are talking about nerd shit, let's talk about programming and coding and stuff. Well, we've been talking a lot about fantasy, but here's the fact. Coding has become the most desired job skill of 2014. And probably like, 2013, basically every year since like, since like,

computers. And probably for the next at least six years before computers become obsolete. Yeah, before we move on to organic processors, tree, tree, tree, tree puters. Here's, here's the good news. You're not up shit Creek, if you don't know anything. If you don't know shit about shit, you need to get on one month. One month has a lot of different sort of coding disciplines that you can learn. For instance, one month HTML is the easiest way available to learn how to code websites and make websites. Here's how it works. It's called one month because it takes one month. You spend 30 minutes a day. And you will start from scratch, knowing nothing, and they will shape your mind, mold your mind into something that will be capable of shaping and molding a website. And from like

the first day of class, you start building your own website. And so like, by the end, not only do you know how to do it, but you've got basically the beginning of a portfolio to show to other people. As somebody who has started to learn coding, like figuring out how to make a website is not like actually super difficult. And it's super rewarding. Once you once you get it going, it's the like, then it's all the polishing and refining. That's like so gratifying. It's it's a it's a really genuinely fun process. And you can do it. You can do it with one month. They have a community of like 12,000 students that you can chat with and help out and be helped by. You get hands on training from from the people at one month, they do like video tutorials for you, specifically for you.

And even even if you already know, HTML, they offer so many other classes, they have one month rails, CSS classes, stuff, there's going to be something there you don't know. So just head to onemonth.com slash my brother, and that'll get you 25% off. So that's onemonth.com slash my brother, all one word. It's 30 minutes a day for 30 days. Trust me, you're gonna love it. Yep. Also, just want to mention that my brother, my brother and me, or whatever this Dungeons and Dragons episode, whatever label that falls under, we're still trying to figure that out. My dragon, my goblin, and wizards. I guess we couldn't say my human, my halfling and me. That doesn't make sense.

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stuff. And you're feeling sad, why don't you boost your spirits by listening to some some good tunes. Might I suggest downloading a new album called sketches by the band Red Sky Phenomenon, which this is fun, actually features a remix by the host of song exposure, Rich K. Sherway, Max Fun podcast for two American dollars. Just go to a really good deal. Yeah, for some tunes, fuck it. Just go to Red Sky Phenomenon.bandcamp.com. You can sample the tunes. It's an electronic album. I would like to read this info real quick. Yeah, please. Okay, go to Red Sky Phenomenon.bandcamp.com to download the new electronic album sketches for only $2. I'm spending $200 for this message because I love MBMBAM and I don't even have a job. So the least you can do is download the album

featuring a remix by the host of song exposure and the and one AM radio. So if you don't go check that out, then you have stolen this man's $200. Yeah, we need at least we need at least 100 of you to do this, please. Also have a message for Heather from Mikey Person and Mikey Cat. I thought Mikey Person is like a name, but that's like a person named Mikey. Oh, I see. There's Mikey Person and Mikey Cat. Don't get it twisted. Don't get it twisted. Mikey says, to Heather, to my beautiful wife, a message from our favorite brothers, your beauty, humor, skyrim skills and intelligence get better every year. Happy birthday, even though you will be on a plane to Thailand on your birthday from your husband, Mikey. I mean, you can wish somebody happy birthday, even if they

enter continental. You know what I mean? Mm hmm. That shit don't have to stay in this I'm sure they got Wi-Fi. Yeah, sure. Probably have cable. Don't listen, Mikey. You sound fucking stressed out, man. I don't want you to worry about this. We got this and Heather got this. She received it. You have everyone's got this. You got my guarantee. So happy birthday, Heather. So we're going to get back to the adventure and shit. We had a lot of fun recording this. I think it's safe to say I did. I don't know if you did Travis. Well, I mean, it was all right. I guess I had a pretty good time. I would like to do it more. And the way, if you're enjoying it, the way to ensure that we do stuff like this more

is to share this episode with all of your friends. Yeah, or just let us know what you thought of it. I've never really DM'd before. We're playing like a new version of the game that nobody really knew how to play. Like dad had never played it. Justin had also basically never played it. So like, I don't know. I feel like it was a bit, there's a bit of discomfort there for like the first 45 minutes or so that we kind of got over. So I don't know. I definitely want to do more of it. Probably as like a separate thing. Well, if you want to tell us more about what you thought about the show, you can follow us on Twitter. You can do that. My brother, my brother, me, Facebook Appreciation Group. We'll probably make a, I'll also make a thread on the Max Fun

forums, which you can find at maximumfund.org slash forums, I think. Which is home to all the other wonderful maximumfund.org podcasts, which you should check out. We don't have time to go into now, but they're incredible. They are really great. So yeah, give us any feedback you may have on like how this could be like a better thing, or like a thing that we could do more permanently, or how I can up my DM game. We've gotten some suggestions from people even before we put this out, like getting guest players and getting like, I think this is like a cool idea, like getting like Twitter submissions for things to actually put in the adventure, which I think would actually be super sweet. Really, I think we just want an excuse to play more Dungeons and Dragons with

each other because I like it a lot. So anyway, just give us whatever feedback you might have. Even if that feedback is, I didn't like it, please don't do any more of this. Please stop. You're all very bad at Dungeons and Dragons. I mean, keep that shit to like a minimum if you can, just because I am pretty sensitive. But otherwise, thank you all for listening. Next week, I think we're going to put up the Los Angeles live show, which was phenomenal. I don't want to toot our own horns, but it's like my favorite live show we've ever done. The audio quality is very good, which is going to be a refreshing change of pace for everybody. And then I don't know, it depends on where Justin's at. He's in

paternity leave right now. So hopefully we can get him back in here to record something. But if not, we'll get something up. We will, we're not going to interrupt the flow as it were. So thank you all for listening and now enjoy the rest of our maiden voyage. So you follow these drag marks down the trail and they're pretty easily followed. Gendron's kind of a big guy for Dwarf. He's big in terms of diameter. So his trail left a definite impression in the loam to the mouth of a cave that a sort of natural stream is flowing out of. Pretty wide stream, not especially deep, but it's the most goddamn beautiful thing you've ever seen. It is, all of you get 20 points of inspiration just from seeing it. You are,

you are deeply inspired. No, you don't get that. It's the mouth of a cave along sort of the stream you can sort of see into the cave a little ways. And you can see basically the cave is comprised of a path along the right side of the mouth of the cave that leads in alongside of the stream, basically running perpendicularly. How far into the cave can we see? Maybe about 20 feet. One of you will probably have to light a torch. This might actually be a good chance for maybe a light causing spell. Yeah, Wizard, you got something? I have light. I mean, there it is. I mean, you got it. Now, two out of three of us can see in the dark though, right? That is true. I cannot, but I do have a candle. That's not going to be especially luminous. Okay. That's not

going to do a great job. But dad, you can cast light for free, since it's a cantrip, on to maybe a nice stick that you found on the ground and give that to a fighter who can't see super great in the under earth. Is Travis your weapon one handed or two handed? It is either. It is versatile. Okay, so I could give you a torch and you'd still be able to use your weapon. You could also just cast light on my axe. That might look bitching. All right, let's go with the bitching effect of casting light on your axe. Okay. Travis now has this. Do I roll? No, it's fine. Oh no. You're not attacking his axe. Take this. You bastard. I hate you axe.

Travis is attacking the darkness. He's attacking the darkness, essentially. Travis, you now have this axe that you can use to see by dad at will. Merle, you can turn it off just by clapping or by not believing anymore in your magic. If you stop it all up. It's very magic. Yeah. So keep that in mind. Magnus can now see pretty easily so can the two of you. But Merle, you have dark vision as well. I have dark vision, 60 foot radius. Okay. So you guys, you don't really need light. You can maybe see a little bit further if you had a torch, but 60 feet. This cave is not going to get much wider than 60 feet at any point. I'll leave the way with the light. Okay. You are leading the way. Not too far into the cavern.

You feel the path branch off to the right. I guess you see it because you have this beautiful light axe. And in fact, as you sort of get within distance of that entrance, that the light of your axe from your, the light from your bitching axe pours into it, you hear wrestling in there. You hear the sound of metal sort of clinking together, almost like a chain being being moved, lifted off the ground. So does it sound like a happy chain or a scary chain? Chains aren't typically, these are not magic chains that are imbued with emotions. Okay. So it's up to you how you want to handle this. I guess let me put it in a different way. Does it sound like a big chain or like just a regular human size chain? The passage goes on ahead of you, but there's basically a natural subcavern

sort of splitting off to the right there that you have not really moved in front of, but you can hear the sounds of wrestling and chains. Not like a lot of chains. It's not like a, it's not like there's a WWE Backyard Wrestling match happening in there, but Listen, Magnus believes the thing is for other people and I tend towards action. So I'm going down that chain hallway. I like that. I am actually going to give you a point of inspiration for that. So I head down the hallway towards the chains. Okay. Did the two of you follow him? Or are you more just like... Taco Chills. Taco Chills. Because I think that there's a chance that maybe Sildar and Gundra are trained up down there. Oh, listen to that. Okay. So I'm going to help.

You head in. Murrell, what's your position on a V7? I call out, you fool! Wait for us! You shout loudly down the cave. It bounces down the halls of the cave. Oh, cool. You don't hear any response to that. Now they definitely know we're here. Bats come pouring out. Wave of gas? Bats. Baseball bats. Do the bats have gas? They definitely do. Yeah. Roll a perception check to see if the bats look gassy. Okay. I guess I follow them. Okay. Well, I am chilling. There's no them to follow. Tacos on team Hangout. Well, I only go by 25 feet. Like, I'm not going to get too far away. Well, no, we're not in combat. So you... there's no order. So...

Okay. Well, I don't want to get too far away from them. So listen, I'm foolhardy, but I'm not stupid. Yeah, you're not. So I'm going to go down the hall, you know, the 60 feet that they can still see me and I can still see bats. Okay. You space yourself out a little bit and you just sort of turn the corner into this cavern and sort of wave your axe around, hoping to cast some light on the things that you see in there. Inside you see a decent sized cavern. No furniture, no furnishings to speak of whatsoever. There are stalactites. Which is the one that comes up out of the ground? Stalagmites. Mites. Are you sure about that? Stalactites. Stalactites are from the

ceiling. You see some bitching cones of rock. Pointy rock things. Built into the earth and coming out of them are these big metal rods connected to chains, connected to wolves. Three wolves. Kill the light, kill the light, kill the light. You can, but I mean... You have to say kill the light. If the natural... What are they going to do? If the sounds you're making as you're moving down the cavern didn't disturb them, the shout of, hey, you, be more careful, definitely, definitely woke them up. But they're not like growling. They don't seem especially violent right now.

I actually have animal handling skill pretty good. Of course you do. I do. My full cure of nature. I'm a farmer. Carpenter. What's your animal handling? What is your animal handling? Plus three. Okay. So is mine. Okay, well, fuck you. Every father wants to hear that from his son. I'm gonna, I'm gonna... You're not his father right now, are you? You're his adventuring companion. Oh, that's right.

I'm going to cautiously but confidently approach the wolves. If anything is more important, what you're dealing with wolves, you got to be confident because they can smell that. I don't want to appear weak because the predator prey behavior is going to kick in. Okay. Listen, I know about animals. With every passing step that you draw closer to them, they seem more agitated. A couple of them are snarling at you now. They are... But there's nothing else in the room other than these wolves.

Make a perception check. 20. A 20. You notice actually in the back of the room, you see a crevice almost perfectly in the back of the room across from the entrance that leads upwards. Almost like a natural chimney kind of built into the, built into the cave there that leads up to another chamber. It's very, very, very tight quarters. It's about 25 feet up. It's straight up though, like we wouldn't be able to shimmy up it. It is straight up. I mean, you might be able to spider climb your way up there,

but it would be very, very difficult. But that's the only way. So the wolves and this crevice are the things in this room. And that crevice, yeah. Okay. So I'm going to back, back away from the wolf. How does Travis always go first? Because I rushed it in the room. He said he wanted to. All right, fine.

Listen, that's going to be great every time, but once. And then you're going to need a new brother. I'm still chilling out here if anyone's curious. Okay. Magnus. That was in character. Wait, you've got... Do you have illusion? Hmm? Do you have something that you can...

You can't ask me that. I'm not in there with you. He's right. All right. You're correct. I'm tired of play. I want to play Dungeons and Dragons. I'm tired of asking questions about Dungeons and Dragons. Great. So I'm going to head back up and I'm going to say...

So there's some wolves down there. Doesn't seem like it's worth it. Let's keep going. Excellent. Well, I trust your judgment. Okay. I'm into that. I'm into that.

Yeah, sure. All right. So you can continue down the cave. It's getting very dark. Basically the natural light that was coming in from the mouth of the cave was providing quite a bit. So you can see until now, basically, and now you need your light axe, your mag light, to really get around.

Merle and Taco. I almost forgot your name. Impossibly. You are... You don't need it. You can see basically just find out here. So as you are moving down the cave alongside this stream, you notice across the stream to the left is another passageway,

but this one is just covered in rubble. It seems like it's collapsed down a ways. And make also a perception check, looking down the length of the cavern, the in the direction you're moving. You have nine for me. 12. 14.

A 14? Okay. Merle, you actually see up ahead the outline of a overhead bridge, an overpass that is suspended in the air. It's connected to two entrances on the second story level. It looks like it's connecting two passageways higher up in the cave, a second story of this cave. Oh, you know, I bet that that shimmying up chimney thing would have really helped us here.

Probably put us on that second level. Maybe. You also see the outline of a figure sitting on top of the bridge. I'll call out to him. Hello, friend. You're using common, I'm assuming, to do that? No, Elvish. Oh, just in case there's some underground elves.

You hear a question in ground, like, huh? And then I try getting a note. Shut the fuck up. I try getting goblin. You try to get a goblin. You don't know goblin, so you kind of yell. Yes, I do. It's one of my languages.

Is it really common? Elvis, draconic, dwarvish and goblin. Okay. What do you yell? Hello, friend. Who's there? Hailing a little bit. I, you don't sound like anybody I know.

We're just exploring. We've taken a wrong turn. You certainly have. I would actually hardly recommend you turn around. This is not a great place for tourism. Well, we found ourselves. He does not know how to handle that situation. Come a little bit closer.

Show yourself to me. Come closer? Come closer to the overpass. This is a good time if you've gotten the illusion magic. I will warn you. We're very dangerous, though we mean you no harm. I would not suggest launching an attack on us. How dangerous are you?

How dangerous we're talking? Level, level one. Go ask the goblin cut in half how dangerous we are. You cut a goblin in half? Yeah, but he looked cool like you. Excellently, well played. I was just trying to establish a rapport. Not to be fair.

To be fair, Merle doesn't speak goblin and neither do I. Okay. Oh, that's right. He doesn't understand it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do you have gold? Sorry? In you?

Hold close. Sorry. Where are we? You're in our hideout. You were making me extremely uncomfortable. I don't know who you are, what you're doing. We sometimes take new recruits, but like I've seen you is certainly part of your process. My name is Taco.

A friend of ours was taken and his horses were killed. We're searching for a friend. Yeah, we did that. Hey guys, someone's here. Guys, it's the guys from the horse thing. Use mage hand, use mage hand, push him off. I need the three of you. How close am I, Griffin?

You are, you managed to get about 20 feet in there. But as he yells, he readies his weapons. So go ahead and roll initiative. Push him off the thing with your mage hand. Oh my god. How'd you get it? 17. Dad, you got a, Merle got a four?

I got a 10. I got it, Merle got a 10. And Taco got a four. Yikes. Is that with your modifiers? Yes, we're just gonna give you the numbers with the modifiers from now on. Yeah, I got 17. Oh Jesus, okay.

That's very good. That's a two. Plus two equals four. Okay, so you have this one goblin on the overpass. And after his word of warning, nobody's really rushed to his aid, either by the two entrances, the overpass connects, or from the depths of the cave that you're facing. You do hear in the distance down the length of the cave an extremely loud racket.

You hear voices saying something. Taco, you can understand. As one of them says two voices talking, you hear one say, really? And the other says, you heard him. And then you hear a banging. Almost like somebody's hitting something against something else. You can't exactly, unless you see it, you can't really tell what the, what the noise is.

But you hear a pretty terrible sound coming from down there. And top of the order is Magnus. So I am gonna hold up in that. They're coming from behind us. They are coming from, nobody's coming. You can't really determine. The voices you heard are actually coming from in front of you behind the overpass. The overpasses in front of you behind that is deeper.

Okay, great. I'm gonna post up and move to in front of that overpass, the entrance in the overpass. So I'm gonna ready an action. Were you moving underneath the bridge? I'm moving to the opening, wherever it is that the voices are coming from. I want to be ready for whoever's coming. Okay, so you sort of position yourself in front of,

you move under the underpass to the other side, waiting for whatever's coming down. Yeah, and I'm gonna ready an attack action. For what? If some... The first person to come down that hallway. You're just gonna melee attack them. Yeah. Okay, so...

And by the way, I've got my shield and my... Okay, so to explain, you can ready an action as an action. You basically have to say what you're going to do and what's gonna trigger it. Okay, so maybe you're not in a good position to do something right now, but you will be if somebody moves closer to you. You can ready that action and then use it basically as soon as the trigger pops. So, you post up there, next in the order is... Merle.

I'm gonna cast Shield of Faith around Magnus. Okay, can you explain what that does? Shield of Faith, Shimmering Field appears and surrounds a creature of your choice within range, granting it a plus two bonus to AC for the duration. Okay, baller. And are you gonna move or do anything else? I guess that's your action. That was my action.

Okay, so Travis, you have plus two AC. Yeah. And Dad, I think you just expanded one of your spell slots. Yeah, okay, cool. Then the order moves to the goblin on the overpass. He sees you put a magic beautiful shield around this, already heavily shielded fighter in the front. So, he sort of turns his attention off of Magnus.

He's pretty sure he can't penetrate all that. And he's actually going to aim at Merle with a short bow. And he rolls a, ooh, Jesus, a 21 versus AC. What's your armor class? 18. 18, so 21 beats your 18, so he hits you. Four. Four plus two, so six piercing damage.

Okay, and what does that come off of? You are hit, you have 11. You have hit points. Ah, all right. It's all down to five. You are down to five. Okay, that's it for him. Nobody else really shows up in that round.

It's on to Taco. I'm going to cast Ray of Frost on that fool. The one that's 25 away from the overpass? Yeah, the overpass goblin. Okay. 24. 24, that is a hit. Just to make sure, where am I, yeah, okay.

No, I'm sorry to interrupt. Are you sure it's not just a saving throw, just like it is when Dad used one? No, some range attacks, some range spells are ranged attacks. Some are a saving throw. Think of it like if it's coming down on like an area, they make a saving throw to get out of the way of it. If it's something that is firing sort of like an arrow, then it's a ranged attack. So Justin hit him.

Yeah, you got to roll damage. Coming up, we got eight damage. Nice, eight damage. He takes all of that, it sort of knocks him back a little bit, but he maintains his footing on the overpass. He looks like he's about to kick it. He looks real bad. So that is the end of the round.

From the back of the hallway that Travis just ran up very valiantly to defend, you hear almost like something has just fallen over. And then immediately after that, you hear the telltale sound of rushing water. Tits. It is back to Magnus, the heavily shielded, very brave fighter. I'm suddenly very worried about the wolves in the back, they're going to drown. That passageway actually goes up, so don't worry about those wolves. I would worry more about yourself, your body.

Gotcha. Well, it seems pretty limited in what I can do, so... The stream next to you has also, when that happened, just sort of picked up a little bit, sort of got kind of fast. I'm going to step to the side. To what side? Um, so what we're looking at here is kind of an opening underneath the bridge, and that's what I'm standing in front of, correct?

You're basically a little bit in front of being under the overpass, it's about 10 feet up. Great, I'm going to head back to where my buddy's is, and then I'm going to shoot the little goblin with my shortbow. Okay. Unless there's something else I can do. No, you're just going to sort of stand there. Yeah, 23. 23, that is a hit.

Okay, great, and then D6 plus 3, 5. You hit him square in the chest, and he says, wow, you guys weren't kidding, and then he falls off the bridge limply into the stream. That's the same one that I had been attacking? Yep, yes. Yeah, okay. It was the only one.

Kudos all around, high five. So there are no more monsters, but we are still in initiative order. We will move on now to Merle. Are you saying we no longer have access to the chamber that had the wolves in it? That chamber was back aways, you couldn't dash back there. Then I say we need to cross the overpass. Okay, you aren't on level with it, it's about 10 feet up. Oh, I see, so the, oh, okay, so it does not come to our level and then overpass, I got you.

Gotcha. Well, obviously we need to move forward and get out of the way of the water. Forward is the direction the water is coming from. It does there seem to be any way to get up to the overpass level? I mean, you can climb. Oh, then let's climb. Well, you are already hacked it. Merle, can you say that?

I will climb, I will climb, what do I need to do? You will make a... I want to try to climb up to the overpass. Okay, to climb you make an athletics check to basically scale up the wall. You're not climbing that high and there is like a rocky craggy surface, so it's not an especially difficult check actually to get up there. The bridge is relatively wreckety, it's of goblin construction, so it's not amazing, but it looks like it'll hold your weight.

Okay, so I roll a 20-sided die? You roll a 20-sided die and you add your athletics. All right, I rolled a three, so my athletics is four, that makes it seven. That is not sufficient. You start to climb up the rocks, they're a little bit wet from the moisture in here. You slip off, you don't take any damage because you're probably only a few feet up and you're not a very tall person, so I mean that is a significant distance, but you do land on your ass and you're embarrassed.

You take ten embarrassment points. And I pee a little. Okay, you pee a little bit. You might be advanced in years, maybe you pee a little bit every time you take any damage. I don't remember saying anything about my age. All right, taco, hurry, we got to do this. Uh, it's on to... Merrill.

Yeah. Merrill, don't forget to... You look damaged. If you have some sort of way of healing yourself, be sure to explore that. You're injured. I will attempt the same climb that felled my friend, Merrill. Okay. I have no athletics.

Here we go. Four, 14. What'd you roll? 14. 14, that'll do it. You, uh, you... Oh, I'm looking at a lucky... First time is luck, huh?

You scurry up the rocks and you manage to climb on top of this bridge. If you feel it sway and shake a little bit underneath you as you get up there, but it holds fast. That is the end of the round. Suddenly, a horrifying wave of water, a wall of water, comes hurtling down the cave. And, basically, blasts into our heroes that are on the ground level. First, it hits Magnus, and then shortly thereafter, collides with Merrill, who is still on his ass. It starts to sweep you away. However, you both are sort of close to the craggy cave wall.

So, you can make a dexterity saving throw to try and not get flushed by this wall of water that's rushing at you. So, basically, you're going to roll a d20 and add your dexterity modifier to it, and you want to beat a target that I'm not going to tell you. I got a 13. You got 13 total, Merrill? Yeah. I got a 16. Okay.

So, both of you managed to grab onto the wall just as this wave of water hits you and tries to pull you away unsuccessfully. There was a lot of water, though, so you are sort of having to fight against the stream, holding onto these rocks. So, I need you both to also make a strength saving throw to make sure that you're going to hold onto this rock. The whole time, Talca, you're just sort of watching this charade take place from your safe approach. You're not laughing, but you are amused to see how it goes. I got a 14. I got a... I got seven.

Both of you get flushed in a torrent of water. You weren't really hit by the wave of force that this thing brought with it at first, but you are dragged down the cave back into sort of the first antechamber. Go ahead and take 1d4, both of you, as you're sort of pachinko'd around the rocks. Wait, even with my special shield? I don't want to know. It's a long talk. Well, the water wasn't attacking you as much as it was dragging you and breaking you against rocks.

I got a 3. You got a 3. I got a 3 as well. Okay, so you both take 3 damage. Time down to 2. And that is the end of combat. I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

You okay, Taco? I'm fine. Don't worry about Taco. So that was the end. That was the end. You are out of combat. That's the end. You actually hear Taco from down the cavern in Goblin.

You are trying to hear this Taco. The other two are sort of too far away. And also they don't speak Goblin, so they wouldn't hear it. But you hear, do we get them? Answer in Goblin, Taco. No! No, no, yes. Tell me yes.

Tell me yes. Sorry, let me try again. Yes! Which one is it? Make up your mind. No, we definitely got them. Oh, thank god. Should we come down there?

Or is it cool? Is it? No, I got... Do their drown bodies look kind of cool? Tell them it's... Tell them there's water everywhere. It's reason. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking.

Oh, Jesus, not again. We're actually going to stay up here. Thanks, though. Don't come in here. It's private. You hear them shuffle off? You hear the sound of footsteps moving away from you? And you think that using your clever ruse,

you have scared them off? Yes, ruse. Oh, Jesus, not again. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking.

I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking. I got too horny from the killing and I'm joking. Thanks for watching.