My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 11: The Lesbian Apocalypse

Episode Date: June 28, 2010

After last week's up-close-and-personal encounter, today's episode is a refreshing return to form. The gang have all again sequestered in their own chambers, and are answering questions with replenished reserves of vim and vigor. In fact, some may call it our most vintage episode to date. Suggested talking points: Heavily Zydeco inspired, Chief Yogurt Tester, Motorhead or other adult themes, derapitation, bevving out, accidental pedophile, two solid minutes of Austin Powers references, uggos.

If you change your mind On the first in line On the arms feel free Take a chance on me If you need me Let me know Gonna be around If you got your place to go

When you feel it now If you're all alone When the pretty birds have gone You're still breathing Here it goes Setting it It Off and vogue style

As Queen Latifah once set off Her career Set her career blaze With the hit films set it off We too are setting it off It's my brother, my brother and me It's an advice show for the modern era I am your host

Co-host Hostess Provocateur Impresario The other guy Travis McRoy I'm the Queen Latifah of podcasting Griffin McRoy Don't you claim that?

You can just hog that for yourself I'm gonna take it You guys can be your own soul mistresses I call Eric Abadou That's a good one Justin, what do you think of Macy Gray? I try to say goodbye But we just started the show

So here's our first question It comes to us from Austin Via Gmail He says Hey guys, do girls find it attractive If you listen to certain types of music Or maybe a certain artist? If so, which ones do you think they like?

Thanks for your time Wow, what a bummer way to start, Austin You're not bumming the shit out of me, dude It's sad That you have to ask this question Because It's doubly sad that the answer is Of course

Of course there are I think It all depends on the type of girl you're trying to woo If she's a more Let's say common type You'll want to listen to the mainstream artists of the day You're Justin Bieber's You're

Nickelbacks If she's a little If she's into smart dudes Gotta go jazz If you have a working knowledge of jazz Then you're gonna be able to Bring in those smart girls She's a little more tender

Go with like some Damien Rice Something like that is very good You guys have any suggestions? Zidaco It's a pageant beat No one can resist Nothing but Zidaco

Which is the name of my new band Watch out for being too eager to say Oh yeah, I'd love them too Cause now you have to go to their concerts And they're awful, like Nickelback Cause you're like, yeah baby I love Nickelback too Man, now you're locked into that And then halfway through the concert

She'll be like, I'm sorry, I have to tell you I know you love them, but these guys are terrible And you be like, I think they're terrible Let's leave Let's go have primarital sex You won't have that problem though If you're at a Zidaco concert Yep, just turn on the soundtrack

To Divine Secrets of the Yahya Sisterhood And uh What was that sound track? Heavily Zidaco inspired? It's heavily Zidaco inspired Yeah, it's heavy on Zidaco I guess we answered the question I don't know

It depends on what the It always is about What the person likes Try to strike a balance between What they like and what you think They would like Hey Austin, here's a suggestion Girls like guys with self-respect

Girls are confident guys So like what you like dude And they'll respect that Be able to look at yourself in the mirror, Austin I am currently Seeing a girl You should Talk to her and say listen to our podcast

I mean you're seeing a girl Relationship wise Who used to date a good friend of mine I really like this girl, she's funny And beautiful And now not only does my friend Not like me, he wants to fight me I know I could take him

If it came down to it What do I do? Okay, Morgan This fight is over Johnny, it's over He lost You don't need to fight him He lost in the sense that You're now dating his girlfriend

But he could still win In a physical Match I think the real question here Is what kind of time frame we're looking at When you say he used to date her Like he used to date her yesterday He used to date her

Like six years ago But no, I think the real question is How big are his pythons If we're talking like a 20 inch python What caliber gun he's got What I'm saying is This is a lose-lose situation for you I mean

It's not a lose-lose It's a lose-win That you don't have to enter into Because if you lose this fight Then this dude Gets to look beef in front of his ex-lady And maybe you'll lose her to him It's very primal

It's biological He knows he could take him If it came down to it Does he know in that way That guys like myself Have never been in a real fight Should they be in a real fight They could probably beat anybody

I could take Jason Stato So find your strength and then challenge him to that Like perhaps a A downhill ski race On the most dangerous mountain A game of battleship Perhaps Act like you pity him all the time

That is the only way to win Just be like, God, that's very sad Like I know you want to fight me But I know you miss her Oh, that's great I like that a lot It's tear him down inside out When you say you're not going to fight him

Make it seem like it's too beneath you Yeah, it's like, oh, that's really face Devil's advocate, though You're cold playing your bro That's your bro And you are kind of giving him the business But all of these questions are like A friend of mine

And I did this to them, or a friend of mine And they did this to me You aren't friends He wants to fight you I feel like there's another advice podcast out there That's like Bizarro Mabimbam Where the actual The people who are being transgressed upon

Go My friend's dating my friend now And I'm sad all the time What does that mean for me? It's not for winners who listen to this show It's for the losers Griffin, you want to give us a question? Yeah, sure

I got one from Yahoo Okay This person's name is kind of offensive So I'm not going to read it Open question, help Wife dresses me in child's clothes Oh, man, help Wife dresses me in child's clothes

I have all the Mr. Min t-shirts I could own I look like a small child In a big body I want a motor head t-shirt How to point out the subtle difference I've been grateful Thanks kindly That is how adults dress

All I can think is he must look like Right after Tom Hanks Changes into the adult in big And like, he's like, whoa Like all of a sudden he went from being 6 to ballooning up To being like 35 He wants to dress like an adult in a motor head t-shirt Yeah, you don't understand

Forget about suits and ties And button ups It's just when you grow up You wear more adult t-shirts Like motor head Like motor head or other adult themes Journey I don't know about all these guys

I don't know Maybe he lacks Maybe he's like John McCain He can't dress himself Because of his arms that he got broke You're thinking about dole No, McCain had it too He had those arms that he couldn't

Does that sound like the Republicans do to you Before they let you run for president? Yes, they hobble your shoulders They give you mannequin arms In case you change your mind, we just hobbled you for life This is gonna play really well In the primaries Our base loves hobbled men

This is good My brother and my brother are me Advice and making fun of veterans Good show Except for Tristan Tristan's our boy He's not a vet though He's still up in it

He's an amateur I don't think you're a vet until you get back And he ain't back He's still up there crushing Osama's guts Did you guys hear about the dude That rolled up to Afghanistan With a sword and a pistol And they're like, what are you doing?

He's like, I'm here to decapitate Osama Bin Laden My first thought was Yeah, Tristan That has to be interesting What? My problem was they detained the guy Just let that guy go He's the guy I want over there

You want people like that over there I went over there With a boombox And some unlaced chucks And said I'm here to de-rapitate Osama Bin Laden You're a monkey Nothing doing

Someone on formspring asked I'm on the job hunt in this tough economy And any advice on acquiring a job Would be much appreciated as well as Any advice for any job interviews Travis, you've had about nine jobs in the past year Why don't you fill this? Well the thing about applying for jobs

In a tough economy Is the difference between looking for a job looking for a career because you can get a job at like McDonald's or Walmart but that's not what most people are looking for so if you're getting to a point where you're really strapped for cash you got to lower them standards yeah but just apply everywhere like you never know have options you never know who's gonna be hiring yeah I was a job interviews ghost just never break eye contact sweat as much as possible as soon as you break eye contact you've lost it you done

fucked up and don't forget to use your your connections right if you got friends family whoever who are business owners or no business owners ask if they're looking for anybody that can um and you can always just sex your way to the top sex your way to the top that's how we got this podcast hardened fast rule in job interviews and it is the number one rule as someone who has interviewed a bunch and interviewed people when you go into the job find out what the employees of that company are expected to wear every day then dress one step better than that mm-hmm never show up to an interview and jeans and a t-shirt

never jeans never jeans never jeans you are going to a point for a retail location where they wear like khakis and a polo where khakis in a dress shirt something like that so that you look like you actually care about getting the job I know it seems like a good idea to walk in stab somebody and say well I guess you got an opening but but um it's it's not it's not a good idea it's a bad a patently bad idea that's not the kind of person they want on the team if nothing else watch the Michael J Foxx movie oh I fucked it up what is it the one way he does oh back to the future that's it good gag the one about

business gag great great great anecdote associated question the Dan Shires asks on Twitter hey guys how much is too much when bending the truth on a job application you get caught bro you will get caught no I said till you get caught they don't you will you will get caught inevitably it depends on the job right like McDonald's at Burger King don't talk they're not gonna like call and be like is this guy good is he down the best house is a house is the truth is special skills I yeah you know what truth like do you want to pretend like you had a job that you didn't I mean if you have a friend who will lie and say

that they're their manager of a closed business like yeah I mean you can get away at that that's not tough but I don't know that you want to get into a job where they think you have some frame of reference that you don't have here's my advice come up with a bullshit term for the job that you did like first shift supervisor or something but really you were just there by yourself I want because nobody checks that nobody calls and says was he the first shift supervisor just to make up a job title for a job you actually did but make it sound way more impressive I say I always list that you can jumble at TCB why

whenever I put that on a resume I always say that I was the chief yogurt tester when really it just meant that I sat around and ate a bunch of free yogurt you know they're close now right TCB why good job oh that's a shame good job I didn't have free yogurt now you cocksucker it's not my body anymore I had that job a long time ago make me sick is it okay to drink alone yep ask what angry Zeus what is okay I mean it's probably it's not okay to get drunk alone I don't think not on a regular basis no not on any basis but I think it's okay to my friend Dwight says it's not drinking alone if you're talking on the internet I think I

think it's worse to say I want to drink I need to go get some people so I feel okay drinking I think that's more of a statement than just drinking by yourself why don't I I mean if you're drinking excess to get drunk by yourself that's not good if you're like want to unwind with a beverage your grown-ass man do it I get cold bevin sometimes I have sometimes and I there's nothing wrong with it cuz I enjoy a cold Bev at the end of a long hot day a long hot day of what work I working working we do the same thing right it's like sir mm-hmm but Griffin does it in a sauna so I do it in a sauna and I do squats between every

post and you don't bet that all all work I know I'd stay dry dry as a pop corn dry as a what dry as a popcorn fart that's not a thing totally a thing are you getting that going or is it a thing yeah I'm trying to get it spinning this is really the first it's sort of the first outing the first time I've really really brought that down it's a really limited usage no no no it's it's there are a lot of occasions where it's appropriate I'm so just now in this podcast yahoo answers yahoo answers user a 23 asks is it possible that a human turns into a monster like in the resident

evil movie in a future there is a future in which that is possible his explanation okay the big monster in the resident evil movie resulted from a genetic experiment in a human being well I mean that's just science yeah people are doing genetic experiments every day and one of these days they're gonna try and cure Alzheimer's and then I'm giant monsters gonna come out or a joyful monster or a giant intelligent shark what are the answers to that is there any people trying to get down on helping him out let's see what people said it is possible but not likely at all what the fuck is possible it's possible what do

you mean it's possible they might try that a human might turn into a monster because the genetic experiments yes some of our ancestors apparently such as the maganthropus a type of Homo erectus fossils sound like some scary individuals so we could devolve into giant horrifying caveman basically but those guys seem hilarious and all they do is you know shill car insurance not bowl I make unfunny sitcoms apparently a movie apparently a hit movie fucking kidding me soon to be fucking joking with me I'll go see that caveman film I'll go see that whatever sounds good I'm in my early 20s and currently single my

problem is that when I see an attractive girl I cannot tell how old she is once I even started talking to girl realize she was still in high school oh which caused me to walk away immediately okay good how old never mind I just I actually just want to get my driver's license you said you're in my school get out I really don't want to be labeled to some kind of pervert if you guys have an easier way to tell the approximate age of a girl without simply walking out with her like a creeper and just flat-out asking you much appreciate have you considered have you considered cutting her in half and counting her

rings oh that DJ or is that all you can consider you sick oh oh listen some people are just some people are age-blind and I I understand that it's not a problem that I have I'm like a carney with my ability to guess people's age like to the month but yeah I don't know what to tell you DJ because you really can't just walk up there and be like hey this this is your age what is your age let me know because I'm let I mean I may try to start the DJ I have a gas station approach where unless they look 35 assume they're underage I I have a

question if I can call you Deej what is what is your life I'm I assume you're worried is that you don't want to have sex with an underage girl cool what is going on with your life strategy that you think there's a fairly good chance you could end up boating down on a girl before you figure out what her like life situation is like before you figure out how old she is and stuff like what kind of chicken and egg situation do you have where that's your that's your approach also where are you meeting these women I have no idea how old you are hey Justin Bieber concert yeah maybe don't maybe don't try and pick up chicks in the

Dave and Buster's arcade room and I love chicken nugget day do you guys love chicken nugget day you finish that school rule what are you doing after this this is such a good place to come eat I hear like five times a week it seems like what about you guys want to get out of here I've got cigarettes this isn't a public playground this is a this is oh this is actually attached to your school so I should I shouldn't be here is what you guys like Boone's farm hey if that older lady gets tired of pushing you on the swing I'm happy to on there you should look about the same age is that I'm sorry this is a this is a mental

problem I have yeah I know it's a mental problem you're a pedophile DJ but no wait no not DJ is a loyal mabimbim listener we can't be too hard on him because girls are getting older younger you know I mean Mambla members what he is now kid DJ he's not talking about young boys though no young girls he just wants to get down with young girls so he's name what their major is that's the best way to figure out if a girl is in high school versus college ask her what her major is yeah she will say I am in high school to be like a recess I know I'm not I think I think DJ you would be helped enormously if you had a

good if you had a pre-planned exit line for if the girl told you that she went to high school like if you knew what you were gonna do because I think that's your worry that it'll be awkward and just say so you go to school and if she says I'm in high school you say like have you considered accepting Jesus Christ and then she'll say like what and you like out I was gonna say claim to be an undercover cough do you know where I can score some ecstasy can you talk into my lapel what's the best way to that's what a tackle writers block as it's pixelated pixel rate it's pixel rated pixel rated you can't actually tackle

writers block that's that's the truth you just have to get absent no no no no no you just have to give up on it for a little bit and then come back later when you're not as blocked and I've never had it when I have writers block I just write some shit I just write shit that I've seen other people write writers walk for three years yeah I think seriously though I think 99% of the time if you have writers block you're actually just burned out because you've been doing what what you've been writing too much that's a good yeah that's true you got to get up and and you know go do some other things and it may feel like a

waste of time but I work will improve I believe that a lot of what we think of is traditionally think it was creativity it's really just the the input that you taken in being sort of repurposed in your head and sort of sorting it out so take in some like stimulating stuff like go see a movie that's a little more challenging than something you normally watch or listen to some music that you wouldn't normally listen to something kind of break your your rut and get that creative part of your brain flowing I don't even think you can I don't think you can lose creativity as much as you can lose

motivation I think that's right that's a lot of interest you just got to you know get away for a little bit just go away take a break do something else I get a blank screen I take a I take a half hour break in the middle of the podcast to get my juices flowing yeah you're here rough edit in the middle that's where he's left just like peace yeah he usually says peace I usually say peace sometimes that makes it into the final cut hey I'm a bim bam I'm sorry before you're gonna read this question well I was gonna read a yahoo answers question but save it save it save it hey move in bam so I am a nice girl and

I'm having trouble meeting a nice guy I meet a lot of people but it seems for every one nice guy meet there are 10 creepers hitting on me what is this thing with creepers how do I find more quality men without having to deal with so many creepers with some creepers with some problem with so many DJs is that what she says creeping around asking where I go to school and if I want to accept Jesus I like your Lisa Frank bass she says this I picture like a like a house of mirrors kind of situation where she's surrounded by 11 guys and she has to pick out the one nice guy from the 10 creepers there are 11 guys hitting on

you at the same time I have a question form spring how many nice guys do you need to meet one nice guy for every 10 guys on average you mean 11 people you like one of them how many do you want burning through the nice guys you're a man-eater you only need the one you know if you think about a nice guy you only need the one unless you're getting into some big love shenanigans yeah that and by all means just say just you know ask them if they're a creeper if they laugh it off then they're probably nice guy if they're like how old are you then they're a DJ I'm just kidding or they are actually like a DJ they are a DJ they're a

creepy DJ a creepy wedding DJ like that guy who slapped that that poor lady's bosoms everybody has seen that fucking video this is the most magical video but we get this question a lot and it's so alien to me because I'm I'm so used to it the other way yeah right ten for ladies for when I say hey you know great place to meet people to meet to reconnect to connect for the first time to re reconnect after you've disconnected it's them ma bim bam forum appreciation group on Facebook so go to our web page nbmbam.com and click on our Facebook group and there's there's a lot of nice

attractive people there to meet there was there's a pretty big thread on there the love and friendship connection thread which I adore and it's full there's a lot of magic happening there but I recently noticed that somebody started his own thread that just says I need a girlfriend he's taking a very a more direct approach to it and I wish him the best of luck I like it I honestly I think it's great you know we call that go get them attitude get attitude yahoo answers user oh it's just an exclamation point I'm gonna pronounce that hmm open question ladies if you found out that Prince William quote

fancied you and was interested in marriage what would you say and why lol how serious would you take him and would you accept please explain um I think I would just are you asking me I mean I that's that's usually what we do in these I think that it would it would be weird but I think that I would I would hope you would be tender let's quick poll do do any of us actually know who Prince William is and what he looks like he's that cute one right he's the cute one but he dressed up like a Nazi one time right in a Halloween party I remember saying he's got a great sense of humor on the Sun you'd be like you'd be like

go blimey just to know I'm down in the end to you do you want a new fancied shag? he's like I don't know Prince William are you sure about this? go blimey of course I am do I make you horny baby yeah it's a man yeah you want to go to a fan base yeah I think you just need to look at him and say that's not my bag baby that's not my bag

all right can we just get two more minutes of straight Austin power no problem god that junk on blu-ray I gotta give back it is it's a full set of it oh I trapped you ninety thousand dollars have you noticed the trend where women always end up with men excluding macroys that are less attractive than them am I just doomed to spend money on makeup and a gym membership while my significant other has a receding hairline and computer pudge form spring I see at first I thought this question

was from a man I didn't I realized it was from a woman and I took a a significant turn that's hard I don't know I okay form spring what's I forget Travis and Griffin for a second just you and me talking I think there's a good chance you're a lesbian now hear me out I think that what I was thinking in my head is I was reading this as it was from a guy and what I was going to say is well that's natural because you're going to find guys more attractive

guys less attractive because you're a dude and you're into ladies um but you're a lady who says that I mean if you accept the the idea that most people are going to pair off what you're saying is that most women are more attractive than most men um but that's true yes I'm not even saying that from from uh right but of sexual orientation I'm saying dudes don't give as much of a shit as ladies give about their personal appearance leading to they're being far far more

attractive women than there are men what I'm saying is that the planet is being choked by overpopulation and it is biologically increasing the number of gay people to try to limit the population it makes perfect biological sense we have more thing that this like from an evolutionary standpoint didn't that make perfect sense what what a beautiful wonderful way of of of evening out the population of the of the earth it's not increasing adoptions which is nice yeah and that's nice too lots

of babies with not good homes I think it's wonderful but you have to accept that's happening at an alarming rate this is this is an alarming yucky rate no come on you a sexy sexy rate that this is happening and and I think it's beautiful I think it's I think it's wonderful um I just think that you are into girls and that's good that's fine that's fine I think girls the reason than do you women are way more attractive than guys just naturally this is a stone fact

women are soft and nice and they smell good stop it you're fucking gross in me gross gross what gross they taste sweet sweet like Eric um I hate guys what I'm saying is that earth is making people gay I'm saying that eventually women are gonna get sick of how every man on earth is just a hideous uggo beast like who just fucking that does just sit on his computer and and picket is his dark spots his places where the sun doesn't come

and and just gets uglier and grosser and and eventually women are just going to be like ah fuck it and they're going to give up too and then we're just going to be a big stupid ugly planet of people well this is the way the world ends not with a bang but with lesbians ugly ugly lesbians no sexy lesbians and ugly dudes beautiful sexy lesbians that can't procreate to save their lives they take over aren't they they are shit they are there's only one generation of them how can we make this work for us

you gotta get on board now because I don't want to be the first one against the wall I tell you what friends with the lesbians that's what I do I'll tell you the really scary thing the really scary thing is that there's someone out there listening to this and they're like yes they have it all figured out they crack the code these macaroy brothers they know what's up they're being serious about the things they talk about they know what's going on hey then we're on our way to a Nobel prize Nobel prize here we except the one person who thinks that is the Nobel prize

guy hi this is dr. Nobel prize I like your thesis on lesbians yeah lesbians and in the world um this is why this is why it's so sexy when girls make out is because you're looking at something dark and apocalyptic something that possibly fathom the gravity of you're touching the darkness darkness you've reached across the veil to see your through the void through the void these girls are making out you can see the inside you're bathed in a lost arc like glow as your

face melts off do you guys think it's gonna happen in our lifetime god we can only hope that's the sexiest thing i've ever heard apocalypse i want that to be the last thing i see i know right this is a chorus of girls making it my wife i want do you remember before the show um when you were like we have a lot of women listeners and we need to know this is why this is why because they love this like that was so sexy right now they're thinking about that right now like wow what a sexy apocalypse um what if we just started

the apocalypse we're like let's go ahead and everyone's head planted the seat of the apocalypse everybody knows that ellen did that my wife and i have an ongoing argument about the proper way to say you're making a room cooler for example she'll she'll say i'm going to turn okay i say i'm going to turn the ac up whereas she believes you should say i'm turning the air down come on what's wrong with her she's gotta know that i'm right and she's just bs-ing because she doesn't want to admit it right what do you what do you guys say

i'm trying to think divorce yeah it's the only now no i think i say i turn it if it's too cold i turn it i always say up i'm gonna if i'm making it colder in the room i'm gonna turn it up i'm gonna turn the ac up right yeah yeah that makes sense yeah i'll say i'll turn the thermostat up and that means it's getting hotter this is a really complex question there needs to be some sort of standard let's let's see how i'm going to turn up the heat

and then i slam dunk just feel like if if you say it's too hot in this bitch i'm gonna fix it people know what you're talking about like they know what you're gonna do and then now this bitch is too cold this bitch is cold too hot to handle too cold to hold you might say i fix how chilly this bitch is i can't i'll think about the end of the world let's just let's just take it to you i'm going to adjust this take out all the prepositions oh so it's it's sort of

it could go either way at that point yeah i'm gonna alter the temperature in here buckle up i don't know what's gonna happen i'm going to affect this um so i want to this is crazy is this do they just get weirder like are we just turning into insane people as we record this show we're doing the show earlier and earlier and i think that probably has an effect we need to stop doing it two thirty in the morning yeah um so i want to hear griffin's

last question that he's prepared for us but first i want to tell you how you can seek our guidance and maybe be told that you are a a lesbian or be a pedophile these are the services we offer here hard hard truths at nbmbam.com a leba file a leba file um or lebanese or lebanese if you didn't know that um so you can email us nbmbam at gmail.com you can hop on our website and uh get on our facebook group that way it's nbmbam.com you can we love seeing quotes from the show on twitter that's always funny

so twitter that with the pound nbmbam or at nbmbam guide people to us um there any other ways a great statistic tell me um on our form spring we just passed 300 questions so many questions and we've answered all of them which is the great part um hundred questions thank you guys so much for listening we're we're getting close we're getting closer to a hundred k downloads if oh man oh man it's going to be a big big event in my life i see i see on twitter that uh

mrs cat malvaney got her brother hooked on nbmbam she's doing the lord's work if you want to get somebody hooked on the fever that isn't bbam we love that we love it when you when you uh spread the word and uh join the facebook group we're getting close to a thousand members there which is incredible and and get subscribe get your friends to subscribe and leave a rating we're starting to we're slipping a little bit off of the itunes page so if you know anybody who works at itunes so you can be like hey get let's start listening to this totally dope

show then then you know you you might become our number one fan we'll grant you that title uh so uh god bless you i guess is what i'm trying to say god bless you god bless you uh and can we end the show with that from now on instead of a question god bless god bless you it depends how good is the question uh lily asks women's health sesame seed looking thing on my vagina i'm just macaroon i'm travis macaroon god bless you and this has been my

brother my brother nb you will never know me me you