My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 13: The Life Moustache

Episode Date: July 13, 2010

WE'RE LATE. And we're sorry. We've got no excuses, except that, man, it's been such a rough week, and our alarm didn't go off, and Justin's cat ate his audio file. We come to you with humble hearts, with a humble episode in our humble hands. We know you're going to hate it, out of principle, but we're hoping you won't share your anger with other potential listeners. Suggested talking points: Ducky, Omens and Portents, Shoop, The LeBron Continuum, The Itchy Zone, The Sweet and Salty Foamy Spray of Life, kissing your pep-pep, robot B.O.

If you change your mind, on the first in line, Honey, I'm still free. Take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know. Gonna be around. If you've got no place to go when you're feeling down. In the distance, I can see it on the horizon. It's my brother and my brother and the episode 13. We've arrived. This is an advice show from the modern era and I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Morning De mucho te他們. I'm Travis McRoy, and I'm the other boobular brother I'm Griffin McRoy, and I'm not gonna stoop to that level, but I will I think we need to apologize again Again, we made a decree. I think it was ep 8 which was Like two eps ago Saying we'd never miss another another show, and we didn't miss it. It's just a little bit late I would say I missed it. I missed it, but I think because because of that decree

the the nice feelings that people projected last time we missed the episode of of sorrow and It turned right? Yeah, it turned and people went absolutely bonkershits and I didn't know how to handle that energy. They tore the internet apart. They fucking raged inside the internet and They raged against it and Ripped I would say that they hurt my feelings except and I knew That we had a comment and you don't have feelings, and I don't have feelings anymore. So

I'm so sorry this time Yeah, I know it was entirely Justin's fault. Yeah, big refund coming your way I'm in West Virginia for a week. Is there anything I should do while whilst in Huntington besides listening to Clinton McRoy on one of 3.3 WTC our mornings Travelman man travel man man from Twitter You're already doing the most important thing all your news information sports weather. Everything you need is right there They're comedy comedy tear off the knob Tear off don't touch that dial. It's got jam on it if by the time you leave Huntington

You don't know what the words ducky crab tree mean then you haven't done your job my friend failed you fail I feel like we need we haven't had ducky do a guest spot yet And I think that a ducky crab tree guest spot on my brother my brother me is Have you guys ever tried googling ducky? I wonder if ducky comes up. Oh my god now. I need to check gone about your business. I'm gonna look As far as other things to do soak in the sights Go for a walk on Marshall University's campus Dear Clint McRoy. What the hell doesn't ducky crab tree have a Facebook page?

Facebook page for ducky crab tree or I quit the internet forever because there's no point Go to hillbilly hot dogs You could hunt down Justin Well, don't do that. You could hunt down Justin like he's wild game. Well, don't don't do that I'm gonna vote against that one. Are we voting? Yes, I don't I don't think that one's very good Where you can stay there For 22 years and then leave Just kick it. Let me give you an alcoholic's perspective two dollar pictures of the Union on Monday

Karaoke on Tuesday at Sharky's five dollar all you can drink at fat patties on Wednesday Thursday Thursday's you're thinking of the V club. It's Wednesday. Oh, you can drink. No Yeah, no, it's five dollars. Are you can drink? I Patties to Thursday Thursday Thursday's at the thirsty whale and then you have Friday Saturday Sunday wherever you want to go You just recuperate. Yeah, think about the bad decisions. You've made the terrible decisions and how you need to get out of Huntington, you're just gonna drink yourself to death because it's so fresh It is there's a good drinking scene in Huntington If you like who answers user Timothy asks and this question was sent in by TJ mad

Loyal listener to the show. Thank you TJ. What does it mean when kids or Japanese people come and stand next to you? Are they trying to be friendly? I was at the supermarket looking at herbs and a boy came and stood next to me I was at the sports field taking pictures and a Japanese guy in baseball gear came over and stood near to me And I started taking pictures too. I'm a guy too. I'm Chinese but look for re-in slash Japanese Do you have a similar experience? What do you think? You know what I'm glad someone finally had the balls the she puts but to bring this up because I've had this theory for Years that the kids and the Asians are working together to fuck with us No, it's not that it's it's it's all about omens and portents on this our 13th episode

We're talking about omens And we're talking about portents and if a kid comes and stands next to you. That is a bad On your left or is he on your right? Side regardless of which direction he's adjacent to you. Well, I think if he's on your left It's bad news for you, and if he's on your right, it's bad news for a loved one I believe if I remember in this car, I can't remember. Yeah, it's it's a there's also a daylight savings time component Oh, but if a Japanese person comes and stands next to you. Oh boy. Oh, man Get ready get ready for good stuff because here it comes

It's coming on down. What's that tumbling down the mountain? I think it's a nugget of fortune headed your way The problem is you can't try and stand next to a Japanese person to try and emulate that good fortune Because they'll run away There's fry and if they run away that's six more weeks of winter Yep Omens and Portents

Here this is a bad omen My best this reform spring my best friends Xgf constantly hangs out with our friend and group Having isolated all her friends when they were dating This is a problem because even when they were dating we barely tolerated her often selfish and childish behavior Please help. Ah, she's a zilch. Just tell her to Go away Get out of here. No, thanks the road sister Next time next time she walks in the room. Just speak and this kind of tone and saying things like mm-hmm

Thanks, I don't think so. Actually, I'm trying to have a conversation with you. Oh gross too bad. That's grody Let's don't say we did So bring up all mid 90s phrases P a r t y because I got a mask. Okay. That's just a mask shoot shoot Fraganomics If that doesn't if that doesn't work, you'd always dump a bucket of pigs blood on her No harm could come from the Show me the message to sweet I think

Um, no talk to talk to her ex that is a staple of your group because it's his problem He brought this he brought this fucking albatross into your group and now it's his time It's it's his job to dispatch her next time just be like it's on you Ricky It's on you the next on you Ricky next time she comes in and then walk out the room And then you get the bonus of every time she keeps coming in the room you get to give him that look You get to look at her cross-serve me like you son of a bitch you're doing Rick We talked about this Ricky Richard Richard Richard Richard Ungmail asks hey guys is talking to yourself weird context all about context. It's not context is so important

You know what you're giving yourself like a badass pump-up speech and yeah, I do that from time to time You know what I decided was weird because I talked to myself all the time Talking to yourself about stopping talking to yourself is weird Like I'll start to say out loud yourself like what am I doing? I need to stop I look crazy and I use my hands a lot and it's Yeah But when you get out of the shower and you're looking at yourself in the mirror and you just like grit your teeth And you give yourself like a let's fuck some shit up cowboy then that's not weird. That's that's not weird at all

That's natural. I talked to myself all the time. I I say things like You're gonna have a great day today send that positive energy my way You can definitely do this ten thousandth push-up And I say things like oh god. Oh god. He's turning blue. You have to stop. You have to stop. Oh god. Oh god You have to stop You have to stop why aren't you stopping you make me sick you make me sick you make me sick I wish you were dead instead of him. Oh god. Oh god. Is he dead? He's so blue. Oh god You have to run you have to find someplace to hide and bury the body and I I don't think that's weird. It's just

It helps you sort your thoughts out. Mm-hmm, you know, so there's this girl. I like I don't but I'm pretty sure a Friend of mine likes her to her She works in the same office as him. So it's likely he's made more progress and just generally has more access to her He's a good guy. So I'm conflicted. Should I continue to pursue her back down Shane? This is great because this isn't one of those Too late questions where it's like my friend is engaged to this girl. How can I get her? Yeah? It's this is open open season kind of questions. Sure. Well, that's kind of in a completely less offensive kind of way I don't know. He's already taken it that direction with this made more progress. Yeah, what is it? Is he got to the eighth level?

Sleeping with her like what are you talking about? He won the first ten points. I got two in there somewhere My question is how much do you really like this girl if you're not seeing her any at all? Like if your friend's making all this progress because he works with her and sees her all the time What kind of interaction do you actually have with this girl? How do you know her? I think it breaks down to who saw her first. Yeah, that's what it is It's the thing I don't think it's you Shane because he works with her The chief thing to keep in mind is just don't consider her feelings. Yeah, sure. That's the most important thing because if you ask her

What she wants then? Oh, I don't know The decision's not up to her I if it were she would go with your friend the guys I respectfully disagree I think Shane step one go to where she works Step two barge into the office no matter who tries to stop you step three stand over her cubicle yelling Which one do you choose? Which one do you choose? You can only have one you troll up Stop dragging my heart around I think that's right there Or okay, you form a bro pact with your buddy and say, you know what we both dig her

I think to preserve our friendship neither one can have her or and then two weeks later You flip it You're not really good friends with him anyways Don't worry about it or you say or I'll date her Monday Wednesday Friday You can date her Tuesday Thursday Saturday, and then Sundays will trade off This is all sounding really good guys I Think you know what I was worried. We wouldn't be able to come with a really good answer on this one, but Or or

Really, you know, obviously which have to take the bottom I thought you meant cutter in half length wise. Oh, no You have to put it together like one of those one of those whistle suckers that doesn't work unless you have remember There's a whistle gummies that people used to have you stick to gummies. Yeah, you turn to a whistle. She'd be like that I might have dreamed him you think you I think you may have dreamed him This one comes from yahoo answers user kibby in my a Who asks what happened to kibby? He's I know I haven't seen him in a while

Did he go a wall? No, no VTOL. No, those are He's in my a guy. It's like I just got the news. He's kibby POW here. Oh No, yeah, no, we're gonna get you kibby Tristan's gonna come he's gonna bust up Osama's Tristan's coming kids. Just hang on hang on to hope This is a topical sports question, which we'll know a lot about who better LeBron with no legs or Kobe with no legs This is how much I know about sports is the thought I just had was okay, so they both have legs I do know they I've settled that now. I know they both have legs. They both have two Big strong legs each sinewy big sinewy beautiful, you know, you said you said who better

I'm beautifully phrased and I you know at first thought who would be better in a sporting event But maybe he's asking who would learn the most and become a better person Okay, so let's cut it in. Let's let's split this question in half like we would with Shane's girlfriend Shane's girlfriend. Okay, so who would be better at sports? me Okay, is this between us you think if you went Chicago 21 against LeBron and Kobe Neither of which had legs. Let me tell you they like Cripple Masters join up and one

And they want to be the legs And their torsos would fuse and they'd be like a push-me-pull you but they'd be really good at basketball Yeah, and I love this and really good at offending reporters Oh, but they play for two different teams now, don't they? That would get tricky. So, okay, Kobe Bryant 31 years old Okay, are you looking up some stats? Yeah, Kobe Bryant 31 years old and According to this

Card that I cut off the back of his action figure. He's got a power rating of eight Okay, okay, that's a lot of fucking power dude. Yeah on a scale. It's a bit CO 10 Yeah, okay his His smarts are a nine and his tech skills his tech skills are a seven This guy's a fucking super genius. Yeah, he's a super genius. He's a super genius super slam dunk artist What's he doing ballin? He should be up in NASA taking us to the moon shit balls at night and in Vinster in the day Oh, my god LeBron James age 25 power rating nine Oh

Yeah smart up seven tech skill get this ten holy shit Yeah LeBron James is really good with tech Do you guys remember when time travel was invented in the year 2010? By the king by the basketball king the king of all basketball We have to we have to get back. How there's no one way we have to subvert the laws of the LeBron continuum Fuck Really important three-pointer and now the Miami Heat lost their basketball game not so fast He time travels back and makes the shot

That's what that sound was and he meets George Washington and a clown and he helps him decide where to put the state capital LeBron James in the time belt so I Guess I guess that answers that LeBron James Who would be a better person we talked about sports side who would be a better person? It depends if you live in Cleveland It's Kobe if you live outside Cleveland's LeBron Cuz Kobe didn't didn't know but so be enough. Here's the difference. I think Kobe has the most to learn

Oh, he's got a lot. Yes. Well, he's kind of because his tech skills are no you're you flipped them You flip the bronze kind of a day. No LeBron's a dick to people in Cleveland, but people in Miami think he's great Yeah, they think he's the best. Did you move down to Miami Travis? Um, you get down there I am I am non-committal to any geographic location. Yeah, okay, so you're Represent So I guess that answer. Yeah, I think we've pretty well addressed that one driven right into the ground BC Potter You may that's what happened. Maybe they didn't lose their legs Into the ground I see who poured this cement here a whole Larry Bird

Bugs Bunny just getting into shenanigans space champ to we took LeBron Get on tap these shoulders Bc Potter from Twitter writes my woman wants me to shave the old berry patch any Suggestions to get the job done as clean as possible What's going on in her scene that she wants you to be clean shaving down there? Because you think you're gonna do it once you're setting yourself up for a hobby This is your new hobby is shaving your zone or else you're gonna have itchy itchy zone On the on the reg 20 sound on the reg

You know what makes it sad now that you've used that I can't use that for the name of my family style restaurant The itchy zone the itchy zone. Yeah, fuck fuck Yeah, don't do this don't do this thing that she's asking you to do this is it's it's impossible to get it Soups clean. Yeah, you can't get it soups clean. It's gonna be like it's gonna look like you're John Stamos down there I Counterpoint just to get one side Yeah, ooh and then say they give her like a caster's choice option

Wait one side looks like little on the right one side looks like a man's penis the other side looks like a baby's This is this qualifies as an emasculace. She's making you she's trying to emasculate you and it's really a trick She doesn't want you to do this what she wants you to do is say no, I won't do that. I'm a man Yeah, oh my god, you're right and you say men have hair down there. We are still in a society and And then knock something over Man knock things over. That's just life If you do do it though do it now in the summer. Don't wait till the winter. Oh, no Cuz I was like you know sweater when you're outside. It's not a good idea

You need me to walk around naked. Just walk around completely naked I have a friend who doesn't like to experience new forms of entertainment because he's afraid you won't understand them without knowing everything about them What do you? Do you do? You can try you start by finishing your sentences form spring power voodoo. What if something happened to him? What oh god? We lost him

So what what is it? What does he mean like movies like he doesn't I don't know that he means That per se. I think he's probably talking more about like extreme sports entertainment like base-jumping. Oh, yeah Yeah, like I think this is like a fear of like 3d Why he's afraid of 3d technology. Yeah, I'm like he's afraid of new forms of entertainment No, no I think he's talking about jet skiing and yeah, hey, listen listen listen Chas Just go out wakeboarding with your friends for once, please Michael Michael when you die Are you gonna be sad that you didn't understand wakeboarding for a day?

Or are you gonna be sad because you didn't get Stop that spray that ocean spray in your face as you wakeboarded Your way down the coast Just get that spray get that sweet salty foamy spray Michael's in the front seat. He's driving the boat Michael spraying you in the face. You're waking. You're in the back You're waking like you don't even know cares in the world. Just wake and spray Wake and wake You guys just got up. It's dawn and you're afraid you won't understand. What's there to understand?

It's two men who care about each other one of them is driving a boat and spraying the other in the face with salty foam Just looking back at him thumbs up. Hey as you're doing it Remember you are so afraid, but now you're doing it. Oh god. That's a great end of a movie right there, right? The last line the last line of this movie screenplay is you were so afraid, but now you did it As get that spray that sounds like the end of a movie we'd check out from the church library when we were eight Except I don't think they had movies called waking spray in the church library. You're right, McGee We're a churn gang Spray salty life foam into Chas's face

Get that foamy spray and then talk about weird euphemisms for God Tim Tim McGraw said it best every fucking episode with this live like you were dying You gotta get that seafoam gonna spray it on your face Your friend looks at you knowingly you're sharing a sweet moment Hey, you know what's a good a great moment for the end of this inspirational movie? Michael looks at Chas and just kind of smiles and says hey You got a life mustache and reaches up and wipes Yeah

Yeah, who answers user Holly asks is it weird to kiss your dad on the lips? Just a quick kiss on the lips. No tongue you Hello, bye. I love you, etc. My sister used to do it too, but she's grown out of it now, and I haven't I'm 20 BTW I love you daddy. I love you daddy. Come here. I think we're good if you're kissing other people's dads on the Nope, just her daddy. She's gonna give her a low hand. What's up? Did you uh The good part of this situation is that is a no loss because if you kiss your dad on the lips And you think it's okay then

Other people if they say hey, that's weird. You're a weird. You're a weirdo You can say why why don't you get your head out of the gunner? It's my dad sicko Then there are the sick ones. I think there's a way to be creepy about it No, I'm just kissing my dad on his sweet bristly lips. Look at me. What's up with that stay with stubble dad? I'm by your Gillette fusion. I think it's the creepiest thing I've ever heard Well, there it is I'm just gonna be straight up. I'm usually pretty accepting of abnormal behavior But fuck that that is weird. I don't think you know though until you do it

I think everyone after they're done listening to this episode needs to go find their pep-pep and plant one on him You know right on his so wheat lips I've been looking for a a good sign-off for the show for so long And I think kiss your dad square on the lips is probably square on his sweet plump lips Kiss your dad. God. I'm so disgusted right now. You're like the retching in your throat. Yes I hate both of you. I'm muting my microphone as we speak so I can bomb it in the corner All right, daddy. Come here pep-pep Here it comes

Is it worth it to pick up a penny? That is considering the amount of energy expended at the cost of food required to pick up said to provide said energy Can the penny be considered profit Ryan Gmail? No, no, what? No, you know what I do when people give me pennies. No joke. I throw them in the garbage That's where pennies go in the garbage Do you know why because that's a penny receptacle because pennies are in garbage pennies are garbage They're worth more the metal in them is worth more than the value that we have artificially attached to they're awful They're the worst coins. They're only they are so politicians from from zinc states can can

Keep jobs and in their home home town Imagine this you're cleaning your room and it's been a while and you move a chair and there's a glint in the carpet And you say oh my goodness a coin, but then it's a penny Is it worth it? No, because that's the worst feeling in the world I just throw that across the room and say I'll find that again later. I like to call pennies hobo pranks Because hobos asked for change and like sure here it comes here comes a big fistful of pennies Better luck next time they like Wear cargo pants with like 18 pockets and just fill them with pennies and then wait for someone to ask you for change

And then just start dumping out your pockets. Oh, man. That's gonna be a real good prank It's gonna be a real good goof and it's gonna be worth it to have all those stinky Heavy-ass pennies in your pants. What smells worse side side topic. What smells worse than a receptacle that is held coins That's something that has held coins previously and then you get your you get your your snog in there get your snifter Yeah, that's a whoa, that's what you know on on the other hand What smells better than a receptacle that has contained a large sum of paper money? Yeah? Oh, yeah, that's that sweet stuff right that coin stuff smells like you made a robot out of A robot body odor

I'm gonna go one step further and say fuck nickels and dimes to and quarters quarters are where it's at and That's that's the only thing That's the one was the last time like and nobody's ever bought anything with a penny But when was the last time you actually bought something with a nickel or a dime never? Yeah, put them in the parking meter. Yeah, you put them in the park Most parking meters though. They don't even take those anymore. They only take quarters I actually I only believe in using sackage away a lot of coins You want to try that again set for all our Native American listeners who are so angry right now do it second Jew

Said second away, but you'll get it. I call them. I call them savage sense See I think it might be a think it might be offensive check our lips and stats and see if we have any listeners on reservations Because there's so I will I will delete that around the outside of the coin. It says in many gods we trust So Let's let's end the show because you know, we've all got things to do places to be today I know I never wanted to show you know

But if you want to send in a question for next time you can find all our info on mbmbam.com It's our website You can email us at mbmbam at gmail.com You can send in a question on form spring, which is anonymous and you can find that link on our website You can tweet at us using the hashtag mbmbam or at mbmbam Just you want to talk about the t-shirts real quick Yeah, exciting stuff this week that that we're gonna try to get live for you this week number one t-shirt pre-orders Gonna get a better price on them if you pre-order them and I don't know how many more we're gonna make other than the ones that are pre-ordered

We're gonna get two different styles for you One is like sort of a dark blue that has the mbmbam logo in white and another one is a cream colored shirt with The trawling of Jeffrey in purple Both by mr. Justin Rousseau and may I say they are slimming. They are very slimming. We should have pre-orders up this week Also, and and for all this stuff that I'm talking about go to the website and follow the Twitter mbmbam.com And or visit or it's at mbmbam is the Twitter feed So you're gonna hear about it through the through these we'll put some up on the Facebook group too We have a Facebook group you can join it just search for it on Facebook

I don't know how to find it. I don't have a really good answer for you on that one We're also gonna get a phone number this week. I think tweet about that if we get one and iPhone app is Forthcoming my god. I know I know now the iPhone app should be coming out and it should be out this week If it's gonna be like two dollars because we got a charge for it It's like part of the the lips and deal It's basically gonna be a conduit for listening to shows and getting in touch. So it'll have like buttons for You know emailing and form springing and and calling the show and

The biggest feature is you'll be able to listen to all the episodes right there Without the use of itunes or anything like that as background the background listening and and all that stuff But it says certainly there's no pressure or anything if you want it cool It's not it's only if it would be of value to you Don't feel like you have to to pay us back for all the times that we've been together We'd much rather get you just buy a shirt or something and that's all that we're not we're not getting rich off any of that stuff We just like the idea that people are girding their torsos. They're LeBron style torsos and also a big thank you to everybody who is you know acting as as

Diplomats for the show going out and telling their friends and you know Spreading spreading the word I know we didn't do great this week if you're like hey this Monday tune in for new yeah, my bad But um, no Justin's bad. No, buddy's fault. Why does it always have to be like this? I want to throw out a big Thank you to Zach Louie Z a Ckl uye. Did I say that correctly on Twitter? We will never know He introduced a few ladies to mb mb a m for a long time ladies Hey, ladies

I Wanted I want to send out some thanks to for people's patience I want to thank this the people I wasn't very good in this episode of thanking people who sent in Yahoo answers But Jeremy Evan TJ you guys are you guys are heroes and everyone else whose questions I didn't get time to read. Thank you. Thank you You're keeping us alive Hey, you know what? I think we might just have one more question Just maybe just one more. Maybe just one more always sent in you got a life mustache. Hold on

Okay, this one was sent in by the greatest American hero Tristan. Yeah out there punchin Osama on the daily I'm sure Osama And saving in my a the music band Not Kirby in my a no kibby. Here we go. Kelby. I've already given us Here we go sent in by Darwin or rather the question is from Darwin Is Taylor Swift Illuminati How am I supposed to bring to this? I'm just a backer, right? I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy

And this has been my brother my brother and me You will never know me kiss your dad square on the lips Oh