My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 219: Pizza Delivery Clone

Episode Date: September 29, 2014

Travis is recording from a hotel in Norman, OK, as he makes his big move to Hollywood. Enjoy this episode, because it's the last one before he goes all Big Time on us. Suggested talking points: NCIS: Norman, Parking Malarkey, Rewriting Good Burger, Zone Coverage, Murder Most Mysterious, Apple Gluttony, Memorable Wedding Entrance

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome, my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother Travis McElroy. I'm your baby's baby Griffin McElroy. Hollywood Travis McElroy checking in, he's left the soft lights of the small city behind and he is moving on up. He hit the road,

packed his family in a matrix and headed on out 66 to find fame and fortune. Travis, how is your quest for fame and fortune going? I'm right around the corner from Los Angeles in Norman, Oklahoma. Just 19 short hours away. You think you might just stop there? You'd be amazed. All the stars are out here. Everybody, they all film in Hollywood, but they all live in Norman. They just commute in. I'm thinking about doing that. I'm just staying here enjoying all of the donuts that Norman has to offer. It's a lot of donuts, a big donut town. I knew that from going to school here, so that came as no surprise to me. We've been here for about two hours now and we've had 16 donuts.

I want to hear about the hub-nothing. Well, we ate the donuts with David Ukovny. I love his show, Oklahoma Cation, and it's a show about how he's a sex addict living in Oklahoma. And he fucks donuts. And he fucks donuts. Oh, so many great donut nude scenes. And lots of jokes about glazing. So many donut nude debuts. Oklahoma Roddick? Would that be, is there a thing there? I don't understand. Travis, I want to seriously, how are you, I know you're on that chase. You're on that paper chase. And I imagine you lay that grind down before you even get there. Have you planted the proper seeds in Los Angeles so that when you roll up, they're like, he's arrived.

I've already auditioned for 16 pilots. Okay. I was afraid you had missed pilot season. No, I auditioned for all of them. I got six of them. Three of them have gotten picked up. So, yeah. So, I mean, at least two of them have to be NCISs, right? That is correct. What is NCIS Norman? And what is that? Somebody stole this man's donut and he was a sailor or something. And one of them is NCIS Cincinnati. So I've actually got to move back to Cincinnati for a while. Well, yeah, that's how they get you. Do you know the back of it is in an NCIS SNL, too. Fuck yeah, it's not New Orleans, but it's in NCIS titties.

What NCIS titties? It's all about like Bourbon Street, Marnie Grond stuff and throwing beads and boobies. I don't think somebody threw these beads through this woman. I don't think the show is called NCIS titties. I'm almost certain it is. I don't somebody threw this beads to this woman. Oh, boy. Come on. That's not he. You are fucking limiting Scott Bakula's scope to just the one work, his one opus. Do you know how you have any idea how hurtful that is for him? That you just you see Bakula and you think quantum leap? He's done so much. He wants to be remembered for enterprise and nothing else. Much like the nerds of the world, I pretend enterprise doesn't exist. So once you take that off the list, what else you got for Bakula?

I bet he's been in other stuff. I'm not willing to look it up. I don't want to know that. He's he's been in my wife's every erotic dream, which is really too bad for me. I've been inside him when he becomes gigantic. Well, everyone knows that. Yeah. Is he an American beauty? He is. He is an American beauty. I thought I remember. He's an American treasure. Travis, I wish you the best and I hope that I hope that you get famous. Chuck's dad on Chuck. Chuck's dad on Chuck. Chuck's dad on Chuck. That's the other one. So if you're listening to this on Monday, we will be traveling through Albuquerque, New Mexico, so make sure to wave to us. If you're listening to this on, let's see, Tuesday, we'll be driving through Flagstaff.

If you're listening to this on Wednesday, I will be losing all my money in Las Vegas. And if you're listening to this on Thursday, we will be in Los Angeles if all goes well. And you'll be there for two weeks. And then move back to Norman for NCIS, Norman. Terrific. I love, I love your life. I love your life. It's me and Paul F. Tompkins. It's like a buddy comedy thing. He's got a dark secret and I can't stop eating donuts. By season two, I've put on 75 pounds. Right. But not spoilers. Not for the show. That's just a real life manifestation. Yeah. Of your choices. Correct. Your bad choices. Well Travis, I wish you all the best and I hope you stay safe out there on the road,

but you don't get a vacation from helping. That's the thing about being a real true helper. No, I sign that deal with the devil to get NCIS Norman and it means I must help all the time. I have to save 99 souls in order to save my own. Right. Oh my God. Was that a fucking, uh, what was that? I was a Blackjack. Blackjack pirate guy. I think it was touched by an angel. The hundred lives of Blackjack Savage. What's up? Ah. Oh my God. Travis just did a hunt. That has to be like no question. I haven't even heard of this fucking thing. A fucking hundred lives of Blackjack. Let me take you inside. Time out. Let me take you inside this fucking pole that Travis just decided to make a joke

about that connected with one human and he's his brother. Blackjack Savage was a Disney, wonderful Walt Disney movie. It lasted. It was so good. Blackjack Savage was a ghost pirate from the 17th century who teams up with a crooked Wall Street con artist. They're both facing eternal damnation, so they decide to. Sounds pretty fucking dark for a Disney flick. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. They have to save 99 souls to win their salvation from Jesus Christ. Yep. He plays, but he's the main antagonist. Another crazy thing is that Blackjack Savage was played by a guy named Stoney Jackson, the pilot, and was played by another gentleman named Stephen Williams in the actual series. So that's also crazy. One of those dos is like the partner from

Briscoe County, right? Maybe. Yeah. There's no way of knowing that, Travis. But I do want to say it is so fucking crazy that you just referenced the seven episode series, 100 Lives of Blackjack Savage, also starring Roma Downey. Hi, Roma. That's what I'm saying. We got a new baseline now. Yep. Can we dig deeper? Is there any mantle below this for us to dig into? Chilean miners? Maybe. In August, I moved into a new apartment, one that comes with an assigned parking space. Hang in there, folks. This is kind of a link to one, but Travis assures us it's worth it. I didn't have a car for the first two months I lived here, and people frequently parked in my open space. It was inconvenient when I had guests over,

but otherwise I didn't mind. I recently bought a car and would like to park it in my space, but other people are constantly parking there. I don't work regular hours, so I often come home around midnight to find that my spot has been taken for the night, forcing me to park on the street like an animal. I resort to leaving simple notes, things like, hello, please don't park here, if this is my assigned space, Brad, apartment 16. If there's any confusion, please contact landlord, but I haven't had much success. I'm pretty introverted, so haven't met many neighbors and have no idea whose car is whose. How do I keep these godless bastards from taking what is rightfully mine? Help me, brothers. That's from Space Invaded in Houston. There are 16 apartments and each

apartment gets one parking space. The spots are assigned, so each person gets the same spot every day. The spots are not labeled. If Jeff, if Jeff parks to the left of Mary and Mary can't park next to Steve, who parks? Steve's car is six inches higher than Todd's. Who parks in spot D, Justin Solvgo? Show your work. Brad, always Brad. He's the one paying the rent. That's Brad's spot. That's Brad's D for Brad. This is a mind-blowing thing to me. In what, in what, which part? Because if I were one of the other 15 tenants, I guess I'm just the type of person that always thinks like, if I were to park in a spot that's not mine, I'm going to get in trouble. It's not the tenants, though, is it? It's the fucking waste oids that they invite over to crash on their couch. Oh, so

when he says not labeled, he means it doesn't even say like one, two, three, four. It's just an empty spot. Yeah. Right. Well, that's the fucking problem. That's a, the building is doing this badly. Yeah. Yeah. Here's what you need to do, Brad. You need to invest in a sign, in signage. You need to go get a dowrod from Michaels. Don't go to Hobby Lobby. Fuck those creeps. Fuck those guys. So you're going to get, uh, no, but there's some fine people working there, I'm sure. But anyway, fuck them. Go to Michaels. Fuck them for real. And everyone who works there for real. Or go to Joann's. I like Joann's. You know what? I love Joann's. I love Joann's fabrics, but I think I prefer Michaels. Yeah. Fuck Hobby Lobby, though. Fuck Hobby Lobby. More like knobbly thing about

Michaels that everybody knows is the one in Huntington is in the old Children's Palace. So it looks like a castle. And people who don't know what a Children's Palace is, it's exactly what it sounds like. Anyway, uh, uh, before Toys R Us pushed them out of the market, Children's Palace was the place anyway. So get a sign. You're going to get a dowrod and you're going to get some, uh, let's say Luan. I think that's the way to go here. Yeah. And you're going to paint it green and you're going to get white paint to write on the green paint that just says like Brad's shit. Fuck off. Apartment 16. Suck my dick. It's going to be a big sign. It's the one thing to know about that. Yeah. It's like a four by eight sheet of Luan. That's a four by eight sheet of Luan that you're

going to want to stick up. And again, that says Brad's shit. Fuck off. Apartment 16. Suck my dick. And that way, right now they complete ignorance. I don't know. It's just a spot. And you know what? It's kind of fair. Yeah. Because like, it's not a label. I'm sorry. If parking spots aren't labeled, uh, that's, that's a tough one. Um, I got a better solution. I say you did, I say you did shout some Chicago law, some NCIS Chicago law and starting Don Johnson and you fucking get some folding chairs, throw them shits in the, show them shits in the space. And you just live there now? No, you don't sit on the folding chairs. You just block off the space with them. That's what you do in Chi-Town, baby. You scoop out a spot in those cold snowy winter months.

And people are going to be like, Oh, thanks for scooping up a spot for me, stranger. I'm just going to go ahead and take that, take it, reap the benefits of your hard work. Nah, you put some chairs in this spot. And that is, uh, that's literally something everyone does. Griffin, not, not to question this practice. What stops someone from just moving the chairs and parking there? It's, you put that, if you discovered that, you put the chairs through their car. Yeah. No, the chairs are always here. So now they're in your car too. Oh, okay. Chicago Law, baby. Don Johnson will come and eat your car. Eat, eat, unhinged his jaw, swallow the car whole. Fuck your car. Chicago Law is weird. Chicago Law, baby. Eat it like a

big old deep dish pizza pie. No, no, no, no. Okay. The bears? Um, so that'll work. Or you could just get some chalk and write. Brad's face. On the, on the actual. No girls allowed. On the floor of it. Just write, this is Brad's. Fuck off. I know that you are, I know that you're an introvert person. You don't want to have this fight with everybody. I think that that's fine. I think that you are going to be fighting a losing battle, trying to get everyone on the fucking planet to not park in this spot. Cause right now it, like you thought it was bad before it was just mislabeled. Now it's forbidden fruit. Now they know you want it. And now it's like the most electable spot. Everybody's always looking for that secret spot. I think everybody has had at one point in their

life that spot that maybe isn't a spot and doesn't, but you keep parking in it and it seems to be paying off in my neck of the woods. It was like the parking that was connected to Calamity Cafe. Oh, but it was really for undercuts. Yeah. But like undercuts closed. So it was like, I don't know, maybe I can get in here. I think I could work this out. Uh, anywho, you got to call your landlord and this is their problem to fix. You are guaranteed a parking spot. Yeah. Your rent. I mean, this is why you pay rent to a landlord so that they can fix shit like this. Right. Here's the thing, Brad. Uh-oh. If you do this, if you call in, you know, mommy or daddy landlord, you will be a tattletale. Yeah. Cause your landlord's going to post something

or go around to everybody's doors. When you guys stop parking in Brad's spot, he's a delicate boy. I mean, at worst, at worst, he mentions by name, like you're parking in number 16 spot, but you've been leaving notes. So they'll know it was you. Yeah. He's got weak legs. It hurts him to walk. He's my sweet boy. I say you do it because it sounds like you're already like not hobnobbing with these people. You're not rubbing elbows with the other 15, uh, passengers on this thing we call life. So I say you just do it. Um, can we read a yahoo? Absolutely. I love this yahoo. This yahoo is great. It was sent in by Brian Mann. Thank you, Brian. It's by yahoo answers. He's pretty hyped. Right. It's a, I mean, it's a dooser

called, called the Fraggles up. We got ourselves a dooser. It's asked by yahoo answers user James who asked. Hold on. Let me get a quick episode count on Fraggle Rock. Let's see. It worked well within the number of, uh, I mean, more than one season. If, if it completed, it's okay. Five seasons of Fraggle Rock. Yeah. No, that completed it for a season. Certainly more than the hundred lives. Blackjack Stevens. All right. Jaumez asks interview at McDonald's. Should I eat there before? So I've got an interview at McDonald's and I've been craving a Big Mac for a while. Will it look good or bad if I buy one right before I have my interview or right after?

I, I think you're missing the obvious and it's during. Well, you don't. Yeah. You keep asking questions. I'm going to get in on this Big Mac. You purchase it and then you take it into the interview is what you're saying. This is what you're suggesting. Yeah. In your pocket. And then you do like a, do you mind? Um, or right after, I think right after it sends a very good signal where you're like, well, I think this went well. So well. In fact, I got to get those two all beef patties, special sauce, those cheese pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. Thank you very much. And you say, I think it'll be the first of many that you will give me for free for working here.

It's actually free food working at McDonald's. Do you think you have to, you have to, right? You get the leftover burgers and fries at the end of the night. The leftover burgers and they make them to orbit. They throw them in like a grocery bag. But they make them the order or teas. Oh, sure. Sure. Thank you, Griffin. Thanks for buying into the hype. I just think if you want to, if you want to be a company man or woman, you do buy one, but that's the thing. I think you eat it beforehand and you just make the person who's about to interview you, watch you eat it to show you what a good burger boy you are and watch you enjoy it.

Oh yeah, dripped on my shirt. I don't care. I can't help but notice you got a little bit of dribble on your shirt there. Yeah, there's a good reason for that. Your burgers are fucking delicious. Can you buy two Big Macs beforehand, set them at a table and then like once your manager arrives, like the manager arrives, you lead him to that table like, oh, look, look what we have here. I kind of slide it. What have we found? And then see if he'll eat it because I've always been curious. What do they know? Can you roll up with a Big Mac and then hold it in front of the person who's interviewing you and just tear it in half? No, I killed one. One down,

right guys? I'll fucking kill every Big Mac in this place. What if, okay, okay, don't have a Big Mac during your interview. You want to prove something? Eat like a record number of Big Macs. Have him join you at a table with like 20 Big Macs and try to send a Big Mac eating world record as you conduct the interview. See now, Justin, I thought you were going to say sit down with a bag opened up and pull out a whopper. That's what I meant to say, but I said Big Mac the whole time. Burger King does the whoppers, right? Yes. I fucked that whole thing up. Oh, you thought it was whopper? I fucked that whole sentence up. When I was talking about going to Burger King,

you get a whopper and bring it back and you tear it in half in front of everybody to say I've sacrificed one. This is the sacrifice this McDonald's demanded. I don't eat a lot of fast food, you guys. I eat mostly ancient grains. Let me think. I think something that would make a pretty good impression if you're interviewing to be like a fry cook at McDonald's is tell them how you would do things differently. I think you should tell them like how you would spice up the burgers differently or some recipes you want to try. I would throw in some black bean burgers. Bring in a big like gallon bag of like your special spices. This is your current product, right? The Big Mac classic. Pull an avocado out

of your pocket. I want you to taste this burger. I just bought this from the line. Now I want you to try this burger I made. Do you like that? It did take me two and a half hours to make something like slow down production. We are describing the plot of Good Burger. We just wrote Good Burger. If you put three brothers in front of typewriters for all of eternity, one of them will eventually write Good Burger. That's the law of large numbers. Oh, Jesus. Oh, man. You got Big Mac? Yeah. You know this Big Mac smells like my grandpa because my grandpa couldn't visit Big Mac. Fuck the Big Mac. We're getting rid of the clown. We're getting rid of the arches. Think about it. I got a new day. Burritos. McDonald's burritos.

I'll be waiting on your phone. I'll be helping you in my bunk. We're joking. But there has to be some psychopath like that working towards the top of the McDonald's ladder who is just like, guys, I got it. Bratwurst. Like Bratwurst? Are you sure? Pizza. We got to do pizza. It's going to be bad. If we try it, it's not going to be good. I know. Let's just do it. This is how McDonald's pizza is how I know time travel won't be invented in my lifetime because I know future justice would have scored me one already. He would have already popped in and appeared. Wait, what if I write this exact date down somewhere we're on? Never forget it in this exact moment. And remember to bring myself back. Write it down. Get out of pattern paper

and do it right now and then bury it in the yard. Well, no, I got to keep it on me at all times. Would you tell them to bring me some of the McDonald's? Like the letter that Sally Sparrow gets in blank like that, but like just for McDonald's pizza. You might need it. Oh, and I'll pass it down through the generations. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. It'll be like a family heirloom. And we'll pass it down until time travels invented for this exact moment. Make pizza. 1050. Don't blink because you'll miss. Don't blank. Just in eating it. You'll miss me scarfing it. Oh, Mr. Don's pizza. Make pizza, if you will. I mean, this sounds like the kind of plan that you're going to follow through with. So let's make it right now. What is it? 10 10 50 a.m. Sunday,

September 28th, 2014. Yep. It just like let's, I guess, take a moment of silence and let us know listen. If we were talking about as far down as my generational line will go, maybe we get whacked. Maybe we don't make it very far. That's that's. Oh, wow. Well, I'm hoping that they'll disseminate enough that like they'll photocopy it off with each passing generation, brothers, sisters, whatever throughout time, extending into the future infinitely. Right. So each person will get a note that says brain Justin, uh, uh, McPizza at 10 50 a.m. on a Sunday. So if time travel is ever, I'm actually going to make it 10 51 now to build a little suspense. If time travel is ever,

ever going to be a thing, the time traveler of the future will appear. I'll meet the clock open. In three, two. What the fuck? Justin. Yeah, that's, that's, that's me. I'm just my name is Justin eight. Justin eight. You look so old, but you look like me. Yes. This is just, I'm the eighth of your line of clones. What year do you come from? That's not important. I can't reveal that information to you, but I do have one question.

You're so old. You sound like Paul bear. Are you ready to get sasty? I am. I'm definitely ready for that. Well, good news. I put it in a fresh. Yeah, I figured it's like Ziploc two. It's a very, it's a big production. It costs a thousand dollars. I appreciate you wanted to keep the freshness and warmth. It does work too. Yeah. That's, I mean, that's I appreciate it. It's, it's honestly not as good as I remember but I, uh, I guess I appreciate the effort. I'm going to die now. Can you ask Justin? Can you ask Justin eight to score me a McDonald's brat? She's like, run out. I would like a fajita please. Yeah. I'm, I'm doing this the moment before my death. I have maybe 30 seconds. Why did

you wait? Any big questions about the future that I can answer? What's McRib coming back? Two weeks. Get there. No, I'm gonna go ahead and die. Go ahead and die. We're good. Are you sure? Yeah. Listen, you've lived a, you've lived a full and rewarding life. Actually, no, I was clothed for this moment. And you did it. I only live for 15 minutes. You did it. And you did a great job. Although I do need that brought worse. If you could just quick, there might be a line. There might be a line. And you might not be able to dust. Oh geez. Okay. My hands are turning to dust. I don't know. He was, he was sprung from a, from a McRib from the McRib. He died just as he lived getting

Justin. Just getting Justin some sweet, sweet McPizzas. Oh God. That was. Did you eat your clone? You monster. No, I do need to clean up and I'll me over here because I am future. My future clone is dust. Just dust everywhere. It's disgusting. I have a child from Sanitary. Next question. Next question. That's a great bit though. Is that what we're doing? Are we reviewing them? Classic bit. I'm just saying, I'm just saying four out of five would chuckle again. I'm just saying that bits are rarely that fleshed out and I liked it a lot. Is there a difference between boxer, boxer, brief and brief guys? I have a bias against briefs, but only because I usually find men's upper thighs pretty unsexy. Then again, I don't know what it's like to have junk around

there. Maybe the security is totally worth it. And I should be attracted to this person's pragmatism while averting my eyes from their blindingly white legs. Give me insight brothers. Do a man's undies say anything about him to begin with. This is from befuddled by briefs in Brooklyn. I'm going to be honest with you guys. I'm not completely clear on what the difference between boxers and boxer briefs. What makes something boxers but not boxers? Boxers be loose and flowing and they got the elastic band up top and a hole in the front for your dick to come out of. I mean boxers are the laziest underwear that you can wear because it's like. They're like the between underpants and trunks, right? They're basically trunks that you wear under your pants.

Um, like this isn't complex. Briefs are briefs. Boxers are boxers. Boxer briefs are halfway between the two. Like a pair of briefs that didn't know where to stop. I mean, but you say that like when you say boxers, it's like, okay, I've got a clear picture in my mind. I think I've always been a boxer briefs dude. So I can't remember what boxers are like. Boxers are like boxer briefs, but like kind of loose and flowing and they tend to like do a little riding up sometimes. They get wet. I always have like, I always have a, just a lot of water in there. I think you're still thinking of trunks. Griffin, are you wearing swim trunks as underpants? No, I just produce, I produce the juice. You produce water. I just, yeah. Okay.

I, I think that briefs have gotten a bad rap. You think? And I'll tell you why. The name. Quick survey. What is everybody here wear? Boxer briefs. I was actually, I don't want to, I don't want to sound like a corporate shill, but I have actually been swayed over to boxer briefs by me undies. Yep. Me too. More on that later. Comfortable shit. But I, I think that the, the briefs being called tidy widies. Yeah. They might as well have just been called like man diapers. Yeah. This is my man diaper. How do you say tidy widies in like a sexy, effective way? It is just the appearance of the tidy widie. For some reason, women have infinite styles and fashions to choose from. And guys like, do you want to wear a baby diaper or lazy pants? What do

you want? It's like a thin diaper or bad shorts. That's all we have. Or awesome, awesome boxer briefs from me. Where's the manjure? Yeah. That's what, well you made me get you mother fucking manjure on your goddamn wedding day. Yeah. All right. Yeah. But even that, that was just like smoother, silkier boxer briefs. Yeah. There wasn't anything like fun and kicky about them. But they had like a porthole for viewing, for maximum viewing angles. That is true. I think that someone wearing briefs, the only thing I would say is that I think somebody wearing briefs is either A, proud of their body or B, ain't got a shit to lose. Yeah. They just don't care about what kind of silhouette they're cutting or they look fresh. They look great. They look

dynamite. Nothing can detract from their silhouette. I think that when it comes to this, it's like anything else. You clearly have a preference. On this front, I used to. No, I'm saying the question asker. Question asker. Oh, the question asker. Not me. Yeah. They seem to like the boxer briefs or the boxers. And they're like briefs. That's cool. I get that. I don't know that there's a comparison for me with ladies. There's never a time when I'm like, wow, she was wearing. I like thongs. Get out. Okay. Get out. Sorry. I just, it's just like a, just like butt city. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. Butt city. Did you guys ever see NCIS butt city? Uh-huh. How did that best work? The crime's got a little repetitive. Another butt crime, huh? Yeah. This

looks like half. This murder was a little cheeky. Yeah. I know it's none of my business, but I'm just going to have to butt in. Yeah. If I didn't know better, I'd guess that this thug was on crack. Yeah. Hey, what an asshole. Hey, what a shitty murder. I think your theory. Check out the corpse. Looks like somebody cut his butt off. I think your, your theory is a little fart fetched. Stupid. Dumb show. Dumb show. Not this podcast, NCIS butt city. It ran for six seasons. It ran for seasons? It made it to fucking syndication. It's unbelievable. But did you see their 100th episode special? It was touching. Howie Mandels

had his, he, he was the victim of butt crime. They kicked him off the show. I think he was right. I think he was right. That was the one episode where he had this special message at the end. Like, listen, street butt implants are a real issue that are plaguing today's youth. We joke a lot about it on the show, but this is a real problem. If you or somebody you know is considering getting a legal butt implants from the street, please talk to your doctor. Talk to your doctor? Let's get a minute. This is not a joke. Nianti's changed my life. I didn't know that they had the potential to change my life because here's, here's what I knew. I, the, the, the website has a lot of great

pictures of butts. It's, it's basically butt city too. NCIS butt city too. And it's awesome. It's an awesome website to look at. I knew that when you go to me on these, you're going to get some great fitting, great looking underwear. I knew that about other people, right? And then we got me on these and what I didn't know is it made my butt and my penis look rad. I love the way my, and my penis looks in these, in these boxer shorts. I fucking love it. They look so good. I literally hesitated on putting on shorts for the day. I work at the house, so fuck it. I, I hesitated putting on shorts because I was so enjoying the feeling of just being in these me undies. It felt like I was being cradled. And let me say this, they are my preferred underpants

for driving, for traveling long distances because they're so comfortable and keep my junk so like climate controlled. It's like your, your business is in stasis. Yeah. Everything's, it's like, okay, let's shut that down for 12 hours while you drive. Okay. Time to, you know, wake up your genitals. Wake up your genitals. We've made it where it Mars genitals. Time to repopulate Mars. The mission to save mankind can begin. Oh no, the rest of the crew is dead because they weren't wearing me undies. They were wearing some fucking Target brand Massimo baggy saggy, damp, shitty underwear. And all their genitals are rotten. All their genitals are dead and gone. There's an alien on the ship. Look at Travis's genitals. They're ready for pilot

season, but now it might have to be, but now I've got lonely genitals because everyone else's genitals on Mars are dead. So go to me undies. Go to me undies.com slash my brother and you'll get 20% off your first order. And I guarantee you will love your me undies. They make a fucking good product. They crushed it. You know, sometimes you see like, and I never with anything that we have, that I know of, but you see shit and it's like, these are online and good and for cheap. And you're like, well, yeah, but they're probably like cut rate and that's how they're cheap. And once I get them, I'll hate them, but I can't send them back. Some got over the end. Nah, man, these are like awesome. These are probably the greatest underpants I've ever owned and I will order more.

I think the undies.com slash my brother 20% off and free shipping in the U.S. and Canada right now. Trust us. Trust us on this one. And listen, we got a Facebook group. Let's get some photos up there. And you can get couples matching underpants. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. We talked about our print. We talked about our penis a whole bunch, but it's I don't make your vagina look great. I bet it will. All right, don't they sent me a pair of black and white striped one. And Sidney said it looked like my butt escaped from prison, which why wouldn't it? But crimes. What was its crime? No one knows. Looking too good? Maybe. I just want to tell you all about prosper. If you need a lot of money in 72 hours,

let's say you needed $35,000 and 72 hours. Okay, let's come up with different options. What? How would you get $35,000 and 72 hours? I would let people line up and pay me $10 to look at my butt and penis in me undies. And then I would need to do that 35 times. Wait. Hold on. 350 times. I think your dignity would run out before the lines would, honestly. I would just sell everything. See, I would just go on prosper. Ah, fuck. You win. Wait. That's a good idea, Charles. What's prosper? Well, prosper is a peer to peer lending process. So think of it like you would go to a bank, but rather than a bunch of like nameless, faceless people that you never know that are handling your money and they're telling you,

this is people on the site, other people just like you saying, okay, great. That sounds like a sound investment. I'm going to be part of their group that loans you the money. And then when you make your payments back, that money goes back to them. So you can either be one of the lenders, you can be one of the lindies. Go on prosper.com and check it out. It's a really brilliant idea to kind of cut the banks out. You'll never have to set foot in a bank. There's no raising interest fees. There's no outrageous fees at all. And if you go to prosper.com slash my brother, you can check your rate instantly and it won't affect your credit score. And right now they're offering MB&BA listeners a $50 prepaid Visa card when you get a loan. So that's already just like $50 on

top of the loan you already get. So that's a special site just for us, just for our listeners, prosper.com slash my brother. And don't try and fucking game the system by saying, I need a $1 loan. So you can get that good, good Visa hookup. Well, the billion thing is no one's going to invest in that. That's your cut. You'll see right through that. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. So go on there. It's prosper.com slash my brother. Check your rate instantly. Look, just go and check out maybe you've been, you know, wanting to start a project or make a big move like Theresa and I are, or maybe you just want to like buy a house or do some home improvement

or something, but you don't know where to start or your credit limit is not that great. Go check it out. And this may be the answer to all your problems. Justin, do you want to read this legalese in a fun voice? Other restrictions apply. That's what I used last time. I think you can do better than that. Let me try again. Okay. Can you give me an Andre the giant? Other restrictions apply to your site for program and visa prepaid card details. All personal loans are made by Web Bank, Utah Chartered Industrial Bank, member FDIC, Equal Housing, Linda. There will be no survivors.

My action has well down to talk. Oh, no. Oh, no. Can I bust out a quickie? Please give me a quick, quick note. What's going on? It's a quick note and it's important because it's for Sarah from James Jamez. James, and then in quotation marks, Jamez James. His name's James. Jamez. Jamez says, my dearest Sarah, happy birthday. I hope you have a wonderful day whenever this airs, as well as on your actual birthday. And if those days are the same, a double wonderful day. No pressure though, McRoy brothers. No chance, James. Your courage, your creativity and kindness amazes me every day.

Let's be animal friends forever. I love you always. XOXOXO, Showns. That was lovely, James. That's very sweet. That was really nice. Do we know what the actual birthday was so we can see how close we got? No. No one ever knows. No one ever knows when anybody's birthday is. Sarah's never told anyone when her birthday is. He's guessing. He's just doing a scattershot approach. He's bought 20 of these and he's just trying to get near her birthday. Yeah. And he's, but he's used different names every time. So every time there's a birthday message, it's always Showns and it's always for Sarah.

Happy birthday, Sarah. Happy birthday, Sarah. And this next one's for Eric. It's from Big Daddy Hoffman. This sounds familiar. Has Big Daddy Hoffman. Because last time, Eric bought one for Big Daddy Hoffman. Now Big Daddy Hoffman is buying one for Eric. Happy birthday, cat daddy. I'm sorry you'll never get my sweet, sweet Dr. Drugs or Cobbling skills. You save those for marriage. Instead, let's get matching star tattoos for your birthday. This is also my thanks for the MBMBA message back in June. My favorite part was that you couldn't even stick to the character, Lim. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's good stuff. That's good. Deep. It goes deep. I love people using our extremely expensive messaging service. My brother and my brother

made DMs where we direct message in two people and charge a nominal fee. I also like this. The idea of it being like a one-upping thing. Now I've got to buy another one. Did you say nominal fee or astronomical fee? Yeah, that one. That's the one. So if you love one of your loved ones enough to spend a bunch of worthless money on them, go to maximumfund.org forward slash jumbotron. We've got lots of people that write in just about every week. I get about four or five emails that say, and I try to answer them back as quickly as I can. They say, how does this work? How do I get a message on there? You know, such and such, my so-and-so's birthday is coming up, and I just go to maximumfund.org forward slash jumbotron.

They'll set it all up, and you can either get a personal message or a business message if you have a website or a kickstart or anything like that. Holy shit. You have people to go check out. It's just I'm getting older as you read all that. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm done now. I just want to make sure that everyone knows because I always feel so bad. It got so boring though. Well, I just always feel so bad when I'm feeling like my husband's birthday is next week. Get it out ahead of time. And don't just spend the money. Just spend the money. I was watching Denzel Washington and he was giving a speech to a bunch of people, and I forget what for, but he said, you never see a U-Haul attached to a hearse. Think about that. I can't take it with you,

can you guys? But what if I bought a second-hand hearse to get across the country? Then you would see that shit. You're right. Yeah, take that Denzel. I hate when he gets smarmy. Yeah. I bet he felt so smug about that point when he cooked it up. And then like 20 kids raised their hands. Oh, excuse me. Second-hand hearse. Denzel. Mark your calendars for a brand new thing. The first ever Max Fun Week is coming up, October 15th through 21st. Max Fun Week is all about celebrating the creativity and passion of our listeners. We'll have podcast crossovers, Q&As, behind the scenes tours, giveaways, and more. No fundraising, just awesome stuff for you. So tune in to your favorite Max Fun shows,

tell a friend about Max Fun, and check out some new shows during Max Fun Week, October 15th through 21st. I have a yahoo that was sent in by Amelie Belcher. Thank you, Amelie. Amelie? Thank you. It's a yahoo. It's user Kitty who asks, murder mystery party ideas. I'm organizing a murder mystery party for my friends and help with ideas. I'm not using a shop bot kit for the night and have come up with a basic storyline myself. Basically, a Lord invited everyone round for dinner earlier that week, but the morning of the night, he was murdered. Sorry? But the morning of the night, he was murdered. Every guest is a suspect because they all dislike the Lord for reasons to do with money and flirtatious

behavior. It turns out, in the end, that the son was the murderer because he was the Lord's favorite and wanted to inherit all of his money. I am looking for ideas to do with ways to reveal clues throughout the night, through games, etc. I wouldn't mind if they were quite scary, but they should be fun too. Also, nothing too complicated, please. I would love it if you gave your examples and your answers. Any help will be appreciated. Got a bunch of dullings coming to my murder mystery party. I think that you just, at the very beginning, you say, welcome everyone. We'll be revealing clues to establish that the son is the murderer. All right, everyone have fun. We got a lot of

spooky games coming up. And then the next morning, when everything's done, you say, now did you catch the clue I said at first when I mentioned that the son was the murderer? You should have been writing that down. I have been to one murder mystery party in my life, and I know that this is your guys' area of expertise, but I've only been to one. And I got there and was in costume. It was cruise themed, and they were making mojitos for everyone, and I drank six of them right when I got there. And then I had to step outside for like a half hour and just breathe in the cold night air and not throw up all over myself. And I missed a lot of clues. So when I got back in, people were like, where have you been? And a lot of people thought

I was the murderer because I disappeared for a long time. It was actually that real Griffin got mondo drunk mega fast. So yeah. Just like Monk. Just like in Monk. So don't do that. I wouldn't do that. No. In the murder mysteries that I've been to of at Ravenswood Castle in Ohio, I recommend it hardly if you ever get a chance. You know what I want to do? For a murder mystery just to hang out there because they just completed the Huntsman Hollow and it looks wonderful. Beautiful. You know what? I want to do some time. What? I want to do my brother, my brother named murder mystery. Would you like to do that? My brother, my brother and murderer. My brother, my brother, my killer. If you like, let's do that. We can do like a my brother, my brother, me theme murder mystery weekend

at a castle. 16 spots. One K. 16 spots. Is a grand too much to ask for that experience. That immersive interactive experience with us. Talk about that on Facebook if you want to do it because like I really want to do it. I like you know what is good is fake clues. You can make some of those. How do you mean? What? Well like if Brian's a murderer, the son's a murderer, you maybe you come up with some way to distract him out like maybe you write a note with blood or probably lipstick. This is like Brian didn't do it. It definitely wasn't Brian. It wasn't Brian and then maybe you slip that underneath somebody's plate when they're and after they're done eating, you say like mmm looks clean plate clubba. Let me see the bottom. Make sure you really are and then they

find the note. You're like whoa. I guess Brian didn't do it. What's it mean? I guess that takes Brian on the list. Oh here's what you do. You like my name. I'm Brian. Hide notes around for everyone to find. Let's say like meet me in the session such at midnight and make everyone go to different points and then go through their bags. Maybe make everyone go to the same point and then lock it. And then see who the real murderer is. Then see who the real murderer is because they gotta kill again. Find out one thing about fake murders. They have to real murder to feel. They have a taste for it now. They want to experience it real life. Will Brian know that he's the murderer at this party or will he be just as surprised as ever? Yeah he's a Manchurian candidate. We'll see how they put the

solution on Yahoo Answers. Everybody knows who the killer is now. Yeah that's a good one. That was fair. What if the Lord is not really dead? Oh and he resurrects? No. From the grave he rose. Oh it turns out he's been Jesus the whole time. Oh did I say the Lord? I'm at the Lord of Lords. Pretty good place to hide clues. Like where are good places to hide clues? I think inside the board game clue. Oh that's a good one. That's a fucking good one. Oh in the dictionary where the entry for the word clue is. What if you do the thing where you write on a mirror with soap and then when someone takes a shower it's you you can make it appear and it's like... Oh and encourage all of your guests to take a shower in the middle of the party? Yeah just be like go take a... You smell

like... There's a clue in the shower room. Do you mean the bathroom? Yeah okay. It says Brian isn't it on the mirror? And I can see your dick? It says I'm like Brian was here but not he didn't kill it but good dick. My work provides apples. There are red delicious and tasty greens in baskets on each floor so I usually bring a smallish lunch and supplement it with an apple. They taste kind of waxy and pasticky but some days I'm more peckish than others and I might dip into the basket again and again. I ask you how many apples is too many apples both biologically and socially? And that's from... I like dim apples. Here's the important question the important detail that this question asker left out is

are these baskets... How big are the apples? Well are these baskets sitting at like a receptionist desk where there's a human being watching? What kind of monitoring is provided for the apples? Is there someone who will report back to your boss and go it was another five apple day? Yeah. Five apples. Can you believe this mother fucker? How much do we pay this? Does he not have enough for a lunchable? What's his fiber issue? He's hungry 24-7 for apples. Wait a minute are you sure that this isn't a take an apple leave an apple basket? Those are popular. Oh yeah just like you take a read you leave a green. Just make it a quick deposit. Hey guy fucking brought too many apples again. This is a pluot. Who the fuck left a pluot

in the apple basket? Would there... I love that this like this is a very new age approach to employee maintenance. I've actually seen this. I've seen it in hotels too. Well yeah. But I've seen it in where they have them like the same way people used to have candy bowls now they have like apple baskets and like fruit things. Apple can we just like start from the ground and work our way up and just like establish the fucking fact that apples aren't a meal? No but you don't go at lunchtime three apples. No. I don't understand. I think the thing is I'm struggling with this question more than anything. I don't I don't understand this perception that eating produce is anything other than a chore that is to be struck from your list upon completion.

I when I finish an apple I don't think oh gotta go back for another apple. I think of an apple as some like a deposit in future gastronomical debauchery. And I even like apples. But there's still a certain amount of like okay let's see well I got this in this I should take an apple. I should also have an apple. Like Theresa and I you know we've been traveling so we stopped and got like fast food on the way up and it was like we we should have some vegetables. It wasn't like oh I really want so it was like this is the this is the right. Jesus is watching. We like let's be honest we're adults we should have some vegetables. We've eaten we've eaten Arby's four times today. We had the equivalent of three pizzas already. But I guess an apple. Let's buy some vegetables.

Apples are just empty calories and they're not very many cookie points because they're sweet like cookies. Here's my here's my bet I like dim apples in Chicago. You don't really want an apple. You're bored because you're at work. You have to get up and go do something else with your time and it's a fucking apple. Now thank god it's an apple rather than like a box of donuts or you probably have diabetes by now because it sounds like you're having 14 apples a day. And this isn't Norman Oklahoma. All right you can't just have donuts all the time. Do you think that the I like to imagine the question asker is eating them like Mr. Pevers. Do you think we're just doing different impressions of different people's eating apples.

Hey can you imagine Jack Nicholson ate an apple. I like to think it might go something like this. And then just do Mr. Pevers every time. You dirty rat. Can I bust out I can do any celebrity eating an apple. I am not an apple eater but I am. I did not have sexual relations with this apple. He does a political theme one day. This is my this is a new player my name is called Frost Apple. I'm enjoying this apple at Ford's Theater. Okay. All right. So I have a quick presidential apple. I got you. Can I read this quick Yadru. Can I use his apple cores and turn them into the little apple dolls with the faces.

I'm not eating apples. I'm making crafts. I'm making art. They will be available on my desk for $50 per apple doll. They are hard to make. I will put some of those funds back into our apple supply. No I won't. I won't. I will donate 10 cents of each purchase to make more apples I guess. How does one make apples. I have a 3D printer. All right. I got a Yadru and it was sent in by Drew. Thank you Drew. Do we do his last name still. It's just like in the. No I think you can just say like it's from D. It's from D. It's my boy D. Vitamin D. I think that when other people say when you just start saying this is from not true to Davenport. Uh this uh it was asked by a who answers user. Yadru answers user Daniel

who asks how to make a memorable entrance into a reception. I am in my sister's wedding and I'm walking with one of my best friends. We are all walking to the same song into the reception unfortunately but I was wondering what we could do to make it memorable because we are both pretty crazy. If you can do it without pausing your stride that will be that will be a smile. You're walking into every a gigantic smile like that girl in the black hole sun video. You're walking into Hey Ma by Cameron. Everybody's walking in doing their thing and you just stop in the middle and you just do it and everyone knows what you're doing and I guess the other person's doing it too. And you make prolonged eye contact with everybody one by one. Hey Ma what's up I shit my pants me too.

On purpose not like oh no you can't act like you're embarrassed and it can't be like oh oh my stomach you just have to do it like it will be memorable. Garen god damn see that. You could not shit yourself but make everyone else shit themselves. How. Brown notes not a real slacks. Okay. You could like subliminally and plant it and everyone's praying like fucking scanners just stand there and start vibrating until everybody shits their pants. Before we wrap up the show I have an announcement to make when we were talking about stuff in hotels I came up with the idea of saying turn down for what service and I couldn't think of a way to work it in. Okay so anybody else have any other aborted jokes. If at any point you want to use that your day to day life

I don't want to be lost to time. I had a whole thing for apples about like that one seen from Goodwill Hunting that I just didn't get to use and I also had a really great Cider House rules joke but I sat on it because I just told my guys going through a lot right now. This has been my brother my brother and me. We have so much more shit to say. A hundred lives of Blackjack Savage fancast. We hope you have enjoyed it. I want to make a special note of our Facebook group. It is continuing to grow. It is a thriving community of people. There are like literally hundreds of people joining it every week hundreds upon hundreds. I would ask everybody in the group if you're already in that group to maybe have a little bit more discretion with the horse base

posts. Like you don't feel the need to post every bit of horse to try this. You stumble across and your internet travels. Let's try to keep it just the best of the best in terms of horse content. And maybe before you post anything just sort of look at it for a long time and imagine that you are another person that's not yourself and with that person find what you are about to post horrifically gross like super super yucky. And if I've deleted a few of those I've had to delete a few yuccos and I love you guys but you have to fucking stop you're killing me. And I've deleted a few people promoting other things that are on our show because fuck you. Where do you get off? How dare you. Anyway it's a fun group. Everybody in there is really cool. You just search for my

brother my brother me. Appreciation group on Facebook and you will see it and we will add you as soon as we can. Don't try to fucking sell any genes in there. It is really hard to fill it out the spam bots because they look real but we're doing our best. If you've been on Facebook for less than a month and you're in more than 30 groups and you're a real person we have no way of knowing that. We actually can't help you so I'm sorry that I can't get you in the group. Maybe send us a message or something. If you're a real human that has been on Facebook for less than a month it is a memory. You guys remember that song? Nope we have another big announcement. What? Mark your calendars coming up October 15th through the 21st is max fun week. So in the past

we had like max fun day and we do the fun drive every year but here's the thing this is not about fundraising we're not asking you for any kind of money. It's about fundraising. No it's not about money at all. No fun fundraising. fundraising the fun because it's just a weekend which we're going to focus on getting the word out there. Maybe you've listened to our show exclusively. Maybe you've only listened to us and solvones and you've never tried out the other max fun shows. Well this week is going to be all about that. We're going to be on other shows people are going to be on our show and just across there's going to be a lot of like cross promotion a lot of people hosting other people shows so it's going to be really fun there's going to be giveaways there's

going to be special content so just make sure you're paying attention follow max fun hq on twitter at max fun hq or you can follow us on twitter follow jesse thorn and you're going to get all the fun max fun week information and trust me i think it's going to be a really good time it's going to be a hoot nanny so go check it out check out the other max fun shows um goose down lady the lady uh one bad mother what's our featured no what's our featured show this week oh no ross and carry is our featured show this week why what's that why'd we pick that show oh no ross and carry ross and carry they go and they explore french science claims uh so that you don't have to they join cults they become members of religions they go check out any kind of you know uh the

non-traditional medical science claims such as like healing crystals and that kind of thing so that you don't have to and not only do they approach it in a very scientific manner and they're very good about exploring the whole thing it's also really really funny and they seem like a really good people and i've hung out with carry and she's super nice i take i look forward to hang out with both of them when i get to i actually have to take on bridge with their oil pooling episode because they said it's not good and i love it and i do it i'm doing it right now now to be fair what they said is that if you weren't doing anything else it would probably be beneficial but if you're rushing and flossing no fuck that i don't need to you're just oil the oil is getting

all of it you can find all this maximum fun dot org uh so go go nuts also did you know there's a reddit for uh maximum fun tv dot reddit dot com slash r slash maximum fun and there's another slash in there uh right now you can find my pasta pass unboxing i have an embarrassing thing to admit i got my limited pasta pass and still have not used it you dumb motherfucker gotta do it you've talked about it too you've talked about it too much now you have to go i know i know i do and you can also watch justin unbox that pass uh at our youtube page youtube dot com slash m p m b a m um and now that i have officially quit my job we're going to be putting a lot more content up there more innovative animated videos to come more innovative content a lot of ted talks you're

going to be you're going to watch it and go i can't believe no one's ever youtube like this before cartoons are coming cartoons are coming more clips that you can share with your friends and that kind of stuff so make sure to go check it out subscribe if you haven't already if we hit 10 000 subscribers we get to use the youtube studios and i don't know what i'll do there but it'll probably be disgusting um so make sure we get lots of youtube followers no one else can use this studio now what have you done it was it was in here being so raunchy um i want to thank john roger in the long winters for these for a theme song instead of partying off the album putting the days to bed good good good album you know i've been listening at track seven a whole

bunch what's wrong what are you laughing about justin what happened i'm sorry i i was i was going to share our twitter mentions right thank you to people tweeting about the show but i want to especially highlight mb mb am wisdom uh that is uh has an over 4 000 subscribers now is that what they're on twitter followers i guess uh but they tweeted out links to our official pages last night and i'd never seen griffin's so i clicked on it he's got it on yeah that's really good i don't want to ruin it get a group of acry.com oh god this is like the least funny thing we've ever put in the show no but it's good it's going to really bump my seo up okay so thanks again to me undies for supporting the podcast you can go

to mebaundies.com slash my brother and get 20 off the first order and right now you'll get free shipping in the us and can though we're wearing them right now be like us get comfortable junk just like ours uh i think that's it travis safe travels hey thanks um if you want to put travis on your podcast or comedy show in la please let us know and he'll just appear or if you want me to be on any podcast you like feel free to tell them tell them tell them you got travis fever tell them to get you boy oh and i almost forgot um we've got we've got a wiki now okay we've got a hosted wiki Justin what's the address on that that is going to be mbmbam.hostedwiki.co there we go there is a you can go to the facebook group and help build that out to search for like

wiki uh stuff and um you can help to to fill it out but it's uh they're adding like questions and and filling it out so uh make sure to go check that out we're done we're gonna be done griffin last question finally i who it's a vitamin d joint thank you vitamin d spay out who answers you sir lala who asks why does my breath always smell like dry leaves i'm just a macaroy i'm travis macaroy i'm griffin macaroy it's been my brother my brother makes your dad screw on the lips maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported hey folks this is kevin allyson of the risk podcast a proud member of the maximum fun family if you've never heard

risk before you gotta check it out risk is where people tell true stories they never thought they dare to share in public stuff you could never hear on npr this is where writers comedians and people of all walks of life drop the act and get as raw and real as it gets you know you love stories why not check out the show where you'll hear the most unforgettable ones you've ever heard check out risk today we are free on itunes of course and we're at maximumfun.org or at risk-show.com