My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 27: Immersion Therapy

Episode Date: October 25, 2010

In this unofficial MBMBaM Halloween Spooktacular, the brothers McElroy turn up the fright meter to "AAH"-leven, answering a whole mess of eerie queries about ... um, relationships and meeting people and other sad stuff. We guess it's not all that terrifying, unless you consider the fact that we've done this twenty-seven times now to be a little scary. Suggested talking points: The cleanest hands, hypothetical future-to-present time travel, Jekyll and Bastard, Ja Drool, the nerd void, tapeworm baby, baggin' it

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed Travis insists. He's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening What's up, you cool, baby If you need me, let me know Gonna be your crown If you got no place to go when you're feeling down If you're all alone

When the breathing burns above Like the Chilean miners No merging, what's the problem? Listen, you may be willing to forget about them that quickly I'm not gonna forget about our Chilean brothers that emerged from the ground like that How do we know there's not some more down there? Have we looked? Like a Chilean miner

A forgotten Chilean miner Emerging a week after everyone else has left From the ground, this is my brother, my brother Be emerging from the depths of ignorance to deliver weak old wisdom Straight to your dome Do you think like six weeks after the celebration someone looked around and said Have you guys seen Sleepy Tim? Where's Sleepy Tim? Shit

Now he's skinny, Tim Lonely Tim Lonely skinny Tim Tim is actually a very common name in Chile You guys may not know that Not Chile, it's not They weren't lost in a mine inside one of the members of TLC No, they were lost in a Chile's restaurant

They needed to be excavated from Which, I mean, I can't blame them of all the places to get stuck in the ground for three months I mean, their chicken strips are really out of this world Guys, I don't care how awesome this blossom is I'm gonna fucking flip if I don't get out of here soon Wait, wait, wait, awesome blossom is out back What does chilies have? They have an aversion that is equitable to the awesome blossoms

Anyway The mediocre blossom As you've certainly gathered, this is an advice show Clearly I am your host and co-brother, Justin McElroy I'm Travis McElroy I'm Griffin McElroy And we are gonna get right into the wisdom, the growth, as it were

I can't tell if this is gonna be a good one or a bad one, but let's find out together One of my friends that I have known for years is a serious problem about washing his hands too much He washes them every 30 minutes, and as it gets colder outside, his hands start to crack and bleed because they are dry What should I do to get him to stop being a freak? Kevin from Gmail Kevin, your friend isn't, like, he's not like, kooky What a crazy guy He's got Mark Summersidus

Oh, no Yeah, he's got the Summersidus He's got the double there It seems kind of counterintuitive to me, right? Like, I wash my hands because they're dirty, but I wash them too much, so now they have blood all over them Which is, like, the dirtiest substance in a man And as we all know, you can wash how you want that blood not coming off Nope

Never ever Nope, the blood stays Maybe you need to invest in some gloves It's simple The thing that worked for Mark Summers is something called immersion therapy Where, to get over the fact that you're really worried about getting dirty, they make you climb around in giant waffles covered in fake butter And that seems to fix him pretty good So all you have to do is go to Nickelodeon

What's Nickelodeon's parent company? Because I know Nickelodeon Studios is like, shut down, you've got to go to Viacom I can show you where their office is in New York You just go there and you try and get him arranged a 90s style game show with your friend as the host Yeah Or Kevin, you could realize that your friend has something called obsessive compulsive disorder And it's probably not going to be fixed with a pat on the back and a couple of concerned looks In fact, don't pat him on the back, I don't think that'll help

I think that actually hurts the situation Yes, that washes back You can't hurt the situation, look at those muscles, that guy's easel I think what you need to do is if you realize it's been a little over 30 minutes Look at him and go, whoa, it's been 30 minutes, better wash your hands or puppies are going to die Help keep him on schedule That's all you can do is try to facilitate Or just ridicule him endlessly, that's the only way that friends can really get friends to do other things

I know a lot, there are probably some people clucking their tongues out there and saying, hey, that's a series Listen, life's hard The fact that the guy washes his hands every half hour, it's not exactly debilitating Look at Howard Hughes He managed to still build the Spruce Gates Yeah, but think of all the life experiences that he's going to miss out on now He'll never be able to hold his newborn baby for longer than 30 minutes at a time When you're holding the baby, things start to get really good around minute 40

That's true, the connection is really real there All his figure paints will look like rushed bullshit I see what you're going with for here, but you really kind of needed to percolate a little bit more Dear brothers, my girlfriend says I play wow too much I've lived with my girlfriend for 8 years and started playing wow a year ago I play a few hours a day, but she wants me to stop So I haven't been on the dating scene for 10 years, any advice? Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What kind of bazaar either or have you entered into here from Spring? Yeah, my advice is to... What's wow? Sometimes when I'm faced with decisions like this very difficult decision this man is clearly facing I like to pretend that I've traveled back in time from a few years in the future Where I'm so cripplingly sad because of the decision I made And that by traveling back in time I can manage to stop myself from doing that terrible thing Which is a long, long way of saying don't do what you're thinking about doing

You're talking about like present time travel, right? I'm talking about hypothetical future to present time travel Okay, yeah, I like that idea I think it probably before it's gonna catch on you're gonna need to catch your name for it I'd suggest immersion therapy But I do like the premise here Remember, for Spring, someday you're going to die And when you die you're not going to say to yourself, gosh, I wish I had played wow more

You might, however, say I wish I hadn't dumped my girlfriend of 8 years to play wow more Which is maybe the same principle as Griffin's But I like to keep the taste of death in everyone's mouth at every moment I think if you're thinking about your death, your eventual death, you're always going to make the best decision You need to live like you're dying and then die like you're dying Yes What is that pecan? What is that mild death? It's got kind of a butter nut

A definite deathy kind of feel to it I'm getting a note of grave Can I suggest proposing to your girlfriend of 8 years? Get off in wow Yeah No, no, no, no This can only go well Don't listen to Griffin

Come here and look at the screen for a second I know you don't play me I buy you a purple ring It's Amethyst, it's in the grave I changed the name of my guild too, I love you Susan Be mine My friend Tim and his girlfriend have a problem They never stop making out and groping each other in front of the rest of us

I'm going to go ahead and submit that you're the one with the problem, but let's go on How do I go about stopping this at points that's downright annoying Also talking about it and telling them how we feel does nothing I need something a little more drastic Thoughts? Carlo Carlo, no Carlo

You do realize that you're trying to stand the way of the most powerful force in the universe Making out Making out A boner Boners, yeah You're trying to stop a man and a woman who I'm guessing from your description or under the age of 17 You're trying to get them to stop groping in public You think you're going to reinvent the wheel? Come on Carlo

And does it say in public? So they are doing it in public For some people watching that happen, that's all they got That's all they have Some people are not going to go to malls and just see people Just see people in love Groping each other In a physical manner

In public Yeah, in public places like outside the gap Some people need that Some people need it Nothing wrong with that I mean there is something wrong with it There's something a little wrong with it but I don't want to judge you my brother for Christ's sake I mean not you of course, we're not talking about you

Hypothetical people Hypothetical Griffin Hypothetical future present Griffin Some of us are coming up on 30 and like to be reminded of what it's like to feel And maybe Carlo you shouldn't get in the way of that Maybe I suggest just every time you see it yell like Ewww

That's good That's good And then go back in time Go to Nickelodeon to see us Get a container of GAC And then when they start making out I'm slimy I'm just slimy

What's up? What's this all over me? You've been slimed Maybe next time you see I'm making out just yell I got mixed You can't do that on television but you can do it in my door room Slimed What's up? Just fire some coosh balls at him

All of a sudden they're on the Rosie O'Donnell show Ah, criminally No but really, you shouldn't do anything There's nothing you can do They'll hate each other soon enough Yeah And you don't want to get in the way of that I have this guy friend who to me is totally awesome

That's in all caps I don't think I can do it justice but trust me He's great Funny Chilly Left eye T-Baws Nope

Those aren't in there He's chill All that The only problem is that to people that he isn't friends with He's just a total jerk just the worst He's rude and downright unpleasant to be around He's never violent or anything like that but still Even though he's perfectly fine when he's hanging with me

I find a lot of friends kinda look down on me for hanging around him because of this What should I do? Thanks Devil's Advocate Gmail I like it So Is it like a

Jekyll and Hyde kind of thing? Or is it just that you like his bad attitude and your friends don't? No, I think it's one of those scenarios where once he gets surrounded by too many people He transforms into a monster He gets, he gets, I mean you gotta I think the thing to remember is that it stems from a place of Some people when they're, when I'm around a bunch of people I don't know very well I tend to kinda clam up a little bit

I get a little Social phobic And his is probably just manifesting in a different way In this case he gets He gets on the You know, he gets on the offensive That's what it sounds like to me Right

I think the trick is to Try exposing him to one friend at a time You know, until he gets comfortable with both of you And then eventually you do that kind of times You gotta find that magic number so that if you're hanging out with three friends And you bring in a fourth and he's still cool And then you bring in a fifth and he's like Grr, Jews

You're like, no, okay, not five Four or under Right now you're attempting what's called immersion therapy I don't think it's working It's not for everyone It weren't for Mark Summers But that doesn't mean it's gonna work for Jerko over here Don't you guys think one friend at a time

Until he's like more comfortable with the group I think that's the only way you can go Or like, is this guy worth it? Like, he doesn't sound very cool He's totally awesome He's totally awesome You don't know him like he knows him Here's another suggestion

If you're hanging out with friends And you want it to just look like it's you and him Then hide your friends around the room That you are hanging out in Like, they talk to you and he's like, what was that? You're like, I didn't hear anything I didn't hear anything I don't know what you're talking about

But yes, Greg, I would like to go to the Baltimore And then once he's been awesome for a while Your friends can jump out and be like That behavior is the kind of behavior You should exhibit around us But are you scared? And he's like, fuck you! I don't trust people

How could you do this to me, Richard? Here's your guts Here's a Yahoo Answers question And it was sent in by Hybrid Misfit Thank you, Hybrid Misfit It's from Yahoo Answers user Cyknick Who asks, how can I make my rapping better? He has a very unique problem, though

He says, when I rap, I get a lot of saliva in my mouth And I don't sound too good when it happens How can I change that? And can you give me other suggestions? Well, let's not put the cart before the horse You need to handle your saliva situation First and foremost I think you should maybe just incorporate it

Into your act Yeah, well, that's been a popular strategy You ever wonder where Big Daddy Brony came from? Why people call him that? It's because he raps with a giant wad of paper towels in his mouth Some people don't know that DJ Mumbles DJ Mumbles

His mouth full of cotton balls DJ, how about just DJ Cud? Kid Cud Kid Cudi That's how he got his name Exactly You might remember M.C. Silica Gel It actually died

Because you're not supposed to put Silica Gel in your mouth But you get the idea It went young, but God, those rhymes So dry It's hard to corner the rap market nowadays Because you have to have something new For instance, I think Kanye West does it Just with really clever rhymes

And catchy beats And being crazy And Soulja Boy does it By being really super untalented Which is in and of itself Kind of unique So I think what you can do Is just have a lot of spit in your mouth

While you're rapping Whoa, DJ Drully DJ Drully, there's something along those lines Jaw Drul Jaw Drul? And all your lyrics could be about it too Like when I spit rhymes You'll really get wet, something like that

Oh my God, this is... You will get wet, you may get soaked The name's Kid Slimey, don't you never forget Something like that Can you give me four more lines? Let me see What I got here When I'm done with you kids

You're gonna need a towel I'm gonna open your eyes I'm gonna empty your bowels Is that too long? That's two lines When I'm on the MIC Things will never be dry Oh come on, you can do this

You almost got it I'm gonna dampen your shirt and spit in your eye Yes There it is Form Spring says Okay, alright My older brother is bolding

with hats, hoodies, bonnets, etc Unfortunately, he cannot rock a hat, and is wearing a hoodie and doors makes him look like a rapist How do we get him to get right with his MPB Form Spring

I don't like that Male pattern baldness Okay I think last Just to clarify last week, I think we covered no one can rock a hat No one can rock a hat You can wear a hat and sometimes you can't even do that

Yeah Sometimes you're just barely wearing a hat Do you need to explain to your brother that we are in a time period now where bald people are awesome Yeah, it's the most socially acceptable bald has ever been, I think I agree, I think you need to just shave it

and call it a day Is that because of Moby? Yeah, because of Moby mainly I think Moby is really the one that turned it around I mean, it was cool to be bald in like 55, but Moby was like I'm 22, and now I have a bald head I remember in that interview

where Bruce Willis was like, thank god for Moby Thanks for making it all okay The thing is the step one to getting your sexy right is always acceptance. You got to accept who you are wearing a hat and hoodie and bonnet

I hopefully not really a bonnet, but wearing that kind of stuff That doesn't That says I'm ashamed of something that's utterly out of my control That's not sexy You should say you're proud of it because it's something you got

that most people don't Shave your eyebrows and then walk around and say, fuck you Just like that to people and then point at them like, what's up with these? But then grow a huge beard And break your own nose so that it's just slightly tilted to the left

Oh, I like that Yeah, this is a look. We're doing like a woolly-willy thing here You're welcome. This is a lot more than you paid for my friend. Gauge one of your ears. Really big Shrink the other one Shrink one ear entirely

I guarantee you if you do that, no one will notice you are bald Guaranteed But I think in short, shave it Just shave it, get done with it One of the funniest guys I know outside of my family, Brentel Floss made that decision

like, just shave his head So much cooler now, great looking guy Very funny, popular with the ladies It's a look. It's a look that you need to, you know, convince your brother Now, how do you convince your brother to do it? You do it while he's sleeping And probably try to get some facial hair

Just something down there You should shave his head and then glue that hair to his face Yeah I like it. I personally think that you shouldn't encourage him to go bald Why? You guys couldn't convince me

to go bald, is the thing I'm thinking about it from the brother's perspective. If you guys came to me and were like Hey, bro You gotta get rid of that hair There's no way, there's no force on art that could Griffin? I could change your mind right now Okay

If you shave your head, you could shave three seconds off of your lap time in the pool Damn it Griffin, I'm afraid you misunderstood the premise of the show See, when you try to take our advice into the real world and apply them practically to your situation, that's when things

that's when the wheels really fall off The idea with my brother and my brother and me is that we give an answer that'll have them saying Hey, yeah, exactly, why don't I just do that And then as soon as they try to apply it and it all collapses around them like a castle made of lies We got a question from Steph

via Gmail She says I just recently graduated from college at Berkeley and I packed my bags and moved away to the San Francisco peninsula with my boyfriend for a job at Stanford Our friends in Berkeley are too lazy to come visit us

We visit them and we have no friends on the peninsula How do you meet people and make friends after college especially 20-somethings We're both nerdy people who like video board games and comic books Not video board games, not like the

Clue VHS games Knightmare and comic books We prefer to meet other well-adjusted nerds The problem with this is that most nerds I've met are single men and are awkward and uninterested when we approach them as a couple but try to ask me out when I don't have my boyfriend around

It's happened recently when I went to a local board game shop and asked if they had a game night Need to meet nerds but we also want to have some stuff in common with our future fantastic friends That is a tough question It's like a treatise of everything

that's wrong with the nerd culture right now It's a nice summation of everything that's terrible I mean If it's any indication the questions that we get apparently all nerdy people

are nervous about talking to all other nerdy people Yeah Wait a minute You don't You need to realize that nerdy couples are still made of two nerdy people

They're going to feel just as uncomfortable as they did in another mating process here This is a mating negotiation that doesn't end with conception It ends with

Inception Inception and going to see it together It ends with sitting around a table and playing some last night on earth Something nerdy The fact of the matter is that making friends, meeting new people that will then become friends

and not like acquaintances but straight up friends is more difficult than meeting members of the opposite sex I think it's also more difficult than once you're in a couple because I think when you're solo you can sort of make those negotiations a lot easier You can pretend to be somebody you're not

when you're flying by yourself but when you're in a couple it's sort of like that person's going to know what's up and they've got to like the situation you're in too That's intimidating If you're looking for people to meet at a bar you don't go to the couple that's sitting

by themselves at a table You're having the buffalo wings, huh? Let me just snack I stand by that as far as meeting friends you always do good meeting people at work meeting people at hobbies that you're both doing

If you guys join a pottery class or go to a coffee shop or something like that anything like that where it's not just random strangers but people you know but that doesn't always mean you're going to meet the best people because you're limited to the people that are in that group

but it's people that you know At work, put up like a flyer on campus that says hey, does anybody want to play some board games or something together for couples only? A couple in their night and then...

Maybe not make it sound so sad though That's an awfully tight filter to put on that. I think maybe just a flyer with your personal phone number and the message who wants to party Couple looking to share fun with another couple

Something like that. Something very open and honest Looking for open couple to share with other open couple That's good because you want open honesty and big and adventure. Couple looking for other couple for a foursome

but then in much smaller letters for Scrabble Maybe go back and forth between a few different games so make sure that they're willing to swing You want to say that in the flyer looking for couple open minded couple willing to swing

Maybe you can play that hot new board game from Mattel Key Party Down for Key Party Maybe a convention would be good some sort of... go to Comic Con or something and look for women dressed as

superheroes because you know they didn't do that on their own That's just science Seth I'm sorry that we don't have more practical help for you here I mean Jesus if I knew this then like we need to listen to another podcast

like my brother, my brother, my brother my brother and me and my super well-adjusted uncle who's way cool and the only thing they do on that show the only thing they do on that show is give us advice and they could tell me how to do this

because I'm right there in the same boat I'm starting to realize that everyone's kind of just floating through this void of nobody knows how to talk to anybody else It's true We just get so many questions about how do I start conversations, how do I meet people

Everybody we are not solitary beings and people that feel solitary is because they are the most afraid Unless you're on the reality show solitary and then you're tights alone You know, you might I know this seems like

counter-intuitive considering what we just talked about but you might try Facebook There's got to be some like San Francisco gaming groups on Facebook maybe go there and say, hey, we're looking for couples to hang out with

For couples, the trick is to just find that one couple that you can be cool with and then they know eight or nine other couples especially that they've lived on the San Francisco peninsula for a while Hey, move in, ma'am I'm always, always

hungry There literally isn't a time when I couldn't eat I'm not a fat guy but I fear I may become one What should I do? Keep up the amazing work, especially the deep voice guy who isn't Justin or Griffin like him, Harrison, Gmail

I like you too, Harrison Harrison, I do want to clarify for you that is how people become fat guys That's not like a fear like something ephemeral that may, like, no you won't that won't happen I'm afraid of ghosts

and also that I'll get fat if I eat too much food That's not a fear Yeah I know that I feel the same way as we have discussed previously, I could literally always eat something at any point in the day but really that is because

a lot of the time I'm just massively bored and usually boredom leads to hunger so maybe try a dodo instead of a sandwich instead of a sandwich get a Game Boy all of these things help Oh my god, Harrison, you have a tapeworm

Harrison, you have a tapeworm, you have to go to the doctor But wait, if he has a tapeworm then he won't get fat right? Because the tapeworm will eat all the food for him But the tapeworm will eat all the food before he can digest it and use its energy and he'll eat all the good food too

What if he's pregnant? Oh my god, Harrison With a tapeworm Congratulations I shall name him Phillip He is my tapeworm baby and I love him

He's just like that movie junior except he is a tapeworm and no, our actual snagers are always hungry so it's just like the movie junior except for the tapeworm but I went to the Sears I went to the Sears baby department

and they had no clothes that would fit my tapeworm baby I ended up with a pantyhose for super skinny ladies that's what I had to walk out of there with and you imagine the look on Phillip's face when I hand him that I sewed a little ducky onto it

but I still don't think it's gonna fly but I love him and he is my child and he is going to go to college and I'm planning a play date with my neighbor's monkey baby Harrison Harrison, don't eat anymore just pump the brakes

find something to do that takes up hours of the day that you that you are not fat guy yet does not make you special fat people feel that way too that's why they're fat how could this happen

this is how it happens, you start out this way and then you eat so much that you can turn fat when you're fat you can go back and you can chart out a history of double downs that made you what you are now listen Harrison, just pump the brakes listen to my brother Griffin, just slow it down

if you want to eat something like lots of people think that way it could be that the food you're eating is too good did you try eating healthy food because if you only have healthy food in the house then you won't want to eat as much because it doesn't taste good or just get moderately poor

to the point where you can't really afford a lot of food oh that's good, I like that but then you'll start eating out of the garbage man don't do that like a giant raccoon wrap around his brain

and make him go to the garbage and start eating out of it I'm starving I have a yahoo answer it kind of goes against one of our core tenets here at my brother and my brother and me but I feel like it's going to open up a really interesting dialogue

between the three of us so I think it might be worth the infraction against our own rules but if I read the title and you guys don't want to go ahead with it I'll totally understand it won't hurt my feelings at all it was sent in by

a listener Benjamin Carl the man so nice they named him twice and the question itself was crafted by Floyd Brewer who asks I am trying to get my son trained to defecate

in a bag instead of a toilet or diaper any suggestions or tips? my wife and I are very environment conscious and have been thinking he hasn't potty trained yet and we don't really want him formally trained to use a toilet which we believe

wastes water and drains resources my wife and I started going in bags about two years ago and we used the excrement blended with other materials to fertilize our garden and also

sell it to friends for extra spending money but we have had problems getting him to squat and be patient enough to go how can we encourage him? prizes punishment

what has worked for you? you shit in that bag or so help me Derek so help me if you don't shit in that bag Derek you shit in that bag or you are grounded hey I'm sorry I'm sorry weirdo but what punishment are you going to levy against this child

that even approaches the social punishment of going to school the first day asking the teacher where you can go shit in the bag excuse me where is the shit bag room he totally preempted that because in the additional details he says he won't need a bag to be packed into his backpack

because he will be homeschooled again he doesn't have to worry about being made fun of because he will be homeschooled bitch listen it doesn't school that's one one part of that kids life how about mall how about next time he goes to the mall

he is at the arcade and he feels a deuce coming and he has to bag his right there where is your bag dispenser what about the first time he goes to the produce department the grocery store and gets confused as fuck hey where is this human shit and who made it is that like an in-house thing

that you guys provide is that a service like there is one nugget pardon the pun of this question that sticks in my head and that is selling it sticks in my hair at what selling it to their friends

for extra spending money who the fuck are your friends is there a jar somewhere that they just slide their extra change into that they got from selling their human shit to their very real friends and when that jar gets full they go to disney world um

this is human poop we're talking about if you really want to help your child here's how you do it you put the child on a porch you scatter your fecal matter around your home mm-hmm and you burn it down with you inside it there is literally no way

that child could be better off than you and your wife doing the right thing here and burning your house down with you inside it it is the only choice you have I don't know that this is true but I have to imagine that child protective services

goes through the internet looking for things exactly like this nah, nah this is cool I mean it's pretty much a science project if you think about it nah it's that green movement you can't child protective services isn't gonna do shit about that

more like a brown movement you monster hey it looks like you're just cupping your child's naked bottom with your hands no it's cool I have a bag on it there's a bag here and I'm trying to get it to poop in the bag the little bastard just won't do it

thinks he's too good for pooping in a bag punishment punishment what punishment you're gonna rub his nose in it fuck honey did you just hear a flush Derek? did you bring a toilet into this house

what you know it is such a fine line children cannot be the defining line between crazy person and unconventional parent you can't just cross the line because you had a kid you can't just be like no now I'm normal

I just want to teach my child different things you're still a crazy person you're still insane it's 2010 dog it's 2010 and it worries me that there's another person in this world there is more than one person there are two people and they found each other

that find it okay to poop in a bag hey if you're worried about finding a special somebody it'll never happen look at these two fuck ups do you think it's okay for them to make pee in a toilet? to make water? no they go to the garden

that can't be good for the plants it's terrible for the plants what do they care I need to find out what state these people live in and never buy any produce that came from that state because maybe that's how shit rolls in Montana maybe that's a common thing there literally

this question is indicative of my terrible fear that there are giant parts of the country that I know nothing about where things like this happen it's just poop everywhere thank you for coming to the farmers market did you want to buy some of my plums they're really dope

I fertilize them with my friends fecal matter they're currently training their kid not just my friend it's my friend's son's fecal matter and it gives the egg plants here they're so firm so firm the skin is so tight I'm so disgusted right now

what could be like you've got it people like this gotta pull the camera back you're worried about the planet cool why well we're gonna have kids on this planet someday and we want to take care of it for them cool did you know your kid

doesn't care if it's 7 degrees hotter in july because they're experiencing that heat while pooping in a bag isn't the whole point of it to make the world a better place for your kid you are actively doing that by inventing toilets

categorically a worse place because of your son yeah because you have a son that's pooping in a container that's not a toilet forget about the world for him like I don't care about this kid anymore he's dead to me nothing's coming good out of this but

here's a new game I want to start playing on on my brother my brother me and it's called things you never hear the president say number one on my list is yeah my parents trained me to poop in a bag but I basically

they did it through a punishment regimen that was very strict but fair yeah I don't want to know what that entails the idea of this is going to haunt me I think because I think the world is different now for me a little bit

because there are people like this this is not a guy who's fucking with us this is a real guy in the world somewhere there's a couple that made eye contact one night and said you know honey I've been thinking about it and the decision is made

it's time for us to start pooping in bags how do you bring that up with your loved one like do you see them going to the toilet one day and just go there's a better way you know I've been thinking wait a minute honey

we're wasting a lot of water here maybe let's just maybe just bag it because that doesn't waste any resources if you didn't want to waste resources you would just go shit directly on your crops just go shit directly out on your flower bed

instead of doing what you're doing right now which is shitting directly on your kid I have one question for you paper or plastic delicious I'm going to stick with burning your house down with you inside it but not the kid it's not the kid's fault

except if he does it if he does this crazy thing you're telling him to do then he's not made him strong enough stock to survive in this world we live in although he will be the best hobo he'll be the most conscientious hobo he'll be like the MacGyver of hobos

like Toothless Jim will be like Derek I thought you said you had to use the bathroom he said I totally did I did see that Wendy's bag don't go to that dump that bag or that bag because I only do that in bags

that's kind of my thing that's why they call me stink bag Derek the coolest thing about this sound couple they use one industrial size trash bag for every bowel movement one giant plastic bag for everyone

I'm so sad I don't even want to I don't even want to end the show I just want to end my life is that possible can we do that let's suffer through it I want to hear Griffin's last question

I don't really want to say that I want to hear Griffin's last question because that's what I say before I tell you about mbmbam.com that is our website that we have it is going to be revamped I would expect it this week

let's not put a timetable on it hopefully very soon and trust me when I say you guys have both seen it now right it's bomb it's absolutely fresh to be in love with it so

thank you guys in advance for that and we're going to have some new gear on the store pretty soon survival gear things like pickaxes hatchets compasses kumpai

that's right thank you to people on the internet on the twitter spreading the word sorry people like MichiD our boy MichiD is always out there

putting it out there we got I want to throw out a special shout out to Magic Whiskey on twitter not only a fan of the show but just went and saw Dracula at Cincinnati Shakespeare Company thank you so much

for helping me convince my bosses that this whole internet thing is going to be around for a while so a special happy birthday to Molly by Jesus Brooks turns 30 on the 28th so we're not going to talk to him again before then

so congratulations and happy birthday on the big 3-0 five more years and you can run for president yeah we also got an email we got an email this week from Molly a listener of

she said that they love the advice and that writing into MbimBam was the nicest thing he's ever done for her which does it kind of sad real great Chris

it's crushingly depressing and anyway if you want to ask us a question mbmbam.com mbmbam.com is the place for that there's a link right there

we are up to 1,488 members so get on there join that group people putting really funny pictures up did you see a Dominic Canelo

put up a picture of him in a man size jar he's got a little twig and a leaf in there check it out we haven't requested people do in a while is if you could get on that iTunes tip and just leave a review

leave a review and a rating that would just it takes a few minutes and it really helps us out I am sick and tired of Adam Corolla running his mouth nonstop he calls me every day says hey look who's number one and I go yeah Adam

yeah Adam we get it just review it and tell your friends to review it we had another listening party this week it's listening my brother made a fan club Delta has been formed

we're getting up there I can't wait for Omicron or Upsilon or Ro so thank you to everybody doing that and if you have one of those parties make sure everybody logs on to their iTunes accounts right afterwards and give us a great review

we're kind of selling ourselves and I need to go poop in a bag so maybe Griffin could just wrap it up with a final question sure this one was sent in by Matty B thank you Matty B

it's by Yahoo Answers user YIDIIT with Hawaii who asks my urine smells like Worcestershire sauce what gives how am I going to break today I'm Justin McElroy I'm Travis McElroy

I'm Griffin McElroy this has been my brother and my brother me kiss your dad just wear on the lips you will never know me thanks for watching see you next time bye