My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 29: The Quickening

Episode Date: November 8, 2010

Fact: 66.6 percent (repeating) of the brothers McElroy were born on this very day, 30 and 27 years ago. This very special episode is a look back on some of the biggest moments of their lives. By which we mean the biggest events of everyone's lives who sent in questions this week, and also some strangers on Yahoo Answers. By which we mean: A regular show.Suggested talking points: Cat on Lap, Sodoko, Mancoon Buscemi, retail Highlander, world's best lover, (emotional waves), Sexual Edge, Good Sun Setting, eureka

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? You need me, let me know, gonna be around If you've got no place to go when you're feeling down If you're all alone, when a pretty birthday's come Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to me

Happy birthday dear Travis and Justin Happy birthday to you all Best day of the year Why couldn't they, like, our parents are intelligent people Why couldn't they have, you know, timed it out so that I would have come out on a I have to wait another like six months for mine I know, today is Travis and Justin's birthday Justin, that's me, me and Travis, it is our birthday

And we're celebrating in style I always kind of found it weak that when we were growing up And Griffin was still a small wee babe He would get presents on our birthday because he was one of the three that didn't Right, he didn't understand Do you know why that happened? Because you were a wee baby? I would have cried if I didn't

Yeah, because he had a baby chromagnum brain Baby brains and chromagnum brains are basically the same thing But it is our birthday, we're celebrating the only way we know how By taking your ignorance of certain topics Turning it alchemy-like into wisdom This is my brother, my brother and me It's an advice show for the modern era Let's just get right into it

I want to cut through the red tape Cut through all the business and just really get down into this deep So let's start off with an email It says, I have a cat who is generally a bit standoffish She does a snuggle, doesn't much like being picked up The only time she wants to get on my lap is when I'm in the bathroom Tending to secondary biological output I have always enjoyed her company as an alternative to reading or staring blankly at a wall

My husband, however, thinks the whole thing is weird Then I should leave the door shut, ignore her plaintive mouths and get on with my business myself She seems so sad when I don't let her in though Please give me some guidance here Who's that from? That's from Poop Lap Sorry, can you slow down a bit? It's Poop Lap

Yeah I'm trying to imagine what the sad mewing of a cat sounds like When it's behind the door of a bathroom where you are defecating And that cat, all it wants is to just come in and just chill with you while you do your business I'm trying to imagine what that sounds like I'll tell you Griffin, it sounds exactly like Purple Rain I'm trying to make a concerted effort here to not take this in the scatological territory So I'm going to talk about the ethics of what's happening here

Okay In this modern society, in the society in which we live, we are so connected Every moment you're on the book, you're on the FB, you're on the Google You're Googling, you're tweeting, Twoto On all the services, Form Spring Tumbling You're on the Tumbling, you're on the Tambling You're on the Crumping

You're Crumping, it's just so many different outlets for people to stay connected with you The Bee Room is really the one time of the day when you get to just be, that's for nobody else Not for your cat, not for Facebook What you're ignoring though is that your cat's not on Twitter Your cat's not on Facebook, it's not tumbling It's not smanging I'm pretty sure no cats are on my Facebook friends I have people who use their cats as their pictures

Which by the way, that's not you, stop lying Get your baby off there too while we're at it It's not you, your baby is not you, you are you Also pictures of you holding other people's babies, not cool You're putting your baby on the grid already, just a baby's on the grid I think that I have to be pretty steadfast in this Griffin, I understand what you're saying But it's about your mental state, it's not about your cat can't track you on Twitter So now you're gonna let it in the bathroom with you

But the thing is, it sounds like it's good for her mental state She enjoys the cat's company while she's making business What does it say about the cat's relationship? Like the only time she likes to be with you Oh, the cat's a fucking freak, like don't get me wrong I'm saying I'll agree on that Okay, the cat's like dirty, right? That cat is a dirty-ass cat, that cat is some sort of reincarnated cat pervert

Fuck that cat, your cat's a freak Your cat's a pervert But, I mean, if you enjoy her company, then more power to you I say Poop-A-Way, cat on lap I don't think it's okay, let's take a vote, is it okay? It's not okay It's November 8th, the best day of the year Yes, yes, okay

Majority rules, it's the best I work at the most monotonous job ever And your podcast brightens my Mondays I was wondering if you could recommend any other podcasts or activities to make my work days more exciting Thanks Are we gonna recommend any competitors? Get real form spring Nice try

This McDonald's talk about how tasty whoppers are Never Probably do Probably in secret, at meetings Our burgers are whack You know who's got those dope burgers? Don't tell anybody BK

Me and all my billionaire buddies We always like to go to just hit the BK at the late night You gotta get that BK Our chicken select strips, our bullshit You get that strip at BK? They got that shit in the shape of a crown First off Maybe go get some McDonald's and Burger King

Just fun food, fun to eat And that can really help to make the days pass Just eating fast food? Just eating fast food Just kill the lonely times, kill the sad times With the taste of salt and fat Oh boy Oops

You did it again McDonald's advertisers I think whatever recommendations we could give you depends entirely on what your job is Because if you're a surgeon You need to fucking look sharp Just put down the iPod Was that a pun? It didn't mean it to be I'll take it

You need to not be distracted when you're cutting into humans If you, I don't know, scan medical documents into a computer For eight hours a day Then you're gonna need some help, some assistance My suggestion A clipboard I know it seemed, but it'll let you get away with literally anything You can put Sudoku on there

You can put some Crossword on there Or just carry it around How did you just pronounce the word Sudoku? I think I said Sudoku Sudoku No Griffin, you're confused, Sudoku is that new joint Hey, have you guys played Sudoku? Have you played Neil Sudoku?

I was actually thinking of the gas station Sudoku Sudoku Did you get that new John Sakata record? Wow And the game included inside the CD notes? Really fun, we played all day Sudoku is that new Sudoku where it makes a picture at the end And then the cards bounce around the screen

An erotic picture That's a sexy picture It kind of looks like a boob made of blocks We have given this person zero advice I think the best thing to do is to just You've got to shut your brain off And let it take you to another far away place Like if you can't do something obvious

Like read or write a moped or something When nobody's there You've got to take your mind and let it take you on a journey No one is your boss in your head Ow And another fun game is to play little games with yourself Like how many times can I slip this word into a conversation before someone notices And how often can I mispronounce words like Sudoku until someone notices

See how long it takes you Walk around all day next Monday And walk around saying so don't come And wait till someone Wait till someone corrects you Now Travis I have to ask do you play that game When you're doing the podcast with us Because you did just say Sudoku

In a strange manner Of course not Griffin I'm going to be on the lookout now Let's do a Yahoo answer Yeah that would be great This one was sent in by Art Santana That's probably his real name but wow that's a good name Have you guys noticed how many people with totally fresh names listen to our podcast

Like Max Jackman Like Max Jackman It's really flat anyway This Yahoo answer is from Thomas Schlitzer What? Not a good name Yeah that's a bad name but he doesn't listen to the show So we're fine

He asks how do I tell my mom, dad, friends etc That I am a furry I have a huge problem I'm 13 and furry My girlfriend is also 13 and furry But I told my mom about it and she told me that Furry fandom is one of the quote Most disgusting and horrific things she has ever heard

My dad's reaction was almost the same But he took it better Now though I don't know what to do Please help I think that dad's reaction was like Hey son, this isn't my jam but I think your mother really went overboard With her reaction to this news

So yeah I don't understand what all the hubbub is about Furry like he's going through puberty And he's starting to get hair in weird places And that's normal but that happens to the best of us I'm almost certain he means he wants to dress up like a raccoon And bone down Here's what's troubling Wait what?

I'm almost positive that's what the furry means Wait so Not like puberty? No not This on last week's show that animals are fucking sexy They're getting sexier every year And he's just trying to capitalize on that movement By dressing himself in furs and pelts

Trying to capture that sex wave You mean before it passes all of us by? If I were to give this kid some real advice Which I'm not because yuck You just gotta wait it out It's pretty soon furries are gonna be the new vampires Yeah right Is this about a trend for you

Or by the way You're the odds against you being a 13 year old person Who likes to dress like a raccoon and have sex Me falling in love with a person And then discovering that they too enjoy that It doesn't happen Fucking astronomical Also marry her

He met her on a furry website And they hooked up on the furrums What? Don't Don't What? Like forums but with fur I like it

Thank you I'm gonna start calling on that for a week and a half Furrums Whenever I read a question like this That has anything to do with the furry community I think that I'm an incredibly Like open minded person Like you know I'm color blind

I'm age blind I'm gender blind I don't know my patience where it's kind of thin with furries Like I'm not one to hate on any particular group of people Because of whatever sexual stuff they're into And I'll like defend those people And they're right to do that But I just don't have that for furries

The thing is what you are seeing right now Is like Furries the most valuable service That furry provides us Is they let you see Inside the head of Like a conservative republican Minister

And like the way he feels about Pretty much everybody Outside of his immediate family Is the way you feel about furries So like and furbies But mainly furries I think this falls under a game I like to play Called daddy how did you meet mommy

And I think any story that says You know I looked across the conference hall And saw the sexiest raccoon I've ever seen I was going to say raccoon too It's all about raccoons Yeah I think it's because you don't see raccoons A lot in your day to day So you don't have a lot of personal connection to them

But so they're like exotic and sexy But yeah let me ask you guys I looked across the room and saw the sexiest marmot I've ever seen Now that doesn't work In 30 years You're the furry civil rights movement I mean

Am I going to be like The bigot of history? Like I'm sorry I don't care How far society Has come I refuse To recognize the right to furries I will never ever be okay with this Zero percent chance of me

Ever ever ever being cool with this I would at this point Endure state mandated castration For all furries How does that taste What's up I'm raising the stakes on our comedy program To endorse the castration

Of human beings Let's get deeper Let's inception what you just said Is that A punitive measure Or is that more of a population control Like you don't want them passing The furry gene

That aberration onto their children It is absolutely Bob Barker It's absolutely both It works both ways Okay now let's keep one more level If two people Dressed up as raccoons

Fuck What are the odds that they'll give birth to a raccoon Oh my god This is the kind of future that I'm protecting You and yours against My bigger fear is Like a half man Raccoon

The mancoon if you will That's really terrifying And it's totally possible Ask any scientist My wife's a doctor I'll ask her Look at Steve Buscemi Those big rings around his eyes Had to come somewhere

What's up Mancoon Buscemi Castrated also Sorry Here's a bigger question What's the most efficient way to do it I would suggest that all All furry costumes

Would come Like legally would have to come With a small patch of General burning cream That when you put the costume on It would just send them away Like a hair that got Too close to a campfire

That's what I would like to see happen Final question on this subject Do you think furries Watch Space Jam And just jerk it so hard Just get that Good clean Jerk going

A lot of anthropomorphic animals in that one Problematically though There's also a lot of sports Which they are not big on Unless they're mascots They like that They don't see why the basketball has to keep interrupting the mascot show Made just for them

Boy You know what else, they can't watch a banana split They love that jam I saw Yeah I saw a local furry Get so sexually crazed That he

Pushed Beeper down to the ground And just came away with him Which is weird because Beeper is not an animal By any He's anthropomorphized nightmares So it's a furry costume Those people don't carry, they'll eff anything They just want something with fur

Don't let them near a shag car Because they'll just work it Watch your back Tom Selleck Hey Three of me bros I work in retail and I'm next In line to be manager My boss always complains about hating his job

But he just won't leave How could I get him to quit? I wanted I wanted promotion What's up There can be only one manager of this Denny's Don't cut off his head Whatever you do that's going to be more

Troubled than you want to play I rule the gap It will be pretty cool when lightning strikes you In the gap Filling you with powers I'm falling my last sweater Now I make the schedules Here we are

Here we are Born to be kings Of this gap That I now can run You You should Quit Wait

How could he quit? He just killed his manager Before you kill your manager By before Don't Do that Don't do it and quit I think you should just quit Wait, why?

It just doesn't sound like it's right for you I think we've all worked our fair share of retail jobs And I've had a manager To that I would like to cut their head off Sure I mean I've only worked one But that was a pretty pleasant experience If you are like a hundred percent sure

You got mugged Griffin you got robbed I did get robbed But that was a growth experience That taught me about myself And I'm sure it taught that person a little bit about themselves too Yeah I'm positive or at least now that they're in jail

Now that they're in prison Do you know that if there is a quickening after a murder You cannot be legally tried for it I did not know that If you are a hundred percent sure There's going to be a quickening after you cut someone's head off with a katana I guess that explains why In Highlander the series

I mean Duncan kills a lot of dudes But he never has to face Any Litigatory pressure I would never watch something like that I don't know why you would Reference that On USA

It's all good It's all fun and games to talk about Cutting a manager's head off with a katana But when you're talking about actually watching Highlander I don't know like the series It goes a little too far for me I think Form Spring let me give you some real advice here Uh oh

I know Here's what you need to do The next time you manage your doodle something Or make something out of a straw paper Act like it's the greatest thing you've ever seen And encourage him to become a famous artist Ooh I like that

Tell him that he's too good for retail and he needs to get out Exactly And then after he quits be like I was just kidding that's a dump They'll be like I'm the manager now Like say that Here's another option Ask him to come back to the warehouse

And look at something For you while there's a bunch of people in there And then just like as soon as you get back to their shop No you can't touch my wiener Like that like you can't rub it And touch it And then like run out screaming with your pants Around your ankles and people will

They will call for his head And then after they call for his head Cut it off Quickening Highlander Quickening Highlander I think I know what the theme of this episode is Highlander style Quickening After an empty Accusation

Of sexual misconduct That can be only one appropriate response I'm a 28 year old dude And my boyfriend is 52 My friends are all cool with the gay thing But how do I approach the age gap He's a pretty cool guy And not at all a granddad

Cheers And this comes from yes I know it's weird Listen Are you listening? It kind of sucks that he's not at all a granddad If I was a homosexual I would totally Want a granddad boyfriend

Think of the benefits Too many to name Yeah there's Using denture cream as lubricant That's all I got Were you going to go around that Region or That area

Involving dentures And the options that that provides Whoa I didn't even think about that Take those dentures out papa Yomma yomma Yomma yomma indeed I was just thinking about how awesome To roll up to like a hardcore gay club

With like a dude who looks like Andy Griffith and a sweater vest Or a dude that is Andy Griffith What's nice is that you can You get to eat dinner at like 430 Which is good I guess that's gay batter and different right Either way I mean

I could date a grandma and still get that treatment Oh boy What is age gap these days We're living to like 130-140 Great point Travis, science I mean this guy's got 25 years on him though I mean that's a significant chunk of change

Yeah 24 But Who's counting Who could do simple subtraction It's not his birthday I think that if your friends are already Cool with the gay thing you got to understand

That like I mean It's not that they're not understanding It's that And you might love this grandpa Very much but It's still like bringing an old guy around Oh

Get him a t-shirt that says world's best grandpa But mark out grandpa and write boyfriend No Come on No, come on I was gonna go with lover Come on, let's help This

Here's the important thing when it comes to an age gap It's not the age that's important It's the interests If you share the same interests, if you're into the same things If you get along well Age doesn't matter But if you don't connect on that level Like if you wanna go out all the time and he wants to stay home

If you have different interests And you're not interested in the same thing And this applies for anyone Entering in a relationship with an older person Or in any relationship If you don't have similar interests If you don't agree on things It's not a good match

If you do, then who the fuck cares If you guys agree, if you're happy together Then Your friends, I think if you continue in this relationship And you continue to bring him around Your friends will get acclimated Like they really will They will adjust

To this guy And maybe it won't seem so weird To them after a while People, right? They'll get along really well with him Especially once he keeps giving them Really old dry pieces Of chewing gum

No But on the serious though If you have similar interests with him And you have similar interests with your friends They're gonna get along great That being said Be prepared for the fact that you will get That initial

Who is that guy You just have to be braced for that I have a lot of friends that are in relationships With people much older than them And it's one of those things Where you just have to be ready For that initial like Wow, he's a lot older than you

I know, but I love him Oh my god Have him show up and say he is your granddad And then Now wait, now listen This is the worst thing you've ever said Have him come and say he is your granddad Halfway through the night

You two just tongue kiss like crazy And they'll be like What a fuckers mind blown And they'll be like wow you're the coolest guy ever And you say but no we are seriously in love And then he breaks into a great guitar solo We're very much in love Really and they will be so punked

And they will love it When you're looking for the best way To acclimate your group of friends To your older boyfriend The best thing you can do is pretend he's your grandpa And then And just bone down on him Right tongue kiss him right in the middle of the night

I hope our dad Who is three years older than this guy Does not listen to this show And I was saying that a 52 year old man is like Pretty much dead He's pretty much like a dead guy It's like the crypt keeper falling around I need help

I need you to come to the right place My friend has a crush on me I've been out on numerous dates I keep politely saying I'm busy that weekend Or I have no money hoping he'll take a hint But he keeps persisting Is there a way to let him know There's no way me and him could ever be together

Without ruining our friendship As friend troubles Yeesh Bad news your friendship's ruined But don't worry about it cause that's not on you That shit's not on you He made things weird He's the weird one

He is attacking your country You just gotta defend yourself That's right he's the aggressor Now straight up though Cut out this hint bullshit And you just need to be like listen You need to roll up a newspaper And smack him right on the tip of his nose

Precisely No joke If we're gonna keep being friends You need to fucking cut this shit out The longer this goes on The less of a chance you have of salvaging the friendship You've gotta just really straight up say Listen

I don't want this to be embarrassing or weird But It's not gonna happen with you and me I just don't feel about you that way And I really like you And I wanna keep hanging out with you and being friends And who knows Maybe for friends long enough I'll come around

And then just like let it go with that You gotta trust me I will get over it I mean he will get a Happy birthday to not me It feels like everybody's Birthday but Griffin's today doesn't it It's weird That's how I feel everything

You gotta give it to him straight Don't leave him any hope like seriously I know it seems cruel but there's nothing Crueler than what you're doing right now I promise Because when you say these excuses What he hears with the guy's brain What the male's brain translates that into

Is nothing He doesn't translate at all he hears exactly what you're saying Like we don't take hints Oh she doesn't have enough time okay great I will wait until she's more free She has more free time I have a Yahoo answer It was sent in by Jregal21

Which is pretty cool It's a good one It's by Yahoo Answers user O M Gitzal Okay And it's one of those answers that's

The question itself rather isn't Particularly Maybe O M Gitzal It might be what it is I don't want to cover this anymore You're so much better at translating internet speak than I am But

It's one of those great questions where The comedy doesn't so much come from The question itself It comes from the answers O M Gitzal Need help with my story title Hi I'm writing a story about a young woman

Who has three children and one day she gets into A horrible accident and the three children die Her life changes forever from that moment on She ends up falling in love with a man Whose brother was driving the car That killed her kids If any ideas for a title Thanks smiley face

So that's the question I would call it yackety sacks Isn't that what family matters is about Yes Family matters would be an appropriate title For this book We're not perfect strangers Empty house

All of these Three was enough but now we're back down to zero Guys, fucking trust me There's nothing we can say That's going to be funnier than the questions that the real internet turned out Here's one from Nina Who replies Writing waves

Emotional waves Grace Says the painful reminder Or the reminder Because he reminds her about the kids and the painful loss Source my mind Fuck you It does not say that

Didn't plagiarize that one Right from the noggin Cream that I made just for your problem Here Sakura Shaughnessy has a bunch of really good ones Here we go Loving the dead The day they died

Whispy memories Whispy memories I'm trying to solidify this memory in my head But I can't it's just ephemeral It's right there, it's wispy Coping with the pain Coping, coping, coping with the pain I like it, it flows

Night Huh Grieving mom That's pretty straight forward I guess Book Grief Book book Grief, tears and love

There is a question That's like That's like They're best friends but one of them's a cat Linda Diane asks or replies Sorry fatal crossing Maybe the children are killed crossing the street

Or at a crosswalk Or at a railroad crossing Bitch don't try to rewrite this book before it's wrote This is coming from my heart Source my mind Trust me Trust on the fact that you're not going to help me In the edits

This is a titling project only I am creative enough to come up with a whole book But not a title for the book Percy Jackson 127 Top contributor to Yahoo We haven't seen one of those in a while Responds Taming soul

Taking flight Burning memories Love with the murderers Love with the murderers boy What? Love with the murderers boy This guy has a fundamental Misunderstanding of what this story is about

Not like we do, he didn't get it Here's my title A book about a woman Who falls in love with the dude that killed her kids Let me hit you guys with there can be only none What do you think? Yeah We got to have a better title than these people

I do like writing ways of emotion Emotional waves Emotional waves Source There's no source on that one but I'm going to go ahead and assume it was also her mind No, that was her heart How about How about moving out?

Whoa, I like it The music man What about my hero? Am I to believe that this story This story is She falls in love with the Brother of the guy who accidentally killed her kids? Yes

This is not Sorry about my brother It's not a very good book It doesn't sound like A very interesting story It seems like that conversation Is that? What can you do?

That's a good title What can you do? How about How about just uh oh Whoops My bad Also sisterhood of the traveling pants I had college class that got on early

I ended up asking the girl I have a crush on And who I usually talk to during class I'll talk to guys when they eat I don't consider a date but I wanted to get a sense of where I stand with this girl Overwhelmingly I kept her laughing And entertaining and she kept telling me how funny I was

I consider myself a handsome Jet And I have good manners And there was never any breaks of conversation or awkward pauses My question for you Being the funny guy enough to give me a viable Change with this girl Sincerely

I like it I like that very much That is a really dumb name College huh That's my official That's my official response to this I'm really weighing this one out I'm trying to piece this together

I think If I was a girl I used to be continually surprised So maybe Tomorrow you go in All business Is that the opposite of funny to you I would say just depressed

Like really sad Oh you mean like Love me Not like that Not needy Just like look at her and be like We're all just walking dead people Think about it

And she'll be like wow you are multi-layered I would like to have some sex with you And then the next emotion You could be Like Really envious of things That's an emotion I'm not sure I

I saw you talking to that guy in the coffee shop today I thought we were Exclusive It wouldn't even have to be about her Guys backpack is better than mine Want it The next day you could be Just

I think that you need to Mix it up Go in live journal They have a big list of emotions there Today I'm quixotic Today I'm highlandery Today I'm quickening Being funny is not enough

It's not enough What do you have to be It's one of those things If you ask any woman What's the number one thing they look for in a guy The answer is always a sense of humor And penis And penis

Penis diameter There's actually a sliding scale Of penis diameter versus Human Let's just put it this way I'm very funny That's your BMI right? That's what BMI is

The problem is That is the first thing Women look for But not the only thing If that's the only thing women look for Then every guy who writes in And says I like my friend I want to ask her out

Will totally be dating that friend You have to have a sexual edge To the relationship I'm sorry I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh when you just said Sexual edge That's a powerful turn of phrase Travis

That's a linguistic Challenge you've put up there That's actually the name Of my erotic sword company Why didn't you even start that It's frowning you know It's not doing well It's all erotic

They have a very nice selection Of novelty Of boner katanas But It's a good I don't know why The guy from Shark Tank Invested so much in it

Our clothing line, Horny Highlander Is really not working out I'm putting a blockade On any more Highlander references Sounds good I'm putting an embargo on them I think Being funny

I think it shows confidence Which may be more at the source of The attraction To feel safe Because if you're joking about that If you're joking about anything You're feeling confident and secure In the situation

I think you need to bring There's a fine line Between funny And goofy And I think once you get to goofy You're in a weird place Where you are just An entertaining thing

You're not showing stability Or Pardon the phrase Sexual edge That's the Can you be goofy and have a Sexual edge? Can you be like a wacky Sexy clown?

It seems like Gallagher's been doing Arcade for himself all these years It depends on her What is she looking for? Maybe she is looking for a sexy clown Hey guys, can I suggest something here And just lay it out there Maybe this will start a huge wave

That will sweep across the internet Just be yourself, how about that And if she doesn't like it You are cool enough to listen to my brother My brother me and write in with the name Pagliacci the sad clown I think you're pretty cool So maybe she should just get

Get on with it Get down with it I don't mean like sexy, I mean like Get the hint that you are really dope You're a really dope guy Have her listen to this episode of the podcast Have her listen to this right now If she doesn't believe how dope you are

And you know, I think it will do a pretty good job Of convincing her You might want to fast forward best part where we cut off a bunch of people's heads Yeah, and also the parts about fucking Raccoons The part about fucking grandpas Sexy grandpas, that part Pooping

Don't play Our podcast for Not necessarily this one Well any of them I just want to rejigger that advice real quick Or recalibrate Griffin, I'm a professional songwriter I don't know if you know

But professional songwriter, I mean I play often empty clubs My band for free I've been having a hard time writing songs lately Can you give me ideas for things to write about? Yours truly Musically constipated Seems like one right there I wish I could

But I've I love playing guitar And I love listening to songs I've never, I actually I wrote one song in college There's nothing you guys can say That would make me talk about it on the show Don't even, like not joking

Don't even try to make me talk about it on the show Because it was the worst thing ever And it was for a girl It may have had references To Superman And that's all we're going to go into About it Just give us a few

No, I can't But Justin, I think that you are a more prolific Songwriter than I am Yeah, I think you got to write about Here's what you do You take out your songwriter's microscope If you pull it out all the way back Then you look at everything

Then it's more like a magnifying glass Or a telescope And you see real General things like love And the sun But everybody's written about those things So what you guys have to do is take that out of that microscope And just get really deep

And find things in your life That you think that no one else does And I bet that you're going to find some Honest stuff there Things that you don't think happen to everybody Just to you And those are the things that when people hear them They really relate to them

I wasn't going to say that But yeah, I mean, for example Can I, can I counterpoint Is it possible that maybe All the songs have been written I think that's totally pot Every idea has been Thought, every song has been written

There's no more room For any more music in the world So you got to find a song that you like And then write the opposite song of it Do you know what I'm saying? Like take a song like Let me think Good Sunsetting

And write Bad Moonrise Take that, bitch What's up Who then now I think that I think that the greatest Thing you can do musically Is not write a song and then tell people that

Say I'm a songwriter But I'm making a powerful statement By not writing any new music This is my song Four Minutes of Silence Why don't you go the Cigarose Root and Write songs in a gibberish language I mean

It's still challenging You have to write pretty chords Maybe he's not asking about lyrics Maybe he's asking about chord progressions And if that's the case E E diminished, F sharp minor F sharp minor diminished You're welcome

You can set yourself up a project John Linnell has a project called State Songs Where he just goes to the states And writes songs about each other You can set yourself up something like that The Periodic Table of Elements or something Oh that would be good Wouldn't that be good? I would listen to that

How about the Food Pyramid That's a Six Song EP If you're songwriter in Weets and Green The Organs of the Body What about an EP about The different levels of terror That we could be in What about the different levels of hell

That's not bad either You set yourself up a structure like that I think you're gonna do real well I wouldn't read this Yahoo answer It was sent in by LouisDog Who was sent in a few things before Thank you LouisDog It's by Yahoo Answers user Michael Jean

Who asks Should I tell my wife That I want to join a nude men's yoga group I have been interested in learning About the benefits of practicing nude yoga I have been practicing it At home in the nude for a year now Online I have read

About nude yoga groups Practicing in a heated room And I would like to do it These groups are generally filled with men I'm not sure I should give my wife All of the details of what I want to do I'm not gay But I like the idea of being nude with other men

I'm not so sure You know what gay means Maybe that is a bigger Do you need to define some terms here Do you like being nude With a bunch of other dudes Is it fucked up that I wouldn't have seen this

As like a gay thing at all If the room wasn't heated You know how I feel bad for I feel bad for the one dude In the group that rolled up like nude yoga Yeah I want to check out those girls Been around and he rolls up It's just a room full of dudes

He can't leave I am I am Can you read to me the part where he says These classes are usually what These groups are generally Filled with men Filled with men

Open a window It turns into a big game of Twister I don't care Gay Straight You are gonna see If the room is literally filled

With men This heated ass room Filled with men It doesn't matter if you're not gay Like first sunrise Salutation that you do You're gonna get it It's like a furry quilt made of stinky pretzels

Just a nightmare It would just be the worst I have I have a couple gay friends That I'm pretty sure would describe that As the gayest Like if that's cool Like just accept that

Just accept it That you are the first downwards facing dog You're gonna get it That's not, no, no It's gonna be downward facing balls I'm a straight guy I don't say God I wish there was just a big swimming pool Filled with vaginas that I could jump into

That's what you're equating it to You could be gay and like It's not gay or straight It's not a gay or straight issue It's just gross Like it's gross It's not like gay I'm attracted to other guys

Which means that I want to stretch it around with them And have them Some guy spray his butt cheeks in front of me Like I don't Let's redefine terms here Instead of calling it a nude yoga class Let's say you're walking down a hallway And you turn to your friend and say, hey Bill

Do you want to go into that heated room Filled with naked guys? It's so hot in here I am sweating so much I would say glistening Thank you, you're a very gay man And he's comfortable with that I'm uncomfortable with the fact that I am so very gay

This is weird because it's like It's like a A scorched earth policy To being gay You can't have sex with guys because you're married So you do something gayer Than have sex with men It's like

We found it We just broke the world Eureka Oh Christ Now if you did yoga In a heated room With a bunch of people dressed up like animals It rates on the scale that we've created

It rates on the scale of Why did Justin go to jail? Did you hear he burned that building down? He burned a building Full of other people in it to the ground But I heard there are furries, so it's okay Okay, I do want to hear Griffin's last question I don't know how he's going to top that last gym But we got a couple

Quick housekeeping things Sight, mobimbam, mbmbam Dot com is live and new If you like New sites, check out AnnaFurlaxis Dot com, she's in front of the show She's a burlesque knifer She just relaunched her site

We are going to have new gear It's fresh by the way, I checked it out It's fresh, it's awesome New gear is going to be up Gear New gear, new mobimbam gear is going to be up New equipment Probably the next week or so

Got the coffee mug, got a girl's shirt Not a girl's size shirt We got a girl's shirt It smells so great Smells like a girl We vacuum sealed it So do that Get on those forums

There's great discussions going on there Really is, I'm seeing a lot of people talking about Books that they like And music that they like And other podcasts that they listen to It's a community It is a community It's such a specific thread

I'm going to have You know what, I'll just tell Craig now We need a thread for people to introduce themselves Where everybody can go It's stickied, what's up God I don't know if that was Craig or not But good on you Craig

And I know we've got some new New designs coming up Actually, I just got them in the mail They look dope Yeah, I know I might have to show them off And then You know Oh, Twitter, you can tweet about us

Use the hashtag mbmbam.com Don't do it Just use hashtag mbmbam Oh, I was just going to say We started something on Twitter in the middle of this week That if you go on On iTunes and review and rate the show

I'll give you a personalized compliment And I'm enjoying it way more than you are So do it, because I like complimenting people So basically you review the show Either the show or the experience And then you tweet about it Make sure you use either the mbmbam hashtag Or at Travis

Don't just at Travis Because we want everybody to see That you're dedication But Travis will give you a personalized compliment Just for you And tell a friend Tell a friend to give him Burno CD With a couple shows on it

Next week is our 30th episode And I think that the best way that we can celebrate Is by reaching out To a whole new generation of listeners If you listen to the first 29 apps You are officially on the ground floor I know we keep pushing that bar back But if you're listening to this now

Congratulations, you're on the ground floor It's time to evangelize Awesome, okay guys Well, Griffin hit me with that last big question Sure, this one was sent in by Jonathan Bartram Who's got a two show street going It's by Yahoo! Answered user Ariana Who asks

Should I get high today? Should I get high today? This is Justin McIlroy, I'm voting yes This is Travis McIlroy, I'm voting yes This is Travis McIlroy, I'm voting yes I'm Griffin McIlroy, I'm gonna say no This has been my brother and my brother and me This is your dad, he's gonna wear on the lips

These girls are smart These girls are smart Play your part The best answer on that last question It was by Yahoo! Answers user Geeks or Freaks Who responded If you do, this might happen

With a link to Afromans Because I got high Who's the video? And then she adds Listen to the lyrics The cautionary tale that is Afromans because I got high Don't just absentmindedly play this

In the background, you got to listen to those lyrics Gotta listen to them