My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 31: Husky Eyes

Episode Date: November 22, 2010

You know what? In honor of the holiday that's coming later this week, we're going to use this time to thank you for all the good times you've shared with us over the past seven or so months. You're more than listeners -- you're family. And that means you're invited to the Thanksgiving dinner in our hearts. (But not our houses. Don't be weird.)Suggested talking points: Boyfriend-shaped hole, withering barbs, life begins at stubble, smoochburg, movie terrorists, whippits, teetotaling, the basin

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Let me know Give me what I need. What do I need? Give me a turducken. Let me think. Turduck? Oh, yeah. One.

One. Three, two, one, and turducken. Turducken. It's my brother, my brother, me. It's an advice show for the modern era. I am Justin McElroy here three days out from Thanksgiving. The giving of thanks. I am Travis McElroy, the duck in the turducken. I am Griffin McElroy, the salmonella left over in the pan. DJ Salmonella would be a good DJ. It would be. Don't you think? So this is an advice show for the modern era in case you're a first timer, and I know we do have some listening this very week. So know that you are in the presence of

those whose eyes, ears, hearts, mouths, and throats are about to be opened to wisdom. I don't. I didn't like that at all. Every orifice opened to wisdom. I like this. No orifice. I don't think what we're saying is we don't have enough prongs between us to fill all the orifices with wisdom. I do not care for this one bit. Yeah. Do you have an acryphos that is not being filled? Can you feel my wisdom? In one question one. Don't be it. It's just wisdom. Just a kit. Right. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I'm in a weird situation. We dated four years and the thing is he still wants to be friends.

And I somehow do too. After breaking up, I naturally realized all the bad qualities he had. I finally realized I'm a much better person than he is. But not being friends with him seems like leave a big hole in my life. What should I do? Is this natural? Like I said, this is only my second breakup. Should I just suck it up and continue to be his friend? Says kit. Oh, friends after the breakup. I guess it can't can't. Doesn't really happen. Here's the thing. If you try to maintain your relationship with him right now, especially right now, all your you're just going to fall in the same patterns. You broke up for a reason and most of dating is spending time with each other, right? Like that.

Sure. Yeah, right. So I mean, in theory, yeah, it works out, right? Yeah. You spend time with people. That's how you become friends. Well, and I think but I think that that you just used a phrase that's very important to this, which is you can't think of the phrase we should stay friends. You need to become friends because you're not friends right now. Too true. And you don't and you can't do that right away. Yeah, there's the temptation. I get it. They are going to leave a hole in your life. But you got to remember that that's a that's a boyfriend shaped hole. It's not a him shaped hole. We've talked about this before. You're not looking for you don't miss the person you missed

the the relationship and you can't just have that back by being friends. It doesn't it doesn't work. And you also when did we ever talk about this before? Did one of us write a book called Boyfriend Shaped Hole? Because that that sounds like a national bestseller waiting to happen. It does, right? No, I mean, we talked about how people, you know, they don't miss the person as much as they miss the relationship. And you also need to be careful because being that close with him immediately afterwards can get in the way of you moving on can get in the way of you getting over this breakup, because you're seeing him all the time and still hanging out to all these things, the feelings are lingering. And you know, cut ties till you're

ready to be friends. You know, you don't suck it up. You know, like, there's no rush on this. You do definitely time is the is the most important thing. You really can't rush back into any any kind of relationship with him. You got to figure out the two of you alone by yourselves and not not together before you can really make any sort of dent in like a friendship type situation. And like, if you're a better person than him, and and it's that sort of thing, then you probably don't need a friendship with him. I mean, I know that's kind of harsh, but he sucks. He sucks, right? There are plenty of people on this planet that you can be friends with, like us. Like, we're your new boyfriend. Well, I don't I don't know about all that.

I'm your new boyfriend, Justin McElroy, half husband, half boyfriend, all podcast. So hopefully that will be very, very helpful to you. And I hope that that makes a lot of sense. Now, we got another question coming from Formspring. Formspring, do you want to remind you though, if you do use Formspring, go ahead and throw a name in there, even if it's a pseudonym, especially if it's a pseudonym, especially if it's a clever pseudonym. Aside from getting my sexy right, how can I parlay my relationship as the smartest guy in my high school in the dating successes? Can't. Can't do it. Can't do it. Gotta get rich. Why don't you use your big, your big brain and figure this one out by yourself there, nerddo? Hey, boy, Dexter.

Hey, Quentin, why don't you go ahead and use your brain juice? Why don't you go ahead and flex that gray matter and get yourself a girlfriend? You're so smart. Nerd, figure it out. Brady Eck? No, you can't though. You can't do it though. Can't do it though. If they, if they, if girls like to be into smart guys, they wouldn't call them lonely smart guys. They'd call them like baseball players or something. Unless, unless, unless your school has an awesome quiz bowl team and you can take them to state. Quiz bowl king. I love it. That, that addendum was unnecessary because such a thing cannot, does not exist. A quiz bowl letterman's jacket. I don't know. There's,

it's going to see the quiz bowl just really gets me equivalent in my loins. Yeah, definitely. Just seeing them work it. It's like, um, like youth jeopardy, rock hard. Rock hard. Rock hard. If you could do, if you could do a triple crown of like quiz bowl champion, spelling bee winner, and mathlete supreme, you've got it. Sure. Just wear that golden horseshoe around your neck. Yep. What's up? Now the, the problem with this is of course, you, you can't, you can't, uh, you, you, you can't be attractive and be smart. Not at your age. Not, not especially not in high school. Nope. Not in high school. Now in college. In college, you will find groups of equally intelligent people that you can mingle with and then you're, you know, being the, the leader of the

pack, um, will, will, you know, allow you more leverage in that department. But in high school, that, that ship sailed off. Yeah, you are going to be, when you get to college though, you're going to be leather elbow patch deep in vagina right now. Nope. Nope. Nope. Yeah. The only thing I can recommend right now is to try to start practicing your cervic wit. Um, yeah. And so that way by the time you get to college, you've got it perfected. Um, where you got withering barbs lined up. That's the best way to go. Well, wait, well, wait a minute. I mean, maybe things, it's been a while since any of us have been in high school, like maybe things like, you know, how, and rolled in high school or been in a high school, kind of lurking around, um,

and rolled and taking classes in high school, appropriate high school age. Um, young people always, you know, emulate the things that their cooler older friends or friends of siblings do, right? So maybe like high school now is college for us. And maybe being a, like a witty smart ass is, is, you know, hot shit now. Yeah. So what you're saying is what you're saying is now that all of us are older, too old for high school, we should go back and act like we're attracted to smart guys. So that'll be a new thing. Yep. And high school. That's what you're saying. We should get along. All of us should get really intelligent 17 year old boy friends. He's our new boyfriend now. Not how we, we're his new boyfriend and he is in turn our new boyfriend. Is that what

you're saying? I'm having a hard time. Hey, keeping up. No, no, you're right on it. I did understand that correctly. You think we should start a new craze of being into smart guys. Yep. I'm saying keeping the smartest guy in your high school, because you're going to, it's going to pay dividends way bigger than, you know, awkward high school relationships. You're going to go to a good college. You're going to learn a lot. And, you know, you're just going to have, you're going to enrich yourself. And really in the end, I just finished Malcolm Gladwell's outliers, like you're just, you're going to be the next Bill Gates. I can tell form spring. And yeah, nothing to worry about. And I'm going to give just the last, last answer here, two words, weird science.

Check it out. There it is. I'm not going to say anything else. Just check it out. Weird science. Check it out. I got a yahoo. Break it off. I actually have like nine yahoo. Should we explain yahoo answers as a web service? We do not solicit these questions, but we do find them kind of, it's like kind of like a, an airdrop of wisdom that no one requested. Here's one that was sent in by, get this, Leviticus Sutherland. Have you ever heard a name cooler than that? I just choked on water. Sorry, Max Jackman. You done been bumped. You got bumped. No, Max, you're cool. Could you say that name one more time? Leviticus Sutherland. Oh Jesus. Sounds like an 18th century detective. Yeah. God, that's hot.

I want to, I want to write a book now so I can have a lead character name that. This question was asked by yahoo answers user Nat Ilf, who asked, what is the heaviest babby to ever be birthed? Jesus. Really? Again with the babby? Again with the babby. Um, uh, fucking cut it out. She, she goes on to ask, I am pregnant due on Christmas and the doctors say my babby is very heavy. I think they said he was going to be 175 pounds. Can I do anything to make my babby smaller? I am really worried about the labor. Bitch, you should be. That's going to be a wicked labor. Wow. You will most certainly die. Your, your lower section will open up, it will bloom like a flower when you pass that 175 pound

man through your lady tubes. Let's be honest, this guy is wearing her like an inner tube right now. He's just walking around with his mama on his waist. Sure. This is, it's vulgar. He's already applying for jobs. It's pretty awful. Oh God. Is this like an early onset, early onset like Jack disease? Is that what's going on here? You think that job market is stuff right now? Try going in with your mom with her skin stretched out all around your hands and feet. I see a human face sticking out of your chest like through the skin. What is going on? We're both applying. You're competing. You hire both of us or you hire neither of us unless it's a very compelling offer and then I will consider a late term abortion. Although you know what? You know what? Conservatives,

that is one area where if you abort a full grown man, I think I can get on board with you. That should be a crime. When does consent, when does life begin? I think what you have stubble. I think definitely at six feet. Life begins at six feet. Let's apply some rationale to this. What the fuck kind of like miscommunication has this woman had with her doctor? Is there another metric, maybe 175 ounces? But even that, that's a hefty ass baby, right? And nobody uses numbers like that. Nobody's like, how much is this car weight? Like a billion grams. In fluid ounces, how big is my babe? How about this? Maybe she is pregnant in the UK and the doctor's bill was 175 pounds. Okay. I think that that could be possible except

everybody in the UK knows how to spell baby, I would imagine. Oh shit, maybe this is a regional thing. Maybe this is like in the land of giants. Like they spell it wrong. Right. Yeah. How bad, I don't even care about the miscommunication. Like how bad have you been at weight your whole thing? You don't, like that doesn't immediately like, whoa, did you say 175? That sounds like like a hefty person. You only weigh 130 pounds. You physically can't, you physically cannot have that in you. Unless her baby is composed of black matter. Like this is my baby dark mother. Unless your urethra is a TARDIS, there is literally no way that you can have that in you. It's like, no, it's like the genie bottle, you see. And I just said urethra as if that was some kind of

body part that's involved in the passing of babies through humans. That is in fact the like, the tube that a man's urine goes out, right? Ladies have them, don't ladies have them too? I don't know. You may know a doctor. So the urethra is where your baby is. You're going to pee out that 175 pound baby through your urethra and it's going to be a worst day of your life. Enjoy that elf. You're a dead woman. If you have, if you want to reduce the size of your 175 pound baby, just go through it narrow door frame running really quickly. You should knock something off. I think it would help. I'm in love with a girl and I've been thinking about asking her out for a while now. She is a female human, not a goose. I'm about 95%

sure she loves me. So I know she'll say yes. The only problem is my friends dislike her and they think she's ugly and they don't know why I talked to her. If I, honesty, so important. If I date her, all my friends will surely give me hell about it. Do I ask her out like I want to? Do I not date her because it would make my friends happy? Help me, brothers. Gmail. Jamal. Yep. There's some problems I have with this. Some gaps I feel like are in the story that make it hard to give advising. He's in love with her and yet he's been thinking about asking her out. Oh, I don't know about love then. That instantly makes me think that he's like 14. Maybe eight. Eight. Okay. Eight years old. Let's not despair. And your friends dislike her because she has cooties. Yeah. No, I,

obviously, if you think there's a real chance at love, real chance, then you, you got to take it. If there's a number one in the, in the MB, MB, AM book of wisdom after packing bags and my legs, it's, it's, if there's a chance at love, take. But I also think, I think we have an opportunity here where we get those questions where it's like, my friend just started dating a girl. She's absolutely horrible. We can't stand her. Do we, like we have a chance now to look at this from the other side of the coin and say, you know, maybe you're ignoring these things that your friends see and you're, you know, focusing on the good qualities and you need to flash forward to like three months from now where she ends every sentence with the word what, you know, and it's

like, I can't stand you anymore. You're getting in on that. You're getting down on that future hypothetical time travel train. Yep. I'm all about that. You're saying we can stop this problem that will be a problem in the future in the past as if we were from the future. No, I have a huge problem with this from a sustainability perspective. If people don't keep making mistakes, where do we get questions from? Okay. We can't, we can't preemptively keep people from ruining their lives. They've got to ruin their lives and then come to us. That's fair. You're right. So do it. I guess what I'm saying is go for it. I think that you need to realize that you're, you're faced with either you lose this girl or you lose your friendships because you're going in, you can't

not know that your friends don't like her. Like you can't ignore that from here on in. So anytime you all hang out together, you know, you, you're going to know that they don't want her there. But I will say that if your friends all dislike her and continue to dislike her after you date her because they think she's ugly, fuck them. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck them. I know one of your friends that's getting their smooch on and that's you going to Smoochburg every weekend night and eat the bleachers and what are your friends doing? They're all sad, reading the new Harry Potter, crying themselves to sleep and you're getting your smooch, you're going to smooch, smoochville, getting the smooch gone. Is that what you do in high school? Yep. Smooch. You become the mayor

of Smoochtown. You become the mayor of Smoochtown and you get your smooch going. So I guess what we're saying is smoocher. Yeah. Just smoocher. Silly. Smoocher, you goose. Hey, brothers. Hey, I watch a lot of films and there's always someone has to ruin the experience by asking questions or trying to guess the ending. It is really annoying. So what's the best way to shut them up? God, I hate that. Oh, it makes me so angry. I wish I knew. What's fun is growing up. Our dad used to do this thing where he didn't guess the ending, but he would just go, oh, and nod his head about like 15 minutes into the movie. And like, I knew that he had just figured out what was going to happen 15 minutes in and be sitting there going, what? What did I mean? What is it? What? And then

the whole movie, I was just trying to figure out how my dad was so much smarter than I was. Yeah, it's uncanny. Now, as far as actually, God, that's so tough, because it's hard to not do it and not look like a jerk hole to say like, excuse me, whatever you're saying, this movie is more important. But I think you have to do it once or else you're going to live your life like that. And also, I think this is really one of those, this is one of those situations that can only be fixed. And I rarely, if ever condone this, this approach, but you've got to be as passive aggressive as humanly possible about it. Because if you come out, then you're a jerk who ruined movie night. But if you, if you sigh, like really hard when they ask questions, but not too

hard. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. Keep the remote control in your hand. And when as soon as they start talking, pause it. Yeah. And give them your full attention. Now, if you're in a movie theater, like this isn't a movie night, this is like out in public, paid for a ticket, movie theater, the power of a withering glance cannot be ignored. Like if they're sitting right behind you, just do a slow burn around, stare them full in the face, and then turn back around. Is there anything more infuriating than infractions on like movie going etiquette? No. It is the most frustrating thing on the planet. I went to see the new Harry Potter movie yesterday and sat next to this irresponsibly overweight family that would like would not

budge when I had to go use the restroom because that movie is four days long. Like I had to use the restroom because I'm a human and I process fluid and food through my body and sometimes I have to go through the bathroom. And these fuckers like wouldn't move their legs for me. Like just looked at me and I tried to walk, but like just kept their big horrible fat shanks, like just sticking out in the eye like climb them. Like I was in fucking football training camp and then like would not stop talking throughout the movie, but not saying anything insightful, but like a character would die and they'd be like, really? What are you adding to my experience? Other than, I guess, increasing my dexterity by not moving your big stupid trunks. It makes

I'm still angry about it. I've been angry about it for 48 hours. Here's what you do next time you're next to a fat person. Shut up. Just lean over halfway through the movie and say, if you say one more word, I'm going to slit your throat open and drink your neck. With your neck butter, big awful drink your fucking neck jelly, you weirdo. God, it's irritating. I would rather I would rather hang out with racists and people who cut line in traffic than people who talk in movie theater. It's just so clearly not what you do. Well, because it's self centered. It's like it's ignoring everyone else's experience. Yep. Exactly. Exactly. It's convincing yourself that you're the only person on earth

having an experience. Because you know it's annoying. There's no way you can ignore the fact that you're interrupting everyone else's experience. But you're just like, fuck it, I paid for a ticket too. Yeah, but so did all those people. You have just ruined like $20 for everyone in the theater. We're not really helping. I know. We're commiserating, which is a way of helping. It is. Sometimes it's all you need. That is annoying. You know what? If someone is talking and you can tell people around you, you're getting irritated, stand up and say, shut up. Yeah. We're watching a movie and you will be a hero. Because the thing is, just know that everyone in the theater is thinking the exact same thing and wishing someone would say something. But

like everyone's like, I don't know. I don't. And if you say it, you are going to be met with silent applause because they don't want to disrupt the movie. Yeah. But then you read those things in the newspaper. It's like, man, get stabbed to death with like trimming like hedge trimming scissors in a movie theater because he stood up to the theater bully. Like it happens because it's dark and anonymous and you can just stab people to death in there and like it doesn't matter. That's why everyone's so afraid. That's why nobody speaks up. Griffin, can I tell you something right now? And you know I love you. You're my brother, my blood. I love you. Are you going to make fun of me for saying head shearing trimmer the scissors because I can't think of what they're

called? No. I want to tell you later, remind me after the show I'll do that, right now I need to tell you that you're letting the terrorists win. Wow. But it's not terrorists, Justin. They aren't. No, they're terrorists. It's you and me. It's you. It's not you and me because obviously we have sense in our goddamn heads, but like it's people like you and me. It's Americans. People who talk in a movie theater, someone stands up to them and then they kill them. They're a terrorist. That's what they're doing. They're striking fear for all those people who want to talk in movie theaters. Now they get a free pass because some dumbass killed somebody one time. Yep. You know what? Oh shit, equal and opposite reaction. You're going to kill somebody.

Kill somebody for talking in a movie theater. The fear will balance out the fear. That's fair. Yeah. I also tell you if you do a movie night at home and you kill the first person, let's see, I guarantee you won't have that problem anymore. No more movie nights for you. See, this whole thing was panning for gold. You thought we weren't going to help this person when we did kill them, kill the person. Straight up murder time. Yeah. And nobody talks in jail in movies because they're in the movies of jail. That's a fact. Yahoo Answers. This one was sent in by Clayton A. Yahoo Answers user Joe asks best for local flavor. I feel like it's time for us to address this. Okay. Joe asks, so I just darned a cranberry lemonade and then a blue raspberry

and then a watermelon. I'm about to drive to the store to get another. What flavor should I get? How about hospital flavor? Dead. Flavor of what? Yeah. Forloko. Travis, are you not? Are you liking a bubble? What is that? Are you a bubble boy? Apparently. Forloko is like, I don't know, locally we have sparks. I don't know if you... Oh, it's worse than that though. Is it worse than sparks? It's like that. The FDA just said that Forloko is illegal. People call it a blackout in a can. Oh, yeah. Travis and I, we make a beverage. I don't know if we've talked about it on the show before, the trash. I'm almost afraid. I'm afraid to talk about it, Griffin. I'm afraid to unleash it. I feel like we shouldn't, like we almost shouldn't

talk about it because we're going to get imitators and then someone will almost certainly die and then that shit will be on us. Let's say hypothetically, but not encouraged to do this. Don't do it at all, but it's really cheap and gets you real fucked up. You take a 40 ounce of malt liquor, drink it to the label, refill it with an energy beer, and then you drink that whole thing. You drink the entire production. It costs you like $6 and six years of your life. Yeah. I imagine it's the same thing as a Forloko, but I can't imagine anything being more, I don't know, horrible than a trash monkey. That's why I don't buy into this whole Forloko

fervor. Let me tell you, though, that a trash monkey, it sounds gross and it is, but I am a gentleman with a strong... Is it racist? Is it racist? No, no, no. No, no, no. It's beautiful. I am a man with a strong tolerance. I can't handle two of them. Two of them puts me on my ass. Like, you only need one. It's the most beautiful drink. Don't ever drink it. Don't do it. Don't ever drink it. In fact, don't drink Forloko. Don't drink Sparks. Don't drink... I've never understood the logic of an energy beer. Like, man, I only get real fucked up and also real coherent. The thing about it is that your body has one defense against not drinking itself to death, and that's sleepy time. It's your body wrestling you to the ground saying,

all right, dummy, we're done. The night is over. And Forloko disengages that whole situation. It's taking the safety off. Yeah. It's not good. You know what else disengages that whole situation? Cocaine. Like, yeah. It's six and one half dozen in the other, except one has kind of a fun name. That's true. Like... Cocaine is a fun name. It is a fun name. It's fun to say, fun to drink. Just, I think that you guys need to start taking care of yourselves. And by you guys, I mean anyone who's ever drank a Forloko. You're better than that. You're better than that. Like, drinking is such a wonderful experience that that is classy. And like, I feel like this is the complete, like, opposite of classy. Sometimes things go bad when you're drinking all night,

and it's like, oh man, that didn't go so... Most of the time, you have a great experience. Sometimes you have a bad experience. But like, Forloko is like, like, actively saying like, this is going to be a disaster. Like, this is going to be a wreck. This is going to be a bad night. It seems like the kind of thing that if you were with a friend, they should be honor bound to smack it out of your hand. Yeah. Friends don't let friends drink Forloko. Forloko. They stop it. Unless they're like party friends. Unless they want to get down. Like, you want to get down. If you want to get down, fuck it. Let's do some Whippets and Headbutt each other. But like, let's not waste money on Forloko. Let's fucking put some football helmets

on and hit each other with a bowling pin to mix it up. Yeah. Chop it up. And do Whippets. God, damn it. I need to whip it right now. How about instead of a Whippet. Why do you want a dog? Give you a question. Many of our good friends have been getting engaged recently. I'm happy for them. But the idea of being engaged right now really freaks me out. I'm in a relationship and my boyfriend has started talking about us getting engaged. I've explained my commitment phobia, but I feel he will ask me anyway. That's real love. I love him. So I should, should I say yes, even though I'm terrified, potential runaway bride, Gmail. Oh, that's good. That's encouraging. This question confuses me. What's that? Well, just because like,

it seems like she doesn't understand the commitment she's making while stating she's afraid of commitment. Like, if he asked, should I just say yes, even though I don't really want to? No, it's a pretty big deal to say yes. Yeah, like he fully shouldn't do that. Yeah, definitely not that. It's not like a placeholder bookmark that you can back out of later. You know, just like, yes. She's not saying she doesn't want to, though. She's saying she's terrified. You can be terrified of things that are good for you, like the dentist. I think you needed to walk this whole idea back and figure out what it is that's scaring you so much. Because you know what? It may be, it may be that you just, I don't want, I'm not going to cast

dispersions on your relationship. You're, this person may be great. It may be that you're, you're not looking forward to spending a lifetime with them. That may not be it. There are many reasons you could be terrified. But just to be sort of randomly terrified of it, like to just be scared of commitment without a real reason to, may mean that there's something else going on in there in the whole party. Well, what, what if it's simpler than that? What if she just sees her friends getting a great deal of my friends have gotten engaged this past year? Like a lot of them. I would say probably 90% of my high school graduating class. And like, I see them together. I'm like, that's such a wicked, bad idea. Like not, not the idea of getting engaged in general,

but just you two together. Like the worst idea. So maybe, maybe you're afraid that people will look at you like that, or maybe you're all afraid you'll, you'll be like that. Which I guess makes sense. You just got to be confident in your own and what you got going and can't compare to, to your friends. I would say don't, don't let that factor into it at all. Don't let the idea that all of your friends are getting engaged. Don't let that, that has absolutely no bearing on your situation. I think step one is you need to talk to your boyfriend and be like, Hey, straight up. Remember two weeks ago when I said that I wasn't ready to get engaged? Keep that in mind. That hasn't changed. That is not something you need to bring up again right

now. I'll let you know when the time is right, but it is not now. Yeah. This is one of those weird situations where you're, you having that fear should sort of preclude the discussion. Like if, if you're terrified of commitment and you express this to your BF and he still asks you to get married, that may not be like, he may not be ready. Like that may not be the relationship you need to be in. Cause that's like, it's hard being married. Like even if you love each other, it's tough. And that's not a good start to say, you know, I really don't want to do this. Well, I do. So now you have to, like that's, yeah, that's not a good start. And plus if neither of you are going anywhere, like he might, here's probably what happened.

Everyone was getting engaged. He brought up the idea of being engaged. You backed off a little bit. So now he's even more freaked out. So he's trying to hold on tighter. So he might force the issue because he's afraid of losing you because all of a sudden you weren't so down with the idea of being engaged. So you probably just need to make it clear to him that it's not a reflection of the relationship between you two. It's you and it's issues. You have to work out on your own so that he's not freaked out. I sense from this email that you guys love each other. I can tell that. I sense a love there, but it sounds like you guys are one good long conversation away from getting this sorted out. Sounds like a combo needs to take place. If it's not going to work out,

there's always Griffin. I can give you his phone number. He's super nice. Please ladies. Ripe for the picking. Like a delicious cherry. One might even say over ripe. One might say he's developed some tendencies during his year of solitude that maybe are not so attractive. Maybe a few bruises on the fruit. Maybe my rind is a little moldy figuratively and literally. Ladies are guys. I'm lying for him to the left. Yeah, I'm not so picky anymore. Just anybody. Just take him. Much, much, much, much. Hey, I need some advice on saving money. You've come to the right place. Every time I get my allowance, I feel the urge to go buy something fabulous and amazing that I want not necessarily need any tips that will result in

the least amount of tears or tears tears tears because if it's tears by high quality garments because that yeah otherwise tears thanks grace form spring here's a mbm rule to live by if you are still getting allowance you don't have to be worried about saving. That is correct. In fact, you don't have to worry about shit. Everything's awesome. You're eight. Just chill for a while. Just chill out. You don't need to say you know what I would do if I was eight and didn't have a job or like any sort of things to worry about. I was just like sitting a bath all day. Just go sit in a bath all day. That's how you thought about you know what you thought about just chilling in a bath. You know what I would do with my allowance if I was eight.

High rate mutual fund. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely an investment down on an IRA. You're never too young. Never too young. Grace, I don't think you're eight, but seriously, this is not a joke. If you're getting allowance, you don't need to be worried about saving. You need to blow it. Buy some like Whippets. You're young. You'll recover. Eight. I started Whippets when I was eight. Yeah. Wait. Unless you're trying to save up for like some awesome purchase. Like you're saving up to buy a TV for your room or something. No, fuck it. No, fuck it. Because you could wait 10 weeks and get that TV or you could have 10 straight weeks of nothing but Whippets and bubble tape. Don't say bubble tape flavored Whippets. Don't save money. Because if you want things,

just get them. What if you save your money to get hit by a truck? I was just going to say this because of people saving that the economy is going downhill. We got to spend, spend, spend. Yeah. Yeah. Spend money like you were dying. Grace, you're the kindling on which our feeble economy is building back into a blazing inferno prosperity. And America is the Zippo that's going to set you on fire. Yeah. So, Grace, in closing, set yourself on fire. Set yourself on fire and spend all your money. Or set your money on fire. There it is. There it is. Hey, when did our podcast turn into mad money? When people started asking us questions about money. It's their problem. Ask, here's

the question we need to get. Should I ever ask you guys about money? Answer no. There's your advice. You know, I have actually been so excellent with money since I moved to Chicago. Do you guys want to know my secret? Tell me. Anytime I have the opportunity to spend money, I say, nah, I do something else instead. Okay. I like that. Yeah. I see many people like, hey, how do I drink less soda? It's pretty cool, actually. You don't drink soda anymore. Okay. It is that easy. It really is, Grace. I mean, if you're really serious about saving money, take half the money you get and put it in a shoebox. Or 100% of it. Just, it's gone. You never got that money. Yeah. When you see something you want, think, do I want this or do I need it?

And say, well, I'll leave it here now. And if I still want it in like three days, I'll come back and buy it. And by that point, you've forgotten about it. Yeah. I, you know, another good one that works when you're out of store and you want something, think to yourself, it's probably cheaper on the internet. I'll buy when I get home. And you want to take that again. Or just shoplift. Just take it. Or how about this? You get like, we'll say $20 for, for your allowance, right? You spend five of that on one whip it. Okay. And you do it. You do all of it really fast. And then you will literally forget about the other 15. Okay. Cause that part of your brain will be Do you guys know how many problems can be served with the, the, the liberal application of whip

it? The thing is, it's important. You gotta be thinking about the $15 as you do the whip it, right? It's like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Gotcha. Gotcha. Hey, do you guys know that I don't know what a whip it is? Moving on. Um, my 21st birthday is a few months away. I'd like to throw a fun party, but I don't drink and I'd rather not have people drinking at my party. What are some fun ideas for sober 21st? Sincerely, the life of the party. Does this person not understand that when you when you turn 21, that's the day that you're allowed to drink. Right. Here's a fun idea. Do some drinking. Just get some four locos and some trash monkeys and then just like,

just get it all out of the way in one night. I would love to not like actually give a real answer. I mean, but besides like board games, but even board games are more fun when you get a little tipsy and everyone gets stupid. You know what I mean? A good answer. It's like saying, uh, I came downstairs on December the 25th and my Christmas tree was ablaze and all my presents were ashes. How could I have a fun Christmas? Like you can't. Cause here's the thing. And you are an adult now and it's time to have some adult fun. When you turn like 40, yeah, you can, you can kick it and you can be like, I don't want to drink anymore. I'm old, but right now party, you, if there are people at your party that wish they were drinking, you have

a bullshit party. What? Okay. It's not a good party. Just you gotta not have a party. You can't do it. Listen, you can't have a party. It's going to be so depressing. You can't do it. I feel like, I feel like we need to be more clearly spoken because it sounds like we're saying, hey, pussy, like grab a beer, pussy, um, which we're not, but you can't. I don't know. It would be a bad idea for you to throw a 21st birthday party and then forbid people to drink. That's exactly what it is. You don't have to drink like whatever. If you, if, if that's not your scene, that's totally awesome. Um, you know, stand, stick, stick by your guns. Uh, but I don't know. I think it would be a little, it's like having a putting announcing that you're having a pizza party and

then not allowing anyone to eat pizza because not every party has to have booze at it. But when you announce that it's your 21st birthday, there's a connotation to that where everyone goes, woo, turn in 21. And then you're like, no, DBYOB, don't bring your own booze. And that's sad. That is depressing for everyone. It's like, it would be like having a quinceanero without a nice dress or any waltzes. How many of us can we turn out? It's like having, um, oh, come on, come on. Apparently exactly that many. Yeah. It's like having a dirt bike rally without any dirt bikes. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Um, it's like having a, a John Cougar Mellon camp listening party and then not allowing anyone to wear any denim. Yeah. It's like, it's like making a bunch of jokes about

whippets and not knowing what whippets are. What a whippet is. It's basically like that. I think you just need to ask yourself why you don't want people drinking at the party, because you, you can, you can do that. You can have a party and police it and be like, hey, you, you know, you, you're a little, you're maybe a little tipsy. So don't, um, you know, don't have any more. But I can see you're 21st. You don't want a bunch of people doing something that makes you uncomfortable. It's their price. It's their birthday. I have an answer. Laser tag. That's what I was just about to say. Go to a place that doesn't allow drinking. And then my mind went to Billy Bob's and then my mind went to laser tag. That's fucking incredible. Laser tag. And then

my mind went to tackling eight year old kids and saying, who's, who's the man now, dog? Sure. Get drunk on laser tag prowess. Yeah. Um, or you could do like a fancy dinner and a fancy restaurant where people could drink if they wanted to, but it's not at your house. You're not throwing the party. So it doesn't matter to you if people are drunk at a restaurant because nobody gets drunk at a restaurant. These are all good suggestions. Also, uh, whippets, whippets. Hey, I've got a, I've got a Yahoo Answers question. Okay. I'm going to make you go back to back, but go ahead. Give it to me. This one was sent in by curly head poet. Uh, Yahoo Answers user and an animal lover. Wait, one more time. An animal lover. Uh-huh. Uh, asks how we give a turnoff is this

parentheses for guys. One of my nipples points inwards and won't come out, aka inverted nipple. Is this a big turnoff or not a big issue? It's like the issue. It's like the whole thing. That's the thing. It is a major issue. That is the issue. The preeminent issue of our time is that, is that thing you said. Aka inverted nipple. Did you guys know that that is an alternate name that we can call this? Aka. My time alone, aka shy nipple, shy nipple. Come on out. Hey, come on. It's basically like my situation is like ariola and then a basin. Like a basin in the middle of it. I've got a concave nipple kind of deal. You could eat cereal out of it. Basically. Is that normal? I have one more crevice for the guys from my brother and

brother made to fill with wisdom right now. Any nipple. Any nipple. Nothing's coming there. It's just any nipple. How much of a turnoff is it? I think that it's not a turnoff so much as it is fraud. It is a fraudulent relationship that you've entered into with this gentleman. He will have you tried in a federal court of law. I want you guys to follow me on this. The only way to combat a turnoff is with a turn on. Nothing is sexier than confidence. My advice is to walk up to someone in a bar, say, Hey, my name is Tonya. I have one inverted nipple. What's up? What's up? What's up? You don't believe me? Click. Click. Booyah. Play your cards right. Say play your cards right. Maybe you'll find out if I'm lying.

That evening you will confirm that you were not lying. Yeah. Build a mystery around it. That's the best. Yeah. That's the best option. When you take off your shirt, look down and scream, where'd it go? Whoa. Get out of here. He's nervous. No one will ever love me. And then you'll make that person be like, well, it's not so bad. And then you're like, well, it's like, now you're mine. Now you're already committed to me. It's very bad. It's a very bad thing. It's a very bad thing. Can I bust out some of the responses? Yeah, please. Yeah. Winky emoticon face, which is not like spelled out. It literally is one responded. If he loves you, he won't care. If he doesn't love you, he will.

It seems like kind of a binary, like I don't think that this is a black or white issue. I think that there can be degrees of grayness in between. It's got to be some weird Beards fantasy, right? It's got to be somebody who's like, I love it. I hate when girls have two that stick out, I want to retch. Or when they have two that go in, but when they're one in one, like husky eyes. I want, I want, have you considered wearing a patch over that one? So when things get really intimate, you're like, argh, and you lift it up. What about that? How confused is that baby going to be?

How confused is her baby going to be? So hungry. So hungry, but it's actually drawing milk out of me. It's going to be like the El Ranchero near my house. Like, no matter how hungry you are, it never seems like it's open. You know, keep coming back. It's like, again? Really? What can I do? Just most importantly, don't get around because it'll probably stop your heart. Your nipple is attached to a lot of important work. Yeah. It'll stop your heart. You will. You will have to go to a hospital for a dead. How much of a turnoff is it for guys?

Nipple's a nipple. And nipple's a nipple, right? No matter how fucked up it is. Yeah. No matter how a boob's a boob's a boob. I mean, the guy is going to be, he probably won't notice the first time. I mean, God love them. Guys aren't the smartest. It's probably not going to be that big of a deal as much as the production we've made out of it. I mean, now that we know though, like if I ever, if I ever saw it, I'm sure that that would be a very sensitive, that's a sensitive moment when you first see someone naked that you probably don't

want their immediate reaction to be, what? You need to get a tattoo under that nipple that says not an exit. Or just like, just says deal. Oops. That or like build it up. Like, boy, you're not going to believe what I've got for you. Like nothing, you know, in some cultures. You've been with the rest. Now be with the inverted nipple, which is what I'm packing. Which one? You take a guess. Which one will it be? It's the left. There. I cannot keep a secret. These are the two things you need to know about me. I have one inverted nipple. I cannot keep a secret.

Also, my heart is stopping. So things are going pretty good on this date, I guess. I want to hear Griffin's last question. But first, quick housekeeping things. We have officially do have a big new round of merchandise that you should be purchasing at mbmbam.com. You'll see a link there on the right hand side with the pictures of all the sweatshirts. We've got three new t-shirts, red logo shirt, the brown pack your bags, pinkish, purplish, lilac-ish orchid. Orchid is what it is. Ladies t-shirt. We've got two hooded sweatshirts, brown and navy blue. And the proceeds from those that we make go to Big Brother's Big Sisters. We've got a coffee mug. It's a ton of stuff there. You'll notice our provider is changing. It's always been, well,

I mean, it's not technically changing. It's Ninja Bot has always been our provider. He is changing his organization to level up studios. I like that better, I think. Yeah, it's a better and also Rocky Horror is working on his tunes now for the show. If you haven't titled Tristan, one titled Fuck It. Yes. If you haven't seen it yet, get on YouTube, search mbmbam cuts up or bird flu cuts up mbmbam. I think that's what it's called. And it's like a sample of what it's going to sound like. It is so fresh. It is so inconceivably fresh. Yeah, it's pretty incredible. Is there anything else we need to What? I realized something for all of you new people that are just starting in.

At the beginning of the show, you'll hear a very humorous disclaimer that is by our friend Bob Ball. If you don't follow him on Twitter, his name is V.O. Bob Ball. He is a wonderful gentleman. He posted a video about the mbmbam shirt on vacation in Vegas. It is Bob Ball V.O. Just oh, Bob Ball V.O. My bad. He also sent me a lovely birthday present, which I would like to thank him for. He sent me one, too. Thanks, Bob. Yeah, it's a callback. You know what? I changed my mind. Bob, eat it. Whoa. Thank you, a dance us for spreading the word on on Twitter. Um, to everybody who gave us the follow Fridays and the sharing the quotes. We love that to see that on on Twitter. Just use the mbmbam hashtag. And remember, if you're going to promote us,

don't start with at mbmbam because that will only go to us to us and people that follow us already. Also, we haven't talked about this in a while. Listening parties. If you want to have a listening party, I think our rule is more than four or more people, right? And there have to be some new listeners in there. You have to evangelize. But if you do that and send us an email with the subject mbmbam listening party, we will record a very special message just for you. We have been keeping up with that. In fact, we just recorded Jeff Mondloch, the original mbmbam listening party holder mbmbam. What is it? Fan club alpha just had their 11th party. So they got another special extra special link message. And of course, we need to shout them out in the show because,

I mean, they're soldiers. Even when we don't do the show, they still they still rally. So follow their example and get together with some friends and share the show with people that you love. So Griffin, I think we're ready for that big last question. Oh, one more thing. I think the podcast award dot awards dot com thing is still going on. I mean, if you're wanting to maybe throw a vote our way podcast awards dot com vote for us. That'd be great. Best best home and garden show that category. I feel like what are we telling you all to do actually? I don't we haven't comedy. I guess. Yeah, I think we're going to be in 20th place in all the categories. Best inspirational podcast, best religious podcast. Oh, I think we're

inspirational as fuck. Griffin, we've waited long enough. This one was sent in by Jacob Blocker, who's this is like 10th show in a row, 20th every episode. He's he's everywhere. Thank you, Jacob. It's by Yahoo Answers user Dante, who asks, what helpful tip could you give to attract a lady pharmacists? I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This is my brother and my brother made kiss your dad's cool way on the lips.