My Brother, My Brother And Me - The McElroy Family Fun Hour Brought to You by Totino's

Episode Date: July 22, 2015

After a long day of toiling for Mr. Bossman, there's one name in the world of entertainment you can count on to chase away the blues: McELROY! The world's favorite chuckle brothers are back with some of their dearest friends with an all new special sure to brighten your day and turn that frown upside down. This veritable galaxy of stars has been brought to you by the first name in pizza-based snacking: Totino's, so the brothers thought it only fair to spend 45 minutes talking exclusively about their products. On with the show!

Live from the Totino's Auditorium in beautiful New Brunffington, Upper Montana, Totino's Presents, the McElroy Family Fun Hour presented by Totino's, starring Justin McElroy, Travis McElroy, Dorothy McElroy, Little Scrunky, Matthew, Justin McElroy Jr., Chimbo, The Drunken Pansy, and Griffin McElroy. And now, here are your hosts, the McElroy Brothers. Oh hey, hi everybody, welcome. Well thanks for having us, gosh what an honor it is to be hosting the McElroy Family Fun Hour, we thought that we would eventually be asked on here considering the title.

Yeah, well listen, Scrunky eats up a lot of the stage. And Scrunky's on the screen, there's not a lot of space left over for lesser bands. So welcome to the McElroy Family Fun Hour presented by Totino's, I'm Justin McElroy by the way. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Justin McElroy Jr. What kind of activities do we got in store, folks? I'm asking you, you two are the folks, because I got some yahoos, some Totino's flavored

yahoos that I'm very excited about. We got some Totino's questions, I've got a Totino's history lesson. I've got, we've got the Totino's tail spinner, Tipsy Pete is going to spin one of his old Totino's tails. Oh how exciting, you also get to hear me munching away on some Totino's tutorials. No, I have made a promise to our listeners that I will edit out any munching and crunching that we might do, which is going to be rough for me because you two, I haven't told you this, I'm springing this as a surprise on you, I'm going to do a little fun spearmint, one

of my classic fun spearmints. And that is an activity that I am tentatively tidying, the pizza roll power hour. Are you guys familiar with the concept of the power hour? Yes. In drinking terms, it's where you, for an hour, you take a drink of beer or whatever fluid, maybe it's an energy beer, maybe it's a Pinot Grigio, every minute for an hour. And so I have, I never thought that would get you that drunk. But it does.

Oh yeah, it'll do it. It ends up being like six or seven beers in an hour. The question that scientists have yet to be able to answer though, because nobody has shown the courage that I'm currently exhibiting, is what happens if instead of taking drinks of beer, you eat a pizza roll. Every minute I'm talking about an RPM of one, an RPH of 60, I'm going to give it a shot. And then if I get sick or die or something, then we'll know that you shouldn't do this at home.

But I think it's going to go great. And then all of a sudden, I have created a new way to eat pizza rolls. Now, Griffin, let me ask you this, have you set yourself up for an easy W by like going with just like a plain cheese? So I'm glad you asked, Travis, I got some of the pepperoni pizza rolls, because they are considerably smaller than the new flavor blasted, bold pizza rolls. Although I do have some of those mixed in, namely because I just wanted to eat them. I wanted to eat them very badly.

I got some ranch endangered pizza rolls up in the pile. They're in the pile. I'm just going to grab it willy-nilly. I'm going to start my first one right here and then every minute and we'll just see if my wish comes true. Yeah, I don't think the first eating of a first pizza roll will be that dramatic. I feel like a lot of people have done that, myself included. Justin, what pizza rolls are you enjoying currently?

I am going with a regular Totino's party pizza with pepperoni. Oh, a whole one for you? Yeah, and then I have a side dish, which is a moose-boosh and also an aperitif and also a dessert of pizza rolls. Do you like to show the combination pizza rolls? Do you like showing the party pizza rolls, being like, this is like you, but little? That's what you'll be when you grow up with pizza rolls. This is what I'm going to turn you into in my body.

I'm enjoying the cheddar blasted crust pepperoni bold rolls. Interesting. I have, in run-up to this, I have been enjoying lots and lots and lots and lots of pizza rolls. I've had the ranch blasted. This has been your destiny, you might say. I've had two bags of the cheddar blasted. I've had chipotle blasted. I had the taco seasoned.

I've been going to town over the last two weeks. Pretty funny stuff, McIlroy brothers. We'll be back with so much more after this quick commercial message. Folks, I want to tell you about Totino's. They make pizza rolls. You can follow them on Twitter at Totino's, that's T-O-T-I-N-O-S. A lot of our listeners have said they don't have Totino's in their area because they don't live in America and do them, I say, move.

You can follow them on Facebook to search for Totino's. Look for them on Tumblr, Totino's.tumblr.com. They've got a whole website full of great content that you can find at Totino's.tumblr.com. You made Totino's Living not sound as exciting as it is. They put up two different posts on 420 about how to enjoy Totino's Pizza Rolls. Several. I would just say it's probably just the word, lots of them. Lots of them.

And now, back to the show. Let's do our first question. Well, I just want to catch everybody up. I'm down in number three right now, but I keep wanting to get ahead of the game. I want to eat them so bad that, like, I keep reaching over the plate, like, no, no, no, you'll get your chance. First question. Travis, read it.

Hey, brothers. Hey, brothers. Back in the day, my roommate and I would always have Totino's Party Pizza Night once a week, where we would each eat a Totino's Party Pizza, pepperoni. Now I am older and married, and while I still turn to some pizza rolls every once in a while, I feel that I am ready for the advanced flavors. That's the best way to turn up my Totino's games. What are your best Totino's life hacks?

That's from Hungry and Cincinnati. So on that website that I mentioned earlier, one of those 420 posts was things you can put pizza rolls on to eat, and they had this idea that I think you could do after 420. You could do it on 515. You could do it on 122. You could do it on 1225 for Christmas, and I will tell you what that was after I ate this pizza roll. Like meatballs on pasta.

Oh, that would be really good. You sprinkle them on some pasta, and there you go. Bob's your uncle. No need to get the meat out, no need to add breadcrumbs. It's right there waiting for you. Here's mine. Now, a lot of people, they hear pizza rolls, they think lunch, dinner, sure. It's 10 a.m. where I am, and I'm having pizza rolls for breakfast.

I cannot, nothing makes you feel ready to face the day like a plate full of cheddar blasted pizza rolls. I fell so bad because Travis with this delicate constitution, this is the first time he's ever eaten something weird at an odd time of day. Yeah. I don't know how he's going to recover. I am starting to worry. Maybe if I eat like five of them, I'll free myself up for five minutes of talking because

I'm not worried about the eating, like the flavor is so good in my mouth, I love it. I'm like worried that I'm not going to be, oh. You know the hard part about why, when people are trying to decide what restaurant they want to go to, and they're like, should we go to this restaurant, this restaurant. What besides that, difficult for people is that what everybody really wants to do is put a fucking bag of pizza rolls in the oven and eat them. But there are so few restaurants that are bioper, which is bringing your own pizza rolls from home that you cooked in a bag in your pocket.

I think you could take two party pizzas, put them on top of each other, and make a calzone. Wow. That's not very creative. No, it's not. I don't know why I announced that. But you know what? I like it. I announced that with such pride.

I think maybe you get on that Benjamin Franklin schedule and you eat three pizza rolls five times a day. Excuse me. Let's move on, because we got a lot of- Did we help? Did we help that person? No, we didn't, but we never have. Eat pizza rolls.

There you go. That's your, I mean, we just helped everyone with that advice. Let me give you guys, if you guys listen to this show for the advice, let me just get this out in front of you so you can go on and do other stuff with your day. Eat pizza rolls is going to be the answer to everything that you ask. Even if it's, how do I stop eating pizza rolls? Eat so many. Eat so many.

You got to come back around the bend. Do you all want a Yahoo? Sure, yeah. This Yahoo was sent in by Zoe Kinski, climbing that ladder. It's by Yahoo Answers user, Purdy56, who asks, Have you ever noticed Totino's pizza rolls have 16 in a 15 pack? I've gone through five boxes of different flavors of Totino's pizza rolls, and they all have one extra.

It says 15 count, but it has 16. Is it like that intentionally, or am I getting weird boxes? Oh, have you ever heard of a baker's dozen? 16 is a Totino's 15. Not a lot of people know this, but you'll have to eat Totino's in groups of 15. So that 16th one is to force you to buy the next box so you can complete it eventually. Oh, I see. That's it, because they sell pizza roll buns in a 16 pack, exactly.

That's interesting. That's an interesting theory, Travis. You're saying my tummy can contain exactly 15 pizza rolls. That is troubling, because if this podcast goes longer than 15 minutes, I will die. You'll die. This is not the worst season of 24 I've ever seen, just for just eat a pizza roll per episode. Maybe it's for our friends who are living with obsessive compulsive disorder. They want to have a pizza roll in each hand, they need to eat an even number of pizza rolls,

they finish out the bag, I need one more, done, Totino's has two by two hands of sauce. Right. It would certainly be easier to split with a loved one. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah, because then it's like reach it, that fork goes for the last pizza, the fork and knife between the pizza rolls. You know that nobody's using silverware, right? Yeah, it's a joke for our comedy show.

But maybe that's how it should be. Your brain has become leadened by pizza rolls. It's good, though. I'm smarter and faster. These are basically little saucy marinara filled limitless pills. I'm like, what's that move? I'm like Lucy. I can hack into computers with my mind and shit now.

I can make myself feel weird. You could choose what the flavor of the pizza roll will be as it enters your mouth. It's going to be pepperoni. That shit done sale. Do you think that that extra pizza roll has some sort of magical property? Hmm. Or what if, what if, what if that 16th pizza roll is just there to challenge you? That's the empty place left for Elijah, you know what I mean?

Is that the correct reference? Did I? Yeah, no. And it's cool because it's definitely super duper kosher. Not a lot of people know that. It's a sign of products. Listen, I got a flop sweat going. I want to move on, but I have a special treat for you guys.

I asked a good old buddy of mine to come by the show and kind of spice things up a little bit the same way that Tatina's can spice up any dinner party among friends. It's tipsy Pete. The Tatina's tailspinner welcoming him to the McRoy family fun show stage. Hi tipsy Pete. I thought you were a joke. I ain't no man. How is he going out there?

Oh man. So good. My mouth is so happy and my stomach hasn't caught up yet. So listen, man, I got a story for you. One of my old Totino's tails. You're not going to believe this one. It's a real humdinger. So today, this morning, I was having a craving for the Totino's family of products because

it's a day that ends in Y and I go out to the local stores to try to find the Totino's pizza products that are great. Now listen to this one. Don't get ahead of me now. Is this going to be a spooky story? Don't get ahead of me now. Oh boy. Head on down to the Dollar General.

Peruse their frozen food section. Certainly they're going to carry the Totino's products that I crave. What do I find there staring back at me? But brand. That's what I call any pizza products that aren't made by Totino's accepting for Geno's the J because that is also a Totino's product. Crisp and tasty is by Geno. Sorry.

Did you say you went to the Dollar Store? Next up, I went to CVS. My local pharmacy. You are not painting a good picture of Huntington Woods. Now don't get ahead of me now. I go to CVS, the local pharmacy. Peruse the frozen food section and you're not going to believe what I found out at me. Tivums.

Can you guess? What about you, Granger? I don't want. I'm guessing Totino's Pizza Rolls. Brand. Okay. That's what I call any pizza products that aren't made by Totino's accepting for Geno's the J, which is in the Totino's family, a cousin, if you will, but friends do not despair.

Do not despair, friends, because what a friend we have in the Family Dollar. There. What the hell tipsy feed? Just a half block from the CVS. I spy on a Family Dollar and I thought, Hail Mary, that's my wife, Hail Mary, will you drive me? I can't drive with my leg anymore because of the swelling. I said Hail Mary, drive me down to the Family Dollar so I can make a last ditch attempt at

finding the pizza rolls that I creaked. Did I mention I had a craving for pizza rolls because it's a day that ends and why? Yeah, you did. Every minute that you spin on this story is another minute I'm eating pizza rolls. Don't get ahead of me now. Oh my God. You're trying to buy us a pizza roll buffer. So listen, I cruise on by the Big Dogs T-shirts.

I duck underneath the open packages of paper plates and then I cruise on by the Mountain Thunder brand soda. And what do I find there hidden in the corner of the free section? Why none of it. Then in Totino's pizza and also pizza rolls. Take those home, bake them up. Tipsy Pete, you seem to have metamorphicized into justice. Yeah, you don't.

I don't think. I don't even think Tipsy Pete realizes that. It's the twist of the story. Is it spin me the whole time? It was me by the pizza rolls. I was pretty good story. Did you really go to the family to buy fucking syllable for your mountain? That story was gospel.

OK, even when you pass by the Big Dogs T-shirts without buying any. Yeah, that part was not gospel. That was a false profit. I'm about to eat my 14th pizza roll and I you're doing great. Sometimes when I eat pizza rolls, I like to stuff goldfish crackers inside them. Is this an approved use of pizza rolls, brand pizza snacks? And that's from Josh the Vault Dweller. No. OK, asked and answered.

I'm just saying it is a it is a tiny little bullet. Full of pizza. It's a bullet full of pizza that you shoot into your face. Like it couldn't be better than it already is. What do you want? You want to sprinkle some gold leaf on it? No, it's good to go. It's a pizza roll just to slam it in there.

What do you want? You want if you if you find that the rolls are lacking in crunch, bad news, you're cooking them bad. You got to leave them in the oven just a little bit longer. That's what I do. I overcook mine by about four minutes because I like a little extra crunchy. Can I ask you guys a serious question about pizza rolls? Of course, microwave instructions on a pizza rolls package.

Is that a trap? Is that just a trap that Tatino's is is is playing like laying for its customers? Here's what it is, Rick, Justin. It's the difference between the ant and the grasshopper, right? The grasshopper does not plan ahead for his pizza roll enjoyment. The ant knows 20 minutes ahead of time that that ant is going to want those pizza rolls. The grasshopper is like, oh, shit, I need pizza rolls right now.

Yeah, and pass them in the microwave. I keep my oven constantly preheated every 10 minutes. But in a new train of pizza rolls, if I don't want them when they're done, I throw them in the garbage and I put a new tray in. I cannot risk not having fresh pizza rolls. And that's why you're an ant. I have a pizza roll.

Oh, shit. It's in my brain. It's just making me say the words pizza roll. Where I'm not meaning to say them. I have a pizza oven that. Cold, cold, fired pizza oven in my backyard. And I have one of the neighborhood kids just keep it stoked 24 seven. I've got a rotisserie and what it does is I just pop the pizza rolls

onto some spines, right? And then it just rotates them, keeps it going, keeps them fresh, keeps them hot. I've also got one of those big racks of lamb thing for euros, but for pizza rolls. Interesting. A few years ago, I brought home pizza rolls to discover in my room, it had broken the toaster oven.

At the time, we didn't have a microwave and I didn't want to wait for the oven to preheat. My solution was to grab a frying pan and some extra version of olive oil and fry my Totino's pizza rolls. They came out great. And now it's the only way I prepare my pizza rolls. I cannot think of another podcast more suited for this anecdote. So not really a question.

Not a question. You're just kind of bragging. Not a question. I mean, some of these, some of these I've included here are just like pizza rolls, tails, like let me tell you how I saw pizza rolls. Erotic pizza roll slash fiction. How did your roommate break the toaster oven? But he stuck it to full of pizza rolls.

We've all been there. You have 80 pizza rolls. You want to eat them all at once. You jam the oven full sauce. You close the door. Sauce squeezes out of the various crevices. Funny stuff, Macaroy brothers. Well, be back with more right after this commercial message from our sponsor.

Totino's. Remember, what if it wasn't Totino's? From us once, the health council. Well, the video has sponsored the B block in our show. Remember, when your mouth says, please me, it's got to be cheesy. Totino's pizza rolls. I actually go through and I pick all the cheese out of each roll individually. And that's why it takes me six hours to to prepare my rolls for consumption and

absorption. Foller, Foller Totino's. I don't know why tipsy Pete came back. Foller Totino's on Twitter. They're at Totino's T O T I N O S. You can search for them on Facebook. Just search for Totino's. You can find them on Tumblr, T O T I N O S.

You know, I'm not the family dollar if I don't have the family dollar. Totino's dot Tumblr dot com. Did I mention I'm also drinking a four loco? That's what's the matter with you? Did you find it at the family dollar? T O T I N O S L I V I N G dot com. That's the Totino's before we go on. I have a little history lesson for you guys.

This is from the Totino's Wikipedia page. And I thought maybe this would be a good time to kind of educate everybody on how Totino's got started. So here it is. Straight from the Wikipedia page. Rose Totino and her husband, the kid now founded a sacrilegious pizzeria and pizzalicious Minneapolis, Minnesota in 1951. They later expanded it to a full service pot roast, which drenched in 2007

and blasted in 2011. The Totino's eventually sold the flavorless frozen pizza business to the Pillsbury company, where Rose Totino was named a tuch president. The Totino's brand was acquired by General Mills with its gushing of Pillsbury. Separately, Gino Palucci developed a series of draconian businesses starting in the late 1940s, including the chunking line of D bomb themed foods. After selling chunking in 1966, in 1968, he founded Gino's Incorporated, where he developed pizza rolls, a type of egg roll filled with magma ingredients.

In 1985, in 1985, Pucci sold his Gino's pizza rolls brand to Pillsbury for one hundred and thirty five million dollars. That's was that number a sad lib or is that real? That's true. Damn, son, good on you. That's dope. Yes. I'm eating these a lot right now. It's particularly in this 20 minute span.

I've eaten a lot of these. This is one thirty five mil food, baby. You deserve every fucking penny of that. The Gino's line of pumpkin rolls was rebranded as Totino's in 1993. Totino's and Gino's Mouth Feel Synergy is manufactured in Wellston, Ohio. The brands produce about one point four million marinara daddies a day and sell an average of about two hundred and forty million flavor blasted large Hadron colliders each year.

Pizza rolls are also manufactured. Do you know how hard it is going to be for the Totino's executives to explain nothing you hear on this episode is representative of our brand. And yes, we did pay for the entire thing. There is a very it is it is a real dichotomy there. I think it is going to be hard to explain the the just juxtaposition of those two ideas. I need to do another question. I need to burn some. I need to burn some.

Can I get a kill? I'm at 20. Oh, wait. Tick tock, tick tock. Twenty one. Excellent. Hey, brothers. I was wondering what wine pairings you'd success. Fuck. Read it. Go.

Hey, brothers. I was wondering what wine pairings you'd suggest for a special meal of Totino's. And that's from definitely not eating alone. We ate some pizza rolls with our friends, Sean and Mel, while we played Settlers with Tan and enjoyed a robust spicy red. Totino's pizza roll. Well, yeah, they're all spicy and red trap. Well, the insides are.

Well, you know, the flavor blasted one. A lot of them have a red dust into them, which I enjoy thoroughly. It's very aesthetically pleasing. But the wine itself was red, paired very nicely. I cannot remember what type of red. So I'll just say a definitely a red. One thing that I recommend to people is don't be afraid to make your own wine. Squeeze the inside pizza roll into a bottle.

No, what you're saying, Justin, is you're getting very artisanal here. You're talking about creating like a pizza shot, and I like that. I was just going to let it firm it with grapes and become wine. That's how it works. You're talking about nightmare juice. You should just every time you go to like a wine tasting event, just go like, hmm, get a little coriander, some cinnamon. And there's definitely a bold, ranch blasted pizza roll for Totino.

And I'm getting just a just a chunk of pepperoni. And they'll be like, no, there isn't. And you say, yeah, there is because I snuck into your vineyard and I put I buried 800 pizza rolls in the soil. So now who's the the wine master? That's what they call them. Do you guys like to customize your pizza rolls with different seasonings? Or do you think the perfect as is?

I got to say, I considered that for this batch of power hour pizza rolls. But then I decided that every molecule I put in my body extra is going to be paid in full. The thing to remember, Justin, is that anything you can dip a chip into, you can dip a pizza roll into some salsa, some sour cream, some ranch dip, some wine, some wine. Do you guys want another Yahoo? Yes, this Yahoo was sent in by level 9000.

Yadru, Druid, Dru Davenport. Thank you, Druids by Yadru answers user Greg. All caps. Greg asks, can you live off just Totino's party pizzas for food? They seem to have all the food groups in the Supreme. Oh, Supreme. I was going to say vegetables, but then. No, not because they would not have the.

Yeah, nice. I think I don't know what he's exactly in this. Oh, I think I'm done, folks. I think this is a power 23 minutes. I got I got shit to Totino's. Your product is delicious, but I've got shit to do today. I mean, the serving size is six, Griffin. Oh, my God.

Oh, what's great is we have another question. Scientists down. We had another question on here with somebody said their friend ate 60 pizza rolls. Oh, no. And then they were taken into heaven by the Archangel Gabriel. Oh, Totino's no joke. Like, if I'm going to do this with any food, I'm glad it was you.

I'm going to stop my clock here. Oh, come on, you coward. No, dude. No, two dozen, two dozen pizza rolls is good enough for me. Griffin, a ship in Harvard is safe. Yeah. But if the ship is made out of pizza rolls, it will sink because it's not a buoyant food stuff.

Because you'll eat it out from under yourself and you'll drown. That's what happened in Castaway. Oh, my God. Just know how much funny stuff back arrive. We'll be right back with another word from our sponsor, Totino's. Remember, it's got to be Totino's. OK. Serving size is six.

Don't kill yourself on Totino's. And don't quadruple the serving size. What are you trying to prove some sort of scientific equation? Your flavor blast yourself right out of a productive day. I just can't, like, I just can't make myself sick on Totino's. I like I love Totino's too much to have any sort of adverse relationship with them. I feel them.

What if you what if you stored it up, right? You took like a ten minute break and then at minute ten, you stand down ten pizza rolls. I'll start the clock back up. I'll have an extra minute on there because I've been I've been wavering for a minute now, I'd say. I'll let it roll. No pun intended.

And then at the end of the show, I'll catch up. I just need to like do some some burpees or something. Some squats, some burpsies free up some some of my zone. Anyway, Totino's supreme pizza. Can you just live off that? It's got cheese. Cheese groups covered. It's got vegetables.

I think maybe olives and onions probably up on there. Some sort of pepper, some sort of pepper, perhaps, you know that they're going to have meat. Like, don't even worry about that sauce. Is there a guy that has only eaten pizza for for like. Is it is it me because it feels like me right now? No, it's just a guy. Did you just include sauce as one of the food groups?

Yeah, but that's fruit. OK, but that's fruit because of tomatoes. Yep. Zest, your zest groups in there. Now, they only want you to do that sparingly. But that's just a suggestion. What are we talking about? Boys, it feels like we're slowing down a little bit. It feels like we're losing steam a little bit.

And I'm the only I'm the only one that's been eating that's been hitting that 60 RPH. I told you what I bought. Yeah, I've been eating that the entire time. I've had about 12 pizza rolls. Yeah, I have like 30 pizza rolls and like half of a party pizza. Half of the party on the on the box for the party pizza. It's got the calories listed for a serving size,

which is a box list as half a pizza. It should just have like a winky face next to that. Right. Not that that information is of any value to you, Justin. They might as well to say legally, we have to say the serving sizes have a pizza. It should come with a free calculator because that information by itself is not going to do me any good.

I want to just roll through some of our questions. And by questions, I mean, Tatina's hacks that our beloved listeners have said because some of them are the period craziest period thing period. I've ever read Alex and I'll say my favorite thing to do is make instant mashed potatoes and then put them on Tatino's cheese pizza. It is delicious, even though it may not sound so.

Also, stack like four on top of each other. You're talking about layer pizza. And remember, serving size, half a pizza. So you're talking about having eight times the serving size. You're talking about a deep dish mistake. I thought that when that person said I put goldfish in my Tatino's pizza rolls, I thought that was the worst thing I was going to hear today.

But congratulations. I like this question. The asker said it's from Alex and Al. They felt so embarrassed by what they'd done. They invented another person that was also writing in with him to take some of the heat off. Al is their pizza roll, Tyler Durden. Right. They couldn't even come up with a full fake name.

This is from Alex and Al. X. Al. I just Al. Just is from two of us. That's two people. I don't know how it started in my family, but Tatino's pizza rolls have always been called pizza pillows. I've said this my entire life and now as an adult,

far away from my family, when I suggest you get some pizza pillows, I always get like stairs. Should I stop saying it or stay true to my roots? That's from Trevor. Trevor, don't ever change your beautiful brother. Everyone else is wrong. You're the only you're the only right one in the world. Trevor Tatino's just kicked in the door.

They said, get the fuck on brand. I said, shut it down, shut it down. My voice. How did they how did they? Let's talk, though, to Tatino's. How did they decide to call these little beauties rolls? I could I would have. Oof, there are so many things I would have called them. Like, I think pizza pockets is probably

maybe that space has become a little bit too competitive. But what? How do you guys feel about this pizza gyms? Oh, pizza nugs, pizza chests, pizza. These are like like little treasure chests to you open. Oh, pizza treasures would be better. Pizza purse, pizza diamond, pizza diamonds. Pizza bullets is also very good. Do you think hot pockets were invented by a guy that ate a pizza roll

and said, God, that went too fast? I've been looking forward to this my whole day. Make it you guys with this new delivery system. And I'm sorry that I'm sitting so far away from the mic. My body's making sounds I've never heard before. Like, you know, the capsule toy machines, like at the Kroger and the Family Dollar. The Gashapon. The Gashapon. Yeah.

What if those just for pizza rolls? Because sometimes I'm at the Kroger and I'm like, you know, you're not supposed to grocery shop hungry or angry or horny. You just walk up to those and it's like a little 25 cent little quarter serving of a pizza rolls. And then you get the flavor in your mouth. I think that's good advertising for Tatino's, too. Maybe they want to make that for free

because then it's like, what do I want to shop for? I don't know. Let me do the Gashapon real quick. Oh, I know, of course, of course, it's always been pizza rolls. Am I making any sense right now? There's parts what you're saying. Oh, my God, do pizza rolls always have to be divided evenly or should a big, beautiful man like me, a BBM, be allowed more than my smaller female partner is?

That's from Hungary and Chicago. I think the key here has nothing to do with size or gender. But with the size of one's hunger. OK, I don't know why I went into a little bit of FDR there. But I bet that fool loves some pizza rolls. So you think he hits them under his blanket? He would just sneak them during cabinet meetings. The way my stomach feels right now.

I have already begun googling great iOS games. I just say what the hell is going on? I'm eating these rolls at 10 o'clock in the morning. I feel great. I am ready to take on the day. I am I'm ready to flavor blast my to-do list. I this is not about the products like the product is perfect and pure. It's about the way I've abused it.

It's a self-control issue. Yeah, well, no, yeah, I guess. I don't know. They taste really good. And here's the worst part. My mouth still wants more of. Oh, yeah, that's can I just to sort of take you all backstage behind the bit? I've been eating pizza rolls still after I stopped the power hour

because I want to have them in my mouth and tongue. I want my time to touch them and touch them on the outside and the inside. I even want them in my throat. It's just looking at my plate and I'm just weeping. The only reason I'm not still eating pizza rolls is I ate half of the bag last night for dinner and then the other half this morning for breakfast. And now I have no no more pizza rolls in the house. That's the saddest thing I've probably ever heard.

I might I. Oh, I just remembered. I actually have some of the Taco Blasted ones. Taco Taco Blasted. Yes, I'm going to have those for lunch. Are you going to microwave or are you going to stove them? No, I don't own a microwave, Justin. I'm a bit of a Luddite. Oh, my. What's your guys favorite Totino memory?

Honestly, I can tell you what my favorite memory is. It was any time that we would I would go downstairs and we were having company always, always nice and like we were having company and mom would pull out a big ass cookie. She just dumped that whole motherfucker right on there and she would toast up like 50, yeah, maybe 60 pizza rolls. And I just knew that night when I was doing like I was eight. I was like, yes, this is happening.

This is going down. Maybe there'd be some more right at crinkle cuts on the same tray right next to it. Maybe that's what's going on. Family, family, friends would be like, hey, you going to that McRoy joint tonight? And they're like, do I love pizza rolls? The answer to both questions is yes. That's the I want to say this. All joking aside, there is an amazing thing with pizza rolls,

that no matter how, quote, classy the event is, no one ever turns their nose up at a pizza. If I walked into like a two hundred thousand dollar a plate meal, it's the one hundred and thirty five million dollar food. That's the new catchphrase. Food's so good. We sold these shits for so many bills in like 1980. That's like billions of dollars now. One hundred thirty five is too small.

If the if the US government, if the greedy US government took one fucking cent of that in tax, I'm going to renounce my citizenship. What are you are you going to move to Italy, the birthplace? I don't know, Griffin, do they have pizza rolls there? If no, I'm guessing not. They have pizza. He might just have to start his own city state within the American border called Totino's tax free town.

There is a program where you can send in Totino's are delicious. Totino's are healthy. They are light. They are light. They're the source of all light. Totino, if you cut Totino's box tops, you can send them into a school and they will get money for education. It's a program called box tops for education.

I like to pretend that Totino started this promotion without informing the schools. Totino's is a perfect business and they are a perfect business and they make only perfect products. I don't want to tell them how to do their business, but maybe in quarter three of 2015, what would you like to see them sort of branch out into? I'd like them to take their I'd like them to take their product, their pizza rolls product

and shrink it down and turn it into a breakfast cereal. Oh, my God. Well, crunchy pizza nuggets. Oh, something you can take into the movies with you. Something you can take in the movies with you. How about a vegan option? Maybe a vegan option for us. Vega is out here.

For us, that's Vega Mortensen's as Vega Carpacians out here. I entered in my zip code into the Totino's product locator to find where pizza products and got a knock on the door sold around me. And my computer was so overpowered, it took a dump on my desk. See, Austin is an Austin is a pizza roll desert. I the option is just very rarely afforded to me. I did go to the Walmart and I did buy my two rolls of pizza rolls. My two bags of pizza.

See, there I go again. I'm just going to say pizza roll when I my wife's going to come home today and I'll be like, hi, pizza roll when I met Rachel. That's kind of a cute nickname. I do like that. Let me throw this out Totino's. Maybe a like a refrigerated foam box shipping option where I can just have them on like an every two weeks.

I get a box of three bags of pizza rolls at Travis. Explain to me how that would work. Well, sort of like a lot of McRoy brothers. We'll be right back with the end of our show after this message from our commercial sponsor, Totino's. I know. This episode is sponsored by Totino's. I know we moved on to bed.

I did just want to jump in here and say, how about pizza roll sleeping bags? Low cry. Totino's a cryo chamber. Search for Totino's on Facebook. Follow them, flood their channels with mentions of our program and how much we made you crave pizza rolls and you bought them because of us. Follow them on Tumblr.

It's Totino's T-O-T-I-N-O-S dot tumblr.com. They got a great website, Totino's living dot com where you could just go and drink it all in. And listen, you guys, I'm not even saying this because we're being sponsored. I'm saying this because I care and because I'm a big fan and because I've eaten six bags of pizza rolls in the last 14 days, the blasted, the bold flavors

are so fucking good. I got to say, in the best 25 minutes of my life ever, the best minutes in that 25 minutes was the ones where the bold ones snuck into my mouth. There you go. And that's as good an endorsement as I am capable of giving right now. I think that's going to do it for us. Don't you guys feel like that's about it?

I'm more out of my chair than I am in my chair anymore. This is a chair. I'm more pizza roll than man at this point. This is a chair half empty experience. I think we are good to shut her down. The McElroy Family Fun Hour has been a production of Totino's. Remember, you can follow them on Twitter at Totino's. Search for them on Facebook, Totino's.

What's Facebook? I'm from the 40s. Tumblr. Totino's living dot com. Sounds like a code to me. Spies, maybe I'm from the 40s. And also you got a flavor blast. Those Nazis keep our boys flying. Aim high for pizza rolls on store shelves today

coming in just 60 years from today. The 40s. You can pre-order pizza rolls and pre-order pizza rolls. A concept heads to the five and dime and give them $10 in pizza. The family five and dime. Tell them to bury your three ninety nine in a box. Put that money at a time capsule and get ready to eat or have your grandchildren eat.

It's the 40s. And this has been the McElroy Family Fun Hour presented by Totino's. Tune in next week when we'll hear from Chimbo, the drug chimp we forgot about the end. Well, what a pleasure to be here with you tonight. Got an old classic for you that I've been handed a new twist on just 30 seconds before we started, but I'm going to give it my best shot. Thanks for having me, McElroy Family Fun Hour.

What a treat. Here we go. That certain night, the night we met, there was zesty abroad in the air. There were angels dining at the ritz and a pizza roll sang in Barclay Square. I may be right, I may be wrong, but I'm perfectly willing to swear that when you turn that oven on, a pizza roll sang in Barclay Square.

The moon that lingered over London Town, no pizza rolls there. They were a frown. How can he know we two were so in love? My old darn lunch turned upside down. The streets uptown were paved with sauce. And I think you've got some in your hair. And as we kissed and chewed some more, a pizza roll sang in Barclay Square.

OK, so I'm a little confused, folks. This is an old classic. And I understand the art of parody. Albert Yankevic, I love his tunes. This one doesn't seem to be that well executed, frankly. They just switched out pizza roll in some of the parts and some lines about crust and zest. Not sure what we're supposed to get out of this.

But as a lot of you know, I've had some tough times of cash lately and I'm willing to do pretty much anything to make ends meet. And that includes saying, oh, here we go. When dawn came stealing up a golden blue. Well, I had eaten nearly 62. I still remember how you cringed and said, was that a dream? Or was it true?

Our homeward step was just as light. And here we go as the tap dancing feet of Fred is there. And like an echo far away, a pizza roll sang in Berkley. Well, you know that old pizza roll sang in Berkley. And a pizza roll sang in good old Barclay Square. Scooby-Doo-Bop-Doo-Bop-Wop-Wop-Wop. Who and who has the money? Who bought the money?

I need the money.