My Dad Wrote A Porno - Footnotes: How Will It End?

Episode Date: August 31, 2017

The gang read your theories about how Book Three will end ahead of the finale Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello and welcome to the last footnotes of season three we're finally here we are going to discover your theories for the finale of book three uh guys what do we think people are thinking i just can't see how he's going to wrap it up in one chapter yeah it'd be a bumper chapter you know when you get those packets of biscuits that have sort of like 33 percent extra free will it be like much bigger why do you always bring it back to biscuits sorry sorry this last chapter will be the ultimate custard cream gary boldy so we uh we asked you guys for your theories about what you think is going to happen and good god did you deliver they just keep coming people have got all sorts of theories that's not the theory sorry but they just keep coming no that's that's a given i mean charlie

sums it up for me she says to be quite honest i can't tell how it's going to end because i listen faithfully every monday and i'm still not really sure what's going on well it's a good point it's a fair point but a popular theory is from ashley for example on twitter ashley badgley it will be at giselle's wedding there'll be a massive orgy and every character from all three books will be there even bella slash donna makes a return well bella is still in it but you but donna makes a return sure so that's going to in it, but Donna makes a return. Donna makes a return. Sure. So that's going to be a lot of voices for you, A, if that happens. I mean, it's kind of what I thought because they got engaged in chapter one.

They've had the hen do. It would make sense to have the wedding now. They'd have turned it around pretty quick. Yeah, I think it's too quick for a wedding, personally. It's too quick for a hen do, really, though. Yeah. It's only been a week since the proposal. But I feel like that wasn't a real hen do that was like her work hen do do you know what i mean she'll have a proper one later on with her proper friends and

family oh will she now and i can hardly wait where will they go how will they get there but yeah that seems to be a popular one that okay you know uh tony might jilt Giselle at the altar because he really loves Belinda. Whoa, that is a curveball. So a real ensemble cast chapter. Everybody's back. I'd love that. I'd really love that. It'd be exhausting though.

It'd be an expensive scene for the movie, that's for sure. It really would. We would just not include that. I personally think that's what's going to happen. Really? But there are some more, what's the word, bat shit. I mean, to see what Bella thinks is appropriate wedding attire, I mean, brilliant.

Liv thinks someone's got to die. Really? A death? I don't think Rocky would be afraid of that, you know. Well, Belinda nearly died in this book. Nearly died. She was absolutely fine. She didn't even have a concussion.

Her money's on Ken Dewsbury during sex. No, she just wants him to die. And I'd agree with her. Oh my God, during sex, just on top of Belinda. No, that's too much for Rocky, the logistics of that. Richie, I don't really know where he's got this, but steals pots and pans, nearly goes bust after the pans start catching fire.

But Belinda manages to save the company with her tits. I mean, that's as good a storyline as one that Rocky would write. So let's not diss Richie too much. She'll probably shag the firefighters. We haven't actually had her with a man in uniform or a woman in uniform yet. I bet she'd go for that, wouldn't she? Wouldn't have to be a firefighter though.

Just like an Uber Eats delivery guy, I bet she'd go for that, wouldn't she? Are you joking? Wouldn't have to be a firefighter, though. Just like an Uber Eats delivery guy, I think she'd be all over. George Carsley says on Twitter, since she just got her first wage, Belinda will hopefully do that big shop she's been meaning to do since the beginning. The shelves are going to be stocked. Oh my God, it's a bit supermarket sweet.

The cook shops of Oxford Street will not know what's hit them. A couple of people including commander red jonks oh what in the army that's his name everything since the car crash has been a coma dream whoa in the end they switch off the life machine but belinda makes a miraculous recovery of course she does she's so stubborn she totally would wouldn't she i'm not going down like this. It's outrageous.

So what's happened since the crash? Everything. I mean, that was quite early doors. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was like, what, chapter four or something? So what? The chocolate fountain, all the stuff with Alphonse. Visiting up north?

Yeah, all the Yorkshire stuff. The Schweinsteiger afternoon, of course. Oh my God, what an awful dream. I feel locked in it too. I mean, it will be a relief when they switch the life support off when are we going to wake up that's the question I like how diverse these theories are I know right

like that's the beauty of Rocky you cannot predict what's going to happen this is it why is everyone thinking it's going to be in this country I mean let your minds roam it's in space why is it in this time well Sonia thinks Belinda's going to be abducted by aliens oh my god I mean, let your minds roam. It's in space. Why is it in this time?

Well, Sonia thinks Belinda's going to be abducted by aliens. Oh my God. Turns out Hans and Greta are alien sleeper agents. And Belinda's breasts activate them, so they take her with them. I mean, what the fuck are you talking about, Sonia? Are you joking? That sounds the most plausible one here. That's absolutely what I think is going to happen. I mean, they're welcome to, are the aliens.

Are you kidding me? The only representation of Earth and humankind is Belinda Blumenthal. Jase. They'd just destroy us, wouldn't they? They'd just incinerate the whole planet after that. God, these are nuts. Jules thinks Jim Sterling's monster prick starts to malfunction and Bella and Belinda have to make a mad dash with Marco to save him.

Oh, for goodness sake. Where are you pulling that from? I mean, what has happened in people's lives that they feel like that's what's going to happen in the next chapter? Also, I feel like people are either going down quite a sci-fi route, which I don't know if necessarily has the prowess for, or they're really suspicious that there's going to be a killer twist that kind of is a bit disappointing,

because dream twists or coma twists. Oh, that would be the worst. He can't do that. He wouldn't do that Total cop out right Rocky's better than that yeah In my mind though it would really help

like tie up the loose ends at least it would make a call back to something that happened earlier Yeah but we definitely know that he's written book four before this all started

so I don't think it's going to be tied up in quite the bow that you're hoping for at this stage at least I think it's going to be more like Harry Potter 6 Right Where you know that actually the final it's going to be more like harry potter six right where you know that actually the final book's gonna sort it all out oh yeah oh do you

think he's gonna be laying all the groundwork for a huge plot twist i wouldn't use the phrase groundwork but yeah wouldn't use the word plot lori thinks bella will be promoted to president of Steeles Pots and Pans. Fires Belinda. And Belinda blinks. One of those things will definitely happen. One of those is like betting on red on roulette. And one of them is like betting on zero. Yeah, I'm sorry. Bella cannot be head of Steeles Pots and Pans.

What would Giselle do? That would be amazing. If Bella overtook Belinda and then turned on her. Oh my God. And yeah, she's only been promoted because of Belinda. That would be treachery like Julius Caesar. I feel like we might see this in book 32. Because Rocky will hear this, don't forget.

Yeah. Retrospectively weave it in. What a fantastic idea, Laurie. Just rewriting. Just stealing. Sherry thinks while Belinda's been away, mave has swooped in shags tony and bill and takes belinda's job oh so a lot of people are thinking that belinda's going to be no longer the sales director or is in some way going to be screwed over yeah yeah because mave

has just kind of coming under the radar maybe he's got big plans for her. And also Bill. I love this person that's waiting for Bill back in. Alice's favourite slash least favourite character. My arch nemesis. We meet again, Bill. You're obsessed with Bill. You need to see someone. I have a healthy interest in Bill. No, you don't.

There's been a few longer theories as well. People literally writing the whole chapter, essentially. Well, that might be much better. Maybe we'll just read those next week. Belinda fanfic. No, thank you. zosia from poland's got in touch oh poland yes hey poland hey poland how's it going um belinda wakes up in warsaw imagine belinda getting fired from pots and pounds what's all this with belinda getting fired outrageous it's called drama jay it's called plot development. So it's not going to happen.

But before she has the time to despair, all of her sex partners and clients step in to say, if Belinda leaves, so will they. A coup. It is then that we realise that Belinda Blinked is actually a profound tale of friendship, loyalty and trust. We've just been too blind to see past the porn from then on i see two options belinda is hired back and returns triumphantly or this woman's really thought too much about way too much

or starts her own business with pots and pans former clients the book ends with belinda the ceo in an interview with a new sales director bringing this thing full circle well we did learn last week that she is an entrepreneur i do love that to be fair they're cold winters aren't they in poland is that why she spent so much time on that i think it gets dark quite early yeah i think isabel makes quite a sensible suggestion she says it's got to just end mid-sentence while belinda is getting some admin done in the office potentially on a semicolon i'd love that i don't think rocky considers that mid-sentence, though. Isabel's played it really safe there, hasn't she? Yeah.

Dad's toed in the holes ready. Come in. Just finishing. Oh, fuck it, it's fine. No one will read it. That's the beauty of these books. He wrote them when he thought no one would ever read them, so God knows how he ends them.

Loads of people have got really dark theories. Really? Like Josh. There's a plane crash and Belinda only survives as her fall is cushioned by weekend editions of The Guardian. And all those sachets of shampoo. I hate to break it to you, Josh. It's just issues of the weekend supplement in The Guardian. Yeah.

So I'm not sure that would break her fall. Get your fucks right, Josh. Again, another one. Nathan, Belinda falls down a single flight of stairs and winds up in a concussion for 10 years how specific 10 years why i feel like that's wishful thinking like and then we never hear from her again exactly i think nathan just wants his mondays back he's like recall book four for compassionate reasons bunny says belinda adopts bella's secret baby what secret baby oh secret that would be so

rocky though they just throw it in at the end oh by the way belinda can you please look after my baby this time thank you maybe the baby's called donna oh don't say oh like that makes sense oh yeah cool jessica thinks we find out belinda is really a robot created by Dr. Robbins. Oh. I mean, we talked about Belinda being, you know, because she's just weird. Yeah, we should have asked Ben Barnes about this because of the Westworld connection. We discussed this afterwards, the fact that we didn't ask him any of our robot-based theories. We had him right there, guys.

Not that he is a robot in the TV show, but he'd know all about it. Oh, yeah, about AI and all of that. Yeah. Missed a trick there. Damn. Yeah, I can see that one coming true. All of that artificial intelligence stuff is quite zeitgeisty. But Rocky was writing this, like, how long ago?

So you've got to remember, like, was that a trend at the time? No, it was, what, 2014, 15? Yeah, I don't know if we were wanging on about robots as much. No, there were so few around, Alice. Yeah, but he's on book eight now, so you know. Oh, God. You've got to bear in mind he doesn't even have a microwave. So just think about where he is with technology.

A couple of people setting their expectations quite low. Tom says it'll end with no loose ends tied up and no real narrative, and it will be brilliant nonetheless. Oh, Tom. There you go. Tom says it'll end with no loose ends tied up and no real narrative and it will be brilliant nonetheless oh Tom I like that because Tom knows that if you set your sights low you'll just have a nice Monday if you expect resolution you are going to be disappointed there's a man who knows his Flintstone exactly from his Steph King Emmeline has a bunch of theories to get off her chest seriously she's covered all bases uh one is that peter rouse is going to make a return that would be good i'd like that haven't seen him for a while yeah how long has he been gone he hasn't been in book three at all i think really no i miss him do you they all blow into one don't they i can't believe he hasn't been

in this book well we all thought that he was gonna be like the big love interest obviously that was a a rabbit hole we went down for way too long there's a lot of rabbit holes in this book it's a field full of warrens she thinks steals pots and pans is in financial trouble well we know that's true for definite because it's all in price key and bargain store isn't it so she thinks a huge deal needs to be secured with the continent of russia and grigor Kalansky will be back. She's just bringing back old characters. There must be some new people that's on their way. I don't know if I need to know much more about Grigor Kalansky.

I was quite done with him the moment he left. I think we learned all we needed to, didn't we? The Countess Zara, on the other hand, she is welcome back with open arms. Chantelle, her beautiful voice, like a songbird. And her very, very shiny polished head. Hank Skank finally realises how silly his name sounds and calls Belinda for comfort. I mean, she's just pulling old characters. I can't imagine these are going to happen in the last chapter either.

But it would fill a chapter in a new book that he'd fuzz us off with a lot. Brilliant filler, yeah. Oh, Des Martin's wife wants him back. Don't dangle the carrot if it's not going to happen. Do you know what? That would be great, though. Because what?

She's just had sex with him on a spiral staircase and waterbed. What if the next chapter is Des Martin's wife confronts them both? But so often it's the way, isn't it? Where you, like, go shag somebody to move on. And then they're like, actually, I had to change a part. I want you back. If Des Martin's wife is the biggest plot point of these three books i'm gonna be fucking furious are you gonna resign i will hand him my

resignation he's gonna fire rocky and she says i'm sure that whatever rocky has in store for the finale will exceed by far all possible expectations well that we know to be true that is absolutely right i can't think of a better way of putting it. It will exceed expectations. It will exceed belief. Yet will still be somewhat underwhelming. Yeah. Whatever happens, I'm not going to be satisfied. I just know that now. I'm preparing myself mentally for it.

Precisely. I think the phrase, we'll test our patience, is potentially the right one. Well, I'm excited to find out what it is. It might be a real curveball, guys. We don't know. I was going to say, as much as I'm down on it, I am super excited about it. Yeah, it's less than a week to go until we find out how book three ends. But it's also completely melancholy because that's it then.

That's book three. I know, it's over. It's gone so fast. It really has, I know. But we're going to celebrate with a bit of a listening party once again. Yes. They always do so well don't they oh we have a nice time we all have a lovely time everyone around the world presses play at exactly

the same moment and we chat about it on twitter it's fun it's really fun people eat spaghetti bolognese yeah they have real parties they throw actual parties there'll be a chocolate fountain this time that's what people have chocolate fondue yes yes blue cheese fish mousse on toast no don't eat that it's disgusting i remember with the last one i was supposed to be having a family Chocolate fountain this time. That's what people have chocolate fondue. Yes, yes, yes. Blue cheese fish mousse on toast. No, don't eat that. It's disgusting. I remember with the last one, I was supposed to be having a family meal with my mum and dad and I had to just nip out for an hour to go and live tweet.

So we're going to do one next Monday, the 4th of September, 8pm UK time. So work it out yourself. Figure out when that is. And check in wherever you are. We want to know how far afield Belinda Blinked has reached yeah

so if you think you're furthest away do let us know where you are yeah so get ready for Monday guys is it a wedding is it an alien abduction

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