My Dad Wrote A Porno - Footnotes: Learning Dutch

Episode Date: August 4, 2016

Want to learn some key Dutch phrases that will help you if you're ever planning a Belinda-style trip to Amsterdam? The gang are here to help... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello and welcome to my dad wrote a porn of the footnotes i'm here with alice hello and james hi or should i say hello no just say hi since we're in amsterdam and I do have a B in GCSE German, I don't like to go on about it. You just second-time mentioned it, but whatever. Sure. I thought it might be... E-M-P-E, though. You know how at school you learn, like, where is the library?

My name is James. Yeah. Boring. You're never going to use them. So I thought it'd be useful to teach people some Dutch phrases you might actually use if you're going on a Belinda-style adventure to Amsterdam. When you say people, do you mean me? Because my Dutch is so appalling.

Your Dutch is terrible. Rocky, people are really impressed with Rocky's research. I know. I feel a bit ashamed that we were mocking it because apparently it's all completely correct. Although somebody did say when he said Danku, which is spelt with a U, it could have meant grandma or queen.

We're close enough. So well, Bobak. I found a website with some useful dutch phrases okay so i thought we could learn some dutch today wow organized fun my favorite could actually be useful though for future chapters when we need to do a lot of google translating we might just understand it by the end i'm not sure we flew in by the end of this footnote i don't know he's a very good teacher yeah i'll read a Dutch phrase. I'd like you to try and guess what it is. Okay.

I think they're all sexy. Or they're just everyday. They'll all be useful to Belinda. Exactly. Okay, let's learn some terms of endearment first. Okay. Leverd. Leverd.

Leverd means leave it. Is that a term of endearment? No, that isn't a term of endearment. What kind of scenarios are you getting into, Jamie? Sorry, I don't think when my dad approaches a typewriter. Leave it means my love. Oh, that's nice. Leave it.

Leave it. Alice, leave it. Jamie, leave it. Shedja? Shedja? Shedja? You tell us, you're the teacher. This is like Madame Grenier all over again.

I'm sensing an issue with e-learning. You get what you pay for, don't you, really? That means treasure. We haven't even had a guess yet, sweetheart. Oh, sorry. That means treasure. What was it again? Shetja.

Shetchnia, what are you saying? Shetchnia. Let's just move on. So far, so great. Okay. Something that Belinda would probably say about all of her nights with different men and things like that.

Yes. Individually. Het was de romantiek van in leven lang. Het was de romantiek van in leven lang. It was a romantic van in leven lang head foster romantic van in leven lang it was a romantic van din leven lang no it was a romantic vaginal explore close uh it was the romance of a lifetime it's not that close then it's quite far well you said romance didn't you he's doing the classic teacher thing really good try anybody else so? So nearly there. Jamie is like a girl in my class when we used to learn French

and she was a bit of a troublemaker. And we had a really sweet French teacher who was called Madame, Mademoiselle, whatever. You never learn a name. And when we were learning directions, Madame would be like, OK, class. So we are going to learn today, turn left and right. So here we go.

A tonne à gauche, a tonne à droite. And then she went round the class and got everybody to say it back. we are going to learn today, turn left, turn right. So here we go. A turnier gauche, a turnier droite. And then she went round the class and got everybody to say it back. And then she went to this, you know, naughty girl. And she was like, turnier gauche to turnier droite. Because she didn't know because she was French. She was like, very good, very good. Bethany, very good try.

Okay. She said, she said, she didn't even know. Turnier droite. Turnier droite. She didn't even know. It's only a twat. It's only a twat. She didn't even try. I think we're getting onto the real nitty gritty now. This is the sort of thing that... Sorry, I just glanced at his screen. It does say pillow talk.

Oh, don't look. This category is pillow talk. Pillow and talking. Leketetten. Oh, lick your head now. Leketetten. Hang on,en. Oh, lick your head now. Lek-a-tet-en. Hang on, we should get some sort of structure. So the first thing we should do, I think, is repeat it to get our pronunciation right. That's very good, yes.

And then we should have a guess. Okay. And is it hands on buzzers, whoever can do it first? Because she's just going to keep jumping in. I know what she's going to do. Lek-a-tet-en. She's such a swat. Look at her teacher's pet.

Lek-a-tet-en. What can I say? Elise, Lek-a-tet-en. Lek-a-tet-en. Lek-a-tet-en. Lek-a-tet-en. Lek-a-tet-en. Lek-a-tet-en. look at her teacher's pet liquor tetan what can I say Elise liquor tetan liquor tetan liquor tetan let a tetan liquor tetan liquor tetan

it means let in your imagination as in tetan as in the head it could mean no you're wildly off

pillow talk Jamie pillow talk it means pillow talk okay no no no the subject is pillow talk okay well Alice said lick me out

can there be like tiered learning so that some of us who are better at this can, like, be in a different class? Yeah, I feel like Alice will be in set one, Jamie. No, you're not in set.

We're not doing set. Jamie's bottom set. Jamie's got the one with loads of pictures where you just write underneath it what it is. In English, probably. Anyway.

I think lecker tetten, if I'm not mistaken, means, um, it means, like, um, like, lick... I feel like you're going to be wrong, but go on. Lick my balls, please. I think, from the Latin for balls. Lecathetin.

It means nice tits. Oh, we should have got that. Come on. That's just a handy one to have in your pocket when you're out and about. Another humdinger here. And we'll repeat after me. I might break it up into chunks because it's a sentence. We can get it.

It might be a bottom set, but I can do it all in one go. Okay. Okay. I mean, I can see it and I can't do it in one go. I can see it and I can't do it in one go. Okay, so... I love the first sound wasn't even right. Okay, so Ick and Grick. Ick and Grick and... What is it?

I love the first sound wasn't even right. Okay, so Ick... No. Ick to Greg. Ick to Greg. Medgy na. Medgy na. That bit is definitely Cantonese.

Bedwilin. Bedwilin. Bedwilin. Is that something to do with... Bedwilins. Do you think it's Helga's Bedwilins? I was thinking Willy, like... A Bedwilly. A Bedwullen. Bedwullen. Is that something to do with... Bedwullens. Do you think it's Helga's bedwullens? I was thinking willy, like... A bedwilly.

A bedwilly. Do you have like a day willy and a bedwilly? So do the first bit again. This is a really hard one. This is not intermediate. Ik zou graag met je naar bedwullen. Are you ready for me to put my will willy in your vagina is that to me lots of love sorry i'm writing a text message what are you guys doing um both terrible guesses uh the answer is i would like to sleep with you. That's exactly what I just said.

Pretty much, yeah. Okay, fair enough. You can have that. Oh, this one's a cracker. I feel like this is all in how you say it. Okay, so it's important to get the delivery correct. I think I'm good at that, at least. You could brook me an alien for sex.

You can brook an alien for sex. Alice? It's good for landing for an end to your sex. It? I can use Alan for sex. It's like that episode of Friends where Joey learns French. So hang on, say it again. I can use Alan for sex. I can use Alan for sex. He approached me for sex.

Are you asking me for sex? Not that. I mean, obviously sex. Will you asking me for sex? Not that. I mean, obviously, sex. Will you please have sex with me tonight? You're just using me for sex. Oh, you're just using me for sex. Which Belinda often is. This one's gold.

And yeah, if you couldn't get the others, you're not going to get this one. Will you please have sex with me tonight? Will you please have willy on my Plats And come in my face I like what she said to Peter Rouse That's pretty much what Billings says to Peter Rouse One more time just so I can guess the meaning I just told you the meaning face i like what she said to peter rouse that's pretty much what billings says peter rouse one

more time just so i can guess the meaning i just told you the meaning you were close jamie it wasn't quite right uh you will and mean platts sprungy sprungy common you will definitely regret what you have just done to me with that slinky because sprung and sprung is like springy springy. Oh, sure. It's like a coiled spring game. Well, maybe that's about the bed that they're on. I don't even get this one.

This doesn't make sense in English. You're the teacher. James, I'm failing you. Jesus Christ. Where's Ofsted when you need it? Special measures, mate. Seriously, this is the worst lesson ever. And I'm the teacher saying that. So the translation translation is do you want to come to my place bouncy bouncy

so i don't know if that's calling the person bouncy bouncy or if they've just now for some bouncy bouncy oh it's bouncy bouncy sexy sexy sexy right okay do you want to come to my place for bouncy bouncy again are you asking uh and last one but one that i feel is really appropriate to the world of belinda blinked and one of rocky's favorite body parts uh cervix vulva labial pinkness wait wait for the phrase my nipples are exploding with lust. Or with milk. Which one are you clapping at?

That's a clap for the pupil. My nipples explode with delight. No! That was a great lesson. Yes! We all learned something. Oh my God, Alice, we passed. We passed.

Hang on, I decide if you passed. James. God, Alice, we passed. We passed. Hang on, I decide if you passed. James. Yeah, right, you passed. Yay! I'm going straight to the head teacher to report you. You were shit. You were actual dog shit. I'm going to buy some clogs because I can speak Dutch.

Okay, well done, guys. You passed the lesson. Yes. Very model pupils. Danker. Danku. Queen. Homework for everyone is to try and get the phrase

leketetten into a conversation with your boss. Best of luck. Accepted.