My Dad Wrote A Porno - Footnotes: Rocky Answers Your Questions 4

Episode Date: September 19, 2019

You sent your questions and Rocky Flintstone has attempted to answer them. For what you're about to hear, we can only apologise. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to My Dad Wrote a Porno, The Footnotes. Now it's that time of the series, guys, where we hear from the great man himself, Mr. Rocky Flintstone. It's like Christmas. We do look forward to this every year because although we get to see Rocky socially, we do try not to talk shop because he's not great at keeping the secrets of Belinda that are to come. So we try and keep it all very top line. Plus it's so rare that the listeners get a proper dialogue with Rocky for very good legal reasons, of course. But it's just nice to give him that opportunity once in a while.

It is, yeah. So you sent your questions in to him and he, in his inimitable style, has answered them for us. I always feel a mixture of real excitement and pure dread with these answers because some of the stuff he says, I just, the mind boggles. I mean, none of them make sense. I have read them and don't expect any kind of... When do we ever? Jamie, we're on series five, book five. If you're looking for answers, you've come to the wrong place.

So this is less of a Q&A and more of a Q&Q. Exactly, yeah. These questions ask more questions than they answer. Okay, so the first question was from Tiptoe Nail Art. Okay. Sorry, is that art just on the little tippy toe? I guess so, yeah. Oh, lovely.

It's quite the skill. Leave them all natural apart from that little tippy toe i guess so yeah lovely it's quite the skill leave them all natural apart from that little tippy toe when developing a new character where do you start good question great question some background would be a fine thing so he says hey ttna tiptoe nella um it's quite simple i wake up from a refreshing sleep, have one or two cups of Brazilian coffee, and one simple piece of toast. Simple!

As opposed to multigrain or fruit loaf. Then I chuck a thong on. I still don't believe he wears a thong. He does enjoy um... Like a speedo. That's not a thong. I think um like like a speedo does he not a thong i think he may actually have we've talked about this before i don't think he wears he doesn't wear a g-string i think butt cheeks are are out in brazil i know that it's more acceptable it is

so they're more of a cheek skimmer than a full up the jacks. Yeah. But have you seen it in the flesh? What do you mean by it? The form. The vision of Rocky in a thong. Dad has no inhibitions, as we know from the books. So yeah, he's fine. He's rocking it. He's looking good for a man of his age.

Do you want to see him in a thong? It's not for me to say. It's for him to decide. Let's just say I won't be going to Brazil between the months of January and December. Next, and this is the difficult bit. I sit down at the keyboard and try to get the thing fired up. So, so far he's just talking us through his day. Literally no reference to the question.

He's just telling us how he gets to the computer. Next, I stick some Sergio Mendes on youtube and find the correct file what's that as a singer it's a singer um the next bit is a piece of cake i pick a nice name like fred and get to it cool that's how he that's the end that's how he creates a new character or that's where he starts with a new character. He took that very literally with start, didn't he? Yeah. Wow. So the biggest thing to him is coming up with a name, which we always thought was the most throwaway thing

because they're insane. Yeah. And, you know, it's mainly fuelled by the simple piece of toast. So the key to characterisation is a solid breakfast. You can't create indelible characters on an empty stomach, Alice. You know this. I'll be honest. I haven't actually heard that advice anywhere else.

Okay, so next question from Dungeon Dweller. Which... Oh my God. Ken Dewsbury. Which famous author would you compare yourself to in terms of talent? I think we know this, right? Well, I have a guess about this.

Mm-hmm. Because he loves Steph, bracket Stephen, King, doesn't he? He does love Steph King. It's not Steph King. It's not Steph King. No.

Who could it be? So bear in mind, the question is very specific in terms of talent. Okay? Okay. In terms of talent. Well, he was inspired by E.L. James originally. Again, talent and who he compares himself to. Right.

Hey, Dee Dee, my best friend Michael sheen has already answered that don't say shakespeare fuck off he said shakespeare yeah that's a joke and i have to fully agree with him i have to fully agree guns in my head i have to fully agree in terms of talent um however i would also like to put myself in the same box as philip ker Who's that? His Bernie Gunther series is similar to my Belinda Blinked. Lieberless. And I've pinched so many of his techniques and think you're changing my name to Rocky Kerr. Just postulating.

Just what? Postulating? Yeah. I didn't know I knew the word postulating. Who is that, sorry? I don't know. Should we Google him? Philip Kerr. So Bernie Gunther is a series of historical detective thrillers oh cool is he still

writing he's actually no longer with us I'm afraid oh I mean what an what an honor to have the great Rocky Flintstone comparing your work to his uh so there you go that's uh the answer to that um was Giselle always going to be a spy or did you gradually realize her skill at espionage oh this is good because this will help us kind of decide if this has all been planned from the beginning or if this is total making up on the spot. What do you think? The latter.

I think he had a simple piece of toast and just made it up. I think even if he's planned this book, we can't apply that to the first few. No. Yeah, no. It's not like they're all part of some big scheme. Maybe if planned this one out fair dues maybe if he did whatever he called you know his timeline thing but he definitely didn't book one and two yeah it feels like towards the end of book three he was like oh she's getting bored commit to something here yeah um so he says um hey never

mind giselle don't focus on her well you've made us focus on her for ages. There's literally the finale. In writing circles, they call it a differential plot. Just knowing. Where's he got that from? Aaron bloody Sorkin. Bloody Aaron Sorkin has so much to answer for. So, get ready for more.

Oh, that's it? Yeah, that's it. Can I? I'm sorry. Differential plot, James. Does that just mean different plot? Probably. Or a plot that, like, jumps all over the place.

It's in writing circles, though, guys. It's not coming up. Okay, so once again, he's created his own techniques. How did he say it? People call it that. So what we've learnt there is he's going to just go on some fucking tangent at some point soon. Sure.

Which, again, is nothing new. If he's lured us into a false sense of security, if we've learned there is he's going to just go on some fucking tangent at some point soon. Sure. Which, again, is nothing new. If he lured us into a false sense of security, if we've all cared, I'll be even madder than before. Okay, so next up from SFPDavid. Do you think Belinda will ever fall in love? Oh. That's an interesting question. I thought that love was on the cards with Peter Rouse. Yeah.

That kind of fizzled out. I don't really feel like that's what she's searching for yeah i don't feel like she's longing yeah very young as well so there's a lot of time for it that's true um so he says yes she's perpetually in love with her job with chardonnay with her friends and with her life and the next big client she's about to meet but never never Des Martin yeah that's true do you know I mean like who needs a man when you've got a turkey sandwich you things are complete huh I beg your pardon I like that he said that you know you don't need a man to complete you yeah you know she's got a very full happy rounded life true she'll find love when she wants it she's got a job job, her friends, yeah, her whole life. I mean, he listed a drink in there.

I'm not sure I'd want my friends to equate me with a bottle of wine in their list of love, but... Okay, next one. Dank.from wants to know, does Rocky know about rimming? Why? Oh! Why do you want to know that, Dank? Well, he must, because he's written about it. So he knows of the concept.

If he's done it or not, it's not clear. He says, hey, DF, go wash your mouth out. But make sure there are no brown bits showing. Just brushing. That is grim. Is that it? That's it. That's dad.

Can we move on that's disgusting he's got a vague idea I guess I mean talk about pot kettle as well what did he say wash your mouth

have you seen what you've written down have you seen yeah exactly are these just fever dreams that he transcribes the avocado hoe

wants to know oh that's the username yeah why are there so many characters called Jim slash James I want to know that seeing as my name

is James I mean it's Jamie but you know legally James your name's James so there's Sir James James Spooner

yeah Jim Sterling Jim Sterling Jim Walters Jim Walters which one's Jim Walters oh he's the Mr. Fix-It guy. Yeah, that's it.

Are there any other Jameses? I think that's it, but that's what, five, four? Yeah, four. An homage, because you are his only son, perhaps? Well, let's find out. Hi, TA. I think when you get to my levels of ultra-creativity, it's important to look around

and bring oneself back to Earth very gently. By repeating characters' names, I can get a true sense of perspective of my existing writing health. What the fuck does that mean? You're in very ill writing health, Dad. I don't want to burst your bubble. What does that mean? Well, in layman terms, the more names I repeat, the less chance I have of forgetting them. Right, okay.

Or how to spell them. So he's kind of learning his lesson throughout. So boy, Jim, James or Jimmy, girl, Bella or Donna, it doesn't matter. But then there's more chance of getting them all confused, surely, and not knowing who you're referring to if they've all got the same name. True, yeah.

It's why most novelists don't give all of the characters the same name. I'd say that's a quite useful little tactic. It does reflect society though, because in my primary school, there were about 50 fucking Jameses. True. I was like, can someone get an original name? Yeah, there are names of our generation,

Thomas, Sam, James. Yeah. When they're all older, there'll be classes full of Beyonce's and classes full of fucking... Well, you know, a friend of mine, who's a teacher, taught four sisters. One was called Beyonce. One was four sisters. One was called Beyonce.

One was called Kelly. One was called Michelle. And one was called Destiny. Oh, just need a child. Well, there are other members of Destiny's Child. So I don't know why. Oh, Latoya and... Don't look at me for original Destiny's Child members.

Latoya and... Really? You're the first person I'd go to on phone a friend. Latoya and... It's another la. Do you want me to... Stop sucking your I think you're the first person That came to my phone a friend Latoya and It's another La Do you want me to Stop sucking your thumb While you're thinking

Gross Latoya and Latavia Latavia yeah Latavia Latavia yeah I was quite a big fan of the First

The original What were their songs back then? What's that album called? Writing on the Wall Was that the Was that when Latavia and Latoya Yeah Oh

That's it Don't test me James What's that album called, Writing on the Wall? Was that when Latavia and Latoya were in it? Yeah. That's it. Don't test me, James. Sam and the City has asked, what is the craziest change in your life as a result of the podcast? That's quite good. He says, hello SAC. I guess getting to speak to James, Jamie and Alice onice on a virtually daily basis not virtually daily hourly and what's even more fun is that i don't have a phone so they have to email me

fantastic that is fun uh things can get very misconstrued in a text form, can't they, guys? You can't appreciate the thrill of waking up each morning to an inbox of stuff from these guys. It's so heartwarming that they love me so much. Just sobbing. That's the biggest change in his life. I tell you, it's so crazy. I never want it to stop. Is that a threat, Dad?

Wow. So the inbox full of emails i mean they're mainly replies to him so he's like all those guys my inbox full of emails but yeah okay yeah i'm gonna i'm glad that they're welcome yeah my latest is quite cute he's he wants to buy me a birthday present from apparently he's found this like amazing record shop oh yeah yeah yeah he loves and he was like who's your favorite artist i'll buy your record so record. So that's quite nice. So I'm just deciding what I should get. God, you're taking your bloody time over it. You got one, didn't you, after your birthday?

I got one for my birthday. Who did you get? I got Van Morrison. Which album? I got the best of Van Morrison. Oh, okay. The seminal album, Best of Van Morrison. Dad thinks there's only that one around in the world. That copy? Yeah. Possibly. It's very rare to get the best of. I've never seen one. Yeah, exactly. Someone's asked,

will we ever get a backstory for Chi Chi, Belinda's parrot? Who's asked that? Who genuinely wants to know that? Orana McKinley. Erina? It's an Irish name, maybe. I don't know,

you said it so differently both times, I've no idea how it's felt. He says, hi, EM. Yes. And... How funny you should ask. know you said it so differently both times i've no idea how it's up he says hi em yes and drum roll please no i refuse to drum roll this here it is oh it's here squawk squawk squawk silence there you go that's that's story What was he on When he answered These questions Gigi the parrot

I know we don't We don't pay for this Recording this But is it a waste of tape Is it a waste The space I mean everyone's time It's a waste of the clouds

Isn't it And the final one Matthew wants to know, does Rocky know he is my hero? Suck up. Yeah, totally. Dad says, well, Matthew, after these questions,

you might want to reconsider that very rash statement. We can all agree with that. You all might want to reconsider your positions in general because things are going to get darker. Just promising. Belinda Blinked is getting a lot darker. And then is that written in blood or? Just in cut-out bits of newspaper.

In bold. Wow. Yeah. What a creepy end to a useless day. Shall we just chalk this up as, you know, we all make mistakes? Never again. Giving Rocky a platform. Why can't he just answer a fucking question?

I don't know. He doesn't really answer anything, does he? So evasive. He's such an enigma, as he likes to say. But yeah, there you go. There was your questions. Don't know how useful it's been, but thanks for listening. I'm so sorry if you bothered to send one in.

I'm particularly sorry if your question got answered uh but yes do join us again next week for the continuing saga of legitimately the worst books ever written belinda blinked five thank you rocky Be honest. When was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy? Here's the thing. If your business insurance coverage renews on autopilot each year without checking out zensurance.com, you're probably spending more than you need. That's why you need to switch to a low-cost policy from Zensurance. Zensurance does all the heavy lifting, ensuring you're only covered for what you need.

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