My Dad Wrote A Porno - Footnotes: Sexual Health

Episode Date: October 4, 2018

The gang chat sexual health with Aaron Chady, a sexual health advisor at Europe's busiest sexual health clinic, 56 Dean Street. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to My Dad Wrote a Pawn of the Footnotes. Now ever since Belinda's first blink, so many of you have been in touch about the huge elephant in the room. Has our beautiful heroine ever had an STI check? Of course. I mean, has she had a wash? Has she had a shower? Yeah, let's start basic. huge elephant in the room has our beautiful heroine ever had an sti check of course i mean has she had a wash has she had a shower yeah let's start basic well we're as concerned as you lot are so we've enlisted the help of aaron chady hello hello uh now you're a professional belinka and a part-time genital enthusiast is that a fair assessment i think that's a pretty fair assessment yes okay good turn that into a living somehow as well. But no, really, you're a sexual health expert from 56 Dean Street,

which is Europe's busiest sexual health clinic. Is that right? It is indeed. We get a lot of people through our doors. Well, you are the perfect person to talk to then. Yeah. Well, I don't know yet. I mean, I really don't know.

Aaron's really on trial here. He showed us his credentials when he walked in. That's true. He came in clutching the credentials. It's got a watermark on it. It's got like a globe on it. What's this? The work pass?

Yeah. This is how I get in and out, yes. It's quite shiny, so it looks legit. You did show it. You know when people come to check the boiler, and they're like, do you want to see to make sure I actually work? Just to make sure. That's good.

I don't think any guests on Footnotes have ever shown us their passes before. And we really should have gotten to, actually. Yeah, we really should have. I think one's a fridge magnet, but we might as well do that. And that lanyard you've definitely made yourself, but you're here now. So Aaron, what does a day in the life of a health advisor entail? So health advisors are people you generally see if there's a bit more of a need to kind of talk around the mental health stuff around sexual health.

So we're there for when things get a bit harder in clinic and someone needs a little bit more tlc a little bit more support does it get quite sexy sometimes at work uh no not really um sexual health is not a very sexy topic for a lot of people so we thought we'd get you here to kind of address some of the stuff in the book there's loads we want to grill you on but is there anything that immediately springs to mind for you anything that's been a cause for concern so yeah one thing a while ago that happened was when giselle was having that sex with the irish folk singers oh yes the son of brothers yes yeah uh so yeah she ended up with a lot less hair yes yeah it all fell out yeah yeah so he said it was a genital disease didn't he rocky said he might be onto something there actually because patchy

alopecia is a sign of secondary syphilis no yes indeed it's quite a rare thing you underestimate rocky he's done some research somewhere i mean he hasn't but so what your hair falls out in patches yeah so they regard it as being kind of like a moth feet and effect that's kind's kind of what he describes. That's literally what Giselle has. Really? Well, there we go. I'm never one to give him too much credit, though. He claimed that the condition was related to whether it was good sex or bad sex. That's not true, right?

Well, absolutely not. In your opinion. No, I don't think that's necessarily it. But, you know, that is one thing that's come out in the books, and he's actually been onto something there. It's syphilis old school? Yeah, I was going to say, it reminds me of Henry VIII or something. Yeah.

So, I mean, it's recently seen a huge rise. In popularity. Syphilis is huge at the minute, guys. It's back on the scene. The must-have accessory of 2018. The highest rates of syphilis we've had since World War II, I believe. No way. It's mostly common in gay and bisexual

men uh but let's not make assumptions about the irish folk singers no let's not they obviously could have passed it on to her also your symptoms don't start while you're no no probably not that would be a bit too soon it takes a while for secondary syphilis to occur you've got to go through the primary stages first so yeah asking for a friend what are the primary symptoms there's a painless ulcer we call it a shanker that usually appears in the genital area so it looks very unusual so you'd know yeah you would know but you might not feel it that's the thing so because it's painless it can be in areas that you don't know about and you might not notice it so it could potentially progress at that stage when you say we call it a shanker do you mean like me and the lads at the clinic like is that your nickname or is that the technical name that is the technical

name for it yes you could be onto something i feel like she's okay like i feel like giselle would notice if she had the i think she's quite yeah well groomed giselle i think she knows her body well how do you get tested for such things uh syphilis you test for uh by doing a blood test so looking down and seeing if you've got a shank. That is one way of doing it. But again, like we said, people might miss it. So yeah, you can do it by blood test at a clinic. Relatively easily done. Why are you looking at Alice the whole time?

I'm the UK's most famous bisexual man. And I always have a problem with when food gets in Belinda's vagina. The spaghetti bolognese was a real low point. Her vagina, her choice, James. Sorryolognese was a real low point. Her vagina, her choice, James. Sorry that you've got a problem with it. I just don't think it can be totally healthy. I'm thinking yeast infection.

Is that correct? There's definitely links, yes. Obviously, with food, you've got to be really careful. What goes in must come out or be cleaned. It's something to consider. Sauces also are quite oily. So if you're using condoms they're going to degrade condoms

if you think about all that olive oil potentially in a spaghetti sauce and yeah it's a hotbed for bacteria all the sugar in the tomatoes and things like that so her risk of something like BV might be much more increased what's BV?

bacterial vaginosis oh I thought it was bolognese vaginosis could be that too she's got bolognese a classic case of the bolognese bacterial vaginosis oh i thought it was bolognese could be that too she's got bolognese a classic case of the bolognese bacterial vaginosis oh god what are the symptoms uh it's a bacterial infection before you'd be very unlucky to get it i think james it's much more common in fiona it's a little clue in the title not for me for a friend point her. All of this food during sex is definitely, you know, increases the risk of stuff like that. So if you are going to use it,

you want to make sure that you can get it out easily. It's probably not worth putting it in your vagina. Probably more worth a bit on the vulva, maybe. Just a little bit of spaghetti on the vulva. Just a little bit of spaghetti on the vulva. I've never heard anyone do it. The what goes in must come out. That's just kind of a good rule of thumb.

It's common sense, really, isn't it? It is. But you hear all these horror stories of people finding like vegetables up there and having to go to A&E and things. Finding? I'm sure they knew they went up there at that one point.

Do you mean they didn't know and there's a radish all over somewhere? Baby sweet corn. Rife. Baby sweet corn, you'll probably be fine. They often might say that they didn't know, but I think the reality is that they probably did. This is what I want.

How many people just blatantly lie about having stuff up there? Because obviously they know how it got there. Yeah, it's not like finding a Malteser down the sofa, is it? You're going to feel it. Apparently quite a common one I hear from my colleagues in A&E is grapes. Oh, why? Apparently they just might feel nice. they've got a good firmness to them but again they can really easily be lost up there and people find grapes turn into a raisin

well very sugary james been the bolognese on that it'd be right like a whole bunch or individual ones because you could pull out the bunch and then all the grapes would be gone just a huge stalk you'd have to be careful wouldn't you'd have to remember how many probably be a lot harder to insert them with the stalks on yeah exactly impressed um and there was also was it last week two weeks ago there was the taramix flute uh smoke and vaginas we got a lot of feedback about how that is not safe the kind of hot box situation yeah i mean i've had questions about how physically it was possible for starts. But yeah, I found myself Googling at this behest

whether there was any research on smoke up people's vaginas. And strangely enough, there wasn't very much to find. You're the only person that could do that on a work computer and it'd be okay. It still makes you question their life choices when you find yourself doing that. But yeah uh there

wasn't much um and all i could find was related to actual smoking and you know increasing the risk of again things like bv what smoking a cigarette down there well just smoke if women smoke in general oh right okay oh wow just using their mouths yeah okay all right okay we always have to check it's rocky obviously there's a delicate ph balance up there as well so you've got to just be careful you know i imagine smoking would really ruin that yeah and probably cause a host of all kinds of other health problems not one to recommend um aaron i want to talk dicks okay uh so obviously jim sterling had uh his appendage yes standard thoughts my thoughts were

when it was kind of likened to a pastry, probably not a good sign to therefore continue with that. Often, you know, I think when people have things like a phalloplasty done, the skin is very sensitive, it needs time to heal, time to recover. It can't have done any good to immediately have sex when

that was done. Let's not even talk about the blue semen yeah is that possible well do you get like funky colors of semen ever um you can get funky colors of discharge um but that's not quite the same aaron you must be great at a dinner party did somebody just say funky colors of discharge no Discharge? No? Just me? Gravy, anyone? Have you seen one, a penis? I would say extension, but it wasn't just extended. It was sort of like accessorised, wasn't it? It was just like kind of strangely added to.

Yeah, I'm not sure those exist in real life in quite the way that Marco Arrigo's work is represented. Is he known in your industry? Oh, absolutely. Watch out for this man. Oh, is that that shorthand for a botched job? Oh, yes. No, I don't get to see very many of those.

And if I did, I don't imagine there'd be very many situations like that. Sure. I love the phrase, don't get to. Oh, what a shame. This isn't enough hours in the day, James. A question really from the listeners for you, you Aaron that doesn't come directly from us but I think we've absolutely thought it are there any STIs that you can contract

from just not having a shower not really STIs from that it might be more likely that you get other bacterial infections or yeast infections or something like that just from kind of bad hygiene and some of the complications that might do she doesn't even wee I know oh is that

a sign of something not being able to wee um possibly more if the wee was kind of like held back in a painful way or something like that i think it's just signs that belinda's actually a robot really yeah sure or maybe that going to the toilet isn't the most interesting thing in a book perhaps well it depends who you ask well that For some people, that is a very sexy thing. Oh, no, let's not go on to that. That's coming. You know he's going to write about that one day. Oh, God.

Water sports. No. Sorry, I forget that this is your dad every now and then. You forget? It's cool that my dad wrote a poem. It's so easy for others to forget. So hard for me. In Belinda's defence,

she was once brushed down in a horse box by the Duchess. And hosed, was she? Hosed. She's had a couple of showers. She's washed. She's been caught in the rain. She's fine. Exactly.

That's as good as a shower. And she is often licked head to toe by people. That's also true. A cat clean, if you will. Not so sure about the hygiene levels on that one, but... No. Someone actually made a chart recently and emailed it as of who everyone's had sex with at this point.

Oh, you shared that with me. It's wonderful. It is so complicated. And only getting more complicated as well. What struck me about it was the number of partners who had repeatedly had sex with each other as well, which again kind of said to me, like, why it was so important that they get checked

in that sort of situation. And how often should you get checked and also does everyone get checked no there are a surprising amount of people who don't go to the to get checked there is a surprising number so uh we often can reach them in other ways they might not come into clinic they might be happy doing home testing well belinda's very busy so that well she might she may well lot to do a home maybe in the office you could do it just come to steals could you do that do you do uh office visits for people uh not usually but uh certainly if there's a reason in an outreach deal yeah i don't know if you work on commission or if you get like points but if enough of them pledge to do a test certainly there's outreach services that would probably go in and and you know do a screen for them it's a big mass swabbing

yeah it sounds like it's what they right might need yeah so people can come to you you can go to them um how often then uh if you're having as many partners as belinda where she might have about four in a day um you probably want to get checked pretty regularly you know every couple of months every three months or so really yeah i think it'd be more than that like i'm gonna say every week well you could do more than that but the thing is all the tests won't necessarily come back as um covering so yeah we don't really you know even for really high-risk people we don't generally recommend much more than three monthly testing it does depend though on what their kind of field is yeah um just because like i said some of the tests might take a bit longer to come back

um but you know she might want to test every couple of months and that's fine uh i'd probably recommend it to her she was uh receptive to the idea do you do a loyalty card or a gold card uh some clinics do actually have schemes whereby they fast track people obviously you know if there's a reason why by they may need to be seen more regularly then they might do that would be her her. She'd be like, when they're like, we welcome all our EasyJet Plus passengers on board. One world. Yeah,

show us how we travel. Yeah, I was just like, one world here, EasyJet Plus. Oh yeah, cool. It's like speedy boarding,

James, it's great. Honestly, it gets you right on the plane. Sexual health speedy boarding, that's quite cool. Yeah. Stealing this idea.

Yeah, you can have that. What do you think us three are like on the podcast? Do you think we're total prudes? Because everyone else always says we're like total prudes and we're not very knowledgeable um i think yeah most people probably aren't are probably the same i don't think you know your own views are completely different to that of people that i see on a daily basis okay that can make you feel a bit better about it yeah that is a relief he wanted you

telling me it was a stud james i've worked in the industry for a long time and i've never heard anybody speak so knowledgeably about sex before what the least one thing you might like to know actually is that there are other people who are equally as uninformed about vaginas and actually a lot of those people have vaginas i've found i've had numerous conversations with people about that they don't pee out of their vagina and that struck me as something i didn't think i'd be saying to people with vaginas and sexual health um a lot of people have just kind of been surprised to hear that they don't pee from it that there's a separate thank you thank you aaron thank you vindication there so do you think aaron and i don't want to put words

in your mouth here but do you think rocky is actually teaching people about sex i mean he our best hope for sexual education in this country well i think rocky's enlightened in ways that we didn't realize um you know he's he's obviously very open-minded about certain parts of sex and i think that you know actually sorry about that james um but i think uh as with everything he poses it kind of generates interesting discussion that he almost kind of anticipated happening doesn't he kind of look back at these things with a sense of like you thought i wasn't onto something yeah kind of and i think you know he's trolling us yeah yeah basically and what we're realizing is that through his books everyone's kind of talking more openly and freely about sexuality which is something that we never really intended but has been a great byproduct of

us reading my dad's porn absolutely and if that can kind of you know affect loads of people in a positive way and make them more informed or at least make them seek out that information then rocky's done a good thing so would you say he's our saviour? Did I hear you say the word saviour? Modern Jesus, I think. I have to go now. Oh, we all have to go. But Aaron, thank you so, so much for swinging by.

It's very, I think, very learned now, very informative. This is the most smartest the podcast has ever been. Is that a phrase? Oh God, the most smartest. You've destroyed the sentiment in the way that you delivered it, but sure. It is the most smartest the podcast has ever been is that a phrase oh god the most smartest you've destroyed the sense of bringing it down in the way that you delivered it but sure it is the most smartest yes on that note thank you so much aaron do you do screeners now uh if you want to brought some swabs with me yeah i'm only in it for the free test