My Dad Wrote A Porno - Footnotes: Sir Rocky Flintstone?

Episode Date: June 30, 2021

July 5th is Rocky Flintstone's birthday so the gang research ways to commemorate it. Could there be an international Rocky Flintstone Day? Or could we get Rocky a knighthood? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to my dad wrote a porn of the footnotes now this week is a very special week in the Flintstone household because it's my dad's birthday week in fact yeah yeah. Birthday week. We have birthday weeks. No, I know. I know you have birthday weeks. You've just had your birthday week. Birthday weeks run porno Monday to porno Monday. They can actually spread even further. It's been known. Which day is his actual birthday?

The official birthday? It'll be next Monday. So I guess technically that would be his birthday week. But we're celebrating now. Yeah. Dare we ask what age? Honestly, I've got it wrong at certain points in my life but i'm pretty sure he'll be 65 that sounds about right that's a momentous age it was because last year mum greeted him um when he woke up to a rendition of the beatles when i'm 64 which is appropriate yeah but only if you're 64

yeah so i think he's 65 this year it feels like his birthday should become some sort of national holiday. You know, people all over the world will be celebrating. Rocky Flintstone Day. We should make it like a bank holiday. We should take the day off. Is there an international holiday? Because obviously we're known in the UK for having loads of days off compared to other places. But is there one where everybody stops?

Christmas Day. Christmas Day. But not really, not everywhere. Oh, you're right. There are non-Christian countries that probably don't do Christmas Day. Yeah, I don't think so. That's just a normal day in lots of places. So, I mean, this could be the thing that unites everybody.

I'm just saying. We'll peace. It's the thing we've been looking for. My goodness, it's going to unite the world. And it's quite nice because it's like smack bang in the middle of the year. It's a good time to reflect, have some rest. James and the Gregorian calendar. But there are others. Please don't alienate people. Of course, of course. Kung hee fat joy. smack bang in the middle of the year it's a good time to reflect have some rest james in the gregorian calendar but there are others please don't alienate people of course of course kung

he fat joy uh to you and yours well it's interesting that you said that because i think a great birthday present for dad i thought we could maybe and hear me out here depends how much it costs well i think it's free for you sir practically nothing but your time i'm listening i thought we should try and get dad an honor a knighthood basically oh what a sir a sir or a cb or sir i think if dad could become a knight of the realm how amazing would that be i've always wondered because i think they released a list recently i've always wondered how people get on the honors list well james i've been doing some research oh my god and i found is this for real i found it you're not i found the form you need to fill in to nominate somebody there is so it's a very democratic process so you can submit this form to the Cabinet Office and they will determine whether he meets their criteria to become a knight.

Oh, just checked. It's a no. And anyone can do this. I think so. I mean, so I could nominate like one of you. I mean, I wouldn't, but I could like make Alice a dame or a CBE. I think she's more MBE level, but yeah. Wow. I'd also turn it down because I'm so rebellious and something progressive. Well, I feel like it's more rock and roll isn't it? I mean I hadn't even thought about that. What if

we get him a knighthood and he says no? He won't say no. He'd bloody love it! Okay so what are the criteria? Okay so on this form it says who deserves an honour? Honours recognise and celebrate outstanding achievements. Well tick. Belinda Blink is an outstanding achievement. I mean

there's nothing that even comes close. It's like in some categories you know say it was like sports person you'd be like okay but this is tricky because there's other people who've achieved similar things to you who else has achieved what he's achieved well exactly um and they do say there are always fewer honors than people who deserve them because they are rare they should be reserved for people who and there are two things who have changed things especially by solid practical achievement he's certainly changed i mean life was very different before rocky flintstone and the other one is whose work has brought distinction to british life or enhanced the uk's reputation in their area or activity. I mean, that's where we could fall down.

Reputationally, I would say we're in the gutter. But, I mean, where were we before? Okay, so... Definitely the works changed the world. Yeah. Distinction to British life, though. Because I would say that a lot of, particularly international listeners, know about Britain through Rocky's lens.

Yeah, no one knew what a tombola was before dad doesn't distinction mean like class though and uh it's a more positive i don't i don't think people know more about britain okay well let's not derail the process at this early stage guys okay all right let's say those are both ticked i think because it's basically an application form i think we could spin that second one. Yeah, I do. And they say the most important thing is to provide evidence of what they've done and how they've made things... Do they really want the evidence? But how they've made things better for others. So I think Dad has made things better for others.

Well, he cheers people right up. He brings a lot of joy. Yeah. So we could put that on the form. We've had some quite profound emails about how people have been in dark, not great places and Rocky's turned it around. Exactly. Do we just send them our email inbox? And also it's almost like this form was made for something about

Dag because it does stress the nomination doesn't need to be a work of art it doesn't matter if it's typed or handwritten or whether it has pictures. Perfect! It doesn't matter if it's your first draft or your last draft.

And it doesn't have to be particularly formal. There's no right length. It's perfect for Dad. Pamphlet or novel. It doesn't matter. So you need to give examples of how they've demonstrated

outstanding quality and show how your candidate has contributed in a distinctive way to improving the lot of those less able to help themselves. He's a very philanthropic man. He actually really is. He really, yeah, he loves giving away any money that we've made.

Yeah, he does. At a rate of knots, actually. But yeah, I really think that he's been a friend to many. Yeah, I think we've got quite a strong case there, actually. Very good to his fans. Oh, yeah. He's not quite Taylor Swift, sort of Nicki Minaj level of like paying for people's college education but like he's not far off if you want a signed book at his own cost we also have to show how he has

shown innovation or creativity in delivering lasting results well that's easy I mean these books in themselves are one of a kind, never been done before. We always hope never done again. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's the one where he absolutely excels. And actually when we were, I know Renee saying about the distinction in his field

and, you know, the quality issue, but who are we to judge when the likes of Michael Sheen, you've got your Emma Thompson's, you've got the, Dame Emma Thompson, you've got these people who know their shit saying he's a genius so i almost feel like we're just three plebs we don't know yeah we just submit his email signature as the proof because it's got all those quotes on it well and as far as innovation i mean he was i would argue he's at the kind of forefront of the self-publishing yeah he really knows how to use an amazon account oh my god he's got one of those tickers on his website that show you how many

visitors you've had i mean this man knows technology and it's a beautiful bright yellow um a good nomination should also describe as vividly and precisely as possible the difference their contribution has made to society so So try to answer the following questions. Okay. How were things before they began? Much better. No. Sad.

Sad. I don't think I ever laughed. Well, one thing, I feel like he spread a lot of sex positivity. Yeah. Yes. He's very pro, like, no labels. He's very... What was that line in the Christmas special this year?

Gifts are... Labels are for gifts under the tree. Never for those who are sexually free. I mean, come on. So, tick. Tick. I mean, he's been a gateway drug to podcasting for a lot of people. Absolutely.

So, he's opened up the world of audio. And now every fucker's got a podcast. Every fucker. I mean, honestly, everybody. I would also say for a lot of people, they'd never indulged in this area of literature. So he's opened up a whole section of the arts. So that's how things were before they began. How are they now? Perverts everywhere.

Yeah, which depending on your perspective is a good or bad thing. How are things now? Interesting. We've had very few emails that say, my life is worse off for Rocky being in it. Yeah. And if there have been those emails, you've kept them from us, James. I like to keep you both buoyant. They all seem to say, thank God for Rocky.

Thank Queen and Country for Rocky. We all seem to answer, What makes your candidate different from others doing the same thing? Have you met him? Have you ever seen an author play a harmonica? Well, the thing is, no one does the same thing.

He's completely unique. And also, he's bonkers, bonkers chocolate conkers. So, like, he is what... They broke the mould. He probably broke the mould

after himself. I think for that bit, we should just send a picture of him. You know, with that really stripy suit with matching hat he wears. Oh, yeah. If I looked at that, I'd say that man needs to be a sir.

And you need to show that your candidate has earned the respect of their peers and become a role model in their field. I mean, are you joking? Who hasn't co-signed on Rocky Flint today? I mean, you mentioned Michael Sheen, Dame Em, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Dan Levy. Nicholas Holt, John Ronson uh that woman who did the aphrodisiacs episode just so many people amy riley a legend of her time hi amy if you're still

listening alice you never listen to the beginning um and then uh we have to prove that he produced perhaps against the odds everything was telling him no sustained achievement which has required moral courage vision the ability to make tough choices or determined application and hard work i'm not being funny i know but seriously seriously i think we've legit got a case here i thought this was going to be a joke i thought we're going to be like psych but he's going to be a sir isn't he my worry going to be like, sake. But he's going to be a sir, isn't he? My worry is they're going to take one look at the content and be

like, no, we're not being associated with that. But, like, take it beyond that and look a bit further. I think we could build a really strong

application. Yeah. If you look at his canon and you look at his character, you couldn't not give him an offer. Yeah.

It would actually be probably quite an outrage. It would be a scandal. And it does say, don't be afraid of using superlatives in citations. Oh, we won't. In fact, should we let him have a pass at his own application?

Or we write it and we let him rockify it? No, I think we should do this really seriously. I think we should write it. I think everyone at home who's listening, you should also nominate him. I think if we get a general mass of applications, they can't say no. No, don't. Could this actually happen?

Is this like Herb Alpert all over again? Oh my God, we should... Guys, everyone should write an application to get Dad a knighthood. No, Jamie. So wait, they can write their own independent ones, you mean? I think so. And is it a law of like, if you get enough, they can't say no? I'm not sure if it's like a petition for the House of Commons.

It's not X Factor. I think there's still a judgment call, isn't there? At some point. Oh, of course. But I think if there's so many applications, how could they say no? If there's a groundswell. Exactly. I'm actually getting excited if people actually do this.

Can you imagine him being awarded? Can you imagine the actual day, I mean? Like being, because I presume you go to Buckingham Palace. Yeah. Meet the Queen. He'll have to put like, I don't know, like a sack over his head because he can't be seen. Oh my God. Surely he can be seen by the Queen.

Yeah, true, true, true. But the photos he'll take back to front, won't he? Yeah. Can you imagine? And what do you do? I write porn. Oh, splendid. Fuck off.

Get the fuck out of my sight. Oh, I bet she listens. Oh my God. Lizzie. Oh, she's seen it all, hasn't she? She's been around. Who do you think out of my sight. Oh, I bet she listens. Oh my God. Lizzie. Oh, she's seen it all, hasn't she? She's been around. Who do you think out of the royal family would listen to porno? I reckon...

Well, Harry and Meghan, surely, because they're like in the audio space. Harry, because he's a bit of a scamp. I reckon Harry. I think Camilla, actually. Oh, sure. What, because of Tampon Gate? And because Duchess. She probably listens and thinks, what's it like listening to my own life?

They do give you some tips as well on the right words to use. So effective nominations often include nouns such as determination, creativity, zeal, performance, ambassador, and adjectives such as trusted, wise, tenacious, dogged. These really do describe Dad.

Tenacious, for sure. Exemplary, peerless. Eccentric? I mean, peerless, I guess, because nobody would stand as his peer. Yeah. They wouldn't allow themselves to be in the same sentence, really, would they? And there are things that you shouldn't do. Even if they stress there is no wrong way to do it, but just don't do these.

So you shouldn't have an extended cv that's not a problem um you shouldn't do a list of educational achievements although he has got good education uh no list of appointments awards or posts oh so it really is about who the person is not what they've really achieved okay but i mean not about the accolades more about the actual work itself oh sure okay the craft you know the process um so if you want to help dad get this honor and it could be an mbe uh an obe a cbe obviously a sir would be amazing he'll take anything what's the kind of lowest from is mbe kind of the first step yeah okay so you can download the form at uh www.gov.uk slash honors and that's honors with a u for those yankee friends of ours so i've just quickly go on that site this would be amazing i mean just to have people submit applications would be hilarious in itself but if

actually got anywhere i think the next list is at christmas so if we start the campaign now yeah how can they say no? And it does say anyone can nominate someone for an honour. Like anyone can do it. You don't have to be a certain person to nominate someone. Can he be Sir Rocky Flintstone or will it have to be his real name? Oh, I think Sir Rocky Flintstone is fine. Oh, do you think that?

It's Sir Bono, isn't it? It's not Sir Bono. Isn't it? We've had this conversation before. Have we? Sir Bono. Dame Ed? No, that's not a real name oh hang on guys

we need the name age and address ah that's going to be tricky well we can't we can't broadcast that no so maybe what we should do

if you all send us what you think he should be recognised for or the language that you'd use to nominate a collaborative application exactly

we can use all of that and maybe even put a list of everyone that submitted something to be like he can use all of that and maybe even put a list of everyone that submitted something to be like, he's touched all of these people. An open letter. Exactly. Then we can submit that

and hopefully he'll get a nightmare. This is turning into a petition, isn't it? A change.org petition to Sir Rocky. To Sir Rocky. And then hopefully if we get Sir Rocky Flintstone, then Sir Rocky Flintstone Day will follow and we can all have a day off, which is ultimately what we're doing this for. It's the only reason I'm signing the letter.

And you guys have been so amazing. You've been sending in your birthday greetings to Dad. Yeah, we've had loads. And so to play us out, here's a selection, some choice cuts. We don't need to comment on everything always, guys. God. But happy birthday, Dad. Love you loads.

Happy birthday, Raggy. Love you loads Happy birthday Rocky Rocky motherfucking Flintstone Happy birthday big fella Hope you have a great day today And maybe we can expect a big ol' you know Special birthday Belinda Blinked situation

I don't know Something about coming out of a birthday cake Bit of cream You know I'll leave that to your, you know, artistic integrity, my friend. Have a great day, mate, and all the best. Happy birthday, Rocky. You are the youngish, sexiest father of all porn.

Rocky, Rocky, Rocky We love what you've done for the country You've sourced up every pot and pan in town So we hope you've had a fab day On your special birthday Congrats to the one who wears the porno crown Woo! Happy birthday! You have changed my life

I don't think I've ever had so many multiple laughgasms You are so talented It's like Shakespeare with a lot of sex and your imagination is outrageous. You're outrageous and I love you for it. Anyway, happy birthday, Rocky Flintstone and cheers to many more. Hi, Rocky. My name's Mandy. I want to say happy birthday to you. Thank you for giving me a story that made me spit out my drink with laughter i had a few years where i wasn't able to laugh and to have your story belinda blinked and the podcast has meant the world to me thank you so much happy birthday happy birthday rocky flintstone

don't you think my welsh accent is a bit better than jamie's it was a bit terrible on the last episode wasn't it? Have a great one, you cracking old bugger, you, and keep writing some dirty shit, because I fucking love set. Oh, happy birthday, Mr Flintstone, from the Dutch House. Let's go and get muddy, shall we?

Mmm, happy birthday. I'm blinking. Happy, happy birthday, Rocky, you genius, happy birthday. I'm blinking. Happy, happy birthday, Rocky, you genius, genius man. I hope you get to do all the rimming to your heart's content. To the man that brought to life the girl I wish to make my wife, I thank you deep from my heart for creating such a work of art. I know it's fake, I know she's fiction, but Blumenthal's my true addiction. I see our lives intertwined, sharing Aussie dry white wine. From stocking our kitchen with pots and pans to taking our kids to Canva Sands. Although I try to swipe on Tinder, I'll never meet a woman like Belinda.