My Dad Wrote A Porno - Footnotes: The Bisch-Burt Contract

Episode Date: July 28, 2021

Jamie, Alice and James read the contract between Herr Bisch and Wayne Burt (aka Dr. Robbins) to try to get to the bottom of what their legal agreement was and make sense of what the hell is going on. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello and welcome to my dad wrote a porno it's footnotes time once again alice and james now we're a little bit confused i think about the last chapter well maybe not confused there's been a lot of emails about it making no sense i'm confused i'm not ashamed to say your looks of just blankness i thought maybe you weren't confused no i've taken time to kind of gestate it is that the phrase just to gestate it are you gonna birth the final chapter don't don't gestate dad's work and actually it doesn't stand up to scrutiny and when you really start to think about it, I think in the room I was praising what he'd done. The Norse gods. Oh, right, yeah.

And the Norse gods. But yeah, afterwards I was like, it doesn't really make a great deal of sense. Did you feel dirty for supporting him? Well, and other people have raised these questions as well. It's like the tattoo thing almost feels like an absolute red herring. No. Well, it's kind of two parallel storylines

where you've got this whole tattoo thing and then the blueprints thing almost like they've been smushed together what i would say and this is in dad's defense is that these books have never made sense like that was kind of the point of us reading them that they were rubbish and i feel like somewhere along the way people have expected them to be good so i asked that I was like look I I have some questions do you have anything that might you know shed some light on this as to what this arrangement was between Bish and Wayne Burt and the beans and he said well this this is our lives we're talking about everybody this is happening right now this is real real. And he said, yes.

Great. Thank God for that. That was the end of the message. I smell content. He said, when he was writing this book, he was writing, you know, he always writes extra stuff. So that's not new to anybody. But he said, I did take the trouble to write the contract between Wayne Burt and Bish Hairstelling. What a fucking waste of time.

I was going to say, take the trouble, shouldn't I bother? So I actually have... Nobody has to do. I have the contract. Jesus, look at it, James, look. It's a proper contract. He's drafted a whole legal contract. What's this, sorry?

So this is the deal... That they signed on their tattoo. Right, these are the terms of that deal. What are you talking about? So the terms of the deal that they signed on their tattoo. Right. These are the terms of that deal. What are you talking about? So the terms of the deal are on paper, but the signatures are on skin. Okay. James, two-step authentication. Oh yeah, that's true.

I'd love it if they had this entire three-page contract on their body at some point. It's three pages? Yes. Can you give us the headlines, maybe, rather? Are you going to read the whole thing? We're going to read the contract. All three pages? It's important to read a contract fully i think we all know that t's and c's included yeah rocky is a very litigious man as we know it's why he'll

never get caught out for special j it's why he will simply never name a famous name as it truly appears so this will be watertight he loves reading contracts doesn't he as well so i bet his legal wording will be top notch okay so it starts with and it's as with everything that dad's written an array of font sizes lovely some things in bold different fonts different different fonts different fonts for different wants james so the top of the um piece almost like a letterhead i guess um it's a contract it's in a different uh font it says from the desk of legal law firm of reputation and services granted,

Beer Wagon, Dirchenwald, and Zetkin. Okay. So I'm assuming that's the law firm. Beer Wagon? Beer Wagon, comma, or Beer Wagon, Dirchenwald is one name.

How can you rattle it off so quickly? Yeah, wow. Good memory. Beer Wagon is one, yeah, comma you rattle it off so quickly yeah wow good memory uh beer wagon is one yeah comma um oh it's the three three participants it's the partners of the law yes fine imagine um and one of them's called john beer wagon we're supposed to believe like that's that's a surname b-i-e-r-w-a-g-n beer wagon okay um okay and then it goes into quite large writing. Lovely. Which is the people that it involves. So, Bish Hairstling, semicolon. Of East Berlin, semicolon.

Contract with, semicolon. Wayne Burt. Wayne Burt. Have you worked in law, James? How do you know that was coming? Wayne Burt, semicolon. Of Berlin die underchudringlingsch. James.

Stadt der Schlüsselklink. So that's, Stadt is street and Klink is, I presume. Klink. Klink. Well, do you remember he was in prison at the time for stealing the beans and bish made a deal to break him out so this was the deal they did to break him out of prison the army arrested him or he was arrested because the army found out he was a thief yes oh yeah so bish said you can get out but i have to have a share in the business I want 10% of your company it was like Dragon's Den yeah so this is that contrast

it was like Dragon's Den they don't get cons I want 10% of your beans for 50% of your business so James do you want to get Google Translate out just to

for under I think it's for the best isn't it oh god we're going to have to spell it out now die yep

that new word U-N-D-U-r-c-h yeah d-r-i-n-g-l-i-c-h-e that was this is what i mean try reading it so what are you up to you d-u-n-d-u-r fucking hell you are c-h-c-h-C-H. C-H-D-R. Is this a different word? No. Same word. Same word. D-R. I-N. I-N. What was the same? G-L-I.

L-I. C-H-E. C-H-E. This is great content, guys. New word. S-T-A-D-T. Yeah. Space.

Space. D-E-R. Space. Oh, for God's sake. S-C-H-L. Are you for real? Honestly, U with two little... On the last name. S-S-E-L.

What a thorough waste of everybody's time. Where was Clink? Oh, and then Clink. The impenetrable city of the key, Clink. Right. Is that a real place? Does that just mean prison? Maybe that's the type of prison, like saying you're in strange ways or something.

So he put... Say what it means again. So, Wayne Burt of Berlin. The impenetrable city of the key clink. What was the guy called? The master of the keys? Oh, the grand... The grand master of the keys?

Nothing to that great. Similar-ish. Anyway, so to do with that. Great. Similar-ish. Anyway, so that's the prison. Yes. This is the deal between Wayne Burt and Bish Hairstling. Great. Clause one. Oh, my God.

How have we not even begun? Bish Hairstling, brackets BH, and will therefore be referred to as BH henceforth, contract to bust out Z-Clink, Z above named Wayne Burt, brackets WB. Why is that a bit Germany? Oh, this whole thing is kind of German. I guess it's a German contract. Yeah, but that's not...

You don't put Z-Clink. Wayne Burt, WB, US American citizen. All one word. They're lucky the guards didn't get hold of this contract beforehand. They were like, hang on, what? Bust out of the clink? I like to think it was maybe smuggled in in like a birthday cake or something. None other soul than WB will be removed from said clink.

That's good to know. No floozies, bartenders, accordion players or other riffraff what year is it why is it fat sam's grand slams or other riffraff present in z cell

will be accommodated I can't cope if it keeps saying z clause two god I hope he doesn't share a fucking cell with an accordion player

can you imagine how fucking annoying that would be get me out please you can have as much as you want on the business. Just get me out of here with fucking Norman.

Everyone's shoelaces and belts get confiscated, but their accordion can stay. Clause two. WB, they'll agree to our client. Stop it. Stop it now. To our client. Does it say V-I-L-L?

Stop it. Say will. I can't bear it. WB, they'll agree to our our client BH's very onerous terms with zero negotiation acceptable to negotiate. Zizz is the take zit or leave zit type of deal. Take zit or leave zit. I love that.

This is the kind of thing Rocky would put in a normal contract. It's a take it or leave zit. That's sort of his motto for life. Also, to describe your own terms as onerous. At least you know what you're getting into. It's a kind of no-negotiation negotiation.

Clause three. BH is engaging in the hazardous und risky business of rule-breaking. Why is it in stupid German? Yeah, why is it this garbled English? It's legalese, guys. Spell it with a Z.

There's nothing easy about it. So this is the hazardous and risky business of rule breaking. The exact coordinates are as states. Can I just say, it's not the risky business of rule breaking. It's against the law. Yeah, it's slightly more than rule breaking. You're breaking out a criminal and you've been involved in like, just like huge fraud.

Addendum one to clause three. What page are we on? One. Paragraph one. And pardon? Do you know what? I have to say they're quite, these early clauses are quite all-encompassing,

so I think we get the gist. It's a pretty shit deal, but you have to accept it because there's no negotiation. And it probably lasts in perpetuity throughout the universe. So these are the... The universe. The exact coordinates are as states,

so I assume this is the deal. Upon such satisfaction be granted... Shut up!...to W.B. Wayne Burt. B.H. Bish Hessling. So I assume like this is the deal. Upon such satisfaction be granted to WB, Wayne Burt, BH, Bish Hessling. We don't think it's Warner Brothers and Benson and Hedges, so I'd can't doubt.

Benson and Hedges. I couldn't think of something like. BH, we'll pull down the shutters and play dead when the so-called authorities start calling on them. We shall be stum. So the escape plan was he went to these coordinates and played dead. No.

So Wayne Burt's in prison. So Bish Harrison will pull down the shutters and play dead. I'm sorry, the shutters of? The prison. Sorry, why can Bish pull down the shutters? Excuse me, sir. Could you look up the prison for the night? I've got to go and meet my wife and kids for dinner. Just pop the shutters down.

No, yeah, that's the need. Are you looking up tonight? And then play dead. Play dead? What, just curl up in a ball on the floor? So when the so-called authorities start calling on them... The so-called authorities, what? So, BH will pull down ze shutters and play dead.

Yeah. When ze so-called authorities start calling on them. We shall be stung. Okay, so, so far, Bert's still in the prison. Yeah. And Bish is outside playing dead. I mean, that's... Well, Bish Hairstling as well, which is like the whole company. this isn't a contract between just bish oh i thought that was bish's

full name no hairstling means manufacturing in german that's the company name so the whole company of bish hairstling it's like the whole of steels pots and pans it's in this i'm gonna play dead outside the shutters they will do a synchronised routine to don't stop believing. And then drop to the floor. Addendum two. Agent Bratfish. Shut up! Bratfish?

Bratfish. And fish is with the F-I-S-C-H. No German. It doesn't matter. Agent Bratfish with ze big bazooka titties will seduce ze guard warden man. Is a German lawyer reading this? Is that why it's written like this? Yeah, it's a beer wagon. Of course it is.

Right, fine. So Agent Bratfish, she's new on the scene. And she's part of Bishing. She's just somebody who's employed in case they ever need to break anybody out of prison. On retainer. Because she's got bazooka breasts. Sure. Are they actually bazookas?

Are they going to shoot guards and stuff? The big bazooka titties. I don't know. So she will seduce the guard warden man. She will pull down her blouse to reveal bra frills and flesh. This will then be lowered to full nipple area with an invite to sniff the teat.

Sniff the teat. What a plan! What an airtight plan! So Agent Bratfish will... Why is that invite woven into the contract? I mean, like, do what you want whilst you're on the mission, but does that really need to be a clause? Who sniffs a teat?

That's a good question. This will then be lower... Oh, yes, to full nipple area. To sniff the teat. Once sniffed, the guard warden man will be ready for sleepy bedtime due to drug mist. So there's drug mist in the sniffy teat? In the sniffy teat.

Oh, so it's not that somebody would want to sniff the teat, but they'll go sort of like nose first to the teat. She might push the head in her bosom and then they'll... Her bazookas. So this is what... Sorry, and the nipple is releasing the mist, the gas? The drug mist. Yes.

I assume, maybe. But presumably, like, you know, they're not too far from her nostril, so she could knock herself out with her own... Directly beneath, maybe. But presumably, like, you know, they're not too far from her nostril, so she could knock herself out. Directly beneath, yeah. Yeah, with her own teats, she could be knocked out. This is what is known as a booby trap. I feel like I should stand.

That's excellent. Have all the books been built into that gag? That is one of the best jokes I've ever heard in my life booby trap you know when a kid finds the word booby

really funny for like a certain period of their life I feel like that's a joke that a kid would learn and be like what's a booby trap and he'd be like

I would I would maybe like sneer if a five year old told me that joke oh my god that is who knew

addendum two would have joke of the year inside it booby trap just sniff the teat I can't recover from it and I shan't so sniff the teat

and that is a booby trap addendum three BH will ensure WB escapes to the land of the dykes and the Z's at no further cost

to WB the land of the where? The dykes and the Zs. Because, yeah, it was... The dykes and the Zs. The dykes and the Zs. The Zs. The Zs.

Calm down. What is the Zs? The Zs? I just assume that every Z is meant to be an S. The Zs. James. They're taking him. Z Zs. James. They're taking him to Z Zs. What's he talking about?

They're taking him to the pizza chain Z Zs. The popular high street Italian chain. To Z Zs. He will be dropped at a local Z Zs. From there, Wetherspoons. And Dobles. Because is it Holland that's... Is that Land of the Dykes? What are you talking about? Land of the Dykes. Is what? Holland. Because is it Holland that's... Is that Land of the Dykes?

What are you talking about? Land of the Dykes? Is what? Holland? Just Google it. I actually don't know. What's a dyke? They're in the sea, aren't they?

Land of the Dykes and Windmills or Life in Holland. That's a book. Right. Yeah. I thought it had something to do with Holland. Because that's where Peter is based. So that's where Dr. Robbins lived. Why is he talking, Jamesames like this makes sense it's that it's what makes me the most annoyed

out of everything it's when he takes on this tone and he's like oh yeah so that's holland yeah i thought it was yeah land of the dykes yeah why don't you go to zzz's why don't you go to fucking zzz's right now we have to have our little rat party at ZZs now, don't we? So, we'll escape to the land of Zdykes and ZZs. Stop it. At no further cost to WB. All will be dealt with by BH. Yes.

Good. Clause four. Oh, Christ alive. BH will take an modest interest in... And modest. This has been gone through with a fine tooth comb, I can see. BH will take an modest interest in the business interests of WB. Can you imagine contracting a modest interest?

I will be taking a modest interest. It doesn't say in the... It does if you read. How do you measure modest the company called burt's baked beans there it is yeah that was never clarified that the three b's that so that's what it is burt's baked beans okay um burt's baked beans guess sell schnaft shop that means doesn't it, doesn't it? Oh, does it? Okay. Oh, no. Mit best cranketer... Okay, take it back. It doesn't mean that.

...puff tongue, brackets, G-M-B-H. James. Are you going to make me Google it? Just Google it. Can we be arsed? It means a load of shit is what it means. Oh, it's come up. Has it?

Company with limited liability. It's an LTD. Oh, well, that's the German equivalent. This is like when they did the PTY thing. I mean, the fact that it's actually a thing has surprised me. Wow. So a German LTD is a what? Well, G-M-B-H.

Or a Gesellschaft mit Bestscharkentur Haftung. Isn't that Giselle's surname? No, that's legit. That is a company type in Germany. You study German. You say it. You've got a bit of it. Oh, God.

Gesellschaft mit Beschränkter Haftung. Okay. So that company will convey 10% of all its profits, assets, buildings, including the future stocks of the baked beans, wagons and horses, hand carts... Wagons and horses, so we're not in a Western... So what year was this contract written? It was post-Cold War, or during the Cold War. Yeah, so 80s.

Yeah. Or earlier, because the Cold War lasted for years. Why is it written about, like, ocarina players and bloody and bloody like horses and petticoats and stuff? Handcarts. Wagons and horses, handcarts and merchandise which may or may not be sold in the future. Clause five. Of how many, dare I ask? Actually, we're coming towards the end.

We're already on page, nearly on page three. The end of page two. Have you heard how long each sentence is? And also the erratic font sizes. Also writing in really long German words, which really uses up a lot of space. Clause five.

During the final interview with WB, it is a necessary condition that he be subjected to the continually repeated episode of the Frankie Goes to Hollywood vinyl album.

Ludicrous. I mean, I... What? I pass on to my colleague here. This is to ensure that WB reaches the top and will not stop working his business when BH makes its investment.

Do you understand any of that? Well it sounds like he's got to be regularly played a Frankie Goes to Hollywood album. The f-side. The f-side. That's the name of the album or that's the side of the record? To encourage him. Side of the record, I don't know.

Maybe because it's, I haven't heard the album, but I presume it's like really poppy, motivating songs to make him work hard. I don't know.

I don't know, Alice. The end of the clause says, WB must remember, shooting stars never stop. Is that a lyric? So maybe. Ziz is the BH company motto. Shooting stars never stop is that a lyric so maybe ziz is the bh company motto shooting stars never stop that's the baked bean company motto no that's bish hair stillings even weirder even fucking weirder also taken from a frankie goes to hollywood song

shooting stars never stop i think your dad needs to be institutionalised. I really do. Like, for his own benefit. Something terrible is happening. I don't care what the institution is. I just think that he's... Will the pavilion count? Just lock the doors. I think round the clock staff, just to keep an eye out. We must close as he stutters.

Oh, God. Just play dead. There are lyrics from a song by Frankie Ghost Hollywood called Welcome to the Pleasure Dome oh that's a famous song that is a famous song other lyrics include the world is my oyster that's probably more appropriate did he create that did Frankie Goes to Hollywood I don't know that's a well-known phrase it was only created in 1982 it's in common parlance can I read a few here actually um the first verse is the animals are winding me up the jungle call the jungle call okay it makes as much sense as rocky it's that interesting though like an amazing like cutting

edge band like frankie goes to hollywood makes no sense dad he's ahead of his time jamie an amazing cutting edge band what's he on about when they you know came out in the 80s yeah um here's another one i will give you diamonds by the shower like stood by the shower or by oh maybe it means like I will shower you diamonds the unit is shower

god maybe nothing in culture would stand up to the scrutiny of James and Alice's critiques keep moving on got to reach the top shooting stars never start

oh so yeah well there you go play it James I'll play it to you but for rights reasons we can't play it on the podcast well I think everybody can play a little bit of it to you, but for rights reasons, we can't play it on the podcast. Well, I think everybody can play a little bit of it to themselves now,

just to get, I guess, into the headspace. Of Dad when he wrote this contract. Of Rocky losing his mind and of, I guess, Bert when he's most efficient. It's 13 minutes 40 long. And how many times does he have to listen to it? Every time he works, I think. No, it's in the final... Well, it's about a shift, yeah.

It's in the final interview and just continually repeated that would drive you mad listen to that on a loop it's worse than the accordion player i'd be like put me back in with the accordion player so clause six upon successful termination of the final interview wb will be strapped to the chair and the tattoo artist, Ehrlich III, will make the lasting... From a family of tattoo artists. The lasting impression of the watertightness of this contract on the body part of choice, namely the three Bs as such. And he chose his head. B, B, B.

Yeah. Why would you choose your head? Yeah. Well, where would you choose? If you wanted to have a little discreet. Oh my God. Like a hip. So like it was always hidden by your pants or whatever.

Bum. Bum. Well, you're never going to see. Well, in my case. Someone will see your bum. Well, you won't see your bum, I suppose. Yes. Well, someone's going to see everything.

I hate to break it to you. There are people outside of this room that will see it all. Not if you're never nude. Maybe behind the, I don't know, behind the ear. Well, girls with hair, like. Well, that's kind of what he did with the top of his head. Top of your head, though. So he either was bold to start with, or he shaved his head to have that tattoo.

Or the trauma of having the top of your head tattooed made all his hair fall out. Do you guys have tattoos? I don't think i've ever asked this uh no not one i'm as plain as the driven snow is that the phrase no uh alice do you as white as the driven snow as pure plain as the pure maybe pure as the driven snow i just have the my dad wrote a porno tree um oh yeah yeah mdwap um i have that yeah obviously we'll have that um and our parents made us get it at 18 and we don't know why which cheek left would you ever a tattoo yeah i do want to get one actually but i just don't know what would you get the my dad wrote a porno the 3b tree what did you get the logo 3b tree or the what the The 3B tree. Where do you get the logo? The 3B tree. What, the My Dad Wrote a Porno logo?

Yeah. Oh my God, guys, should we all get it? Would you, James? This is a huge part of our lives. I mean, because wasn't it in, we should ask Elijah, all the guys from Lord of the Rings, I think all the actors of The Fellowship got the same tattoo. Well, I don't ever get the logo.

I've toyed with like a little Belinda in like a nice italic have you honestly on your arm maybe like top of the arm oh my god that'll look like it's your girlfriend yeah

well where else would I have or your mum oh who's Belinda just some sex maniac from a book that my friend's dad wrote or just a little BB

or a third to make it the tree no fucking way I'm not signing anything if you're getting a girl's name in a love heart and it's not your mother's on your arm they'll be all hell to pay yeah she'll freak i think this is to be discussed off air because i mean james has obviously thought about it way more

than we have you say this but loads of listeners and i do mean loads because they send us these all the time have gotten various tattoos of things from the books there was uh one recent three girls who all listen together got WWBD. What would Belinda do? Who would Belinda do? Oh yeah, of course. My bad. A few pomegranates.

Yeah, pomegranates are popular. Did you see that one across somebody's back that went over the shoulders and it was Mr. Hushman in the mouse costume? I'm joking. I was like, no.

Yeah, so like, you know, other people have been inked because of this show. Maybe we should follow suit. Alice is making eyes like she's genuinely serious about it, which is worrying. We'll be bound together forever. Well, I notice you're both not saying on mic whether you'll do it, which is very wise. Well, let's talk about it off mic. Yeah.

That means no. That means no. I'd like to see the contract before I sign anything. Fair enough. I'll write something up. And you know if we got it, you know who would definitely get it? Rocky. That means no. That means no. I'd like to see the contract before I sign anything. Fair enough. I'll write something up. And you know if we got it, you know who would definitely get it? Rocky.

Okay, so you're going to get the BBB. When the blood has drained and the tattoos are finished, WB... The blood's drained. Fucking hell. WB will be given his new identity as Dr. Peter Robbins with a gaily coloured toupee free of charge. On ze house. Thank you. What an unnecessary sweetener. We'll throw in a toupee.

I don't really want to be involved in this massive breakout and then forever more, you know, linked to you inextricably so that I have to do all your, like, dirty dealings. A toupee, you say? Now there's a toupee on offer it's gaily colored what does gaily colored mean is that a rainbow toupee he will then be transported to his new land and leather desk job at rouse's supermarkets head office look at jam like, smirking. I'm like...

Babe, what is this? Put a hand on the hip as well. I'm just so impressed that Dad... Impressed is not a word that crossed my mind. But he clearly, like, lives and breathes this world so much so that he's taken the time to... Well, I mean, not that long. To write up a contract that will never be seen.

I just... I can't think of a more futile exercise. Addendum four. BH, can you have addendum four from a different clause? Or would it go back to one? Oh, good question. No, I think it would go back to one. Because it's...

That's the issue here, yeah. Addendum four. BH will operate his Bert's baked beans shops in his absence I'd call that more than an addendum I'd say that should be its own clause That's quite a big thing Who reads the addendums? I own 10% of your business

But I also run your business I didn't know he had shops Baked beans shops No, but it's a baked beans shop Four ceiling tins of beans I'd love to try that one Shops and shops What? No, but it's a baked bean shop. Four ceiling tins of beans? I'd love to try that one. Shop and shop.

What? I thought he was just like ferrying them through on the black market. What's in the shop? Just different sized tins of beans? Because he doesn't even like make them.

They're quite different flavours because it's all stolen. Fill your own? Like take your own container? Exactly. Do you know what though? In this day and age in East London,

a baked bean shop, you'd probably make it. It's like the cereal shop. It's like the cereal shop. In this day and age in East London, a baked bean shop, you'd probably make a cake. It's like the cereal shop. It's like the cereal shop. Oh, my God. Go in and just have a bowl of beans. Hot or cold, madam? Then you pick all your toppings.

Pick your base. Legal or contraband? No, we only stock BBB here. You've never heard of it. It's one of the biggest military brain bombs in the world. of it. It's one of the biggest military brain burns in the world. You clearly don't know your military pulses, do you?

Clause 7. This is the last clause you'll be glad to know. Thank God. Clause 7. This is the customary NDA section. Customary? For those inexperienced, this is the simple and stands for never discuss anything.

It's not, but cool. It's non-disclosure agreement for anyone who doesn't know. It's not never talk. What was it? Never discuss anything. Yeah, it's not that. Okay. And so this contract is obviously signed.

Is it? Hang on. They signed on their skin. So they signed the contract and the tattoos. Oh, my God. It's also signed. Oh, is it like one of those digital signatures he signed it with different like handwriting fonts like you do at school where you pick a like twirly whirly one let me see what have we got

ones in one that's usually used for like kind of greasy spoon menus like that one is like yeah and then uh wayne burke's is very fancy. Very kind of... Full italics. Full italics. That's like... That's like the standard one on Microsoft Word. So signed Wolfgang Bisch, Bisch-Hersteling, and signed Wayne Burt, Burt's Baked Beans GmbH.

That's... It's called Brush Script, I think. If you want to see Wayne Burt's signature, it's Brush Script. Just write Wayne Burt in Brush Script. Very easily forged. That's why they need the tattoo. So wait, is the tattoo just a second, as we discussed earlier, a sort of second round of security?

Must be, yeah. Absolutely absurd. So the tattoo thing, completely pointless. Fascinating, though. Why did they get that third generation tattooist involved? Ehrlich III? Ehrlich? absolutely absurd so the tattoo thing completely pointless fascinating though why did they get that third generation tattooist involved Ehrlich the third

Ehrlich wasn't it written Ehrlich don't come for Ehrlich the third Alice Levine it's not his fault he's just doing his job what did Ehrlich think when he's called

called to a boardroom and they've got the they've got the contracts out and they're like Ehrlich we're ready Frankie go to Hollywood he's playing he's like anybody want

a dolphin on their spine it's like no different Ehrlich today different no a tree on the bolts please although if he is the third generation why is he making them bleed

like gushing blood was it or dripping or once it dries drained drained that was it yes there you go

so has that helped has that given us any further insight into this deal I don't know. No, it's just kind of compounded the crazy, I think.

It's just kind of reaffirmed everything that was said in the chapter. Okay, well, that's it, I think. You know, I had a good time, even if it wasn't that interesting. Oh, it was a lovely time. What are you signing off?

I had a good time, even if everybody else hated it. I mean, that's just sort of how we feel about my double-edged porno, isn't it? It's like like we had a nice time yeah we just like doing it we just like hanging out um but yeah next week is the final episode of this series so tune in next monday to find out who's knocking on that door and guys you

know i love a party so i hate to be banging on about it but we do have a listening party on monday august the 2nd 8 p.m uk time we'll all press play at exactly the same moment and be tweeting along using the hashtag Alice hashtag porno day so we'll see you there get your Belinda beers in

get your beans in oh yeah everyone have beans on toast oh my god it's all over yes beans on toast beans on toast

and beer can you imagine how flatulent everyone's going to be oh my god there'll be gentlemen woofs all over the world

what a cloud. So come back on Monday for the season finale. Woo! Woo!