My Dad Wrote A Porno - Footnotes: Who Is The Special One?

Episode Date: August 30, 2018

We didn't discover the Special One's identity in chapter one - who could it be? Will we ever find out? Jamie, James and Alice examine your surprisingly detailed theories...Get tickets to our live show in BERLIN next Monday 3rd September via mydadwroteaporno.com/live Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to My Dad Wrote a Porno, The Footnotes. Now we are about to do our last few dates of our world tour and we've sold every single ticket apart from a few in Berlin, the home of Hairbish. So if you want to see our live show on Monday the 3rd of September, go to mydadwroteporno.com now to find the tickets. But anyway, now to the first footnotes of this series. Quite exciting, yes? It's so nice to be back on a Thursday.

Isn't it? Yeah, hi guys. So we've heard the first chapter and as predicted we are still no closer to knowing who the special one is. James, I don't like hearing you so disappointed. You really should have prepared yourself for this. Yeah, I know. We have got that weird figure in the church though. That could be something to do with it. Jamie, don't

throw in bones like that. Why get his hopes up? It's probably the cleaner let's face it totally it's like saying to somebody who's got a box wrapped up at christmas a little kid saying it could be a bike it's not a bike is it it defies all logic but i'm just clinging on to it guys we have to find out who the special one is this book we have to well people have been sending in their theories about who it could be oh great, great. I mean, for the past 12 months. Yeah.

Literally the last year people have been like, in the middle of the night you just get emails from people who just be like, I think I know who it is. People have stopped me in the street saying,

you must know who it is. I'm like, I genuinely don't know or really care. But sometimes you're like, sorry, who, what is, what? What's going on? Oh, right, the special one. The special one.

I've got one such email here. Okay. A lady calling herself Elizabeth. I can't confirm or deny if that's her real name. Everyone's suspicious of everyone. She says, hello, hello, hello. I think it's one for each of us. So you've probably been told this by several fans already,

but in book two, episode 10, I mean, she's really gone deep. Sir James pops up. That's the episode. Sir James mentions to Belinda that Christina Rouse is not only the receptionist, but also in control of information flow. Or, and this quote marks, what you would call a spy. What?

I don't remember this at all. Alice won't either. Are you joking? Who's Christina? The woman with the ass. Oh, Chris. Maybe Peter has created a false connection with Belinda and Christina is in approval of this relationship

because they are both spies working for Team Bish. Peter controls the big deals and Christina keeps an eye on who is coming. Literally coming. Literally coming and going from reception. Okay. So Elizabeth thinks Peter and Christina are in cahoots. So does that mean that she thinks that Christina's the special one?

I don't really understand. Or Belinda's the specialist. I honestly think that this is going to be way better than the revelation that actually happens from Rocky. Yeah, but Christina doesn't work at Steeles Pots and Pans and we know that the special one does, right? And has just been promoted. We know that about the special one. Jamie, I'm not saying Elizabeth's an expert. She's just offering her theory.

Okay. I mean, the fact that she's this invested says a lot about Elizabeth. an expert she's just offering her theory okay i mean the fact that she's this invested says a lot about elizabeth i mean the fact that we won't even go back to book two chapter 10 to verify whether that's a direct quote we're like can't be bothered take a word for it but i have to say twitter has been alight with theories and speculation it's been quite incredible to behold it's been worrying i think sally hits it on the head the most she says there is no special one well there might be but we'll never know because it will all be forgotten by the next book and will never be mentioned again Sally that's very glass half empty Mr X has said remind me again why an 80s East

German intelligence officer is trying to bring the UK to its knees via the medium of kitchenware and obviously Belinda is a special one I mean asking all the wrong questions I really like Jade's input she says 100% either Belinda or Bella. Belinda because she's the main character and having her be an infiltrated spy would actually be a well-written plot twist. Bella because I feel she's playing stupid and also that riding outfit costs so much.

That is true. I mean, the riding outfit is a huge, huge red flag on Bella. But she had the budget one, didn't she? Hers was only a grand. That's a lot of money, James. What are you spending on your Friday night outfits? Another vote on Bella. But she had the budget one, didn't she? Hers was only a grand. That's a lot of money, James. What are you spending on your Friday night outfits? Another vote for Bella. She's always encouraging the rest of them to keep drinking and spill the beans.

She puts on the dumb girl act, but I reckon there's a brain up there. That's where you lost me. A lot of Giselles, though. Someone tweeted, my money is on Giselle being the special one. She was promoted to the KSA and Tony's new missus hashtag double promotion what's KSA that is a key sales sales man I don't know key sales key sales account yeah yeah I love our listeners know literally more than we do about this I think dad calls them key account managers but I think that's the thing that she's talking about there.

Tootie Bluey. Tootie Bluey. Say no more. Has got a very, very interesting angle. Okay. So I think it's the long lost child of the Duchess from when her ski instructor got her pregnant at Swiss finishing school.

Back for revenge, or maybe as a team with the Duchess. After all, family, yes, family, is at the centre of it all. Oh yeah, because that's what was said, wasn't it? Family, yes, family. God, people really dig, don't they? Tooty bluey.

Tooty bluey. Hang on, I hope that that doesn't mean that Belinda's the special one and also the Duchess's long lost daughter because that would be really, really weird with what they've done. Okay, don't say that. Eliza thinks it's actually the Duchess

because, do you remember in book one, at the end of book one, she was supposed to come clean about something With what they've done. Okay, don't say that. Eliza thinks it's actually the Duchess because... Do you remember in book one, at the end of book one, she was supposed to come clean about something and she started hinting at like a conspiracy. Oh, yeah. And I fucking... Why do people remember things? Also, has dad actually done some plotting?

This is getting worrying. So hang on. She was going to come clean. Yes. And I remember us all being like, she didn't tell her anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck.

So what, we've waited that long? Maybe Rocky was like seeding that early on and we've forgotten can i just say people need to go and read some actual books because if they're this into belinda blinked i feel like they'd love actual literature i know there's a whole world out there guys um post panda has said what's the chance that Belinda just hallucinated everything post car crash? Massive chance. Huge chance. Because then Nazeem has said, a lot of the post car crash stuff does actually seem like it could have been several nights worth of medical induced hallucinations. Klaus Bloch, Madeleine Chocolat, Butch the Sunburnt Kid, the Swine's Tiger Siblings in Bargain Basement Land.

He's got a point. I mean... It's batshit. It's batshit. What about Aston's thoughts? It will be someone we've never met and don't know, and it will be revealed casually in Chapter 7, mid-sentence and never spoke about again.

I think you're onto something, Aston. Ben Johnson, I think, has probably said the truest thing yet, which is, well, the special one is Rocky Flintstone, surely. What, you think he's going to actually write himself into the books? No. I mean, would you put it past him? I mean, I wouldn't be surprised. Like a latex mask.

Someone peels it off and he's underneath. Yeah, Mission Impossible style. That would mean that I would have to read not only my dad's writing, but actual about him. Your dad writing about your dad having sex oh god thomas is a friend of mine clearly it's bill and drag i mean who else would stoop to this level of espionage oh bill and hr i wish this was his triumphant return christine's got an interesting theory sir james godwin's wife who tragically died in a parachuting accident, was actually taken

in and nursed back to health by a secret spy organisation, only to be brainwashed and trained to infiltrate the pots and pans industry. Her accident, of course, required extensive plastic surgery, making her unrecognisable, but also allowed for a brand new identity, the identity

being Belinda Bloopenthal, thus making Sir James Godwin's wife and Belinda the same person. That is batshit. Do you know what? That makes about as much sense

as JJ Maggs who says, is it the shreds of loose skin from Jim that's mutated into an evil version of Belinda? I'm just being silly now.

That's just silly. That's silliness. I'm obsessed with Christine's. Please print that out so that we can give it to Rocky. Claire kind of concurs. I think it's a Belinda imposter facial surgery done by Marco Arrigues

oh very good Julia said Bella because of the Bella Donna mix up of names yes I've seen this a few times yeah people think that wasn't a mistake I can assure you though listeners

it was a mistake because when I mentioned it to dad he looked so embarrassed he was like oh for fuck's sake I can assure you though, listeners, it was a mistake because when I mentioned it to dad, he looked so embarrassed. He was like, oh, for fuck's sake, I can't do everything. Turns out you can't do anything. Are people still talking about that? Hannah has gone into the detail of the last chapter of book three. Okay. Has to be someone with an online bank account. And that can only be two people because we're in the 1980s only character who's

ever used modern technology of any kind is alfie linkedin smallish because really a woman dressed as a man had no clue how to do his job crashed the o2 gig to spy on steals and get a walk just saying she was talking about the new range although that that was just Oxybrillo, wasn't it? But he doesn't work at Steeles. Does it matter? No, exactly. Liam has said, and this person doesn't work at Steeles either, but this actually is interesting.

Hazel. Oh. So he said, oh. What the fuck? He said, oh, randomly bump into Belinda on a flight and then bring on Giselle's hen do. A likely story. Well, I would love an explanation for it. if that's what it is fine poor the other one Hazel um Georgia said

that it has to be Giselle because she's marrying Tony to get closer into the company that kind of would probably make the most sense would it I quite like that theory yeah Carl says hands up who thinks it's Hans Schweinsteiger absolutely no one no hands go up brilliant arjun says lara alexandra kuznetsov who's like who's that oh that's gregor kolansky's like assistant isn't it she's conspiring with peter rouse to take steals down because the english are beautiful but stupid. Oh yes, she did. Caroline just says, the woman from the chocolate fountain or Dr. Robbins?

Someone said Norman Togwe. Oh, I'm done. My favourite Flintstonian name ever. Can I just say, so Norman Togwe obviously came up on Belinda's CV as one of her referees. Yes. And we said there is no Norman Togwe's on Facebook. You know, people have set up Norman Togwys profiles. And you know there's loads of Alfie LinkedIns.

Are there? Loads, yeah, yeah. I know that Belinda's on LinkedIn now. Someone's made a LinkedIn for Belinda Blumenthal. Someone's made a Belinda Twitter. Like, people just, who are you? Show yourselves. Melissa says that maybe it was Betty Wilkes and Vicky Woods. The sloppy business attire could have been a cover.

Hayley says, I think the identity of the special one is Des Martin's now ex-wife. Oh, that would be good. She'd have insider knowledge of the company and her assignment conclusion closely coincides with the divorce. I don't know what that means. But isn't there such a thing as spousal immunity? What does that mean? So you don't have to testify against your spouse.

What about your ex-spouse though? Has it gone through? Oh, maybe not. Divorce does take a while. Famously. Oh, Jackie, please no. I think he'll forget he wrote it and just start writing

about something else. Maybe an in-depth chapter about a train journey or it's Donna. Or Donna. Or Donna Raw. Well, I think we've kind of covered every possible character there. Is there anyone we haven't mentioned? Tara Gold?

Ciara Montague? Well, she's locked in Belinda's flat, so I don't think it's going to be her. Poor woman. Other than that, I think we've mentioned absolutely everybody. Absolutely everybody, male, female. And the most ancillary characters we can find. And even characters that don't exist. Like Des Martin's wife.

I mean, what it shows is it could literally be anyone. I just hope that it does get revealed. Now I'm just really worried that he will forget. I think Amy puts it right when she says, After much consideration, I still have no answers, but I remain utterly thrilled that there's a spy at all. Oh Amy. I think we're just thrilled

that there's plot at all. Totally. Finally. Well no matter what your personal theory is of who the special one is we hope that you'll all be listening intently

for chapter two on Monday because I actually can't handle the stress. It's getting too much. It's great to be back. It is. I'm so excited about what's to come.

Yeah. So we'll see you on Monday. Special one. Special one. Special one. Special one about what's to come. Yeah. So we'll see you on Monday. Special one. Special one. Special one. Special one. We're never going to find out, are we? Picture this.

You're at a picnic with pals and bam, you suddenly feel unwell. But going to the clinic, not the ideal weekend plan. Well, those days are over. Maple's virtual care has got your back with 24-7 access to licensed doctors and nurse practitioners within minutes. Need a diagnosis or prescription? Sorted right from your phone,

right in time for your next picnic. Download the Maple app today and have more summer this summer.