My Dad Wrote A Porno - S1E6 - 'The Third Client Peter Rouse' REMASTERED

Episode Date: October 10, 2025

To celebrate 10 years since the show began, we're releasing remastered versions of season 1. Belinda spends time with one more client in the medium sized maze. They seem to be getting on well - could this be love? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey friends, it's Nikaela from the podcast Side Hustle Pro. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens. And the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver. My kids are obsessed. Yoto is a screen-free audio player where kids just pop in a card and listen. Hours of stories, music, podcasts, and more. And no screens or ads. With hundreds of options for ages 0 to 12, it's the perfect gift they'll go back to again and again.

Check it out at yotoplay.com. The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff. Jamie, why are we here? We're here because my dad's written a porno. Your dad's written a porno. Erotic literature. Why?

Previously, on My Dad Wrote a Pornow. Jim grunted, and Belinda thought she felt something entering her person. Oh my God. If you have to ask. Did the man know he was only tickling her? Poor Jim! Belinda squatted slightly, as Jim was shorter than her. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, humiliation for Jim. She had a squat. We have a rogue comma. Wait, is that... Is that Jim's penis? Hello, everybody. Welcome back to my dad, Rotoporno. We are on episode six.

We're getting really through it now. We're racing. We really are. Is that halfway? We are roughly halfway, aren't we? We're at the top of the hill, as it were, and we're on a, or the top of the nipple. The nipple tip. Are you basically saying it's a rapid decline from here?

From here on in, I think so. Oh, no, I hope not. If anything, I think the raciness has picked up. I agree. And I think it's getting a lot more kind of anatomical. You know, before it was always a hint of a tease. And now we're really getting into vulvas and clitorises. Yeah, it's full on medical terms.

It really is. And I'm not enjoying it that much. There is a strange instinct in me that. actually wants to know what happens in the story. I mean, I know that's ridiculous, but I actually want to know what happens to these people. Say what you like about Belinda blinked, but do not call it a story.

Okay. It is erotica only, Alice. It's only purposes to arouse. Saying book has been, you know, slightly unfair to brand it with that word as well. But I do know what you mean, though. There is an element of you wanting, you are invested in these characters a little bit.

Certainly Belinda. And I feel Giselle too. Don't say character. Bellas slash Donna not so much, but you know. You know, most writers talk about their process and they sit down, they really flesh out their character. I feel like he just sat down at the computer and just started typing, like, literally like whatever was in his head at the time. All I know is that what he told me recently was he likes to write in heat. So read into that way, I will.

So I imagine him on a beach in his wife runs. Oh, in his black thong. Slash Spido, which I'm sure he imagines is a black thong, or maybe he's fashioned into a black thong. Who knows? A simple tuck and a twist and there it is. Hopefully the seams straight. I'd love to know the influences. I love to know what he's seen that's made him pop that in.

You see, I would ask him, but I don't want to know. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. Yeah. I don't want to go there. That is a can of worms. Why does he like to write in heat? Maybe he just feels like that that's when his creative, and I don't want to use the word juices, but I'll use the word juices, we'll be flowing.

Did he say in heat or on heat? Both. The line could have been crackily. I think both. Well, we are reading the chapter today in just the conditions that Rocky likes. We're in the most boiling room in the most boiling building ever. It is rather warm, yes. I'm clammy at best.

You're a sweaty lady. It's one of Rocky's favourite. Thank you. Oh my God, maybe we're all conditioning ourselves to become characters in the book. In the style of Belinda, Chapter 1, I'm leaning back on my leather chair and gently beginning to sweat. I may have to start removing clothes soon. I'm just warning you. Oh, it's going to get sexed it, even before the book's begun. So what's chapter? seven called. So yeah, as we said last week, Chapter 7 is called the third client, Peter

Rouse. Yeah. Or as Alice, though, wittily said, Peter A Rouse. I was really proud of that. Off the cuff, what about that? I've been working on it for a number of weeks. I knew it was coming. Ever since that blurb, you were like, I'm going to use that. I'm saving it. So I'm hoping, I mean, I've enjoyed the maze. Don't get me wrong. Kind of hoping this is the last time we visit the maze. Yeah, I agree. I'm getting a bit of maze fatigue. You are. Nothing about Belinda. I know. She must be knackered for a thing.

Absolutely pooped. Didn't Rocky say last chapter that it's a proverbial quagmire by now? Well, this is true. I mean, maybe that she can't be in the maze for much longer just because of the conditions. Health and safety. Yeah. I mean, we can have fun, but let's not forget the red tape of health and safety, guys. Let's keep it safe.

Safe and sexy. Yeah, Rob is Belinda blink. Safe and sexy. And Rocky's idea of safe sex is like, not getting too muddy. Not slipping in a quagmire. Or just watching. as Alphonse Sturbecker did. Yeah, well, she thought he was a voyer,

but then he got involved, didn't he? Oh, of course he did. Observation wasn't his only motive. It was those deals. Let's go, I'm excited. You're excited? Yeah, let's go. Just because we are so superficial

and we do always have this conversation. Oh, yeah. Peter Rouse, body type. Oh, okay. I mean, they're all fat. I'm not sure if they are all fat. I mean, you know, Jim Sterling was a chubby. Jim Sterling,

chubby and short and stout. here's his handle Where's his spout That is such a great assessment of a man That will be his epitaph Oh God Who was before that Alphonse Sturbacher

Go on love your question Which nursery rhyme is befitting to him No but he was quite What rhymes with Sturbacher does it change he was quite a stout man as well wasn't he he was quite big i don't think he was was he i thought he was quite lean yeah maybe we weren't told and we all just created an image i think you want them all to be fat for some strange reasons for lulls really fetish um so yeah i just think peter rouse is just going to be an ample man

okay okay well i think it's time to find out really let's delve in let's delve in belinda blinked chapter seven the third client peter rouse Belinda stood her ground, hoping this one would be much better. Not easy to stand your ground in that mud bath. I hope she's got some grip on. Well, she's wearing nothing, so her feet. But easy to do better than Jim Sterling. I mean, we're giving Jim a rough ride.

Poor Jim. He's never given him anyone or awful. No, the sad thing was that he tried to give her a rough ride. He thought he was. And she felt nothing. thing. Numb. Belinda stood her ground, hoping this one would be so much better.

She had had enough titillation. She wanted, no, needed a good fuck. Oh my goodness. She didn't have that much titillation. She's had a few. I mean... She didn't have good fuck so far. Not by her standards, obviously.

I am literally quoting the book of Atum. Good fuck is nowhere. Didn't say that. What did it say? It did. It said good fuck. It did, yeah. Oh, trickster. You're a tricky little.

one. No, needed a good fuck. A tall, blonde-haired man with an impressive physique strolled into view. Well, I stand corrected. And not what I imagined, but great, good for Peter. Belinda quickly recognized Peter Rouse. His operation was located in Holland with 357 retail outlets and again was growing strongly throughout the Scandinavian countries. Is he trouncing Alphonse then with 357? Only just, I think. And neither of them have a patch on Jim Sterling. Yeah. Wow, ironic that, isn't it? An evasive entrepreneur, Peter could not be overlooked, as he had recently expanded to Spain and Portugal.

The home of pots and pans. I mean, this is, you know... This guy's important. On seeing Belinda, he quickly removed his thong and threw it to the ground whilst approaching her. I mean, it's not your traditional handshake or hello, but it's how he rolls. Can you imagine having that effect on someone? They just glance you and they're like, I've got to whip my pants on. I can't wait a second longer.

Amazing. My name is Peter, he said. I mean, here's someone who's introducing himself before having sex with her. I'm polite. But why does everyone say, my name is Peter? My name is Belinda. Why doesn't everyone say, I'm Peter? Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, je mappel, Peter. He's not in like a foreign language class. My name is Peter, he said, and quickly bowed. as is traditional in Holland. Bowed. I mean, he's got a lot of respect. Come on now. In Japan, that's very respectful.

Generally, they're clothed, but that's very respectful. My name is Peter, he said, and quickly bowed. I believe you are Belinda. Wait. They speak English in Holland, though. I believe you are Belinda. I believe you are Belinda. I believe you are Belinda.

the sales director of this fantastic customer bash your superiors are putting on here today. Why, yes, I am Mr. Rouse, said Belinda, blushing at her naked appearance in front of this, so far, delightfully hung man. Now she blushes. Our preconceptions about Peter are so far all wrong. Well hung, great body. I thought he'd be a human being, but he's actually an android, so I'm a bit thrown by that. After all, he was the first to know who she was. Great.

Well, then definitely shag him. That's a reason to shag him. He knows my name. Legs open. Oh my goodness. You guys have obviously ever been on a night out in my hometown.

Oh! Someone can't return to the homestead. Hey friends, it's Nikaela from the podcast Side Hustle Pro. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens.

And the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver. My kids are obsessed. Yoto is a screen-free audio player where kids just pop in a card and listen. Hours of stories, music, podcasts, and more, and no screens or ads.

With hundreds of options for ages zero to 12, it's the perfect gift they'll go back to again and again. Check it out at yotoplay.com, y-o-t-o-p-l-a-y-com. Please, please, call me Peter, he replied, especially as we have to become more intimately acquainted in the next 25 minutes. Sorry, I forgot to ask, what year is Peter from? dearest miss bloomenthal do you not think that a bit of class is welcome in this book it's all been a bit rough and ready so far I believe we're to be acquainted in an intimate fashion miss Blumenthal uh uh uh for forthwith

oh why is he on a period drama have we sought permission from the village elders to be there village elders well she does check the town hall clock for the time say no oh my god they're a matchmaid in heaven I think this could really work out. Indeed. He took Belinda's hands and said, What a delightful body you have. May I handle it? It's not a like fragile item.

I'm going to say. It's like the bulk of his stock. Handle with care. May I handle it? These two need to work on the sexy talk. That's what I'm saying. But I think weirdly they're quite well suited in that respect. Yeah, we've not really encountered a gent in this story.

No. Oh my God, do you think this is like, can I become a love story? No. No. Okay. I refer you to the early comment about story. Shoot that one down. Thank you.

What a delightful body you have. May I handle it? Doesn't that sound like, what a wonderful nose you have? Isn't this bit like just stolen from Red Riding Hood? Do you think I go, what a few have? Belinda replied, why yes, of course. I would love to feel you touch me, feel as free as you wish. Now that's an offer I can.

cannot refuse, Peter replied, and immediately started to massage her neck, slowly... Let me get on my hands on that. Oh, I've been thinking about this for days. Let me go on those shoulders. I imagine Belinda's got a really broad back. I don't know why. I'm a really, like, a hefty neck. A strong neck. Strong neck. Peter replied, and immediately started to massage her neck, slowly spreading to her breasts and buttocks. So he goes from neck down to breasts.

All the way down to buttocks. And a little switcheroo to the buttocks. Yes. Because if, lest we forget, the breasts are at the front, the buttocks are like that. Oh, are they? The headbones connected to the neck bone. Belinda immediately started to relax and responded by gently massaging Peter's penis. I imagine that kind of like she's like kneading it, like a bread dough.

A baguette, an uncooked baguette. Oh, God. He had a fantastic body and his muscles were very well toned. Belinda started to caress his body. And in return, I mean, that's two mentions of the body. Body, yeah. It just doesn't flow that well there. Yeah, I think he's probably not got a synonym, has he?

He's stuck there. Belinda started to caress his body, and in return, he moved his massage to her vaginal area. Oh, of course, of course. I mean, I feel like we've been here so many times, and I mean Belinda's vagina. I know this area at like the back of my hand. I've got GPS on this shit. And also, it's kind of losing any sort of shock value. Am I alone in that?

Yeah, I just feel like I've heard every word for it now, and I'm just totally desensitized. I was always shocked. by the language as opposed to the fact that I was related to the man that wrote it, which is possibly where you're coming from. Well, exactly. This is the thing. When I first started to read it, I was like, you know, read Dad's book, you know, very exciting. Turns out it has a lot of clit and vaj and vulva in it.

And now I'm like, oh, yeah, he's just gone to massage her vaginal area. Standard. You're just immune to it. Well done, Dad. Brilliant. You get a lot of edge to the pound in this book. You really do. He stroked her small runway of pubic black.

hair leading to her vaginal lips. Why does everything have to lead? You know where it is. Like, it's not leading there. Also, he's finally got to grips with lips and not lids. Oh, yeah. Congratulations, Rocky. He's really growing in his writing.

Turn that D upside down. You got the right letter. Oh, still gross, isn't it? I mean, that's a given. Everything's gross. And soon he was inside her with his fingers. fingers All eight of them

Both hands Is he diving in? Why is he doing a round of applause in there? He's playing like a piano concerto inside her Cat's cradle Blender Belinda Belinda had rarely experienced anything as delicate as this

That's not Two hands in her is not delicate We've invented two hands That is your imagination Running away with yourself Belinda had rarely experienced anything as delicate as this and soon began to moan softly In return, she still had the sense of presence

To massage is now extremely hard and large penis The sense of presence What lovely turn of phrase What a lovely nonsensical turn of phrase Means nothing, love that It's pure Flintstone That is textbook Flintstone She somehow knew she was going to enjoy this man

Somehow new, well, because she's enjoying it, potentially. Because he's got like... He's actually experiencing that emotion right now. After a few moments, Peter pushed Belinda onto her knees into the soft mud and gently guided her head to his penis. Oh, God. Belinda opened her mouth and slowly pushed her lips over his force. Oh, God.

Did you just sick in your mouth? I'm so... And everybody take a couple of... water and run out of the room. Oh, God. Are you okay? No. Is foreskin a thing you chat about in sexy time?

I was going to say, it is the most disgustingly unsexy thing to mention at this point. Not that I was into it before this point. That has turned me right off. Say it again, although I don't want you to say it again. The line. Belinda opened her mouth and slowly pushed her lips over his foreskin. Oh. Hang on, wait.

Oh, pulling it back before slightly gagging as she swallowed his entire cock down her throat. Oh, my God. How big is it? Also, I think Belinda might die in Chapter 6. I feel like she's doing some like sword swallowing or something. You are very skillful, Belinda. Would you let me teach you more techniques? Don't ask her a question.

She got to answer your question. Simply a thumbs. up or a thumbs down, Belinda. Why, yes, Peter. I always love to learn new things. How is she answering? I mean, she's... She hasn't slipped it out yet.

She's a ventriloquist. She's got room to talk. She must have a huge mouth. Wonderful elocution lessons that have allowed her to do that. What she said again? Why, yes, Peter. I always love to learn new things. I mean, there's new and there's new.

And also, it seems like she knows pretty much everything. She's the Oracle. He then lifted her from the ground and slowly penetrated her vagina with his now throbbing cock. Sorry, lifted her from the ground via the mouth with his penis. Like, lifted her... I imagine that she's now removed the penis from her mouth.

Okay, sure. Yeah, I love that that's never mentioned that we just have to shoot. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it isn't like he wants to, you know, give much detail on the sex in this erotic novel for that thing. I love that we are so confused by the logistics of scenarios.

They take any sexual content out of it because we're like, yeah, technically that should be sexy, but, like, talk. walkers through it step by step. He just misses out huge chunks. Belinda again moaned softly. His penetration was so fluid, she felt in ecstasy. Let's just move on. I don't know what. I just don't, I've never seen games like this. I really don't know what to say anymore. He started to move inside her. She responded by contracting and releasing her vaginal muscles in time to his thrusts. Why doesn't she just have sex?

One and two and three, three, four. Three, three, four and two and two and five. And, Contracting her vaginal muscle. I mean, it's just so... That is having sex. Exactly, but... I don't be all, you know, Rocky about this and anatomical James, but... But why does she have to think of it in those terms? Or why does Rocky have to think of it in those terms?

Sorry, James. Did you just want him to put, and they had sex? Yes. Yes, just once. Can you just put and they had sex? They were now completely intertwined. Belinda had never experienced anything like this. before.

What actual normal sex? With a nice person who introduced himself and was perfectly pleasant. She was floating on air and Peter was penetrating deeper and deeper. Belinda started to gasp in short spasms. Electricated. She needed more and more oxygen just to feed the gigantic orgasm she was about to encounter. Oh my God, I feel like she's going to explode. It's like...

It's going to pop. For the first time. in her life, she was not in control. Whoa. That's a big deal for Belinda. But she was enjoying it to death. This is new. This is unfamiliar.

She's a changed woman, isn't she? This is what I mean? This might be like a love story. I'm just pleased for her. I'm just pleased she's having a good time. She's had to kiss a lot of frogs to get to this point. Seriously. Peter started to sweat profusely.

Oh, my God. And we're back to normal. Another sweater. Peter started to sweat profusely. Belinda started to rub his skin more vigorously. It's just like a poem. Also, nothing I love more when I'm sweaty than for somebody to vigorously rub my skin. Rub the skin.

Like, that isn't sexy, is it? Exfoliate. Belinda started to rub his skin more vigorously, and he approached his climax. Of course, Belinda was now wild with delirium. She was completely out of her head. She's mad as a box of fries, isn't she? She got string a sentence together, poor thing. Never has been able to, to be fair.

I was going to say, that's nothing new. She was completely out of her head. All her actions were mechanical. Peter kept thrusting. Belinda kept flexing her vaginal muscles until they both came in a violent explosion of ecstasy together. Oh, my God.

At least it's over. I just felt like I had to just rush through that. I mean, I might be wrong, but did that last about three and a half hours? That went on and on. It was tantric, it was. That was actually not badly written that last little sentence. I thought that was quite good. Hold the phone.

Has James just... That got me all a shudder. Praised Belinda Blink. Let's hear it again then. I think we need to. I mean, as much as I hate to reread it. Peter Kett thrust... Hang on.

How far... I mean... Yeah, from Peter Kept thrusting. Are you sure? I mean, that wasn't the start of the sentence. Oh, right. Sorry. I love that we can never establish the start of the sentence.

I was going to go further and further up paragraph to find the start of the sentence. I love that it's like the start of the sentence. is Peter entered the maze. He was probably and he all stops in. Of course, Belinda was now wild with delirium. She was completely out of her head.

All her actions were mechanical. Peter kept thrusting, Belinda kept flexing her vaginal muscles until they both came in a violent explosion of ecstasy together. Do you know, I don't know what I was saying it's not the best sentence I've heard of the book. You're not wrong though, James.

It did ramp up the tension there. Yeah, you were into it, weren't you? Like, you know. I was into it. And now I was, I'm out of it. That's surely the end of the chapter. It's not.

Hey friends, it's Nikaela from the podcast Side Hustle Pro. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens. And the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver. My kids are obsessed. Yoto is a screen-free audio player where kids just pop in a card and listen. Hours of stories, music, podcasts, and more. And no screens or ads. With hundreds of options for ages 0 to 12, it's the perfect gift they'll go back to again and again.

Check it out at yotoplay.com. Y-O-T-O-P-L-A-Y dot com. Peter fell out of her. Like a slide? Flops out. Oh, I'm sorry, I've just fallen right out. Belinda collapsed onto her knees in the mud. The plastic handcuffs around her wrist. wrist saving her from being completely immersed.

Completely immersed? Come on. They're actually sinking now? I mean, where was their purchase if it was a complete quagmire? Seriously. Now on her knees, she was spattered all over with the horrible slime, and there was nothing she could do about it, except linger in the fantastic orgasm she just experienced. Oh, Belinda.

But Peter's cock remained erect, and Belinda was so impressed with his skills, she knew she could learn much more from him. So she crawled back to him. She off again? Oh my God. Give it a minute, Belinda. That was barely a bit stop. And put her mouth over his penis and continue to screw him with her lips, teeth, tongue and throat. Wow. But surely he'll be like flaccid now. No, he just said stuff out. No, he's still got it. I mean, he's got it now, but it sounds like he will be in absolute tatters because, what, teeth, throat, mouth. She secretly knew she was ready to become his sex slave if he would ask her.

I don't think it's the secret. It wasn't first thought girlfriend, sex slave. That's what Belinda calls it. She would scream for more until he agreed, she thought. That would be annoying. Please, sir, once more. Pete, Pete! Pete, I love you. I want to be your sex life.

Pete, just have me be your sex life. Pete. Pete, don't leave me, Pete. I thought it's gone so EastEnders all of a sudden. Oh my goodness. But Peter Rouse was no normal individual and he knew when a girl was under his sexual spell as Belinda now was.

So he let her screw his penis in her mouth and began using the mud to mark Belinda's tits, ass, mouth and ears with symbolic signs. Like a cult? Like hieroglyphics. Do we think that Pete might be a bit of a weirdo? Well, that is the first. Indication.

Also, ears. How bigger a ears to draw symbols on her ears? Mouth. Yeah, I suppose you could just draw around the mouthable area or zone or whatever. Like a clown, like clown makeup. Yeah, like sort of like the joker lips. In mud. She was still kneeling on the ground, so he took the opportunity to write more symbols on her back,

which would bind her to him sexually for the next year. What the actual effing? the next year. What the fuck has Peter Aiswain Drink is? He put like a best before date on her back or something. His cock then started to ejaculate seaman which he quickly caught in his hands. Oh! Kephew! Kepiom! Like spider mouse. Oh my God.

He then covered her hair with it. Twisting it into a ponytail. Getting ready to go out. It's that wet look. She loves it. Twisted her hair into an updo and they were ready to go. Why is he being so precise? Yeah, because it's rocky. Fair do's.

Belinda's long black hair mixed with transparent sperm the most powerful sexual symbol he knew. What? That doesn't even make sense. The hell is Peter's deal? There was no verb there, wasn't it? Wait till the second date to get all your weird

cult stuff out. Can you imagine? You go for like dinner normally and then maybe like go see a film or go to the theatre or something and you're like, it's a really nice guy. And then you're like, how's date three? Well, paint my body in mud

with ancient symbols and then you did my hair and up to but using a seaman as a product. I think I'm definitely going to be a sex slave. Belinda, though she didn't know it, was now well and truly ensnared and truth be told, it was what Belinda would have wanted. Wow. It's weird.

Brilliant insight. Thank you. That could set up the whole book. It's weird, said James Cooper. You know, when they put the like five stars from Empire or whatever on the film. Yeah, you can put that on the cover. if you want.

Along with, it's not a book. The Whistle brought them back. Oh, the whistle. Oh, is it the end? I was getting quite into this. Okay. The whistle brought them both back to the present day. Present.

Oh my God, they are in Jane Austen times. It's the maze a metaphor for a dime machine. Oh, maybe. Oh, my God. Rocky Wood would love time travel porn. The whistle brought them both back to the present day. Peter hurriedly put on his thong while Belinda tried to get rid of some of the mud she was now covered in. And the come in her hair, probably.

And maybe the series of bonkers symbols all over a body, maybe. She's a mess. Belinda gasped, when can I see you next, Peter? Please. All right, needy McNeiderton. This was never Belinda. She said desperately. I mean, seriously, love, get a grit.

Not other way to say it. Belinda's head over heels. Hush, my beautiful Belinda. I will see you tonight at 11. Come on. My beautiful Belinda, said no one ever. At 11.30pm in the horse and jockey pub, where I know you have a room we can use. Belinda smiled her gratitude to him and said, I'm just smiling my gratitude to you. The smile is supposed to

make it clear that my gratitude is coming to you. I won't say thank you. I'll just imply it with my face. Belinda smiled her gratitude to him and said, it will be so good. I promise you. Ask anything you want. I somehow feel enslaved to you. You are, Belinda. As I am to you, replied Peter. This is the weirdest wedding vows I have ever heard. Until tonight. What? Oh, like, adieu, like, until...

Until we meet again. And yes, James, that is the end of the chapter. Belinda's in a good place right now. I think it's great that she's finally found someone to share in her sexual fantasies with, because she is quite kinky, isn't she? This is an emotional connection like no other, because before she was like,

enjoying the sex side of things. She had her main aim, which seemed to be like getting ahead in business, basically. Yeah. Her sexual prowess is a tool. Whereas now, she's forgotten all that. She's like, I really like him. She hasn't even closed the deal. That's very unbalinda.

Oh, yeah. She didn't mentally pencil a meeting or anything. She didn't even close her legs, Alice. Well, quite. All that mud is very slippery. So what's chapter eight called? Chapter 8 is called the Tombola. Okay, well, we're definitely out of the maze and into a village fair by the sounds of it.

A fate. I can hardly wait. I used to love a tombola. I fear it's not going to be the same kind of tombola. I was going to say, I don't think you'll be getting some... It was always a half-used bottle of, like, conditioner, wasn't it? Oh, to be fair, which you could use. Or a nice box of biscuits or something. Some popery. And a few, like, weird, like, cat figurines, usually in our village fair.

You've cleaned up for tombolers, clearly, Jamie. That's probably what Rocky's drawing on. Are you a family of tomboling in it? We are a gifted fan. family with the tombola. We are. The tombollah. That is great. What curveball did not see that title coming. Where are we going next? How do we get from a maze to a tombola? I can't wait. We have sworn an oath not to jump ahead in this book. So James and I don't know anything that is going to happen ahead of you reading it to us, Jamie. You sometimes read the day off, don't you?

Yeah, just so I can get to grips with the poor grammar. If I hadn't have made that pact with you guys, I would be skipping ahead no end. Because I have that book. I have it. I've downloaded it. Belinda blinked. Go get it immediately from Amazon. It's a bargain.

But it takes everything in my being every week not to read the next chapter. To resist. You must resist. Read along with us. If you are as obsessed as we are with the antics of Belinda, then get in touch. Let us know your thoughts, feelings. and emotions. You can find us on Instagram, on Twitter and on Facebook. Simply Google my dad wrote a porno. It'll be the first hit. Once again, a great read. Bravo. Oh, thank you very much. And thank

you both for joining me. And thanks everyone for listening once more. See you next week. Bye-bye. I love you, Pete. Bye. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens, and the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver. My kids are obsessed. Yoto is a screen-free audio player where kids just pop in a card and listen, hours of stories, music, podcasts, and more, and no screens or ads. With hundreds of options for ages 0 to 12, it's the perfect gift they'll go back to again and again. Check it out at yotoplay.com. Y-O-T-O-P-L-A-Y dot com.