My Dad Wrote A Porno - S1E7 - 'The Tombola' REMASTERED

Episode Date: October 11, 2025

To celebrate 10 years since the show began, we're releasing remastered versions of season 1. Belinda is finally free from the maze and takes part in a charity tombola. But, as always, it's more than meets the eye. The prizes are much more racy... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey friends, it's Nikaela from the podcast Side Hustle Pro. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens. And the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver. My kids are obsessed. Yoto is a screen-free audio player where kids just pop in a card and listen. Hours of stories, music, podcasts, and more. And no screens or ads. With hundreds of options for ages 0 to 12, it's the perfect gift they'll go back to again and again.

Check it out at yotoplay.com. The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff. Jamie, why are we here? We're here because my dad's written a porno. Your dad's written a porno. Erotic literature. Why?

Previously, on my dad wrote a porno. Jim Sterling was a chubby. Jim Sterling, chubby and short and stout. Here's his handle. Where's his spout? My name is Peter, he said, and quickly bowed. As is traditional in Holland. So he began using the mud to mark Belinda's tits.

ass, mouth and ears with symbolic signs. Hello and welcome back to another episode of my dad wrote a porno, Alice. Thanks for joining me again. I can't believe I've been invited back. So this is great. Of course, you've been invited back. Always welcome. Always welcome, James.

Thank you. New haircut. Looking very swish. Well, I thought I'd make an effort for Belinda. No, these are special nights to me and I like to make an effort. Jamie, thank you for offering to read us yet another chapter. We are getting really into the thick of it now. You're welcome, Alice.

Every day's a struggle, but I'm getting through it. Where are we at? I've kind of... It's been a few days, I've forgotten. Lost the will to live, yeah. So basically, last chapter, Belinda met Peter Rouse. It might have gone to love from just sex, which we know Belinda loves and enjoys, but we think maybe there's an emotional connection in it.

Well, she certainly made reference, or Rocky did through his prose, that she felt a connection that was deeper than just the average fuck in a bush. Which essentially is what she's doing in a maze, isn't it? I think you've paraphrased. Paraphrasing, obviously. So it's turning into a bit of a romance novel. This could be the next gone with the wind. Oh, my God.

Well. I mean, mud symbols on her back aside. I was going to say, that got a bit weird. A little bit weird, but, you know, Belinda knows her heart. So I trust her. True. I also trust my dad. Really?

Wow. That has, I mean. That makes one. Let's take some more. Maybe not as much as I used to as like a young boy when he would take me fishing. but I have understood him on a different level, certainly, throughout this process, which has been interesting. Okay, so are we all ready? Belinda blinked, chapter 8, the tombollah.

Oh, yes. I totally forgot about the tombola. Get your tickets. There will be nothing light and innocent about this. Belinda was now both exhausted and exhilarated. She was now exhausted. Three clients in? She's hardy.

We've said this. So we found her straight back in the maze. Oh yeah, we're where we left her. Okay. She'd been fucked by three males. Males. It's almost like a David Attenborough now, isn't it? The male approached the female with a black thong.

There's nothing natural about any of this. It doesn't happen in the wild, doesn't. It barely happens in literature only in Rocky's fourth year. mind, aka my dad. So somber. She'd been fucked by three males, well, let's be honest, two and a half. Yeah, two and a bowl. No, that's in the book.

Oh, that's the call, right? I thought that was a site. That wasn't me. That was Rocky. That was all watching. Rock is a little bitch. Patty Rocky, meow. Maybe I should start again to give you the full flow.

Belinda was now both exhausted and exhilarated. She had been fucked by three males Well, let's be honest, two and a half In the last two hours And had been totally mesmerised by one of them The Vol We all were We couldn't take our eyes off it

Couldn't put our eyes on it It was so small She also had a sixth sense That she could never opt out Of the special relationship Peter Rouse and herself had developed in their short meeting But for all that she was completely up for it

Peter was a successful Dominating character And come to think of it So was she. She's basically met her match. Yeah. That's what I like about that relationship. It feels that they are two very equal parties.

I don't know. I think that's, you know, two dominating partners. Surely you need one passive, one dominating. I don't think it's going to work out. I foresee problems on the horizon. Speaks of always about your private life, James. Can we stop talking about my sex life, please? Passive is the James character.

Are you on the hunt for Peter Rouse? Now relaxing against the trellis Because it's quite the place to relax Yeah, I get a bit sunbathing in, why don't you? She pulled the parcel string sharply And it fell to the muddy ground That was secure then, after all that She might as well just been stood there

She slowly twisted the plastic handcuffs And they fell apart And she bent down to pick up her tennis outfit How strong is Belinda? And then she ripped the trellis in two She's the female Hulk all of a sudden And then she punched Alfon It was a real mess

Tell me about it I think it's her tennis outfit Oh I meant the whole thing from chapter one through to present day It was a real mess But for decency's sake She put what was left of the shirt And dress back on What?

So she just kind of draped Just one sleeve She knew Tony would be here any minute To bring her back to the barbecue area And then she could get back to her lovely bath At her room in the horse and jockey soon she heard footsteps coming through the maze and thankfully it was Tony

He was in a black thong Hello, oh hi Belinda Let me guess We could write it James She's still not had her wicked way with Tony Has she? Oh Tony She's health always gets in the way

Maybe this is the moment Oh oh oh Thankfully it was Tony He had a large smile on his face I bet he did You're a star Belinda Those three guys you just entertained are over the moon with you.

Entertained. Yeah, she didn't do a song and dance number. To be fair, she's entertained, does. She doesn't everything but song and dance, to be fair. She's done the whole razum it has. They're over the moon with you, and the other girls have done good as well. Other girls, how many trellises are there?

Are they different places? I don't believe it. This is a twist I didn't see you coming. I bet she doesn't feel very special now, does she? What do you mean other girls? I'm with Belinda. Didn't you know? Giselle and Bella are here as well.

Well, it's not just you. She will have got the lower ranking executives, though. She won't have got somebody with 300 outlets. And hardly a trellis. She'll have been on a bit of wood, probably. It's not just you. It's your glee team as well. Glee team.

What does that mean? It seems fruitless to ask that question while we're reading this novel. Oh, oh my God. It's like I'm preempting Belinda at every turn. Tony, what do you mean by glee team by glee team? I love that it's like a call and Anderson session. Rocky's anticipating the, basically, the knot of language that it is. And so now realises, I'm going to have to explain my every turn.

Tony, what do you mean by Glee team? We're all just girls out for a good time, and I need a bath. More to the point. Tony looked at her and decided not to comment on a condition. Very good of him. He had never seen so much mud stick to a person. And what were those symbolic marks on her face and thighs? Tony, if I had a pound for every time somebody asked that.

They soon reached the barbecue area, which had been transformed into a Roman-style amphitheatre, with over 40 people sitting around on chairs. On chairs? They had chairs, James. It was such a formal affair. They soon reached a barbecue area, which had been transformed into a Roman-style amphitheatre

with 40 people sitting around on chairs. They were mostly clients with their wives. I bet those wives are having the best day out ever. Jim, where have you been? Why are you covered in mud? Alphonse, you've been gone for 45 minutes. They were mostly clients with their wives who had, up to this point, no knowledge of the sexual adventures which a few of their number had been allowed access to. How could they not know?

I mean, you've got Belinda moaning and a groaning from the maze, which can't be that far away. Absolutely. Someone's blowing a whistle all the time. Linda sat down on a chair. A chair. He really paints a picture with words. Which Tony had found for her. Well done, Tony. She looked around and tried to locate Giselle and Bella. That'll be the other muddy ones, probably.

Belinda gasped when she recognised Chazelle. What? Why? Her beautiful blonde hair had been, to say the best, remodeled. I also love the saying, to say the best, which is not a say. by perhaps a maniac with a twist for the dramatic, three question marks. What the hell? Unorthodox. Rockies lost his shit.

So her hair has been remodeled perhaps by a maniac. With a twist for the dramatic. That's how I describe your hair. So if we just look at Alice, we can kind of get a sense of what Giselle's is looking like. Oh, the poor thing. What's she been through? Gisle, that is. What have you been through, Alice?

Belinda gasp, and she recognised Giselle, her beautiful beautiful, blonde hair had been, to say the best, remodeled. Stop saying to say the best. By perhaps a maniac with a twist for the dramatic. Her dress had seen as much wear as Belinda's tennis outfit and was being held together by a few safety pins. Where did she get those from? Yeah.

Thought I had. Yeah, see, Belinda's a novice. Giselle looked up and saw Belinda staring at her. She smiled and stared back at Belinda's equally disgusting condition and torn clothing. Girls, you need to stick together and stop like, like enough each other. Yeah, like silently judging each other, bitch stole my look. Like mean girl vibes, just like, uh, you look a mess.

Also, maybe don't just stare, but maybe just say something. I don't know. Maybe greet each other. I think they're across the ampute theater. Oh, across the sea of 40 people, the huge crowds. On chairs, come on. Oh, sorry, on chairs. I forget about the chairs.

It's hard to navigate such a scene. I didn't see the chairs coming because there was no reference to those in the blurb. No. They've really come out of the blue. And there was a reference to everything else. Hey friends, it's Nikaela from the podcast Side Hustle Pro. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens. And the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver.

My kids are obsessed. Yoto is a screen-free audio player where kids just pop in a card and listen, hours of stories, music, podcasts, and more. And no screens or ads. With hundreds of options for ages zero to 12, it's the perfect gift they'll go back to again and again. Check it out at yotoplay.com, y-o-o-t-o-p-l-a-y-com. Belinda thought perhaps she had gotten off lightly.

But why was Tony so happy? Giselle was his girl, and she seemed to be in a bit of a state. Why does Belinda always think she looks better than Giselle? It's always like, I look better. Slightly better boobs. Yeah, step off, Giselle. Belinda gave Giselle a thumbs up. Sorry, no one does.

but thumbs up And looked around Have you been at a Shagathon too? Thumbs up across the amphitheater. Thumbs up for Shaggapha. Belinda gave Gisela thumbs up and looked around for Bella. I'm done with you.

She soon spotted her and to be honest Bella didn't look much better than Giselle. Oh God. Though her hair was intact, her outfit was... Intact. What do you mean?

It's what? Ripped it out as a skull. Is Giselle bald? I don't think so Just remodeled Just how remodeled has Giselle's hair been Giselle's got a toupee on So Bella's hair's intact

Oh God, she read on She'll find out Though her hair was intact Her outfit was sporting Half a dozen safety pins Where is everybody getting all these safety pins from? And why had no one other wanted Belinda? Is there a haberdasherie in the maze?

I bet Bella and Giselle brought a box of safety pins and didn't tell Belinda and they're like screw Belinda literally Belinda will get screwed maybe it's an annual tombola maybe this is just running run of the mill yeah also can I just say during all this when obviously they look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards and then shagged up against a trawis which is exactly what's happened um all the wives are just sitting around drinking pins going oh those ladies have had a rough ride here they must have got caught in the rain they're half naked and covered in mud, and that girl's had all her hair ripped out.

And they're just enjoying their cucumber sandwiches. Bella's face was, however, covered in red lipstick, as though another maniac had tried to apply it. Who invited all the maniacs? What are these maniac hairstylists? They had definitely succeeded in making her look like a tart. But I thought the makeup was all over her face. She wasn't like a tart. She looks like a freak.

A crazy person. Because just lipstick scrawled over your face, just screams Lady of the Nags. It certainly does. It does. I've done it before. It attracts a lot of attention. Belinda caught Bella's eye and smiled at her. Bella gave her thumbs up. Thumb up. Check.

Belinda thought, this is very strange. What's going to happen next? I'm guessing a Tom Bola's about to happen. If it doesn't, this chapter, I feel desperately misled. A couple of minutes later, a tall chap stood up and addressed the gathering. Welcome everyone to our annual Tombollah. It was annual. Where you go? It was a yearly thing. Once you've been to one, you can.

not wait more than 12 months to go to another? Once you've been to one, you bring safety pins to the next one. Exactly. Welcome everyone to our annual tombola, where our prizes are the same as previous years. Wow, great, good. Can I guess what they are? Are they women? Well, there's no reference to them, so I think we can all make them up.

So we have to have been to the tombola previously, the fictitious tombola to know what the prize is up. We have had to visit Rocky's mind, a bit like being John Milkovich. Okay, great. Welcome everyone to our annual tombollah, where our prizes are the same. same as previous years. I also want to personally thank Sir James Godwin. The only real person. For letting us have this opportunity to raise much needed money for our local charity. What charity is endorsing this as a form of fundraising?

No, seriously. It's not the charity shag. How do the RSPB raising their money? I'm really suspicious now with my £15 a month that goes to them. I also want to personally thank Sir James Godwin for letting us have this opportunity to raise some much-needed money for our local charity, The Asses and Donkeys Trust. What kind of asses are we talking about here? I can now die happy. This is my favourite bit of Belinda Blink. I've found my new charity to support, I think. So once a year, sorry, let me just get this straight. Once a year, the parts of pounds industry.

get together for a charity event, a charity tombola. Hosted by Sir James Godwin. Sir James Godwin, of course, sorry, a knight of the realm. For the Assas and Donkey, what, association? No, trust. Trust. The trust. Oh, good God.

Also, are they, I don't know if you can ask Rocky this, are they looking for an ambassador? Because I am willing to take on that role. You couldn't write it, but apparently you did. You shouldn't write it. I think of what you meant. Now, please remember. As your prize is a real person...

You win a human being? Apparently so. You will only get your servant for the time period of 12 hours. Why does he say it like that? The highest bidder from this audience for each individual prize gets to take them home.

The audience clapped enthusiastically. Oh good, all those wives. Yeah, woohoo! The tall man continued, there was only one rule and that is that we have a safe word. They have a safe word. A safe word which when uttered

means the owner stops to direct. directed task right away, and the servant is released from their 12-hour duty. Can I just say, as you know, I've been to a lot of tomolers. This is the first time I've heard of it. Most tomolars don't require a safe one. I usually paid my 50p. Got your ticket. Got my half-used bottle of body lotion and gone on my merry way.

There's never been a safe word involved. But if that's how they roll at the Assis and Donkeys Trust, that's fine. That's none of my business. The downside of that is the servant has to match the donation paid by the bidder to our charity. What, to be able to have a safe word? I thought that was one rule. It seems to be two rules. And the rule is negated by part A of the rule.

The downside of that is that the servant has to match the donation paid by the bill to our charity. We all win. Well, the asses and don't think any human being wins in this situation. Okay. Yes. Now, we get every word in. Is that just to himself? Okay.

Yes, I can continue. We all win. Okay. Yes. Now please remember. I don't know why that's funny. That's really tickle me. Now please remember girls.

Girls. And potential owners. The safe word is thimble. Yes. Fimble. Yes. I did just say thimble. Okay.

Yes. Thimble. Anyone? Yes. Thimble. Everyone's got the same safe word, thimble. Yeah. The safe word is thimble.

Yes, thimble. Easy to remember. It stops you from getting pricked. Oh, lovely little joke from the tall man. That's so... That's very good, Bravo. The crowd groaned. I'd like my guests tonight who both loved.

Tough crowd. Great joke. Loose enough of it, guys. It's going to get a lot heavier than that. Very quickly. The crowd groaned and started clapping. Billinda. Belinda blink.

Belinda. Of course she did. She was intrigued. Doesn't take much to peak Belinda's interest. She quickly thought, who would I pick as my prize? Oh. Tony? No.

Bella? No. Sir James Godwin. And boy. She's never met. He could look gross. And boy, would I enjoy. that scenario. Today we have three servants on offer and to find out who they are and take note,

it could be any of you here. I want you all to look under your chairs and see the number attached to it. What is it? The price is right. Belinda, come on down. Also gutted because it's like we really should not have brought like Auntie Doreen to this. She's like, oh! Suddenly the chairs aren't so appealing. Everyone's like leaping out of them. The sound of hurriedly scraping chairs filled the air, whilst the now hushed audience checked their numbers. Belinda's was 13. Unlucky for some, she thought. It's definitely going to be unlucky

for... She's totally in this tumbolla. Okay, the tourman shouted, let's tumble the tombollah. You don't say that. Can I just say you don't, that's not the terminology of a tombollah? Let's tumble the tombola. You don't ever say that. Let's tumble the tombola and see what the three lucky numbers are.

Lucky. The tombollah went round and round. What a detail on the... He's stolen that from the... wheels on the bus. Belinda felt a sense of adventure take over her persona. What? Her persona. Her majeweller and blangata.

She somehow felt she knew she would be a prize, but she didn't know who would be her owner. Obviously not. It's kind of sexy though, what am I saying? No, fucking hell. It's not sexy. Do you know what? That's obviously weird for you to say and that big creep me out.

But I know what you mean. Like, I want to know. It's intrigue, isn't it? It's like, maybe it's just like the narrative device. It's starting to kick in. we're like, oh, who's going to be the winner? What is wrong with you two? I don't know.

Isn't it just going to me? The first number is 22. I repeat, 22. Would the person sitting on chair number 22, please stand up. Is this a tongue twister? It's like that. I feel it is, yeah. Well, the person with the blue Volvo, please collect me.

It's parked right across the entrance. It's parked across the maze. Belinda looked around to see who the lucky person was. Who was it, guys? Come on. It was Bella or Giselle. Was Giselle. And as you stood up, a safety pin fell out.

Out of where? A safety pin fell out revealing a beautiful right breath to the crowd. Of course it did. A ripe breast. Right. The right. Well, not the right point. I'm sure they are right, but it was the right.

An appreciative murmur came from the men. Oh, good. Which saw many of the wives elbowing them in the ribs. Did they dare bid for her after that? Belinda thought. The second number is 37. I repeat. 37. Bella stood up.

Oh, God. No kidding. Her safety pins held, and Belinda... Can I just say? Fix. Bella stood up. Her safety pins held, and Belinda started to smell a rat. Was it a rat? It was of old again, but never mind.

The third number is unlucky for some. Oh, come on. She's already stood up. She knows it, sir. It's fine. Hey friends, it's Nikaela from the podcast Side Hustle Pro. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens. And the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver.

My kids are obsessed. Yoto is a screen-free audio player where kids just pop in a card and listen. Hours of stories, music, podcasts, and more. And no screens or ads. With hundreds of options for ages zero to 12, it's the perfect gift they'll go back to again and again. Check it out at yotoplay.com. Y-O-T-O-P-L-A-Y dot com. Belinda jumped to her feet, ready to go,

wondering who she would be a servant to for the next 12 hours. Her torn shirt fell wide apart, revealing her breasts and her tennis skirt flapped wide in the mounting breeze, revealing her pubic hairline to the assembled body. What? You lost me from This is Chapter 8

Thimble I'm done That's too much That's too much I'm out of here Very good Very good I'm over

I'm over it Her tennis skirt flapped wide In the mounting breeze revealing her pubic hairline To the assembled body But she didn't care She was Belinda

And she was going to make sure a big butch man Took her home Don't like a talking in the third person. No, like she's some sort of like superhero. And also one name now. She's dropped the bloominthal. Now, said the tallman.

This is where we make some money. This is where we make some money for our charity, as the rest of you can bid for their services. But firstly, do I have the agreement of these three very fine ladies to be coerced into these important roles? Fine ladies, we've already established they look like an absolute train wreck. One's covered in mud. One's bald.

and the other one's got lipstick all over her face. I'll take the scarecrow with alopecia. I'll take the one with the face paint gone wrong. The native one with no shame. Dipped in chocolate. Belinda thought, what the fuck? I'm with her. That's exactly what I'm thinking right now.

This might be fun. Okay, we've gone on two great different things. It's probably just doing a bit of cleaning and lawn. mowing on a Sunday evening. It's not. Does she not know what novel she's in? Does she not know who she is? It's probably a bit of cleaning.

It's probably some light chores. She shouted out, Yes, I'm game. Don't be too, Kimberlinda. No one likes someone who's like, you know, over-enthusiasm. Whilst covering up her private parts with her hands and arms. So she said, I'm game and then tries to cover herself up. Yeah.

Is he, oh, he's counting? boobs in the private parts. Bobs and the pubic hairline, yeah. Yeah, just the hairline. Not the actual vagina. Yeah, the vagina is between the two fingers. Oh. The hairlines being concealed.

I don't understand. The other two girls followed suit and happily agreed. The tall man bowed to them. Bowed to them. Making him almost normal height. And someone banged a gong. What is it like a Chinese ritual or something? The tall man bowed to them.

Thank you for your noble and noble assistance our charity the asses and donkeys trust is much indebted to you the bidding quickly started with bella and she soon went for three hundred and fifty pounds to the american jimsterling oh oh bella but she doesn't know she doesn't know talk about short straw literally thank you thank you i'm here all night for the next 12 hours 350 quid not bad and bella soon went for 350 pounds to the American Jim Sterling, who Belinda thought could do with a cock transplant.

Oh, wow. And very soon at that. Doesn't mince her thoughts, does she, our Belinda? Can you have a cock transplant? Giselle went next for £300 from Tony, of all people. Definitely a case of protecting his own. So Tony bid on Giselle, who's kind of his bit anyway, his girlfriend or whatever. But only bid 300 quid.

Less than Bella. Oh, God, yeah. Awkward. Bella doesn't even have a proper identity. She's one woman, one minute, one woman, minute. But she's Elle, she's got a body to die for, let her work it, or whatever it said in chapter one. But she is now bald, so... She is, plucked. Then it was Belinda's turn. Oh, Lord.

Oh, God. The bid started slowly. Pound. Can I use this shrapnel? I've got a pocket of chains. I've got some travellers' chairs. Sorry, love. Do you accept postal notes?

They're legal tender. Would you bid for Belinda in the state she's in, bless her? The bid started slowly, and Belinda couldn't believe her body was that bad. Perhaps it was all the mud. Where was her Butch man? Butch man! Finally, she went for £200. From a lady...

A lady? From a lady dressed in a white linen trouser suit and a Panama hat. Okay, gutted for two reasons. Symbol! One... One, the man from Del Monte is just won you. Two, you've gone for the cheapest price. Oh, caveat.

Finally, she went for £200 from a lady dressed in a white linen trouser suit and a Panama hat called only the Duchess. Yes. Duchess has finally arrived. Yeah. A bloody time. With Belinda sold, the Tombola. was over and the three girls were taken away to start their 12 hours of duty.

They're now devastated Belinda. Oh. Oh, she didn't get the Butch Man. Not being funny, but she went for 200 quid for 12 hours. That's actually 16 quid an hour from the Duchess, who I think's got money to splurge. Yeah, you would hope. She's not getting paid. Let's go to the asses and the donkey.

Oh, you're very right. You are, you are. She's doing it for them. The now devastated Belinda was immediately led to a. hosepipe, near the stables where the Duchess stripped her of her torn skirt and tennis shirt and hosed her down. She roughly fondled Belinda's tits and ass in the washing process. In the washing process? As they all do.

With a long-handled brush and then pushed her, still naked, into a horse box. Oh, well, at least she's had a good clean. Lock-handled brush? I don't think that woman should be around horses, never mind around Belinda. With the rear tailgate down, it was obvious that it had all been planned in advance. Instead of straw and manure, there was a sofa and drinks. At market horses? Yeah.

Please, come in. I'd probably say yes, that's not how it usually is. Sofer and drinks. Albeit chilled, tinned gin and tonics. Well, you know, they are outdoors. You can't have everything. Beggis can't be choosers. I like a gin and tonic in a tin.

Drunk in the park. night. The Duchess rudely pushed Belinda onto the sofa and offered her a drink. Clearly, good breeding doesn't lead to good manners, does it? That's all I've got to say on the matter. The Duchess rudely pushed Belinda onto the sofa and offered her a drink. Belinda nervously poured the can down her by now parched throat. She was still feeling horny. I didn't think her new owner could give her what she craved, even after the afternoon's events. Well, she wanted a butch man and she's ended up with a dainty woman dressed in a freaking panama hat. Panama fucking hat. I mean, who wears a Panama hat? She's done brilliantly though not to get any mud on her in that

white linen. Bravo. Can we just talk about the fact that Belinda poured a drink down her throat from on high? Like, she's such a classy lady, straight down the gullet. She's an upmarket woman. Quite a lot of the can didn't get down Belinda's throat. And she made sure the liquid trickled down her neck onto her breasts and then into a tummy button, where it pulled, overflowed, and ran down the track of her black pubic hair into her vagina. Into? That's going to sting, isn't it? And also, is there some kind of vacuuming?

It's not a wound. No, but like alcohol and, you know, internal bits. Yes, if you've got some kind of sore down there, why would you think it would sting? What if there's lemon in? No, I guess it's in a can. Lemon? What's going on? Don't bring a citrus into this. Do you just think of it as like the inside of a lady turned outwards?

Do you think it's... James's lack of experience in said region really is showing. A, not seen many, if any. B, don't have one. Many of many of many. I love that you don't know if you have. It could have been one, but it was dark and it was very loud. It was Glastonbury in 2004.

I'm telling you guys. It's very unusual. Much to Belinda's surprise, the Duchess murmured, Waste not want-nought, and probably lick the gin off Belinda's tits, stomach and clitoris. Genuinely, no words. Waste not want-n-n-n-n-oh.

Oh, God. Belinda thought, result, but said nothing. Look, of course not. And let the Duchess enjoy her slurping. Slurping? It's not slush puppy. when this was setting the tone for the rest of the evening. Oh, she's happy now.

God, she's so... Fickle. Fickle. Fickle. She'll be called Fickle Belinda blinked. It was obvious that Duchess was enjoying this relationship. She cupped her free hand around Belinda's left breast whilst carelessly slopping the drink into her mouth. Nothing says sexy like slop. Yeah, seriously.

Had enough, servant, said the Duchess, as we have to move on or Sir James will be joining our little party. The Duchess efficiently closed the tail door of the horse. horse trailer to the Chagrin of the quickly assembled party of stable lads. What does Chagrin mean? I literally don't even know what Chargwin means. It kind of means disappointment, right? It's kind of like... Oh, so the Stable Boys were like looking from afar and like, oh, they're off now. They kind of wanted a piece of the actual.

Right. I think that's what Chagrin means, right? Yeah, it's one of those words that I've always read rather than used. Props to Rocky for using the word. Big props. Word of the day from Rocky. Chagrin. The Duchess efficiently closed the tail door of the horse trailer. to the chargon of the quickly assembled party of stable lads, leaving Belinda reclining on the sofa

and helping herself to another gin and tonic in comfort. It was just as well she could stretch out because the Duchess was not a competent driver. Oh, Lord. Oh no, she hasn't done to any gin and tonic, has she? She's not drinking and driving. Is this, well, no, she did slurp it off Belinda's body. Well, then she's a bit worse for wear.

She's wasted. She's her vagina gin. Virginia, if you will. Virgin and tonic. Virginia and tonic. Oh, gosh, it all comes together in the end. Gross. She was not a competent driver of the large four-wheel drive vehicle plus trailer.

I mean, who is? It's a hard thing to tackle. It's a lot of kit. Belinda lost couch of the cut corners and sudden halts as they drove through the country lanes to an exclusive motel which had some private shallets in the grounds. Nice. Swanky. At least she's being treated well.

Really? Motel. Shal. though. Motel is like the cheapest that you can get, isn't it? You're being so glass half empty. Belinda, wickedly hoped the Duchess was better at fucking than driving. Me too, Jesus.

And had a companion who could do both. Oh. And that's the end of chapter. Hey, everybody. What a marathon. That was a long one. What a roller coaster. Yeah. A lot was learned then, I feel. A lot happened. Yeah, a lot of plots, which is unusual for Rocky.

So many new characters as well. Yeah, plot. It's something we've not seen. Characters, plot. Hello, is this Rocky Flintstone? If you've been enjoying my dad wrote a porno this week, make sure you get in touch at Dad Wrote a Porno on Twitter. Find us on Facebook as well, my dad wrote a porno. And by the original text, Belinda blinked the book.

My Dad needs the cash. Rocky Flintstone is trying to build a conservatory. Please have them out. And all extra proceeds go to the asses and doggies. Thanks for listening. Looking for a community that has it all, welcome to Crossings, the urban hub of West Lethbridge. At Crossings, you'll find a vibrant village designed for living, working, and connecting.

With top-notch schools, a state-of-the-art rec center, retail spaces, and parks, it's more than a neighborhood, it's a lifestyle. Enjoy NHL-sized arenas and aquatic center, an accessible playground, a 55-acre sports park, pathways, and a library with enriching programs. Learn more at crossingslethbridge.ca. Hey friends, it's Nikaela from the podcast Side Hustle Pro. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens. And the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver.

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