My Dad Wrote A Porno - S2E13 - 'Up, Up and Away'

Episode Date: September 26, 2016

Bella and Belinda bump into Hazel, the co-pilot from Amsterdam, on a long haul flight to Texas. We can all guess what happens next... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff. Previously on My Dad Wrote a Porno Belinda put Adam's hose up to her nose If you say hose one more time. Smelt it and said maltings. Irish. What? Brush

mills. What? Situated on the North Antrim Coast. Fuck off. This is all mole's hair. Mole's hair? Mole's skin? Mole's hair. Mole's hair.

The individual hairs of a mole. Do they have long blonde manes? I've never seen a mole's hair. Not bad for a lad. For a lad? Not a bad cock for a lad. Would you say he was hung like a red London bus, Belinda? What?

Hello and welcome to My Dad Wrote a Porno. Alice, how are you? Good, how are you? I'm great, thanks for asking for the first time in like one and a half years. Ten years. Jesus Christ. James, how are you good how are you i'm great thanks for asking for the first time in like one and a half years jesus christ james how are you much better thank you oh yeah you were ill last week yeah um but actually weirdly the next day i was feeling way better so thank you rocky thank you belinda you know when they say you should sweat it out it's kind of like doing that isn't it reading a chapter of this yeah getting all those toxins out via the page i tend to just cry it out yeah but that works for you you know you're glowing thank you i'm just glad she stopped singing literally until we pressed record alice was

singing true colors by cindy law i had to start the intro just to shut her up okay a jealousy is really unattractive b you can't sing oh my god you're so flat like you're so transparent what does that mean like people always want to pull down the tall oak or whatever the saying is so let's just have a little recap last week not a lot happened until the very end yeah she was getting fitted for her five thousand pounds didn't think you were gonna say fitted yeah me neither i was like i missed that i thought he was to say fisted. No, she was being fitted with Bella's help, I guess. Bella was pissed as a fart, though.

She wasn't much help at all. She was just caterwauling and dribbling. She came to, though, didn't she, when she realised a little bit of sex was on offer? She suddenly was sober as a judge then. Poked her right up. With Adam. Oh, Adam.

I don't know what I make of Adam i was gonna say i've already forgotten adam but you know why it's because he's the most like the reader so he's forgettable within the milieu of rocky's characters he's not very eccentric he's quite normal really even though he does wear a thong with like black red lining true because a couple of weeks ago we were saying that actually we all identified with him the most because he was the most sane i think samantha's kind of sane she's just trying to get on with it she's trying to earn some money to go to college she's like keeping my head down and not paying attention to this that's true um as much as i loved the uh the shop i'm glad we're out that sounds like we're out there now you don't know

that up up and away unless we're not going up another floor with cedric always oh my god no the shop's just the house from up it's's just all going to be like taken. The whole thing's lifted. Transported to a whole other dimension. No, yeah, this chapter is called Up, Up and Away. You guys, I feel pretty confident that it's going to be about hot air ballooning. I'm not sure it is. Well, Up, Up and Away could be Mile High, but we've kind of done that. And I feel like Rocky, he gets quite bored quite easily.

So once he's covered a topic, he's like, next. I'd be interested to see where we jump in the in the timeline right yeah because I don't feel like we're just leaving the shot now I feel like we're going to jump ahead a few days we better do because we're moving very slowly it's kind of real time isn't it we're moving half an hour at a time but it does feel odd that we were in Amsterdam this book that feels so long ago this time last series we were wrapping up. That's true. This was the last episode last series.

You can but dream, right, James? There's still so long to go. Was it 13 episodes? Yeah. Series one. God, why did we do that? Unlucky for some. So, are we ready to jump in?

I'm ready to jump up. I'm ready to jump off a cliff. Come on, we can do it as a team. Come on. Yeah, we can. We love it, really. Yeah, go Belinda! So, wow. James, you've been watching so many sports movies. You know me so well.

James just became a straight. My heart's fluttering. He just grabbed his chest. Clutch my pearls. Dramatic way ever. Oh, that makes more sense. So, Belinda Blink 2inda blink 2 chapter 13 up up and away bella and belinda were standing in line to board the texas bound flight wow okay so we have

jumped forward in time quite drastically they're not dressed in the equestrian way are they we'll find out i guess but are we really disappointed if this is just another repeat of the flight that she took with betty davis or whatever she was called betty wilkes betty wicks vicky woods and hazel the pilot hazel the co-pilot hang on on their what what? Texas flight? Yeah. They're off to see Jim Sterling! So when I said I'd be disappointed, I definitely will.

And so will she. Would you really make the thousand mile trek to go and see Jim Sterling? Well, Bella's coming too. And he won Bella right in the Tombola. Yeah, but she just showed him the catalogue, if I remember right. Oh, yeah remember right yeah didn't you want to know the different diameters of the different saucepans wasn't it yeah maybe she has some sort of connection with him though a mentor mentee i mean there's not a lot that jim can show anyone is there really he can try his best wow so we're off to america we are he's got good southern manners though hasn't he jim i don't remember

that didn't he like call her like madam and stuff? Missy. Missy, yeah. He likes some bear. He does like some bear. Oh, everyone's going to be so pleased that Jim Sterling's back. He has become one of those characters that people love to hate. He's indelible.

Considering he only had one chapter in the first book as well, he made quite the impression. That is crazy, isn't it? And considering in that one chapter he made no impression physically. So they were standing in line to board the Texas-bound flight, watching the air crew walk onto the plane. If we're going to be in this level of detail, honest to God, I'm going to pull the ripcord on my parachute and just jump right now. That's Hazel, the blonde.

So she does short and long hauls. She does all the flights for different airlines. Do pilots only normally do one or the other? I think so. Yeah, I don't think you just moonlight on everything, do you? You're usually like a BA pilot or you're a whatever pilot, aren't you? You don't just turn up and get assigned a plane on the day. You can do the Texas flight, Hazel.

What, you're saying that city jets don't fly to Texas? You're right, we are being stupid. That's Hazel, the blonde, second from the front with the sexy cap. The one with the cap then, surely. The one that's dressed

as the pilot, that might help. Bit of a stanner, Belinda, if you ask me, said Bella. We knew it was Bella, thank you.

Tits to die for, Bella, said Belinda. How can you see? She'll be wearing a blazer. You can't see if she's got good tits or not. Butlla said belinda how can you see she'll be wearing a blazer you can't see if she's got good tits or not but belinda knows from experience oh i suppose she does well does she actually no did she unbutton the blouse or was it just all handsy it was definitely the aerofoil flaps but i'm not sure if she got into the actual mechanics you know she's got a clit to die for but that's about it also why is everyone dying for everyone's boobs and clits?

They're all so dramatic, aren't they? It's like something so emo about it all. Tits to die for. I would literally die for your tits right now. I'm going to throw myself on this building because your tits are amazing. Tits to die for, Bella, said Belinda. Not better than ours. Surely not, Belinda.

But I hate Bella now. Bella is so gross. You've ruined Bella for everyone. Look, I'm just going where dad's writing takes me with these characters. What can I say? You are sprinkling a little bit of your own magic on there. Not better than ours. Surely not, Belinda.

I'll let you be the judge of that. Promises, promises, Belinda, said Bella. What's wrong with Bella? She's like an errant Jim Henson puppet these days. But what's Belinda suggesting there? That Bella's going to be able to get into the cockpit of the plane and see Hazel's tits? Because Hazel's got to fly the freaking plane. Oh, is she not going to do an introduction, do we not think?

Well, you don't often get to meet the pilot, do you? Not anymore. It's a safety thing. And I'm sure grabbing someone's tits while they're flying is unsafe. I imagine all physical contact is poo-pooed. Poo-pooed. Unbeknown to Belinda, Hazel had both her and Bella upgraded from economy comfort class to VIP. There's no such thing as VIP.

Or economy comfort class. Economy comfort class. It's the classic E-double-T. Is there a class lower than economy comfort class? Is there, like, just economy? Yeah, cargo. Where you're sitting on, like, a brick. Also, on some of them, you just have to stand.

Yeah, with a handle. Yeah, like catching a bus. It was their first big surprise of the day and Belinda started to muse that it wasn't their last. How long's the flight? Too long. Champagne was the de rigueur. Not how you use that.

How do you use de rigueur? Well, you would say champagne was de rigueur. I don't think you say was the de rigueur. Not a noun. Champagne was the de rigueur. Not a noun. Champagne was the de rigueur. And as they were both thirsty, it wasn't long before two bottles were consumed. Jesus.

Where's your pal, Hazel? Asked Bella. Shouldn't she have surfaced by now? We've just seen her. Oh, yeah. She's pissed as a yak. We've just seen her. Probably flying around some big thunderstorms.

What? You've just seen her. You've literally just seen her. What's wrong with her? Am I the only one that remembers? No, you're absolutely right. I think, in Rocky's defence, I think there's been a passage of time.

I think we're in the air. I know it's not been made very clear, but I do think we're in the air. That's why they've had two bottles of champagne. There's been a passage of time within the sentence? I mean... Because they were standing in line. That's why they've had two bottles of champagne. There's been a passage of time within the sentence. I mean... Because they were standing in line. It's the only thing that explains it.

Did they pass out and woke up on the flight? They've been stretched on. They're wrapped in a blanket and then they put the seatbelt across you. Probably flying around some big thunderstorms, replied Belinda, still thinking about her time with the Countess Zara, which, truth be told, she still hadn't fully recovered from.

I've actually kind of put the Countess Zara out of my mind. I was going to say, that was a while ago. She's obviously left quite the impression on Belinda. I think she's having like flashbacks, like, oh my God, oh my God, not again. I guess that was the last time she was on a plane, to be fair. Yeah. Well, quite. Do you think Belinda has like night terrors about her past sexual experience?

She's like, double! The window! Griegel! Oh, the grease. Greasy lips. Oh, God. Belinda couldn't believe how amazing her time was with her, and she had to arrange an introduction to the Duchess ASAP.

What? Introduce the Duchess? To the Countessess this is just hierarchy gone mad and is that a good idea i feel like power power struggle yeah the countess might not be best pleased meeting someone who's so much more ahead of her in the hierarchy of the land i don't see what could be gained from that they don't move in similar circles no and also historically surely quite big enemies, Russia and the UK. Well, then maybe it could just be quite a fun, angry sex.

They could both come armed with their dildos like they're cannons. Ew. I hope it's a Cold War. Oh, seriously, yeah. I'm just picturing that introductory email. Countess, meet the Duchess. The Duchess did me with a massive dildo. The Countess put me in a shot window well let's hope she turns up soon before i get too pissed too late maybe just stop drinking

said a still thirsty bella you don't drink champagne to quench your thirst like drink some water my dad does as you're drinking enough for two people, Bella, that might take some time. She's drinking for two? Is she pregnant? She can't be drinking like that pregnant. You say eating for two, you don't tend to say drinking for two. They both laughed and ordered another bottle of bubbly, just to be on the safe side. Both, the two of them laughed and the two people that Bella was drinking for.

Everybody laughed. To be fair though, if it's free and they're in VIP, you might as well rinse it, hey? They are in VIP now, aren't they? Yeah, whenever I fly first, I'm always raiding that fridge of Chardonnay. Sorry, not first, VIP. Oh, sorry. I have no point of reference. That's really very different. As the plane flew on, they snoozed in the luxury of the big, wide reclined seats.

I think you'd probably get a bed in VIP. I was going to say. Not just a wide chair. It's a premium economy. It's just a reclined seat they all recline even in economy comfort class they recline when awake they drank champagne and waited patiently for hazel's break time you don't get a break on a flight recess what did you do just like wedge a broomstick on the steering put Put a brick on the accelerator.

It actually came sooner than they expected, with Hazel awakening them both with an urgent shaking of the shoulder hissing. Hissing? With an urgent shaking of the shoulder hissing. Oh, a shoulder hissing. Shoulder hissing, there's no comma. There's no comma. There's a comma after hissing. It's a very Jim Sterling, a shoulder hissing.

Sounds kind of like a bit... A shoulder hissing. shoulder hiss yeah exactly why is she hissing like a cat like it actually came sooner than they expected with hazel awakening them both with an urgent shaking of the shoulder hissing follow me to the forward toilet area belinda and bella did as instructed and watched in disbelief as hazel unlocked what to them looked like an emergency exit. That is my biggest fear on a plane. You know, the emergency exit doors. What's to stop anyone just open like some loon like opening. I think they're safer than they appear.

Don't worry, James. Thank you. You won't die. But also saying what happens if some loon that some loon is Belinda. No, that's some loon is bella yes you're black i'm just going to the toilet oh is that the wrong handle oops they watched in disbelief as hazel unlocked what to them looked like an emergency exit she's a maniac oh my god she calmly pushed down the large cream-colored handle handle and pulled the door open. A small spiral staircase

led up to a cramped area. Fuck off! Led up to a first floor maisonette. This is ridiculous. Pretty much, James. A small spiral staircase led up to a cramped area above the first class passenger section. Five identical doors, all about four feet in height, were laid out in front of them. So there's like a Hobbit apartment. It's Hobbiton. It's Lilliput. No, but is this a thing on planes? Because I'm sure on long haul flights before,

like the cabin crew do have an area to go to. I'm never sure where it is. There's a spiral staircase on a on a freaking plane it's not air force one i'm not sure it's a spiral staircase but there's definitely like a little secret section for the crew their only identification was b1 to b5 it's the five books of belinda blink i honestly dread to think what's behind every single one i know what do you think i think a sleeping member of cabin crew that each of them can go and shag. So they pick a door and they go in and it's like...

And it's potluck. Yeah, potluck. You don't know who it is. Although potluck doesn't that mean like bring a dish in America? And in many ways this is bring a dish. Hazel headed immediately to B3 and went inside. It's like battleships. Hazel to B3.

I feel like Hazel's like pre-planned that she knows who she wants. Well, we don't know that It's like battleships. Hazel to B3. I feel like Hazel's pre-planned that. She knows who she wants. Well, we don't know that Alice's theory is correct. I feel like she's onto something. All right, yeah. Catty over there. Haven't heard anything from you. Belinda and Bella followed.

To their surprise, the whole area was a large bed. Nothing else. But it was big enough for three people. Oh, no. No, it's not. B3. B for three? That's what it says. It just says B3. Big enough for three people. That's not what

B3 means. So each room is the number of people you can squeeze in there. Well, James, Belinda asked the obvious question. Does B3 mean bonking capacity for three people? Yes, they've got five rooms in the top of an aircraft, each designed for orgies. And how huge would B5 be?

Also gutted if you're B1. Billy no mates at B1. Does B3 mean bonking capacity for three people? Exactly, replied Hazel. Do you think us aircrew are stupid? Currently, yes. This is crazy. I think Rocky's stupid. I genuinely despair. No offence, Dad.

Space is of the utmost in any aeroplane and no employee would ever think of using a B5 area for only four people. What? What's happening? Next time I'm on a plane, would ever think of using a B5 area for only four people. Next time I'm on a plane, I'm looking for the spiral staircase. I'm going to check this is actually accurate because... No, but then you'll be that maniac that's like grabbing at the door. In B1.

I'm going to B1. You're straight into B1. Also, five, like, is that just for all the crew to get together and have a little bonking session or if you manage to recruit four other people on a plane to go for an orgy upstairs yeah they all have to be from vip or can some of them be from economy comfort class i do worry about you james if you go on a flight and you're like i'm just looking for the bonking rooms then you're just like grabbing at like handles and opening cupboards and stuff they're gonna be like sir we're gonna

have to sedate you if you don't calm down they definitely check your shoes there's going to be an emergency landing you know the cliche of like being in a room and people are bonking upstairs and you can kind of hear it on the ceiling would you get that if you're in economy comfort class and they're up in you know the bonk salon what if they fall through into the luggage compartments in the overhead bins or they make all of the air drop down their leg comes through one of the oxygen masks. Well, I hope Belinda will fix hers before she helps Bella. Always. You've watched the video.

Belinda and Bella nodded their heads. It indeed made sense. But how often did a B5 area get used? It indeed did make sense. No, it didn't. Or, for that matter, a B4 area. And could they be invited the next time it did? Is it really bonking for four?

Like, it's not just bedroom four. Thankfully, they never wanted to be in the B1 area. Sorry, James. Was it for males only, they both thought? No, women could masturbate too. Right, Alice? Yeah, I'm just wondering if you could just do it quietly though, in a B5. Or in your seat with a blanket over you. Well, quite. I mean,

Belinda doesn't even need to go with the spiral staircase. It somehow seemed to them both very lonely. Oh, God. Can we just get in B3, please? Jesus Christ. All this talk. Hazel looked at her large silver watch with its

fluorescent green hands oh my god classy that sounds gross also a massive like i imagine it's like a clock on it also how much do co-pilots get paid they're loaded sounds like the cheapest watch you're getting a kinder yeah she's bought that like back up at the airport hasn't she like one's broken and she's gone god i need another. One of those swatch watchers that you like slap onto your wrist. I love those. Come on guys I've only got 51 minutes

left of my break. How long does she get off on like a 12 hour flight? Fucking hell. Let's have some action. She didn't say that. She did. She's a geezer

isn't she Hazel? Let's have some action. Let's have some action babe. No romance with her. 51 minutes on the clock, get your kit off, sweetheart. Bella and Belinda both dived on Hazel. Dived on her! And she screamed in delight, gurgling,

It's okay, we're soundproofed. These rooms are soundproofed. They've gone to the expense of soundproofing the rooms. So they're little mini recording studios, essentially, in the top of a plane. She soon lost her uniform and pretty quickly her undergarments, which to Belinda seemed quite sexy for standard issue airline employee clothing. They don't issue underwear. They don't give you your underwear. It's not like working at Forster's.

They don't all have the same knickers on. So what knickers would you wear as a pilot something big i imagine something comfy for the flight i guess something that you could fashion into something that would save your life if the plane went down large and durable exactly she mused they must have an enlightened buyer to be purchasing this lot must make contact for what God's sake. For what purpose? She can't sell them pots and pans. But she'll sell anything. I think she's always teeing up her next job. But the people that sell, apparently,

regulation underwear for co-pilots aren't interested in Teflon kitchenware. Maybe she's like lining her war chest when she leaves Steeles. Just making loads of contact. As in she can sell anything. Exactly. She's going to have the fattest little black book after this, honestly.

And yet none of them could she call up because she'll have shagged them all. Hazel was stripped naked in 90 seconds. I love it when he times it. Which is quite a long time. Ages. It's a minute and a half, guys. Made it sound like it was frantic. It sounds like they've folded stuff up, you know, put it in a corner as usual.

Hazel was stripped naked in 90 seconds and Bella paused to assess her tits. I think that's actually really rude. Because if I was in a moment with somebody and they stripped me or I stripped them, and then you pause to be like... To judge them. Is that all right? I mean... Let me get a look at this.

Exactly. You can't do that. Get your clipboard out and write a report.inda i think you may be correct though i'll need giselle to qualify my assessment about the tits sure surely not replied belinda and with a flying leap with a flying kick there's not enough room to do a flying leap. I was going to say, a flying leap. It's just got a bed in it. Four foot house. It's a little hut. It's a little holiday hut.

Little den. With a flying leap, Bella landed on top of Belinda. And with Hayes was out. Cowabunga! Why do I feel like they're in like zero gravity? Do you know those Japanese hotels that are just pods? Yeah, that's essentially like they're in, like, zero gravity? Do you know those Japanese hotels that are just pods? Yeah, that's essentially what they're in. So weird.

With a flying leap, Bella landed on top of Belinda and, with Hazel's help, had her stripped off in a record 40 seconds. Still taking ages. Why is it a pylon? Not a record because I'm sure Peter Rouse got undressed in like 29 seconds or something. Well, that's doing it yourself, isn't it? And he is a Lothario. And he was dead eager.

He was repulsively keen. That left Bella still somewhat attired. But Hazel had other ideas and went on the attack. God. Why can't people just be romantic? attack oh god why can't people just be romantic bella soon succumbed and the three girls were now stripped for action so to speak so to speak so they say and then the real fun started oh really because we were having so much fun already brace yourselves oh god in the brace position don't encourage them to go in the brace position. You've got your life jacket. I'd rather just go down with the ship, honestly.

Belinda grabbed Hazel's breasts and started preening them with her fingers. Are they got hair on them? Is she plucking them? Yeah, like orangutans, you know, when they pick the... Yeah, boing, boing. Not picking the nits out of them. Yeah, exactly, and the tics. Nits on the tits.

It was a very slow touch, much in the style of an Irish wake. What? I do beg your pardon. The amount of Irish wakes I've been to where we all preen each other's tits. Is that what you do at an Irish wake? What does that mean? Well, it means this, much in the style of an irish wake a lot of feeling without much emotion or perhaps a lot of emotion without much feeling what the fuck is he

talking about rocky's had three bottles of champagne i actually have no grasp on what he's talking about like sometimes i know a bit Can you just translate that for us a little bit? So, what an Irish way... I would if I could, mate. I can't. Feeling with no emotion or emotion with no feeling. So, it's either a lot of feeling without much emotion or it's a lot of emotion without much feeling.

Both of which mean nothing. And both contradict each other. Yes, so, which means nothing. Completely. Doesn't emotion mean feeling? Aren't they synonyms? What's happening? Whatever. Hazel soon started to respond with even rocky's like whatever don't dwell on it whatever hazel soon started to respond and then bella started on her vagina started on like you want something what are you looking at bro you want a bit of vagina

you getting smart with me bella started on her vagina gently at first but with enough pressure from bella's two fingers to create a growing feeling of need need with a k dough balls she's got lots of air into that vagina gorgeous leave it to stand for a couple of hours let it prove for god's sake these are like little proving drawers like little hot pockets god that would just be thrush wouldn't it oh god all that yeast it's not good in a damp environment get the canister hazel threw back her long blonde hair and opened her legs wider arched her, increasing the pressure on her breast from Belinda's now deft touches.

Deft, guys, deft. And started to moan seductively. There isn't a way. We've established through both of these books a moan is always... Imagine if they started to hit turbulence or something and they were like, can you please return to your seats,

put your seatbelts on? They'd be like, oh shit. I'm elbow deep here. What's going to happen if they need Hazel? To fly the plane. Yeah. Because I presume at this point there's one person or nought persons in the cockpit.

Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if she's just left it unmanned. And when you go for your break, you don't go off the radar. No, yeah, you should be contactable at all times. You're on a plane, after all, lest we forget. Well, most people would find it hard to go walkabout on a plane. Not Hazel. And she's definitely one of those people that's like, I get an hour for lunch, sometimes an hour.

Job's worth. Have you seen Flight Plan, where the little girl just goes completely missing and everyone's like, where the hell is that little girl? Don't be silly. On a flight? On a flight. This is what's happened here. I think she turns out to be in the cargo pit or something.

Spoiler alert. Great. Thanks for that, James. The whole point was just to ruin the film. It's queued up on my Netflix, isn't it? Belinda eventually straddled Hazel, placing her vagina over Hazel's face and slowly went down on her. Placing it.

Serving it up. It's like she's grabbed each side, opened it up and then like wrapped a bit round one ear, wrapped a bit round the other ear. Oh my God. I mean, it shouldn't really be that big, but Hazel could have a really tiny head. Like an oxygen mask. Yeah, very much like an oxygen mask. Oh. Like an oxygen mask. Yeah, very much like an oxygen mask. Please fit your vagina before assisting people with others. Belinda eventually straddled Hazel,

placing her vagina over Hazel's face and slowly went down on her. That's not what going down means. How many times? Just lowering your vagina onto someone's face is not going down on someone. Great for your quads, though. Oh, Lord. She's strong.

She's a strong woman. She's kind of slut-dropping on her. Well, actually, you say she's strong. She might have just put all of her weight and her vagina on her face. We don't know that she's supporting herself. So she placed her vagina over Hazel's face and slowly went down on her. I just think Hazel has like one eye peeking out. Frantically looking round.

Hazel responded by licking firstly her lids and then finding her clitoris. She's just trying to scream to get out. She's like, oh, help! The initial small amount of fluid being produced was greedily licked up by hazel stop it jamie stop it i'm just reading the book that can't always be your defense it's like her lunch is that what she's got like oh it's a lunch break you know what though i take it over what they serve on the plane james not in in VIP. Always go Asian vegetarian. You get a really nice paneer curry.

Honestly, that's my tip. You've flown VIP far too much. Honestly, you get that back in coach as well. Asian vegetarian. Asian vegetarian. You didn't hear it from me, okay. The initial small amount of fluid being produced was greedily licked up by Hazel,

who smacked her lips hungrily she can't smack her lips they're inside belinda they're trapped inside she's lip to lip literally oh no they're french kissing is that what that is that's probably what rocky thinks it is the fluid is greedily licked up by hazel who smacked her lips hungrily from time to time. From time to time. From time to time. Like, what is that? Very odd. Very odd, Dad. Bella had, in the meantime,

placed her ass in Belinda's face. That's very good of her. And her mouth over Hazel's clitoris. Her mouth over... Hang on, what? No. No. Oh, no, yeah, okay. Because Belinda's vag is in Hazel's face and she's facing towards uh hazel's

feet yes bella's bum is in belinda's face and bella's face is in hazel's vagina but i feel like the bum in belinda's face is just a byproduct of the vagina i don't think she's particularly bearing the bum i think that's just a kind of like leftover. She's not arsed with it, is she? Yeah, well, quite. Oh, don't mind me. Sorry about that. We can both fit in here kind of thing. They should have gone in B5, shouldn't they?

They should have. Bella's like, does my bum look big in your face? In the meantime, she'd placed her ass in Belinda's face and her mouth over Hazel's clitoris, with her tongue soon making a huge impact. Why is the mouth over the clitoris? Theitoris is really small maybe she's pursing a lip she's like got it really like she's whistling oh so it's very specific so she's whistling on a clitoris she'll be licking it she looking at no just placed her mouth over it sounds like she's sucking it like a straw

oh that went right through me that was horrible. Well her tongue was soon making a huge impact. I bet it was. That left Belinda sucking Bella's vagina as best she could. As best she could? Oh because of the positioning. It's like trying to suck the udders on a cow. Well tell me more. Cooper family holidays were a hoot. Also no it's not also why is that my first thing that i go to even i'm like what am i talking about that left belinda sucking bella's vagina as best she could but with a little assistance from her fingers she was soon able to kickstart a flow of wetness she's like hot wired her vagina it's like a bangladeshi flood plain it's a sea of fluid

oh god the three girls remain silent as they silent that's weird to be fair they've all got mouths full well i know but for it to be like no like yeah whatever like just like completely silent it's soundproofed as well for it all to be like no like yeah whatever like just like completely silent it's soundproofed as well for it all to be silent everyone's just troughing it's creepy the three girls remained silent as they each enjoyed the thrills of oral sex the thrills of oral sex we've all enjoyed the thrills of oral sex right guys well you have that cow down the road clearly oh daisy it was a thrill for you not so much for i feel like the thrills of oral sex is like a 70s or 80s book yeah they're all parents though

and rocky's clearly read cover to cover oh man time to swap over said a tiny voice deep under belinda oh deep inside. Hazel's had enough. She's like, swatsies. Hazel's like right inside Belinda, but she can still see her giant green watch. She's like, and that's time. Illuminating her vaginal cavity. Oh God.

Time to swap over, said a tiny voice deep under Belinda. It was Hazel. Of course it bloody was. Who else was it? And she was the only one on a strict timetable. She had to keep tabs on the time by checking her large fluency. There you go, darling. There you go.

How was she checking it? What do you mean? Was she still got her arms free? Her eyes are covered by vag. Her eyes are inside. Her eyes are covered by vag. Her eyes are inside. Her eyes are in a womb. How can she see her watch? She can see her cervix.

Oh my God. She definitely can from where she is. She can see right up. She can probably see light through Belinda's mouth. She'll be like, I see all the stars. I can see Orion's belt. I think that's a consolation. Belinda's cervix.

If it isn't, we make it one now. Just imagine loads of parents showing their children, and that's Belinda's cervix. Fair enough, replied the other two. Belinda took Hazel's place and Bella Belinda's, leaving Hazel free to move to Bella's old position. Oh my God god what's happening bella went where belinda was but hazel was underneath so bella was in fact where bella

had originally been but belinda was beneath what how many oranges does belinda have they all got comfortable and started again this time the juices really flowed and it wasn't long until hazel decided they would soon swap over again oh my god they're gonna be drowning in this in b3 with all these juices i'm gonna open the door on all this liquid just letting out gosh can we get a mop but that's my concern who's mopping b3 oh god yeah who cleans up because someone's gonna use that after them also imagine being the cleaning team at the other end that's got to come on and like who, who's doing the bees? Because I don't want to go up there.

I'll take the toilets. I'm not taking the bees. I'm not. I'll take economy comfort class toilets. All right. All the way. Do you think they see on the chart that it's a hazel flight and they're like, fuck that. I'm taking holiday.

Sick day. I don't want you guys to dry up, said a panting hazel. I don't want you guys to dry up said a panting Hazel I don't want you guys to dry up like a dog that would be truly unthinkable I find this hard going does anybody else this is the longest flight I've ever been on and I get restless on flights

but this is ludicrous Bella and Belinda nodded as they took up their positions for the last time. Last time, guys. How do they know it's the last time? Oh, they're aware of the time too, I guess. Clearly. Whilst they had never experienced a session quite like this, 40,000 feet up in the air,

they were willing to accept Hazel's superior knowledge. Of what? Yeah, what is Hazel's superior knowledge. Of what? Yeah, what is Hazel's superior knowledge? I'll tell you. Oh. That it could be possible that one, or heaven forbid, all three, could dry up at any time. Oh, because of the altitude, the air conditioning and everything. Yeah, you do get dehydrated on a flight.

You do. Well, I was going to say, do you think sensors are heightened? Like, when you're that high up, do you think sex is, like, better when you're up in the air well who has joined the mile high club i haven't i haven't alice alice no i haven't i haven't slept with someone i've slept on someone near enough oh i bet you're a dribbler as well totally i actually was on a flight once and i was in the middle of the bank of three seats you know at the side yeah and there were two larger units either side of me they put their armrests up and just lent in didn't give a shit and you left the flight as flat as a pancake i didn't have a choice in the matter i really didn't we were essentially on a

sofa it was awful um but yeah if you if you have joined the mile high club we'd love to hear your stories yeah does it make sex better? Email us at mydadwriterporno at gmail.com. I want to know. I want to know if it's better. And also how you get away with it. Yeah. Because there is no B1 to 5.

So where are you doing it? I'm presuming the toilet. Yeah. But it's really obvious if two people come out of a toilet. And also those spaces are so small, like the logistics of it are just baffling they were willing to accept hazel's superior knowledge that it could be possible that one or heaven forbid all three could dry up at any time no doubt one of the risks of air travel

they didn't tell you about and they really don't do they they shouldn't have to tell you about that very much an industry secret and when they're getting all the like 100 mil liquids and they're like i will need that 500 mil of lube sorry i will need it it's a long haul flight so hazel needn't have worried belinda and bella were made of stern stuff you could ring them out honestly and they lasted the pace perhaps working in the pots and pans business had given them some Teflon coating. Oh, there you go. Wonderful. Love that.

A bit of rough air turbulence initiated a message from... Oh, my God, I'm a psychic. What? This is happening way too often for it to be just coincidence. Have you bought the book and read ahead? No, I promise I haven't read ahead. Are you cheating? Are you cheating on us with Rocky?

Not with Rocky. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Are you cheating? Are you cheating on us with Rocky? Not with Rocky. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Because you can buy the book. So if you have bought it, James, and read ahead, that'll be very, very disappointing. It'll be a sackable offence. I'm just impressed that I'm predicting the entirely unpredictable.

A bit of rough air turbulence initiated a message from the captain asking everyone to fasten their seatbelts, which saw Hazel lose her concentration. Lose her shit. She was like, fuck! I've got to get back to the cockpit! She slapped Belinda's ass and shouted, that's it girls, thanks for the party, especially the drinks.

Let's meet again soon. Gotta go, see ya! I love the painted on airline staff smile like, thanks for flying with us. Gotta get back. Bye. And to our gold card holders, come again soon. I hate how they always thank all those groups and I'm never in any of them.

No, I know. They all quickly dressed and headed back down to their seats. Belinda and Bella ordered another bottle of champers. I don't think you can during turbulence. I've tried. I bet you have. And they're coming out of the spiral staircase door

while the turbulence is on. So the seatbelt light's on. So everyone's just sat in, like no one's milling around and the three of them come out. Come on. Where have they been? And also, a spiral staircase is hard to negotiate

at the best of times. In turbulence, they'll be flapping all over the place. And Bella being pissed as she is. She's going to topple down. And Belinda in heels probably, knowing her. Oh God, we've got three deaths on our hands

on the spiral staircase. Belinda and Bella ordered another bottle of champers as they reckon they needed to replace their liquid levels. No, it's not hydrating. This is not how biology works. Also, these two are wild.

They're like, they're crazy. When they're together as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're the gleeting. They're living life to the full. They're living every day as if it's their last, and it sounds like it's going to be at this rate. That was your last though. Imagine having to read that bit at the funeral. She died doing what she loved. Shagging in a weird little room on a long haul flight. Falling down the spiral staircase that doesn't exist. Belinda and Bella ordered another bottle of champers,

as they reckoned they needed to replace their liquid levels. After all, Jim Sterling was getting closer with every hour. Belinda needed some time to practice her new cervix techniques. Oh, no. Oh, my God, if I realised Jim Sterling was getting closer every hour, I'd be like, turn the plane around, or I'd cause something to start an emergency landing or something make a little fire in the gangway i'd open that door that was talking about earlier yeah there's nothing worse than him looming on the horizon is there

she wasn't going to easily waste the expensive six hours she'd spent with a personal trainer to not finish mastering the skills which had clinched the biggest pots and pans deal of her career. I thought we'd lost you there. Mate, that was a never-ending sentence. Sorry, six hours with a personal trainer? Yeah. Wow, it's really splashed out there. Isn't that what you get for free before you sign up properly? Can you see any results after six hours?

Belinda needed some time to practice her new cervix techniques. She wasn't going to easily waste the expensive six hours she'd spent with a personal trainer to not finish mastering the skills which would clinch the biggest pots and pans deal of her career. And that's the end of the chapter. And breathe. The size of breath that you took, that's what Hazel had to take

before Belinda put a vagina over the top of her face. Honestly. So where we're heading now, presumably for the rest of the book, is for some time with Mr Jim Sterling. How do we feel about his return? Well, I'm worried we're going to lose listeners. Quite rightly as well.

Yeah, we've been trying so hard to break America and it's all going to go up in smoke. I'd love a little preview of the title of the next chapter. Oh, would you indeed? It's very simple. Oh, God. Guess, please. Very simple.

Very. Just Jim? Just chapter 14? No, guys. It's Texas, USA. Oh, of course. A whole state. Oh, that Texas.

My bad. So, yeah, come back next week to enjoy i don't know a bit of barbecue cowboys what else they do in texas um i think that's it that's pretty much it yeah and in the meantime get in touch on twitter at dad wrote a porno uh we're on instagram my dad wrote her and you can find us on facebook if you just search mydadwroteporno. And if you enjoy the adventures of Belinda Blumenthal and Rocky's writing then you would I'm sure love our new book. It's Belinda Blinked One. Where we first met Jim Sterling. Exactly and it's got loads of kind of added bonuses in so Rocky's written us some new material, a bit of insight into his process. We've kind of highlighted some of the things that you may have missed. It's basically the ultimate fan guide isn isn't it? It is. And also because we had so many people getting in touch

saying they have Belinda Blinked parties, there are so many things that you can do as a group in there. There's like a quiz, there are activities, there's a drinking game, obviously. So just a great thing to get out at a party or a dinner party and just have a bit of fun with Belinda. Just be careful who you invite to that dinner party. They've got to be fellow filthbags. See you in Texas. Yee-haw!