My Dad Wrote A Porno - S2E17 - 'A Hot Afternoon at the Lazy P Ranch'

Episode Date: October 24, 2016

Will Belinda finally get her meeting with Jim? Have we seen the last of Hank Skank? Will we be reading book 3? Find out the answers to all of these questions as Belinda Blinked 2 reaches its sexy climax... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff. Previously on My Dad Wrote a Porno Mr Sterling will be John Yarl shortly along with his chief executive Hank Skank. Pardon? Skank. Hank Skank. What?

The crankies are in town The crankies As in the crankies As in the little man and the little woman I don't know The crankies are doing their biggest ever stadium tour You sure are a pretty one Belinda He murmured Can I strip ya

And fuck ya Strip ya And fuck ya And strip ya And fuck ya And strip ya And fuck ya Sausage

It's a sad day everybody I can... Sausage. It's a sad day, everybody. It is the last episode of My Dad Wrote a Porno Season 2. There are no words, really. I've worn all black today to commemorate the occasion. Is that what that armband is? That's why I've just got a single tear running down my face it is a very very depressing day but at least perhaps we'll find out if belinda's managed to seal the deal finally sign that damn deal well we know that she has but has she just tied up those loose ends will she get

that meeting with jim sterling that is the question how are you feeling you're not gonna have to read it out to porn every week for a while now. I know. I'm thrilled. I can't wait to be free. You can do it as a hobby rather than a job. Gross. I'm wearing all black. Jamie's just wearing beach shorts because he's straight on holiday after this. Straight to the Bahamas. Checking out.

So remind us what the final chapter is called. Yeah. So the final chapter is called A Hot Afternoon at the Lazy P Ranch. We're ending on a bang. I can it who is lazy pea and why does she have a ranch oh you're assuming it's a she oh do you think it's a man p for paula for paula loads of people say in the last chapter that belinda did two things that you don't really do in texas and that's go see a soccer game and go to an italian restaurant you're like why didn't you go for a good game and go to an Italian restaurant they're like why don't you

go for a good barbecue like a normal Texan I'm not sure if dad's ever been to Texas maybe that's why

it shows in his prose a rough approximation at what tourist he's there he thinks it's just Europe but dad also hates spaghetti

so it's an interesting choice of cuisine yeah why does he hate spaghetti he's not a fan of it

but likes other pasta shapes actually do you know what I tell a lie. Why does he hate spaghetti? He's not a fan of it. But likes other pasta shapes? Actually, do you know what? I tell a lie. He hates pasta. He doesn't mind spaghetti because that makes sense. Classic Rocky logic there. And he likes spaghetti sauce.

Oh, sure. Loves a ragu. He loves it as much as Hank Skank. Oh, Hank Skank! Hank Skank! I hope he's back. I kind of liked Hank Skank. But I do feel like, you know,

it could be the classic Rocky. Introduce them, make you love them, and then throw them away. In, away in out shake it all about we're not going to seem to look six i live in hope they all will reappear at some point in the series though that's true one day we'll see adam again yeah they're gone but not forgotten it'll be like that weekend x factor when they bring back all of the failed contestants. We'll have one chapter that's like a best of. And all stars. Yeah, exactly.

They'll be like, the tall man. All the shit characters. Yeah, Bill, come on down, Bill. It's the only way Bill's going to look it again. I'm serious. Bill is one of the only characters that's never returned at all. Not even mentioned again. Quite right. Yeah, that's true.

He was in too many chapters, I think. So will we meet Tony again before the end of the book? Yeah, Tony's gone quiet. Right. Tony hasn't become the character he promised he'd be, I don't think. I thought he was going to be like borderline lead, protagonist, but he's barely a supporting player. You could definitely have somebody you'd never heard of in the film version.

Somebody we wouldn't have on footnotes, do you know what I mean? No one even wants to play Tony. We've been trying to flog him to everyone. Michael Sheen, not interested. Thomas Middleditch doesn't want to know. Maybe it's for a newcomer. A cameo for a newcomer. Tamal Ray's going to play Tony in the film.

Oh, but actually, yeah, I can see that, sort of. Sort of. Okay, right. Are we ready to delve into the last ever chapter, guys? Oh. Of Belinda Blink 2. Charge your glasses, Alice. To Belinda Blink 2 charge your glasses Alice to Belinda Blink 2

what are these glasses bit clunky aren't they ok right shall we go let's go Belinda Blink 2 chapter 17 a hot afternoon

at the Lazy P Ranch The 10.30am boardroom meeting was short and Jim concluded the business by saying, Belinda, Bella, it sure has been a pleasure having you guys around this week. Hank and I have truly enjoyed your company and we want to confirm the new deal between our two companies. Yay! She got her meeting! Yeah, that's how you do it 17 chapters later.

And that is the end of the chapter. Ba-da-da-da. Belinda and Bella shouted, Hooray! in their cute English accents And kissed the two men on their cheeks That's not professional Be cool about it Great doing business with you

We've finally flogged some stock Their mugs We've sold them a pup Do you think that's the last of those units? Oh, clearly. There can't be any oxybrilla left. Belinda and Bella shouted hooray in their cute English accents and kissed the two men on their cheeks.

Hank, is the chopper laid on for the ranch? Yes, Jim. Virgil confirmed he'd be here in 40 minutes. Virgil. Oh my God, it is Thunderbird 2. Oh God. Oh my God, they're not really going to helicopter out of there. That's glam.

That's like proper Dallas style. We've never actually established where they are in Texas. No. Lest we forget, Texas is three times the size of the UK. It's massive. They could be in Finland. Seriously. The equivalent.

So maybe they are in Dallas. The large executive helicopter landed on its helipad outside Jim's penthouse suite. On top of Trump Towers. Yeah. The party, now including Sydney,

ran across the windswept concrete. They ran? To jump on, you know. They have to run. They're not trying to get out of there. It's not a rescue helicopter. They do have to run. They've just sold loads of oxybrillo rain. Go! Go!

30 minutes later, the chopper swept past the front gate of the Lazy P ranch. 30 minutes. Isn't that where they're going? Why has it swept past? Stop! You missed the stop! It so reminded Belinda

of the old Dallas TV series. Her grandmother used to replay over and over again. Shut up. James! Sometimes you're in his mind. This is getting ridiculous. It's concerning, huh?

I think it's good we're stopping now because obviously I'm changing into a mini Rocky and that's worrying me. You're the son he's always wanted, James. We only have space for one Rocky, mini or otherwise. Yeah, please stick on. It so reminded Belinda of the old Dallas TV series her grandmother used to replay over and over again. Now, here she was she belinda riding with the tycoons it was truly amazing who said being in sales didn't pay it literally hasn't paid yet because they've only just put ink to paper by the sounds of it

also i love that she just gets in one helicopter and she's suddenly like, my life has changed. Well, think of what the high life was in book one if you recall your favourite line from book one. Yeah, turkey sandwiches and a glass of wine. So this is definitely a step up from that. Hank, dressed only in his board shorts, threw... Well, he's got no top on. Oh, he is lean and blonde, isn't he? Oh, yeah, I think he is quite slim.

He sounds geriatric, but rest assured, he's a hunk. Okay. Hank, dressed only in his board shorts, threw another large ribeye steak onto the barbecue, watching the three girls out of the corner of his eye skinny dip in the pool right so there's been another like massive passage of time i love that chapter can be one man in a room so it can be about 45 minutes here i mean it's all gone on hasn't it the next sentence will be like and belinda sat down in the office of steel spots belinda was 82 and she said to her granddaughter what a ranch it was so the girls are naked in the pool as well right

he looked over at jim and wink Steak, ass and tits. You can't beat it. Are they all different cuts of meat? Cow tit. Oh, God. Steak, ass and tits. You can't beat it. Best date ever.

Steak, ass and tits. Steak. Steak, ass and tits. Whatak. Steak, ass and tits. What are you singing? I literally don't know. Also, we can't sing a song every chapter. Honestly, you're turning this podcast into the musical. But we're doing the same one, isn't it?

Steak, ass and tits. Steak, ass and tits. No, I don't know what you're singing. I'm just copying you. I was like, yeah, what is it? And you're like, I don't know. Steak, ass and tits. You can't beat it.

Add a beer, said Jim. And I'm on board. They laughed. Why? So, Jim, you're 100% with this deal. What? Why is he sowing seeds of doubt? Because who is Hank Skank?

He's what, the head of... He's the chief executive. Oh, so quite powerful then. Don't be a skank, Hank. Well, we know that he doesn't care about telling Jim where to stick his ass. That is true. So, Jim, you're 100% with this deal? Yep.

I sure am, Hank. And I tell you what, I think we can get a manufacturing license from these Brits for our operation in Brazil. Early days, Jim. But it would fit our plans just fine. Jim gently caressed his large cock. In front of Hank?

They're bros. Is that what bros do? I don't know. Has he got his hand down his pants in front of Hank? I would say that's unorthodox with your heterosexual companion. Not to mention chief executive. Not to mention he's in a food prep zone. He's trying to put those steaks on.

Guys do do that though. They do absentmindedly put their hand down the trousers and stroke there just kind of have a feel around down there I think I used to do it

when I was like a teenager I haven't done it in years sure no really no no sure Jim gently caressed his large cock and looked across

the pool at Bella he liked her a lot especially as she was shorter than Belinda so she didn't require as much straining for the new boy on the block new boy as in his new boy so to speak

I think so yeah so the extension is the new boy on the block he's the Marky Mark the new boy on the block what a reference maybe that's why Danny DeVito is a good shout for Jim Sterling's casting because Danny DeVito is tiny that's why Danny DeVito is a good shout for Jim Sterning's casting

because Danny DeVito is tiny and then you can put him in yeah that's why we cast him oh right is it because you

know something about Danny DeVito that we don't but then you could put him with like a really tall female actress but I don't know

who that would be Gina Davis Gina Davis or that woman that's always in things like Jane Lynch Jane Lynch exactly what I'm thinking of no it wasn't it was Jane Lynch And Geena Davis. Geena Davis! Or that woman that's always in things like... Jane Lynch.

Jane Lynch, exactly what I'm thinking of! No, it wasn't! It was Jane Lynch! It was totally Jane Lynch! Jane Lynch and Danny DeVito! It's the duo we always wanted but never knew we needed. That's couple goals, right? Let's make a call.

I mean, it's worth a call. She didn't require as much straining for the new boy on the block, so to speak. Yeah. He could see her in two or three years' time as his VP in Brazil. I thought he wanted to have sex with her, not promote her. Also, another insane promotion in an absurdly short amount of time. Bella's the receptionist, isn't she? So she's even lower than Giselle.

Receptionist to vice president. Based on almost nothing. It would be part of the manufacturing licence deal. He'd make sure of that. This deal is an absolute mockery. The girls had all put on a bikini bottom for lunch. Just one, all of them in there. But remained topless.

Of course. Hoping to pick up a bit of a tan on their breasts. Sydney had turned out to be a bit of a stunner once her work clothing had been removed and was the real host of the lunch. What was she wearing before? Like a sack? Or a suit.

Hank served the medium rare steak straight from the barbecue. It was a wonderful interlude from all the business dealings of the last two days. There's been no business dealings. Guys, too soon. It was all nearly over. What?

Jim, Hank and Sydney had to get back to the office for a 3pm Treasury meeting. What? The helicopter zoomed off, leaving Bella and Belinda sunning by the pool. Everyone else was gone? Yeah. Have they been abandoned? Wait! They're writing help in the grass.

Jim had insisted they relax before their evening flight and would send Virgil to pick them up around six-ish. But Virgil's 103. Will Virgil remember? They lay back on the loungers, closed their eyes and soaked in the sun. Suddenly, a deep, husky, but not unattractive Texan voice interrupted their well-being. Oh God, drumroll please. How's Jamie going to do on this accent? New character alert. Oh, God. Pressure. Sorry to interrupt, ladies, but we're the ranch crew. A new boy band from Texas.

Mr. Sterling instructed us to make sure Yazal wanted for nothing for the remainder of your stay with us. Yazal wanted for nothing. Oh, I hate it when Yazl want for nothing. A slightly perspiring Belinda looked up as the voice suddenly put its hand on her ample bare breast. The voice put its hand. Makes no sense. It's the makes no sense song. We sing it every time it makes no sense.

Except we don't because we sing it all the time. The voice suddenly put its hand. On her ample bare breast. And removed her bikini bottom with a well-practiced shake like a bottle of ketchup belinda's tits and nipples protested against the rough calloused skin on the cowboy's hand and her naked vagina moistened in anticipation. Oh, that's your worst word, isn't it, James? Moistened.

Moistened, yeah. That was quite a sexy sentence, though, if I may. You went very quiet there. I was just contemplating the choice of words. He was just rubbing his penis in his trousers. Read that again. Belinda's tits and nipples protested against the rough calloused skin on the cowboy's hand and her naked vagina moistened in anticipation.

I'm not going to lie. Calloused skin? Yeah, rough cowboy hands. Really? Yeah, he's been... Lassoing. Lassoing some cows. He's been ranching. He's been tying some knots.

That's different, she muttered as she watched bella's reaction she too was experiencing a similar scenario to herself from a second ranch hand okay we need to just get our brains in there can we deconstruct that she too as in bella was experiencing something similar herself uh to what was happening to Belinda herself on the other lounger. By a second ranch hand. But by the second hand of the other ranch person. So she's being touched by a hand. Belinda's being touched by a voice. Maybe it's the same person.

No, but you said second ranch hand. So is the second ranch hand the second hand of the first ranch person? Or is it the first hand of a second ranch hand? Give it another read. I'm baffled. Okay. That's different, she muttered as she watched Bella's reaction.

She too was experiencing a similar scenario to herself from a second ranch hand. Sure. It's the last chapter, so I'll let it slide. Belinda licked her lips, took a swig of beer and put her hand between the rancher's thighs Belinda licked her lips, took a swig of beer, and put her hand between the rancher's thighs and rubbed his denimed groin hard.

Denimed groin! Brilliant. It's brilliant. She's drinking beer. I don't think she's ever had a beer before. No, it's quite laddy. Yeah. She's doing it for show, though, isn't she? Well, she's either doing it for show

or she's got a sponsorship deal with some sort of beer, like James Bond had when he stopped drinking martinis and started drinking Heineken. Yeah. She knows well she's either doing it for show or she's got a sponsorship deal with some sort of beer like like james bond had when he stopped drinking martinis and started drinking heineken yeah she knows what she's doing she is sponsored by i bet it's a really shit brand carling skull skull little stubbies if she's sponsored by anything she's sponsored by cum like come on alice levine if there's product placement of anything, it's that. You can't be product placed by jizz. Maybe a sperm bank. Maybe.

Oh, yes. The cowboy moaned and pushed his tobacco-stained tongue into Belinda's mouth. Should it be stained? I know you get tobacco-stained hands, don't you? Do you get yellow tongue or something? Do you? Do you get yellow tongue? Belinda responded by tweaking the denim shirt, covering his hardening nipples with her fingers.

Tweaking the shirt? Double denim, guys. Oh my God, he's wearing a Canadian tuxedo! Oh my God, yee-haw! Takes a brave man to wear double denim. He's very denimed, as Rocky would say. Yeah. go wrong. A fire, stolen equipment, or an unhappy customer suing you. That's why you need insurance. Don't let the, I'm too small for this mindset, hold you back from protecting yourself.

Zinsurance provides customized business insurance policies starting at just $19 per month. Visit zinsurance.com today and buy your policy online in just a few minutes. Zinsurance, mind your business. Her vagina soon became wet as the cowboy slowly inserted his middle finger and felt her clitoris middle finger why did he choose his middle something horrible about it being middle. Screwing it in. Oh no.

Belinda groaned more loudly in her English intonation, which made the rancher even more aroused. Why do we keep reminding everybody that they're English? But how do you groan in an English intonation? Oh. Oh my. It's not Kenneth Williams, is what you're doing. You haven't cast it yet

Can I get off this lounger? Belinda gasped The second the ranch hand came out of her mouth Wait, what? Came out of her mouth, like the tongue I think Oh, I thought you meant his middle finger went up and round Oh, woo-loo-loo Gooey

Why sure, dude Dude He answered kooey why sure dude dude he answered but hey what's your name as he stripped himself naked and jumped in the pool don't wait for the answer oh okay bye

oh my god that's so brilliant he doesn't give a shit so how are you see ya his companion joined him Belinda looked across at Bella So brilliant. He doesn't give a shit. So how are you? See ya! His companion joined him. Belinda looked across at Bella. They both nodded and seconds later jumped in. Great. I'm Belinda.

I'm Bella. Oh God. I'm Doug. And I'm Chuck. And we are... And tonight, Matthew, we are... The Ranch Crew. With the introductions over, Doug took Belinda in his arms,

pushed her against the side of the pool and started to fuck her. In the pool? No, right, no. I've heard about, like, having penetrative sex in water. It's not a good thing. Why? You should penetrate before you get in and then go in the water. And then fall in. Oh, really? Yeah. about like having set penetrative sex in water it's not it's not a good thing why you should penetrate before you get in and then go in the water and then fall in oh really yeah what connected you should fall in dog above sea level exactly no no don't jump in the it's more for like if you're

having sex in a bath or something like that right and then how would you step up and over into the bath that's very confusing. They could be in the bath, just above the water, and then go down. Okay, sure. So where have you heard this? Who told you this? I think I read it somewhere.

Why were you Googling how is it best to have sex in the water? You just acquire knowledge as you go through life. Anyway, they should not be doing it that way. So they should have pre-docked. It was a classic pre-dock situation. you remember on a series of uk big brother when two people had sex in the jacuzzi but they didn't actually have sex and she claimed she got pregnant because the cum was just like floating around in the jacuzzi is that a thing no it's bullshit

but she said she was upset a jacuzzi would kill off any sperm surely are you joking it's like a petri dish it'd feed anything it? It could probably create a baby on its own. Oh. Just a baby right out of a jacuzzi. Like frog spawn. Exactly like frog spawn. They're disgusting. Oh. So many jacuzzi babies. So many jacuzzi babies.

God. With the introductions over, Doug took Belinda in his arms, pushed her against the side of the pool and started to fuck her. Bella, who was not known for her tardiness, grabbed Chuck and directed him to do the same thing to her. Belinda's substantial oval breasts with their extended nipples started to take a heavy toll on Chuck's gorged mouth.

Gorged? Oh, God. They took a heavy toll on his mouth. How can they take a heavy toll? He was getting like lockjaw. I imagine him not to have all his teeth. Oh, do you reckon? I don't know why.

From chewing like... Not just one at the front. Yeah, maybe. A bit of corn like coming out of his... I imagine the corn. But one tooth on a nipple. That's going to be quite painful. Her clitoris too was starting to pay for Chuck's initial expert finger attention

and was getting wetter by the minute. Well, she's in a pool. Of course it's getting wetter. Don't congratulate yourself, Chuck. And also all those juices just escaping. Into that trough bit. You know, that overflow bit. Horrible.

With all the hair. And pl Into that trough bit. You know, that overflow bit. Horrible. With all the hair. Oh. And plasters. Yeah, exactly. Always. It's really warm. What's wrong with everyone?

Why do they always have to wear loads of plasters when they get in a pool? Why do they insist on going to the pool when they're covered in cuts? Meanwhile, Bella was spread

across the marble steps which led into the pool and Chuck was pounding her for all she was worth. Oh, God. Bella's orgasm soon became irrepressible, and the air was split with the pure sound of an English lady seeking relief. She's no lady. The air was split. Split. Like a tremor. Yeah. Belinda had gotten used to Doug's rhythm and took the opportunity to assess the cattle hands. Who are the cattle hands? Are

they his hands? I don't know. So many hands. Are they part of the boy band too? Are they Doug and Chuck? Or are there people stood on the side just watching? He needs to call people consistently by the same thing. Like they're either the ranch hands or they're Doug and Chuck or they're the cattle hands. He's bothered to name them, which he never does. So use their names for God's sake. Belinda had gotten used to Doug's rhythm and took the opportunity to assess the cattle hands. They were tremendous specimens,

tanned to an inch of their lives with cocks like concrete gateposts. Oh my God. What, angular? Belinda swore, God, she needed this. Whilst Jim and Hank had each done a great job in warming her up, to be finished off by a Texan cowboy was one more wish off her bucket list. Her bucket list must be filthy. That is something I have got to see.

Also, she must have nearly completed it. Just the time at Steele's. I mean, just in those four weeks, she's surely done it all. Shagging a window. Shagging a maze. Shag a duchess belinda threw back her long black hair and settled down to enjoy the ride it didn't last too long as her juices never mind the pool water was so prolific that doug wasn't making much headway bel Belinda glanced across at Bella. She was still flat on her back on the pool steps, screaming for all she was worth with

Chuck hammering the life out of her. People stop doing stuff for all their worth. I thought she'd finish. That's how this phrase does it in this chapter, isn't it? Yeah, I thought she'd finish too. No, she's still going. She was so into it, Belinda wondered why the entire ranch wasn't making its way across to the ranch house. However, Belinda was a realist and she didn't want an orgy situation happening during her last few hours in the States.

It's almost like Rocky saying, I don't want an orgy situation in the last chapter because I'm going to have to write it. So I won't bother to do that. Running out of word count. With that thought in her mind, she reluctantly tightened her cervix and took Doug to a higher plane. A higher plane? Is that like further up the shallow end? He exploded deep inside her a couple of seconds later and kissed her deeply. The wonderful taste of nicotine, tequila and beer would never leave Belinda's mind.

Never? For the rest of her life. Oh my God. It's the chocolate I always go for in the box. Nicotine, tequila and beer. Christ alive. Is that a good thing? What, that she's going to...

Never forget it. Never shake it. Yeah, haunt her dreams forever. No matter how many tic-tacs she gargles. The helicopter touched down on time. Oh, there we go. Over. I'll always remember it.

Ta-ta. Doug was it. See ya. The helicopter touched down on time at the helipad and the ranch hands put Bella and Belinda's travel bags inside

they said adios what and the chopper took off a few minutes later for the airport I'm thinking of that bit in Jurassic Park you know when they fly out

yeah and they're looking back at the carnage grateful to get out alive to remember it for the rest of their lives precisely fly out. Yeah. And they're looking back at the carnage. Grateful to get out alive to remember it for the rest of their life. Precisely. They would be cutting it fine.

But they had permission to land five minutes from the runway their BA jet would be taking off from. That's not usually a thing you're allowed to do. No.

I wouldn't let Virgil within like 20 miles of the airport. I imagine Virgil needs like glasses. Oh, 100%. He's visions impaired. He can barely hear. I think Virgil needs like glasses. Oh, 100%. His vision's impaired. He can barely hear.

I think he got like a horse and cart license and they've just transferred it onto helicopters. They felt like VIPs. And perhaps now they were. To the sterling organisation at least. They fucking wish they're VIPs. I'm sorry. They're two ratty sales executives. They get a whiff of like luxury and they're likeips i'm sorry they're two ratty sales executives they get a whiff of like

luxury and they're like oh my god i'm a kardashian you say two ratty sales executives one ratty sales executive one ratty receptionist who is definitely dining out on this bella could not believe her look. Steel spots and bands are like, Bella, can you get the phone? Bella, where are you? Yeah, steel spots and bands is in meltdown. Security went smoothly.

And whilst the two were the last to board, they soon settled down in the large first class seats Bella had upgraded them to on Jim's insistence that morning. God's sake. So they flew here VIP, but they're returning first. Is that better? Is that worse? It's definitely better than economy comfort class. Belinda relaxed back into her seat and thought what a job Bella had done. She'd make her in charge of the account at tomorrow's meeting with Tony.

What is everyone doing? Has everyone lost their minds? Fancy that. Bella, her first key account manager for Steals, Pots and Pens. Fucking hell, at this rate Hazel's going to be CEO. But also, that means that Bella has like superseded all the RSMs.

Really? That's not going to go down well. Isn't it? Ken Dewsbury is going to spit up his pipe again. Des Martin's going to wreck his car again, isn't he? He's going to go down well. Isn't it? Ken Dewsbury is going to spit up his pint again. Des Martin's going to wreck his car again, isn't he? Oh my God, he's going to cry his eyes out. Cry and dribble. Exactly.

Back at the offices, Bella went straight to reception. Good. Knows the place. It's the first time for everything. And Belinda sauntered up the stairs and walked into her office. The fact she can walk is a miracle. Jesus, she must be like bow-legged. Oh. She threw her briefcase onto the desk.

I love her briefcase! How is that still with her? And flopped into her swivel chair. Her phone buzzed. It's Tony, isn't it? Giselle here, Belinda. Oh. Hope you had a good flight. Can you pop into Tony's Tony, isn't it? Giselle here, Belinda. Oh. Hope you had a good flight.

Can you pop into Tony's office for a debrief? Oh, hi, Giselle. Yes. Lovely flight. I'm with you in two. I feel like they're going to be aggy with her again. Do you remember last time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got a bill for $10,000.

Double the order from Sterling's organisation. We've also got a warrant for your arrest from an Italian trattoria. Belinda emptied her case, picked up the Sterling organisation orders and sauntered down the corridor. God, she's sauntering a lot, isn't she? Sauntering all the time. Great. She thinks she's VIP now.

Tony ran his hand through his longish hair. I didn't know he had long hair. I didn't know he had longish hair. It's grown since she's been away. How do you do this, Belinda? I mean, are you a real person? Clearly not. We ask ourselves that all the time with her naff, naff small talk.

These purchase orders are staggering. I don't know if we can even fulfil half of them. Oh, shit, she's over-promised. Oh, shit. But I bet she'll think that's a good thing. She won't be like, oh, shit, I've kind of fucked up there, sorry. She'll be like... I always over-promise and under-deliver.

Tony, he's got well over a thousand outlets. So even if he only ordered 20 utensils per shop, that's an awful lot of pots and pans. We're in with the big boys and we have to get used to this. She's got very sassy. Hasn't she? all that sauntering right so okay credit where credit's due i say belinda's done nothing in four weeks belinda has turned this organization around she's made them a serious player in the pots and pans business

she's up there with t-fal the cruiser you know you know. You name it. You name another one, James. Go on. I couldn't. Tony nodded his head, smiled at Belinda and said, your bonus is going to be worth having. I can tell you. Isn't every bonus worth having? Well, he gets a bonus. It's free money. It's famously a bonus.

So she'll get £80,000 plus the travel perks, plus a bonus. Yeah. Jesus. Plus a jacuzzi, baby. Your bonus is going to be worth having, I can tell you. Upon which I need to speak. Is it a period drama all of a sudden?

Upon which? Replied a now tentative Belinda. Is she going to ask for more money? Is she going to give in her resignation? I have to be completely honest. Oh my God. Bella needs to be rewarded as well. Aww.

Now that's nice. You could say she was the body lotion that lubricated the moving parts that is Jim Sterling. Oh for God's sake. There must be a better way of saying that. Or maybe we could just not say that and say she deserves a bonus too. Tony looked Belinda directly in the eye. What do you need, Belinda? We need, Tony, Bella to be our first key account manager, international sales.

Wow. Boom. And that is how you do it. Drops the mic. Yeah. She's proved herself to be so capable. I really need her to hang out with these accounts I'm bringing in. Besides which, she's good at operating in my style. Are we talking about the same Bella? She knows she'll lose Jim if you lose Bella. Yeah, Jim does love Bella. So if Bella's not on that account,

Jim's going to walk. Yeah. We see it time and time again in business. Oh, Jim does love Bella. So if Bella's not on that account, Jim's going to walk. Yeah. We see it time and time again in business. I have seen it upwards of 14 times. Bella? Bella Donna? The famous Bella Donna. With that voice. Can you imagine that voice? How many pans do you want?

I'm the key account manager at International Sales. Oh God. I don't even know what it means. Besides which, she's good at operating in my style. She'll be able to assist me with the clients without any upsets. She's also got great tits.

Not a qualification. Tony's then like, oh, sold. No. What? Tony blinked. Oh! This? Tony blinked. Oh! This is a little twist. And that is the end of Belinda Blinked 2.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Wow. I really care. No, you don't. No, you don't. No, I don't. But at the same time, this could be the greatest partnership

that Pots and Pans has ever seen. Belinda and Bella. It's the Batman and Robin of Pots and Pans. 100%. I feel like no one else has ever blinked. Everyone else has got really dry eyes. Oh my God. So many questions.

Will Bella get the promotion? Is Belinda pregnant? Will Tony be thrown out as MD? And how pissed is Giselle going to be? We know how ambitious Giselle is. And Bella's swooped in there and taken the promotion. The Glee team is going to be torn asunder. Oh my God.

I just imagine Giselle being in that meeting at the back of the room, just like filing her really long talons going, what the fuck is this? Oh yeah. She had it all laid out. I feel like we're going to have to rebook three. Oh, steady on now. That's not necessary, is it?

No, no, I really actually think he's right. Oh no, please. I never thought... You promised. But Tony blinked. Come on. Fuck. I want to know

what happens okay fine we'll do a third book when should we do it I don't know 2017 next week no

no yeah I think Jamie needs a break I do come on I have to read my dad's pornography people

I don't think people really get I think they get it the strain you say it all the time you need a wine detox because quite frankly it. The strain that I'm under. You say it all the time. You need a wine detox, because quite frankly, you've had about... Yeah, I'm pickled.

And yeah, maybe next year we come back and we do a third book. I think we have to, because you can't leave it on that... I won't call it cliffhanger, because it's not. But I mean, as rocky chapters go, he's left a lot of questions to be answered. Well, until then, you can always get in touch with

us and keep abreast of everything belinda on twitter at dad wrote a porno nice use of breast thank you uh we're on instagram my dad wrote a and you can find us on facebook my dad wrote a porno and thanks so much for all of your emails our email address is my dad wrote a porno at gmail.com because it's free and don don't forget, our book is out on Thursday. I know. I can't wait to see it in bookshops. I know, I can't wait. We should all go to a bookshop together and buy it.

They're going to actually have it in supermarkets. Yeah. What have you done to get us stocked in supermarkets, Miss Levine? All I'll say is it involves steak, an Olympic-sized swimming pool, and lots of hands you can pre-order before thursday from amazon or stones and you can have an actual physical book in your hand on thursday amazing yeah there's a lot of exciting things coming up over the next few months and obviously

series three is on the way so well little tease do you want to hear the title of book three of course i mean i actually have never wanted to know anything more don't get too excited because i think you can imagine what it's called it is called belinda blinked three an erotic story of sexual activity dripping action and even bigger business deals keep following the sexiest sales girl in business as she continues to earn her huge bonus by being the best at removing her tight silken blouse. Isn't that literally Belinda Blink-Tooth style,

but with a three instead of a two? Pretty much. I think they're all on a theme. And a bit of one, yeah, I was going to say. And also, isn't that longer than chapter five of this book? For sure. How exciting. So book three, James, you in?

I'm so in. Jamie, you in? Oh yeah, go on then, I'm in. I'm not. Gotcha. Are you self-employed? Don't think you need business insurance? Think again. Business insurance from Zensurance is a no-brainer for every business owner because it provides peace of mind. A lot can go wrong. A fire, stolen equipment, or an unhappy customer suing you.

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