My Dad Wrote A Porno - S2E4 - 'Helga Turns It On'

Episode Date: July 25, 2016

Dr Robbins' assistant Helga strips off her woollens and gets involved in the action with Belinda... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Picture this, you're at a picnic with pals and bam, you suddenly feel unwell. But going to the clinic, not the ideal weekend plan. Well, those days are over. Maple's virtual care has got your back. With 24-7 access to licensed doctors and nurse practitioners within minutes. Need a diagnosis or prescription? Sorted right from your phone, right in time for your next picnic. Download the Maple app today and have more summer this summer.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff. Previously, on My Dad Wrote a Porno. And the thong fell uselessly onto the red leather desk, revealing her flushed vagina. Like a fat kid's face after he's run round the playground. Huffing and puffing. It is huffing and puffing.

And he'll blow the house down. Oh, hang on. I've got quite a lot of dialogue here in Dutch. Oh, fine. In Dutch. In Dutch. Dit zien de stiels pots en pans. I wonder what she's saying. I'm getting a bit of it.

Hi guys, and welcome to My Dad Wrote a Porno. It's episode four. Helga's turning it on, guys. James and Alza here, of course. Hello. Hi. What do you think Helga's going to be turning on? I hope not her sexual wiles, because I don't think she has any.

That's going to take a restart. She's going to have to reboot. What do you imagine Helga looks like? I'm picturing just a lumpy middle-aged woman, but that might be just because that's what we said last week. Lumpy. Lumpy, dumpy, short, like squat. Lumpy, dumpy and stumpy. Lumpy, dumpy and stumpy, yeah.

I just imagine her to wear a series of shawls. Maybe have a tick, just to like... Oh, yes. A little twitch. Yeah, that's true. A sea of knitwear. That's all I see. But do you yeah that's true a sea of knitwear that's all i see but do you think it's hiding a beauty beneath oh do you think maybe she's deliberately padded

herself to just avoid the sexual harassment from the office because it seems like it's right do you think it'll be like she's all that when she takes the glasses off and everyone's like oh my god that was the reference i was going to use. And then I realised how old that film is. 90s. Freddie Prinze Jr. is 72 today. Whatever happened to him? I forget, until I listen back to this podcast, how much of our language is just 90s vernacular.

All of our references are like, Clarissa explains it all, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, whatever Melissa Joan Hart did next. It's all we talk about. We can't see the world through any other guys. I know. Sorry about that.

Should we try and update it a bit more? Belinda is bae. This book is lit. Are you older than we think you are? I feel like this is when people of an older generation try to talk in street lingo. Like your teachers at school. That's fat. No, sir, it's not.

You work in youth radio, Alice. You must know some young person terms. One thing they say a lot is, get her off the radio. I don't know if that's, you know, regionally specific. To be fair, you are the granny of the radio. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing what Helga does look like. So should we delve in?

Open the book. Okay. Belinda Blink 2, chapter 4. Helga does look like so should we delve in open the book okay Belinda Blink 2 chapter 4 Helga turns it on oh god oh god is right Belinda moaned a little louder and as as she did so, Dr Robbins hummed a little louder. Twice louder. Were they in unison, Belinda thought? Yes. What, are they humming a tune together?

I don't understand what they're humming. Is it just a low... Well, no, she's moaning. Yeah, she's going... And he's going... In unison. Okay. Oh my God. Can we never do that again, please?

I found it quite cathartic. Helga had now caught Belinda's left breast. Caught it? What, with a watch? Go long, Helga. I imagine it's like with a watch, she's like caught it by a thing. Oh, snagged it. Yeah, snagged a tit.

That's not nice. Sorry. Helga had now caught Belinda's left breast and was passionately teasing the nipple. It started to respond and grew in size with the woman's clumsy touch. The chubby little digits all over it. Little sweaty hands.

Oh, yeah. Do you think this is the first time she's had a little poke around on a lady or on a man ever yeah do you think helga's a virgin potential a virgin fumbling for the left tit i mean a great person to have your first encounter with because belinda knows her stuff that's true but is belinda someone who guides someone or is she more always to the top of the vagina helga had now caught belinda's left breast and was passionately teasing the nipple like this i'm gonna get you oh i'm gonna get you

or just like really like subtly bullying it yeah exactly like oh you think you're around do you call that a nipple you think you're erect you're not you think you're growing with size no it started to respond and grew in size with the woman's clumsy touch. Belinda concentrated on removing Helga's woolen jumper. Oh, there you go. It's knitwear. Woolen jumper. Only natural fibres for Helga.

Luckily, it had buttons down the front, which Belinda quickly undid. So it was a cardigan. I think that's the definition of a cardigan, isn't it? She then pulled it off and concentrated on the woolen shirt. Woolen shirt? What's a woolen shirt when it's at home? Like knitted. I told you she'd be head to foot in knitwear.

That was very good. I didn't even know you could get a woolen shirt. I'd have been dressed very differently for the past ten years, had I known. The buttons were easy to take care of. And underneath, Helga was naked. Not even a woolen vest? Not a stitch. Alice, no bra or vest to bother with. The buttons were easy to take care of. And underneath, Helga was naked. Not even a woolen vest? Not a stitch.

Alice, no bra or vest to bother with. No, right. So if you're wearing a woolen item against skin, and you're like, if you sweat, surely they're just sweat- Well, even if you've got a bra on, James, that's not going to be sopping up much sweat. It's not covering the pittas ever, darling. She has the sweatiest breasts ever james always wears a full onesie underneath everything to prevent sweat reaching his actual garments

again the buttons were easily taken care of and underneath helga was naked yeah go helga you sexy bitch no bra or vest to bother with vest vestest. Vest. This is so easy, thought Belinda, who immediately took hold of Helga's worn tits. Worn. What do you mean? Like, like weathered. Is there a hole in them? Moth bitten boobs. Distressed breasts.

Threadbare breasts. Eroded. Seriously, what does that mean? This was so easy, thought Belinda, who immediately took hold of Helga's worn tits and started to apply a gentle but firm pressure to them. And hopefully some furniture polish or some kind of beeswax. They sound like they need a little bit of taking care of.

Get them restored. To their former glory. Helga, in her her turn started to moan and her hands started to roam down to belinda's wet vagina she started to moan they started to roam and she was alone i wish she was alone then we could all go home oh helga i wish her the best of luck i really do good old helgs i quite like her i'm just glad helgs has got a handful of something for a change you know what i mean rather than a sheet of paper like you know when a path is well worn because

it's been so well those breasts are well trodden maybe that's because she had many mouths to feed what does that mean maybe she's had loads of kids Maybe they're not well-worn cos sexy times. Do you think they all live in that cupboard with her? Oh, don't. I mean, what are you doing with Dr. Robbins? Helga, in her turn, started to moan and her hands started to roam down to Belinda's wet vagina.

Oh, sorry. I thought there'd be a bit of an in-between stage. Helga stopped kissing Belinda and moved her tongue to Belinda's now very swollen nipples. Tiger balm. It's a call in now. Oh, yeah. I'm trying to think what's good for series two.

Maybe a homemade... Oh, God. Dock leaf. Just a little dock leaf. Scrub a dock leaf up there. Dock leaf? Just a little dock leaf. Scrub a dock leaf up there. Dock leaf's great for everything. Although once or twice my mum has given me a dock leaf and it was definitely like poison ivy or something. Helga started to nibble Belinda's left nipple with her teeth while licking the rest of her breast with her open mouth.

Are her teeth in a different place to her mouth? Are they in her hand? She could probably take them. They're probably dentures. Hang on. It's like, how is everything? Helga started to nibble Belinda's left nipple with her teeth. Okay, fine.

While licking the rest of her breasts with her open mouth. Not possible. Her teeth are not in her mouth. She's literally got them on like her hands. Like a ventriloquist's tummy. So they can be wherever her arm can reach, really. What great multitasking.

Helga started to nibble Belinda's left nipple with her teeth. No, she didn't. While licking the rest of her breasts with her open mouth. No, she didn't. Her hand had now found Belinda's clitoris and was punishing it with two fingers albeit in a haphazard fashion punishing it little slaps naughty naughty clitoris shush stop talking but why do people never kind of caress or tickle or sort of play with they always have to punish everything because it's sexy, Alice.

It's raw. Is it? Like James says, to be slapping a clit. I don't know if that is that. Obviously not. Oh, God. But I think Rocky thinks that it is. And I don't want to go any further, all right?

Okay. Let's just move on. Let's move on. Let's. Belinda continued to groan and decided to up the game with Helga before she orgasmed. Belinda grabbed Helga's ass and pulled down her linen skirt.

Wool and linen, is that a normal combination? Linen's quite a summery fabric and I would say wool is very much cemented in the winter wardrobe. She's all season in her outfit, she just wears one outfit for the whole year. She's got flip-flops on. Takes from summer to winter imagine if she's just got some really trendy pool slides at the bottom of it all it's like helga what's going on belinda grabbed helga's ass and pulled down her linen skirt it started to rip but she kept going rip linen is so strong why is everything made of like foil and paper in these books like how strong is belinda i've never pulled off a garment off myself or of anybody else and it's just torn in half it only

took a second yeah i bet it did and the torn skirt was on the floor with helga's white thong on view for robins to see white did not think she'd be wearing a white thong i thought woolen yeah like full-on granny pants pee pants all the way white thong though that's do you think there's some symbolism in who wears a black thong and who wears a white thong do you think it's innocence good and evil oh my god is the angel of hope is it the bridal gown of the thong world belinda couldn't believe that this prissy middle-aged woman wore a thong to work well exactly for once. For once, I agree with Belinda. Prissy! Judgmental much, though.

I know. Shut up, Belinda. You're not all that. With a practised flick of her hand, Belinda removed the thong. Talk me through that flick of the hand to remove a thong. She must have ripped it again. She must have ripped it right off.

Because someone's going to have to lift a foot and then lift another foot, whatever you do. However many hands you use. That's a good point. Unless you'd wriggled it under her toes. Like, there's no one hand, one movement gesture that does that. It isn't a tablecloth.

You can't just whip it away. You can't. I'm sorry. A flick of a... What was it? With a practised flick of her hand, Belinda removed the thong and went for Helga's vagina. She's got a vendetta against that. She just went for it.

Like a rottweiler for a kitten. Robbins, meanwhile, had moved across to the desk where Helga had left the contracts and started signing them. Might as well get a bit of admin done. At least someone's doing some work. Got some time to spare. He was apparently content with what he'd seen, though he did look up constantly to make sure he didn't miss any of the action. So he was just happy with the white thong? I think he was. That's all he wanted to see? Yeah. Is he a voyeur like we thought Alphonse was? I think he is.

By this stage, Helga and Belinda were fully enjoying themselves and Belinda had stretched out onto the desk with Helga beside her. Oh. What, they're just lying next to each other? Just sunbathing maybe in that nice hot spot. Both women were masturbating the other and were steadily opening each other's legs wider and wider as they felt their respective orgasms grow. Oh, just stop it.

Lovely. Masturbating each other. Oh, that's nice. Why don't they sort themselves out? Same time. Masturbate themselves next to each other. How weird would that be? No weirder than what they're doing.

At least they're pleasuring each other i love james's practical brain just masturbate yourself and get on with it then you can sort out your own timetable then you're not waiting for anyone are you exactly and i bet helga's not very good at it just fumbling around oh god james he's like i know what i like and i know how to do it just leave it He's flicking away people's hands left, right and centre. But Helga, just get off. I'll do it. I can get this done in 30 seconds. I'll be out of your hair in no time.

Stick on Titanic. Give me five. A friend of a friend, actually, claims... No, this actually is a friend of a friend. Let's call him Shmaymy Shmorton. He claims that he can masturbate and ejaculate without even touching himself. Oh my God. What? He says that he can just like, ejaculate without even touching himself what he says he can just like if he has like a free afternoon he'll just lie on his bed and he can mentally

stimulate himself so much that he comes that is genuinely repulsive it's disgusting that's a horrid that's so like on another level what if your mind wanders when you're on the bus? Oh, shit. I've just done it again. Creamed your trousers. Don't say that. Oh, God. I never thought I'd ever say, let's get back to Belinda Blinked. It feels like something Belinda should be able to do. Well, it feels like Belinda could sort Helga and herself out at the same time.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, let's find out. Well, Helga's got like a hand of parsnips instead of fingers. So I'm not sure she's the right candidate. She's ever so clumsy. Just a bunch of radishes by the sounds of it. Both women were masturbating the other and were steadily opening each other's legs wider and wider

as they felt their respective orgasms grow. How wide can they go? Helga's big angular tits. Oh, angular. We've had round and now we've got what? Pointy. Pyramids? Right angles.

Not sure that's good. Sounds like they've got bones in them. Oh, that's so gross. Like cheekbones, but for boobs. Oh no. But they were worn a minute ago. Is Helga like a GM chicken? Hang on.

Helga's big angular tits swung violently in the dying sunlight oh god as she started to swoon her eyes rolled into the back of her head is she dying is she literally dying of an orgasm i feel so sad for helga these are her last moments but what a way to spend your time what a a way to go. I mean, she'll be over the moon. So she's lying down and her tits are swinging violently. There's some gust of wind or something. That's a very good point. I'm picturing it like that bit in Indiana Jones when the rock rolls after him.

Like they're just like coming at, like violently coming after Belinda. Helga's big angular tits swung violently in the dying sunlight as she started to swoon and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. None of this is okay. Is she having a vision? Is she having like a... Has she been possessed? Oh, like Dr. Robbins in the trance.

She's gone into a trance. She orgasmed loudly as if she had been released from years of tension. Well, she had. She's never had sex. She's like, what the hell is this get out of my body and belinda smiled to herself she at last let her own orgasm surface and attempted to make at least as much noise she allowed it to surface yeah the way he talks about these things like a like a german u-boat

but like she can bank them as well like she's like oh yeah i didn't release one the other day so here it comes you can't just decide yeah you are clear to surface orgasm you are clear to surface, orgasm. You are clear to surface. Picture this. You're at a picnic with pals and bam, you suddenly feel unwell. But going to the clinic, not the ideal weekend plan. Well, those days are over. Maple's Virtual Care has got your back. With 24-7 access to licensed doctors and nurse practitioners within minutes.

Need a diagnosis or prescription? Sorted right from your phone, right in time for your next picnic. Download the Maple app today and have more summer this summer. On the sidelines, Dr. Robbins clapped the performance. Or a slow clap. A patronising slow clap. Exactly. On the sidelines, Dr Robbins clapped the performance and after a suitable period of recovery time for the females,

asked Helga to take away the signed contracts and return with a bound copy for each company. Mood killer. Yeah, well done. Can you get these contracts over? Yes, bravo, girls. We've all had a good time. Give her a moment.

It's her first orgasm. Let her enjoy it. Jesus. And she did quite enjoy it until this interruption. Also, was that Helga turning it on? I mean, she didn't really do much. That is a good point. She is a beginner.

True. Helga groggily lowered herself off the desk and picked up the pile of papers. Groggily. She's got the grog. Hung over. Well, I suppose. She's never had an experience like it, so she probably is a bit out of sorts. She exited the room completely naked,

pushing back her hair with the odd tear steeping from her eyes. Still trying to compose herself after her deep orgasm. Belinda has this effect on people that she literally brings them to tears. They cry like babies. Belinda sat up with her tits falling gracefully to their normal positions. By her knees.

One word he hasn't used yet is lollop. I always imagine he's pressed to lollop. For good reason, thank you. Or splat. Gracefully splattered. Belinda sat up with her tits falling gracefully to their normal positions.

She was still sitting on the hot desk and asked Dr Robbins if the paperwork was all in order. Oh my God, who cares? Who cares? Your ass cheek's probably on half of it, so... She signed it with her ass. Do you know what I mean?

Don't be business now. Yeah. You've just shagged on a table in front of the boss. Like, don't be all like, oh, yeah, can you just check? I think it was section four, not the moment. Yeah, don't be going through your clauses now, love. She was still sitting on the hot desk and asked Dr. Robbins if the paperwork was all in order.

Yes, dear Belinda, the deal is done. The legal details have been authorised and we can get on with our work. What deal? What's the deal? Yeah, which deal? This is Peter Rouse's order, isn't it? Couldn't they have done it over the phone? Why does she have to go all the way to Amsterdam?

Like, they've got fax machines. We know that. How any of the businesses included in this book even tick over, never mind make a profit. The industry as a whole is on its knees, literally. Oh, literally. And it's going down the pan, literally. Literally. Any more for any more? Thank you. Yes. It's... On its knees, literally. Oh, literally, and it's going down the pan, literally.

Any more for any more? It's going to pop. Thank you. Yes. Belinda smiled and used her right forefinger to pick up some of Helga's juices from her thighs. No. No, no. No, no.

If I might be so bold, interjected Dr Robbins. Oh, Lord. But might I have a taste of that divine liquid? No, have a Mars bar. Have something, eat something else. Have a schnitzel. Have some more of that... Jovenka oil. Joventus, what was it?

Oh, Jennifer. Jennifer. If I might be so bold, interjected Dr. Robbins, but might I have a taste of that divine liquid? I can only taste bile, ironically. Ugh, don't call it divine liquid. I have a face cream called Divine. Well, you did.

It's going straight in the bin. Why, yes, of course, Doctor. How silly of me not to share. Here, lick my finger. Oh, finger licking good. Lick my finger. Lick my finger. Dr. Robbins came across and stuck out his tongue like a five-year-old. Oh, not like a five-year-old. Very much not like a five-year-old. much not like a five-year-old belinda carefully rolled her finger across it depositing as much of helga's and no doubt her own juices as possible i love how difficult that

was for you to read that was so just oh yeah so stomach churning and also rolling her finger like a fingerprint oh yeah what was it deposited her juices um yeah depositing as much of helga's and no doubt her own yeah oh i would read it again to make it sound no don't but i can't no there's no point apologies for it being poorly read but i'm just going to move on there's nothing to be gained he slowly licked her finger and asked for more that is all Helga's got to give. Belinda obliged him. This is from your dad's mind. It's this, thank you.

So something's happened or he's seen something that's inspired this. Just to say that. Gross. Probably someone dropping mayonnaise on a table or something. Scooping it up, yeah. Mayonnaise. Don't ruin condiments for me as well.

Hellman's mayonnaise. helga's mayonnaise that's my preferred brand we have no preferred brands here alice we are open to everything oh my goodness me yeah he slowly licked her finger and asked for more. Belinda obliged him, this time putting two of her fingers into her vaginal slit. Oh! So that she could obtain the maximum amount of liquid juice as possible. Get that woman some anti-back spray, do you know what I mean? Hand sanitiser immediately. Slit. That's a new one.-back spray, do you know what I mean? Hand sanitiser immediately. Slit.

That's a new one. Jesus Christ. Oh, God. The good doctor guzzled and smacked his lips in delight. What do you say? What do you say? So he's troughing a finger and then goes... Delicious. would you say he's troughing her finger and then goes delicious the good doctor guzzled and smacked

his lips in delight could i be permitted to drink from that wonderful fountain belinda what fountain he quietly asked could iinda smiled. So he was human. Just very, very shy. This is a human trait. No, I think she means, oh, so he does want to have sex with me in some form. He's human. He's just shy.

He just didn't want to ask in front of Helga. Well, he's hungry. That's all we know. I don't know if he wants to have sex with her. Yeah, he just needs some protein, by the sounds of it. Don't refer to it as protein. Oh my God, a protein shake. Belinda opens her legs.

What's wrong with chickpeas? Quinoa. More protein than a steak. Belinda smiled. So he was human. Just very, very shy. I don't think he's one bit shy. Or human.

Or by any stretch of the imagination, human. Absolutely, she replied, swivelling on her ass. On the point of her ass. Swivelling on her ass across the desk to face him whilst opening her legs as wide as possible. Stop doing it as wide as possible. Wide is fine. To accommodate his face and tongue. Oh my, that's a jackpot.

He is literally going to be bent over like a pig, scoffing at a trough. That's what he's doing. He's going to make that awful gobble noise, isn't he? Until the trough is dry, until all the grain is gone all the swill has gone swill don't call it swill absolutely she replied swiveling on her ass across the desk to face him whilst opening her legs as wide as possible to accommodate his face and tongue his large face can i go no i think contractually i haven't signed up to a whole series too i've got a loophole ta-ta this has gone to a whole new level this well the thing is though we have been complaining that there hasn't been much sex

in belinda blink too we're finally getting it now careful what you wish for i can't believe his face is up there dr robbins leant forward and started to suck from belinda's vagina suck i don't mean to make so many sound effects tonight well sometimes it's necessary to fully understand but can you desist because it's disgusting belinda knew she would be dry in a few seconds no that's not a thing if she didn't take some measures to wet herself again what piss herself irrigation now go start the sprinklers well she's just gonna have a glass of water is it in one ear out the other you're no doctor like mr robbins belinda knew she would be dry in a few seconds if she didn't take some

measures to wet herself again a few seconds how much is he sucking carefully so as not to upset the happy sucking dr robbins belinda massaged her clitoris with one slim finger and soon had the effects she needed i mean more juices emanated from her vagina and robin sucked more greedily and noisily if i were belinda i'd just be like oh it's all gone get off not like creating more no i know you think there's some there no no no it's all gone sorry sold out sorry shop's closed come back tomorrow he's a proper little augus Gloop, isn't he? Yeah. Do you remember that little fat kid? He got stuck in the pipe.

Got stuck in the pipe. Such a thing as too much cum. It's there. Thank you. Yeah, well, it's like, do you remember when Peter Andre ate too many bananas and he nearly died? For God's sake. How do you know that? I don't.

That's brilliant. Peter Andre overdosed on potassium because he had too many bananas in one day. Is it the same thing? Could you do the same? I think that's what's going to happen to Dr. Robbins. He's going to have too much protein. Oh my God, there should be like a TV show of like celebrity and vegetable-based ailments. Wasn't it Brian Harvey got run over by a potato or something?

No, he ran himself over because he ate too many potatoes. Run over by a potato or something. No, he ran himself over because he ate too many potatoes. Run over by a potato. After two or three minutes, the naked Helga entered the room with the bound paperwork. So did she go to get them bound naked? I know she left the room naked. Yeah, she went to the bounding room naked. Sure. That's quite quick

to get something bound, to be fair. What was it? Do you remember getting your dissertation bound? Yeah, a day. After weeks. Helga does it in five minutes. That is efficiency. That's why she's virgin, because she's too busy being efficient and officious. She's put her work first,

and I respect that in many ways. And hopefully she's laminated everything, because I think it might be necessary. After two or three minutes, the naked Helga entered the room with the bound paperwork. She set it down noiselessly and looked questioningly at Belinda Even though Helga had little English, Belinda knew what she was silently asking Well, because she silently asked it And I guess facial expressions aren't in a language

So the Dutch won't be a bother What do you think she's silently asking, guys? I was going to say, i don't think we're going to be able to guess but maybe can i have a go or something like that or what faces robin's pulling in there or no you're both wrong belinda knew what she was silently asking what the fuck is going on me and helga are the same person belinda held her free hand up in an open palm gesture, which clearly said, I wish I knew. After another ten minutes of sucking, orgasming...

Another ten minutes? That's a long time. After another ten minutes of sucking, orgasming, clit and breast rubbing, Dr Robbins decided he had had his fill. He straightened up, adjusted his tweed jacket, and said in Dutch, Excuse me, I need to visit the toilet, so please amuse Belinda, Helga, whilst I am gone. Why does Belinda always have to be entertained?

She's not a toddler. Why does it always have to be amusing? Exactly. Because she's the guest. Yeah, but Helga's not the childminder. She's got enough of those at home. Seven kids at home. Belinda was in the dark, and as Robbins left the room,

she could see Helga smiling at her. Creepy. I think this might be where Helga turns it on. Helga's only just about to turn it on. I think she might be. Oh my God. Has Helga been turned on, but like slowly warmed up?

Like an old computer. Like an old PC. Helga immediately went to the drawer in the desk and took out a pen and paper oh she quickly wrote down her name address and phone number so we know your name's helga thanks and we know she quickly wrote down her name address and phone number and put it in belinda's jacket which was still strewn across the floor. Contact me any time for business information and personal reasons. Oh, Helga, you smooth operator.

With that, she started to massage Belinda's body and didn't stop until Dr Robbins returned. Just doing what she's told. A very successful afternoon's discussion, Belinda. Discussion? What were the words they said? Can I suck your finger? That's not a discussion.

A very successful afternoon's discussion, Belinda. And I hope our two companies can build on this very promising start to our business relationship. You call that a business relationship? And also you call it a promising start. I feel like I could fly high in the pots and pans industry. People do fuck all and then everyone pats themselves on the back for a good day's work. No, they don't do fuck all,

they fuck each other. All they do is fuck is what I meant. Yeah, exactly. Ridiculous. I, for one, am already looking forward to our next meeting as I'm sure Helga is. Dr. Robbins winked at Belinda,

licked his lips and showed her to the door. I assume she's put her clothes back on and he's just like, out. She's like, get out. No, but my, out. Throws the clothes behind her. Helga's like, modern fabrics. And she's just picked them up.

Polyester. Go up to the next floor for your meeting with Mr. Rouse. It never stops. We know what's going to happen with Rouse. And with that, he disappeared Back into his office That is the end of the chapter You know how we used to have business fatigue?

I've got sex fatigue It's too much God, you're never happy, you But it's just too much, isn't it? I mean, it has been a graphic book, don't get me wrong. I've learned things. Things I never thought I'd hear. Things I never thought I'd know.

I feel like you've definitely actioned some of the stuff you've learned as well, but potentially not from this chapter. What do you mean? You know what I mean. Okay, so who wants to know what the next chapter's called? I do. Can we guess? Yeah, please guess.

I thought I'd take this trunk on all the sexy foreplay. Okay, well, she's obviously on her way up to Rouse's office. Rouse's office. Rouse's office. Rouse's office. Alice? That doesn't sound very Flintstonian. Peter gets aroused.

Oh, well, that's too clever. Too smart. Okay. The big deal or something. Something about... doesn't sound very flintstonian peter gets aroused oh well that's too clever too smart okay um the big deal or something something about something about the deal getting done or the sealing the deal no exactly i'll tell you if i can i'm not sure i'm going to pronounce this right oh chapter Chapter five is called Goden and von Peter. That was my next guess. Goden and von. Goden and von. That must mean like good evening or... Who's got Google Translate?

God, there's a lot of Google Translating in book two, isn't there? People are learning a new language. James, what did you think it meant? Good evening. It means good evening. No, it doesn't. Oh my God. Check out my language skills.

Wow. Very good, James. I'm impressed impressed there this is turning into a language course you could legit listen to this and be like i'm actually listening to learn dutch oh my god you think by the end we've all learned dutch by stealth yeah do you know what you just said oh god oh god that was totally subliminal and also so many people are listening for the business side but what if some people are going to move to rotterdam or amsterdam or wherever they're like brilliant two and one yeah we need to add an extra tag to this there are so many layers to this book so yeah join us next monday porno day for the return of peter rouse and in the meantime, check us out on Twitter, at Dad Wrote a Porno. If you have any questions,

if you are particularly repulsed by that chapter, why don't you send us an email? That is mydadwroteaporno at gmail.com. And we have Instagram, mydadwrotea, if you'd like some haunting imagery, diagrams, it's all on there.

Charts and stats. Exactly. And we're on facebook as well and also don't forget that we've got a book coming out and you can pre-order that too yeah so you can have belinda blink one actually the physical copy in print in print for the first time plus all of our extra bits and some extra bits from rocky as well yeah it's going to be pretty special i think it's only going to be a limited run of 30. The publisher insisted so we said yes. So yeah you can pre-order that on Amazon

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