My Dad Wrote A Porno - S2E6 - 'Casino Etoile, Amsterdam'

Episode Date: August 8, 2016

The night is young(ish) for Belinda as she heads to an exclusive casino and encounters a potential new Russian client, Grigor Calanski... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff. Previously on My Dad Wrote a Porno. One minute later, Peter Rouse appeared at another door. Drink, drink. Cheers to Peter. She took him completely into her mouth, tasting the flesh

of mankind. She adored the salt. Oof. And it saved her from having to eat too many high-protein peanuts. Oh, my. If that's what she's telling herself hello james and alice how are you both it's time for episode six of my dad wrote a porno excited nervous worried all those things mainly worried but then i always am because you never know what you've got to have your wits about you don't you do alert is a good thing to be in this podcast we left that chapter well we left belinda

in quite the state we did pissed as a yak naked as the day she was born this is one of her lowest points although i'm quite glad she's letting loose a bit we've all done it we've all done it you know what we actually all have you have j. Do you remember that time you slept in a bush, Jamie? Yes, I do. Thank you, James. On a work night. Yeah, on Park Lane, if I remember. Yeah, well, James, if you're going to sleep in a bush, sleep on Park Lane. On London's Park Lane. I mean, it doesn't get better. It's a five-star bush.

Did you sleep within the bush? Well, it was an out-of-season hindranger. There wasn't much foliage to be found. It's beautiful blooms had shed one of my favourite days of the year

is when it's Alice's birthday and she has her annual sherry I get very excited about it and the day after when I have my

annual hangover you are so ratty on that day no one sees her the day after do you remember your 21st when you

were literally bedridden because you were so drunk I think it was only about 10 as well wasn't it it was midway through the night.

It was really embarrassing. And there was a fight breaking out at the end of your bed. There was fisticuffs, wasn't there? Jamie was at the bedside, if I remember. I think there's a photograph where my eyes are rolling back in my head. And Jamie's, I think it was maybe a damp flannel on my forehead. I was being a very good Florence Nightingale that night. It was good.

And do you know what? I'd only had one wine. That just shows you what a cheap date I am. Yeah, I was spiking your drinks all night for you to have more fun. Sorry about that. And I did. Up to the hour of half past ten. But James... And I think that's all the stories. So shall we get into the chapter? No, come on.

You show your drunkness straight away. Drunk eyes. I do get drunk eyes, yeah. Your eyes kind of... It's hard to explain. Well, they go in different directions. Different directions, yeah. But you also fall asleep. We were in San Francisco one time. Oh my god, I'm hard to explain. Well, they go in different directions. Different directions, yeah. But you also fall asleep. We were in San Francisco one time. Oh my God, I'm an alcoholic. And we were in this club and James literally fell asleep

while he was dancing on the dance floor. So was he still dancing? It was a sight to see. He was still dancing, but he was asleep. And the ballad singer was like, he's got to get out. And I was like, no, he's fine. He's just really into the music. As you pushed him over flat on his face.

But we were kicked out, James, so thanks for that. Does that happen often? Can you sleep standing up? I cannot count how many clubs I've fallen asleep in in my time. It's your happy place. I find it very therapeutic. The dum, dum, dum, obviously just sends me right off. Oh, and all the alcohol.

Of course. That's amazing, though. I wish I could do that. Well, I feel like we've been quite judgmental about Belinda then. Well, judging by the chapter title, Belinda ain't going home yet no it's casino et toi amsterdam so this is the start of a very long night potentially too long ready ready belinda blink 2 chapter 6 casino et toi amsterdam A tipsy Peter and Belinda Okay, for a start she's not tipsy No, a tipsy Peter and a fucked up

face Belinda She's got drunk eyes. Oh, for sure And the rest A tipsy Peter and Belinda entered the casino lobby and halfway across they heard a Russian accent shout out. Wait, remember the blurb? Yes.

Not Mr. Malavinsky, what was his name? I do remember, but should I say? Yeah, of course. Grigor. Grigor. Klansky. Klansky. Okay.

No? We're not there yet. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, he won't get introduced till the end. Of course. As has become tradition. Of the book. We'll find out his name in the blurb of book three

and halfway across they heard a Russian accent shout out Peter why are you and your female friend ignoring me do the voice

it's just I'm not going to do the voice do the voice I'll try a voice but I'm not going to keep it Ruski you can do Ruski

so it's Russian it's Russian that's Russian it's kind of like Nice Nice to meet you No hang on It's not

What's a bad Bond villain like When they're like So Mr Mr Bond There we go There you go Mr Bond Peter

Why are you and your female That's French No Hang on What is Russian though Peter Why are you and your female friend ignoring me? Can't do this answer.

Jesus. Can't do it. Let's go back to before. How would you say that? Peter, why are you and your female friend ignoring me? That's just as bad as mine. Alice, go. Peter, why are...

It's hard, isn't it? It's so hard. Peter. Peter. Peter, why are... It's hard, isn't it? It's so hard. Peter. Peter. Peter. Accents aside, haven't they just walked in the casino? They haven't ignored anyone. Yeah, they've not ignored anyone.

And also they're pissed. Peter, why are you and your female friend ignoring me? Come and greet my personal assistant. You know she likes you very much. They're clearly on a date. That's not cool. Third and fourth wheeling. Yeah. Is Belinda still naked? Not clear. Doesn't

specify. I bet she is. Peter turned round, smiled and said allow me to introduce my English friend Miss Belinda Blumenthal. Belinda meet Grigor Kalansky. Grigor Kalansky. Drink. New character alert.

Ding, ding, ding. And his assistant, Laura. Laura. Laura's going to be fit. You know she is. Like Lara Croft. Oh. Yes.

Lara and Giselle in a room together. James, I think that may be the first time you've ever been sexually excited by the prospects of two women together. What on earth gave you that impression? Just the way that you said it. I just felt that you had a bit of a vibe. A little shiver. A little flurry of excitement.

Or even one woman. You don't have to be two women together. Yeah. Why ask for the moon? I'm just thinking about all the women in the book. I bet you are. Such a lad. Just thinking about all the ladies.

Is that what lads say? Right, okay. I'm just thinking about the ladies. Is that what lads say? Right, okay. I'm thinking about the ladies. No, so there's been Belinda, obviously. Giselle, obviously, stunner. Yeah, fit. Bella, take a leave. She didn't get loads at the auction, did she?

Duchess, old and saggy. Not that old, guys. And also not that saggy. She had quite a good body for her age, is what Rocky actually said. Not soggy, saggy. Saggy. Not that old, guys. And also not that saggy. She had quite a good body for her age is what Rocky actually said. Not soggy. Saggy. Saggy, sorry. Tad on the soggy side.

She was definitely soggy. I don't know if she was saggy. By the time Belinda had finished with her. She had a soggy bottom. Yeah, I guess I got a little flurry of excitement because Lara feels like Giselle levels of fit. And we haven't had that for a while, no? Yeah, because there's a lot of filler, isn't there? I mean,

I love that you're just getting that from the name Lara. There's been no description of her yet. Russian women are beautiful and we presume she's Russian. Yeah. Belinda, meet Grigor Kalansky and his assistant, Lara. By the way,

this gentleman is the biggest supplier of quality Russian vodka and caviar to my organisation. To his pots and pans company. Again. The canteen at Peter's is fucking amazing. The biggest supplier. There's multiple suppliers. The extremely bear-like Grigor Kolansky. Oh, hairy.

Broad. Moved ponderously to his feet. Stubbed out his cigar and kissed Belinda's proffered hand. A bit scared of Griegel. Oh, do you think? He just sounds big and hairy. I imagine Griegel to be eight foot three.

Yeah. Like Hagrid. Yes, actual Hagrid. I think it's Robbie Coltrane. You'll find out in a sec. She recoiled at the grease left by his lips. The grease? From the caviar?

Or the lip balm. Or the balm. Do you know what I'm thinking of? Do you know the guy, the evil guy in Pinocchio? Oh, yeah. Stromboli. Stromboli.

I'm thinking of Stromboli. Excellent. Did he have greasy lips? He just, he was Russian, right? Maybe. Were they not all Italian in Pinocchio? Oh, maybe he's Italian.

Guys. Pinocchio. Stromboli.'s Italian. Guys. Pinocchio. Stromboli. Tomato, tomato. Vangole. I don't know. I've only read it, obviously.

Shut up. Oh my God, what the original German transcript? Yeah, in German, yeah. She recoiled at the grease left by his lips. How do you have greasy lips?

Maybe you're just so greasy that it trickles down to the lips. Oh, gross. I don't like him. I don't like him. I hope he goes soon. She recoiled at the grease

left by his lips, but regained her composure almost immediately thinking, a Russian entrepreneur. Hmm. Surely he has needs for pots and pans. He doesn't.

It's any business. Man's gotta eat well quite surely he has a need for pots and pans Russia is a big place they love their soups they love their stews

Russia's a big place Russia's a big place needs pots and pans but he's just a man who sells caviar how's he gonna help exactly he gonna help exactly yeah he cannot help her in any of her sales

you're from Russia I just wondered no thank goodness that I'm in a casino surely my luck is well and truly in this night

I'm quite impressed by how lucid she is I know she's making some funny jokes is she dressed though we don't know still not confirmed and also were they jokes she's making some funny jokes. Is she dressed though? We don't know. Still not confirmed.

And also, were they jokes? She's formulating a business plan in her head. Peter would usually be guffawing if she was making even a hint of a joke. English,

meet Lara, my so-to-speak right-hand man. Peter, come and join us for a drink. Lara's a man. No,

English meet, what? What? He's calling Belinda English. But doesn't he say lara meet my right hand man no english meet lara my so to speak right hand man peter come and join us for a drink i mean it's confusing to be fair but basically he's saying to belinda come and meet lara and he's already got her a nickname. Yeah, so he's calling her English in an offensive, xenophobic way. And Lara is his kind of, I guess, assistant slash... PA slash going to be MD in five years sort of thing. Completely.

And Peter's joining them for a drink, so they're all together having fun. Belinda and Peter walked over to their table. Belinda sat down opposite Grigor and crossed her long legs. She was going to make sure her body language said what she couldn't. Well, she's totally nude, so what does that tell him? Also, she can't really say anything. She's terrible at verbal communication. Yeah, she never speaks. Never, so I'm hoping her body can do something. You look so delightful, English, the Russian said. You suit black and your breasts stick out so nicely. Better than Lara's. Black? She's wearing black now?

I think she's put her dress back on. Was it black? It would be nice to know. It was black, yeah. It was crumpled and like dipped below the boobs. It was definitely in her briefcase, but I think it was black, yeah. I thought it was see-through. Sheer, but black.

James thought it was actually made of glass. Like Peter's office. Oh, poor Lara. She's just been downgraded yeah so this is another thing of belinda's breasts being described as better than another character it's a very competitive way that rocky describes them isn't it i mean i don't want to think that my dad judges breasts on a daily basis but clearly he does sounds like he's seen more than his fair share. We've all got the internet. Even Rocky can spell porn to type it in. He can spell it,

he can't write it. He certainly can't. Lest we forget. That'd be like Armistice Day in 2030. Lest we forget Rocky Flintstone wrote porn. We should have

a Flintstone day. We should set a Flintstone day. Because his birthday was July the 5th, right? Yeah, it's a while ago now. But maybe that should be Flintstone Day every year. Oh, do you think? And what do we do on that day? Well, we July the 5th right so yeah it's a while ago now but maybe that should be Flintstone day every year

oh do you think and what do we do on that day well we get the day off we spell incorrectly we get out of our tree on wine on wine chili and chardonnay please

of course and we just get totally naked and just have some fun suggestions on the postcard everybody send them in you look so delightful English the Russian said

you suit black and your breasts stick out so nicely, better than Lara's. He laughed and looked at both women with a derisory sneer. What a misogynistic pig. I hate him. Good, well spotted early doors, James. Yeah, good for you, Jim. Well, he was greasy and hairy.

And those people can be nice and not misogynistic. That's true, but not in this case. James has dated enough of them. Well, they and not misogynistic. That's true, but not in this case. James has dated enough of them. Well, they're all misogynistic. They all favour the man. Lara quickly interjected in perfect English with a heavy Russian accent. He's a Russian slob. And the sooner you turn around and walk out of this casino, the better it will be for you.

Oh, God. This is not... I don't like Grigor. It's not good, is it gregor hastily added now now now lara don't be so hasty peter has told me this is no ordinary girl she demands respect she's a sales director and we need them to further our business goals don't we lara what i think all the women deserve respect actually irrespective of their role in the company thank you Grigor looked directly at Lara and she nodded hesitantly saying yes we do

even if they are English beautiful but stupid Lara I thought she was warning her I thought she was part of the sisterhood and saying like like, get out of here double quick. She's threatened. So she's saying English women are beautiful but stupid. Yeah, which is absolutely outrageous. Although in this case, true. Alice notwithstanding. Belinda is pretty thick, though.

Yeah, she is. She's got a good job, I mean. Well, you know how she got that job, so. Yeah, exactly. No brains were required. No, no way. Yes, we do. Even if they are English.

Beautiful, but stupid. Lara's a feisty little one, isn't she? Now that's settled, please join us for a session at the tables. Lara and I would love to get to know you better. Well, it's already got off to a bit of a rough start, to be honest. That's not how you treat guests, is it?

Belinda smiled at Peter and said, yes, I will. No doubt it'll be very enlightening. That is good how you treat guests, is it? Belinda smiled at Peter and said, yes, I will. No doubt it'll be very enlightening. That is good. Grigor snapped his fingers and ordered four dry martinis. Oh, nice. I understand you represent

one of the market leaders in cooking implements. Do you have any representation in Russia or its confederacies? I mean, where to begin? Do you have any representation in Russia or its confederacies? I mean, where to begin? Do you have any representation in Russia or its confederacies? I don't think she does, does she? She's not mentioned it before.

Belinda shook her head and said, It's a geographic region we've been considering, but because of its fragmentation, we've been unable to appoint a suitable... I can't even continue. I'm sorry, that's not how she talks. It's not the fragmentation. The seven kingdoms of Westeros.

Belinda shook her head and said, it's a geographic region we've been considering, but because of its fragmentation, we've been unable to appoint a suitable distributor or trust a major sales outlet. I mean, it's a fair point. It is fragmented. It is. But you also can't a fair point. It is fragmented. It is.

But you also can't call Russia a geographic region we've considered. It's Russia. It's huge. It's a brick nation. It's not like Berkshire. Oh, yes, we have considered Berkshire. It's a geographic region we've been considering. But because of its fragmentation,

we've been unable to appoint a suitable distributor or trust a major sales outlet good answer english because you have not met me that is until tonight obviously i would like to do business with you and i think it could be very profitable for us both do business he means do dirty do the business in the red light district like get a bit of cash we're right by the red light district get a bit of cash. We're right by the red light district. Get a bit of cash on the side. What, they're going to whack Belinda in a window? Probably.

With loads of pots and pans. Two for a pen, two for a fire. They'll never have seen the light. I would like to do business with you and I think it could be very profitable for us both. Belinda turned her legs toward Grigor. Turned her legs? Weren't they facing him as it was? Either way,

it doesn't matter unless she's about to open them up in a Sharon Stone style. Belinda turned her legs towards Griegel. She instinctively uncrossed them whilst at the same time, very slowly opened them slightly. There you go, you see. Textbook.

The split in her evening gown fell between her legs. Fell between the split in between her legs. And revealed her upper thighs. Grigor coughed. And Belinda knew she had him on a hook. All she had to do was reel him in, and she had the rest of the evening to do that. No, she doesn't. It's like's like midnight yeah at the absolute earliest she's just forgotten the whole episode that happened

at the restaurant also how is someone coughing sign that you've got them unless it was a oh yeah i think it's more that than what we did before you've got quite a good cough at the moment alice it wasn't one of those she's sick of the dog I'm on my deathbed but at least I got a laugh it's like a foghorn oh my god it was guttural

it really comes from my soul Griegel coughed thank you and Belinda knew all she had to do Was reel him in And she had the rest of the evening to do that But what should she do about Lara That was the question How could she make her her friend

And not her enemy They're total frenemies already aren't they Belinda was too savvy to realise she couldn't bypass her She was obviously the guardian of the gate But perhaps she could use Peter To achieve her ends with Grigor she suddenly decided

like she's got this big mission with Grigor you know when you're drunk and you think that something's really really important and you're like passionate

and you're like this is gonna happen we're gonna change the world and you wake up saying oh I can't be arsed and you also think you've done a really rousing eloquent monologue

and actually she's like I'm gonna go to Russia and take over the joint. You sound like Jim Sterling. Perhaps you could use Peter to achieve her ends with Griegel. Ah, that's a little bait, maybe, for Lara then. What the hell? It was worth a try and Belinda started to put her thoughts into action.

Peter turned to Belinda and whispered you may have now gathered that i am very keen on sexual fantasies i was just sick in my mouth and that my aim is to make any woman i want my own belinda nodded unsure where this whispered conversation was going to lead and thought of p Peter's prowess at falling deeply asleep at the horse and jockey. What a rinse. Yeah, well, that was a bit insulting of him. Belinda nodded, unsure where this whispered conversation was going to lead

and thought of Peter's prowess at falling deeply asleep at the horse and jockey. Unfortunately, my plans for you tonight have changed because of Grigor's unannounced visit. It wasn't an unannounced visit. They were just in the same place at the same time. Bumped into each other. You see, Lara is with him, which rarely ever happens.

She's the guardian of the gate. She's never with him. I need to seduce her, make her one of my favourites, and reluctantly leave your needs until another time. Oh! Favourites, like, in his phone. He's like, I need to make her one of my speed dials. Hang on, he just completely cold-shouldered Belinda.

She's flown all the way out there. And also, that was such a premeditated rejection letter. And unfortunately, we're going to have to sideline your needs. But they... Well, they've already had have to sideline your needs. Well, they've already had sex, so that's fine. And also, Belinda wanted Greek or anyway. Belinda was just plotting how to get rid of... Oh my God, that's true. So actually this plays into Belinda's hands.

Yeah, Belinda will pretend to be upset, but she's like, oh, she's like, yes. I'd be hacked off though if I'd gone all the way to Amsterdam. Reluctantly, I'll have to leave your needs until another time belinda held back a satisfied smile you're right jim told you now she had the perfect opportunity to get lara out of her hair while sucking gregor in and with him access to the continent of russia and it's millions of customers it's's not passport control. Also, Russia isn't a continent. Not a continent. Oh, greasy, greasy gregor.

Peter, I'm disappointed. But I do understand. Perhaps you could help me by letting Lara know that I gave way for her. And that I respect her very much. Always like plotting, isn't she? Always like playing the relationships. And like playing them all like a game of chess. I think she's smarter than you think, Al.

Yeah, maybe I take it back. She is quite the master manipulator, isn't she? Yeah, she's strategic. She's thinking about these things. It's like relationship building. It's like, who can she play off against someone else? I think I base her being thick on the fact that her chat is awful. Like she's the worst conversationalist ever.

And all of the working out happens in her head so if we didn't have the internal monologue thank god for that thank god because you would just write her off altogether peter smiled pleased he had got his way so easily well he hasn't has he he's been played you're a devious lady belinda i can see I'm going to have to watch you very carefully in the future. If this is Belinda drunk, amazing, isn't it? She's a genius. Peter kissed Belinda on her right hand and immediately took Lara across the room to the craps table.

The craps table? For some craps sex. Why is everybody kissing Belinda's hand like she's a medieval king? What's going on? Do you think she's got something on her face? She's the elder of Aquitaine, Alice. Do you think she's got something on her face that Rocky's just not mentioning? Everyone's like, oh, I can't.

A large hairy mole or something. Now free, Belinda wandered across to the blackjack's tables. Waddled. At that moment, Griegel came up behind her and casually brushed her ass with his hand, feeling for any hint of underwear. There's none. What a creep.

You can see through the dress. You can see there's none. You like this bareback riding, I see, English. What? That's not what I think Rocky thinks it means. I think he means that that's going commando. Yeah, I think so what I think Rocky thinks it means. I think he means that that's going commando. Yeah. I think he's confused again.

Because that's quite a different thing. Oh man. You like this bareback riding, I see English. No. Belinda nodded. Yes. It's much more exciting than betting, don't you think? What does she think it means then?

I don't quite know. There's definitely more at risk, that's for sure. Gregor laughed and threw some chips onto the table. I imagine he literally means like McCain, thick cut chips. McCain oven chips. Couple of waffles. Put that in your pots and pans. First things first, English.

First things first. Now sit on my lap and let's see if we can beat the house. Oh, so now they're going to actually gamble. He's so grim. Sit on my lap. Yeah. He is a bit grim. And imagine he's a bit old.

He's probably like twice her age or something. Yeah, he's like an oligarch cliche, isn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was obvious that the Russian was a practiced gambler. And after an hour of success, Grigor scooped up his winnings and threw them into Belinda's lap. Oh, she's rich. Beyond her wildest dreams.

Also, don't throw it at her. She caught them deftly with her... Oh, for God's sake. One at a time. She caught them deftly with her evening dress. I bet she did. Showing an indecently large area of thigh in the process. Well caught

English. Now, let's cash them in and see some more of those wonderful legs with a glass of champagne tucked between them. What? Between the legs? That's one way to not enjoy a bottle of champagne. It would be very, very warm. Very, very quickly.

She does always pour stuff down there though, doesn't she? Often she's like, I'll take a sip and then it disappears below deck. Her vagina is a receptacle. Grieger and Belinda strolled out of the casino and turned immediately right down a somewhat seedy street in the very centre of Amsterdam's famous red light district. Uh-oh. We knew it was coming.

All the shop windows had semi-naked girls parading their wares in a two-metre garishly lit space with pulsating neon tubes of coloured light. But when they say wares, they don't literally mean home wares or kitchen wares like Belinda's going to be selling. No, they mean...

Their stuff. Tits and minge. Tits and tap, yeah. Has everyone been to the red light district? I never have. I have, actually. Yeah, I have. Have you, Al? Yeah. Tits and minge. Tits and tap, yeah. Has everyone been to the Red Light District? I never have. I have, actually. Yeah, I have. It's not nice.

Have you, Al? Yeah. Just for a stroll. Oh, sure. It's a very... It leaves you feeling very strange. It must be an odd place, yeah. Because you can, and people do, walk around as voyeurs, as Rocky would say.

I'm sure they do. Do they pay for the privilege? No, but that's the things a lot of tourists it's such a weird combination isn't it i've seen men go in through the doors and then you feel a bit funny and all come out looking really happy and chuffed like singing i don't know they kind of just looked a bit disheveled and regretful and there are so many doors as well so they're like which door do i go in which door do i come out of gregor and belinda strolled out of the casino and turned immediately right down a somewhat seedy street at the very center of amsterdam's famous red light district all the shop windows had semi-naked

girls parading their wares in a two meter garishly lit space with pulsating neon tubes of coloured light. Heavy vibe music. It's not a genre of music. Oh my God, I love this vibe music. Have you heard the latest vibe music from Rihanna? Have you got any heavier vibe music? What is vibe music? I love it.

It's like a discotheque. Such a dad way to say it. It's such a parent term. Heavy vibe music. Pelted out of the shop entrances. Each one competing with the other for the few customers left on the street at this

late hour. A smell of weed hung in the stale night time air as Grigor guided her down a semi-lit alleyway roughly fondling her ass and touching her vaginal lids as they walked. The lids are back. How? The lids are back. Drink.

Drink. The lids are back. Drink. Congrats. Lids are back but also how do you fondle someone's lids as you're walking down a slope? They're not lids. They're lips. Have we ever got to the bottom of what the fuck is a lid? No, can you ask him, please, and find out?

I don't want to ask him. Can you ask him? It's a very closed, open situation, the way Rocky thinks of it. They're lids, so, you know, the lid's on or the lid's off, or the lid's closed or the lid's not. But, like, nothing changes that much from exterior appearance. It's not like a trap door opens. It's not like a girl gets aroused and it goes,

and you suddenly get welcomed into... Oh, right. The barn door was open. Precisely. Okay, so it's not like a drawbridge. It's very, very dissimilar to a drawbridge. Because James was always imagining it being a drawbridge. Yeah, it's not what Rocky imagines,

but I don't know when I'm going to have that conversation with him. I'm thinking next weekend. A smell of weed hung in the stale night-time air as Grigor guided her down a semi-lit alleyway, roughly fondling her ass and touching her vaginal lids as they walked. So gross. About three houses along, they went up a couple of steps and Grigor pushed the intercom. It was quickly answered. What the hell is going on?

I feel like Grigor knows where he's going. I'm quite excited. Yeah. Yeah, Grigor knows these back streets, doesn't he? Oh, yeah, like the back of his greasy, greasy hand. Like the back of Belinda's much-kissed hand. Grigor pushed the intercom. It was quickly answered.

Grigor whispered the words, My auntie is sick. My auntie is sick. Grigor, mate, you're sick in the head. A voice replied, What is wrong with her? Grigor grunted, rolled his eyes and said she has

harpies what he said harpies instead of herpes h-a-r-p-e-s what's happening please is Belinda still there is this the same book what day is it Belinda grimaced hoping it wasn't a family trait

what harpies no I know but why are we even talking about it Is this the same book? What day is it? Belinda grimaced, hoping it wasn't a family trait. What? What? Harpies. No, I know, but why are we even talking about his sick aunt? It doesn't seem like the appropriate time. Why does his... He's in his 60s. Why does his, like, 90-year-old aunt have harpies?

Are we going to discuss why it's harpies? Yeah, what... Okay, so, well, there's a couple of things here. So, obviously, it should be harpies, but isn't harpy, like, a word for a loose woman? Yes loose woman yes so maybe well harpies are from greek mythology aren't they they want to like lay on the rocks and would tempt people in oh yes you're right temptresses so maybe it's uh it's a pun and rocky's fully he's actually above us i told you he's always operating on a different plane that is deliberate yeah it's really just spelt the vowel wrong, actually.

I love how much credit you give him. So Griegel's aunt has harpies. So yeah, so Griegel's whispered the words, my auntie is sick. A voice replied, what's wrong with her? Griegel grunted, rolled his eyes and said, she has harpies. Duh.

Belinda Grimist. She's riddled. Belinda Grimist,ing it wasn't a family trait A tall blonde man opened the door And recognised Grigor immediately Is it a pharmacy? Are we getting his auntie some harpies medicine? Has he got a prescription to collect?

Grigor Kalansky By the Norse gods What has kept you? What the fuck is going on? Oh my When you think you the fuck is going on? Oh my. When you think you know what's going to happen, and then it just all turns to shit. Who are the Norse gods?

Does anyone know who the Norse gods are? Oh, I'm sure they've got gods. Is that a Russian thing? The Norse gods are like... Is that a Dutch thing? Is that a Rocky thing? Is it a Viking thing? I feel like it's an old...

Like the Norse gods of the Vikings. Oh God. Grigor Kolansky, by the Norse gods of the Vikings. Oh, God. Grigor Kalansky, by the Norse gods, what has kept you? We thought you were going to stand us up. My friend was on a business development, and look what I have brought with me. The blonde guy ushered

them in without saying a word. So this is all planned? Like, Grigor had this in mind from the beginning? Zara has been waiting for you, and she is not happy, Kalansky. Oh, fuck. Zara, Lara. She was on the blurb. Zara of Leningrad.

Yeah, good memory, Lavinia. Yeah, do you remember? Yeah, I do. I just remember because they all had such ludicrous names. Zara has been waiting for you and she's not happy, Kalansky. She sounds formidable, doesn't she? You've fucked up. Big this time.

What's he done? Jesus. It's turning into like a gangster movie. Ordered the wrong caviar. Don't worry. You know I can handle Zara. Besides, she'll adore meeting Miss Blumenthal. If all you're bringing as a peace offering is Belinda, expect to be royally told off.

Did you bring the receipt? Send it back. Honestly, you'd be like, I'd rather have the cash value, which is about 20 quid. Now take us to my table. Prepare two bottles of champagne, two servings of Black Sea caviar, the best, mind you, and a dozen salted oysters. Quick. Shoo! Scram! Sorry, is that what he needs for his aunt's

harpies? Just rub an oyster on it. The blonde ushered them down a flight of steps into a large room with about ten tables in it. He quickly showed them to one in the corner and disappeared to place Grigor's order. Who is Zara?

She seems quite intimidating, said Belinda, slowly looking around. Based on what? Knowing her name? Yeah, I think based on the fact that she's not happy and is probably going to give Grigor a right rollicking. Alice is scared of her. I'm petrified. Grigor looked across the room and replied,

I think you're about to find out. Oh. Uh-oh. Don't say. That's the end of the chat. No. Genuine suspense. The first cliffhanger of the book.

Series of books. My whole dad's life. Yeah, absolutely. my whole dad's life. Yeah, absolutely. It feels like Rocky painted himself into a corner by taking Belinda to Amsterdam, but then was like,

this would be way more fun if it was like a Russian gangster movie. So like, just put them in Amsterdam. If Russians were there, but a red light district was there, that would be a great novel. It's almost like he didn't want to just halfway through say, I meant it was Moscow, which he would usually do. Well, he's a stranger in Moscow, Alice. He doesn't know where he is.

Oh, he doesn't know the streets from Adam, does he? He knows Amsterdam. He knows it so well, and that's clear. Yeah, it's a touchstone. They took a right out of the casino, and then suddenly they're on a seedy side street. He knows that red light district. I'm genuinely on the edge of my seat about the next chapter, and I rarely say that because usually I'm exhausted for a week

just from how boring they are. Genuinely? Are you not? Do you not want to know what happens? Yeah, I guess. I mean, a lot has happened in that chapter. We've gone from it just being quite parochial, just business meetings in Amsterdam,

to suddenly meeting Russians, and she's now in like the back streets of new characters yeah it's it's shifted gears somewhat it has i'll give him that we are in a but that's that's classic rocky yeah he always keeps it moving yeah he does always run out of time book one being an example of that will he be able to tie up these loose ends before the end of the book because usually it's like and zara said and you're like oh that was that was it and that is the end of the chapter it's a good point so the next chapter is called chapter seven the countess zara it's gonna be it's a whale of a time yeah he's dumped the duchess and now we've got a countess

he's traded her in for a better model. He's traded up for sure. Is countess higher than duchess? I think it is. So how do you become a count or countess? Oh, maybe not. What's Kate? She's a duchess. Okay, I've just Googled countess.

Yeah. It's a title in European countries for a noble of varying status but historically deemed to convey an approximate rank intermediate between the highest and lowest titles of nobility. So literally anywhere on the scale. She could be anyone.

You could be a countess, Alice. We could all be a countess. She sounds like she's riffraff. The Duchess sounded like she was from ancient aristocracy, like a family that went way back. Whereas the countess, I'm not sure. We'll find out. Well, yeah, let's not judge her.

She might be Anastasia for all we know. Finally, we found her. Could you imagine? That would be interesting for Rocky. That would be a curveball, wouldn't it? I mean, all will be revealed in Chapter 7 then. Yeah, next week. Next Monday, Porno Day again.

Chapter 7, The Countess Zara. In the meantime, chat to us on Twitter at DadWriterPorno. Yeah, and if you can bring anything to the table, whether it be new information, a different context, maybe you want to ask a question, you can email us, mydadwroteaporno at gmail.com. We're also on Facebook, just search mydadwroteaporno, and we've got Instagram at mydadwrotea.

And don't forget, you can buy Blender Blink 2 on Kindle eBook, but you can also pre-order our My Dad Wrote a Poor Note book, all about book one, now from Amazon. And it's got extras, hasn't it? It's got Rocky extras, which are gold dust. I have to say, we're really proud of this book. We've worked really, really hard on it, all of us, all four of us. We've worked with Rocky for the first time.

Very interesting experience. Quite the collab. Yeah. And we're really, really excited about it. We think it's going to be really, really good. Book launch in Amsterdam? For sure. Do you think we can find it?

We'll just walk right from the casino. We can hold it there, can't we? What was it's going to be really, really good. Book launch in Amsterdam? For sure. Do you think we can find it? We'll just walk right from the casino and we can hold it there, can't we? What was it? My aunt has herpes. Yeah. Harpies.

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