My Dad Wrote A Porno - S2E9 - 'Motivating The Sales Force'

Episode Date: August 29, 2016

Less than an hour after she arrives back in London, there's HR issues for Belinda to deal with at the office. Obviously, she has her own unique approach... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

With Busy Heart Seltzer, you can follow your vibe. Whether you're looking to bring the energy to your next pre-drink with our new 7% ABV Vizzy Max Pack, or indulge in a leisurely afternoon brunch with our refreshing Mimosa Pack, Vizzy has got you covered. Discover our other variety packs for even more flavors like Papaya Passion Fruit, Blackberry Lemon, and Pineapple Mango. This summer, bring a splash of extra to any occasion with Busy Heart Seltzer. Find Vizzy at a retailer near you. For more info, visit BusyHeartStzer.ca. Must be legal drinking age. The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language.

Basically, all the good stuff. Previously on My Dad Wrote a Porno Goodness, the First Lady exclaimed. So you're not on the official pre-conference Dutch fact-finding tour? Say that ten times fast. Say that ten times fast. It turned out the ladies both worked for a direct retail door-to-door and coffee mornings organisation. Oh, sure. We're halfway back.

The plane started to descend. Rub my clit, Belinda. Please. Please. The plane's going down, Belinda. We're going to die. It's my last chance to have my clit rubbed. Please. Hello and welcome to My Dad Wrote Porno. It is chapter nine, James, Alice? Don't look at me me it feels like a lifetime

chapter 84 it's chapter 9 guys it's chapter 9 it's not finished yet should we do like they do at the Oscars and just fade him out because he's been going on

too long play the music thank you so much that was Rocky Flintstone oh my god I wish I wish you could do that in real life I think my mum

would have done that quite a while ago although we always talk about how short the books are, that we can't really make them any shorter. Although it is longer, this book, not just in chapter count, but the chapters are longer. Have you noticed that?

They're beefy, aren't they? Yeah, our eps are longer. I've definitely noticed that. It's a struggle to read. It's a struggle to hear. I mean, for you, obviously, but I mean, for us... Well, for you as well, I would imagine.

Well, we've just got other things to be doing. Do you know what I mean? us well for you as well I would imagine well we've just got other things to be doing do you know what I mean like it's just big attacks on our time yeah don't you think kind of revolving door policy of people

that you do this with would work really well could Alice and I come like week on week off type thing do you need both of us I don't think I do I can just do it

on my own I think many would agree so let's make it an audio book and be done with it you're often referred to as the silky voice or the softly spoken. You could do voiceover work. Have you considered that?

I think my niche would be... Dad porn? Restricted. I feel like once I've read porn, I can't really go and do things for... I don't know, because shampoo and chocolate ads are basically pornography. Can you just give us a burst of maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline or something like that a burst of like, maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline or something like that? Oh, okay.

Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline. Take that to the bank. Amazing, amazing. It's not very high energy, is it? Maybe that's why I'm so softly spoken. It's kind of like you doing a mascara ad, but in the style of like the killing.

It's a niche that's not been tapped into and I think you've cornered the market there jamie well for all inquiries please email my dad at point gmail.com um so we haven't talked about the 17 chapters in this there are yeah i know it's a beefy beefy book so we're just over halfway yeah we're just over the hump i forget what happened last week i've already forgotten let's do a recap of where we're up to right now um what so so belinda flew back from amsterdam where she met hazel on her flight who was an out of work pilot was she a co-pilot was she on a break or something i think she was yeah on like a tea break and then they masturbate each other as the plane landed if you remember of course the foil flaps went up

and so did Belinda's. So they landed and we left them just kind of... Well, there was that talk of her doing a presentation at the O2. I'm hoping that we're going to see her, you know, rocking the mic. Oh, because like Genevieve and Sawala or whatever she was called. Vicky Woods. Vicky Woods, yeah. I did read someone, I can't remember the other one. And they were excited to perhaps get Belinda

to talk at the conference is that right yeah but we didn't know if they were going for a recce or for the actual conference it was very it was like the Dutch delegation

of this massive conference Betty Wilkes was it Betty Wilkes Betty Wilkes is a 1940s pin up who's Betty Wilkes she wears a bustier

and stuff. No, she just sells coffee mornings. Oh, the coffee mornings! She just sells Nescafe. I'd blotch all of this out. Yeah, for good reason. So, Belinda's back in the UK, and this chapter's called Motivating the Sales Force.

Oh, of course, which is something that she's been talking about since book one. So, shall we jump in then? Belinda Blink 2, chapter 9, motivating the sales force. Belinda walked into head office. She wanted to personally deliver the freshly signed contract with Rouse's company, but it was now 5.30m and the place was fairly empty with most activity coming from the cleaning staff at least someone's doing some work in this bloody business so when do they all leave the office they're all gone by 5 30 yeah that leather room must be awful to clean oh yeah can you imagine

sticky it probably reeks of bleach then when they go in for the first time on a Monday. They hose it like a swimming pool. So she's gone in, off the plane, straight into work again. She does that, doesn't she? She did that with the Duchess. Unwashed. You cannot doubt Belinda's work ethic. She's got very unorthodox methods, but she definitely gets the job done. She's a grafter.

She doesn't care as long as the work is top notch. And by work you mean sex. And by top notch I mean... Adequate. to be fair possible she walked into her office threw the briefcase onto the desk removed her jacket and high heels and slumped into her chair someone coughed. And Belinda looked up. Who do you think it is, guys? Tony?

Des Martin? Alice. Ten points. Uh-oh. It was Des Martin, her regional sales manager for London and the South East. Yay, he's back. What's he doing there? James, you guys are so on Rocky's wavelength right now.

What the fuck is he doing here not selling pots and pans is what he's doing indeed not even shifting that old range that pretty much sells itself what the fuck is he doing here she thought belinda smiled hi des what's up two-faced wench hi bel. I'm afraid I've got some bad news. Oh, God, who's died? For God's sake, don't let it be about Ken Dewsbury. Oh, God. Hi, Belinda. I'm afraid I've got some bad news. You've not smashed your bloody car up, have you?

Belinda quickly replied. Oh, my God. Why has she jumped to that conclusion? You've bloody written off your car, haven't you? You're losing all claims. I'll be furious. No. No, it's not as bad as that.

Belinda heaved a sigh of relief. Tony always got mad when she had to report a written-off car to him. A written-off car? Why'd she do that? He's been working there for three weeks. How many cars has she written off? Well, she's been gunning the engine of that brand new one, so she's probably going to fly into a tree sometime soon.

Well, don't just stand there, man. Come on, spit it out. Why has she suddenly become like a weird school mum? She's not his mum. Chill out. Hang on. I'm just going read like the conversation without any of the descriptions no even the description to see how irrational she's actually

being so she says hi des what's up hi belinda i'm afraid i've got some bad news you've not smashed your bloody car up have you no no it's not as bad as all that. Well, don't just stand there, man. Come on, spit it out. What a horrible boss. You'd never know where you stood. You'd forever be fearful of her erratic mood swings. In her defence, she's been awake for about 36 hours.

And she's been shagging for most of that. She'll be ratty. Des, you are not going to believe what happened to me. I was having sex in a window. You've bad news wait till you're mine i think i might be pregnant and i don't know who the father is all that in the textbook landing it's just one hell of a week gotta keep forgetting about the textbook landing well don't just stand there man come on spit it out i'm afraid i'm going to resign but des Des Martin, who'll look after the South East in London? What on earth is he going to do instead? He's not exactly the best salesman, as she said in book one. He's not hugely employable, is he? What do you mean, resign, Des? You're my second best performing

manager. Out of five. Way to keep him laying on the flattery. You're top five, Des. You don't need to resign. Yes, Belinda, you're correct. But my wife has walked out and I don't know what to do. I'm devastated. Definitely quit your job then. What are you doing? I'd like to destroy my life.

My wife's walked out, so I'm quitting this job and I'm selling my house for a pound. Des, life is shit, but we all move on. I remember when my pet parrot died, but I got over it. No, no, no, no. Not having it. Not the same, Belinda. Oh, so she didn't have a parrot. Des, life is shit, but we all move on.

I remember when my pet parrot died, but I got over it. Is that a vibrator? I think her pet parrot like flew into the gas fire. She was like, I can't live with this woman anymore. Can you imagine what she'd repeat back,

that parrot? Oh my God. Jesus. Pops and pans, pops and pans. Flesh of mankind. Belinda, don't compare my wife to a dead parrot. This is a Monty Python reference, surely. She was perfect.

Well, her nose is a bit big. But it wasn't a beak. Jesus. What's going on? Has Dad got into scripted situation comedy? This does feel a bit sitcom-y, doesn't it? Belinda, don't compare my wife to a dead parrot. She was perfect.

Well, her nose was a bit big, but it wasn't a beak. Des, what do you mean perfect? What's happening? This is some of the worst dialogue I feel like I've ever encountered in real life or in a book. And yet some of the best. Des, what do you mean perfect? She had great tits, nearly as good as yours. And that's why I'm resigning.

What, because her tits were only nearly as good as Belinda's? And that's why I'm resigning. I can't keep looking at yours, knowing I can't touch my wife's. It's killing me. Oh my God. What is that? That doesn't even make any sense. Is's killing me. Oh my God. What is that? That doesn't even make any sense. Is that what he's put in his letter?

Because that's not going to fly with the board. I was going to say, Bill from HR is not going to accept that. I can't look at your tits because they remind me of my wife's. But I can't touch my wife's. So yours are really tempting, but usually I go home and be like,

but because my wife's not at home, there's nothing that I can kind of comparatively squeeze. You know, we've all been there. That's the classic reason for leaving a job. So he's just going to go home and, like, close the doors and bar himself from any tit for the rest of his life. I presume so. It's a tit fast. Belinda rolled her eyes.

She'd only been in the country one hour, and here she was getting the old tits out once again to save the company's ass what no that won't save it that's not what he's saying he's saying hers are nice but he doesn't have any at home to have a squeeze of no but i think he's saying that he's that he can't look at hers and not touch his wife so she's maybe thinking well if he can treat her tits like a stress ball that'll be enough for him to keep his job. Oh, my God. This is not the basis for a good company. Des, if it helps you, just feel mine. They're probably not as good, but what the hell?

Give them a good licking. What? Feel with a licking? You never said he wanted to lick them. Feel it with his tongue. Oh. But is there anyone she's encountered that she hasn't had sex with?

She hasn't had sex with any of the RSMs. Well, that's about to change. I think he's just going to lick her from head to toe, isn't he? I'm not sure they're going to have sex, James. What would ever lead you to that conclusion? Just a hunch. Des stood up and walked around the desk. He stood behind Belinda and put

his arms over her shoulders. Oh, so feeling from behind. He's lying on her arms, on her shoulders. Like braces would, I guess. He gently touched the silken fabric, undid the four buttons and slid his warm hands over her breasts. He found her nipples and started to rub them. Belinda groaned for the 60th time in two days.

She's so bored of it. She's so going through the motions, isn't she? She's like, oh, fine, another orgasm. You can just not groan when someone gropes your breasts. It isn't like you have to. It isn't like an actual reaction. If you're not in the mood.

Yeah. But I feel like she wants to make Des feel like... He if you're not in the mood yeah but i feel like she's she wants to make des feel like he's still got it he's still got it okay des gently removed belinda's blouse and noted she wasn't wearing a brassiere again he slowly pulled her long luxurious black hair up over her face up over her face so just hid her face. So just hid her face. Looked like Cousin It. Bent his head down over her swan-like neck and slurped at her tits. What is happening? From behind.

From behind, he slurped at her tits. He's pushed her hair over her face to be like, don't really want to see your mug. Maybe he wants to think about his wife, so no face. So he's pushed her tits up over her shoulder. No. I don't get how he's getting at them, though. He's still behind her, isn't he? Her swan-like neck.

He's gone via the swan-like neck, like, over her shoulder. No, but that's too far. It's all too far. The whole book's too far. Her swan-like neck. Is that flattering? They've got very long necks. Yeah, that's not a good look like a

giraffe have you ever seen that photo of leonardo dicaprio holding a swan he's like wrapped the neck around his neck i'll put it on instagram so everyone can see i imagine that's what's happening right now you know like bjork's dress was it yeah yeah yeah so is he kind of he's kind of craning round yeah and so what's supporting his body has he like, got a foot on the bookcase and he's just... Has he stood on the yellow pages or something? Yeah, maybe. He's going to lose his purchase, I think. God, Belinda, they taste as good as they look, murmured Des.

God, Belinda, they taste as good as they look. What do they taste of? They just taste of sweaty skin. Skin, yeah. Oh, that's good, replied Belinda. I am pleased. I do try to use a quality skin moisturiser each night before bed. It's obviously having the desired effect.

The desired effect was to make her breasts taste good. Taste like coconut or whatever. They don't taste, though, because you moisturise them. Well, exactly. What's she on about? What is she on about? Des moaned. His puckered lips latched onto Belinda's fast-extending nipples.

Like a giant baby man. Bitty. Foaming saliva from his mouth. Get a rabies shot. Started to drip down belinda's body drip down gross how old is des i thought he was a bit smoother than this it sounds like he's hanging from the ceiling like that kiss between spider-man and yeah and he's sort of like latched onto the boobs somehow he's supported elsewhere just like dribbling all over it sounds like he's actually of like latched onto the boobs. Somehow he's supported elsewhere,

just like dribbling all over her. Sounds like he's actually breastfeeding. He does sound like a giant baby. It's not effective, is it? Foaming saliva from his mouth started to drip down Belinda's body. It slowly gathered in the well of her beautifully formed tummy button. No, it didn't.

She stood up. Has she got a really sticky-out belly? How? It's not a well. Saliva just pooling in a... Oh, that's so gross. Yeah, how much was he dribbling? Oh, God.

How big's her belly button? It's not a reservoir. Yeah, where's the shelf that's gathering it? Surely only a very small amount of saliva can fit in someone's belly button. Unless she's got, like, a kind of weird distended belly, so she's got like flat, but then it like bulges.

I think this goes out of the pot. A little pot. A little pot. With Vizzy Hart Seltzer, you can follow your vibe. Whether you're looking to bring the energy to your next pre-drink

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Must be legal drinking age. Des continued his sloppy enjoyment of Belinda's tits until she had had enough. How did she tell him she was getting bored? Oh, she'll find a way. Would it send him over the top? Could she risk it? Risk it? What's he gonna do? Yeah, God, what is he gonna do? Like smash up the office? He could really do some damage if she doesn't play this right how did she tell him she was getting bored would it send him over the top could she risk it she certainly didn't want to change a sopping wet skirt at the office it's sopping wet with his spit it's drenched let's never forget that it's sopping wet with his actual saliva like He's like a St. Bernard dog. He's like Beethoven. That gross saliva that Labradors have.

Really stretchy saliva. Yeah. I think he shakes his head at a meeting and everyone's like, no, Jess! Everyone takes cover. And it for some reason happens in slow-mo. Dribbly Des! Belinda gently took Des's face in her hands

and lifted it off her breast saying now now you've had enough Des best get yourself off home I that's one way to do it now

now you've had enough why are there two now you've had enough dead no because it's now ellipses now oh god i don't know now now so it's now now you've had enough des also it's like now ellipses now comma so, it's a car crash of grammar. Now, now, you've had enough, Des. Best get yourself off home and think of what we could be doing next week. Oh, that's good. Dangling the carrot. Yeah, clever. Des emitted a deep sigh and said,

Thanks, Belinda. You know I'd do anything for you. And with a quick sob, he left Belinda's office. Oh, my God. Des is such a sap. I'd do anything for you. You're about to resign. Yeah.

But out of kind of love and lust for her. He was just overpowered by his desire. I have gone right off Des Martin. He's crying, James. No, I know. And that's one of the many reasons I've gone off him. He just exudes fluid, apparently, from his desire. I have gone right off Desmond. He's crying, James. No, I know. And that's one of the many reasons I've gone off him. He just exudes fluid, apparently, from his face.

Oh my God, James. He's the moistest man. He'll be like a dried up flannel by the time he gets home. Also, I like the way Belinda kind of dealt with that. She was like, next week, maybe, when you're retired. And I'm in Belgium with Alphonse Sturbacher. Oh, that's true, because she always knows where she's going to be. Say one thing about Belinda, but she always knows her calendar.

And she'll just get her assistant to be like, oh, no, I think she was at a meeting, but, um, and he'll call back, like, seven times a day. Wasn't he a bit arrogant first time round? I thought he kind of was cock of the war. Yeah, this is a different man to what we knew in book one. Well, he's a broken man, you know. His wife has left him.

It changes a man. Poor Des. I know, I think we should feel a bit of sympathy for Des. Yeah wife has left him. It changes a man. Poor Des. I know. I think we should feel a bit of sympathy for Des. Yeah, but maybe he should resign if he can't. Well, if he can't stay top of his game. He's in the top two of five. I did forget that.

Who's number one then? I bet it's... I reckon it's Dave Wilcox. Do you reckon? Or Paddy O'Hanlon. Well, he's got two countries he's over. Scotland and Ireland. It's not really a fair comparison, is it? Belinda put her blouse, high heels and jacket back on

as Des went home to his empty life. Oh, my God! This is so... Can you imagine if this book was supposed to be getting your rocks off? Can you imagine this bit? You'd be like, oh, right, OK. Imagine some recent divorcee is just trying to put it out of their mind, reading a nice bit of erotica and then realising that their life is quite sad and empty as well.

That's so sad. Went home to his empty life. Poor Des. God, my emotions for Des are up all over the place. Belinda put her blouse, high heels and jacket back on as Des went home to his empty life. Stop saying it. He hadn't resigned. Belinda hadn't needed to recruit a new manager

and she'd made big inroads in her first relationship with a key member of her sales staff. She's so manipulative. Isn't she? She's a great character. She's getting better, isn't she? That's all it took. A quick suck on the boobs and he retracted his resignation. He's so delicate.

I think he's just so impressionable at the moment, isn't and also she's got that strange power belinda she has a lot of people in her tractor beam yeah she does so she's a great character stop it we're never gonna agree with you she's growing in depth stop forcing it you can't put the words in our mouth she's growing in depth she's the elizabeth Elizabeth Bennet of the 21st century. Wow. You have got a light head from something. She felt he was now motivated, reinvigorated, and up for the job with her unorthodox intervention. There's nothing that screams motivation like sobbing as you leave a room.

I was going to say, it doesn't seem reinvigorated. It seems totally broken. Yeah. He had left satisfied, if sad. At least she acknowledges it. But wanting more. Ten minutes later, a composed Belinda knocked on Tony's door, not really expecting him to be in. So why'd you do it?

I know he's not going to be there. Enter was the gruff reply. Belinda walked in, sat down and flung her slightly damp hair over her shoulders. Damp from spit? Yes. From the suckling dares. And this is her composed. Boy, could I do with a gin and tonic, she said.

Tony looked up from his massive computer. Why has he got such a big... No, hang on, it'll get even worse. Tony looked up from his massive computer printout. He was studying and smiled. You know what they say about men with massive computer printouts? Massive printer? Yes, it's the time.

Friday afternoon and all that. But tell me, how did Amsterdam go? How long have you got? Wait a sec, how long have we got? It went perfectly to plan, Tony. And with potentially a big bonus for the company. No one said that. Yeah, where'd you get that from?

Oh, maybe the Russians. Oh, the Ruskies. I was going to say, did we get any clarification if she'd sealed the deal, if she'd got an order there? She definitely sealed the deal. Oh, what with the Russians? Yeah, did she get an order? I don't know, but she definitely had sex.

Did she get an order of pots and pans? That's why she did it. James, I know as much as you know. We read it together. Okay, fair enough. It's like a big group therapy session. In reverse. Where you get loads of baggage.

Just always wanted to be more interesting, Alex. You come right of mind and you leave totally riddled. You were Des Martin in book one when this all started. I'm going to go home to my empty life. I never used to be as much of a wreck as I am today. I used to be relatively composed. All of us, I think. It's really taken its toll, hasn't it, guys?

I used to wear makeup. I used to comb my hair. I used to have sex. Intrigued, Tony spoke into his intercom. Intercom. Intercom! Come on! Who the fuck has an intercom?

I feel like they're playing at office. They're like, big computer printout. No one's going to be on the other end of that intercom. Giselle, come and join us. He got up and started to prepare three gin and tonics. Giselle glided into the room. Leg glided or just regular gliding. Very much back to her old self and sporting an extremely modern haircut.

Yeah, short though, right? By modern, he means bald. Is it a wig? Maybe she should put a wig on. She has the Ross Kemp of hairdo. What an extremely modern G.I. Jane buzz cut you've got going on there giselle shanae o'connor wow i like the hair giselle said belinda thank you belinda i decided to have a change of style after our long talk i don't understand what she would have done differently to how was it clumpy before yeah i think so she's got rid of the clumps uniformity

i presume she's just kind of got it all short now or the clumps she's put in like pigtails so she's got like spiky spiky little ponytails all over her head that would be extremely modern somebody sent us a message saying does giselle look like angelica's doll in the rug yeah exactly and i think that's probably quite accurate thank you bel. I decided to have a change of style after our long talk. She didn't decide, though, did she? That was pretty much decided for her. She had limited options. When she woke up and saw the pillow.

Come on, Belinda. Tell us all about your Amsterdam bonus, said Tony, passing around the drinks. Bonus or bonus? Same, same. Well, I tied up the contracts with Rouse's purchasing director and then went out to dinner with Peter. The rest is all a bit vague. Oh, yeah, to glaze over the rest.

That's the juicy bit. A bit vague. I don't really remember the rest. Anyway, how are you? The rest is all a bit vague, but during the evening I met this Russian supplier called Grigor Kalansky. Wasn't a supplier. And he was. Didn't even work in pots and pans. Sold caviar. Wasn't even connected to the business. The rest is all a bit vague but during the evening I met his Russian supplier called

Grigor Kalansky and he wants to do business with us. Seemingly Peter's been singing our praises and Kalansky is very interested. That's not exactly a bonus, is it? It's also not exactly what happened. Is that the whole story, Belinda? Giselle said with a note of suspicion in her voice. Giselle, would I keep anything from you and Tony? Giselle laughed and said, yes, you would. Giselle, Belinda's not told Tony about, you know,

shagging all the guys in the freaking garage or whatever she did. About Sean and Barry and Bob. The McDonald brothers. Promise I'll tell you another time, but the Dutch contract is solid. You imagine Belinda doing the cut it out motion to Giselle. She's like, Giselle, I will tell you another time. Exactly.

How unsubtle is Giselle? What happened to girl talk? What happened to Ritz Bar gossip? Tony and Giselle looked at each other, smiled and nodded. Giselle got up and made another round of G&Ts. They haven't even drunk these, have they? We've got two in the round, double fisting. That's not what that means.

Tony said, looks like more detective work for you to do, Giselle. It's a fine thing when my sales director only talks to my PA and leaves me, the boss, out of it all. Well, that means Giselle's told him that she's been opening up to her. Can't a woman shag in a window in private these days? Where are people's morals? Poor Tony. You wouldn't enjoy the sordid details of my job.

But all I can say is that Kalansky is successful and well connected. He's in London in ten days' time, so we'll talk turkey then. Talk turkey! Is that a phrase? Is that like breaking bread? Talking turkey? We'll talk turkey then, James. We'll talk turkey.

Does he sell turkey too? What does that mean? Is that a phrase? I think it is a saying, isn't it? We'll talk turkey. I think we'll talk turkey, guys. We'll talk turkey. Does that mean we'll talk business? Can I just look up if it's an actual phrase?

It's a phrase. Talk turkey definition. To talk serious business. To talk frankly. We've got to sit down and talk turkey. Get this thing wrapped up. It's time to talk turkey and quit messing around. To be fair, Rocky moves in business circles and we don't yeah we don't so maybe big business people

talk turkey all the time oh my god talk turkey love that turkey and caviar is such a gross combination isn't it well she's a fan of turkey we know that from a sandwich taste maybe it's linked let's talk turkey oh no it's just that Rocky likes turkey, right? I think that's right. He's in London in ten days' time, so we'll talk turkey then. And Tony, he wants to meet you to make that evening available. Tony looked sideways at Belinda and winked. She laughed and left the room, knowing Tony was well pleased. Like nine gin and tonics left on the side. She's just like, ha, ha, ha, see ya.

He winks and she laughs and leaves great chat yeah again in her office she rang Bella at reception Bella everyone's still there

have we met Bella yet this book no no welcome back Bella also she must have walked past Bella to go to her office

to ring Bella that's true hang on she said only the cleaners were there Tony, Giselle and Bella all cleaners as well and Des Martin and Des only the cleaners were there tony giselle and bella all cleaners as well and des martin was there and des martin the entire staff was there in her office she rang

bella at reception there was no reply oh so she rang her cell don't say dad dad sorry i've just got to bring this up rocky this was a thing in book one at the end of chat i know this is me knowing the book too well but the end of book one chapter two bella and belinda made arrangements to meet the following friday night guess what day it is you're joking he's got his timeline sorted oh my god how do you remember that that's embarrassing for you i've got belinda's calendar right here really that's that's that's good knowledge well done thank There was no reply, so she rang her cell. Hi Belinda, Bella here. What do you need? Obviously it's Bella, because

she rang her. Hi Belinda, Bella here. Yes, I called you. What do you need? Where are you? I'm thinking of a drink at the Pentra, with perhaps Giselle. Back to the Pentra. Where it all began. Sounds good. I'm just in M&S, getting a few items for our lunch tomorrow.

Be done in five, so I'll meet you there in 20. Ciao. Done in five, meet you in 20. She'll have to walk, she can't get a taxi there. It'll take four, I'll walk for two, meet you in 30. Bye. Subtract the four, add a seven. Double your age, divide it by two.

Ta-da. Also, I thought we were meeting tonight, James. Oh, yeah, so did I. I know Bella's calendar better than she does. Bella hung up and Belinda rang Giselle. Fucking hell. You just went back to the room. Just have a conference call.

Hi, Giselle. Fancy a few at the pentra before home time? Home time? It's not school. But they ring the bell. Phew, I thought you'd never ask. Yes. Easily pleased.

What about lover boy? Who's in that? Belinda. Antonia. I'm free for two hours at least. He's off to the gym. Now we're getting everyone's boring admin. Also gym on a Friday night.

Loser. Boring. Great. Can you drive? As I've had a bit of chardonnay already today. Who has? Belinda. Has she?

Yeah, on the plane. On the plane. No problem, Belinda. We can get a taxi from the Pentra easily. No, you can't. Oh, my God. You can't. That's a scandal.

You famously can't. Unless they... Hey, they could have changed the policies in a week or so. No problem, Belinda. We can get a taxi from the Pentra easily, and you can retrieve the Mercedes tomorrow morning. All I can think of is that's a massive faff, so she's going to have to go home tonight and then come all the way back to work tomorrow to get

a Mercedes. Especially if she lives in central London by the Town Hall clock, so to have to go all the way to Heathrow, I mean, it's ridiculous. 30 minutes later, Giselle, Bella and Belinda found themselves ensconced at the same table where they had so elegantly entertained the regional sales managers only a week ago. God, well done. That was a sentence and a half.

Belinda raised her glass. To us, she toasted. To the glee team. And tipped it down her shirt. The three glasses chinked and the girls knocked back the chilli and chardonnay in grand style. That probably means they downed it in one. And also not grand style, the pentra is the pits. Why do they keep going there?

Like it's their regular. There must be somewhere near the office that doesn't require, like you could just walk somewhere. Yeah. Well, that's the end of the chapter. Oh. That's it. Who did she motivate from the sales team? Des.

Des. So just Des. He was going to quit. Pretty big save there, Jim, to be fair. Should it be called Motivating Des Martin? Spoiler alert. Please don't try and rename the chapter. There's no point.

Should it be called Ritz Bar Gossip? No. Should it be called Belinda Blink? So, yeah, a bit of a light chapter. But interesting. I feel like there's some real character development. should it be called Ritz Bar Gossip no should it be called Belinda Blind so yeah bit of a light chapter but interesting I feel like there's some real character development

like Des Martin sure developed into completely different characters but development all the same yeah Des Martin just isn't the same

man to me that he was yeah I can't believe how much his life has turned upside down in a week I suppose it's been a light chapter

compared to previous ones the guzzling's been kept to a minimum. Mercifully, yeah. The frothy cappuccino vibes, a bit less spit rather than the other thing. So people have had a bit of respite from the gross. Yeah, I think it's important. It has to ebb and flow, this book. It can't

all be disgusting all the time. That's true. And we're back in the UK. We're back in the UK and chapter 10 is called Sir James Pops Up. So excited. So we're finally going to get to meet Sir James Godwin properly. That's great news. Knight of the Realm.

Chairman of the Assers and Donkeys Trust. Yes. As an anthropist. Operator of the Tombola. Oh, this is great. I've been like, I always wondered whether we meet Sir James Godwin properly. I wonder no more, James. Oh my God.

I might wear a shirt and tie next week if we're meeting a knight of the realm. We should be smart. Yeah. I'll brush my hair. At the very least. So yeah, I can't wait for him to pop up. But in the meantime, get in touch on Twitter at dadwroteaporno. We're on Instagram, mydadwroteher.

And we love getting emails from you. It's mydadwroteaporno at gmail.com. mydadwroteher. And we love getting emails from you. It's mydadwroteaporno at gmail.com. And you can also talk turkey with us on Facebook too. Talk turkey! So until chapter 10, from our very own Glee team,

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